Chapter Text
For a moment, Lena felt weightless.
There was a brilliant swirl of blue and going through it felt like breaking the surface from a diving board. She didn’t land hard, but rather, a pair of strong arms didn’t even let her fall at all, holding her upright. Her ears were ringing, high-pitched and disorienting.
The first thing she did after her eyes adjusted was let her hands shove forcefully against the body that had wrapped itself around her in a protective stance. Her jaw clenched as she ignored the owner's crestfallen expression — resembling that of a kicked puppy when she backed away. Mind clearing, she regained her composure. She almost felt her mask crack when her eyes met the other woman’s dejected blue, but quickly slipped it back into place.
"Don't touch me," Lena spat, venom coating her syllables, the anger bubbling just beneath the surface. She was met with quiet and took this as a chance to observe her surroundings. A small wave of relief washed over her when she recognised the minimalist furniture of her office at L-Corp. The lines on her face were hard when she turned back to the caped woman standing a few paces away from her.
"Lena, I don't think we're—"
Supergirl didn't finish her sentence, but was cut off by a door opening. Lena strolled in with her hands tapping away in concentration on a tablet.
Wait, Lena—
"Supergirl, what the fuck have you done?" Lena stared at her other... self? who had finally looked up in shock, mirroring her own. She swallowed and glanced at the hero, who seemed to be just as floored as she was. The woman looked exactly like herself, all down to the shade of hair and the dark red lipstick, eyes bright and curious. She was dressed in a dark blue three-piece suit that Lena definitely owned, hair up in a neat ponytail.
After what seemed like an eternity of the two parties scrutinising each other, the other Lena finally spoke. "So that's what I look like from the side," she said, eyebrows raised. A silver ring on her left hand glimmered in the bright light of the office and Lena's gaze couldn't help but be drawn to it.
"I think we're on another Earth," Supergirl winced, and as soon as she uttered those words, Lena started to feel the dread weighing on her body.
“You’re joking.”
She fully turned on her heel to face her, hands clenched into tight fists by her sides. "You're fucking joking," voice almost to the brink of shaking in thinly veiled mania.
"I... don't think she is," Other-Lena brought their attention back to her.
“I’m stuck with you?” Lena snapped frustratedly, more directed at Supergirl. Her hands raked haphazardly through her hair, as if the action would give them something to distract from the growing urge to strangle the superhero. Her arms flopped to her sides, and she couldn’t help the laugh tear itself free from her chest.
God, this was fucking hilarious. Just fucking hysterical.
As expected, the other two watched her in concern.
“Lena—“
“Fucking fantastic,” Lena ignored Supergirl’s alarmed tone and continued, “I must be dead, and being stuck with you must be my eternal punishment.”
“Well at least she’s not in denial about the whole being trapped here thing,” Other-Lena quipped before clearing her throat at the icy, pointed look she received from the other dark-haired woman. “Look,” she sighed, “I’m not sure what’s happening but you haven’t tried to kill me yet, so you’re either genuinely lost or just a pair of very polite assassins.”
Lena eyed her wearily as Other-Lena went over to her desk when she noticed another difference. There was a neat arrangement of photo frames on one side, no doubt probably holding some treasured memories. She thought back to the one she used to have, of the two people smiling into the camera, faces flushed from wine. The glass was now cracked and the lying, traitorous smile of who used to be her closest friend was what had finally made her break. It was now at the bottom of a drawer, never to see the light of day again.
They walked round to face Other-Lena, Supergirl standing a short distance away from her, the woman finally seeming to understand that she didn’t want to be anywhere near her.
“So, enlighten me. You’re from another Earth?” Other-Lena — she had an air of kindness to her, as if she had finally opened up and allowed herself to live without constant guardedness and paranoia.
She wondered if this Lena also had a gun strapped to the underside of her desk.
Lena’s heart couldn’t help but ache bitterly at the thought. Must be nice to not be fucked over by everyone you’ve ever loved.
Other-Lena continued, “How did you even get here?”
Lena looked over at Supergirl, waiting for an explanation and honestly, her brain hadn’t even caught up with how the hell they had even ended up on an alternate Earth, too busy being tied up with the fact that she was even in the same room as her ex-best friend. She folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow expectantly, fingers tapping impatiently on her bicep.
“We were in the bunker at Mount Norquay and,” Supergirl paused, a series of what looked like expressions of realisation flitting across her face. “I was trying to tell you not to use Non Nocere but then...”
Right, with Myriad and the earthquakes and her brother’s stupid kryptonite cannons.
“But then what, Supergirl?”
