Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You know you’re dreaming when you open your eye. You’ve had this nightmare enough times, and you’ve seen this exact sky even more so.

Joy.

…you’re actually kinda lucid right now, though. Neat! Should probably share that with your family when you wake up. You don’t know if lucid dreaming means anything with all of your…baggage. 

…hm. Usually, whenever you use your dagger in these dreams, you wake up. Maybe if you did it on purpose, it’d still work? But your family probably wouldn’t like hearing that your first instinct when confronted with Dormont is to kill yourself out of it. Maybe you should just bear it out? Or at least wait until something actually bad happens? Yeah, you can probably do that! 

“Siffrin!”

You stand up. Alright, Siffrin. Back to the stage.

“Hey Mira!” 

“I was wondering if you-“ and you know how this goes. 

“That sounds like a great idea, Mira!”

Blah, blah, blah.

“I’ll remember!”

She hands you the paper because she (fairly) doesn’t believe you. Your feet decide to wander towards the Favor Tree. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen Loop. It’d be nice to pretend for a little bit, at least until the dream starts turning for the worse. 

Turn left, walk forward, turn right, talk to Isa by the rocks near the Favor Tree, “It’s a pretty…Tree-mendus tree!” watch as he never blinding ACTUALLY TOUCHES-!

…he’s touching your shoulder. Your ears are ringing. Why is he touching you? He’s saying something but they’re not his lines. He shouldn’t be touching you, he doesn’t know you want that, so what the crab is happening. Isa looks worried. You can’t breathe. You think you need to do this again, at least to get some space. You grab your dagger.

“SIF! WHAT-“

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach.

You wake up. It’s still Dormont. Huh. Probably a fluke. You grab your dagger. 

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach.

You wake up. It’s still Dormont. Well…if it doesn’t work a third time, then you’ll start freaking out. You grab your dagger. You can hear Mirabelle screaming something. 

You feel

A tug 

On your 

Stomach.

You wake up. It’s still Dormont. You guess you know not to kill yourself while lucid dreaming now. Doesn’t really help anything. You hear Mirabelle running into the clearing. Alright, just say the opening lines, Siffrin, and you can figure everything else out later.

“Hey Mirabelle! Have you thought about having a sleepover?“ Mirabelle…is staring at you. She’s looking at you like you just said the Change God is a real crab. 

WHACK!

OW!?! How did she hit you harder than when you screwed up the Friend Quest? And you didn’t even do anything this time?!? 

“Siffrin, if what I think happened is true,” What? “This is probably really stressful for you. But please don’t insult my intelligence by pretending I didn’t see what happened just now.”

What.

“I don’t know when you started looping, but the rest of us have already been at this for a while.” Mirabelle puts her hands on your shoulders?!?!? “S-so you’re not alone, ok?” 

No. Nonononononononono. 

Isabeua rushes over the bridge towards the clearing, “Sif! Are you okay?!?” 

You were out. You were OUT! YOU WERE OUT BUT NOW YOU’RE BACK!

Mirabelle turns towards him “I think we’re stable for now?” 

YOU’RE BACK BUT IT'S ALL WRONG! NONE OF THEM ARE SAYING THEIR LINES! THEY ALL REMEMBER EVERYTHING!

Odile comes up, “What happened? And can we please never do that again?” 

How did this happen? You didn’t wish! You have a blinding panic attack anytime you think about wishing! There’s no way you wished yourself back into the loops! There’s…just…no…way….Wait. If they remembered everything, why did they try to follow their lines in the first place? They should know that’s the last thing you’d want! Stars, you made Mirabelle cry the last time she woke you up.

Mirabelle lets go of you to face Odile, “He may have somehow started to remember the loops? And…didn’t…take it…well?”

…You didn’t wish. But you also didn’t wish for Loop. Loop wished himself into your loops/world/whatever. So if the Universe can do that…

Odile nods her head, “Frankly, given how the last “full” loop went, I don’t blame him. That was probably…the worst experience so far.”

What if it did the reverse?

Iseabeau kneels next to you, “Hey, Siff. I don’t really know what’s wrong for you specifically, but we’re here for you. You know?”

“They were mine first, Stardust. But you took them from me.”

“C-can I hold you hand, Siff? It’d help me-“

“Absolutely blinding not.” This isn’t your fault! It can’t be your fault! It’s the fault of one of these copies of your family! And since they’re not yours, why care about them? You don’t have to care about becoming a blinding quasar! 

“Siffrin!?!” The Housemadien seems the most shocked at your rejection. You don’t look at the man with Isabeau’s face. 

The Researcher has pulled out her notebook. “Siffrin. What do you actually remember? Because even with everything that’s happened, you seem reacting to very different parts of this from the rest of us.” Even if she’s not yours, the Researcher’s still the clever one. Just hard enough to fool to keep you on your toes. 

“Firstly, where’s the Kid?” It’s good to know your audience you’re performing for, after all!

The Housemadien and the Defender both look around worried, while the Researcher narrows her eyes and says, “I told Bonnie to wait at the Clocktower until we got there. Why is that important?”

“~Teehee!~ Because, Researcher! Even though I want to blinding tear your throats out right now, I don’t want the Kid to see it!” The whole party jumps at that. Good! You start laughing. Maybe they’ll figure it out so you don’t have to spell out why “you” suddenly hate them! 

The Defender grabs you (gently) and tries to start calming you down, “Look, Sif, can you just try breathing for me? Like you always do! In…”

He’s not yours he’s not yours he’s not yours he’s not yours he’s not yours he’s not yours he’s not yours he’s not yours HE’S NOT BLINDING YOURS!

“And…”

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT HIM, DEFENDER! STOP TRYING TO BE HIM!

”Out…Ok?”

You reach for your dagger. If you tried to use it on yourself again, they’d almost certainly stop you. But that’s not what you want to do this time…

“In…”

You move fast, faster than any of them were ready for. You aim for the Defender’s neck.

You

Feel

PAIN! EVERY BLINDING PARTICLE OF YOU ALIGHTS WITH ANGOY! IT’S AS IF EVERY SINGLE DEATH IN YOUR LOOPS HAPPENED SIMULTANEOUSLY AND FOREVER! You think someone’s screaming. Oh.

It’s you. 

You think the fakes are saying something, but you can’t tell. Your body slowly stops writhing, but you don’t feel in control. 

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach.

Odile POV

You don’t even bother trying to get out of the store before vomiting this time. You were the one who handles the physical sensation of looping the worst out of your party, and the…events you just witnessed only exacerbate the stress. 

“Oh Change! Are you alright, Madame Savior?” Well! It’s certainly been a while since the shopkeeper was worried about you. You make a Paper Craft sign and aim it at the shopkeeper. 

“Forget.” The man becomes dazed and unfocused. You quickly grab the spare apron behind the counter, wipe up your expulsions, and leave a hefty tip on the counter to cover the damages and stolen apron.

The one good thing about being stuck in a time loop is that you’ve been able to test every inane theory that comes into your head with no consequences, including many of the ones you heard before getting stuck. You’ve probably come close to the limits of the traditional Crafts at this point. But in the middle of the King’s butchery of Siffrin, he mentioned Wishcraft. It might explain how Time Craft is possible, how to get out of these loops…

…and whatever’s happened to your rogue. 

As you step outside, you see Mirabelle and Isabeau by the statue of the Change God. You head over to discuss what to do.

Chapter Text

Ok, Siffrin! Let’s take a second and actually process what’s happening! How did Odile want you to prioritize your thoughts during a panic attack?

“Firstly, go through everything that is objectively true at the moment. Start with the most relevant facts, then keep going until you feel in control of your thoughts.”

You are in Dormont again. You are in a time loop again. You’ve just killed yourself 3 times in what is effectively five minutes. You attempted to kill someone who looked like Isabeau. You failed because of some strange energy that was the same shade as the sky in your last loop. That energy hurts a LOT! …urgh, you’re still missing your eye, and the hole is wet. The clearing is surrounded by the same amount of trees as were in your loops. You have not seen anyone who looks like Bonnie yet. The clouds are darkless. 

In…and out. Step two

“When you feel relatively stable, start going through the relevant things you think are true from evidence.”

So, you’re not in the same time loop you were in before. The people who look like your family are able to remember previous loops, so that’s pretty obvious. You don’t think these people are your actual family because they were talking as if you had never looped before, but they had. They’re probably strategizing over you right now, since Mira The Housemaiden hasn’t shown up yet.

“Everything else is opinion, so don’t trust anything that isn’t about your own personal thoughts. And even then, try to keep them at a distance.”

…you feel a little bad about using your dagger on yourself in front of these people.

All right! Now, planning time! Now, you could just try to make a wish to get back home, but then you might just turn into Loop. Or worse! So you’re definitely going to be helping this party. 

