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Chapter Text

It took Evan a while to figure out what he wanted to do when he traded military life for civilian life. He still wanted to be of service to the community but wasn’t sure how yet.  Many of his teammates went into police work of some kind but he looked into it and decided that it wasn’t for him. Not because he couldn’t do it of course but because he didn’t want to be pointing a gun at people all the time anymore.  

He had met up with his former teammates for a drink one night when his new profession found him. There was a breaking news story about a house fire, and they showed firefighters saving people from the blaze.  He could feel it. This was what he had been searching for.

The next day he went and signed up for the LAFD firefighter academy. 

The academy was great.  It had been so long since he was able to push himself to that extent. He relished in having a new skill set, as he was always eager to learn new things.  After graduation and being assigned to his house, he went for a hike to celebrate.

It would have been nice to be celebrating with friends but his former teammates were all on shift at their various stations across the country and he hadn’t been in touch with his family for years. His parents for reasons he wouldn’t find out about until he was 18, paid no attention to him. His sister Maddie raised him until she left for college when he was 10.

He started working when he was 16 and saved every penny he made.  His parents didn’t notice or care that he was gone.  The night before his 18th birthday, he left the house and hasn’t been back since. His parents never tried to contact him and he never reached out to them either. He signed up for the Navy the next day and spent the next 10 years working as a Navy SEAL. 

While his sister was in college, she kept in touch with him until she started seeing Doug. They had always been close until Doug came along. Evan never liked Doug but she wouldn’t listen to his concerns.  She married Doug when he was 13. By the time he was 15, they had stopped speaking completely and she had stopped coming around.  He hasn’t talked to her in 13 years and doesn’t expect to see her again.  He misses her but he doesn’t know her anymore.  Too much time has passed and too many things have happened in his life. He is not the same person she remembers and he doesn’t expect her to be the same either.

After his discharge from the Navy SEALS, he decided to go see a therapist.  He didn’t want to have the same emotional problems his family seemed to suffer from.  When he enrolled with the SEALS and they did their background check, he found out he was a savior sibling for his older brother, Daniel, who died of Leukemia.  His parents moved after Daniel’s death to Hershey, Pennsylvania, and never spoke of him again.  They checked out and left him and his sister to raise each other in an emotionless household. When Maddie left she checked out of their family too. He understands why she had to leave, but all they had was each other and she left him behind for Doug. 

Therapy really helped him to move on from not only his childhood but also from all the things he had experienced in the service.

After about 2 hours of hiking and clearing his mind, he made his way back to his Jeep. It was getting late in the day, so he headed home to take a shower and go to the grocery store.  He didn’t often go out to eat as he preferred to make his own meals.  He had gotten quite good at it over the years. He just wanted something light and simple for tonight, so he got the fixings for a grilled chicken salad and the rest of the groceries he would need for the week. 

After dinner, he packed his bag, and food for work.  It was a 12-hour shift, short for him, but he wanted to be well prepared.  He would be bringing protein powder with him to work to keep in his locker for when the shifts got busy. After he was all packed he got ready for bed and read for a while until it was time for sleep.  He wanted to be well-rested for his first day.  Tomorrow would start a new chapter in his life and he couldn’t wait.

Chapter Text

His first introduction to the team went as well as he expected. He knew what he looked like. The cliche All-American boy; 6’2”, blond hair, blue eyes, and very muscular.  He was initially judged as vapid or as someone just to do the heavy lifting. Thanks to all he had learned in the service, the self-esteem he had gained, and the therapy he had engaged in, he didn’t let other people's opinions bother him.  He knew his worth. That didn’t mean he was going to allow someone to walk all over him, just that he didn’t need them to like him to work with them.

He walked into the station and up to the loft. He looked around taking note of the faces of his now fellow co-workers. He saw the looks he received and internally sighed.  He walked over to the table and stood at parade rest (some habits are hard to break) waiting to be acknowledged.

The older man at the table spoke first. “Can I help you?”

“My name is Evan Buckley. I’m the new probationary firefighter assigned to station 118.  Are you Captain Nash?”  Buck replied.

The three at the table looked him up and down and then at each other and looked like they were about to start teasing him. He cut that off before it began.

“Before you even start with whatever you think qualifies as station hazing you can answer my question or I can call the Chief and ask to move me to another station that is not so immature.”

Captain Nash cleared his throat and replied, “I am Captain Nash. Would you like to join us for breakfast?”

“No thank you.  If you could get me any paperwork I am required to fill out and then assign me a task I would appreciate it.”

He could tell everyone at the table was baffled by his behavior but no one spoke up. Yet.  The captain took him to his office and handed him the paperwork he needed to fill out.  He went over his LAFD file more in-depth while he waited for Buck to be finished.  When he came across the military service he was surprised.

“You served in the Navy, Evan?”

Evan looked up at the captain. “You can call me Buck.  I don’t really respond to my given name.  And yes I did 8 years until I retired.  I can’t tell you more than that Captain.  I will tell you, that although this may be my first year as a firefighter, I am in no way green and I will not tolerate the hazing.”  He returned his gaze to the paperwork he was filling out and let the silence resume.

The captain was in awe of this young man but also was unsure how he would fit in with the group.  He hoped everything would work out as he had a really good feeling about Buck.

After all the paperwork was done, Buck was assigned to work with one of the senior firefighters, Martin.  Martin had been a firefighter for 20 years.  He had no interest in office politics and was one of the few members of the 118 that was kept after Captain Nash took over.  

Luckily it was a slow first day for the station. Martin showed him where everything was kept on the trucks and the ambulance.  He was shown where to get items for restocking the vehicles, cleaning supplies for the trucks, and the station and log sheets to be signed when tasks were completed.

“Make sure you sign in with a pen. I’ve seen names replaced with others because people are lazy or want credit they don’t deserve.” Martin remarked.

Next, they went to the laundry room.  “We all share laundry duty.  Some firefighters are particular about their laundry or have allergies and so they will wash their uniforms separately. Bobby doesn’t mind us doing personal laundry here occasionally as long as we don’t make it a habit.  If you prefer to wash your own clothes I would bring a laundry bag with you for soiled clothes and keep it in your locker.”

Just as Martin was about to start training him on the tools, the alarm rang and everyone, Buck included, ran for the vehicles. Once they were all loaded up, they put on their headsets and listened as Bobby ran through the call they were on the way to.  It was a car accident with multiple victims.  Buck took in all the information that was being relayed preparing himself for the accident scene.

Once they arrived, Buck and Bobby were the first out of the engine.

“Hen, Chim start assessing patients and let us know who is more critical so we can start extracting people.  Buck, Martin, start on the car in the middle.”

As Buck and Martin started walking towards their assigned car, Buck threw his arm out to stop Martin. “Cap!”  he shouted.

Bobby came running over.  “What’s the problem, Buck?”  

“The red car is leaking gas. We need to pull them first and the two cars around it.  If it blows we’ll lose them all.”  Buck stated pointing out what he was seeing.  

Bobby hadn’t noticed the gas leak until Buck pointed it out.  Bobby split them up, one of them to each car to extract the patients.

Buck was assigned the car in front of the one leaking gas.  He was able to pop the door with his halligan and assess the patient.  The patient complained of neck pain but had feeling in all her extremities.  He applied a neck brace, cut her seat belt, and lifted her out of the car.  He carried her over to the ambo and placed her on the back of it. He ran a quick concussion assessment and told her to stay there and that the paramedics would be there in a moment to do a more thorough assessment.

In the meantime, Martin had secured a neck brace on his patient and with the help of another firefighter from the truck was using a ram to lift the dashboard off the patient.  He looked over to Bobby and saw him addressing the patient through the window of the car.  The door wasn't open and was likely stuck.

“Cap! You need the jaws?” Buck shouted.

“Yes quickly!”

Buck ran to the Engine, grabbed the jaws and a blanket in case of any glass breakage, and ran back to Bobby.

He tossed the blanket to Bobby and took the jaws to the door of the car.  Noticing the gas puddle had grown significantly, he told Bobby they were gonna need to scoop and run this guy once the door was open. Bobby yelled to Mason to grab a stretcher just as Buck popped the door open.  He placed down the jaws, cut the seat belt, did a quick once over of the patient, and with Bobby’s help pulled him from the car and onto the stretcher.  They ran the guy to Hen and Chim who were waiting with a gurney, the previous patients had been taken to the hospital in other ambulances.  

“Buck, Mason, Martin! Get to work neutralizing the gas so this doesn’t blow.”

Once all the patients were out and sent to the hospital, they started the task of cleaning up the scene.  Another firehouse who arrived later to the scene was going to take care of clean up.

“Good call Buck. Your scene assessment was a real asset today.” remarked Bobby as he walked up to Buck, as he was stowing the jaws.

“Thank you, Captain.”

“You can call me Bobby.”

“Perhaps when we are not at a scene.”

“Fair enough.”

During his first few months with the team, it became apparent that Buck had really taken to firefighting.  It was his nature to learn everything he could about his job and the tools he was using.  He could often be found after his chores were done, taking apart spare tools and learning how to fix them.  Some of the older firefighters found this odd and asked him about it.

“I never want to be caught with a malfunctioning essential tool in the field, so I want to know all about it before that happens.”

They were impressed and started sitting with him and doing this.  Some showed him tips and tricks they had picked up with the tools in their years in the LAFD, and Buck even showed them some things.

On his days off he started working on some extended certifications.  He was already EMT certified, but he wanted to work on heavy rescue.  It was something the station needed so Bobby didn’t have any problem working the schedule around his classes.  

Hen and Chim still thought he was a punk kid and decided to treat him as such. Making remarks about him going out chasing women, and bar hopping when he would refuse their invitation to go out after work, which Buck found ironic because they were going to a bar. After the second time of being talked to like he was some frat boy, Buck decided he had had enough. He marked the page in his book, flipped the switch he used in the SEALS and stared at both of them causing them to take in a startled breath.

“And what were you doing at 28 years old that makes you so special Howard? Henrietta?”

Hen, lips pursed, hating the sound of her full name.  Booby, having not been paying attention to the conversation at first turned towards the trio.  The rest of the loft got quiet and started paying attention to the exchange, unsure of what was about to happen. They had noticed that the two paramedic best friends had seemed to single out Buck but were unsure why.

“I told you, call me Chimney.” Howard replied

“Nicknames are for friends and we are not friends Howard.  I can either call you by your given name or call you Firefighter Han.  I will leave that choice to you…  ” Buck started to reply only to be cut off by Chim.  

“It was just a joke man,” he said, sounding flustered.

“It’s not a joke.  My personal life is none of your business.  What I choose to do in my off time only becomes your business if I decide to share that information with you. Now, are you going to answer my question?” 

Chim remained silent.

Buck turned his gaze to Hen.  “And you Henrietta?” 

Hen also chose to remain silent.

“For your information, I was off with the military for 8 years prior to joining the academy fighting to secure your right to treat me like a child.”  Buck lifted his shirt to reveal the four-inch scar on his side from surgery to remove shrapnel, and then lowered his shirt. “No I will not tell you what happened as you don’t deserve that knowledge nor do you have clearance for it.  I may be a new firefighter but I am not green when it comes to danger, and I will not tolerate your disrespect again.”

He then turned his gaze to Bobby who stood silent and clearly disappointed in his team.

“Hen, Chim, if this behavior happens again you are both looking at disciplinary behavior.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, Bobby.” they both said, heads down in shame.

“Buck I am sorry that this has happened.” Bobby then addressed the room. “If ANY of you engage in this behavior in the future, disciplinary action will be taken. We are a team, a work family, and I will not allow anyone to be harassed or disrespected.  Is that clear?”

“Yes Captain.”  they all chorused. 

Just as Buck was about to go back to his book and resume his seat, the alarm went off.  Buck smiled, huffed a laugh, and headed to the truck.

Chapter Text

After Buck called Howard and Henrietta out on their behavior things got better.  They each apologized to him privately for judging him based on his looks.  He forgave them but was still keeping them at arm's length. He started enjoying their company at work but wasn’t ready to include them in his private life just yet.

The calls he has experienced in his first few months were not what he expected and at the same time, he was unsurprised by the calls as well.  It was L.A., and people seemed to get themselves into the weirdest things on purpose never mind on accident.

His first loss on a call was a man that fell from an inverted roller coaster when it got stuck.  Buck had made it to him and would have been able to pull him up, but the young man just let go instead.  He was stunned for a moment, closed his eyes and said a short prayer to whoever was listening, and proceeded to help with the rescue of those remaining stuck on the roller coaster.

That night at the station while everyone was getting some rest, Bobby found Buck in the kitchen making himself some tea.

“How are you doing Buck?” he asked.

Buck knew he was asking about the call. He looked up at him and replied while taking a seat at the table. “It’s not the first time I’ve experienced something like that.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a difficult call,” Bobby replied taking a seat across from him.

“It was.  I saw the look in his eyes when I got to him.  I’ve seen that look before.  It was the look of a man with such a heavy burden on them that they felt they had nothing to live for.”

Buck paused.  “I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.  I will talk about it with them.”

“That’s good.  I was going to offer you to talk to someone if you wanted to but I am glad to see you taking the step to look after yourself.”

“Therapy has been a godsend for me.  I will always have a therapist.  Especially in our line of work and with my history.”

Bobby smiled.  “Well, I am going to try to rest while I can. You should do the same if you’re able to.”

“I did rest already.  I just woke up about 10 minutes ago.” Busk smiled back. “ Get some sleep, Bobby.”

Bobby nodded while walking off.  When he lay down in his office he finally realized that this was the first time that Buck had called him Bobby.

After the plane crash site was finished being worked, Buck was worried about Bobby.  While he was used to a captain throwing themselves into the fray and protecting his team, Bobby seemed to have an underlying death wish. Everyone seemed to notice that something was going on with Bobby but didn’t want to pry.  Neither did Buck but he wouldn’t work for someone whose head was so clouded that he could pose a danger to others, even if unintentionally.

When they got back to the station, Buck followed Bobby into his office.

“Can this wait Buck?”

“No Bobby it can’t.”  Bobby spun around to look at Buck like he was expecting the young man to be injured.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was hoping you could tell me.” Bobby looked at him puzzled. “If you think no one has noticed your borderline suicidal behavior lately you are wrong.”  Bobby turned his back to Buck.

“I am not discussing this with you.”

“Yes you are or you will be discussing it with the Batallion Chief.”  Bobby spun around so fast, he made himself slightly dizzy.

“You don’t have to tell me your history Bobby, you don’t owe me that, but you are not okay.  You need to talk to someone.  It doesn’t have to be me but someone.  No one in this firehouse wants to carry your body out of a scene because they were too scared to confront you and make sure you were okay.”

Bobby’s face went through several emotions. Anger, sadness, shame, and finally resolution.

“I will tell you as long as it stays between us.”

“It’s not my business to tell.”

“Thank you.” Bobby glanced at the clock on the wall. “Our shift is over. Will you come with me somewhere?”

“Of course.  I’ll go change and meet you out front.”  

Without another word, Buck turned and walked out of the office and to the locker room.  Hen and Chim were still there grabbing their things to head home.

“Is Bobby okay?” Hen asked, concerned.

“I’m not sure, but we’ll make sure of it as best as we can.  I need to get out of these wet clothes.  I’ll see you next shift.”

“Have a good day off, Buck.”

“You too, Hen.”  she smiled at him and turned to head home to her family, Chim walking out with her.

Bobby met Buck in the parking lot 10 minutes later.

“Do you want me to drive?” Buck asked.

Bobby nodded.  It would give him the chance to talk to Buck and not have to look him in the face.  He was still so ashamed about what he had to tell him. He gave Buck the address and they started driving.

“Thank you.  For driving and for the… intervention. I have been alone for a long time and I’m not used to having people care about me.  Truthfully I didn’t, and most days still don’t, think I deserve it.”

“You’re a good leader Bobby and you care about people.”

“Thank you.  The address I gave you is for a church.  I go to AA meetings there when my shift allows for it.  I hurt my back on a call when I lived in Minnesota and instead of giving my body the time it needed to heal, I got hooked on pain meds and alcohol.” Bobby took a deep stuttering breath and Buck realized he was trying not to cry.

“One night I got into a fight with my wife. I came home and she realized I was high.  I had quit but had a relapse.  After I put my children to bed, she told me to go sleep it off somewhere else.  I left our apartment and went to another apartment in the building I rented just to get high and drunk, turned on a space heater, and fell asleep.  When I woke up with the intention to go back home I realized I left my keys on the counter. I didn’t want to wake up my wife and kids so I went to the roof.  Even though it was in the 20s, I fell asleep and woke up to the sounds of the firetruck sirens.  I walked to the edge of the building and looked down and realized the place was on fire. The space heater in that apartment sparked and set the whole place ablaze.  I tried to get to my family but couldn’t save them.  My wife and children died in that fire and it was all my fault.  ”

Bobby was full-on crying now and hadn’t realized they were in the church parking lot. 

Buck started speaking to him in a calm voice but didn’t look at him.  “I’m not going to say it’s not your fault, not because I believe the statement to be false, but because no amount of hearing it will ever change your mind.  What I will say is that you have to forgive yourself, Bobby. Your family dying was tragic.  No one realizing the pain you were in, the self-medication you were doing, is tragic.  I am sure your loved ones wouldn’t want you to keep destroying yourself in some misguided attempt to make up for their tragic endings.”

“I don’t know if I can forgive myself,” Bobby whispered after a long while. 

“The best thing you can do for them now is to live for them.  You can’t undo the past but you can memorialize them in the future.  Talk about them, in group, to me, in a journal but remember them.”

“I’ll do that.  Thank you, Evan.”

“You’re welcome, Robert.”

They finally got out of Buck’s SUV and walked into the church.

“How did you get so smart?” Bobby asked.

“Death and I are old friends.  I made my peace with him with a lot of therapy.”

