Chapter Text
2005, November 29th
Callie cries a lot. Jackie’s noticed that much in the last two weeks. She doesn’t remember him crying that much. Jackie splays her hand across Callie’s tiny stomach, feeling it rise and fall with every breath she takes. This is the only time Callie is ever truly quiet, the three hour window after having her dinner. If Jackie’s timed it right, she has an hour and twenty-three minutes until Callie wakes up screaming.
Jackie stares at Callie’s little round face, her pouty lips curled into a frown, her tiny eyebrows furrowed, and her small nose twitching while she sleeps. Jackie just stares and stares. Keeping her eyes trained on Callie’s chest rising and falling.
Rising and falling.
A stray tear slides down her cheek, Jackie quickly catches it with the back of her hand.
Callie’s cubby hand whips out to her side, and she hums in her sleep. Her little sock clad feet rub together.
“Do you hate her?” Shauna’s hesitant voice comes from the door.
Hate her?
How could Jackie hate her. She’s just a baby. An adorable small innocent baby, who was born into a horrible situation.
“Of course not,” Jackie hears her own monotone voice pipe up. “She’s a baby why would I hate her.”
She hears Shauna shuffle towards her. “It’s just you’ve been sitting there… glaring… at her since I put her down.”
Has she been glaring?
Jackie shakes her head. “I don’t hate her.” She whispers. “I don’t.” Her fingers lightly trace shapes along Callie’s stomach.
“Okay.” Shauna sits on the stool next to her. “Do… do you hate me?”
Jackie’s fingers still. Her hate Shauna? What a stupid thing to ask. The reason they’re in this whole mess is because Jackie feels the exact opposite.
Jackie mutely shakes her head, to scared her voice will give up on her if she tries to speak.
Shauna sniffles. “You’re mad at me, I know you are.”
Jackie closes her eyes and shakes her head.
“Jackie, please I know you are just… please, please say something.” Shauna begs tearfully.
“I’m not mad at you.” Jackie croaks.
Because she’s not. Jackie’s not mad. She’s hurt and she doesn’t know why she was so surprised. All Shauna seems to do is hurt her even when she’s trying not to.
“Jackie please.”
“I should go it’s a long drive home.” Jackie leans into the crib and presses a kiss to Callie’s head. “Bye Shauna.” She kisses Shauna’s cheek before she leaves the room.
“Jackie wait please stop.” Shauna calls after her.
Jackie keeps walking. “Callie’s going to wake up soon Shauna.”
“I don’t care!” Shauna grabs her arm. “Please just stop, please.” Jackie gets spun around by Shauna’s insistent hands. “Stop being like this! Please!”
Anger flares deep in Jackie’s chest. “’Stop being like this’?” she raises an eyebrow. “How do you want me to act Shauna!” Jackie rips herself out of Shauna’s grip and steps back.
“I want you to tell me how you feel!” Shauna exclaims.
“You wanna know how I feel? I feel hurt Shauna!” Jackie slaps her hand against her chest. “I’m hurt and upset because you did the thing, we promised each other we wouldn’t do!”
Shauna’s wide eyes glisten with tears.
Jackie scrunches her face up to stop her own from falling.
“I’m sorry.” Shauna chokes out. “I’m sorry.”
“You married him.” Jackie hisses. “You made me promise that if we ever got back that I wouldn’t hide, but you did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Is that all you can say!” Jackie throws her hands up.
“My baby died!” Shauna cries. “My baby died.” She wraps her arms around her stomach. “Our baby died.”
Jackie’s heart stutters painfully.
“Jackie, he’s not moving! Jackie, why isn’t he moving?!”
Jackie looks to the ceiling, “I know.” Tears stream down the sides of her face. “And instead of grieving with me you pushed me away and ran to Jeff as soon as we got back.” Jackie rasps.
She looks Shauna in the eye. “Do you know how much that hurt? How much it still hurts?”
Shauna sobs while shaking her head.
“I lost him and you.” Jackie sniffles and roughly wipes her face. “And I’ve had to watch you be with him and now you have her and…” she sharply inhales.
“And where does that leave me?”