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

Speaking of which! You can hear one of these strangers approaching right now! You get up, brush yourself off, and turn to see the Researcher approaching you. She stops around the edge of the clearing. You both stare at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Just because you know what you need to do doesn’t mean you know how to start it!

The Researcher breaks the silence first, “Siffrin?”

Right to the heart of the matter! You sigh, “Technically true, but that’s misleading.”

She does not seem particularly amazing by that. “So what? Am I supposed to believe that some ghost or 神 has possessed our friend?” Oh good! They’re throwing the friend word around. Hope they were doing that before you got involved!

“No, I’m not-“ you pause. You give yourself a quick jostle. You’re definitely missing the same eye, you have the same type of bits you had before, ok! “I’m very confident I’m not possessing him.” 

“…ok, sure.” The Researcher looks like their head hurts. 

“Quick question before we get into ‘the situation’: Is there something wrong with my missing eye? Feels wet.”

“Oh…while you…while he…while Siffrin was sleeping, he had his eyepatch open, and a bird…let’s just say it had remarkable accuracy.”

Ah. 

….You hate that.

You sprint to the river. You think the Research tries to stop you, but you are still very fast and want to desperately be clean. Once you reach the riverbank, you dunk your head in and start cleaning aggressively. Soon, something grabs you from behind, pulling you out of the water. You, naturally, try to turn around to face whatever grabbed you, but then everything starts spinning. Next thing you know, you and the Researcher are flat on your backs a good distance away from the river. 

You can’t help laughing. You both probably looked ridiculous just now. The Researcher is even fully laughing, which you take as a win. Even when she let herself show her amusement, Odile…

You stop laughing.

“Well!” The Researcher starts to regain her composure, “I was supposed to make sure you were sane or human enough to not make whatever happened last loop a frequent occurrence,” So an infrequent occurrence is fine?!? “But I think this whole comedy act is enough to convince me that whatever has happened is…recoverable.”

You shrug, “If you say so. Speaking of, I do actually have some answers for you!” You think it’ll be fun to be able to explain something to the Researcher without the underlying fear of the knowledge slipping from your head mid-conversation. Or without them looking at you like you’re crazy. She’ll probably just end up asking mechanical questions, and you think you’ve gotten well enough for that.

“Oh really?” The Researcher gets up on her elbows to look over at you. “Now that’s quite the-.“ She stops. “Alright, get up.”

What? “What?” Something happened. You can tell something happened, but you don’t know what. You thought you were actually doing okay with the Researcher, treating her like a human person even if she isn’t yours.

“Up you go, Siffrin.” The Researcher prods you onto your feet, and you’re so distracted by how touchy she is that you almost don’t notice her guiding you over the bridge to Dormont and to the Change God statue.

The Housemadien and the Defender are both by the statue. When the Housemadien notices you approaching, her smile quickly turns to panic as she’s running towards you?!?

“SIFFRIN!” The Housemadien grabs your face (don’t enjoy it shut up brain) and starts twisting it around as if to examine it. “What the crab happened?!?”

What you mean to say is “Be more specific, Housemadien~!” What comes out is closer to babbling nonsense. You would like to blame the healing Craft she’s using on you, but you’re not as good of a liar as you used to be!

The Researcher speaks up. “Siffrin didn’t know about the bird droppings, and clawed his face trying to clean it.” Oh! Well now that makes sense! You didn’t screw up a conversation, you just had an accidental injury! 

Is it bad for you to be happy about that?

The Researcher continues on, “Given his attempts at forthcoming, I felt like it was better to bring him to you than loop just to avoid a risk of infection.”

The Defender steps in, “So, four in a row is your limit then Madame?” A part of you wants to apologize to him and beg for forgiveness. A part of you wants to try and tear him apart again. A part of you wants to stare at him until you know everything that separates Isabeau from The Defender, so you know how you should feel. You don’t look at him. Once the Housemadien stops healing you, you decide to put your foot down.

“I think we’ve done more than enough shenanigans and we should start actually working through this.” Both the Housemadien and the Defender open their mouths to try to interrupt you, but you barrel through them. “So!” You say. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

The Housemadien speaks up, “The good news?” Shame, she could probably use some real good news right now.

“~I’m not your Siffrin~!” You strike a little pose as if to say “Tada!” The party all share expressions with varying degrees of shock or horror. You are aware that you’re behaving a lot more like “Loop” than “Siffrin,” but hey! It’s your traumatic experience, you get to choose the coping method! And you’re even talking to your the party this time! 

You manage to pull yourself out of your thoughts to hear the Defender, “…then what’s the bad news?”

You drop your smile and pose. You take a deep breath. You force yourself to look the Defender in the eyes. Not for his sake, but for his.

“I’m not your Siffrin.”

Chapter Text

Isabeau POV

Isabeau, you can say this with certainty: This has been the worst hour of your life! But maybe, just maybe, it’s about to stop getting worse.

Not-Sif(?) gives you all a lazy once over as he speaks. “You’ve all been looping in time, but I take it that…we” he giggles and you try very hard to repress the part of you that is as dumb as you pretend to be, “haven’t been?” 

“Y-yes,” Mira responds. She’s honestly been handling everything better than you what else is new? “But, if you’re still a Siffrin, and you know us, why-?”

Not-Sif whirls on her, snarling. “Because, Housemadien! I don’t remember your loops. I. Got. Out!” You’ve never seen this side of Sif. Even when one of you pushed too hard about something, or got too suspicious with the Island stuff, or the one thing you don’t want to think about, Siffrin always retreated when upset. Not-Sif, by contrast, is out for blood, practically daring you to interrupt them. 

And if what they’re saying is true, you don’t blame them.

“Then how did you get here?” It’s the first real thing you’ve said since Not-Sif tried to attack you. He doesn’t look at you. You try not to think about why. You’re afraid you already know the reason. 

He pulls away from Mira, taking up a relaxed posture again. “Why, the same reason you’ve all been repeating the end of Vaugarde for however long, Defender~!”

Madame Odile jumps at the opportunity, “So you know? How to get out?”

Not-Sif hops onto one of the smaller Change God statues, ignoring Mira’s noises of protest. “Well, I can’t say for certain, but I think I know a very good place to start~!”

Alright! Even if Not-Sif hates you and wants to kill you, he’s still helping! Honestly, you’ll take it.

Then Not-Sif looks directly at you, and smiles, “What did everyone wish for at the Favor Tree?”

Oh no. The dark drains from your face. You feel like you’re drowning. And you know this with certainty:

Everything that’s made this last hour the worst one of your life, is completely your fault.

Siffrin POV

The Defender’s obviously the reason you’re here. If their Siffrin had tried to explain the proper wishing ritual to them at any point, the Defender and the Kid are the only ones who’d care enough to try before finding out about proper Wishcraft. And given the Defender looks like he’s about to fall over from a light breeze, you reckon he understands what, exactly, it is that he’s done. 

The Researcher looks like she’s really wracking her brain, “That was a very long time ago now, but I think I wished to win a coin flip?” Of course she did, as expected.

The Housmadien still looks more than a little overwhelmed, “I can’t even remember.”

Mirabelle POV

You don’t like how good you’ve gotten at lying (You wished to defeat the King and to find the book that you KNEW that guy stole from you). You’ve gotten good at a lot of things you don’t like.  But maybe that’s your punishment. For being a part of this…stagnation. Because that’s what this Siffrin and the King are talking about, isn’t it? One or more of you wished for something, and now it’s trying to come true by way of a time loop. As if you weren’t bad enough!

But that’s okay now! Because you finally understand. The Change God is still the kind and wonderful god you grew up with: they just hate you. Which is fair! You completely agree! They made a great call.  As punishments for your greatest sin, they have taken away your ability to take joy in Change. If you had been told this before, you probably would have broken down completely. Tried to pull an Odile and try to make your death mean something to someone. Yet now, you feel so happy! Because you finally know who Mirablle really is! A sinner and an apostate. Little better than a crab. But you aren’t alone! 

What if…what if that’s what breaks the time loop?!?! You need to get the others to Change, and then they can leave! Because they don’t deserve this! None of them are beyond salvation (like you are)! Especially not Siffrin! He isn’t even in-

Oh Change no.

Siffrin POV

You let the Defender avoid answering the question for an extended period of time. He doesn’t respond. You take a big breath for a dramatic sigh-

“Is our Siffrin dead?” The Housemadien is staring at you, stock still.

You scoff (mostly to cover up the awkward cough at how uncomfortable the Housemadien is making you), “I mean, how many times has your little…” you trail off. If you keep referring to their Siffrin as Siffrin all the time, you’ll probably lose it again. You don’t want to call them stardust either, because that’s for you. You rack your brain. Ah! “…Polaris gotten himself in trouble, just to prove himself to you all?”