A little more than halfway through his probationary period, he and Hen had gotten together several times outside of work to get to know each other better.  He liked Hen.  She was straightforward and had a wit that he appreciated.

He still wasn’t sure about letting Howard into his personal life.  He liked him well enough but he didn’t trust the man with his personal life. At least not yet. 

“Buck, do you have any exciting plans after shift?” asked Hen as they were hanging out in the loft.

Buck noticed Howard turn his head towards them slightly and decided to choose his words carefully. “I do have plans after work but nothing exciting. How about you?”

“Just going grocery shopping. Karen already texted me a list.” Hen made a slight face at that.

“I take you don’t do much of the cooking,” Buck stated.

“I can cook,” Hen laughed. “Karen is just better at it.  I usually leave the shopping to her but she has a long night ahead of her so it’s on me.”

“Who cooks for you, Buck,” Chim asked, having been eavesdropping as Buck knew he would.

“I cook for myself, Howard.”

“Huh, I never would have guessed you know how to cook,” stated Howard offhandedly.

Buck knew he didn’t mean to be offensive but the man never thought about anything before he opened his mouth.

“Who else would cook for me, Howard?” Buck asked the man turning to look at him. They all knew that Bobby would cook meals for Chim to pass off to his girlfriend as his own cooking.

“Well, I…,”

“Howard, you really need to think about what you say before you say it.  You are constantly offensive and you don’t even realize it, and I don’t think you mean to be either.”  Buck turned back around and turned his attention back to Hen.

They started trading recipes for the last 30 minutes of the shift.

Towards the end of his probationary period, there were two serious car accidents, one of them involving Chim.

Chim’s girlfriend, whom he was with under false pretenses, had decided to break it off with him (ironically not because he was lying to her but because he asked her to marry him).  He had been complaining about it for days and they were all sick of it.  They were all sitting in the loft when he came up and looked like he was going to start on about it again. They were in the midst of a 24-hr shift and neither Buck nor the others wanted to hear it again.

“Why are so upset about this? Even if she had said yes, what was your plan? To keep lying to her, passing off Bobby’s meals as your own or other team members’ saves as yours?”

“Fuck you, Buck! I could do the things you do if I was given a chance to do them!”

“No, you couldn’t.  First of all, you are not certified to do them. Second, but most importantly, why would you want to?  You are an amazing paramedic and there would be many lives lost without you in your current role.  You shouldn’t have to pretend to be something you’re not to impress someone and keep them interested in you.”

“Right, because women will flock to a paramedic over someone who hangs off the side of a cliff to save people.”

Buck raised his eyebrow at Chim and glanced at Bobby, to find his brow furrowed as well.  “The things I am able to do because of my certifications might be impressive to some people, but when someone is sick or injured, they are not gonna call the guy who can repel down a rope.  They are going to call the guy who can patch them up.  Who can tell them, ‘No you aren’t dying, it’s just a cold’.  You need to have some faith in yourself, Howard.  That girl wasn’t the one for you.”

Chim looked like he was gearing up for another fight when Bobby stepped in. “That’s enough. Go home, Chim.  You are not in the headspace to continue your shift.”

“What?!  I’m fine, Bobby!”

“It wasn’t a suggestion Chim.  Go home.  We will see you next shift.”

Chim growled in frustration as he left the station.

“I am worried for him Bobby,” Buck stated after they heard Chim peel off from the parking lot.

“I am too.  If he is still like this next shift, I will mandate therapy for him.”

“Is that really necessary?” Hen asked.  Both men turned to look at her incredulously.

“If this was anyone but Chim what would say?” asked Bobby.

Hen sighed, “That he needs to talk to someone.”

The alarm rang out and they all ran to the truck.

While in the truck on the way to the scene, Bobby turned to look at them and they saw his face pale.

“What is it?” asked Hen.

“The call is for Chim. He was in an accident.”

“Why are they calling us?  We can’t work the scene?”  Buck asked incredulously.

“He is refusing help unless it’s us.”

Buck turned his head and looked out the window. He could understand wanting familiar people around you when you’re hurt but they couldn’t work on him.  They were too close to the situation.  

When they pulled up to the scene, Bobby got the run-down from the IC, and then returned to them.

“Okay.  We will calm him down, and stay with him but the other crew is going to do the work.”

“Bobby!” Hen cried.

“If you can’t do this Hen feel free to stay in the truck.  We are not allowed to work on our house teammates unless there is no other choice.”

With that, they all walked over to Chim.  They explained to him the plan and after some weak protesting on Chim’s end, the other station got to work on extracting him from the vehicle and bringing him to the hospital.

Bobby got the house taken offline and had a relief crew come in to finish out their shift while they waited for news on Chim.  After several hours a Doctor came out to give them an update. After verifying Hen as his emergency contact, he relayed what they were looking at in terms of recovery.

“Mr. Han is very lucky.  The rebar managed to miss any vital blood vessels and didn’t cause too much damage internally.  He will need physical therapy to make sure nothing was affected, and he may get headaches.  Whether these will be lifelong or for a short period of time will remain to be seen.”

“Thank you. Can we see him?”

“Visiting hours are almost over but you can see him briefly. Follow me please.”

After visiting with Chim for the last 30 minutes of visiting hours, they left with the promise of visiting again the next day.

On his next day off Buck decided to go to the gun range and get in some practice.  He kept up all his certifications and made sure he was always legal to carry.  He didn’t advertise that he went to the range regularly.  People could be weird about guns.  It was a conversation he never enjoyed having with people so he tried to avoid it if at all possible.

As he was switching out his guns, he was approached by a shorter black woman.  He had noticed her practicing when he came in and clocked her as a cop.

“That’s quite the artillery you have there,” She stated.

“Yes, it is,” Buck replied, handing her his carry license.

She looked it over and let out a low whistle before handing it back. 

“How long have you been an officer?” Buck asked.

The woman was shocked. “Who said I was a cop?”

Buck smiled. “Your stance when you shoot. Also the cop issue gun you were firing.”

“Over 20 years.  I’m Sargent Athena Grant.” reaching out to shake hands with him.

“Evan Buckley. I’ve heard of you.  You’re friends with Hen.”

“Yes. You are the new firefighter at the 118, correct?”

“That I am.  Are you shooting some more?  I have a few more weapons I want to practice with.”

“I can stick around for a while.”

While Buck was shooting, Athena would watch and ask questions in between rounds.  She even fired a couple of rounds of some of Buck’s more rare guns.

“I need to be getting to work.  I’m sure I’ll see you around, Evan.”

“See you around, Athena.”

While Chim was still out, the crew was called out to the site of a horrific motorcycle accident.  A man had been cut in half when he was hit by a car.  He was still alive long enough to say goodbye to his son.  Buck could see that Bobby was taking it hard and was going to offer to go to a meeting with him when he saw Athena Grant going over to him to check on him.  After they were released from the scene, Buck discreetly texted Bobby to ask about the meeting and he said he was going to go to church with Athena.  

I’m here if you need to talk. No matter the time

Thank you, Buck.

Chapter Text

Buck was now a full-fledged firefighter.  It was hard to believe that a year had gone by already. Bobby had asked Buck about having a ceremony for him but Buck declined.  He agreed to lunch with the crew during his first official shift but that was all. Even though they still went slightly overboard in his opinion he had to admit it was a good celebration.

Howard was due back today, after finally being medically cleared.  Bobby did mandate therapy for him after the accident.  From the little bit that Hen had mentioned he was resistant at first, but once he learned that he wouldn’t be cleared to return without a sign-off from the therapist, he started putting in the work.  Buck still didn’t trust Howard yet, but he hoped that therapy worked as well for the man as it did for him.

Buck got to work about an hour early, wanting to get a workout in before the shift started.  He wanted to put some more muscle on and so he was being very strict about what he was eating and how he was working out.  He had about 10 minutes left of his workout to complete when Howard walked into the gym.

“Hi, Buck.”

Buck finished his current rep., racked his weights and turned to Howard.

“Welcome back.”  He wiped his face on a towel and moved over to start loading up the bar for his last set of weights.

“Thank you.  It’s good to be back.” Howard paused. “Can I assume that you know I’ve been in therapy?”

Buck looked at him through the mirror and started on his last move. “Yes, I do know. I hope you have found it helpful.”

“I have.  I don’t know what Hen has told you I’ve been working through…”

“Hen hasn’t told me anything.  Therapy is very private and even if she had started to tell me, which she didn’t, I would have stopped her.”  Buck put the weights on the bar before locking them in place.

“I… thank you.”

“No problem.  What I said when I started goes both ways.  No one deserves any information from me that I don’t willingly share, and I don’t deserve any information that is not willingly given.”

Howard didn’t know what to say to that.  He was always very free with his information. Always wanting to draw people to him. Be acknowledged.  He knew it was from being ignored by his dad for most of his life.  He was working on it.  

While he had been standing there thinking, Buck had finished his workout and was heading to the showers when he stopped in front of him.  “Are you okay, Howard?” 

Chim startled a bit and huffed a laugh. “Yeah. Just caught up in my thoughts.”

Buck nodded. When he was almost through the door to the locker room, he paused and turned back to Howard. “You know you don’t have to be someone you’re not to get people to like you.  They either will or they won’t.  Just be yourself and the right people will come to you.”

“I don’t think I remember who that is anymore.”

“That's what therapy is for.”  Buck smiled at him and walked into the locker room.

For the first time since Buck started with them, Chim thought he might have a chance after all of becoming the man’s friend.

It was 9 am and the tail end of a 24 hr shift.  The shift hadn’t been too bad but they were all glad to see it coming to an end.  Buck was in the bay washing the truck with Mason.  They were talking about a gym where Buck goes to spar, and what his current workout routine is, when a short, dark-haired woman walked in through the station doors. Seeing as Buck was behind the truck, Mason was the first one to see her.

“Hi, can we help you?” he asked.

“Hi. I’m looking for Evan Buckley.”

Hearing his name he stepped out from behind the truck.  The woman gasped softly.  “Evan?”

“Maddie. How did you find me?”

“Social Media. It wasn’t easy.”

He nodded once and turned to Mason.  “I’ll be right back.”  Mason nodded in return.

Buck walked towards Maddie and waved her ahead of him so they could go talk privately outside. He instinctually looked around for Doug. Not seeing him he asked her where he was.

“Hopefully, back in Pennsylvania.  I left him.”  Buck raised an eyebrow at that.  Knowing how much his sister defended him the last time they spoke, he couldn’t help but be surprised.

“Why did you leave him?”

She looked down at her feet and remained silent.

“Maddie, we haven’t spoken to or seen each other in 15 years.  You left him and tracked me down to my job via social media, so clearly, something has happened.”

“He was abusive; physically and mentally.  I finally got the courage to leave him.  You were the only person I thought would be safe enough to run to.”

Buck was enraged that Doug had been abusing his sister for years, but didn’t let it show on his face.  Maddie didn’t know him well enough to see it in his eyes though.  “What is your plan now?”

“I don’t know.  Getting out was my goal. Now that I am, I don’t know.  I know I can’t let him find me.  He’ll kill me.”

Buck sighed.

“Do you plan on divorcing him?”

“Yes, when I settle somewhere, and I am a bit more stable.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Nowhere yet.  I figured I would find something after I talked to you.”

“So you planned on staying with me then.”  it was a statement and not a question.

She didn’t respond to that.

He sighed. “I get off at noon.  Meet me back here and you can come back to my place.”

“Can’t I just go there now?”

“No.”

“Evan, I am your sister! You’re really gonna make me wait for hours?!”

“That’s right. My sister .  Who doesn’t live with me, doesn’t pay my bills, and who showed up after 15 years of no contact, unannounced, expecting to stay on my couch?  You are not going to hang at my place waiting for me to get off work, nor are you going to hang around my work either.”

Just then she noticed an older man walk up to them and involuntarily stiffened.  The man seemed to notice this, as he stopped several feet from them.

“Buck, is everything okay?” he asked.

Evan turned to the man. “Yes, Bobby everything is fine.  This is my sister, Maddie.  Maddie, this is my Captain, Robert Nash.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Maddie.”

“Likewise,” Maddie replied.

“Meet me back here at Noon.  You can come home with me and we will figure something more permanent out.”

“Thank you, Evan.”

Buck nodded at her, “I’ll See you in a few hours.” and then turned and walked back into the station with Bobby

Just before the end of the shift, Bobby had the team gather in the loft for an announcement.  “On our first after this weekend, we will have a new probationary firefighter starting.  He made top marks in the academy and has a military background so he’s not completely green. Once he arrives and is ready for his shift, I will introduce him to the team.”  Bobby looked around the room, seeing nods from everyone.  “Okay everyone, have a great weekend.  Thank you.”  Buck was going to head downstairs to get changed when Bobby stopped him and asked to speak to him privately.

“I want you to show him around after I introduce him to the main shift. If you guys mesh well, I would like to make the two of you the station’s heavy rescue specialists for A-Shift. He already did the certifications for it.”

“Sure. No problem, Bobby.”

That shift would prove to be very interesting indeed.

Buck spent his days off hiking, then catching up on laundry, and grocery shopping.  He even had time to meet up with Athena at the range.  During his hike, he contemplated if he would get along well with the new probationary firefighter.  It would be nice to have someone to assist him on rescues but just because they were both in the service didn’t mean they would get along.  There were plenty of people he met that he wouldn’t ever willingly spend time with.  He just hoped that this guy wasn’t one of them.

He allowed his sister to stay in his home alone while he went hiking.  He put anything that had to do with his service in his safe and made sure his weapons were locked up securely so only he could get them out.  He told her he would be out late and that if she went out to make sure she locked up behind her. She wouldn’t be able to get back in, she would have to wait for him to get home for that.  She had suggested giving her an extra key but Buck told her no.  She started to protest but he stood his ground.

“Buck I am your sister! If anyone should have a key it’s me!”

“First of all, I am a grown man. You are a guest in my home. You have no right to come here and demand anything.  You’re my sister and I have offered you a place to stay even though we are estranged.  I will not give you a key.  You have no idea where your husband is you just assume he hasn’t followed you and I will not give him access to my home however unwillingly he obtains it. I value my privacy, Maddie.  I will protect you from him if you truly want to get away from him.  However, if you think you can boss me around and insert yourself into my life like you are owed something, I will cut you off as soon as the business with Doug is over and never speak to you again.  Do I make myself clear?” Buck was annoyed with his sister but he never raised his voice at her.

Maddie just nodded, shocked.  Her brother had always been a sweet and caring person.  Always eager to people-please.  She supposed he still was caring. He was willing to help her after all this time.  She really didn’t have a right to make demands of him. It was hard for her not to see him as her little brother though. 

“I’ll see you later,” Buck said as he grabbed his wallet and keys and left his house.

**

That next shift Buck got to work earlier than planned, thanks to some light traffic for once and proceeded to get changed for the shift.  He wanted to hit the ground running with the new hire. If Bobby wanted him to help the new hire he was going to do so as best as he could. He heard the door open up behind him as he was pulling his shirt over his head.

“Senior Petty Officer Buckley?” he heard coming from behind him, in what can only be described as a shocked tone. He turned around and was greeted by not only the new probationary firefighter but one of the last people he saw before he retired.

He smiled and said, “It’s just Buck now unless you want me to call you Sargent Diaz?”

They both laughed and shared a brief hug.  “How have you been Eddie?”

Eddie put his bag down on the bench and pulled his uniform out and began to get dressed.  “I’ve been good.  My son and I moved here just before I started at the academy.”

“And how is Chris? Do you have an updated picture of him?” Buck asked.  

“I can’t believe you remembered his name,” Eddie stated as he pulled his phone from his bag to show Buck the pictures.

“Of course I did.  He’s adorable and I told you then that I love kids.”

They continued to reminisce about their meeting several years before in the desert, while Eddie continued to get ready for his first shift.  Buck was the first to notice Bobby staring at them through the glass wall. “We have an audience,” Buck stated, causing Eddie to look over his shoulder from putting things into his bag.

“Give me your bag,” Buck stated, holding out his hand.  Eddie handed over his bag, no questions asked to Buck who placed it in his locker and locked it.

Bobby finally stepped into the room to speak to the men who thankfully seemed to be getting along really well.  He had high hopes for them to become a great team and they seemed to be off to a good start.

“You know Buck, Firefighter Diaz has his own locker.  You didn’t need to put his things in yours.”

“It’s fine Bobby.  Ironically, Eddie and I already know each other.  We served together.”

“Oh,” said Bobby. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither were we.” Buck and Eddie replied at the same time.  They looked at each other and laughed, causing Bobby to join in.  That is how they were found by the rest of the team, who were all staring at the three men in confusion.

“We should probably get out there so they can all meet you.”

Eddie smiled, “Let’s do it.”

After Introductions were made, Buck took Eddie around and gave him the tour, passing on the information he learned from Martin just the year before.  The first call of the day was about a man in a garage that had fallen on an airline.  He was really bad off when they arrived and while Hen and Chimney assessed his vitals, Eddie showcased his abilities by releasing the pressure in the man’s body.

“Great job Eddie,” praised Bobby.

Buck bumped his shoulder against Eddie as they jumped in the truck.

“So how do you two know each other?” asked Mason.

Buck and Eddie looked at each other, Eddie nodded and let Buck take the lead.

“We met in the service.”

“Wow. It really is a small world,” stated Mason. Everyone agreed.

Buck was expecting Howard to look for more information, but he was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t.

“Dispatch this is Captain 118, go ahead.”

They all looked toward Bobby, waiting to hear about the next call.

“Roger dispatch, show the 118 responding.”

“Ok team, we are responding to a man who shot himself in the leg with a grenade.”

Buck and Eddie just looked at each other clearly thinking the same thing. What the hell?!