She didn’t flinch at Lena practically hurling the name at her with distaste, but her blue eyes were almost pleading.
Lena also remembered being in Lex’s bunker and Supergirl using a hologram with that same expression, only to piggyback a virus into her system and stab her right in the back with a shining blade disguised as an apology and worry.
“Alex was going to deploy Claymore, she was going to kill you, Lena,” she finished, fists tight and knuckle-white by her sides, looking at Lena with such ferocity that she felt her heart fracture that tiny bit more. “I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
The tension in the room was thick and suffocating, Other-Lena having not said a single word since Supergirl’s admission, but looking on between them. Lena’s pulse was racing and her jaw was tight, eyes glassy and unfocused as if she had been slapped. Alex— Director Danvers had actually tried to kill her.
She shook her head, “Of course she would. She helped uphold you by lying to me for years, I doubt our friendship was ever beyond anything other than to keep tabs on a Luthor.” Lena let out a humourless laugh, cold and masking every little cut that had been inflicted upon her already scarred soul. “And well, in the end, it’s one less Luthor in the world if I get blown to smithereens by a fucking satellite cannon, right?”
At that, she watched Supergirl finally wince, before her face contorted into a simmering heat.
But it wasn’t directed at her.
“Alex should have known that killing you was never an option,” Supergirl’s low voice made her freeze, and she felt her icy stare thaw slightly, lungs taking in a sharp breath. “And I have already lost too many people that I Io— that I care about.”
Lena saw the other woman inhale shakily, voice cracking at the last part, hands relaxing slightly but still clenched. She felt her own heart tighten between her ribs.
“A portal opened up and I thought it was from your portal watch. Alex, she— I wasn’t going to take any chances, so I pulled us both through.”
Of course Supergirl would rush in headfirst, not even double-checking with Lena that it was actually her own portal and not some wormhole that would fling them into an alternate dimension.
Lena scoffed to herself. At least they weren’t floating in space somewhere, bodies frozen from the lack of atmosphere and sub-zero temperatures.
“And that’s how you ended up here,” Other-Lena’s voice startled both of them as Lena had completely forgotten she was sitting there, listening to the entire conversation. “Sorry, that felt like a good moment to interject,” her other self flashed them a small smile, effectively diffusing some of the charged atmosphere in the room. “I believe you. I don’t know what kind of bad blood you have between each other, but you both want to go home.”
Lena cleared her throat before replying, forcing as much neutrality into her tone, a big shift from the thinly veiled pain before, her pulse still rushing in her ears, “You don’t seem surprised to see people from other earths.”
“I will admit, it’s weird to see myself from another earth, along with its resident superhero,” Other-Lena spoke slowly in the way that Lena knew was her wrapping her mind around the concept. “There was this guy who could go super fast? Said he was from another earth — Earth-1.”
“The Flash,” Supergirl realised and Lena quirked a brow at the name. “Our earth called him The Blur, remember? I think it must have been about four years ago. He’s a friend,” she added, Other-Lena nodding at Supergirl’s words in recognition.
“Well I hope your friend isn’t someone who goes around flashing people from the sound of that name,” Lena deadpanned.
“Wha— Lena— No!”
“Look, I just want to go home, okay?” She sighed, tired and incredibly exhausted. All she wanted was a nice hot shower, to sit alone with a glass of whisky and stare longingly at whatever photo of her and Kar— of her ex-best friend she hadn’t thrown out. Maybe she would cry a bit, scream into her pillow, let out her frustrations by cursing loudly at the woman who had broken her heart.
Jesus Christ, even replaying her plans around in her head made her sound fucking pathetic.
“So do I,” Supergirl murmured strangely softly, as if sensing Lena’s internal battle, her shoulders relaxed and arms hanging by her side.
Other-Lena’s hand picked up her cellphone, the ring on her finger shining once again in the late afternoon sun. If she noticed Lena’s gaze, she didn’t point it out. “We should keep your presence here under-wraps. Supergirl — my Earth’s Supergirl and I are public figures and I don’t think it would bode well if people started seeing double,” she explained. “And I think it’s best if I let my Supergirl know.”
After everyone agreeing — even Lena who felt her stomach turn at seeing another Supergirl — it didn’t take long for the caped hero to land on Other-Lena’s balcony.
“I have bangs!” was Other-Supergirl’s words of greeting and Lena almost did a double-take at how similar they looked. Her blonde hair was flowing freely, slightly shorter than her Su— than Supergirl’s at collarbone length and minus the fringe. Lena could even make out the small scar right between her eyebrows and that same warmth in her eyes.
