Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Billy waited for Max after school, like pretty much every day ever since they moved to Hawkins. He stayed calmly sitting in his Camaro, a cigarette pinched between two fingers with a window cracked open to let the smoke escape with a grey cloud in the cold air of winter. He was wearing sunglasses though the sun was not that strong that day. It was a fine day of January, with streets covered in a thin layer of snow making everything cold and appear even more dead that what it already looked in autumn. If autumn was killing everything, trees, leaves and flowers, winter was a burial. It was depressing. He always hated winter.

Billy hoped this new year would be better than 1984.

If he could pinpoint the worst year of his life, 1984 would definitely make it to the top five. For the simple reason that he moved in the shittiest town probably in the world.

Hawkins. Stupid Hawkins. Hawkins who smelled like cow shit, filled with boring people.

A city with no story, no identity. No beach or water or any landscape worth watching. Nowhere worth driving to. No cool spot to visit, no cool people to meet. No one he knew.

He lived in a pretentious suburb, filled with hypocrites. Like every suburb it was a dehumanized enclosure, devoided of any beauty and reeking of conformity. On a street desolatingly trite, was his father’s new house. He and Susan made a beautiful little castle of comfort leaving Billy indifferent. A scenery of an organized life, aseptic without personality. Like it was coming straight out of a magazine for modern trendy decoration. In fact, nothing in this house indicated his presence, besides from his room. No family portraits with fake smiles on the walls , no trace of a human being living there on sight.

At least he had his room, the only place he truly lived in. The only place that had the slightest bit of personality, he made it it’s own. He wasn’t at his place in Hawkins, lost in this city with no landmark, but at least he had a room. He filled the air with the scent of cigarette, training sweat and parfume. Left the place slightly messy too with his clothes making his presence known, making it seem like at least someone was living there. Though frankly, being in Hawkins didn’t feel like living at all.

He did became popular incredibly fast, the first day he arrived -because this town filled with boring people never met someone from the outside probably ever- but he couldn’t really connect with anyone. Sure he was invited to parties, girls wanted him, this prick guy Tommy H decided to stick with him like some annoying leech, but he didn’t really have friends. Not that he had any real ones before as well. He wasn’t exactly the best at making friends. He was too angry, even as a child. Growing up in a house surrounded by screams and violence shaped him in that mold as well. He would say he was a probably a bully, beating up kids at school, taking their lunch and punching them in the face if they dared insult him, ever since he was twelve.

But now he was a californian lost in a shitty town. People probably wondered why the hell would people coming from a cool place like Lenora, bathed in sun, with beaches everywhere, so close to L.A, would ever move here. Billy had a pretty good idea, but he would never actually admit it.

He knew why they moved. It was because of Max. And Neil wanted to take Billy away from everything he knew. And so they landed there.

He was angry at Max, for good reasons, to him. And maybe terrorizing her was the only thing he still felt comfortable with. It was the only thing left from his past life. He was stuck with her forever, and he could pass his frustration onto her since it was her fault anyway. Still being able to yell at Max was pretty much the only thing he was still in power on ever since he moved.

But this shithead couldn’t handle it any longer. And with the influence of her stupid friends, she stood her ground. She drugged him and threatened him with a baseball bat. He never dared lift a hand on her after this. He calmed down a little.

And he was bored as hell.

He tried to kill his boredom, driving around the town, hanging out with this idiotic Tommy H guy and his girlfriend Carol. He went to as much parties as there were, he went to the library and tried to find anything. And all he figured was that nothing ever happened in Hawkins.

Except one thing.

Those mysterious deaths and this kid disappearance happening in the span of a week.

And as it turned out, this kid was Max’s friend. He heard his real name was Will Byers, and not Zombie boy. He was that town freak Jonathan Byers little brother.

Billy knew Jonathan well because Tommy rambled about him for an eternity. In his long monologue, Billy learnt that he stole king Steve Harrington’s girlfriend, the prissy goody two-shoes Nancy Wheeler. He was some pervert that took pictures of them naked, while Steve, Nancy, him and Carol were there. Apparently he stalked them through the whole night. He learnt he was coming from a poor family with a pathetic mom. His dad fucked off to the city and left them with debts. He learnt his little brother died, had a funeral, and came back a few days later.

That was weird as hell.

For once, Billy was intrigued.

It was incomprehensible to him that Will Byers received an autopsy, was confirmed dead, that his family saw his cadaver— but that it was all a mistake. It was impossible. And this weird story peaked his interest. Especially giving that Barbara Holland, Nancy’s friend died the same week.

Tommy told him some bullshit story Billy didn’t believe a word of. How Barbara died due to a chemical leak caused by some laboratory in Hawkins. But she still went missing the night of the party at Steve’s house, where Jonathan stalked them.

If Billy was being entirely honest, he felt like this guy was the cause of all this. His own little brother being missing, he himself organizing the funeral, stalking Barbara and killing her to get closer to Nancy afterwards—  he wouldn’t be surprised. And apparently his mom was hanging out with the chief of police, rumours said they slept together. So if anything, that freak could cover it up because of his contact with the police. He couldn’t understand why he would do that to his own brother, but he figured a pervert like him probably wanted to do horrible things to him.

But that was just a theory. And to be entirely truthful, Will was probably the only remaining thing that was not boring in Hawkins. He was the only survivor who could tell this story. The only thing that ever happened in Hawkins was like— one suicide and this kid. And if Hawkins was awfully lame, he was pretty sure Will wasn’t.

The subject of his thoughts came out of school at the same time Max and the rest of their little party did. He was smaller than all of them. Gripping onto his bag straps to ground himself. Billy’s eyes followed him while he waited for Max to join the car, and he dragged a long puff of smoke as he did so.

Maybe this random kid could be the answer to cure his boredom.

Billy liked stuff like this, mysteries, real life horror tale. He liked reading about serial killers. It made him see that there were worst humans in the world than the one he was living with. It reassured him a bit as well, because he could never be as bad as them.

And Will went through a real life horror story, and he was the only one with every answer.

He wondered if Max knew about everything, but he didn’t really want to talk to her. It was out of question to have some sort of bonding sibling moment over some discussion about her friend.

He would just talk to the kid one day, and hope to receive an answer to all of his questions.

He threw the stub of his cigarette on the ground via the small opening of the window as Max opened the door. She sat on the passenger seat.

Billy didn’t mind her, he kept his eyes on Will who joined the parking lot to hop in his brother’s car.

This was what sucked with winter, he couldn’t get rid of Max by making her skate home because of the snow.

He started the car and drove off.

*

He got to it the very next day.

This time, he didn’t wait in the parking lot in his car. He actually let himself freeze in the snow, only covered by a jacket because a coat would ruin his look. It was a stupid reason, he should’ve worn a coat.

He shivered, muttering angry words under his breath. What a shitty idea. Even his cigarette pinched between two lips didn’t heat him up any more. The fire simply made the leaves crack, but nothing to warm him up.

His leg stomped the floor impatiently, he checked on his watch, redirecting his attention to the front doors and the kids that were coming out of them.

And finally, he saw Max and the party come out of the school amongst the crowd. She was talking with her little boyfriend, Lucas Sinclair.

Will was behind all of them, making himself as small as possible, staying on the down low. Billy walked towards them.

He could see Max’s eyebrows being drawn together, her questioning eyes. He saw Lucas swallowing harshly, not really daring to step further. The Wheeler kid with black hair glared daggers in his direction, and Henderson looked shocked.

Will crossed his eyes, before lowering his head immediately, not daring to look his direction.

He walked confidently. And he ignored Max when she asked “What are you doing here?”

“Can you get home another way?

Sinclair, you have a lift for her or anything?” He said, looking at the boy.

Lucas seemed confused, shocked, a bit scared too. It was the first time Billy explicitly allowed them to be together. Before, he tried to separate them. But ever since that incident, he just left them alone, ignoring their relationship. For once, he actually acknowledged they were together.

“Um- yeah, yeah! I’m taking the bus but— I’m sure Max could come too” he said a bit nervously, trying to stay as polite as possible, probably to not anger him. Though Billy didn’t care about that kid anymore.

“Good” he said sternly, before adding a natural “Byers, you’re coming with me”

Five pair of eyes turned to him almost immediately. The Wheeler kid seemed furious. Max’s jaw dropped. Henderson and Sinclair looked at him, then at Will, then him again. And Will just looked— completely lost.

His head tilted up, his neck snapping up as soon as his name was pronounced. He looked at Billy with almost fear, his throat moving as he swallowed. For a moment, he thought he misheard.

Max spoke. “Uh- what?”

“I’ll drive Byers home”

They exchanged confused looks, each asking questions without talking, but receiving no answer.

Will actually spoke, for once. And that was the first time Billy heard the sound of his voice. It was weak, small. A bit high pitched which was normal since he didn’t hit puberty yet. Overall cute.

“U-uh.. my.. brother is already.. I have a lift..”

“Tell him you’re coming with me then” he said naturally, his usual confidence spilling out of the words.

Max intervened “Why? What do you want with him?” She stepped a bit closer, as if she wanted to shelter him by being a human shield.

“Relax I won’t hurt him. I just want to talk”

“He has nothing to say to you” Mike said, his eyebrows furrowed. He looked a bit too angry for the overall situation.

“You kids I swear—”  he sighed. “I’ll bring him back to you safe and sound, guaranteed” he smirked. Maybe he shouldn’t have because that gave him more of a vile look than a reassuring one.

“No wa-”

“I-it’s alright guys..” the boy spoke.

He lifted his head up again. “Just for this once, I’ll be fine”

Max looked at him with her usual impertinent mean look, as if it could scare him.

“Good” Billy said again. “Let’s warn your brother” he said nicely, and Will nodded with one sharp movement. For a moment Billy believed he would place his hand for a military salute and say “Yes! Sir!” But he didn’t, the thought still made him break a smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” the brown haired boy told his friend as he started walking past them.

“Bye Will”

“Be careful”

Billy advanced further away, the kid following with small steps, almost running to be able to keep up with him.

*

“Uh- just wait.. he’s, right there” he said, his voice always as small and unable to utter two words without hesitating. He tapped on his brother’s window instead of getting in the car like he would usually do. Billy didn’t hear the conversation, the two of them being too soft spoken, but it was long. Their whispers were covered by the cacophony around them. The boots of students walking, making the snow crack at each step. Friends talking to each other. Cars driving around, the engine covering every sound. He sighed and waited for Will to be finished.

At some point he glanced at his watch, wondering what the hell could be so long. He was supposed to just go warn him so they could go, not retail his entire day. He sighed this time louder and rolled his eyes.

After an eternity Will went back to him.

“What the hell was so long” he reproached with an habitual sharp tone.

“Sorry- I just.. had to reassure him a bit. He doesn’t really trust…” Billy was pretty sure he was going to say ‘you’ but he instead went with “people”.

He wondered why a protective older brother would hurt his brother by kidnapping him and organizing his funeral. But he figured a weirdo like him probably viewed Will more as a property than a human to help. Again, it was just a theory. Maybe Jonathan wasn’t the one who did this at all.

He figured he’d learn the truth today.

“So he’s.. protective of you um? Possessive maybe?” He tried, walking towards his own car, this time a bit more slowly so Will could keep up.

“Possessive? No.. no he’s just, worried” Will answered, with tiny steps and his head always directed to the ground. Never lifting up his eyes to meet Billy’s.

“I bet. With what happened to you..” he started. Then not subtly at all, with a rare lack of tact, he bluntly asked. “What happened to you exactly?”

He felt Will tense up beside him, squeezing his straps tighter. His head fell even lower, now straight up fixated on his feet leaving traces in the snow at each step.

“I.. Uh. I can’t tell”

“Mh. Can’t tell uh” he repeated, not believing a word of it.

“It’s weird you can’t tell if the whole town already knows dontchu think?” He raised an eyebrow, and he didn’t know how it was possible but Will tensed up even more, those poor muscles would be sore tomorrow, he thought.

“Uh—”

The official story was: Will got lost in the woods. Some unidentified kid fell in the quarry and since they looked alike and were wearing almost the same thing, they thought it was him. The funeral was a mistake. They found Will half-dead in the forest. And all the other people that died, did because of a leak from the lab, and the suicide of that man doing burgers was just a coincidence. 

It was obviously bullshit, Billy didn’t believe a word of it. But Will saying he couldn’t tell just confirmed it even more.

“So?” He challenged, and they reached the car.

“I.. think I’m gonna go back with my brot-”

“Mh, pretty sure he’s gone already” he said, smiling staring at the empty spot in the parking lot.

He could see the ‘shit’ that went through Will’s head.

“Hop on. I won’t bite”

Will seemed uneasy, but unable to really disobey.

So he pulled the car handle, and sat on the passenger seat, slowly. One foot after the other he installed himself. He took off his bag and sat.

He was so tensed, his back was not even touching the seat back. And instead of dropping the bag to his feet like any normal person would do, he instead put it on his laps, and enrolled his arms around it like it was some protection.

Billy followed. He locked the door once they were both in.

“So you’re gonna tell me?” He asked, buckling up.

He could visibly see the shivers that sparked through Will’s spine.

“I.. got lost in the woods a-”

“Not the bullshit story. I know that one.

I want the true one” he said impatiently.

“It is” he said, trying to sound convincing but with the way his voice oscillated Billy knew it was a lie. He was so visibly insecure, stressed out, it was almost a bit funny.

“I fell off my bike and got lost. And I survived because I found water in some pudd-” he continued, his voice robotic. As if he was reciting a text he learnt by heart. Nothing genuine there. Giving unnecessary details Billy didn’t ask for just to make it seem believable, because none of it was.

“Bull” he repeated loudly. “I won’t start the car until you tell me the truth”

“It is the truth.. I swear..” he said meekly.

“Didn’t know you were such a liar. Could be a bad influence for my step-sister” he teased.

Will shut down, clasping his lips together.

“I really have to go home..” he stated, so pitifully he sounded almost in pain. It was some plea, like he was defeated. They barely exchanged two words and he was already freaked out, this wasn’t good.

“Hey c’mon. I’m not gonna hurt you okay?” He used his softest tone, really trying to make himself as kind and gentle as he could.

“I’m just a curious guy. You make me curious Byers, that’s all” he said nicely, looking towards him to try and make eye contact. If at least Will could believe him and see he was truthful, it would help his case. But the kid didn’t dare to look over at his face.

“But I.. really can’t tell” he let out almost in a whisper.

“Alright then” he turned to face the outside. “I’ll speak and you just answer by yes or no, okay? If you can’t tell just, nod”

Will nibbled on his lower lip, unsure.

“If you got it, nod” he said, looking back at Will with a furtive eye movement.

Will nodded. He was a good kid, listening well.

“So the story they told in journals is fake, yes or no”

Will didn’t do anything. He seemed to be hesitating, which was an answer of its own. He wouldn’t hesitate if it was true.

“Alright, this means yes” he declared assuredly and Will turned his face to him like a deer caught in the headlight.

“They invented it because.. the general population can’t know?”

Will deviated subject instead of answering. “I really have to go home.. please”

Billy wanted to know the answer before leaving the kid. He intended to have discovered the truth by the end of the day. If Will knew he was going to drive him, he could just shut down and not say anything for the whole drive.

“Not until I know the truth”

But for once, Will stood his ground and said more firmly. “You won’t. You can keep me here as long as you want.. I.. I won’t say anything. I can’t”

“You can’t or you just want to spend time with me?” He teased, his lips curling up into a cocky grin.

He was pretty sure Will blushed when he turned his face away, but his face was already red because of the cold, so he couldn’t quite tell.

“I really c-can’t..

If.. I could, you would know already”

It sounded genuine.

“So.. it’s not that you don’t want to tell because.. trauma shit. It’s someone else who don’t want you to talk?”

Will actually nodded.

“It’s the police? Covering their tracks?”

“Uh.. what?” He blurted a bit dumbly.

“It’s like those cases where the police fucks up and you were an unfortunate victim, but you can’t tell or it’ll fuck them up and all that?” He theorized.

He read a lot about these kind of stuff. It was mostly conspiracy, none of these would actually be made public, but it was pretty obvious when the government and police system would lie to the population. Cover ups were really frequent, and police corruption was no surprise to Billy. People were shitty, only thinking about themselves.

Will didn’t answer. He seemed dumbfounded. And either it meant he was witless and stupid, not knowing what it meant or how the police was implicated, or it simply wasn’t that.

“Or maybe it has to do with your brother.. and you’re scared of..” he was going to say him. But Will didn’t look scared of him. Maybe he was scared of what he could do to him. Or maybe he was scared of putting him in trouble. Like kids would get attached to their abuser and not report them because of it. He instead never finished his sentence and asked another question. “What are you scared of?”

“N-nothing!

I mean.. I’m scared of.. wasp I suppose and-”

“No, dipshit” God he was stupid. So stupid that the insult slipped on its own. “Are you scared of people finding out you told me? Are you scared of the people implicated in what happened to you? Are you scared of your brother?”

“J-Jonathan?” He said quickly, and just with one word his voice managed to crack.

“What does my brother have to do with this-”

“So you’re not scared of him? Never hurt you?”

“No!” He was firm in his answer, almost insulted.

So insulted that Billy even got worried Jonathan didn’t hurt him that way, but other ways instead. Like— sequestrating him and doing disgusting stuff. He was a pervert after all, it was a plausible theory. It would explain why Will would defend him, if he thought it was normal and that it was “love”.

“Alright.. okay. You’re not scared of him.

So he’s kind..” he started, his voice gentle. “You like him a lot mh?” He said manipulatively.

“Yes” Will said naively, though firm.

“He makes you feel good and safe, he’s a good brother..” he pursued, still with the implication underneath.

“Yes”

“So good that.. he likes to take pictures of you..” he started and Will didn’t react. Either it meant Jonathan never took inappropriate pictures of him, just normal ones, or that he didn’t know it was bad. “He helps you sometimes?.. Maybe by.. touching you? Helping you bathe?..”

It seemed Will understood where he was going, and immediately objected. “No! He never- no!”

He didn’t even hesitate or stammered and his voice didn’t break. He was solid and certain. He almost seemed offended about such accusations.

“Alright, alright, was just making sure” he smirked.

Will sighed “Can you please.. just start the car”

“I still don’t have my answers” he mocked, lips still curled upwards.

“C’mon. We’re having fun. We’re just discussing here” he tried to sound cheerful.

“You’re so tensed, it’s not as if I was going to hurt you”

He heard the kid mutter under his breath “How can I be sure..”

“Mh?”

“You.. you hurt my friends..” he said a bit more loudly, but without an ounce of confidence.

“‘t was long ago” he said, his jaw clenching.

“I mean.. I just- I can’t be sure..”

“Look I don’t care about you or your little friends okay? I’m just bored. And I want an answer because everyone is just saying a bunch of bull constantly. So don’t lie to me and fucking spit it”

“.. you’re losing your time” he sounded more defeated than impatient or annoyed. Like he would’ve want to say it but genuinely couldn’t. He probably wanted to get rid of Billy as much as Billy wanted to get this conversation over with.

The older teen sighed, and with a snappy tone declared “Fine”, spitting the word with resignation.

He finally started the car. Will seemed to relax a bit on the seat, still hugging his bag on his knees, but at least his back touched the seat and he sat more comfortably.

Billy drove off, looking at the road ahead, but not going too fast. He normally wouldn’t mind speed limit, but in winter with ice he was more prudent, and he still wanted to linger the moment a bit.

“So you’re forbidden to tell.. by the law?”

He left the road with his eyes to instead glance at Will, who nodded.

That was something, at last.

“So you’re scared of like.. going to jail if you speak?”

“I guess.. something like that..” he answered evasively.

“Something like that” Billy scoffed, repeating the boy’s words.

“You know, if you’re scared of people learning about it, I can assure you right now, I won’t tell anyone. Ever, okay? It’ll be our secret, yeah?” He tried to bargain patiently, still driving.

Will didn’t answer.

“Do you even know where you’re going?” The boy broke.

Billy hesitated, sucking the air between his teeth. He remembered going to the Byers house to find Max, which was incredibly fucked up because why was Steve, Mike, Dustin, Lucas and Max there— and not Will, Jonathan or even their mom? And he remembered how the house was fucked up. Covered in freaky drawings. He always wondered how Max got drugs. Their mom was probably a junkie. Or maybe it was Jonathan.

Either way, he remembered going but the memory of the ride there was a bit fuzzy. It was months ago, and he had been drugged. He couldn’t even remember how he got in his own house.

“I remember vaguely. Refresh my memory?”

“Keep going straight, I’ll tell you where to turn”

Billy did as asked.

“So, our secret, Byers?” He tried again, trying to make a deal or a pact. If he wasn’t busy driving he would’ve stick his little finger out to make a pinky promise.

“No matter how much you insist I can’t tell”

“You can’t tell or you won’t tell?”

“Both” he responded tit for that.

Billy sighed and grunted. This would be annoying.

“No, you can tell. You’re just afraid people will find out. But I promise okay, promise on everything I have, I won’t tell anyone you told me, okay?”

“Why are you insisting so much..” he said weakly. He clearly didn’t handle pressure very well. He seemed almost sad about not being able to say anything.

Billy shrugged. “Curious”

There was a silence, that Will eventually broke to say “There, turn left there”

Billy turned.

If the kid wouldn’t say anything today, it didn’t matter. He would just insist longer and eventually have an answer. Actually, this could be fun.

Because now, Billy had a goal. He had an objective to reach; finding out the truth. And as long as Will wouldn’t say anything, he would have something to do.

Maybe it was the way to kill his boredom for a bit. Sure it was annoying to not know anything, but he eventually would find the way to learn about all this stuff. It was a quest, a mystery even. He could be like one of those detective doing interrogatory, playing with the killer and manipulating, bargaining until he would spill everything. Maybe if he decided to treat this as a game, it would be better. He smiled to himself.

He declared assuredly “Alright Zombie boy, tell your brother he won’t need to pick you up after school. From now on, it’s my job”

“What?” he blurted, almost panicked.

“I’ll just milk the truth out of you”

“E- a.. I..” he almost squealed, which made Billy smile even more because he looked like some distressed animal. Like a mouse or an hamster. Or a bunny.

“You’re just losing your time-”

“I have lots of time to kill, kid

You, are my ticket to escape boredom” he turned his face to the right, looking at the stiff boy on the other seat. Will hugged his bag more tightly. His eyes avoided his, and he pouted slightly, giving him a childish look.

To Will, this was unfair.

He had no intention of staying with Billy. The older man was kind of scary.

He heard stuff about him, his friends told him what he did. And knowing he intended to pick him up after school instead of Jonathan was not reassuring in the slightest. Maybe Billy didn’t have anything better to do, but he did.

He wanted to spend more time with his family and friends, he wanted to play games and he had homeworks to do. If Billy just wanted to drive him it wasn’t that big of a deal, but if he wanted to spend more time to try and figure out the truth— that would be really inconvenient.

He didn’t know if he could really refuse Billy. But he also knew very well he couldn’t tell. He signed papers, from the government. It would put his family in danger. Billy would probably get bored eventually and stop annoying him once he would realize Will would never say anything.

But also— maybe Billy would be persistent. What if he was sticking with him for weeks? Will really didn’t want that. Especially with what he just said.

A ‘ticket to escape boredom’, was that all he was? Zombie boy and a ticket? That was what he was worth in other people’s eyes?

What happened to him, his story and— trauma, they weren’t just bedtime stories to kill boredom. It happened. He got hurt. It was real. It changed his life, for the worst. Billy was treating this like a game. He treated him like he was just some character in a fairytale.

He pouted, frowning and frustrated. He wouldn’t give Billy that satisfaction. He wouldn’t let himself be treated that way, not after being used by the mind flayer.

He didn’t really like him, and he wanted to get rid of him fast. He would find a way to.

As of now, the only way to get rid of him would be to spill everything.

Billy did say that he would never tell anyone, that this would stay a secret. He didn’t know if he believed him. He didn’t know Billy at all, so he couldn’t be sure he was trustworthy. Nothing assured him he wouldn’t tell the whole school and put Will in trouble. Did he even understand how dangerous and serious this situation was?

But also, Lucas did tell Max. And Jonathan and Nancy told Murray. Complete strangers.

He would have to discuss with his family, to know what to do about this. But this was stressing him out. Billy was stressing him out. Maybe he could invent some fake story believable enough for Billy to leave him, but he was absolutely terrible at lying, and he was pretty sure Billy would see through it. The moment he would start asking question, he would panic.

“Turn right” he said.

Billy followed instructions.

The rest of the ride was silent. Will thoughts were fusing, meanwhile Billy apparently had no more questions, for now at least.

Will simply pointed him where to go, and he eventually reached the small house.

As Billy was about to say something, about how he already came here once and it was weird and covered in drawings, Will had already open the door, ready to leave.

Billy scoffed seeing him in such hurry. Not even letting him time to speak.

“Jesus”

Will picked up his bag, jumping out of the car.

“See you tomorrow kid” he smiled. Will said nothing, and closed the door, before running off to the front door.

Chapter Text

As soon as Will stepped inside the house, Jonathan immediately started rambling, asking tons of questions and making sure he was okay. His brother jumped out of his seat, getting up to go to him.

“I should’ve never let you go with him.. he didn’t hurt you right? Are you okay Will?” He blurted in a hurry, his eyes scanning the youngest to make sure he was unscathed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. He didn’t do anything” Will said flatly.

“Okay..” Jonathan seemed to pondered on that information, but after giving it not so much thoughts, he declared a simple. “Good. What did he want?”

Will sighed as he answered. “He’s.. curious.

He wants to know what happened to me” he took off his coat, hanging it on the rack beside.

Jonathan’s expression melted into a discouraged, worried frowned. “Ah. Shit” he said. “You didn’t.. you didn’t sa-”

“No. Of course not”

It would really bother him when his family would express doubts about him, as if they didn’t trust him. They treated him like a baby for an entire year after what happened, sheltering him like he couldn’t handle anything on his own. And now, Jonathan didn’t even trust him to not say anything, when he knew very well Will knew the danger. It was ironic considering he did tell someone else, but since Will was the one younger, they didn’t trust him to keep his tongue.

Jonathan crossed his arms, his shoulders lifting up and down lazily, his muscles looking constricted.

“Okay, good. You can’t, you know that right? Government pap-”

“I know, Jonathan” Will flopped on the couch, sort of feeling exhausted.

“Yeah. Right” he scratched the side of his face, an habit he had when he was stressed out and reflecting.

“It’s just.. just because I told Murray doesn’t mean it’s safe”

“I know. I’m not irresponsible like you” he jerked a glance at his older brother, smirking cheekily, a smug look on his face.

Jonathan scoffed. “Very funny” then he took his serious tone back. And as if he needed to justify himself, he ranted “You know, I told Murray to take down the lab and get justice on those who hurt you and Barbara- so there was a real reason”

“I know” Will said softly. It did ease him a little to hear that, because sometimes when he was angry and feeling bad about his family treating him like a baby, he simply had to remember they saved him. They did all of this for him. He just had to put himself in their place and see things through their point of view, even if they wouldn’t do the same for him.

Jonathan took huge risk taking down the lab, but ultimately it gave justice to a girl that didn’t have any, who didn’t have the same chance Will had by surviving.

“Okay, good. So.. what did he say?”

“He wants me to tell you not to pick me up after school anymore.. I think he’ll annoy me until I spill everything.. but I won’t” he said naturally, just warning Jonathan of the situation.

“What a pain in the a-.. in.. the butt”

“You can swear, I’m not eight anymore” he said with a small titter in his voice.

Jonathan snorted again and shrugged, uncrossing his arms and instead trailing a hand on his hair. “Can’t be bad to be a good example.

Anyway, do you want me to talk to him? I’ll tell him to leave you alone”

Will hesitated, nibbling on his lower lip. “I.. Uh I mean yeah but..” he was kind of scared of Billy. Especially of what he could do.

Billy did say multiple times he wouldn’t hurt him, but he never promised that for Jonathan. And he knew Jonathan could be a bit rude at times. His temper could make people angry. Jonathan wasn’t a fighter, far from it. But people often wanted to pick fights with him. And with Billy’s hot temper, he feared if Jonathan were to meddle into this, things could turn badly very quickly.

“What if he hurts you?.. He beat up Steve last time, my friends told me”

“Did he threatened you?” Jonathan asked, concerned overtaking his voice.

“No! No he assured me he wouldn’t hurt me. He promised.

But.. I’m just not sure he would do the same with you.. I don’t know” he said, still gnawing at his lip.

“I’ll be fine buddy. I’ll just tell him you legally can’t say anything, that he’s losing his time and should go on with his life. That’s all”

“That’s exactly what I said. But he said he didn’t have anything better to do” he chewed still, bottom lip stuck between his teeth. He thought for a bit and hesitated before saying lowly “I-I think he’ll just become annoyed eventually and stop bothering me..”

“That’s not a risk I want to take. I’ll talk to him tomorrow” Jonathan decided.

“Okay.. thank you” he said, a timid smile on his face.

*

As soon as the door opened, Max immediately jumped on him before he even got to close it.

“What the hell was that?” She accused with a rude tone that never failed to make Billy roll his eyes.

“Fucking hell” he muttered between his teeth “Let a man arrive”

“No, Billy. What did you want with him?”

Billy took off his jacket, pushing his hair back with always more confidence. He sighed, not really in the mood to speak with her.

“Just.. friendly discussion. No big deal”

“Don’t you ever approach him again!” She said, using her serious tone and raising her voice, making Billy particularly bothered.

She was so impertinent, thinking that just because she threatened him once with a baseball bat she had power over him now. She was starting to act like Neil, treating him like less. It pissed him off.

“For Christ sake he’s not in danger. Why are you treating him like some defenceless baby” he moved towards the kitchen, needing to escape her little number. He opened the fridge, searching for a beer and grabbed one.

“He went through a lot” she simply said, without further explanation. She followed him to the kitchen, resting both hands on the counter in a confrontational posture.

“Yeah? Like what?” He made the cap pop, taking one loud gulp as he closed the fridge. Without ever looking at Max, he walked towards the living room.

“Just.. bullying stuff and.. I mean he got lost in the forest for a whole week, it sort of like— traumatized him”

“Got lost.. in the forest uh. Sure” he took another sip, lingering the taste in his mouth, letting the coolness down his throat.

“What d’you know about all that?” He tried, crashing down on the couch and letting his body lax on it.

“What do you mean?” Max said, suddenly her tone stepping down. She turned, walking away from the kitchen as well.

“The full story, not the bullshit one. What do you know about it?” He said assuredly, his eyes closed and not looking at her.

“Uh.. what.. bullshit story?.. Did Will say anything?..”

Suspicious. These kids didn’t know how to lie for shit.

“Yeah. He told me everything” he smirked cockily.

Max’s eyes narrowed, observing him to try and detect some sort of lie with her squint.

“So why would you ask me?”

“I just wanted to know if you knew. Sinclair told you everything is that it?” He looked at her this time, turning his face towards her.

“.. Doesn’t matter.” She concluded, not in the right state for some mind games.

“Now leave Will alone. He’s been through enough”

He scoffed. “Actually, from now on you’re gonna take the bus” he closed his eyes back and took another sip of his fresh beer.

“What?”

“You’ll get back home with Sinclair or whatever way” he informed her calmly, certain of his decision and not in the mood to take any other proposal.

“But- My mom will know..” she said, and this time her tone not only stepped down, it became almost weak. As if she was holding onto the last branch ready to crack at any moment, without any other argument than “mommy will know”. She was such a child, at times it would make Billy feel almost guilty about hating her so much.

“I don’t care, lie. You’re good at that aren’t you” he said without an ounce of laughter.

“She’ll figure it out..

It’s not my pleasure to be in the car with you everyday you know? It’s just more practical” she said, this time her tone truly weaker, probably worried.

“You can skate home when there’s no snow, surely you can find a way” he tried to end the conversation by grabbing the remote, and as he was about to open the TV, Max answered.

“So you want to get rid of me to harass my friend? No way” Max said more sternly, shaking her head as a refusal.

“Harass? That’s a bit of a strong word don’t you think” he snorted sardonically.

“Billy, I’m serious” always with that same rude tone, as if she had any power over him.

“Me too”

“.. why do you need me gone to be with him? You can have your friendly conversation with me in the car” she instead bargained.

“No, Max. You’re pissing me off and I don’t want you meddling in this” he opened the TV, for good this time, wishing this conversation could be over.

“Meddling in my own friends life?” She stepped before him, hiding the screen from his eyes.

Being calm and rational was no longer an approach Billy wanted to go with. He instead accused with a louder voice.

“I’m trying to fix what you did” he snapped.

And in one puff of air Max released a small “What?”

“Nevermind. Just fuck off and let me do my thing”

Max glared at him, half-worried half-angry.

“I will know, if you do anything to him”

“I won’t. Who do you think I am” he said, shifting his body to angle himself differently and access the TV screen.

“.. it wouldn’t be the first time you hurt my friends..” she muttered.

“Yeah and I left all of you shitheads alone” he spat, taking yet another sip of his can to calm his nerves.

“Apparently except Will”

“Will isn’t a shithead” he said as if it were an evidence, and somehow it should’ve been.

“How would you know?”

He hesitated for a bit. “I don’t. But he isn’t some impertinent shit that talks back. And he never bothered me so far. And he’s the only goddamn thing worth talking about in this shitty boring town”

Max scoffed “So you just want him to be your entertainment?”

“He’s a living story, Max. Do you realize how extraordinary and— fucking weird and fucked up what happened to him was?”

“He’s not a story! It— it traumatized him! It’s not extraordinary it’s..” she lost the strength in her voice, ending her sudden anger with empathy instead “it’s tragic”

He sighed loudly, no remaining patience to handle a conversation with her anymore.

“Whatever”

Tragic.

A dumb kid getting lost because he was too stupid to find his way home wasn’t tragic.

Getting kidnapped and vanishing, missing for a week, that was tragic.

They definitely knew more than what they were saying. Max knew. And it probably had nothing to do with Jonathan since no one seemed to care about the guy.

It was probably due to the government. Maybe the laboratory that killed Barbara Holland did some test experiment on him as well, but he survived and the others didn’t. And since the lab was funded by the government, he couldn’t say anything. The police would also know about everything since it was also financed by it. It seemed like the most plausible theory. And frankly, it was chilling. What did a poor kid do to be trapped in some conspiracy story with the American government threatening him for what they did to him?

That would also explain the drugs in the house. The one Max used on him. Maybe it was the drug they tested on him. Maybe taking this drug made him do these fucked up drawings on the walls.

It only made Billy more curious.

He had to get to the bottom of this. It was too intriguing, too fascinating. It was the kind of story he’d see in movies or books, never in real life.

But— Max was also right. He was a thirteen year old boy living through a tragedy. He could have a bit more pity, or tact, at least. Not that he cared that much about this random kid well-being.

He sipped on his beer silently.

He figured if he wanted Will to spill anything, he’d have to gain his trust first. Become some sort of a friend or— mentor or whatever. Just so he’d be more trusting. For that they would have to be closer, and Billy would have to at least make him believe he was seeing him as more than zombie boy.

He could do that. He has always been good at faking, reading people. Manipulating. This would just take some time, but he’ll do it.

Max stepped away and went to barricade herself in her room. Billy stayed in the living room, watching absentmindedly the TV.

*

The next day at school, Will’s friends didn’t shy away from asking questions. Especially Mike, who particularly didn’t trust Billy.

“What did he want?”

He said as soon as he saw him entering the room, without even an hello to start the day. Lucas, Dustin and Max were already there as well. All grouped around his desk, Will dropped his book on it and sat.

“He wanted to know about.. upside down stuff” he mumbled quietly. Having so much attention on him was quite unsettling. His friends being all around him made him feel claustrophobic, observed. Just like when he came back from that week and kids at school wouldn’t stop staring at him. He really was a freak. This would never stop.

“Did you say anything—?” Dustin started.

“N-no! No of course not” he said weakly, trying to sound firm but his throat never allowing him.

“How did he know about the upside down? Max you told him?” Mike reproached, turning towards her with the look he usually had when he was frustrated. Mouth slightly opening, eyebrows lowering a bit.

Will intervened immediately “No! Mike, he doesn’t know anything, he wants to know. But I won’t tell”

“Oh.. okay” he said, calming down and settling down on his desk.

Max spoke “He told me he didn’t believe the story they say in the journals”

“He knows how to read journal?” Mike snorted and Dustin cackled loudly as well.

“Yeah. And he knows it’s bullshit.

He’s going to harass Will until he spills the truth, he told me” she continued.

“What?” They all said, and Will’s head lowered to hide his shame. He was in big trouble.

“He can’t do that”

“That’s ridiculous”

“Will will never say anything”

They all talked over each other.

“It’s no big deal guys..” Will finally broke, lifting his head up with an hopeful smile. “He’s just going to get tired after a week”

“Billy can be persistent and persuasive, Will..” Max said low, as if she wanted only him to hear.

“He won’t lose all of his time with me, it’ll be fine”

They nodded.

“I hope” said Lucas.

Max wasn’t so hopeful about this.

*

Billy got interpellated, obviously, by that freak Jonathan the next day. It was to be expected.

The guy didn’t bother saying hi, he immediately started ranting. Billy liked that he wasn’t wasting too much time or sugar coating stuff. It was sharp, efficient. He wouldn’t make him lose his time with stupid small talk.

“Will told me, and just so you know, you’re wasting your time.

You won’t get anything out of him. So it’s useless to insist. I’ll bring him home today, and all the days after” he blathered to deaf ears.

“Ah Byers. Of course you would meddle” he smiled cunningly. “Nice speech. But you know.. I finally found the cure to my boredom, so I think I’ll stick around for a bit”

“My brother isn’t a cure- certainly not for your benefit. Leave him alone”

“What’s with everyone so scared I’m gonna hurt him. It’s just for friendly conversations” he explained normally, throwing his head back in annoyance.

“He told you multiple times he couldn’t tell you. I don’t know what it is that you want or is looking for, but you won’t have it. So now please, leave him” Billy noticed the insistence on the please, which wasn’t really Jonathan begging, more so putting emphasis on the fact he wanted this conversation over with.

“Got another deal for ya” he approached, smiling to himself.

“I’ll get him off your hands, that’ll give you time to hang out with your girlfriend. Fuck her in your car while he isn’t there, enjoy life man. He’ll be safe and sound” he gave him a dark smirk, almost wanting to step even further to see if he would back away or stand his ground.

“You think I’m going to trust you?” He scoffed, ignoring the weird comment and the proximity.

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t” he said naturally, raking a hand through his hair with a long sweeping movement.

“Are you purposefully playing dumb?”

“Okay, sure” he admitted, understanding Jonathan’s concerned about all this, because he still had a brain and the capacity to think. “It’s not reassuring to leave an older guy you don’t know with your brother.. And I do have a certain reputation” he stated “But hey, I deserve the benefit of the doubt mh? A man can change” he said cunningly, a cocky downward smile appearing on his face.

Jonathan squinted, looking at him with his usual wary expression.

“I don’t trust you”

“Of course you don’t” he scoffed, eyes dropping to the ground before coming back to Jonathan, who answered rather firmly for a guy so unthreatening.

“You may be very persistent but I am too. Will is coming with me, in my car, and you’ll stop harassing him” Jonathan said, and his sentence sounded final, like he wouldn’t take any more argument. That made Billy look to the side, pushing his tongue in his cheek in annoyance. He made his tongue click as he answered.

“Always that word” he sighed. “It’s not harassment, Jesus”

He smirked once again, looking deeply into the other guy’s eyes, taking one step closer, now only inches away. Then he said more lowly, the words escaping in a cloud only meant for Jonathan to hear.

“You know what is? Harassment?”

He saw Jonathan’s physically shudder. That made him smile unpleasantly all the more, encouraging him to continue.

“Taking pictu-”

“Shut up!” The other guy whispered-screamed.

Billy chuckled. “If anything he’s more in danger with you than with me. Nothing assures me you aren’t the one who ki-”

Jonathan shoved him, pushing him with all of his strength with two arms. Billy lost balance but didn’t move, beside from his left leg catching up the fall. Jonathan wasn’t strong enough to push almost 80kg, but the impact still made him back off a little.

“Shut up” he repeated, tense, his teeth clenched.

“Woah. You’re getting really defensive..” he said, full of undertone.

“I’m done with stupid jocks like you putting their nose in my family’s business” he stepped closer, actually daring to talk back, and even jabbing Billy’s torso with two fingers.

“Possessive of your family then uh? You want your little brother for you alone?” Billy teased even more, a vile smile spreading.

“You’re sick-” Jonathan said, scrunching up his nose like Billy was a stinking  bomb. He didn’t even dare looking at him, as if he didn’t deserve his attention, or maybe it was because he couldn’t face Billy with his shame.

“I’m the one who’s sick?” He said with platitude in his voice.

“For you to say something like this you have to be..”

“So.. you didn’t hurt your broth-”

He saw the expression on his face and decided to shut up by himself this time. He still scoffed, satisfied with himself and his conversation.

Jonathan was making it very obvious when he was uncovered, like when Billy brought the pictures thing. But he seemed genuine, so he figured his first theory about Jonathan hurting Will wasn’t the right one.

He shrugged it off.

“Alright then, that’s one theory that’s been dismissed.

I’ll see your brother after school to eliminate more theories then. Nice talk Byers”

And without giving him time to answer, he walked away.

*

As soon as the school bell rang, he rushed outside to Hawkins middle school. Like the other time, he waited in front, with his usual cigarette and impatience.

He called for the kid right when he stepped out of the school.

“Byers” Will avoided his gaze, exactly like yesterday, while all of his friends stayed fixated on him. It looked like he had bodyguards or something. Which he could understand. If he was that small and helpless, he’d want a group of friend to defend him as well. Thank god he wasn’t.

Before his friends could say anything he blurted a quick “Max, found a way to go home?”

She gave him her usual mean look, and he guessed it probably meant yes. If it didn’t, she’d have to figure out a way.

“With me Byers, c’mon. We didn’t finish our little conversation” he smiled charmingly.

Will looked over at his friend. He looked unsure but resigned. “I’ll be fine..” he said, taking one step closer.

“… see you tomorrow Will” Lucas said as Will was getting farther away.

Once they were side by side Billy looked down at him. “So.. good day?” He said a bit unsure, not truly knowing how to do a small pep-talk.

“Actually I don’t really care.. not here for that kind of conversation” he sighed as he talk.

Will just walked beside, silent, not a smile in sight.

“You’re acting like some prisoner..”

“Didn’t Jonathan talk to you?” He said with always the same defeated tone. He was really counting on his brother to save him. What an helpless kid.

“Yeah. We figured it’ll be better if you came with me instead” he gave him a sly smile, looking at him again.

“I know it’s not true. Jonathan would never”

“Perceptive” he teased.

“No matter how much you.. pressure me..” he fumbled on his thoughts, searching for his word, only to settle for “I won’t tell”

“Alright” he said.

Will swallowed harshly the nervousness in his throat, not expecting such compliance from Billy.

“And.. and.. you can waste as much time as you want and annoy me for weeks I still won’t tell..”

“Okay” he repeated.

First step was to gain his trust. Of course he wouldn’t confide in a stranger. And he figured that, obviously, forcing him with threat would just be bad for himself.

“What would you like to do?”

“What?” He said with his usual soft voice, turning his head to see Billy’s face.

They arrived next to the car.

“We could do something, I don’t know. You like the arcade? You like.. food? Fries?”

“Uh.. I’m not.. I don’t..”

“I can just like.. drive around and talk or whatever” he said while he opened the door of his Camaro, spitting away his cigarette. He opened the door, ready to go in. But Will wasn’t doing the same. Instead of getting in, he stood by the car, looking for his brother’s car from afar. Billy crooked his head and asked “Coming?”

The boy turned, eyes widening like he got caught red-handed. Then it dropped low and he nodded. He opened the door and slipped inside.

“So?”

“I don’t know.. I don’t care” he said meekly, demoralized.

“Alright then”

This time he started the car immediately. Will buckled up once it was already gone. Just like the previous time, he placed his bag on his knees and hugged it, instead of dropping it to his feet. It seemed like some comfort to him, as some security blanket or something like that.

Billy put on some music, one of his favorite band. He shook his head a bit, tapping the wheel with his fingers and following the rhythm of the drums. He jerked a small look at Will, who had scrunched up his nose. Like someone would do when they were eating something bad. He thought of Jonathan who did the same thing earlier, they really did resemble each other.

“You don’t like it?” He said mockingly, because of course a kid like him wouldn’t like metal.

“I mean.. it’s less my taste..”

He seemed to focus on the music. “I mean it’s not bad.. I’m just not really used to that kind of music” it was probably the longest sentence he ever said in his presence, almost without stammering. That was something.

“You need to develop your taste kid. That’s Mötley Crüe, one of the greatest band to exist” he said, moving his head and hair at the same occasion.

“I like rock more than metal..

Well.. I mean Metallica got some good songs..”

“Yeah? You like Metallica?”

Will nodded unsurely. “Some songs” he specified.

“That’s my top one. Best of the best”

“Oh” Will said, but he actually did seem to relax. More than any time he ever did before.

“So you like music?” Billy wondered.

“Yes, a lot. My br- I mean Jonathan, he always shows me tons of songs”

“That’s cool”

He smacked his lips together. So much for starting a conversation.

“What’s.. your favorite band then?”

Will pondered for a short moment. Always chewing at his lower lip. “I guess.. The Clash?”

“You guess? He lifted his eyebrows inquisitively.

“I mean- it’s hard to tell. I like many but.. yeah, The Clash”

“Alright..”

“And solo I’d say David Bowie” he said proudly.

That made sense. There wasn’t just the zombie boy rumours going around with Will. There was also the one he was a queer. David Bowie and his flashy style and open bisexuality would definitely attract a kid like him.

Billy wondered if maybe the test experiment they did at the lab was something like that. Maybe Barbara Holland was a queer as well. Maybe they actually succeeded at curing Will.

“So what really happened to you?” He broke out again, completely changing the initial subject. To be fair, he couldn’t control where his mind and thoughts would go and with this new theory popping into his mind out of thin air, he just had to ask.

Will exhaled longly with impatience laced in it. “Just because we talked about music for three seconds doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly tell you..”

“Figured” he scoffed.

“If it has to do with the government, it means you like.. signed papers and contracts about it and all that?” He wondered, watching over his face to see if an emotion would betray him.

Will simply nodded, with a complete poker face.

“Mh, you didn’t let me speak yesterday when I dropped you off. Such in a hurry to leave..” he started.

“I was about to say I actually went to your house” he declared.

“Yeah.. I know. To hurt my friends” he said with strangely a lot of audacity. It was the third time he’d been reminded of that night, it was getting annoying.

“I was looking for my sister” he said sharply.

“You still hurt my friends” he said again, with the same boldness he had before. He only allowed himself to actually say it because he was pretty sure Billy wouldn’t hurt him. If he wanted to he would’ve done so earlier.

“Whatever” Billy brushed off. “It was fucked up” he declared a bit more rudely than it should’ve been.

Seeing Will had no reaction and didn’t answer, he pursued.

“Weird drawings everywhere. All over the walls.

What was that about? You made these?”

Will’s eyes dropped low.

He actually never planned any lie for this because he never expected anyone to see or question it. Everyone that knew about the drawings were people already implicated in this whole upside down stuff, and Bob, but he died.

And Billy.

So now he had to make some stuff up.

“Uh.. drawings?.. I mean, are you sure?”

Billy rolled his eyes. Of course he would play that card.

And despite being drugged when he went there, he was absolutely certain of what he saw. He knew he didn’t imagine this stuff. He saw it before taking the drugs.

“Don’t fucking lie to me, I know what I saw”

“I mean.. maybe. I wouldn’t know”

He grunted in annoyance.

“Did you draw it yes or no?”

“…” Will didn’t know what to say.

He did draw it, and admitting that wouldn’t sell anything. But also— he didn’t really drew it. It was more the mind flayer taking control of his body. But he did remember drawing it, based on the now-memories.

It was all so confusing.

“I can’t tell”

“Seriously? That too?”

“Yeah..” he said truthfully, sounding almost apologetic about it.

“Why the hell would the government want to cover up for that? It’s drawings”

“I can’t explain Billy.. but..”

“But?”

“Nothing. I can’t explain. Just stop questioning it, please?” He asked lowly.

“You know I will question it”

“Well stop..” his voice cracked once again, the tightness in his throat making it hard for the words to come through with stability.

“Fine, fine alright”

Billy exhaled.

“So what d’you like to do? Beside like.. keeping secrets and lying?”

Will smacked his lips in disapproval.

“Listening to music.. drawing.. and- watching movies. Playing games too. Board games and at the arcade”

“Alright.. okay cool”

“Um.. you?”

“Mh.. music, movies— killing time by training and driving around”

“Oh, okay”

The boy shifted on the seat. He was taking long and deep breath, like he was stressed.

“You can relax, y’know”

“Mh.. yeah”

“I make you nervous?” He asked, making his voice as calm as possible.

“Yeah.. a little” he admitted honestly.

“You’ll get used to it”

“.. to you?”

“Yeah. We’ll become best buddies, kid” he joked, and for once Will actually snorted.

Seeing some sort of a smile finally spreading on his face was almost endearing.

“Didn’t know you could smile” he teased, and Will gave him a small glance in return.

“Very funny”

“Always been wary and sad or is it since you were kidnapped?”

Will squinted, his eyebrows drawn together. “First.. I’m not wary and sad.. and even if I was— I didn’t change, I was always like this. Sort of.

And- second of, I.. wasn’t kidnapped”

Billy checked on him, and when he saw his teeth digging on his lower lip he figured he was lying.

“Weren’t kidnapped uh”

Will shook his head, affirming his prior statement.

“You lie a lot”

“W- I’m.. I’m not”

“You clearly didn’t just get lost by yourself, if you’ve always been wary and a scaredy-cat you probably would never have the guts to run away. So either your mom gave you up, or you were kidnapped”

”My mom?” Will blurted on his own. “Never!”

Billy’s thought were going so fast through his head he could hardly keep up with them. Because maybe his mom really was a junkie and sold him out for drugs. Apparently she was desperate to find him, but it could all be an act. However how would he have gotten out of whatever situation all by himself? And it didn’t tie up to why the government would want to keep this a secret, instead of putting this lady behind bars.

Maybe it was because she was hooking up with the chief of police so she covered it up. And since the kid seemed so surprised and offended about him accusing his mom, maybe he didn’t even know what happened to him.

”Are you even aware of what happened to you?”

Will scoffed, looking at him and wondering if this was a joke, but seeing Billy had his serious face on, he simply said a weak “Yeah, of course” Then he chuckled “I was there you know”

Billy scoffed as well “Yeah alright, so if it wasn’t your mom then obviously you were kidnapped”

“.. mh. I guess” his voice dropped a few octave, muttering low like he just realized Billy had backed him into a corner. 

“Ah. See? Pretty good uh?” He said proudly, feeling like a real investigator.

And Will smirked again in response, with a tiny raise of shoulder.

“I guess”

“It was the government that kidnapped you? Like the police? In the lab?”

“What? No!”

“No?”

“No” 

“… uh” he couldn’t find any trace of lie, and he seemed genuine and firm in his answer. This officially made no sense. All of his theories were leading nowhere. Thankfully Will was collaborating when he was the one asking questions, so he’d find a way to figure out everything.

Before he even realized, he was in front of his house.

“Talk to you tomorrow” he said with his tone as friendly as possible.

Will seemed sort of discouraged. But he didn’t say anything. He opened the door, picked up his bag and went away.

*

Billy ignored Max when he arrived home. He immediately went to his room and picked up his book about a recollection of some news story.

He tried to find kidnapping stories. Most of them were linked to serial killers, which seemed like a given. But why would Hawkins cover up for a serial killer? Maybe because they didn’t catch him. They didn’t want to alert the population. That would explain why they never found the bodies of those hunters, how Barbara died, maybe even that other kid in the quarry. Will would’ve escaped a killer?

