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English
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Published:
2024-01-07
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1,598
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1/1
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keep my words, keep me

Summary:

The year Han Yoohyun turns twenty-one, his brother finally gives up on him.

It’s better this way, right?

It should’ve been better, yet Han Yoohyun finds himself standing in front of the neonatal intensive care unit, knowing his brother is here, ignorant as to the why.

Han Yoohyun and Han Yoojin have a different reunion.

Notes:

you ever struck by an idea so badly you need to sit down and write it immediately?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The year Han Yoohyun turns twenty-one, his brother finally gives up on him.

He knows this because of what his subordinates report back to him, too afraid to take a look himself and fall right back into his brother’s arms. Han Yoojin picks up a safer, more well-paying job and keeps regular hours. He spends time with his neighbors and gets involved in the community. Slowly, his brother picks up a life of his own and Han Yoohyun should be so relieved, yet all he holds in his heart is bitter jealousy, threatening to consume his every waking thought. Whenever one of the people he has keeping taps on Han Yoojin wants to overshare, he cuts them off.

It’s better this way, right?

It should’ve been better, yet Han Yoohyun finds himself standing in front of the neonatal intensive care unit, knowing his brother is here, ignorant as to the why.

Han Yoojin is right behind the glass, bandages wrapped around his head, dressed in dirty jeans and a hospital gown, holding an impossibly small infant. He’s seen his brother hold young children before in photographs of himself in his brother’s arms, the children his brother used to babysit for some extra cash when money was tight and Han Yoohyun, too young and stupid then, asked for an extra treat.

Han Yoojin’s attention is entirely on the infant, his expression somewhere between grief and adoration. Whoever this child is, his brother loves them more than himself.

The same old jealousy sparks and Han Yoohyun wants to rip the baby from his brother’s arms to take their place.

How pitiful, how embarrassing.

Isn’t he an adult, strong enough to bear the weight of the world himself? What right does he have to return to the only safety he’s ever known when he was the one running away?

He presses his eyes shut, half a mind to leave and ignore his brother’s call.

Yoohyun-ah, his brother’s voice rang out on his old phone, already sobbing. I’m in the hospital—I have—I need your help, please.

Han Yoohyun doesn’t accept his brother’s calls, never answers them because he knows himself and his reaction so very well, but he couldn’t ignore this plead. He’d raced to the hospital, confirming on the way there that a dungeon break hit near his brother’s residence.

It shouldn’t have been possible. Haeyeon keeps close watch on the neighborhood, exceeds as much control as Han Yoohyun can before other guilds come looking for what treasure the dragon keeps there.

Mind made up, Han Yoohyun decides to leave. There’s no reason for him to come personally, he can send someone else to care for his brother, this infant, this situation Han Yoojin got caught up in.

He opens his eyes.

His brother is staring right at him, looking as though he’s seen a ghost.

Han Yoohyun chokes up, wants to run away like prey, but it’s too late now. He’ll have to make this quick, speak some madness about his brother disrupting him. His hand pushes the door open and he stands in front of his brother like he hasn’t in months. Han Yoohyun imagines his brother’s aura being different, but it’s likely that he’s just struggling to be in his presence again. He’s taller than Han Yoojin, has been taller than him for a while, but it seems like Han Yoohyun had another growth spurt he didn’t notice because he’s always kept track of his height in relevance to his brother.

All Han Yoohyun is, has existed in correlation to his brother, so how much of himself has Han Yoojin made about Han Yoohyun in turn?

“You’re here,” Han Yoojin says, confusion and disbelief dripping like accusations.

I’m sorry, Han Yoohyun wants to beg, twelve years old again, holding up the pan he ruined when attempting to cook as Han Yoojin frantically tries to care for the burn marks left on his arm.

The scars are gone now, the aftereffect of a potion that saved Han Yoohyun’s life.

He would prefer the scars.

“You said you were in the hospital,” Han Yoohyun answers him. “What do you need?”

You can live with me until your neighborhood is safe and repaired, I’ll take care of you this time, hyung, don’t leave me again—

Pain flickers over Han Yoojin’s face and Han Yoohyun yearns to reach out and gently wipe it from his cheeks the way his brother used to do with him. He rarely saw his brother pained or exhausted, only catching glimpses on those nights Han Yoojin fell asleep over bills, pretending everything was fine in the morning.

“I won’t bother you long, I’m sorry,” says Han Yoojin, apologizing for something that isn’t his fault at all, only Han Yoohyun’s because he’s not strong enough for the two of them. “I wanted to ask if you could have one of your lawyers help me fill out an airtight custody application. I’ll pay them back, of course. The hospital is still overworked from the dungeon break, so nobody’s thrown a fuss over me being here yet, but I don’t have paperwork that would allow me to keep her.”