Lena swallowed, it was the same warmth that she associated with the woman next to her, like a comforting hug or a warm cup of coffee in the morning. It was the same warmth that she looked forward to everyday, waiting for their lunch break or waiting for her to show up to their evening nights in with at least three pizza boxes and cartons of potstickers.
But it was that same warmth that had blinded her to the lies, the betrayal, the crushing pain of realising the one person she trusted most in the world had gone behind her back, strung her along and tore everything apart.
Told her that she was just another Luthor. Just another sibling of the egomaniacal sociopath who had tried to kill her cousin.
So no, when she looked into Supergirl’s eyes, she didn’t feel warmth or comfort or any of those things.
Not anymore.
When she looked into those eyes, all the lies and betrayals would flood to the surface, and the gaping void in her heart would expand just a tiny bit more, and this time, this time there would be no one there to hold her.
“I see you’ve ditched the skirt too,” Other-Supergirl said approvingly, nodding at Supergirl with such a bright grin that Lena just stood and stared. “Never met another one of me before.” She stepped into the office, sending Lena’s other self a smile that she noticed was filled with genuine love. Lena had to bite down her surprise when she watched Other-Lena’s face mimic the affectionate expression. It was an odd expression to see reflected in her own face.
“Right, yeah,” Supergirl responded as she brushed a hand through her bangs somewhat self-consciously before swiping her hands in an oddly nervous manner on the bottoms of her super suit.
It kind of threw Lena for a loop, her brain recognising mannerisms from the dorky reporter side of the woman rather than her confident and powerful alter ego.
“Only met two other versions of me,” Supergirl continued, “one wasn’t ah, very nice. The other’s a long story.” The blonde shook her head and cleared her throat. “Anyway, me and Lena need to figure out a way to get home.”
“Of course,” Other-Lena snapped to attention and stood up from her chair, wringing her hands together. “We haven’t actually explored inter-dimensional travel but I do have notes on the portal Barry Allen used when he came here by accident.”
“Accident?” Lena couldn’t help but ask. It would definitely explain how the hell they ended up on this earth.
Other-Supergirl hummed, “He didn’t stay for long but when he realised we weren’t the Kara or Lena he was looking for he was very confused.” Suddenly her hand flew to her mouth, eyes wide and accompanied by a soft chuckle from Other-Lena. “Crap, I don’t think I was supposed to say that. Pshh, who’s Kara?” she dismissed with zero convincingness in her speech and laughed awkwardly.
“It’s okay, she knows,” Supergirl said quietly and Lena felt that mask of anger and indifference slip again at slight wavering of her voice, feeling her chest fill with a need to put a hand on her arm and comfort her. Her hands stayed staunchly at her sides.
“Okaaaay,” Other-Supergirl stretched out the vowels, definitely feeling the change in moods of the other two women. “We have to get you two down to Lena’s private lab without anyone noticing. Jess might faint if she sees another me and you to have to deal with,” she added, the last part directed at Other-Lena with a playful tone, earning a good-natured smack on the arm.
“Let’s go then. Come, we can take the private elevator.”
It was weird to be working with herself from an alternate earth, to say the least. Bouncing ideas off of each other and picking out specific details in Other-Lena’s notes in perfect harmony was rather unsettling. They focused on designing an extrapolator of sorts, a tool that could be used to open a breach between Earths and tune into their unique frequencies. Supergirl had described the one she had seen Barry’s team use on Earth-1 as best as she could, which definitely helped with the process. The two Supers were now somewhere raiding a vending machine for fuel.
Watching the two Kryptonians become at ease with each other so soon was also odd, both of their laughs infectious when the other reminisced about something specific from the other side of the room. Supergirl had kept her distance, and Lena was glad for it.
The air was calm and quiet as they worked, Lena sorting out equations and her counterpart examining various elements on the workbench as they sat on their respective seats. She scored out another failed sum, the scratch of the graphite loud against the paper before flipping to a new page and taking a different approach.
“So,” Other-Lena broke the silence and Lena glanced up at her. “You and your Earth’s Kara don’t get along?”
She could feel her jaw tightening and every muscle in her body stiffen at the mention of her name. She put the pencil down onto the surface to stop herself from snapping it in half and breathed in, letting the oxygen flood her veins in a soothing manner.
“It’s complicated,” Lena replied, leaning on the workbench and fingers tapping on the metal, coolness seeping into her skin from where she had rolled up the sleeves of her blouse. “We were best friends and... she lied to me.”
She watched Other-Lena’s hands still from where she was shifting components around and turned to face her, green eyes locked with interest and silently coaxing her to continue.
God it was so weird to see her own face staring back at her in a place that wasn’t her bathroom mirror.
