Chapter Text
Tyler woke up slowly, with a lazy smile on his face, the warmth of someone against him filling him with a sense of peace that he was unaccustomed to. As he really started waking, blinking slowly, he snuggled further into the warmth, trying to bury himself in the comfort. It took him a moment, but as his brain caught up to reality, he remembered it was Josh he was attaching himself to. Their bodies were curled together on the small bed and he could feel the rise and fall of Josh’s chest against him. Tyler didn’t dare move, The moment felt fragile, like a single breath could shatter it and pull him out of this bubble. Despite the peace he felt, his mind began to race, trying to figure out how they ended up like this, how everything could have changed so drastically.
Josh shifted slightly, as if he could sense Tyler’s inner turmoil. His eyes opened slowly, but the blush that spread across his face was instantaneous. He quickly pulled away, sitting up and avoiding Tyler’s eyes.
“Sorry,” Josh mumbled, rubbing his face with his hands. “I didn’t mean to, I mean, last night-” he scrambled to find the right words, unsure if it was nerves or just simply tiredness causing the fog in his brain. Not willing to admit it could be the former.
Tyler shook his head, sitting up as well. “Don’t apologize. You don’t need to be sorry for that, I was already awake....” His voice was quiet, trailing off, not wanting to say anymore about why he was awake. He prayed Josh wouldn’t ask. He didn’t know what else to say, nothing seemed right at the moment. He tried searching Josh’s face for any hint of what he was thinking.
Josh caught Tyler’s eyes for a moment before looking down at his hands, not wanting to be a part of this conversation. Tyler just continued staring at him, he wanted to say something, anything that could make this all go away, could fix everything. He wanted to apologize but there weren’t enough words to convey how horrible he felt and how much he regretted everything, so he stayed silent.
“Tyler, Josh! Come down for breakfast!”
Tyler sighed, grateful for the interruption, but also frustrated that the moment to speak had slipped away again. “We should probably go down,” he muttered, standing up.
They ate breakfast in near silence. Tyler’s family sat chatting away, his siblings talking about anything and everything. The tension from the night before still lingered between the two. Tyler picked at his food, his mind still spinning, trying to figure out how to apologize to Josh, how to explain everything. His father broke the silence.
“Tyler,” his dad’s voice was stern, Tyler took a sharp breath “Did you do your baskets yet?”
Tyler froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. He glanced up at his father, who was staring at him expectantly, his expression already hardening with disappointment.
“No, I haven’t,” Tyler admitted, pushing his plate away. He stood up, his appetite gone anyways, the fear and anxiety making him nauseous. “I’ll go do them now.”
He didn’t wait for his father’s response as he headed for the door. His stomach twisted with anxiety as he stepped outside into the cold morning air. He knew he should’ve done the baskets before he started eating but after the conversation, if you could even call it that, with Josh, it had slipped his mind. And now, like always, he had to pay the price, he probably won’t get to finish his breakfast afterwards.
Josh, still at the table, glanced between Tyler’s retreating figure and Tyler’s mom. He tried to finish eating but his stomach was in knots. He stood up, helping her gather the dishes without saying much. After everything was cleaned up, he meandered outside, watching Tyler shoot baskets in the driveway.
For a long time, they didn’t speak. Tyler shot in silence, the sound of the basketball hitting the pavement the only thing breaking the quiet. Josh leaned against the wall of the garage, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes locked on Tyler. He could see the exhaustion on Tyler’s face, the way his movements were slower than usual, the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced. In just a few short weeks it was like all of the life was sucked out of Tyler’s body.
But even as rough as he looked, there was something about Tyler that caught Josh off guard. Something about the way the light hit his face as he moved, the concentration etched into his features. He looked like a painting that belonged in a museum, the way he could evoke emotions from Josh with just one glance. Josh quickly shook the thought away, startled by it. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking that. Not about Tyler. Not after everything.
