Chapter Text
Athena is enjoying some “me time” on her day off. The kids are at school and Bobby’s at work, so she got her nails done, is treating herself to a nice lunch, and has a plan to catch up on some yard work later. Working in the dirt and seeing the vibrant flowers bloom always fills her with a sense of peaceful accomplishment. It helps ground her, make her realize what’s important, and let go of things that aren’t; a skill that’s all too important in her line of work.
She’s just leaving the restaurant, sun shining warm on her face, when her phone rings, an unsaved number.
She doesn’t know who it is, but it looks familiar, enough to make her feel like there are ants crawling under her skin.
She doesn’t hesitate before sliding to answer. “This is Athena Grant-Nash.”
“Mrs. Grant-Nash, this is the nursing station at Cedars-Sinai. We have you listed as the emergency contact for Evan Buckley. There were complications with his surgery, are you able to come in?” A polite voice asks, and Athena freezes.
Surgery? What surgery is she talking about? Buck hasn’t mentioned anything. Plus, when did he list her as his emergency contact? As far as she knew, that was still Maddie and Bobby.
She doesn’t have time to wonder too hard about this, already jogging to her vehicle. “Absolutely. I’m already out and about, so I can be there in about 15 minutes.” She promises, and then she and the nurse hang up.
She goes over everything that’s happened over the last year when it comes to Buck, as if the answers to her earlier questions are hidden in between the lines of a riddle she hasn’t found yet.
She and Buck weren’t very close before the ladder truck bombing. They knew each other, of course, and were a sort-of family of their own, mostly through Bobby and their own connections to him.
That changed after the tsunami, though. She stopped over at his loft a few days after to check on him, and sure, he tried to hide it, but the bags under his eyes and the exhaustion in his limbs would’ve been clear to a blind person.
She barely had to push, just led him to the couch and leveled him with her well-worn “mom” look, and he was spilling everything.
How lonely he’d been, how he hadn’t really seen or heard from anybody at the 118 in weeks, how they barely texted him, how Eddie only called or came around when he needed help with Chris.
Buck didn’t blame any of them for that, he said he understood, that life got busy and everybody else had their own families and their own things going on, but how he felt so alone.
She stayed there for over an hour and a half, letting him vent and then hanging out with him until she had to go on shift. Since then, she’s made an effort to reach out to the young man more often, getting her information from the source instead of relying on Bobby or Hen to tell her what’s going on.
Buck doesn’t always tell her what’s going on, like he doesn’t want to place any of his issues on her shoulders. Nothing she’s said has made him understand that she’s more than happy to be there for him, that she’s come to care about the boy more than she’d ever thought she could, especially after their first meeting.
Then, that dinner with Bobby happened, and she was ready to smack her fool husband upside the head for lying to the kid.
She was surprised about the lawsuit, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Buck had texted her updates after his appointments, she knew how excited he was to return to work after everything he’d been through in the previous year.
She’d thought that Bobby was going to talk to Buck about why he was nervous about letting him back - even if she thought it was unfair to take his own trauma out on Buck, but she understands how much her husband loves the boy, even if neither of them are able, nor willing, to put it into words yet. It made dinner a little awkward when she realized they hadn’t talked about it yet, and she’d done her best to de-escalate the tension, to no avail.
Bobby refused to listen to her when she tried to talk to him after the dinner, the stubborn man so sure that he was doing the right thing, no matter what anybody else said.
She almost laughed at the look of absolute shock on his face when Buck served him with the papers of the lawsuit, like he couldn’t understand why Buck was fighting so hard to come back, even after the boy had told Bobby himself just days prior that he’d never stop fighting to come home.
Bobby voiced his irritation, but she was quick to shut it down, reminding him that all of this could have been avoided if he had just talked to Buck, or, even better, not stood in the way of his return to work in the first place.
After that, once he realized that she wasn’t sympathetic to the consequences of his own actions, he didn’t talk to her about the lawsuit in too much detail.
She’d texted Buck, reminding him that she was there if he needed her, but was unsurprised that he didn’t reach out.
Even if she wasn’t technically part of the 118, she was still Bobby’s wife, and she’d bet her career that he had avoided contacting her in a misguided attempt to not put her in the middle of their dispute.
After the lawsuit was resolved and Buck went back to work, she thought everything would go back to normal.
It didn’t.
Buck was still dodging more of her calls than he was taking, and Bobby always got a sour look on his face when she asked how work was going, answering that it was “fine”, and then quickly changing the subject.
She had given Buck plenty of time and was planning on stopping by the next time their off days aligned.
While she’d rather not be called to the hospital for it to happen, she’s hoping that this trip can shed some light on the situation.
First things first though, she thinks as she enters the hospital a few minutes later, she needs to figure out the reason the young man she’s begun to think of as one of hers is in the hospital for this time.
She’s pointed to the correct floor and told to ask for Dr. Cooper once she arrives, promising that the doctor would be able to shed some better light on the situation.
She debates on if she should call Bobby yet as she slides into the elevator, but she decides to wait until she figures out what’s going on before calling in the cavalry. Plus, they’re all on shift for a few more hours, so it’s not like they’d be able to come right now anyway.
The doctor is at the nurse's station when she arrives, waiving her over to the waiting room and consulting her chart before she answers Athena’s questions.
“Mr. Buckley scheduled an appointment with our office a few days ago, stating that he’d been having some discomfort in his leg again. After one embolism, it seems he recognized the symptoms and took the steps to prevent another one. Unfortunately, it seems that the regime of blood thinners we currently have him on isn’t working as well as we’d hoped, and he threw another one before we could schedule any surgery to break them up.” Athena gasps quietly, images of Buck coughing up blood in her backyard all too vivid as they flash across the back of her eyes.
Dr. Cooper is quick to reassure her. “Luckily for Mr. Buckley, it seems he knows exactly the best places to throw a clot, since he was already here in the hospital at the time, and we were able to get him taken care of.” She promises, and Athena can’t hide the heavy sigh of relief she heaves at the words.
The doctor gives her a small smile and then continues, her face switching to something more serious as she explains the “complications” they’d mentioned on the phone earlier.
“Unfortunately for Mr. Buckley, it seems that there’s more than just one clot. I believe it was mentioned on his past ER visit that they suspected overexertion was the cause for the previous clots?” She clarifies, and Athena thinks back.
“That’s what the doctor said, but he’s been really good about it. He’d been working an administrative job up until about a month ago. He was off work for quite some time, and he just recently went back to active duty. Do you think that’s the reason for these clots?” She inquiries.
