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Chapter Text

Barty Crouch Jr. were ten years old, when his parents announced that his mother were pregnant of a second son.

Barty thought that he would get a friend in the cold house of strangers with memories, and he already loved his unborn brother.

And because he wanted to be close to him, he asked his parents if he could choose a middle name for the child, so he didn’t had to call it by the name his parents chose.

His father had always seen him as a disappointment, wich meant that he was quite surprised when Bartemius Sr. agreed.

And so it happened that on May 24th, Barnabus Ivan Crouch was born.

Barnabus grew up with much more love than Barty did. Not only his mother talked to him with proud, but also his father and brother.

He did what his father asked him to do, nodded in agreement whenever his father tried to make a point, asked for permission whenever he wanted to do something and stayed quiet when his father yelled at Barty.

None of this was the problem.

The problem was, that Barnabus didn’t talked to Barty when Father was mad at him, even if he didn’t forbid them to talk to each other.

Barnabus didn’t spoke a word to Barty in almost a month when he was five.

„Barny?“, Barty whispered. He never called him Ivan anymore. „Father doesn’t like when I talk to you when he’s angry“, Barnabus‘ voice could be heard from behind the door.

„He didn’t forbid you to talk to me, right?“, Barty asked. „No“, he could hear a little whisper.

„I promise you, he isn’t going to punish you because you talked to me, please let me in“, he begged. He could hear a little click noise when his little brother opened the wooden door.

„Can we talk, just for short time? I need to talk to someone, I feel like I’m going crazy“, he said. Barnabus nodded and Barty followed him into the dark room. „Why is Father mad at you?“, he asked. „He found letters where I told my friends how i hate him“, Barty explained.

Barnabus snorted. „Your so stupid! Why can’t you just do what he wants?“, he said. Barty looked at him in disbelief. „Because he‘s an arsehole! He uses this stupid curse on me so I have to do everything he wants me to do, and when he‘s too far away to curse me and I do what I want, he punishes me after!“

„You should not talk about your father that way“, his little brother said. „No, you don’t understand it, `cause your the golden child! They love you, they both love you, and you know what? I didn’t tried to be the family disappointed, he just hates me because I was not as normal as he wanted me to be when I was a kid. And I didn’t asked to be crazy! He wants me to be his perfect little son, but I can’t just be like him! But you were just a cute little child, weren’t you?“

He knew that it wasn’t Barnabus‘ fault. He knew that he was just letting his anger out on him. He had always been good at this, he was always letting the anger out on Regulus and Evan too. But he couldn’t stop himself.

„I tried just as hard as you to make him proud! I got twelve fucking OWLs and it’s still not enough for him! Don’t ya think I have reasons enough to hate him?“, he asked, his Italian accent strong hearable. It was always strong when something wasn’t alright.

Barnabus stayed quiet, just as he did when their father yelled. „Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not your fault“, Barty apologized quietly and stood up. „Good night“, he wished his brother as walked out of the room.

He lets himself fall in his bed. Barty was always someone who went to bed late and woke up later. So maybe that’s why he was never able to fall asleep easily. That day he felt numb. He wondered why he couldn’t cry anymore. He used to cry often, when he was younger, but now he couldn’t cry, even when he needed to.

Sometimes, he wished that Barnabus was never born. Sometimes he wished that he never had gave him a name. „Little soldier“, that’s what his name means. Evan means the same and Barty had always found it so fucking beautiful. But it fits Evan, not Barnabus.

This day moved something in Barty, even though he never found out what. But he had no idea how much this moment moved in Barnabus.

The same night he went to his mother and cuddled up in her arms.

„Momma, does Barty hate me?“, he asked sadly. His mother pressed him a soft kiss on his forehead. „Of course not“, she replied. „Why does he yell at me like it’s my fault then?“, Barnabus asked. „Barny, darling, you must know that it’s not easy to be him. His brain works different, your father doesn’t likes that“, she explained.

Barnabus snorted. „Why can’t he just be obedient?“ His mother sighed. „I don’t know. But you’re both just children. He doesn’t deserve this“, she said. And she was right, of course he didn’t deserved the punishments, but he could’ve just done what Father said.