And then not say anything about him and let the government cover for him?

This seemed so unrealistic and impossible. Again, just a theory.

The more he was digging into this, the more he was curious, and the less it made sense. No puzzle pieces seemed to be fitting with one another. A chemical leak from the lab, a dead kid resembling a missing one and an undead kid made no sense with one another. Yet everything was always circling back to him. Will.

He was the first missing person. Barbara was at the party that his brother stalked. The dead kid in the quarry was confused for him. Somehow, everything was about him.

It made Billy feel crazy.

Why wouldn’t he tell anything. Government and papers, this didn’t add up. The more he was thinking, the more new things had to be taken in consideration, and the more it was frustrating him.

He would have to be patient. He could be good at that when he wanted to.

Gain Will’s trust, make him talk. This was his only goal as of now. He’d eventually figure out the rest.

He closed the book and sighed longly. This year would be promising.

Chapter Text

Billy’s automatic response was to roll his eyes when he saw Tommy H approaching him the next day at school after class. The clingy guy enrolled his shoulders in his arm, as some friendly gesture. But really, Billy didn’t want to touch him. He felt his hot breath on the side of his face when he talked, with always the same idiotic grin he always had.

“Hey that chick, in chemistry, she was totally checking me out” he said with a loud whisper. Billy felt lucky to only have two classes with him, chemistry and PE, meaning he didn’t have to be with him all the times. Though assuredly, every day, Tommy would walk with him to his locker, or wait for him there. Thankfully it was the end of the day, the bell rang so he wouldn’t have to stay with him too long. He walked in the hallway, sort of in a hurry since he had someone to join after class.

“Oh yeah” he answered with obvious nonchalance in his tone. Tommy’s strength wasn’t to catch onto these kind of things, since he apparently didn’t realize the indifference Billy showed, and kept going.

“Yeah, I think she’s one of Mabel’s best friend? Remember Mabel?” He said wiggling his eyebrows, face getting even closer and making Billy particularly uncomfortable in his grip. He gave a complicit look and smirk, eyebrows still raised, because he knew Billy remembered, he fucked her not that long ago.

“Mh mh” he hummed low, facing the other direction to not have his face at two centimeters from his. He kept walking with big steps, Tommy following closely.

“Well I guess best friend’s wants to try the other best friend uh” he chuckled. Billy just wanted to tell him abruptly they weren’t best friends, but he kept it for himself.

This concept was so stupid to him. Why would one guy be better than your other friends? It was such a biased concept. How could one person be— a best friend, more than the others? It was so insulting and ridiculous, he hated that. But maybe he just didn’t understand, because he never had real friends before, even less a best friend. But he sure as hell knew Tommy wasn’t the one.

“What about Carol?” he suddenly asked. Dishonesty and infidelity were two things he couldn’t quite wrap his head around, along with the stupid concept of having a friend better than the other. Why the hell would someone be in a committed relationship if they couldn’t stop playing around? If Tommy wanted to screw girls left and right, it was his thing, but at least he could have the decency of being single, or at least open about it to his girlfriend, and not do that behind her back.

He didn’t give a shit about Carol, she was impertinent and annoying, but these kind of people just bragging about being a piece of shit were making him more angry than it should’ve.

At least Billy was consistent. He was screwing around and being an asshole, sure, but he wasn’t committed. He probably would never be as well because his heart wasn’t available, at all. He wasn’t one to do romance. But at least he wasn’t playing with genuine feelings and leading a girl on. There was no attachment between him and his hook-ups. It was better that way.

Now it wasn’t his relationship, but if Tommy wanted to be an ass the least he could do was own up to it and take responsibility. But as usual, he didn’t have the slightest accountability as he just said a dumb “What about her?”

At least he left Billy’s shoulders alone, his arm dropping to he could instead tuck his hands in his jacket pockets. Billy reached his own locker, and he opened it without a look for Tommy who laid on the other beside it.

“She’s your fucking girlfriend? And you’re gonna cheat?” The door of his locker clanked, he put his books back to their place.

“Hey woah I never said I would cheat” he kept his stupid heedless smile, almost mocking with how wide it was for no reason.

Billy sighed and rolled his eyes. Everyone had a different idea of cheating, it was a matter of personal boundaries. If Carol was fine with him talking about other guys about fucking some other girl, then it wasn’t his business. Though as of now, he doubted she’d really appreciate to hear that.

“Whatever dude” he muttered low.

“Yeah, whatever” Tommy agreed.

“Hey so it’s Friday, weekend” he smiled, rising up his freckled-kiss cheeks. “Wanna hang out? Could get high in my basement a bit, I’ve got a new b-”

“Nah. I’ve got plans” he defused immediately. He normally would’ve taken the invitation, free weed was always a yes. But it was mostly a yes because he had nothing else to do and getting high was making time pass differently and changed his mind for a bit. For once, he actually did have plans, that would also change his mind quite a lot.

“Oh? Met a chick?” He raised his expressive eyebrows with complicity once more, with always the same grin plastered on his face, and always the same tone and same theories. As if meeting girls was the only thing to do in Hawkins.

Billy brushed it off, disinterested in holding a conversation further with him. “Nah. Nothing like that” he closed his locker back, ready to leave as fast as possible but visibly Tommy H wanted to keep talking.

“Oh? Okay man. Why?”

Uncaringly and with a sharp tone he said “None of your business” Tommy would probably just assume it was a family thing and leave him alone.

The black haired guy didn’t insist any longer. “Alright then. I’ll see you Monday I guess”

Billy flipped him off before walking away, and he heard him laugh behind him.

*

Same old routine he had for now three days, he was already kind of getting used to it.

Billy waited in front of Hawkins middle. Will didn’t waste any time joining him, just like Billy, he seemed to have already adjusted to this new reality of his now.

He told his friend he’d see them this weekend and waved them goodbye.

“Okay zombie boy..” Billy started off enthusiastically once Will was next to him. “How about you show me your house today?”

Will brushed over the proposal and avoided the subject. “If you want us to be.. ‘buddies’ or whatever.. don’t call me that” he said a bit pitifully.

“Fine. Not-zombie boy” his eyes stayed fixated on his car not far from them, but he could imagine Will’s pout and his eyes rolling in annoyance. “Show me your house” he requested, his tone light and friendly enough for it to not sound like an obligation.

“Uh.. what? I mean- why?” As usually he scurried with small, quick steps to keep up with him which was always adorable. Two steps for one of Billy’s, his legs so small compared to his it was comical.

“Why not? Your other friends saw your house” he said while unlocking the doors to his car, reaching for the driver seat while Will opened the door.

“We’re not friends..” he said weakly, sliding onto the seat. Billy did the same, and he faked a shocked gasp, jaw hanging open.

“Ouch. You’re hurting my feelings here” he smirked, closing his eyes while leaning closer to Will, simulating his heart stopping with a hand touching his chest. When he opened his eyes to look at him, the kid was smiling, his eyes rolling to the side and face tilting to the window to avoid Billy’s gaze.

“Ridiculous” he puffed out shyly, though his light smile curling the corner of his lips betrayed his annoyance.

“So? You hurt my feelings already, you can’t tell me no” he gave Will some breathing space by coming back to his initial position. He tapped the leather wheel of his car with his fingers, starting the engine and waiting for Will’s answer.

He just figured if he stayed with Will longer, in a place he knew well, he would be more comfortable. Being trapped in an unfamiliar car with nowhere to escape to could be unsettling, and their small talk during the drive was far from being sufficient. Will would definitely have more confidence in the comfort of his own house, Billy would be the one in new territory. If he wanted Will’s trust, he needed to be in his environment, like a prey. A prey had the upper hand in its own territory, it could outsmart the predator because of its landmarks. Billy was willing to be put at disadvantage, if it was for a good cause.

“Jonathan will be there..” he said, shifting on the seat and making the leather creak under him. Billy frowned, wouldn’t that be better for him? To know he had someone to trust in his house instead of being left to himself with him? Did he not want to Jonathan to be there, was he expecting some private time?

He tried to not burst laughing.

He knew he was attractive, obviously. This wasn’t a surprise for anyone. He felt the stares on him consistently. Even he liked to admire his face and body in the mirror. He was gifted with this, he could surely enjoy it, and he’d let others enjoy it as well. But to think this kid not only had a crush on him, but expected something was just hilarious. Did Will seriously think Billy was trying to get closer for any more reason? That if they were left alone in a house they would fuck? How he would’ve bursted with a fit of uncontrollable laughter if he didn’t want to hurt his feelings— teenage minds were really a wonder. To think a kid like him could ever think this, maybe even hope for someone much older to give him a tiny bit of attention, to the point of interpreting everything wrongly, it was beyond words.

He kept his composure, biting back his smile, and raised his eyebrows to tease him just a little more.

“How’s this a problem?.. You wanted us to be alone?” He tilted his head to the side, scrutinizing his reaction. And Will almost shouted when he answered his panicked “No!”

His ears became red incredibly fast, and Billy knew it wasn’t because of the cold. He had never seen this before, the blood rush overtaking his face as quickly as oil catching on fire.

“I m- I mean.. no. No.. it doesn’t change anything.. no”

Billy snorted listening to the stammering and poor justification. Maybe Will didn’t hate him after all, he just had an embarrassing crush and didn’t want to deal with it. This poor guy, he hoped he wouldn’t give him false hope by staying with him.

“My god- you’re stiffer than a metal bar. Was just asking a question no need to get all worked up” it sounded more condescending than it should’ve. Bad Billy, he told himself.

“S-sorry..” Will swallowed hard. He had never been more embarrassed in his life. He hoped Billy wouldn’t take what he said the wrong way. Because he absolutely didn’t mean anything more by this, he was just worried because he was sure Jonathan and Billy wouldn’t get along.

He wondered if Billy knew about all the rumours surrounding him. These sort of rumours kind of disappeared after the zombie boy thing, so maybe he didn’t know. Apparently being undead was more interesting and worth talking than just being a fairy. And he didn’t know what kind of high schooler would talk to Billy about a thirteen year old being gay, it was none of their business.

Will was wondering if he was even gay. Despite noticing some boys and never having a crush on a girl, he also couldn’t be sure he was truly a fairy, that was just what people would say about him. But he never did anything with a man nor intended to anytime soon. He couldn’t be gay if he never did stuff with a boy, right? And he had no intention to. He had no intentions of doing anything with a girl either, but maybe his father was right, and he simply wasn’t ready for a relationship with a girl. He was too young and immature for it. Those things he would feel for other boys were unimportant and he wasn’t really gay. Maybe. He hoped. He knew he would never have any sort of sex with one, because he didn’t want to. It was scary, horrible. He had something inside of him once and it was enough to know he didn’t want to live through that again. But he did feel some things towards boy. Maybe he was gay now and that could change later. But as of now, the rumours still existed, and that he wanted it or not, the label sticked to him. The eyes of the entire town were constantly on him, even more since his disappearance. He became famous in his town against his will, so maybe some people talked about it to Billy as well. There was this nervousness inside, about constantly having the spotlight on him. Having each and every action scrutinized and held against him. About everyone mocking him constantly, playing with him to get something out of it. He remembered how that guy once, in his class looked as if he was flirting. Will fell right on his act, blushing at the attention. He wasn’t in the right mind to think about dating, but the attention was nice and the guy was cute enough for Will to feel some tingles in his belly. In the span of a minute he started thinking this guy was interested and maybe liked him. He started to think it would be nice.

Turned out it was just another guy playing around. He ended up calling him a fag, before laughing loudly and going away. Once again treated like a spectacle.

Either way, he definitely over-exaggerated his reaction now. Billy just asked a simple question and he completely panicked, interpreting it wrongly, as usual.

Maybe it was mostly due to the fact that Billy made every word sound like a flirt. Will compared him to Harrison Ford in his head. Charismatic. With a sense of danger surrounding him, with a captivating aura. Every time he was opening his mouth to say something, it sounded seductive, or threatening.

Naturally, his mind took alone in a house the wrong way. God he was disgusting. His mind was horrible. And the fear had overtaken his body for a moment. The only thought of having someone touching him would make him shiver and give him nausea. Thankfully he was wrong about Billy. Though he still wished he could disappear for ever thinking this. He hid his shame on his bag, head low, arms squeezing it tight as if it could somehow help.

Billy didn’t seem to mind though. He brushed it off as if nothing happened, as if Will wasn’t curling up to make himself as small as possible and trying to vanish.

“D’you still have fucked up drawings all over the walls or is it gone now?” He asked, entirely focused on the road and not paying any attention to Will. Good. Will didn’t want him to look at him.

Then Billy added with a mutter  “‘t was really not the best design”

“It’s.. it’s all gone now” he spoke with low confidence, not even knowing what to say to entertain the conversation. However Billy seemed to be making a conscious effort to not make it more embarrassing than it already was.

“Thank fuck” he said while sighing a bit, as if it was a true relief.

The rest of the ride was lived in an awkward overwhelming silence.

*

This time, when Will jumped out of the car, Billy followed closely behind.

He locked it and shoved his keys on his pockets, before following behind the boy who was taking tiny hesitant steps.

“I don’t think Jonathan will be really happy to see you..” he said while nibbling on his lower lip, the situation apparently bothering his mind more than Billy had expected.

“Should I sneak? By your window maybe?” He said, which was more of a joke than a real proposition.

“Don’t be ridiculous—” he scoffed with the same shyness always inhabiting every limb of his.

He unlocked the door, and went in. Billy didn’t take any time to answer, he followed right after, closing the door behind him.

“Um.. Jonathan?” He called weakly, his eyes landing on him.

His older brother was sitting at the kitchen table, and his gaze immediately went on Billy.

“What is he doing here?” Billy could hear the dissatisfaction in his tone, though he wasn’t raising his voice. He spoke softly, not sharp and angry, nor annoyed and moody. Moreso some tired, exhausted, unsatisfied tone that made Billy smirk. He raised his hand and wiggled his fingers provocatively, greeting Jonathan while Will answered.

“He just.. wanted to look”

“Our house isn’t a museum, get lost” he said between clenching teeth, his grip on his pen getting harder. Now Billy could feel the frustration. He let the comment sink in, looking across the small house.

“Yeah fuck no it’s not”

Billy observed around. It was— different to say the least. He knew the Byers were pretty much poor, and for a single mother working on her own, it was pretty good. It was clean enough. Nothing was on the floor, it didn’t look dirty. It was just, very small. Smelling of cigarette and almost musty. Not multiple floor and stairs, just one long house with a kitchen and a living room basically at the same spot, and a very long hallway with rooms. It seemed fine for a family of three, but Billy wouldn’t exactly stay here.

“If you’re here to critici—”

“Jonathan, it’s alright” Will said to calm the atmosphere a bit.

“So.. I mean there isn’t much of a tour to do..” he said weakly just for Billy’s ears, almost whispering and sheepish. He turned his body towards him, but his head was always low.

Billy glanced around, checking the kitchen, ignoring Jonathan’s menacing eyes glaring daggers in his direction.

He smiled mockingly when he noticed the TV. It was— small would be an understatement. The lower end, the bare minimum. Not a quality brand or big screen. Honestly it was too small to even be considered a TV. It was barely a screen. He scoffed

“This is what you watch movies on? You like watching movies?.. On that?”

Will as usual chewed at his lower lip. If he kept going like that he would just tear it. He darted his eyes on the floor. Jonathan had no intention of letting Billy speak of them that way. He snapped from afar, raising his voice just a bit though his vocal chords seemed too weak to carry the sound very loudly.

“If you have a problem with our financial situ-”

“Hey c’mon relax dude. It’s just— it’s really small” he said with a shrug, all while Will stayed in retreat behind and took off his winter coat. Billy decided to keep his jacket on.

“Yeah well we can’t afford better.” Jonathan’s grumpy tone and finality in his words was supposed to be an hint for Billy to end the conversation. Only, he didn’t really want to. There was still questions on his mind, like why would a guy old enough to work would let his mom fend for herself, when he could take matters in his own hand, work like a man and offer a better life quality for everyone?

“Why dontchu work? You’re old enough” Billy accused mockingly, challenging Jonathan’s eyes with always a derisive smirk painted on his face. But things became awkward when Billy noticed the room fell silent. Not even a snappy comment from Jonathan telling him to mind his business. Both brothers just shut their mouth, exchanging a look. Or rather Jonathan searching for Will’s eyes, while the boy’s were fixated on the wooden floor.

“What?” Billy said loudly, drawing the attention on himself.

“Nothing..” Will huffed lowly.

The secrecy was getting really annoying. Everything, every topic seemed like a minefield. Every time he was saying something, they would get tense and hide something. Billy hated being so excluded and not understanding shit. It was frustrating. He would say the most random stuff and this guy would have something to hide about it. Why so much secrets?

“Fine..” he said, hiding how bothered he truly was. “Just show me your room then”

This wasn’t something he used to say a lot, especially not without innuendo or afterthoughts. Under any normal circumstances, he would say this to a girl, which really was a code that meant “let’s just fuck and get this over with”.

But now it was entirely different. He absolutely had no intention of fucking him. It was more a pretext to avoid Jonathan because the living room was too close to where he was. Still, it seemed his platonic and innocent proposition made the boy react, since he got flustered again. He really had a dirty mind, it was ridiculous.

“Uh.. my- I..”

He felt Jonathan’s look even more insistent, drilling through his skull, trying to pierce holes into him.

“What’s wrong?” He said innocently, hiding his cocky grin.

“No nothing! Yeah, okay come. Follow me” Will fled the entry, never dropping his bag and squeezing the straps between nervous fingers. With light and quick steps and ran to the last room on the right.

When Billy entered he wasn’t very surprised. This was how he expected a thirteen year old room to be. A simple bed with nerdy sheets, blue with some drawings of planes for some reason. It was pretty neat, but there were toys a bit everywhere. Some plushies here and there, a huge radio. It was painted yellow, it seemed lightful. There was a shelf full of books, toys from nerdy license Billy knew only by name. But the posters caught his attention the most.

“Jaws?” He said while lifting an eyebrow.

Will almost jumped like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, when he was quite literally just standing before the door, keeping it wide open and almost fusing with it to stay as far as possible from him. It almost made him laugh.

“U-uh. Yeah” Will nodded, toying with his hands sweaty by anxiousness. Billy only then noticed his clothes. Or rather how Will looked in clothes. He had only ever seen him when he had a big winter coat on. Now he only had his flannel and jean. His clothes seemed to hung on him awkwardly. His thin wrists jutting from the sleeves were like a stick in a too big cloth. His limbs never quite seemed to match up the fabric. He was just too small to be wearing— anything. He wondered why his mom wouldn’t buy him his size, but he concluded by himself it was probably Jonathan’s old buttoned-up.

“You like horror shit?” He eventually asked, bringing his attention back to the shark poster.

“Yeah”

“Uh” he said, somehow genuinely surprised and interested. It was weird to think about such small boy, scared at other human beings and voices a tad too loud, watching horror movies. He seemed so fragile, who could’ve thought he could handle scary shit.

Billy walked around slowly, letting himself observing the details all around him. He stepped beside the bed, looking at the book shelf. There were lots of comics, many fantasy books as well. The type of fictional stuff Billy wouldn’t read.

After his small inspection of the four walls around him he sat on his bed without much consideration, making himself at home while Will stayed at the other side of the room, right next to the door. Billy didn’t bother asking him to come closer.

“So..” he didn’t think of taking off his boots when he lifted his legs to let them rest on the bed. He saw Will’s wince seeing the melting snow leaving droplets on his bed sheets, but he didn’t comment on it. Billy kept talking “What was that earlier? I just said he should get a job”

“Oh.. uh” he got tensed again. Shifting his weight from one leg to another, moving uncomfortably in place.

Will figured it was a good idea to close the door. Very slowly, to not make it slam.

Then he approached closer, and he almost whispered, as if it was a big secret.

“He used to have one but— uh. It’s just..

The day I-” he hesitated to finish his sentence.

“You were kidnapped” Billy completed because apparently the kid couldn’t say it by himself.

“.. yeah. He- was supposed to be home. But he was working to get extra money”

“Uh” was the only sound that got through his throat. He found nothing else to say.

That was pretty unfair. Unfair was a euphemism. For the first time something weird flickered inside of him. He sort of realized at once. Billy wasn’t one to be defined by his empathy, but there was something just too tragic about all this. It was unbearably sad to think about.
Sometimes, life just wasn’t fair. And Billy knew a thing or two about that, very well.

He stared at the boy.

He was just a kid. He was even younger when it happened. A small twelve year old who arrived home, only to find out his brother wasn’t there. He got kidnapped and went through who-knows-what for a whole week before being found. All that because they lacked money. Because they had an asshole dad who left them to fend for themselves. Because their -maybe junkie- mom couldn’t make ends meet. And this kid was somehow at the wrong place wrong time.

He felt weird. Not so much sad, but revolted. He felt like a dick about mocking their shitty house and ridiculous TV. They were trying their best, and now Jonathan wasn’t working probably because he didn’t dare leaving him alone, or so Billy assumed.

“Shit” he said lowly. And he finally stopped looking at the boy. He sucked with words. Always did.

“But after it happened he.. well my mom- she doesn’t want me to be alone anymore.

And- and.. she had a boyfriend so he helped us a little. So we were doing fine.. I mean we are doing good. We can live, it’s all that matter” he shrugged, with a small timid smile.

“Where’s that boyfriend now?” He said, because it was the only question that seemed he’d get an answer to.

Will, like every single time he was asking a question, avoided his eyes. He pondered as if it was a very difficult question.

“Oh c’mon don’t tell me you can’t tell me this too—” Billy grunted in disbelief.

“Uh.. it’s.. can you promise not to ask any questions?” He took tiny hesitant steps towards his bed, speaking delicately and as always avoiding Billy’s eyes. It seemed hard for him to keep eye contact for some reason.

“I can’t” he said truthfully, and the expression of Will’s face almost made him chuckle. He simply pouted, his entire face looking at him like he was exhausted. He looked half miserable half annoyed. That made him smile.

“I’ll try”

“Okay— well” He cleared his throat, because even now, he found it hard to say such a thing out loud.

“He died” he said in a voice that barely carried any sound.

The finality in Will’s answer shut Billy pretty quickly. Any details about his life seemed so dark, so messed up. Did he even have one day of rest in his life? He sincerely hoped he didn’t like that guy, at the very least.

“Died how?”

“I said no question”

“Oh shit” he raised his eyebrows. This was not a natural cause of death. This entire story was clearly very complicated, but the simplest answers were usually the correct ones. Everything was connected. The government probably killed him off and buried every proof to cover their tracks, it was the only thing that made sense.

“He was killed because he knew too much?” What if his mom told her boyfriend and he got killed for it?  Was it that serious? Was he putting himself in danger by doing this? It was really starting to get really interesting.

“Uh- no. No nothing like that” he glanced out the window, pondering the question and then corrected himself “Maybe a little like that” And just like that, Billy knew that there was more to this folly than what he could’ve possibly imagine.

“So you’re not trying to protect me by not telling me?” He teased, his head crooking to the side to try and catch his eyes. Will’s were avoidant. He nibbled on his lower lip once more, playing with his hands, tangling his fingers together.

“I’m.. I’m protecting my family and— I mean I signed contracts so..”

“Ouch. Hurting my feelings again” he stretched his arm enough for it to reach Will’s head. Then he ruffled his hair, which gave him a morning sleepyhead appearance, it was quite cute.

“Quick tip kid” he let go of him, leaving the boy sulky and trying to re-arrange the flying strands of hair. “It’s more heroic and nice to say you’re trying to save people. Just pretend. Lie to please them, you’re good at that aren’t you?”

This time he was definitely annoyed. “Why should I please you?” He said while combing his hair with his fingers.

Billy chuckled, going back to lay and supporting his head on his two crossed arms “Because I’m your future best buddy, should be kinder to me”

Will shrugged. “I don’t really owe you an-”

He was interrupted by the door barging open. Will jumped and turn to see Jonathan, looking at them with worries written all over his face.

“What are you doing?” He said out of breath, his hand still on the door handle, half his body bended into the room, head directed straight at his brother.

“W-what? Nothing?” Will answered while stammering, visibly still shocked about the sudden interruption. The jump he made seemed to be sinking slowly, his heart must’ve been hammering in his chest. Jonathan then looked over at Billy, laying on the bed comfortably.

“Keep the door open” he reproached, his eyes never blinking the entire time, just flicking between the two.

“Jonathan!” Will shouted, utterly embarrassed, red overtaking his face.

“You have a dirty, dirty mind Byers” Billy said with a crooked smile, eyes insistent and fixing Jonathan.

“Shut up” he said in an exhale, finally letting go of the door handle he had been gripping hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. He instead crossed his arms on his chest in a defensive position, as if he was trying to protect himself.

“We were just talking privately. Stop imagining stuff. I’m not a fag” Billy said, knowing very well what Jonathan must’ve imagined to barge unprompted like that, with the panic on his face. Billy assumed by using a strong word like this one, it would’ve reassure him a bit. A gay wouldn’t use that word, after all. However he completely forgot he was in Will’s company, who was famously gay. He shouldn’t have said that.

The kid had a visible shudder ghosting through his breath.

Maybe this was a little insensitive of Billy.

“Shit, sorry” he said quickly. He was somewhat genuine, but with the pacing in which he spat the word, it sounded more like a reflex sorry rather than a truthful apology.

“W-what?” Will said, with his usual high pitched and panicked voice he had when he was caught off guard.

“Didn’t want to offend you or anything” he said while jerking a small -rather guilty- look to Will.

“I- b- wh- why would I be offended?” He said, his cheeks increasingly becoming more red, the words unnatural and tumbling on their way out.

“Aren’t you a f- I mean a.. a gay?” He asked with a question that wasn’t really one. Billy already knew, everybody did.

“That’s none of your business leave him alone!” Almost shouted Jonathan, getting very defensive. Billy was pretty sure he was shouting but he wouldn’t know because his voice sounded muffled constantly, it didn’t carry through, like Will’s.

“I- n- I mean I’m...” Will hesitated, because truth was he wasn’t sure yet if he was. He couldn’t answer, because he couldn’t deny or confirm he was or wasn’t gay. He knew he probably was, but he always wished he wasn’t, and maybe in the future he would grow up and meet a girl. It was hard to figure himself out when he never kissed either. He only knew he had some small, faint crushes on boys, that he liked male hero in movies, that everybody told him he was. But he also knew he wouldn’t do what gay people do. And maybe one day he would grow up like his father told him he would, that this phase would pass and he’d like girls eventually. 
For now he probably was gay, but Billy didn’t need to know that. 

Billy cleared his throat as an attempt to brush over it.

“Whatever.

Be reassured Byers” he said, this time addressing himself to Jonathan. “I’m not some pedo either. He’s a kid for god sake”

Jonathan squinted, still wary but at least somehow reassured Billy had some common sense. A pedophile wouldn’t be saying something like that. They would assume there wasn’t anything wrong and not even realize how young Will was, or so he assumed. But Billy had all his head, he wasn’t crazy or anything. He had no attraction for a kid, and that seemed to appease Jonathan a little bit.

“Will, you’re okay?” he asked softly, his tone immediately dropping as he was addressing himself to him.

His little brother nodded shyly.

“You want me to kick him out?..” he proposed, still with that same delicate voice as if he was addressing himself to a five years old.

“As if you could” Billy snorted.

He should learn how to shut up one day.

“N-no it’s fine. I’m fine” Will said, a tight-lipped smile on his face.

“Okay. Keep the door open.

I’ll.. just be in the kitchen” he raked a hand through his face, pushing his hair back.

Billy waved his hand mockingly as he stepped away.

He grinned to Will.

“So? Where were you?

The dead boyfriend, no job... I think you were about to tell me what happened to you exactly with very precise detail”

The joke put an end to Will’s consistent discomfort, as he finally broke a smile, widely. The biggest smile he had ever seen him do yet. Not an awkward timid not-sincere one, for once.

“It’s not gonna work” he said with an amused tone.

“I had to try” Billy smirked, staring at Will and the sudden illumination that had taken over his face. So he could smile. He could laugh. That was good, if he thought Billy was fun he would be more open to him.

“Good try” Will acknowledged while walking further away.

“Thanks”

Will approached his radio, pressing the play button so some music could be heard. Billy assumed it was to cover up their conversation since they couldn’t close the door.

He immediately recognized AC/DC, apparently Will really did like rock, maybe even metal with what he had said before. He had good taste.

“Are you actually listening to that?” He asked him, some surprise in his tone.

“Oh, no. The tape just slipped inside by itself and my finger pressed play on accident” he said teasingly, a taunt smile curving his pink lips.

“Wow. Didn’t know you could handle sarcasm” Billy’s eyes widened as his eyebrows lifted up, imitating a surprised expression.

Will shrugged, restraining a small cheeky smile. With his lips pinching together, his evasive eyes, head cocking to the side and small movements of shoulder, Billy understood something. He could understand why people saw within him a need to protect. Even if he was wary, teasing, shy— he was also likeable. With his comical face expression Billy could get now why Jonathan was so protective of him. Why his friends were acting as a human shield around him. And he could also understand why he was likely to be a target. Will’s flimsy silhouette gave off a soft vulnerable vibe to him, and he would be easy to abuse. It was disgusting, it was also sad. Who could’ve possibly hurt that kid so badly? And why possibly?

All Will was, was a cute kid, it was horrible to want to hurt someone like him. Billy was an horrible kid. At Will’s age he was already getting into fights. He figured kidnappers wouldn’t want a disobedient strong headed boy. They’d want a kid who wouldn’t fight back, who couldn’t fight back, because he was too small and fragile. Of course his brother would behave like this around him, after everything he went through.
After seeing his cute smile, teasing jokes, little body movements, Billy saw he was just a kid to protect. He could understand now.

Will took him out of his long thoughts by declaring firmly -as firm as he could be-

“Mh.. okay my turn to ask questions now” He said, climbing on his bed to kneel, right beside Billy who was still laying.

“Okay?” He approved while raising an eyebrow curiously, wondering what could the kid possibly ask him and what he was interested in knowing. Ever since Billy started this thing, Will was only just passive, not doing conversations, just answering to him. He assumed he wasn’t interested in anything else, but apparently he had some questions for him too.

“Why are you so curious about this?” Will asked while cocking his head to the side like some wondering puppy.

Billy shifted his gaze away, closing his eyes and smacking his lips together, before answering with a small shrug “I like this kind of stuff. News story, true crime, cold cases and stuff. That’s all”

“Really?” He said, tilting his head on his left side inquisitively, trying to search for Billy’s eyes. It was the first time he was the one looking for an eye contact.

“Yeah. I read the paper, I love these kind of things. Books about true events too” Billy explained with a matter of fact tone, doing the conversation naturally.

“You read books?” He said with a bit too much surprise in his voice, insisting heavily on the word 'book' as if it was some foreign language he had never heard.

“… you think I’m too stupid to read?” Billy said. And though it was made as some joke just to make the boy uncomfortable, there was still a seed of genuine truth there. He was used to being treated like less and like some dumb man, he just didn’t really like it when people would assume stuff.

“No! No it’s not what I meant I just.. wouldn’t have.. take you for— I don’t know… I’m sorry..” his voice progressively became lower as he spoke. But his apology sounded sincere. For once it seemed he really didn’t intend to hurt him or his feelings.

“.. it’s alright. People tend to think I’m a brainless caveman anyway” Billy shrugged it off easily, feigning indifference by closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t assume thing” he was genuine.

Billy hated what it did to him.

To somehow cover it up and brush over it, Billy defused by glancing at his shelf.

“I don’t read nerdy boring shit and long novel. Sitting at one place and staring at paper is boring. But I do like.. crime stuff before sleeping”

“Before sleeping?” Will seemed sort of stunned, insisting again at the word as if he heard it wrong.

“Yeah. Calms me down” Billy sighed, turning his face towards the ceiling instead.

“It’s crime stuff how is that calming?” he giggled softly.

“Dunno. It’s interesting” Billy said in an exhale, not even looking at Will. Simply resting on his arms, looking up.

“Mh” Will hummed, he seemed contemplative. After short seconds of silence he declared.

“I don’t really like it. It’s scary”

“You have horror shit in your room” Billy retorted with an amused scoff. He was sleeping surrounded by horror stuff, but books were scary? He glanced at him, his eyes shifting to the side.

“Yeah but- it’s fictional horror stuff.. it doesn’t exist.. it’s more reassuring” Will’s gaze trailed down, he focused back on his hands on which is fingernails were playing with the tip of his fingers.

“Mh” Billy said in turn.

“The monsters in movies are actors in a mask, but monsters in re-”

Billy lifted a curious eyebrow, side eyeing the kid. 'Monsters in real life'. He was about to say. Billy could understand his thought process. Some silly ghost movie and villain extraterrestrial being were much less worrying than the true monsters of this world. Humans. They could be vile, infinitely worst. For this kid to be aware of the cruelty of the world, he must’ve went through it, know it.

He could understand better now why Max said what happened to him was tragic. He couldn’t begin to imagine what these people did to him.

“Besides.. if I stop watching what I like, it’s like making the monsters win”

Billy rolled to the side, so he could get a better look at him. He rested his fist on his cheek.

That was a resilient way of seeing things. Quite impressive for a kid so scrawny that looked pathetically fragile. To stand his ground over his own trauma and be able to get over it to still enjoy himself was— really impressive actually. Kids usually would avoid or cry for their parents. When Max first fell off her skate, she didn’t want to try skating at all. It took her weeks to get over her fear, and a shit ton of protection pads.

But Will didn’t want to be scared. He wouldn’t let horrible things change his life. He was brave as fuck.

The kid concluded with a small “Anyway.. I’d rather be scared of Poltergeist and Jaws than real killer that could get to me”

Billy nodded in approval “Scared of sharks Byers?” He said with a small lopsided smile.

The boy smirked cheekily, shrugging slightly with a tiny raise of his shoulder.

“Not really” his smile faded and he looked away.

“I never saw a real one though. I don’t go at the beach either.. is there sharks in California?” He said, somehow genuinely intrigued even if his question was really stupid.

Billy scoffed without control “Of fucking course, it’s a whole state”

Will seemed a bit embarrassed by his dumb question so he shook his head, closing his eyes as if it would help him focus.

“I meant— where you lived”

“Never saw one” he said, lips curving downward while he inhaled longly. “But yeah, probably deeper in the water” he explained matter-of-factly.

“Weren’t you scared while going in the water that one could get to you?”

“Nah. ‘M not a pussy” he said naturally.

“Mh..”

There was a silence, that for once felt comfortable and not too out of place.

Billy wondered in the meantime. He replayed the conversation in his head. Will said he would be scared of a killer getting to him. Which implied it never happened. Or maybe he was scared it could happen again, because he knew what it was like.

“Mh.. I’m curious now..” he started off slow. “Didn’t you already get caught by a killer?”

“Um..” He nibbled on his lip as always. “It’s complicated”

Billy just rolled his eyes. Apparently everything was complicated. It was the government but not really. The police was implicated but not really. It was a killer but not really. He was kidnapped but not really. It made absolutely no sense.

“For fuck sake it can’t be that complicated”

“It is!” He said, trying to be convincing.

“Did you get caught by a killer, yes or no?” He repeated, taking his time, making his question simple, like a kindergarten teacher would address to a child.

“.. I- uh.. sort of..” he shook his head, gaze shifty “I suppose”

“What the hell does that even mean” he grunted, letting his head collide on the bed and resting there.

“Billy, I can’t tell you” he said, more serious than annoyed. Mostly just wishing Billy could stop insisting so much.

“You know I’ll figure out the truth one way or another. So just tell me now”

He fluttered his eyelashes, smiling charmingly. He doubt this would ever work but fuck it. It was fun to insist and see the kid struggle to refuse.

“It could put me.. my family in danger.. there’s contracts..” he said weakly.

It was really the only thing forbidding him to say anything.

“No one will ever know” he whispered low, sensing a breach he could get through.

“No.. I’m serious..” he looked over at him, supporting his gaze. But after two seconds it dropped. He tried to be more confident as he said a tad more loudly. “If you want your crime story stuff go read the papers and your scary books.. that’s not my story to tell”

“Oh yes it is” he turned to the side another time, face resting on his fist as he looked straight at the boy.

“You’re the one to whom it happened. I never met anyone, ever, to whom something so fucked up happened and who came out of it alive. Almost unscathed” he said truthfully. Will couldn’t dare to look his way as usual, but he listened. He had some sort of flinch, some mouth muscle that spasmed down when he said unscathed.

“Though you’re not unscathed are you?” He read through his reaction, and with the way Will looked, almost hurt, he tried “You’ve got nightmares?” He guessed, easily because it happened to him too, at times.

He swallowed, his small throat moving up and down.

“Yeah” he whispered in a choked voice.

“You ever told anyone about them?” He asked calmly.

“I.. I mean.. I don’t know”

His voice was so small and so meek and so goddamn innocent it made him smirk.

“You don’t know?”

Will’s slouched while pressing his lips tightly with one another, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“I don’t.. speak about it, but I’m sure they know because- well.. they probably hear me anyway and.. they are aware of the symptoms and.. trauma and all that so—”

“So they know but you won’t tell them yourself. Why?”

He sat this time, crossing his legs on the bed and inviting Will beside. It was his place, after all, and staying on his knees so close to the side where he could fall at any given moment seemed uncomfortable for him. It could make him more comfortable to know Billy was okay with it.

The kid scoffed, as if it was obvious, while sitting down, this time on his butt.

“I’m already a burden enough”

“Hey, you’re not a burden”

Though it was genuine and true, it sounded incredibly insincere because Billy had no idea how to comfort people. It was his strength to read them, charm them. Not doing some pep talk. He was probably the worst shoulder to lay on when someone was having trouble. That still didn’t stop Will from rambling.

“Right so I didn’t ruin my family’s life by being born and shattering everything, then by making them worried sick and having to lose their job and go to— stupid medical appointments and.. lose people dear to them like Bob o-or..” The tremble in his voice told Billy that the state of his mind was fragile, he tried his best to ease him.

“Hey- woah, calm down kid” he laid a firm hand on his shoulder, putting an end to his rant.

“Breath in breath out”. It sounded more sardonic then it should’ve been. “Look, your family obviously care about you and- uh.. well it wasn’t your fault and.. they know it, they love you still.. so like.. don’t feel so bad eh?”

Will sighed “It’s not that.. I wish they cared less” he said lowly. He jerked a glance to the door, checking if Jonathan was anywhere in sight.

Billy only then realized he should let go of his shoulder. Because him sitting down on a bed, touching him, while he was right beside, wasn’t really smart when there was already a paranoid with pervy scenarios in his mind in the next room.

Will talked, almost as a whisper. “I don’t want to be treated like a baby who can’t do anything because of that. But I know they are just scared for me.. and.. I wish Jonathan could be with his friends and Nancy more.. Nancy’s his girlfriend” he precised, though it was unnecessary because Billy already knew.

“And I wish he could have a job without feeling guilty about leaving me out of his sight. I don’t.. want him to think I constantly have to rely on him. And I wish my mom could stop stressing out so much. She’s.. always nervous. So jumpy.. her hair are gonna turn white if it keeps going that way. I already ruined their lives I can’t keep- doing that” He spoke quietly, but letting words flow as if he’d been trapped on a deserted island and suddenly got the opportunity to talk about years of solitude. It must’ve felt that way, to him.

“Yeah.. okay..”

“Same for my friends I mean.. I’m the one who dragged them into this mess and.. they’ll never be the same because of me” For once, Will felt free to talk about stuff bothering his mind. Not that Billy was a comforting presence, but the fact he was a stranger and completely unrelated to what happened made it easier for Will to confess the weight on his heart. He didn’t want his family or friends to feel guilty. He couldn’t confide these sort of stuff to them, since it was about them. For the first time he had someone to talk to, for the first time in a very long time, he was entirely honest with his feelings.

“You’ll never be the same either. For something that was out of your control” Billy responded as an evidence.

“.. yeah.. I guess

But at least if it was just me- I could deal with it. But it messed everyone up. And now I’m just.. this object everyone keeps seeing differently. This fragile baby everyone treats like a glass. People close to me thinks I’m gonna break at any moment. People at school bully me. And me.. I’m just.. less me, I guess” he completed, head falling low, his entire body crumpling down like he was trying to disappear within himself.

This was depressing.

What a sad kid. Why did he meddle with this. Jesus.

“Alright hey, kid” Will turned. Their eyes locked for a bit. “I’ll be your friend okay? A friend who.. doesn’t know anything. A friend who won’t treat you differently because of what happened.. because I just— don’t know what happen. You can’t mess me up if I don’t know, right? So all it is you have to dump, dump it on me. It won’t bother me” he put on a pleasant, charming smile, and Will gave it back, but it disappeared quickly.

“You’re already treating me differently though. You would never be here if it didn’t happen. You wouldn’t care about me if it wasn’t for this story”

Clever boy.

“Well, that is— true. Yeah. That’s true” he admitted.

“But from now on, no more of that ‘kay? I won’t treat you differently. I’ll just like.. stay as some pal, treat you like I’d treat a pal. And one day you’re gonna tell me everything..” he teased, smirking cunningly “and it won’t change. No matter what it is you went through, it won’t change the boy I see ‘kay? No guilt with me. I’m an outsider. How d’you like that?”

“I.. Uh.. yeah. I think I’d like that” his grin became wider, warmer. Sunnier. “I’d like that” he repeated, looking straight at him as his smile spread into an even more lightful expression. “Thank you Billy”

Billy felt guilty. He felt ashamed. He felt bad. Because he just lied to that boy. He had no intention of staying with him after learning the truth. And he sure as hell had no intention of being his friend. He talked out of his ass and Will completely believed it. He smiled, he thanked him. He believed him, he trusted him. And now it was too late for Billy to go back on his words. After learning everything, he would shatter that poor kid. But that was something for future Billy.

For now, he took in a deep breath, forced a smile on his face to look confident and ignored the feelings of guilt and shame twisting his stomach inside-out.

“Alright, good. Attaboy” he said nicely before ruffling his hair again, as some affectionate gesture, maybe to try and ease some of the shit feelings inside of him.

He did like ruffling Will’s hair though. To be fair they were really soft and it was the most contact he could do with someone without getting all cuddly and weird. It was putting some distance. It was the kind of thing a dad would do to his kid. 
Billy cleared his throat, changing the subject  “So, those nightmares. What are they?”

“Well- I can’t really tell because.. well it’s basically flashbacks so..”

“Ah. Makes sense.” He nodded.

Will stayed silent, swinging his legs back and forth from the bed.

“Is it like.. every night?” Billy wondered, turning to face Will.

“Um.. no. Not every, but most. More frequently than not” he explained while his eyes were still not locking on Billy’s.

“Yeah, okay”

Will didn’t add anything, neither did he.

Billy frankly had no idea how to be "friend" with someone like him. He didn’t necessarily have— friends. There was people he knew, he talked to, about unimportant stuff. In Hawkins, he would say his closest accointance was Tommy H. But even then, he wasn’t his friend. He was mostly just a leech sticking to him because he wanted to hang out with whatever popular guy at school. It was stupid to Billy. High school popularity was far from being the kind of thing he would brag about, it was so trivial and superficial. But he did appreciate the attention. He liked being feared and admired. So if that meant sticking around with a prick who just wanted to speak about other girls while he was in a relationship with his girlfriend Carol, he didn’t mind.

But Will was a thirteen year old boy. He never had friends or acquaintances like that. They didn’t have anything in common, Will clearly wouldn’t talk about girls or sex life since it was both inexistant to him. Plus, Billy promised he would stop harassing Will with questions, he’d wait until they are closer. And for that he’d need to hang out more with him.

Hang out to do what?

Billy didn’t like drawing. He didn’t like board games. He didn’t mind video games though. He was fine with watching movies. Problem was, there was no way he could watch movies on that stupidly small TV. He also definitely didn’t want to bring him to his place, simply because Max would be there and it would be a pain in the ass to deal with.

“Alright kid, I want you to pick something to do for Monday. I’ll leave you the weekend to think about something.

Can’t be too boring alright? Something nice and fun”

“That’s.. a lot of pressure” he said weakly and his honesty mixed with innocence make Billy chuckle. He spoke as though it was the hardest mission anyone had ever given him.

“You’ll be fine”

“What do you like to do?.. I mean.. no you already told me that— Why can’t we just stay in your car and.. I don’t know”

“We don’t have much to talk about” Billy answered naturally.

Will nodded, silently agreeing, seemingly contemplative.

“It’s easier to bond and be more comfortable when there’s something else to do. Little tip advice for your future date life” Billy added.

The boy tensed beside him. And he wondered if that meant they would be on date while they were hanging together. This was a bit confusing. He didn’t know why Billy wanted him to organize some stuff to do when he was the one insisting to stay by his side.

He mostly was uncomfortable because he was pretty sure he’d never date. He didn’t know what to tell Billy. Something like "Oh I don’t think I’ll ever need your tip, I won’t go on dates, either because I’ll never find someone, or because I’ll be gay and not welcomed in public". He figured just thanking him would do the job.

“Oh.. thanks”

“You’re like really bad at making conversation so stick to movie dates, it’ll entertain your date and if the movie is good enough she- he?” He wondered in the middle of it, but completely brushed over it and didn’t ask Will for precision.

Will thanked the sky because he certainly wasn’t about to start uttering his doubts about his identity to him. He pursued naturally “will associate the overall date to a good memory. You don’t even have to do anything, cool uh?”

“Uh.. yeah. Cool”

It was far from being cool. First Billy said he was really bad at talking, which he was, but Billy being so blunt about it made him self-conscious. Second because he pretty much assumed he was gay. Third because he was basically advising him on how to trick someone into thinking he was a good date— he wondered if Billy often had to do this. But Billy probably didn’t even need to date at all. He could have whoever he wanted by snapping his fingers. It was so unfair how stupidly attractive he was. He was making every girl feel swoon, and every guy jealous. Will felt a bit of both.

Billy was kind of an asshole so it was reducing his attractiveness by about twenty percent. Which was still eighty percent left because he was the embodiment of perfection to Will. His manliness, almost feline beauty made him look like a book protagonist. The kind of guy someone, including Will, would create in his head when picturing a dream guy. He had everything for him. Beside the temper. But apparently he didn’t need a good temper if he was hot enough. Lord, how life was easy for attractive people. He wished he could have a charming smile like him, and have people respecting him, and anyone he wanted in his pocket with the snap of a finger. But nature wasn’t on his side, apparently.

However it appeared Billy wasn’t one to do boyfriend-girlfriend thing or didn’t care about the power he had over people. He just had one night stands partner, from what he heard from Max and what he observed with the girls coming in his car. Will wasn’t one to screw around that way. He never actually tried, but he knew he would be more drawn to romance than sex stuff. Romance could be nice, he wasn’t closed to the idea. He would like holding hands with a guy he loves, kissing a boy one day. But of course that could never be possible, because then people would hate him and they could never go out in public, and it would suck. But romance in general seemed great. Maybe he’d get to experience it with a girl in the future, once he’s old enough to, he could know love for himself.
But sex was just— sex was scary. Especially for gay people. He had something entering his body once and he absolutely, under any circumstances, never wanted to feel that again.

Maybe it was also because he was only thirteen that he wasn’t interested in sex more than that, but he knew he’d prefer being in a real relationship than just— screwing around without strings attached. He didn’t know if he’d be able to just move on after sleeping with someone.

Anyway. This would never happen. He didn’t want sex at all. And no one would want a one night stand fairy boy. It was impossible, and he was pretty much undesirable. Sure girls had some crush on him, but he usually just brushed it away and wouldn’t speak of it, girls weren’t the one he wanted right now.

Though it never helped his case. He could fake and date Jennifer or Maddie, but he didn’t want to play with their feelings and he wasn’t interested in lying and pretending. He had always been true to himself. Which was also what caused people to target him even more. He didn’t change his clothes, his passion, he didn’t fake attraction for girls— so it was easy for everyone to assume things about him and call him mean names. It had been going on since forever. He did nothing to help himself. Once again, he could only be thankful Billy hadn’t already beat him to death. Billy didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would be okay with gays. But he did imply he already had suspicions Will was, and he didn’t murder him so maybe he didn’t care.

“Do you.. go on dates often?” He tried, just to at least make some sort of conversation.

“Bof”

He was pretty much as bad as talking as Will was. Not participating in the slightest. At least Will was making efforts. That made him snort gently.

“What?” Billy said.

“You said I was really bad at making conversation— but you’re not really better..” he said weakly.

“Yeah well we don’t have much to say to each other, kid”

“Ugh don’t call me that” he huffed low, his sudden wave of confidence coming from the fact that Jonathan was in the room beside and Billy didn’t hurt him yet so he probably had no reason to hurt him now.

“You’re so demanding— I can’t call you zombie boy, or kid, what the hell am I supposed to call you?”

“By my name?

It’s Will, by the way. In case you didn’t know” he said cheekily.

“Wow, the boy has a sense of humour” he said unimpressed.

“You know, you are a kid. To me at least”

“I don’t want to hang out with someone who treats me like a kid. Not that I want to hang out with you in the first place.. but at least we can do compromise”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever”

“And you’re not that old either. You were like— me four years ago” Will said with an impertinent tone.

“Four years in teenage year is a lot, kid” he teased and Will rolled his eyes as a response. “You’ll see once you’re seventeen. You’re gonna think thirteen years old are little babies”

“So it’s weird of you to hang out with babies..”

“You know why I do it. It’s less by pleasure, more by—”

Will completed for him, because he knew, very well in fact, what his goals were. “Boredom. I know”

“Yeah.. But- hey at least you’re not a normal boring kid. You’re a cool one. So I don’t mind being your friend. If anything you’re more interesting than seventeen years old” he said reassuringly.

Will wondered if Billy was just saying this to be kind, but he figured a kind of guy like him wouldn’t care about making him feel good. He wouldn’t waste time reassuring him if it wasn’t at least true. He seemed to hate dishonesty, at least he was consistent.

He still asked “Really?”

Which was coming more as a request for precision than a doubt.

Billy got it and developed his thought process. “Yeah. They mostly talk about girls. Which girl is hot, which’s a slut, who they dated..”

So Billy didn’t like to talk about girls and thought it was boring? Will didn’t know why but it made some flicker of hope spark inside. Not that he expected to have a chance with Billy, but he would like to just— know someone like him. Someone that wasn’t interested in girls. He would never be like Billy, because he would never screw around, but at least maybe Billy could understand his annoyance regarding talking about girls constantly. It would reassure him to know he wasn’t alone in this world. Will would also get a bit bored when Lucas, Dustin and Mike would talk about girls. He could relate to Billy in that aspect. Maybe Billy was a bit like him and wanted to be his mentor, sort of. That would explain why he was friendly and didn’t mind assuming he was gay.

He didn’t dare ask, but he put this at the corner of his head. Billy didn’t like talking about girls, so he wouldn’t do that. He noted.

“So really, you have more stuff to talk about. You’re already more interesting by existing. No fucking wonder I ditched Tommy..” he rambled a bit to himself but Will still lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

Billy ditched his age appropriate friend to be with him today? And without harassing him with questions about the upside down?

It was astounding, but it shouldn’t come as a surprise to Will. He should’ve expected that. He basically already knew. Billy was popular and had friends and girls all over him, but somehow, amidst all of his social life, he found a way to be bored. He found a way to be so bored that his books couldn’t entertain him, his friends couldn’t ease it, so he went to him instead. It was kind of sad to know he was putting on so much effort to not be bored, even sticking around with him when he wouldn’t even get an answer to all of his questions. He didn’t know when Billy would get tired of waiting for the truth to come out, but Will knew for sure it wouldn’t happen. He hoped Billy would still manage to find a way to kill his boredom, even after wasting time with him.

