Chapter Text
Thorin paces back and forth outside the door to Erebor. It's been too quiet and he feels like Bilbo should be back by now. They didn’t even want him to find the Arkenstone on this first trip. He is just supposed to peek in to see if he can spot the dragon and come back so they can plan.
But it’s been hours and they’re all getting restless. They hadn’t heard any dragon sounds from inside the mountain or they likely would have run in by now. By Mahal, the wait is killing him.
Thorin turns to Balin and is just about to suggest they go check on Bilbo when he hears impossibly quiet footsteps. So quiet they never would have heard him if they hadn’t all been straining their ears for some sign of a dragon bumbling about in the mountain. It had to be Bilbo.
Bilbo starts to appear in the shadows and Thorin could swear the hobbit is holding something. Maybe some trinket or useful bauble, found inside the mountain. Malal knows the creature certainly hadn’t been gone long enough to find the arkenstone. Though it would be a blessing on their journey to find it so soon.
“Do you all promise not to be mad?” Bilbo asks, still heavily drenched in the shadows.
“That depends, what did you do?” Dwalin asks in his usual growl. Thorin glances over at his friend and spots the barely there sardonic smirk. Dwalin thinks the burglar has done something stupid that would barely warrant a laugh let alone anger.
It always did seem that the little thing was always fussing at something or other. At first, it was his handkerchief, then the lack of food, then the smell of troll, it seemed to go on forever.
Thinking about it now, Thorin remembers the many uses the hobbit had for his handkerchief once he finally got ahold of one in Rivendell. He had gathered berries and shaded his head from the beating sun. He had even staunched the bleeding of Thorin’s own wound after their… run-in with Azog.
And now that he was focussing on it, they had been appalled when they made it to Rivendell and found out from the Elves that Hobbits need seven meals a day in order to sustain their magic.
Bilbo had been making motions at the elf who was rambling on about Hobbit eating habits as if he was planning to retaliate against her with extreme violence. By the time she had noticed him, likely not helped by his height, the dwarrow had all already turned on him.
He had spent the rest of the night fending off their questions and the rest of their stay in Rivendell avoiding the 20 meals a day they tried to stuff down his throat. Thorin almost wanted to laugh in retrospect with his current knowledge of Hobbit green magic. Needless to say, since then they have kept a good supply of seeds on Bilbo’s person. It had certainly benefited them while traveling through Mirkwood.
As for the smell of troll…He had smelled rather awful while covered in troll snot. Thorin was familiar with terrible smells, he has worked as a traveling trades dwarf in the towns of men for most of his life.
Thorin is pulled from his thoughts as Bilbo finally exits the shadows and reveals what's in his hands.
He’s holding a… what even is that? Is that a lizard?
…With wings?!
“Laddie, please tell me that isn’t what I think it is?” Balin pleads, verbalizing what they’re all thinking.
“Looks like a bloody tiny dragon, is what it is!” Bofur yells, hat crooked and looking like he would rather jump off the ledge behind them and plummet to the base of the mountain than face the tiny lizard in the burglar’s arms.
It’s not a terrible idea in Thorin’s opinion.
With Bofur’s exclamation the dwarrow around him burst into a cacophony. With the great dreaded beast in front of them and the size of a house cat, there is little to fear in raising their voices and raise them they did.
Days later, Thorin would vehemently deny the high-pitched noise that escaped his mouth or how he jumped away from Bilbo once he processed what was truly in the Hobbit’s hands.
“You are the most embarrassing examples of your species on the face of Arda.” Thorin hears a deep voice rumble. As the dwarrow fall silent, it takes him a moment to realize that the voice came from the tiny dragon still in Bilbo’s arms.
“Bilbo, put that down so we can kill it.” Thorin slowly draws his sword as he creeps toward the hobbit. The rest of the dwarrow takes their cue from him and he can spot them pulling out their weapons out of the corners of his eyes.
“Oh, hush.” The hobbit pays them no notice. “Don’t you remember what I told you. At this size you can swim through the gold easier and now you can fit inside the chalices.” Bilbo tells the dragon he cradles in his arms like a cat.
“I am above such petty insults.” Smaug rears his head up and turns away from Bilbo. “You will all bow before me as the true king under the mountain.”
“How about ambassador? You could scare our allies when they’re being difficult and I’m sure Thorin would be happy to pay you handsomely.” Bilbo tempts the literal fucking dragon.
Thorin is left standing agape with his sword partially drawn. Of all the things that could happen today, none of this was what he prepared himself for. Thorin had planned for every possible outcome. He had even been giving Fili and Kili leadership lessons on the long walk to prepare them in case he fell.
“We could build you a bed in the royal wing. Like a playpen full of gold.” Bilbo scratches the dragon behind the wings.
“What is a play pen?” The tiny dragon asks, suspicious.
“Like a chalice, but bigger. Better for swimming through the gold at your size.” Bilbo smiles down at the somehow still menacing creature.
“That sounds…acceptable.” Smaug crawls up onto Bilbo’s shoulders and curls his neck around the hobbit’s throat.
“Bilbo.” Thorin feels like he’s interrupting. “What is happening?”
Thorin is almost desperate at this point to understand whatever the fuck just happened.
He frankly would just like to go to bed at this point.
“I got you a much more frightening ambassador than I could ever be. Though I guess he could come with me so I can sign paperwork.” Bilbo taps his lips with a pointer finger, obviously thinking hard. “You did still want me to stay as an ambassador for a while didn’t you?”
“Bilbo, you can have the throne for what you’ve done for us!” Fili shouts, seeming to be the first to break from his stupor.
The young prince bounds up to the hobbit and dragon with his younger brother barely on his tail. They both look like overexcited puppies eager to meet a new playmate with the only thing holding them back from pouncing being the literal dragon.
“Can we pet him?” Kili asks, practically shaking in his skin.
“I would give him a bit more space until he is more used to us. He has been alone for an awfully long time.” Bilbo steps back from the boys. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could use a good long nap. Come on!”
With that Bilbo turns on his heel and retreats back into the mountain. The dwarrow are left scurrying to grab their supplies and follow after him.