(Or the bottom of a glass.)
“I told her about my deepest fears and she took them and wielded the sword for herself.” Lena could already feel her throat tightening around her words, as if squeezing to not allow them to escape. “She lied to me about her identity for four years. Told me she was protecting me and didn’t want me to get hurt.” There were tears prickling at the back of her eyes now but she quickly blinked them away. “And yet she did a perfectly fine job of that herself.”
Other-Lena looked at her, expression filled with softness and sadness all at once. She sighed and pulled her hands into her lap, fiddling with the ring on her finger before looking back up at her. “I was angry too, for a while.”
Lena’s attention snapped back to her other self’s face.
“And I know what kind of pain it is,” she continued, a small quirk of her lips in a barely-there smile, eyes distant. “I’m not sure how close our respective Earths’ timelines are but she told me after Reign.”
Lena had to stop herself from scoffing at the other woman’s words and instead choosing to let out a quiet hum. At least this Lena was spared the pain of another year. “It was Lex who told me. Had a PowerPoint presentation and everything.”
At the mention of their brother’s name, Other-Lena’s shoulders straightened, alert. “Lex got out?”
“He had a lot of people in his pocket.” Her hand moved the pencil around absentmindedly, teeth worrying at the inside of her cheek, wondering just how much she should tell her. “It’s a long story, but he told me right before he died.”
Other-Lena’s brow furrowed and Lena drew it up to being that this Earth’s Lex was likely still locked away in some supermax prison.
“He tried to kill Supergirl and her friends, so I killed him,” Lena confirmed and watched the woman’s eyes shine with understanding.
Her mind went back to that day, waiting in the shadows knowing that Lex would try to escape to the cabin after Supergirl was done with him, the weight of the gun in her hand. Pulling the trigger wasn’t even hard, knowing deep down that it was better for the world that her brother wasn’t lurking around the corner planning his next mass murder.
Instead, it was Lex’s last words that had shocked her to the core. The words Kara Danvers is Supergirl being spat at her were the ones to rip the floor from beneath her, sending her into a free fall away from everything she thought she knew. Going to game night later that evening and pretending like her entire world, her sun, the one person who treated her like a normal person despite her last name and made her feel cared for didn’t just shatter her fragile heart with her bare fucking hands.
Lena let out a shaky breath, running her palms over her trousers. “I don’t— I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said with finality, no bite to her tone, just tiredness.
“Wow, you’re more like me than I thought,” Other-Lena laughed gently, corners of her mouth drawn up into a knowing smile, “boxes until the end, right?”
“How do you think I’m keeping all that childhood trauma at bay?” Lena tried weakly, taking the extended invitation of the change in subject, one she was very glad for.
The two caped heroes chose that moment to return with Other-Supergirl balancing paper boxes filled with pastries, and Supergirl holding four cartons of coffee in a cup holder. While Other-Supergirl busied herself with this earth’s Lena, who had left her station to greet her, Supergirl walked up to her and held out a coffee, a small hesitancy in her movement as if Lena would flat out reject it and throw it in her face.
If she wasn’t so tired, maybe she would have.
“We decided to forgo vending machine snacks. It’s how you like it, black,” Supergirl said as Lena accepted it and for a split second, their fingers brushed ever so slightly and she fought the gut reaction to pull away like she had been burned but refrained, unless she wanted to spill the hot beverage and actually get burned. Normally she would have replied with some silly quip, but instead she chose to stay silent, a minuscule nod tilting her head. Supergirl seemed satisfied with her response and stepped away from her to hand out the other coffees.
“You want a pastry?” Supergirl— no wait, Lena realised when she turned around, it was Other-Supergirl’s voice behind her, holding up a paper plate with a golden-brown Danish crown lying atop. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn’t actually eaten anything all day and the lovely-smelling baked good was very tempting.
“Thank you,” Lena murmured, placing it on the bench. The blonde simply smiled and walked back to where she was distributing the food. They were so alike and it definitely freaked Lena out but she couldn’t bring it to be cold to Other-Supergirl, it wasn’t her who was the source of Lena’s pain this past year anyway. She didn’t deserve Lena’s ire.
They worked for another two hours after that before Lena’s head felt like it would explode from all of the mind-numbing simulation work on the computer. She tried not to let out too loud of a displeased noise when she scribbled over another failed equation. Her handwriting had gotten sloppier as the night progressed and she pressed two fingers to her temples trying to soothe her headache.
“We should call it a night,” Other-Lena suggested. “Come back to it tomorrow with a rested brain.”
The four of them moved to stand near the door, Lena pulling her blazer back on and fixing her collar.