“You’re really that bored..” he said lowly.

“Yeah”

“You must miss Lenora a lot” he assumed easily, showing empathy for Billy who was ripped away from home, like he was a year before.

“Yeah. At least there I wasn’t trapped in a shitty town that smells like cow shit and I had things to do and there was actions and stuff happening..”

Will was apologetic and genuine when he said “It sucks you had to move”

But for once, it was Billy who shut down. Will assumed he didn’t want to talk about it, which was understandable. If he had to leave everything he knew behind, his friends, the rest of his family, he’d probably be too sad to talk about it as well. He wondered where Billy’s mom was, but he knew better than to ask him.

Billy glanced out the window, it was now late in the afternoon and darkness was slowly settling around them. It gave him a pretext to break the awkward silence he had caused.

“Whatever, I should probably go now. I’ll see you Monday”

Will was thankful he was giving him the weekend alone.

“Okay”

Billy got up, and Will didn’t know if he should escort him to the door or if he should just stay in his room. He figured it was more polite to go with him so he got up as well. Billy didn’t mind walking around freely like he owned the house, and Will only followed like he was the stranger in his own home. He met Jonathan’s eyes who were still busy trying to light Billy on fire, and he shrugged, trying to reassure him it was fine and he was about to leave.

“See ya” he said with always the same smile that would make Will’s belly twist inside out. Then he did worst, he winked.

He wouldn’t think much of it if Billy wasn’t so seductive when he was barely even trying. A wink was nothing. It was just— eye twitch or something. It was a friendly gesture. But Billy looked like he was flirting every time he would do something. Which he obviously wasn’t because— Will was a guy and a kid. Still. The eye twitch was enough to freeze him in place and unable to answer anything. The door just closed and Jonathan sighed loudly once Billy was out of sight.

“It really bothers me, his game”

“It’s not that bad. He can be kind” said a bit shyly. He didn’t want to sound like he was defending him, but he didn’t like how Jonathan was always wary and thinking the worst. He was the same with Bob. Bob was nice, he never treated him differently. He was funny and a good presence and he made his mom happy. But Jonathan didn’t like him for— no real reason. But Will knew it was because Jonathan had also been bullied and had to live with Lonnie longer, so he was very untrusting of people he didn’t know.

Lonnie messed Will up too, but Jonathan was there, at least. He protected him, he made sure he could still be loved. He’d make him listen to music when the fights would get a little too loud, he really helped. But that made Jonathan the wary protector he was and Will— not necessarily naive but always willing to give a second chance.

Jonathan never wanted to go back to see Lonnie after he left. Will did. But Jonathan wouldn’t let him go alone so he’d usually come, but there were times Will would go alone. He didn’t know why he still wanted to see his dad even after he was so mean to him. He’d go through an awful day, being insulted and mocked and feeling bad, he’d tell himself he wouldn’t see Lonnie again. Then two weeks later he’d still go. He hated when he was being stupid like that but he couldn’t help himself. Either way, Will preferred to give chances to people because every person was a different person. Just because someone looked like Lonnie didn’t mean they were Lonnie. And he’d rather give them the benefit of the doubt, which was not something Jonathan would ever do.

“He’s an asshole, Will” Jonathan declared as if it was an evidence.

“You’re not giving him any chances..” he answered weakly.

“I don’t have to”

“Well- any way it’s not you who has to hang out with him, so be glad”

Jonathan snorted sarcastically

“You think I’m more reassured at the thought of leaving you with him? It’s worst”

“Well.. I mean.. it could be reassuring, no?” He started slowly.

“What?” He said in disbelief.

“You and mom you won’t ever let me alone because you’re too scared. And it’s..” he was going to say "ruining" but he knew Jonathan would focus on his choice of words rather than the actual point. “It’s changing your life a lot. But.. what if I’m with someone who can— like.. I don’t know protect me? You could.. spend time with Nancy and.. and have your job back and you wouldn’t have to waste all of your time on me”

“Okay, Will.. first of, it’s never a waste of time.

Second of.. I can see Nancy at school and during weekends.. and, yeah it would be better if I had a job but— I mean, Will, he’s the one you should be protected from”

“He never hurt me” he said with a bit of a pout. He didn’t know why exactly he was trying to defend Billy or get his brother to let him hang out with him. But he figured Billy wouldn’t let go so easily, and it would be way less embarrassing to be in his company without a third party there just scrutinizing them. He didn’t like when Jonathan was there while he was with his friends, because he never felt like he could talk freely about what he would usually talk about. And with the embarrassment he brought him earlier when Billy said he wasn’t gay— he really wished he could’ve just left the house altogether. And maybe just being with someone else who wasn’t his family was the first step towards his complete freedom. He missed being able to just— bike alone and hang out around the house and do whatever he wanted to. He liked his family, and being around them, but he also needed time for himself alone at times, and always being treated like an incompetent baby was really getting on his nerves. He didn’t know if this change in comportment was just puberty or PTSD though. The doctors said he’d change because of traumas, but Mike was also changing and it was mostly due to his puberty, so he wasn’t sure at this point.

“You cannot be serious Will. You want him to be your.. your what babysitter?” He dropped his pen on the table, pinching the side of his nose with his fingers.

“Babysitter.. seriously? Is that what you think you’re doing? Babysitting me?”

“No- that’s not what I meant Will” he got up for the chair, letting go of what he was doing. Will avoided his eyes but stayed in place, right in front of the door.

“I’m not babysitting you, I’m your brother, I’m just.. watching over you. But Billy.. he isn’t family and he isn’t your friend. He’s a guy that will hurt you” he crossed his arms as he stood before him with bowed shoulders. It appeared defensive. It was a natural posture for Jonathan, but not one he’d usually show to Will. It was more reserved for strangers he didn’t trust.

Will frowned. “I should be able to take my own decisions. If I get hurt, that’s on me. You can’t always shelter me”

“But I can try”

“Well it’s too late okay?” He felt his throat close up with a burning wave of emotions he didn’t even realized he had been building, making his voice oscillate. He hated how weak his voice sounded “I went through worst it’s not.. an impolite guy with a bad mouth that will be the end of me”

“Will..”

“He said he’d be my friend. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. And it’s my decision to take, not yours.

So.. that’s it. Discussion over” he tried to sound firm but his voice was as weak as usual. He wished sometimes he could have some authority. But it appeared he just wasn’t born for this. His voice would usually just crack when he was trying to be serious. It was one of the many thing making him self conscious about himself.

“Will-”

“I said over.

I’ll see him Monday so don’t wait for me or anything..” he pressed his lips together, ready to walk away towards his room. Jonathan tried to approach to touch his shoulder, but Will grumbled and leaned away from the touch. He pushed past him in a sour mood.

He would apologize later for talking badly to him. For now he was angry and he wanted Jonathan to understand that. It really wasn’t about Billy, he was even a bit scared himself of being all alone with him. He didn’t know what they could possibly talk about or do and it was overall a lot of pressure. But as long as Jonathan didn’t trust him to take his own decision, then he would act like he wanted to. Maybe that was the rebellious phase he heard in his science class.

He flopped flat on his bed after grabbing a comic, and spent the rest of his time reading.

Chapter Text

Billy was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the journal with a bowl of cereal resting before him. He wasn’t eating anymore, too captivated by the news story in the paper, his breakfast now softening in front of him. The remaining cereals had become soggy by now, simply floating in the milk as Billy was too distracted to finish it. His dad was already off to work so it was just he, Max and Susan. This simple fact was enough to make Billy less tense this morning, taking his time instead of trying to escape the house as fast as possible. This flight reflex always pumping in his veins when he was in presence of Neil. But today, there was no one to hurry him, stress him or yell at him.

He was entirely immersed by the paper. Apparently, a lady was killed on a motel a few city away from Hawkins. The investigation was still going and there wasn’t much details, but it was the kind of story grabbing his attention.

Susan always had a nice tone when addressing herself to him. “What are you reading?”

“News” he simply declared, taking a sip of his now lukewarm coffee.

“Margaret Collins, 43, found dead in a motel in Gary. Police are looking for suspect blah blah” he read with platitude.

“That’s so depressing” he heard Max say from the other side of the table.

“So much cruelty in this world..” Susan sighed sadly.

“Yeah” he let go of the journal, leaving it displayed on the table. And right after, the phone rang, distracting everyone from this cruel world.

Susan made her usual “ouh” noise when it would ring or knock at the door, as if she was always happy whenever someone was coming or calling. It was a small, cheerful and surprised noise. Billy didn’t know if she was faking joy by doing so, or if she was jumpy and scared about sudden sounds around her, but he knew it wasn’t a sincere reaction.

She hurried to the handset and answered with a “Hello?”, soft and like she was singing it, once again, Billy clocked onto her fake tone. She was only just pretending to be happy. No woman would be happy in a situation such as hers. At least his mother wasn’t. Unless she was happy about Neil not being there, hence sing-songing at the feeling of pseudo-freedom it offered her. That was a possibility.

Billy eyed in her direction while taking another cold gulp of his coffee, scrunching up his nose at the disagreeable coolness of it.

“Billy, it’s for you” she said, a hand covering the phone.

“Ah”

He chugged the rest of his coffee quickly while getting up, before clearing his throat once he was done and taking the phone Susan was handing him.

“Yeah?”

He heard Tommy’s annoying voice, basically screaming in his ear “Billy boy!” Way too enthusiastic for a cold Saturday morning.

“Hey” he answered.

“So what d’you think about a little party tonight?” He said at the other end of the phone.

He wanted to roll his eyes at the proposition. A party, in January, right after Christmas and New year vacations. What kind of person would do a party after that?

“In January?” He said with a scoff in his voice.

“Yep” he replied, making the “p” pop. “Dani’s place, folks gone all weekend. Can’t miss the opportunity right?”

Yes, they could miss the opportunity. But apparently Hawkins needed entertainment as well, and would take any occasion to have a party. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who was bored.

He had to admit, Tina’s halloween party wasn’t so bad in October. He got drunk out of his mind so maybe that was why he had a good memory of it -or rather barely had any memories of it- but he figured he could do the same. Get drunk since he had nothing else to do today, go through an horrid hungover on Sunday and go on with his life. He licked on his lower lips “Yeah okay, sure. Fine”

“Nice! See you tonight, eight”

“Okay, bye” he hung up. Then figured he should inform Susan. He hoped she wasn’t planning on going out, because he really wasn’t in the mood to watch over Max. He never was. He could watch over himself when he was thirteen, why would that shithead still need a babysitter? She had turned fourteen not so long ago, it was more than time for her to be autonomous.

“Got invited to a small thing tonight, I can go?” He asked, turning his sentence to receive a confirmation rather than being allowed.

“Oh yes sure, where?”

He didn’t know why she wanted to know and how it was important, but he knew better than to talk badly to his father’s wife.

“Um, Daniel’s house. He’s in the basketball team?”

Susan agreed without further conversation, giving him a small smile with an airy “Okay, sure”. She looked rather uncomfortable, Billy assumed it was because he asked for her permission, not his father’s, and she wasn’t even his mother. It felt unsettling to him too. But he knew he had to be polite. Even if Neil wasn’t there, he didn’t trust her to not snitch on him. Respect and responsibilities, these were the house rules, Neil’s motto. He had to follow it no matter what. Disrespecting Susan was not even an option then, and it was part of his responsibilities to warn her about his whereabouts.

He returned a forced smile “Thanks”

*

Billy started getting himself ready at eight -because it was always better to come late to a party-. He hopped in the shower, letting hot water cascade down his body. He poured shampoo in his palm, soothing his skull as his fingers massaged his hair. He put some conditionner as well, pushing his curls and taking his time. He always lingered in showers. Especially when his dad wasn’t here. When Neil was present he would hurry, not wanting to make him impatient or scream that he was going to make the water bill go up. And Billy liked his shower hot, which would leave less hot water for everyone else. But tonight Neil wasn’t there so he did as he pleased. Susan and Max didn’t care about the amount of time he would spend in the shower, so he doubted they would snitch.

He applied pressure on his muscle, shaving his torso nice and clean. Always just keeping just his mustache as only hairiness on him.

He stared at himself in the mirror, smoking as usual. He made circles with the grey cloud, filling his room with the smell.

He scrutinized the details on his face, making sure not one hair was out of place. He smiled to himself, he looked good as usual. He dressed up with a dark blue buttoned up, a jacket with some fur to keep himself warm, and a classic pair of jeans showing just enough of his feature. He knew, very well in fact, he was an eye candy. He could hardly blame girls for staring at him so insistently, he would to if he wasn’t himself.

He looked his final look and got ready to go, grabbing his car keys and stopping the radio blasting Metallica in the house. Once again, Neil would’ve probably tell him to lower the volume, but now he was free to do whatever he wanted.

He walked out of his room, throwing his keys in the air and catching them, then spinning them around his finger.

“Going now, bye” he grabbed the door handle, opening it.

“Have fun!” He heard Susan say from the other room.

He left the house and got ready to go.

*

He arrived in a house already in action, parking himself in the street and getting out of the car. He could already hear faint music coming out of the house, but no one was outside. Which was normal, considering the coolness of the air. He opened the door without knocking, and quickly figured the loud music was there to give some sort of ambiance, because there wasn’t a whole lot of conversations going on. There weren’t a lot of people, the house not that crowded. But it was understandable, he had expected that. It was January, after all. The house was relatively small. He figured Daniel just invited people that mattered, meaning: the basketball team, those who could bring booze and some girls.

Tommy as always jumped on him as soon as he saw him, yelling a loud “Hargrove!” Then he threw his arm around his shoulder like they were the best pals in the world, touching his chest with his other hand.

“So glad you could make it” he tapped his chest twice before he let go of him. He was already annoyed, the music was too shitty to be this loud in his ears. It was some sort of synthy dance music playing over a chunky component stereo that sounded terrible. He would need much more than a drink tonight.

“Yeah” he said, walking away from the guy. He searched for the kitchen, where he assumed snacks and alcohol would be.

He grabbed himself a red glass, pouring in it some punch. He remembered how last time it was like fifty percent alcohol, made people puke and all that. He drank a sip, and it wasn’t as nearly as strong as last time. A bit disappointed he just stayed standing there. It was a small party. Not just a gathering but not an open house either. He wondered what he could possibly do and wished there was some keg or games to do. Just standing in the living room and dancing didn’t look appealing at all.

He saw Tommy from afar with that girl he talked about, he had his common flirty grin he would use when addressing himself to girls. He wondered if Carol was there, but didn’t have time to dwell on it as all he felt a finger poking his arm. He didn’t even notice there was a presence so close to him.

He jerked a look in the direction the finger was coming from and saw some girl smiling up at him.

“Hey” she said, the sound of her voice almost drowning under the music. She was pretty, blonde, very clear blue eyes. Some audacious makeup on her face matching her outfits with hues of warm colors.

“Hey” he replied, glancing while taking another sip of his punch.

“You’re.. enjoying so far?”

She threw the kind of look Billy could recognize well. The flirty kind but that was supposed looked innocent. He grinned back, shrugging.

“Just arrived so it’s... fine. I was kind of looking for a thing to do” he said honestly, scanning her from head to toe, visibly making her nervous and blushing. It worked every time.

“Oh well- you wanna.. dance?” She asked unsurely.

“Yeah okay, why not”

Maybe he’d fuck her by the end of the night, who knew. That would be distracting enough.

She actually managed to muster up enough courage to grab his wrist, the free one that wasn’t busy holding his glass, and walked towards the living room where everyone was.

She didn’t dare touching him that much, just one clumsy hand here and there as she was wiggling her body. She kind of looked like a worm. It wasn’t like— the sexy kind of grinding, far from a lap dance as well. Billy wasn’t much of a dancer either but he figured just bouncing to the rhythm while drinking would do the trick. He observed the other people around and saw a guy way too hyped. Or probably just completely black out drunk since he was basically throwing his hands everywhere, almost like a fucking helicopter. He was singing at the top of his lungs, jumping and stomping on the floor. The weird spectacle made Billy chuckle genuinely. People that had no shame were really funny, they were entertaining. It was the kind of people Billy would enjoy having in his company. Unless it was Tommy H. Tommy H was just annoying. He should’ve had a little more shame.

After few minutes of mindless dancing, the host lowered the volume and proposed for a drinking game. Some people booed and refused but the majority was down for it.

“Okay okay- never have I ever or truth or drink?..”

“Why not just beer pong or flip cup?”

“Because, Chase, it’s gonna cause trouble. Let’s just sit and keep it calm”

“Lame” someone hidden in the mass said lowly, making some chuckles.

“I say never have I ever”

“Truth or dare is better”

“Nuh uh it’s truth or drink, no dare”

“Well that’s fucking boring then-”

They argued for a bit, Billy didn’t participate in the conversation even if he knew he’d have the authority amongst everyone. But he didn’t know what he himself wanted to do, so he let them choose, a girl hanging on his arm beside.

They eventually voted and the majority opted for truth or drink.

Billy sat down on the couch, bringing along that girl he didn’t catch the name of. Tommy joined him beside and everyone sat in a circle.

“Alright mister the host, let’s start with you” Stacy started, addressing herself to Daniel.

“Have you ever cheating on one of your girlfriends?” The game was started off strong.

There was a collective “woo”, and everyone knew it would sell him out if he were to drink.

“Don’t forget, we want the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth!”

Daniel swallowed down, making his Adam apple bob up and down. He looked nervous but he eventually admitted “Yeah”

His friends started laughing, apparently thinking the situation was very funny. They teased him a bit, booing, giving him thumbs down playfully.

“You bad bad boy”

Daniel smirked and raised his shoulders up and down, almost looking proud about it. He opened his mouth wide to let out some weird laugh, before saying with a scoff “What?”

“Okay, okay my turn. Cass”

He said, turning to a girl. “Did you blow Jack in the bathroom?” He said, raising his eyebrows.

Cassandra laughed and nodded “Yup. Yup guilty!”

People started cheering, clapping. Some guy dropped a small “Slut” amidst the noise and laughter, but nobody commented on it.

“Alright Alex, your turn. Did you and Cindy broke up?”

Alex gave a usual manic laugh, but decided to drink instead of answering. Billy assumed it was one of those complicated situation, not that he really cared to know.

People booed him for not answering, calling him a pussy but he avoided it all and shifted the attention elsewhere.

“Sh sh sh. I ask the question now

Tiff, do you intend of scoring with Billy tonight?” He winked, looking straight at the girl -who apparently was named Tiff, probably short for Tiffany- beside Billy.

She blushed, very intensely. Completely avoiding Billy’s gaze.

She decided to drink. Which honestly was a stupid decision because Billy already knew what she wanted. It was kind of weird of her to hide her intentions that way in front of everyone. He still took it as a yes, and if it wasn’t a yes, it was still a “maybe not tonight but eventually”. He figured he would give her what she wanted and move on.

“Okay— guess it’s me now um.. Tommy, what happened between you and Steve?”

Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington, apparently king of Hawkins or whatever. Tommy used to hang out with him, but something happened because of his ex Nancy.

Nancy who was coincidentally dating Jonathan Byers.

“Ah well, he was an asshole and a pussy” he mocked vilely, a usual loud laugh and huge smile plastered on his face.

“You just want to hang out with the most popular guy because you’d be a nobody if you weren’t, admit it” it came from one of his friend from the basketball team, and it sounded like a joke though everybody knew it was right. Tommy didn’t take any offense at the comment since he laughed it off with a “Busted!”

Crazy how little self awareness he had. Billy could’ve roll his eyes if everyone wasn’t already busy staring at him and Tommy right next to him. He hated that kind of attention. Still, he played it off and laughed, because that guy did call him out and it was a bit funny.

“Alright I guess that’s me now..” Tommy licked his lips, scanning the room.

“Tish. How many guys have you screwed with?”

Said Tish jaw fell open. She gulped, before saying a firm “None of your business” and drinking from her cup. Tommy let his back fall to the couch, tapping on his knee with disappointment. “Ah boring”

“Okay. Now Billy”

This grabbed his attention. He focused on Tish, ready for whatever question.

“Have you ever been in love?” A crease appeared in his forehead, who could’ve been a result of confusion or reflection.

It was a weird question. A tough one. It was weirdly intimate. More than mindless sex questions and crush thing. He wouldn’t have minded a question about sex or any impertinent shit. But this was just intrusive. He hated being asked about his feelings, but he wasn’t exactly surprised.

Girls would often wonder that, and he knew why. They wanted to know if they could be the one to win his heart. They thought maybe Billy just wouldn’t treat them like any other, shagging and leaving them after, and that some deeper connection could be made. However Billy’s heart was just not available. Not in the past, not now, not ever. Love was not a concept he really believed in. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to love anyone. How could he, when he never knew what it was? When the only person who ever made him feel like he could be loved just left him there to fend for himself? This wasn’t a sentiment meant for everyone. Some people just weren’t meant to know it. Love  was as ephemeral as a heart drawn in the sand, being washed away by a simple wave. He had never been in love, and he never would be.

He felt the blonde girl tensing up beside him and assumed maybe she was hopeful. That if he were to say ‘yes’ she’d have a chance of opening his heart or whatever. And that maybe he wouldn’t act like he usually does with girls to her. But Billy had no intention of lying, so he was sure, sharp, as he said “No”

“Cold, cold heartless man” Tommy said from the other end of the couch. Billy sighed, and despite telling the truth, he still drank, more for his nerves than anything.

“Guess it’s me now” he said after swallowing the alcohol.

“Freddy, are you really dumb or are you just acting to have attention?”

It made the room burst in laughter.

*

They played until everyone got tired of it. After dozens of impertinent relationship questions and trivial sex stuff, Billy got up and went outside to get some air. It appeared the blinding lights and deafening music made him a tad dizzy. Or maybe it had to do with the cheap booze they brought and how he might’ve taken one glass too many. Enough to make him tipsy but not drunk.

He was surprised to see Eddie Munson there, smoking all alone by the side of the house. He wasn’t surprised about Eddie being there giving that he was famously the one having access to drugs at school, but he wondered why he was alone instead of playing with everyone else, in the warmth of the house.

“Munson” he greeted sternly.

“Hargrove” he answered with the same tone, as pretty much always when they would see each other.

“Whatchu doing all alone here?” Billy asked, taking his pack of cigarette and extracting one out of it.

“Same reason as you, I guess”

“Fair” he considered for a bit, looking at his cigarette. Then decided to ask as he shoved it back in the pack “Hey got anything? One joint?” 

“Just one?”

“Yeah. Still got the ones you sold me some time ago, but I didn’t bring them” he sniffled, then rolled his shoulder back to stretch a little. The cold made his muscles feel stiff.

“10” Eddie said without any precision, because he didn’t need any. Billy understood what he meant and rolled his eyes. “Stop kidding”

“Nah seriously man, 10” Billy could tell with his tone he wasn’t joking. It was complete bullshit and honestly quite ridiculous to be treated like a dumbass. But he knew Eddie wasn’t doing this to mock him, he genuinely needed that money.

“Man, you’re not cheap” he settled to say, sighing as he retrieved his wallet. “Fucking thief” he said jokingly and Eddie laughed it off.

“Gotta make ends meet” Eddie joked, though his tone indicated real sadness. That poor guy was probably worrying every day about not having enough money. If he charged him that much for only a joint, it must’ve been because he really fucking needed it.

“Sure” he handed him the ten dollar bill, his rings feeling even more cold on his skin with the freezing air.

Eddie reached into his back pocket, taking a single joint out of his metallic box in which he was keeping them.

He handed it to Billy as soon as the ten dollar bill was safely in his pocket.

Billy pinched it between his lips and made the cap of his lighter pop open with his thumb. He light it up skilfully, closing back his lighter by shaking his hand, then shoved it back in his pocket.

He inhaled longly, lingering the smoke in his mouth, making the paper and leaf crack harshly as the fire consumed them. He let it down his throat as he inhaled again, the smoke cascading their way through his lungs. Then he spit it back out, closing his eyes.

“You look like shit” Eddie commented, staring at Billy and the heavy smoke coming out of his mouth and nose.

“Thanks you too” he replied without offense.

The black haired guy snorted. “As always”

Billy smirked as well, glancing at him. “Thought I looked great tonight actually, tried hard for my look” he leaned against the brick wall, taking another drag in his lungs.

“Nah you overall look fine but— you have a weird face. Like you’re tired. Bad night?” He wondered.

“I always have bad nights dude, that’s why I’m taking your weed” Billy said, resting his head on the wall. It was more or less a joke. He was stressed out pretty much all the time, his sleep was very light, he would wake up because of anything, multiple time through the night. Weed did help calm him down. He knew self medicating was bad but he didn’t have a lot of options, so if he had an occasion to calm his nerves, he sure as hell would take it.

Obviously his father couldn’t know he was smoking, which was why he had to crack a widow open and use the toilet paper cardboard with scented towel at each extremity to exhale without any smell. It made some sort of filter to keep the scent out of his room, the method seemed pretty decent since no one ever caught him.

“Fair” Eddie answered with a lopsided smile, raising an eyebrow with approval.

After a bit of silence Billy decided to keep talking. “I’m just.. dunno. Searching for things to do. Thought this party could help but it’s a bit boring”

“Uh” it was an agreement. A disinterested noise, but still an agreement. Eddie wasn’t much of a party guy either, he must’ve hated the music choice as well since Billy knew he had the same taste as he did.

They stayed silent for a bit. A long silence in which the only discussion was made through leaves cracking and long exhale of grey smoke vanishing in the cold air of winter. Billy shivered in his simple jacket, but he wasn’t about to go back inside.

“Hey what’s up with you driving the little Byers the past few days?” Eddie suddenly asked to break the silence. Maybe he realized it was better to at least talk a little than to stay in silence with someone for long minutes, the time to finish their smoke.

“You know about what happened right?” Billy asked him, testing out the water at first.

“Yeah, poor kid. Lost for an entire week”

“Yeah..” some people could be so gullible it was crazy. How dumb they had to be to not realize how so much stuff made so little sense?

“I’m just.. digging a bit more. Trying to get informations or whatever”

“You’re a journalist or what?” Eddie nudged him with his elbow

“Nah. Just personal curiosity. Aren’t you?”

“What?”

“Curious?” Billy said as an evidence, truly not understanding how someone could’ve lived through this so called "tragedy" and yet not be at least a little curious about the whole story.

“No man. We all lived it here in Hawkins, it’s better to leave him and his family alone. Same with the other victims” to Eddie it was obvious, no one wanted to mess with the Byers in the first place, but out of simple respect for the tragedy that happened and the lives that were lost, it was better to just— not mention it. It wasn’t taboo, per se. But it was an unspoken rule everyone agreed with, they wouldn’t talk about any of it. It was the least the could do to pay a little respect to that kid who was already in the spotlight at any given moment. Ever since Will learnt to walk, people in this town had been on his case. But even more now that he had a funeral.

Billy shrugged again, not fully agreeing with the "let’s ignore any of it ever happened" mentality. “I guess”

“Your Californian-ass can’t resist putting your nose in weird business uh” Eddie quipped with another nudge, this time a little harder.

“Ah well, not my fault this town is shitty and boring” with that, he inhaled a long puff.

Eddie snorted, lifting up his own joint as if it was a glass “Amen to that”

Billy didn’t add anything, but obviously Eddie spoke again after barely three seconds of silence.

“You don’t find it like.. awkward though? Hanging out with a thirteen years old?”

“He’s a weird thirteen years old, meaning he isn’t boring, meaning he’s interesting. So no, it’s not awkward” He was holding back a little, because yes it was a little awkward at times. Will didn’t want to share very much, they had no interest in common, and even if he was indeed weird and not boring, he wasn’t exactly interesting either. His story was, that was all Billy truly wanted in the end. But Will as a person was just— a kid. Still, it didn’t bother Billy enough to stop his quest. He knew Will’s presence could be one he’d grow to appreciate, perhaps one day.

He glanced at the black haired. “You’re one to talk. Aren’t you like.. nineteen playing board games with freshmen?”

“Yeah duh it’s a game club” Eddie rolled his eyes, judging Billy for the impertinent comment on his dear club. Munson hated sports, and he had no shame in saying it. He never hid his passion for games as well, he was loud and very comfortable with what he liked and what he didn’t. He wouldn’t take shit from Billy judging his club, he was used to it by now. “I wouldn’t hang with them one on one after school, it’s just to play”

Billy brushed the comment off with a flat “Whatever” then with a derisive tone he added “You’re kinda old to be playing these kind of games dontchu think?”

“D&D isn’t a child’s game it’s—”

Billy interrupted him because he honestly couldn’t care less about his nerdy board game “Whatever” he repeated once more.

Eddie made his tongue click, resigning himself and his explanation.

Billy didn’t hate Eddie Munson. He’d classify him as a cool dude. Unapologetically himself, he respected that.
Not only was he providing drugs, he also liked metal which would always score points in Billy’s opinion. He had a cool look, slightly long hair about long to his shoulder. Rings, chains. He was one of the few people who had a tattoo, like Billy. He was obviously scamming people a bit but when Billy went to his place to collect some weed and saw he was living in a shitty van with his uncle, he got it. He needed that money, he couldn’t blame him.
He heard he also had a group, he was playing guitar in it. Billy always wished he could’ve learn guitar, not that being a musician was appealing to him, but just being able to play some songs could’ve been nice. Though he preferred drums, definitely drums. But once again, Neil would’ve never allowed it. First of all because of the noise it would create to have a drum, but also because it was out of question for Neil to have an "artist" under his roof. Billy had to be a sport jock. He had to be good at every sport. He played baseball, football, basketball, he even did wrestling once. Neil thought musicians or artist in general were good for nothing. They’d die poor, they were junkies, it was a hobby for degenerate, even less a job. He respected Eddie for being able to enjoy his passion. Maybe he’d be poor forever and stuck with having to sell drugs to survive -because he definitely didn’t intent to study for long and school just wasn’t an option- but at least he could have music.

Eddie could’ve been one of his friend, but he was somewhat a freak and also a nerd. People only invited him for what he could offer, because he really didn’t have the best reputation. So he’d rather stay away.

But mostly, Billy recognized a little detail about him, about his outfits. How it would always have a black handkerchief somewhere. Either tucked in his back pocket or in his jacket, or tied around his wrist or around his head. He used to think it was just for the style, as a metalhead it wasn’t rare. But with the way he was putting it specifically in his jeans, on the right back pocket, he suspected maybe it meant something more. It was a code, maybe. A code for other queers. It could’ve only been illusions and false ideas but Billy knew about those hanky stuff.

He noticed something similar with some other girl, a band kid, Robin Buckley. She was wearing triangles.

It seemed random and trivial but Billy learnt how to read those signs and always wondered if they were queers.

Billy wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to be friends with them. And he had no intention of screwing around with Eddie. He promised himself he would never do it again. From now on it was girls only, even if he was attracted to guys at times. But he could never admit that. This was a big no, forever. He figured keeping people like this away from him would be a better move than getting close to them.

“Good talk Munson” he said, as he stepped away.

“Have a good night Hargrove” he answered without a look towards him, eyes directed towards the sky and two fingers around his cigarette.

Billy went back inside.

*

Monday came after a Sunday ruined by an expected hangover, after a night he could barely remember. All he knew was that nothing happened with Tiff, but something would happen with her, that was certain.

He went to his class, and actually looked forward to see what Will had planned for today. Despite Will knowing where he parked, he still waited for him in front of the middle school. It was just more practical that way, he could be sure he wouldn’t try and sneak away with his brother. Though it was also annoying to see all of his friends staring at him with their usual mean looks.

“Byers” he greeted formally once he saw his brown head close enough.

“H-hey” Will looked at his friends, turning back to him. “See you tomorrow”

They all answered variants of “See you Will” at the same time. Then Will turned his heels back to face Billy.

Billy actually waited to be a bit more afar before asking more privately. “So? Got something planned?”

“I actually do” he looked proud. Almost as if he gave lots of thought to it and found a great solution.

“Nice. I’ll trust you okay, I don’t want to know what it is yet. Do you know how to get there?”

Will nodded.

“Okay so you can tell me where to turn and where to go?”

He nodded again, smiling gently. It was good to see a smile on his face. He didn’t have one that often. The one he usually wore looked mostly fake. Tight lipped and unsure, sheepish almost, with eyes that bore no amusement. This time there was a glint of pride and excitement.

They got in the car, and apparently Will still wasn’t comfortable enough dropping his bag to his feet since he, again, kept it on his laps to hug it instead. Maybe it was some sort of security blanket.

“Why are you always holding your bag like this? Afraid I might steal it?” He joked.

“Uh.. no. No it’s just- I don’t know”

Billy made his tongue click on his palate and started the car. “Alright”

And soon miracle, Will spoke. For the first time, he broke the silence by asking  a question.

“Did you have a good weekend?”

“Yeah, ‘t was fine. Went to a party”

“Oh, cool” then he indicated Billy to turn left and go straight.

“Ever went to a party, Byers?” Billy asked him while driving, to break the weird atmosphere and warm it up a little bit. He hoped one day the conversations would be more natural, more fluid. They almost got there when they were in Will’s room, they just had to get used to it and to their mutual presence.

Will hesitated, pondering longly on the question. And like every time he would do so, chewed on his bottom lip.

“Does the snowball count?”

Billy scoffed at the innocence. Will was pretty funny, without even trying.

“It’s a school ball, it’s not a party”

“Then does like… family gathering counts?”

He chuckled again, making Will melt in embarrassment on the other seat. He didn’t have to answer with words, Will simply said with a meek whispery voice “Then no”

He added a bit after “Left again”

Billy turned as told and drove straight while adding “That’s fair. Thirteen’s too young to drink alcohol anyway”

“Seventeen too” he argued.

“Yeah but it’s better. I’m not like— that far to the age limit. In Canada it’s eighteen to drink so technically I could in a few months”

“Oh your birthday is in a few months?” He asked, turning his head towards him.

“Yup. End of March”

“Ah!” He exclaimed. It reminded him of Susan, only Will sounded genuine in his surprise. It was a soundless little choked Ah, but he sounded happy. “Me too. March twenty-second”

“Oh, sweet” Billy said, nodding his head as though he was approving of what Will had just said.

“Keep going straight”

“And you, what did you do?” Billy asked in turn, not that it interested him but at least he could try and be friendly.

“Turn right here” he pointed in the window.

“I was with the party, my friends. We played D&D an-”

“D&D? You play that?” Billy cut him straight in his sentence, baffled about hearing about this game again.

Will’s eyes illuminated. Billy was focused on the road but he could almost see how his eyes widened and stared at him, looking stunned and almost happy. “You know it?”

God, he probably hoped he was playing. Billy could already imagine him dragging him along to play the board game—

He quickly defused.

“Just by name. I don’t play”

“You co-”

“Nope. Nope I’m not playing that”

Will went back to his morose expression. And Billy snorted “Can’t believe Munson is playing a thirteen years old game..” he said for himself.

“Who’s Munson?” He wondered, before indicating “Go straight”

“Some guy in high school. He likes that game”

“Is he your friend?” Will asked while cocking his head to the side. The question seemed normal, but Billy knew the real reasoning behind it. Will already knew he had no real friends here. He knew it was the only reason he was wasting so much time on him. He probably hoped he would leave him alone if he could focus on someone else, a true age appropriate friend like Eddie. But Billy had no intention of doing that. It was out of question to get close to a freak, outcast, queer.

One could argue he was already getting close to a freak-outcast-queer by being with Will. But being with someone his own age would be weirder, he didn’t want to be associated with him.

He inhaled longly “Nah. Nah he sells me drugs” he said naturally. His casualness shut Will down very quickly, who simply huffed out a “Oh.”

There was somewhat of an awkward silence. Bad move. Bad Billy. Don’t talk about drugs to a kid, he told himself mentally.

“We’re soon there just keep driving” Will said weakly. He cleared his throat for bravery, getting back on the previous subject to avoid the one of drugs.

“And uh.. D&D is not a kids game. Adults play too. It’s really fun

There’s adventure and-”

“Kid, I’m not going to play that game” Billy said sternly once more. No matter the amount of convincing Will or anyone would try on him, he wouldn’t sit down to play a board game.

“Yeah- okay. Yeah of course”

Billy tapped on the steering wheels with his fingers, force of habits.

“Oh uh- before I forget, tomorrow you don’t have to- I won’t come with you. I have uh- AV club”

“Ah” disappointed wouldn’t be the right word for what he was feeling. He was fine with that. He just hadn’t expected Will to have other things planned.

“It’s every Tuesday” he precised, implying they would never have to be together on this day specifically.

“Okay”

Will actually started rambling, which really was a first since that time in his room. Billy wondered if Will was a big talker once he was comfortable enough. He seemed discreet and shy but maybe once closer he would dare talk more. Maybe one day he’d spit something compromising that would make Billy figure out the truth.

“AV club is with Mr. Clarke, our science teacher. He’s really cool.

We actually just received a brand new radio. It’s the first time I’ll ever see something that big.. it can reach Australia can you believe?”

None of the technology shit was Billy’s passion or area of expertise, but a radio that could reach the other side of the world was indeed incredible. He raised his eyebrows, sort of stunned. “Wow, Australia”

“I can’t wait to see it” he concluded. “Left and we’re there”

Billy recognized the place. He gave Will the benefit of the doubt, but he went to this place at times. So he knew what would be there when he would turn—

“… the library, Will?” He said flatly.

This kid would be the worst person to date, probably ever. That poor future guy, he would have to plan every date for him.

Will blushed when he heard Billy’s monotone voice, embarrassed about his idea now that Billy didn’t seem enchanted by it.

“We both like books and we can’t talk in there..”

Well, he did take his advice. Billy let his lips curl upwards, declaring an approving “Insightful” He might’ve been a terrible date, but he was smart at least.

Will broke a smile, the comment giving an end to his discomfort.

“Alright, yeah. Come on” he stopped the car, parked and unbuckled his belt.

Will did the same, opening the door after and jumping out of the car. He swung his bag on his frail shoulders. He seemed enthused for once, that was good.

The boy walked ahead, Billy however took his time, walking behind. Never in much of a hurry.

Will tried pushing the heavy wooden door. Billy almost laughed at how slowly it opened and how much Will looked to be straining. His scrawny arms pushing at the best of his capacity, his legs struggling to keep him in place. The spectacle made him chuckle lowly, but he pressed his lips together to try and not make it obvious. Once the little one finally managed to open the door he went in, Billy followed, holding it with an arm.

The kid followed him when he went into the section of the library interesting to him. He walked passed many books and sections, only a goal in mind. In knew exactly where to go and what to look for. Will followed behind, with tiny and quick steps.

“There isn’t much in Hawkins, but this is the goldmine of this library” Billy declared, talking low without whispering for all that.

“I never went in this section” Will said, whispering, analyzing the different books before him.

“It’s where the good stuff is at. Look, true story” he said, pointing at the shelf.

“Cold cases journals..”

“What’s cold cases?” Will asked.

“Basically unresolved case. It’s still open but they are just.. waiting for evidences, or new people to get on it and offer a new, fresher point of view” he explained matter-of-factly.

“That’s so sad..” Will said with empathy. “Imagine.. dying and— it remains unresolved forever. You’d never have justice” he spoke low, just sharing his thoughts with a meek voice meant for him only.

Billy squinted, staring intently at Will. “You didn’t have justice” he said, as if he was informing Will of it.

“I.. well- I was found so, it’s not the same. I’m not dead” he said like it was obvious.

“Still, wouldn’t you be more at peace knowing those who did this to you were gone?” He tried, thinking about how Will seemed to be having empathy for everyone but himself. About how he wasn’t driven by revenge. How he was just trying to go on with his life and be normal. That almost made him feel bad about participating in making him feel like a freak.

But Will wasn’t thinking of this right now. He pondered on Billy’s question, longly. His silence keeping crucial informations. Billy just wanted to know what he was holding back. But he eventually broke a cryptic “They are”

“They are but you still can’t tell?”

“It’s more complicated than that. But they are..” he seemed thoughtful, almost worried. Like he was trying to convince himself more than Billy.

He must’ve been terrified. Living that way, not knowing if those who ruined your life were really gone or if they could come back— it made Billy almost sad.

“Have you done research on Hawkins?”  The boy asked, switching the subject and leaning towards the journal section to take a good look.

“A bit”

“What’s the most.. what’s the coolest case? I mean- besides.. you know”

“Come”

Billy walked towards the drawers in which papers were classed. As he brushed over them, tossing some aside with his fingers, he talked “Benny’s suicide is one of the only thing that happened here, along with.. the rest.

Weirdly it was during the same week” he said, assumptions clear in his tone, but Will didn’t flinch.

“But this, this story from the fifties, fucked up as shit”

He grabbed a journal and handed it to Will. The boy grabbed it, fingers delicate on the paper. Then he read the headlines, as Billy spoke in the meantime.

“The dad just snapped, killed his entire family. Gouged their eyes out and shit”

“.. Ew” Will said softly, grossed out about it.

It was pretty intense for him. He saw dead bodies in the upside down, he saw a lot of things— but a father killing his own family so brutally was unfathomable. Lonnie wasn’t the greatest parent, he was pretty mean, but he doubted he would ever do something like that. If Lonnie were to kill him it would probably be accidental or with a gun. He wouldn’t snap his bones and gouge his eyes out. It was morbid. It sounded like something straight out of an horror movie, not something that could’ve happened in his town.

“It was in Hawkins?” He wondered just to be sure, because it seemed too unreal to be true.

“Yep. 26 years ago. Crazy uh?” Billy said almost with a little too much enthusiasm, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah.. I can’t believe I never heard of that” he said softly.

Billy smiled, answering satirically “Y’all are good at hiding history” making Will look away.

“I can’t believe you know more about here than I do, too. I’ve been living here much longer” he said a tad of disbelief in his voice, wondering how he could’ve just pass over this kind of stuff. Maybe it was because he wasn’t curious enough. Or maybe Billy was right and Hawkins simply had too many secrets.

“Well” Billy crossed his arms and rolled his shoulders backwards “people living at the same place for their whole life tend to not dig in history or care much, because they assume they’d know everything already. A stranger would want to search more”

Will hung to Billy’s words like he was preaching the truth of the existence, nodding along because it made sense. He found himself thinking he was pretty pertinent, actually.

“It’s like in Paris, most people never went in the Eiffel Tower. But every tourist in the world would climb in”

“No way” Will said with utter incredulity, eyes widening as he learnt this information.

“I swear” he assured him.

“Do they not realize it’s a huge, iconic, incredible monument?”

“Well.. they see the Eiffel Tower every day, it’s not special. It’s not like travelling there just to see it”

“Mh.. putted like that.. you’re right” he nodded once more, reflecting about it “It makes sense” he finally declared.

Billy stared at the paper he landed to Will, the kid still holding onto it between his tiny hands, fingers clutching to it and accidentally wrinkling the paper.

“So it’s like.. the last big thing that ever happened in this town. A dad that killed his family..” Billy stared tentatively, watching Will’s reaction. The kid didn’t budge. He had a good poker face, he had to give him that. Which only had as an effect to peak his interest all the more. “He’s still alive apparently, in jail or something” This time Will did move. A shiver ran through his spine hearing this and his fingers becoming even stiffer on the journal. Billy pursued “Then there’s small deaths here and there and then.. well, you” he concluded.

Will gave him back the journal, with always the same tight-lipped smile “I guess you’re right, Hawkins is boring”

That damn kid. Though cookie to crack. Only a sentence it took for him to sweep the conversation entirely. In a small town like Hawkins, two weird events happening was pretty out of the ordinary. People in Hawkins were boring, the town was shitty, but maybe the town itself wasn’t that boring.

Billy puffed some air as a laugh and ruffled Will’s hair like he did last time he was in his presence. “Alright, let’s find some books”

The kid nodded eagerly.

*

Will took some fantasy book called “The Sword of Shannara”

Billy opted for “In cold blood” by Truman Capote. They sat silently at a table, face to face. It didn’t take long for Will to be completely immersed in the story, and Billy noticed how he didn’t start from the beginning but about halfway there. This time he whispered, because some lady watching was near.

“You’re starting with the middle?”

Will smiled gently “I can’t buy it, so I read it here little by little”

Billy hummed, it was kind of sad to think about that kid no even having the money to buy books. Having to be patient when it came to reading the story. But it spoke volumes about his character. He wasn’t a greedy boy, he knew how to take his time and enjoy stuff.

He looked down at his own book. He managed to focus on it for a bit but he kept feeling a gaze going back and forth. He was pretty sure he could see Will’s figure moving, in the blurry of his periphery, his small head kept jerking up, then down.

Billy lifted his eyes up when he felt the gaze coming back and caught Will, already staring.

The kid immediately lowered his head, probably blushing.

So much for reading.

He didn’t comment on it, though he snickered for himself. What an odd way to spend the day.

*

Eventually, after nearly two hours of sitting down in silence to read, he looked at his watch and noticed it would be time for them to head back. They stayed a good hour and about forty-five minutes. He closed the book, stretched his arms and back. Then he made a sign to Will, who lifted his head up when he noticed.

“We should go” he whispered.

Will checked the time on his own watch, his eyes widened in surprise and he looked back at Billy, shaking his head in agreement.

He looked for the page number and closed his book after, before getting up from the chair very silently. He was delicate in pretty much everything he would do. It was meticulous. He had an order in doing things. Billy caught onto some habits like that despite the short time they spent together. Like how he would always be careful to not make the chair creak or make noise on the floor. How he would place things before him, a pen on his right, book right in the middle. How his bag had to be resting on his left side, facing the wall and not just thrown on the floor. How he would close doors very softly, not just his car door but doors in general. It appeared he didn’t like when it was slamming loudly so as much as he could, he would turn the handle so it could close silently, and then let go. Same thing for chairs. He wasn’t dragging them, he was lifting so the chair’s legs wouldn’t rub loudly on the floor. He was a discreet kid, not liking attention, not wanting to bother anyone. It was consistent with his overall temper. Will must’ve noticed he was staring since he looked over at him, an inquisitive look in his eyes. Billy didn’t say anything and got up, not caring in the slightest about making noise while pushing the chair. He didn’t bother placing it back under the table.

Billy would’ve just let the books in a random shelf or on the table, because it wasn’t his job to place it, but apparently Will wanted to go all the way just to put back his book where it belonged.

“You know there’s people paid for doing that?”

“Well- these people are busy doing other stuff, I’m not busy” if it could save them some time in their day and alleviate some task on their shoulders, he would gladly do so, even if it was their job.

“Fair enough”

Will put it back where it belonged. And Billy couldn’t help but smile faintly seeing how he could only reach three tablets approximately. He wanted to tease and ask him to grab a book on the fifth one, just to see him stretch his arms to the max and struggle while tip toeing. How he’d probably lose balance and try little jumps to attempt to reach the tablet. He snickered for himself picturing the scene in his head, but Will noticed.

“What?”

“Nah nothing. Let’s just go”

*

“So, not seeing each other tomorrow. I’ll pick you up Wednesday then?” He said once they arrived in front of Will’s house, as some goodbye.

Will gave a sharp nod as always. “Yeah, okay” he unbuckled.

“Good. See you then”

“Bye-bye” he said, and he got out of the car parked in front of his house. He waved him goodbye while he walked away, one hand catching the strap of his bag as he would always do.

*

When Will got home Jonathan was obviously there, and he looked more angry than worried. His arms were crossed, he was standing in the living room. He didn’t know how long he had just been standing there, he looked livid, but Jonathan was pale to begin with. When the door closed he immediately huffed out a disappointed “Goddamn it Will..”

“I’m sorry” he said weakly, heads low as if the weight of culpability was bringing it down. He didn’t have the courage to face him right now. Jonathan looked more than disappointed in him. Will truly felt like a failure. He felt guilty. It almost gave him a bellyache.

“I was worried sick about you. You could’ve warn me at least. I had no idea where to look or.. or where to call or..” he sounded like Joyce. Out of breath, stressed out, rambling and not even knowing how to end the train of thoughts if someone wouldn’t interrupt the machine going at three hundred kilometers per hour.

“I’m okay Jonathan..” he said, trying to sound reassuring though his stomach twisted on itself.

“Well I didn’t know that! Jesus, Will. Where were you?” He sighed, asking so in case he would do such thing again, he’d know where to look. It was a little annoying, to feel like he had no privacy whatsoever. He could hardly blame him though. Last time Jonathan couldn’t find him, he stayed lost for a whole week kidnapped by a monster. The gate was closed so there wasn’t supposed to be any danger by now, but he wasn’t the only one who was left scarred by this experience. It was very inconsiderate of him to do that to him.

“I’m sorry Jonathan.. I should’ve warned you. I.. I was just.. at the library. I was reading Shannara” he explained with culpability in his throat.

“The.. library? I thought you were with Billy”

Now Will wondered if he should lie or not.

Despite Billy telling him he was lying a lot, he was also really terrible at doing so. It would always make him too nervous, he knew people could read right through him. There wasn’t much need in lying to Jonathan as well because he already knew he was with Billy, and if he were to figure out the truth he would just be even more disappointed in him. It was better to prove to him he was fine and staying honest than start hiding stuff. Because then maybe Jonathan would trust him to let him take his own decision. He has to prove he was mature and had nothing to hide.

“I was with Billy, at the library” he added as a precision.

“.. with Billy- at the library?” And it was less a question, more a surprised statement, like he didn’t understand.

“Yeah” then a bit more seriously he said “He likes to read, believe it or not”

He understood why his brother would be surprise, because his friend made the same joke when Max said he was reading the paper. Will too assumed he wouldn’t like books. He hated how he underestimated him just because of rumours or cliché. As if a sportive guy couldn’t be smart. As if someone wearing glasses couldn’t be bullies. He hated that he jumped to conclusion that way. It wasn’t in his nature to judge people based on what others would say or on appearances. He really felt bad when he saw Billy being hurt by him. One day he’ll make it up to him.

“Ah” is all Jonathan answered.

“I’ll warn you next time..” he said apologetically “Can I go now?” He asked, taking little steps forward.

“.. yeah” Jonathan seemed to relax. He uncrossed his arms, though his shoulders were still as tense. He stepped away and directed himself to the couch instead.

Will went in his room, and they didn’t speak about it for the rest of the day.

Chapter Text

“Byers!” Lucas screamed in the hallway as soon as he saw his brown-headed friend. Will ran to him with arms wide open, crashing into Lucas arm for a hug like they would often do. Dustin and Mike were less fond of it, they would still hug at times to celebrate, but it was mostly Will and Lucas who liked contact, at any time of the day, just happy to reunite. Lucas was really nice to him. He always made Will feel appreciated and included when he would yell his name excitedly and take him in his arms, like he couldn’t wait to see him. The name "Byers" could sound impersonal, but it was Lucas’ way of being friendly.

“You are going to lose your shit!”

“Language boys” warned Mr. Clarke, with a discouraged tone, moreso obligated to say it and knowing they would still use that kind of language that he wanted it or not. As long as it was not in his presence or other adults, it was fine.

“Sorry” Lucas said weakly without meaning it, it was a natural reflex by now.

“I can’t wait to see it” Will grinned happily. He had missed the previous Heathkit ham shack from a year ago, they received it just as he went missing, then Eleven fried it trying to look for him. Needless to say, he had been waiting for this moment for more than a year.

Mike almost kicked the door open as soon as Mr. Clarke unlocked it.

“Be careful with it this time, okay boys?”

“Promise Mr. Clarke” they all said it unisson, except for Dustin who almost shouted with indignation

“It wasn’t even us who broke it!”

Obviously Mr. Clarke must’ve known that. There was no way three boys could’ve done something such to this big machine. They never solved the mystery of how the heathkit ham shack got destroyed. Every expert they brought to inspect the damage said they had never seen anything like it, and that surely it wasn’t done by a natural cause. The unnatural cause being a little girl with superpowers. But Mr. Clarke knew none of that. As far as he was aware, he lended the keys to the party and the machine was gone. That lead him to stay a tad suspicious, wanting to be sure to warn them and make himself clear.

