Chapter Text
“Hey, babe,” Roy said, holding onto Dick and Dick just laughed, clinging to him a bit tighter. “Did you miss me?”
“Shut up,” Dick muttered but his fingers were still tight in his short hair so Roy took that as a yes.
“Say, Rob,” Roy said, and normally he would never have dared to ask this. “Can I tell you I love you yet?”
Dick blinked and Roy could feel him tense all over. “We'll talk about it,” he admitted finally and Roy set him down carefully. “I'm just glad you're home,” Dick added, not having entirely let go of him yet.
“Yeah, so am I,” Roy said and Dick looked over his shoulder, his brows going up to see Booster Gold sitting on the steps to his multicolored bubble before his eyes skidded over to his alternate self and Jason and he froze.
Jason for his part, had started forward toward his Roy and hesitated, shifting like he wasn't sure he wanted to run forward or follow decorum. Arsenal—because while Roy had gone by that name himself he wasn't at the moment and if he had to call his alternate self “the other Roy” in his head he was going to lose his mind—was alternating between staring at Jason and then back at Roy.
Roy finally forced himself to let go of Dick to face Arsenal. “Good to meet you,” he said, holding out a hand and the other man, who was shorter than he was and slighter too and that was just weird as all get out, shifted awkwardly. “I'm Roy Harper.”
There was almost a smile on Arsenal's face. “Hi, Roy, I'm Roy Harper too.”
Roy grinned at him as they shook hands before he slung an arm over Arsenal's shoulder and took him off a little ways. “So, heard a lot about you.”
“Same,” Arsenal said quietly and for a second looked like he was going to cry. “Nice life you built here.”
“Yeah,” Roy agreed because he wasn't ashamed of what he had, or how hard he'd fought tooth and nail for every bit of you. “You know, I was never in the A. A.” The other man winced and Roy went on. “But I can't say heroin withdrawals are really any better. Addictive personality, blah blah, one major fuck up was enough, you know?”
Arsenal blinked at him and then nodded. “Yeah?”
“Not to mention the whole working for the government business that really didn't turn out for me as well as I hoped, the sleeping with a nuke happy assassin—and she insists I won't let that one go but really once you nuke a place you know it sorta becomes attached to your name—and the Outsiders, man, that was a bad idea, don't do that, and every other fuck up I've made in my life.” He turned to face Arsenal who was squinting at him. “Basically, what I'm saying is I've fucked up. A lot. Numerous times and sometimes I was pretty sure I was never ever walking back from them. And yet,” he held up a hand. “I have a daughter who is everything to me. I'm on the goddamn Justice League. I'm working out a relationship with the guy I've been in love with since I was fourteen and sure it's slow and some days it sucks a lot because fuck, we have issues, but I love him and we're working on it.”
Arsenal stared at him. “He was a lot more forgiving about that idea,” he said and Roy tried not to show what that meant to him.
“Was he? Cool. Point is, if I can make this work, you can make it work. Shit's not over until it's over. Our worlds aren't the same but don't you dare think your make up or fate or whatever is wrong. You just gotta push through it and fight for your own damn happiness.”
Arsenal swallowed and Roy thought for a horrible moment he was going to cry on him.
“Now go like, kiss your boyfriend or something, he's been frantic and bitchy the whole time,” and Roy turned back around Arsenal decided to take his advice and finally approached Jason.
It looked like the other Nightwing and Jason had both been staring at Dick, who'd decided to ignore them both in favor of talking to Booster Gold. But as soon as Arsenal started moving, Jason's complete attention was on him and he gave him a shaky grin. “Hey, Jaybird.”
“Roy,” Jason said and Arsenal was clinging to him. Jason wrapped his arms around him and squeezed and for a second Roy could almost get it.
He certainly recognized the desperation in Jason and the relief in Arsenal.
“Have a good vacation?” Jason asked and Arsenal gave a watery laugh—oh shit he really was crying.
Roy couldn't remember ever really being able to cry so he blinked in confusion, glancing at Dick who had his head tilted to one side.
