Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Quite honestly, if he’d looked up a second later the teenager he’s currently looking over would’ve been crushed on the road.

Paul was coming off a 24 hour shift and as much as he wanted to get home and crash into his bed, he’s not about to leave this clearly intoxicated kid out here alone in the middle of the night.

“Hey, are you okay?” Up close the kid looks much younger than he originally would’ve guessed. Definitely too young to be out at 1 AM on a Friday morning. “What are you doing out here, kid?”

They finally seem to register that Paul’s talking to them. “Oh, shit, yeah, sorry I’m fine. Didn’t mean to worry anyone.” They look anywhere but at Paul, eventually settling on the bus stop next to them.

“It’s alright. Look, my name is Paul and I’m a firefighter, so it’s kinda my job to worry about people. How old are you, kid? You look way too young to be out this late on a weeknight.”

“Is it past midnight? Yeah? Then I’m 16. It’s fine, my mom’s house ain’t far from here, I just wanted to get some air.” They still haven’t taken their eyes off the bench.

“Okay, but it is 1 AM and it’s raining, not to mention it’s 37 degrees out here. Plus, by the looks of it, you’re not exactly sober right now-.”

“So what? I know what I’m doing, and I’m fine! I don’t need some kiss ass firefighter to give me a whole speech about how drugs are bad then go report me to your cop friends.” They finally look up and their eyes are red and too full of emotions.

“Hey, I’m not gonna lecture you, okay? What’s your name, kid?”

They hesitate for a second before they answer. “It’s Lee.”

“Okay, Lee, can I please take you back to your mom’s house? I can drive you or walk with you if you’re more comfortable with that. I just don’t wanna leave you out here alone.”

“Okay, fine.” They give him the address then walk to the truck and get in without struggle, so that’s a good sign. “For the record, you’d be doing me a favor if you kidnapped me. Dunno if that’s a deterrent or not but that ain’t the point anyway.”

This does, admittedly, catch him off guard.

“I’m not gonna kidnap you.”

“That’s exactly what a kidnapper would say.” Paul lets out an exasperated sigh and Lee keeps going. “Fine, you’re not a kidnapper. Maybe a child molester, but most of those don’t go for kids like me.”

“There are so many things wrong with this conversation.” He shakes his head and puts Lee’s address into his GPS. “First of all, the only thing I’m gonna do is take you back home. Second, I really don’t think pedophiles are particular about their victims.”

“Yeah, well, they don’t typically like nonbinary kids with this much visible muscle mass. Or as many kids with DEA officers for parents. And for the record, her house ain’t even close to a home. Not for me, at least.” They look out the window and trace a raindrop down the window.

“Sorry, your mom’s DEA and you’re high?” Lee giggles a bit as they nod and Paul just shakes his head. “So is it that all that makes her house not a home or is there something else?”

“Well, she don’t exactly like her only child being trans. Or anyone being trans, but she finally learned to keep her mouth shut about everyone else. Not me though.” They sigh and laugh a little too much. “But yeah, the drugs wouldn’t help if she knew. Funny how parents can never tell when their own kids are high off their asses.”

“I get that.” He turns down a side street and flips the heat on. “The trans stuff, not the drugs. My family was pretty accepting, but there were definitely some coworkers that didn’t like it. Luckily they got transferred to other stations, and down here no one knows unless I tell em.”

“Where’re you from?”

“Chicago. I moved down here to join the 126 fire house when it reopened. I got a pretty good pay raise from it and a killer team. They’re all pretty cool, thankfully.”

“That’s cool. I had a really good friend that was great when I came out to him. His parents used to let me spend the night when it was my mom’s turn for custody. They moved after he died, though. He killed himself last year and his parents said they were going to visit family and never came back. I looked em up and couldn’t find any obituaries so I tried to call and they said they loved me but they couldn’t come back. Said it was too painful.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. Do you wanna talk about him?”

“There’s not much to say. His name was Grant, he named himself after his papaw. He was my best friend, we met in first grade and we just kinda clicked. His parents were friendly with my dad but they weren’t really fans of my mom. They’d always invite me and my dad over for barbecues and stuff and compare mine and Grant’s baby pictures and shit.

“Grant was a pretty cute baby, actually. Like from the second he was born. That’s pretty rare. I was the more typical fuckin ugly newborn, didn’t get cute until I was about a year old. My dad always said I got that from him, the ugly baby thing.

“He had a similar parenting philosophy as Grant’s parents. They all let us wear whatever clothes we wanted and play with whichever toys we liked. There was no boy clothes or girl clothes or toys, it was all just clothes and toys. Hell, Grant told his parents he was a boy when he was 4 and they went with it.”

“They sound like good parents.” Paul’s mom had taken a little longer to come around, but she had always been supportive.

“They were the best. His mom was terrified of reptiles but she still got him a beardie for his eleventh birthday. God, he loved that little guy. He was obsessed with animals and I swear he would’ve lived at the zoo if he could’ve. He was such a loving person but he’d fuck you up if you hurt an animal. He never liked meat to begin with but when he was old enough to realize it was a dead animal he started refusing it all together. I mean, name me another kid that convinced his parents to become vegetarian at six years old.” Lee was smiling and they seemed like they could talk about their friend forever.

“That’s impressive, especially in Texas. My friend’s kid convinced him to give vegan food a chance and when he told me he smoked a jackfruit brisket I about passed out. It was good as hell though.”

“It’s incredible what you can do with fruits and vegetables when you get creative. Grant used to make this vegetable lasagna from scratch and I swear to God it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my entire damn like. Well, okay, maybe second to these fuckin quesadillas he used to make with leftover fajita veggies. Those were like drugs. Shit, now I’m hungry.”

“There’s Taco Bell up here I can stop at if you want. I doubt their quesadillas are anywhere near as good as your friend’s, but there’s not much open at this hour.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll get something when I get home. Thank you, by the way, for the ride.” They’re back to tracing raindrops and humming along to the radio.

“No problem. My apartment’s not far from here anyway.” He makes a quick decision as he pulls up to Lee’s house. “Hold on a second.”

“Gonna kidnap me after all?”

“No, smartass.” He grabs a napkin from the center console and writes as legibly as he can. “Here, that’s the address of the fire house I’m at, my phone number, and my address. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

“Okay, thanks. Bye.”

And just like that, his car is empty and he’s on his way home.

Chapter Text

The next few days go by like normal: Paul gets up at 9 and makes his coffee, then does his weekly T shot on Saturday, gets dressed, and goes about his day. He does his laundry, makes sure his apartment’s clean, runs errands, goes to TK and Carlos’s place for game night, goes to brunch with Asha and their friends Shawn and Farah, and manages to get dragged to a farmers market by Marjan and Carlos.

It’s been a normal few days, so forgive him if he momentarily forgot he gave someone his phone number.

Unknown: Hey sorry I know this probably ain’t the type of thing you meant for me to talk to you about but do you know any ways to get dysphoria to go fuck itself????

Unknown: Also this is Lee

It takes him a second to register the messages he’s woken up by, but he doesn’t want to leave the kid waiting right now.

Paul: It usually helps me if I can scream along to music or watch some mindless YouTube cooking videos

Paul: I’m sorry you’re going through it, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything

Lee: Okay I’ll try that

Lee: Thank you

Paul: No problem

It’s been a while since Paul’s had to deal with intense dysphoria and he’s beyond grateful for that. Most of the time now he just stretches for a few minutes until his brain catches up with the reality of his body and he’s fine, but he vividly remembers the early stages of transition when it would keep him hidden under his blankets watching Good Eats for hours on end.

He checks the time and sighs. His alarm is gonna go off in an hour so he might as well get up and make something decent for breakfast.

As much as he loves cooking for his family, both on shift and off, he can truly only take so much of his damn oatmeal. He’s still gonna make it for the others when he gets to the station, g.d knows he doesn’t want to mess with TK and Mateo’s routines, but for now he’s got time to make himself eggs and slap some avocado on a bagel. It’s not much, but it’s preferable to oatmeal for the hundredth time this month.