When they got to the scene and found the military enthusiast in his collection room it was clear that things could have been worse.  He had many period weapons that actually appeared to be serviceable. They got him on an IV, covered his wound, and got him out to the ambulance. Hen was driving the ambulance while Buck and Eddie were in the back with the patient.  Even though it was a dummy round, the two military men were better equipped to talk to the hospital staff about the round embedded in this man’s thigh.

“Can’t you take it out?” the man groaned.

“No, sorry.  The surgeons will have to do that,” replied Buck.

Eddie was checking over the IV lines and the man’s vitals while Buck went to look over the wound. He was cleaning the excess blood away when he realized they were in trouble.

“Eddie. Look!”

Eddie came to the side of the patient to inspect the wound thinking the bleeding had gotten worse when he realized this wasn't a dummy round; it was a live round.  He spun around and banged on the divider of the ambulance. “Pull over! Now!”

Buck had gotten on the radio to Bobby and told him what was going on. Bobby told them to stay put and that he was going to get the proper authorities down to the scene.

The ambulance came to a stop, ironically in a hospital parking lot.  Buck and Eddie climbed out of the back, telling the patient to sit tight and that they would be right back and to call out to them if they felt any different.

After a few minutes, the police and SWAT arrived.  SWAT couldn’t remove it cause they didn’t have the training and the military was at least an hour away.

“Bobby, he doesn't have an hour.  We’re lucky that thing hasn’t gone off yet.”

“Why do you think it hasn’t?” asked the officer.

“Age of the grenade, defective, not traveled far enough from the launcher to his thigh to set it off?  At this point anything is possible.”

Eddie and Buck turned to each other and had a silent conversation.  Buck nodded and then turned to Bobby.

“Cap, with your permission, Eddie and I can handle this.”

“I can’t ask you boys to do that.”

“You're not asking Cap, we’re offering”, replied Eddie. “Besides, we don’t really have a choice here.”

“Okay but I want you guys protected as much as you can be.”

Bobby walked away and to the SWAT truck to request bomb suits for them.  He really didn’t want them to do this but Eddie was right.  They really didn’t have a choice if they wanted the patient to have any chance of survival.

Once they were geared up, they reentered the ambulance and told the patient what was happening.  They knocked him out so that he wouldn’t move while they removed the grenade.

“I wish I could be surprised that this is a thing we are doing as firefighters, but after a year of doing this job, I can’t say that.” Stated Buck as he applied the pressure to the patient’s leg so Eddie could get a clear space to grab the grenade without setting it off.

“It’s been an interesting first day that’s for sure.”  Eddie pulled the grenade from the patient and placed it in the box Buck held out to him.  While Buck placed the box on the bench Eddie went to the head of the gurney to release it from the floor lock, while Buck climbed out.  They carefully removed the patient from the ambulance and passed him off to hospital staff who had come out to retrieve the patient.  Eddie climbed out and they both put as much distance between them and the ambulance as possible.

“The military will come to pick up the grenade and probably hang around to ask the patient about where he got it from.”  an officer was telling Bobby when they walked up.

“Nice work boys.”

“Thank you, sir,” they replied.

“Nice work guys.  I guess putting the two of you on the same team worked out for everyone.”

“I’ll always have his back,” Eddie replied

“And I’ll always have yours.”

The three of them smiled at each other and just as they were about to walk back to the truck, the ambulance blew.

Chapter Text

Buck and Eddie quickly resumed the friendship they had started a few years ago when they were in the service together.  Eddie had patched Buck up more than once after missions. He had even been given clearance to go on a few ops with Buck’s team.  Eddie’s last mission with his own crew, the one that earned him a silver star, ended horribly when the helicopter he and his team was on was shot out of the sky.  Eddie got them all out of harm's way and Buck’s team was the one to extract them from the location.  Buck was the first person Eddie saw when he woke up.  He reassured Eddie he was okay and that he was going home, for good.

**

“I wish you could come with me.” Eddie had said to him.

“I’ll be out of here soon. Yours was my last mission.  I still have all the debriefing to be done but I’ll be stateside soon enough.”

“What do you plan on doing?”

“I have no idea.  Finding a new therapist, and working through all this shit.”

“Hum.  Not a bad idea.  I’ve never tried therapy.  Men in my family don’t share their feelings.”

Buck leaned back in his chair.  “Eddie, I can’t tell you what to do and I won’t. I will, however, tell you this. Therapy has been the hardest thing I have ever done.  It required so much internal strength that I didn’t think I had.  And truthfully I didn’t have it at the time.”

They sat in silence for a while, each just thinking about the days to come.

“So was it worth it? Going through therapy?” Eddie asked.

“Absolutely. My family is… complicated to state it lightly.  Therapy helped me to heal from all of that.”

Just then another serviceman entered the room. “Senior Officer Buckley.”  The man stood to attention, saluting Buck.

“At ease.  How can I help you?”

“Your presence is requested for debriefing.”

“Thank you. I’ll be right there.”  The serviceman saluted once more and then left.  Buck sighed and stood. 

“Duty calls.”  He walked over to Eddie and handed him a card with his email on it.  “I hope you keep in touch with me, Eddie.”

“I’m gonna try.”

**

After Eddie’s first week at work, he and Buck had gotten into a routine.  They would meet at the firehouse an hour before work and work out together. They used this time to get caught up on what they had missed in each other's lives.

Today Eddie seemed a bit distracted. Buck threw a towel at him, hitting him in the face. 

“What was that for?” Eddie huffed.

“I called your name three times. Are you okay?”

“Sorry.  I am just having a hard time with all the paperwork to get Christopher what he needs for schools and the like.  It’s stressing me out.”

Buck smiled. “I know someone who can help you.  I can give her a call.”

“Really?  How do you know her?”  Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow at Buck.

“She was the aid for my ex’s mother who passed recently from Alzheimer's.  Her name is Carla and she is great.  She was the best thing to come out of that relationship.”

Eddie thought about it briefly. “If you really think she can help me then I’d love to meet her.”

Buck pulled out his phone and sent a text to Carla. 

“We have ten minutes before we need to get ready for the shift.  Wanna box?”

“Sure.”  

After the 10 minutes were up, they went to the showers and then got ready for their shift.

The whole crew was sitting in the loft waiting for Bobby to finish making breakfast when Carla texted Buck.

“Eddie, Carla can meet you tomorrow after shift. Do you want her to go to your house, or would you rather meet her somewhere?”

“Would you mind coming with me?”

“Sure. Do you want to just meet her at my place then?”

“That’s fine thank you.”

“No problem.  You’ll love Carla.”

Buck went back to texting Carla, to confirm for the next day.

“Everything okay, Eddie?” asked Hen.

“Oh, yeah, everything’s fine.  Just someone Buck knows who can help me sort through all the paperwork for my son for school.”

“I didn’t know you had a kid.  How old is he?  My son is 8.”

“Christopher is 7.  He has CP so there are some special programs I can get him into to help with school and such but the paperwork is a nightmare.”

“Well, then I am glad Buck knows someone who can help you.”

“Me too.”

“I am going to go start the day's chores,” Buck said, finally looking up from his phone.

“I’ll join you.  We’re both on truck maintenance today right?”

“Yes.  You check the brakes and I’ll check the fluids?”

“Why do you get the easy job?”  Eddie joked as they started walking towards the stairs.  

“Not easier, just the job I am better at.  You have more mechanical experience if I remember correctly.”

Their voices faded as they went downstairs.  The people in the loft watched in fascination at the way they interacted with each other.  Most of them shrugged it off as having known each other before working at the station together and went about their own chores. Hen, however, couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more going on between them, even if they weren’t aware of it.

After their chores were complete, Buck and Eddie were sitting on the bumper of the truck facing the parking lot chatting.

“So how are things going with your sister?” Eddie asked him.  

“Okay, I guess.  We talked the other day about her getting a job.  She has a degree in nursing but she doesn’t want to work in a hospital again.  She feels like Doug could find her too easy that way.”  Buck had told Eddie all about Maddie.  They found it very easy to be open with each other.  Had found it easy ever since they met in Afganistan.  

“So what does she plan on doing?”

“I suggested the call center.  She was going to go there and apply today.”

“Did you give her a key to your house yet?”

“No.  She has this thing about being in charge.  She keeps trying to push me to do or act how she expects and until that no longer happens, I won’t be giving her a key.”

“Fair enough. I think my parents expected me to give them a key to my place.” Eddie scoffs.

Buck looked at Eddie puzzled. “I thought they still lived in El Paso.”

“Oh, they do. They would never move here.  They hate LA.”

Buck still looked at Eddie puzzled. Eddie laughed at the expression.  He looked like a golden retriever.

“They have this insane idea that because they helped take care of Christopher while I was serving that they have some right to him and how I raise him. 

“When I came back I took your advice and found a therapist.  I don’t know where I would be mentally without that. I didn’t tell anyone in my family though. At the time at least. Initially, I was having nightmares and Shannon hated it.  She was burnt out from taking care of Christopher on her own and my parents suffocating her and hated that I was not okay. One morning I woke up to find Chris in bed with me and her gone.  She came to LA to take care of her mom, who passed last year.  I reached out to her but she never got back to me.

“Once I was finally in a stable place mentally, I applied to the fire academy here in LA and the rest is history.”

Buck nodded.  His parents wanting a key made more sense now.  As much as that can make sense anyway. 

“Did you move here for Shannon?”

Eddie turned to look at him with several emotions crossing his face. Anger, sadness, and understanding.

“No. I moved here to be close to my Abula and Tia Pepa.  They are the ones who have always supported me, unconditionally.  They are the first ones I told I was in therapy and that I am gay.  I was with Shannon because she got pregnant and it was expected.”  Eddie paused briefly before looking over at Buck with trepidation on his face.

Buck understood the look. “I will never tell anyone, anything you tell me Eddie without your express permission unless it put you or Christopher in danger.”

“Thank you, Evan.” Eddie took a deep breath in, leaned forward, placed his arms on his thighs, and then continued. “I have only admitted this to my therapist and now you. The only reason Christopher exists is because I was pretending.  When I was with Shannon, I would imagine her as a man.  It was the only way I could get off. To my knowledge, she never caught on.  I don’t think she was thinking of me either to be honest.”

After he was done with his confession he sat back and exhaled, like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  Buck through his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and pulled him in for a side hug.

“Well since we are being honest, I am Bi, with a leaning towards men.  I can’t relate to the parent's bit as mine don’t know ‘cause I was out of the house before I figured my sexuality out.  I can’t imagine them caring either way as they don’t give a shit about me and the feeling is mutual.”

Eddie couldn’t imagine someone not caring about Buck.  Sure he was not quick to trust but he would do almost anything for anyone.  Since Eddie had met him the man was nothing but caring to those around him and those he was responsible for.  He was tough but fair.  Eddie was startled out of his thoughts by Buck.

“Hey, I meant to ask, what are you and Christopher doing this weekend?”

“Nothing I don’t think.  Why?”

“Well I was going to do some hiking, but you told me Christopher loves the zoo, so I wanted to see if you guys would be interested in going.”

Eddie was touched.  He sat up pulling himself slightly away from Buck. “You don’t have to plan outings for us.  We could just go to the park or something.”

“Eddie if I didn’t want to go to the zoo I wouldn’t have suggested it.”

“Well okay then, zoo on Saturday it is.  What are you doing Sunday?”

“Going to the range with Athena and then possibly hiking.”

“Now that sounds like a fun Sunday. Mind if I tag along?”

“Of course not, but what about Chris? I wouldn’t mind taking him to the range but the hiking trail isn't flat enough and I don’t think it would be safe for Chris.”

Eddie was touched again.  “I’ll see if Abula or Pepe would mind taking him for the day.  Carla offered to be my home aid for Chris but doesn’t start until our next shift.”

“I’ll text you all the info and you can let me know if you will be joining us.”

They sat in silence again for a while, listening to the traffic passing by the firehouse and the muted sound of the other firefighters milling around.  Then something that Buck said finally caught up to his brain.

“Wait you said Athena? Like Sargent Grant, Bobby’s girlfriend?”

Buck laughed. “Yes.  He thinks we don’t know and maybe some of us don’t but I caught on quickly.”

Eddie laughed right along with him.  Of course he had. “Did you meet her on a call?”

Buck shook his head and proceeded to tell him how he met Athena.  They were laughing when the bell rang out to send them on a call.  They jumped up, grabbed their gear, and were the first ones on the truck.  They were still laughing as the truck pulled out of the station.

They got to the scene where a pedestrian had been hit by a car, while she was crossing the street.  Buck and Eddie had been assigned to the driver of the car, while Hen and Chim treated the pedestrian.  The pedestrian was unconscious when the police arrived and they had searched through her bag to ID her.  Inside her bag, they had found divorce papers and parental termination papers.  The police handed them off to Bobby so they could travel with the patient to the hospital.  When Bobby looked down at the papers. He took in a sharp breath at seeing Eddie’s name on them.  He looked up and saw Buck and Eddie both walking towards him, having passed their patient onto another set of paramedics.

Bobby quickly walked over to them and stopped in front of Eddie.  The look on his face alarmed Eddie. 

“Cap, what’s wrong?”

“Eddie, is this you?” he asked passing over the papers to him.  Buck had started to step back to give them privacy but Eddie put his hand on his forearm, stilling his retreat.

Eddie was shocked, having never seen these papers before, but also they were not a surprise.  Then it seemed to dawn on him.

“The victim, is it Shannon?”  

“It appears to be.  Are you able to verify her identity? It’s okay if you can’t right now.”

Eddie took in a deep breath and nodded at Bobby.  Dragging Buck along, he walked towards Hen, Chim, and the victim.

Looking down, he saw that it really was Shannon.  She opened her eyes and kneeled beside her. “Shannon,”  he called.

She turned her eyes to look at him as a tear ran down her face. “This is not how I expected to see you again.”

Eddie looked up at Hen and Chim asking the question with eyes, what her odds of survival were. From their looks, he could tell it was not good.

“Do you want me to call Christopher?” he asked.

More tears fell.  “No. That would be cruel to him.  Can you just tell him I love him and I am sorry for leaving?”

“Yeah Shan, I’ll tell him.  Do you want me to ride with you?”

“No.  I am sorry it has to end this way, Eddie.  Take care of yourselves.”  She closed her eyes and the monitor flat-lined.  They loaded her into the ambulance and sped away.  

“Guys the other crew is going to clean up the accident.  Why don’t you go wait in the truck.”  Bobby said to them.  Eddie nodded and started heading towards the truck, Buck right behind him.

In the solitude of the truck, Eddie cried.

Chapter Text

Bobby sent Buck home with Eddie to keep an eye on him.  With the radio on low to help drown out the road noise but not overstimulate Eddie, Buck headed towards his apartment. He was going to stay with Eddie and make sure he wasn’t left alone.  They were about halfway to Eddie’s when Eddie finally spoke.

“Can we go to your place, Buck?” he asked quietly.

“Of course.”

“Sorry I just… there’s still some stuff of Shannon’s at the apartment that I saved for Christopher and I am afraid I will destroy them.”

“You two are always welcome, with or without an explanation.”

They lapsed back into silence for the remainder of the drive. Eddie was taken aback when they arrived at Buck’s having lost track of time. He remained quiet as Buck unlocked the door, shut off the alarm and he entered the house.  He sat on the couch staring at the TV screen that remained off, while Buck walked into the kitchen.  Buck fixed them something to eat and some iced tea for Eddie and brought it out to the living room.

“Thank you but I’m not hungry Buck,”  Eddie said.

“I know you’re not but you also know you need to eat something.”  Buck handed Eddie the sandwich and placed the iced tea on the table beside the couch.  He then sat on the opposite end of the couch, facing Eddie, and ate his own sandwich.  He didn’t push Eddie to talk, just sat there with him and let him think.  Eddie did take a few bites of his food, but ultimately put his food on the coffee table. Once Buck was done with his food, he took his and Eddie's plate to the kitchen and came back resuming his seat.  It took another hour before Eddie was ready to speak.

“Thank you. For not pushing me to talk.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I haven’t seen or spoken to her in a few years.  I tried to get in touch with her after her mother passed.  I got no answer.  I knew we were never going to be together again romantically but I still wanted to fix things with her enough that she could be a part of Christopher’s life.  He hasn’t asked me about her in a while but I know he still brings her up in therapy occasionally.  I have no idea how he is going to react to her death,” Eddie paused and took a deep breath.

“I saw the divorce papers.  The cop handed them to me at the scene.  There were parental termination papers in there as well.  She was giving up her rights to Christopher.  I don’t think I can tell him that.”

Buck placed a hand lightly on Eddie’s knee, “You don’t have to right now.  Maybe talk to his therapist about it and see what he thinks would be the best.”

“That’s a good idea.  I don’t know how long it would have taken for me to think of that.”  Eddie laughed self-deprecatingly.

“Eddie, you’re grieving. It’s okay to not be fully present right now.”

Eddie got up from the couch and started pacing around Buck’s living room. “I am so angry at her. I feel like I can’t be mad.  We were still married but I wasn’t in love with her.  I loved her but… I am angry that she could just throw Christopher away like that!”

“Why can’t you be mad at her?”

“Because she’s dead, Evan!” Eddie screamed. He felt like hitting something.

“So?”

That brought Eddie’s passing to a halt, making him slightly dizzy. “What do you mean so?”

Buck stood up and slowly walked over to Eddie not wanting him to feel like he was being caged in, “Why can’t you be mad at someone that is dead?  She hurt you.  Her actions may hurt your son. You have every right to feel however you feel.  Mad, angry, sad, frustrated, whatever it is you feel you have every right to feel it.”

Eddie let out a scream, beginning to cry again, and started sinking toward the floor.  Buck caught him and lowered him to the ground gently.  He held on to Eddie and just let him cry and scream out his pain.  Eventually, he fell asleep exhausted. Buck gently lifted Eddie and carried him to his guest room so he could sleep.