“Yeah,” Arsenal said, sniffing. “It was nice. People were really nice to me.”
Jason looked up and narrowed his eyes at Dick, like he had to be offended by any version of Nightwing. His arms crossed over his chest, Dick just arched his brows. “Yeah?” Jason asked.
“'Specially Dick,” Arsenal said and even though he must have been expecting that answer, Jason seemed more annoyed. “He took my shopping and fed me and wouldn't let me drink.”
“You wanted to?” Jason asked in some alarm.
“Ollie showed up twice,” Arsenal mumbled and Roy gave an alarmed look at Dick, who sighed and looked heavenward.
“I asked for Batman,” he told the sky above them. “Got GA too and then he came back when I told him not to.”
“He doesn't really fucking listen to anyone, does he?” Roy asked, and now he could be amused by that. Dick huffed out an annoyed breath. “Oh wait, you called Batman first?”
Dick gave him a long look. “Of course I did. He said he'd figure something out, though I guess I'll have to let him know it's handled,” and he glanced at Booster who looked interested in the masonry of the roof.
“That is not who I want to see first thing upon waking up is all,” Roy said.
“That's also because I was in your bed this morning,” Dick said and suddenly wasn't quite looking at anyone.
“Oh shit,” Roy said.
“You punched Batman in the face and now you're worried?” Jason asked.
“What?” Dick practically roared.
“What?” Roy asked innocently. “I've been a superhero longer than that Batman was. It was cathartic. And he's even more of an asshole than yours.”
Dick opened and closed his mouth a few times and Roy realized the only person who hadn't spoken yet was Nightwing, standing away from the group and with his arms holding himself. Before Roy could say anything there was a scuffle at the fire escape and Lian poked her head over the edge.
Her hair was rumpled from sleep, and she looked caught between worry and annoyance at being woken up. But the instant she spotted her daddy her whole expression changed and she was charging across the roof. “Daddy!” Roy caught her halfway, swinging her up into his arms.
“Hey, princess,” he said, cuddling her against his chest. As happy as he was to be home, and to see Dick, he never really felt like he was home until he had his daughter in his arms. “I was hoping you'd slept through the noise.”
“I hadn't,” she said. “Couldn't find anyone until uncle Dick yelled.”
Dick winced and Roy tried not to smile. “Well, I'm glad to see you,” Roy said, tweaking her nose and Arsenal still looked pained, even though Roy assumed he must have met Lian before.
But Jason looked totally shocked, one arm still around Arsenal and his eyes darting between him and the girl in Roy's arms. “I know you said you had a daughter,” he settled for finally. “But damn.”
“Language,” Roy said automatically, even though he still tripped up around Lian and Dick was only marginally better.
Jason made a face at him. “Sorry, dad,” he said and Roy nuzzled against Lian, making her laugh as he absorbed her smell.
But despite the interruption, attention was slowly focusing on Nightwing again, as Arsenal frowned at him like he couldn't figure out why he was there and Dick finally forced himself to acknowledge his other self was there. He apparently had dealt with Roy's counterpart with equanimity, but seemed unable to do the same with his own.
“It seems we're quite different,” Dick settled for finally and Nightwing startled somewhat. “To be fair, that seems to be not uncommon between these universes.”
“Killer Croc doesn't eat people there,” Roy added helpfully and Dick turned to stare at him before shaking himself all over and turning back to his counterpoint.
“Case in point,” Dick said. “But you are me, or at least have the same foundations of me. I'm just not sure I can offer you anything.”
“I didn't come for your help,” Nightwing said. “I came because it seemed like the right thing to do.”
Dick hesitated, glancing back at Roy as if asking for help before turning back to Nightwing. “Good,” he managed, so good at giving advice to others and never at understanding himself. Seeing it play out between people was almost enough to make Roy start laughing or crying.
“It's really weird to look at another version of myself,” Nightwing said after a beat.
