Chapter Text
“I can’t believe you’re getting out of here,” Ashe grumbled. He was still covered in bandages. “I think Manuela is keeping me here on purpose.”
“Every time you leave you wind up back here,” Manuela said dryly, casting another healing spell on Flayn. “I might as well cut out the middle man. Besides, you were way worse off than these two, you’ll be here at least another week.”
Ashe groaned and let his head thunk against the wall. He cracked an eye open. “Hey Dimitri, you haven’t heard from Yuri, have you? He hasn’t visited at all, and I need to talk to him.”
“Oh he visits,” Flayn said. “It's only when you’re asleep.” Ashe grumbled, wrapping his arms around his legs.
Dimitri dropped a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see if I can convince him to come see you when you’re awake. He’s been worried about you. He blames himself for what happened.”
“What an idiot,” he muttered, sounding much more like Felix than himself. “It’s fine, when I’m discharged I’ll track him down. No need to force him to talk to me. It’s not like either of us has much to say.”
Somehow, as Dimitri left the infirmary, he found himself doubting that a great deal.
***
“Ashe won’t get to participate in the Battle of the Eagle and Lion?” Mercedes asked in class the next day. “That’s so sad!”
“We have an extra student in our house since Bernadetta joined us,” Felix said. “So at least we aren’t down a fighter.”
“Um, I don’t actually have to participate, right?” Bernadetta squeaked.
“With Ashe gone we’ll need an archer,” Annette said.
“I thought Dimtiri was going to be our archer,” Sylvain said with a smirk and Dimtiri frantically glanced around, making sure Byleth wasn’t there.
“Don’t say that where the professor can hear you,” he hissed. “She might take you up on that!”
“If Dimitri is using a bow do you think I’ll be allowed to use a lance again?” Ingrid asked.
“And then I can be our swordsman," Felix said, looking almost happy. “Boar, do us a favor and use a bow, then. I haven’t gotten to use a sword in a real battle in quite some time.”
“Should his highness even participate?” Dedue asked. “You aren’t at full health.”
“I can’t exactly sit out,” Dimitri said firmly. “I’m the leader of our house, I need to be there. We’re already down a member with Ashe unable to participate.” But even as he spoke, there was a part of him that wished he could sit out. The thought of fighting on Gronder field again makes his lungs constrict and he feels panicked already and he’s not even there yet.
“Speaking of Ashe,” Sylvain said. “Which one of us is smacking some sense into Yuri? He’s making him sad.”
“I don’t think we should get involved,” Ingrid said. “There’s a lot of history between the two of them.”
“But consider…” Sylvain said, holding up a hand. “He’s making Ashe sad.”
“We could always just fight him,” Felix said. “It’s not like he’s good enough anyway.”
“Please don’t say that where he could hear you,” Bernie said shakily. “He’ll believe you and then he’ll never make a move.”
“We should stay out of it,” Annette said. “Let them figure it out.”
“Constance is planning to lock them in a room together,” Mercedes said.
“Ashe can pick locks,” Dedue pointed out.
“But Ashe isn’t the one doing the avoiding,” Bernie said. “Still, Yuri will just pick the lock.”
“I feel like someone should be putting a stop to this,” Ingrid said. “And we’re getting off topic. We’re supposed to be strategizing for the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion.”
“Then where’s the professor?” Sylvain asked. “Shouldn’t she be here?”
“She’s avoiding the boar,” Felix said. “Haven’t you noticed?”
The room was silent for a moment. “Uh, why?” Annette asked. “Did you guys get in a fight?”
“Not exactly,” Dimitri murmured. “It’s…complicated. I’m sure she’ll be here soon.” They waited. But Byleth still didn’t show up.
Great job, he thought. You finally did it. You scared her away.
He stood up after several minutes passed. “I’m going to visit Ashe and Flayn. I’m sure she’ll be here soon to help plan.”