After placing him in the bed and pulling a blanket over him, he quietly walked to the door and pulled it closed, leaving it slightly ajar so he could hear if Eddie needed him.  Buck returned to his couch and laid down, leaving the TV off.  His heart hurt for his friend and for Christopher. If he was being honest with himself, and he tried very hard to be, he never forgot about Eddie.  The man was exactly his type.  Honest, loyal, caring, and also insanely attractive.  When they reconnected and started rebuilding their friendship he felt like there was the potential for more between them, but wasn’t sure where Eddie was at.  Now with this tragedy that just happened, the talk he wanted to have with Eddie in the near future was most likely to be postponed.  

It didn’t change anything though.  Regardless of anything that happened between them, Buck would always be there for Eddie and Christopher.  Buck sighed and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

Buck woke up about 45 minutes later and went to check on Eddie.  He was still sleeping in the same position Buck had left him in earlier.  Buck went to that bathroom and then to the kitchen to collect his phone.  He had a few messages waiting for him on his phone.

Carla👩‍⚕️💖

Carla👩‍⚕️💖: Hey Buckaroo, what's your new address? I should be there around 5 pm. ~12:03 pm

Me: Hey Carla. Sorry I was asleep. 1459 North Franklin Dr. ~2:08 pm

Carla👩‍⚕️💖: No worries boo. I'll see you then. I text you if I am running late.  ~2:08 pm

Cap🚒👨‍🚒

Cap🚒👨‍🚒: How's he doing?  ~  1:30 pm

Me: Ok. He's resting right now.  ~2:09 pm

Cap🚒👨‍🚒: Good. He probably needs it. Let me know about arrangements and such. I can't promise that we will all be able to attend but I will put it out to those who can.  ~2:12 pm

Me: I will let you know what Eddie decides to do. I know we have the next few days off cap. I'll have Eddie let you know if he needs more time.  ~2:14 pm

Buck was thankful for having a captain like Bobby.  The man wanted to do right by his team and it showed in his actions. Just when he was about to text Maddie and find out how her first day at her new job was going (he had recommended dispatch to her and got her an interview with this round of new hires)  Eddie walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, did you sleep ok?” Buck asked him.

“I don’t remember laying down in there,” Eddie replied.

Buck huffed a laugh and stared at Eddie with his eyebrow raised.

Eddie blushed a little. “Oh, man. I fell asleep on you didn’t I?  I am so sorry, Evan.”

“For what? You exhausted yourself. I am glad you felt safe enough here and with me to do that.”

Eddie looked down at his feet not knowing what to say.  Buck, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, looked back to his phone and sent off a text to Maddie.

“I’ve always felt comfortable with you,” Eddie whispered. Buck looked up at him again.  Eddie had lifted his head from the floor and was looking at him again.

“I always felt this connection to you.  I felt lost without you after I was discharged but I couldn’t find the contact info you gave me that day.  I was so happy to see you again on my first day at the firehouse. I knew then that I had made the right move coming here.”

Buck smiled. “I always wondered why you never reached out.  Glad to know that I wasn’t misreading the connection we had.”

“No, definitely not.”  Eddie looked over to the clock on the wall. “It’s 2:30. What time is Carla coming?”

“Around 5 pm.  If she is going to be late she will text me.  Chris is with Abuela?”

“Yes. She was picking him up from school and meeting me here.”

“We have time to go and pick him up from school if you want to.”

Eddie thought about it.  “No, let's keep things as is. I don’t want to alert Chris that something is wrong yet.”

“Okay.  Well, I was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow but we can do it now if you want to come with me?”

“Are you trying to distract me?”

“Is it working?” Buck asked, grinning.

Eddie laughed. “Let’s go grocery shopping.”

Eddie was amazed at how efficient Evan was with his shopping.  Maybe he shouldn’t be but he was.  Buck had a list that he had written out in the order that they were stocked in the store, and according to a meal plan that he prepared for the upcoming week. Eddie noticed there were a lot of vegetables and no meat listed.

“Are you a vegetarian Evan?”

“Not really.  Meat is expensive and when I was younger and not making much money and then started working on becoming stronger, I researched different ways to get protein into my diet without meat.  I will eat meat occasionally but in general, I don’t buy it much, unless I can get a really good deal on it.”

“Humm. Well I’ve never had a meal of yours that I didn’t like.  I don’t know if I could go without meat though.  I don’t think Chris would allow it either.”

Both men laughed at that as Buck parked in the grocery store.  He grabbed his shopping bags and Eddie grabbed the list.  They kept up the easy chatter as Buck walked up and down the isles filling his cart.  He explained to Eddie what some items were for and about the protein content contained in them.  Eddie decided he was going to look further into Buck's diet and see where he could implement some of his meals.  He was always trying to get Chris to eat healthier and thought that with Buck’s help, he might be able to accomplish that.

“Buck, can you help me with the meal planning you do?  I am not the greatest cook but maybe you could show me some easy meals that I can cook?”

“Sure.  Do you have a crockpot?”

“No.”

“Okay well, we should pick one up.  It is the easiest way to cook a meal.  You literally dump everything in there and the pot does the rest.  You can prepare the meals in advance and dump it into the crockpot when you get home or make it the night before and heat it up when you are ready to eat.”

“That sounds great! I still want to learn to cook though.”

“I’ll help you.  The three of us can cook together.”

Eddie smiled.  He bumped his shoulder into Buck in thanks.  He loved how Buck always involved Christopher in all their plans.  He’s never had a friend like Buck. Someone who was there for him no matter what without wanting something in return.  He wasn’t used to it.  It made him feel slightly uncomfortable at first.  He brought it up to his therapist, John, and talked it through until he was able to process it.

**

Eddie John

So Eddie, what do you want to talk about today?

Well, I am trying to process the nature of my friendship with Evan.

This is the man you served with that you have feelings for, Evan, correct?

Yes.  I am so glad that I reconnected with him.  He is such a loyal and fierce friend and just a kind human being in general. I guess that’s the part I am having trouble with.

Which part?

That he is so kind.

Can you elaborate on that for me?

He does stuff for me and for Christopher just because he sees a need and can fill it.  Like the other day, my truck wouldn’t start and I called him and asked if he could bring me to work and drop Christopher off at school.  He of course said sure and asked if we had had time to have breakfast.  I cursed under my breath because we hadn’t and he said he would bring us breakfast and pick us up ASAP.  25 minutes later, he arrived with breakfast sandwiches and drinks for us.  

Him and Chris chatted all the way to school after Christopher ate his sandwich.  On the way to work, he could tell I was upset. He asked what was wrong.  I told him I felt like I was fucking up with Christopher. I was so worried about the truck not starting and trying to figure out school and stuff that I forgot to feed my kid.

He calmed me down and told me that I was a great dad and that everyone has bad days.  It doesn’t mean anything.

He is right. Did you believe what he said to you?

I didn’t at first. I asked him what he paid for the food and drinks and that I would pay him back.  He told me he didn’t know and that paying him back was unnecessary.  I tried to argue with him but it turns out he made them himself.  He makes a bunch and stores them in his freezer for when he is running late himself or just busy.

So what did he say to make you believe that you are a good father?

He told me that he hasn’t spoken more than a handful of times to his parents since he was 10.  He lived with them until the night before his 18th birthday.  They all but ignored him after his sister went to college and moved out, and when he started working at 15 they never even noticed.  He has never changed his phone number and they have never reached out to him.  He’s a veteran and he made sure to go into therapy during and after his time in service and worked through all of this and his service trauma. He said that I didn’t need to be perfect, I just needed to keep trying and I would be an amazing father.

He sounds like a great friend.  So what part of him being kind are you having a hard time with?

I have never had a relationship with anyone, other than my Abuela, Tia Pepa, and Christopher that I wasn’t expected to sacrifice myself in some way to benefit them.

With the army they paid me and I had to fight for them and bury my feelings.

With my parents, they wanted me to do what was expected of a Latino son. Marry a Latina woman and have kids, and so I hid who I truly am from them so I didn’t have to deal with the fighting.

With my sisters, I had to hold back on who I am too because they thought my parents were owed respect.

When Shannon became pregnant with Christopher, we were forced to get married by my parents because it “was the right thing to do”, even though they hated her.

And how is your relationship with Evan different?

He doesn’t expect me to behave or act in any way but to be myself. When he does things for me or for me and Christopher, he does it because he wants to and not because it's expected or because he wants something in return.

He doesn’t make me feel like he’s doing these things for us because he feels like I can’t do it myself.

I think you need to consider how damaged your relationships with the other people in your life are.  Then you need to decide what you want from those relationships and assert your boundaries.  Keeping those boundaries for yourself can be hard but in the end, it will help you to be happier in your own skin and not put your guard up when people are kind for kindness' sake.

Our time is up but I want you to work on this in time until our next session. Make a list of the people whom you have a damaged relationship with. List the things that caused it to become damaged and what needs to happen for the relationship to be fixed.  And keep in mind that fixed, doesn’t mean a return to before the damage happened.  Sometimes it means creating a whole new relationship.

**

It had taken several sessions for Eddie to work through his thoughts and feelings on the subject but in the end he was glad he was able to do it.  He didn’t expect to be faced with his parents so soon but knew that they would come up for Shannon’s funeral just to try and convince him to come home. He was hoping they would have more respect for the situation but was expecting they would take the opportunity. 

They ended up getting back to Buck’s house around 4:30 pm and pulling in just before Abuela and Christopher. Buck went to greet Abuela and Christopher while Eddie started unloading Buck’s SUV. Buck brought Christoper inside to help unload groceries and explain about the cooking lessons he was going to give the Diaz boys.

“What is wrong Eddito?” Abuela asked him.  She had always had the ability to see right through him.

“Buck and I were at a scene today. Auto versus pedestrian.  The pedestrian was Shannon.  She didn’t survive.”

“Oh Eddito. Dios Mio.”  Abuela pulled him into a tight hug and just hugged him for a few moments.

When they separated, Eddie filled her in on their short conversation and the papers that were found with her. About his concerns of having to deal with his parents. About his fear of telling Christopher what happened.

“Eddie, we will help you with your parents. I am sure your Evan will be by your side as well.”

“My Evan?” Eddie asked

“I might be getting old Eddie but I’m not blind. I see the way you look at each other and how excited you were to reconnect with him.”

“I can’t hide anything from you can I?” he laughed. “As much as I would love for there to be more to our relationship Abuela, we aren’t there yet, and now is hardly the time.”

Then Eddie heard an unexpected voice from behind him.

“We might not be there yet but we will be.”  Eddie looked at his Abuela who had a small smile on her face. Eddie huffed a laugh at her and then turned around to see Buck standing by the back of his SUV, the last of the groceries in his hands, with a smile on his face. 

“I’ll talk to you later Eddito. Let me know if you need my help with anything.”

“Thank you Abuela.”  Eddie gave her hug and watched as she got into her car and drove away.

“Eddie.” Buck called.

Eddie turned around to him and went to relieve him of some of the bags.  “So we will be huh?”

“Yes.” Buck paused and looked towards the front door to make sure Christopher hadn’t tried to follow him outside. “Tomorrow while Christopher is in school I can help you with the arrangements if you want.”

“Yes, please.  I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Okay. Also, how do you want to tell Christopher? I can bring you home so you can tell him alone, I can start on dinner so you can tell him alone?”

“Can you stay with me while I tell him?  He trusts you and it might help for him to have someone to talk to that’s not me.”

“Of course I can.  You guys are more than welcome to stay here for however long you need.”

The men headed into the house and put the rest of the groceries away. “Chris, you need to finish your homework before Buck starts teaching us how to cook.”

“Okay, dad.”

Buck decided to make some Chicken soup for dinner.  He didn’t figure the Diaz boys would be up for anything heavy and it would give them the nutrients they needed to get through the next few days.

Carla arrived at 5 pm as expected and was introduced to the Diaz boys.  Buck continued cooking while Eddie and Carla sat at the table going over all that Eddie was trying to do and what he could and couldn’t get and what information he needed to apply.  She told Eddie to fill out the forms she provided him and she would go over them with him and get them submitted.  She said once everything cleared that she would happy to become Christopher’s home health aid.  She went and with Christopher’s permission took a look around his room to get an idea of what he liked.  She looked at his homework at his request and after chatting for a few minutes, she told him she needed to head home but she would be seeing him very soon.

Papers signed she took them with her so she could submit them when she got home, so this father and son team could get the help they needed and deserved.  She was looking forward to working with the family and was so glad Buck introduced her to them.  Buck was an amazing man and she considered him to be a part of her family.

After Chris finished his homework, Eddie called him into the living room to tell him about Carla becoming a home health aid for him and what it meant.  Christopher liked Carla and was excited to be getting a new friend.  Now Eddie had to tell him about Shannon.  With Buck sat beside Christopher on the couch, Eddie sat across from him on the coffee table.

“Buddy I have to tell you something. While Buck and I were at work today we called to the scene of a car accident.  The car hit a person crossing the street.’

“That sounds bad.”

“It is buddy.  Christopher, the person crossing the street, it was… it was your mom.”

Christopher was quiet and had tears rolling down his face. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah bud, I’m sure.  I talked to her.”

“Is she okay? Can we go see her?”

“I’m sorry buddy but her injuries were too severe.  We couldn’t fix her.”

Christopher looked down at his lap for a moment crying silently.  Eddie looked up to Buck helplessly.

“Superman, it’s okay to be sad, or angry, or to just be confused.  Whatever you feel is okay.”

Christopher leaned into Buck and just kept crying silently.  Eddie stood up and Christopher yelled out, “Dad where are you going?!”

Eddie’s heart broke for his son. “I’m just going to get some water for us buddy.  I will just be in the kitchen and then be right back.”

“No! You can’t leave me too!”

“Oh, buddy,”  Eddie whispered.  He crouched down in front of Christopher pulling him into his arms.  Christopher hugged his dad but reached out for Buck’s hand. Buck held his hand and rubbed his back while he sobbed.  Once the sobbing slowed to just sniffles, Buck offered to go get the waters for everyone.  Christopher shook his head no.

“OKay how about we all go get water together?” Buck suggested.

Christopher nodded. Buck helped Eddie up off the floor, while he kept a hold of Christopher.  They all went to the kitchen to get water and as a distraction, Buck offered to watch a movie on the couch in PJs.

Christopher picked up his head from where he had been hiding in Eddie’s shoulder. “I thought you were going to teach me and dad to cook?”

“Of course I am.  But if you and your dad just need to rest tonight it can wait until tomorrow.”

“No, I want to learn to cook.”

“Okay then. Here we go.”

Buck started out easy, teaching them how to make and store the breakfast sandwiches he had brought them the other day.  There was a lot of teasing between father and son and Buck just laughed at them.  They did really well and were really proud of themselves for making good food for each other. It was hard to get Christopher to go to sleep that night.  The three of them ended up in Buck’s bed together because Christopher wanted both his dad and his Bucky close to him, so he could make sure they weren’t going to disappear. Once he was finally asleep, Eddie let a few tears fall in heartbreak for his son.  Buck ran his fingers through his hair until Eddie too fell asleep.  He wrapped his long arms around his boys and fell asleep with them, knowing the next few days would be trying for all of them.

Chapter Text

Eddie’s not sure he would have made it through all of the planning, the ceremony, and his family drama without Buck and his Abulea. 

The next day, while Eddie called the funeral home, Buck took Christopher to the florist to pick out flowers for his mom. Chris was a little reluctant to leave Eddie but with the promise of being able to text his dad whenever he needed to, he agreed to go with Buck. He was glad he did.  Buck let him pick whatever flowers he wanted for her and they designed the arrangement with the help of the florist.

“Buck?” Christopher asked in a shy voice, while they were on their way to pick up lunch for the three of them before heading back to Buck's house.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“I miss my mom, but I don’t remember much about her.  Is that bad?”

“No Buddy it’s not bad.  What’s your favorite memory of your mom?”

“Making cookies with her. We made a mess of the kitchen, but we were laughing and the cookies were so good.”

“That is amazing Chris.  Memories like those are the most important thing. You can think about them when you miss her and it will help you not to be so sad.”

“Have you ever lost someone, Bucky?”

Buck paused for a minute.  Unfortunately he has been to several funerals for his friends, such as the nature of being enlisted. “I have, buddy.  I lost a few friends when I was in the Navy.  It is never easy and I still miss them but when I am sad I think about all the good times we had together and it helps me not to be so sad anymore.”

“Thanks, Bucky.  I am sorry about your friends.”

“You’re welcome Chris, and thank you.”

When they got home, Buck could hear Eddie yelling as soon as he opened the door to the jeep. He stepped out and turned back to Chris, who looked concerned with all the yelling.

“Chris, I want you to stay here until dad or I come to get you, okay?”

“Bucky, what’s going on?”

“I’m not sure. I’m going to check it out.  I’m going to lock the doors to the jeep.  I’ll be back soon.”

Buck closed and locked the doors to the jeep and headed inside his house.  He had a feeling he knew what was happening but he didn’t want to alert Chris to anything.

When Buck opened the door to the house Eddie and his dad were inches apart screaming at each other. “Don’t you speak to me like that Edmundo! I am your father! You will show me respect!”

No one had noticed Buck come into the house.  Eddie’s mother was standing to the left of Ramon not saying a word but obviously not bothered by the scene taking place.  Buck stepped up behind Ramon, pulling his arm up behind his back, causing him to yelp. In a cold emotionless voice Buck spoke to Ramon, loud enough that everyone could hear him, but not yelling.

“The last man that stepped up to a member of my family demanding respect he didn’t deserve, is in a wheelchair.  Considering I know how much you value work over your family, I imagine you would not want that to be your fate. So you are going to calm down or I will physically throw you out of MY house.  Are we clear?”