“Kara stocked up one of the houses we own earlier,” Other-Lena reached into her pocket and produced a key and a slip of paper with the address. “It’s by the sea, quiet and isolated. The gate’s a biometric lock but it should open for either one of you.” She handed Lena a pair of car keys. “You can take this car.”
“I bought food and stuff,” Other-Supergirl piped up, glancing at Lena. “And yes, don’t worry, I bought vegetables and not just junk.”
“Use the back door to get in tomorrow, I’m sure there’s baseball caps and sunglasses somewhere in that house if you need to hide your face,” Other-Lena explained.
“Thank you,” Supergirl spoke from beside her, sincerity in her expression. “For everything.”
Of all places to land after being yanked through a portal, she was incredibly grateful that they had ended up on one where their alternate selves were kind. From what little she had heard about interdimensional travel, that was not always the case.
Lena herself, for the first time that day offered up a small and genuine smile.
“Wow,” was Supergirl’s first word when they stepped over the threshold of the entrance. The house itself was placed amongst the other houses that lined a stretch of National City’s beach. It was two storeys and likely designed to Other-Lena’s more modern taste. It was close to the shore, accompanied with a large enough space on all sides of the house that it was unlikely that any neighbours would see them.
Lena headed immediately for the stairs without a single word, desperate to wash the day’s sweat off of her and leaving Supergirl to do whatever downstairs. She picked one of the bedrooms and rooted through the drawers to look for something suitable to wear. She settled on a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants, heading into the bathroom and doing her business.
Fifteen minutes was all she needed, not staying in for a second longer otherwise her mind would use the quiet to wander too much about the woman who was somewhere in this house and stuck on this parallel earth with her. She quickly stepped out, feeling a lot better being out of her constricting work clothes. Steeling herself for possible interaction, she decided to go downstairs and make some tea to calm her nerves.
“Lena,” Supergirl’s head darted up the second Lena stepped into the open plan living room and kitchen.
As soon as Lena met her gaze, it felt like the wind was being knocked out of her. The other woman was showered and wearing a white t-shirt and her own pair of sweatpants, glasses firmly back on her nose and looking so much like—
Like Kara.
Lena could already feel her muscles coil at her name being called, the ice flowing through her blood once more. She walked up to where she stood by the kitchen island, steam rising from a mug laying on the countertop. Another mug was being cradled by Supergirl’s hands.
“I made some tea, I know you like to have some before bed,” she nudged the mug with her knuckles towards Lena, who accepted it, uttering the most quiet thanks, before turning on her heel and heading straight for her room.
She couldn’t deal with this right now, couldn’t look at the way Supergirl was wearing her former best-friend’s face with that same earnestness she once knew. Lifting herself into the bed she had claimed, Lena sat down in the dark, the only light coming from the slightly skew curtains which allowed gentle moonlight to stream in.
The tea warmed her up a bit, being the only source of comfort in this strange house on an alternate earth. If she could avoid Supergirl as much as possible, then that was exactly what she was going to do. Lena placed down the empty mug on her bedside and crawled into the covers, falling into a dreamless sleep.
Morning brought a screeching alarm, a stilted silence with Supergirl in the kitchen, and a quick change into clothes she had found in the small walk-in closet. It shouldn’t have been too hard to find a blouse and some slacks but much to the slight concern of Lena’s fashion tastes, this earth’s version of her really favoured floral print. After shoving the interestingly patterned garments to the back of the rack and finding suitable clothes, her and Supergirl made their way back to L-Corp. The two had decided to dress as inconspicuous as possible (which of course could totally backfire if they tried too hard) to attract the least amount of attention to themselves.
It was Lena who drove them, after muttering from the other woman about hitting a possum once or something.
She got behind the wheel without any more prompting, sliding on the pair of sunglasses she had found in a drawer as Kara adjusted her baseball cap — the sooner they built the extrapolator, the sooner Lena could go back to her own apartment on their own Earth and ignore Supergirl.
Eventually they reached L-Corp, parking in the basement and using one of the back doors to get into the labs on the lower levels. Other-Lena and Other-Supergirl were already inside the same room they had used yesterday, Other-Lena wearing a different coloured pantsuit and Other-Supergirl in a plain button-up and slacks, glasses on her face.
Lena Luthor was a prepared woman, probably chalked up to the monthly assassination attempts that had ultimately sort of made her paranoid, and therefore, resulting in the preparedness. But as prepared as she may have been, it was always going to be weird to see both her and Supergirl’s parallel-earth-selves smiling so freely with each other and being... happy. Maybe she wouldn’t have been so weirded out pre-reveal where there wasn’t a heaviness to every sentence they spoke to one another, even in short statements of good morning or hey.