The Researcher raises an eyebrow. “Polaris?”

The Housemadien is still staring at you, but she’s starting to hyperventilate. “But-but, the King, he, the loop before you, he, it, ah.” Oh dear. Maybe pull your punches a little more there, Sif! You’ve evidently arrived at a very vulnerable time. And while it might be too late, you are going to try to give this some of the care it deserves.

“Is the Kid okay?” You ask. It’s a perfectly reasonable question. You have no idea why they’re all looking at you like you grew your eye back.

The Researcher puts her hand on her temple. “Siffrin, the King tore you apart the loop before…wait,” she catches herself. “Shattering…you know what? You aren’t our Siffrin, you’re the…Polaris!”

Huh. You…don’t…dislike that? The name bit. You get why they’re so worried about him now though, but…

The Defender speaks up, “Madame! You can’t just make someone Change their name!”

“No, it’s fine!” You try to head off this tangent before it starts.

Both of them turn to look at you, “So you’re lying, then.” Ouch! 

“No, I mean it! It…” You don’t know exactly how to put your feelings into words. Oh! Isabeau said this about some clothes before, maybe it’ll make sense! “…gender!”

The Researcher’s eye twitches, “It. Gender?”

The Defender relaxes, “Oh! Then I guess all’s well that ends well, eh Polaris?“

Ehe. Feels tingly.

The Housemadien has started having a normal amount of body movement again, “Can we please focus?!?” RIGHT! Yes! 

“RIGHT! Yes! Your Siffrin is probably not dead? And if he were to be dead, I can adjust part of my plan to get back home to include bringing him back.” You’d need to be extremely careful, but you think you could make it happen. Wishcraft is blinding nonsense, after all~!

The Researcher pulls out her notebook. “How can you be sure? If a simple wish can trap us all in a time loop, why wouldn’t the King use the opportunity to weaken us while he was aware?” 

Alright baby! Back on track! “That’s because in order to make a wish work, you need a ritual!” You hop off of the Change God statue. “For a Favor Tree, for example, you need to pick a leaf that represents you, whisper your wish-“

The Defender starts to realize what you're saying, “-into it a number of times that feels right, fold it up, and blow it back to the tree!” 

You smile, all teeth, “Why, that’s exactly right, ~Defender~! But you never did tell us what you wished for..?” His grin drops as the Defender realizes what he’s done.

“I…um…I d-didn’t wish for anything before we started looping!” Wow, it’s so Blinding Easy to hate the Defender! It’s like everything that’s ever bothered you about Isabeau, but more! 

Odile POV

This wishing nonsense is the most asinine, childish, tautological shit you’ve ever had the displeasure of discussing! Frankly, with how coy Polaris is being (you are still baffled over how “it gender” explains anything!), you shouldn’t even be indulging it! Yet, a time loop makes fools of you all, you suppose.

You turn to Isabeau. “Before we started? But you’ve made a wish during?” 

He grabs his arm. “Is that really important right now?” Oh, so he thinks it’s some embarrassing nonsense. 

You take off your glasses to rub the bridge of your nose. “Yes, Isabeau. Because we need as much information as possible. If you made a wish, even one with no relation to the time loop, and it came true, that would give us an opportunity to understand how this cutting nonsense works, and get us closer to a way out.”

“Hey!” Polaris shouts, indignant. He’d probably say more, but Isabeau interrupts.

“Oh, like trying to kill the Head Housemadien was a ‘learning experience?’” Well, well, well! Now he wants to start questioning you? After everything you’ve done for them?!?

You slam your book shut. “Alright, you bloated golem! You might have been happy to waste eternity away playing house with Siffrin, but the rest of us have lives to get back to!” Isabeau flinches at that. Part of you wants to stop, but you’ve indulged him for far too long. He’s either going to help you or be an obstacle. “So I’m sorry for wanting more out of my life than Armageddon!”

“Do you even want a life at all?” Mirabelle?!? What the-?

She plows on, “So many of the theories you’ve been testing during our “break loops” have just turned into elaborate ways to kill yourself! ‘Can you beat the House by yourself?’ ‘Can Creative Craft make an airtight barrier?” ‘Can Piercing Craft destroy matter?’” To be fair, you don’t know if that last one actually killed you. “Don’t you see?!? Either of you? We aren’t just trapped in the same two days! That’s only part of the punishment!” 

What?

“What?” Says Isabeau.

“What?” Says Polaris.

“We’ve been cursed! By causing a time loop, the Change God put a curse on us!” Despite her words, Mirabelle is smiling, eyes wide and pinning. “But if you let yourself Change, They might forgive you and let you leave!” 

Mirabelle has gone completely insane. You wish you could say you were surprised, but you just feel disappointed. Now you’re responsible for an actual child (who's just become the most useful person on your side), an idiot with an obsessive crush, and a religious fanatic. At least Siffrin was replaced with someone who seems vaguely competent.

Polaris POV

You hate this! So much! This is definitely going to get added into the rotation of your nightmares. 

“Alright,” the Researcher starts, “since I’m the only one left with rational ability-“

The Defender interrupts, “So you’re just going to be punching down now? Is that your new thing?”

…Is this actually worse than your own loops?

The Housemadien clasps her hands together. “Please Change God, grant me the strength to save my friends from our sins…” she is actively not listening to the escalating argument between the other two. 

…you have to admit, it's a pretty close thing between this and the loop where you kissed Isabeau without asking.

“Look, boy. You can either buck up and actually do some work, or stop wasting all of our time!

Odile wouldn’t say that?

“What work?!? All you’ve been doing is hurting us, either physically or emotionally, for your own sick amusement!”

The Defender’s not talking about you. You have to believe that. He’s not yours, and he’s not talking about you.

“-I understand now! Change isn't about just the things we change about ourselves! It's also about taking in stride the horrible things that happen to us! The things that You decide need to be different about us!"

No one in your family would let Mira believe that about herself. You really don’t want to be here anymore.

You let yourself zone out.

Something pokes you. You whip around. The Kid is there. Everyone else is still fighting.

“Don’t cry, Frin! I’ll fix it!” The Kid runs off. You check, and yep. You were crying. By the time you realize where the Kid’s going, it’s too late.

“BOBBON, WAI-!”

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach.

Bonnie POV

Ow. Your neck still feels funny. But worth it!

You deserve some pineapple for doing a good job!

Chapter Text

Siffrin POV

You immediately break into a sprint. You need to check on Bonnie, make sure they’re okay. You turn the corner to face the vegetable fields, and see them digging through their pack.

“BONNIE!” You shout, and grab them to look them over. You know that there shouldn’t be any physical damage, but you need to see it. Your mind needs to believe it.

Bonnie is trying to push you off of them. “Ugh, Frin, I’m fine. What are you even-“ they stop, then start sniffing you? “…you’re not Frin.”

You feel like a bucket of cold water was dunked on you. That’s right, ~ Polaris~ ! You aren’t their Siffrin, and the Kid isn’t yours! All this panic over some random…

…Nope! You can’t do it. You can’t keep your distance from these people. Even if they’re awful to be around, you can’t pretend like you’re unaffected by their pain. 

You make that laugh that’s more like an exhale, “Right. Sorry, Kid. I forgot that for a second.” 

They tilt their head, “How do you forget you’re not someone?”

“Kid, I’ll explain all of that in a second, but I really need you to tell me how many times you’ve done…” you can’t say it. “…that.”

The Kid looks down at the ground, then looks back up at you excitedly, but then seems disappointed and stares off over the field again. “…promise you won’t tell Frin?” 

Kind of a weird question, but ok. “I promise.”

The Kid stays quiet for a moment. “Do Tears count?”

You run your hands through your hair, knocking off your hat. “Let’s go with no.”

Then the Kid looks back at you, “I actually haven’t at all!”

What?

“What?” You say.

The Kid’s gotten up to a subdued level of cheer. “Yup! Whenever I really, really, really need to loop without Tears, I just make Siffrin think something really bad happened to me.”

…that’s probably okay then? As far as time-loop bad habits go. Better do a full check just in case.

“Okay, then, how many times have you used a Tear?” 

They get pensive again. “…once.” 

Thank the Stars, The Universe, the Change God, literally anybody or anything at all for the Kid not internalizing things as badly as (apparently), everyone else! “Hey, that-“

The Kid interrupts you. “It’s just because I pushed Frin into a Tear on accident one time and I felt really bad and I don’t remember where I heard it but being frozen in time was supposed to be like sleeping andImadesurewehadenoughmemoriestolooprightbackI’msorry!” And now they’re crying! Fix it, Polaris! 

You quickly give them a hug. They throw their arms around you, sobbing. Crab. You can do this! Just start saying things!

