Chapter Text
It's a particularly frigid and snowy day, two days after Christmas eve. I stand by the window, gazing out at the snowflakes gently floating to the ground. The snowfall triggers a wave of memories, evoking thoughts of that winter day. The snow holds a paradoxical resemblance to him: cold yet beautiful. My mind is so engrossed in reflections that I fail to hear Gentiana calling out to me for lunch. She emerged from the kitchen, making her way to the living room.
She paused beside me, her tone filled with a mixture of concern and curiosity. "Sue, you've become quite the deep thinker lately, What could possibly be on your mind that you didn't hear me calling you for lunch?" I didn't respond, my gaze locked on the mesmerizing snowfall outside. Snowflakes I thought, lost in the white canvas of winter. Gentiana sighed, her voice tinged with empathy. "Why don't you share it with me? Perhaps I can help?" I turned to face her, shaking my head "It's nothing." She then asked "Are you missing your friends?" As she spoke, I felt a pang of sadness within me, yet I brushed it off, feeling frustrated and misunderstood.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I want to lash out at everyone and everything? Her sharp, penetrating gaze met my own, her gentle fingers running through my dark hair. "The emotions you're experiencing are entirely normal for your age, my dear." her voice brimming with warmth. "Don't hide your pain from me. I want nothing more than to see you happy, to see your smile." Even when I remained silent, she had an uncanny ability to see right through me. A thick lump formed in my throat as I looked at her with a mix of hesitation and uncertainty.
Questions swirled through my mind in rapid succession, fueling my anger and sadness. "Why do you always wish for my happiness?" I asked, my voice quivering and my eyes growing watery. "After all, I'm not even your daughter. Why do you always feel pity for me?" She fell silent for a moment, her expression filled with a mixture of surprise and empathy. She gently took hold of my hands, intertwining our fingers together. "Sue, it's not pity that I feel for you, It's concern, it's care, it's affection. You have become a part of my life, a very special one, and your happiness has become a part of my own." Why is she always looking at me with such sad eyes? I wondered, my guilt and frustration growing. "I'm sorry.."
I mumbled, my voice wavering. "Sometimes I think thoughts like this. I don't want to cause you any upset, but there's something in my heart that aches. I feel so sad." I couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and before I knew it, they were streaming down my face. Gentiana reacted immediately, wrapping me in a tight embrace and gently stroking my hair. "You're going through puberty, my dear," she explained kindly. "Many people feel the way you do at this stage in their lives. Your feelings are valid and important." I buried my head into her embrace, letting my tears flow freely. Her words, her comfort, washed over me like a soothing lullaby.
As my sobbing subsided, I hugged her tighter and whispered shyly "Can we go to Diagon Alley together, or even Hogsmeade?" Gentiana chuckled softly, her hands still stroking my hair. "Of course, my dear, We can go wherever you wish. We have plenty of time together." I felt a twinge of embarrassment for showing such a vulnerable, tears streaming side of myself at my age. It was different from when I was younger back then, it didn't bother me to let my emotions show. Is this what growing up feels like? Bottling everything up and suffering in silence? It hit me then, that Gentiana seemed to be the same way. She rarely spoke about her own feelings or experiences. Maybe someday, when I'm older, she'll open up to me. Then, I'll understand her words better. For now, I'll cherish these moments.
Gentiana and i strolled through the bustling streets of Diagon Alley, taking in the sights and sounds of the busy shopping district during the Christmas holidays. The air was filled with the scent of fresh pine and the laughter of festive shoppers. "So, Sue, what do you want to do first?" as we passed by a shop window adorned with colorful lights and a display of glittering snowglobes. "Some shopping or hot chocolate?" I glanced at the display of snowglobes. "Shopping sounds fun, but first can we get hot cocoa? Maybe even with marshmallows on top?" she nodded "Of course." she said, guiding me towards a cozy little cafe at the end of the street.
We entered the cafe and were immediately enveloped in a wave of warmth and the aroma of chocolate. The cozy decor and soft lighting created a festive and relaxing atmosphere.We ordered our hot cocoa, each with a generous serving of marshmallows bobbing gleefully on top. With our drinks in hand, we found a cozy spot by the window and settled in. I took a sip from my cup and stared out the window at the snowy scene outside. "You’ve heard the rumors about Sirius Black, right?" my voice tinged with curiosity. "He escaped from Azkaban, and the dementors have been lurking near the castle and Hogsmeade for months now..." She rolled her eyes "Of course I've heard about him. However, in my opinion, the fear is a bit too excessive."
I blinked at her statement, then looked down at my cup "But he is a serial killer. I overheard Fudge and other professors talking about him while we were in the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. He revealed the Potter family's location to Voldemort as their secret keeper!" I continued, my voice tinged with sadness. "Thirteen years ago, Sirius Black caused Harry's parents to die, I can't even fathom how he must feel after hearing all those things. Poor boy..." There was a moment of silence as I took another sip of my hot cocoa, unaware that Gentiana was looking at me with an unreadable expression. She sighed softly "I don't know either..."
I glanced at her sheepishly, a small blush creeping onto my cheeks "Have you ever thought of becoming a professor at Hogwarts? I think it would really suit you, especially for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Everyone would love you, I swear." She smirked and raised her eyebrows in response. "Quite an unexpected suggestion, Sue, You're aware that my way of learning magic is vastly different from how they teach at Hogwarts." I responded enthusiastically "Of course! I know your way of learning magic is unique, but that's what makes you stand out. Imagine how excited the students would be!" Gentiana chuckled and took another sip of her cup. "You're quite persuasive, aren't you?" she teased.