It’s not nearly as cold as Chicago winters, but after five years it seems like his body’s forgotten that 38 degrees is relatively warm for 4 am in the middle of January. As much as he loves his 2002 Toyota Tacoma, he’s seriously considering getting a newer model that has remote start so he can avoid the 15 minutes of shivering before the heat finally kicks in.

One of the few upsides of early morning shift changes is that the roads are virtually empty. Not many people have anywhere to be aside from in bed at 4:15 on a Sunday morning.

And yet there’s someone gym shorts and a hoodie standing on the overpass.

There could very well be some interesting traffic event occurring on the road below and this person might’ve just taken a break in their walk to watch. It’s incredibly unlikely, though.

The much more likely scenario is the reason that Paul stops on the shoulder a few yards down from them. He’d rather be a few minutes late for work than be responding to this call as a highway shutdown.

“Hey, are you alright?” He knows better than to rush towards the person, instead taking slow measured steps. “It’s pretty cold, what’re you doing out here?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” That voice. “I’m waiting for a break in traffic so I don’t land on some poor bastard’s car.”

“Lee?” They look up at him and seem to realize that it’s Paul. “Hey, kid, can you tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m gonna kill myself. I’m not gonna stop you but I wouldn’t want to stick around for the next part if I was you.” They’re back to watching the cars below them.

“Okay, Lee, it sounds like you’re in a crisis right now-.”

They actually laugh at that. “Is it really a crisis if I’m completely unfazed by it? I mean, crisis seems like an exaggeration when I don’t fucking care at all.”

Paul doesn’t actually know what he’s supposed to say to that. “Okay, that’s fair enough. So not a crisis, but you’re still not in a safe state of mind right now. I can’t tell so I’m gonna need you to be honest with me; have you taken anything? Any drugs or alcohol or anything else?”

“Yeah, it was a few hours ago, though.”

“Okay, can you tell me what you took?” He’s trying to slowly inch his way closer without them noticing, and it thankfully seems to be working.

“Tequila and a handful of pills. I don’t remember what they were specifically.”

“Okay, that’s alright. Do you know if they were opioids?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay, that’s good, thank you for telling me.” He sighs and frowns when he can see his breath. “Here’s the deal: I’m not leaving you alone out here. I won’t take you to the hospital if you don’t want, and I don’t have to take you home, but that means your options are hanging out at the fire house or giving me an address where I will be walking you to the door and making sure there’s another person there. Regardless, I need you to come get in the truck so you don’t get hypothermia.”

“God, you really are a firefighter ain’t you?” They grumble the whole way but they do get in the truck with no real fight. “I don’t want the hospital.”

“Okay, do you want to go back to your mom’s house?” He makes his way to a nearby restaurant so he can park legally. “Or do you want to come to the station with me?”

“Sure as hell don’t wanna go home.” They sound so far away and exhausted and it makes Paul’s entire soul hurt with worry. “Yeah, I’ll stay with you, I guess.”

“Alright, I’ll ask my captain to make me man behind for today. I would like you to get checked out by my medic friends just to make sure you’re physically okay. Aside from being intoxicated, I mean.”

“Okay.” Lee’s quiet the rest of the drive and Paul wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d fallen asleep.

They didn’t, but that’s not stopping him from helping them out of the truck and into the station.

“Hey, Paul! Yours is definitely cold by now, but I got everyone coffee on the way in-.” TK stops when he finally looks up from restocking. “Oh. Who’s this?”

“Hi, TK. This is Lee, I’m gonna check with Cap but they’re probably gonna be hanging out here today.” He turns his attention back to Lee. “Lee, this is TK, he’s a friend of mine and one of the paramedics here. TK, if you wouldn’t mind, could you check them out, please.”

“Yeah, of course. Dad’s got an appointment so he’ll be in late, but he’ll probably be fine.” He finishes organizing the needles and puts the drawer back in the bus. “Hey, Lee, you can sit if you want or you can stand, either works. What pronouns should I use for you?” He’s washing his hands and drying them as best he can before pulling gloves on.

“Oh, uh, they/them, please. What are you gonna do?” Lee seems on edge now and TK apparently picks up on it at the same time Paul does.

“I’m just gonna do a quick evaluation to make sure you’re all good. Just cause it’ll probably alter some vitals, are you high? It’s okay to confirm it, I’m not gonna tell anyone and Paul won’t either.” TK fixes him with a serious look and he quickly confirms.

“Yeah, I took some pills and had some tequila about two hours ago. I don’t remember what they were but it wasn’t opioids.” They shift a bit and generally seem uncomfortable. “Can you explain what you’re gonna do a bit more, please?”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I’m gonna take your blood pressure and pulse first since those take a minute for the equipment to get a good read. The blood pressure cuff is gonna be probably gonna be uncomfortable towards the end, but the pulse oximeter shouldn’t be too bad. It’s just a little clip with silicone around where your finger goes.”

Lee is cooperative with all of this and seems to calm down a bit when they realize the procedure is just as TK described it.

“Okay, I’m gonna listen to your breathing and heart beat now. I tried to warm the stethoscope up a little but it might still be cold. Can I touch you? It’s just to hold you steady, but you can say no if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“No, it’s fine, I don’t care.” They take deep breaths when they’re asked to and TK nods in approval when he’s done.

“Alright, Lee, are you in pain anywhere? Any cuts or bruises?” They shake their head and TK deems them fine, so they follow the two men into the kitchen.

“Hey, Paul?” TK pulls him to the side for a moment while Lee’s preoccupied with their coffee.

“Yeah?”

“Are they okay? I mean, I know I just said physically they’re fine, but just, I don’t know, what made you bring them in?” He jumps up on the counter next to the stove and Paul is instantly reminded of his little sister.

“I’ll explain later, okay?” He lets TK hand him things while he keeps his eyes on Lee, and Paul relents a little. “I ran into them on Friday morning after shift and gave them a ride home, then I passed them on the way here and just wanted to make sure they’re safe. They’re 16, by the way.”

“Okay.” He can see TK trying to work out what he wants to ask for a few minutes. “What do you mean you ran into them?”

“I literally almost ran into them, like, with my car. I got out to make sure they were okay and they were high and it was pouring out there so I took them home.” He’s trying not to give up too much with the kid sitting less than three yards away.

“You’re not gonna give me anything are you?” Paul shakes his head and TK sighs and jumps down to get the peanut butter. “Am I allowed to ask Lee?”

Paul rolls his eyes and grabs the peanut butter. “You can talk to them, but please don’t push if they don’t wanna talk. If you wanna go to the couch or something I’ll come get y’all when food’s ready.”

TK nods and hops down, making his way to the table. Lee seems unfazed by his approach and he has a feeling they don’t notice he’s there until he starts talking.

“Hey, Paul gave me the okay to come talk to you about some stuff.” They look up from their cup and slowly nod. “I’m just gonna let you know that I’m autistic and I’m usually pretty good at picking up when people are uncomfortable, but if you start getting upset and I don’t stop please tell me. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Am I about to get interrogated?” They’re smiling and it’s probably a joke, so TK smiles and laughs a bit.

“Well, that is what my husband usually calls it, but you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.”

“Oh shit, you’re gay?” He’s confused but he nods. “Damn, two queer people in the same station. Is that like some kind of record? Or is this the gay house?”

That shocks a laugh out of TK and he has to take a second to collect himself. “I severely doubt it’s any kind of record, and my dad, fire captain, when he was hiring people he was trying to focus on skill and personal abilities without thinking about qualities or something like that. I don’t really remember his exact explanation, but if we’re being honest he was absolutely going for diversity. Not that it’s a bad thing, just a weird thing to make excuses for, I guess.”

“Huh. So this is the gay house.” They take a drink and nod. “Explains the fire ass coffee.”

“I honestly can’t believe Paul gave up his latte. I’ve seen him drink 15 hour old coffee because he gets pissy if he doesn’t get to finish it. Don’t tell him I said that.”

“I mean, it’s fucking incredible, but that might just be cause I’m high as all hell.” They take another sip and close their eyes for a second. “Hazelnut?”