“Hey Kiddo, did you ever talk to Frin about his eye?“ Stars, please let Siffrin actually be close to you. They nod their head against your chest. “Did they blame you for losing their eye?” They shake their head. 

Thank you, Siffrin!

“Well, I have it on very good authority that Siffrin would feel the exact same way about the tear!” 

The Kid tries to push you away (don’t cry) “How would you know? You’re not even him!” (don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry) “You’re just some weird dude wearing his face that smells like carmel!” ( KEEP IT TOGETHER, POLARIS! (Oh, that’s what gave it away!))

“Simple,” your voice is quavering, but you push on. “I am a different Siffrin!”

The Kid stops crying, and looks up at you, confused. Alright, now you just have to explain multiverse theory to a preteen. Great!

“So, imagine we got out of the loops. What’s the first thing you want to cook for everyone?”

The Kid ponders that for a good while. “I think something with bugs.”

… what the actual crab?

“Cause if we’re actually not gonna loop anymore, I wanna make something that nobody will find remiminacet of what I’ve already made!”

“Reminiscent.” Oh thank goodness, it’s actually kind of a normal thought. 

The Kid makes a small smile at you. “Yeah! That!”

“But you thought of other things you might cook instead, right?” They nod. “So there are an infinite number of realities, and for each idea you had, a different…” you have to say their name. It’ll get too confusing if you don’t. You know Bonnie wouldn’t actually care about using their name for the Kid, but-

“THERE’S INFINITE ME’S OUT THERE?!??!” The Kid yells. 

Oh good, they figured it out.

You smile, “That’s right!”

“Wow! If there were infinite me’s, we could make the biggest samosa in the whole WORLD!” You realize that this is the first time the Kid has actually been acting…well…like themself. They seemed alright before, but they were so much more subdued than normal. The Kid pauses. “Wait, then why are you here instead of…uh…you’re…huh.” 

You giggle, “Oh, I’m going by Polaris while I’m here.” (And if you decide to keep it when you get back, that’s your business)

The Kid narrows their eyes at you. You stare back, smiling innocently (you genuinely don’t know what you’ve done to upset them).

“It’s weird to see Frin giggle like a princess.” Oh. Well. Huh. Would Isa-?

NOPE! Not thinking about that right now, for SO MANY REASONS!

“B-Bonnie? Polaris?” Great . The Housemadien. You instinctively put yourself in between her and the Kid. 

“~Housemaiden!~” You manage to keep some of the venom out of your voice. “I didn’t think you’d come to preach here so soon~!”

She flinches slightly, but puts on a brave face. “Just because I had a revelation doesn’t mean I’m going to stop caring about you. Either of you!” 

“Hmm.” You just look at them, unimpressed. You don’t know if they ever actually talked to the Change God like you did, but if they did, it clearly wasn’t as good for them as it was for Mira. 

The Kid tugs on your cloak. “Hey Po-pu—uh. Polin?” You look back at them. Let the nickname go unaddressed. “What was the thing you wanted me to do again?”

Huh?

The Kid starts trying to wiggle their eyebrows at you. What could they-? Oh! They want a reason to leave! And maybe a way to be helpful while doing it! Unfortunately, you can’t really think of anything. If the Researcher is as unwell as you were, they still would likely take time to actually make a strategy, let alone how you wouldn’t want to send the kid into that. And the Defender…

Oh crab.

You, slightly panicked, grab the Kid by the shoulders. “Alright, I need you to find the Defender, and do whatever you can to make sure he does not make a wish!” You can see the Kid trying to process what you’re saying for a second, but then they give you an amateur salute, and dash off. 

The Housemadien tilts her head at you. “…why?”

You wave your hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Housmadien! I wanna ask you some practical questions real quick.” You don’t like how she started behaving in the last loop, but she’s probably still the one you can most stand talking to who might have some of the answers you want.

She pops up, “Oh, yes? Of course! How can I help?” You can’t quite put it into words, but there’s just this…absence of anxiety in her movements that feels wrong. 

“I think it would be good,” (painful but useful) “to know more or less how many loops you all have done. As best as you can guess, anyway.” 

She thinks for a moment. “Isabeau said we hit five hundred loops, but I think that was a few dozen loops ago?” 

…holy crab. 

Some of your abject horror must have shown on your face, because the Housemadien quickly tries to downplay it. “I-it’s not as bad as it sounds! It’s not like we spent every loop working on ways to get out. Honestly, half of those loops were “break loops,” and those were very rarely the full thirty four hours and seventeen minutes available! And, I mean you never said it, but the way you talked about it implied that you were in your loops alone, so really, is it that bad if we’re in this together?”

You feel your legs start to grow weak, so you grab the fence to lower yourself to the ground. Five hundred? It’s frankly a miracle the Kid hasn’t tried to kill themselves once or twice! And they’ve only just now tried to negotiate with the King? 

The Housemaiden is talking to herself. “…maybe the reason Siffrin was replaced was because he didn’t need to Change. Or he isn’t from Vaugarde…hm.” Ok, now she’s starting to get extra weirdly bad! Great! Clearly, you need to keep her from thinking, cause she’s not doing a very good job at it~! 

You open your mouth. “You know, I met the Change God once.” It might be the verbal equivalent of throwing oil on a fire, but it’s definitely going to distract her!

The Housmaiden zooms into your personal space. “WHAT! REALLY? WHERE?!?” 

You start lounging on the ground, channeling as much of Loop’s energy as you can. “Oh yeah. Real smug bastard. Was not a big fan of me.” 

The Housemadien puts on a grimace. “They only talked to you?” Wow! If When you get home, you are going to hug Mira, apologize for ever refusing to talk about anything, and beg her to try letting you all know if she ever feels even 5% as toxic as this crab!

You just can’t help yourself. “Oh no! Mira got to come along too! Change God said she was their ~favorite.~” The Housemaiden starts smiling manically, so you follow up with the hurt. “But, you know, she didn’t spend over a year in a time loop. So I wouldn’t recommend going to them for emotional support any time soon.” 

The Housemaiden freezes for a moment, then the tension bleeds out of them. “Of course, she was.” You’ve never heard that voice be that bitter. You hate it! “Obviously, you can’t be Their favorite, Mirabelle! You’re probably the worst Mirabelle out there! That’s why They’re punishing you.” 

You bark out a laugh. The Housemaiden whips their head up to look at you, hurt. You wave your hands, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just…the Change God doesn’t do anything! The only thing they’re good for is the Keyknife. There’s simply no way they care enough to punish…anyone? Ever?”

The Housemaiden starts rubbing her arms. “But this has to be a punishment! Not the actual time loop, because it’s our fault, but the rest of it!” 

You sit up. This Fake Housemaiden is getting ridiculous. Honestly, what did Siffrin ever see in her? You know what he saw. That’s why this hurts so much. “Housemaiden. What else is blinding happening?!?! It’s. A. Time. Loop. The whole point is that everything’s the same!”

The Housmaiden starts to rub faster. “They hate me, for failing Them. I am trying to save the rest of you, can’t you see that?”

“Save us from what? Caring about you? Because all this is doing is pushing us away!” You let yourself get included in the “us.” Selfish, greedy Polaris. Can’t have just one family, can you?

The Housemaiden is practically clawing at her arms now. “Yes! That’s good! I’m not good to be around anymore. You’ll all probably have a better chance to be absolved if you keep your distance from me!”

You get up and grab her hands. “What are you even talking about!?!?”

“I CHANGED WRONG, POLARIS!” She screams. “I CHANGED WRONG AND BAD!”

Chapter Text

Bonnie POV

ALRIGHT! MISSION TIME! And not just any mission time, but FRIN MISSION TIME!

Wait. Crab. Polin Mission Time! That’s kinda like Frin mission time, though? Hmm.

You turn the corner to the Favor Tree, and see Beau…panicking over leaves? Oh! Frin said this was a wish thing like 3…no, 7 loops ago, so this is probably what Polin wanted you to stop! 

…but Beau can be really crabbing dumb sometimes, about really dumb things. Like talking to the King. Even if you get him to stop right now, he might try again in the night like he does for most of his dumb things. 

Ah ha! You have an idea! You quickly run back to the square, to get “supplies!”

Polaris POV

Wuh oh!

“Did your Mirabelle feel like she ‘wasn’t Changing enough?’” The Housemaiden mocks. This is so blinding awful to watch from the outside. “Because I did! But it is too late for me. Clearly, too late for me. I tried! I finally worked up the nerve in this forsaken time loop to try and go on a date with the Daydreaming One!” 

Ew. Not just because of spoilers, but also you really don’t like interacting with that one. Not after your last conversation with her. …Probably not her fault, in hindsight.