Before Ramon could answer, Helena decided she needed to be heard. “Edmundo, ayuda a tu padre.” she demanded.

Buck turned his face to her and pulled Ramon’s arm up a little higher causing him to yelp in pain once more. “Helena, te sugiero que te calles la puta boca. Cada vez que trates de afirmar tu control en esta situación apretaré con más fuerza el brazo de tu marido.”

Eddie stood there shocked, grateful, and a little turned on, though he made sure his face didn’t reveal any of that.  No one had ever stood up for him to his parents like this. Helena was shocked that Buck could speak fluent Spanish. Ramon didn’t know how he had come to be in this situation. His arm was in pain and he couldn’t think past that at the moment.  Thankfully, everyone was quiet.

“Eddie, what happened?” Buck asked.

“My parents followed Abuela here because she wouldn’t tell them where we were and waited until she left.  They are trying to demand that Chris and I move back to El Paso because now that Shannon is dead, there is no reason for us to be here anymore.  They NEED to keep an eye on Chris and make sure I don’t screw him up.”

Eddie watched Buck’s eyes get harder than they were before.  He had seen them before, in combat. Buck reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys, holding them out for Eddie. “Chris is in the jeep. Take him for a ride.  I will handle things here.”

Eddie walked over, took the keys from his hand, and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Call me when you're finished here.”

Buck waited until he heard the jeep pull away before he released Ramon. “Sit. Down.”  Buck didn’t wait to see if they complied before he walked into the kitchen.  He grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and a towel to secure it to Ramon’s shoulder.  He also grabbed some aspirin and a bottle of water for him.  He walked back into his living room to see them both on the couch, Ramon rubbing his sore shoulder.  He handed Ramon the bottle of Aspirin and the unopened water.  He held up the ice pack and raised his eyebrows in question.  Ramon nodded.  He secured the ice pack to Ramon’s shoulder and then stood on the other side of the room.

“That will bruise.  Ice it on and off in 20-minute intervals. Aspirin for pain unless you prefer something else.”

Ramon and Helena looked at each other and then back at Buck neither knowing what to make of him.

“I am going to say my peace and then we can see what happens next.  You followed Abuela here because she wouldn’t tell you where Eddie and Chris were.  When you realized that Christopher wasn’t here you decided to try and bully Eddie into returning to El Paso, a place he fled with his son because of your toxic behavior. 

“Your son just lost his wife and your grandson, whom you seem to think you have rights to, just lost his mother.  Instead of having respect and empathy for them and their current situation, you decided to try to use this time as an opportunity to push your own twisted agenda.

“This house is mine.  Eddie and Chris don’t live here.  So you came into a stranger's home and started making demands.  You deserve no part of their lives except what they decide to share with you and after today, Eddie has every right to cut you off completely.”  Helena and Ramon looked skeptical that that would ever happen.

“He’s told me about you threatening to take custody of Christopher.”

Helena and Ramon, looked at Buck with wide eyes, turned to look at each other, and then down at the floor.

“I want to make a few things clear.  You don’t have any grounds to demand custody. Just because you bullied Shannon when she was raising Christopher alone, and took over from her as much as possible, while Eddie was in Army, something he did by the way because of his toxic upbringing, being told from the time he was 10 that he needed to be a “man” and take care of the family, and provide. Just because you were with Christopher in his younger years doesn’t mean you know best for him and should get to raise him.

“You raised Eddie to view himself as nothing more than a paycheck to his family.  And when he came home from the job you made him feel like he had to take, to be a “man”, and he was messed up, all you did was criticize him instead of help him. I shudder to think what ridiculous restrictions you would place on Christopher instead of helping him grow.  Your son is an amazing father despite the bullshit you both put him through.

“Secondly, I have read the letters you sent to Eddie while he was away in the Army.  I read those letters while we were in an active warzone.” Ramon and Helena’s heads snapped up at that.  They had never heard Eddie talk about this man, Buck, Eddie had called him.  They were shocked to learn that they were in the military together.  If they were honest with themselves, Eddie never shared any of his life with them. It was becoming more apparent during this conversation that they didn’t know their son at all.

“Those letters were gross and showed the kind of people you are to your son.  I know he still has them and if you ever went after custody I would give them to the lawyer to use as evidence against you.  

“Those two boys are MY family. I will never let you hurt them again, and if you ever abuse Abuela’s trust like you did today, once she’s finished with you, we will be having another conversation, with the police.”

Buck’s phone vibrated in his pocket just as he finished his speech.  He pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID before answering.

~ Buck   Eddie

Hey Eds

How is it going?

Fine.  Where did you go?

The park.  I called Abuela and told her what happened.  She’s not happy.

I don’t doubt it.  We are done here if you want to head back.  Do you want your parents gone or do you want to talk to them?

*sigh* I don’t want to talk to them right now. I’m still too angry.

Okay.  Hold on.

Buck held the phone into his shoulder. “Helena, Ramon, Eddie, and Christopher are on their way back and Eddie wants you to leave.  He will contact you when he is up to it.”

They both nodded and stood. Buck tucked the phone under his chin and slowly walked towards Ramon. “You should take that off for the next 20 minutes.  As a reminder, you can reapply ice in 20-minute intervals for the first 24 hours.”  He untied the towel and removed the ice from Ramon’s shoulder.  Once he was done he stepped back.  Ramon nodded and the two left out the front door. They had a lot to think about it seemed.

 I’m back.

We’re in the car on the way home.

Good. Did you guys eat the lunch Christopher and I picked up earlier?

No, we wanted to wait and eat with you.

 You didn’t have to but thank you.

We should be home in about 10 minutes. 

Okay. See you both soon.

Buck cleaned up the ice and put the towel in the laundry.  He got out some drinks and sat on the couch to wait for his boys.  Looking at his phone he realized that Maddie had texted him back.  Her first day at work was going well.  She was being shadowed by her co-worker Josh and they got along really well.  He congratulated her and told her he was glad that she liked her new job.  He advised that he might have guests for the next few days just to give her a heads-up.  She thanked him and told him that Josh had given her some leads on a few good apartments for rent and on her next day off she was going to look at them.  He once again congratulated her.  She told him around what time to expect her and that she had to go back to work.

Just as he finished his talk with Maddie, his boys walked in the door.  Christopher walked over to Buck and climbed right onto his lap.  Buck hugged him and looked at Eddie over Christopher’s head.  Eddied mouthed to him, worried about the yelling from earlier.  Buck nodded and kissed the top of Christopher's head.  Eddie went about setting up lunch on the coffee table while Buck and Christopher talked.

“Did you have fun at the park superman?”  Buck asked.

“Yeah.  Dad pushed me on the swings, and I went down the slide a few times.”

“That’s great!  Are you tired?”

“A little.  Bucky, are you okay?” he asked as he sat up a little to look directly at Buck.

Buck smiled at him. “Of course I am superman.  I know the yelling and me asking you to stay in the jeep must have been scary.  I am sorry about that.  I can’t promise something like that won’t happen again.  It’s part of my training from the Navy to secure the most special asset, before going in to help.” During the explanation, Eddie had come to sit beside them on the couch.

“Daddy said you were helping him deal with a problem, and that’s why we went to the park.”

“Yes, I was.  Daddy could have taken care of the problem but it was simply something I was better suited to do.”

“Okay.  Can we eat lunch now? I am starving! ”

Buck and Eddie laughed. “Of course, we can.”

After lunch was eaten and cleaned up, they decided to work on a puzzle Buck had in his closet.  It took them straight through to dinner time, in which they had some leftover soup.  Buck mentioned to Chris and Eddie what time Maddie would be getting in as it would be late and he didn’t want them startled.

After Christopher was bathed and in bed for the night, Buck and Eddie decided to watch a movie on the couch for a while. Buck wasn’t as versed in movies as Eddie was so he insisted that Eddie choose what they watch.  Eddie put on The Wedding Date.  He secretly loved the movie but rarely watched it, feeling embarrassed in the past that he enjoyed it so much.  He was working through things like that in therapy and knew that Buck wouldn’t laugh about the movie.  He was sure Buck would enjoy it actually.  

So he grabbed the blanket he kept on the back of the couch and put the movie on.  Before he could sit back or cuddle up against Buck, Buck shifted on the couch. Placing one leg along the back of the couch and one on the floor.  He beckoned Eddie to lay against him, which he happily did and then pulled his leg up to frame Eddie in.  

Eddie cuddled up to Buck and Buck gently ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair causing him to sign and relax.  Eddie fell asleep about halfway through the movie.  Buck texted Maddie to let her know the door was open and that they were on the couch watching a movie and to be quiet when she came home.

That is how Maddie found them about an hour later, both men asleep on the couch, Eddie on top of Buck, the movie title playing on repeat on the TV.  She locked up the house, shut off the TV, and headed to the guest room.  As she lay in bed that night waiting for sleep to take her, she thought about how little she really knew her brother.  She didn’t know anything about his life after she left when he was 10.  She regretted not staying in touch with him.  The more she learned about her brother, the more she understood why he was so… cold to her.  He was grown now and she would have to come to terms with that and treat him as such.  

Shannon’s funeral was beautiful.  As many of the 118 that were able to, came to the funeral in support of their brother.  Eddie’s family was there too; His sisters and their families, his parents, Abuela and Tia Pepa.  

But the most important people that were there for Eddie were his son and Buck.  It was an emotional morning for them and Buck supported them through it all.  Eddie and Christopher had chosen a poem to read out but when it came time to do it, they were just too emotional.  So Buck stood with them and read it out for them.

Weep Not For Me

By an Unknown Author

Weep not for me though I have gone
Into that gentle night
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul’s sweet flight

I am at peace, my soul’s at rest
There is no need for tears
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years

There is no pain, I suffer not
The fear is now all gone
Put now these things out of your thoughts
In your memory I live on

Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife
Please do not dwell upon my death
But celebrate my life

After the services were concluded, they headed back to Buck’s house for the repast. Buck had lunch catered and the food was set up by the time everyone had started to arrive.  Christopher was tired and he went to lay down in Buck’s bed for a nap.  Buck sat with Eddie on the couch until the doorbell rang.  He opened it to Abuela and Pepa and led them outside.  He opened the gate to the backyard so people would know to come out there instead of into the house. 

Everything was going just fine until the rest of Eddie’s family arrived. Buck had stepped away from Eddie to get him a drink and walked up as he heard the conversation start.

“Mijo, how are you doing?” Helena asked.

“I’m okay Mom.”  Eddie replied, visibly tired.

“Where’s Christopher?”

“He’s taking a nap,” he replied as he yawned. Ramon stepped back from Helena, not wanting to get in the crossfire of what he knew was about to happen.

“Eddie, he should be out here! Why would you let him nap on a day like today?” Helena exclaimed.  She was drawing many disapproving looks from those who were still there. 

Buck walked up behind Eddie, handing him his tea, and gently placed his hands on his shoulders.

“What did we talk about the last time the two of you were here?” Buck asked, looking directly into Helena’s eyes. She seemed to remember herself and stood up straight, no longer looming over a sitting Eddie. Helena didn’t answer.

“I told you that I wouldn't allow you to hurt them again.  You come in here so callous as to exclaim that the child that just buried his mother doesn’t deserve rest?  Or that your son shouldn't allow HIS child to rest on the most stressful day of his young life. What kind of mother are you?” 

Eddie’s oldest sister decided to try and defend her mother. “Now wait a minute. Who…”

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Buck cut her off.

“Your mother is a big girl and can fight her own battles.  Though now that you have inserted yourself into this conversation I am curious.  Wouldn’t you let your mother talk to your husband like that? Or about your children like that?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you jump to her defense when she talks that way to your brother and nephew?”

The whole family went quiet then.  No one had a response.

“Now, my family is tired and has had a stressful day.  It is time for you all to leave.  Thank you for coming.”  Buck helped Eddie up and led him into the house.  Maddie, Abuela, and Tia Pepa cleaned up and stored the food. After reassurances from Maddie that she could handle the yard clean-up, Abuela and Tia Pepa left.

When Maddie was finished she went to check on the boys and found them all huddled together on Buck's bed asleep.  She softly closed the door and went to the living room to read a book. The boys got up around 5 pm, had something light to eat and then went back to bed.  Maddie turned in early too after double-checking that the house was locked up glad that the day was finally done.

ayuda a tu padre = help your father

 te sugiero que te calles la puta boca. Cada vez que trates de afirmar tu control en esta situación apretaré con más fuerza el brazo de tu marido= I suggest you shut the fuck up. Every time you try to assert control in this situation I will squeeze your husband's arm harder.

Chapter Text

It had been a few weeks since the funeral and Buck and Eddie were back to work and Christopher was back in school.  They had each gone to weekly sessions with their respective therapists and were finally back to their every other week schedule.  Eddie was very clingy to Buck outside of work and although Buck loved it he wasn’t sure if it was something he should be concerned with.  They did have a joint session via video conference with their respective therapists. It was something that they both had talked about but it was for different reasons.

 They  both had concerns about Christopher and his potential reaction to the two of them dating.  They were afraid of  him feeling like Buck would be trying to replace his mom. The therapists asked how long it had been since Christopher had seen her and  if Christopher ever asked about her.

“Not really.” Eddie replied. “He’s asked about her occasionally, but never directly said he wanted to see her.  He would say things like ‘what do you think mom is doing right now?’. Usually around the holidays.”

“He expressed to me that he was sad that she had died but that he didn’t really remember her.  He wondered if it was bad of him.” stated Buck.

Eddie looked over at Buck.   “You didn’t tell me that.”

Looking back at Eddie, Buck said, “I’m sorry.  With everything going on it slipped my mind.  I wasn’t keeping it from you on purpose.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I asked him what his favorite memory of his mom was.  He told me about a time they baked cookies together.  They made a mess but the cookies were delicious.  I told him whenever he missed her, to think about that memory and it will help him not to be so sad.”

Eddie had laid his head on Buck’s shoulder.  He was amazed at how good Buck was with Christopher. Christopher was in general a happy kid and liked everyone, but Christopher loved Buck from day one.

When Eddie confirmed that Christopher wasn’t showing any signs of pulling away from Buck or seeing him as a replacement for Shannon, they both agreed that unless Christopher began showing some resentment or began acting out then it would be just fine to keep deepening their relationship.  This was a relief to both men.  They would do anything to make sure Christopher was okay, but they were glad they didn’t need to halt their relationship.  They spent so much time apart already and wanted to work on their future together.

The other thing they discussed was a concern of Buck’s. He wanted to look into some alternative therapies for Christopher but was concerned with overstepping. 

Buck had taken Eddie’s hands in his and looked into his eyes.  

“Eddie, you know how much I love Chris and how much I also love to research and learn about things.”  Eddie nodded, and Buck continued. 

 “I went for a run on the beach a few weeks ago and saw a bunch of kids having a surfing class.  I was going to keep running because that is not an unusual sight in LA, but there was this little girl in the class, wearing a harness, attached to the instructor that caught my attention.  So I stopped and watched what he was doing.

“Her mother saw me looking and came over to question what I was doing.  I apologized for my rudeness, introduced myself and explained what caught my eye and why.  She explained that her daughter has some muscle issues and that she was still new to the class but that the instructor hopes that she will be able to be on her own on a board one day. 

“After the class was over, I spoke to him about Chris and asked if he thought surfing would be good for him.  He invited me to bring Chris to a class to see if he would be interested in doing so. He told me they meet on Saturday at 9am for the class and we can bring him by whenever.

“Talking to the instructor got me thinking about other things that Christopher could do that would be safe for him but also helpful.”

At this point Eddie had tears running silently down his face.  He was so grateful to Evan and for him; for everything that he had done for him in the past and in the present whether he knew he had done it or not.  Loving Christopher so fiercely was the very top of that list.

Taking a deep breath Eddie said, “You are never overstepping.  All I ask is that we make decisions together.”

“Always.” Buck whispered.

**

It was Eddie’s therapist that had brought up the clingy-ness he noticed in the joint session. As he had never seen the two two men together, he was unsure if it was normal behavior but after his many sessions with Eddie, he knew the man wasn’t generally very physically affectionate in front of people or with many people.

“Eddie, I have noticed in this session that you seem to be more physically affectionate with Evan than you have expressed feeling comfortable being with most people. Is it safe to say that Evan is someone who you feel comfortable with?”

In truth Eddie hadn't really noticed. He never thought about it.  He had always felt comfortable with Evan. He never felt he had to be anyone but himself with Evan and that made him feel safe.

He said as much to the therapists which made Buck smile. Eddie elaborated a little bit more. “I have always felt like I was playing a roll. A good Latino son, a soldier, a husband. I never felt like I could be myself around my family.  ‘Showing emotions’ was frowned upon so I just pulled away emotionally and physically as was expected of me.  It became part of ‘who i am’, or at least who people thought I was.

“When I was done serving and returned home, I was expected to just be okay.  Like a plane ride and hospital stay was enough time to be back to my pre-war self.  I was so messed up.  I was laying in bed one night and I thought about Evan. I remembered what he said to me about therapy and decided I needed to do it.  I went out the next day and started therapy but no one ever realized.  When I had an appointment, I told them it was therapy and they just assumed it was physical therapy for my shoulder and I never corrected them.  It was just easier. My family has very toxic beliefs and their negativity was really getting to me.  

“I was talking to my abuela one night after Christopher was in bed and after a really bad fight with my parents where they told me that Christopher would be better off with them, and she told me to pack up Christopher and myself and move to LA and stay with her until I was better and so I did.  While Chris was in school the next day, I went by my parents house to tell them Chris and I were moving to LA.  They were not happy and tried to convince me to stay, that I needed them, and that I couldn’t raise Christopher without them. I just shook my head at them and left their house. I packed up our apartment, put it all in my truck, picked up Chris from school early after telling the school we were moving and we came here.

“I decided to join the fire academy within my first few weeks of being in LA and the rest is history.”