“Butter pecan, but you were close.” TK downs the rest of his drink and gets his questions in order. “So, Paul mentioned you were intoxicated when he met you the other night. Would you say that’s a common thing for you, getting high, I mean?”

“I mean, yeah, I guess. Why?” Lee’s eyeing him a bit more now. They don’t seem uncomfortable, more like they’re on guard. That’s fine.

“Just checking for medical reasons, not that there’s inherently anything wrong, but I wanna make sure you’re okay. Can I keep going?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Alright, and you said you don’t remember what the substance is called but it’s a pill and you know it’s not opioids?” They nod. “Okay, can you tell me how frequently you’re using it and anything you know about it? The shape, color, size, anything?”

“A few times a week, and it’s kinda yellow and an oval I guess? It’s a cold medicine, I think? I don’t know.” They keep their eyes trained on their cup while TK racks his brain.

“Cold medicine, that’s probably either pseudoephedrine or dextromethorphan. Do either of those sound familiar?”

“The second one, I think that’s what it is.”

“Do you know how much you’re taking at a time? Like the number of pills?” He’s absolutely dreading the kid’s answer. He’s seen the effects DXM can have first hand and it’s not good.

“I don’t know, I don’t really count. Usually I just take a handful-. What?” Apparently TK’s horror is noticeable because Lee’s now looking at him with concern.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that, sorry.” He takes a breath and looks back up at Lee who’s steadily growing more confused and concerned. “I’m in recovery from substance use disorder, opioids, actually, but I had a friend whose drug of choice was DXM.”

“Oh, that’s-, sorry if this is triggering, I mean, Paul didn’t really tell me anything, he just didn’t want to leave me alone-.”

“No, no, you’re fine, this isn’t really triggering cravings so much as fear, I guess. I mean, I see overdoses all the time on calls, I’ve gotten used to it. I’m fine with being around people under the influence.

“This is more just reminding me of my friend, his name was Zach. We met in school and we would hang out and get high together. I always carried naloxone because I was a first responder and my friends and I were always using opioids, but it only works for opioids, and Zach wasn’t taking them. He overdosed and I gave him narcan and cpr and rescue breaths and the paramedics got him back and took him to the hospital, but his kidneys were failing and he didn’t qualify for a transplant. He died in the hospital alone. I wasn’t there because I was getting high with our other friends.”

“Shit, that’s a lot. I’m sorry you lost him. I know it doesn’t bring him back or make it any easier, but nothing really does.” They’re staring off into the distance now with a far off look in their eyes.

“It’s okay. I mean it’s not, it fucking sucks and I still feel like I should’ve been more attentive and warned him and been there, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I can’t change the past.” TK takes a deep breath and locks eyes with Lee. “I can, however, try to help you. I can’t make you do anything, but I can tell you what I know and advise you on safer ways to use. I’m not gonna make the same mistakes again.”

“You really don’t need to, I’m fine-.”

“But you’re not, though. You’re younger than I was when I started using and I overdosed the first time after a year. I don’t know how long you’ve been at this, but I’m worried about you. I don’t want the next overdose I respond to to be yours.”

“Are you actually worried about me, or do you just want to have plausible deniability when I die?”

“I am worried about you, especially since you said when and not if. Are you planning on dying soon?” To his credit, the man does look genuinely concerned.

“I was planning on dying an hour ago, but then Paul wouldn’t leave and I’m not enough of an ass to make him watch a kid jump off an overpass-.”

“Sorry, Paul found you ready to jump off a bridge? What the fuck-?”

“Hey, breakfast’s ready. Might wanna grab some before it gets cold.” Paul’s not entirely sure what the two had been talking about, but TK looks simultaneously horrified and irate.

“Lee, go ahead, I’m gonna talk to Paul for a minute.” He points to Marjan and hands Lee their coffee. “That’s Marjan, if you ask she’ll probably be happy to sit and eat with you, or if you like Marvel you can go talk to the guy on the couch, his name’s Mateo.”

“Do I have a choice?” They look between Paul and TK for an answer.

“Not really. Go get some food, there’s bowls next to the stove, I’ll be out when we’re done.” Lee huffs but they do as they’re told.

TK waits until they’re out of earshot before he starts grilling Paul.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me they’re a 1799? Would’ve been nice to know that while I was assessing them-.”

“I told them I wouldn’t take them to the hospital if they didn’t want to go, and they didn’t, and the agreement was they stay here for my shift, or I take them home. Lee chose this option.”

“You still should’ve told me. There could be other medical issues that I missed.”

“Like what? They told you they were high, they told you they’d been drinking, and I told you I ran into them outside. Does the fact it was on an overpass matter that much?”

“It matters for so many reasons, not the least of which because their mental state is altered in a number of ways that can reduce sensitivity to physical sensations and hesitation in risky situations. There could be something seriously wrong that they just can’t feel because of shock or the substances.” TK seems pissed as hell, but at the same time Paul gets the feeling there’s more to this.

“Okay, that makes sense, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think it was my place, but you’re right.” Paul sighs and looks over at Lee who’s picking at their oatmeal and talking to Mateo. “If you want to do a more in depth evaluation I can go talk to them about it.”

“Please do. I don’t want to find them collapsed on the floor dead because I didn’t have all the facts and bypassed a thorough checkup.” TK’s almost death staring him, so Paul acquiesces and goes to get Lee.

Mateo lets them go without argument, agreeing to pick the conversation up later.

“Why do I need to be looked over again? Did TK mess something up the first time?” They look so confused and tired and just.. young, really, that it hurts to think about.

“Kind of. I didn’t tell him everything, and I didn’t think about how some things could lead to more nuanced problems. So I guess I messed up the first time. He just wants to do a more thorough exam to make sure you’re okay.”

He leads them back to the ambulance where TK’s collecting equipment. “Hey, sorry, I just want to make sure there’s nothing wrong that you can’t feel because of the substances or anything. We can go to the office upstairs if you’re more comfortable with that.”

“I don’t really care. Can you explain everything like last time, though?” They look less worried this time but still vaguely uncomfortable.

“Yeah, of course.” TK gets his gloves on and puts the diaphragm of his stethoscope in his shirt pocket. “I’m gonna check your pupil reactions first. This is gonna be bright and it might hurt a little, but it won’t take long. Look at my finger for me, please.

“Alright, looks good, thank you. I’m gonna get your blood pressure and check your breathing again, same as last time. Just keep breathing deeply, okay?” Lee nods and after a few minutes TK writes the stats down to compare to their previous ones.

“Okay, this part’s gonna be more physical. I’m gonna check your lymph nodes first, which are on your neck and around your underarms. The second ones are probably gonna feel uncomfortable, but it’s going to be super quick, about three seconds.

“I’m going to palpate your stomach after that, which is pretty uncomfortable and unfortunately it’s gonna take a bit longer, about seven to twelve seconds per quadrant. Is that okay? We can take a break in between if you want.”

“It’s fine, probably just a good thing I’m high for this.” They look a bit more relaxed than before, so Paul figures he’s probably okay to go call Owen.

“Hey, Lee, are you okay if I go make a call real quick? I can wait if you want me to stay here.”

“No, it’s fine, go ahead.” He nods and disappears into the other room as TK start checking their lymph nodes. “Your hands are really fucking cold.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. It shouldn’t be as bad for the rest since there’s more layers in between. Are you okay for me to move on?”

“Yeah, just get it over with.” Lee tries not to think about anything while this virtual stranger touches them for what feels like a criminal amount of time, trying to remind themself that this guy’s a paramedic, and beyond that he’s gay and knows they’re a minor. They’re safe, logically they know they’re safe, so why hasn’t their body gotten the message?

“Are you okay? You’re shaking pretty bad and you’re on the verge of hyperventilating.” TK steps back to give Lee some space and looks around to see where Paul went.

They start frantically shaking their head and barely register TK laying the stretcher back. They’re vaguely aware that he walked away and as grateful as they are that they’re not being touched anymore, they really don’t want to be alone.

“Lee? Are you with me?” They calm down substantially at Paul’s voice and when their eyes finally focused they could see him kneeling at their side. “There we go.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I freaked out like that.” TK starts shaking his head.

