Chapter Text
The sun was setting over Cang Qiong Mountain, casting a warm golden glow over the gathering in Yue Qingyuan’s office after a Peak Lord meeting, due to their Zhangmen-shixiong’s insistence of making the meeting take place in his office.
The Peak Lords had assembled for what was supposed to be a formal meeting-some were not in attendance due to some things that needed to be handled, and only Qiong Ding, Qing Jing, Qian Cao, An Ding, Bai Zhan, Wan Jian, and Xian Shu were in said attendance- but things had taken an unexpected turn thanks to Shang Qinghua.
"Ugh, it's too big to fit in," Shang Qinghua grumbled, struggling to adjust a large, gaudy ornament that Yue Qingyuan had received as a gift from a visiting sect. He did succeed in bringing it in, but barely.
There was a moment of silence before Mu Qingfang, without thinking, huffed and muttered under his breath, "That's what she said."
Unfortunately, in a room full of cultivators with enhanced hearing, there was no such thing as a private remark.
Liu Qingge spat out his tea. Qi Qingqi choked on hers. Yue Qingyuan blinked in wide-eyed confusion. Shang Qinghua's eyes widened like saucers as he accidentally broke his brush-he was about to write something on his clipboard. Shen Qingqiu, who had been sipping tea elegantly, suddenly coughed violently, nearly dropping his cup. Wei Qingwei had been politely listening in silence, but now his shoulders shook as he suppressed laughter.
A single second stretched into eternity as everyone processed what had just happened.
Then, as if on cue, the entire room dissolved into laughter.
Shen Qingqiu smacked a hand on the table, half-horrified, half-amused, sort of demanding an answer. "Mu-shidi! Where in the world did you hear that?"
Mu Qingfang, face flushing red, opened his mouth but was drowned out by the sheer volume of Wei Qingwei wheezing with laughter. Even Qi Qingqi, who prided herself on maintaining dignity, had covered her face with a sleeve to stifle her giggles.
Shang Qinghua, however, was still hunched over the massive decoration, looking far too stressed for someone who had just accidentally set off a chaotic chain reaction as he looked mournfully at his favourite, now broken brush. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he groaned. "What’s next, someone’s gonna start making ‘deez nuts’ jokes?"
Silence.
It was at that precise moment that everyone froze.
Shen Qingqiu, eyes widening, turned his head slowly to look at Shang Qinghua.
Shang Qinghua, realizing what he had just said, clamped a hand over his mouth in horror.
Mu Qingfang's flushed expression went pale in shock.
Yue Qingyuan, still caught mid-laugh, suddenly went stiff.
Qi Qingqi had been in the process of setting her cup down and almost dropped it.
Wei Qingwei was the first to break the silence. "Wait." His voice was far too calm for what was happening. "Did you just say—"
Shen Qingqiu shot to his feet, accusations on the tip of his tongue as he began demanding answers. "Shang Qinghua, you—!"
Shang Qinghua, still covering his mouth, shook his head violently as if he could undo what had already been said. "Nope! No, I did NOT say anything! That was—uh—divine inspiration! A heavenly whisper! Forget it! You all heard NOTHING!"
“Shidi….we're not deaf. We perfectly heard what you just said.” Yue Qingyuan slowly points out.
Liu Qingge, who had been recovering from choking, suddenly narrowed his eyes. "Bullshit. Why do you know that phrase?"
Qi Qingqi’s eyes darted to everyone in the room. "Wait–huh? HUH?! WAIT. Are you all—?"
A dreadful realization eventually settled over the entire group as they looked at each other.
Every single Peak Lord attending… had read “Proud Immortal Demon Way”.
And now, every single one of them had transmigrated into the world of “Proud Immortal Demon Way” (and if they were right, they were the only transmigrators–the other Peak Lords were likely normal people, or at least, that’s what Shang Qinghua thinks- he really hopes so!)
They transmigrated into the Cang Qiong Sect.
As Peak Lords.
And the worst part?
They all knew exactly how much this sect was about to get absolutely fucked over.
“We all died reading a shitty novel!” Wei Qingwei laughed hysterically, setting off the rest of his fellow transmigrators.
“I can't believe you all read the entire papapa novel!” Exclaimed an embarrassed Shen Qingqiu.
“Says the bro who also read it!” Qi Qingqi snorted.
Liu Qingge huffed, despite blushing. “Just call it a porn novel!”