„Are you going to sleep in your own bed or are you going to stay?“, his mother asked. „In my own“, Barnabus answered and went upstairs to his room. He let himself sink into the pillows on his bed and tried to sleep. But his head repeated the same question over and over again. „Does he hate me?“

The days went by and Barnabus watched his brother try to escape the imperius curse and yelling back at his father whenever he got set free for a little while. He ignored it. What was he supposed to do? He was just little.

Barty spent almost the whole holidays under the imperius curse, and when he was set free, for not even an hour and Barnabus tried to talk to him, Barty told him to fuck off. „You don’t care when I’m under the spell, then why do you when I‘m free?“, he asked and locked himself inside of his room.

When he finally went to Hogwarts again, he told his family that he would go to the train station alone and left without saying goodbye. He didn’t wrote a letter even once for the whole year, not even on Christmas.

Chapter Text

Barnabus waited still for a letter in march, even though he knew that postbox would be empty again. He had missed Barty on Christmas. He didn’t even asked his parents if he was allowed to stay at school for the holidays, he just did.

Their parents already expected this, they didn’t went to the train station. But Barnabus had waited for Barty at the window all day, hoping he‘d come back to his family.

He had prepared a gift for Barty, but his father held him back from sending it. He could give it to him on his birthday, he told his youngest son. He said that Barty wouldn’t write back anyway, and that he didn’t send Barnabus a gift either.

And Barnabus wished he could write letters to his brother, but he couldn’t write yet, at least not good and he didn’t wanted to ask his parents for help. He saw his mother writing letters to Barty, but he was never brave enough to ask her what she wrote or if Barty had written something back.

When Barnabus went out to check the postbox, his father yelled his name. „Barnabus!“, he shouted. „Are you still waiting for some stupid letter? Come help! Your egoistic brother won’t write you!“, he said.

„I just wanted to check“, Barnabus replied disappointed. „I can bring you the daily prophet too“, he added quickly when his father looked at him with anger. „The house elf could’ve done that too“, he snorted.

Barnabus told himself that father was just in a bad mood and didn’t meant it. But if he was right, his father really had bad mood often.

He gave the daily prophet to his father and looked into the postbox. The disappointment hit him like a truck. No letter. He expected so, but it still hurt.

„See? He always thinks about himself! That’s why he never does anything right“, his father hissed. „Bartemius, please be a little less harsh on him! He got twelve OWLs last year“, his wife told him. Barnabus didn’t heard her coming, so he was a little surprised.

„Be quiet“, his father said wich made Barnabus oddly angry. He didn’t said anything and ignored the anger.

„Do you think he’ll write me on my birthday?“, he changed the subject. His mother didn’t answered and watched him with pity in the eyes while Father turned around and went back to the house.

Barnabus knew why she pitied him as soon as he opened the postbox on his birthday. He searched the one letter between so many he didn’t care about while holding his tears back because he couldn’t find it. Did he forget his brothers Birthday? Or did he just not care?

He turned around to see his mother who watched him rummaging through the letters. „Momma, do you think he forgot my birthday?“, he asked, his voice shaking. She smiled softly at him and gave him a hug. „He doesn’t mean it like this“, she explained. „He loves you really much.“

Barnabus can’t stop his tears from falling. „Does he even care about us“, he sobbed. „Do you think he will ever come back home?“ His mother wiped his tears away. „Of course he will. Why do you think about that?“, she said softly.

He shrugged. „I heard him talk about running away at the train station last year“, he explained. „Do you think he will do it?“

His mother didn’t answered at first, she looked exhausted. „No, Barny, stay hopeful“, she told him and took him inside of the house. Father went to work today and would be back home in the evening. Then they would eat cake and open his presents.

But no gifts could make him as happy as a letter would‘ve done. But there was no letter. At least not from Barty.

Why did everything had to be this complicated? Why couldn’t he be born into a normal, peaceful family, one without yelling and belts, one without the imperius curse? Why did he have to be born into this broken family?

„Barny, honey? Do you want tea?“, his mother asked him and he nodded. „Yes please“, he said.

When she came back from the kitchen with two cups of tea in the hand and sat down next to Barnabus, her facial expression became serious.