The doctor's eyebrows furrow thoughtfully. “No, we believe that the metal in his leg is the reason for the clots, but you’re saying that he was doing administrative work up until recently?” She asks, almost like she’s hoping she misheard, not that Athena can understand why.
“Yes, that’s what I was told. Bobby, my husband and Buck’s captain, thought that would be safer for him, checking out various firehouses and being in an office, instead of running around, fighting fires and climbing trees and whatnot.” Athena answers, something in her gut tightening as the doctor's face tightens in what looks like disbelief and anger, before she schools her expression again. “Was he incorrect?” Athena demands, narrowing her gaze.
Cooper huffs a breath out in a humorless chuckle. “Well, inactivity in an area, especially after a crush injury as severe as Mr. Buckley’s, is a well-known cause of blood clots. In that respect, it almost would have been better for him to be out fighting fires and keeping his blood moving.” She informs Athena tightly, and then mutters, almost to herself: “I guess that could also explain the number of clots we found.”
Athena watches, chest tight with several swirling emotions, trying to wrap her mind around all the information she’s been given, when Dr. Cooper shakes her head lightly, as if to clear it, and then turns back to Athena, calm and serene expression firmly back in place. “That doesn’t matter as much now though, if he’s back on duty. We believe that the metal rods in his leg are the reason for the clots, which is where you come in. We’d ask Mr. Buckley, but this is a decision we need to make as soon as possible. Option one, he can up his dose of blood thinners and that should prevent further clots. Option two, we can go in and remove the rods. It is another surgery, but his leg is fully healed from the initial injury, and we can take him fully off of the blood thinners then. We’d schedule a follow-up, to make sure everything is in shape, and that the clots were only caused by Mr. Buckley’s reaction to the metal in his leg, but we’re as sure as we can be about the cause.” Dr. Cooper pauses, and then readjusts, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, expression considering, like she’s trying to determine if Athena is trustworthy enough to share a secret with.
She must make a decision, because her voice is considerably lower when she says the next part. “If I’m being honest here, Mrs. Grant-Nash, I don’t know why those rods were put in in the first place. There was a different way to handle crush injuries like this. It might have been a riskier surgery, but the healing time would have been less and he wouldn’t have run the risk of clots. In addition to that, I don’t know why they weren’t removed after the first clot. Do you know if there was a reason for that, was it a preference of Mr. Buckley’s?”
Athena takes a few deep breaths to calm herself and considers. “Not to my knowledge, no. As far as I know, they were certain that Buck had overexerted himself, so they weren’t looking any further into possible causes. As for the initial surgery, you would have to ask his sister, she’s the one that made all the decisions. Although, if Buck learned about all this, I guess that would explain why I’m now the one in charge of these decisions.” She huffs, rubbing her forehead at the excess of information just dumped on her head.
She shakes her head and shoves that all aside. She doesn’t need to deal with the past now, she has a decision to make.
She remembers Buck lamenting about the injury, only then remembering him grumbling about a different surgery, so she squares her shoulders and sits up straight. “Tell me about the process of taking the metal out.” She requests surely, smiling softly when Buck’s doctor looks relieved and begins to walk her through the process, explaining the steps, the risks and the aftercare. She lists the pros and cons for each option, and in the end, Athena goes with her gut.
“Take them out.”
Chapter Text
Buck wakes up slowly, categorizing each new stimulation to figure out what’s going on.
The sheets are thin and starchy, doing little to combat the chill in the room. There’s shuffling in the room, someone readjusting in their seat, and the sound of someone breathing. The lights are bright, even through his eyelids, and something tugs at his hand when he stretches.
The ache in his leg and the sound of his heartbeat on a monitor finish out the picture, and he groans silently, partially in pain, and partially in annoyance.
He’s in the hospital, and given that he doesn’t remember opting for any surgeries, it must mean he had another embolism, and they had to rush him into another surgery. Which also means that they probably called his emergency contact. He can only imagine the earful he’s going to get the next time he sees Athena for doing that without telling her about it.
“Buck, are you waking up, baby?”
His eyelashes flutter at the familiar voice, confusion and surprise furrowing his brow as his eyes flutter open to see Athena’s familiar, worried face.
“‘Thena?” He questions in slight disbelief.
He knew that they would call her, of course, knew that she would make any decisions and sign off on paperwork, but for some reason, it never occurred to him that she would stay with him.
Maybe it’s leftover trauma from the fact that his own mother could never be bothered to be in the hospital with him, or maybe it’s a belief finally driven into him by the team, that they’re not a family. Not one he’s part of, anyway, but that Athena definitely is.
“Hey, Buckaroo. Good to see you awake. I got quite an interesting call this afternoon.” She teases, and it’s only then that he realizes she’s in casual clothing.
“Oh no, did I ruin your day off? I’m so sorry, Athena.” He moans guiltily, still feeling the effects of the pain and the medication.
She shakes her head sharply, hand coming up to cradle one cheek. “If you need me, there’s nowhere else I would rather be.” She says firmly, her dark gaze intent on his, refusing to let him look away. “It might have been nice to know I could get that call, but I don’t mind it, Buckaroo. I’m honored that you trust me this much.” She says gently, softly, and Buck can’t see a lie in her face, but it still feels like too much.
“What, uhm, what happened?” He asks, wrinkling his nose at the dryness of his mouth.
Athena pours him a plastic cup of water without having to be asked and then fills him in what went down, and what the doctor said.
He feels his eyebrows lift in shock when she informs him that, not only were the rods the cause for the blood clots, but that they’ve also been removed.
“They said that I overdid it. I worked too hard and did it to myself.” He whispers, feeling a tightness in his throat that has nothing to do with waking up from surgery. “They also told me that I had to leave the hardware in, but- how, why?” He can’t even put his thoughts into words, something that feels ugly and dark waking up in his chest.
The embolism was a big reason that Bobby said he couldn’t come back, an ace up his sleeve to prove that Buck wasn’t taking care of himself like he should’ve been. Now, not only is Athena saying that it’s not true, but she’s also saying that somebody either dropped the ball, or straight up lied to him when it came down to the hardware in his leg.
Suddenly, he’s very thankful that he made Athena responsible for these choices, because he has a sneaking suspicion that his sister was trying to “protect him” again. He just hopes that she didn’t outright lie to his face when it came to his own medical information. He’s not sure how they’d get past that, no matter how much he missed her and how not having her around felt like a hole in his chest.