The two were standing close as Lena and Supergirl walked in, Other-Lena leant against a lab bench with Other-Supergirl in front of her, looking like she was laughing at something. Their heads whipped around to greet them, moving apart from each other.
“Oh that is so weird,” Other-Supergirl remarked, “I don’t think I had fully absorbed how alike we look.” She gestured at Supergirl and their similar outfits. The only thing different was the slightly different shade of blue of their tops. There was the glint of a ring on her left hand too.
Lena tried to bite down a scowl, being faced with more than one Supergirl was really affecting her whole ignoring her thing.
Her ring looked a lot like—
Other-Lena seemed to sense Lena’s slightly sour mood so she diverted attention to herself by clapping her hands. “We should get started, time is of the essence and whatnot.”
Lena shot her other self a grateful look and took her place at the bench where she had left her calculation books the night before in a neat pile (circumstances aside, she was not going to be losing what little semblance of normality she had left, even if it was only a tidy workspace).
They worked together for a few hours, the morning slipping away into the afternoon. The two Supergirls were helpful with their knowledge of physics but there was just a part that they couldn’t quite crack yet, much to everyone’s frustration. It made Lena feel stupid — how many times had she rambled about some science concept and Supergirl had just played dumb, when she very much likely understood all of it.
Add that to the pile of lies.
At some point, Other-Supergirl had to attend to CatCo.
“Duty calls,” Other-Supergirl— Other- Kara , announced as she slid off her stool, pulling on her coat. “I need to make sure no one’s signed anything off that they shouldn’t have in my absence.”
That piqued Supergirl’s interest. “Are you not a reporter?”
“Editor as of three months ago!” Other-Kara beamed, pointing at herself with both thumbs. The ring on her finger blinked at Lena again. “Lena was the one who pushed me to apply for the role,” she said, glancing at her with a soft smile.
Lena moved her gaze firmly back to the papers in front of her, throat suddenly feeling tight.
“That’s so cool,” Supergirl said, sounding a little awed. Lena tried not to roll her eyes.
“You’re perfect for the role,” Other-Lena said with just as much softness, a tone that Lena was unused to, nevermind hearing it coming out of a different version of her and her mouth.
It wasn’t Other-Kara’s fault that she felt like this, Lena reminded herself. Jaw loosening slightly, she forced herself to look back up at Other-Kara.
“Thanks for your help today,” she said, injecting just the right amount of gratitude to mask the concoction of feelings in her chest.
Other-Kara flashed her a genuine smile, “Always.”
That made Lena’s breath catch in her throat, suddenly reminded of all the times her Supergirl had promised her the same thing. She managed to give her a stiff nod.
Other-Lena gave Other-Kara’s bicep a squeeze. “See you later,” and that tender smile was back on her face and Lena forced herself to finally look away, filtering out the rest of their conversation and turning back to the equation she had been staring at for the past half hour.
Some time passed and she could hear Supergirl starting to get restless, evident by her pencil tapping on the bench. She was clearly trying to stop herself so as to not distract the two Lenas, but Lena could see her hands fidgeting in her peripheral vision.
“What do you think about this?” Other-Lena asked her, turning her tablet towards Lena.
Lena looked it over but could hear Supergirl shifting on the other side of the bench. Distracted, she moved her gaze over to the woman opposite her, withering and cold.
Supergirl had the decency to look sheepish, “Sorry, I was racking my brain and I started drifting…”
“Well, rack your brain more quietly,” Lena replied, a little more harsh than what was probably needed. Supergirl’s lips thinned into a line.
Other-Lena stood up suddenly, stool scraping noisily along the floor behind her and making Lena wince. A headache was starting to grow behind her eyes.
Clearly wanting to defuse the tension, Other-Lena plastered on a smile that Lena could tell was tired. “Why don’t we take a break, stretch our legs, go outside, whatever.” Other-Lena waved her hand at the last part, grabbing her mug off the bench.
“Great idea!” Supergirl exclaimed, also obviously forced and immediately moving to stand too. “I’m going to take a walk, I’ll uh, be back in twenty.”
That was all she said, grabbing her baseball cap and sunglasses off the worktop before turning tail and striding towards the door, disappearing from the room. With that, Lena’s shoulders slumped and she rubbed her temples delicately.
“I’ll get you some more coffee,” she heard Other-Lena murmur before taking Lena’s mug too and leaving to go to the coffee machine in the corner of the room.
The stifling air was starting to get old, and deep down, Lena knew it was affecting their productivity. But she still couldn’t bear to look at Supergirl for more than five seconds without the distaste and anger pooling in her gut.