“Tsk, tsk, so maiden hearted…” Yue Qingyuan chuckled.
Shang Qinghua, curious as to what the identities of the others, dared to ask, "So, uh… what were your Zhongdian IDs?"
“Junshang’s Left Balls.”
“Junshang’s Right Balls.”
Yue Qingyuan said at the same time as Wei Qingwei, who both exchanged a delighted look of surprise at having found their ‘twin’.
“Junshang’s Heavenly Pillar.” Qi Qingqi replied, and she grinned at both Yue Qingyuan and Wei Qingwei, as they excitedly looked at each other, surprised and delighted at the fact that their ‘trio’ never separated even through transmigration.
“I don't really have any. I was a Guest.” Liu Qingge shrugged.
“Flying Duck.” Mu Qingfang replied in a bemused tone. “Don’t ask why–I couldn’t think of any other name.”
Shen Qingqiu, proudly sniffed, huffing as he snapped his fan open. "Peerless Cucumber."
Everyone gasped; they knew who the said Zhongdian user was! They actually heard from someone that he passed away…to see him here was nothing short of a miracle. Everyone knew the infamous Peerless Cucumber releasing paragraph and paragraph of angered comments in the reviews of each chapter of PIDW.
“Ah, the anti-fan who keeps denying that they're crushing on the protagonist!” Qi Qingqi teased with a giggle, making the other flush as he denied the accusation.
“Bro's totally gay as fuck.” Shang Qinghua accused with too much glee.
“I am NOT gay!”
“Yeah, sure, bro. Keep telling yourself that!” Liu Qingge muffled a laugh.
“Denial is a river in Egypt.” Yue Qingyuan carefully points out, as if talking to an easily infuriated child.
Everyone cackled or delighted in teasing the man, before they all turned to Shang Qinghua for his turn, waiting patiently once everything had calmed down.
Shang Qinghua, wheezing, barely managed to get out, "A-Ahahaha… Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky."
The rest of the Peak Lords looked at each other, some in disbelief, some with dawning horror, and some—like Mu Qingfang—laughing in utter despair.
“You-!” An enraged ‘Peerless Cucumber’ roared, and an exasperated Yue Qingyuan had to grab him and stop him from committing violent assault.
The others just shook their heads in amusement, laughing all the while.
Qi Qingqi buried her face in her hands. "How. How did every single one of us end up here?"
Wei Qingwei, trying to be the logical one, pinched the bridge of his nose. "There is no explanation that will make this make sense."
“The System, obviously. How did you all even die? Do you all remember?” Mu Qingfang groaned, massaging his temples.
“No.” Liu Qingge shook his head, the others following his example.
A sudden announcement came from the System-
[Important Mission:Accept Luo Binghe into the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.]
“Ah, there's the asshole System that I know! I thought it was being suspiciously silent!” Shang Qinghua spat, looking downright hateful as he glared up at the glowing blue screen above them.
Yue Qingyuan, who had been silent for a long time, finally exhaled and said, "So… we are all doomed, aren’t we?"
Liu Qingge, grim, nodded. "Cang Qiong Sect is going to get destroyed in a few years."
Shen Qingqiu groaned and let his head hit the table. "By a protagonist who cultivates with papapa. Amazing ."
Another heavy silence.
Then, Mu Qingfang, face blank, muttered, "We are so screwed."
That was the final straw.
The entire room once again erupted into laughter—except this time, it was the exhausted, terrified, hysterical laughter of people who had truly realized how utterly fucked they were.
Cang Qiong Sect’s Emergency Transmigrator Meeting: What to Do About Luo Binghe.
After the initial hysteria of discovering that every single one of them had been transmigrated into Proud Immortal Demon Way, the Peak Lords of Cang Qiong Mountain sat down—some reluctantly, some still quietly wheezing—to discuss what came next.
The main problem? Luo Binghe.
Or, more specifically: Who the hell was going to take in the future Demon Emperor as a disciple?
Because according to the System, it was fine if Qing Jing didn't accept him, as long as the Sect did–so now, here they were, arguing and passing Luo Binghe like a hot potato, even if he wasn't here yet.
Hence the "Not It!" – Peak Lord Debate.
"Not me," Shen Qingqiu said immediately, arms crossed. "Absolutely not. I refuse."