I popped a marshmallow into my mouth from my cup, my words slightly muffled. "A professor who can perform wandless magic." I murmured wistfully. "Wouldn't that be amazing? I wish I could do magic without my wand too." She chuckled at my envy, watching me enjoy the marshmallow in my mouth. "Wandless magic is indeed a rare skill, It takes a level of discipline and control that's not easily acquired. But it's never too late to learn. Who knows, maybe someday you too, could master wandless magic like me."
I puffed my cheeks out in a playful display of fake jealousy and protested "But you said you were born with the ability to use wandless magic! I'm not, though. I can't do it without my wand." she confirmed "but don't forget that wandless magic still requires practice and discipline. We all learn and grow at our own pace, my dear. Just because you can't do it now, doesn't mean you never will." I flopped back in my chair, a melodramatic sigh escaping my lips. "I'll never be like you." I said, a hint of dejection in my voice. "I'm just an ordinary witch." Gentiana chuckled at my display and shrugged her shoulders.
"Being a normal witch has its own advantages, you know, There's beauty in simplicity and normalcy." We carried on down the street, and Gentiana's gaze fell upon the bookshop 'Flourish and Blotts' further ahead. "Sue, I just noticed a bookstore I've been wanting to visit. Would you mind if I drop in to browse a bit?" I shook my head in response. "Not at all." I replied easily. We ventured into the bookshop, and I meandered through the aisles, perusing the selection of books without intentions to buy. As I headed toward the exit, However, as I did so I spotted something that made my eyes widen and my heart skip a beat.
It's Professor Snape, he's coming this way... In a frantic moment, I quickly darted into the bookstore and began feigning interest in the books on the nearest shelf, hoping to avoid catching his attention. My heart was racing in my chest as the shop door rang and Professor Snape entered. However, in the crowd of people browsing the books, it was hard to discern which direction he was headed. For goodness sake, calm down...Why am I feeling so excited?..Just remind yourself how he rejected your gift, you fool! I placed the book I had been pretending to read back on the shelf and secretly glanced behind me.
I felt a slight warmth spread across my cheeks, causing me to tug on the white scarf around my neck in an attempt to conceal my flushed cheeks. As Snape made his way to the counter, the shopkeeper greeted him respectfully. "Good day, Professor, You're here to pick up your reserved items, I presume?" Snape merely nodded in response, a stoic expression on his face. He pushed a small slip of paper across the counter, indicating the titles of the books he had reserved. Gentiana, who had just chosen a book for herself, happened to overhear the shop owner greeting Professor Snape.
Recognizing his name, Gentiana looked around, searching for me. Given how often I talked about him, she knew I would be excited to know that he was in the bookstore. I was standing at a distance, and from there I could see them both at the front of the counter. My mind raced as I tried to think of what to do. Oh, this is so embarrassing. I really wish I could just vanish into thin air..Should I just quietly slip out of here? Gentiana took a quick glance at Snape, who was standing there, looking rather peeved, waiting for the shopkeeper to return with his reserved books. She smirked wryly, then averted her gaze. Is that why you're hiding, because you're avoiding your favorite professor? she pondered silently, still awaiting the return of the shopkeeper.
Snape's agitation grew, and he muttered a curse under his breath, clearly impatient. I cast a longing look in his direction, a sigh escaping me. I do want to greet him, but I doubt he'd care.. To distract myself, I mindlessly leafed through a rather absurd book, all the while stealing glances at his figure from behind. The shopkeeper returned with a stack of heavy tomes, placing them on the counter while dislodging a bit of dust that swirled in the air. "These are all the books you requested, Professor, is there anything else you need?" Snape responded with a curt nod, "No, that will be all." he said, his voice lacking any warmth or pleasantry.
The shopkeeper proceeded to collect the reserved books and slide them into a paper bag. "The total comes to 30 galleons." he informed Snape. With a sense of irritation, Professor Snape withdrew his wallet from his pocket, preparing to make his purchase. Meanwhile, the shopkeeper addressed Gentiana with familiarity. "It's always a pleasure to have you here, Miss Blackthorne." he said, "and rest assured, I have carefully preserved the collection of books you kindly entrusted to me. They are truly treasured."
Snape's gaze shifted to Gentiana for a moment, his expression inscrutable, before returning to focus on the transaction. Gentiana responded coolly and proceeded to pay for her book, exiting the shop with them in hand. Once outside the bookshop, Gentiana looked at me with a sly grin. "I see you've been hiding here, huh?" I jumped in surprise and quickly looked around to make sure Snape wasn't nearby "H-hiding? Why would you think that?" I protested hastily. "Nevermind, let's just go." Seizing her hand, I quickly walked faster, trying to put some distance between us and the bookstore.
Just as Professor Snape was about to leave the shop, he cast a keen glance back at the shopkeeper, his expression betraying a hint of suspicion. "Who was she?" The shopkeeper responded obediently "She is a writer, sir, and quite well versed in ancient magic. However, Miss Blackthorne rarely appears in public." Snape's brow furrowed in contemplation as he silently repeated the name to himself. Why does that name sound so familiar?