“I know, I know. But.. still. Be careful”

He closed the door, jerking a last worried eye inside, and left the four boys before the huge radio.

“It was crazy when El channeled stuff and then made sparks with her powers” Dustin said, dragging the vowels to put emphasis on “crazy”. He was always the most enthusiastic when speaking about El’s powers. He kept rambling about that time she made a van fly over their head, how she killed multiple people in the spend of a few seconds and how there was blood everywhere, how she could make things fly, shut doors— it all sounded really cool. It was just too bad he wasn’t there to witness any of it. He would’ve had more fun seeing this than staying in that place.

“Yeah.. I bet” he giggled, trying to make himself sound sincere despite the fact he was faking it. He was glad Dustin seemed to hold a good memory of that time. But all he knew was that when she fried it, it was to enter in connection with him. It was the time he almost reached his mom. Almost.

They were so close they could almost touch, but they couldn’t. He couldn’t feel the warmth of his mother’s palms trying to reach him. It was the first time he could talk to someone and be heard, instead of just hearing people in his dimension without them being able to. It was like being a ghost, like he was dead.

But the demogorgon was still chasing after him. He didn’t get to do, or say anything, he had to run. Again.

It wasn’t Dustin’s fault, really. It wasn’t his friends fault at all. He couldn’t blame them for making a new friend and having a good time while he wasn’t there. He just wished he could’ve been there. But he knew if he had, then they would’ve never met Eleven, they would’ve never seen her powers, she would’ve never fried the radio in such impressive manner. Sometimes, he caught himself thinking maybe deep down people were glad he went missing. His unhappiness lead to good memories. If his misfortune assured his friends to be happy, then he would happily be miserable.

Will faked a smile, leaning to the radio the inspect it closer. He forced himself to sound lighthearted. “How does it work?”

“Here let me help”

Mike set everything up, he designed the chair for Will to sit on it. Then he put on the headphones on top of Will’s head gently. He opened the mic by pressing on a button.

“Now just talk inside”

Will chuckled, the headphones heavy on his head “What do I say?”

“Make a joke” Dustin said

“Present yourself to the Australian” Lucas added

“Just anything” Mike answered as well.

“Uh- okay.. Hello, this is Will Byers. Vice-president of Hawkins middle AV club” he presented himself politely. “Do I wait for an answer?”

“I don’t know if we’ll have one” Dustin said, but he didn’t mind talking to a wall. It amused him only to know his voice could potentially reach Australia.

Will handed to headphones to Mike, who took the mic in his hands. He imitated an Australian accent, fairly well, a little caricatural but he was good. “Hello, it’s Mike again. We were interrupted about a year ago”

The four boys started laughing.

“You never told us if you were eating kangaroos for breakfast!” Dustin added, grabbing the microphone and speaking loudly in it.

That made Will snort out loud.

“Dustin just because there’s kangaroo in Australia doesn’t mean they eat them” Lucas sighed.

“Boring”

*

It was Joyce who picked him up from school after his club activity. They spent most of their time playing with the heathkit ham shack, that this time fortunately didn’t break. He started wondering if maybe he should find a way to communicate with Billy. With his friends he had the phone, but they mostly used walkie-talkie. Now they had this huge radio that could reach the other side of the world. Maybe he could also find something to reach Billy. Of course, he didn’t necessarily need to be in contact with him at all times, and he doubted they’d ever need to communicate when they weren’t together, but just in case. Like if he needed to inform him he couldn’t go back with him after school, if there was an unexpected event coming up and he couldn’t warn Billy on the spot, it would be good idea to have something. Plus, it could be like a gift, as some payback he told himself he’d do for being mean to him. The only ick was that he didn’t have any money for a talkie, and he would have to connect his to Billy, and he wasn’t sure how. He could figure it out, and maybe he’d ask Mr. Clarke for some help.

He felt tears stinging his eyes when he had a thought for Bob. If Bob was still here, he would’ve helped him, he was almost certain of that. He really liked Bob, for how little time they spent together. He felt like he could understand him. He missed Bob. He missed having someone who could understand what he was going through. Being scared, haunted by a nightmare, freezing because of fear, feeling like less, like a coward, it was all experiences Bob went through before. Bob was a kindhearted soul, and apparently, he even founded the AV club. He really was some sort of a hero.

He swallowed away the tears, turning his head towards the window so his mom couldn’t see. He hated when she would get worried. He didn’t want to cry in front of her, because then it would make her sad too. He could only cry when he was alone. That was the rule. His father taught him so. He cleared his throat and asked

“Do you think we could buy a new walkie-talkie?” Thankfully his voice didn’t crack, and no tears fell so he was able to look ahead. His mom turned, her eyebrows curling downwards.

“Oh.. yours doesn’t work anymore honey?” She said with lots of concern, with the soft voice she used when confused or worried.

“No, it’s for my— friend” he hesitated, because he didn’t know if Billy really was a friend. He wasn’t, obviously, but it would be weird to say he was an acquaintance harassing him to know the truth about upside down stuff. The full story was a bit too complicated and knowing his mom -even more paranoid than Jonathan- it would make things very complicated.

“Oh you made a new friend?”

He nodded, unable to confirm nor deny. “I could pay you back..”

“Honey.. it’s very pricey. You can’t even work and—” Will knew that tone. It was the one when his mom didn’t know how to refuse, but she knew it wouldn’t be possible. He should’ve been brighter than this, of course he couldn’t buy a walkie-talkie at thirteen without a job, what was he even thinking about? All that just in case he had to warn Billy? No, they’d just have to adjust and talk to each other face to face. Billy wasn’t his friend, he didn’t need to talk to him at night or ask him to join him at the arcade.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry” he shook his head, coming back to his senses. His poor mom was already struggling with money. They were already lucky his medical appointments with Dr. Owens had been free the past year, before Jonathan made the lab close, because if not they would be drowning in debts like Lonnie.

“Honey? We said to stop with the sorries”

“Right s-” he stopped himself, slightly frustrated. He didn’t know if it was a good or a bad habit.

“I’ll try to find a solution okay? Maybe.. B-bob.. maybe he had one or.. well you know..” he heard her choke in her words. He would’ve want to grab her hand or hug her, just to comfort her like she always did. But she was gripping at the steering wheel, eyes vacant on the road. He turned to her. If he was shaken by Bob’s death he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for his mom. Maybe they weren’t crazy in love, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t know what it was, but she liked him enough to start a new life with him. For many months he had been in her life, eating lunch with her, staying with her, having movie nights. He didn’t want her to go through waves of painful memories, being reminded of her grief for a whim.

“Mom, you really don’t have to. It’s fine”

“No. I think it would be time for me to.. face this and- I mean I should be able to look at his stuff without… I’ll be fine” as always Joyce showed her tough side. It was out of question for her to back down, to give up on anything. Bob had been dead for barely a few months, but Joyce didn’t want to process it. At least not that Will was aware of. In his presence, she wouldn’t show her grief, her sadness. Maybe, just like him, she only allowed herself to cry once she was alone.

“I can help you if you want” he proposed. She shouldn’t have to be all alone in this situation. She had been by Will’s side every step of the way with the upside down stuff, the least he could do was the same for her. Be a support by her side.

“Oh, treasure..” she looked at him with tenderness, always the same look she had ever since he was a kid. He gave a smile back.

The hardest part was knowing it was his fault. Bob died because of him. Everything was because of him. The reason his mom was so sad and alone was because of him. It was the bare minimum to try and fix this. She didn’t have to be alone, he would be with her, right by her side, helping her through the grief of a man she liked, and one that could’ve been a nice step-father to him.

He swallowed the new wave of tears coming to him, while Joyce did the same. It was too hard on her, and she needed support more than he did. She saved him so many times, now it was his turn to help her go through this awful time.

*

Billy spent that time doing what he did before, meaning he brought a girl instead. The advantage was that since he chased Max away, he no longer had to go through those awkward moments of a girl sitting next to him with his annoying step-sister in the back seat, rolling her eyes and having an attitude. Most of the time the girl he’d pick up would feel the awkwardness thick in the air and she’d try for a discussion. But Billy had no intention of flirting with Maxine there, so it would turn into a weird conversation between the girl trying to be friendly to Max and Max being annoyed about it.

It was different since Max came back home with her little boyfriend. Now he was free to even dick a bitch in his car and then drop her off. It had been a while since he did so. He could settle for a nicely organized schedule. On weekend he sees people or relax with his own thing, on week night he could see Will and do whatever the hell the kid wanted to do, and when the kid had his club activity he could fuck some girl. That seemed pretty adequate.

Today though, it was Wednesday, meaning he would wait for Will after school. It was sort of nice to have something to expect, something to look forward to. Not that it was really fun being with Byers, but that would help spend time just fine and at least he didn’t have to wonder what he would do at any given moment.

Visibly, Will also seemed used to it and appeared to be expecting to see him after coming out of his school, since he saw his shy grin as he walked through the door of Hawkins middle school. Their eyes met, for once, Will wasn’t looking down. Will wasn’t hidden behind his friends acting as a human shield. Will wasn’t trying to disappear in the snow and making himself small behind an entire crowd of student. He walked out first and his friends were behind, maybe they also were used to it by now, to seeing Billy just waiting a cigarette between two fingers.

Will rushed with his small legs, walking in a funny way. He wasn’t lifting his feet, he was dragging them, with a small jog, it was like he was sliding or doing ice skating but in a weird way. Not gracious like a pro, just— some sort of bunny hopping weirdly and trying not to fall. Billy turned his back and started walking to his car, since clearly Will had seen him and was already following behind. He stomped the ground, threw his half-consumed cigarette in the snow and took heavy steps without stopping.

He heard Will’s small steps behind him, in a hurry, running to keep up with him. And as he said a meek breathless “Wait”, he felt his small, clammy hand reaching his. His fingers were cold when they wrapped around his hand, but as soon as the contact was made, Will backed off, almost as if he had been burnt by Billy.
The contact surprised him. He wasn’t used to feeling a hand reaching for his, in any shape or form. But what surprised him the most was Will’s heavy panting. Sure, he had to -almost- run to keep up, but he had no reason to be gasping so quickly that way. When Billy turned to him, his face was red, but it could easily be due to the cold. Will avoided his look and hid both hands in his pockets. “It’s just..- you were walking too fast” he said, still trying to catch his breath from the little jog, but while inhaling cold air he coughed. Billy’s eyes widened a bit, and he waited until the end of his coughing fit to start walking, this time much slower.

“Sorry, yeah, should’ve wait for you” he said casually. Will seemed tense. He always seemed tense but now he looked particularly uncomfortable. With the way he stammered to justify himself, hid his hands, backed off as soon as his skin made contact with his, Billy knew he felt particularly nervous. He didn’t want him to think he was mad or anything, so he tried to keep it simple. It was no big deal, really. He tried to change the atmosphere with a small joke “You sound like you just ran a marathon” he scoffed, a tad mockingly but he could understand. He had to take much more step in his life to keep up with this world of giant. And clearly he wasn’t on the athletic side, it must’ve been the first time in his life he ever ran.

“Yeah I-.. I don’t have the best lungs” and as if to prove his statement, he coughed again. Winter air could be suffocating, but that much?

“Ever thought about going to see a doctor for that maybe?” If he couldn’t even jog for three meters without coughing his lungs out, maybe there was a really big problem going on. He almost got worried for the kid there, his scoff vanished as quickly as it came.

“I did, multiple times actually” he wheezed again but it seemed to have stabilized, and thankful for both of them, they arrived next to Billy’s Camaro.

He didn’t get to say anything, Will opened the door and sat inside. As soon as he sat on the drivers seat, Will spoke. Which truly, was maybe the most incredible thing he ever did. He really was more comfortable by now. That was good. Maybe it would be easier than expected.

“Hey um.. about that” he started next to him, his breath now fully regular. “ I used to have many appointments before.. like.. at random times and I never knew when it would be, so I couldn’t warn people in advance because I just had random appointments here and there so.. uh..”

Billy had no idea where he was going with this. It was just too long to get to the point.

“There’s nothing like.. sure or- it’s just a proposition, but I don’t even know if it could work. But would you like- having a walkie-talkie?”

He didn’t expect all this to come to this weird request.

“.. a talkie” he said slowly, putting the keys in the contact. “For?”

“Uh.. like, I don’t know just communicate? Like.. in case I need to reach or warn you..”

“You said you didn’t have medical appointments anymore, why would you need to reach me?”

“I.. I don’t know, just in case- just so I don’t make you freeze to death waiting outside.. I don’t know. Is it a bad idea?” He said with a small voice, unsure about his reasoning though it did make a bit of sense. Billy thought it was cute. For him to be thoughtful of things like that and anticipating. Just in case one day something comes up and he can’t come with him and has to warn him. Just in case, they should have a little talkie together.

He restrained a smile “Aw, Byers, you want to be able to call me on a talkie” he turned to him and saw the blush increasing on his already pink and cold ears.

“It’s not a bad idea just.. why not just use a phone?” Frankly, he didn’t want to buy a talkie just for this reason. If Will had a free one he wanted to offer, then good, he would take it. But the money he accumulated with summer jobs was all going in his Camaro, gasoline and pack of cigarettes. He didn’t have that much to spend on some portative radio.

“Well- first because we can’t bring a phone everywhere and.. also because we only have one phone at home in the living room, and it’s my mom who use it the most. Plus, if there’s other phone someone else could listen. I don’t want Max or your dad to hear that would be embarrassing”

That was true, indeed. And even if they didn’t have big conversation and it would only just be to reach each other in case of emergency, he still didn’t want his dad to know he was hanging out with him necessarily. And Max would give him shit. He didn’t want to deal with Max and her stupid question like "Why do you have Will’s number" "Why is he calling you" and other stuff that might happen.

“Alright, that’s fair.

What’s the range of a talkie?”

“It can reach your house, Max got one and we can channel just fine”

“Max won’t hear?” He wondered.

“Not if we’re on a different channel” he explained matter-of-factly, and it reassured him a bit. Max could maybe hear but there was a channel they never ever used so he figured he’d use that one with Billy.

“Okay, yeah” he nodded, finally settling on “Yeah it’s a good idea”

“But- it’s pretty pricey so I don’t even know if I can find one yet. My mom will go through her old boyfriend’s stuff to try and see so.. yeah.. I was just.. asking, in case” he said that last part with a voice gradually becoming lower and lower. It was good the kid didn’t intend him to pay. Max had received her talkie for her birthday, apparently she really wanted that. Billy didn’t find a use in this object beside communicating with Will, so obviously he’d never ask this to his father. Still, it was kind on the kid’s part to offer him if he ever found one. He just wondered if the old boyfriend he mentioned was the one he talked about before. “The one that died?” He asked.

“Yeah” he huffed out sounding airy “He worked at video shack, so he’s got some cool stuff. Possibly a walkie” the ambiance was getting rather gloomy, considering the kid was talking about a dead guy. So Billy tried for a joke.

“If you ever find a TV-”

It worked since Will snorted, breaking a small smile and muttering under his breath “Idiot”

When Billy was about to smile in turn, Will’s face dropped “Sorry- I didn’t want to.. I didn’t mean like.. actual idiot, I was just-..”

He scoffed in return at Will’s concern “Hey, it’s okay”

“Okay.. sorry. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings again” he smirked cheekily, looking his way. “If I manage to find a talkie will you forgive me for being mean?”

Billy wanted to say truthfully that he had nothing to be forgiven for, that he wasn’t mean in the slightest, that he was one of the purest soul he had ever met and he really shouldn’t feel bad about whatever the hell he might’ve said before. But the teasing, asshole-y part of him wanted to play with him a bit.

“Wow.. you want to buy forgiveness. I can’t believe you right now”

Will blubbered, whipping his head towards him and getting his hands in defensive position “N-no I didn’t.. I didn’t mean it like that that’s- that’s not what I was trying to- I’m.. I’m sorry”

Billy laughed, genuinely laughed, making Will stop his ramble and filling the car with a rare sound “Relax kid, I’m just messing with you. You’re not hurting my feels and you don’t need to apologize all the time, ‘kay?”

Will’s mouth closed shut and he gave Billy a little pout, before turning his head towards his window. “You’re so mean..”

“And you’re too naive” He turned towards the kid to see him squint, sighing about the mockery. “But it’s okay, I like that. It’s fun.”

“It’s fun to mess with me?” He grumbled “You scared me I thought I hurt you and you’re just laughing at me.. and you don’t even apologize..” he said between his teeth.

Fuck, now Will was mad at him. Billy raked a hand in his face, inhaling longly. He usually didn’t give a shit when people were angry at him, but he should make an effort for Will. It wasn’t in his habit to apologize, like, ever. But to keep things on a good path and have a nice atmosphere in which Will would trust him, he had to try harder.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, alright? I won’t mess with you like that again. Good?”

Will turned to him to meet his eyes, the corner of his lips trembling, then he broke a huge grin “Ah! I was just messing with you! And you still apologized!” He chuckled and let his bunny teeth show.

That little asshole. He just pulled a Billy Hargrove on himself.

Frankly Billy hadn’t expect the kid to do something like that. Play with sentiment and then laughing, saying he was just “messing around”. He did exactly what Billy did, but just because he underestimated him and thought he was just a dumb kid, he completely slipped right past it. Little asshole was playing a game.

“Okay good job kid.. you learn fast, congrats. Congrats” he said unimpressed, though learning a new face of Will’s personality was rather fulfilling.

“You’re even imitating me now. See? I told you we would become good buddy” he said in a friendly manner.

Will glanced to him and smiled. “Yeah. You’re not that bad”

Billy found himself to agree. He couldn’t understand what Will appreciated in him, or what he didn’t hate about him. People who knew Billy would usually hate him unless they wanted to stick around for the status. Except for Tommy H. Weirdly enough, Tommy didn’t hate him even if he knew Billy’s worst side, a good part of that was because he wanted to stay around for reputation point, but he also really wanted to be around him for some unknown reason. Things that the other guys playing basketball with him wouldn’t do. It was a universal rule; getting to know Billy meant you would get to see just how unlikeable he truly was. He was vulgar, an asshole who liked messing with people, who didn’t give much shit about anyone but himself. He was a self centered, selfish, arrogant guy who didn’t mind using people. Maybe Will was just too dumb to realize that now, but he would. And it was only a matter of time before he would think like everyone else. That yes, Billy was that bad , that he wasn’t worth knowing, that he was a manipulative asshole with a goal in mind and he’d hurt Will as soon as he’d obtain it. And now, thinking about it, with what Will had just said made him feel guilty. The kid didn’t deserve that. He really was kind. He had a good soul, he was fun. Unlike Billy, he seemed like nothing at first, but getting to know him, you’d realize he was actually likeable. And Billy was the one unlikeable.

He said none of that. Instead he answered truthfully

“You’re not that bad yourself” and he meant it. Hanging out with him was— fine. He really wasn’t so bad at all.

“I hope so” he giggled “Or it would be really annoying for you”

Indeed it would. If it had been any other annoying boring kid he would’ve had the worst time. It was good Will was entertaining enough to keep him by his side. He could already feel the boredom leaving his life when he was near. He gave a sharp nod

“Goddamn right”

He finally started the car, after almost everyone was already gone from the parking lot.

“Anything planned for today Byers?” Billy asked as the engine roared.

“Was I— supposed to?” He asked weakly, clearly not having thought of anything to do for the day.

“I assumed you would” he drove out of the parking, since they had nowhere to go too anyway, he didn’t need a precise direction.

“Oh.. sorry..” he said with a tiny voice. “We could go to the library again?” He proposed as if to fix his mistake, which truly wasn’t a mistake.

“Let’s keep that for Monday. Don’t wanna get tired of it if we go all the time”

“Yeah, you’re right” he nodded, toying with his hands in a rather stressful manner. He cracked his fingers in one hand then the other, then pulled each of them.

“Maybe we could.. talk?” He said with a whole lot of hesitation, himself realizing that talking could make things even more awkward than they were. Billy already told him he couldn’t handle a discussion and he didn’t have much to say. But it was true maybe this could be a good way to break the ice once and for all.

“Talk about what?”

“I mean, we’ve been hanging out for a week now and- we don’t know anything about each other”

“Okay.. you’re right” he nodded, that made sense. He wouldn’t say too much, and he doubted they’d get into any heavy shit. But if Will was willing to share a bit and tell stuff about him then it was a good first step. Maybe he’d let slip out something about his disappearance even.

“So I’ll just.. drive around town and like.. we’ll.. talk” he said, a bit unsure about it. It was slightly disconcerting giving that he usually was the one taking the lead, making the conversation and being comfortable with that. He’d never share much about himself, and the night would usually end with him taking a girl to the back of his car. Now he was supposed to be in a restrained space to talk about himself to a kid with whom he had nothing in common. That was definitely a weird way to spend the day.

“Yeah?”

“Alright. Fine with that” he took turns randomly, sometimes going left sometimes right, taking any road that wouldn’t lead to his house or Will’s. He actually liked driving without a destination in mind. He’d do it often to calm his nerves, when he felt overwhelmed and needed to escape his father. He drove away from Hawkins once and almost thought about not going back. But he wasn’t even out of highschool yet and he knew how to be reasonable. So he would just mindlessly take roads that lead nowhere. This time, he was accompanied by Will who started the conversation.

“Okay.. what’s.. your favorite movie?”

“Um. Well, I’d go maybe with the Evil dead” Billy hadn’t seen a whole lot of movie in his life. He wasn’t going to the theater really often, but this movie marked him. It was horror, gruesome shit, he liked that. He liked that a movie could create chills or disgust with just images, it felt so real even if it was just in screen and all fake, acted out.

“Oh!” Will exclaimed excitedly. For a bit Billy thought Will saw the movie and it was his favourite too, but he quickly said “I can’t see it, my mom won’t allow me. But Jonathan has a poster in his room so I know it’s good. I really want to see it”

“We could watch it together” he proposed nonchalantly. He wasn’t his mom, if he wanted to see it he could, even if it was r-rated.

“Really?” He said while his eyes widened with happiness, lips stretching in a smile.

“Yeah.. Maybe it’s not wise of me, but meh. You’re already having nightmares, you can’t blame this on me”

Will snickered “What’s the worst that could happen, right” he said lightheartedly, knowing deep down the worst already happened. It wasn’t some fictional movie that would scare him more than his real life did.

“Okay, you? Jaws I assume?” He guessed, remembering the poster in his room.

“Nope actually. Star Wars. Empire strikes back” A trilogy Billy had never took the time watching. He knew it was big, stores were full of toys and shops full of clothes with references. He knew some stuff like, how the weird green creature was called Yoda and was speaking in reverse, but he didn’t watch any of it and to him it wasn’t lacking to his culture. He wasn’t much into science fiction.

“Oh- okay. Never watched them”

“You never watched Star Wars?” Will said in disbelief, as if it was the saddest thing he had ever heard. He almost sounded compassionate, as if it was a must watch no one could pass by.

“Nope”

“You never watched Star Wars?” He repeated, jaw dropping, needing to reconfirm it because maybe it was Billy just making another joke.

“Never”

“Billy, you have to watch Star Wars!” He told him. His enthusiasm almost made Billy want to watch it, but he thought about what he knew and decided that, nope. It really wasn’t his thing.

“I’m not sure I’d like it. Lightsabers and.. robots and furry creatures.. it’s kind of..”

“It’s about politics! And the fights are super cool and- wait until you hear about the plot twist I mean- it’s really good” he yammered quickly, preparing mentally a pitch to sell his favourite movie.

“The plot twist that Luke shagged his sister?” He smiled, tossing a quick look to see the expression on Will’s face who struggled to justify the pseudo-incest love story they put in there.

“Uh- well.. eh.. they didn’t.. it was just a kiss.. they didn’t know-”

Billy laughed at the boy’s discomfort “Okay”

He looked over at him, taking the opportunity of driving more slowly down on the road to do so.

“We’ll do some movie marathon or something. Though.. at your house it doesn’t seem really-” he thought about Will small screen and frowned. He never finished his sentence and instead thought about bringing Will over to his house, but it was out of question to do that with Max there or worst, his father. “I don’t think you can come at my place too”

“Why not my house?” He asked innocently, as if there truly wasn’t anything wrong.

“Will, your TV is..”

“Ah. Right.. well it’s tolerable- you’d get used to it, it’s really not that bad”

“Mh, maybe. Guess we can try” he shrugged. Maybe he could just fall asleep while watching the movie while Will entertain himself. He just wished Jonathan wouldn’t be there as well. He didn’t want to be in the same room as this guy.

“Nice! Okay..” Will searched for another subject, thinking about what interesting question he could ask next. He settled for a question that was neither interesting nor  important to know “What’s.. your favorite season?”

Kind of stupid, without interest, what could he possibly do with this information? Change the weather forever?

Billy still answered because he did have a favorite season, there was no use in hiding this.

“Summer. Definitely summer” he said without a second of hesitation.

“Why?”

“It’s.. freedom, vacation. I used to go surf all the time. It’s not— cold as shit. It’s the best, that simple” there was mosquitoes, which sucked, and he never even spent a summer in Hawkins yet. But he knew in California, summer was the best. Pure freedom. He could be on the beach all day, meet people, party, be out for the whole night, without having to worry about school work. It was also the only time he could work and make some pocket money. There was nothing like summer.

Will nodded, visibly pleased with the answer. “Yeah.. I think you’re right. It’s hot and it’s vacation..” he pondered. Billy didn’t think much about it, about why Will liked hot temperature. He just assumed like everyone, he hated to be cold. That was normal, he hated winter and snow as well.

“You?”

“I don’t want to say the same as you so I’ll say, spring. Because it’s when everything comes back to life and it’s hotter and— it’s my birthday, and there’s spring break too” Will held back the information that before, he used to adore fall. He and Mike were always so happy during this season, they anticipated Halloween, they were getting ready weeks before, trying to find matching costume for the whole party. It could be stressful at times because he could never afford costumes they were selling in shops, so it was Joyce who had to work on it, see and embroider everything. He asked to help but she said she didn’t want him to get hurt with the needle. But maybe one day she would let him. Either way, since last Halloween he was a little scared. Apparently his trauma also had a birthday and it was during fall, near October and November. Flashbacks would come back to him. That was what the doctor said, but he sincerely hoped that for next Halloween, it wouldn’t happen. He didn’t know if it was a yearly thing but he hoped it wouldn’t be. He didn’t want this thing that happened to change his life forever and the vision he had of his favourite season and favorite holiday. He didn’t like Halloween as much as Mike, but he still enjoyed it and it would’ve been a shame for it to be tainted by what happened last one. He shook his head and settled on spring. He liked spring a lot. He liked the flowers, the life, heat coming back, his birthday in March, and spring break mostly.

“Very fair”

His next question was linked to a thought he had right before. He excitedly asked Billy “What’s your favorite flower?”

The eldest snorted, somewhat mocking the weird, out of place question “Flower?”

“Yeah?” He said, not understanding why Billy was so condescending about it. Everyone liked flowers. It was pretty. Why would he say Flower with so much disgust in his tone?

“Flower? I’m supposed to have a favorite flower?” He snorted, a little vile in his way of expressing himself.

“Everyone has a favorite flower” Will replied with a pout, eyebrows curling down. Flowers were pretty, everyone liked them. Maybe except for Billy. Maybe Billy just didn’t have a heart.

“Fuck no they don’t” he snorted. He himself being a living proof of that. Flowers were so overrated. It was a shit gift, it barely smelled good, they would wilt in two days and attract bugs. Sure nature was awesome and all this, but Billy was more impressed by water and what was deep down the sea than just green stuff.

“Really? There’s not one flower you like to see more? That reminds you something good? That smells better?”

“No man” he smiled, voice going slightly higher “It’s flowers I don’t give a shit”

“Roses? Romantic, with spikes, beautiful yet rough, smells good?” He tried out, receiving no reaction from Billy.

“No way” he rolled his tongue in the inside of his cheek.

“Daisies?” Will said instead and Billy scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Daisies? You mean like.. the most basic ugly flowers ever? White and plain and boring..”

“For someone who doesn’t like flowers you know how to criticize them..” he said under his breath. He glanced timidly in Billy’s direction, pushing his lips in a pouty expression to express his slight frustration.

“Tulipes? There’s tons of different tulipes. It makes great bouquet”

“No man, I don’t like flowers, I don’t care” he said to end Will’s argument, making him understand whatever he might say he wasn’t going to change his mind on not liking stupid flowers.

“Alright then..” he sighed and shifted on his seat, squeezing his bag to his chest.

“Mines are sunflowers” he broke out.

“Sunflowers are boring. It’s just like.. yellow”

“No way, they are super cool! First of all, yellow is the best. Second of all, they have a brown center that almost looks like an eye.. and long bright yellow silky petals. They can grow super tall.. like taller than me-”

Billy muttered unimpressed “Not hard to do”

Will turned to him, with an offended face, scowling though he didn’t look scary or threatening. Billy smirked, jerking a small glance in his direction noticing the tiny guy heavy stare.

Instead of mentioning Billy’s comment he kept going on his sunflower compliment rant. “You can also eat sunflower seeds.. and when there’s no sun, they turn to each other to survive”

“Oh wow” he said sarcastically. It was a bit cute to see Will so fascinated by his boring flower. But if he thought he would change his mind with some “fun facts” it wasn’t about to happen.

“An artist I like paints them really well. It makes it gorgeous, they almost look like they’re moving- he has a way with texture, it’s great!”

That caught his attention, artists were more worth talking about then flowers. “What artist?”

“Vincent Van..” he struggled with the pronunciation, testing out the one that sounded best “Gog? Go? Goh?” Then he gave up on trying “I never know how to say it. But he’s a painter. He paints many flowers, but sunflowers are the best” he straightened up, giddy like a puppy discovering snow for the first time.

“Uh, I see okay” he focused on the road, sort of smiling to himself thinking about how Will seemed so enthused. He was the happiest he’d ever seen him. He probably was more like this with his friends. Billy started peeling off layers of “Will Byers” and started to see what it was about this boy that made him so appealing. Why people would shield him, protect him, why they didn’t want him to be near and potentially soil his pure soul or whatever. He saw a side of the happy Will he hoped he was in his daily life. Just a Will yammering about things he liked, about his passions and preferences. A Will that wasn’t all tensed on the seat.

It took a week for him to get comfortable that way, which was pretty good, it was going well. And if Billy was being entirely honest with himself, he didn’t hate spending time with the boy, he realized. It wasn’t just that Will wasn’t as bad as he expected him to be. It was actually a little fun. The kid was fun. Believe it or not.

It wasn’t a chore to be around him like it was supposed to be, like it would be with another thirteen year old kid. He didn’t have to babysit and talk about baby stuff. It was rather nice.

He had those little quirks, habits, way of talking that made him not as boring as he thought he would be. He was very friendly as well, and better at handling a conversation than Billy thought. He had lots of prejudice about him, but really it was just a matter of time. Things were starting to break through, and waiting to just know everything didn’t seem too excruciatingly long. And if Will was already so comfortable around him about a week in, he knew he could manipulate him and get the truth out of him soon enough. He estimated that in a month, Billy would know everything. Little by little, he’d put the piece together, that Will wanted it or not.

“Okay, favorite color now?” Will said to break the momentary silence.

Billy snorted to himself. He always hated that question. Even more than “what’s you’re favorite flower” Not only was it very cliché, it was also completely stupid. Colors were colors, how could someone have a favorite color? It procured nothing for him to see them. Blue wouldn’t get him hard. He wouldn’t feel angry seeing red. It was just a stupid color. An assemble of color was pretty, just one color was boring. He preferred his room white, or black, he didn’t need to live surrounded with flashy bright colors. Yet it was always that question coming back every time someone wanted to get to know another person, as if it was even remotely interesting. First the name, second the age, and third the favorite color. As if you could get to know someone through the color they liked.

He didn’t say that to Will, and instead decided to tease and make him annoyed just like he was for having to answer such stupid question.

“Guess”

Will smiled, confident and playful. But Billy knew he’d quickly get annoyed since every guess would end with a “No”. He wondered how long Will would try and guess until he’d ran out of options, or patience.

“Blue! Like the sea? Like your car?” He tried out first, which was a good guess if Billy actually gave a shit about the color of his car.

“Nope”

“Then red?”

He imitated a buzzer, eyes fixated on the road ahead. He wasn’t exactly lost but it was a part of Hawkins he never really went to. An empty neighbourhood with trees and lots of bumps on the asphalt. He knew if he turned right he could go on a main road and find his way back again, so he did that as Will kept guessing.

“Yellow”

“Wrong again”

“Orange? Like the sunset”

“Still no”

“Then it’s green”

“Nope”

He could sense Will was getting confused and already running out of ideas. He had named primary colors. He stopped for a bit to collect his thought and count the ones he already asked, then his eyes narrowed.

“You can’t say like.. black and white, these are not colors..”

“Not black or white” he replied confidently, just waiting to see him give up.

“Not grey either?” He wondered, eliminating every possibilities.

Billy on his part scoffed. He could get liking black and white, but grey might’ve been the most depressing thing to see in the world.

“Who the fuck loves grey” he said as if it was obvious not a soul on earth could possibly have grey as their favorite color.

“I don’t know.. the same people who likes rainy day I assume?”

“Uh.. maybe, yeah” however Billy could understand liking rainy days. Some girl explained to him once that she liked feeling safe, in her cocoon, in the safety of her house, seeing by the window the rain pouring. She enjoyed the sound, the smell of grass afterwards. She liked reading while it was pouring outside. It was soothing to her.

Billy hated rain. When it was raining, he couldn’t surf, it was too dangerous. He couldn’t drive, it was slippery and his visibility was shit. He was trapped in his house, and if there was one place he didn’t want to be trapped in and didn’t feel safe in at all, it was his house. He felt trapped by the little droplets falling from the sky. Rain was a bitch.

“Okay.. uh, pink?” Will tried, careful with it because he knew some guy hated to even be associated with pink. Which was a little dumb since it was just a lighter shade of red, the color of blood and virility and all that. Billy brushed it off with a simple “Nah” so thankfully he wasn’t offended.

“Purple?” He tried after, running out of ideas.

“No again”

“My my.. though one” he racked his brain trying to think of any more color. Then he had an illumination while seeing a tree right beside. “Brown? Or like maroon?”

“No”

Will sighed. He really believed he had it there. “Um.. is it very specific?”

“Nah. Not really” Billy shrugged again, happily messing with the poor struggling boy.

“Okay— then.. blue, but not like the sea, like the sky”

“Wrong”

“Are you messing with me..” he muttered lowly. Billy simply smiled instead of answering. He liked that Will was so persistent, it was cute.

“Maybe I said it and you missed it, you were focused on the road”

“Nah I can multitask” he bragged proving he could in fact hold a discussion while checking the road and marking his stop.

“Mh.. okay then, coral?”

Billy choked out a laugh “What the fuck is coral” he said, having never heard such term before. It was normal for Will to know about colors, giving that he was an artist, apparently. But coral was so specific and weird, to him it only evoked the sea.

“Mix of like.. orange and pink. It’s very pretty, pastel shade” he explained.

“Ah. Well no”

“Turquoise?”

“Still no, that’s just another blue” he said matter-of-factly, making Will scratch on his eyebrow as he was thinking. He sighed longly.

“Uuh.. Lilac?”

“Nope” he said while popping the ‘p’, extracting another tired sigh from Will, but this time it came out with a grunt. Billy could tell he would crack soon, he was already getting frustrated.

“Okay.. let me think..”

Billy jerked a small look in his direction. He looked so concentrated, his face was determination carved in flesh. He closed his eyes to think, picturing a color palette and trying to think about one he hadn’t named yet. That poor kid, such determination, all that so in the end the answer was none.

To his surprise, Will hadn’t named every possible color since he made a surprised noise. A sharp gasp, as if it suddenly clicked in his mind, as if, without the shadow of a doubt it just had to be that one. “Ah!” His eyes opened wide, he turned to Billy, staring at him with doe-eyes, he was beaming. Wearing on his face one of the brightest smile Billy had ever see.

“Hazel!” He shouted, excitement overflowing. Like a lightbulb suddenly gave him the answer, as if the reveal was just so obvious it had to be that one. And Billy couldn’t see himself tell him no when he was this certain of his answer. He couldn’t shatter that confidence. He couldn’t shatter that smile. It was the kind of smile that one wouldn’t see often. A bright, sunny smile that made Billy freeze in time instead of feeling warm and fuzzy.The flicker of hope on Will’s face was just too cute. Who in this cruel world would not do everything in their power to ensure that such a look would be stained on that kid’s face?

He forgot to focus on the road, he forgot pretty much everything because Will was just so enthusiastic and happy and excited and certain, actually convinced he found the right answer. So happy and convinced that Billy couldn’t shatter that. It would be way too cruel to say a firm no and make that wide grin drop.

He cleared his throat “Yeah” he paused, the glow of pure joy caught all of his attention. He kept staring at Will and his happy grin, happier than if he had won the goddamn lotto. “Yeah it’s uh. Hazel” he cleared his throat again, requiring every single bone in his body to stop looking at him and going back to look at the street.

Will giggled, for the first time Billy heard what his laugh sounded like. When he chuckled usually it was low, not really using his voice, not out loud. It was just air coming out, no sound almost. It was discreet, a very soft chuckle. But for once he heard what it sounded like when he was letting it out of his throat, truly amused, content with himself.

“That was a though one!”
Billy smiled gently, though a frown was on his face. Did that kid just reversed manipulated him?

“Mine is yellow” he heard him say, and he actually wasn’t surprised. Sunflower, yellow, it matched. He looked like the kind of bright boy who liked the color of the sun and this kind of thing.

“Cool” He stayed silent as his smile slowly faded.

What was that weird, swelling warmth slithering in his chest?

He brushed it over. That kid was being a little too— he was taking a lot of space and basically leading the conversation. And before he would ask Billy what his favorite tree was or whatever, he decided it was his turn for the questions.

“Okay, okay enough boring uninteresting questions now” he said, forcing himself to keep his focus on the road and not Will whose gaze he could feel on his skin.

“What should I ask then?..”

“No no, I’m asking now” he said and very quickly Will objected.

“It can’t be anything about what happened to me, I’m warning you”

“Fine. I won’t go into the deep stuff” frankly, he didn’t want that either. It was out of question to tell Will he hated his dad, and that his mom just left him there and he felt terribly lonely and never had any friend and for the first time in years he felt like he was bonding to someone— no fucking way. He would keep that to himself. Safely locked into a little box that would never open.

“You said you had lungs problems?” He didn’t know why this was the first thing that came to his mind. It was the tiniest bit of information he had about this boy that he could probably talk about without going into deep details of his life or about what happened during that week. It seemed like a good point to start even if he didn’t necessarily care about his medical issues.

“Uh. Yeah”

“Since birth? Did the doctor found like.. a cause or something?”

It wasn’t that he was worried or anything, but for Will to wheeze and cough his lungs out for running not even at full speed barely a meter was just— odd. The kid should at least have treatment like an inhaler. And maybe he shouldn’t smoke so much around him.

“No, no not since birth” he purposefully omitted to precise that it came from the upside down and it’s toxic atmosphere, as well as the vine that damaged his throat and tracheae. Billy didn’t need to know all that. “It’s just.. my body is a little damaged, I guess. It’s internal injuries caused by… stuff” he explained without going into details. This seemed normal to Billy. A kid couldn’t possibly understand every medicinal term.

“Don’t you have like, a puffer? Is it not dangerous that I smoke around you?” He said with a little concern. If he wanted to keep that kid around until he would spit everything, it was better to have him not dead. And he didn’t want to have a death on the consciousness. Especially not one of someone he grew -kind of- fond of. It wasn’t that he cared, god no. The amount of people Billy cared about could be counted on one hand with five decapitated fingers. He just— should keep him alive. That was all.

“Uh.. yeah in my bag and— well my mom smokes as well so it’s not really.. it doesn’t really matter. It never really triggered anything before”

“But it can damage it? Make it worst?”

“I think it’s mostly damaging your lungs..” he said with a cheeky tone.

“Not false” he shrugged, not that he particularly cared about his health all that much. Truth to be told he never expected to live that old. He was perfectly fine with living a short lived but thrilling life. Growing to become unable to move, hurting all the time, with no one to care for you was just— sad. He would pass. He couldn’t care less about destroying his lungs, he could be dead in two years for all he cared, it didn’t changed a thing, he would be fine with that. He didn’t have like, a dying wish or anything. He enjoyed life just fine, he wouldn’t cause his own death. He was just— not a life lover.

“Would you like me to.. not smoke around you or..?” He didn’t know why he was even offering. Smoking was his biggest habit. Any occasion was a good one to take a cigarette. Every time he felt bored, stressed out, or just in the mood. Which was costing him a lot of money sure, but when his lifestyle was to feel bored and stressed out he could hardly do anything against that. He probably just offered because at least with Will he wasn’t stressed out or bored, so he didn’t feel the need to take one. That was probably it.

“You don’t have to change your habits for me it’s fine.. I can handle it” he said beside. The last thing he wanted was to be a burden. He already felt like it for most of the people around him. Everyone had to change their lifestyle to adapt to him, he wasn’t going to force this upon Billy as well, even if the oldest had proposed it first.

Billy sighed instead of answering. Thinking the boy was being a little ridiculous and careless. But it wasn’t his job to take care of him, he wasn’t going to insist further.

He kept driving until he reached the familiar road he had to take to bring Will home.

“Do you want to go home yet?” He asked the boy.

Will checked on his watch, looking at the time.

“I think I should, or Jonathan will get worried again. I didn’t warn him”

Billy nodded. Somehow, he liked that Will didn’t say he wanted to go home, and rather that he should. It was sort of nice to know he didn’t mind his presence and wouldn’t mind staying with him, that the only reason he couldn’t was Jonathan. It was kind of nice. Kind of.

He replied with a sharp “Okay” and sped up. 

As  always, he dropped Will home before heading back to his.

Chapter Text

A week passed and things already changed at an oddly quick pacing. Billy never thought he could grow close to someone in such little time. He never thought he could grow close to anyone at all.

He wouldn’t say Will was his friend, that would be sad because that would make him one of his first and almost only friend. But he was a presence he grew to appreciate. Spending time with him wasn’t agony. He actually looked forward to meeting with him. They figured what was the best was hanging out at the library on Monday, doing something else like driving, listening to music or even sometimes walking in the forest on Wednesday and Thursday. Monday Will had his AV club thing, and Friday was reserved for their other friends or if there was a special occasion, somewhat of a free spot, it would depend. They never saw each other on weekends.

Sometimes Will had homeworks to do, so they would try to find a coffee shop where he could work at or he would do it Monday at the library. It was a nice routine, killing time well, though during that time, Billy learnt an amount of zero thing. Not one information was collected. Sure he was not trying as hard and asking much, because he didn’t want to brutalize Will with his questions, but the kid was always silent as a grave and never speaking of it. Not even tiny little informations dropped here and there. Billy was still at square one. But if Billy was getting impatient to learn the truth as fast as possible, Will on his part was somewhere else.

Like Billy, he found himself thinking he grew quite close to that man that was so different from him, or even from his other friends. He always hung out with people who liked video games, Star Wars, science. Billy was nothing like the people Will always had around. But weirdly enough, he came to realize he actually wanted Billy close. That was the only reason why he offered him a talkie-walkie. He actually anticipated Billy to always be there, day after day, and he got used to that idea. He got used to Billy himself, and he didn’t mind him anymore. He didn’t expect Billy to be going away anytime soon. After all, he did promise he wouldn’t stop until he would get what he wanted, so that meant he would always stay, right?
After a bit more than two weeks of Billy sticking around like a leech, Will couldn’t see his days without him in it. Not in any sort of romantic way, he didn’t like Billy. He just— appreciated his presence. Billy promised him he would stay, he had a goal in mind, and Billy wasn’t a quitter. Which meant that for as long as Will kept his secret, he would be there. It was only normal of him to expect seeing him, to come out of school every day to notice him standing outside, always a cigarette between his lips. He wouldn’t have offered a talkie if he wasn’t certain Billy would stay. From now on, Billy was part of his life, that he wanted it or not. And these days, he wanted it more than not.

*

That weekend, Will’s mom finally told him she had some free time so they could check out Bob’s stuff. Will thought she was pushing back the moment she would have to do it because she wasn’t ready, but apparently she had lots of things to do. And finally, her busy week ended and this Saturday was the day.

His belongings didn’t all came to her, obviously. It was to his family first and foremost. And since he died -way too early- his wills weren’t up to date. But he did leave some stuff at their house and in his own.

Bob’s colleague from video shack had called Joyce long ago, when he died. He told her Bob was planning on giving her something, but he never could.

She didn’t have the strength to go fetch it then, but she called him back, saying maybe she could pass by this day, and the guy -who’s name was Rick apparently- said nothing moved, it was still there, waiting for her to pick it up.

They were in the car, sitting silently. Will watching through the window and Joyce looking at the road.

Will figured maybe he should say something. Like thank her, or anything.

“Thank you for doing this mom.. You’re... you’re really- brave” he said with an airy voice, trying not to get emotions swallowing him.

“Oh.. sweetie” one of her hand dropped from the steering wheel, landing on his left arm. She soothingly caressed his skin, holding back her own tears.

“Thank you for giving me strength. I wouldn’t be brave without you and your brother”

“You’ve always been tough mom” he said truthfully, and he meant it.

Some said she was fragile, on the verge of breaking down because she had to deal with anxiety problems in the past. They called her weak for staying with Lonnie despite what he was putting her through. And then they also called her weak when she finally divorced him because "she could’ve sucked it up and handle it for her children", as if it wasn’t what she had done for more than a decade. To Will it was only just a proof of her bravery. How day after day, despite a declining mental health she could get up and keep going. How nothing ever stopped her from being there, with Jonathan and him. How she stood her ground and yelled at Lonnie and talked back to him, not wanting to take the abuse anymore. Lonnie was taller, stronger. He was a man, he was threatening. He had been calling his mom crazy, a bitch, delusional, weak, for so long. But she stood to him and did everything to protect her children. She had never been weak. She’s was the strongest person in all of Hawkins, and to Will, his mom was his inspiration. She was the toughest person he knew.

“Mh..” an high pitched, strained sound wormed out of her throat. “I only was because I had to protect you.

And I’m..” she inhaled longly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t— always. I swore to-”

She choked in her words and Will took her hands, squeezing it between his delicate fingers.

“I’m so sorry I failed” she sobbed quietly, still trying to keep her composure, not daring to crack in front of her child.

“Mom, you didn’t fail. You brought me back. I’m here. I’m fine” he said with a gentle voice, this time being the one caressing her hand, needing to reassure her.

She had to slow down and park on the side of the road, the tears blurring her vision and making it too dangerous to keep driving. She hid her face in her remaining hand, fingers pressing her forehead.

“I should’ve left Lonnie earlier. I should’ve- been there”

“You couldn’t know it would happen mom.. and everything is okay now mh? You did leave him” he couldn’t believe his mom could potentially blame herself for that, for everything that happened. It was the demogorgons fault and no one else’s. It was Lonnie’s fault, it was never hers. She had too much on her shoulders and Will wished he could just take that all away and put it on his own instead. She didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve to have a son that killed the only man that treated her right in her life. Guilt creeped back inside of him, a faint voice in the back of his head telling him it was all his fault. That she wouldn’t feel such culpability if he had never been born. Or at least if he hadn’t been born wrong. If he could’ve made Lonnie proud, so that Lonnie wouldn’t have been mean to him. So that he would’ve stayed and so she wouldn’t have to take every shifts and two jobs to make the family live. He should’ve been a better son. It was his fault Lonnie never loved him and that he brought so much misery on his entire family—

He shut down the voice. He closed his eyes, shuddering. He had to comfort her now, not be sorry for himself. He reopened his eyes once he felt under control.

Joyce looked at him, the fat drops of salty waters streaming down her face, transparent and wetting her cheeks. Her lips were pressed tight with one another.

He cleared his tight throat, the lump aching. “Dad isn’t there anymore and we don’t need him and I’m fine. And all of the.. upside down thing is behind us now. So all we can do is… move forward” he wasn’t sure he believed that himself. He could never forget. He felt trapped. All he wanted was to go back in time and stay at Mike’s on that night of November 6th 1983. He could never move forward for as long as the nightmares and memories pulled him back to that year.

He couldn’t mention that to Joyce. She could move forward. He wanted to make sure she, at least, would. “I.. I think the best thing to do is.. is pay respect to Bob. And— keep his memory alive” the AV club already did a memorial for Bob, in the room there was his picture, "gone but never forgotten" written under it with his life story and how he founded the club thanks to his devotion and passion. The memorial was there, so that all the new people that would join the club would know about him. It wasn’t much but it was something, at least. For a man that died too soon yet accomplished big things. A hero.

“You’ve always been such a smart, sensitive boy” she laughed wetly, drying her leaking eyes with a sweep of her hand. “God you’re so brave. I’m so lucky to have you”

He shrugged “I only am because of you”

It definitely wasn’t his cowardly father who gave him any of his good trait, that was for sure. His only inspiration and who he wanted to be was her.

“Alright.. let’s go now” she said with a chuckle. She engaged herself back on the road, and they drove silently while listening to music, on the way to video shack.

*

The bell rang when they entered the store. Rick was there, on the phone, but no other client on sight. He made them a sign, a little wave to say he acknowledge them. He indicated with a finger it wouldn’t be very long and kept talking on the phone. Will explored with his eyes in the meantime. It was his first time coming into that shop. He made a sign to his mom and she allowed him to go explore in the aisle.

He immediately ran to the walkie talkie section. His blithe smile dropped when he saw the price.

From 50 to 200 dollars. Even the cheapest were too pricey. That was without counting the batteries and DCS they had to connect to make it compatible. This would be complicated.

“Thank you Marvin, have a good day” he heard the man say, then he hung up. “Joyce! So nice to see you”

Will figured he should go with them. He joined his mom at the counter.

“Thank you so much Rick, I’m sorry for taking so much time.. I was just so busy, it was crazy”

“It’s okay Joyce. It must’ve been so hard..”

She gave a small apologetic smile.

“Come, come. It was a huge surprise Bob was planning.. shame he couldn’t give it to you himself in person.. but he’d want you to have it” he said while walking towards the door, what was probably the employee break room. Joyce and Will followed, walking past the counter and following Rick.

When he opened the door they were greeted with a TV. A huge TV, bigger than Will had ever seen. Maybe even bigger than Mike’s. He wanted to laugh, because he remembered everything Billy said. Now they would definitely watch awesome movies together.

But despite his amusement remembering Billy, he also was hit with the need to cry a little. Bob wanted to give them a TV. Bob was so good to them, and now he was gone.

Joyce gasped.

“Oh my god… I.. I can’t accept this..”

“Joyce, he wanted you to have it. Read the note” he said, pointing a little piece of paper resting on top of the TV. Joyce took it, opened it.

It was written “For Mr. Mom and all the other movies we’ll watch together with your beautiful boys!” And it was signed with his big and extravagant signature. She smiled, letting out a small emotional giggle.

“It was just a broken TV some client wanted us to fix. But he called us and said he bought a new one instead. So Bob kept it, spent weeks fixing it up so it would work perfectly”

“Rick..” there was a mixture of gratitude and sadness inside of her seeing such grand gift. She wished Bob was still here to use that TV with them, she wished she could thank him in person.

“It belongs to you Joyce, and your family”

“Oh.. thank you” her voice was choked and strained like every time she was holding back tears. She knew that this gift from her late boyfriend was a precious reminder of their time together. She would honour it. Every time she would open that TV, it would be in reminiscence of him.

“Can I help you with anything else? I’ll help you bring it to your car. Does it fit in the trunk?” Rick proposed.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure- um.. Will did you check the talkies?”

“Oh uh yeah but.. it doesn’t fit in.. our budget” he said lowly.