The Housemaiden keeps ranting. “I kept looping back mid-date. She’d try to hold my hand, I’d loop back to outside her door. I’d let her hold my hand, she’d say something vaguely suggestive, I’d loop back to when dinner was being served. Twenty! Eight! Micro-loops! But I did it! I went through the whole thing. She even said she had a great time, and would like to do it again! And do you know what I felt, Polaris? Nothing. I didn’t know it then, but that’s why I know I’m being punished now!” Star, this is just…really uncomfortable to sit through when you know what you do.

“Because I did it! I Changed! And I feel NOTHING!” The Housemaiden is screaming at you now. “For all the lies I’ve told, either by omission or by my own hand. For my contributions to this edifice of UnChanging eternity. For all of my stupid, pathetic weaknesses, I am damned! I am stuck as this…wreck of a thing! Unable to Change the core of what I am!” Then the rage and self-loathing leaves her face, and is replaced by a wild, manic hope as she grabs your face and whispers reverently “But you! You and the others! You can still be saved! You don’t have to be like me! Don’t you see? Hahaha…even though I’ve been cast beyond Their light, I still love Them. And so, I’ll still do Their work, no matter if They hate me! And it’s for all of you, anyways! I’d gladly take on a billion more punishments if it kept you all free of such suffering! Hahaha!” Despite the fact you know her hands should be warm, you feel utterly cold. 

She isn’t yours, but someone has to help her. And it looks like you are the only one who will. Fantastic!

“Mira-“ You start, but she cuts you off.

“Nononono! You were right to take that name from me! I don’t deserve it. I-!”

“POLIN! I SET THE FAVOR TREE ON FIRE!”

“WHAT?!?” Both you and the Housemaiden turn to see the Kid running up towards you. And yup, that looks like smoke alright! 

Mirabelle looks at the Kid, so thrown off that she seems almost normal. “Why would you do that?!?”

The Kid looks at her, “Beau was trying to wish. Didn’t trust him to stop.” You suppose that makes some sense then? You probably should be worried that the Kid is this ride or die for you, but it’s useful at preventing the one party member who could easily make this exponentially worse for everyone from doing so. 

You look at the Housemaiden. “Look, we’ll circle back to this later. Despite you becoming a religious extremist twenty minutes ago, you’re actually the least likely person to blow up the world right now, so take that as a win while I try to stop the Defender from being exactly what I expected.” 

“That’s a possibility?!?” Mira exhales panickedly, but you’re already dashing towards the Favor Tree.

Isabeau POV

You are sitting down, staring at the Favor Tree. It caught fire only moments ago, but something about the energy must have attracted the Curse, because it’s frozen in time now. That’s what you guess, anyway. Not that your guesses have been very good. You hear the sound of someone running up the dirt path. It’s not a set of footsteps you recognize, so you keep staring at the tree. The footsteps slow as they approach you, and after a moment whoever it is sits down next to you. You don’t look over at them. If you pretend that no one is there, you don’t have to weld “Isabeau” back on for a little longer. 

“Why shouldn’t you take up time travel, ~Defender~?” Craaaab. You didn’t think Polaris would run differently from Siffrin. You put your head in your hands, and say nothing. There’s nothing you can say to express how sorry you are, how much you regret dragging him into this, or how much it hurts when he looks at you. 

“Because there’s no ~future~ in it!” Polaris pokes you with his elbow. You let out a small laugh despite yourself. No future. Just. Like. You. You laugh a little more. The King was so angry at the idea that you all were preventing his victory, but he’s already won. You might be able to move around, talk to people, make crabbing wishes, but is this really that different from being frozen in time? 

You take a deep breath like Sif does-used to…In… and out…and brand the idea of “Isabeau” onto your face. 

“H-hey, Polaris!” You hate how your voice wavers, how weak you sound. “The Tree seems to have been frozen mid-fire, so there’s nothing to worry about for now!” 

Siffrin tried really hard to only communicate while smiling. Regardless of how he was actually feeling. Despite that, you’ve never seen this smile on his face before. “Defender. If I wanted to play the denial game, I’d be back with the Housemaiden.” 

Ouch! “W-what do you mean?” Are you being a little evasive, maybe. But there’s multiple things he could be referring-

“You were trying to undo a wish, weren’t you?” HOW THE CRAB DID HE KNOW? “Was it the one that brought me here?” DID POLARIS GET THE ABILITY TO READ MINDS DURING HIS TIME LOOPS? Change you hope not. If he were to see what you did, best case scenario, he’d just try to convince Siff to stay away from you when he comes back.

He gasps. “~Stars~! So eager to cheat your way out, Defender? That’s not very valedictorian of you.” That doesn’t mean anything! He can’t possibly know about the old you! You only ever told that to Siffrin, and even then, that took like 5 loops of psyching yourself up to manage that! 

“Hahaha! V-very funny, Polaris! But come on! Someone like me? Good at school stuff? Pfft! Your Isabeau must have been really something if you think we’re all just like that!” There you go! A way to get him off your back, while not diminishing his experiences in his reality! 

Polaris just looks at you, blankly. You fail to keep from squirming under his gaze. You’re ashamed that you don’t fully hate it. “Do you want to know why I killed myself in front of you on my first loop here?”

You really crabbing don’t! But this is the closest thing to a peace offering you think you could hope for. “If you’re comfortable sharing.”

“In my loops, every single time after I made the tree pun, Isa would put his hand just above my shoulder.” Polaris puts their hand a little bit above your own shoulder, probably as reference. “Never quite touching me. So when you actually did, I just knew something was wrong. Thought it was a nightmare or something.” 

Oh Change. “Polaris, I’m so-“

They barrel onward. “It’s kind of funny. He spent so long not touching me I was convinced he was disgusted with me and I manipulated him into any acts of affection.” Kind of relatable. “But then you touch me a single time, and I want to blinding tear you apart!” You flinch at that. You’d let them, if they wanted to try again (and it’s only 10-15% a dumb fantasy thing). 

They laugh, bitterly. “Frankly, you make it easy to hate you, Defender. How many loops did it take for you to tell Siffrin you loved them? Fifty? A Hundred?” You don’t say anything. You can’t prove them wrong, anyways. Polaris’s eye twitches. “Oh, you still haven’t said it. Even where there are no consequences! Ha! Hahaha!” 

You’re just tired at this point. “Look, if you’re going to try and kill me again, can you just do it? I’m not going to stop you.”

Polaris goes on a bit of an emotional journey in front of your eyes, going from shock, to disgust, to consideration, to contempt. “No. I don’t think I will. Just do me a favor, Defender.”

Change, you're pathetic. Even with a Siffrin who explicitly hates you and wants to hurt you, you just can’t help yourself, can you? “Yeah?”

“Tell me honestly, did you make a wish before the loops?” Oh! Wow, that’s a way easier favor than you were worried about.

“No. Couldn’t bring myself to do it.” You don’t like admitting it, but clearly, they already know what you are, so you can’t disappoint them!

Regardless, that clearly wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. “Damn. Well, here’s some free advice, since you’ve been so ~helpful~!” They lean in close to you, right by your ear, and whisper:

“Stop trying to make things better.” And they get up, and walk away. 

You stare at the Favor Tree.

Chapter Text

Polaris POV

You HATE the Defender so BLINDING MUCH! You have been trying to keep as much of that buried as you can, for Siffrin’s sake, but Stars! That is ~challenging,~ to say the least! Frankly, you’re inclined to be less sympathetic to Siffrin anyway, since it’s probably still HIS FAULT there’s a time loop at all! THE ONE BLINDING SIFFRIN WHO GETS TO AVOID THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS! You almost want to try calling Loop to see if they’d help you find and kill him together!

…no you don’t. That’s just the rage talking. 

“Siffrin. Orb. It’s important.” AHH! RESEARCHER JUMPSCARE! 

Once you hit the ground, you try to pull your composure together. “Ah! Researcher~! Wrong one. ~Sorry~!”

She blinks repeatedly at you for a moment, then takes off her glasses to put her hand over her eyes. “…Right. Sorry, Si- ASH AND GEMS! Polaris!” You know the Researcher is only mad at herself (probably), but you can’t help but flinch when she raises her voice. Which she clearly takes notice of. “I am sorry, Polaris. Somehow, I managed to completely forget you were a distinct person, even though I was planning around the information you gave us.“  

“It’s fine!” It sort of is, actually! You aren’t as deactualized as Loop was, after all! It doesn’t feel like you’re a ghost who isn’t themself. It just kinda hurts when these people look to you for something you aren’t.

The Researcher rolls her eyes at you. “Of course you’d say that.”

Hey! “What happened to “‘I’m a distinct person?’ Maybe I only use ‘It’s fine’ when I mean it?”

She remains unimpressed. “Then why didn’t you bring that up the last time we didn’t believe you when you said you were “fine?”” Even if you had lost both eyes, you could still feel the air quotes she put on that. 