It was a hole he grew accustomed to living with, and she’s only been back around for a couple years, which is not enough time to make him forget how he lived without her for so long.
Athena squeezes the hand she’s still holding and runs the other through his hair. “I don’t know, baby. The doctor was asking some questions too, when we were deciding what to do, questions that I didn’t have the answers to, and it sounds like you might not either. Let me buzz them to let them know that you’re awake and see if we can’t figure it out together, alright?” She asks, voice soothing, and Buck automatically feels the pressure in his chest loosen, the fear and betrayal quieted in the face of Athena Grant.
Dr. Cooper, the specialist he’d chosen when he felt the irritation in his leg again, comes in and greets him with a professionally warm smile. She asks how he’s feeling and checks all of his stats. She talks to him about how the surgery went and then gives him instructions on aftercare.
He’ll be in a compression brace for a few days, and he’ll have to take another few weeks off to let the incisions heal, as well as come to a follow up appointment to ensure that the clots won’t be a problem any longer, but nothing more serious than that.
She does implore him to take it easy, but he’s not well-known for that.
Athena tightens her hand around his forearm and gives him a lovingly harsh glare. “Oh, he will be.” She says, and even Buck is smart enough not to argue with that tone.
“Yes ma’am.” He nods immediately, smiling when she huffs and rolls her eyes and him, an exasperatedly fond smile on her lips.
Unexpectedly, it makes his eyes sting, because it’s been so long since someone has looked at him fondly.
Work has been hard, a million times worse than he thought it would be.
He knew that it wouldn’t be exactly the same after the lawsuit. Bobby even warned him that he might regret not being transferred, but Buck was so sure that it would eventually be fine. They were a family, and yeah, sometimes family members make dumb decisions, but he thought they loved him enough to forgive him, to empathize with where he was coming from, even if they didn’t necessarily agree with his actions.
Instead, it seems like his mistake was a cardinal sin, something so unforgivable that it got him exiled forever.
It’s been months since the lawsuit was dropped and he returned to work, and the atmosphere hasn’t warmed at all. Hen and Chimney are wholly professional on calls and coldly distant when they’re at the station. Instead of the welcome back he’d expected when he was first injured, Hen had given him a cupcake in the locker room and then distanced herself. Chimney doesn’t even joke around with him anymore, all comments and quips cease when he enters the room, like he’s worried Buck’s going to tattle or something.
Bobby is borderline harsh, assigning him the majority of the chores and not letting him out on calls unless he has absolutely no choice - which doesn’t happen very often. He sits at the station and cleans, day in and day out, every shift for 2 months. He doesn’t always even let him stay the full shifts, dismissing him with cutting remarks about “overworking” himself, a curl to his lip like the thought disgusts him.
Eddie though, Eddie is the worst.
His best friend won’t speak to him, no matter how many times he’s apologized, it seems that Eddie has no interest in hearing anything he has to say. If Buck pushes, Eddie snaps back with a passive-aggressive comment that never fails to have his breath stuttering in his chest.
Even worse, it seems that no matter where he goes, Eddie is always there to glare at him. When they’re at the station, he’s always in Buck’s line of sight, angry scowl twisting at his lips and bunching his brows. It’s oppressive and suffocating in a way that his attention never used to be.
Buck used to relish being the center of Eddie’s attention, would preen when those soft, dark eyes fell to him. He would silently cheer after every laugh, smile or fond eye roll that he could pull out of his best friend. It felt like winning the lottery every single time.
That might have had to do with the fact that Buck was madly in love with the man, but he just figured that out fairly recently.
Now, though, every glare, scowl and frown felt like angry nails raked against his skin, a constant reminder that he doesn’t belong, not anymore.
He hasn’t even seen Chris, not since before the lawsuit. He tried to talk to Eddie about it, trying to subtly remind him that he was the one that mentioned how much Chris missed him.
That was shut down almost before the sentence even left his mouth, Eddie biting off something about how he couldn’t be bothered to stay before, that he won’t take the chance on him leaving again when something better comes along.
Buck went home and cried that night, tears streaming silently down his face, because he couldn’t figure out a way to correct him that nothing was better than Eddie and Christopher.
He barely saw Eddie after the tsunami, because he was working a lot and dealing with everything that Chris was going through, and Buck only saw Chris when Carla was too busy to watch him - which happened when she went on vacation for a week and Eddie had three shifts that he needed childcare for, and that was the only time.
Other than that, they were too busy with school and work and Chris’ appointments for his PT and with his new therapist, who Buck heard was helping the boy work through the loss of his mother and the trauma of the tsunami. Which was fine, Buck would gladly miss Christopher if it meant he was getting what he needed, there was nothing more important to Buck than Chris’ well-being.
It’s just that Chris wasn’t the only one having nightmares after that day, and he would have given his left arm to see him, to verify with his own eyes that the boy was alright, to feel his wiggly weight in his arms.
Unfortunately, though, it seems like he ruined everything so badly that he may never have that opportunity again. So, he strains his ears to listen when Eddie speaks, always hoping it’s about Chris, and then uses those impersonal sentences as a blanket when he wakes up, sweaty and disoriented in the middle of the night, reminding himself of those words to calm his heart. It’s a shitty substitute for the real thing, but he knows that it’s all he’s going to get, so he makes it work.
Athena’s words draw him out of his spiral of despair. “I’ll be making sure of it myself, all of us will, so that won’t be a worry, doctor.” She says assuredly, sharing a smile with Cooper before she leaves the room to check on her other patients, wishing him a speedy recovery.
Athena settles back into the chair at his side, one hand still wrapped around his. “Who’s ‘us’?” He asks quietly, something fearful in his chest swirling at her words.
Athena looks at him like he’s being silly, like the answer is obvious, but before she can answer, a hoard of bodies rushes through his door.
They’re all there. Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Maddie, and Eddie.
All looking at him, worry and relief on their faces as they realize he’s awake and okay, before they step further into the room, Maddie coming to stand opposite Athena at his bedside and reaching for his hand, eyes wet.
He can’t help the way he flinches and jerks out of her reach, unthinkingly tightening his grip on Athena, who pauses where she was standing to greet her husband. She turns back to look at him, eyes worried as she takes in whatever expression must be on his face.
Maddie looks hurt, but he can’t find it in himself to reach out and soothe her, the information too fresh in his brain.