He noticed several of his classmates sharing a look with each other, but he was too tired to try and decipher what they were thinking. Were they disappointed in him too? What could Dimitri even do, anyways? He was so tired all the time, and he doubted his ability to make the journey to Gronder field, let alone fight on it.
***
Claude found him later, hiding in the kitchens. “Are you sure you should be in here?” He asked. He tried the soup Dimitri was making and made a face. “This is so bland.”
“I couldn’t tell,” Dimitri murmured, grabbing a nearby spice.
“Don’t put cinnamon in it! Goddess, what is wrong with you?” Claude tugged the seasoning out of his hand, reaching instead for the salt. “Clearly you aren’t here because of your cooking prowess. So what brings you to the kitchens?”
Dimitri stirred the pot in front of him. “I’m trying to be helpful.”
Claude squinted at him. “You’re totally hiding, aren’t you? Byleth is doing the same thing. Whatever fight you had must have been pretty intense. Your entire house looks like they’re in the middle of some crazy divorce right now.” His tone was falsely light, and Dimitri got the feeling he’d already spoken to Byleth about their fight and was here to get Dimitri’s side of the story. Claude was kind like that, he must believe that all the horrible things Byleth said were exaggerated, even though they weren’t.
“I am not hiding," Dimitri said sulkily. “I’m trying to be out of the way. Byleth shouldn’t be the one forced to hide in her room because I’m an idiot.”
“What.” Claude’s voice was flat. “Dimitri, why do you think Byleth is avoiding you?”
“I…I made her uncomfortable,” Dimitri said. “Things with my feelings are complicated. I just…”
“You love her,” Claude said simply, and Dimitri winced.
“Yes,” he said, even though he wanted to deny it. There was something sad in Claude’s face that Dimitri desperately wanted to fix. He wanted to scream that it wasn’t that simple, that his heart wasn’t so sure. Because there was something in him that loved Claude, loved how he made him push himself, how he made him laugh. But the words wouldn’t come. How could he explain this to Claude when he didn’t understand it himself? These emotions were much messier than he expected.
“Do you love her as she is now, or as you’ve seen her be in the future?” Claude asked. “Would you love her if she never became the version of herself that you’ve seen?”
“Of course,” Dimitri said, surprised by the question. He’d loved Byleth since the moment she chose him, since the very first time he met her. He’d always been captivated by her. She’s still the Byleth he knows. “It’s complicated because she isn’t the person who fell in love with me.”
Claude stared at him for a long moment, and Dimitri wanted to explain, but the words felt caught in his throat.
“You’re telling me,” Claude said, sounding exasperated, “that the reason you worry about your feelings for Byleth is because you think she doesn’t love you.”
“I…suppose,” Dimitri said quietly. “It’s difficult to know how much I love her, and to know that every day I’m moving further away from the future where she feels the same for me.”
Several minutes passed while Claude seemed to think. Eventually, he finally managed to pull his thoughts together. “I’ve been trying to find a way to be nice about this, but I think I need to just come right out and say it. You and Byleth are the two most socially inept people I have ever met in my life. Please just have an honest conversation with her dear Goddess, you're going to give me gray hairs.”
“What?” Dimitri asked, his jaw dropping.
“Do you need me there as an intermediary?” Claude asked. “Because clearly the two of you can’t manage to have a genuine honest conversation about your feelings without one of you messing it up.”
Dimitri stared at him. He couldn’t exactly have Claude be an intermediary between him and Byleth regarding his feelings for her, considering that Byleth is hopelessly in love with Claude. Not to mention Claude doesn’t know about the time travel. And even further, Dimitri’s own feelings for Claude were such a jumbled mess that he can’t seem to make sense of.
“Dima, you look like shit,” Claude said bluntly, his green eyes serious in a way that made Dimitri’s heart pound. “Go talk to Byleth and then go to sleep. The world isn’t going to end because you had one tough conversation.”
Dimitri’s limbs moved without him even thinking, leaving Claude to finish cooking the soup while Dimitri headed in the direction of Byleth’s room.