“No, it’s okay, don’t apologize. It’s a lot and most people don’t realize how uncomfortable it is until it’s happening. Are you okay?” He’s checking their pulse and breath rate while he talks.

“Yeah, I’m good now. I trust you.” They sit up on the stretcher and look between the two men. “Is that everything or is there more?”

“Two more things then you’re done.” Lee nods and TK starts explaining. “I’m gonna prick your finger real quick so I can check your blood sugar. It might hurt but it’ll be over in a second.”

They nod and barely even notice the small poke. “Alright, a bit low but still in normal range. Just make sure you eat something soon, okay? You can get something from the cabinets if you don’t like oatmeal.”

“Okay, I will. Sorry, I’m just not really hungry. Pills kinda kill my appetite.”

“I get it, there’s juice in the fridge if you think you can stomach it. You just need some carbs to get your blood sugar up so you don’t pass out or anything.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“Of course.” TK closes the biohazard container and turns back toward Lee. “Last thing, I need you to roll your sleeves and pant legs up for me.”

Their hands move faster than their brain which only catches up when they hear Paul inhale a little too fast.

Fuck.

“Can I take a look at those for you? I just wanna make sure nothing’s at high risk for infection or needing stitches or anything.” TK seems almost unfazed and it’s honestly a relief.

Lee nods and TK gently takes hold of their arms, turning them over a few times before retrieving a small bottle and some bandages.

“I’m gonna go ahead and wrap both arms, just because it’ll be easier than trying to put individual bandages on each cut.” He opens the bottle and grabs some gauze. “This is just an antiseptic, I’m gonna clean your arms with it before I wrap them. It might sting a bit, sorry.”

It stings more than a bit. It feels like their entire arms are being dipped into acid. They’re crying before they even realize it.

“It’s okay, it’ll be over soon. Just breathe, okay?” Paul’s trying to hold them still so it goes quicker, which is helping, but not much. “I know it hurts, just try to stay still. It’ll go faster if you don’t move.”

“Alright, you’re all done. You did great. I’m gonna go get you some juice and crackers, do you want anything else? Either of you?” TK’s already washing his hands and Paul swears the guy teleports sometimes.

“Cold rag and tissues, and a water if you can, please. Thank you.” He nods at Paul and hurries off, returning with an armful of things.

Lee’s calmed down a decent amount and they easily let Paul wipe their face while they struggle with the cap of the juice. They finally get it open only to swallow wrong and start drowning on cranberry juice.

“Damn, you can’t catch a break today, can you? Are you okay?” Paul hands them some tissues and they give a pained groan.

“Fuck, that burns. Shit.” They cough a few more times before eventually breathing normally again and looking up at TK. “Thank you, for the juice, I mean.”

“Of course. If y’all need anything I’ll be in the kitchen.” He walks off and Paul stands up and brings Lee back to the living space.

If they’re gonna be here all shift, he might as well introduce them to everyone.

Chapter Text

TK fucked up. It’s the only thing cycling through his head as he does chest compressions on the kid in the back of the ambulance. Nancy’s driving as fast as she can but it’s nowhere near fast enough. Paul’s gonna kill him.

It was such a basic question and he forgot to ask them, and because of that they’re being rushed to the ER where they’re gonna have to get their stomach pumped if he can’t get them conscious by then.

The AED finally detects a shockable rhythm and their heart starts, blessedly, beating on its own again. So maybe he’s not gonna get killed, but he’s definitely getting his ass kicked.

TK keeps supplementing Lee’s breathing with the non rebreather mask and tries to get them lucid enough to take activated charcoal. They groan in pain when he grinds his knuckles into their sternum but he’s quick to help them sit up and swallow down the gray paste.

As predicted, once Lee registers the taste they immediately start shaking their head and trying to avoid taking anymore. TK knows how bad it tastes, but they’ve barely gotten down 20 grams, so he keeps pushing.

“No, please, it’s so bad, I can’t-.”

“I know it’s bad, I know, but I need you to get at least 50 grams in, kiddo. If you need to puke that’s normal, but you gotta take it.” He grabs one of the muted pink emesis bins just in case and holds it in front of their chest.

They manage to get 55 grams down before they vomit, which is good enough for TK to let them stop. The ER nurses will probably try to give them more anyway.

“Here, you can rinse your mouth out if you want. We’re about two minutes out from the hospital.” They take the water and only gag twice on it.

“Are you sure I need the hospital? Can’t y’all take care of it at the fire station?” They probably actually could, but it would be against all kinds of protocols. Then again, so is having a minor in there for an entire shift to begin with.

“We could, in theory, but if anyone found out we’d be risking our jobs. Plus, we already told the ER we’re on our way.”

“But what if no one found out? You’d be fine then?” They have a point, and TK’s about to ask Nancy when she tells them she’s turning into the hospital lot. “TK, please, please just don’t let my mom find out, she’ll kill me, please-.”

“Okay, okay, yeah, I’ll figure it out, okay? I’ll figure something out, you’ll be safe.” He gets out and follows them into the hospital while calling Carlos.

The nurse starts asking Lee for their information and they look around for TK to ask what to do, but he’s gone. Fuck, what the fuck, he said he would help them, fuck.

“Are you with me, darlin’?” They turn back to be blinded by a penlight the nurse is shining in their eyes. “You okay? Can you tell me who the president is?”

“Yeah, it’s Biden. Do I have to stay here, I mean can I refuse care?” They don’t wanna die but if they call their mom that’s gonna happen either way. Fuck, where the fuck is TK?

“I’d heavily recommend against that, the medics said they had to resuscitate you. Besides, depending how old you are you would have to have a parent refuse treatment.” She’s too preoccupied with paperwork to notice the snort they let out. “How old are you, baby?”

And isn’t that a damning question. They’re looking around frantically again and she seems to notice this time.

“Who’re you looking for, honey? Your parent?” They shake their head and she seems to recall bringing them in. “The paramedic? TK? He’s over there, honey. TK! Come here, sweetheart.”

He hangs up his phone and runs over. “Is everything okay?”

“Patient was looking for you. I still need to get a patient history, though. What’s your name, baby?”

TK nods at them and they go ahead. “It’s Lee. Miller.”

“Thank you, and your date of birth, please?” They look back to TK and frown when he nods. “January 12, 2008.”

“Opal, is there any chance you could do us a huge favor?” She looks up at him waiting to decide. “Could you by chance just, not inform their mother that they’re here-?”

“TK, baby, you know damn well I can’t do that. They’re a minor and they’re here for an overdose, either of those warrant calling the emergency contact on their own-.”

“Please, my mom’s gonna kill me if she finds out about this, please. She’s already abusive and she’s DEA and she’s not gonna believe it was an overdose, god, please just don’t call her-.” They’re begging, they know that, but they’re begging for their life.

“Honey, okay, it’s okay, just calm down a little for me.” They try to focus on breathing and listening to nurse Opal. “I still have to call a legal guardian, I’m guessing she’s the only one based on your reaction?”

They nod with a look of dread and she continues. “Okay, I’m gonna have to notify her, but I can leave details out until she gets here, so all she’d know is that you’re here and receiving treatment. You said she’s abusive, so I’m gonna need to know how. TK, can you call for police-?”

“Carlos is on his way. Lee, do you want me to call Paul and tell him to come here when he’s done with the call?” TK’s already pulling his phone out before they nod. He steps away and a guy in a flannel and khakis approaches the doorway.

“Hey, Opal, you called for a social worker?” She nods and the man comes into the room. He looks at the paper she hands him then turns to face them. “Hi, Lee. My name’s Colby, I’m one of the on call social workers, can I ask you some questions?”

They nod and Colby starts evaluating the situation. “So it says on your chart that you’re here for an overdose. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I don’t know, I just took a bunch of pills and I guess it was too much. Or the mix with alcohol caused it? I don’t know.” They’re avoiding eye contact and staring a hole into the sleeve of their hoodie.

“That’s okay. I more so meant what lead you to taking the pills. Did you have a specific outcome you were aiming for?” They snap their head up as they realize what he’s asking.