He looks out to the rest of the crew. “You- you’re all here?” He asks, hating how young his voice sounds, but he’s not entirely sure that he’s not hallucinating, or still under anesthesia or something.
The pain feels pretty real in his leg, and his body feels heavy and awkward in the way it always does after surgery, but them being here in reality makes no sense.
“Of course we're here, Buckaroo. Where else would we be?” Hen asks, amusement in her voice warring with the concern in her eyes.
“I - well, wherever it is that you all usually are after work these days.” He answers slowly. Why are they here? It hasn’t been an “of course” for them to be around in months.
“You’re in the hospital, Buck. You’re family, of course we came.” Bobby’s words are soft, meant to be soothing, but something about them hits him like a battering ram to the chest.
They haven’t been family for months. He’s been the only one that’s put in any effort to rebuild their relationships, the only one to apologize for the hurt he caused, and he was shut down at every turn. He’s been ignored and ridiculed and held back and abandoned, over and over and over again.
Suddenly, the pattern clubs him over the head. They’re only here because he’s hurt. They feel guilty that they haven’t been paying attention, worried about what it says about them that they missed the fact that he was hurting, so they’re here to soothe their own conscience. Just like his parents did. They’re no better than Abby, using his pain as a distraction and then leaving once they have no use for him. At least with Ali, she was honest about it, upfront about how his pain was something she couldn’t deal with, instead of yanking him around and playing with his feelings.
The fear and betrayal from earlier twists and turns and morphs into a rage that he hasn’t felt in a long time. The heat of it spreads throughout his body, he knows it’s not medically possible, but it feels like his blood is boiling. Their eyes are like nails on his skin, but it only adds to the anger that grips his chest, the vicious words building and building behind his teeth until it feels like he might explode.
He grinds his molars together in an effort to stop the wave from escaping and grits out a heated demand. “Get out.”
The room stops, everyone freezing where they are, hurt and shock dancing in their eyes. Athena looks confused still, but there’s something on her face that makes him think she’s putting the pieces together, and that she’s not a fan of the picture it paints.
“What- what do you mean, get out? I know everything’s been a little weird since the lawsuit, but we still wanted to make sure that you’re okay.” Chimney tries, voice bewildered as if he can’t think of a single reason why Buck would be so upset with them.
“Yeah, exactly. Sure, you made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean we stopped caring about you.” Hen says, tone the same as when she’s trying to calm a patient on a scene. Instead of soothing him though, it rakes across his spine and makes him want to snap and bite and rip things to pieces.
He bites back his retort of You sure as hell quit acting like you cared, knowing that it would only cause a scene, and he really doesn’t want to be kicked out of this hospital. He inhales a deep breath through his nose and exhales through his teeth, purposefully loosening the death grip he has on Athena’s hand, throwing her an apologetic look before turning back to the 118. “If you don’t want me to hurt your feelings, get out.” He warns, fighting to keep his voice low and even, pushing against the vitriol that’s trying to claw its way free.
He sees everybody pause and look at each other, silent conversations had only with their eyes, and that only adds to his annoyance, because they’re talking about him, always talking about him, like he’s not smart enough to figure it out, like he’s not good enough to make his own choices.
Maddie is the only one who doesn’t hesitate, dropping down into the chair by his bed. “I’m staying. You can’t scare me.” She tells him primly, and that seems to give everyone else the confidence to stay, like they have any right to be here after he’s asked them, in no uncertain terms, to leave.
Athena looks taken aback, like she can’t believe they would so blatantly disrespect his wishes, and he can only give her a tired look, because he should have expected this. He should’ve known they wouldn’t listen to him, because they never do, always so sure that they know better than him.
“I don’t know why you’re so pissy right now Buck, but we still care about you, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.” Eddie tells him, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Buck, like he was an errant puppy that needed to come to heel.
That look, and the way everybody nods along like his own wishes mean nothing, mixed in with the pain from the surgery and the frustration that he had to have this surgery in the first place, explodes in his chest, and he knows there’s no chance of him keeping everything locked away anymore.
He’s tried so hard, ever since that ladder truck fell on his leg, to keep his happy face on and shove every ugly emotion down so it wouldn’t affect anybody else, trying not to make himself a burden. He showed up to support Eddie at his shield ceremony, he gritted his teeth after PT appointments when he was pissy and in pain, so he wouldn’t take it out on everyone else. With the tsunami, he didn’t ask for help, didn’t put his problems on anybody else. Even with being held back from work, he tried to deal with it alone and not drag everybody else into it, not wanting them to have to pick between him and Bobby. Not that that stopped them all from picking Bobby’s side, though. With the treatment after he returned, he didn’t talk to anyone about it, figuring that it was punishment fit for his crime, that he’d just grin and bear it, sure that it would get better soon.
The box he’s been shoving everything down into for so long has exploded, leaving nothing but shards and devastation in its wake, and it only seems fair that he’s not alone in the rubble. This explosion is taking everyone out with him.
“I’m pissy, as Eddie so eloquently put it, because I had another embolism. My leg started to hurt and, now that I knew what to look for, I recognized it from last time, so I made the call and got myself checked out, only to throw one in the middle of the doctor’s office.” He shares, clenching his free fist in the covers beneath his hand as he watches that information sink in.
Maddie tuts and leans forward. “I told you that you had to be careful, Evan! You can’t overexert yourself like this, I knew you shouldn’t have gone back-” She starts, and he interrupts before she can get going on her “Evan shouldn’t be a firefighter anymore” lecture.
“Well, God knows I’m not overworking myself at work, isn’t that right, Bobby?” He says like it’s an inside joke, but there’s something ugly in his voice, and he can’t deny the twisted glee he feels when Bobby looks away from Athena uncomfortably.
“Actually Maddie, the doctor determined that the metal in my leg was the problem. You know, the same metal that you told me I couldn’t have taken out. So, did my doctors lie to you, or did you lie to me?” He demands, looking right at her, refusing to let himself be swayed this time by the hurt in her eyes.
She glances away guiltily, and then sighs. “I didn’t lie to you…” She starts, like that’s the important part. “But nobody really said anything about the metal, that was something that I inferred from my own time in the ER. You really don’t need to go through another surgery to get them out, it’s a lot of stress.” She tries to explain, but he snorts.
“It actually was a surgery I needed, since that metal tried to kill me multiple times, so they’re out now. Between that and the fact that I had a desk job for months, the doctors were surprised I didn’t throw another clot sooner.” He says, directing that comment to Bobby. “Yeah, that “safe job” you wanted me at instead of at the station? Turns out, not so safe after all.” He says with an aggravated huff as Bobby’s face pales.
