Chapter Text
ꜱᴜᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ:
I walked back to the common room, hoping that no one would be there. I finished my homework, took care of Teddy during our usual adventure. It was now sunset, and the students and some professors were returning to the castle. I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I scurried away to my bed sooner than anyone else. However, the bad thing was that whenever I tried to sleep, the same disturbing, unclear voices would resurface every time I closed my eyes.. I changed into a long sleeved white dress and pulled the curtain around me, staring at the ceiling, my pupils flickering. I had not slept the night before, and I longed for a good night's rest, but I couldn't seem to do so.
It wasn't just the thoughts about Snape that were haunting me, There were strange voices whispering in my mind. Crying every night was becoming a habit or, at least, a coping mechanism for the pressure.. Teddy slept peacefully in his warm basket after playing around with the red curtains. Suddenly, I heard the common room getting noisier as all the students returned. I extinguished the little lamp on the bedside drawer and feigned sleep. Hermione was the first to enter and called out my name, but when I didn't respond, she whispered to herself "I hope you're alright, Sue..." I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm really sorry, Hermione... but I'm not okay.
That feverish feeling returned, and my head started to ache intensely. The ticking of the clock merged with whispers, making everything more unbearable. I lay on my left, then my right, unable to find a comfortable position. I knew that I had spent hours in this state... I couldn't sleep. "Mother is so angry... Father too... I'm scared..." I placed the back of my hand on my forehead...my eyes trembled as they remained closed. "Mother...where is Father? There's something scary outside...why did we leave Miss Gentiana..?" With a face soaked in cold sweat, I sat bolt upright on my bed, panting heavily, almost out of breath...
I can't sleep. I can't sleep anymore...I'm scared...What if I'm going insane...? With shaky hands, I pulled the curtain aside and slowly walked down the stairs. My breathing was ragged and uncontrollable as I made my way towards the sofa, but the sight of Harry sitting there, writing a letter, caused my heart to skip a beat from fear. Harry stood up, his eyes widening as he took in my sickly appearance. "Sue?" I went to sit on the sofa. My hands trembled and my mind raced, Harry walked from the desk he had been sitting at and came to sit down next to me. "I know you're not okay... What's the problem? I've never seen you like this.."
I looked at him, his eyes shining in the dim light of the common room. I forced a smile "I'm...fine. You should be more worried about yourself, Harry... The last task is getting closer..." But Harry's expression remained silent and concerned, his gaze fixed on my eyes. He grabbed my wrist and inched closer to me. "You don't like it when I'm worried about you? When you're the one who always tries to help me with everything?" My smile faded, as tears threatened to spill from my eyes. "It's not that...I don't want you to waste your already hard time worrying about my problems..." I looked down, my glistening eyes hidden from his view. Harry let go of my wrist and placed both his hands on my shoulders, his brows furrowing with concern. "Don't you get it? The only reason I have my godfather with me is because of you...you're not wasting my time with your problem. I don't even remember you ever talking about your problems...you always hide your pain..."
I stared at him and swallowed hard. He noticed his harsh tone and his frown softened "You can make me worry as much as you want...you don't have to bear it all alone...so please tell me...tell Hermione or even that bloody Snape what is wrong with you lately?" My eyes filled with tears, and they spilled out. I clutched the edge of Harry's sweater tightly, my voice trembling. "I'm scared...What happened.. in my past?" Tears welled up in his eyes as he pulled me into a comforting hug, his chin resting on top of my head. He continued rubbing my shoulders soothingly. I sniffed, feeling ashamed to admit it once more. "And... Snape, he... he rejected me." Harry's eyes widened in surprise, his frown deepening "What? You mean... you mean you're in love with... him?"
He was too stunned by this unexpected revelation. He had noticed my eagerness for potions class, my occasional stalking of Snape, but never imagined someone like me would have the audacity to confess their feelings to a man like him. My voice trembled with tears, not even looking at Harry "I wish I wasn't, he didn't just reject me... he said my feelings were worthless, childish. To him, I am nothing but a hypocrite..." I wiped at my dampened cheeks. Harry sat there silently, listening to my broken words without any judgement. After a moment of silence, he spoke to me in a quiet tone "Snape is a cruel man, he has isolated himself within his own darkness, and that is why he does not deserve to receive love from anyone... not even from you!"
