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Isabeau wakes up to moonlight and silence.
This is the first time they’ve stopped to rest near a town in the last few weeks, and Madame Odile practically demanded that they all stay at the local inn. Something something back problems, something something needing to sleep in a real bed, something something being old.
He doesn’t mind all that much. If anything, he’s excited for the opportunity to sleep in a bit… Bonnie has a habit of accidentally waking everyone up at dawn while they wrestle with breakfast.
Besides, he and Sif get a room all to themselves~
These past few weeks might just have been the best of Isabeau’s life, to be honest. He’s getting to spend even more time with the closest friends he’s ever had, and. Well. Sif.
They’ve become so cuddly lately. Logically, Isabeau knows that Sif’s really been wanting touch for a long time and that they went mildly insane after being trapped in a timeloop for close to a year with next to no touch and yeah, Isa would also be crazy touch-starved after that too. But from his perspective Sif went from being normal and hating touch, to having a complete mental breakdown and then suddenly never letting go of Isa’s hand.
It’s kind of the best thing ever.
Isabeau refuses to let him out of his sight, especially after hearing some of Siffrin’s stories from his loops. Sif needs him (it’s weird to be needed) and Isa would literally die if he let anything else happen to him.
Speaking of Sif… Isabeau turns his head, just to check on them. Just in case.
He’s met by a huge dark eye, staring back at him.
He jumps slightly. He wasn’t expecting them to be awake! “Sif! Y-you okay, buddy?”
He doesn’t respond.
…Isabeau rolls over to face them. “...Hey. Sif. Siffrin. Siffster. Siffipoo.” He tries to come up with new pet names for them as often as he can, just to offer them a sense of novelty. To try and remind him that he’s free, he’s okay, he’s safe now. “You’re out of the loops, you’re safe, it’s okay. We’re staying in an inn right now, on the road to go visit Bambouche and find Bonnie’s sister. Mira, Bonnie, and Odile are just right next door, everyone is safe. You’re safe. We’re here for you.”
That usually helps, when Siffrin wakes up from his worst nightmares. Thinking he’s still in the loops. Still trapped in their eternal prison.
Sif barely reacts to his words, tonight.
…Unsure of what else to do, Isabeau slowly,
cautiously
, starts to extend his hand to Siffrin–
–and barely refrains from jumping as Siffrin’s hands shoot out, fast as lightning, and desperately clutch his hand to their chest. Like it’s their only lifeline.
Like
he’s
their only lifeline.
Despite everything, his heart does a little backflip of joy.
BUT THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. This is not the time to be a stupid hopeless romantic, Sif needs you, idiot!
Isabeau lowers his voice even further. “...Do you want to talk about it?”
Silence.
…
And then…
“I’m a bad person.”
Isa chuckles, slightly relieved to finally get a response. “We all are, Sif. It’s okay.”
“I’m a really bad person.”
“Sif, you–”
“I’m a monster.”
…Isabeau can already tell that arguing isn’t going to get him anywhere. So, instead, he asks, with every ounce of sincerity in his heart: “Why do you think that?”
No response.
“...Sif?”
“I… I keep manipulating you guys.”
Siffrin presses on before Isabeau can protest. “I looped so much that I figured out the perfect things to say every time to make you all happy and so I did that every time because it was easier when you guys liked me and I wanted you all to like me I wanted you to love me because it was easier and t-there were these little things I could do with everyone and you always figured out some new Craft skill afterwards and eventually I started doing those quests just because your skills made battles easier and I was taking advantage of all of you and I’m still doing it and that’s really bad and I’m a terrible person and I’m sorry I’m sorry I know you hate me you don’t h–”
Isabeau grips his hands. Squeezes. “Sif. Hey. Breathe with me.”
Siffrin swallows hard and looks away.
Innnnnnnnnnnn…
And out.
…
“I’m sorry,” they whisper.
Isabeau can’t help but chuckle slightly. They’re so adorable, even when they’re like this. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Sif meets his gaze again, surprised. “What? But, I–”
“Wanting us to be happy isn’t manipulative, Sif.”
“But– but it’s not just that!! I-I did things to make you guys like me because that made things easier for me!! I made you guys feel and do things because it made my life easier!!! That’s– That’s manipulative!!”