Eddie took a deep breath and said quietly, “My parents don’t know me, and I don’t think they are really interested in knowing the real me.  I am everything they have always been vocally against.  I am gay so no Latina wife to pop out babies, I am not a “man” because I don’t think a “man’s” only job is to provide for his family.  I am not particularly religious and that is a big bone of contention especially where Christopher is concerned.”

Eddie took another deep breath and in a calm but strong voice said, “I refuse to allow them to control me any longer.  This is my life and I will live it how I see fit.  My son is strong, healthy, and kind. I am in a healthy relationship with this wonderful, kind and supportive man, and if that is not enough for someone then they are not the kind of people I need in my life.

“I love that I can curl up on the couch with Evan and just be held by him and not be seen as anything other than myself.”

Eddie felt like a big weight had just fallen off his shoulders, and Buck, well he couldn’t be prouder of Eddie.

Today's shift had been steady with nothing too crazy going on. Eddie had left earlier today for a therapy appointment so they had driven in separately.  Him and Christopher were still staying at Buck’s house and Buck planned on talking to him about them moving in permanently. 

Bobby seemed a little upset today but Buck had the feeling it was personal and not work related.  As had become a habit for him and Bobby, he texted him asking if he was okay.  

It’s nothing work related. 

Just as Buck was about to text him back he got a phone call. 

“Hello, Sargent.”  Buck saw the way Bobby’s head snapped towards him when he answered.

“Hello, Buck.  Would you have time to go to the range with me today after your shift?” Athena sounded stressed and it was not a tone he was used to hearing from the Sargent.

“Sure.  I get off at 4 today.”

“Perfect. Same here.  I’ll meet you out front of the range.  Thank you.  Bye Buck.” Athena hung up before he could respond.  He was very concerned now.  He was suddenly glad that He and Eddie’s shifts didn’t completely line up today and that he had driven himself. 

“Was that Athena?” Hen asked, having heard him answer the call.

“Yes. She wanted to get together after work.”

“I didn’t realize you guys knew each other that well.” Hen replied. Going back to her book.

Buck just smirked and replied. “I guess it is a bit of an odd friendship.”

Buck could tell that Bobby had questions but wasn’t going to ask him in front of the crew.  Buck has known about their relationship for a while.  Eddie too.  They had seen them out together one night, even though they themselves weren’t seen.  It wasn’t their place to say anything to anyone and seeing as no one else seemed to know, they were obviously trying to keep it quiet for the time being.

He texted Eddie to let him know what was going on and that he would be home late.  4pm suddenly couldn’t come fast enough.

When Buck got to the practice range, Athena was already waiting outside for him.  He grabbed a case from the back of the jeep, locked it up and walked over to meet her.

“Thank you for meeting me.”

“Of course.  Are you okay? Your call made me worried.”

Athena smiled at him.  “I am just finding myself in a bit of a quandary and I need to clear my head.”

“Well let’s go then.”

The pair practiced for almost an hour, before calling it quits.  Buck convinced Athena to go grab a coffee with him and they sat in a corner booth to enjoy their coffee.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asked her.

Athena kept looking out the window and took a sip of her coffee before facing him and answering him. “I started seeing someone recently and it's going so well, but I’m afraid I may have ruined it.”

“Why do you think you may have ruined it?”

“He wanted to take me out for dinner, and instead I showed up with food and just said I didn’t want to go out and I wanted to stay in.” Athena sighed.  “He called me out on not wanting to be seen with him in public, which is only partially true.  When I told him why, he got upset and asked me to leave.”

Buck took Athena in for a moment and noticed how sad she was. He didn’t want to push her to reveal her reasons but he could guess at some of them.

“Do you want advice or just to vent?”

“If you think you can help me I am willing to listen.”

“Okay I am going to say some things and I would appreciate you letting me finish before you respond.” Athena nodded and looked intrigued. “I know you are seeing Cap. He didn’t tell me, Eddie and I happened to see you two out together one night.  Neither of us would ever say anything because it’s not our place.” Athena’s alarmed expression smoothed out and Buck continued. “Now, I can only imagine the various reasons you could have for wanting to keep it quiet, all of which are none of my business unless you want to share them with me.” 

Athena was still listening and looked more relaxed when she realized Buck wasn’t going to pressure her to reveal her feelings to him.  Some of them she was ashamed of having.

“Now, the only advice I can give you, is that if you are holding yourself back from being truly happy, because of what someone else may or may not think about your relationship with Cap, you will never truly be happy. The people who would see you be unhappy because of some misguided ‘normal’ behavior they think you should adhere to, are not people who want what's best for you. You should not let them have any say in your happiness.

“If these are people who you will most likely outlive, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to be unhappy for the rest of their lives, and live with regret for the rest of yours.”

Buck picked up his coffee and resumed drinking it.  He turned towards the window and people watched for a while, giving Athena the illusion of privacy.

After his coffee was done, he turned back to the table and looked at Athena. 

“How did you get to be so smart?”

Buck laughed through his nose. “I was blessed with shitty parents and had to learn a lot about boundaries.”

Athena looked angry on his behalf.  He thought it was sweet of her.  She was a tough, strong woman and the fact that she cared enough about Buck to be angry for him made him appreciate their friendship that much more.

Athena looked down at her watch and realized it was almost 6:30pm and she needed to head home. 

“Buck, thank you for coming out with me today and for the advice.  You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

Athena pulled him into a warm hug and Buck whispered back, “Anytime Athena.”

Buck walked her to her car, despite her eye roll and watched her drive away before he headed to his Jeep and drove home himself.

The apology and kiss he got to witness between her and Cap the next day during their shift, made him so happy for them, that he couldn’t help the giant smile that appeared on his face.

Chapter Text

Buck and Eddie had just come home from a grueling 48 hr shift and were looking forward to getting some much needed sleep.  Unfortunately that was not going to happen right away.  They came home to find Maddie pacing and freaking out. Both men were instantly on alert.

“Maddie what's wrong?” Buck asked.

She didn’t answer, just kept pacing and mumbling under her breath.  Eddie stepped into her path and stopped her pacing, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. “Maddie, what happened?”  He asked her softly.

“He called me.  Said that I couldn’t run from him forever and that he would find me.”

Buck was seething, all thoughts of sleep gone for the moment.  It was easy for him to switch into the mindset he had mastered when he was a SEAL. He didn’t like it but it was necessary for this situation. “Where’s your phone?”  Maddie mindlessly handed it over to Buck.  He took the phone from her and headed to his and Eddie’s bedroom. Pulling his laptop out he opened his tracking system and began tracing the number that Doug called Maddie from.  Most people think of SEALS as just muscle, and while some were, most were more than that.  Buck, maybe not so surprising to those who knew him, was his team’s  intelligence person. 

About 5 minutes after he began tracking Doug, Eddie joined him in the room.  “I got Maddie to calm down a bit.  She’s on the couch with a cup of tea.  I made her promise to not leave the house.  I armed the security system just in case she tries to leave.  Pepa said she would keep Christopher overnight if we needed her to.”

Eddie joined him on the other side of the bed.  Speaking softly, he said “Maddie told me that Doug said she was responsible for her former boss's injuries, and that if any more people got injured while he looked for her it would also be her fault.” 

Buck just grunted in response, watching the screen.  He knew the kind of man Doug was. He knew how manipulative men like him could be. 

Buck had never liked Doug.  Since he came into his sister's life when Evan was just 11 years old, he hadn’t ever liked the man.  He was controlling of Maddie’s time even then, but all Maddie could see was someone who, unlike their parents, paid attention to her.  Someone who wanted to spend time with her and worried about where she was.  

After all the therapy Evan had been in over the years, he could see how his sister had fallen victim to a man like Doug.  He blamed his parents’ neglect for Maddie’s current situation. 

“Evan, did you find anything?”  Eddie asked quietly.

Buck turned the laptop so Eddie could see the screen.  Eddie could see the dot indicating Doug’s phone moving along the highway. It was clear he was tracking Maddie’s phone and using it to find her.  

“What do you want to do Evan?”  

What he wanted to do was simple.  Eliminate the threat to his family. By any means necessary.

However, he wasn’t willing to sacrifice any part of his life for someone like Doug. So he called Athena and asked her to come over to his house. 

“I am on shift right now, Buck.”

“That’s perfect because I need an officer's advice.”

There was a long pause and then Athena replied, “I am on my way.”

When Athena arrived, Eddie let her in and walked her back to talk to Evan. He left them alone and went to keep an eye on Maddie.

“What’s going on Buck?” Athena asked, looking at the computer screen that Buck was staring at.

Evan filled Athena in on what he knew.  He explained to her the tracking app that showed where Doug was currently.

“How do you have access to this Buck? Even our tracking system isn’t even this good.”

“That’s because this isn’t something available to the average person.”  Buck gave Athena a look, and she understood that this was something he had access to because of his time in the military.

“What are you thinking?”

“I am thinking that he is obsessed with my sister.  I am thinking he is not going to stop stalking her until he gets what he wants, or he dies trying. I am thinking that because my sister never reported the abuse she was suffering, getting a restraining order will not happen.”

While she hated to admit it, even to herself, Athena knew that Buck was right.  In the eyes of the law there was no reason to issue a restraining order.  Buck showed her the security footage from the phone call.  You couldn’t hear who was on the other end of the phone line, but you could hear Maddie’s side and Athena could tell by her body language that she was afraid.  

“Buck, what do you need from me? I am not sure how I can help you here.”

Buck sighed and then turned to look at Athena.  “I need to know the law for defending my property from an intruder.”

“California is a defend your ground state, Evan.  If you believe that you, or someone in your home is in danger you can respond with what anyone would consider a reasonable amount of force.”

“Ok.  Thank you Athena.”  Buck looked back to his screen, watching as Doug drove towards LA from Pennsylvania.

Athena’s radio crackled requesting her and she had to leave.

“Buck if you need anything you let me know.”

“I will Athena, thank you for talking to me.”

After Eddie saw  Athena out, he rejoined Buck in the bedroom. “What are you thinking, mi amor?” Eddie asked him again.

“I am thinking of staying here with Maddie’s phone and waiting for him to show up.  He has no idea where I live as far as I know. I’ll wait for him and take care of him myself.”

Maddie had made her way down the hallway, and listened in on the conversation after Athena left.  When she heard her baby brother’s plan, she burst into the room.

“NO Evan! You can’t! I don’t want him to get to you!  You have no idea what he is capable of!”

Buck calmly replied to her.  “I wasn’t asking for your permission Maddie. I told you when you came to me for help that I would take care of Doug when and if he came after you.  He is coming after you and I am doing what I told you I would.” 

Maddie was letting the fear of Doug get in her head. “Evan you can’t do this! I forbid it!”

Eddie put his hand on Evan’s arm to keep him calm.  He knew the man would not take kindly to Maddie’s decree. He knew his sister sometimes still saw him as the 11 year old boy she last saw when she went to college, but he wasn’t that boy anymore and it seemed she would need a reminder.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. He had resented Maddie for many years, for leaving him alone in the house with his parents and for cutting contact with him completely; but with several years of therapy to work through all his childhood trauma he found it easier to find empathy for Maddie.  That didn’t mean he was going to let Maddie take control of this situation because she was the “big sister”. When he finally looked Maddie in the eyes, she went silent, not recognizing the eyes looking back at her. She understood that this was the SEAL she was dealing with and she didn’t know how to feel about that. Her brother had always been a gentle soul and she still had trouble comprehending that he was a soldier.  The man in front of her was someone that she doubted many weren’t foolish enough to mess with.  She wasn’t afraid of him. Not at all.  She was stunned and ironically also felt safer that her little brother was here to protect her.

“You cannot forbid me to do anything. This is my home. I will protect myself and its occupants by any means necessary. 

“I understand you are scared and stressed right now and so I will let your last comment slide.  However, it is the only pass you will get.  If you try to order me around again, once this Doug business is done, you are gone.  Do I make myself clear, Maddie?”

Maddie just nodded quietly.  

“I’m sorry Evan.”

“Thank you.” Buck replied.  He knew she was but he needed actions not words.

Eddie stepped closer to Maddie and began leading her from the room.  “Maddie, let’s go lock down the house and then maybe you could take a bath and relax for the night.” 

Once they were gone from the room, Buck went back to his computer.  He calculated approximately how long it would take Doug to reach LA.  If he kept at the pace he was going, he would be there within the week. 

While waiting for Eddie to return, he grabbed an old cell phone and made a copy of Maddie’s phone. He would give her phone back in the morning, and would monitor any interactions she had with Doug.  

He set a mileage limit in the app, so he would be notified when Doug got within a certain distance of Maddie. As soon as he got that alert he would put his plan into action.  He was going to make sure Doug never harmed his sister again.

Chapter Text

Doug has been in town for more than a week.  He was definitely following Maddie around and they were keeping her under surveillance to make sure that he couldn’t get to her. Maddie was getting nervous.  She was aware that Doug was following her though she never saw him.  Eddie and Christopher were still staying with Buck, so after talking to Eddie about him and Chris staying permanently and them agreeing, Eddie talked to his landlord. After explaining the situation, he agreed to sublet Eddie’s apartment to Maddie until Eddie's original rental agreement ended. The landlord, because of the circumstances, kept the lease in Eddie’s name and did not mention Maddie at all in any paperwork. Maddie would give Eddie the rent money and the payment would come from his bank account.

Eddie and some members of the 118 went to his apartment on their next day off, to help him pack his and Christopher’s stuff and to move it to Buck’s house.  Buck stayed at his (now his and Eddie’s) house so that Doug wouldn't see him, and continued to monitor Doug’s location from his house. Doug was staying far enough away that he was unlikely to be seen by anyone, even if the rest of the team knew to be looking for him. Eddie texted Buck that there was a backdoor that would let him into the kitchen and without being seen and he would install Maddie’s security system. 

Buck had some of the crew meet with him and carry Maddie’s things in through the back door.  WIthout seeing Maddie’s things coming in the front door, Doug would likely think Maddie wasn’t moving in there and just helping Eddie move out.  He also knew that because of Doug’s high jealousy level, he would most likely assume that Maddie was moving in with Eddie as she would ride back to his house with Eddie to pick up her car.

Once he was done with the security system he left and went back to his house. He had all of Eddie and Christopher’s stuff loaded into the garage and they would sort it out later.  When Eddie and Maddie arrived, they parked in the driveway and came in the front door. Maddie was tired and stressed and so Buck told Maddie to go use their whirlpool tub. He would have something for her to eat for dinner and then she could go back to her new place after that. She agreed and went to have her bath. Eddie’s rental house didn’t have a tub as nice as Evan’s even though it was deep.  Maybe she would get one of those devices you hooked over the edge of the tub that created the illusion of a whirlpool tub.

It was dark out now and Evan went to the kitchen to start prepping dinner.  Eddie came back from getting Maddie settled and took a seat at the island. Doug waited 10 minutes before he walked up to the front door and knocked.  When the knock came Eddie got up from his seat to open the door. 

Eddie opened the door and said, “Hi Doug, what can I do for you?”

“Where’s my wife?” Doug demanded, not even realizing that Eddie knew his name.

“She doesn’t want to see you.” Eddie said.

“I don’t care! She’s my wife and she’s coming home with me. Maddie!  MADDIE!” Doug pushed past Eddie into the house and started heading towards the back of the house.

“What are you doing in my house?” Buck asked, having stood to join Eddie in the foyer.

Spinning around, Doug shouted “Who the hell are you?! What are you doing here with my wife?!”  

“Come on Douglas, surely you recognize me.” Evan taunted.  He hated to be called Douglas.

He saw Doug get angry at the use of his legal name but before he could reply, Evan turned the living room light on to make sure Doug could see exactly who he was dealing with.

Doug gasped. “Evan?”  It had been many years since Doug had seen Evan.  He had just been a boy the last time.  That was the same person who stood in front of him now.  This man exuded confidence and danger.  Alarm bells were going off in his body telling him he should be cautious. Doug ignored them all. This was Evan . He had never had someone stand up to him before and win.  Doug always got his way and he convinced himself this time would be no different.  He wouldn’t let Maddie's kid brother get in between him and what he wanted. What he deserved. What was his .

”So you do recognize me?  I knew you would.”  Buck smiled at him like the cat that ate the canary.  His smile alone caused Doug to take an involuntary step back. “You seem surprised to see me.  For someone who follows their wifes interactions so closely, I would think you would have realized she was in contact with me again.” He could see that Doug was getting angrier with each word he spoke.  Doug was a loose cannon and he couldn’t believe that no one saw through his “sweet guy” charade.

Doug was angry at himself though he tried not to let it show.  Truth be told, he never considered Evan to be a factor at all.  Logically he knew he would have grown up but whenever he thought of Evan, he pictured the 11 year old boy he once knew.  He never even bothered to look into who Maddie knew here.  He just figured she was trying to get lost in the busy city. 

Eddie closed the front door, causing Doug to turn and focus back on him.  When he did he realized that he had just put Evan at his back and he didn’t want that so he quickly turned back around to face Evan again.

“Where is Maddie?,” Doug asked again, trying to force venom into his voice and not quite succeeding. In his head, and only there, Doug could admit that he had miscalculated this.  He wasn’t sure how but he knew the man before him wasn’t someone you should mess with.  He didn’t even seem like the Evan that Doug remembered.  He had seen Evan out with Maddie while he was following her but he hadn’t recognized him.  He had grown too much and he never saw the side of his face that held the birthmark.

“Maddie is safe from you.” Eddie replied from behind him, causing Doug to turn and face the man he had briefly forgotten was behind him.  Desperately trying to gain the upper hand, He decided to turn his ire on Eddie.

“And who are you? Her ‘boyfriend’? What kind of man has sex with  a married woman?” Eddie smiled wide and he and Evan started laughing.  When Doug turned to look at Evan, he was even more concerned as the smile on Evan’s face was creeping him out.  