“Anyway,” you seamlessly change topics (and you will hear no other opinions on this), “I don’t think it’s a good idea to go into the House by yourself, Researcher!” It might have just been you and where you were at, but you’d rather avoid any of these people getting the full experience of your last loop, if you can.

She waves her hand dismissively. ”Oh please! First of all, we’ve all had plenty of practice at it at this point.” Mmmmm-! Don’t like that! “Secondly, now that I remember you’re aware, you can come with me.” The Researcher starts walking toward the House, as if she knows you’ll follow them. To be fair, you will, but it’s the principle of the thing!

“So…what‘s the plan?” You do remember that the Researcher apparently tried to kill the Head Housemaiden (big mood), but now that you’ve given her an actual direction, she’ll probably be fine for a while? 

“It’s not much of a plan beyond going to the House library and looking for books on Wish Craft.” See?! Normal, manageable goals! “Would be difficult to figure out how to undo a wish without some kind of reference.” Wat? 

You stop walking. “You can’t just un-wish something!” 

The Research laughs,”And yesterday, I thought people couldn’t just do Time Craft, but here we are!”

You shake your head. “That’s not the same! Even if you manage to do something that’ll force the wish to break, the consequences will be catastrophic!”

“Like what?”

“Like-!” Like…like…like…

…

“What were we talking about again?” The last thing you remember is that the Researcher was going to look for books on Wish Craft in the House library.

The Researcher pulls out a book you don’t remember her having in your loops, and starts writing in it. “Hmmm.” You don’t like that. You don’t know what just happened, but you’re more concerned about what she’s taking away as the important information. 

“Researcher, seriously, what were we talking about?”

Not looking at you, the Researcher says, “Oh. Right. Sorry.“ Then she raises hER HAND IN A PAPER SIGN, CRAB! “Forget.”

This woman has had quite a few more loops than you. On top of that, she’s certainly spent more of those loops explicitly training than you have.

But! You are a speedy boi! 

You dodge out of the way as the ray of Craft energy shoots past you. You are feeling a LOT of emotions right now, so you don’t know which one the Researcher sees as she notices your movement.

“Shatter it-! Now, I know this looks bad, but-“ you aren’t listening right now. You can feel The Universe tensing, ready to unleash that shade if you step out of your role. You force yourself to focus, make your whole body accept your intention to not hurt the Researcher (physically). Eventually, you feel the metaphysical chains around you loosening, and you take a deep breath. When you start to pay attention again, the Researcher is still trying to explain themselves. 

“…and I know you’re in the time loop with us now, but you were always so distressed whenever you would forget talking about your homeland or this from it! So I didn’t think, I just haven’t found any other way to keep your spirits up, Siffrin.” 

You cast Make Up The Time  and zoom to behind her. “Strike two, Researcher!” She actually seems a little scared now (You slip Orbs 2 and 3 into some pockets)! 

“Cutting blasted-! Polaris , I know you don’t want to hurt me.” 

You laugh. “Oh, Research!  You don’t know a damn thing about me.”

She tries to put on a facade of confidence. “I know you have your own version of us. Are you going to claim you don’t feel like a family with them?”

…huh. It’s not like she’s wrong…it’s just…oh!

You laugh harder than before. “Wow! You…hahahaha! Bravo, Researcher, bravo~!” You give her a round of applause. “That’s really something! I mean, I thought I was being manipulative in my loops. But clearly, I am nowhere near the professional gaslighting level like yourself!”

The Researcher is trying very hard to not look likes she’s panicking, “Polaris, t-that’s both untrue, and a rather large leap to make-“

You begin approaching, slowly. “Oh? So you weren’t trying to do Craft on me just so you could keep me on script?!?” 

Now she gets indignant, “Well someone has to keep us focused on getting out! You’ve seen the rest of them. Completely incapable! Bonnie at least has the excuse of being a literal child unable to grow up! And Siffrin couldn’t be expected to do anything other than get himself killed!” 

Alright, you feel a little less angry at Siffrin now. “So you, what? Blasted his head off anytime he got too sad to be trusted?”

“You weren’t listening! It was just a memory-eraser Craft. Only enough to get him to stop being upset. I only used it on you because I keep screwing up who you are! ” That’s so much worse! Even if only you know why that would be so. You are almost within arms reach of the Researcher now. “You know,” you start, “I’m almost certain I know what’s trapped you all in time now.” She looks relieved. “Unfortunately, given everything wrong with all of you, it’s likely impossible to escape now!” You’ll have to spend a loooong time wording your wish to get home, but that was probably going to be the case anyways. You just know a lost cause when you see it.

The Researcher takes exception to that. “Seriously? All of this Wish Craft nonsense, all of your impossible knowledge, and you just want to give up!” 

Despite all of your turmoil inside, your voice is calm and steady. “Do you know what I wished for at the Favor Tree, Researcher?” 

“THAT’S NOT RELEVANT RIGHT NOW-!”

You give Orb 5 a quick toss into the air, for dramatics! “I wished that my family would keep traveling together after we beat the King.”

The Researcher stops, realizing both what you’re saying and what you’ve done. You run off towards the House before you see how else she reacts.

You definitely aren’t crying.

Chapter Text

Polaris POV

You throw the orbs into the door to the House. You don’t want to give the Researcher time to get angry without a couple of feet of rock and metal between you, at least! Although you don’t actually pay enough attention to know if it was faster than waiting for the door to take them normally. You need to keep an eye out for any of these lunatics, after all, haha! Once there’s enough of an opening, you squeeze through. 

Now, normally, you wouldn’t let yourself get into this place. You’d probably rip your throat out with your bare hands rather than come back here in your world! But you need a place where these sick parodies of your family won’t find you. Just for a little while. You’re fast enough to simply evade the tutorial Sadness and turn into the first supply room. You roll a barrel in front of the door.

…five hundred loops…

You add two more barrels. Really block that door!

Alright Siffrin! You’re finally alone! Now you have plenty of time to cry and scream, ~teehee! You slowly sink to the floor, making some kind of noise. Is this going to be what breaks you? You know you can get better, bounce back from these bad habits like putting on a flamboyant affect or wanting to kill yourself anytime you dislike a conversation. You’ve managed to do it once (somewhat) already! But will you be able to look at your family members the same ever again?

Will you ever be able to feel safe around Odile?

Will you ever be able to look Isa in the eyes?

Will Mira see the fear in you whenever she mentions the Change God?

You laugh. You cry. You roar. You scream. You stop. You start. You live. You die. You see that shade again. Hahahaha! It tastes like wine/blood/life. You feel total love/hate for everything/nothing/yourself! You are drowning in the shade, but it’s better than air! You’ve trapped yourself here again! Everyone! Come and watch the mental breakdown of the day! You know it’s hard to specify when the day NEVER CHANGES! Teehee! You…!

…are standing up? When…how..? You look down. Teehee! You can see the stars! The whole room is covered in them! They are even on you! Maybe Odile will understand what you were trying to tell her if you show her the stars.

NO! You don’t want to do that to Odile! You don’t even want to do that to the Researcher! You…think…you aren’t exactly…fine…right now. You find a part of the wall with…less of your blood on it and slide down it to the floor. You miss your family. You miss your home. You miss your…..someone. You miss Loop.

Wait! That’s it! You haven’t tried to call Loop in weeks, not counting new time loop crab. But! The Call Craft might still work! Sure, they might hate you, just say a bunch of mean things to you, try to make you cry, but that’s an interaction you are expecting from them! It would be normal!

You struggle to get your hand into the right position. Feeling in your arms is fading fast. But you raise your hand to your ear, and think as hard as you can:

I wish I could talk to my best buddy Loop right now.

I wish I could talk to my best buddy Loop right now.

I wish I could talk to my best buddy Loop right now.

Suddenly, your skin feels too tight. Like, way too tight. Then…then…

There’s a half a hand jutting out of your palm. 

You scream. That tightness feels like it’s digging, clawing, ripping its way out of you! The hand moves up through your arm and grabs your shoulder. The movement sounds wet and sticky.

DAGGER! Where is it?!? Maybe if you stab this thing, you can keep it inside you! Cause that’s probably where it’s supposed to be, hahaha! You hear a clatter. When you whip your head around to find the noise, you get real dizzy and fall on your face. Ha, it’s been a while since you’ve had this much blood loss! Haha, OH STARS IT'S PULLING ON SOMETHING! You start screaming in pain. As the hand pulls on your shoulder, you can feel more meat extracting from your body. First a wrist. Then an elbow. Then a full arm. Your screams start to echo. Another arm discharges from your torso on your blind side. You can feel the viscera spray out of you. You flip over, trying to get some bearings to maybe do something, anything! The arms that aren’t yours grab the sides of your face. You plead to gods you know don’t care for a scrap of mercy. The arms slam you into the stone floor. You don’t cry out, because you can’t breathe.

