Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Thank you so much for having Jennie and I over for dinner. This was lovely, I’m so glad that our girls have each other.” Jennie’s mom mentions as they sit around the dining room digesting all that’s been prepared by Lisa’s parents. The two girls had excused themselves to catch the sunset outside. “It’s never any trouble—Jennie is always welcome and so are you. It’s been a crazy ride those four—” Lisa’s mom comments as they all erupt in a soft chuckle.  

The adults continue to talk about what Jennie and her mom had been up to while they’ve been in Thailand. As Jennie and Lisa are taking advantage of the warm weather and pink skies, “Have you enjoyed your time in Thailand?” Lisa questions the older girl trying to ignore the sweat in her palms creating a pool. A pool caused by the older woman not the weather. She doesn’t know why this is how she feels around Jennie because these types of feelings never come up with Jisoo or Rosé. She’s so caught up in her own head that she didn’t notice that Jennie had stopped talking. 

Jennie wraps her arm around the younger woman’s shoulder pressing her nose on her cheek, “Lili?” Jennie questions, Lisa turns her head quickly resulting in them inches from one another. Jennie smiles but Lisa pulls away rapidly hoping that the pink skies hide her flush cheeks. “Sorry yes, I’m glad I got to show you around Thailand—do you have a favourite part?” She continues to distract her as she musters up the courage to bring up these confusing feelings, wanting to know how she should deal with it.

Lisa can’t pinpoint why it all started or why Jennie but maybe all those times helping one another at studio, a year before they debut might’ve created too many intimate nights. Or the attention she received from Jennie was never the same from the other girls and it fed this part of her that was apparently falling in love with Jennie. There was always a certain difference in attention to detail when it came from Jennie. She never disappointed Lisa, not that she could even try to do so. But Lisa hasn’t been the same, every stage interaction with the older woman has fed this feeling. This stomach churning, smile forming, heart pounding feeling that distracts her from all that she must do, she just forgets to everything. Just like right now, all she wants to do is be in this moment and she is all of her attention is on how beautiful Jen— “Lisa what is going on?” Jennie chuckles once again having to pull Lisa out of her thoughts, “Sorry—I just—there’s something I want to talk to you about—” Lisa starts, Jennie turns her body towards the younger girl. Jennie’s also been trying to find the perfect time to tell her about Kai. And the time is presenting herself to mention her relationship, if anybody should know first it should be Lisa. 

Lisa’s been a prominent figure in her life, she’s the first friend she made during her trainee days. Ever since then she’s told the younger girl everything, from her traumas to the types of poops that she had that day, to how YG’s feedback made her feel basically anything to everything. Everyone assumes that Lisa is immature because of her persona but she’s just as wise possibly wiser than her other group members. “Okay—are you breaking up with me?” Jennie jokes, Lisa tenses up and the older girl notices making her chuckle, “I’m kidding—everything alright? You look like you’re about to throw up.” Jennie comments rubbing the younger girl back, but Lisa moves away creating space between them. Jennie pulls her hand back caught off guard by Lisa’s reaction, “I’ve been feeling something for someone and when we were trainee’s I pushed it down because I wanted this too much. I wanted to be where I’m at today, I wasn’t—I still won’t jeopardize our hard work but now that we’re here and we can—I just want to know whether I’m going crazy.” Lisa starts saying all of it under one breath. It’s a lot for Jennie to process but she catches the gist, Lisa likes someone. The younger woman has never disclosed this part of her before making this a big deal. Any time they would bring up this kind of topic she’d always bring up a celebrity crush and nothing else. Never divulging into what her type is, what she’d like to do on dates etc.

“Okay—” Jennie pauses nodding at Lisa to continue, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but this person is driving me insane. And not in the cuckoo kind—they are running around my mind all the time and whenever they’re around I can’t focus, and I can’t breathe—I’m scared unnie—I don’t want to feel like this—it feels so wrong to be here—I hate feeling like this—I can’t—” tears begin to form at the duct of Lisa eyes, it’s scaring her that from this moment forward everything she’s ever felt about Jennie is going to be out for her to know. 

