Chapter Text
Branch was comfortable. Relaxed really. His family was safe, Poppy was safe, and they had managed to stop the weird sadistic giants while rescuing Floyd.
All was right in his world.
Which was why when Floyd, still weak and tired from his capture, suddenly sat up straighter on the couch he, Branch, and Poppy were laying on, Branch had a bad feeling. The absolute shit eating grin on the pink haired trolls face made his brothers shiver.
"So." Floyd said quietly, meeting Branch's eyes.
The youngest blinked at him. "So?"
"A queen, huh? Man, I always knew you'd have high standards, but going for royalty? That takes some serious balls, Bitty B."
Poppy's eyes went wide, exchanging looks with Branch until she, ever so helpfully, burst into loud laughter. She shook until she fell off the couch, where Branch oh so helpfully kicked her side. "B-B-Branch? And me?" She wheezed.
Branch kicked her again, but it didn't help, she was practically crying in laughter. His brothers gave him creepy, smug looks, but Branch just banged his head against the back of the couch.
"I'm not dating Poppy." He told them, exasperatedly. The disbelieving looks weren't helping, so he poked Poppy in the side again without foot, hoping that she could convince his idiots. Sadly, he wasn't surprised that her attempts to 'help' just made things worse.
She nodded from the floor. "I mean,"Poppy giggled, "you're half right, he's dating royalty. But it's definitely not me"
"So you're dating her? The older princess? Viva?" Floyd questioned, eyes moving between the youngest of their family and the elder daughter of the king.
Clay scoffed at them, throwing an arm over Viva's shoulder protectively. "Absolutely not! Viva's-"
"He's dating my cousin, Creek! He's a yoga instructor, believe it or not!" Poppy interrupted, smiling so wide Branch bet her face would hurt.
The proclamation just made Branch roll his eyes. He knew she knew that they weren't actually dating. Or, at least, he was pretty sure she knew it. Sometimes, he wondered though.
By the time he realized that everyone believed it, he was too late to correct most of them.
His brothers went quiet, exchanging deep, meaningful looks he couldn't understand.
"You're gay?" Clay questioned slowly.
Branch let his head thump the couch again. "Its... complicated." He paused, wondering if it was worth wasting his breath or not, before deciding to at least try. "We're fake dating because his aunt is a bitch, and she hates me, so she leaves him alone."
"Uhuh." JD agreed slowly.
Branch nodded wildly, hair whipping slightly at the exaggerated movements. "But no one believes us! I mean, it wasn't my idea, obviously, because it was a bad one, but still! I'm surprised the old bat hasn't figured it out yet, may she rot in a grave soon."
The older four looked at each other, then the two princesses, before looking back at him.
"Is it possible that people don't believe-" Clay started awkwardly.
"We love you, B, but, well-" Floyd tried.
"You don't really seem like the fake-" Bruce said skeptically.
JD interrupted them all, talking over his brothers so that his voice rang out clear. "You aren't exactly the fake dating type Bluebell. I mean, you, of all trolls?"
Branch banged his head again, throwing a paw over his face. "It wasn't my idea!" He tried to defend himself, but Poppy was already nodding and giggling again from the floor.
She leaned more of her weight against his legs. "Exactly!" She teased. "Plus, they're super touchy, I mean, they seem to love PDA, its almost gross how into each other they are! You have no idea how many times I've caught them doing... things!"
Branch sighed. "We're doing it to make his aunt... you aren't going to believe me either way, are you? Why do I even bother."
---
The entire mess started on a random Tuesday. Of course it did. Almost every bad thing in his life happened on Tuesdays. Including his birth, but that was a gray thought, no a (semi) more vibrant Branch thought.
Branch had been minding his own business, going to hang out with his friends to practice a song he'd been working on. His mood had been high as he munched on a bag of toffee cookies Ablaze dropped off the day before. The sun was shining, everyone was safe, including his oldest friends, and all had been well in his world.
Which should have been the first clue something was going to happen to blow up the peace he'd worked so hard for. He should have been far more attentive toward the shouting and running coming his way, but he'd been lost in his own little world. Too bad he didn't have the foresight to just stay home that day.
If he did, then Creek wouldn't have literally run into him, violet eyes looking more wild than he'd seen since the pot almost a year ago. He should have run once those eyes locked onto his own, a plan forming easy enough that Branch could practically see it.
"Sorry mate." Creek had apologized, before yanking Branch's vest. The blue(ish) troll stumbled forward, unable to think, or even recognize what was happening until soft lips met his own.
Kiss.
His first kiss.
Creek was kissing him?
Before he could freak out, and punch the other troll in the nose, Creek had been pulled away violently.
The interloper screamed in rage, pulling hard on Creek's ear. "I've told you! I've told you over and over to be normal! You are a trolls damned prince! You're better than that abomination, Creek! How could you even want that... that thing anywhere near you?"
Pleasant, Branch remembered thinking. He knew this troll, with her perfectly styled purple fur, cold pink eyes. She was always dressed like she was going somewhere fancy, in elaborate dresses with matching accessories and a tiara on her head. She was the ex- King Peppy's youngest sister, Stream, aunt to both Poppy and Creek, who raised her nephew to be the best.
It was an open secret, according to Hype, that Stream wanted Creek on the throne instead of Queen Poppy.
Unfortunately for her, Creek had never been particularly ambitious. He had seemed fine with his yoga studio and the ears of his adoring fans. Plus, Creek disliked the pompous world of politics, staying far away from any and all meetings with the royals around.
Creek, Branch remembered, pulled away from her in disgust. "Good thing he's not yours then, auntie. Branch is too good for you, hell, he's too good for me! No other troll is as dedicated to our safety, our freedom, as he is! Branch is genuinely a good person, unlike you! He loves me for me, not for my title, which is more than I can say for you."
She threw them a look of absolute disdain. "Fine. Have the freak. Let it contaminate you until you're as rotten as it is. But, at the end of the day, darling boy, you are going to marry who I tell you to and have the heirs our family needs. It can't keep you happy, not when it should have been drown decades ago."
And with that, she stomped off, clearly trying to seem more composed than she was.
Branch remembered holding a hand to his mouth, mind frozen, because there, just a few feet away, were his friends. And, from the looks on their faces, rage and smugness, he could tell they had heard Creek's... rant.
He'd been right, of course. They didn't believe that there was absolutely nothing going on between Creek and Branch. They didn't believe that no, he hadn't finally confessed his long standing crush on the guru. Though, when he next saw Stream, and she was covered in yellow and light blue glitter.
Clearly, both Hype and Boom were innocent of pranking her, since one was a very serious medical professional, and the other a notorious clean freak. No, they had nothing to do with the random explosions in her pod either. Not them.
He had good friends.
Even if they never listened.