As the tears run down your face, the blood soaked meat of…something phases out of your face. It doesn’t rip open any wounds. It almost wades through your flesh like water. But each moment is one of horrific agony. You close your eye and hope that you either die or pass out soon. The pain starts to travel down your body. From your neck, to your chest, to your waist. With two quick tugs, this…thing pulls out of your legs.

You sob quietly. Whatever this thing is still looms over you, dripping your blood onto you. 

This really is the worst timeline. 

Eventually, it speaks. “Stardust! What have you blinding done?!?“ you snap open your eye and look up. You see yourself, covered in blood, looking furious.

You let yourself hope. “L-loop?” 

Chapter Text

Loop? POV

You were dead! You were at peace! Then you were drowning, and now you’re blinding back amongst the living again, and Stardust has the audacity to look at you like you hung the stars in the sky! 

“I don’t know, Stardust.” Your voice is remarkably steady for how much you want to KILL SOMETHING! “I genuinely don’t know. I could be Loop, or I could be some crabbed up Wish Craft golem that you made based on your idea of Loop!”

Stardust scoffs(?!?) At that. “You’re not a fake Loop. At least not in that way.”

Oh! Back to the blindingly unearned confidence, are we? “How. Do. You. Know?”

“Because if you were my fantasy of Loop, you’d…” Stardust becomes flushed?!? For some reason?!? “Never mind! Don’t worry about it!” What..? You know what? Fine! More important things right now, anyways. For example:

“You have one minute to explain why we are back in the blinding House before I see if I can actually rip something out of you this time, Siffrin.” 

He flinches at that. “Ah. So. Basically, I’ve kinda…been…you’d. Against my will.” He…what!

“Are you telling me…that another Siffrin wished for help, and actually got it?” You’re gonna kill him. You’re going to kill Stardust, then find this Siffrin, and put his head on a spike.

Stardust laughs (way too much like you) “No! It’s so much worse than that!” Seeing your bafflement, he continues. “The Defender wished for it, cause everyone but Siffrin is looping!” So…that means.

No.

Nononononono.

Stardust keeps talking. “Now, “Siffrin’s” gone, and I’m stuck with some sick, broken version of our family! 

The Universe hates you. It probably dislikes Stardust as well, but it hates you. 

Stardust grabs you (HMSKJNFKHHJKSOKDLNNP) and flips you over. You feel the blood on your skin stick to the floor. “But you know what the worst part is?” Stardust has this manic look in his eye. You didn’t like it before, and it’s even worse now.

You don’t say anything, but Stardust answers the question anyway. “The worst part is that I’m almost certain the wish is the same! So I have to convince these blinding lunatics to travel together, after they’ve spent five hundred loops growing to hate each other!” Stars. 

Before you can even begin to comprehend how bad that is (it sounds bad, and the more you think about it, the worse it gets!), Stardust puts his hand on your cheek??? “But it’s okay now. I’ve got one person who’s real and mine!” What…? “I’m sorry for bringing you here, haha. But I’ll make it worth your while~!” He…is…so close to you, right now. 

You do not feel safe. “W-w-what do you mean by that, Stardust?”

He. Gets. Closer. And then..! He stops. There’s a moment of silent tension. 

His eye widens. He leaps off of you as if burned. “Oh, stars! Sorry! Sorry! We literally just went over how you’re not a recreation of Loop from my head but I still-! Idndjivjwklsonfihskpfjd!” Stardust buries his head in his collar. Ok! You suddenly have a lot of feelings about whatever just happened, but Stardust is behaving more normally now! 

You should probably say something. Get back in character and all that. “Wow, Stardust! Take a fella out to dinner first!” There! Make a joke out of it, then nobody’s feelings will be really hurt!

Stardust just stares at you for a moment before giving a small smile. “…yeah. Right. Yeah.” You’d prompt them to elaborate on one of the many things that could mean if they didn’t choose that moment to fall over. Ah! You forgot about the blood everywhere! 

You go to attempt healing Stardust, but you feel the Craft s t u t t e r inside your body. That’s weird, you were basically made out of Craft bef-. Wait…he touched you…you scramble for his dagger. You struggle to get a decent reflection in this frozen store room, but once you do, you see…his…face. Siffrin’s face. Ha. Hahahahha! This blindingly selfish idiot brought you back to life, and for what? To “talk” to something that was his?!?! You should kill him for this! Slowly, gently, but painfully. Peel his skin open and climb back inside him! NEST IN HIS LUNGS SO HE CAN NEVER-!

…where are you going with this? You…need a minute. Just, take some time to get used to “being” again. You lie down next to Stardust, to wait for the end. And the beginning, teehee~!

You close your eye and listen to his breathing. You hate how much it feels like home.

Mirabelle POV

You’ve been busy! You managed to grab some markers between Bonnie and Madame Odile’s supplies, and have been in the Clocktower, trying to make a plan for getting your friends to Change. You don’t have a lot of good writing options that’ll last through the loops, like Odile, so you’ve had to write on your garden shear weapon to make a rough outline. Isabeau has been in the bathroom for a long time (again), and Bonnie’s working on making something for dinner. When it’s quiet like this, you feel…happy, almost. You’re going to miss them when they’re free. 

You hear the door open. You look up from the couch. Madame Odile comes in and it looks like she’s been crying?!?! And you haven’t looped recently?!?! The last time she cried like this was when she tried that mind control Craft and was horrified that it actually worked! 

You get up. “Madame! W-what’s wrong?”

She just stares at you, hauntingly. “None of us are going to escape this.” Oooookaaay…you knew you weren’t getting out (because you’re the Change God’s personal stress toy and you deserve it), but it’s…disconcerting seeing Odile so certain of failure after everything.

“What are you talking about? I-I thought that Polaris mentioned a lot of things you wanted to follow up on?” 

She keeps looking through you. “Siffrin-“ she pauses, probably realizing she referred to the wrong person. You’re about to tell her that it’s okay to struggle with a Change for a while and it’s been less than a day when she BREAKS A FINGER?!? She makes a grunt of pain before continuing, “Polaris told me the wish they made in their world, and I’m afraid it appears that Siffrin made the same wish here. Which is now impossible to complete.” 

You’re still freaking out over Odile injuring herself! “WHAT THE CRAB?!?” 

She rolls her eyes at you. “Look, just tell Boniface to join us in the main room when they can. I…don’t think I can manage to have this conversation with all of you individually. Isabeau is hogging the bathroom, I take it?” She walks away without waiting for an answer. You look over at the makeshift kitchen, but Bonnie’s already peaking out. This…has been really rough for them. When was the last time you guys tried to give them a loop to goof off? 

“GEMS ALIVE, ISABEAU!” You…are going to hope that Madame Odile just walked in on him and not any of the other things you are afraid of! You and Bonnie both rush to the couch, hoping to avoid any more of Odile’s ire when she comes back. There’s some muffled arguing before both of the others come back, with Isabeau wearing a long sleeve shirt that you don’t remember him…no wait! He has worn this before! At least 72 loops ago. 

Madame Odile grabs the Big Chair (it’s not actually bigger than the other chairs, just fancier) and puts it in front of the couch. “So, when I talked with Polaris this loop, they mentioned-“

But then,

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach

And you’re back on the bench! With the crabbing papers!

SLAM! Ah! Madame Odile has left the shop, and seems to be marching towards the clearing? You should probably follow her? She seems…volatile. So you should make sure healing is available! You notice Isabeau and Bonnie both following you, but that's probably okay! Unlike last time. 

As you enter the clearing you see…two Siffrins?!? Is it okay to call them Siffrin as a plural? Also how?!?

“ISABEAU! CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR FIVE ERUPTING MINUTES?!?”

Chapter Text

Polaris POV: 3 minutes ago

You open your eye. Yep, still here. You…aren’t certain exactly how much of what happened last loop was real? You got pretty out of things after the Researcher tried to use Craft on you. You reckon most of what happened in the House wasn’t…

Oh. Now you’re staring at yourself. Who is leaning over you.

“So, Stardust!” They say. “Do you have a plan? Or still just flailing around like a baby with a knife?” Yay! Loop was and is real! And they probably are looping with you, so you don’t have to deal with repeatedly explaining how sorry you are for blinding torturing them by accidentally summoning them into this nightmare!

You sit up. “No, but we might be able to take some time to work on that now.” 

Crunch, crunch, crunch. Nevermind! The fakes want to talk to you now. Oh stars, you’ll have to explain Loop. Uuuuuuuuugggh! 

Loop looks over at you. “Oh, fantastic, Stardust! Let’s start with your idea to explain me? Go on!”

You whip your head over to Loop, confused. “Uuuh, tell the truth? You’re literally the easiest and least complicated part in all of this?” They just stare at you weirdly. 