"Oh, come on, Shixiong," Shang Qinghua groaned. "You were the one who took him in originally—"
"Are you that stupid that you cannot differentiate between reality and fiction–”
“That's rich coming from you, gaylord, someone who drowned themselves in reading fiction!”
Shen Qingqiu gave him a murderous glare at that, but held himself back.
“It's Shen Qingqiu , the scum villain, who took him in! Not me! Which is exactly why I won’t do it, and will completely avoid him!" Shen Qingqiu interrupted. "Why would I willingly place myself in a situation where I raise the very person who’s going to tear this sect apart and throw me into a pickle pot? No, thank you."
“And I do?!” Liu Qingge demanded, before slamming a hand on Yue Qingyuan’s desk table as he finally interjected. "No. I agree with Airplane-bro. Shen Qingqiu should take him."
Shen Qingqiu demanded as he slammed a hand on the table as well. "Excuse me?!"
Yue Qingyuan frowned as he warily eyed them both, worried about his table–the poor table. What did it ever do to them to receive such abuse?
Meanwhile, Mu Qingfang gave his Zhangmen-shixiong and fellow transmigrator an incredulous and judgemental look, as if he knew what the other was thinking (he did): just where are his fellow tranmigrator’s priorities? He should be calming everyone down and stopping them from arguing!
"You were the one who's supposed to train him originally, so do it." Liu Qingge set his cup down. "Besides, Luo Binghe has a spiritual cultivation foundation. That makes him more suited for Qing Jing Peak."
"Ah, ah, ah! Incorrect!" Shen Qingqiu lifted a finger. "If you actually read PIDW closely, you’d know that Luo Binghe leans more toward physical cultivation in the later arcs. Which makes him more suited for Bai Zhan Peak." He smirked. "Which means you should take him."
Liu Qingge looked personally offended, both paling and then getting red. "What kind of backwards logic is that?!"
"It's not backwards! In fact, according to the original story, you—Bai Zhan Peak Lord—were originally the one who wanted him! It was only because the original goods Shen Qingqiu snatched him away out of pettiness, that he even ended up in Qing Jing Peak!" Shen Qingqiu spread his hands. "So really, this is just setting things right."
Liu Qingge pointed at himself, incredulous. "I—why—what part of me seems like someone who would take in a protagonist?! I don't even know how to teach disciples!"
Mu Qingfang tapped his fingers against the table. "Hmm. Well, Liu-shidi, you do teach the Bai Zhan disciples how to fight, don’t you? It seems effective enough from before we knew each other as transmigrators.”
"That’s different! I don’t know how to handle some half-Heavenly Demon kid who’s going to become the villain of a trashy papapa novel!" Liu Qingge snapped.
Shang Qinghua perked up at that. "Oh, he's more of an anti-hero, actually! And about that…I actually agree and think it makes way more sense for Liu-shidi to take him in."
Shen Qingqiu looked smug, as Liu Qingge gaped at him in disbelief.
Everyone turned to the author of the said papapa novel.
Shang Qinghua held up his hands. "Look, hear me out. Luo Binghe really is more of a physical cultivator than a spiritual one, you know? His main combat skills are his insane swordsmanship and brute strength, not fancy spells or shit. If anything, putting him on Qing Jing Peak would just be weird. In my uh, original drafts, that was where he's supposed to end up in…? Assuming that we are following the original drafts, cuz even Tianlang Jun–Luo Binghe’s father–is here. And I never even published that side story! He’s really way better suited for Bai Zhan Peak, where they can properly train his combat skills."
Shen Qingqiu’s head whipped around so quickly that Shang Qinghua nearly felt a whiplash from it alone.
“He has a father?! A full Heavenly Demon?!”
“Of course he has! What, did you think he just came out of nowhere? Of course he popped out of someone’s vagina!”
“You crass, hack author! You could have put that in your story, yet you wasted the opportunity to do so! And stop saying it like that, it’s disgusting!” Shen Qingqiu fumed, hitting him furiously and repeatedly with his fan.
“Ow, Ow! Cucumber-bro, have mercy!”
“A shitty author of a shitty novel doesn’t deserve mercy!”
There was a moment of scuffling, before Yue Qingyuan separated an enraged Shen Qingqiu from the whining Shang Qinghua, who turned to Liu Qingge as he rubbed the parts where he got hit and battered by said fan.
“A-Anyway, so in the end, well… hence the reason Luo Binghe really will end up in your Peak.”