He was knocking on the door before his head cleared. Byleth opened it, looking tired and stressed. “Dimitri?”
“Claude says we need to have a conversation,” Dimitri said. “I don’t understand why, exactly. But I trust him. So…” His hands were shaking.
“Come in, I’ll make some chamomile tea,” Byleth said. Dimitri laughed.
“Always one to let your students pick,” he said. “Why don’t we drink your favorite flavor? I won’t be able to taste it anyway. I only said chamomile when you asked because it’s the only flavor I could remember.”
Byleth looked at him, and he squirmed under her blank stare. “Dimitri, I bought so much chamomile tea because I thought it was your favorite.”
“It does help me sleep,” Dimitri admitted. “Not that I need that right now.”
“Claude also likes chamomile,” Byleth said softly, looking down at her tea set.
“We’ll have to all sit together for tea sometime,” Dimtiri said. Byleth continued to brew the tea and Dimitri watched in silence.
“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable with my feelings,” Dimitri said. “I know you love Claude, and that this version of you hasn’t fallen for me. And even though I’ll love every version of you, I know that not every version of you can love me.” He looked down at the tea cup. “And you and Claude truly deserve happiness. I think the two of you could be truly happy together in Almyra, once all this is over. Their warrior culture is rather suited for your talents.”
“Dimitri,” Byleth’s voice was soft. “You…you’re right. I do love Claude. But…” she trailed off and Dimitri looked up. Her face was set in concentration, like she was trying to find a way to say something difficult. He braced himself. “Do you mean it? That you will love every version of me?”
“You’ll always be Byleth,” Dimitri said simply. “I don’t think there’s a version of you that exists that I wouldn’t be able to love.”
“I joined Edelgard,” Byleth said. “I killed you.”
“I know,” Dimtiri said.
“Do you?” She asked, and there was a tinge of emotion available in her voice, something almost like hysteria if it could be muted. “Dimitri, how could you love someone who has never done anything but fail you? I’ve never saved you, and in some timelines it was my sword that ended your life. How could you love those versions of me?”
“Because you were fighting for what you believed in,” Dimitri said. “You were fighting with your heart and your soul. You were fighting to protect the people that were most important to you. I haven’t always been able to do that. I let myself get caught up in the screams of the dead, but you’ve always been so focused on the living.” Dimitri closed his eyes. “You drown the ghosts out because you’ve always been so alive. Despite how much you struggle to feel sometimes you always fight for something you wholeheartedly believe in.” His face flushed. Here he was, apologizing for making her uncomfortable, and he had to go and make it worse with that whole weird confession. He risked a glance up and noticed a tiny flush in her cheeks.
“Oh,” she said. “You…you love me.”
“I…yes,” Dimitri said. “I thought that was clear?”
“You love me as I am now,” she said. “Not as I was then.”
Something finally clicked in Dimitri’s brain. “Oh.” He swallowed. “Of course I love her. But I love you, too. Even if you never become the version of you that sent me back in time, I will love you.” Her face flushed further. “But I will not stand between you and Claude and your happiness. I have no intentions of ruining something that’s been so good for the both of you before.”
“I love Claude,” Byleth said again. “That’s true. But I love you, too. And this Claude…I’m not sure he loves me.”
“He does,” Dimitri said, because even though they’ve never spoken about the matter, Dimitri knows that Claude has always been enraptured by Byleth, that from the first moment he met her Claude’s been a little in love with her. He blinked, his mind catching up to her words of I love you, too. “I, are you sure?”
“I’ve fallen in love a hundred times, Dimitri,” Byleth said. “I’m sure.”
Dimitri’s mind was racing. “I…but you and Claude. You both deserve to be happy.”
“Don’t you deserve to be happy too?” Byleth asked. Dimitri’s simple answer to that was a resounding no. There was a swirl of complicated emotions nearly bursting inside him.