Before you can come up with a response, the Researcher is screaming. “ISABEAU! CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR FIVE ERUPTING MINUTES?!?”

Wuh?

The rest of the part seems nearly as startled as you, but the Researcher keeps going. “I swear, it’s as if you either do nothing, or you actively try to make our lives harder!” Ah…you probably didn’t help with that last loop. 

The Defender tries to at least slow down The Researcher’s fury, “Madame, I promise, I didn’t-“

It doesn’t work. “You have one bad date with Siffrin, and you start cutting yourself! It’s ridiculous!” Wuh-huh?!? Your gaze shoots over to the Defender. He isn’t refuting it?!? So it’s true?!? Great. Great! You feel horrified and guilty and just plain bad for him. 

…stars, is this how your family felt when you told them about the glass? 

Isabeau ’s expression goes fully blank. “Madame. Would you please stop pretending to care?” AAAAAHHHHH! You hate this you hate this you HATE THIS! “You’ve spent the last three hundred and forty seven loops steadily degrading or ignoring us more and more. It’s kinda easy to see you don’t have much love left to go around.”

Odile is shaking. “How…dare…you? Are you really this shattering stupid?”

The Defender rolls his eyes “See? This is all you’ve been doing for a while.”

The Researcher grabs his shirt. “EVERYTHING I’VE DONE, I’VE DONE FOR ALL YOU!” You check on the Housemadien aaaaaand she’s praying. Probably not going to help defuse this situation. “No matter how ungrateful you little fractures have been, I have been trying to save all of us!”

“Then explain to me how giving Mirabelle a stopwatch and telling her to wait until we looped was helping anything? Or killing the Head Housemaiden? We never finished that conversation from last time, after all! Or maybe, you can finally try and explain to me what you were accomplishing by ripping Sif’s skull open!” Honestly, you’re fine with two out of those three things, and Siffrin probably was too.

“I’m not going to bother with any of that, Isabeau. Because you’re an idiot.“ Stars! “It doesn’t matter how good you are at math, or how many books you read as a kid. You’re an idiot because you refuse to engage with reality as it is, only as you want to pretend it is.“ 

“You know what, you crabbing-!”

“ THANK YOU SNACK LEADER FOR THIS DELICIOUS MEAL! ” You…didn’t say that? So who-? You whirl back towards Loop. Ah, they’re in the fetal position, crying. That is relatable right now!

The Defender and the Researcher both stare at Loop, but you can see the exact moment they realize who they forgot was here. They both slowly turn to face the Kid. 

Odile POV: Loop 256

“I cannot stress enough, if you feel ANY pain, no matter how small, you need to tell me.” The upside of Siffrin as a test subject is a lack of questions and an uncomfortable amount of trust in you. The downside is he has a tendency to try telling you what he thinks you want to hear. And when you’re removing the top of his skull to examine his brain, you can’t normally afford to have a yes man.

“Aye aye, Chief Health Stabber!”

Well, if he is trying to be funny, he can’t be too scared. “The word you’re looking for is surgeon, Siffrin. Now, stay very still.” Thankfully, you seem to have convinced him to take you as seriously as possible, as you carefully begin to make your incisions. The handful of medical textbooks available to you suggested that you could have gotten away with making a square and extracting that. However, if you actually gave Siffrin a lobotomy, you…Gems, you don’t even know what you’d do. So! You are simply going to remove the whole skullcap. After a few tense minutes, you slowly begin to pull off the top.

Siffrin shakes. “AaAaAah!” 

You immediately take a step back. “What’s wrong? Where does it hurt? Talk to me!” 

“Doesn’t hurt, just…air? Feels weird.” Oh…you probably should have guessed. But, Siffrin has successfully communicated a personal problem when asked! You feel much more confident in this whole process now. 

“All right. Good to know.” You finish removing the skull cap, and carefully set it in the bowl you brought for this purpose. It is…certainly something, actually seeing the brain of a living person.

You prepare your “Examine” Craft. “Alright, I’m going to give you a few tasks to do while I investigate. Don’t worry too hard about any of them, I’m merely trying to see what your normal processes are like.” Siffrin starts nodding, but you grab his face. “LET’S not. Do that. Please?”

His eyes go wide. “Yeah, that’s fair. Yeah.” You let out a sigh of relief. Pros and cons, after all,

“Very well. Firstly, just try to focus on your breathing.” You cast your Craft, comparing the behavior of Siffrin’s brain to your texts. After a few minutes, you believe you’ve got an adequate grasp of the flow of energy and information in there. At least for your purposes.

“Very good. Now can you please start talking for me?” You go through a few different exercises like this, both to identify as many variables as you can in addition to relaxing Siffrin before the real test.

Speaking of which, “Siffrin, have you ever sailed before?” 

“Oh, sure! Heck, I even ran away from home on a boat!” You smile. Bingo. Now to carefully-

The door to the Clocktower bathroom opens. “Look, I’m sorry, but Bonnie really needs to-“ Isabeau cuts himself off. “WHAT THE CRAB!?!?”

Startled, your hand goes straight down. 

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach.

Isabeau POV: Loop 183

Change, you’re always so nervous on your “date” with Siffrin. You’ve done it five times already, but you want it to be perfect before you start escalating anything. Because Sif deserves it! You’ve found out a handful of news things about him while you’ve been stuck here, and you can’t imagine how much he must have been hurting this whole time. So, you’re going to make sure Sif has the best date ever! There’s a risk that you won’t be able to give him this on whatever loop ends up being the final one, but in that case, practice! 

“-ey, Isa?” Oop! Get out of your head! The date is still happening!

“Yeah, Sif?” You turn your head to look at him. Change, he always looks so otherworldly like this, staring at the stars.

“Why…did you bring me out here? Like this?” Uuuuuuuhhhh, this is new. Siffrin never asks you anything like that. Did you do something wrong today?

A “mostly” honest answer is probably the right call? “Because I wanted to. I…like spending time with you.” 

That just makes him seem sadder?!? “Then why..? Never mind.”

You don’t have a great track record at getting Sif to open up consciously, but you don’t think you could live with yourself if you don’t try here. “Sif, please tell me what I’m doing that’s upsetting you?”

He looks over at you and puts on his fake smile (Change, how many times have you believed in that smile?) “It’s fine! It’s not that big a deal.” 

Alright then! Time to bring out the big guns! “Siffrin NoLastName, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I’m going to panic about it for the rest of the night and probably cry.” You aren’t happy about guilting him like this, but you haven’t found a better way to get him to let you in while stuck in a time loop. And it’s not like you’re lying!

Sif flinches at that (Ow! Your heart!). After a moment of internal turmoil, he looks back up at the stars again. “You guys…never…touch me…” 

An alarm bell goes off inside your head. “I thought you didn’t like to be touched?”

He looks back at you. “That’s not true, though?” 

Be normal be normal be normal be normal be normal. “…oh.”

Sif starts gesticulating vaguely. “So, you know. I feel like I’m getting some mixed signals-“

“Can I kiss you?” CRAB! ISABEAU WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? You put your head in your hands and make some ungodly noise. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL! SIF’S OBVIOUSLY GOING TO GET SCARED OFF NOW! STUPID CRABBING- 

“If you want..?” You stop spiraling. You slowly peek out of your hands. Sif is really flushed. 

“Huh?” You feel a little fuzzy in the brain right now, so you need to be certain you heard him right.

Sif sits up. “I-I said, you could kiss me. You know. If you wanted to?” He is looking everywhere but you, but you reckon that’s okay in this circumstance. 

You sit up. “…okay. Then I will! Do that. Since you're open to the idea?” You normally would be a bit pushier about getting explicit consent, but:

1. You feel like if you don’t start kissing him you’re going to actually die
2. Sif clearly has a thing about asking for what he wants, so if you can interpret him accurately while giving him plausible deniability, he’d probably feel safer and more comfortable
3. He is nodding his head really hard.

You slowly reach over and grab his waist. He does jump a bit at the contact, but he also giggles a little bit and THAT IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO COMPARTMENTALIZE FOR LATER! You pull him closer to you, practically feeling his breath get faster. You carefully take the side of his face and lean in. 

And then…you’re kissing him! You’re kissing Siffrin! For one terrifying moment, he is stock still, and your mind starts racing with the worst possibilities. But then he starts reciprocating, and you finally stop thinking about anything else. He’s just so warm and close and yours ! You feel dizzy with it all. You hold him closer, tighter! You drag him into your lap. One arm goes around his thigh. He makes these little moans that melt your brain. You need to hear more of him. Feel more of him! There’s wetness on his cheeks as you-wait…

Oh Change.

You wrench yourself back. You see Siffrin, gasping, shaking, crying. 

He trusted you. Monster. 

You feel

A tug

On your

Stomach.