„What’s wrong?“, Barnabus asked her. „Nothing“, she replied softly, but he could see the sadness in her eyes. „Sure?“, he asked. She nodded. „Maybe we’ll talk about it later“, she said.

„Momma?“ „Yes?“, she smiled. „Can you write Barty a letter to ask if he forgot my birthday?“, he begged. „I will“, she promised.

Barty sat on his bed in his dorm and read the new letter his mother sent him. He had read all of ‘em but never replied. It’s not like he didn’t love his mother, but he hated writing letters.

He hated it since he was in third year of Hogwarts. He tried to write letters to his friends, even though he was controlled under the imperius curse. Everything went by blurry, so the things he wrote didn’t made any sense and Evan and Regulus were worried as fuck.

They had a whole fight because of the letters and Barty almost never wrote one ever since.

„My dear Barty“, the letter said.

„We missed you today. Barnabus had his sixth birthday today. He cried when he saw that you didn’t wrote him a letter or sent him a gift or something. I know you didn’t forgot about him, and I know things aren’t easy for you at the moment, but couldn’t you pay attention to him for his birthday at least?“

At the moment? Things were never easy, at least not for him. The fact that she said 'today' told him that she wrote the letter almost two days ago. And she was right, he didn’t forget about his little brother, he just didn’t want to write him.

„I‘m sorry. Happy birthday Barnabus.“, he wrote on a little piece of Pergament. Nothing else. Just this five words.

„Hey, what are you doing?“, a voice behind him made him flinch. His roommate Benjy. „Nothing, he said and hid the letter away.

Benjy was one of his three roommates and the one he liked best. He at least didn’t acted like Barty was crazy, but that’s it. They were never really close. Barty was close to no other Ravenclaw except Pandora.

Barty sent the letter later that day, knowing he was too late anyway. He was always too late.

Chapter Text

Barnabus felt way too good about the letter for the fact that his brother was four days too late for writing five words, but he didn’t knew this at the time.

Barty didn’t write them for another for another month, then he finally came back home mid June.

Barnabus hugged him as tight as he possibly could when Barty entered the house. Their father was at work and their mother felt unwell, that’s why no one went to take him home.

„I missed you too“, Barty whispered, he sounded weird. His eyes wandered around the living room as if he was looking for something. Or rather someone.

„What are you looking for?“, Barnabus asked curiously. „Is Father not around?“, he asked, still not looking at his little brother. That was suspicious. He never asked for Father first, normally he would‘ve asked where his mother was. „He’s at work“, Barnabus replied.

Barty laughed bitter. „As always“, he murmured. Barnabus nodded. „Why?“, he asked. „Did he looked upset when he went to work?“, Barty asked.

Barnabus shrugged. Why would he ask something? „I don’t think so“, he responded. „He stays for two days before he comes home I think“, he explained. Father made those short trips for work regularly, he never minded it.

Barty’s shoulders relaxed and his face softened. „Where’s Momma?“, he asked, looking exhausted. „I already wondered when you’re gonna ask this“, Barnabus said. „She said she feels unwell. I think she’s sick“, he added. Barty’s facial expression got worried.

„I guess I have to check on her“, he said and went upstairs. He knew that his mother was sick. The Doctor said she was most likely not going to get wealthy again, her sickness was deadly. She had left about two years.

Barty didn’t wanted her to die. He wanted to have her with him forever.

She had told him last summer. They didn’t knew that she couldn’t be healed back then. Barty told her that he was sorry, he wasn’t able to express more. It were always difficult for him to show people how he felt.

Then, when he was at Hogwarts, his mother started to write him letters with updates about her wealth. He never wrote back, just because he didn’t knew how to react on such messages, so he never showed any reaction at all.

He knocked at the door softly. „Momma?“, he said when he entered the room. „Barty!“ His mother sat up in her bed and gave him a huge smile. „You came!“ Her voice sounded hoarse and weak. „I thought you would run away!“, she whispered.

He gave her a tired smile. „I thought about it“, he said and placed a hand on her forehead to check her temperature.

„Did you read the letters I sent you?“, she asked. „Yeah. I think you need to sleep“, he told her. She nodded.