“I-, uh, I wasn’t really trying to kill myself when I took the pills, just trying to get high. I mean I didn’t really care if I died, but I wasn’t trying to kill myself yet at that point.”

“You said yet. Were you trying to end your life today?” He’s writing something on his clipboard now.

“Yeah, I was gonna jump off the overpass earlier, but then Paul showed up and I didn’t want him to have to watch so I went with him.”

“Okay, I’m glad you’re still here. Do you know what lead to you going to the overpass? If you’re not sure you can just describe what happened leading up to it.”

“Uhm, my mom and I got into an argument and it just, it wasn’t good. She was pissed that I didn’t make dinner cause she said she texted me but it didn’t go through but she, I don’t know, she was just so mad at me and she, uh, she started throwing stuff at me. Like, she started with just utensils and stuff but then she started throwing pots and stuff and I just, I don’t know-.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to keep talking about it if you don’t want to, I understand what you’re saying.” They finally breathe and try to keep tears from falling. God knows what happened last time their mom saw them crying. “Would you say incidents like this have happened before?”

They nod and he keeps writing. “Do they happen often?” He looks up and frowns as they nod again. “Have there been any other types of incidents of abuse? Any emotional or sexual abuse?”

“I don’t really know what counts as emotional abuse. Like, I don’t know if any of this counts-.”

“Well, if you think you can do it you can tell me what she said and I’ll write anything that counts. If you’d rather not say it that’s alright, but if you’re unsure I can’t mark this as a yes.”

They swallow around a lump in their throat and stare at the floor. “She blames me for bad things that happen, I mean she has since I was a kid. When I was little she would always tell me it was my fault my dad divorced her cause I lied to him about her or something, I don’t remember exactly what her reasoning was. Then she told me it was my fault when he died cause he was on his way to pick me up from school and he got in a car accident. Then my friend killed himself and she kept telling me it was my fault and I should’ve been a better friend and it was just awful.”

They wipe some fallen tears away and take a stuttering breath before continuing. “She’ll always yell at me for doing anything even remotely wrong and then she says I’m defective and she wishes she miscarried me because then she wouldn’t have such a fuckup for a kid.

“Anytime I used to try to tell her about a problem she’d just say I was making stuff up and looking for attention or something. When I was 10 I tried to tell her that one of her friends had assaulted me and she beat me and told me I was a liar and she made me sleep outside. She didn’t do anything about it and her friend kept doing it until I pulled a knife on her. My mom’s still friends with her and I still have to see her all the time but she leaves me alone now.

“I came out to her and my dad when I was 8 and she just lost her shit on me. She started yelling about how I was an ungrateful little shit and when I started crying she said she was gonna give me something to cry about and she started beating the shit out of me. She broke my arm and she wouldn’t take me to the hospital. She told me that if I told anyone what actually happened she would kill me and she said I was to tell people I fell of the jungle gym at the park. My dad finally picked me up three days later and he took me to get it set and put in a cast. He asked what happened and I lied. I didn’t want to die, I was just a kid, I-.”

“Hey, it’s okay, can you breathe with me, please.” Lee looks up at him and tries to match his breathing. It takes a minute, but they manage to calm down a bit. “Okay, so that’s definitely enough to qualify as both physical and emotional abuse. I’m going to contact DFPS and have them open an investigation. I know it’s awful, but if you’ve got any marks on your body from last night or another recent incident it’s going to work in your favor to make sure doctor Templeton sees them and notes them in your file. I’ll make sure to talk with her and nurse Opal to make sure they’re both aware of the situation.

“I do need to clarify what you want to happen right now. Do you want to be placed in foster care or are you okay with going back to your mother’s house until the investigation reaches a conclusion-?”

“God, please no, please don’t make me go back there, I can’t, she’s gonna kill me, please-.” They’re panicking and this has to be some sick fucking joke, they can’t actually try to send them back there.

“Okay, I hear you, I’ll tell DFPS to see if there’s anyone able to take an emergency placement tomorrow, but I am going to warn you that if there’s not, you could end up sleeping in an office until something opens up. I’m not sure what the current situation is over there, but it wouldn’t be the first time a kid fresh out of the hospital ends up sleeping on a cot in an office.”

“That’s fine, just please don’t leave me with her.” He nods and writes more on his paper.

“I’ll make sure you’re not left alone with her if they allow her in the room. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, but I’m gonna try my damnedest to get you out of it. I’ll be by with any updates, but I’ll let you rest now.” He opens the door and Paul almost runs right into him. “Oh, sorry, excuse me.”

“No you’re good, my bad, man.” Colby leaves and Lee can now see TK and a police officer they’re assuming is Carlos following Paul into the room. “Hey, kid, how’re you feeling?”

“Like death incarnate.” They wipe the remaining tears from their eyes and sniffle a bit. “They’re gonna open an investigation and see if any of their foster parents can take me anytime soon, but I’d rather sleep on a floor somewhere than go back to that house.”

“Shit, if they’re looking for an emergency placement I can take you, I have a foster license. Did he say anything about coming back before you’re discharged?” He sits down in the chair closest to their bed and the others take the two on the opposite wall.

“Yeah, he said he’ll come back with updates when he gets them. He was going to update the doctor and nurse first though, I think.” They look up at TK and Probably Carlos. “Are you Carlos?”

“Yeah, Carlos Reyes, I’d say it’s nice to meet you but this isn’t really a great situation to be meeting in.” He gets up and shakes their hand before pulling his chair closer and sitting back down. “The hospital contacted your mom and since there’s an open DFPS investigation they requested security for your room, so I’ll be here for a while.”

“Is that a threat?” They look apprehensive and Paul’s quick to reassure them.

“It’s only a threat if you hate cooking. Carlos is an incredible cook but he keeps trying to workshop recipes with me cause I’m his only friend that can cook without burning everything.” TK scoffs from the corner.

“I can cook! I make cookies and bread all the time! I literally made you sticky buns for your girlfriend’s birthday last month-!”

“First of all, that’s baking, not cooking, there’s a difference. Second, making cup a noodles does not count as being able to cook. Lastly, did you just friendzone your damn husband?”

“Oh, he’s your husband! So is this why you tell TK he interrogates people, cause you’re a cop?” They look at Carlos expectantly, only for him to look confusedly at TK.

“When I was talking to them earlier they asked if it was an interrogation, and I said not really but that’s what you call it when I get hyper focused on a subject.” Realization flashes on Carlos’s face and he rolls his eyes fondly.

“Because you were grilling me about how I found you after y’all got kidnapped and it felt like déjà vu of being interrogated literally the day before.” He seems to notice the horror on Lee’s face and turns to his husband. “You wanna explain that or should I?”

“Babe, I don’t remember most of it. I was pretty concussed, remember?” Paul laughs and Carlos rolls his eyes.

“Yes, Tyler, I remember. I was the one taking care of you. Anyway, a few years ago TK and the other medics got called out to a parking garage for a woman in labor, but when they got there there’s no pregnant people in sight, then these people come around from their van and hold them at gunpoint so they’ll treat their friend who’s injured.

“Now, the people holding them hostage were actually the ones that were responsible for a robbery I’d had that morning and an apartment fire that afternoon, that’s how the guy got injured, so that’s a pretty major part of how we found TK, Nancy, and Tommy. Tommy’d suggested they go to her husband’s restaurant to treat the guy, and our friend Grace at dispatch helped us figure out that’s where they were.”

“And then Carlos’s dad said he was proud of him and also immediately clocked that I was his boyfriend, and Carlos was somehow shocked about this-.”

“I didn’t know he even acknowledged my sexuality, or that he knew I was single or anything-.”

“Babe, you literally ran to me. From what my dad said they had to physically restrain you to keep you from going in before backup was en route. That’s not exactly subtle.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was supposed to be subtle when the love of my life was in life threatening danger-.”

Their bickering is cut off by a knock at the door followed by it opening. Colby steps in followed by a tall woman with curly auburn hair who Lee guesses is doctor Templeton.