“Talkie? You want a walkie-talkie? Don’t you already have one?” The sympathetic man asked. Will didn’t meet his eyes, he looked down.

“Yeah but.. it’s for my friend”

“Ah, I see. Well little guy, I don’t have any talkie for you, but if you ever find one I can connect it with yours, install DCS and everything you need, how does that sound?”

“That would be great!” He looked up to him, smiling widely “Thank you sir”

“Thank you so much Rick, for everything, really” Joyce said afterwards.

“Hey, my pleasure! Now let’s get this big boy in the car!”

*

The three of them struggled to bring the TV all the way to the car. They carefully maneuvered it, walking slow and using all of there strength to lift it up and then place it safely in the trunk.

“Little advice.. drive slowly” Rick joked and his mom snorted “Yeah, I will”

“I’ll go fetch some cords and paper to stabilize it and make sure it doesn’t fall or break alright?”

“You’re an angel”

Rick walked away back into the store. Will took the opportunity to talk with his mom.

“I can’t believe this, a brand new TV!” He said excitedly.

“I wonder what we’ll do with the old one now”

Will nodded.

“My friend is going to think it’s so funny”

“Your new friend?” She wondered.

“Yeah!”

“What’s his name?” She said cheerfully, raising her eyebrows inquisitively.

“Billy. He’s actually Max’s step-older brother, but he’s kind”

“Oh, that’s nice. I’m glad you’re making friends” it didn’t alarm her more than that, because step-brother could mean he was only just a few months older, or a year, which really wasn’t worrying at all. Maybe she would’ve been a little more suspicious if she knew he was about Jonathan’s age, because usually older people wouldn’t hang out with such a young teen. But she trusted Will’s judgement, and she really was happy about him making more friends. It was always a way to alleviate stress to know that her son was doing well. He didn’t have it easy, kids at school were always mean. He had his little group, that she adored, but knowing Will could have more support was always a relief.

He nodded. It wouldn’t be necessary to precise anything more, like how it was Billy who came to him first, so he wasn’t really the one being sociable and making friends. And also how more precisely, they weren’t even friends. Well, maybe they were. They talked and they had been hanging out for quite a bit. And they both enjoyed spending time with each other, so surely they weren’t strangers. Maybe they were a little friends.

“He said we could watch movies but that our TV was really small, it’s such a weird coincidence” he giggled.

“It is” she smiled, looking back at the TV taking all the place in her trunk.

“I can hardly believe this.. this is such a huge gift. A TV like this.. it must be three months of my salary at Melvald” she muttered to herself.

There was a long silence. Will’s thoughts all went to Bob. He had such a big heart. Willing to give such a huge gift just for movie night with a family that wasn’t his. Will felt a little bad about Jonathan being so wary of him. But he couldn’t blame him, Jonathan didn’t like people, outsiders, and he definitely didn’t needed a new dad. He was sort of the dad in their family and putting his trust into another man that could disappoint him was not something he wanted to do. Sure he could be a little judgmental, he didn’t like that Bob was so— normal. But frankly it was refreshing for Will to be around a guy so simple, happy with the small thing in life, laughing loudly without any care in the world of who might judge him. He used to be afraid of people, he used to be bullied like Will, but he finally found a good place in life. He has the biggest heart ever. So much so that he risked his life for them.

“.. he was a really good guy mom. I’m glad.. you met him” he eventually broke, meaning every single word of it.

“Me too honey..”

He hesitated, yet without even knowing why, without thinking he asked her if he made her happy.

She answered naturally “Yes. Of course. He did”

His head lowered with the weight of his guilt. He wanted to apologize, for ripping him away from her. But he figured maybe this wasn’t what she would want to hear.

Thankfully, he couldn’t answer, Rick came back with everything needed. They stabilized the TV, tying it safely with some covers.

“Let me know if you need anything else Joyce”

“Thank you again Rick. I wish I could do something for you”

“You don’t have to. You brought Bob here with a smile on his face every day, it meant the world”

*

The ride home was a long one, with Joyce driving approximately 20 kilometers per hour.

Once they were back home they asked Jonathan for some help. They tottered their way inside, and Jonathan didn’t shy away from looking at Will intently.

“Brand new.. big, huge TV, uh” he said flatly, holding back his comment and afterthought.

“I didn’t ask for it-” he immediately justified. Did Jonathan seriously think just because Billy criticized their TV, he asked his mom months of her salary for a new one? That was nonsensical “It’s a gift from Bob” he said instead and his brother sighed.

“Ah, Bob”

Will recognized that tone. It was when he was trying to be respectful, "don’t speak ill of the dead" kind of thing, but with some judgment there as well. Jonathan didn’t like gifts, especially not huge ones. He said it was buying affection. To him, people couldn’t be kind for the sake of being kind. It had to come from someplace else; an attempt at manipulation, wanting something in exchange, being on someone’s good side or whatever, or like when Nancy and Steve gave him a new camera, an apology for doing something bad, an attempt at fixing a mistake with a pricey gift. But a gift was never just a gift coming from a place of genuine kindness and generosity.

Bob wasn’t a bad guy but Jonathan still didn’t like him. He said Joyce wasn’t really happy with him, that he was trying too hard, that he wanted to be a replacement or something, that they didn’t need him. But Will still liked him. Movie nights with a man who laughed out loud and spreading happiness was nice. He was generous and was good at heart. He didn’t comment on it however, and let Jonathan think what he wanted.

“I have no idea how to make it work..” his mom said once the TV was in the living room. She looked perplex. She was very bad with this, technology and stuff.

“It’s okay I’ll handle it mom” Will said nicely. He was pretty sure he could. It couldn’t be that complicated. It was basically just plugging wires, he’d channel like he did with his radio comm.

*

He struggled for the entire evening trying to get it to work. He looked at a manuel and even inspected the old TV to see which cable went where. Eventually, he figured it out.

Next thing he knew he found himself kneeling in front of a cardboard box, his mom right beside him. Quietly contemplating the box, waiting to see the content it had inside, the living room felt empty and hollow. He could see in Joyce’s eyes the weight of loss, and yet there was an unspoken sentiment between them transcending words, comforting each other by their mere presence. It gave Joyce enough courage to  take a cutter, ripping off the scotch and cardboard before opening it.

The first thing he saw was his clothes, the ones he was wearing before he had to change for hospital clothing. Joyce grabbed his green coat, pulling it out of the box. She seemed emotional, staring at it, holding it with delicacy between her fingers. Her mind became filled with memories of happier times. The times Bob wore that coat to go see her, taking lunch in front of Melvald, now a bittersweet reminder.

“Are you okay?” Will asked with a whisper.

“Yes, yes honey.

Nice coat mh? It looks like yours a little” she said while observing. It was a dark green coat with shades of brown, that indeed looked a little like his own.

He nodded, eyes holding sadness seeing the last clothes Bob ever wore.

“God.. what am I going to do with his stuff? I can’t just get rid of them..” she said to herself, mumbling low and voice strained.

“You don’t have to.. Not until you’re ready at least”

“Yes.. you’re right”

She let the coat resting beside her, and the next thing she took out of the box was bunch of games, with a Rubik’s cube and cards. She looked nostalgic, staring at them, apologetic. And Will felt bad. Horrendous.

Bob came because he was feeling unwell, he came with bunch of games to try and play and make him better. All that because he was possessed. He dragged him into all this and now he was dead. He swallowed harshly in his throat, feeling a lump taking up space.

“Do you want them honey? These could be games you like mh?”

He couldn’t answer with words, so he instead went with meek choked “Mh mh”

Then she gasped “Oh! Treasure look at this, I think it’s your lucky day” she grabbed and pulled out— a walkie-talkie. He could’ve smiled but he felt a little guilty.

It was really inconsiderate and disrespectful to take a dead’s man belonging and give them to someone for his own benefit. He didn’t mind at first, but realizing the only responsible for his death was him, he just couldn’t do it. He was the one who told his mom he needed to keep the memory alive, that he’d want this, but now he wasn’t so sure.

“I- I shouldn’t..” he said while gnawing at his bottom lip.

“But? Didn’t you want it for your friend?” She said weakly, her eyebrows lowering with worries.

“Uh.. yes but..” it was hard to speak when all he wanted was to cry. The words couldn’t get out, they stayed stuck as his throat tightened up.

“Baby talk to me” she whispered, voice quivering at the edges.

“I’m not sure.. I don’t want to just.. take his stuff and- it’s not..” he shuddered, struggling to even think about his words.

With a gentle tone, Joyce reached out and placed her hand on Will’s trembling one. He hadn’t even realized he had started shaking. “Will? He’d want you to have it, okay?” She squeezed his hand to try and help him calm down.

“But.. how- do you know? I can’t just take his stuff when- when-”

She waited for him to finish his thought, but he never did. His lips parted and trembled, he prayed this wouldn’t be noticeable. He paused, pressing his lips tight against one another, re-thinking his words.

When I’m the reason he’s dead. He thought, without ever saying it.

“I don’t want to.. disrespect his memory and- give away his thing to someone else” he murmured, voice quavering. Tears threatened to brim in his eyes.

“Honey, it’ll be of better use for your friend mh?” She whispered, her voice sounding like a soothing melody. The same tone she had when she used to sing him nursery rhymes to sleep.

“Mh…” his eyes welled up, pain palpable.

She bit on her lower lips, swaying her eyes around the room. “You know what I think?”  She said with a soft smile.

“Mh?” He hummed instead of talking, it was easier to keep his mouth closed.

“I think it would be worst to leave his belongings in a box to just catch dust.

Now every time it’ll be of used, it will be worth a thought for him. Isn’t that better than forgetting?” as she said those words, she couldn't help but feel a sense of closure, knowing that Bob's kindness and thoughtfulness would live on through this unexpected gesture, and the things they would never forget about him. His jokes would live on, his objects too, and he would remain in their memories.

“Yes..”

“So take it, okay?” She said, handing him the talkie. “He liked you a lot. He would’ve want to become your family”

“I would’ve liked that too” he said with a small sad smile.

“.. I know baby, I know”

She leaned in, her touch becoming a warm embrace. She rocked him, caressing his back. Her own eyes glistening. He let out a shaky breath, not daring to sob in her arms.

As they held each other, the room seemed to fill with a warmth that transcended the pain. It was the first time they talked so openly about his death, about him being gone. And for the first time, they were starting to accept it. In that shared moment, Joyce’s comforting words became a lifeline, connecting their hearts in the midst of sorrow, easing Will’s biggest worries. He trusted her entirely, she knew Bob the best, he should listen to her. Through the tears and pain, they found solace in each other's embrace, accepting the journey of grief, and perhaps finding a way to heal together.

*

Will’s eyes lit up when he spotted Billy in front of his school that Monday. A wide grin stretching across his face, and he didn’t hesitate to rush towards him. He yelled a meek “Bye guys!” To his friends as he bounded towards the oldest, vibrating with excitement.

“Billy!”

He looked really happy. So happy anyone could tell it was odd. His friends stared at him with displease written all over, and a whole lot of confusion. They didn’t know how or why things changed, why Will was so excited to run towards— him. They seemed bewildered but they simply exchanged looks, not one able to explain anything to the other.

Billy grinned seeing him calling his name like this, his small legs hurrying his way, without running. To give him a chance Billy advance towards him, so he wouldn’t have to be wheezing and be out of breath by the time he reached him.

“You’ll never guess what!” He exclaimed, barely able to contain himself. He was beaming, his excitement overflowing.

Billy’s lips curved into a soft smile, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“You’re making me curious here Byers”

Once Will was evened to him he slowed, and they walked towards the car side by side. He wasn’t panting too heavily, but he still had to catch his breath, steadying himself.

“First, I found a walkie-talkie! We could go to video shack and Rick is going to connect it with mine and all that” he said while practically bouncing on his feet.

“Oh that’s sweet. Did it cost something?” He wondered and Will shook his head.

“No, free. Completely free” he started anxiously chewing at his bottom lip, looking at the ground.

“Do you promise to be careful with it though? It.. it was Bob’s and.. it’s really important to me” he said with sincerity, a lot of emotions building up inside. Billy could feel it but he wasn’t about to comfort him now, so he played it cool.

“Wow, giving me something with such emotional value..” he smiled, he was joking but truthfully, it was actually quite touching. Will was willing to give something such, an object belonging to a deceased man, to him?

“You trust me?” he asked him, rather perplexed. The thought of someone trusting him felt— weird, it felt good, it made him confused and stunned and baffled but it mostly felt good.

Will nodded.

Once again, he felt that weird, annoying warm feeling spreading through his veins, reaching his ice heart. And once again, he ignored it.

Will trusted him so maybe he would tell him about that infamous week—

“Still not enough to tell me about..”

This time he snorted. “Still a no” he stuck his chin up, stealing a glance and smiling up at Billy, then quickly he shifted his gaze away.

“Alright alright. Well don’t worry, I’ll take care of it like the apple of my eye” Billy assured, and he believed himself. He would keep it safe and sound away from anyone, so no one could ever touch it but him.

“Okay, good. Thanks”

They reached the car, getting seated. For the first time, Will dropped his bag to his feet, to instead unzip it and get two walkie-talkies out of there.

“This is mine, and here’s yours. It’s even better than the one I have” he presented him a black super comm with tons of buttons Billy didn’t know how they worked.

“Hey that’s pretty sweet. Am I supposed to like, carry this around all the time?” It was pretty big. It would take a lot of space, which he expected. This wasn’t just a lighter or car keys which he could just shove in his pocket and carry around at any given moment. But having this with him all the time would be pretty inconvenient.

“It would make it easier for communication, but no you don’t have to”

Billy thought maybe he should just leave it in his car all the time. He was in his car very often, so there was high chance he’d hear Will’s message. Obviously he wasn’t going to have this at school, putting that thing in his locker. But he could leave it in the Camaro or his bedroom.

“Alright. What’s the other thing?”

Will tittered cheekily. He glanced at him, sort of cunning and sly, trying to contain his happiness about the news.

“Bob also left us a brand new TV” he blurted out, so merry his energy was filling the air.

Billy raised his eyebrows, and seeing Will’s reaction he scoffed, smile widening. “Wow”

“It’s like— huge. I think it’s the biggest TV I’ve ever seen. Bigger than Mike’s, and Mike’s is twenty-two inches! Probably even bigger than yours” He flashed him a badly controlled grin, trying to hide his excitement underneath it. His gestures were animated, he expressed how big it was by spreading his hands, miming the size.

“Well aren’t you a lucky guy” his gaze settled on the tiny guy, genuine warmth in his stare. He stayed fixated on him, on his voice full of enthusiasm, he listened attentively as though he was the most captivating thing around. He sort of was. He was just— entertaining.

“You’re lucky too, we get to watch the Evil dead on a real screen now”

“Yeah, that’s pretty neat” the news wasn’t that exciting to him, it was mostly for Will. But he was so hyped to share it with him it was kind of endearing. He wondered if Will broke the news to his friends the same way. It was kind of adorable. He doubted someone had ever been so happy to share something special with him before. He knew it was because he teased Will’s TV a lot, so it was some sort of inside joke, but still. It was funny.

“So no library today? Video shack?”

“Yep! I mean- if you want to.. And we could go to the video club to rent the Evil Dead?..” he proposed shyly, low in confidence.

Billy reassured him with a nod and verbal approval “Good idea” He started the car, watching Will buckle himself “L et’s do this”

*

They went out of video shack with two functional walkie-talkie.

Will playfully tried it.

“Hello William, this is William, do you copy? Over” He laughed, out loud again which was a very pretty sound. So rare and special and cheerful and cute.

Billy heard his small voice over the speaker of his. He pushed the buttons like Will instructed him.

“Yes”

“You’re supposed to say, ‘over’ once you’re done”

“Oh I’m supposed to do that?” He teased mockingly.

“Yes” Will confirmed in all seriousness.

“Ordering me around now Byers?” 

“Uh uh! My talkie my rules” he quipped proudly.

“Okay, fine” he pressed on the side button. “Billy here, message received” he smirked, glancing at Will who was anticipating. “Over”

“Ah!” He said excitedly. “Perfect!” Billy waited for the Over to come, but it never did. Will pressed on the button again “Should we head to Family Video now? Over”

“Yeah, we should, it’s getting late” he remembered he had to say over, and he sighed at the silliness of it all. He was talking through a radio comm with a boy barely meters away, having to announce when he was done talking. This was ridiculous, not in a bad way though. He smiled “Over”  then turned it off. 
Will came back to him with his talkie in hand and as always, Billy was baffled to see his size. Will was obviously small anyone could tell, but he only just noticed his hands. It was like— baby hands. They could maybe wrap around two of his fingers. Perhaps he was exaggerating— but frankly, looking at him holding the heavy talkie and his small fingers closing around it, he couldn’t help but notice. It was already big and heavy to carry for him, he couldn’t imagine for Will who was infinitely smaller. The talkie was so much bigger than his hand, it had the size of his entire face. He couldn’t help but snicker. 

They got back into the car, on their way to Family Video.

The video club was a haven for cinephiles. Rows and rows of dozens of DVDs lining the shelves like treasures. Will rushed to the horror movie section, trying to find the one Jonathan and his mom forbid him to watch.

Billy pushed his hair back, wandering around between columns of DVDs. His finger grazed over the spine of various movie cases. He scanned around the room, and a hint of a smile came to his lips when he searched Will’s eyes, only to notice he was already looking at him. Will quickly adverted his gaze, he grabbed the Evil Dead and squeezed it between his fingers, a subtle flush of colors coming to his cheek. He pretended to focus on the movie selection, walking around though he already had the one he was looking for in his possession. He was fidgety, pretending to look at the posters, but his eyes kept darting towards Billy, studying his profile. Billy looked in his direction once more and Will immediately walked away, looking down. Before he even knew it, he found himself in the wrong section. He didn’t notice right away but Billy did, and chuckled lowly. He observed Will intently, he watched him as the kid noticed the pictures around him and became red. He joined him, a teasing smirk on his lips. “Aw Will, you don’t have the age for that yet”

“I- I didn’t get here on purpose!” He walked further away, only to land in front of a movie, who by it’s front picture looked like a queer one.

“You want to rent this one too?” Billy joked, but Will wasn’t laughing at all. His heart started racing. His eyes stayed on the movie. Those two men on the picture— how could someone allow obscenities like that in a public store? Men weren’t supposed to kiss. They shouldn’t be this close. He looked away and Billy kept going with his teasing.

“You know if you want to watch queer stuff, you shouldn’t start with this. Start off soft—”

“W-why would I want to watch queer stuff?” He stammered, increasingly becoming redder. This poor kid, if only he knew how obvious it was. Anyone could tell, there was no point in denying. 

“It’s alright Will, I know, we all do”

“Know—” he swallowed “know what?”

“Do you really want to have this conversation in a video club?” He asked flatly. Will walked away as he said “You’re right” he flew out of this place, going at the counter and presenting The Evil Dead to the employee.

“Will that be all?” The guy with greasy hair asked with a bored, tired voice. He was practically yawning in their face, but to Will it was good. It meant he didn’t notice he got into that section or didn’t pay attention to what they said. Will looked into his pocket for a few dollars.

“I thought I was paying” Billy said, slightly surprised about seeing the kid giving his few dollars.

“I’ve got some pocket money. Plus it’s me who wanted to see it, you already did so..” 

Billy would’ve want to answer that he was only stuck with him because he was forcing him to be. Billy’s presence was only there bothering Will for his own benefit, so truly he should’ve been the one taking care of their activity stuff. But Will wanted to see that movie so he would have paid for it no matter what, he wasn’t about to complain about that.

“Yeah, okay”

Once the transaction was done Will grabbed the movie and they got back into the car.

Immediately seated, Will asked “Why do you keep saying.. why do you think- why.. why… You keep saying I’m queer- but how do you kn- I mean, how.. how can you just assume that?” Through his poorly structured sentence Billy still managed to understand where he was going. Amidst the stutter and millions of questions he was asking, Billy still got his worries.

“Well aren’t you?” He said naturally. It just seemed like a given. Maybe Will wanted to figure out a way to be more subtle about it, so people wouldn’t know with only a glance.

“I.. I’m..” he closed his eyes and let out a shuddery breath. He wasn’t about to come out of the closet for the first time with Billy Hargrove. It was out of question. Though frankly, was he even coming out if it was Billy opening the door and pulling him out? He didn’t want to lie, but he also didn’t want anyone to know. Except Billy already knew. He was pretty sure everyone knew, maybe not his friends though they must’ve have their suspicions, but he knew through Jonathan’s and Joyce’s nice words about “being yourself” that they doubted something. And the entire town of Hawkins labeled him very, very early on.

“I never kissed anyone so how would I know?” He said instead. “Maybe.. maybe I would like kissing a girl. And I’ve never done anything..” he hesitated to say the word, as if it was a forbidden one, a swear, a curse “I’ve never done anything like that. I can’t be.. a queer if I don’t kiss boys” he said assuredly. He thought he nailed that, but Billy scoffed.

“Kid, there’s girls that kiss girls all the time, but they aren’t gay. They’re straight girls kissing because it’s fun. Just because a girl kiss a girl doesn’t mean they’re queers, and just because a girl doesn’t kiss a girl doesn’t mean she isn’t”

“Well, I’m a boy so—” he said innocently, though he didn’t understand why girls would kiss other girls if they didn’t like them. Where was the fun in this? He thought about himself kissing a girl and it didn’t look fun at all. Maybe it simply was because he didn’t like girls—

“Well.. there’s- there’s guys that would take a blowjob from anybody, guys or not, it doesn’t make them gay. And like, you can still be gay without doing gay shit”

Their eyes locked, and the tension between them grew stronger, almost palpable. Will was stressed out of his mind. He was so stressed out he didn’t even realize how Billy seemed hesitating and uncomfortable talking about it, he who always was so confident and leading the discussion. He didn’t get to ponder on the meaning of blowjob or what it meant, he assumed it was an old people thing he would understand later.

Billy cleared his throat, then asked. “The only question is, do you feel anything towards boys yes or no? Attraction, wanting to date one, hold hand, kiss one, anything. When you watch a movie, do you look more at the guy or the girl?”

Will blushed intensely. Fuck. He couldn’t possibly admit that. 

“But.. it’s.. like that now, but it can change. It’s just.. it’s just a phase, it’s because I’m not grown enough. Once I’m a real man it will go away and I will like girls. That’s what my dad told me. If I was more manly and played baseball I could be normal eventually a-and stop doing sissy thing” Sissy thing like drawing, which he adored, which he didn’t want to stop. But Lonnie thought boys shouldn’t draw and they should play sport instead. He wished he could be like Billy. Strong and athletic and normal. Kiss any girls he may want. 

“Nah Will, that’s bullshit” he said and Will hated how certain he sounded. He turned to him with tears filling his eyes. They both knew there was something significant at play here, but they kept tiptoeing around the truth.

“What do you mean..?” He asked unsurely. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know what it meant, truth or not.

“You can’t just become a certain way. Like.. sure, you can try and be more manly but in the end it won’t really be you. It’s like forcing your body to grow a beard. Can you do that?” 

“Uh.. well, no” he could physically change his hair and clothes but he couldn’t force himself to look different or make things about him change, that was for sure. But there had to be a way for him to like girls.

“So what does it mean?.. You mean I can’t.. change?” He asked, the terror of it being true creeping inside. He couldn’t like boys for all his life. This couldn’t be real, this couldn’t happen to him. His limbs got stiff, his mouth felt dry.

“Oh fuck no. You’re born like that, it’ll stick with you forever” Billy said, almost with nonchalance. He broke the news so normally, as if he hadn’t just shattered all the remaining hopes Will had.

“Well I mean.. you can pretend, but then you’ll be unhappy” 

“Maybe I can.. fake it until I make it, you know?” His attempt at soothing himself were vain. His heart was hammering in his chest by this point. He was trembling lightly, and swallowing had gotten too hard to do. He tried to keep himself from shaking by playing with his fingers, scraping his own nails.

“Nah. It’s not just a phase, you’re just stuck like this. You won’t like girls, ever” 

He could see the truth sink in as Will’s pupils widened. His faith broke for good. There was no point in trying to convince himself. Maybe Lonnie was right, maybe it was Billy who was right. Maybe Billy had no idea what he was even talking about. But he just seemed so certain, so sure, as if it was undeniable. 

“Pretending won’t work kid. But like.. you can.. try and accept it I guess” Billy shrugged. Self-acceptance wasn’t something he ever tried on himself. He wasn’t one to give lesson, like Will he told himself he’d stop looking at guys and only ever date girls. But that poor kid didn’t even like girls, he was gay gay, he didn’t even like both.

“Accept it? How can I ever- I can’t.. nobody accepts it! The world won’t accept it, how can I possibly can?” Panic settled in his heart, hot, boiling tears burning his eyes. His voice cracked “I’m broken” he turned to the window, looking outside, he couldn’t cry. It was forbidden to cry before anyone. Especially a man he knew for so little time. “I’m broken and I can’t be fixed and I’m supposed to accept it..” he scoffed to forbid himself to wail instead. The emotions overhanging in the car tied a knot in Will’s throat and made him mute. Billy found nothing to say. No words of comfort could come to his mind. Will was right, no one would accept it, and he was broken.

A new fear came back to Will the longer the silence stretched, the longer he thought about the implication of being gay and not being able to change it.

“Does that mean.. I’ll never love?” He could love his family, he could like boys here and there, but he could never know what it was like to be like Lucas and Max, or Mike and Eleven, or Jonathan and Nancy. He would never know what it would be like to be like those couples in movies, making coffee for each other, giving flowers, settling in a good life and kissing and having a purpose, waking up next to someone and feeling fulfilled every day. He would never know that because he was born wrong. He prayed Billy could assure him of the contrary. But a sharp “Yeah” fractured his heart for good. 

There was a silence in which Will let it sink in. Then Billy added “Probably means that” He felt helpless. As though someone had ripped his heart apart and crushed it in their hand. He closed his eyes, he couldn’t deal with the unspilled tears stinging in his eyes. He couldn’t face Billy, he kept his face directed towards the window, breathing shallowly through his nose. 

This was unfair, he thought. He pressed his lips together, swallowed back his pain and soft sounds of agony. He tried his hardest to not let any tear trickle down, to be as silent as possible, to not sob and wail and scream. He held everything inside, like a man. It was getting harder when he felt Billy’s gaze settling on him. He felt it on his skin, but he didn’t dare turn to him. He couldn’t handle pity, or empathy, or even mockery. He didn’t want to know if Billy was happy about breaking his heart that way, he didn’t want to know if he was sad for him too. He couldn’t look at him.

Billy noticed his overwhelming pain, the poor boy realizing just how unfair this cruel world was. He felt as though he had just shattered Will’s innocence. That kid already went through a lot, apparently. He briefly mentioned his father, plus there was that week he knew nothing about— he had his fair share of pain. But perhaps Will had stayed optimistic about the future by clinging onto the only hope that maybe it would eventually get better. Billy felt like an asshole for ruining that. He always had to ruin everything. This day was going perfectly fine, Will was happy as ever and he had to go and say this stuff— he was fucking stupid.

“I mean- maybe you could” he tried to sound cheerful though he himself didn’t believed it entirely. Hope was not something he had, but screw it. The kid needed to hear some sort of good news, he had to fix this. “There’s other people like you. It’s pretty rare but there is” Will listened but didn’t react. He did know there were people like him, like those two guys in the movie he saw in the store. They were kissing, maybe they were in love. But in Hawkins, he knew there wasn’t any. Maybe some day he would move, he would go away to another city and meet another guy just like him. And maybe with a little chance he’d like him. Or maybe he could learn to like him. It just sucked he had to settle for "finding someone like him that maybe he will like" instead of genuinely falling in love and be allowed to be with him. How lucky Mike, Lucas and Jonathan were. How lucky everyone normal was. Nancy could date guys she liked and see if it worked out, and if it didn’t she could break up and find someone else. She dated Steve but realized it wasn’t right, so then she dated someone she truly loved. Will didn’t have the chance of having choices. Maybe he would have to settle for a Steve forever. So maybe he wouldn’t even be in love. Everything sucked.

Billy took him out of his thoughts by adding “And who knows maybe your family will be fine with it too” 

Will nodded. For the first time something eased some of his sadness. There were people not allowed to be like him, who could be kicked out of the house for being that way. He couldn’t know for sure his family would be fine with it, but he couldn’t imagine his mom telling him to leave the house. She always told him to pursue his passion, to not be ashamed, she always supported him, she wouldn’t do that. It meant if he ever found a boy to like, he could tell his family and things, maybe, could be okay.
He was pretty certain Jonathan would be fine with him being different, because he always told him he shouldn’t force himself to like things for other people. That meant he didn’t have to force himself to like girls to please him, right? Jonathan wouldn’t want him to change. Jonathan was fine with him being a freak, he told him to embrace being a freak, he told him normal people never did anything meaningful in this world. Jonathan would still love him, he was almost a hundred percent certain about that. And his mom, she always loved him, enough to break through dimension to save him. She always did, despite everything, despite what he did. The only person that would definitely not be okay with it would be his dad, but it didn’t matter, he wasn’t even in his life anymore. He didn’t have much of an extended family either. Joyce’s parents were both dead, and they entirely cut contact with his grandparents from Lonnie’s side. His mom didn’t have any siblings, they were fine just the three of them. Would’ve Bob accepted him?—

“Even if my family is okay with it.. the others..” he said, thinking about the rest of the world, even his friends “They won’t let me be in love, right?” He asked weakly, still somewhat hoping Billy could prove him differently.

“No, they won’t” Billy confirmed again. It was yet another punch in the gut even though he already knew.

There was something weird about all this. Billy knew too much about this stuff. And Billy was normal, he wasn’t born broken like him, he couldn’t possibly understand. And yet— he understood his struggles. He didn’t even hit him, spat on him, called him a fag like the others. Billy told him no one else but his family would accept him, but he did. Surely he wasn’t an exception.

“But… but.. you’re normal and you don’t mind, right?” He asked him, trying to search Billy’s eyes. If Billy didn’t mind queers, maybe there was more people who didn’t mind as well, maybe they would let him be in love “Maybe there’s more people like you. Maybe I could move to California and meet a boy and people would be okay with it..” he spoke fast, babbling every thoughts coming to his mind. Billy quickly shut him down.

“Don’t go too far in your fantasies, kid. It’ll disappoint you” Will looked down once more, curling his shoulder like he was a vulnerable ball. 

“Just.. stick to the present okay? Stick to right now and let things go at their pace. Maybe one day, far in the future, you’ll meet a good guy. Your brother and mom will be fine with it, and you’ll be able to.. go out with him normally without being punched in the face. I wish you that, really. But don’t expect it. The chances are low” maybe it was cruel of him to say that straight to his face, but he couldn’t just tell him pretty lies. This wasn’t about Santa Klaus or Easter bunny, this was about the future of a fragile kid. He couldn’t let hope get to his mind, he couldn’t risk that. He had to protect him by making him understand the reality of this world. That people didn’t like those like him, and that having expectations would ruin him.

“You’re really a pessimist” Will smiled faintly, forcing a giggle out of his aching throat.

Billy raised his shoulder, sighing softly “I guess I am”

There was a long silence. Will thought of the upside down.

When he first got there, he thought he had been sent to hell like his father told him he would. It wasn’t burning hot with flames, filled with demons and pits of lava. It was just— a cold, empty Hawkins. There was one demon, but this couldn’t be hell because he wasn’t dead. To think he managed to hold on and survive this other dimension, clung to the hope of someone hearing him and coming to save him— only to be brought back in a world in which he had no remaining faith, that was harsh. To think he had been saved for this. For a life barely worth living. He wanted to be optimistic, he thought after surviving all this stuff he could have a break in a life of misery, but if there wasn’t physical monsters chasing him, they were in his mind plaguing his nights, making him on edge, insecure. They were also within him. They were everywhere.

He thought the hardest part of his life was over by now, but it was only just the beginning. He would have to live with the fact he was gay and hated by everyone. That he would never know peace, nor love. What a depressing way to live. Billy was right being a pessimist, he knew how to not be disappointed then. You couldn’t be surprised if you anticipated the bad stuff. Expecting horrible things to happen could not prevent them, but at least he would be somewhat ready. 

Billy cleared his throat, breaking Will out of his nightmarish reverie. “You know, I think I might know some people like you. They aren’t my friends but.. I mean.. I could try to introduce you, or something” he didn’t know why he said that. He vowed himself he would behave normally and only date girls, and to do that Will couldn’t know he was like him. He wouldn’t out himself, he had to remain the straight guy everyone thought he was. Starting to hang out with a bunch of queers was definitely not the solution to keep a low profile. But screw all that. The kid needed support, he needed someone like him. If Billy couldn’t be his— fucking gay mentor or whatever, he could ask someone else to be.

“People? Plural? People like me?” He asked and slowly his depressed expression turned into a curious, confused one. Colors came back to his face, tears no longer threatening to spill. His throat was still tight, but he could talk, not without it trembling however.

“Yeah, two”

“You said people like me were rare! But you know two?” Billy wanted to say that two in a scale of an entire town was really thin of a proportion, but Will was too enthusiastic. “If you can introduce me it means they’re in Hawkins?” All this time he thought he was the only one, and in Hawkins only, they were three? He could hardly believe this. How could Billy know everyone who was queer in Hawkins?

“Yeah”

“And.. they’d- they would accept me? You think?” He asked with poor confidence, feeling like this was too good to be true. He looked down at his hands that were reddish because of how hard he played with them.

“They’re like you, it would be dumb if they didn’t”

Will nodded, it made sense. And for the first time he looked a little relieved. Crazy how one little good news sufficed to make him happier. Billy wished he could feel happy easily too. 

“I’ll try to talk to them okay?” 
Will smiled, and shifted on his seat to get back to a position that wasn’t him slouching and trying to curl within himself. He redressed his back, hopped on the seat looking like a puppy wiggling his tail.

Just like a puppy he was easy to satisfy and make happy. Billy thought about how he ran to him to break the news he had received a new TV, how he looked like a dog seeing his owner coming back home from work, that made him smile. Will squeezed the DVD between his hands, tears finally vanishing. After the heavy conversation they had, Billy tried for a joke, though he kind of forgot in that instant that Will was thirteen. 

“Hey you know, even if you don’t find love, I’m sure you can still find some guys to mess around with. Like I said, even straight guys can’t say no to blowjobs sometimes” 

Will frowned, confused as ever. He still didn’t know what blowjob meant, but he knew Billy wasn’t talking about innocent little first date.

“Uh.. you mean.. what do you mean? Mess around?”

“Well you know, like I do with girls. Just, one night stand stuff. You fool around and screw without strings attached, nobody ever has to know, it’s freeing, it’s easy, no feelings just— fun”

Will’s crease between his eyebrows got deeper, he looked shocked, maybe even offended.

“You mean.. s-se..” he shook his head. He became livid fast, too fast for Billy to not be worried. His breathing was laborious. “No!” He shouted, with a simple word his voice still managed to shake. Billy could see his chest raising and falling every time he was breathing. It wasn’t a no like innocent, childish kid would say. It wasn’t like those nine year old saying “ew no I don’t like her that’s gross!” It was a terrified no. Not only said with conviction but with fright. “I’m.. I’m never letting anything ins— I’m not gonna do that. I’m never gonna have.. no” It was the first time Billy ever heard Will be so firm, decided, his words cutting. But he wasn’t angry. He was terrified. Billy tried to not think of the worst. Someone that scared at the mention of sex didn’t necessarily mean anything. He didn’t want to dwell on it. And he shouldn’t. Because if that kid was as scared about letting anyone inside, he must’ve witnessed some pretty horrible stuff. Or lived them. And it was out of question for Billy to ever ponder on the matter.
He brushed over his reaction. He was just too young. He was a young boy who thought sex was gross, that was all. It didn’t go any deeper than this. Will would change his mind once he would be ready and once he would find a nice guy he liked and was attracted to. 

“I- I was just kidding Will. I should’ve known I can’t mention sex with a kid, my bad, sorry” It was just normal for innocent kids to be disgusted by this topic. He was certain Max would’ve had the same reaction if he were to bring up that subject. Max probably thought Lucas would never want to get his hands on her, but eventually they would do it. It was the same for Will, only Will didn’t have a partner and he wasn’t in love and he was too young to even understand how sex was good. Hell, he was gay, he probably didn’t even know how that worked for a guy like him. He wasn’t scared. He wasn’t, he was just grossed out. 
Billy managed to successfully convince himself, and his mind didn’t wandered around thinking about the worst. Will was fine, he would be fine. 

Will’s throat was dry, swallowing was painful. He squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t think about any of this now. So he changed the subject quickly, enough about topics like love and— enough.

He counted to ten, slowly in his head, touching the tip of his fingers one by one. Once he felt himself getting better, breathing stabilizing and heart pumping less frantically, he forced unnatural words out of his mouth.

“We could watch it after tomorrow, what do you think?” Billy jerked a look at the Evil Dead, surprised by the abrupt change of subject but understanding where Will was coming from. 

“Yeah, let’s do that”

Both tried to sound cheerful, natural, but both could also feel the weird atmosphere in the car. It was heavy, weighting on their shoulder. They faked unsure smiles, not daring to look at one another. Billy didn’t steal one single glance, his eyes were on the road. They both knew something substantial happened right there, in this car. Something big they did not dare acknowledge. They pretended as if the ghosts of their secrets weren’t watching them lying to themselves, filling up the car with an eerie, uncomfortable mood they couldn’t wait to get rid off. Will didn’t mind Billy’s presence, he didn’t mind hanging out with him, but now, he wished only one thing, and it was to go back home as quickly as possible. 

Chapter Text

The weeks repeated, Billy who tried so hard to escape the monotonous routine of every day life found himself actually enjoying one. For once, he unexpectedly discovered a peculiar solace in its repetition. When he was expecting something every day, looking forward to having something to do, it was surprisingly fun. Unfortunately for him, in this routine, there was a Tuesday, and Tuesday meant Will had his AV club activities.

He thought about bringing a girl home to fuck, since it had been so long since he did so. But apparently Max wanted to come with him that day. It would be a euphemism to say it pissed him off. Life was so great when she wasn’t around. How could Will and her even hang out together? They seemed so different. That poor kid who had to hang out with a bunch of shitheads, he would be so much better off with people that resembled him more. People like him. Like Eddie. Like Robin.

At the same time, he was just happy he had friends. With the life he had and loneliness he must’ve felt, having a little group of people he could rely on was the bare minimum.

Fuck, he hated to care for that kid’s well-being. He hated thinking about his loneliness and his friends, stupid little kid taking over his mind, he was a goddamn virus.

Max sat into the car, where Will usually was. It used to be her place but not anymore. Unlike him, she was comfortable as ever, her back well leaned on the backseat, arms crossed, her shit attitude and the same frowning face she always had around him. Not a smile in sight.

“You and your attitude..” he muttered between his teeth. “If you’re gonna behave like that you might as well just get home with Sinclair. Or with the bus”

“Like I do every single day since you decided to harass Will?” She replied with an impertinent tone, just loud enough so he could hear but still kind of hoping he wouldn’t. She was still scared of him, even if she knew he wouldn’t hurt her again. He had promised, and it had been months since he purposefully terrorized her.

“There’s that word again” he rolled his eyes and started the car. This time he wasn’t going to go 35 in the 35 limit zone. He had to get home as fast as possible. He hated her attitude so much since he promised to tone his down. She took way too much confidence. He hated it.

She would just act as if everything was always his fault, using big words to make him seem like the villain. He wasn’t harassing Will. He was just gaining his trust. And it worked. Sure his intentions weren’t as noble as they should’ve been. He knew he would drop like an old sock once he’d get everything out of him. But he found himself to care now, as much as it pissed him off to admit.

He wished he could distract himself with something else. He should’ve spent the afternoon with a girl.

Having Max in his car was really inconvenient to him. When they were at the same house he could ignore her. By just going to his room, locking the door and putting on loud music. When she was trying to talk to him he wouldn’t answer and stay as far away as possible. But trapped in a car, it was unbearable.

She pointed at the walkie Billy kept in his car, raising an eyebrow as she inspected the newfound object.

“That’s new..” she noticed, an undertone meaning she was about to be annoying about this. “Will?”

With a mere “Mh mh” he approved. He was closed enough to signal his disinterest into engaging further. He had no intentions of making the conversation with her. But Max didn’t care about that. She was persistent.

“He seems to appreciate you” she remarked, leaving the words hanging, clearly indicating she was thinking more than she was letting on.

His responses was succinct. “Good.” he wasn’t about to admit he appreciated him too. And frankly he was in no mood to delve into such discussion with her. He chose to disregard her instead, maintaining a deliberate silence.

“Aren’t you tired yet? It’s been weeks. He’s not going to say anything”

Weeks, yeah, not even a month. He thought to himself. Sure Billy had expected he would work him out fast enough to get the truth out of him in a month, which clearly didn’t go as planned. But no, he wasn’t tried yet. Far from it. He was just starting to have fun.

“Maybe he won’t, maybe he will” he shrugged. He left the statement simple, but it was a clear indication of his unspoken thoughts.

“So why are you still sticking around?” That was a good question, he thought about it for a second but the moment he started thinking about spending time with Will, he changed his mind. He had no intention of acknowledging his appreciation for the boy.

He liked the process of going through things, because then the reward would be satisfying and well deserved. But it wasn’t just the process that was fun now. Just being with Will was good enough. He didn’t want to ponder on the matter, nor think about when he would have to leave him.

“Can you not be annoying right now?” He sped up in the streets, thinking maybe going fast enough with his car would allow him to escape that conversation.

“You’re being weird” she observed.

“I’m not being weird” he answered quickly, a little too hastily for it to be natural. Was he really being weird?
He wished he had something to occupy his mouth, a distraction from the discomfort. Abandoning the steering wheel with only one hand remaining, he reached into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.

“You’re being friend with my friend, it’s weird. Find your own friends” she finally said. Billy clenched his jaw, teeth gritting. He knew it would come to this.

“Well I would be with my own if I was still in my city, with people I know, grew up with..” he started low, his tone menacing, indicating he could snap.

“You didn’t even have fr-”

“I swear to fucking god Max, I’ll stop and kick you out of the car. You’ll walk the rest of the way” rageful, he seethed, the boiling anger always residing in his bones wanting to spill out. He snatched his lighter, and relinquished of the wheel to try and ignite his cigarette. Max hated when he would showcase his reckless display, going at full speed with no hands, stinking up the car with the acrid stench of smoke. But she seemed more interested into provoking another topic now.

“Oh yeah? Well I’ll tell my mom an-”

“And she’ll tell Neil? Mh?” He arched an eyebrow, frustration simmering and threatening to spill over.

“You really just enjoy seeing him beat my ass..” he growled low, tongue rolling on the side of his cheeks. He took a long draft to try and calm his nerves, but it was proved futile. Anger was still surging through him.

“No Billy I don’t!” She objected, she almost sounded genuine but he knew it wasn’t true. She was threatening to tell on him just so she could watch him get beat up, it became her entertainment. If Neil found a way to assert himself and feel good about his own person by beating him up, Max in her turn found a form of amusement in it, Billy was convinced of it.

“Well you sure do enjoy snitching on me and putting me in trouble uh.” He exhaled a cloud of smoke. Barely seeing what was above him in the window.

“Billy..”

“I’m so fucking done with you” he took another drag, his jaw clenched, his muscles tensing and protruding through his skin. “You’re the reason we’re there in the first place, so don’t get on my ass when I’m trying to not be bored in this fucking shitty ass town”

“I don’t like you’re getting close to Will, that’s all..” she uttered, back to her usual tone he knew so well.

“Well that’s not for you to decide. He doesn’t mind. He’s fine” he exhaled smoke from his nose, spitting the word fine to insist on it. He was. Will was fine.

“I swear to god Billy.. if I see him on his knees for y-” she replied sharply, unfazed by the ton of voice addressed to her.

He was suddenly glad he was driving. Because he didn’t know what he could’ve done to her if he wasn’t. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel. Hard enough for his knuckles to turn white, his palm growing numb.

“Shut the fuck up!” He said in a voice that sounded like a knife rubbing over rust. He snapped at last, she had hit the last nerve, his patience worn thin.

“I just w—”

He interrupted her, no longer allowing her to place a word. He sped up even more, a rash decision as he was seeing red, his focus nowhere near the road ahead “No you shut up shithead. This would’ve never happened if it weren’t for you. You goddamn impertinent fucking— shit”

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" she shouted. How dared she raise her voice when she brought up such a sensitive subject?

“I don’t give a shit” He replied, his voice a raspy drawl.

“Billy I swear- I really am sorry, I had no idea..” no idea? She brought up this, talking about Will, and now she had no idea? She was such a manipulative bitch. She really just expected the worst from him constantly. As if he’d ever ask a kid to get on his knees—

“Of course. You had no idea, sure” he said sarcastically. A spark of rage in his eyes, some grim shadow taking over his face

“You saw me with him and decided it was a great idea to fucking snitch. You’re fucking stupid. And now we’re stuck here. Because of you.” his words dripped with venom, a deliberate attempt to hurt her with them as much as she did. Maybe if Neil wasn’t such a softie with her, he would raise her better and put her back to her place.

“I just thought Neil would understand if-”

“You thought he would understand? The whole world can’t understand Max, and you thought this piece of shit could’ve?” He sneered in her face, confronting her to her own stupidity. How naive was she? Or was she only just victimizing herself again?

He knew he shouldn’t be calling his dad a piece of shit. Neil was just right in the end, trying to set him up on a good path. He was raising him well so he could be respectable man who inspired authority. He just wasn’t sure his methods were the right one. It wasn’t for nothing his mom left him.

“Maybe if he knew you cared..” she said with a meek voice, unsure of her own words.

“He thinks I’m a fag now Max! He fucking brought us here because you couldn’t keep your big mouth shut!” He reproached, frustration spilling all over the place, the smoke coming out of him mimicking the one of his blood boiling over. There was a volcano in the pit of his stomach ready to explode at any moment.

“I’m sorry” she said again, insisting on the words though they carried no weight. She didn’t feel sorry. She was just scared.

The audacity.

To bring up this up, to talk about Will, and act like the victim after.

“It’s just.. I won’t say anything if it happens with.. someone else.

But do not touch my friend”

“He’s a fucking kid! He’s your age! I won’t” he shouted loudly, indignant that she could ever think about such things.

“I’m serious Billy. If I learn you did anything to him I’ll make sure—”

“That I go in jail? That Neil beats me up? That he kills me?”

It shut her off.

Neither dared to say a word afterwards.

*

Jonathan picked Will up after his AV club activity. Truthfully, Will wasn’t much in the mood lately. Even just to see his friends - which he normally loved- was hard. He felt too stuck up in his own mind since the previous day, when he realized he was gay. Like, really gay, and that their was no remedy to change that. His mood was at zero, he didn’t want to smile or talk, he just wanted to cry mostly. His head was running on negative thoughts.

Needless to say, the ride home was silent. Jonathan tried doing a conversation, but he noticed how Will felt under the weather.  He asked if it was about Billy, but Will shook his head and seemed truthful, so he left him alone.

*

They came back home and Joyce seemed exasperated. She was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, but she stopped her activity as she saw her sons coming in. Her eyes immediately landed on Will.

“Will.. baby, your director called..” Great, what now? Her expression carried concern, an hint of sadness. Was the director about to tell on him for the bullying?

“You’re failing math?” She broke.

Will swallowed hard. As if his week couldn’t get any worst. And he was only two days into it.

“I.. I promise I’ll get better” he said. He was glad she didn’t look angry. Yet at the same time, he wished she could be a little more like a normal parent, having conventional response to their kids being a failure.

When Mike would get bad grades, he had to face stern scolding. There were times where he even had to part with his toys and figurines when he misbehaved at school. But Joyce on the other hand, always let everything slide, viewing him through lens of fragility. Rather than scold him sternly, she’d wore a pitiful face, inquiring about his feelings and asking him what was wrong.

Maybe he was just dumb and useless, not deserving of pity or understanding. If Lonnie was still there, he would’ve given him a good slap behind the head to put his ideas back in place and motivate him to do better in school. Perhaps his father was right. He really was a mistake. A gay and a failure, who couldn’t even do well at school, who couldn’t even defend himself against bullies. He was so useless. Utterly usele-

Joyce interrupted his train of thoughts, seeking a solution to help him rather than punish him for being incompetent and dumb.

“No it’s okay baby.. if.. if you need help maybe Jonathan could give you a hand? Or who is good at math.. Lucas? Do you think Lucas could help you?” 

“No I won’t bother him for that..” he said softly.

“Hey it wouldn’t bother me” Jonathan said, offering his help like he would always do for him.

He wasn’t exactly good at math. It wasn’t his strength, to say the least.

While Jonathan was patient and could make a great teacher and helper, explaining stuff wasn’t his forte. He was really bad at it.

Will tried to take an interest in photography and asked him to teach him how it worked, but the technical terms were complicated and Jonathan couldn’t find the right words to make him understand. He couldn’t convey the concepts and just ended up doing everything by himself, rendering Will sitting beside, observing without a clue of what was happening. And photography was Jonathan’s passion, so with something as abstract as math, that he barely even understood himself, he definitely couldn’t be of much help. Besides, he could only manage to pass with a C+ at best, he really wasn’t the ideal choice for a tutor.

“The director even told me you had problem with Mr. Clarke’s class.. and I know you love science” she said, adding another nail in his heart. He really was the worst.

“I’ll- I’ll to Mr. Clarke to see if I can do something to up my grade okay? He’s usually comprehensive maybe he’ll help..” he stammered, wanting nothing more than retreat in his room and let the tears flow. He couldn’t handle this. His mom’s kindness was overwhelming, he felt undeserving of it.

“Okay well.. tomorrow I want you to study, okay? You need to do your homeworks. So, don’t be home late, okay honey?”

“Yes mom”

She nodded, and went back to cooking the meal. Knowing she would be busy with it for a long while, as it was far from being ready, Will headed to his room, only wanting some alone time.

The absence of a lock on his door bothered him a little. Not that he needed much privacy or wanted to stay away from his family, but there were times he needed his personal space and no one that could risk barging in. He needed those moments when he could grapple his emotions without the risk of them walking on him. He wanted to burst into tears so much, but he was afraid if they heard a noise they’d rush in to ask what was wrong. The fear of being heard and questioned restrained his tears, outweighing his desire to let it all out. And frankly, too much things were wrong.

He had to process the fact he was gay, officially. It was a tough process, really tough. He didn’t know what to do, where to start.

God, if Lonnie were to see him now- he knew what he would say. He was right all along. And he still had his advice well engraved in his brain. "Don’t ever let anyone see your tears, you’re a man, you shouldn’t cry. But if you do, save it for the pillow."
He couldn't tell his dad he was right. Lonnie would cackle in satisfaction. Dad was right, dad knew all, dad could see right through him. He knew who Will was the moment he cracked open his first box of crayons, when he didn’t want to shoot a gun, when he didn’t want to play baseball. He had wondered why Joyce was always trying to shield him. But she wasn't shielding him. She was hiding him.

The world was never kind to kids like him. Hawkins especially. Will huffed. He flopped on his bed. As if he wasn’t already cursed with being gay, he had to be cursed with the upside down as well. And now Joyce was doubling the efforts to shield, or hide him, so he couldn’t face the world. And despite all of her kindness to make him as happy as possible, his father’s words still resided in his mind.

But Billy’s words were also there. Billy had told him he could try and accept it.

He also told him he could introduce him to gay friends, so maybe that would help to relate to people and be able to talk with a real, tangible human being going through the same thing. Maybe reading books and watching movies about it could help a little, too. Not sad ones. Not the one that would end with the guy dying from AIDS, he definitely didn’t need that reminder.

He didn’t know if Billy would be okay with watching these kind of movies though. Oh—

God. Billy. He had to warn him about tomorrow.