Shit.
The smart thing to do, the right thing to do was to talk to Supergirl. That was the last thing Lena wanted to deal with.
Other-Lena returned and slid over a hot mug of coffee, the warm aroma waking Lena up a little. She could feel her eyes on her so she turned to meet her alternate self’s curious gaze.
“You think I’m being cruel,” Lena started. What she was referring to didn’t need to be said.
Other-Lena hummed, “A little. She looks a lot like my Kara so it’s hard not to feel that way.”
A dark laugh escaped her. “I see you two and it hurts even more,” achingly truthful. There was just something about Other-Lena that just made her words spill out. Her face emitted kindness and openness, something Lena didn’t know she could radiate so outwardly.
(Bitterly, Lena realised that there was only one person in the world that had ever seen her like this.)
Other-Lena gave her a sympathetic smile, “I get it. When I first found out, I felt blindsided, every little thing reminded me of her and it made me so, so, angry.” She put a hand on top of Lena’s, expression turning more serious. “I don’t know the full story, and you don’t have to tell me, but please don’t let it consume you.”
Lena’s jaw tightened, moving her hand away from her alternate self’s and turned back to the tablet in front of her. “We should work on the extrapolator,” Lena said with finality.
She heard the tiniest sigh come from Other-Lena but she thankfully dropped it.
The next few days passed like this, Lena and Supergirl stiffly existing in the same space but pushing through, with their alternate selves trying to keep the peace and moving their work along.
Lena and Supergirl rarely spoke to one another, the most time alone together only being when Lena would drive them to and from L-Corp. She ignored Kara all other times when they went back to the house they were staying in and eventually, it seemed Kara got the message.
She would always find a mug of hot tea sitting on the counter for her before bed though, and that brought forth a lot of conflicting feelings between her ribs. Lena would pointedly leave it alone, but it would be gone by the morning, the empty mug washed and drying on the rack.
Other-Lena’s curiosity about Lena and Supergirl was controlled for the most part, but Lena could tell she was dying to find out. The two were alone again one late afternoon, with Other-Kara having taken Supergirl to stretch her legs, probably flying somewhere. Other-Lena had led them outside onto the roof for some fresh air, the skies clear and still mostly blue, the oranges from the sun hanging lower on the horizon.
Lena sipped her mug of coffee, perched on a bench next to Other-Lena who had her eyes closed, looking peaceful. Her hair, down from its ponytail she had that morning, blew gently in the breeze. Lena’s eyes were once again drawn to the wedding band on her left hand, gleaming in the light.
“I’m surprised you haven’t asked me sooner,” Other-Lena said suddenly and Lena’s eyes moved back up to meet hers. She regarded Lena with a small smile.
“I’ve been curious, I just… it’s been really busy lately, and maybe—” Lena paused, letting out a sigh. “I think deep down, my brain has drawn some connections.”
“I can keep you in the dark, if you’d prefer,” Other-Lena shrugged. “I understand.”
That essentially confirmed Lena’s assumptions about who her alternate self was really married to. Her heart lodged in her throat, but she plastered on a weak smile.
“How many years?” she found herself asking.
“Dated for one, married for one.” Other-Lena’s expression grew soft, “I couldn’t imagine doing this stuff with anyone before her.”
And wasn’t that the kicker? Because Lena felt the exact same way. On days where she would let her mind wonder, the big what if? loomed. Had she been brave and let her feelings be known before everything burned down, would they be in a different place? Or maybe they would have still ended up on this alternate earth, hating each other.
What caught her off-guard was how unsurprised she was, that she and Supergirl seemed to find each other across the multiverse, for better or for worse.
Her fingers tightened around the mug. “I’m glad at least one of us gets that.” Her voice was tight, a little gravelly.
“You could too, you know,” Other-Lena said, encouragement in her voice.
It was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over her, veins running cold as the old anger kicked up again.
“That’s not going to happen,” Lena ground out, her knuckles turning white from how she was gripping her mug. “I hate her.”
“Things are fresh, I get it.” Other-Lena leaned back against the bench, eyes moving to the skies as a small flock of birds flew past them. “I obviously can’t tell you what to do, considering how spiteful we are,” she let out a light laugh.
Lena’s shoulders loosened a little at the lighthearted jab. “I’ll cheers to that,” she muttered.
Her other self had a flicker of a smile on her lips as she watched the horizon. “I won’t tell you to not bottle it all up.” Other-Lena looked over at her with a wry smile, “But journaling goes a long way, at least for me.”