Dick laughed, shaking his head. “You get used to it? Sorta? At least we're in the same profession. The time I was a gangster was not fun.”
“Hot though,” Roy remarked.
“Shut up,” Dick said. “Zucco adopted me and there was nothing okay about that.”
Roy considered. “Okay, point.”
Nightwing's face had twisted into confusion. “Zucco,” he said hesitantly. “Isn't that—”
“If you say not that bad,” Dick cut him off. “I do not want to know.”
“It's complicated,” Nightwing settled for finally and Dick made a disbelieving sound.
“If you say so.”
They stared at each other another moment and Dick shook his head slightly, focusing on Jason. “Sorry,” he said and actually sounded sad. Which was something Roy needed to pay a lot more attention to. “No one really knows where Red Hood is at the moment. He might not even be in this dimension.”
Jason blinked and frowned. “And you give a fuck?”
Dick looked down and hell, there was a whole layer of guilt here Roy hadn't been paying attention to. “Yeah,” he said. “We haven't really ended any of our conversations at a good place lately. Something about him stealing my identity and pointing a gun at me. Not that it's all him,” he added after a beat. “Sometimes it's me. The point is we may be fighting, but I want to know if he's okay or not.” He paused. “He's my brother, after all. As much as Tim is.”
Jason and Nightwing were both staring.
“I think the whole Batman legacy is a bit different here,” Jason said finally, swallowing hard and Nightwing looked like he wanted to shrink within himself.
Dick swallowed and nodded. “Roy,” he said, turning to Arsenal and inclining his head. “It was good to meet you.”
“Yeah,” Arsenal said, choked up again. “Thanks, you know, for everything. Especially the action figure.”
Dick blinked and then smiled. “You're welcome,” he said, and with a glance at Roy stepped back.
Roy shrugged, still holding Lian against his chest. “Well, I think I've lectured everyone enough.”
“Yeah, we should get back,” Jason said and Arsenal was pressed up against his side, like there was no where else he wanted to be.
Booster finally pulled himself back up, gesturing. “My bubble is your bubble, gentlemen.”
Roy watched them leave, the bubble fading out and looked back at Lian. “We should get you back to bed, bumble bee.”
She was already half asleep against his shoulder and nodded. “I liked him,” she said as Roy lead the way down the fire escape. It felt reassuring to have Dick behind him. “He wasn't you but I liked him. He made the toaster better and I named it Harriet. Dick said I could.”
“What?” Roy mouthed over his shoulder and Dick shrugged as they entered the apartment.
Once Roy had put Lian back into bed and tucked her in, he walked into the kitchen where Dick was drinking a glass of water. Coming up behind him, he wrapped his arms around Dick's waist and buried his face in his shoulder. Dick tensed and slowly put the glass down before bringing his hands up to cover Roy's at his waist. “Hey,” he whispered.
“Fuck,” Roy breathed. “Fuck it all, that was awful.”
“Sh,” Dick soothed, his fingers stroking the back of Roy's hands. “You're okay now. You're home.”
“Did you handle it okay?” Roy had to ask.
“Relatively,” Dick said. “I knew we'd find a way to get you back. Another day though and I might have been less... calm about that. But I had my hands full.” He paused. “That Roy was a wreck.”
“Think they all were,” Roy muttered. “As usual you hide it better.”
Dick laughed but didn't sound amused at all. “Sure, like that's a good thing.”
Roy nuzzled up against his neck and Dick sucked in a breath, his eyes fluttering closed and Roy held him tighter. “He didn't believe that I would have stayed around,” Dick said, eyes still closed. “Like no one had stayed for him before.”
“Yeah,” Roy agreed.
“You know,” Dick said and his voice was thick. “That I... I would never... I mean, I know I've left, I know we've had our fights and our fall outs but I would never just—”
“Dick,” Roy said quietly. “I know. We both have fucked up on this.”
“But I'm the one who pushed you away,” Dick said, looking down.
“You were mourning,” Roy said.