His words were filled with anger and protective energy, and I knew he was trying his best to console me. "But I can't control my heart!" I whispered, a hint of desperation in my voice "No matter how I try to ignore him, my heart refuses to listen." I averted my gaze from him, loosening our embrace. My eyes flickered with emotions "I just can't let go of these feelings... even though it seems like a wistful dream that can never be realized. Whenever I see him, I feel this powerful, almost inexplicable bond." After that, Harry tried to reassure me, asking if I was okay. I nodded, not wanting to keep him awake all night. However, the scary thing was that I didn't sleep well that night either; I just tossed and turned, hearing unclear voices and feeling feverish whenever I tried to close my eyes.
In classes, I received a one week detention from professor McGonagall and Flitwick, and I also received scolding from other professors due to my lack of attention in classes. It seemed that the only teacher who appeared to ignore my existence altogether was Snape. My potion making skills had deteriorated, and I messed up one after another. He didn't even bother to scold me or give me detention in response. After the class, I slowly trudged towards his office, my expression weary and exhausted. Even my continuous nightmares couldn't alleviate the ache in my heart caused by his cold demeanor towards me. The evening light enveloped the castle, save for the gloomy and cool dungeons. I don't know why I came here again.. I just feel so lost when he ignores me.. At least not in class.. please.. please notice me again..
I knocked on the door, but it seemed no one was inside. I sat down, leaning against his office door, my heart heavy with emotions. A group of Slytherin girls, who appeared to be in their late teens, walked past Snape's office. Two of them whispered to each other "Looks like Snape cooked her with a harsh detention. Her eyes are all teary." I pretended not to hear and didn't move from where I was sitting. I wish it was due to a detention... not being ignored simply because I confessed my love to him.. I was hugging my knees, my head facing upwards as traces of tears still shone in my eyes. The dark circles under my eyes were becoming more apparent each day, as I sat there restlessly waiting for his arrival. It was dinner time and the dungeons were empty, with only some light footsteps heard echoing in the corridor.
I leaned my head down as my heart began to race again. Just then, I saw him returning to his office. I felt incredibly small in comparison to his towering presence, having been sitting on the floor. He stood right in front of me, and I quickly stood up, using my hands for support, since I had been blocking his way into his office. I spoke without averting my gaze, my voice laced with desperation "Professor.. what did I do wrong that you are even ignoring me?" He commenced opening the door, completely ignoring my desperate question. My voice trembled as tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. "It's not a problem if you reject me, but I'm still your student. I need my teacher to at least see me in th-" But before I could finish my sentence, he went into his office and slammed the door shut, leaving me facing the closed door.
Tears fell uncontrollably, and my heart ached to my very core. "Giving me this silent treatment just because I felt something I shouldn't?" My voice trailed off as I struggled to hold back my tears, becoming hushed and trembling. "Then it's fine with me, ignore my feelings, but ...but you can't just ignore my whole being." I placed my palms against the door, my voice growing lower "Please, open the door.." I could only hear the silence coming from his office, the lack of any response only fueling my tears to spill even more. I sniffed, using the sleeve of my robe to wipe away the tears from my dampened face. "Okay... ignore me until the day I graduate... You know what? I wish you had never saved me that day..."
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ:
Snape stood silently on the other side of the door, his back leaned against it, listening in silence as he heard every word. It wasn't easy for him to witness her crying like this... and her last words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Despite his attempts to maintain his stoicism, he cared for her, not in the manner she longed for, but in his own unique way, perhaps even more than he was willing to admit. She was like a beautiful, sweet, and precious thing to him, and the thought of leaving her behind felt unbearable. But he believed that he was doing what was best for her, based on his perspective. In his view, it was merely a temporary teenage crush , and he could not allow her to become any more attached to him. At least, that was what he thought. Deep down, he despised admitting it, but he sometimes felt the same protective and possessive desire to control her every move and keep her as close to him as possible, just like Gentiana.
ꜱᴜᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ:
I returned to my dorm, collapsing onto my bed after changing to my sleepdress. staring silently at Teddy. I'm so sorry, Teddy, i don't want to act like this. I don't want to neglect you, but I feel so bad... that I just want to... I found myself unable to sleep, which only made the situation worse. I felt like a lunatic, as though I was about to lose my mind... or perhaps I had already lost it before. My eyes half opened as the ceiling spun once again, and I slipped into another fitful, restless sleep, even though it was strangely early to be sleeping. Unbeknownst to me, Hermione gently pulled aside the curtains and sat on the edge of my bed, gazing at me with worry etched across her face. She tenderly caressed Teddy "What is going on with you, Sue...?"
Hermione's hushed voice failed to reach my ears as my eyelids trembled and cold sweats began to drench me. My breathing quickened as the dream grew clearer. 'You're best suited to become my...' There was a hand, smeared in blood, reaching out as if it wanted to grab my throat. With a loud scream, I jerked awake from my dream. My eyes widened, my pupils shrunk and flickered with fear as I grabbed both sides of my head. Hermione quickly stood up and moved closer to me. "S-Sue? Are you okay?" My heart beat rapidly, and my breath came out in ragged gasps. "My head... hurts..." Hermione took my hand, assisting me to stand up. "Let's go to the hospital, Sue, you're clearly not feeling well."
We walked through the dimly lit common room and left Gryffindor tower, holding hands as we walked through cold and dark corridors. It was past curfew, so the castle was silent. I didn't even have a moment to change into something warmer. Hermione glanced at me before knocking on the hospital door. After a minute, the door cracked open to reveal Madam Pomfrey and Albus Dumbledore. They both looked at her, and then at me. "What is it, dear?" asked Pomfrey. It appeared that both of them had been discussing something before we interrupted. My wet and sticky bangs clung to my forehead, and the dark circles below my eyes were clearly visible. Dumbledore spoke, his voice tinged with concern. "Poppy, I should go. Take care of Sue."
Madam Pomfrey beckoned us to come in. I sat on the white bed and leaned against it, Hermione asked Pomfrey "Can I stay here?" I spoke up before Pomfrey had a chance "No, Hermione, you should go and get some rest." Hermione gave me a small, worried smile "I will come visit you again." before leaving. Pomfrey stood close to my bed, reaching out to check for any fever. Her eyes widened "You're so cold, dearie. What's the problem? Have you eaten something or did someone cast a spell on you?" I shook my head, my lip trembling slightly "I haven't slept these days..." She nodded with concern, quickly going to her medicine drawer "i think you should drink a little bit calming potion then."
I pulled the white blanket over myself, hoping to feel a little less cold. "Madam Pomfrey...a calming potion won't be much use. It won't erase my vivid dreams." Pomfrey paused her frantic search and looked at me once again. "Oh... I know something that might help, but I don't have it here, try to relax until I return." I swallowed, my throat feeling dry, and nodded. Pomfrey left the hospital wing, and I tried my best to close my eyes... I was not sure how much time had passed, five minutes? Ten minutes? My eyes were closed, but I was not asleep. I was in a strange, in-between state. The sweat and coldness continued to dampen my hair. The door opened once more, Pomfrey and Snape entered, speaking softly to each other. "Do you think giving her a powerful potion like dreamless potion is a good option for her?"
They approached my bed, and Snape's eyes flickered with unmasked concern. "How long has she been unable to sleep?" Pomfrey looked at my feverish, sleeping state and nodded uncertainly "She said she hasn't slept for a few days, and mentioned something about vivid dreams." Snape's gaze remained fixed on me, and he approached closer, placing his hand against my cold forehead. "There must be a reason.." hesitating to wake me. His face grew stern, as if he had a realization. "Give her the potion." He left the room with a determined expression, his steps purposeful.