“Hey, Lee, I see you’ve got some visitors and your security detail. I’m doctor Templeton, I need to get your vitals and do a physical evaluation, and I’m gonna change your IV while I’m here. Has anyone taken your blood yet?” They shake their head and she pulls her pager out. “Okay, I paged a phlebotomist who’ll be down in a few minutes. Before I start, do you want anyone to leave the room?”

They glance up at TK and Carlos and the two thankfully understand the look. Paul and them stand and go to wait in the hall, but Lee makes a noise and Paul and TK both turn back to them.

“Paul, can you stay? Please?” He nods and sits back down.

“Alright, you’re on bag two of NS fluids, depending on your blood results we might switch you to a banana bag. I’m gonna get your temperature real quick then I’ll do the questions and physical evaluation.” Lee nods in understanding as she writes their vitals down.

There’s a quick knock at the door and the phlebotomist comes inside. “Hi, I’m Tala, I’m gonna steal some of your blood real quick, so you should probably look away so you don’t pass out.” Lee does as they advise them and they’re done and gone soon after.

“Alright, blood results should be back in about an hour. Now, this might feel uncomfortable, I apologize for that, I’ll make this as quick as possible, but if you want Colby and Paul to leave you can kick them out.” They shake their head and she nods. “Okay, can you either roll your sleeves up or pull them out of your hoodie for me please.”

They comply and start explaining before she asks questions. “I had self harm cuts and TK bandaged them up this morning. They’re not from the abuse, but the bruises on my shoulder and collarbone are. My mom was throwing shit at me last night.”

“Okay, I’ll note anything you say is abuse in your chart.” She starts writing and they put their arms back in their sleeves. “Alright, can you stand up for me and hold your shirt up so I can look over your back and abdomen?”

They do as they’re asked and relay how they got the bruises. She writes more on the chart and asks them to pull the legs of their shorts up. At least there’s nothing to explain there.

“Okay, that’s all I’ve got, I’m gonna add all this to your file and make sure DFPS has that. Colby, you’re up.” And with that, she’s gone.

“Alright, DFPS has opened an investigation and they’re working on tracking down your mother so they can notify her. Last I heard they haven’t started looking for any foster homes yet, but-.”

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but would it be possible for them to be placed with me? My girlfriend and I both have up to date licenses and I’m an adult that’s known to them so we’d have priority if they want to be placed with us, right?” Lee doesn’t comprehend half the words Paul’s saying, apparently the sleep deprivation is catching up to them.

“It would. Lee, are you okay with that? It would speed things up once you’re discharged and ensure you’re placed in a safe environment.” Colby’s looking at them expectantly and their brain finally catches up.

“Oh, yeah, shit, absolutely, if that’s okay. I trust him.” Colby smiles and nods.

“Alright, wonderful, I’ll notify DFPS and bring y’all the paperwork to sign. Paul, we’ll need to do an emergency home inspection just to make sure everything looks good, so if you need to call your girlfriend to update her on this and have her take care of anything you should do that now.” He smiles kindly at Lee. “I won’t make promises, but chances are you’re taking this kid home with you tomorrow.”

He exits the room and Carlos comes back inside. He looks from Paul with his faint smile to Lee who’s near tears with relief before speaking.

“Should I let everyone know not to expect you at catan tomorrow?”

Paul laughs and looks over at Lee. “Yeah, definitely not gonna make it. Tell them I’ve got a prior commitment.”

Chapter Text

Lee gets discharged the next morning. Specifically, they’re discharged into Paul’s care. They’re not going back to that house, and it’s the biggest relief they’ve ever felt, but also presents a mountain of new worries.

What if their mother finds them and tries to hurt them again? What if she tries to kill them again? What if Paul’s just pulling some sort of prank and he’s not actually going to take them home? What if his girlfriend isn’t okay with this and they get kicked out before they get there? What if Paul gets sick of them and kicks them out right as they start to feel safe? What if he-

“Lee, you ready to get outta here?” And now they don’t know. Now they’re questioning if they will be safe with this man that they barely know, but who reminds them a hell of a lot of their daddy. They were always safe with him, so they decide to take the chance here. “Let’s go.”

They follow Paul outside and to his truck without any further communication until they’re inside. “Alright, so Asha made up the bed in the spare room for you, and we have some basic toiletries you’re welcome to use, but eventually we’ll go out and get you your own stuff. If you’re up for it we can do that now or we can just go to the apartment. What d’you think?”

“I don’t really care. If you wanna get it over with that’s fine.” Their voice is detached and they’re staring straight out the window.

“I’m gonna head to the apartment so you can get settled in a bit.” He stops at a red light and glances at Lee. “Are you okay?”

They look down and pull their legs up to their chest. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I don’t wanna get comfortable if you’re just gonna kick me out-.”

“Hey, I promise you I have absolutely zero intentions of leaving you or kicking you out. I wouldn’t have offered to have you stay with me if I wasn’t 100% sure I could handle you. I’ve seen kids in your situation a hundred times and if I can help in any way, I want to. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable, and I will do everything I can to make sure you are.”

“Jesus, you really had that loaded up didn’t you?” They shake their head and look in Paul’s general direction. “I hope you mean that, but even if I want to I physically can’t just blindly trust you. I’m sorry, I sound like a brat-.”

“Hey, you don’t, you really don’t. I can’t say I know what it’s like to deal with what you’ve gone through, but based on what you’ve told me that’s completely normal. I know it’s gonna take a while for you to trust me, and I know you have no reason to, so I’ll do my best to be trustworthy.” He looks over at Lee to make sure they’re listening.

“Also, my girlfriend, Asha, is staying with a friend for a while, at least until you meet her and are able to be somewhat comfortable around her. She doesn’t want to rush you, and Ana loves the help with her kids so she can stay there as long as needed.”

“She didn’t have to leave, sorry, I would’ve been fine. She can come back now if she wants-.”

“It’s not a problem, Lee, I promise. Ana’s kids love their auntie Asha, and she loves hanging out with them. Plus, she’s been planning this for a few weeks since Ana’s husband is at a work conference this week. It’s really not an issue.”

“Okay.” They stare down at their lap while Paul parks. “Thank you.”

“It’s absolutely no problem, kid. I’ve got a foster license for this exact reason.” He opens the door to the lobby and guides Lee to the stairwell. “We’re only on the second floor, so not too bad. Made sure I wasn’t too high up when I moved down here. There’s nothing I miss less from Chicago than walking up six flights of stairs getting off a 24 hour shift.”

“I think I’d rather sleep in my car at that point. I don’t even wanna think about how exhausted I’d be.” They follow Paul inside, noting the unit number six.

“Worst part is I didn’t have a car in the city, so I was already walking from the firehouse to the bus stop, then bus stop to my apartment. The only reason I had that unit was because the building had an elevator, but it almost never worked.” He sets his keys on the kitchen counter and turns to Lee. “Your room is the last one down the hall, and the bathroom’s the door before it on the right side. I’ll let you look around, if you need me let me know. I’ll be out here. Pasta okay for dinner?”

“Yeah, thank you.” Paul smiles at them and turns to the sink while they quietly head to the bathroom. It’s standard, a little bigger than they anticipated, but it’s nice. The shower had a sliding door with a suspension curtain in front of it, and the added privacy almost made them cry.

What the fuck?

When they were a kid they never would have cried in relief over a curtain. When dad was still alive he never even came into their room without knocking and waiting for a response.

And then dad died. And mom didn’t care. And when she did, she had no reason to give them privacy. It was her house, and if they didn’t like it they could go live on the streets.

They were at Grant’s house more than their own until he died. Then it just felt wrong to go over there, and his parents moved away, and he was back to the same hell in that house.

And somehow they’re here. Somehow someone thinks they’re not completely fucking worthless. They don’t know how or why, but they’ll try not to fuck it up.

The room is nice and it scares them. They don’t deserve it, fuck, they’re gonna fuck this up. The window opens to a fire escape and the door has a lock on the inside.

They don’t register they’re crying until they’re gasping for air. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The corner between the bed and the window is empty and they instinctively curl up and hide on the floor there. There has to be a catch, this has to be a joke, this isn’t real it can’t be-.