He turned around to let her sleep, but then he paused. He looked back to his mother. „Momma, should I tell Barnabus?“, he asked. She shook her head. „Don’t you think that’s too much?“, she asked, her voice quiet.

Barty knew she was right, but she weren’t strong enough to tell her youngest son either and her husband wouldn’t even think about helping, as always. „I’ll tell him“, he promised, then he went out and closed the door.

„Barnabus?“, he heard his brothers voice. „Huh?“, he asked as he turned around. Barty pointed to the chair at the table they usually drink tea at. Barnabus sat down and played attention to his brother when he began to talk.

„We need to talk“, he started. That usually didn’t meant anything good. He took a deep breath before he continued: „Momma… she is sick. And-“, he stopped for a second as if he needed to prepare himself for what would come next.

„The doctor said she isn’t going to be wealthy again. She-“, he paused again, „she’s gonna die. She has about two years left.“

Barnabus didn’t knew what to feel nor to say. For a moment, he was too stunned to cry, but only seconds after he felt warm tears rolling down his cheeks. They tasted salty.

„You’re lying“, he whispered, almost too quiet to hear. „I’m not“, Barty said, his voice were shaking. „You’re lying“, Barnabus repeated louder. „I wish I was“, his brother said quietly.

Barnabus was angry at his brother, he didn’t knew why, but he wanted to slap him so bad.

Maybe he just wanted to cry alone in his room. Maybe he just covered up his sadness with anger. Maybe he just didn’t knew how else to feel, how else to react on a message like this.

`Cause who on earth would react calm? Wich six years old wouldn’t be lost?

He waited a few seconds to sort his feelings, so he could know what he wanted, what he needed to do. He needed to be alone, he needed to cry. He needed his mother to be wealthy again.

He ran out of the living room and went upstairs. He slammed the door to his bedroom shut and locked himself inside. He let himself fall into the bed and cried into his pillow, his whole body shaking.

Alone the thought of his mother dying made him feel like the world was about to end. He would be all alone. His brother closed up when something wasn’t alright, his father wouldn’t show reaction and would be as hard on his children as always. If she died, Barnabus would have no one left.

„Momma“, he whimpered. There was no sound in the room and his sobs were the only thing that broke the silence. „You can’t die“, he said to her, knowing she was too far away to hear his words.

Something inside of Barnabus‘ heart broke that day and something in his mind changed. He didn’t cry anymore. He didn’t cared about his brothers attention anymore.

Chapter Text

Their father came home one day too early. Neither Barnabus nor Barty had expected him to come home yet, especially not that angry. Or maybe Barty did fear him to be furious, that would explain why he looked so afraid when he came home the day before.

The boys and their mother sat peacefully in the living room and ate the pasta Barty had cooked for dinner. Barnabus had recovered a little bit from the heartbreaking news of the previous day and smiled a little at Barty‘s silly jokes.

Barty talked about his visit at Evan’s and about his little brother, named Felix who wouldn’t shut up about dinosaurs when Father slammed the door open.

„Bartemius Crouch Jr., are you willing to explain me this disgusting behavior I heard of?“, he yelled and hit his oldest son in the face.

Barnabus hated it when his father did that, but he was too scared to speak up for his brother. He lowered his gaze to his food and tried not to flinch while his father hit Barty with his belt.

„Bartemius, please, he’s just a child!“, his mother begged, but her voice was weak and her body thin.

„Just a child?“, her husband shouted in pure disbelief. „He’s a disgusting fag, a friend of mine saw photos of him kissing that Rosier boy!“, he said.

Barnabus tried to keep a straight face as his father kept on hurting and insulting Barty. He heard a dull bang as his brothers body hit the floor. The belt would leave scars.

Barty pulled himself to his feet and dragged himself to his room and locked the door. Barnabus felt like throwing up. Why did his father have to do this? He wanted to ask what was wrong with two boys kissing, but he knew that he would’ve got beaten too.

He pushed his half empty plate away. „May I be excused?“, he asked and stood up when his father nodded angrily. He went upstairs to his room and tried to read one of his comics to distract himself. His mother had taugt him to read early.

He wasn’t focused enough and had to reread one sentence three times. How even could he be focused in his situation? So he just waited `till his parents went to bed, lying down on his own.