“I can’t make that kind of choice,” Dimitri said. “Not if it hurts someone I care about.”
Byleth’s face twitched into a facsimile of sadness. Even now, her face couldn’t show her true emotions. “I know. And I can’t, either.”
For a moment, Dimitri wondered if the best option was truly to wait for the curse of the Oracle to take his life. Right now, he stands between Byleth and Claude’s happiness. Byleth won’t tell Claude how she feels so long as he’s here, just as he won’t move forward with either of them so long as it runs the risk of making the other unhappy.
“So. We’re in a bit of a stalemate then,” Dimitri said. Byleth’s face softened, a bit of humor finding its way past her stoicism.
“I guess we are.”
***
“Oh good, you talked things out,” Claude said, plopping down next to them at dinner that night and raising his glass in a mockery of a toast. “So. When’s the wedding?”
“There won’t be one,” Dimitri said. “We’ve decided not to begin courting.” Claude choked on his drink.
“What? Why?” He coughed and Dimitri clapped him on the back softly and waited until Claude had finished choking to reply.
“We love each other, yes, but that’s not all,” Dimitri said, happy to finally feel like everything was out in the open. “After all, it wouldn’t feel right to move forward together when it would hurt someone we both care about so deeply.”
Dimitri wished he could have Ignatz here so the boy could paint a likeness of Claude’s current face. His jaw was dropped, his cheeks flushed, and Dimitri felt proud of having completely surprised the Master Tactician.
Byleth nodded. “It wouldn’t be fair. We both volunteered to step back so the other two could be happy but neither of us was willing to hurt each other like that.”
Claude opened his mouth, but all that came out was a kind of wheezing noise. Dimitri grinned, happy to have been one of the first people to truly make Claude speechless.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to Hapi to see if she’ll be joining us for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion,” Dimitri said, feeling more energized than he had in the past few days. He nodded to Byleth and Claude and swept out of the room, fully aware that Claude’s brain still hadn’t fully caught up to the conversation.
***
When he’d finished convincing Hapi to assist them in the battle (not that it took much effort, she was happy to do anything to help Ashe out. When did they become friends?) he found Yuri pouting in the bar.
“You look terrible,” Dimitri said. Yuri scoffed.
“Like you’re one to talk,” he muttered.
“I have a debilitating curse eating away at my lifeforce,” Dimitri said dryly. “What’s your excuse?” Yuri didn’t say anything and merely scowled at the table. “Good talk. Please stop avoiding Ashe, you’re making him sad.” Yuri’s scowl deepened. Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it. He didn’t want to get involved in…whatever this was. “I’ve been meaning to ask. Is Constance single?”
Yuri’s face snapped up, and he looked so shocked it startled a laugh out of Dimitri. “What?”
“I’m asking for a friend,” Dimitri said. “Also, does she like women? That’s a necessary prerequisite.”
“I don’t actually know,” Yuri said. “We don’t really talk about our love lives very often except for Balthus’s huge and embarrassing crush on Hilda’s older brother that he never got over. I don’t think she’s dating anyone.”
“Good,” Dimitri mused. “I’d hate to have to kill anyone over it.” That did manage to startle a laugh out of Yuri, and some of the tension in his shoulders eased a bit. “Any updates on the papers?”
“Constance has been reading them nonstop,” Yuri said. “Hapi’s been a huge help, though she read something that spooked her and hasn’t been back to go through them again. I’m trying not to push because her past is her business, but I am worried.”
“She underwent experiments which led to her monster attracting sighs, right?” Dimitri asked. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Those Who Slither in the Dark were behind it. They seem the type.”
“Just another reason to kill them, I suppose,” Yuri said. “I miss the good days where all I was doing was running an underground syndicate instead of preparing for war against a shadow organization.”
“Ah, you would have gotten bored eventually,” Dimitri said, and Yuri rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face, so Dimitri couldn’t help but feel like this was a win.