“Lee, you okay? Can I come in?” Paul can barely see the top of their head in the dark room, but he doesn’t want to turn the light on. It takes him a minute to recognize the uneven breathing as crying, but he flicks the light on once he does. “I’m gonna come in, I just wanna check on you. We can go to the living room if you want to talk.”

They don’t give any acknowledgment beyond a quiet huff. Paul sits a few feet away from the end of the bed, back against the wall with his body angled slightly towards Lee.

“Do you wanna talk about what’s wrong? It’s okay if you don’t, but I don’t wanna leave you alone when you’re visibly upset.” They dig their fingers under their collarbones and try to calm their breathing. “Do you want some water?”

They shake their head and bend to fold themself onto their knees in thirds. Paul silently watches as they seem to be calming down.

They sit back up a few minutes later, and it breaks Paul a little bit to see how small they look. They look terrified, like a feral raccoon that’s either gonna flee or attack if Paul moves.

He sits as still as he can until Lee shifts to try to hide in the corner. He gets up and grabs a spare blanket from the living room and some water, then sets them on the floor by the end of Lee’s bed.

“Do you want me to leave you alone or stay in here? It’s okay if you want me to leave, just hold up fingers if you can’t talk.” They hold up one finger and Paul nods. “Okay, dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes. I’ll know to let you know, and you can eat in here if you want, but you do need to eat something, even if it’s just something from the pantry. Let me know if you need anything, kiddo.”

Paul quietly pulls the door closed behind him and heads to the living room to read while he waits for his timer to go off. They’re gonna be jumpy for a bit, he expected that, but he really hopes they’ll start believing they’re safe soon.

He gets dinner out of the oven and gently knocks on Lee’s door to let them know it’s ready. He’s not surprised when they come out of their room with red eyes and a dripping nose.

They try to eat the pasta. They really do, but it’s too different and it’s too much to adjust to and they think they cried over it while Paul covered the bowl with foil but they’re not sure.

Somehow they ended up back in the guest room with a bowl of trail mix and a can of green beans. They just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever.

As it turns out, sleeping forever is the last thing they want. They’ve always had nightmares, who didn’t as a kid? But these are different, they’re worse than nightmares because they’re real.

Helen— they’ve finally gotten their brain to drop the “aunt” that they were taught to put in front— is touching them, raping them, and even when they wake up they’re not safe, because they can remember the way it felt. They can remember the fear and the sick feeling they always got in their gut when she was alone with them.

Sometimes their brain is merciful. Sometimes the nightmares are just their mom finding them and taking them back to her house or killing them. Sometimes they can sleep through those.

But they don’t have good dreams. They never really did, and the dxm helped exponentially. They didn’t exactly dream when they went to bed high, it was more like watching someone play the sims. They’d see themself from a third person perspective and it was like they were awake, they controlled everything their dream self did.

It was nice. Comforting, actually, to be able to control something in their life. They liked it. They could do whatever they wanted and they were safe within their own brain.

It’s been so helpful for so long, and now they don’t have it and it’s actually hell. They’re exhausted yet completely terrified to sleep.

Paul said he had no intention of hurting them, but what if he was lying? What if he was just trying to get them to trust him?

It’s awful, but they try to push through it. They’ll pass out if they get tired enough, it’s fine. Everything is fine, it’s all under control. They’re fine.

Paul takes them to Target the next day, telling them to pick some stuff for their room. They wander aimlessly around the bedding section, picking up a green comforter and moving on.

They catch sight of a sleeping psyduck plush and stare. It’s adorable and they can tell it’s soft and probably perfectly weighted and it’s just the right size and-.

“You can get it, if you want. I meant it, when I said I want you to have things that make you comfortable in your room.” They look at him, hesitant, like he’s gonna change his mind and yell at them if they dare touch it. “I’m serious, if you want it, we’ll get it. I’m not gonna change my mind.”

They pick it up, still slightly unsure about the situation and plop it into the cart before they get irreparably attached. Paul doesn’t say anything, just follows them when they start walking.

They only end up getting a few more things; a blackout curtain, foam earplugs, and the soap their dad used. They stare out the door while Paul pays, startling when he hands the psyduck to them.

“Sorry, are you okay?” They nod and Paul leads them back out to the truck. Lee clings to the plushie the entire drive home.

Lee’s so tired they can’t sit still. It’s weird, they’re restless in a way they’re not used to and they don’t think they could sleep if they tried.

Great for them, then, that Paul asks if they’re up for meeting people later. They agree without hesitation and Paul tells them to plan to leave at 5.

He also asks if they want to look online for clothes.

They hadn’t really thought about it, but they have no idea where the clothes they’re currently wearing came from. Not their mom’s house, that’s for sure.

They agree and Paul loads the Kohl’s website and leaves them with the instruction to add what they want to the cart. Horrifying, but a bit less so than the Psyduck incident.

They add some hoodies that are on sale, underwear, socks, sweatpants and shorts to the cart— all the cheapest they could find— before they freak out.

They leave the laptop on the couch in their place and retreat to their room. Psyduck is, unfortunately, very effective at calming them down, even if they’re still scared Paul’s gonna take it.

They curl into themself on the floor in the corner and end up falling asleep. The corner is safe, and they’ve made it comfortable with some blankets and a pillow. Safe enough that they manage to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time.

A nightmare wakes them, and it’s still terrifying and awful, but it’s a little easier to calm down with a migraine ridden duck to hide their face in.

Dinner is fine, if a little overwhelming. Asha and some of the people from the firehouse meet Paul and Lee at Eureka, and Lee is hyper aware that everyone is watching them. No one even sits down until they do and it’s anxiety inducing.

They sit on the booth half of the table between Paul and TK. Mateo is across from them, Nancy to his right, Asha on the left, with Marjan and Carlos at either end of the table.

It’s a lot of people, but the conversations are comfortable and not about them, thankfully. Mateo talks with them about Pokémon, prompted by their psyduck, and TK and Asha chime in when ones they like are mentioned.

It’s good, it is. The food is good, the people are cool, and the conversation is remarkably fun, but there’s an itch under their skin that they can’t get to stop. It’s uncomfortable and it puts them on edge.

Paul has to pull over on the way home so they can throw up the grilled cheese they just ate. Fuck, they feel like death.

The next day is worse. They’re shaky and cold and sweating and they feel like they’re gonna die and their digestive system is trying to kill them and Paul is still upbeat and gentle and helpful and it makes them want to fucking snap.

Except they can’t. They can’t be mad, because then they’ll be kicked out and then where the fuck are they gonna go? Then what’s gonna happen to them?

No, they just have to be good. If they behave, they’ll be safe.

But that didn’t work with Helen, now did it? Didn’t work on mom either.

So they’ll either get hurt regardless, or they’re still bad even when they’re trying their hardest not to be.

Either way, it sounds to them like they’re fucked.

They stay in their room for most of the day, reading a book Carlos had given them last night and only leaving when they need the bathroom or water.

Around 5:30, Paul knocks on their door, waiting for permission before he opens it. “Hey, Lee, I need to go get groceries. Do you wanna come with me or do you want me to see if TK or Mateo can come hang out?”

They look up at him and think for a second. “I’ll go with you.” They need to get out of the apartment. Might as well see if a trip to HEB helps the undying need for something that’s been growing for the past few days.

“Alright, I’m gonna put shoes on and then I’m good to leave whenever you’re ready.” They nod and he pulls the door closed and walks away.

Lee slips their shoes on and heads to the bathroom, then meets Paul by the door.

“You got everything you wanna bring with you?” They nod and he opens the door. “Let’s go.”

The drive is quick and quiet, the radio playing a random station that neither are paying attention to, and everything is fine.

Lee follows Paul around the store, occasionally picking up items, and responds when he asks them about potential meals. They’re so fucking uncomfortable, and the grocery store is overstimulating as shit, but they have to behave. They can behave.

They last until they reach the checkout. Paul’s friendly to the cashier and bagger, but Lee swears they’re both staring them down like a damn mouse.

It’s stupid and awful and it’s so so stupid. They’re restless and irrationally pissed at everything. They need to get out. “I’m gonna take the cart back outside.”