Isabeau sighs, and leans in a little bit. “Okay, sure. You’re textbook-definition manipulative. But by that same logic, so is everyone else .”
“Like. Um. If… if I were to give you a. A. Um.” Isabeau’s mind draws a blank. The first thing that pops into his brain is earrings but he can’t say earrings because what if Sif thinks he means bonding earrings and that might make them uncomfortable but gosh that probably puts all jewelry off the table too because that might seem romantic and Isabeau doesn’t want to force anything onto Sif but he’s drawing more blanks and everything his brain produces is romantic why is he thinking about romance this is not the time to be thinking about romance stupid brain and crab he’s been quiet for too long he needs to say something anything literally anything–
“A-a rock!!”
Yeah. Sure. That works. That's not weird or awkward at all! Totally!!
Sif pulls back, a ghost of a smile on his face. “A rock?”
“Look. I. Urrrrgghhhhhfffbbfle,” Words are failing words are failing words are failing Change God send help Isabeau has lost his grasp on Vaugardian and is going to explode– “It. It was the first thing I thought of.”
They’ve got that look on their face. Their signature little smirk, though it's slightly subdued. “Isa. A gift like that would rock my world.”
Aaaaaand Isabeau can’t help it.
He snorts.
It’s a stupid pun! He knows it is! It’s a stupid, basic pun that he should’ve seen coming because Siffrin always does this! It should not be this funny!!
But. Change . There’s something about the way Sif delivers the punchline, something about the expression he dons when he thinks of one, something about the way his face crinkles up when he smiles.
No matter how terrible the pun is. Isabeau. Can’t. Stop. Himself.
He laughs every time.
But! He catches himself this time! He can’t help laughing a little bit but he can keep this conversation on track and this is clearly stuff that Sif needs to hear and that is something Isabeau can help with! That is something he can do!
Isabeau takes a second to compose himself before letting his gaze drift back to Sif. Their cheeky little pun grin has faded, leaving them looking just as lost as before.
“Like… like even that! Even that could be considered manipulation!” Aaaand he immediately realizes his mistake as Siffrin’s eye starts to widen in horror and they start pulling away and “ WAIT CRAB NO no no no what I said what I said what I said!!! ”
He’s squeezing Sif’s hands too hard, Isabeau realizes, trying to relax his grip on him. “What. I said. I didn’t–” he huffs. “A rock wasn’t the first thing I thought of. For that metaphor. The first thing I thought of was something that probably would have made you really uncomfortable if I had said it and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable I didn’t mean your pun I wasn’t talking about your puns I love your puns your puns are–”
“Isa.”
CRAB , he’s supposed to be the one helping out Siffrin and he’s already ruined that and hrrggg– It’s fine. It’s fine, get back on track.
He takes a breath. “Okay. Um. Not a rock. Let’s just say I get you a super-awesome gift because I thought you would like it and I wanted to make you happy and I wanted you to like me. I wouldn’t get you that first gift I thought of because that would make you feel bad and I don’t want you to feel bad. That’s not manipulation! Not to me, at least.”
Sif isn’t looking at his face anymore, but they make a little grunt of acknowledgement.
“And uh... just... like...” Isa sputters. “I care about you, and want you to be happy! So I try and avoid doing things that make you upset!! Because it makes me upset when you’re upset!!!”
Sif’s expression only crumples further at that. “You can upset me. It’s okay.”
GAH!! No, no, that’s not– “No it’s not!! It’s not okay at all!!!! ”
And now they look genuinely confused. “...Why?”
“Because– because I care about you, Sif!! I want you to be okay!! I want you to be safe and happy and– and okay!!!! ” He’s repeating himself, he knows, but words are failing yet again. “I love you!!”
Sif shrinks back into himself, but doesn’t let go of Isabeau’s hands. “B-but you shouldn’t, I manipulated you all into that, I’m not a–”
“ Change , Siffrin, you’re not manipulating us!! Needing help isn’t manipulative! Wanting to make someone happy isn’t manipulative! Having emotions isn’t manipulative!! It’s just human!”
“But the loops–”
Isabeau squeezes their hands and stares deep into their eye, completely serious. “The loops are over. Even if you did manipulate us– which I severely doubt– it’s in the past. It never happened for us. That doesn’t invalidate your experiences of course, but it does mean that you don’t have to worry about us thinking that you’re a terrible person. Because you’re not. And we love you.”