When the lights went off and the voices of his parents went silent, he stood up quietly and sneaked out to his brothers room. He knocked at the door weakly, hoping his parents wouldn’t hear him.

„Barty? Listen, I’m sorry, I should’ve stood up for you“, he apologized. „Can you let me in, please?“ It went silent for a moment. „Go away“, Barty then said. „Please, I’m really sorry, I couldn’t do anything“, Barnabus whispered. „I said go away“, Barty snorted.

Barnabus looked around anxiously. „Can you please let me in now? I’m afraid of the dark“, he whimpered. He heard a quiet click-noise when Barty unlocked the door with a spell.

Barnabus entered quickly, trying to not make a sound. He looked at his brother. He was lying on his bed, the wand still in his hand, his face covered with dried blood and his eyes red from crying. He looked angry and death scared at the same time.

„Why aren’t you under imperio?“, Barnabus asked. His father would have punished Barty that way, wouldn’t he? „He probably was too tired. He‘ll use it as soon as he notices he didn’t already did“, his brother explained. Barnabus could hear his Italian accent strongly. Barty always had it when something wasn’t alright.

The only reason they didn’t talk Italian was because their father said that they had to be British in every way, just because they lived there. They needed to be normal, just like everyone else. That’s why Barnabus couldn’t even speak his native language properly.

„And are you gonna let it happen?“, Barnabus asked. Barty looked at him pensive. „No“, he finally sighed. „No I won’t. I’ll be gone tomorrow“, he announced. Barnabus looked at him with horror. Barty noticed and his eyes turned insecure. „You aren’t gonna betray me, are you?“, he asked.

„No. I won’t“, Barnabus promised. He was so afraid. If Barty would run away, who would take care of momma? He was too young, he didn’t know what to do and she was getting worse everyday. Father wasn’t going to help and she couldn’t help herself anymore.

„How can I help Momma? Barty, please stay, I need you“, he begged. He knew it was an egotistical thing to say, but what else could he do?

„You can do this, okay? I can’t stay anymore, I can’t. I‘m sorry, Barnabus, I’m sorry. You don’t need me, you can do it“, Barty whispered. Something about him was strange, he sounded so exhausted and scared. So crazy.

But Barnabus didn’t say anything, he just nodded. „Then. Goodbye Barty“, he said sadly and went back to bed, hoping he would meet his brother again someday.

The next morning, Barty was gone.

Barnabus knew it as soon as he was awakened by his fathers furious scream. „That fucking brat!“, he yelled.

Barnabus set his bare feet on the ground and went down to his father, dressed in just his blue pyjama with the colorful planets on it. He never left the room with it. He was always fully dressed when he did.

„What is with Barty?“, he asked, even though he already knew the answer. „He ran away! How could I be that indulgent to let him be on his own?!“, Father asked angrily. He was so loud that Barnabus wanted to press the hands on his ears.

„He probably went to fuck his faggot friends again“, Father grumbled. „I don’t care about him anyway, but what will the ministry say if they find out?!“, he said. Of course he‘d say that. That was the only thing he cared about anyway.

Barnabus didn’t heard much about his brother and after a while, he just stopped caring. He never asked about him, he simply forgot about him.

That was until almost two years later, Barty sat in front of the ministry, together with his crazy friends, regretting to admit his crime, crying for help. But neither Barnabus, nor his father believed him. They knew he did it. Barnabus‘ brother was a deatheater who tortured two innocent people to illness.

Chapter Text

Barnabus was nine when his beloved mother went to Azkaban and his brother came back to the place they called home. His brother was under the imperius curse constantly, never had himself under control.

Barnabus always hated this, but now he wasn’t sorry anymore because he knew that this time, he had deserved it.

He wasn’t the little kid he used to be anymore. He wasn’t his father’s little puppet, but he wasn’t Barty’s either.

He didn’t wanted to be like them, and while he tried to isolate himself from his family, he didn’t noticed how he became more and more like his brother. Angry and frustrated, cold and rebellious. Wild.

He enjoyed being like this, it was better than agreeing with his father on everything. And like a wonder, maybe his father had changed because he never used that goddamn curse on Barnabus, he also never beat him.