“I’m pissy because I went through trauma after trauma after trauma , and nobody seemed to give a single shit after the first one. By the time I was recovering from the tsunami, I hadn’t spoken to several of you in weeks. I’m pissy because I worked my ass off to get back to the job that I gave everything for, only to be held back because of somebody else and their inability to process their feelings. I’m pissy that my family abandoned me at the first hint of trouble. I’m pissy that you all stood by while Eddie caused a scene in public, in uniform , and acted like it was nothing less than I deserved. I was at that grocery store to apologize, even if I didn’t do shit to any of you.” He seethes, catching the way Eddie’s mouth opens to argue, but he cuts him off before he can get a word out.
“You think that I remembered every detail of every shitty thing that’s happened to all of you in the last years? My memory is good, but it’s not photographic. In case you forgot, lawyers are really fucking thorough, and all of the shit my lawyer brought up is public record. We were the team that responded to your accident, Chim, and the one for Shannon. You think it was left out of the reports that the victim was your wife, Eddie? That was kind of an important piece of information, and reporting when a firefighter has a connection that personal to one of the victims is regulation. Not only that, I called 9-1-1 when you were stabbed, Chim, and those calls are all recorded. All the shit that you’re all pissed at me for is public information . There are literally people at every law office in the country that go through reports like that with a fine-tooth comb to support their case, that’s their entire fucking job. It’s not like I strolled into that office and said, “You know what, I think I’m going to betray my friends today and give away top-secret information.” I didn’t share anything, just told them the incidents that prove that Bobby only had an issue with me coming back, for whatever reason. Obviously, the city believed I had enough of a claim, because they offered me a settlement of millions. I could’ve been a millionaire, and I turned them down, because all I wanted was to come home.” There’s a dark glee in his chest at the looks on his co-workers faces, and at the ability to finally mention that. They all seemed to think that he dropped the suit because he lost, and therefore, they were right in their assumption that he shouldn’t be back to work. Well, fuck that. If he’s airing grievances now, he’s going to let it all out. Every remark he’s been swallowing, every bitter emotion he’s been stuffing down and stuffing down to avoid conflict, fuck it. He’s so pissed, it feels like lava under his skin. They wanted to push so bad, they can deal with whatever happens next.
“Not that any of you seemed to give a shit about that. Not a damn one of you has spoken to me unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’ve tried, over and over and over again to make amends, to apologize for hurting you. I never wanted you guys to be caught in the crossfire of mine and Bobby’s shit, but you all had no problem planting yourself firmly on his side. Did you know that I almost lost my apartment?” He demands, making sure to hold eye contact with all four of them, ignoring Maddie for now. She doesn’t know anything about what’s going on at work. His issues with her are all on their own.
“My disability ended the day I was cleared to return to full duty by department doctors, my blood doctor, a department psychologist and a handful more with more letters after their names than I’ve seen in one place. Add that into the fact that a Fire Marshall on a fixed schedule doesn’t make anywhere near what a full-time firefighter does, and then the fees for a lawyer, to fight for the job that I was already supposed to be working, I would’ve been homeless .” He emphasizes, watching as his rant sinks in. Hen and Chim look a little green, and Bobby is pale, but Eddie is tense, every muscle in his body clenched tightly, an impassive mask on his face, and for some reason, that pisses him off even further.
“And Eddie, I get that you’re Chris’ dad, and you’re the one in charge of who sees him but fuck you for using him as a pawn in this bullshit game that has nothing to do with you, or him. I tried to be there for you both, but you turned me away at every chance after the tsunami unless you needed something. Chris probably wouldn’t have missed me so much if you would’ve bothered to pick up the goddamn phone. I knew he was going to be struggling after the tsunami, because I was struggling after the tsunami. God, I had nightmares, still have nightmares about him being lost to the ocean, or as one of the bodies passing by. That’s not even mentioning the ones where it’s him trapped under the truck with me, or any combination of the sheer insane amount of trauma I went through. I kept trying, and you kept doing it yourself, but you want to get pissy with me for leaving you? You left me first, Eddie, and you took Christopoher with you, so don’t act like I’m the only reason for this distance between us now. If you’re pissed at me for putting him in danger, just fucking say that. God knows I still am, but you’re the one that kept saying it wasn’t my fault. You’re the one who told me that there wasn’t anybody you trusted with him more than me, so do us both a favor and make up your goddamn mind.” He spits. He’s always respected that Eddie only wants what’s best for Chris, and Buck thought he was going to be pissed, but he wasn’t. He showed up the next day, like nothing was amiss. Buck thought he was bad for Christopher, drowning in guilt after taking him to the pier in the first place, and for losing him later on. He was convinced that he wouldn’t ever see Chris again, and then there he was. Scraped up and using old crutches, but still sunshine incarnate, and Eddie didn’t hold anything that happened the day before against him, and he thought they would be okay.
Nothing is okay.
Eddie blinks rapidly and drops his gaze to his boots, and Buck should probably feel guilty, and he’s sure he will later, but for right now, he’s a little petty, and the tiniest bit vindicated.
His chest is heaving, and he’s honestly surprised that a nurse hasn’t come in because of his heart rate - which definitely accelerated - and all that anger that he’d been clinging onto leaves him in a rush. Maybe because he’s said everything he wants to say, or maybe because this is a little too reminiscent of his childhood - screaming into a void and begging to be heard, all while knowing it’s futile.
He sighs and shakes his head, mostly to himself. “I already have family that only gives a shit about me when I get hurt, and I haven’t spoken to them in years. I don’t need any more people who only use me to assuage their guilt. Now, for the last time, get out of my room, or I will call security, and have you all escorted out. Don’t call me, don’t text me. Bobby, I’ll let you know what the doctors say about when I can return, otherwise, I don’t want to hear from any of you.” He says, a cold finality in his voice that matches the icy resignation in his chest.
“That goes for you too, Maddie. If you barge into my house with that key, I will call the cops on you.” He tells her, holding her gaze so she knows he’s dead serious. He’s been a pushover, letting everyone walk all over him because he just wants them in his life, and he’s done. He survived on his own for years, between his childhood and then traveling around. It sucked, and he spent the entire time looking for a purpose, but he can do it again. He’s smarter now, has some serious training under his belt and a bit of a reputation, at least in the LAFD. Sure, it wasn’t the best reputation when he first started, but after his probationary year, it got better, and now he’s known for pulling off difficult rescues. If the 118 doesn’t want him, he’ll go find people that do.