Her obviously refers to the sleeping infant, the interloper in this scenario. Had his brother called Han Yoohyun not for himself but for this stranger?

“Who is she?”

“My neighbor’s child,” Han Yoojin answers with a soft smile. “Myung-ah was injured during the dungeon break and she—there were complications during the birth. She didn’t make it.”

Myung-ah, why does his brother call someone Han Yoohyun doesn’t know with so much affection?

“Your neighbor,” Han Yoohyun echoes, somehow managing to keep the distaste out of his voice.

“She is—she was just a kid,” Han Yoojin tells him. “Her boyfriend broke up with her and she was going to drop out of school to raise her baby as her family wasn’t an option. I met her in the supermarket and offered to help with groceries. Children shouldn’t have to raise children on their own.”

And suddenly, easily, the puzzle pieces slot together.

Of course, his brother didn’t give up on him. Han Yoojin just found someone else to care for, someone who needs him and abuses his goodwill for their own sake.

Is this the only path in life Han Yoojin can walk? Always in someone else’s care, being the one doing all the thankless work for a scrap of love?

If so—shouldn’t Han Yoojin stay with Han Yoohyun, who truly does love him? There’s no reason for his brother to put together a patchwork family when Han Yoohyun is right there. If staying away from his brother doesn’t keep him out of danger, maybe Han Yoohyun should’ve just bound him closer to him.

The baby sleeps peacefully in his brother’s arms, makes no attempt at getting away, keeps his brother rooted to the spot.

Han Yoohyun has never loved anything or anyone but his brother. This child, with her mother gone, all she has, all who want her, is his brother. Isn’t that the same as belonging to Han Yoojin, belonging to Han Yoohyun by extension?

“I’ll call my lawyers and healers,” Han Yoohyun decides and texts Kim Hayeon to get everything sorted out and set up.

Han Yoojin’s eyes narrow. “What?”

“They’ll draft guardianship papers within the hour. If Haeyeon submits them, the state won’t oppose them. And you need to be checked by a healer before we can move you.”

“Move me,” Han Yoojin repeats. “Move me where?”

“My apartment,” Han Yoohyun decides on the spot. It has enough empty rooms that his brother can remodel as he likes them. A room for him and one for the baby, for Han Yoohyun’s niece. She’ll grow up happy and safe, never lacking for a thing, never giving Han Yoojin any reason to leave.

“You don’t have to do that,” Han Yoojin argues. “That’s not—I don’t want your pity and I don’t want to leech off you.”

“You’re not,” Han Yoohyun insists, trying to search for a reason, any argument he could use to persuade him.

He falls short of them. “You’re my brother,” he settles on saying, more honest than he’s been to Han Yoojin in the past. “You could’ve died and I wouldn’t have known, all because I—”

Han Yoohyun can’t say the words, keeps them close to his chest as he has all this time. Instead, he crosses the last distance between himself and his brother, kneels down next to him and slowly raises his hand to touch the cheek of his newly acquired niece. She really is small, so very breakable.

“Don’t leave me, hyung,” Han Yoohyun says without looking up.

“You left first,” Han Yoojin replies, but his brother makes no attempt to get away. Instead, he bows his head so it gently rests on Han Yoohyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to make you stay. I love you, Yoohyun-ah. I’m sorry you couldn’t rely more on your big brother.”

I love you, I love you, I love you—

Han Yoohyun wouldn’t ever have been able to keep his brother from adoring him, would he? Even after another five years, his brother would still love him, only then convinced that Han Yoohyun doesn’t love him back.

No, that won’t happen now. Han Yoohyun will stop it.

“I love you too, hyung, so let’s live together again. We’re family.”

Han Yoohyun raises his head and finds his brother looking at him with a soft smile. “Alright.”

This is how it should’ve been from the start. They’ll be just fine now.

Notes:

anyway, Han Yoohyun does end up loving his niece. Is it still very much in correlation to his brother's love for his adopted daughter? yes. is he also forever slightly jealous because he is not his brother's only kid anymore? also yes.

is han yoojin awakened? maybe. do he and his baby wear matching designer clothes because han yoohyun enjoys buying expensive stuff for them and han yoojin enjoys matching with his baby? absolutely.

 

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you think!

I got two more fic ideas with similar themes floating around, we'll see if I'll write them.

Feel free to come yell at me on my writing tumblr @loosingmoreletters