He retrieved his supercomm from under his bed. Fingers deftly pressing the buttons as he whispered Billy's name into it.

“Billy? Do you copy? Over”

He waited for a bit. He counted the seconds in his head. The silence lingered. So after a bit with no answer he tried again.

“Billy? Billy, it’s Will. Do you copy? Over”

A short wait ensued again. Then he heard the crackling noise.

“Yes, kid. I know it’s you” he heard his laugh through the comm, low and snug. That prompted a soft smile from Will.

Who else could it be, after all? “You were missing me already after a day? You’re a clingy buddy, more than me” he didn’t say over, but it felt like he was done talking.

“I wasn’t missing you! And we’re not best buddies! My best friend is Mike! And Lucas and Dustin” he said, slightly raising his voice but still whispering, the walls were thin, Jonathan wouldn’t be really happy knowing he was talking to him. “Oh and, you forgot to say ‘over’. Over”

“Right, sorry” he said ironically. “So what do you want if you’re not missing me? Over”

In the quiet confines of his room, Will hesitated before speaking into his walkie. “I can’t see you tomorrow” it was a little embarrassing to tell Billy he was failing a class and almost science, after he preached about Mr. Clarke and the AV club, he should be good at science. But he wasn’t. At the same time, he missed weeks of class. He managed to pass his seventh grade despite being kidnapped, his teachers were really more kind to him. Pity, again.

But now he was in eighth grade and since he wasn’t kidnapped, they didn’t care about him struggling and falling behind. He missed class because of the mind flayer, because of medical appointments, because of episodes, and he could hardly ever focus in class. He had some anxiety problems, causing him to be unable to listen and practically barging out of the room when he felt a little stressed or overwhelmed. It stressed him to feel his heart beating too fast. It reminded him of bad stuff, he was always afraid of having an episode or an anxiety crisis in the middle of class. So when his heart started beating, indicating anxiety, he would flee.

So, needless to say, that heavily disrupted his ability to concentrate. He had trouble working, taking notes, he really fell behind. He was always good at English so he could keep up without working too much, but when it came to the logical stuff that required lots of patience, brain, studies, he just couldn’t do it. The worst was PE, but he had a free pass because of his health problem, the teacher let him on the bench most of the time. He’d have the grade to pass but not anything more. Anyway. I didn’t say anything like that to Billy. He just informed him. Then dropped a tiny “Over”

“Oh” he heard him say through the walkie. “Why?” Once again, Billy forgot to say over. But this time he remembered and added it quickly.

“I uh.. well I have exams coming up so I really need to study. Over” he didn’t elaborate.

“We can study together it’s not biggie. I’ll do my things and all, silently.. over” he suggested, his proposal almost odd. Was he so willing to stay with him? Even just to study?

Will giggled, laying on his back on his bed. “And I’m the clingy one?”

“Shut up” Billy retorted with a chuckle. “I’m not being clingy. It’s just in case you.. like, you drop an hint while writing or something. You may just write a whole confession, can’t miss it. Over”

“Oh right yeah, math homework will definitely trigger a confession note retailing in exact detail everything that happened” he said sarcastically, gentle giggles still making their way through. He was a little too caught up and forgot to say ‘over’, again. But Billy didn’t make him remark.

“Oh math? Hey I’m a boss at math. Straight A’s. Over” he bragged, but he could. PE and math were his strength, he figured it wasn’t the case for Will.

“No way!” Will said in awe, almost not believing it. Math made no sense in his mind. He couldn’t understand how anyone could have above C in that class.

“No kidding. I’ll help you. Over” Billy said, sort of imposing his help but was Will really about to refuse it?

“You would? You’d like.. do the tutor?…” he forgot again then added a tiny “Over”

“Yeah, of course. Over”

There was a moment of silence in which Will hesitated about what to say. He didn’t know how to thank him, and surely he wouldn’t be doing this for free. It was only normal to expect something from helping.

“I don’t think I’d have much money to pay you though. I mean I could ask my mom if she’d give you a salary but..” he started and Billy cut him.

“Hey forget about money”

Will stopped talking. He chewed his lower lip, curling up in a ball in his bed. Billy would do that?

“You can always pay in other ways. You know.. with informations-”

“Stop it!” he puffed laughing, a little too loud, so he quickly muffled himself by clasping a hand in front of his mouth.

“I’m not gonna say anything no matter how much you insist! You could buy me a house in Hollywood and I wouldn’t say!”

“Man.. you’re too hard on me now. How am I ever going to know the truth? Do I just have to stick with you forever?”

It was a joke. He knew it was. But his first reaction wasn’t to laugh and reply. It was to swallow, hard, and be left speechless. He didn’t know his to feel. He felt scared. Not for the classic, usual reasons. Just scared.

Billy noticed the lack of reaction, the lack of laugh. He probably noticed it sounded weird, so he sort of justified himself and deviated the subject.

“Seriously though, what do I have to do to gain your trust? How come Max knows and I don’t?…. Over”

“There’s just nothing you can do. It’s not about trust. It’s about safety.

Max is just— she’s Lucas girlfriend”

“So what, does that mean I should be your—” there was the tiniest bit of silence, a little hesitation. His breath caught and Will was certain he was about to say—

He managed to dodge the bullet “mother’s new boyfriend then? How would that be, having me as your step-dad uh?” He joked, to alleviate the heavy atmosphere that had suddenly weighed on them. Billy didn’t make the joke with him because it would be inappropriate to even imply that. But he allowed himself to joke about his mom, when he was seventeen and she was in her forties— anyway he was so not her type.

“Ew! Gross!” He said, because having him as step-dad would be horrible and because just imagining his mother with a guy like him—

Disgusted shivers made his skin crawl, he made a gagging noise. He heard Billy laugh on the other side of the walkie.

“Okay, whatever, I won’t hit on your mom. But it’s not fair that just because Max has the girlfriend treatment she gets to know and I don’t” it was a childish argument but hoped maybe it could help Will put things into perspective. Even if Will was for justice and fairness and equality, it didn’t mean he had to right to tell. Lucas was the one who told Max, and Will was a much tougher cookie to crack. He thought he would be weak and break down fast, but clearly it wasn’t the case. He underestimated the kid, that was for sure.

“Well I didn’t tell her! You know I would tell you if I could” Will answered. He was so truthful it felt refreshing. Billy liked his honesty, he liked that he was sticking to the rules or whatever. He was right in his shoes, if something was forbidden then he wouldn’t do it. He admired that, and at the same time it pissed him off because how was he supposed to make him say it if Will kept sticking to the rules?

“You can though, you just want me to stick around” he joked, hoping to make him flustered. Maybe uneasiness and him being shy would give him the kick to justify himself.

“Pff. No way. I can’t wait for you to get tired and stop being under my feet!” He quipped in a teasing manner.

“You’re the one under my feet you dwarf” Billy answered back with the same joking tone.

“Idiot” he snorted.

“You know, the solution to get rid of me is very simple. But since you want me to stay, I’ll be at your house tomorrow as planned, and we’ll do your little math homework, and if you do well and work fast we may have time for the Evil Dead. How does that sound?” He smiled, and thought to himself he would be a fucking great babysitter. He hated babysitting Max, but for a kid like Will that liked horror movie? He could definitely do.

“I don’t think I can accept. I really have nothing to offer in exchange” he nibbled at his lower lip again. He felt bad about Billy doing this for free.

“Well, it’ll keep me occupied to do some math. As long as I have something to do and I’m not bored to death it’s fine. You’re helping so much with that”

Will smiled to himself. Billy could be kind when he wanted. “Okay.. well… alright then. Thank you. Uh. See you tomorrow then. Okay.. bye! Goodnight!”

“Goodnight”

“Over and out” he closed his walkie before Billy could respond. He sighed loudly, not even realizing he had been holding his breath. He felt an indescribable mix of emotions settling within him.

He felt weird.

Chapter Text

The warm glow of the setting sun streamed through the windows of the Byers' kitchen, casting a soft ambiance as Billy occupied a seat at the table. Believe it or not. It was a Wednesday after school, and Billy was helping a kid with math, tutoring for free. He could barely believe this was what his life was like now. An unlikely sight, granted. Billy who had a reputation, notoriously rebellious had to help this boy for who those fractions and algebraic equations caused way too much confusion. Good lord, he had a lot to catch up. He still couldn’t understand the concept of fraction, or the concept of including letters in the middle of an equation with numbers. Billy barely remembered what he learnt in seventh grade, but thankfully it was really easy so he could just re-teach himself the whole stuff. He read Will’s book and they started with his homework, starting with all the previous ones he had failed to try and see what he didn’t understand and what his weaknesses were. And there was a lot.

The good thing was that Jonathan wasn’t there to bother them. Will didn’t even know himself why he wasn’t there. But at least they could focus and really work without having him scrutinizing them and glaring daggers in Billy’s direction.

He picked an exercise and told Will to solve it.

As the pencil met the paper, Will's progress halted abruptly. The kid completely blocked when he barely even started. A perplexed expression etched across his face, mirroring his inner confusion.

“Okay.. what don’t you understand here?” Billy queried, looking at the paper sheet.

“I’m.. I’m not sure. I don’t understand what I don’t understand” Will darted his eyes across the sheet, trying to make sense of what the numbers were saying. He didn’t understand a thing. It resembled an alien code to him. He scratched his neck out of nervousness, putting the tip of his pen in his mouth to nibble, a subconscious habit indicative of his anxiety.

“Oh boy— okay well- what’s not clear?” To Billy everything made perfect sense. The equation was particularly easy. But it was also stuff he saw years ago, he was much farer in maths now, this was only just the basis.

“I mean, everything. I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’m just staring at a sheet of paper with numbers and letters and bunch of signs I don’t understand” he already felt defeated and frustrated, that poor kid.

“Okay when you hit a wall, just remember the order okay? Do you know the mnemonic?” Billy asked him and Will tilted his head to the side like every time he was confused.

“The what?”

“Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally, PEMDAS.” He told him and Will’s eyes twitched, almost squinting with judgement. His sceptical gaze met Billy’s.

“Now I have to remember a sentence too?” he scoffed, a soft smirk teasing the corner of his lips.

“Alright well if your memory is too bad, just remember pemdas okay? You always solve the parentheses first. Then the exponents. Multiplication and division after and finally the addition and subtraction”

“So if there’s five times three divided by two.. I multiply five and three before dividing three in two?”

Billy leaned back, the subtle furrow in his brow betraying a mild sense of amusement. “Well it’s gonna give you the exact same result, but yeah, if it’s easier to remember for you”

“You told me to do pemdas!” He exclaimed, his voice carrying a hint of exasperation. Apparently this confused him, again. He was easy to confuse.

“Well- yeah but it doesn’t really matter- like if the division is in parenthesis you do the division before multiplying, you know?” Billy clarified, his tone a mixture of guidance and bemusement.

“Yeah.. okay” he nodded, it seemed he grasped the concept. He pulled the pen out of his mouth, focusing back on his work.

“Alright! Attaboy, let’s go now” Billy encouraged.

Will grabbed his calculator and typed carefully the numbers.

“You really need that?..” Billy asked. He didn’t intend for the judgment to be obvious in his voice, but he couldn’t control it, a touch of it lingered.

Will's response, however, bore no offense. “You think I’m gonna do all that mentally?”  He retorted.

“Will it’s two times four, pretty sure you can do it yourself-”

“I just want to be sure okay? It’s safer. What if my brain shut down and I get it wrong.. I can’t trust my memory.” after not even being able to remember his own mom, he simply figured his own brain wasn’t something he could fully trust. Maybe one day he would forget everything and think two times four makes forty-four or something. He had his brain erased once, he knew what it was like. Risks couldn’t be allowed.

“Aw c’mon have some faith in yourself, you’re too anxious” Billy encouraged. The kid didn’t even trust himself to solve the easiest math. It was quite obvious Will’s confidence had taken a beaten in the past.

Will gnawed on his lower lip. He was, indeed.

“Whatever..” he mumbled, subtly acknowledging his internal struggles.

He solved it, and actually managed to arrive at the correct answer, which earned him a high five from Billy.

“See! Already a champ” Billy praised, a hint of genuine pride in his voice. The compliment brushed Will's cheeks with a rosy hue, tossing his face aside so Billy wouldn’t notice. He was a nice teacher. Unexpectedly encouraging.

“Okay now let’s add fractions and variables”

“Urgh” he grunted.

The next hour was one filled with sighs and Will holding his head between his hands in moments of perplexity. And if at first he thought Billy was a kind and patient teacher, he quickly discovered the impatient side of him. Billy repeating the same thing over and over and getting exasperated at him not getting it. He felt so dumb and incompetent, like he was wasting his time. Billy tried to stay gentle but Will could clearly hear the hidden annoyance in his voice. He would speak low as he reiterated the same thing for the fifth time, hoping this time Will would get it.

“Oh my god, it’s just logic Will. C’mon” he urged him, about to pull his own hair, it was frustrating, it felt like talking to a wall.

“How is it logic to put alphabet letters in an equation!” He banged his face on the table, exhausted and tired. His brain was about to fry under the pressure.

“The letters just indicate a variable you don’t know!” Billy explained, raising a voice slightly as a repeated the statement for the hundredth time that day.

“But why do we not know?”

Billy reverted to a gentler tone. “Because you- you just have to find the solution okay?” He stepped down in volume, trying to modulate his voice. He recognized that further frustration would just escalate Will’s anxiety, and it wouldn’t be good for anyone. He would just stress the kid more if he didn’t temper his approach. Getting mad would be of no help, clearly. Will was growing more and more anxious, and the more he was anxious the less he could function. So now, he was just seeking to diffuse the tension. 

“How in the world is this ever gonna help me? How can you know the result to something and not the x, it’s stupid” he pouted. He hated math. He would never need it in real life. They should be teaching what to do in case you get kidnapped and dragged to another dimension and have to fight an indestructible monster, not whatever the x was. What a waste of time.

His reaction caused Billy to smile gently, betraying the slight amusement and fondness for him. His little pouts and sighs were just cute to witness, even if for Will they were the exteriorization of his frustration.

“Look you just have to find what it is okay, nevermind the real world, it won’t pass with your teacher. Just do your homework

If five plus x equal eight, was is x?” He went easy, baby steps.

He considered his question, even putting his index finger up to his lips. Billy bit back another smile, not just because it was cute but because he had his attention. After a slight hesitation, he eventually answered. “It’s… three”

“See? Now you do the same but add more.. spice to it”

“The spice is too spicy” he muttered sounding whiny, pressing his face between his arms crossed on the table. He didn’t want to focus anymore, he couldn’t, clearly.

“Alright.. alright look you worked well okay? We’ll continue tomorrow. I think you need a break now”

“Yeah.. okay” Will acquiesced. He was supposed to finish his homework today, but he really needed respite. His brain couldn’t function anymore.

By now, Billy should already be home. He didn’t need to prolonged the time he would spend with the boy. An hour almost every day was plenty, and he was done with the little math session. But he didn’t really want to go yet, and watching a movie could help calm his nerves and foster relaxation. A movie, after all, was universally enjoyable, regardless of the company.

“So… the Evil Dead?” Billy proposed with a smirk.

Will beamed, his eyes nearly sparkling as he redressed on his chair and seemingly getting a regain of energy. He nodded and rushed to the DVD. Billy got up and walked to the couch, sitting at one extremity.

“It’s the first time I’m using this TV so..” he admitted, struggling with the unfamiliar device. He tried to figure how it worked, and despite his initial struggle, he seemed to be doing well. Billy smiled appreciatively watching Will’s effort, waiting patiently on the couch.

“It’s true, it’s huge. Better than my own” Billy remarked.

Will chuckled and the TV swallowed the DVD. A triumphant smile adorned his face as he succeeded. The screen went blue, then the image appeared, displaying the menu of The Evil Dead

“It works!” He cheered happily. He started the movie and rushed to the couch, sitting at the other extremity of it, leaving enough place for one or two other people.

“Sorry, no popcorn..”

“It’s alright. Enjoy now”

*

About fifteen minutes into the movie, Jonathan opened the front door. He stamped into the room with a scowl on his face as soon as he noticed Billy was there. He frowned, his eyes dark when they landed on the man. Especially so when he saw Will in front of the TV.

His little brother paused the screen, immediately trying to alleviate the tense atmosphere that suddenly weighted in the room.

“Jonathan!” He greeted cheerfully.

“It’s the Evil Dead, you can come watch with us” he invited happily.

“Will, it’s rated-R, it’s not appropriate. You’re not supposed to watch this” As always, he was treating him like a baby. Always.

Will had seen fifteen minutes of it and so far, it wasn’t even scary.

“Come on! I watched poltergeist and I was what.. eleven? I don’t get scared anymore” he argued, and it was true. He never did any nightmare after watching silly movies. Who cared if the Evil Dead wasn’t appropriate? Having a demon inside of him wasn’t either.

“You gotta ask my mom first. There’s blood and gore and even-” he stopped himself, then looked straight at Billy, his gaze sharpening.

“What’s wrong with you? Why would you let him watch this?”  He told Billy with a snappy tone.

“Dude, relax” he said with a dark chuckle, which only had for effect to stir up Jonathan’s anger even more.

Billy had just enough of the constant confrontation from assheads always on his case, picking fights for seemingly no reason. First Max, now him? He would get home and get his father angry, he was sure of it. He really had reached his limit of those people harbouring animosity directed at him whenever he was near. They were constantly in a bad mood, every time their eyes would land on him. He couldn’t help but question if his mere presence was enough to sour someone’s life. Was he so unlikeable that he could ruin a person’s day just by appearing?

The only one who seemed to be smiling while perceiving him was Will. He was the only one running to see him, a smile on his face. He was the only one he wasn’t bothering in this world, the only person not antagonizing him at any chance he got.

“No don’t tell me to relax. You are so irresponsible to encourage him into watching this. He’s thirteen, you’re supposed to be making the smart decisions” he talked like a parent scolding his eldest kid.

“How about you stop treating him like a little kid? He wants to watch it, let him. If he regrets it’s gonna be on him and he won’t do it again.” That was how life lessons worked, the efficient ones at least.

“That’s such a stupid reasoning. You’re suppose to prevent this stuff from happening. You can’t encourage traumas. You’d let a kid burn his hand on the stove so he won’t do it again?” He challenged, proving his logic was flawed. To Jonathan, it was always better to be safe than sorry. Especially when it came to Will. No one should ever mess with a kid that went through so much, especially when the kid in question was his brother.

“Honestly man, yeah. That’s the way little shitheads learn in life” he knew that, courtesy of his father. He knew exactly what not to do. Not only would he hurt himself, but he’d be punished with a punch on his face afterwards too, so that way he definitely wouldn’t do it ever again. It was a really fucking efficient method.

“Please stop fighting..” Will said with a tiny voice, hating that a fight was happening. He hated loud voices, he hated people being angry at each other. Especially because of him. It reminded him of Joyce and Lonnie.

He was only good at causing chaos around him. Everyone would always fight because of him . His eyes stayed on the frozen image in the TV. He just wanted to go back to his movie.

“So you encourage him to watch things that aren’t appropriate for his age? What’s next uh? What else are you gonna teach him for ‘valuable life experience’?” He raised an eyebrow, fire in his pupils. Billy knew what was behind his mind.

An unspoken tension emerged between them.

“… Don’t go there” he said almost as a whisper.

He hinted at a deeper, more messed up conflict that Will didn’t know the meaning of. He didn’t know what they were talking about, and frankly he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“You take that movie off. And Billy, go home.

Will, you were supposed to work on your math today, not watch movies with him” he asserted his role as the responsible older brother, emphasizing on his order to take care of Will.

“I did! I did work” he immediately said, turning to him this time, pointing at the table with the math book still open.

“You worked uh..” Jonathan said, not exactly believing it. He checked the kitchen table and saw a bunch of paper, Will’s calculator, his math book and pen.

“Jesus dude, who do you think you are? His father?” Billy intervened again, unable to believe that guy could take this role so seriously.

“I’m his brother, it’s my job, and my responsibility as the oldest to take care of him. You wouldn’t know, you’re just an immature bully who has a father. But someone had to step up.”

Billy clenched his jaw as Jonathan’s words irked him, hitting like a ton of bricks. That condescending asshole was pissing him off. He had no idea what he was even talking about. No idea of who he even was, just assuming stuff and putting himself on a pedestal, thinking he was so much better than everyone else.

Maybe he wasn’t the greatest big brother. Maybe he hated Max. Maybe he refused to take responsibility for her— but he had his reasons. Max was an asshole, Will wasn’t. Max had a mother, a father and a step-father, Billy had no one but himself. He didn’t have the right to assume things about his life.

He didn’t answer, though, he didn’t want to Jonathan to know his words impacted him. He wouldn’t walk head first into this argument.

This time, Jonathan addressed himself to Will.

“You finished your homework?” He asked once he made sure there were indeed scribbles on the sheets on the table. So maybe he did work, and maybe Billy really was good at math. It wasn’t hard to be better than Jonathan at it, which hurt his ego a little but if it ensured Will’s success and good grades then fine. He could use a tutor, for free too. He just couldn’t wait for that asshole to leave Will alone and disappear from their lives.

“Not.. not yet but I’ll finish tomorrow. I just needed a break my brain was on fire. It’s Billy who helped me..” he tried to ease the tension, saying Billy helped him with his homework’s surely would make Jonathan more patient with him. If he could prove Billy was kindhearted, maybe he would accept him being around a little more.

“Will.. I said I would help already” he wanted to say he didn’t have to ask for his help, but Will shook his head before he could add it.

“But Billy is better at math than you are” he said honestly, only realizing it could’ve sounded mean. It was just the truth though. “And you were gone anyway so..”

“Yeah, where were you like that? Thought you couldn’t leave him alone since apparently he’s a two year old baby” Billy said sarcastically, extracting an annoyed sigh from Jonathan who’s eyes were dark as obsidian.

“I was.. I had to go at the library to use a computer and print a CV. Nancy helped” he raked an hand through his messy hair, swiping it over his face afterwards.

“Oh so you did listen to my advice after all. You’re gonna find a job and—” he smirked “Did you fuck her in your car?” He asked, letting his teeth poking out as he smiled. Jonathan wasn’t laughing at all though.

“Shut up! You’re obsessed” Jonathan said between gritted teeth, irritation apparent.

Billy scoffed as Will stopped even trying to talk. He stared straight ahead, not intervening anymore, uneasiness palpable.

“So you got used to the idea of me being your brother’s babysitter then. And for free too” Billy remarked with a hint of sarcasm.

The term 'babysitter' hit Will like a jolt. Did he just say that? Was this how Billy saw him? Will's eyes, now slightly watery, turned toward Billy, a mix of hurt and confusion on his face. He hated being trapped in a conversation like this, caught between two people he cared about. He was unable to choose sides, nor to influence the direction of their dispute, or to intervene and stop it. But how could Billy use the term 'babysitter' right after asserting he wasn't a child?

Billy was perceptive enough to notice his face, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he directed his gaze elsewhere, avoiding the discomfort he may have caused.

Jonathan refrained from responding. Because no, he hated the idea of Billy staying with him. But he really did need a job. It would be really important for him and for experiences as a photographer. Nancy and him planned on going to the Hawkins Post together, take some experience in journalism. And— well yes, he missed Nancy. He had his needs too after all, it wasn’t as if he could just do a quickie at school or while his brother was next door. Even worst at Nancy’s house with her little sister and her mom always at home. So yes, he might’ve taken the opportunity. Whatever. If he had known Will was home with Billy watching movies he would’ve been there sooner. Thank god there wasn’t any proximity between the two.

“Will, can you go to your room? I’d like a word with him. In private” Jonathan asked, seeking a one-on-one discussion with Billy. Will swayed his eyes from Jonathan to Billy, shifting his neck between the two. When his eyes landed on Billy, the oldest gave him a nod, as if to tell him it was okay.

He wasn’t asking for his permission, he just didn’t want to leave them alone together. And he didn’t want to be excluded from the conversation either. It was about him, after all. Shouldn’t he be the one taking the decision? He knew he couldn’t confront Jonathan and tell him everything he had on his heart, because he would sound like an ungrateful brat. Some people didn’t have the luxury of having someone who cared for them. He couldn’t neglect that. So in a way, he was glad about Billy being his spokesperson. And at the same time, he was angry the two would discuss his life without him in the room. Did he have any control over himself at all? Did he have any sense of agency in his own life? He frowned, hurt and annoyed. But he obeyed. He couldn’t start another argument now.

He headed to his room with quick, rageful steps. Closing the door, he leaned on it to eavesdrop. He could barely hear a thing, but he hoped he would catch some bribe here and there.

Jonathan's cautious approach revealed a wariness “I know guys like you” he started with a whisper. He slowly approached to menace Billy, attempting to assert some sort of dominance over him, keeping his voice low so Will wouldn’t hear. Visibly his skinny frame didn’t impress Billy much, since he remained unfazed, a wry smile playing on his lips, comfortably sitting on his couch.

“Yeah?” He responded nonchalantly.

“I don’t know what you want from him. We have nothing of value to offer. You’re not gonna have anything from him.. so what is it that you want?” He asked again even though Billy told him exactly. Informations, the truth. His girlfriend Nancy was the same as him, digging to get the truth, was it so hard to understand that was all he wanted as well?

“You know what I want” he rolled his eyes, already annoyed at the conversation. His patience was wearing thin, he hated repeating himself.

“I know it’s not just that.. you’re trying to get his trust.. and it’s working. If you think you can manipulate him into saying the truth than what else do you want to manipulate him for?..” there it was. That accusation again. Max, Jonathan, they all thought he would jump on the kid first chance he’d get. They were completely sick to even think that.

“‘m starting to think you have a twisted mind to think that so often” he said with boredom, hiding how annoyed he really was.

“So what else do you want uh?” He said more aggressively, approaching even more.

“Nothing. Just the truth, nothing but the truth. I’ll step away right after” he replied with a wry smile, his features twisting in annoyance. Maybe Jonathan would be the one to tell him after all. Maybe he hated seeing him with his brother so much that he would spill the beans so he’d finally leave him alone. That was an interesting alternative too.

“So after you help him with his grades, for free, after you waste all this time and energy hanging out with him for nothing, what then?” He challenged with a clipped voice. He had more guts when he was in his own house, wanting to protect his family. Billy had to give him that. For a scrawny guy that looked so pathetic and barely had any muscles, he sure was brave to challenge him that way. He wasn’t afraid to have his ass beaten, that was for sure.

Billy, masking his irritation, replied with a veiled smile “How do you know I’ll get nothing at all. I might just make him-”

Jonathan cut him off with a dismissive remark, asserting that Billy wouldn't gain anything. “You’re not gonna get shit” he grumbled with a growing scowl. So he really trusted Will to not tell. And clearly, it was very important that he didn’t.

What did they have to hide? Was it so important? What was wrong with this family?

The only reason Billy could think of, was that Jonathan was directly implicated in all this. He was way too over- the-top protective, he wouldn’t be like this unless it was to save his own ass. He trusted Will to not tell anything because he threatened him, probably. He controlled Will with fear. Or maybe with love. He made Will sure he would never tell so he couldn’t get into trouble because he was his brother who loved him so much. That was the only way. There wasn’t anything explaining his behaviour if not.

“I know violent guys like you” Jonathan started, pointing at him with an accusatory finger. “You’re gonna snap one day. You’re gonna threaten him, force the truth out of him, coerce him in any way. You’re gonna do this to get what you want. But I swear on god Billy, if you touch even a strand of his hair, I’ll fucking kill you myself”

He threatened to kill him?

Jonathan Byers was insane. That was certain. He was fucked in the head. He really thought he could get violent with Will? Sure he could be hot tempered— but not Will. He would never dare to touch a strand of his hair. Sure he hurt kids in the past. That Sinclair kid and his own sister but— it was different. He didn’t know how, he didn’t know why, but it was. And the accusation stung him more than it should’ve. He felt the words penetrate deeper than they should’ve been allowed to. He started to question his own self-control.

Jonathan’s words pricked his cold heart. His eyebrows sunk low, face taking a dark expression. He didn’t expect so many things to be put into question today.

He was a violent guy. He knew that. There wasn’t much he could do about it, that was how he was. But could he snap at Will? Would he really lose patience and start threatening him to get to the bottom of this? He didn’t think so. But how could he ever trust himself? He was the same guy that drove 80km/h on a 35 zone to almost kill three kids at once.

He never understood why he tried to do that. To scare Max shitless? To terrorize kids? To force Max to admit she cared about those losers in ghostbusters costume? Maybe he was just the one insane. But one thing for sure, Jonathan was too. And he hit right where it hurts.

“I’m-” he wasn’t at loss for words. He just didn’t know where to start, how to start. He wanted to tell him he could never hurt Will, but he wasn’t sure he believed it himself. He did lose patience earlier and almost screamed at him while doing his math homeworks. What could possibly assure him he could control himself and not start yelling at him? “I’m not gonna-”

He didn’t have time to finish, Jonathan walked away. He said what he had to, the message passed.

Will opened the door to his room and saw Jonathan as he was about to go in his.

Jonathan would keep an eye on them, but for now he couldn’t stand being in the same room as Billy.

“You’re.. not watching with us?” Will asked when he saw Jonathan entering his room, while he himself was on his way to the living room.

“No..” he said with a sigh “But I swear Will if you get scared because of this—” Will cut him short.

“I won’t. I swear. Movies don’t scare me”

Jonathan knew what this meant, he knew a little too well. Movies didn’t scare him because real life did much more. All the nightmares he had at night, when he would start screaming from the other room weren’t caused by movies. When he would walk out of his room every morning with dark circles beneath his eyes and looking zombie because he couldn’t sleep— it was all because of that stupid demogorgon. Compared to all the monsters Will encountered, fake demons in a movie really didn’t seem that bad. He just didn’t want horror stuff to trigger a panic attack. Billy couldn’t handle it. It was always better to be safe than sorry, but clearly Billy didn’t have the same philosophy of life. Either way, he would be right next door if Will started panicking a bit too much. The doctors told him what to do, he would watch over him from afar.

He didn’t close the door, but got in his room and Will went back to Billy. He sat back down, looking dejected.

In the aftermath of the tense confrontation caused by his brother, Will felt compelled to apologize on his behalf. 
“I’m.. sorry” he said weakly.

“Did you hear..?” Billy was caught with fright, but Will only shook his head.

“Not really. Barely anything at all. But I just- I shouldn’t let him speak to you like that. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that trouble because of me..” he expressed remorse. Billy didn’t want him to feel bad for Jonathan’s actions.

“It’s alright” he simply said. Jonathan’s words hurt him, but it wasn’t Will’s fault. If anything, it was his own fault. If he took Jonathan’s words to heart, it was because there was some truth in them.

“He’s just.. he’s being protective you know…?” He still wanted to defend Jonathan, because he wasn’t mean at all. He knew where he was coming from, he just wanted his safety which was normal. He hoped Billy could understand that so he wouldn’t be too mad at him. Jonathan was a really good person with those he loved. It was better to be on his good side than his bad, for sure. He hoped one day they could get along so they could both see each other’s qualities. He valued both of them, and despite the heated arguments, he still wished for an understanding between the two. He didn’t want Billy to hate Jonathan, he was too important to him. But he didn’t want Jonathan to hate Billy either, simply because he wasn’t all bad. He definitely wasn’t the guy his friends described.

“Yeah.. I know” Billy nodded, then cleared his throat “And uh.. I’m- sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean.. babysitting. You know I’m not babysitting right? I was just saying. Like that”

Will nodded, a tiny smile on his face, he was glad Billy said that.

“Okay.. thanks”

He started the movie again. Sitting in the room illuminated by the shifting glow of the television screen

*

He enjoyed it— until he didn’t. The initial escape the movie provides swiftly turned into a nightmare. Around twenty minutes in, an unexpected scene unfolded. He never anticipated a scene like that to be in the movie. Emotions twisted his features as he saw Cheryl tied up, entangled in vines, stuck in them as they wrapped around her body. She was trying to fight off an evil force, yet it kept slithering inside. She screamed, because she couldn’t move. She called for help but there was no one—

He shivered. He couldn’t breathe anymore. His fingers turned to clay, like they were paralyzed, rendering him unable to reach for the remote and pause the movie or skip the scene. Without his control, he started shaking. He didn’t hear himself breathing loudly, the air escaping his lungs fast and relentlessly. His heartbeat pounded like war drums. He watched as the scene unfolded in front of him, fighting back tears that rose inside like a rogue wave. Cheryl frozen. Cheryl screaming. Cheryl wanting that thing to go away. Cheryl unable to resist the encroaching darkness. And yet it tied around her, got into her body as she couldn’t fight back.

Amid this turmoil, Billy's concerned voice cut through the air, attempting to anchor Will back to reality.

“Hey Will? Will are you okay?”

Billy’s voice managed to make his eyes leave the screen, at last, to instead snap his neck towards him. His tearful gaze met Billy’s, distress written all over his face. The oldest looked at him, noticing how his eyes held a deep sadness that was uncharacteristic of the boy he knew. Will wasn’t crying, but he was holding his breath, shaking, not even making a sound. His face grew pale, livid. The obvious devastation he was experiencing was difficult to witness. He had no idea what to do, or if he could even help or do anything.
Typically indifferent, Billy found an unusual sympathy for the genuine pain he saw in Will's eyes. He wondered if he should just leave him alone to give him privacy, it was none of this business anyway. The last thing he wanted was to get tangled up in his issues, he wanted to avoid any form of drama. Even if it was related to that week he went missing- he wanted to know what had happened, but not necessarily comfort him about it. It wasn’t his place.

His first instinct usually would’ve been to ignore it and keep watching without a care to give. But he found himself oddly sympathetic seeing Will, specifically.

Any other kid would’ve had him rolling his eyes. But he knew Will’s pain was genuine and not just the result of being too sensitive watching an r-rated movie.

“Do- do you want to stop the movie?” Billy asked, unable to look away from the boy inhaling a huge breath, his eyes mere slits and bloodshot red. He was at loss for words, he didn’t know what to even do. What was wrong with this kid?

Will stuttered trying to answer, no words crossing his lips. His trembling were unceasing, not matter how much he tried to return air to his lungs, it didn’t seem to work. He was about to die— Trapped in his own trauma, unable to vocalize his distress, he could only cling to Billy’s gaze, the sounds of Cheryl’s screams still thrumming in his head.

The boy's vulnerability tugged at something inside Billy, urging him to provide comfort and protection. Will, drowning in the aftermath of the triggering scene, couldn't articulate his needs, but the pain in his eyes spoke volumes. The desperate grasp Will instantly had on Billy when his eyes left the screen made him want to wrap him in a blanket, cuddle him, feed him, shelter him from anything that could’ve possibly hurt him. He could’ve destroyed that stupid TV screen. It was kind of state he had never seen anyone in before.

Then without warning, the kid got up from the couch and ran as fast as he could to the bathroom. He slammed the door shut, locking it.

Billy stayed unmoving on the couch. Without a goddamn clue what do to. He let the movie running, the scene eventually ending.

Maybe it really was too gore for a kid. Maybe he could handle demons and a bit of blood but not things like this. Billy never thought this scene was particularly scary, but it was indeed gruesome. He didn’t yet understand the implications of it, everything it meant. The sense of fear and revulsion overcoming every fiber of Will’s being was all he needed to know.

Will muffled a screech in his hand, forbidding it to travel through the door. And he collapsed on the floor.

The walls of his bathroom closed in on him like the messengers of impending doom, and in response, his throat tightened too, reducing his breathing capacity to a space so narrow that his brain was getting fuzzy already. He tried to massage his Adam's apple in vain hope it would help, but it did nothing.

The internal storm manifested physically— nausea crawled up his throat, burning his insides.

He crouched, kneeling over the toilet bowl, sobbing and images harassing his head. It came in quick flash, a tornado making it impossible for him to get out from, unable to breathe. He could feel the slimy vines in his mouth, sliding down his throat, then the smoke coming inside, the cold, the shivers- he dry-heaved and pathetically let everything came out. He threw up three times, panting and sobbing as he did so, folding in half and letting everything out.

There was no slug. No shadow particule. No creature residing in his body. A year ago, he dreaded those times he would be in that position, vomiting those viscous creatures from that world. But at least then, he could expel something out of him. It wasn’t a permanent part of him, he could get it out. But he couldn’t vomit his traumas away. No matter how much he’d throw up, the dark still communed with him. He attempted to expel all the internal anguish, but the battle against the memories haunting him couldn’t be simply vomited. It was part of him, inside of him. Deep into his bones, residing in his stomach, polluting his heart, soiling his body, poisoning his mind. There was nothing he could do about it.

He just wanted someone to wrap strong arms around him, to whisper meaningless words of comfort to ease some of the pain. And yet at the same time, he couldn’t let anyone ever see him in that state. He clung to the fear of being seen in such a vulnerable state, because then, it would make them right. It would validate the perception of his fragility.

He was still too vulnerable. He couldn’t even watch a stupid movie. He was just a pathetic, helpless, powerless, impotent little boy. The weakest of them all.

He tried to fight off the lingering shadow of trauma. He attempted to even his breath. Taking three, deep and long inhalations, holding it in, releasing it longly. He counted in his head, touching the tip of his fingers, trying to ground himself. Will took a steadying breath, feeling the tremors subside, but it was okay.

He wasn’t caught between the slides. He wasn’t in the upside down. The gate was closed, the mind flayer couldn’t get to him anymore. There was no more shivers in the back of his head. He was okay. He was safe. He was home. It was bright, full of people, warm. He was Will Byers, thirteen year old, and he was okay.

He managed to breathe normally, the storm had passed. He flushed the toilet, then got up while tottering, stabilizing himself on the sink. He grasped at it and let the water run, rinsing his mouth, washing his hands, then attempting to erase the tears streaks on his cheeks. The faucet's steady flow masked the vulnerable sound of his shaky breaths. With each splash of water on his face, he attempted to wash away the residue of pain that lingered on his cheeks.

Then he heard a knock at the bathroom door. It was Jonathan, whispering

“Will? Are you okay?” The water was running down the drain, muffling the voices a bit. Will shouted a meek reassurance “Be out in a minute!” He closed everything. Alone with his reflection, he practiced a smile, making sure he would look perfectly fine and well. It was out of question to let Jonathan know he was still unstable and too fragile to watch a stupid movie.

He finally opened the door, forcing a smile, though it did not touch his eyes.

“Is everything alright?” Jonathan asked, worries painted all over his face.

“Yeah. I just needed to pee” there was a tremor in his voice betraying his lie. He tried to play nonchalance, but the vulnerability he was desperate to conceal was caught by Jonathan. He looked at him, letting him know he didn’t believe it.

“Will..” his gaze lingered, urging the truth to surface. But Will had no intention of letting it happen.

“I’ll go back to the movie now!” He feigned enthusiasm, smiling hard enough to let his dimples appear. Then he rushed back to the living room, to avoid further questioning from Jonathan. He crashed on the couch, empty eyes locking with Billy’s concerned ones. He grinned.

“Sorry about that!” He exclaimed. “I had to pee” He was a good liar indeed, he must’ve had a lot of practice. Billy noticed the red hues in his eyes, as well as his damp bang, probably trying to erase the tears streak.

“Let’s finish it” Will said as he grabbed the remote, mouth trying to give a disarming smile, as genuine as he could make it.

It wasn’t in Billy’s nature to worry, far from it. But he couldn’t help himself this time. Will ran out so fast, staying in the bathroom for at least a good ten minutes, then came back all smiling, visibly faking his eagerness.

He watched him in near-perfect silence. But after Will’s throat made a swallowing sound for the third time, he gave a quick shake of his head and started talking.

“We can stop if you wa-”

“I said let’s finish it” Will stated a bit louder, stiffening on the couch. The volume shield against his vulnerability. He pressed play, then let go of the remote. He brought his legs to his chest, hugging them with his arms and burying his face on top of his knees. Curled in a vulnerable ball, his smile faltered and then faded. His eyes were glued to the screen. He didn’t utter another word.

*

While the movie was unraveling, Billy didn’t pay attention to it. Not only because he had already seen it, but because he couldn’t stop thinking.

What the fuck was that, earlier? It freaked him out shitless to see the kid in such state. He figured the recent unsettling episode had to be related to that week, the unknown was making him curious, but he was starting to doubt his intentions a little.

He always knew it was intrusive to insist so much on knowing what happened that lead to a kid going missing, being buried and coming back to life. But it just didn’t feel real. He thought it would be a little story like he used to read in his books. But Will was real, he was right next to him, and maybe Billy was getting too involved in his life. That sudden panic he had was starting to make him think maybe he was going too far. Of course he was still curious about the events, but things were different now. Because he witnessed Will’s pain first hand. And never in his life had he ever felt so useless.

Even when his dad would beat him up, he could still find some way to get control over himself. He was useless, but he could compensate in other way. By projecting his anger onto others. But seeing that kid, suffering that way, and being unable to do a thing to help, that was what it truly meant to be powerless.

Billy wasn’t the kind of guy to have remorse. Apologizes and guilt weren’t part of his vocabulary. But he had to admit that he would feel bad if he were to get close to Will, enough for the kid to spill everything about that stupid week of November 1983, and then leave after knowing everything. The truth was obviously complex. So complex that he couldn’t even say a thing about it. So complex that it left him scarred for life. So complex that an episode like this could happen. It was so complex that no matter how much he insisted on knowing the truth, he would never fully get it, because it was forbidden. Will’s traumas were very much real. He was a vulnerable boy. As much as he wanted an explanation for all of this, he wasn’t sure actually knowing would bring anything good. Because what then?

He would know— then he would leave him? He would go back to his boring monotonous life? After knowing all the shit Will went through, he would just abandon him? He couldn’t help. He wasn’t a shrink. He wasn’t someone who knew how to rescue or save people. He couldn’t protect anyone, he could only hurt them. Jonathan was right. He was a violent living garbage. He was planning on gaining Will’s trust to leave him afterwards, like a real asshole. Maybe it was better for him to mind his own damn business and leave the kid and his family alone. They had enough on their plate. The boy was too shattered and Billy didn’t even know where to start picking the pieces. For the sake of his traumas, out of respect for his life— he should just step away.

He had to leave Will. Screw it if he would never know. It wasn’t of his business. It had to stay in Will’s family. And if curiosity was about to kill him, he’d squeeze the truth out of Max or Jonathan or anyone involved, but he had to leave Will alone. That kid didn’t need his presence in his life. He didn’t need a new cause of suffering. All Billy ever did was bring chaos on the people around him. He made everyone miserable. He was already a cruel person, but lowering to that level and inflicting that upon Will— he would be a true monster. The person that caused Will to be this terrified must’ve been a fucking demon to put him in that state. And he didn’t intend on being a new one.

It was better to go away while Will wasn’t attached. He would’ve just been a slight presence in his life, coming and going like a breeze. He would pass by and leave Will with his true friends and his family that could handle him, take care of him. As much as Billy wanted to protect, he was only just good for destruction. He had to step away.

*

The movie ended and Will didn’t have another episode. Despite the gore and blood, nothing triggered a new wave of panic.

It was already late by now, no more light coming through the window. Joyce wasn’t back yet, she would always come back later at night to close the shop, so Will was used to eating at around seven or even sometimes eight, but Billy had to go soon.

The atmosphere was weird. And Will knew it was because of him. His little episode freaked Billy out, he really didn’t expect that movie to trigger something like that. He knew he could handle horror stuff, but putting a scene like that so early on took him by surprise.

He didn’t want to tell Billy about it, he couldn’t anyway. How could he possibly explain that what happened to the girl in the movie happened to him but with a shadow monster instead? It was completely ridiculous. But there was other stuffs he wanted to talk about. Something that had been bothering his mind ever since Monday. Billy told him that he couldn’t change, that it was just how he was, it was part of him and he was stuck. But as he thought more about this, he was certain there was a way to not be gay. He just needed to talk about it with Billy.

So before he went, as the eldest put on his jacket and shoes, he stayed back, hesitating about talking.

He really, really needed to talk to someone. And right now the only one he could talk this to was Billy. He just didn’t want to bother him.

“Hey can.. can I talk to you about something?” He finally ventured. He avoided his gaze, playing with his hands. Always the same reflexes he had when he was nervous. The lip bite, the hands and nails playing, the little jumps and the evasive eyes. Billy was starting to know him and his gestures quite well.

“Well yeah, anything”

He would tell Will he couldn’t see him after he was done talking about whatever he wanted to talk about, he would tell him it was time for him to leave him alone. That this had been a fun experience but he figured he wouldn’t gain anything in the end and that it was a waste of time. He would give him back the super comm.

Maybe he could still help with his math, the poor kid really was struggling. But for the rest, for that little goal he set himself— he was done. This was over.

“Just not.. Can we not talk in the house?” he said with a hushed tone, looking towards Jonathan’s room, as if afraid of the air would carry them to his ears.

“In my car? Privately?” Billy proposed, matching the same tone. He understood Will’s need for privacy. Now if Jonathan were to hear that he would be in huge trouble.

“Yeah, okay” he gave a sharp nod, slipping on his shoes before opening the door and closing it really delicately.

They went out, the world outside greeted them with the gray veil of snow cloud. The air outside was damp and felt icy on Will’s skin, urging him to find shelter in the car. He jumped inside to be able to speak in peace. Billy started it and put on some heat, as Will looked at the front door, ensuring Jonathan wouldn’t come outside and surprise them.

“Is it about what happened earlier?” Billy asked with a soft voice. He wanted to make him comfortable. He knew none of his words could possibly soothe Will, but he ought to try.

However, the kid was reluctant to even admit anything happened. He deliberately steered away from the subject.

“Earl-? No. No no.. nothing happened earlier. It’s about- something else”

He took in a deep breath, he still looked so pale, his eyes bearing pain. “It’s about the thing we talked about.. when we rented the movie” he said, clearly avoiding the elephant in the room. Billy didn’t brought up the movie again, clearly he didn’t want to talk about it. And what could he do anyway? It was over, the moment had passed and he couldn’t help the kid deal with whatever it was he was dealing with. Will could take care of himself, his help wasn’t needed, and he was useless anyway. The kid had his own trauma that Billy couldn’t fight for him. But he could help him with “the thing they talked about when they rented the movie”.

“Mh mh?” He said, inviting Will to pursue his thoughts.

“So.. you know how I’m- well, how.. you kind of made me realize that, I was gay and all and.. like. I don’t really know what to do now.” Will’s words hung in the air, an admission of uncertainty and a hefty weight at the newfound realization.

He didn’t even know what he was asking him. He just needed to let it out. What now.

Getting used to the cruelty of the world was difficult, but Will had to learn . Ever since he was a kid, he was aware of it. He had taken each blow, let them tear him apart, because yeah, they had all been right about him. And Will was weak. Fragile as a glass. Joyce could have hovered and bundled him close for as long as she wanted, but that wouldn't change the validity of their words. Lonnie was still right, Troy was still right, and the town appeared to have correctly identified Will before he had the chance to come to terms with it himself. A tragedy, really, but what wasn't at this point? His whole life felt like a joke. A sick, cruel joke.

Billy, who had his fair share of struggles, wore a small smile, almost looking empathetic.“Heavy realization uh?” It was an unfamiliar expression. A kind of smile Will had never seen on his face before. Not a teasing one, not a bright amused one, not a smirking flirty one, it was different. Small, with such softness in his eyes it was uncanny. This stark departure from his usual demeanour caught Will off guard. He had never seen Billy like this.

Will’s mouth quirked in a half-smile “Yeah.. yeah it is. I’m.. I’m troubled with all that. And- I’m sorry. I just don’t know who to talk to. I just wish someone could understand..” he blurted out. He felt so alone. In the exact same way he felt alone in the upside down. People couldn’t see him but he could hear them. And he was trapped, completely lost and alone in a world he knew, but different. The only thing keeping him company being that creature. It was the same now. He felt different. The world suddenly changed around him, because he realized he didn’t fit into that world. And he was trapped alone, with that secret.

Billy managed to see him, perhaps the same way Eleven traveled through dimension. But he couldn’t take his hand and drag him out. Billy didn’t understand what it was like. He needed someone to join him and hold him and tell him everything would be alright.

But maybe it would never be. Maybe that person didn’t exist and maybe nothing would ever be alright. He shivered at the thought, closing his eyes longly, deep in thoughts.

“Will, I told you I would talk to the ones I know okay? We’re just not really close and I haven’t got the occasion, but I will” he assured him, and his words conveyed enough conviction for Will to believe them. He couldn’t let the boy go through this alone. He went through that experience as well, and he wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

“Yeah.. okay. I just.. I want to find people I can relate to. And every time, every single time there’s a movie or a book about something like it.. it’s always about— the disease. And.. and they end up dying or it’s always unrequited love, but they’re never happy. They never get to live with a lover” he wasn’t going to cry. He felt the first sting of tears but he held them in. “It’s just.. it’s so depressing and if it’s just that waiting for me then- what even is the point?”

“Hey Will- it might not be like this” it was, it really was, but he couldn’t tell him that. People may have hope and say they only distributed movies like that because it was sad and gritty and showing how hard and unhappy it was to be queer, so the straights loved it because it would discourage their kids to be or whatever. But it was also just real. They didn’t like to make happy movie for queers, and as far as Billy’s experience went, he wasn’t even sure an happy ending was possible in real life either. He just couldn’t tell him that. He couldn’t deny the challenges, but he couldn’t shatter the boy’s hope. Because maybe, just maybe, by the time Will would be twenty or thirty, the world would’ve changed a little and it would be better for him. He wished him that, truly. He desired for him a better future, in a world where happiness was attainable even for those like him.

Will’s eyes felt warm, but he clenched his teeth tightly, not making a single sound. His eyes blinked open again.

He kept thinking about Lonnie. He did warn Joyce this would happen if she kept coddling him.

His lips moved as though he was feeling somewhat uneasy. Billy wondered what his silence was saying.

During the days that went on ever since Billy told him he was gay, he hadn’t stopped thinking about it. He wrote pages and pages of notes in his journal about what he could do to reverse it. He theorized about so many things, about the reasons why he was the way he was, and even thought that maybe he became gay because he didn’t know girls could be fun. He thought maybe if he could meet a really nice girl that liked the same thing he did, then he could date her. It didn’t matter if he didn’t like them yet, he was sure he could meet one that could change him. Everyone always said that homosexuality was a disease, so it meant it could be cured, right? If conversion therapy existed, it was because it was a solution that could fix him. All he had to do was find the root of his homosexuality, the cause, and eradicate it. Just like Lonnie told him to do. Billy had tried to dismiss that Monday, but while alone with his thoughts, Will found a way to forget everything he had said that day.

“People say it comes from something else, that there’s a reason underneath I can unlearn. Do you think it comes from something else? Another reason underneath?” His voice quivered as he said the words. Maybe if he could unlearn where he got that comportement he could find some remedy. Lonnie did warn him that if he kept acting like he was, he wouldn’t be real man. He tried to think about where he could’ve learn to become like this, and what he had to do to erase that.

“Like, the reason being ‘your mother loved you too much’?” Billy said, boredom hanging at the words. This kind of thing people would say always bothered him. “Nah. If that were it, your brother would be a fa—”  He stopped. He really needed to stop using that word “A gay, too”

“So what caused this?” Will asked instead. This was so confusing.

His words signed the death of every hope remaining. Truth trickled into Will’s mind like bitter medicine. “You were just born, kid.” There was no reason, nor remedy.

Billy was just born too. His mom didn’t particularly coddled him, she was a normal mother encouraging him. He always felt attracted to woman, that wasn’t an issue. Just one day he realized he might just like guys too, and everything changed. No matter how much his dad beat him, it didn’t make him any more straight. He did sport, he was the manliness man he knew, more than any other guy. He had the same facial hair as his father, he was just as muscular, as tall, as handsome, he fucked so many girls he couldn’t even keep count, and none of that made him more straight. If it was something they learnt or if there was a cause or a reason, he would’ve unlearned it by now. He could try to push it away and ignore it, just hook up with girls and stop with men but that didn’t stop his attraction to them. There was nothing he could do.