Athena, who never once left his side during his rant, steps up before anybody can argue. “You heard him. Out, out, let’s go.” She says, waving her hands, face set in her hardest “don’t argue with me” glare. It’s one he’s seen a lot, and he wishes he could thank past-Buck for making her his contact, because goddamn, that was a genius choice. She might be the only person who’s ever actually listened to him, even if he was a punk during their first meeting. She went to bat for him after Bobby fired him, and she’s been right there the whole time.
She all but pushes them out the door, has a hushed conversation that he doesn’t even try to listen to, and then closes the door in their faces.
When she turns to walk back to him, she does it with a sad smile on her face. “Sounds like you’ve been holding all that in for quite some time. You feel better?”
Suddenly, it all hits Buck. He almost died, again. His family had, for all intents and purposes, abandoned him. He just went off on a rant and definitely ruined every relationship with his core team at the 118.
He shakes his head and then drops his face into his hands, not even bothering to try and hide the sobs that rip their way out of his throat.
Suddenly, Athena is there, arms wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him in, petting a hand through his hair and promising him that it’s all going to be okay, refusing to let him cry by himself.
He doesn’t think he’s ever been held like this, definitely not that he can remember by his own mom. Maddie did, when he was little, but she was his big sister, and as well as she did as a stand-in, loving him when it seemed like nobody else did, it wasn’t the same.
This isn’t either, Athena isn’t actually his mother, but he thinks it might be better. Athena knows him, has seen him at some pretty fucking low points, and it still feels like she chose him. She loves him anyway, and if you ask him, that’s better than any obligation.
He falls apart, finally grieving everything he’s been through, letting himself feel everything that he’s shoved down, as far back as when he left Hershey, and letting it rack through him instead of swallowing it down.
He sobs and shakes and cries, and when he finally cries himself to sleep, the last thing he registers is Athena’s hands stroking through his curls, and the soft humming of a song he doesn’t recognize.
For the first time, he sleeps without a nightmare.
Chapter Text
Athena is there when he’s released the next morning, even after he pushed her to go home the night before and get some decent sleep. She has a shift later in the day, but wants to be present for his discharge and make sure he gets home okay.
She tells him that she got his jeep back to his apartment, so he doesn’t have to worry about that on top of everything else, and he tries not to wonder how she got that accomplished, choosing to live in blissful ignorance for a while longer.
He has a follow up appointment in a week, and strict instructions to come back in if he has any serious discomfort in his leg, but is assured that they’re confident they’ve fixed the problem.
Athena signs all his discharge papers while he changes out of the hospital gown, and then they’re off, Athena pushing his wheelchair - stupid hospital policy - and then helping stabilize him as he crutches into the car.
He has to use these for a few days, to give his leg the best chance to recover without any additional stress, but he still hates them.
Athena stops at a McDonalds on their way back to the loft and buys him breakfast, and it feels a bit like he’s back in school, seeing all his friends come back with food from the drive through as a bit of a treat for whatever they had to do. It makes him feel cared for, and the gesture helps warm the place in his chest that’s been frozen since his confrontation with his team yesterday.
Especially when she comes up to his loft with him and fusses, moving things closer, fluffing pillows, shaking out his blanket and laying it over his lap, setting timers on his phone for his medication and texting him the schedule so he doesn’t forget.
She frowns, very obviously not wanting to leave him alone, but he waves her off. “You have a shift, ‘Thena. I’m going to sit my ass on this couch and probably nap, and then I’m going to find some insane reality show to keep myself entertained for the afternoon. I’ll be fine, I promise.”
In the end, he has to agree to text her a couple times throughout the day, so she can be sure he’s okay.
She sits beside him and pulls him into another hug, lingering when he melts into her embrace, and then presses a kiss to his hair. “I do love you, Evan Buckley. Lord help me, you’re going to give me grays, but you’re one of mine. Don’t make me have to come back to this apartment because you got a wild hair and decided to do something stupid.” She tells him, and he revels at her ability to sound loving and threatening at the same time.
He promises to behave, and soaks up all the motherly affection she offers, and then says his goodbyes, wishing her a good shift and promising, again, to text her.
When the door locks behind her, he slumps down onto the couch and heaves out a big sigh.
He’s so tired of sitting on his couch to recover. He’s pretty sure there’s a perfect indentation of his ass on this cushion from all the time he’s spent on it, recovering from one injury or another.
He watched so much TV after the ladder truck, and unfortunately, none of the series he’s watching have come out with new episodes yet, so he turns on his tv and flips through channels until he finds something that looks vaguely interesting, something on the animal channel about sharks that he’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen before.
He dutifully takes his medication when the alarm on his phone goes off, and texts Athena like he’s supposed to, and tries not to let the boredom wriggle under his skin.
He takes a nap - always so tired coming out of the hospital, no matter how long he’s there or how long he sleeps before he’s discharged - and wakes up midafternoon, debating what to do for lunch.
He sighs, not really feeling like cooking, and pulls his phone out to order something for delivery. He’d rather have real food, but just the thought of trying to cook right now is exhausting.
He’s scrolling, trying to figure out what he’s in the mood for, when he hears a key in his front door.
He automatically stops, trying to figure out who’s at the door. A quick glance at the top of his phone screen confirms that Athena is definitely on shift. He told Maddie that he would call the cops if she showed up, but he really, really doesn’t want to. He knows it would be a whole thing, between the reports, and then their relationship, and her job and then Chim would get involved, and he doesn’t want to have to handle this. He just wants people to listen to him.
Those thoughts stop in their tracks when the door swings open and Eddie, arms laden with Tupperware, steps in. “Abuela heard you were in the hospital and started cooking. There are burritos, tamales, empanadas, and honestly, I don’t even know what else. These things are full, so I hope you’re hungry.” He says with false bravado.
Buck narrows his eyes. He didn’t tell Eddie not to come, directly, but he thought it was pretty heavily implied that he didn’t want to see anyone.
On the other hand, he’s starving, and Isabel Diaz is magic in the kitchen…
“Bring me the burritos and put everything else in the fridge.” He says, making grabby hands for the food.
Eddie grabs him a fork and hands over the container, and Buck digs in with a gusto, unable to hide the appreciative moan as the flavorful, spicy taste explodes on his tongue.