“I was being an asshole,” Dick snapped. “I wasn't good for anyone, not for you or Lian. I thought if I could push you away I would stop caring and it would make it easier to just not care.”
“But you're past that, right?” Roy asked, voice wavering. Since Dick had come back, eyes shadowed and said Batman had kicked him off the Outsiders, Roy hadn't dared to ask. He'd accepted whatever Dick was willing to hand him, which was hesitation and shy kisses and one hike out to a waterfall. It included a few nights when Dick stayed.
He wasn't sure what he would do if Dick started pulling away again.
Dick sucked in air, and Roy tried not to crush him to his chest and refuse to let go.
“I'm trying to be,” he said and Roy let out a breath, urging it to take his fear with him.
“Dick,” he said. “You know I fucking love you right?”
Dick tensed, but then he slowly sagged against Roy's chest. “Yeah,” he said like it hurt him.
“I'm gonna tell you that,” Roy promised. “Until it's normal again.”
There was a pause long enough to scare him. “Okay,” Dick said quietly and it was a bigger win than Roy had expected. He turned Dick around in the space of his arms and slammed their mouths together. This always felt right, to have Dick warm and strong in his arms.
Roy looked up when he thought he heard something and squinted at the refrigerator he had pushed Dick up against almost unconsciously. “Hey Dick?”
“Hm?” Dick hummed, frowning.
“What the hell happened to my fridge?”
Dick frowned at him before tilting his head back and his eyes widening. “I have no idea when he did that.”
-0-
Once Booster left them on the roof, Jason found himself staring at Dick who was looking away.
“Hey, Nightwing,” he started to say because he'd never thought of Dick as vulnerable before. But now he was starting to suspect that had just been him being an asshole toward the other man.
Not that he didn't deserve it half the time, mind. Or more than half. Most of it even.
Dick turned his head slightly and focused on Roy instead of Jason. “I'm sorry,” he said and Roy jerked, startled. “I was never there for you. I'm sorry I didn't understand anything that was going on when I should have listened.” His eyes drifted over to Jason, like he wanted to say something to him too but wasn't quite ready too.
The space between them felt like it was stretching out and Jason wondered what would happen when it broke.
Instead Dick turned and jumped off the roof, heading off into the night of Gotham.
“Come on,” Jason said, because the plane was at least right there where they'd left it. Booster Gold was apparently quite a considerate person.
Jason would never have guessed it.
“You know,” Roy said, not quite moving yet. “The other... the other Nightwing. He was more than I ever expected. He let me cry on him, he gave me clothes and allowed me to see that other life I had. I can never... but I still did not expect to ever hear those damn words out of our Nightwing's mouth.”
“He had a bad day,” Jason settled for finally.
As far as he could tell Dick's entire world had been shaken up, possibly worse than the rest of them minus Roy. After all, he had been told he was alone when he shouldn't be, and that in another world he was desperately loved.
Jason tried not to think about what that would feel like.
When he thought of Dick, he always thought of him being easy around people, smiling and warm. He'd just never realized before that none of those people were close to Dick.
“Come on,” Jason said again, drawing Roy to him. “We should get back. Kory might be worried about us.” If she was actually there and not on some galactic scale mess and hadn't even noticed they were missing yet.
“Yeah,” Roy said, and looked up at Jason. There wasn't a lot of height difference between them, but Roy always seemed smaller because of the way he hunched himself over slightly.
Jason felt suddenly overwhelmed, because his anger had carried him through the day, had distracted him from the gnawing fear and pain at Roy's absence. “I missed you so much,” he said, throwing his arms around Roy's shoulders and clinging to him.
Roy startled, like he was still surprised and wrapped his arms back around Jason. “I missed you too,” he said. A few days ago was the first time Jason had kissed him, half drunk and fumbling and too tired to keep his distance any more. Now he wondered how he could have kept his distance from Roy for so long as Roy pressed an almost sweet kiss against his mouth.
“We should get back to that private island of ours,” Jason said.
“Yeah,” Roy agreed and grinned. “God, let's.”