Siffrin doesn’t respond, looking at him with his single big, wet eye. Isabeau is starting to panic, worrying he said something wrong, scrambling to go back over his words in his head when Sif lurches forward and buries their face in his chest.
Isa freezes, anxieties fleeing from his brain faster than light.
His face feels warm and he is
totally
blushing so hard and his heart might just beat out of his chest BUT THAT DOESN’T MATTER RIGHT NOW. SIF NEEDS HELP.
Slowly, cautiously, as to not disturb them, Isabeau scoots one arm underneath Sif to pull him even closer to his chest. Their hands are clutching his shirt now, so he lets his other hand rest on their back, thumb rubbing circles on their shoulder.
They’re not crying. Or making any noise at all, really. Just trembling like a leaf.
Siffrin is silent for several minutes. Not moving. Still clinging to Isa.
Eventually, he hoarsely mutters, “‘m still a bad person.”
Isabeau hums. “How so?”
“I want things I can’t have.”
Isabeau smiles, just a bit. Sif isn’t looking at his face so it’s fine, right? “...We all want things, Sif. That’s okay. It’s normal to want things, it’s human to want things! I’d probably be more worried for you if you didn’t want things, honestly!”
They doesn’t respond, only clutching Isabeau’s shirt tighter.
“Also… have you considered asking? Maybe some of the things you want are things that we can help with!”
Sif pulls back. Sniffles. Shoots Isabeau a glare.
And buries himself back in Isa’s chest.
Isabeau hesitates for a moment, and moves his hand from Sif’s shoulder to rest in his messy puff of hair.
They flinch back, just a bit, and Isabeau starts to pull back but they’re relaxing in his arms now and Isa swears he can hear a content little murmur coming from them.
Change , he loves them so much.
Sif’s hair has gotten longer, Isabeau notices. It almost reaches his shoulders.
He knows they’ll probably cut it soon. Or maybe not, now, since they don’t have a hat to hide behind anymore.
Isabeau wonders if he’d ever let him braid it.
…
There’s something else he needs to say.
“And. Uh. Just to be clear. You didn’t manipulate me into loving you, if you’re thinking that. I loved you long before the loops.”
Sif shifts back and forth a little bit, but doesn’t respond.
Isabeau runs his fingers through their hair, untangling any knots he comes across. “I don't love you because you quote-on-quote ‘manipulated’ me into doing so. I don't remember the loops, I don't know anything aside from what you've told us.”
“I fell in love with you because of your puns. Your chipmunk cheeks when you eat. The little twinkle in your eye when you start talking about something you like. How nice you are to everyone. How small and cute and squishy you are but then how scary you get when things go badly. How brave you are.” He's said all these things several times now, but it never gets any less genuine.
It takes a couple seconds of positive self-talk ( you can do this you can do this it's okay you can DO THIS ) before Isabeau leans down and presses a kiss into Siffrin's hair.
A pause. Siffrin breathing shakily, Isabeau frozen, panicking that he went too far–
Sif starts to pull back again and oh crab, he did go too far, he's ruined everything Sif's going to only be more upset now crab crab crab and Sif unhooks his hands from his death grip on Isa's shirt and reaches behind his head and is suddenly pulling Isabeau's face toward them and oh CHANGE is Sif going to kiss him he's not prepared he cannot handle a kiss right now this is not–
Sif bumps their foreheads together and stays there, pressed against Isa.
His face feels almost unbearably hot.
Isabeau is suddenly hyper-conscious about the fact that he can feel Siffrin’s breath on his face and how they smell like soap and salt and how they can probably smell him too and oh crab, did he remember to brush his teeth??? Does his breath smell bad is that going to gross out Sif is he doing this all wrong is he making it worse is he–
Siffrin’s eye is focused somewhere around Isabeau's lips. Isabeau can't read his expression this close up, but he feels incredibly flustered.
Their voice cracks a little as they say: “I love you, Isa.”
And that's it! He's dead! He's gone! He has expired from the sheer joy and love and stuff in his chest and holy mother of Change he is just straight up going to explode.
Isabeau buries his hand back in Sif's hair and uses the other to pull him even tighter against his chest and hold him tight tight tight as he whispers back:
“I love you too, Sif. More than you could ever know.”