They’re still mostly warm, which means Eddie must’ve come right over from her house. They could probably stand to be warmed up a little more, but he’s too hungry to mess around with that.
He keeps his eyes focused on the tv, resolutely not watching as Eddie fills his fridge with homemade treats.
When he hears the fridge door close, he clears his throat. “Tell Isabel I said thank you.” He offers, the dismissal clear in his voice.
Eddie pauses for a minute, and then walks over to join Buck on the couch. “You can tell her next time you see her. She’s demanding your presence at family dinner this week, and she won’t take no for an answer.” He says, adjusting to settle more comfortably into the couch.
Buck can’t hold back his snort. “Yeah, well, whose fault is it that I haven’t been at the last few dinners?” He snarks. After Eddie refused to speak to him unless he pushed, and then told him that he couldn’t see Chris, it was pretty clear that him showing up to the Diaz family dinner on Sunday’s was out of the question.
Eddie nods, lips thin. “You’re right. We’d really like if you came to the next one though.” He says, voice hesitant.
Buck sets his now empty container down onto the coffee table. “Did you miss the part where I told my sister that I would call the police on her if she showed up to ambush me here?” He asks, casually, trying to figure out what the game is here.
Eddie shrugs, pulling his phone out and handing it over. “Call them. You can even use my phone, so you don’t have to reach across to grab yours. I’m afraid it’s the only way you’re going to get rid of me.” He answers, nonplussed.
It’s enough that he finally looks at Eddie directly, for the first time since he showed up, confusion and surprise furrowing his brows.
“Though, as soon as they let me go, I’m just going to come right back here. If you take my key, I’ll just sit out in the hallway and knock on your door until you get sick of me and either let me in or call them again.” He shrugs where he’s sitting, like this is a normal conversation, when it really, definitely is not.
Buck shakes his head slightly, trying to process what Eddie is saying. “What? What are you doing here, Eddie? I thought I made it pretty clear that I didn’t want to see any of you. What makes you think you’re exempt from that?” He questions.
Eddie is exempt, and Buck’s pretty sure they both know that, but he’s going to have to explain, and use his words. Just because Buck can read him doesn’t mean he’s going to let him off the hook so easily.
“I don’t think I’m exempt from your wishes, and this isn’t an ambush. I’m not here to pile more onto everything that’s been happening, or tell you to forgive Bobby, or your sister, or even the rest of us. I’m only here because you were right, and it took you unloading everything yesterday for me to see it. You made point after point, and I felt like an idiot for not putting it together before, for pushing you to the point where I didn’t even recognize the look on your face for me to get my shit together, and I’m so sorry.” He sits up, twisting sideways to look Buck in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t around to see you were struggling before the lawsuit, I’m sorry about the day in the grocery store, and I’m sorry for how I’ve behaved since then. Mostly though, I’m sorry for keeping you and Chris apart. I thought that I was doing the right thing, keeping Chris safe, but it’s- I fight with myself everyday about whether I handled the situation with Shannon right. If I should’ve let her back in sooner, not kept Chris from her for so long, or if I shouldn't have let her back in at all and saved both of us the heartache.” He sighs, rubbing his hands roughly over his face, and Buck notices the dark circle under his eyes and the gauntness of his cheeks for the first time, and he wonders how long it’s been since he was close enough to Eddie to see them.
“I know you’re not Shannon.” He says, slowly, like he’s trying to convince the both of them. “I know that, logically.” He reaches down to mess with the hem of his shirt, a move that telegraphs his unease so clearly, and is something that he so rarely allows. Eddie is always in control. He didn’t even flinch when a grenade blew up their ambulance, not even 3 yards from them, so this, Eddie allowing him to see even a hint of vulnerability, it has Buck’s senses dialed up even further than they usually are when it comes to his partner.
“Do you remember that date I took her on? The night before she died?” He asks, a little out of the blue, and Buck nods.
Hard to forget the way his heart sank to his stomach when he heard the man that he was in love with say he was going to recommit to his wife and their growing family.
“I tried to re-propose, obviously. To show her that I was there, ready to commit to our family, the way I always should have been, for Christopher, and for the newest Diaz. She barely let me finish before telling me that she wasn’t actually pregnant, and that she also wanted a divorce. She didn’t think she could be a wife while relearning how to be a mother.” He says, and Buck inhales in surprise. Eddie definitely never told him that.
“Do you know the worst part about it, though?” He asks Buck, still refusing to look up at him. “There was this part of me that was relieved. ” He huffs a humorless laugh. “I mean, I was sad, and angry, and confused, of course, but Shannon and I were a mess. We were a mess as soon as that pregnancy test came back positive, and I enlisted. I spent so much time away from her, and then when I was around, I was trying to spend time with Chris, and we were fighting a lot, even back then. Add in the fact that she left us for two years, and I don’t think it was ever really going to work the way I wanted it to. Part of me was grateful, even, for her taking the first step, because I don’t think I ever would have been able to. I would have stayed, and probably been just as miserable with her as I was before she left us in Texas.” He shares, and Buck is listening, because he wants to hear everything that Eddie has to say, all the time, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t still a little confused about what any of this has to do with why Eddie is here right now.
“I thought, just for a single second, the thought crossed my mind that, now that I wasn’t going to be married, we could finally figure out what was going on between us.” Eddie whispers, so soft Buck barely hears it. When the words do reach his ears, his sharp inhale is completely involuntary.
“Then, every single thing around us went to shit. Her death, your accident, the embolism, the tsunami. I was arrested for assault, the grocery store, the fight club, one thing after another after the other.” Eddie groans, listing off traumas, and he makes a confused noise at several of those bullet points. Eddie was arrested? Also, what the fuck is he talking about with the fight club? Those sound like very serious things that Buck has absolutely no recollection of.
He remembers Eddie mentioning needing bailed out - during his grocery store dressing down - but not what it was for. Then, Buck thinks about the new truck his partner has been showing up in, and a couple more things slide into place.
“Jesus, Eds.” He says softly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I know. Not my finest moments, for sure. I just… so much changed in so little time, and I fucked up. I get it now though, so I’m not leaving you. God, I can’t even let you out of my sight. Anytime I can’t physically see you, my heart races and it feels like my lungs freeze. I’ve been mad at the world, and definitely at the situation, but I never stopped caring about you. I just did a really shitty job of showing it, so whatever I need to do to make up for it, I will.” He promises resolutely, finally lifting his head, maintaining eye contact to show Buck just how serious he is.