“But.. what if.. maybe I could like both? Like David Bowie or Elton John or Freddy Mercury-” he said, attempting to convince himself maybe he could bring himself to fit into societal norms.

“Well.. usually- you would know by now if you liked girls. You can’t force it”

Clearly Will, had been thinking a lot about this whole thing. He had also brought up those points and theories last Monday, but he seemed determined to find a way to not be like this.

“But- I didn’t like girls because I didn’t know they could be fun. I didn’t know any girls that played D&D, or video games. Until Max.. Max is really cool!”

“Ew, god. Don’t make me throw up Byers” he faked a gag. There was no way that out of every girl out there, Max was the one he considered “cool”. She was just a shithead, nothing likeable here.

“Okay well since Max is so cool” he prolonged the vowel, making it rich with cynicism “Then do you like her? Would you date her” Please say no. For my sanity. He thought.

“Uh.. well no. When she came around I was busy with other stuff. And now she’s Lucas’ girlfriend” he said, clearly not getting what he meant. He probably wasn’t bisexual at all, he would know if he was.

“Okay, but ignoring that. If Maxine was single, if she was interested in you, would you?”

“I.. no.” He admitted, then hesitated “I don’t know. I don’t think so. B-but.. maybe I could try! And then I’d be normal!”

Billy, pragmatic and brutally honest, emphasized that one can't force attraction, and it was an inherent part of who they were.

“Look, Will. It doesn’t work like that okay? If you don’t feel attracted to girls then you can’t date one. It’s not about not wanting to date girls because they don’t like video games or whatever, you just don’t like girls. Even if a girl was your type and had the same interest as you, you wouldn’t”

“B-ut, I wouldn’t date Lucas or Dustin or Mike either!” Truth to be told, he did use to have a thing for Mike. He was just so kind and protective- without treating him like an helpless baby. And he was handsome and nice. But he quickly got over it, it wasn’t serious. First because he was his friend and that was weird and gross to have feelings for his friend. He knew him since he was five, he couldn’t ruin that. But also because Mike had a girlfriend anyway.

And Billy was right. His friends always knew they liked girls. Even if they liked D&D and video games, they still had time to worry about finding a girlfriend. They didn’t have such heavy criteria like Will did. Jennifer Hayes was so far from being like them, yet Dustin and Lucas were obsessed with her. Will was really just trying to find reasons to justify why he didn’t like girls, but the reason was there all along. He didn’t like them. He couldn’t fake it. He sighed longly.

“But you’re attracted to guys. Even if you don’t have a thing for your friends, you have a thing for men in general, right?”

Will nodded sadly, affirming what Billy was saying. He closed his eyes once more, head low and defeated.

“You’re sure there’s no way, none at all that I can reverse it? Maybe if I try to change and be more manly I could—”

“Do you want to change?” Billy interrupted him. Never change, he wanted to scream at him. He couldn’t just try to fit other’s people vision of who he was. He was too— good, now. Most people were assholes, he was one of the few one in this earth who was genuinely kind. It was worth everything.

“.. what?” Will huffed out, lifting his head back up to look at Billy.

“Do you like who you are right now? Do you wish you could change? Do you want to be someone else? Someone that don’t like movies, that don’t like drawings, that don’t like his family and don’t like fantasy books and your silly game?”

Will’s eyes stared into the void. He pondered on that question. Longly.

He loved books, he loved drawings, he loved his family, he loved D&D, he loved all of this and he didn’t want it to change. But he hated himself.

He hated who he was.

He hated how he looked, his pathetically small stature and flimsy body and scrawny arms. He hated his voice that couldn’t seem to mature, high pitched and ridiculous, sometimes cracking when he was nervous. He hated his temper, he hated how he was, he hated how he let people step on him, he hated how he was unable to defend himself, he hated that he was born this way. If he could change, entirely, if he could be born as someone else, he would take it no questions asked. He would take being anyone but himself.

“I.. like those things but.. I don’t like.. me. How I am.. how I look” he stated slowly, swallowing in his tight throat.

After listening to him for those weeks, it didn't take a genius to deduce that Will’s self-esteem was in the gutter.

His tormentors had been picking at him for years, like vultures hoping for their victim to die, but that didn't change the fact that he made an amazing boy. Kindhearted, nice, empathetic— and the prettiest picture. With his small stature, tiny delicate fingers of an artist, adorable dimples when he would smile, and colorful, big eyes like two gems, he was no ugly boy.

In fact, Billy had never noticed how pretty he truly was until now. He had to admit the kid had a brand of spaciness that was rather endearing. Along with the soft features, it gave him an air of innocence, made him seem younger than he probably was. Billy didn’t have the protector instinct, he was more of the destructive kind. But he had to admit seeing the kid in such state made him want to protect. Keep him safe with him, even though he knew it wasn’t possible.

The thought made Billy grab a cigarette from his pocket to do something with his hands. He couldn’t allow himself to smoke in Will’s presence, so he just let it there, chewing the tip without igniting it.

“Sometimes..” Will started lowly, almost inaudible, speaking just for himself. “I wish that I wasn’t me at all. Like.. I’d take being anyone else over being.. me. I envy everyone, even their flaws. Does that make sense?..” he wondered, trying to meet Billy’s eyes but chickening on the way “It probably doesn’t.. I’m sorry” he shook his head, feeling silly at the words. He shouldn’t be saying that.

Billy cleared his throat, fully understanding the state Will was in. “No it.. it does. It makes sense, kid. I get what you mean” he knew exactly what it felt like. He had a reputation of arrogance and pomposity, and though he was handsome and knew it, he also envied people. He envied those with a good family, with a mom, those who weren’t angry all the time, those who could easily make friends and get along with everyone. He knew what it felt like. If he could swap life with Will, he would do it. Having a mom like Joyce and passions and good friends must’ve been like a dream.

“Yeah?” Will’s lips trembled at the emotion he couldn’t contain.

“Yeah”

There was a long silence, both too lost into their heads to share what was going on in their insides.

Billy looked at Will’s face with a rock growing on his throat. He didn’t know everything the kid went through, but he had support and people that were there for him. That cared, that loved him. And that was most then some people could get.

“And, you know… everyone loves you. Even if you don’t”

Hearing this, the boys' expressions changed at once. Will’s heart skipped a beat and then thumped faster and faster.

Then he broke a laugh, almost like he wasn’t believing it.

“Everyone? Did you forget I’m Zombie Boy?”

“Okay, first of all Zombie boy is a rad nickname. It’s super badass” he chuckled and Will followed, muttering a small

“Totally tubular right..” 

Billy laughed loudly “Okay, never say that again, that’s really uncool”

This prompted Will to snicker under his breath.

“And second of all.. maybe this shit town filled with assholes don’t like you- but everyone who knows you. They’d kill for you” he spoke with such conviction that his words could’ve been easy to believe. But Will wasn’t so naive.

He lowered his head, smile fading, then vanishing completely. His eyes were tinged red. Yeah, it was true. His family did love him, Jonathan cared, they did so much. But weren’t they forced to?

They were his family, they didn’t chose him in their lives. They were close by association, but how could he be certain his family would love him if he wasn’t just part of it? Jonathan barely liked anyone, what could make him sure he would care for him in the slightest if he wasn’t just his little brother? They were obligated to love them because he was Joyce’s son, but they never chose him. And his friends didn’t either. Not as he was now. They were friends when they were kids, because they were all reject and outcasts and nerds. It wasn’t about his personality, it was just about him liking D&D. No one would liked him if they really knew him. Will Byers, just Will. The freak, the zombie boy, the gay. He would lose all of his friends if they knew. They would hate him because it was against nature itself. If they knew who he really was, they would’ve saved themselves a lot of trouble and stopped trying to rescue him from that place. He should’ve stayed in there. He deserved that.

Almost as if Billy read his thoughts, he started talking again.

“If that means anything, I like that you’re you. Like.. you’re one of the few people that isn’t a shithead in this world”

Billy said flatly. He didn’t look in Will’s direction as if he was trying to hide his fondness. He was doing a really shitty job at it, in his opinion. Why would he ever say that?

For some reason that Will did not want to linger on, the words caused a rush of warmth to form across his cheeks. His heart was beating in a fast-paced thumps, but it picked up even quicker. And under Billy’s tone, full of a false annoyance and a more genuine fondness, Will felt the weight of those words more fully than he ever had before.

The boy swallowed but didn’t answer and instead took a wide inhalation. He didn’t know what to do, or what even to say. Billy liked him as he was?

He wanted to tell him he didn’t actually like him. That he just liked the story around him, the mystery. He thought he was intriguing, but if it had been any other kidnapped kid, it would’ve been the same. It wasn’t about him. But he didn’t say it. He wasn’t going to argue with Billy.

He exhaled shakily, deciding to instead break an insincere smile.

“Thanks” he swallowed again, swaying his eyes from Billy’s face to his own hands. “It means a lot coming from you”

“Why me?” He snorted.

“Well, you’re handsome, cool, confident, everyone likes you..” he started, sounding more like he was returning the compliment.

Will was pretty much convinced Billy couldn’t understand what it was like to be born and hating himself for it. Billy was a beautiful man, badass, normal. He was born right, naturally handsome and comfortable in his own skin. How come he said he understood what Will meant when he said he wish he wasn’t born himself at all? How could he be envious of anyone when he was— perfect. How could he wish to be anyone else but him? That he would take having any flaws over being himself? Billy couldn’t understand. If Will could be anyone, he would be Billy.

Or he would be a girl. Because then it would be normal to like guys. And because guys would like him back. And because Lonnie wouldn’t have forced him to do sport, he could draw and enjoy his passion that weren’t fit for boys. And he could wear really pretty clothes without anyone minding.

“Nah kid. People like me on surface, or they fear me. People who really know me.. they hate me.”

Did Billy genuinely didn’t like himself? Was he just pretending to try and connect with Will? Or was it true?

“I don’t” Will said, and he was truthful. Billy’s mouth stretched into a crescent shape, as if he’d never before heard anything more pleasing. It didn’t matter if Billy didn’t mean anything he said, if it was pity, if he didn’t like him and just said that because he liked the mystery around Zombie Boy and not Will Byers. It didn’t matter, because he did like Billy. He wasn’t his best friend or anything, but he didn’t hate him. How could he?

Hearing the words, something, that Billy had never felt before sprouted within his heart. It was like sorrow. His chest hurt a bit, but also felt a bit warm. His breath hitched, heart skipping a beat, like even it had to process the words before answering.

“You must be the only one. And you basically like everyone so.. doesn’t really count”

“Does my appreciation mean nothing to you?” He teased with a cocky grin.

Billy scoffed loudly, closing his eyes and lowering his head. He seemed flustered, almost. “It means the world” he said ironically, though he did mean it. He didn’t want to let it show, but it was true.

A warmth filled the eyes that Billy looked at him with. Then Will jumped, turning his face away quickly, as if spooked. He stared right ahead, but then smiled gently when he perceived who it was. Billy looked forward to see the door opening and Jonathan on the door frame, a deep frown engraved on his face.

“I- should go now..” Will said with a sheepish smile.

“Thank you Billy. You’re a good friend. Like.. you listen and I feel like you get me. You see me” he said, glancing at Billy’s face, then to his house to see Jonathan standing and waiting for him. He swallowed another time.

“I feel like- I don’t need to tell you anything, you just understand, you know? I uh.. I can’t tell any of my other friends I’m… gay. I can’t talk to them about it. They don’t know and they won’t just guess it and know like you do. And I’m afraid I’d lose everything. But it doesn’t bother you so.. I’m glad. Yeah. That’s all. Thanks”

He opened the door, ready to jump out, not even giving Billy the courtesy to formulate a right answer.

He was taken aback. He could only mutter a weak “Oh it’s.. uh.. nothing kid..”

Will gave him a last smile, saying a quick “Bye-bye!” then closed the door and took quick, little steps to his house, Jonathan still staring at him. Billy swallowed, his throat dry. He blamed it on Jonathan. But if he was being fully truthful, this was Will’s doing.

The door was already closed, Will already reaching his house. But Billy still whispered a small “Bye” under his breath, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from the house. It was only once Will was inside that Billy let himself exhale. What the fuck.

That little speech, along with everything that happened changed some things. Because now he couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t abandon him. Will trusted him, a little too much now. He never expected Will to rely on him so much. He thought he could just leave him before the kid would grow too attached but— it was too late. He got too involved. What was wrong with him?

He proposed the idea of being a tutor. Jonathan was trying to find a job, so he would be alone from now on. And Billy was the only one who knew about Will being gay, the only one to whom he could talk openly and the only one he trusted enough with his secret.

His other friends probably knew he was gay as well, but they didn’t dare mention it. Maybe by fear if it was confirmed, they wouldn’t see Will the same anymore. He couldn’t drop him after all this.

Or maybe he could count on Eddie to help the kid with his queerness. After all, Billy wasn’t gay. If anyone could understand Will, it was Eddie. Eddie should become the boy’s friend and hang out with him instead. Eddie was good with kids. He was nice and fun and on-going and extroverted. He liked the same game Will did. He was the perfect choice to replace Billy’s presence in Will’s life.

Will would just— have to start over with someone new. Eddie would eventually gain his trust the same way he did, and they’d talk and help each other out. The only issue was that Eddie sucked at math. He sucked in school in general. So he doubted he could be a tutor for him— whatever. At least Eddie was respectful enough to mind his own business and not harass Will to know about his past. Eddie was empathetic, so he was sure he could help Will better than he ever could.

He would talk to him, tell him to take care of the kid from now on and go back to his own life. He wasn’t abandoning him then. He was just- replacing himself.

His thoughts deviated to his own mother, who was replaced by Susan. It wasn’t the same.

But Billy wasn’t like his mother, he wasn’t a kind person one would want around them. He was someone people wanted to get rid off. Replacing his mother by Susan didn’t work because his mom was infinitely better. But replacing himself with Eddie- that was the best thing that could happen to Will.

For once he decided he wouldn’t be selfish. He would put Will first. And he would save himself a lot of trouble. For his sake, he would stop this game. One he couldn’t play anyway.

He started the car, sighing longly and finally lighting up his cigarette. He looked around to drive off the streets, stressfully releasing the smoke, hoping his worries would dissipate with it. Then eventually, his dark blue Camaro disappeared on the road, the crisp winter sky already dark at this hour.

Chapter Text

Going to people to request stuff or seek help most definitely wasn’t in Billy’s habit. He made an exception for this time, as it felt like an emergency. He felt quite distressed about what had happened with the boy. He didn’t know what to do with him, he didn’t know what happened to him in the past, he didn’t know how to handle this kid’s problems. He basically knew nothing. What he did know was that he couldn’t do anything. Which meant he had to step away and leave.

He grappled with the idea of not abandoning him entirely. It was like leaving a puppy by the roadside. He felt the responsibility to find an alternative, a replacement, or any other role model who could offer support. While he didn't "own" Will like a puppy, the analogy lingered— the kid still needed someone, and Billy couldn't simply walk away without Will having a new presence in his life in exchange. It was only fair. Faced with the need to step back and disengage, he could only think of one person to turn to.

Billy’s visits to Eddie’s trailer were occasional, it only happened about two or three times. They would make the transaction for his weed at school, most of the time. His exchange with Eddie’s were always brief and transactional. He had never even stepped inside of his place, let alone hung out with him. They had scarcely communicated and been around each other, but despite the limited interactions, Billy still kind of liked the guy. He was cool enough.

He knocked loudly at the door, fist hard as a rock and banging like he was about to break through, echoing his impatience.

He waited for a whole minute, annoyed and agitated.
He chewed a wooden toothpick, a shitty replacement for cigarettes. In his attempt to be considerate around Will, he found himself chewing gums or anything else he could put in his mouth rather than smoking, because then it would make it easier to not smoke around Will if he was used to it. Though— he didn’t really need to do this now, did he?

He looked at his watch then knocked again, but this time only two forceful knocks were necessary for Eddie to swung the door open, a knife on his hand.

“Woah” Billy said satirically, glancing at the knife and raising an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Jesus dude. Why are you banging on my door like this. Though it was some guy wanting me dead” his shoulder relaxed, he unclenched a little and softened the grip on his knife.

“C’mon Munson, you’re not a mafioso drug lord, you sell weed to high schoolers” he snorted, and without being invited he stepped inside.

“Come in I guess…” he muttered while frowning.

“What owe me the displeasure? Uppers? Downers?”

Being a forthright kind of guy, he figured he should just spill it out without wasting time, confessing everything. Worst case scenario, Eddie would reject Billy’s plan and leave him empty-handed of a solution for the kid. And even if that didn't work, he trusted Eddie would be able to tell him if he ever veered into inappropriate territory with his request.

“Uh nah.. nah nothing like that. I— may have some.. request?” He said slowly, before sitting on Eddie’s red couch in the living room.

This had the effect of piquing Eddie’s curiosity, who turned to where Billy was sitting. He himself stood, hands in his pants pockets, waiting for Billy to spill the beans. He raised his eyebrows slightly.

“Mh.. ‘kay?“

“So like. You’re gay, right?” He said straightforwardly, without beating around the bush.

Eddie didn’t deny it, which Billy considered to be great because he hated people wasting his time. He already knew, he just wanted to start the conversation.

“Would’ve never guess you, out of all people, would figure it out but.. yeah”

He cleared his throat. He looked slightly uncomfortable, like he was ready for something bad to happen, like— Billy beating him up. He thought about grabbing the knife back just in case Billy was one of those guys beating up fags in his free time. However Billy seemed casual about it, he stayed sitting, not even sounding angry and grossed out. This allowed Eddie to relax, willing to listen what he would say. And Billy wasn’t done surprising him.

“Okay so..” he took a pack of cigarette out of his pocket “I’ve got this buddy that- well.. I think it would be good for you two to meet. You like the same stupid game and—”

Eddie cut him short instantly.

“Woah woah woah- hold on Billy. You came here to play wingman? You know just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I want to date any other gay dude—”

This time it was Billy who, completely appalled, interjected, cursing his confusion.

“What? No. Fuck no! I’m talking about Will”

He sighed, pushing some of his longish hair out of his face. He somehow felt hot, or rather dizzy. He wanted to massage his temple and get this over with as quickly as possible.

There was no surprise on Eddie’s face when Billy told him Will was gay. As though it was the most mundane thing he had ever heard, not even a new information, more of an affirmation like, "there’s forks in the kitchen". Why should there be any surprise anyway? The entire town of Hawkins knew about him before the kid even did, but for a queer man like himself, it was even more obvious.

Despite his non-reaction to Billy telling him this, he couldn’t help but feel grossed out. The only thought that Billy came to him thinking he could ever be interested— was disgusting. At first he thought Billy was maybe a little nice to try and hook him up with his contact, but the contact being Will made his skin crawl. Was Billy so unaware that he could let some child date an adult? Maybe he had forgotten, but he was nineteen already. Eddie might’ve been gay and desperate for partner, he wouldn’t step so low as to sleep with a gay child.

“Look I appreciate you trying to match me but- I’m really not interested. I tend to like guys that aren’t… kids. ‘m sure he’s great but not my type-”

“How stupid are you” Billy spat out immediately. He wasn’t angry, but for some reason Eddie’s comment sparked something that felt bad inside. How dared he assume he wanted Will to date him?

“I’m not talking about dating, freak”

How could Eddie ever have these thoughts in his head? Was his skull so empty he could believe Billy was trying to match a thirteen year old kid with him? This was disgusting.

He sighed longly, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “I mean like.. he only just figured out he’s gay, and he’s confused. He needs someone, some guidance, someone that can understand” he explained, lifting his head back up and putting the end of the cigarette between his lips, without yet lighting it up.

“And well, I’m straight so I’m not that person”

That was the first lie of the day. But he didn’t really have any other choice. He promised himself he would never fool around with a guy again, and if he told Eddie he also was queer, then he wouldn’t have any excuses to ask him to take care of Will in his place.

“… so you want me to?” Eddie asked him to get to the point without saying, slightly slow about the unclear request Billy was making.

“Well. Just. To be.. there for him. Like a.. gay mentor or whatever you call it”

His thumb rolled on his lighter, the small flame catching on the cigarette. He inhaled longly, letting it cascade down his throat and lungs. He forgot how good smoking felt. He really had to stop seeing Will so he could abandon that idea of replacing it with gums and wooden stick.

“I didn’t have a gay mentor why should he need one? Teach him about butt stuff?” Eddie snorted mockingly, which only annoyed Billy more. Will hated talking about this and Eddie was already making sexual jokes, they wouldn’t be a good pair.

“Look how you turned out..” he muttered between his teeth. “Look he’s confused and he feels bad and just- he wants to relate to people. He can’t like— externalize that shit. He has no one to talk to. Kid’s been bullied his entire life because of that. Just.. give him a hand? Please?”

Billy fucking Hargrove telling someone please. He wasn’t begging, he wasn’t about to step that low, but he still said please to fucking Eddie Munson and it was humiliating enough as it was. He had to take another puff to wash his mouth.

Eddie sensed how important it must’ve been, and feeling great empathy for that poor kid who was in an horrible situation, he thought— why not.

It was true, he didn’t have anyone when he figured he was gay. His friends couldn’t get it, it was the loneliest experience of his life. If Will could have some role model to pour his worries on, fuck yeah, he could be that for him.

“I mean.. yeah, fuck it. We could talk yeah. We should meet” he nodded, shrugging like it was no big deal.

Billy was relieved. This went better then he expected. He just didn’t know if Eddie was realizing what he was truly asking him yet. He wasn’t talking about one meeting and a little discussion. He was talking about much, much more.

He cleared his throat after releasing a gray cloud of smoke.

“So” he started. Then he blurted at once “Would you mind… hanging with him from now on? Like, every week. Every night.. except for Tuesday, he’s got AV club”

“Woah- hold on what? What are you asking me here?” Eddie wondered, two hands in a defensive position in front of him.

“Just to-”

“To be his babysitter? What is this?”

Babysitter, another thing Will hated. These two wouldn’t be right for each other, Eddie couldn’t be a good person.

“Look I’m just-” he hissed between his teeth. This was strangely harder than he had anticipated. He suddenly realized at once how stupid this was. Who else, other than him who had too much time to kill would waste their days with some kid they barely knew? No one in their right mind, for sure. But he kept insisting, because he couldn’t be around Will anymore. “He needs someone and I’m not the right person so. I just think you should replace me”

“Wait so. Okay- let me get this straight” he started, and he didn’t particularly looked happy. He took his hands out of his pocket, to instead gesture and express what he wanted with his body.

“You put yourself into a situation in which you.. stick around this kid because you treat his life as some entertainment. But then you get bored, because obviously, and now you’re dumping him on me?” This wasn’t exactly it— Billy wasn’t bored of him. “How am I involved in this?” Eddie concluded.

“Look I’m just giving up on knowing about the truth okay? You were right, I won’t get anything out of him and it’s none of my business. He was already too broken and I should leave him alone” he exhaled, more smoke filling the air. It gave Billy a sense of comfort, because the somewhat cloudy fog he was releasing was creating some sort of barrier between he and Eddie. He didn’t have to confront him, he could hide behind the clouds, or so he felt.

“So that’s what I’m doing. I’m leaving him alone. But he- he needs someone. He.. trusts me, you know? He thinks we’re friends now so.. if I just abandon him…”

“Well that’s on you, isn’t it? He trusts you, he doesn’t even know me”

He had to admit, this was a good point. Billy put himself into this shit situation and now he was trying to dump it on Eddie to ease his consciousness. So when he’d leave Will he could think "Well! It’s not my problem anymore, I left him in good hands!".

Maybe that was what his mother thought when she deserted him, leaving him with his father. 

“But- I..” he hesitated for a bit. Something painful squeezed in his chest “I have to leave him. But I can’t just- he’ll be broken if I abandon him, but if he has an alternative- it’ll be better” he was mostly trying to convince himself this was the right thing to do. But shit, it did not feel like it at all. “He’ll get to know you. He loves music, he loves horror movies, he loves that game you play. And he really, really needs someone to understand him.

So..” he took in a deep breath, putting aside his pride, or even his reputation. “Please, please Eddie. You have to promise me to take care of him”

“Why do you care so much?..” Eddie asked, not even mocking, rather surprised. Shocked even. As though Billy’s words touched him, as though he simply couldn’t believe Billy could even have emotions.

Sure, maybe he did care for Will. Maybe he would consider him more like some— sort of friend rather than a nuisance. Maybe he hadn’t simply become a tool for him to be less bored. But it was out of question to ever confess that.

“He’s just.. he’s a nice kid. He went through enough already, I don’t want to add to that okay. It’ll just end badly if I stay around, he doesn’t deserve this shit” he shrugged, acting unbothered. As though he hadn’t just revealed internal insecurities he had never shared before. He hated how vulnerable he sounded. What a fucking pussy get yourself together, he heard his father say.

“I don’t have that time to waste I mean- what do you even want me to do?”

“Just.. hang out.. be there for him after school. Be a gay mentor I don’t care” he should probably tell him he needed help with maths but he doubted a guy that was struggling to go through his own schooling could help Will with his.

“I can’t pick him up from school I don’t have the time-” Eddie started, to which Billy answered with a shrug.

“Just bring him to your game club”

“It’s for high schoolers. The kid’s thirteen” Eddie said like Billy was completely out of his mind. Thirteen— so what? He would be in highschool in a few months. He already knew the game, he could fit in that little club perfectly in Billy’s opinion. But he wasn’t the head of the club.

He sighed longly, Eddie was making things so much harder than they needed to be.

“Okay well I don’t care just find way to be with him. Please. I can’t leave him alone”

Eddie grunted loudly, raking a nervous hand through his face. Clearly he didn’t want to do this. It was understandable. He was a grown man who had a band, a club, who struggled with money. In short, he was busy. Busier than Billy and his boring life, which lead him to do this in the first place. It looked like he was struggling to find more arguments. He reflected longly, before finally starting a new topic.

“Look.. Billy.. it’s complicated. You’re straight so it’s not the same for you but.. If the kid starts hanging out with me.. knowing I’m gay— he could expect things. He could get his hopes high and maybe start thinking he can have something with me”

Oh.

Billy swallowed, letting Eddie’s word sink in. The thought of Will falling for Eddie quickly became bothering, for some reason he couldn’t quite explain. 

“Well- just.. make things clear-” he tried to retort.

“That’s not how it works. If I was his age, lonely, gay, and another gay guy was taking me under his wing and wanted to take care of me- I mean shit I couldn’t control it. I’d fall for him. And then I would be heartbroken because he would reject me and I’d end up sad and alone, which is worst than being alone”

That was right.

But also this wasn’t.

Couldn’t control it? It should be something to control though, wasn’t it? It was his feelings, he could stop them if he wanted. Billy was good at that. He was really good at not falling in love. He was also good at ignoring girls who liked him.
Though he wasn’t really good at controlling his anger, he would just deplace it elsewhere most of the time— but he could numb his feelings just fine. He found ways to cope with it and not deal with what he felt inside. So, if he could do it, Will could as well. Not catching feelings was perfectly manageable, all he had to do was not fall for Eddie, which should be extremely easy.

“He’s not gonna fall for ya’. C’mon Munson” he scoffed sardonically, rejecting the mere idea of this happening.

“You never know. The slightest comment, joke, flirt could make him fall in love. That’s why you can never flirt with a kid” he shrugged, as though it was an evidence, a universal truth everyone knew. “Especially not an impressionable young gay boy. You’d be surprised to see how easy it is to influence a vulnerable, prone-to-manipulation lonely kid”

He didn’t know if Will was particularly naive or manipulable, it didn’t seem like it. With everything that happened to him, he might’ve been more wary than most. But that was also the thing— with everything that happened, wouldn’t that make him more vulnerable, too? He must’ve been desperate for affection, desperate for peace and attention after all the years of bullying and traumas. The slightest thing could break him. Which was why what Billy was doing was particularly cruel.

Pretending to like him, gaining his trust only to toss him in the trash— but try for his own peace of mind to make it comfortable trash with some other guy. It was despicable.

Eddie kept rambling uncontrollably, as though he was well versed on this topic. “Seriously even a joke, it gives them false hope, breaks their heart man. A kid won’t understand it’s not serious and they’ll think there’s another meaning”

Billy didn’t answer. Too consumed by thoughts to even react.

He didn’t flirt. Technically. He never genuinely flirted with Will. He might’ve done some innuendos, jokes about it— but he never— fuck.

“You flirted as a joke?” Eddie guessed, noticing Billy’s lack of answer, as well as his frozen expression.

“.. maybe” he said. He wasn’t even sure himself.

He did almost said once he could be his boyfriend, but it was a joke, and he didn’t even say it, he joked about being his step-dad instead by dating his mom. Sure there was also this time when he said Will had a dirty mind and had a crush on him but— he was unaware then. It was completely innocent. Just jokes. And Will definitely didn’t like him. He knew when people did, he recognized the look in their eyes, the lust. Will didn’t have it. He might’ve had some— admiration, but that was all. He was looking up to Billy like a fan worshipped an idol, that was all.

“Fuck” Eddie muttered.

Billy hurriedly attempted to downplay the situation. “No seriously, I mean- it was a joke! He just laughed it off it wasn’t serious, it was just once. He doesn’t care, trust me”

“Right” Eddie drew the syllable out, filling the word with skepticism.

“Whatever, he knows I’m not gay anyway. If he has any crush on me— he better get rid of it fast”

“So.. by not being around you anymore and instead throwing himself in the arms of a gay man?” Eddie's sarcastic retort cut through the room, making Billy realize  the foolishness of his idea.

Sure, brilliant, Billy. Tell a gay boy to stay with a gay man after abandoning him, possibly hurting his feelings, so he’d be sad and lonely, find comfort in someone else, and pray he doesn’t catch feeling.

He grunted loudly, more smoke coming out of his nose. He sunk into the couch, throwing his head back as he covered his eyes with frustration. He sighed, only curse word in his head. He contemplated the mess he himself made. What the hell did he even get himself into. This was a shit situation and he could blame only himself for him. Classic Hargrove, destroying everything around him.

“Okay then what?” He let his arms fall in defeat “I just leave him? Abandon him? And he doesn’t get anyone?”

Eddie scratched his chin, thoughtful. “Do you happen to know any girl who could be a queer?” Eddie had an idea in mind, he very clearly had someone he was thinking about, he just didn’t want to out her, possibly.

But Billy immediately knew what he meant. This idea was brilliant. Billy was ninety-seven percent sure Robin Buckley was a lesbian. This was perfect.

This girl pretty much hated men, it had been clear for everyone pretty early on. She always seemed disgusted whenever Billy was near. But she wouldn’t hate a boy like Will. They both liked movies anyway. And for sure, it couldn’t get ambiguous. They’d never have feelings for each other. Not her towards him, nor Will towards her. They could understand each other and go through the same thing and share without risking anything happening. It was perfect.

“.. you may look dumb but you’ve got some wit in ya Munson” he got up from the couch, beaming. “That’s a fucking great idea right there”

Heading towards the door, Billy swung it open, eager to make a quick escape.

“I still want you to meet him though” he declared abruptly.

“Fine. See you la—” before he could complete his sentence, Billy hastily closed the door, leaving Eddie's trailing word hanging in the air. "—ter," he finished in a sigh.

*

The following day at school, Billy did something he could’ve never even thought of doing before. He stepped in the music room, looking for a queer band girl.

He scanned the room in which they were practicing, smirking when his gaze landed on the girl that looked like a lesbian. He wondered how it couldn’t be more obvious to everyone around, but he simply figured straight people were kind of dumb.

She was wearing converse in which she wrote unreadable scribbles on, shirts embellished with triangles, and even once, a conspicuous rainbow pin caught his attention. That was without mentioning her lack of interest in guys, how she never got a boyfriend, how she didn’t seem interested in any guy and on the contrary- she had the tendency to rebuff their advances, even. But as soon as some cute girl would smile to her, she would lose her way.

It wasn’t something anyone could notice, the subtleties of her orientation were discernible for those who sought them out. And Robin Buckley wasn’t the kind of person people would pay attention to. No one would observe her and try to decipher her comportment, so she effortlessly slipped right under the radar of casual observers. But unlucky for her, Billy was not one to overlook such detail. Bored and observant, he knew exactly where to look, and what to look for. He understood early on that actions spoke louder than words. Which was why Tommy H was particularly insufferable, that guy couldn’t shut up. There was nothing interesting about him, he would say anything on his mind and his only actions were trying to be cool and checking girls out. All he felt was profound boredom when he was around, so he would ignore him and honed in the other, more intriguing, people of the school.

As the practice concluded, Robin attempted to discreetly slip away with the rest of the group, but her escape was halted by Billy's calling voice.

“Buckley”

The guys looked at him and nodded, as if they were approving of him. The other girls in the band shot Robin dirty looks, before redirecting their attention to Billy, eyes twinkling, biting their lips and twirling their hair.

“Can I help you?” She said, an air or dryness in her tone. Not so much rude, but underneath the confusion, there was a subtle layer of contempt. He wouldn’t take it at heart, she didn’t like guys, no matter how handsome they could be.

“Yeah actually” Billy responded, turning his attention to the other girls in the room that didn’t want to leave yet. With his eyes, he told them to keep going their way, urging them to leave.

“Okay and do we have to be alone to talk or-” she cautiously asked, visibly uncomfortable at the prospect of being left alone with a guy. Said guy who also didn’t have the reputation of being the sweetest. He did battered poor Steve Harrington’s face, after all.

“I think you’ll prefer if we are” He stated once everyone had left, closing the door behind them. He leaned against it, positioning himself with his back to the window in case anyone was trying to peek inside or decipher his words from lip-reading.

The uncertainty lingered on her face, emphasizing her reluctance to engage in a private conversation with him. But Billy just observed.

Not only was this girl obviously a queer, it was also well known she had a crazy movie collection. She was renowned for her huge cinematographic culture and extensive collection, acquired through her dad’s importing them from other country. Needless to say, this defined her reputation as the go-to person to ask if someone wanted to watch movies. She lended all the classics to people at school. Obviously, because of this, some guys tried to get porn from her, but it never worked, she didn’t have any.

So if he had to ask for anyone for queer movies to give Will, it would be her. Out of question to rent them at family video or even buy them at a store. This queer girl most likely possessed everything he needed, she was the perfect resource for queer movies Will wanted so much. The boy was a very lucky guy for having Billy willing to talk to people and create contact for him.

“Buckley” he started, not really knowing how to break the ice. This was rather awkward, because Robin was neither scared, nor attracted to him, which caused a unique challenge. It was usually easy to talk to people, he could get it done with intimidation, or he just expected them to fold at his feet. But she wasn’t intimidated, just slightly curious about why he interpellated her. Her impassiveness and lack of interest made the encounter rather uncanny.

Either way, her lack of attraction to him just confirmed when he already knew.

Unless they had a boyfriend, he didn’t know a single girl that was so insensitive to his charms.

“.. Hargrove” she said, underneath the wariness, was annoyance.

He figured he should start the same way he did with Eddie, not straight up mentioning Will, just starting off with a conversation and then attempting to ease him into the subject.

“So, I’ve heard you liked movies”

“Yeah..” she squinted, crossing her arms. She was suspicious about Billy coming to her to talk about— movies.

Then her eyes widened as though she had a revelation, before she rolled them while clicking her tongue “No, I don’t have porn, sorry” the satire sorry made her insincerity apparent.

And now it was Billy who struggled to formulate his thoughts. Weirdly enough, he was the one that felt scared now. Not because Robin being so closed off was intimidating, but because he was about to ask if she had queer movies. It would’ve been infinitely less embarrassing to be asking for porn.

“No no, not porn” he pushed his hair back, letting the golden curls fall down. “Do you— know any good movies about like…” he took a deep inhalation

“Good.. gay movies”

The realization dawned on her, making her wonder if he had somehow figured her out. Panic set in. Did it mean he clocked onto her? And did that mean he was also—

“It’s not for me” he clarified instantly, dispelling any misconceptions. “And I’m not talking about lesbian porn. I mean, real good movies about.. being- queer or whatever” He feigned nonchalance, pretending this was nothing, that this was whatever. But inside, inner turmoil couldn’t be masked.

With Eddie it was less nerve breaking, he knew the guy, they had talked before, they knew some stuff about each other. But it was the first time he was ever talking to Robin, she might not even know about him driving Will around and hanging with him. She could think he was some queer as well and he wanted this for himself.

“W-why.. why would you ask me that?” Robin tried to deny, playing dumb. Billy understood her hesitation, he could hardly blame her for maintaining the act.

“You’re wearing triangles on your shirt, Buckley” he stated matter-of-factly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“.. how do you know about-”

Billy interjected, not wanting or to dwell too much on the matter.

“Shut up. I just do”

Gay people recognized gay people, that was why it was so easy for Billy. But from Robin’s point of view, it must’ve just been weird that this guy might know about it. This wasn’t that obvious for people who weren’t familiar with the signs, and Robin could be subtle about it. Despite the very occasional and rare rainbow pin, she was hiding the hints well, unlike Eddie who practically broadcasted it. Eddie was walking around with a whole gay sign attached to his pants, basically yelling it to everyone. While Robin was more— about the vibe. Not a vibe any straight people could clock onto.

“Don’t worry, I don’t care about telling anyone” he reassured her when he noticed her frozen expression, recognizing the fear in her eyes. It wasn't fear of him, but of the power he held in his hands. Not only he could’ve beat her up right there and then for being a queer, he could also manipulate her, bribe her with this secret. Beyond physical harm, he could make her the town pariah by exposing her to everyone. The worst scenarios crossed Robin’s mind, but Billy didn’t have a shit to give about her orientation.

“Do you know any movies? That like, aren’t just mockery or stereotypes or guys dying of AIDS by the end or living unhappily never after unable to find love and staying forever alone” he blurted at once, acting casual about all this.

Robin followed his example, despite her fear, she swallowed it back to instead respond with a snarky remark.

“Didn’t know you were gay friendly” she raised an eyebrow, her tone flat.

“I’m not” he said as a reflex, before correcting himself.

“I mean- shit. I’m friends with a gay so I guess I am”

“You mean Will Byers?” She wondered, and this time it was Billy who was taken aback.

She knew about that too? Did everybody knew about this? And did the whole world just knew about Will being gay? Sure it was obvious, but what possibly happened for everyone in Hawkins to know about it? Did Will kissed a guy in front of everyone when he was a child?

“Wha- who told y- I mean how did you..?”

“Everybody knows you’re giving him lifts and that he’s.. famously gay” she answered flatly “You don’t have thousands of friends to pick up from. That wasn’t so hard to figure out.

What’s up about that?”

It was always the same questions. But Billy really didn’t want to say anything to her. Not because she was menacing, but because he was planning to stop his little game anyway. He didn’t need her to know what his initial intentions were and how they changed ever since he realized he was a fucking asshole. He just wanted her help.

“Nothing” he replied, crossing his arms defensively, mirroring her stance, though his tone remained neutral.

“So can you just give me movies yes or no? It’s for him, not for me”

“Yeah, of course” she said like it was no big deal at all. That was nice of her to be helping the kid

“I’m just surprised Hargrove. You hate your sister but you hang out with her friend?” She looked at him suspiciously, drilling holes into his skull as she was scrutinizing his face.

Billy tried to keep it together, but he was visibly annoyed by this little comment. Why were people so damn nosy about him being around Will?

“My step sister’s a shithead, he’s not” he clarified, emphasizing the “step” as he always did. Max wasn't his sister, and he hated when people would call her that. He wanted that distinction to be clear.

“So is that a classic case of ‘he reminds me of myself?’” She said as a joke, suggesting a cliché or stereotype, with an afterthought she didn’t mention. They obviously were nothing alike. Nothing. Not even physically, not even in the temper. There was nothing about Will that reminded him of himself— for Robin to say that, it only meant one thing, she thought he was a depressed gay.

“Fuck no. He’s a fa-.. a gay. I told you I’m straight” he vehemently denied.

He didn’t want to pursue this conversation with her, she had annoyed him at every sentence, and it completely veered away from its original purpose. He forgot why he even came to her in the first place, he just knew he regretted it now.

“And he’s a nerd. He can’t even defend himself. He’s nothing like me” he asserted, framing Will’s traits as if they were flaws, but it was fine for Will to be that way. He was a cute nerd, he wasn’t bothering. Sure he could stand up for himself a little more, maybe he should teach him how to. Though with his height it would be complicated. How was a 4’8ft kid supposed to fight back against bullies a head taller than him?

“If you say so” she said as though she didn’t believe him, adding to Billy’s growing annoyance.

People prying into his affairs irritated him, ironically. Maybe he was hypocritical, maybe he was projecting, but either way, she didn’t have the right to try and psychoanalyze him. And bringing Max up— it only fuelled his frustration. Will shouldn’t hang out with someone like her.

“Whatever. Can you just drop few recommendations please? He’s like desperate” he said coldly, shifting the topic away from him.

“Yeah sure. I.. could do a list, I guess.” For a girl who seemed so bothered by the conversation and who put her nose in other people’s business, she was also strangely compliant and helpful.

“Okay.. thanks” he said before clearing his throat. He contemplated the idea he had in mind, choosing his next words carefully.

“Might also take him to meet you. So you can talk about. Gay stuff.

How you don’t like men and how he doesn’t like women, all that” he gestured with his hand dismissively, as though it was trivial stuff he didn’t care about, something completely unrelated to him.

“Uh-”

“And if y’all get along you should take my place and start hanging out with him” he declared abruptly, firing the information like a bullet escaping a gun. Billy wanted to leave that conversation, he wanted to state his plan and then walk away, but Robin intercepted him.

“You mean like driving him home?” She said with too much surprise in her voice. What else?

“Yeah. That”

“I don’t have my license” she furrowed her eyebrows, one arm uncrossing to gesture instead.

“You d- you’re fucking kidding? I- why?” He was about to have a headache. How could this be so complicated, for no reason. How hard could it be to find someone for the kid.

“I’m poor..”

He sighed, covering his face with his hand as he rubbed it in desperation, two fingers on his forehead as he thought.

He was running out of option.

Jonathan was trying to find a job, and if he got one it meant Will would officially be alone to get back home, which wasn’t good at all. He would have to stay hours all alone in his house. This shouldn’t be any of his business, but he couldn’t help his concern. Eddie didn’t want to stay with him, Robin couldn’t anyway, leaving Billy with the dilemma. What was he supposed to do now? He had to stay?

“Oh you’re trying to get rid of him—” Robin said, judging him by the tone of voice she used.

“I’m-” he didn’t have to justify himself to her. But he still decided to. “I just think he would be better off with someone he can relate to. He should have a nice figure in his life so. That’s all.”

She started speaking but he cut her short, it was more than time for this conversation to end.

“But you can’t help with that so, whatever”

Fine, screw it. He would stay. Just for Will. Not for his story, not for anything more. He should probably tell Will they wouldn’t be together every week night, he should probably cut it to three. Monday for the library, Wednesday and Thursday for the math study and some movie after work, which Robin would lend. He would go back to his usual life, screwing girls around on Tuesday, Friday and getting high on weekends. This seemed like a reasonable plan. He was still mad at himself for becoming the kid’s friend now. He should’ve never made that kid trust him.

God and what if he was having another freaky episode? The kid would live with this secret, never telling him anything, but he would still have to deal with the repercussions and sequels— without even having the slightest idea about what to do or say. He was utterly useless. Why would this kid even want him around at all?

He took in a deep breath to chase the thoughts away.

His hand was already on the handle, as he told Robin “See ya Buckley”

He closed the door after him, leaving her alone in the room.

A girl was still waiting for him in the hallway. She was cute, a blonde with blue eyes, staring at him and wearing a ponytail. He scanned her from head to toe, flashing a smile.

*

He got the blonde girl’s number. He would probably see her this weekend or maybe next Tuesday. Since he decided to not abandon Will just yet, he couldn’t just go back to the regular schedule of bringing a girl home every day. He would have to stick with the new routine he had started for him.

If he was being completely honest, this lifestyle suited him. When he was thinking about the process of bringing a different girl almost every day, the undressing, the fucking, then her leaving, then the whole aftermath, the questioning, the "why don’t you date?" The hypothesis and psychoanalyze— it was exhausting. Too much logistic. The effects on his dick were barely even different, and he always had his hand if anything. It wasn’t as satisfying as fucking a pussy but it could release some tension. So he was fine with Will changing his lifestyle. Things were easier ever since he got in his life. Less drama, more fun, just— a better state of mind in general. At least when he wasn’t busy feeling guilty about possibly ruining that kids life more than it already was.

But he loved going to the library with him, and just talking, and discussing silly stuff like games and favorite colors or how gay he was. Driving him was fun, teaching him math was— annoying at times but it could be fun. It was simply— better now.

He waited for him next to his car, taking the opportunity to smoke while he could. He saw him from afar. He made a small gesture to make a sign to come then get on his car, throwing his cigarette to the ground. Will joined him, opening the door and taking back his place on the passenger seat.

“So.. I talked to the two of them. There’s a girl but I don’t think you’ll like her very much, but she’s got a big movie collection so she could lend us—- lend.. you, some”

“Oh! How nice! Can.. can I still meet her? To thank her in person?” He wondered, eyes so bright, smile so wide it made the dimples in his cheek appear. 

“Yeah sure” then Billy turned to him as he left the parking. With a smirk curling his lips and an eyebrow raised, he asked “But how about we first go meet the other guy, uh?”

Will gave him a smile as full of wonder and gratitude as a small boy's on Christmas morning. He was beaming, nodding excitedly. Billy had no other choice but to smile as well, it was contagious.

Something sprouted in Will’s heart. He who couldn’t make friends on his own, with divorced parents, people that wouldn't stop talking behind his back about something that gnawed at his head every day— at last, he would get to have someone to talk about it. He felt a mixture of anticipation and fear. But most of all, he felt grateful.

He had felt so alone. With no one to be able to count on. But luckily for him, just as he was cursed with the feeling of loneliness, he was also blessed with something that not many had the joy of having, and that was Billy Hargrove. Who would’ve thought that the person who could save him from these torments would be this guy.

If he hadn’t came to him, they would’ve never met, never become friends, and he would’ve never met anyone else like him. He would’ve stayed with this confusion and fear, not even knowing if he was who he was, still trying to hide, still feeling lonely. But Billy was blessing him with his presence and support, as well as help him form new friendships. He felt like a kid looking up to his hero, his saviour.

He looked at Billy, as he drove, the grin on his face impossible to chase away.

Billy went the opposite direction of where they would usually go. The trailer park wasn’t so far from the Byers’ place, but still on the other side of Hawkins.

“I’ll just drop you off and—”

“You.. you won’t stay?” Will asked shyly, the big smile disappearing at once at the thought of Billy leaving him alone with this new guy he didn’t know. He wasn’t sure he could be able to make the conversation all alone, Billy said it himself, he was bad at talking. He didn’t know how to make friends. He always relied on someone else.

“I mean it’s not really— not my… I don’t think I’d fit in that conversation” he stated “It’ll be more comfortable to talk about it with another gay dude that can get you without a witness beside, uh?” He forced a smirk, making his tone as friendly as possible.

“I-I guess but.. if the witness is you then...”

Will took some time to finish, as though he wasn’t sure himself what he was about to say. “Then?”

“Then.. I don’t really mind. I don’t know if I can stay alone and talk to someone else like this.. but with you I feel- um.. safer” he looked away as he said this, watching the trees pass by from the window, his little hands playing with one another.

That just hurt. It shouldn’t be hurting, the words were kind, but it did. Because now he didn’t just feel comfortable with him, but safe. Comfortable enough to talk about it in his presence, even more to request him being there. It hurt because Billy had to, once again, face how much of an asshole he was. How could he ever think about abandoning him when Will felt safe.

Hell, why did he even feel safe around him? When did Billy ever made anyone feel safe? He made people nervous, scared. That was how he was, that was his temper. An aggressive guy who could snap at any moment, a sense of danger following him everywhere, failing after him like a shadow. What he inspired most definitely wasn’t safety.

Billy tried to keep his eyes on the road, aware that his hands were gripping the steering wheel tighter, the leather creaking under his fingers. His nails dug into the sleek black of it.

“Oh well.. then- I guess I can stay” he shrugged as though he was completely unbothered, playing it cool. He noticed Will’s faint smile from the corner of his eye.

*

They got out from the car, parked right in front of Eddie’s trailer. Outside the early morning air caressed their skin like a cool, damp hand. The sky was full of pale blue-gray light. As Billy was about to walk towards Eddie’s place, he felt gentle fingers closing around his. He turned quickly, only to see Will behind, his face slightly pink.

Billy never had a younger brother or sister before Max, and they weren’t really close. He wasn’t close to his extended family either, so he didn’t have much experience with children. But he felt something weird seeing Will getting attached so easily, to feel his small clammy hand squeezing his as if he trusted him. His bashful face leaning down as he muttered a small apology.

“Sorry.. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable” he took his hand off, suddenly realizing he shouldn’t be holding it. Will was used to physical contact with his friends or his family, he hadn’t realized he wasn’t close enough with Billy to do that kind of thing.

“Do I look uncomfortable?” Billy said with a reassuring smile, looking down to try and meet his eyes, before grabbing his hand back.

Will looked at him with surprise written all over him, he scrutinized Billy’s expression. He looked like someone in command of his surroundings and without a fuck to give. So he gladly took his hand back.

Will’s ridiculously small fingers got lost in his palm. Billy just looked so huge— or perhaps he was the small one, that was well known.

Despite the cold, Billy’s hands were still warm, contrasting with his own whose fingertips were freezing.

Billy lead the way, taking him to Eddie’s trailer. With his free hand, he knocked loudly.

That fucker better not be having some drug deal he didn’t warn him about. He knew his game club wasn’t on Thursday so it was fine, he should be there.

Will squeezed Billy’s hand tighter, desperate to communicate how scared and nervous he was.

Billy’s mouth pressed shut, he knocked again, more impatiently.

He heard footsteps coming their way, indicating that Eddie was, in fact, present. When the door started opening, Billy let go of Will instantly. And when the black haired guy was fully in sight, he wore a charming smile as his eyes laid on Will.

The boy’s eyes were bright and wild, his cheek ruddy as autumn apples, bearing two cute crease caused by his smile. Eddie’s cool, composed smile turned to one of genuine fondness, like one would have when seeing a puppy.

He was indeed, adorable. He could understand Billy for not wanting him to get hurt. It was basic, normal instinct. There was a universal impulse in any human to want to shield something so inherently precious. No one would hurt a puppy, people wanted to take care and play with a puppy. Will evoked the same reaction from people. Or at least for him, because he knew the kid had been severely bullied. What kind of monster could possibly do that?

“Well hello you two, you can come in” he said like he was a nobleman welcoming travellers into his castle. He was talking in some weird, sort of role playing way.

Will immediately liked his energy, Billy could tell. He seemed excited as he hopped on the trailer.

The emotions Will felt inside were mixed. Some fear mixed with anticipation. Curiosity and anxiety wirling up at once. But Eddie was friendly enough for him to feel less scared. It was the first time he met another gay person and—

Well he looked normal. He looked like a nice, normal dude. Hair a bit long but it was the trend, especially for those into metal music. He had a different style but not ugly, a band shirt, black with some green and red, jewelry as well, he looked cool. He had a nice, friendly smile, an energy that could make Will think they knew each other for far longer, as if they hadn’t just met. But it was refreshing to not feel any awkwardness between them.

“Um.. sorry the maid took the— year off” he said with a scoff, looking at the state of his trailer.

“You want water or?..” he proposed, more as a formality than a true offer, his demeanour suggesting he wasn’t welcoming guests very often.

“Nah it’ll be fine for me” Billy replied.

Will shook his head as an answer.