“The only person in this house I am sleeping with is Evan.” Eddie stated between laughing breaths.  

The laughing pushed Doug over the edge and he pulled out a knife and lunged at Evan.  That action sealed his fate. In a very quick move he was disarmed by Evan who pushed him away which spun around facing where Eddie was standing. He caught himself and went to his reach for the gun Evan could see tucked into his shirt.  Eddie saw this too and ducked behind the arm chair.  

Remembering that Evan was behind him now and expecting that Maddie was behind him he turned and raised his gun to point at Evan. He never got a shot off.  He fell backwards to the floor looking up at the ceiling, a bullet hole in his forehead.

Eddie called 9-1-1 and thankfully it was no one they knew.  He explained the situation and followed all their instructions.  While he was on the phone with 9-1-1, Evan called his former military superiors and informed them of what was going on. They told him someone would be there shortly.

Evan sat down at the island and unloaded his firearm, placing it on the island as far away as possible from himself. It didn’t take long for the police to arrive.  Luckily, Mark Sims, the representative from the Navy, was there just before they arrived. He met the officers on the porch and introduced himself.  They walked into the home together, Sims announcing himself and the officers. Evan stood up from the island, arms raised and backed into the hallway so that they could see he was no longer armed.  He was pat searched as was Eddie and when they were cleared one of the officers stepped forward and introduced himself.

“I’m detective Campbell.  Can you walk me through what happened here tonight?”

“I have a CC security system that records 24/7.  Perhaps it would be better if I showed you?” Buck stated.

“That would be great.  I would also like a copy of the footage.”

Buck pulled up the footage and asked how far back the officer would like to go.  When he got to the correct time, he played the footage on the TV screen for everyone present that needed to see it.  Buck's system also recorded audio so there was no need to narrate it.  

Once the footage was done, Detective Campbell turned to Buck and asked where his sister was.

“She’s in my bedroom.  I can go get her if you’d like?” 

“Sure. I’ll go with you if that’s okay?”  

“You want to question my sister with me only in the room with us? No.  I know as well as you do that bedrooms are not permitted by law to be part of a security system, as well as bathrooms.” Buck replied.

Detective Campbell smirked. He was impressed with Mr. Buckley’s knowledge and the severity of the situation.  “We’ll just ask her to join us and we’ll both stay in the hallway. Is that acceptable?”

“That’s fine.  Mr. Sims, we are going to retrieve my sister and then will be back.  If you would be so kind as to oversee everyone out here?”  Sims nodded his agreement.

When they got to the door, Buck knocked and called out to Maddie.

“Maddie, I need you to come out here and talk to these officers.”

“What’s the password?” Maddie replied.

Buck smiled softly and said, “Rubber baby butter bottom.”

Maddie unlocked the door and came out.  Detective Campbell pat searched her and then they went to the living room. Thankfully the body had been removed by this time.

He questioned her about her relationship with Doug and what their relationship was like.  What happened when she left, about the phone call she received, and what she knew about what went on here.

After what seemed like forever but was only about 2 hours, the officers left and Detective Campbell said he would be in touch, but he didn’t expect charges to be filed.

The three of them ate dinner as planned and Maddie went home to her first night in Eddie’s old house.

Buck called Bobby to give him a heads up about what had happened and promised him he and Eddie would go to the union tomorrow to have a meeting with them. Sims would be with them, as would their lawyer James Hampton. 

After everything was said and done, it was nearing midnight and both Buck and Eddie were exhausted.  They locked up the house, armed the security system and fell into bed, knowing that tomorrow and the days to come would be busy.

Chapter Text

As predicted, the next week or so was very busy.  The meetings with the union were finally over.  No charges were being filed against Evan for Doug’s death.  The video proved Doug was the aggressor during the entire altercation and his death was ruled self defense.  Furthermore, the police had found where Doug had been staying and what they found there disturbed them.  

It was clear that Doug had been stalking Maddie and anyone he had seen her with.  He had pictures of her from all over town, some of her alone, some of her with friends and even some of her with Athena which all the detectives said was ballsy.

As for the union, well that was interesting. One of the guys that Buck had gone through the academy with was part of the union.  During the meeting, he was actively trying to make Evan look unstable and get him fired. Thankfully, Evan’s lawyer was made aware of the relationship between Evan and Justin Barker as soon as he entered the room. After Justin voiced his “suspicions and concerns”, it was Evan’s lawyer's turn.

He layed out all the findings from the police investigation and also stated that if there were “retaliations” against Mr. Buckley for defending his home and his family after being legally cleared of any wrongdoing,therefore not violating the morality clause in his contract, they would have a lawsuit on their hands for defamation and interference with Evan’s livelihood.  The senior union rep shut up Barker as he tried to speak and said he would make sure nothing like that happened.

Mr. Sims decided to add onto the current information to hammer the point home. 

“Mr. Barker it was brought to my attention, that not only did you try to be a Navy Seal and were denied but you also hold a grudge against Mr. Buckley for scoring higher than you at the firefighter academy.”

Barker squirmed slightly in his seat though he tried to look unaffected.  The senior union rep, Mark Travis, noticed this but listened intently as Sims continued.

“Let’s be really clear.  If there is unjust retaliation going forward towards Mr. Buckley, we will seek damages, not only from LAFD but from the union and you Mr. Barker directly.”

Barker turned white and then red while Travis replied.

“There will be no unjust retaliation against Mr. Buckley, I assure you.  I will be talking to the fire chief after this meeting to make sure of it.”

“Then I think we are done here. Have a good day, gentlemen.” Mr Sims replied.  Then men stood and shook hands.  Barker tried to follow them out when Travis called him back.  Clearly they weren’t done talking.

Buck thanked Mr. Sims for all his help, got in his car and headed home.

A few weeks later, Travis stopped by the firehouse while Buck was on shift for a quick chat.  Bobby let them use his office for some privacy.

“Mr. Buckley, after my conversation with the chief following our meeting, Mr. Barker was fired.  It seems he has gone after several people he felt… slighted by. It was a good thing to have a lawyer with you.  With all that he was able to find about Mr. Barker’s motives, he has indirectly saved the LAFD many potential future lawsuits.  We never would have known to look at him if not for our meeting.”

“Thank you for letting me know Mr. Travis.  I am sorry it ended that way for him but I’m glad he can’t hurt more LAFD personnel.”

“I agree.  Well I will let you get back to shift. I just wanted to let you know what was going on and to thank you.”

“I appreciate it and you’re welcome.”

The two men shook hands and left the office, Travis heading back to headquarters and Buck going back to his chores.  It wasn’t long before Eddie found him and he filled him in.  Eddie was happy that they didn’t have to worry about Barker in the future.  Buck couldn’t agree more.  They worked until the bell went off and they all ran for the truck heading to the next emergency.

Thankfully, for the next month things seemed to return to normal.  Life returned to a routine for everyone.  Maddie and Chim had started dating, which was a little weird for Buck at first but they complimented each other well.  

Maddie had shown improvement with her attitude towards Evan.  After everything that happened with Doug, it finally made her realize that her brother was no longer the kid that needed guidance or protection. He was a man that could and would protect himself and those he cared about from anyone no matter who they were.  She realized that that would include her if she didn't change her attitude. She also knew that he would be there for her and help her in any way he could.  He proved this when one night after all was said and done with Doug he slid a list of therapists across the counter to her.  He didn’t say anything to her about it, at all.  He didn’t push, didn’t demand, just silently offered support.  

Their parents had always been staunchly against therapy.  Although she had several times offered it to patients in the past, and thought it was great for other people,  she never went for herself.  Saw it as admitting weakness. 

She was sitting on her couch on one of her days off and started looking into the therapists Evan had given her.  She wasn’t sure if she could bring herself to actually go to therapy but she was curious.  She texted her brother asking him if he could come over after work, she had some questions for him.  He told her he would drop Eddie at home and then come by.  She asked him to bring Eddie along, that she had some questions for him too. 

A little after 10am there was a knock on her door.  After verifying it was Evan and Eddie, she got up to let them in.  They exchanged hugs, and seeing as they both had coffee in their hands, she didn’t offer them anything to drink.  In truth she wished she could delay a bit more.  She was nervous even approaching this conversation but it needed to be done.  After taking a deep breath she started.

“I have been looking at the list of therapists you gave me and starting looking some of them up.”

“That’s great, Maddie.  I take it your questions have to do with the therapist?”

“Not directly. I have never even considered therapy for myself.  I am not sure how the process would work for me, or even works at all, besides talking to someone.”

They gave her the space to gather her thoughts.  Eddie had an idea forming but waited to see what her questions were.

“I know mom and dad were bad parents and there are things there that need... unpacking.   I just don’t know if I can start ripping off decades of bandages on my first session.  I don’t know if I'll go back if that happens.”

“Maddie, therapy goes at your own pace.  It took me more than a year to really start to unpack the shit mom and dad put me through.  And many more after that, to resolve all my feelings about them.

“If you are nervous, I can go with you. Whether I sit in the waiting room or join you makes no difference to me.”

“I actually have an idea that might make you more at ease.”  Eddie chimed in.  Both Buck and Maddie looked over at him.

“After I returned home from war, when my mental health started spiraling, I remembered what Evan told me.  That even though it was the hardest thing he had ever done, it was worth it.  I got a therapist and went to group therapy with other Vets.  When I moved here I continued with my therapist until I could find one that I liked that could work with my schedule.  

“I found a group at the VA that I liked and I go to that one as well when time allows.  I was thinking that sitting in on a group therapy session of some kind might be helpful for you.  You can see what therapy is about without the pressure to talk.”

Maddie sat for a few minutes and thought about it.  Evan got up to use that bathroom and when he came back Maddie had agreed to try.  Eddie said he would talk to his group leader and see what he recommended.  He excused himself from the room to give the man a call.  

“Was it easy to cut off mom and dad?”  Maddie asked Evan, while she stared at her hands.

“They stopped talking to me before I left home, Maddie.”  she looked up sharply at him. “When I joined the military, and even the fire department they asked you to put down an emergency contact.  I always left it blank.  If it was required I put in my command leader at the time.  Up until Eddie joined the 118, I kept that practice in place.  Bobby was my emergency contact.  Now he is number 2 and Eddie is number 1.

“Just to put into perspective, I have had the same phone number since I was 15 up until last year.  They have NEVER called it.  Even when I still lived at home.  I doubt they would know me if they passed me on the street. To answer your original question, when I was a kid and before the therapy I was mostly angry at them for not loving me enough or at all.  After therapy, I realized I was wanting something from them they couldn’t give me.  Then it was as easy as breathing.”

Maddie sighed, “I don’t talk to them but twice a year, if that.  They aren’t interested and truthfully neither am I.  But sometimes I find myself longing for the parents I had when I was a kid and I can’t imagine never speaking to them.  Just in case.”

“Only you can decide what kind of relationship to have with them,  Maddie.  That’s what you can decide with the help of a therapist.  If you ultimately decide to do that.”

Just then Eddie walked back into the room. “I talked to my group leader and he said there’s a grief group that meets twice a week.  He thought that would be a good group to sit in on and see what it’s all about. The next meeting is tomorrow night.”

“Are you guys free?  Or at least one of you?” 

“I have my own therapy at the time unfortunately.”  Evan said.

“I am free.  I’ll join you.  I might even bring Christopher with us if he wants to go.  He still struggles with his mom’s death and I think it would be good for him.”

“Thank you guys.  I really appreciate it.”

A few minutes later Evan and Eddie left, to go home and sleep, and Maddie sat back on her couch and thought over all that had happened that morning.  She was still nervous about going to therapy but she had been watching her brother for the past few months and saw what a difference it had made in him.  When she came to him, she expected the same kid she had known, getting hurt for attention, especially given his profession.  

The man she found was a different person.  They had talked about it one night and he gave the credit to therapy.  Some to the men he had served with and admired, and even those he didn’t.  The ones he admired he learned from.  The ones he didn’t he learned what kind of man he didn’t want to be.

Maddie thought she knew who she was.  What kind of woman she was, and wanted to be.  She knew she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life scared.  She wanted to stop making herself small to avoid conflict. She wanted to be healthy.

After the group therapy session Maddie was more comfortable with going to therapy.  She went alone and it took a few therapists before she found one that she actually liked.

Christopher had gone with them to the group therapy meeting and enjoyed it.  He had asked to go back.  Depending on scheduling, Eddie, Evan or even Carla would go with him.  Sometimes he talked to the others in the group and sometimes he just listened.  They didn’t hold things back in the group because of his age and he liked that.  

He was talking about it one day in the firehouse when he was there to visit and Bobby overheard him.  He engaged with Christopher about the group and after he left, asked Eddie about the group.  He spoke to his priest and attended AA meetings but he thought the group would help him with his guilt about the fire that took his family. So Bobby started taking Christopher to meetings as well.

The whole firehouse eventually was in some form of therapy.  They all decided that they could use it, if not for past issues but to process the things they see on the job.  It was a good thing too, because all too soon there would be chaos targeting the 118.  A few months after everything with Doug, the first bomb went off, starting an investigation that would lead right to the doors of the 118.

Chapter Text

The team were all on alert because of the bombings.  At first it seemed random. But when the names of the two victims' were run through the system, they popped up on a case that happened when Bobby was new to LA.  The other name to come up was Athena’s.

Eddie and Buck were on high alert. They knew this could go bad quickly if the bomber wasn’t caught.  They figured out that the bomber was the son of a man who set his restaurant on fire for the insurance money.  He was charged with insurance fraud and sent to prison.  Unfortunately he was diagnosed with cancer while incarcerated and died,causing the son to blame those that helped put his dad away for his death.

They knew who they were looking for.  They reached out to the bomber's mother and she was surprised and saddened by what was happening.  Unfortunately she hadn’t seen her son in weeks and he was dodging her calls.  The police came up empty when searching for places that he could be staying.

Everyone on the team was told to not touch any unexpected packages that came to their homes.  Athena’s house was the first on their team to get a package. It was found by her kids and her ex-husband. They immediately called the police and had them deal with the package.  Once it was clear, Athena sent someone to check on Bobby’s house.  Nothing was found and everyone was confused. Why not a bomb at Bobby’s place?

They were all sitting around in the firehouse and were chatting about the lack of a bomb at their captain's house. 

“Well it’s a good thing isn’t it? Not just for Bobby, but for all the tenants in the building.” Said Mason.

That comment made Buck sit upright in his seat. Everyone noticed.

”What?” Asked Mason.

Buck looked at Eddie before speaking.  “All the bombs were addressed to the person they were intended for.  He wasn’t aiming for other people.  He wanted the bomb to affect the direct person the most.”

“He wouldn’t have that kind of control in an apartment building. Also, most buildings have a mail room of some kind. He wouldn’t be able to leave it directly for Bobby.”  Replied Eddie.

”So where would he leave it?” Hen asked.

They both looked at her with alarm on their faces.

Her eyes got wide and before she could say anything, Buck grabbed his radio and called dispatch, while Eddie evacuated everyone from the firehouse.

”Dispatch this is Firefighter Buckley of the 118”

” Go ahead Firefighter Buckley”

“I need you to send police and the bomb squad to the firehouse.  We have evacuated the firehouse and will be outside a safe distance away.  Notify the detectives for the bombing cases to be sent here.”

“Police and the bomb squad are en route.  Do you have eyes on the bomb?”

“Not at this time.”

With everyone out Buck went and grabbed an extendable mirror and started sweeping the trucks. The bomb had been placed under the captain's seat on the undercarriage of the engine.  He didn’t want to alert the bomber in case he was listening to the police scanner. He would talk to the police and the bomb squad once they arrived. 

While they all waited a safe distance away, Eddie and Buck kept a lookout in the area.  The other bombs could be mechanically detonated but one for a specific person, and not addressed would have to be remotely detonated.  Buck was sure the bomber was close by.

Buck had stepped close to Eddie once they were outside and pulled out his phone.  He let Eddie see his phone as he typed out a message to Bobby.

Cap 🚒 🚒

Buck- I evacuated the firehouse. The bomb is here. I contacted dispatch and had them send over police, bomb squad and the detectives

Cap 🚒 🚒- OK I am on my way

Buck- You would be in danger coming here

Cap 🚒 🚒- You are all in danger now because of this

Cap 🚒 🚒- Besides if we can catch him today we can potentially save more lives

Buck- See you soon

“Do you think it’s a good idea to have Bobby here?”  whispered Eddie. 

“No, but he’s right, if we can end this today we should.”

A few minutes later the police and the bomb squad showed up. Buck walked forward and waited for them to address him, since he made the call.  

The leader from the bomb squad stepped forward to talk to him already with a chip on his shoulder.

”You called this in?!” He barked.

Buck looked at his name tag and then back at his face but said nothing. He wasn’t some scared punk ass kid and he wasn’t going to let this guy talk to him that way.  

Detective Campbell heard the bomb squad leader yelling and looked towards the commotion.  When he saw who he was yelling at he immediately walked over.

”Are you gonna answer me?!”  The squad leader yelled even louder in Buck’s face.

”Maybe if you weren’t yelling at Firefighter Buckley like he was in boot camp he would answer you.

Turning towards Buck, Campbell reached out his hand to shake Buck’s.  “Firefighter Buckley, nice to see you again.  Can you tell me what’s going on?”

”Nice to see you Detective Campbell.  Yes we were all talking about the bombings and trying to understand why not Bobby’s apartment when everyone else got one.  We came to the realization that all the others were more or less controlled.  They were mail bombs that were addressed to the victims.  You can’t do that in an apartment.  Mail that doesn’t fit in a mailbox is brought to a mail room for the tenant to pick up.  There is no control over how many times that box could be moved.”