Liu Qingge turned on him, betrayal in his eyes. "You too, Shang Qinghua?!"
Shang Qinghua winced. "Sorry, bro. But I’m just saying, if you train him, maybe we can keep him from going full ‘villain’ mode, right? Plus, I can't really accept him into my Peak! I got the thing with Mobei Jun going on!”
Wei Qingwei nodded, humming thoughtfully. "That’s true….I forgot you're supposed to be the so-called ‘traitor’. If you took him in, it would be more trouble. Whereas if Bai Zhan Peak trains Luo Binghe to be a good disciple, and there's no discrimination or bullying…perhaps we can prevent the sect from being annihilated later. Most people in Bai Zhan Peak aren't young masters like in Qing Jing Peak, and everyone suffers the same thing, which is the Bai Zhan War God–whenever he remembers he has a peak anyway.”
He teased at the end with a grin. Liu Qingge flushed in embarrassment, before scowling at him.
"Exactly," Shen Qingqiu said smugly. "Besides, if we want to avoid death flags, we should keep Luo Binghe far away from me. If I don’t take him in, maybe he won’t develop that terrifying attachment disorder that turns into a Yandere Male Lead Situation."
Qi Qingqi raised an eyebrow. "You are aware that, in these kinds of novels, avoiding someone only makes them more obsessed, right?"
Shen Qingqiu paled slightly, shivering.
Shang Qinghua coughed. "A-Anyway! We're getting further away from the topic! I say we vote."
"I vote for Liu Qingge taking him," Shen Qingqiu said immediately.
"Seconded," Mu Qingfang added.
"Thirded," Wei Qingwei said, nodding.
"Me too," Qi Qingqi smirked.
Liu Qingge turned to Yue Qingyuan desperately. "Shixiong—?"
Yue Qingyuan looked mildly sympathetic… but still raised his hand. "No hard feelings here. It does seem like the most logical decision, Liu-shidi."
Liu Qingge slammed a fist against the table. "You’re all betraying me!"
“Aiyaa! Calm your tits, bro!” Shang Qinghua tried to placate, before a certain Qing Jing Peak Lord interjected.
"No, no, we’re supporting you, shidi." Shen Qingqiu said, smiling far too innocently.
Liu Qingge scowled at him. "You just don’t want to deal with Luo Binghe."
Shen Qingqiu raised a brow. "And? While I do love him–”
“Like a Gayass.”
“Or Gaylord.”
“Also a Twinklord.”
Wei Qingwei, Shang Qinghua, and Qi Qingqi all snorted in unison, snickering. Yue Qingyuan sighed at their antics, while Shen Qingqiu gave them a withering, unamused glare, continuing despite the interruption.
“–I don’t want to deal with him. That’s the whole point."
“What, and I do?!”
Shang Qinghua patted Liu Qingge on the shoulder. "Hey, look on the bright side. At least we’ll all help you out, right? You're not the only one to suck up to him by hugging those golden thighs! We will too! Someone just has to take him in, and you happen to be the perfect candidate, that's all!”
Mu Qingfang nodded. "Yes. We can monitor his progress together and make sure he doesn't turn into a disaster."
Qi Qingqi smirked. “Lest a protagonist destroys us all."
Wei Qingwei sighed. "At the very least, we should try to raise him well. If nothing else, maybe we can make his childhood–erm, adolescent stage? Anyway, we can slightly make it less miserable."
Liu Qingge groaned, rubbing his temples. "Fine. But if he so much as breathes wrong, I’m kicking him out of Bai Zhan Peak."
“Aiyaa, the System won't allow that. He just needs to end up in a Peak, hence your Peak is it.” Shang Qinghua grinned brightly, a weight off his shoulders.
“Fine. If he breathes wrong, and I end up in a pickle pot, I'll throw you all under the bus, so we all share the same fate–then I'll tell you all that ‘I fucking told you so’.” The Bai Zhan Peak Lord amended.
Shen Qingqiu smiled, satisfied. "That’s the spirit."
As the meeting adjourned, Liu Qingge leaned back in his seat, staring at the ceiling in utter despair. He had somehow been roped into ‘adopting’ the future Demon Emperor into his Peak.
Meanwhile, Shen Qingqiu sighed in relief. For the first time since arriving in this world, he actually felt a shred of hope.
Sure, they were still doomed to live in a trashy papapa novel.
But at least HE wasn’t the one stuck raising Luo Binghe.