“Hey where’s your record collection? I’ll take a look at it while you two.. talk about. Gay stuff” he gesticulated, as if completely uninterested and detached from the conversation.

Eddie puffed “Gay stuff.. you’re making it sound weird. It’s in my room”

Billy went towards the place.

“Hey! Hold on- don’t touch my guitare or I’ll kill you! It’s my precious!” He followed after him, chasing Billy to make sure his belonging wouldn’t be touched.

“Do.. do you like the Lord of the rings?” Will suddenly asked timidly.

He nodded, affirming what Will had said

“Yeah! How did you know?” Eddie said with a huge grin plastered on his face. The kid was a nerd, hallelujah.

“Precious.. that’s uh- Gollum’s phrase” he giggled softly.

Billy rolled his eyes hearing this, then bent to divert his attention to Eddie's music collection. He had so many CD’s, it was impressive.

“S-so.. are you really gay?” Will asked while stuttering, his voice meek as he talked “I’m sorry. It’s a weird question.. you just- you don’t look gay—”

Eddie lifted an eyebrow, smile twitching at the corner of his lips. Will became pink.

“I- I mean.. I didn’t mean it like that! Just.. you don’t look like me- like.. i-it’s not obvious” Will huffed, then laughed at the absurdity of his self awareness.

Eddie chuckled lowly, his hand reaching for the top of Will’s head and ruffling his hair.

Billy bit the inside of his cheek seeing the gesture.

“Guess it was obvious enough for Billy to notice” he said in a playful tone, leaving Will’s head alone -probably realizing he was a boy and not a puppy he could pet-.

“Yeah that’s because you’re wearing a legit handkerchief in your back pocket..” Billy’s eyes lifted to the wall, where two pair of handcuffs were hanging. He jerked a look at Eddie, raising an eyebrow, a knowing look on his face. The subjectivity made the other guy clear his throat. He wasn’t expecting someone to be coming over and see this.

“A? Handkerchief? What does it mean?” Will suddenly wondered.

“Ah well see, it’s a code for gay people. Depending on the color, the material, or which pocket you put it in, it means something” Eddie explained casually, turning sideways to show his black handkerchief tucked in his left pocket.

“What does yours mean?” Will asked, tilting his head inquisitively.

The two oldest took time to answer the question, Billy narrowed his eyes, observing.

As soon as Eddie opened his mouth to answer, He stopped him.

“Nuh- nah.. uh. No. Let’s not- it’s not.. You don’t need to know. It’s not appropriate” Eddie wasn’t about to explain to him what BDSM was, surely not. The kid was uncomfortable with the mere mention of a blowjob so hearing about domination, sadomasochism and fetish— he would pass.

“Anyway the colors can mean different things. It really depends of stuff— And it can be ambiguous and- the shades of green might not be- whatever just, don’t use that technic okay?” Billy warned him, in case Will was having any ideas. “If you’re just looking for a relationship, you could be told to wear.. green but- like green could also mean something else you don’t want. So. Not safe, not for you” he was too young anyway. Too young to start looking for a boyfriend, and everything that would follow.

“Fine. Okay go back to observing my music and let us talk now” Eddie said.

“C’mon Will, sit, make yourself at home” Will obeyed, taking a seat on the bed beside a lone sock that laid there. He didn’t seem to mind too much, however. He was kind of used to it with his mom’s clothes all over the place.

Eddie crossed his arms, leaning while standing up, back pressed firmly against the wall of his room. Will looked around, noticing how his room was heavily decorated with bunch of posters, and particularly taking note of the red guitare framed in a mirror. The silence was awkward, he didn’t know where to start. He shifted on the bed, knees pressed tight, hands on his legs. He wished he had brought his bag to have something to occupy his body. He felt so exposed.

“So.. um.. so how did you know you w-” he started, but quickly got cut by Billy’s intervention. This time it was for something completely random. He grabbed the two Metallica tapes “No way! Son of a bitch, you got both”

“Yup! Told ya’ I’ve got all the best, don’t touch” Eddie asserted, walking over to Billy to retrieve the tapes from his hands.

“It’s like, the best pieces of music ever made. The best group ever” he said, and though Will was a little left out from the conversation, he couldn’t help but find amusement in Billy being so passionate. He really liked Metallica.

“Oh you’re a man of taste, I see” Eddie said, smug grin on his face.

“Obviously, I know my shit. Top 1, followed by Mötley Crüe-”

“Let me stop you right there. It’s followed by Iron Maiden” he halted him, shaking his head while closing his eyes, a hand in front of him signalling Billy to stop talking.

“What? No way. Iron Maiden’s top 5 sure, but not top 2” Billy contradicted, answering as if he knew better.

“What are you talking about- it’s not even comparable..”

As the debate unfolded, Will, seated on the bed, found himself gradually losing focus of the conversation. The voices became distant background noise as he delved into a more detailed observation of the room. He noticed some handcuffs on the wall for some reason, which sparked a brief moment on curiosity as to why they were there. But he brushed it off and continued his silent observation. He could get a decent idea of Eddie’s character just from a glance of his room. Once again the guitare surrounded by posters caught his eyes, it really was his most precious possession.

“Will what do you think?” Eddie said, grabbing his attention immediately and making his head turn to him with a swift movement.

“Uh?”

“Iron Maiden or Mötley Crüe?” Eddie asked.

Will wasn’t big on metal, he had to admit. It wasn’t his favorite genre of music though he could appreciate some songs. He just wasn’t used to it. Sometimes, it just felt too aggressive.

“I.. mostly just know rock.. I never really- I don’t listen to.. I wouldn’t know” he said timidly, not wanting to participate into this debate, especially if he didn’t have an opinion on the matter.

Eddie walked away from his spot to go to his shelf in which all of his tapes were.

“Okay, okay okay I’ll make you listen to both and you have to pick, okay?” He grabbed the ones he wanted, going for the radio in his room.

Will nodded. Even if it wasn’t why he came here in the first place, he was just glad to get to bond with someone. It already felt like they were friends, in some way. It reminded him of when Jonathan would show him new songs he recorded for a mixtape. These were the happiest memories he had.

*

Will listened attentively while bobbing his head to the rhythm, at times hating the melody, and other times adoring it. His taste wasn’t really consistent.
But the tough thing was that it wasn’t about music. When he saw Billy so enthusiastically hyping up his favorite group, and then Eddie doing the same for his, he felt like if was picking one group over the other, it would be like letting the other person down. Like it was some favouritism of choosing one over the other.

He couldn’t disappoint Billy by going against him. Billy was doing so much for him, he even brought him here. Not choosing in his favour and following his opinion would almost be like a betrayal. On the other hand— he did somewhat prefer Iron Maiden, and if he wasn’t picking Eddie, he was afraid he could take it badly. He came here to meet him. He welcomed him in his home, made him listen to his music, he was giving him time to discuss and help him with his struggle. He was already so kind to him and they had just met. Picking Billy above him would be like— spitting on his kindness.

Maybe it was just his anxiety making him nervous about this. It always made him so nervous and self-conscious over the smallest, trivial thing, he hated feeling this way. It was just a choice about some musical preferences, it didn’t mean anything, they wouldn’t even be insulted, or so he hoped.

This felt nerve breaking, his palms were sweating, he loathed having to make a choice. He never took his own decision, he always asked others to do it because he could never bring himself to. Why couldn’t he just say both?

“I.. I like both..” he tried weakly, unwilling to displease any of them.

“You have to pick one” Billy said, with his face, encouraging him to choose Mötley Crüe.

He had to go with logic and honesty. He was more comfortable with Billy, so he would feel slightly less bad about disagreeing with him, having Eddie on his good side and then apologizing once he would be alone with him.

Will looked back and forth between them.

“Uh.. t-then.. Iron.. Maiden..” he said hesitatingly, and Billy groaned in annoyance.

“That’s it! See! That kid’s got taste” Eddie said, showing his hand for a high five, which Will gently gave with no real strength.

Will searched for Billy’s gaze, giving him an apologetic smile when it landed on him.

“He reads the Lord of the rings, he plays D&D.. he’s real cool! I’m starting to like your bud, Hargrove” Eddie said while laughing.

Hearing the name of the board game, Will’s attention immediately deviated from Billy to Eddie. “You’re the one that plays D&D!” He suddenly realized at once, beaming with happiness.

Billy watched as Eddie and Will had some whole other conversation, made of eyebrow raises and widening smile, slight nods and knowing looks.

Billy shouldn’t be angry. He wasn’t. No he wasn’t even angry. So what the hell was he? What the hell was that thing he was feeling? When Will had thrown one of these looks his way, he felt his chest tightening as he falsely smiled back.

That was all he wanted. For them to meet, for Will to be comfortable with him. Hell, he knew they liked the same stuff, obviously they’d get along. But— they were getting along, really well. Too well. They almost had chemistry. Much more than when Billy first talked to Will.

It took so much work to break through Will’s shell, the kid was closed as a clam, not even uttering a word to him, just wanting to get rid of him as fast as possible. Was he so unlikeable? Was he that unfriendly? Was Eddie that much better?

Shit he wasn’t fucking jealous of Eddie Munson. He just— envied how he could effortlessly connect with people. All the work he managed to do with Will was practically undone the moment they got together. He shouldn’t even be there in the first place. They were supposed to talk about being gay and now they were bonding, rambling about how similar they were. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the connection he had forged with Will was slipping away in Eddie’s presence. He wasn’t jealous. He just— wanted to be Will’s favorite.

“I’m mostly Dungeon Master, but when I’m not, I play as a thief. What about you?”

Will was smiling so wide it was bound to leave cramps in his cheeks. He answered every inquiry with cheerful courtesy, enthusiastically speaking.

“I almost always pick cleric! I like wizard too, but I prefer cleric”

Billy had not an idea in the world of what they were even talking about by now.

*

They spoke for long minutes about stuff Billy didn’t understand. He instead focused all of his energy into looking at Eddie’s music collection, pretending he had something to do.

Then the subject changed and Billy heard the sudden shyness rising in Will’s throat, it was threatening to choke him as he finally asked the question he came for in the first place

“So.. how did you know you were.. you know” he asked, so softly he wasn't sure Eddie heard him at first.

“Mmh.. I was actually.. fourteen? Fifteen maybe? I just realized when all my friends were talking about girls and how hot they were and how they wanted to sleep with this or that one.. So I just realized. That wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted a dick in my mouth you know—”

“Woah hey- Munson” Billy interrupted quickly.

Eddie was dumb to mention inappropriate topics with a kid. He could acknowledge his own hypocrisy, given that he did it too in the past, but Eddie should’ve known better.

“Don’t talk about it like that.. he’s a kid” he almost said as a whisper, as if Will wouldn’t hear despite him being right beside. It was as inefficient as trying to hide a kid’s eyes during sex scene in a movie.

“Yeah duh, but he’s thirteen, not ten” he had to admit, this remained ambiguous. If he hadn’t known Will was thirteen, he wouldn’t have guessed it. He narrowed his eyes with doubtfulness, wondering how come the kid wasn’t taller. That surely wasn’t how a thirteen year old should look like. He looked barely ten. At best, maximum eleven. But though his physical appearance was one of a younger kid, he remained a teenager. Eddie has been discovering sex stuff at the age of fourteen, and he started feeling and realizing them at around fifteen. He should’ve been able to talk about it with Will, he didn’t know why Billy was so against it. He just shrugged it off.

“You don’t know what it feels like uh?” He wondered, Will probably never even thought about dicks, even less what he’d do with it. His hypothesis got confirmed when Will shook his head.

Billy felt the urge to pull Eddie aside and explicitly tell him not to bring up any sort of sex stuff with Will, ever, as it made him uncomfortable. But he hoped Eddie got the message by himself. Plus he wasn’t about to start taking the role of a protective figure, he wasn’t his dad.

“So, you’ve got a crush on anyone?” Eddie randomly asked, acting like some nosy schoolgirl with her friends. Billy wanted to roll his eyes but he focused his attention on Will, who shook his head in negation with a diffident shrug. It seemed sincere too, not like he was trying to hide his mysterious crush. Which— good. He was too young for that.

“Well..” Will started lowly “Celebrity crushes.. I guess. I don’t know if it’s just admiration or—”

“Like, do I want to be them or do I want to fuck them type of shit” Eddie snorted and Billy almost intervened again but he stopped himself. Will was fine. He didn’t need him to constantly speak at his place.

Will gave Eddie a small incertain smile. He wasn’t necessarily talking about that. More like— how Han Solo could blast enemies and grab his waist to pull him out of danger. Or how James Bond could hold him in his arms to carry him to safety. Or just— how Joel Goodson could kiss him and call every night to discuss until he would fall asleep.

He noticed a certain pattern in those crushes, aside from the good looks, and it was that he daydreamed mostly about strong characters that could protect him. Was it so wrong to wish for safety? Maybe if these characters existed and were his boyfriend, he wouldn’t have been taken to the upside down and the monsters would stop haunting him. When he thought if someone protecting him and saving him from the monsters— he could only think of Mike. It was only natural for him to get a crush on him, when he was behaving that way. Thankfully it went away quickly. He forgot about it as quickly as it came, and he wasn’t even hurt about Mike having a girlfriend anymore, he was totally okay with it. But he definitely wouldn’t mind having a boyfriend like Han Solo.

Eddie smirked “.. so what’s your type uh? Blond? Brown? Tall? Blue eyes?”

“Oh I- I don’t really have a.. type” Will said while swallowing, not so much awkward but rather shy about revealing such personal thing.

It was the first time he could talk about liking a guy so openly, and it was liberating. Though he was honest in his answer, he didn’t have a type. He just liked men. Any men. He would’ve liked to say "as long as they were taller than him", but that was literally just any men on earth.

“There’s no boy a school that caught your eye?” He asked with a teasing tone, almost sounding like he was genuinely curious. Will grew even more sheepish.

“N- not really..” he stammered.

“What about Doctor Who?” Eddie said while wiggling his eyebrows and Will face turned a shade of red. The mention of this man seemed to hit the mark. Obviously Doctor Who. The blond icon he would see on TV, obviously he had a crush on him. Who didn’t.

“Oh! Doctor Who for real!”

Will screwed his mouth shut, lips pinched as flush of excitement and pleasure colored his cheeks.

Billy rolled his eyes at the fuss over that man. He wasn’t even that good looking. To him, he just seemed like— any random dude on the street, nothing particularly remarkable or phenomenal about him. He didn’t know what was all the widespread fascination with that character.

“What about James Dean? Oh definitely James Dean uh?..” Eddie playfully suggested, and this time Will had to cover his face completely to hide the blush. Two cheeks flaming crimson.

“Hey don’t I look a bit like James Dean?” Billy suddenly chimed in, taking them out of their conversation. They had almost forgot he was there, too.

Billy tried imitating James Dean pose, showing off his jawline, the side of his face, waiting for them to confirm or deny.

Will uncovered his face, lifting his head up to look at his muscles flexing, his arms appearing bigger than he had ever noticed before. Suddenly, he was snatched in some sort of weird trance, unable to look away. The same way he was when he had seen the mind flayer, frozen, unmoving, he could only stare and engrave the details in his head.
He wondered if Billy was always this muscular. Of course he was contracting now, but he had never noticed or saw this clearly. Maybe it was because Billy usually wore a jacket, concealing his physique. But this time, it was only a shirt,  showing off the outlines of his swollen muscles peeking from his flesh as he was contracting, the veins emerging from his thick skin.

Will’s eyes were glued to him, observing and just now realizing just how handsome he really was. It was as if since he started hanging around him, he forgot to be aware of his look. It was as if he was rediscovering Billy’s features at once.

He admired the golden mane of hair, the wild curls and dirty blond giving him a perfect, hollywoodian look. His clear blue eyes framed with long, black lashes. His naturally dark pink mouth, as if he had ate a candy and let it taint his lips. His sharp jawline, high cheekbones, manly face structure. His neck— and his smile, revealing white teeth, pointy fangs peeping out.

He seemed so tall like this, more than usual. He was towering, impressive in his stature. Was he six foot? He certainly did look like he was, or perhaps even more. He was imposing, taking all the space in the room, it seemed. It was like an halo was illuminating him.

Will watched him, making no effort to even try and answer. He didn’t do anything but to stare like a fool, eyes dancing from the top of his head to the rest of his body as if entranced and captivated.

“You look more like some James Dean wannabe- like Kit” Eddie snorted, his comment snapping Will back to reality. He managed to tear his gaze away, having to think about what Eddie just said because instead of listening he was too busy realizing how Billy was handsome, and how he somehow forgot that.

“Uh? Kit?” He asked. He didn’t know any Kit. But Billy didn’t look like James Dean, maybe just in the clothes but definitely not in the face. Maybe his lookalike was Kit, he wouldn’t know.

“Kit’s a character, in badlands” Eddie explained. Will never watched that movie so he wouldn’t know. Apparently, neither did Billy.

“Okay but.. is Kit hot?” Billy asked, dropping his arms to stop flexing, crossing them instead.

Eddie shrugged, some “Meh” coming out of his lopsided mouth. Billy scoffed, annoyed.

“I’m much hotter than you so don’t even speak Munson” he said smugly, with his low voice, smile letting appear his fangs.

“Sure..” Eddie said flatly, a smirk on his face.

*

A moment before leaving the trailer, Will excused himself himself to the bathroom, leaving the two guys together. They argued some more about music group, how James Dean wasn’t as good looking as Billy -which Eddie fervently dismissed- and after a debate about who the most badass, fucked up, demented music star was -with Eddie preaching Ozzy Osbourne while Billy said he was nothing compared with GG Allin- Will came back, only to hear Eddie say.

“So, you found a replacement yet?”

Billy tensed, gaze already on Will who had just appear behind Eddie.

This fucking asshole. Why did he have to bring this up now.

“Mh? A replacement for what?” Will asked, trotting to join Billy’s side, tilting his head to look at them, eye going back and forth the two guys with evident curiosity.

“Uh. No. But, nevermind that. It’s fine now” Billy answered dryly, quickly attempting to shut down the topic without answering Will’s question.

“Aw so you decided to own up to your actions and stay. How nice of you” Eddie said satirically, causing Billy to clench his jaw.

Will looked confused, he had no idea what they were talking about, but he chose not to inquire when he saw the discomfort on Billy’s face.

“Hey Will- you know it’s not against you right? You’re really cool, I’m just a busy guy” he said, bending to be able to be at the same level of his eyes, proving his truthfulness and emphasizing his sincerity through his gaze.

“Uh..?” Will wondered, but before he could ask, Billy quickly grabbed his elbow, making him turn around, signalling it was time to leave.

“It’s nothing, come, I gotta get you home” he said while opening the door.

“O- yeah, okay. Bye bye Eddie” he said, turning back to Eddie and waving him goodbye with a polite grin.

“See you next time Will!” Eddie said as they went away, which meant they were planning on meeting more times. Which, good. That was the plan, Billy thought. 

He released his grip on Will's elbow, knowing the boy would follow him willingly. The door closed behind them.

“So? How’d you like him?” Billy asked, his question genuine though he forced himself to ask it. He was curious but also— nervous about the answer. Answer he already knew. Why was he even asking?

“He’s great!” He said with the same excitement he always had, very much appreciating that guy apparently. “I really, really liked— it”

“Mh. Good. I’m… glad” he said low with a mumble. He wasn’t bothered, it was good.

“Thank you for this. For.. making me meet him and— staying. I don’t know what I’d do without you” he said with a timid smile.

Don’t know what he’d do without him?

At least it was crystal clear for Billy now— he couldn’t leave him. The boy needed him. Even with Eddie in his life now, he still wanted him more. Even if at first, their relationship started with reluctance, and despite having another figure in his life that could understand him, he still wanted Billy’s presence in his life. He would be a monster to leave him.

For the time being, he would stay. Maybe he was a selfish man, after all.

“You’re welcome kid” he cleared his throat, ignoring the palpitations in his chest.

Billy sat in his car, and Will followed. Before starting the engine, Billy felt the need to issue a warning. As Will was fastening his belt, he talked.

“Hey just.. I wanna warn you about something okay?..” he took a more serious tone, face solemn.

“Y-yeah?” The stern voice Billy had suddenly made Will scared. It sounded like he was about to give a bad news. He stared in Billy’s eyes, swallowing in his throat with expectancy.

“Just.. like- I wouldn’t want you to get your hopes up or anything. It’s uh.. I know it can be tricky being around someone like you and— well he isn’t particularly handsome but you two like the same stuff so.. My point is— don’t get a crush on him, okay? Just because he’s a gay guy doesn’t mean he’ll like you back and well. I don’t want you to get hurt. So. Yeah. Don’t catch feelings” he advised, as if it was something he could control. But he simply had to maintain control over his feelings. He had to stop his emotions if they were growing too strong for Eddie. It was too important.

Will nodded, blushing once more “Y-yeah I know.. d-don’t worry”

“Okay.. yeah. Good. And like— one day you’ll find someone your own age so.. yeah. Be patient” he told him, and only then he started the car.

Anyway, he wouldn’t fit with Eddie at all. Sure they had the same passion and interests but— Eddie was into stuff Will could never keep up with.
Shit, he wasn’t about to start thinking about Will’s sexuality and preferences- but he sure as hell wasn’t into BDSM. Eddie was sexually active, Will definitely wasn’t and wouldn’t be for a long time.

He rolled for approximately one minute in silence before Will broke it.

“What did he mean?” Will asked, taking him out of his disturbing train of thoughts.

“About?..” Billy feigned ignorance, a rare departure from his usual straightforwardness. But this time was an exception, he couldn’t bring himself to say the truth, at least not entirely.

“About a replacement? How he was busy and all?” He looked visibly bothered. Billy could tell from the way he chewed at his bottom lip, pondering on the matter.

“Uh.. it’s..” he sighed. Fuck it, he’d lay down part of the truth.

“I just thought it would be better for you to be around people like him more. Like- you know, queers” it was a partial truth, but still the truth, only masked. He was holding back a bit but Will didn’t need to know about Billy’s guilt, his remorse or his fucking feelings.

“Well- yeah that’s.. that’s why you’re making me meet him..” Will replied innocently, not yet daring to face what the deeper implications he meant underneath. He probably knew already, but he chose to play along with ignorance. Billy couldn’t blame him. He knew it would come to this, after all.

“Yeah it’s just. It would’ve been better if— If a guy like Eddie could take care of doing what I do. I’m just a straight guy, I can’t help. But- well he’s busy and he doesn’t have a car and he definitely can’t help with math—”

“You wanted to leave me?” Will suddenly asked with a weak, breathy voice. Filled with disbelief, his eyebrows fell, he lost his smile, he seemed confused, almost betrayed. Bewilderment etched across his features as his question hung in the air.

This only question crushed Billy’s heart.

No. God no, he couldn’t do this to him right now.

“I mean- fuck Will, I’m just some guy who forced himself into your life and I can’t help. So , yeah I was trying to find a replacement” Billy admitted, his tone laced with self-loathing. The harsh reality of his initial intentions laid bare.

What did he expect anyway? That he would always stay? He had made it clear from the beginning– once he got the answers he sought, he would leave. Will was forewarned. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. Yet, it did.

Perhaps the kid, despite his initial reluctance to be around him and wanting to get rid of Billy as fast as possible, grew attached and forgot why Billy was there in the first place. He was just so used to having him in his life, it was almost impossible by now to imagine a week where he wouldn’t see him. He always knew, deep down, Billy would leave. He just hadn’t expected like this, so uncontrollably.

Because this thing was the only thing he somehow had control over. He would get to decide when Billy would leave. He could make him leave by telling him the truth he wanted so much, and he could decide when and how. So for as long as wasn’t revealing this secret, Billy should stay.

But suddenly, he lost all of the minimal amount of control he had, because he realized Billy could still leave. Whether he wanted it or not, whether he decided it or not, Billy still had the agency and freedom of going away. The control he thought he had over this situation crumbled. Will realized he had been naive, holding onto the illusion that he could still have the slightest bit of control over his own life. He never had it, how could this possibly change now?

It was even more foolish of him to even think a random kid like him could truly be friends with Hawkins' most popular guy. They weren't friends, at least not in the way Will had believed. Yet, it didn't change the fact that he wanted Billy to stay. Even if it was just to hear his story, even if it was one-sided, even if he just wanted to use him for his entertainment- he still needed Billy by his side, because Billy was comfort. Billy was safety. Billy was fun and nice. Billy was doing so much for him. He clung to that presence.

“But.. I.. want you” Will confessed quietly, before adding a quick “to stay”. At first he couldn’t wait for him to go away. He joked multiple times about getting rid of him, but now that the possibility was in front of him, he realized this wasn’t what he wanted at all.

The words hung in the air, both vulnerable and determined. Billy felt his heart quicken, a sensation he hadn't been fully aware up until now. He gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white, as if seeking grounding.

He forced a smile, trying to act normal though he absolutely didn’t feel that way.

“You’d rather have me always around instead of someone queer who could understand you and talk about your board game you like so much?”

The way Will was so definitive in his answer made his heart race even faster.

“Yes”

Lord, have mercy of his rotten soul.

“I.. I don’t care how similar we are- you’re the one I— trust” he spoke in a robotic way, stammering at every word, searching for his thoughts.

“You’ve been… kind to me so- and.. And we can talk about anything so… I’d rather you stay than have anyone else..”

Every sentence was hard to get out. He wasn’t one to talk about his feelings really often. The weight of Will's honesty and the fragile sincerity in his voice left Billy grappling for a response. The silence between them carried the unspoken tension of emotions laid bare. Will added, “But— I-I would understand if you were tired and you wanted to leave, it’s okay” he finally said, concluding his pitiful monologue.

Billy found nothing to answer, he didn’t know how to react, beside from his muscles tensing, heartbeat catching quicker.

“Hey no-” he didn’t even know what he wanted to say, every word were stuck in his throat.

He shouldn’t give the kid any hopes, he had to realize one day, eventually, he would leave him. He wouldn’t stay friend with a kid forever, they would part ways, it was unavoidable.

“I- you’re the one that decides when I leave, okay? You know what you have to do if you don’t want me around anymore” he considered this answer to be well crafted enough to not dig a bigger hole for himself.

“What if I never tell you?..” Will queried, a glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes.

Billy didn’t know what to say. He gave Will total control. It was in his hands now, whether to say it or not.

“Life will make us part eventually. You won’t want me around for so long, trust me on that” he said with certainty. His words reflected the scars of past experiences that led him to guard against attachment. If he was so convinced, it was because he already knew how things were.
Everyone always ended up going away, which was why he never wanted to risk getting close to anyone. Will would be no exception, no matter how "close" they pretended they were now, the kid would see his true nature and take off the pink glasses, and do like everyone always did. He’d leave Billy and confirm, once again, that nobody stays, that he can’t trust anyone, and that getting close to someone always ends up badly. It always turn to be a mistake.

Will seemed sad, shrinking on the leather seat of the Camaro. He didn’t say anything.

“.. but uh- yeah. How about three times a week from now on? That’s plenty to go read, meet Eddie or Robin, and do your math study, what do you think?” Billy suggested, attempting to ease the weight of his earlier words.

Will nodded, a subdued acceptance coloring his compliance. It barely made any difference. He had AV club on Tuesday and they were never together on weekend. It was just one day less from their usual routine which— it sucked a bit, but it was fine. At least he wasn’t abandoning hum completely. The altered schedule seemed like a slow distancing, a compromise that, for him, maintained a connection amidst the impending changes. Just like Mike, Lucas and Dustin did when they were too busy with girls to pay attention to him. But it wasn’t total abandon, like what Lonnie did.

He found a bit of comfort in this idea, a lifeline in the face of the inevitable separations life would bring. But he tried not to think of it, for now.

Chapter Text

Will’s uneasiness lingered like a shadow. The silence between him and Billy during the car ride from school spoke volume about that. 

Truth was, he was still a bit shocked about what happened prior at Eddie’s, learning all of that, maybe made him fear his loss. And stupidly, unconsciously, maybe he tried to take his distance before being too hurt by him. 

But also there were parts of him Billy didn’t know, and that he didn’t want him to know. Fragments of his life that he’d much rather keep shrouded. Billy could understand a lot of things, and he was comforting, and nice to talk to. And even if he couldn’t understand what it was like to be gay, he still did his best with Will and gave him the ressources he needed. With his comforting presence, he was a confidant in many aspects. But when it came to stuff like bullying, he really didn’t think Billy could help much.

First of all, because Billy never went through it, he assumed. Billy was more the type to bully people than to be bullied. And even if he were to be bullied — he could most definitely fight back. Billy, exuding strength and confidence, seemed impervious to the plight Will faced. He wouldn’t take shit from people. Just like Bob didn’t take shit from Mr. Baldo. 

And second of — because he was tired of feeling like a loser. He was tired of feeling like he was so inferior to him. And truly, he was grappling with the paradox of wanting Billy’s understanding, yet fearing the widening gap that set them apart. With his other friends, they were a bit all equal. They were all being bullied. He didn’t want them to be but it was the case. Lucas and Dustin were different too, Dustin also didn’t have a dad, and all of their party suffered from Troy and James, they all could understand, they all shared the same burden. But Billy was different. Billy couldn’t possibly know what it was like. Billy was everything Will could never be. Their lives just kept highlighting the stark contrasts between the two.

Billy was hot and strong and and sportive and straight and popular and untouched by the relentless cruelty of school kids. If Will were to tell him about how every single day he found those daily notes in his locker, how the kids mocked him at school, he would just feel even worse. It would only deepen the chasm, reinforcing his perception of inadequacy. 

He was never really good at talking about stuff anyway. Ever since the upside down -and how everyone’s behavior started to change around him- he retreated into a stoic silence, a self-imposed armor against vulnerability. He wanted to prove he was strong, that he could handle everything on his own. It was out of question to start acting like a baby that cried in his mother’s arms when someone at school was being mean to him. He would take it and shut up, like his father would’ve wanted him to do.

There were occasions when they still figured it out. His friends saw some of the notes falling from Will’s locker when he opened it as they were beside. And there was that time when Will drew himself as a zombie. Maybe as an attempt to make fun of the situation, render it comical. To think — yeah, I’m a zombie, look at this cool design. But Jonathan saw it and started asking questions. There was also the time his mom witnessed the Zimmerman brother’s picking on him, as well as looked at the footage of the masked teenagers scaring him at Halloween. The conversations were not fun.

But apart from that, he stopped telling them everything. The bullying hadn’t stopped, it was worst, and they probably knew it. But he didn’t mention it, and no one else dared vocalize it. He chose to carry the burden alone, unwilling to risk exposing his cracked facade beneath the resilient exterior he made for himself, especially to someone as seemingly unassailable as Billy.

Billy probably already knew he was being bullied, but he remained blissfully ignorant of all the details — and Will was thankful for that. He didn’t need to know. He was the only person around him who didn’t know about everything. About the head in the toilet, the bruises, how he was locked in a locker once and mocked because “he was so small he could fit it”. How he received those journal articles or his missing posters with people telling him it should’ve stayed that way, and some really questioning art style -Will thought they needed a class, or that he should teach them how to draw a bit better-. 

Or even once, when he saw written with permanent marker on the beige bathroom stall “zombie boy reeks”. It seemed to be people’s favorite jokes lately. How he stank of decomposition, or because he was poor, or because — he had a penis-breath, they said, and stank of dick. 

It made him really self-conscious. He would ask his friends every day if he smelled normal. And started stealing his mother’s cologne -it scented better, softer- and asked his mom to buy deodorant. He took longer showers, scrubbing until his skin was red, using really hot water. He brushed his teeth hard enough to hurt his gums and sometimes bleed. He knew he couldn’t possibly have a penis-breath, since he never — did that. But the comments stayed, and it was stronger than him to have a rigorous hygiene routine, a vain attempt to erase the stains of verbal assault. And the ones of the scars left inside of his body by the mind flayer, whom he tried to purge with heat, wash away the filth of being penetrated by this being. Even if it was out of him, he still sometimes felt it. Like his body wasn’t truly his anymore — it was a weird feeling, but probably just in his head, again. 

But his friends were categoric every time he asked, he smelled good. He smelled the best out of all of them. He wasn’t sure if they were saying this to be nice or if they genuinely thought it, but it was a small reassurance.

What wasn’t a reassurance at all, was that highschool teens weren’t any better. People didn’t suddenly change after entering highschool, apparently. And it appeared that the seventeen year old still loved to pick on easy targets. He could never escape judgmental eyes, constantly exposed to suffocating scrutiny. He was Zombie boy, after all.

On this particular day, a new note in his locker plunged Will into an abyss of sorrow. Usually, it was Troy leaving them, he could recognize his handwriting. But it wasn’t always him, which made things even more cruel, because that meant it was a collective decision from his classmates, or maybe the entire school. He could imagine all the kids in his class talking behind his back, making plans to each drop a missing poster with something different written on it every day. Maybe it was the anxiety making him see things bigger than they truly were, but with the amount of messages and different handwriting he received, it was hard not to think that all of his class was involved. He was left gasping for air, feeling the eyes on him constantly, sticking to his skin as he walked by, all the heads turning to stare at “the freak who came back from the dead”.

And truly, while discovering he was really gay, receiving a drawing of him and multiple penises framing his face, with big in red the word “faggot” wrote on the paper was just too much. 

Billy told him to “accept it”, but even with his well-intentioned advice, Will just couldn’t. Billy couldn’t comprehend the pain etched on each note. And Will certainly couldn’t accept his queerness, not when everyone knew. Not when he would still receive this. Sometimes, he preferred the zombie boy nickname to “faggot”. 

So, yes, he was in a bad mood. But it wasn’t about Billy, and he was happy about him taking him to see a gay girl (lesbian was the right term, he learnt). It was simply a storm of emotions raging within, one that couldn’t come out, one that he repressed and didn’t know where to put. And since he didn’t want to talk about the bullying to Billy, he figured not talking at all was better. He resolved to endure it in stoic silence, not even a silent plea for solace in a world that seemed determined to tear him apart would come through.

It was no reason to be moody. He still had to pretend to be happy, and really — he should be. He tried to switch his mindset like one would flip a switch, thinking about meeting this Robin girl. Not only was she like him, but in a different way, she also said she had movies to lend him, and that was really kind of her. He loved movies. He binged on movies that helped him forget the miserable nature of his reality as often as he could. He might never be rich and famous or fall in love, but nobody could keep him from dreaming. And Robin lending those kinds of movies, with people like him might just be the thing he needed the most.

*

Billy knew it was going to be a long day. Unlike Eddie, he didn’t know Robin, and he doubted she had anything that could interest him. Perhaps he could spend the time watching her movie collection while the two talked.

The address Robin gave him led him to a classic Hawkins suburb. It wasn't a fancy area, nothing extravagant, but most of the homes were well-cared for, and the trees growing on one side of the street added a sense of tranquility to the civil twilight. Her neighborhood was surrounded by houses, neither rich nor poor like the Byers’. It didn’t seem too expensive, the house had two floors, it was built to look long rather than high, reminding Billy of his own house or the Byers’, but devoid of the financial struggles. The parking lot only had space for only one car, but despite it being empty -since her parents weren’t home- he decided to park on the street. 

He let Will come out from the car first and followed. As they walked on the pavement, Billy tried for the conversation he couldn’t seem to debut in the car. 

“So.. might be awkward. She’s not as cool as Eddie” 

Will nodded “I’m just happy I can talk to someone else. Thank you for doing so much for me..” his tone was flat but Billy noticed he was trying to force his voice to sound giddy. His words remained nonetheless appreciative. 

Billy concealed his uneasiness with a nonchalant response. “It’s no problem, really” he masked his worries, because actually was worried, but Will didn’t need to know and he would probably feel bad if he knew. Or perhaps it was the point? Maybe Will was giving him the cold shoulder because he knew Billy tried to, in a way, get rid of him? 

Ever since Will learnt about Billy intending to leave him, things were a bit different. There was this weight, burdening them both. The atmosphere around the two felt a bit tense. Billy tried to make it up for it but he didn’t know how, and Will looked like he was restraining himself. Besides showing himself to be thankful, he didn’t have the same energy. His cold silence didn’t match his usual warmth.

Even though he was nervous to meet Robin -Billy could clearly tell, he knew him well enough now- he didn’t hold his hand and looked for reassurance like he had done the time with Eddie. He walked before Billy, like he didn’t want to see him, or even be close. 

Perhaps he was expecting him to leave, so he didn’t want to face him anymore, like it would make his absence more tolerable if he forgot who was by his side during this time. 

Billy had to admit, it made him slightly, just slightly, a tiny bit sad. Not sad, per se, but — he didn’t exactly feel good about this. He just cared about Will a bit too much for his own taste, and that was never supposed to happen. He hadn’t expected things to escalate the way they did, and now he was trapped. And not only he was trapped, but Will was almost giving him the silent treatment, expecting rejection at any given moment. Will wasn’t moody, exactly, but the way he seemed to be sad, silent, distant, really made something inside of Billy squeeze painfully. 

He hoped having a third party could help. And if not, then he had planned something else with him today so they could have fun, just the two of them, like before. 

Will waited for Billy to join him in front of the house, not daring to knock. 

Billy took the initiative instead, raising his fist and knocking three times.

The wait, unlike their previous encounter with Eddie, was brief as Robin swung the door open after a mere ten seconds.

She smiled down at Will when she crossed his eyes, the contagious warmth emanating from the boy proved to once again affect another person. Billy observed that the universal, basic human reaction upon seeing Will, was to smile. Which he could only understand. Even if Will himself wasn’t wearing one, he could still make people grin happily. It was the core, instinctive reaction every human he encountered had. 

With a sunny smile, Will greeted Robin as well.

*

Robin had seen the kid before. Not just on the missing posters, she had encountered him with the Wheeler’s family once. 

Despite Hawkins being a relatively small-scaled town, it was pretty rare for someone to catch a glimpse of the kid. It seemed that since his disappearance, the only way to see him was at school or at his own house -or his friend’s-. Will was never out, he kept a low profile, which was understandable considering that every pair of eyes would be stuck on him when he was out. Like a circus freak. 

Robin was surprised at how rarely she had seen him, but when she did, seeing him laying low, behind Mrs. Wheeler and her other kid, she just — knew.

She knew she’d like him, and she knew who he was. Apart from the kid going missing, he was also the “fairy”. As cruel as it was, Will was the test subject for the queers of Hawkins, the confirmation for all the closeted teens that they absolutely couldn’t come out, he was the perfect example of that. 

Robin would’ve loved to openly be herself, flirt with girls without living in fear of approaching the wrong one and becoming the town pariah. But every single person of Hawkins was ruthless when it came to queerness, their relentless attitude made it impossible for her to embrace it fully. And Will unfortunately had been the scapegoat. The living example of what it meant to be different in Hawkins, under the radar since he was a little kid, he suffered countless mockery. 

She remembered him trailing behind, holding a fantasy book on his chest like a shield, as though it was a body armor. She had recognized him for being Jonathan Byers’ little brother, the kid from the poster, the freak, the zombie boy, the fairy — but as horrible as it was, she couldn’t recall his name then. All she knew was that he had a bowlcut -the same one she had in second grade- and that he was adorable. 

He looked like a nerd in training, scared of everything, clutching at this book like his life depended on it and never leaving Mrs. Wheeler’s side, fearing if he was left alone something bad could happen, perhaps? 

For a moment she had caught his eyes, and she read too much inside of them. She read his fear, the constant anxiety, the sheer vulnerability, feeling exposed, living with this secret, one everyone knew but that he couldn’t confess because it would make it real. She wanted to tell him that life was going to get better, to just hold on — but no comforting words could come, because it wasn’t true. She wanted to tell him to run, escape Hawkins, but she couldn’t say that to a random middle schooler she didn’t even know then. 

Now was her time to say something. To talk to that kid she had seen before but didn’t find any words to say. Will visibly didn’t recognize her, as he simply kept a polite smile on his face, not daring to stare too much but also trying to look at her.

Robin, on the other hand, couldn’t stop staring, almost shamelessly. She didn’t know where to start, what to say. Her thoughts were a jumble. She should probably welcome them inside, and though she usually was just — fine with communicating with people, Billy right beside made her nervous. And mostly, she was holding back from a near-irresistible urge to pinch Will’s cheeks.

It was hardly her fault. She couldn’t do anything about it, Will was cute, and Robin liked cute things, it wasn’t that deep. She liked the little ballerinas in music box, and bunnies, and those duckies you put in the bath, and toddler’s shoes, she liked cute things that was all. Naturally, Will’s adorable smile fell into that category. 

Usually, she wouldn’t fight the temptation to express her affection with a loud “Awwn” while holding cause of her fondness. But she restrained herself, acutely aware of the awkwardness that would ensue if she started treating him like a kitten in need of cuddling, especially since she didn’t know him. She had younger cousins in her family whom she adored, and she had no problem rubbing their heads and making the “Awn! Cute!” comments. But for a kid she didn’t know — it would be extremely awkward.

She only realized she had been staring and smiling like a fool when Billy cleared his throat and started speaking.

“So.. can we come in or?..”

“Oh f- right, sorry. It’s just. It’s like being in front of a celebrity” bad joke, terrible joke. Her smile dropped as she realized just how painfully unfunny this was, but Will still politely giggled, though he looked uneasy. 

She made some space for them to step in her humble house.

“I didn’t mean like- I didn’t mean it like that. It’s because, we met once. But you probably don’t remember. We didn’t actually talk but I wanted to. And now it’s like— I have the chance to, and it’s weird. Because I’ve never met any other person like me here. I mean, it’s Hawkins, we must be the only ones here, so.. Yeah” her rambling tendencies took over, a cascade of words escaping so fast she barely had the time to think about them. She rambled to convey her thoughts or to make a point or when she was nervous or when she didn’t know what to say and ended up saying too much or when she felt excited or happy — she just rambled a lot, actually.

“Oh I.. I’m sorry I don’t remember..” he said timidly.

“Don’t apologize it’s been a while and- well I’m just like any other girl so”

Billy scoffed in his head, adding and he doesn’t pay much attention to girls, but he decided to hold back that unnecessary comment. 

“Where’s your movie collection?” He asked instead. If they had to stay here for a bit he might as well entertain himself.

“In my room. I made the list you asked for, you can pick a movie if you want” Robin seemed eager to assist, both being a welcoming host and putting efforts in act of services. 

“Oh great”

Will showed his appreciation with a grateful smile, followed by a meek “Thank you”

“Anything to help fellow youngling, budding queer”

Her comment sparked a giggle to bubble past Will’s lips, which Billy marveled on as though he hadn't heard it in centuries.

*

They went to her room, who was strangely similar to Eddie’s. It was slightly cleaner, and in the overall vibe it had nothing to do with one another, but Robin obviously had some struggle with keeping things ordered and neat. 

Instead of metal bands and a guitare, the walls of her room adorned pastel-colored posters of pop icons and movie heartthrobs, that she actually put there because she wasn’t out to her parents and had to pretend she absolutely adored those men. A real kaleidoscope of teenage dreams, a perfect illusion. 

In the corner, there was a case containing a trumpet. Just like Eddie and his music collection, Robin possessed a shelf with rows and rows of movies and books. Will admired and envied all the movies she had. 

On top of that shelf was a cassette player, perched proudly on a lace doily, emitting the rhythmic beats of synth-pop playing very faintly in the room, just for the vibe. Will recognized the popular music he heard on the radio, it must’ve been Blondie or Madonna. 

A cluttered desk displayed a tapestry of trinkets, from Rubik's Cubes to an array of neon-colored pens, each item telling a story about how Robin needed too many items to distract herself. And as lighting, aside from the curtains letting in rays of sunlight, a diffused glow from a lava lamp cast a warm ambience.

Robin noticed the way Will glanced around, seemingly overstimulated but everything there was all around him. She mostly took notes of how he stared at the movie badass on her walls, a surprising choice for a lesbian.

“My parents don’t know I’m..” she didn’t explain further. “So no pretty girls in bikini” she joked, making Will’s mouth quirk in an half smile.

“It’s a bit messy isn’t it?.. Sorry about that- I don’t know why I need so many things around me. It’s such a bad idea too because it really distract me sometimes and makes me late for some assignments—” she confessed. She didn’t know why that was, why she was so unfocused all the times. It could be hard, but she learnt to deal with it. Sort of. She also didn’t know why she was yakking again now, or why she felt compelled to justify herself so much. 

“Here’s the list” she said as she handed Billy the paper on which she had noted what he needed.

“Have fun finding them” 

Billy glanced at it and thought that while they were talking, he could do just that. Find them, read what was written on the back to get an idea about the synopsis and choose which one he could check out.

Star Trek, Dynasty, two series that would be too long to watch so he immediately eliminated them.

The Rocky Horror picture show obviously, Un chant d’amour, Victim, theorem, The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant, Mädchen in uniform, je tu il elle, portrait of Jason, dog day afternoon, death in Venice, pink narcissus, Sunday Bloody Sunday, cabaret, fox and his friends, nighthawks, Scorpio rising, the times of Harvey milk, fireworks, Michael, Sebastiane, there was a lot. It was a good selection, though some were foreign, and he wasn’t sure if they weren’t r-rated, if they had a happy ending, or any scenes that could be too tough for Will to watch. But hell, he wasn’t going to check them all and only make Will watch the appropriate ones.

She sat on her desk chair, redirecting her attention towards Will, who in the meantime pursued his visual exploration and noticed Robin’s learning books. She had mastered French, Italian and Spanish. She had briefly started her Russian learning.

“So. What I understand is that you’re here to talk about how I like girls and how you don’t?” She stated as a joke, which made Will laugh.

“Yeah! I think so” he looked like he didn’t know what to do. He crossed the room, looking outside the window, out on the street, then he paced some more and stayed near the door.

“You can sit you know. On my bed it’s alright” she informed, and he gave a quick nod before taking off his coat, putting it on a nearby chair and sitting down. 

The room fell silent. An uneasy, awkward silence. Will played with his hands, cracking them, pulling on his fingers. Robin chewed her lower lip, looking around.

Billy just wanted to scoff. “Very instructive conversation I’m hearing” he joked.

“It’s kind of weird to be discussing this kind of things with a straight guy right beside.. a stranger even”

“What, would you prefer me to go out? Wait in your living room?” He turned to Will, searching for his eyes to try and see what he wanted. Will said once he wanted him by his side, that he felt more comfortable that way. But this time, he looked like he didn’t care. He seemed more closed, withdrawn, not sparing him a glance to ask him to stay with him.

“Maybe” Robin replied, turning to Will as well to ask his opinion. But he seemed really determined to not pronounce himself on the matter, leaving Billy uncharacteristically hurt. 

Was all the trust that had been built between them gone at once? It took so long, and it was shattered in an instant. Will who begged for him to come see Eddie with him just — didn’t have the courtesy of asking him for some privacy. He didn’t say a thing. Like he didn’t want to talk to him, like he didn’t even want him around.

He should’ve known it would come to this. Nobody would want him around, he knew it. He knew Will would get tired. And with what he said about leaving him, he couldn’t blame the kid for putting distance between them. But shit, Will’s reluctance to involve him stung. 

He grabbed the movies he found from the list and decided to step out. “Alright. I’ll give you some privacy then” 

“Don’t do anything stupid to my house!”

“No Robin, I’ll piss on the couch” he said satirically, her remark frankly stupid. 

Robin rolled her eyes and smirked at Will.

“How can you tolerate him?” She said under the tone of confidence, low so Billy wouldn’t hear, teasing.

Will chuckled and shrugged. “We get used to it”

There was another silence. But this time, at least, Robin was more comfortable to break the ice. It was just her and Will now. Though she didn’t know where to start -because there were so many things to say- she still tried to ease her way into the impending conversation.

“So.. how did you figure out you were gay?” She wondered. 

She always thought the kid knew. Because — he should know and, he’s been told his entire life. But Billy told her Will had just figured it out. Did that mean he went through all his life, thirteen years, being told he was and only just figured it out few weeks ago? 

“Billy told me” he replied normally, which wasn’t the answer she was expecting.

“Uh… uh?” Her eyebrows knitted together, both confused and wary. “But- how did you figure it out? Are you even sure—” yes, everyone was sure. It was written in the sky he was. But if Will just accepted he was because he was told so — he wasn’t set on a good path.

“He just made me realize” he started softly.

Then he inhaled, and finally opened up. 

“I guess I always kind of knew. People have been telling me my whole life, and I knew they could see right through me. But I still hoped.. that maybe I could be- not that way. You know?” She nodded, she knew very well, she went through the exact same thing.

“My dad.. he told me I had to change before it was too late, that my mom was coddling me too much and that was why I was a softie. I guess I thought I could change in the future” Robin listened without adding a word. His father’s admonishments and the desire to conform to societal norms seemed to be the cause, or the fuel, of his internal struggle.

“Like.. I always knew I liked guys but.. I was hoping I would grow out of this phase. That I’d learn how to like girls or something. But it’s stupid. Billy told me that I can’t change, so I just have to accept it”

That was good advice, she had to admit. Billy might seem dumb, and on the first look most definitely the kind of guy that would beat up homosexuals while calling them “fags” but surprisingly enough it wasn’t the case? Apparently?

“And he was right” she affirmed before wondering “Do you accept it? Better?”

Will shrugged. “I think so. I guess. I’m starting to be okay with the fact I am. I’m coming to terms with all that. I just still.. feel envious I guess” then he muttered under his breath “Or a bit mad about the fact I was born broken. As if I needed that” 

Perhaps he was punished for being born queer? Perhaps the reason all of this happened to him was to — balance things out? He had no idea. He was just exhausted. 

Will’s admission of envy and frustration opened the door to a deeper understanding of the struggles they both faced, leaving Robin poised to offer support. Right when she was about to ask what he felt envious about -which honestly she could guess by herself, envious of “normal” people, of their lives, of not having to worry about any of that- Will started speaking instead.

“And you?.. how did you know?”

“I think I always kind of knew, in my head. But I didn’t.. know. Or realize, I didn’t want to, like you”

Will nodded, hanging on her every word.

“But I really knew because.. I caught myself staring at Steve Harrington”

Will frowned. Not only because he kind of knew Steve by name and knew Dustin adored him, but also because — Robin knew she was lesbian because of a guy?

“I know, sounds weird right? I kept staring.. but not out of fascination or, because I thought he was handsome. I stared to try and see and figure out what it was about him that made Tammy Thompson so keen on him”

Only then did he understand. It happened to him, to stare at Max or even El, or even Jennifer Hayes, to try and understand what it was about girls that was so extraordinary. He found them pretty, some gorgeous, but that was about it.

“She just wouldn’t stop staring at him. But I wanted her to look at me. 

I searched, so hard to understand. Steve and his stupid hair, eating in class, being the class clown— I couldn’t get it. And all I found was bitter jealousy. And the need to be him”

Will nodded once more, slowly, pondering on the words. 

“It’s like. I wanted to be anyone else but this. I wanted to be Steve, or any other girl that could like Steve. And it was so hard to get out of this mindset.. even today sometimes I’m not sure I’m completely out of it”

Will understood a little too well what she meant. He also wanted to be like them. Like anyone else. 

Maybe if he was taller, if he was handsome, he wouldn’t be bullied. If he was like Steve, or Daniel and Justin — or even Billy, he could feel admired and feel comfortable in his own skin. If he was like them, he could be straight and handsome and not be bullied and like girls. He envied all those people. He envied girls too. 

“I’d like to be Steve too” he joked and Robin smiled gently at him.

“Hey, don’t say that. You’re cute and pretty, you shouldn’t be anyone else” she said.

Cute and pretty? That wasn’t exactly what a guy should be, right?

It was a nice compliment, for sure, but cute was for animals and pretty was for girls. A boy should be handsome, manly. He tried to hide his blush, to convince himself it wasn’t right, that he didn’t want to be that, but the heat propagating on his cheeks proved otherwise. 

“Is that a compliment?..” he asked unsurely.