“Okay, I should be out in just a second. Just need to finish paying and grab the bags.” Lee nods as they walk away.

They push the cart into the corral and turn around into a woman standing entirely too fucking close. “Oh, sorry-.”

“Get the fuck away from me.” They try to back up and hit the cart, stumbling as they trip over their feet. The lady reaches out and they shove her away. “Don’t fucking touch me-!”

“Lee!” Fuck. Paul. Fuck. “Hey, what’s going on-?”

They’re running without deciding to. They need to get out, they can’t do it, fuck, he’s gonna be pissed at them.

They duck into an alley to try to figure something out without registering the man standing there.

“Hey, you good?” Lee startles when he speaks and he puts his hands up. “I’m not gonna hurt you, man. Are you trying to buy?”

Their brain catches up and suddenly they’re desperate for anything to get them out of their head. “I don’t-, I only have ten bucks-.”

He’s quiet for a minute, and Lee thinks this is probably the end of the conversation, but he starts talking. “Tell you what, you look pretty rough, so I’ll give you 4 for your money. If you want more, we can figure something out…”

They don’t even know what’s being offered for sure, but more is usually better. “What do you want me to do?”

“What are you willing to do?” He holds their gaze and Lee walks closer, hands over the single bill, and kneels.

It’s not pleasant, but it’s not as bad as it could be. They’ve dealt with worse. The guy tries to pull out before he finishes but they don’t let him. Maybe if they get an STI their death will be labeled an accident.

He gives them a small baggie of pills, white and oblong. He tells them it’s oxycodone, but they were gonna take them regardless of what it was. There’s 10 pills. 10 pills for 10 dollars and an aching jaw.

It’s enough to get the job done.

They start walking, taking half the pills while they figure out where they’re going. They’re good at dry swallowing, they’ve always been good at it. It’s just one of those things they adapted to with their mother, like walking and breathing and opening doors quietly. It’s as ingrained in them as their own phone number or their dad’s address.

They can’t go back to Paul’s house, they completely fucked that up. It’s okay, it’s not like you need shelter when you’re dead.

They keep walking, their hood pulled up and hands shoved in their pockets, and they head for the overpass up ahead.

It’s earlier than they’d like to do this, but if they try to wait someone will probably find them. Hell, Paul probably already has all his coworkers on the lookout. No, they need to get this done now.

They come up to the bridge and pour the other pills into their hand and down them. At least if the fall doesn’t kill them the opioids will. It’s funny, the restlessness and irritability that got them here are gone now.

It’s not enough to keep them from stepping over the guardrail.

“Hey, Lee!” Fuck. Fuck, it’s TK. Fuck. “Hold on a second, please?”

They don’t mean to hesitate. They want to fling themself onto the road underneath them— which, upon looking around, they think this is the same overpass as last time—, but their body isn’t cooperating with them.

TK is in front of them, hands outstretched and slowly getting closer. “I’m gonna hold your shoulders, okay? Can you please come back to this side of the barrier? You can go back in a few minutes if you want to-.”

“You’re lying.” They’re so fucking high and it would be so easy to just jump. “You’re not gonna let me go back if I come over to you.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” TK squeezes the tops of their shoulders and they look at him. “Can you come talk to me anyway?”

They step over and sit down on the rail as a compromise. TK doesn’t look like this did much to convince him they’re fine, but he sits next to them anyway.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, please? Do you know what got you here?” Lee can see him typing out of the corner of their eye and they sigh.

“I fucked up. I fuck everything up.” TK just looks at them, listening intently. “I didn’t feel right, I kept getting pissed at everything and I think I’m sick cause my stomach is trying to kill me and just-, I can’t do this anymore. I wanna rip my skin off and I keep remembering everything and the fucking nightmares are awful and I just need it to stop.”

TK turns towards them a bit and puts a hand on their shoulder. “I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that, it sounds fucking awful. And, for the record, the first things you listed are pretty common symptoms of withdrawal. You’re probably gonna hate it, but if you try taking cough medicine as directed it might help a little, especially considering how long dxm withdrawal can last. I’ll talk to Paul about it. Is there anything else?”

“The nightmares are so bad, TK.” They look up at him and their eyes are tearing up. “It’s always the rapes. Every fucking night and I can’t do this. I cannot keep doing this-.”

“Can I hug you?” The question catches them off guard but they nod, and then TK’s holding them tightly. “I am so sorry that happened to you, and I know how horrible those nightmares are. You shouldn’t have to deal with this, and it’s awful and I’m so sorry, kid. If you ever need to talk about it you can call me, even if it’s the middle of the night, I will try my best to answer and if I can’t I will get back to you as soon as I can. I’ve been through this, and I know it’s hell.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up-.”

“Hey, no, look at me, please.” He waits for them to adjust their gaze off the ground and towards him. “I asked you what was wrong, and you answered. There’s nothing for you to apologize for, Lee, I promise. You were answering a question and, even if you told me all of this without me asking, you were about to jump off a bridge, kid. I will never hold it against you if you need support, even if you just want to talk, okay?”

They nod, and it disorients them so badly they remember the pills they took. They’re so fucking high nothing feels real, and there’s a part of their brain that knows what’s happening and is panicking, but mostly they’re just content.

“Lee? Hey, can you look at me please?” TK gently guides their face up to look at them and they flinch back. “Woah, are you okay?”

“Don’t wanna kiss you-.”

“Oh, no, no, I’m sorry, kid, I wasn’t trying to kiss you. I was trying to get a better look at your eyes. Can you look up at me please?”

They tilt their head up and TK turns his phone on to look at their pupils, breath catching a little when he sees how fucking minuscule they are.

“Do you know what you took?” He’s holding their wrist now, counting the pulses. They’re barely there, nothing really makes sense. “Lee, hey, come on, stay awake for me.”

They’re still unresponsive and only vaguely aware of what’s happening around them, but they’re in a car now, and there’s something in their nose and, fuck, that’s uncomfortable. Fuck, they’re gonna puke.

TK turns Lee onto their side right as the vomit escapes their throat. Fuck, it hurts, everything hurts. They gag a few more times, but they were mostly empty to begin with. They cough and TK hands them a water bottle.

“Rinse your mouth, it’ll get the taste out at least a little bit.” They do as they’re told and register that the car door is open and they managed to avoid throwing up all over TK’s car. “Can you close the door or do you need me to get it.”

“I got it.” They pull the door shut and buckle, and they only realize after TK starts driving that they don’t actually know what’s going on. “Where are we going?”

“Hospital. You just overdosed and I don’t want the naloxone to wear off before they can get an IV in you. Fuck, if I was still on I could’ve just taken you to the station. Whatever it’s fine.” Lee’s aware he’s talking to himself at the end there, but the next thing is definitely directed at them. “Use my phone and call Paul. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I need to let him know what’s going on.”

TK unlocks his phone with his fingerprint and hands it to them, and after they find the phone app the sound of the ringing fills the car from the speakers.

“TK, hey, is everything okay-?” Paul doesn’t even get the sentence all the way out before TK starts talking.

“I’m on the way to West Park, Lee overdosed. They’re okay right now, I gave them naloxone, but I’m taking them in so it doesn’t happen again when the Narcan wears off.”

“Shit, okay, I’ll meet you there. Fuck, and you’re sure they’re okay?” TK goes to answer and Lee cuts him off.

“I’m fine, just puked and everything hurts, but I’m okay.” They don’t want to go to the hospital, please, g-d, they don’t wanna go to the hospital. “Can we please skip the hospital? I swear to g-d I’ll drink so much water and you can watch me just please no hospital-.”

“Lee, we can’t do that, kiddo. If we did you run the risk of being placed with someone else if anyone from DFPS finds out. Plus, I don’t know how much of what you took-.”

“10 oxy, at least that’s what the guy said they were. Please, I won’t tell anyone I swear-.”

“Do you know what dose they were?” They open their mouth to respond and close it just as fast. Fuck. Fucking fuck. “Then I still can’t help you. I’m sorry, kid, we have to go to the hospital.”

They can’t hear the rest of the conversation. They shutdown, preparing to deal with the hell that is the hospital.