***
Dimitri didn’t get the chance to speak to Claude again before they set off for Gronder. A part of him wished he, Claude, and Byleth could sit down, share some chamomile tea, and figure their feelings out, but he and Claude were far too busy leading their houses through Empire territory to have a chance.
“Sylvain, if you sneak off into a nearby village to flirt with the local populace again I’ll bench you,” Dimitri warned. Sylvain perked up.
“Promise?”
Dimitri scowled. “I take it back. Do that again and I’ll talk Byleth into making you prepare for the dark knight exam.”
Sylvain paled considerably. “Dimitri I can’t do magic.”
“I’m sure you’d be fine,” Dimiri said, waving him off. “But if you’re that worried about it, behave.”
Ashe was one of the few students that was allowed to ride on horseback to Gronder. He’d made a valiant argument against Manuela to be allowed to participate, but she’d put her foot down. In the end, she acquiesced and allowed him to accompany them to spectate, and he and Flayn were riding next to each other, Ashe trying to help Flayn since she’s rather bad at horseback riding.
Dimitri expected Seteth to be more upset about the situation, but he seemed rather content to let Ashe and Flayn remain friends. In fact, the person that appeared to be scowling in their general direction the most was Yuri.
“You look terrible,” Felix said. “Worse than usual. What’s up with you?”
Dimitri winced, glancing around to see if anyone would be arriving to save him from this conversation. No one came. “I’m just tired.”
“Bullshit,” Felix said. “Don’t lie to me, Dimitri.”
It was the use of his given name that made Dimitri swallow his pride and admit, “I’m scared to go to Gronder. It’s…I see it often. And it’s never good.”
“Are we in danger?” Felix asked, his eyes instantly scanning the surrounding area.
Dimitri shook his head, then winced as the movement seemed to make his aching head feel worse. “It will happen in the future,” he said. “Nothing bad happens now, but…”
“You’re probably going to have a freakout vision and throw up blood,” Felix said. “Can’t you just sit out?”
“We don’t know that’s going to happen,” Dimitri said, and Felix scoffed. “I shouldn’t worry everyone over something that may not even cause any issues.”
“Ah, yes, hide your true self from everyone, because that’s gone well for you before,” Felix said dryly. “Don’t expect me to help you if all you do is pretend nothing’s wrong.”
Dimitri felt that was slightly hypocritical coming from Felix of all people, but considering his own predicament he decided not to say anything.
Half a day into their journey, Claude approached with a horse. “I figured you were trying to be all noble and refuse the assistance, but you really do look awful. Please ride the horse Dima, otherwise I won’t be able to beat you at your best.” Despite Claude’s words, he wasn’t looking at him, and his ears were a little red. His eyes briefly flickered to glance at him, then at Byleth. He handed the horse off and scurried away.
“What’s his deal?” Ingrid asked.
Dimitri shrugged, but based on the looks everyone gave him, no one believed it.
***
Byleth stuck close to him at the beginning of the battle.
“I can’t believe you’re giving me a bow and sending me to fight Claude,” Dimitri murmured.
“Seeing you is going to make him distracted,” Byleth said. “And then Hapi will be there to cast Hades on him.” Dimitri stared at her.
“You’re evil,” he said, but his lips were twitching into a smile. “Everyone’s ready?” Byleth nodded and Dimitri stepped into his place. His head spiked. He’d stood here twice before. Once at this very same time, in a class mock battle. But there was another time…
Kill every last one of them!
Byleth was on the other side of the field, ready to head in the direction of the Black Eagles. Was she trying to stop him from fighting Edelgard?
There was blood on his hands. Rodrigue’s blood. Bernadetta’s blood. At the same time, he felt as if dozens of spears were in his back, his body weighed down by anger and hate.
He wasn’t seeing visions, not really. Instead it was like he was standing on Gronder field five years in the future, blood on his hands and yet also somehow dying. Always dying.
“Dimitri!” Someone was calling his name, but his ears were ringing. And he was dying on Gronder field.