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Summary
A tired, sleep-deprived Kim Hajin tried to explained things to Kim Suho.
Or, something like that.
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Bookmark Notes:
O flerte culposo
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Ch1
"Is this urn the reward?" Suho asked, snapping Kim Hajin out of his thoughts and making him look up to see the object Kim Suho was holding
"Yeah, that should be it. That was what Jǫr was protecting, right?" Kim Hajin replied.
Despite the protest of sore muscles, Kim Hajin forced himself to get up from his position.
"But what is it?"
"Wait a moment, I have to appraise it first."
Kim Hajin put out his hand to Kim Suho, and without an ounce of hesitation, Kim Suho gave the urn to him. He then started to check on the item.
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This was one of the randomization items that Kim Hajin created.Probably because Hajin was just too lazy to make a complicated mechanism out of it, it was easy to use.
Someone just had to put an item in it, and let it sit for about ten days. Although no one knew what crazy effect would be added to the item, with his luck, Kim Hajin wasn't too worried.
"You can take this one.” Kim Suho suddenly spoke up.
"...Mm? What do you mean?" Kim Hajin looked up to Kim Suho.
"Isn't it obvious? I took Misteltein, so you should take this one.” Kim Suho explained.
"But still..." Kim Hajin trailed.
He knew that this jar could be used twice.
Closing his eyes, Kim Hajin got back into his previous position—lying down with the jar placed on the ground beside him.
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But Kim Hajin didn't reply and just lay down, pretending to sleep. Although he did feel a bit sleepy from using all his stamina in the previous battle.He heard Kim Suho laugh—probably because of Kim Hajin's lack of response—he admitted it sounded kind of nice. They stayed like that as the time passed by in silence.
-“But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy your life, making friends, finding happiness, and achieving what you want is what living is about, right? You should have enjoyed it too while you could,” Kim Suho said quietly.
Kim Hajin tried his best to not scoff at it, “Have you ever heard that ‘living is harder than dying’? If not, then congrats, now you have it.”
“That is…” Kim Suho isn't sure how to respond to that, Kim Hajin just ignored him and started again.
“I won’t blame you if you can’t understand, but just remember not everyone experiences a good, happy life like us. That is why, be grateful for everything you get, because you will not know when it will be taken away from you.”
Kim Hajin wasn’t sure why he was lecturing Kim Suho about how life works all of a sudden. But then he realized, it felt more like a self-reminder, an irony truly, one day he still lazes around his apartment, and the next day he wakes up in an unknown place fighting for his life.
Kim Hajin stared at the jar in his hand before he continued.
“Dying for someone, one might think it’s romantic, a devoted love. But, how about living for someone? Some people will say that is ridiculous, but I don't think so,” Kim Hajin said in a low voice.
Kim Suho stared at Kim Hajin who was lying on the cold ground.
“...Why so?” He inquired, eyes never leaving Kim Hajin's figure.
“Hmm… how do I explain it,” Kim Hajin tried to organize the words in his mind, so that they were easy for Kim Suho to understand.
“As I said before, living is harder than dying. Dying is easy, it feels easier than living because death takes no effort and it is inevitable,” Kim Hajin began, carefully arranging the words so they wouldn't sound strange or weird.
“Many people crave death because it is the only escape that is not temporary. If you die, you cease to exist. You will not experience anything after that.”
Kim Hajin looked up straight into Suho's eyes as he continued.
“The thought of escaping the misery of life permanently, of no longer dealing with things we don't like, is what makes the prospect of death so satisfying.” Kim Hajin would be lying if it never crossed his mind about ending his life.
“But still, ending your life is wrong.”
Kim Hajin didn't bother to respond, instead, he spoke again.
“Living is more difficult as one has to struggle in his life for the fulfilment of his wants, he has to face pain, stress and difficulties. And dying is just to close your eyes permanently with seconds of pain or no pain.”
“To have someone living for you without expecting anything in return, I think, is one of the greatest things one could have.” As he closed his eyes, Kim Hajin let out a sigh.
“Living for yourself is already hard enough,” Kim Hajin shrugged. “And to live for someone else is just straight-up selfless love. So there's just a small group of people who would live for others without expecting anything.”
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