”Alright but the firehouse?” Questioned Campbell. The bomb squad leader was listening and fuming at the same time.  He was pissed that the firefighter didn’t cow to him.  Everyone else did.

”If he was directing it at Bobby it would have to be put somewhere where Bobby was most likely to get the bomb.  Not his office as it is shared and he wouldn’t have been able to make it into the firehouse unseen. However, on calls there are so many people around that placing one on the truck, unseen, wouldn’t be that hard.”

”I take it you found the bomb?”

”Yes.  While Eddie got everyone out of the firehouse I grabbed our extendable mirror and checked under the vehicles that Captain Nash rides in.  It is mounted to the undercarriage of the Engine, below the Captain’s seat.”  

“Great work Buckley.”

”Thank you detective.” 

Campbell turned to the bomb squad leader and asked him if he had any more questions?

“Did you notice anything about the bomb?”  The squad leader asked.

”Yes I did, lieutenant. The bomb doesn’t appear to be big enough to take out the truck, just the captain's seat.  Also, I believe that it is on a remote trigger.”

”What makes you say that?”

“He wouldn’t be able to be sure that he got his target if he couldn’t see when to detonate it.  It’s also possible it could be a pressure sensor that starts a countdown to detonation.”

Lieutenant Rogers cocked his head to the side finally understanding why the firefighter wasn’t afraid of him. He recognized him as a veteran.

”When did you serve, Firefighter Buckley?”

Buck just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“You know too much about bombs to not have served.” stated the lieutenant.

”I did serve.  I’m retired.” Is all that Buck replied.

Campbell, sensing that this could go on for a while, intervened.  “Can we return to the matter at hand?  How are we going to get the bomb off the truck, without setting it off or blowing up the building?”

“Firefighter Diaz, can you join us please?” Buck called.

Eddie walked over to the group and immediately picked up on the hostility between Evan and the bomb squad lieutenant.  He stepped slightly in front of Evan but not in a noticeable way.  He greeted the detective and the lieutenant. Campbell repeated the previous questions to Eddie.

”Eddie have you seen anything?”

“No. Bobby’s not scheduled to work today and maybe he knows that.  Maybe he is following him and waiting for the best time?”

“If he is following him then he’ll be here soon.  We don’t have much time to come up with a plan.”

Just then Chim walked over to the group. “I have an idea, I just don’t know if it will work.”

“We are open to ideas.”

Chim’s idea was simple. Pull all the vehicles out of the bay for a wash.  Park the engine in a way that blocks the view of the captain's door but lets the trucks pull out.  Have dispatchers call in a fake alarm to the 118. All hands. Throw a dummy in the captain’s seat, and have all vehicles pull out.  Have dispatch call the engine and tell them to take another route due to traffic issues.  The other vehicles can respond that they need another route as they are ahead of the engine.  This will put the engine alone with no back up.  The driver of the engine can bail and we can apprehend the suspect.

Once Chim laid out his plan they discussed the variables to the plan.  

• What if he doesn’t fall for it?  
• It’s our best shot.  If he doesn’t fall for it then we can hopefully deactivate the bomb away from civilians.
• What if he blows the truck before we can intact the plan?
• We will have another firehouse on standby who can respond to us.
• Who is gonna drive the Engine?
• Buck volunteered.

Eddie did NOT like this plan and pulled Buck away to talk it over.

”What are you thinking saying you’ll drive the engine?” Eddie vehemently whispered.

”Eddie, there are only two people qualified on this shift to drive the engine, and one of them is me.  I am the only one with the experience with bombs out of the two of those people.  Who else was gonna do it?”  Buck replied softly.

He knew Eddie was scared for him.  He was scared too, but he knew it had to be him. Eddie stared at him for a few moments, and let out a long breath.

”Don’t do anything stupid.  I expect you to be coming home with me, alive.”

”That’s always the plan.”

The plan worked better than expected.  Bobby was made to be seen at the firehouse and “jumping into the captain’s seat” when the call came in.

A patrol car followed the bomber as soon as he pulled out behind the firehouse vehicles.  When he saw the engine pull off from the other vehicles and he followed, the police swarmed him.  He knew he had been caught.  He grabbed for a deadman's switch and the yells for Buck to bail out of the engine were bellowed through the radio.  Before they knew if he was clear the bomb blew, flipping the truck.

Buck had bailed from the truck in time but the blast threw him a good ten feet away, knocking the breath out of him.  His ears were ringing but he knew they would be calling for him. He reached for his radio and made 4 distinct clicks with the talk button.  He kept repeating it until he could see the fire truck and people running.  He knew Eddie would be out in front of everyone.

He held up his hand to Eddie and pointed to his ears.  Eddie nodded.  He let Eddie check him over for other injuries and when he was done Eddie, using sign language, signed to him that he was going to the hospital for a work-up and not to argue. Buck smirked a little and signed back that he wasn’t going to.

Yes it was no secret that Buck didn’t often go to the hospital.  He knew his body well; but being thrown from a bomb blast was nothing to mess with.

After a long series of tests, Buck was finally released to go home.  The ringing had calmed down and he was told it should subside.  He was advised to see an audiologist.  He had a grade two concussion and was off of work until he was cleared. Eddie set up an appointment with the neurologist for his follow-up and the audiologist.  Eddie would be staying home with him for a few days and Carla would help out the other days.

Buck wasn’t worried.  He had had a concussion before and knew what to expect.  He knew Eddie would be mother-henning him a lot, and while he didn’t feel he needed it, he resigned to let Eddie do it because he knew it would make him feel useful.

Eddie returned to work while Buck was still out. Buck’s appointment was in a few days to get cleared to return to work and Eddie was looking forward to having his work partner by his side again.

While they were sitting in the loft eating lunch after completing the morning chores, they got a visit from Lieutenant Rogers from the bomb squad.  Eddie noticed him first and was already annoyed.  He noticed they way the guy spoke to everyone around him, like they were beneath him and he had no patience left for people like that.

”I am looking for Firefighter Buckley.”  He said to the firefighters.  His tone was not as hostile but still not friendly either.  

Eddie looked over at him and said “He’s not working today.”

”Well when will he be in next?” He asked, sounding more annoyed.

”When he’s in.  Why do you need to know?”

”I need to talk to him about the bombing.”

”Again why?  He submitted his report.”

”It’s personal.” Gritted out Rogers.

Eddie stared at him for a moment and then pulled out his phone and relayed the message when Buck answered the phone.  Buck asked to be put on speaker phone.

” Lieutenant, how can I help you on my time off?”

“I wanted to talk to you about the bombing.”

“No. You wanted to talk to me about my service records.”  

Everyone in the room froze.  They knew Buck didn’t talk to anyone about his time in the service except for Eddie.  They were immediately on alert.

Rogers was quiet and before he could respond Buck spoke again. 

“I know what you found or rather didn’t find. My service time is not your concern.  Your posturing bullshit may work on the others in your squad, but they won’t work here. If you try to overstep again, I will not only report to your supervisors, but I will report you to your reserve command. Diaz, take me off speakerphone please.”

Eddie did as he asked.

”If he refuses to leave or causes problems, handle him like everyone else that gets kicked from the firehouse.”

“Will do.”  Eddie hung up.  This whole time Eddie had kept his eyes on Rogers.  He didn’t trust him.  He could feel the hostile energy radiating off of him. He was about to tell Rogers it was time to leave, when Captain Reynolds’ walked up the stairs.  He had heard the conversation and stayed hidden until it was over.

”Lieutenant Rogers, it is time for you to leave. I will be filing a report about your behavior here today.  Seeing as your behavior the day of the bombing towards the firefighters was already flagged from the filed reports, I imagine your supervisors will want to have a conversation with you.”

Rogers didn’t say anything to the Captain. He just nodded and left.  He was reprimanded and assigned to mandatory therapy.  After 6 months in therapy, Buck received a letter sent to the firehouse, with an apology for his behavior.  He took that as a win, not only for him but for the lieutenant as well.

Chapter Text

Buck had been cleared to return to work and was due to start on Sunday.  Eddie was working a short 12 hour shift today, so Buck took Christopher out.  Anywhere he wanted to go he told Chris.  He was regretting that now.

Christopher had wanted to go to the pier and go on the rides. They had a great time and were sitting on a bench for a rest, when Christopher’s words changed the direction of their day.

“Bucky, where did all the water go?”  Buck stood up as quickly as possible and looked out at the horizon.  He scooped up Christopher and started running.

“Tsunami! Get off the pier!”  People following his lead started screaming and running for their lives.  Buck knew they wouldn’t make it to safety and found a place that would hopefully cushion them a bit from the wave.  

“Take the deepest breath you can Christopher and close your eyes.” Buck stated urgently into Christopher’s ear.  He jumped behind a booth, and wrapped himself around Christopher.  The water hit them seconds later. They were pushed and pulled to and fro as the wave moved inward.  Buck swam towards the surface and thankfully hadn’t lost hold of Christopher. 

When they broke the surface, both of them gasping for breath, Buck looked around for a place to get them out of the water.  As luck would have it, they ended up near the 136 firetruck. Buck had seen them on a call at the pier and had nodded to Captain Cooper as him and Chris walked by.  Buck swam over to the truck and hoisted Christopher up onto the top.

“Buck, look out!” Christopher yelled, as a pile of debris came rushing towards him.  He took a deep breath and dove under waiting for the debris to pass overhead.  Once he was clear, he came back up and climbed onto the truck. He grabbed a hose from the storage compartment and tied Christopher to the rail of the truck.  

A few moments later, Buck heard shouting and looked to see people being dragged out by the first wave.  He grabbed another hose and made a catch line for people to grab onto.  He helped those that couldn’t help themselves, and the ones that could helped him.  He administered very basic first aid and sat down with Christopher.  When bodies started floating by, he distracted Chris from seeing them with games, like I spy. 

Hours later when the water started to recede, He grabbed hold of Christopher tightly again and told everyone to hold on tight.  When the water was gone and it was safe to leave the firetruck, they did so and buck started to lead them inland. They were all tired, and dehydrated but they needed to get to safety.

Back at the firehouse, the team was dispatched to deal with the aftermath of the Tsunami.  There was the family stuck on the boat, people stuck on a ferris wheel, and lots of casualties.  Eddie had texted Buck telling him that he would be home later because of the Tsunami.  He hadn’t heard back from him yet, but just assumed that lines were flooded and that Buck would assume his lateness.  

Eddie was eventually assigned to a field hospital to help the injured as he had experience from his military days.  He had stepped outside to take a short break when he spotted Buck walking towards the hospital with Christopher in his arms and what appeared to be 30 or people behind him.

Buck wasn’t sure how far they walked before coming upon a group of people outside a store.  THe owners had no power but were providing bottled water and basic first aid supplies to those who needed it.  It was there they found out about the field hospital that had been set up in the closed down hospital.  After getting some water for himself and Christopher he headed towards the field hospital. The people he helped onto the firetruck walked with them and they helped others along the way.  He didn’t even realize how many people had been added to their group as he was just intent on getting Christopher to safety and calling Eddie.

About an hour or so later they came up a hill towards the front of the hospital.  He saw a black tent set up that he knew was for those who hadn't made it.  He was glad Christopher was sleeping as he didn't want him to see that.  This was traumatic enough without adding death to it.

As he started looking to see if he recognized anyone he heard his name being shouted.  He looked up to see Eddie running towards him frantically.  He shifted Christopher to one arm so he could catch Eddie in his other arm.

“What happened? How are you here? Are you okay? Is Christopher okay?” Eddie started asking rapid fire questions.  Buck just held him tight and kissed his head.  

“We’re okay, Eddie.  Just tired.”  Buck told him.

Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck’s waist and walked him to a bed in the hospital.  Buck laid Christopher down and then sat, glad to be off his feet finally.  Eddie checked him over and aside from some scrapes and bruises he was just tired and dehydrated.  The same with Christopher.  Buck laid down on the bed with Chris and went to sleep.  Eddie stayed right by their side, holding Buck’s hand and keeping his other hand on Christopher.  

Word got back to the rest of the 118, about Buck and Christopher but not from seeing them for themselves, not at first.  They heard about him from the people Buck helped that had come to the hospital with him.  From those on the firetruck, and those who were helped along the way.  How they didn’t know what they would have done without his help. How they were being swept out to sea when they came across the catch line and the firetruck.

How the ones who were trapped that were helped, had been left by others that were unable to help them, but Buck had stopped and helped them get out.

All of the praise and thanks got back to the Incident Commander as Buck and Christopher slept. Buck had been mentioned in many rescues before as he was a heavy rescue asset, but he never sought out praise or commendation.  The IC didn’t see any way to get him out of public praise this time.  Once command was turned over to the incoming shift, the IC passed all the information over and went to seek out firefighter Buckley.  He found him where he had been the whole time, sleeping in bed with his son. 

“How are they doing?” He asked Eddie who was awake and just watching over them.

“Fine. Just resting. By some miracle they only have some cuts and bruises and were dehydrated.  I gave them a bag of fluids and they have been sleeping since arriving.”  He replied.  

“That is very fortunate.  I have heard from many people about all the lives he rescued today.  Many people were very thankful to have crossed his path today.”

“I’m not surprised.” Eddie replied looking up, a small smile on his face. “He arrived here with what appeared to be at least 30 people. Some walking, some being carried by others due to injury.”

“I know how much Buck has shunned the spotlight in the past, though I don’t see how he can avoid it now.  One person praising him is easy to keep private, but over 30…”

“Over 30?  Do you know the exact number?”  Eddie asked, astonished.

“Not yet, but I am sure I will be made aware of that at some point.  I will let you all rest.”  The IC stood up and walked away, determined to make sure Buck got recognized for all his work today.

Bobby came by a little later and told him he was heading back to the firehouse and would give them a ride.  Reluctantly, Eddie woke Buck up and told him they were heading home.  Buck sat up with Christopher in his arms and insisted on carrying him out.  He sat in the back of the captain's truck, arms around Christopher while he was strapped in beside him, as they didn’t have his specialized car seat.  He and Chris fell back asleep almost immediately.  Eddie and Bobby spoke quietly in the front seat. 

“I didn’t even know they were out there, Bobby.” Eddie said quietly.

“Would it have mattered?” Bobby asked, trying to ascertain where Eddie’s thoughts were taking him.

“If I had known I could have been looking for them.” Eddie whispered vehemently.

“And where would you have started to look?”

Eddie just stared at Bobby before looking down to his hands. 

“Eddie, we helped people off a boat in the middle of a street.  People were up in trees, and were miles from where they started.  You wouldn’t have known where to begin looking.  It is probably a good thing you didn’t know.  It allowed you to focus on your job, and it allowed Buck to against enormous odds survive a natural disaster, with your son in one piece.”

“I just…”  Eddie sighed.  “He has done so much for me throughout my life, and I feel like I failed him.”

“You haven’t failed me Eds.”  Buck whispered from the back seat.

“I thought you were asleep.”  Eddie turned to look at him.

“No. I will once we get home. I don’t like that Chris doesn’t have his seat.”  Buck leaned over and kissed the top of Christopher’s head.  Then he looked back at Eddie.

“Eddie, you haven't failed me.  Would I have liked to have had you by my side, of course.  I always want you with me.  But today that wasn’t an option.  And we are all okay.  It could have been much worse.

“Bobby, did we lose anyone?” he asked.  He knew that the rest of his conversation with Eddie would have to wait until they were in private.  For now the most he could do was let him know that he didn’t blame him at all and allow him time to think.

“We didn’t lose anyone but Athena had a trying day.  She came across Captain Cooper and he was pinned.  She had to do a field amputation of his arm.”

“My god.  Poor Athena.  I thought she was out with May today?”

“She was.  May had to help keep a woman alive in a van with a severe neck laceration.  Paramedics got there just in time.”

Buck made a mental note to contact both of them.  He knew the mental strain they must be under and were not prepared for.

They pulled up to the firehouse and transferred over to Eddie’s Truck.  Chris woke up slightly in the transfer but went back to sleep.  Despite hating driving, Eddie insisted, so that Buck could rest some more.

“I’ll have to replace my jeep, and my phone.  Might be best we got a bit outside the city for a phone.  The places near to us will most likely be very busy in the coming days with people needing new ones as well.”  Buck said softly. He turned his head to look at Eddie and saw him white knuckling the steering wheel.  He reached over and pulled Eddie’s hand from the wheel and held it in his own.  Eddie jumped a bit at the contact but let Buck take his hand.

Buck ran his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles, to offer him some comfort.  They were close to home and Buck would be able to do more then.

When they got home, Buck woke Chris up and carried him into the house.  They both needed a shower.  Christopher immediately tensed up and clearly did not want to be near the water.  Buck offered to help him shower so he wouldn't be alone. Chris relaxed a little at that.  So Buck got into the shower fully dressed, with Christopher sitting on his shower chair, for days where he was in more pain than usual.  Eddie sat on the toilet, unable to be away from them and also in case he was needed.  Once Chris was done in the shower, Eddie helped him out and helped him get dressed and ready for bed.  By the time that was done Buck was finished with his shower.  He wrapped a towel around himself and stepped out.  

“I will come say goodnight after I am dressed.” Buck said to Chris.

“Can I sleep with you and Dad?” Chris whispered.

After a brief look between them, they agreed.

Buck went to his and Eddie’s room to dress, while Eddie and Chris went to get Chris’ pillow and his favorite stuffed animal.

Once they were all in bed, with Christopher in between them,  it didn't take long for Christopher to fall asleep.  

Buck reached over and ran his hands through Eddie’s hair.  “You need to stop taking everything on your shoulders.  None of this was in anyone's control.  We all did the best we could with what we had and it all turned out okay.”

Eddie was crying silently, Buck noticed, but didn't mention. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost either of you.” he whispered to Buck.

“Hopefully we won’t have to find out anytime soon.” Buck leaned up and kissed Eddie and they both snuggled down, and finally fell asleep.