An old memory rose to the top of her mind, making Lena raise a brow at her. “Did Lex not accidentally find your teenage diary when you were twelve on this earth?” She only started journaling five years ago once she got over the mortification.
Other-Lena laughed, “Oh he did. Horrifying to younger me but all he found out was that I had a crush on his girlfriend at the time. No world domination, which I’m sure was what his were filled with.”
“Oh, they were.” An odd pang of familiarity formed in her stomach. “We really are alike.”
“From what little you’ve told me, our earths seem pretty similar in terms of timelines,” Other-Lena commented thoughtfully.
The apart from Kara and I went unsaid.
“Hopefully that would mean our vibrational frequencies are similar,” Other-Lena continued, “therefore easier to stabilise the breach once we get the extrapolator prototype finished.”
Lena finished the last of her coffee and stood up, Other-Lena following suit. “We should get back,” she said, straightening her clothes. She met Other-Lena’s gaze, expression turning meaningful. “Thanks for… I don’t know, talking about this and not pushing,” she found herself honestly saying. “I’ve felt alone for fuck knows how long.” The laugh she let out is tinged with sadness and Lena winced after, feeling all-too exposed, like a raw nerve.
Her alternate self gave her a kind smile, “Little by little, right?”
She could only manage a small nod before the two made their way back down to the lab levels. Other-Kara and Supergirl were already back by the time they reached the lab. Supergirl greeted them both with a hesitant smile but Lena managed a curt nod, which was more than the previous days. Maybe the weight had been loosened a little, or maybe she was just exhausted from everything.
It was still hard to exist in the same room as her, all the jagged memories between them laying at their feet. She knew Other-Lena and Other-Kara had tamped down their affection for each other, but even that couldn’t mask the way they looked at each other, eyes soft and smiles lazy. She would look away quickly whenever she saw them like that, cheeks feeling warm and heart lurching all of a sudden.
She wondered if they had talked about it. She wondered if Supergirl knew the truth about their alternate selves.
After calling it a night an hour later, Lena found herself making dinner in the kitchen. Not exactly fine dining, but the instant noodles would sate her hunger for the night. She even went to the extra effort of adding spring onions and some pak choy she found in the fridge, along with an egg. As she poured her noodles into a bowl, she heard Supergirl enter the room, looking freshly showered and in her comfy clothes. Her hair was down but she had her glasses on her face.
“Hi,” Supergirl greeted, making a bee-line for the fridge near Lena.
“Supergirl,” Lena acknowledged this time. Maybe it was a little petty.
She watched Supergirl’s shoulders stiffen before she closed the fridge and turned to face Lena fully.
“I know you’re mad,” Supergirl started slowly, “but can you please call me Kara?” Lena noticed her jaw flex almost imperceptibly but ultimately, her eyes looked tired.
That only sparked annoyance in her. “It’s not nice being reduced to your last name, is it?” Lena remarked, devoid of warmth. “Or in your case, your alter-ego.”
Supergirl looked like she had been slapped, flinching before her face twisted into one of guilt. “Lena—”
“No,” Lena cut her off, inhaling sharply. “Do you know how fucked that is? Telling me you care about me only to appear to me as your other identity and tear me down like I’m just another villain to you.” Her voice held steady despite the pounding in her chest, despite the feeling of tiny glass shards lodging in her heart. “That’s only the tip of the iceberg, Supergirl.”
“Lena…” Supergirl’s eyes were filled with what looked like regret. “I’m sorry.”
The apology landed between them, but Lena could only look at her, teeth grinding as her hands twitched at her sides.
“I regret a lot about how I handled everything,” Supergirl continued, voice shaking.
Lena felt herself somewhat deflate, the fire quenched for now as her body slumped tiredly. Conflicting emotions welled up in her but she pushed them down, masking it with an icy glare. “I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she said sharply. Lena grabbed her bowl of cooling noodles, “I’m going to eat this in peace.”
At that, she turned and left the room, not waiting for Kara’s reaction. She holed herself up in the bedroom she had claimed, forcing her dinner down at the desk despite the fact that she had quickly lost her appetite earlier.
She went to bed that night, heart feeling heavy. It hurt, it had been months and it still hurt. Every time she looked at her, at Kara and her stupid smile and her stupid blue eyes that held that familiar deep warmth, at her stupid blonde hair and her stupid big heart—
Kara’s the reason Lena went down the path of Non Nocere, she hurt her, she lied to her for years, there was no real friendship between them.
That latter thought made her ache all over again, but the emotional exhaustion from the day was stronger. Pushing her inner monologue away, she forced herself to close her eyes and relax.
It was well into the early morning before she finally fell into a fitful sleep.