Jennie wipes the tears away “Listen—hey—woah—whatever or whomever this is about it’s going to be okay.” nodding for her to continue, “I think I’m in love with this person but—how could I—what do I know about love unnie?” Lisa sighs, trying to swallow the rock stuck in her throat. Jennie takes her hands into her own getting her to look into her eyes, ‘You are making this difficult’ Lisa thought to herself.   

“You know plenty about love—you taught me to open myself up to love especially when we first became a band, you taught me how to love and how to receive love in all its forms. If anybody knows love its Lisa Mano—” Lisa’s been waiting for this moment right here, she cups Jennie’s cheeks in her hands pulling her in for a kiss. There wasn’t a protest but in fairness Jennie’s blind sided by what just happened, Lisa is the first to pull away with all the hope in the world in her eyes. Jennie opens her eyes and only one thing comes out, “I’m seeing Kai.”

“Lisa? Hands in?” Jisoo bumps into the maknae, who raises her eyebrows faking a smile. Lisa hesitantly puts her hand in the circle looking around before stopping at Jennie making eye contact quickly, then moving to Rosé and back to Jisoo. They exchange a few encouragements before finishing with their normal routine, they head to their respective position creating space between her and Jennie. It’s been a week since their conversation and Lisa’s been trying her best to avoid Jennie like a plague while balancing her image around everyone. Jisoo looks at Lisa trying to warm up to have the energy that the crowd deserves, usually that energy would’ve been around all day. But something isn’t quite right with the maknae. Jisoo can sense it, Lisa loves performing for Thailand, but it feels like she trying to collect herself the energy to perform instead of just having it as if she’s trying to distract herself. Jisoo reaches her arm out to Lisa, “Are you okay?” she mouths, the youngest member nods softly grazing her hands. Which is another red flag usually she’d be clingy onto the older member but nothing. Jennie watches this exchange as best she can, but their platform begins to lift, and the music begins to blare through their in-ears.

Everything throughout the concert seems to be going as it should, the crowd is electric to see their country hero back. The girls had their typical moments on stage to the point that Jisoo brushed all that she’d witness, as if she was simply making something up. Jennie even as so far to inform the whole country of Thailand that they should be extremely proud of the younger woman. That if anything they will take care of her. Before they bow Lisa says her goodbye speech “ประเทศไทย! ฉันรักคุณ! ฉันคิดถึงคุณ! ขอบคุณสำหรับทุกอย่าง ฉันจะไม่เป็นฉันถ้าไม่มีคุณ! คุณคือบ้านของฉัน และมันดีเสมอที่ได้เห็นการกะพริบตาที่สวยงามมากมาย!” “(Thailand! I love you! I miss you! Thank you for everything I wouldn't be me without you! You are my home and its always so good to see so many beautiful blinks!)

They put their hands together and bow one last time before exiting the stage. As hectic as the stage is during their performance, post show is even zanier. They are running to change, catching their breath trying to beat traffic and avoid everyone trying to wrap everything up for the night. Thankfully they’ve all gotten use to how to be efficient in the dressing room, Rosé is always the first one done, and Lisa is always last. But this time Lisa is first to be finished, her costumes neatly packed in the bag for wardrobe, make up put away and anything that she brought was in her bag. “My parents are waiting for me; I’ll see you guys tomorrow for rehearsals—”

“Wait I thought that we were gonna get some drinks and celebrate?” Rosé questions. Lisa stops by the door completely forgetting that they had plans, “Shit. I’m sorry—can we move it till tomorrow I want to hang out with my family before I leave—"

“It’s okay—go—we can do something tomorrow.” Jisoo smiles the younger girl. She could tell that Lisa didn’t want to be there any longer than she must. Maybe it’s how well she’s been trained but from what she saw on stage its clear that all of it was just for the stage. She knows that her family is a priority to her, and she knows that her grandfather hasn’t been feeling well but her delivery’s laced with something else. There is definitely something going on, she looks around hoping to see that she’s not the only to notice the change in their maknae. But it seems that she’s the only one concerned, maybe it is just in her head.