Tyler glanced over at Josh, giving him a small nod of acknowledgement. Their eyes met quickly but neither spoke. After a few more shots, Tyler paused, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He bounced the ball a couple of times before looking at Josh and holding the ball towards him, as if silently asking him if he wanted to join.
Josh hesitated, but after a moment, he walked over, taking the ball from Tyler’s hands. He shot a few baskets, the tension between them still palpable but softened by the simple act of playing. Neither of them said much, but the quiet wasn’t as suffocating as before.
Tyler watched Josh shoot, his mind a mess of tangled thoughts. He didn’t know what was going on between them, or how they were going to reconcile. But there were these moments, where things felt almost normal again, like the comfortable silences of their past were happening, instead of the awkward tension filled moments they were currently trapped in.
Eventually, Tyler’s mom called them in for lunch, and they headed inside together. They ate in silence and made their way downstairs. The afternoon passed in a haze of awkward silences and frustrated sighs as Tyler and Josh sat in Tyler’s basement, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper. They had been at it for hours, trying to work on their slam poetry project, but everything felt strained. The words weren’t coming, and neither of them seemed to know how to get through the awkwardness so that they could actually talk about the project.
Josh leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling as if the right words would magically appear there. “This isn’t working,” he muttered, rubbing his temples. His frustration was evident, his voice tight with irritation.
Tyler sat cross-legged on the floor, scribbling random phrases in his notebook and then immediately scratching them out. His shoulders were hunched, his mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t say. Every time he tried to focus on the poem, his mind wandered back to their awkward encounters from the past few days, the weight of their unresolved tension making it impossible to concentrate.
“I know,” Tyler mumbled in agreement, tossing his notebook aside. “It’s like… nothing’s making sense.”
Josh glanced over at him, his expression unreadable. “Maybe we should just call it for the day. We’re getting nowhere.”
Tyler bit his lip, feeling the pressure of the project weighing on him. They had a deadline, and the thought of failing was eating at him, but he also knew Josh was right.
“Yeah,” Tyler finally said, letting out a deep sigh. “Maybe we need a break.”
They both sat in silence for a few minutes, neither one sure of what to say. Josh ran a hand through his hair, his mind swirling with a mix of frustration and confusion. He couldn’t tell what he was angrier about, the fact they couldn’t get this project done or the reason it was so difficult to do so. A few months ago they would have flown through it. Their connection was so strong especially when it came to their creativity. Ideas had always been bounced back and forth between them, seemingly always on the same wavelength, but now, nothing.
Josh pulled himself out of his thoughts to steal a glance at Tyler, who was sitting silently, staring at the floor looking like someone had just punched a puppy. His expression was almost blank, but Josh knew him well enough to know when he was feeling dark.
“You okay?” Josh asked, surprising himself with the question. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the words slipped out before he could stop them.
Tyler blinked, as if startled by the question. “Yeah,” he said quickly, though his voice sounded far from convincing. He wasn’t okay. He was exhausted, emotionally drained, and full of guilt that he didn’t know how to express. But he wasn’t about to say that to Josh, he couldn’t seek comfort in Josh, not after what he did. It was selfish of him to even consider.
“You sure?” Josh pressed, his eyes narrowing slightly. He could tell Tyler was hiding something, but he didn’t know how to get him to open up. And a part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to hear whatever it was.
Tyler hesitated, the urge to say more bubbling up inside him, but he swallowed it down, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess.”
Josh didn’t push further, but the tension between them only seemed to thicken, the weight of everything they weren’t saying hanging heavy in the air. They both knew that things between them had changed, but neither of them seemed ready to confront it.
After a few more minutes of awkward silence, Josh stood up, stretching his arms. “I’m gonna head upstairs for a bit, maybe get some air,” he said, his tone casual, though it felt like an excuse to escape the uncomfortable situation.
Tyler nodded, not bothering to argue. “Okay,” he said quietly, watching as Josh left the basement. The moment Josh was gone, Tyler let out a long, shaky breath, leaning back against the couch and closing his eyes.