Buck, who left all of his anger in that hospital room yesterday when he shattered in Athena’s arms, gives him a small smile. “This isn’t all on you, Eddie. I know I should have talked to someone about what was going on before the lawsuit, but Chris needed you. He’s been through so much in such a short period of time, your focus needed to be on him.” Buck tries to excuse, but Eddie shakes his head.
“It should have been on you both. He wanted you, after the tsunami. He had nightmares, but I wanted to do it on my own, wanted to prove that I could take care of him without relying on anyone else, all the while knowing that you would answer if we called, no matter what time it was. When you left, it felt like you took away the safety net that I don’t think any of us really realized was there.” He admits ruefully, a shy smile gracing his lips, one that Buck matches.
“I promised to have your back, and I didn’t. I should have just taken you home with us after the tsunami, and we could have saved so much heartache. You and I could’ve taken care of Chris. Chris and I could’ve taken care of you. You and I could have dealt with Bobby holding you back together, and maybe we wouldn’t be in the mess we are right now.” He says glumly, and Buck has to admit, it does paint a pretty picture. He’s just not sure how accurate it is.
“Eds, you don’t know that that’s how any of it worked out.” He corrects gently, smiling when Eddie glares at him. “Stop, I’m serious. Maybe me being around would’ve made it worse for Chris, or caring for both of us, on top of everything else you were dealing with, would’ve stressed you out to your breaking point. Maybe I still wouldn’t have gone to you about Bobby, not wanting to put more on you when you had already done so much for me.” That definitely sounds like something he’d do. In fact, he’s almost 99% sure that’s what would have happened. Maybe he wouldn’t have filed the lawsuit, but he can’t see himself putting anymore of his issues on Eddie. If they were together, the way it sounds like Eddie wants to be, then maybe he would’ve, but he’s spent so long taking care of himself, it’s definitely going to take him a while to get used to relying on other people for help again.
“In the end, we can’t go back and change what happened. I hurt you, even unintentionally, and it’s okay that you were upset with me for it. Obviously, I wish that hurt hadn’t come out in you throwing some of my biggest insecurities in my face in public, but I mean, whatever works for you.” Buck tries to joke, wincing a little at how uncomfortably honest that came out.
Eddie groans again, and then scooches closer to Buck, a solid line of heat at his side, but still careful of his leg. “Yeah, me too. That was a dick move, and I can’t apologize for that enough. I didn’t mean any of it, I’ve never thought that you were exhausting, and God knows I didn’t actually want you to suck it up, I just wanted you to come to me with it. I just- You know how shitty I am at talking about my feelings. That’s not a thing that real men do, according to my parents. I want to do better, though. For you and Chris, obviously, but also for me. I hate the way my anger seems to consume me. It makes me mean, and I don’t even feel like myself. I want to be better.” He admits quietly, like he’s scared his parents are going to jump out from behind the couch and scream at him for saying that too loud.
Buck, on the other hand, can’t contain his smile. He reaches out and pulls Eddie into his chest, giving him the biggest hug he possibly can. “I’m so proud of you.” He says into Eddie’s short hair, smiling as the strands tickle his face.
Eddie just buries his head in Buck’s neck and squeezes his arms where they’re circled around Buck’s waist. “I have to admit, I’m pretty proud of you, too. I know my anger is bad, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get mad like yesterday before. You just swallow it all down, act like you don’t feel it, let everyone walk all over you, but you put a stop to it yesterday, and I think a lot of us needed to see you like that, to remember that you’re a person too, just like the rest of us. I think we all forgot that you weren’t an actual golden retriever in human form.” He teases, but Buck can hear the sincerity behind the words. He agrees, actually. He has no plans on becoming an angry person all the time, but maybe it’s okay to let other emotions show that aren’t his baseline happiness, the mask that he feels the need to put on all the time.
“Yeah, maybe. It did feel kind of nice, to let it all off my chest.” He muses, sinking lower into the embrace that Eddie still has him in.
They’re basically just cuddling on the couch now, and Buck is 90% certain he’s never enjoyed this couch more.
“Yeah, maybe next time, if someone hurts you, you should just tell them, instead of dramatically eviscerating the entire team in a busy hospital room.” Eddie suggests, the laughter clear in his voice.
“Oh, he’s got jokes now, is that what this is? You’re making fun of me? Eddie, I’m injured. ” Buck pouts, gesturing vaguely to his bum leg.
“Awe, poor baby, want me to kiss it and make it better?” Eddie croons, and then freezes. Buck’s pretty sure he didn’t really think about that before he said it, since he uses that line to tease all the time but given his earlier confession about wanting to see what was going on between them, Buck thinks the words carry a little more weight to them, in this current context.
Before Eddie can panic too much, Buck jumps at the offer. “Yes, definitely. It hurts real bad. I’m going to need a lot of kisses. Like, millions, I’m afraid.” He sighs dramatically. If he was standing, he could probably fake a swoon right here.
Eddie grins, a small thing tucked into his cheek, a little scared that Buck doesn’t really mean it, probably, but Buck nods forcefully, immediately. “Yup.” He pops the “p”. “I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what the doctor ordered. Here, let me go grab the paperwork.” He fakes to stand, laughing in delight when Eddie gently pulls him back down to the couch.
“No, that’s okay. I’ll take your word for it. I mean, you know best, and who am I to argue?” He asks with a grin, and then, a heartbeat later, his lips land on Buck’s.
The kiss is soft, definitely a little hesitant, but it’s also achingly sweet. There’s something victorious about it, like they fought this battle, shed actual blood, sweat and tears, and they’ve arrived now, finally able to celebrate their win. It’s exhilarating, while also being the most familiar and steadying thing Buck has ever experienced. He didn’t know that a single kiss could be so nuanced, but of course, Eddie Diaz is the one to show him that.
They kiss chastely, for a few moments, before pulling back to breathe in each other. “I would also like to see what’s going on between the two of us.” Buck murmurs, darting back in to press a quick kiss to Eddie’s grin.
“Yeah? You can forgive me?” Eddie asks, still a little doubtful, but Buck nods. He was always going to forgive Eddie. It was one hell of an apology, after all.
“Yeah, of course. Can you forgive me?” He answers, loving when Eddie brushes their noses together.
“Already forgiven.” He promises, before drawing Buck into another slow, syrupy, exploratory kiss.
Everything else, Buck figures as he carefully maneuvers to climb into Eddie’s lap, he can deal with later.