The girls return to their hotel trying to catch up on their sleep. And trying to maintain their sleep schedule knowing that it’ll be messed up for the next 5 months. When they arrive at their hotel the girls’ exchanged goodnights before going to their hotel rooms. Jisoo collapses on her bed, closing her eyes hearing the roar of the crowds. As for the other young member of the group, Rosé is also thinking about Lisa being odd, but she doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. She doesn’t want to assume favorites or say that there are members that are closer with one another because in truth they tend to go back and forth with one another. But always felt that her relationship with Lisa tends to go from one extreme to the other. They’ll be obsessed with one another then they’ll simply be good friends and back and forth. Maybe it’s because they’re closer in age and just have a specific understanding about what it’s like to be away from their own family. They all know one another better than anyone else, of course she noticed that something is odd about their interactions with Lisa.

Jennie was the only one to greet them at the airport, not really giving her or Jisoo an explanation for the absence of their youngest member. When they arrived at the venue Lisa’s already with sound putting in her in ears and adjusting her microphone, Rosé quickly runs towards the younger girl, “Lalisa!” she screams hugging the taller girl from behind picking her up and shaking her. The older members smile even Jennie, she knows how much they mean to one another. A part of her knows that she should bring it up to Lisa what happened between them. But her mom had interrupted them before she could say anything. After saying ‘I’m seeing Kai’ her mother informed her that it was time to get back to the hotel. Lisa flipped a switch and returned to herself smiling, putting herself under Jennie’s moms’ arm. 

They start up their own conversation walking away from Jennie who’s left with a lot of things to process. But having a packed schedule to explore Thailand with her mother left her with a lot less time to process. She doesn’t mind being around her mother and she sure as hell didn’t mind being in Thailand but what is she supposed to do with that much information. ‘Lisa kissed her.’ Her mom of course noticed but if she knows her daughter, she’ll come to her when she’s ready. She knows that there’s been something occupying her daughter, and before she left, she asked one last time if there is anything she wants to talk about. But Jennie shrugs it off, offering another fake smile saying that she’s got everything sorted and it’s just the tour.

   “Chaeng!” Lisa shouts giggling at her current situation, Rosé puts her down digging her head into the slightly taller girl. “I missed you—how are your parents? Why weren’t you at the airport?” she questions snaking her hand through Lisa’s arm walking out to do some blocking and checking the stage. Lisa tenses up, she knew that she can’t be alone in a room with Jennie. Lisa knows that it’s going to take time and she understands that she’s not here to expect anything. But she doesn’t exactly have the liberty of months hell even weeks to get over her feelings for Jennie. So, this is going to have to go faster than most if it means not talking to her for week to just process and move on so be it. That’s what she’s done and by tonight she’ll be back to her flirty self on stage. “Parents are good, just been spending as much time with them as I can—been taking my grandfather to his appointments to get the best care he can get. And I tried to meet you guys at the airport, but my grandfather’s appointment ran longer than I had expected. I got the text that you guys were already on your way to the venue so here I am.” Lisa answers as they snake their way around the stage, the rest of the group join the two girls. Chaeng lets her grip go from Lisa and makes her way to Jennie while Jisoo makes her way to the taller girl to have some of the same conversation.

Individuals brewing their own theories about tonight’s interaction, could this just be something that they might be blowing out of proportion. Two are wondering whether there is something off about their group dynamic while one is left to wonder what she should do about Lisa. It’s not like there is some training on how to handle this she’s barely handling dating someone in the public eye. But this is where the immaturity that everyone expects out of Lisa comes in, she always distances herself and tries her best to fix it or figure it out herself. When in reality she could probably get some advice and help from others. But what can Jennie do? What is she meant to do; she knows that she doesn’t feel the same way about Lisa—right? They’re relationship is extremely complex and its multiple faceted and having this unknown territory muck it up is going to make the next couple of months rough and awkward.