Maybe it was because he didn’t wanted Barnabus to become like his first born, or maybe it had other reasons, but it never changed Barnabus‘ opinion about him. He hated him and never wanted to bring honor on his last name.

Barnabus wasn’t sure how he felt about Hogwarts. Of course, he really wanted to get away from Father and Barty, but he was sure he would have problems with making new friends. Because who would want to be friends with the brother of a psychotic deatheater who tortured two aurors into madness and killed innocent people?

It wasn’t like Barnabus was good with people anyway. He was always either too cold and mean or too loud and hyperactive. Always too much but never enough.

Whatever, it didn’t matter if he wanted to go to Hogwarts or not, his father would send him anyway, `cause what impression would the ministry have, if his first born was a criminal and his second born wouldn’t even visit Hogwarts, or at least Durmstrang?

Barnabus was eleven years old when it came to this. „Barnabus!“, his father woke him up. „We need to go shopping in the diagon alley! You need clothes and a wand and books and that stuff for your first school year“, he explained.

Barnabus rolled his eyes. „Of course. Are you gonna come with me to help or are you too busy working“, he asked sarcastically. „Watch your mouth boy!“, his father admonished. „I‘m helping you, because who else should?“, he said. Barnabus didn’t said that it was his fault that Barty couldn’t, instead he just told him to go out so he could get dressed.

As his father closed the door, he took a old band shirt out of his closet. It used to be Barty’s, but he wasn’t allowed to stuff anymore, plus he grew out of it. It was too big for Barnabus, but he decided to wear it anyway, just because he knew how much Father hated it because it was a muggle band.

He put on his ripped baggy jeans, they were too big too, they belonged to his brother as well. He used a belt to pull them up and made his hair extra messy. His father hated it when he looked that rebellious at such a young age.

„Are you ready soon?“, Father asked, he sounded very annoyed. When he saw Barnabus, his lips became a thin line and his eyes sparkled with anger. „Fine“, he hissed and turned around. „Wear what you want.“ Barnabus knew damn well he didn’t meant it.

He’d never admit it, but Barnabus was quite excited to go shopping in the diagon alley, especially to buy his wand. He never had one before and was really happy to finally be able to use magic.

But when they were there, the most interesting things were the people that were in the alley. There were many people who went shopping for the first year in Hogwarts, Barnabus could spot so many kids in his age who went shopping with their parents or grandparents.

He saw one girl with purple hair. She looked so cool and Barnabus could imagine her being a really nice friend. His father noticed how he looked at her a little too long and pulled him away quickly.

„Okay, go there“, he said, „there you’ll get your uniform. I’ll go get your books.“ With that, he left his son alone between the strangers. Barnabus made his way to the shop and entered.

An old lady asked him how she could help and he smiled at her. „I need my Hogwarts uniform“, he explained and she nodded. „I see. Come, stand here“, she said and pointed towards a little podium.

Barnabus followed her instructions and remained silent as the lady laid down black fabric on him, drew lines on it and pinned it with needles together. Then he took it away and sewed the uniform together. She gave it to him when she finished and took the galleons he offered her.

„Thank you“, Barnabus said and took his new clothes with him when he left. His father wasn’t there yet, so he decided to walk around a little. That’s when he saw the girl with the purple hair again. But it wasn’t purple anymore, it was red!

This time, she noticed him too. She smiled at him, she looked kind. She had a pretty face and her hair fit her perfectly. Barnabus wasn’t sure, but he thought it was called a wolf cut. He liked it.

He smiled back at her. Suddenly, the girl came closer and waved. „What’s your name?“, she asked. „Barnabus, yours?“, he asked back. „Dora“, she responded. „I like your pants“, she said. „I like your hair“, he replied honestly.

„Nymphadora, come, we need to go on“, a woman shouted. „Coming mom!“, Dora shouted back and ran away waving. Barnabus decided that he liked her. Maybe they’d meet again at Hogwarts and become friends, he thought.

But then he remembered that she probably didn’t knew he was a Crouch and his smile faded. „Son!“, his father pulled him out of his thoughts. „Come, we’re going to find a wand for you“, he explained. Barnabus nodded in excitement.

When they entered Olivander‘s, a old man welcomed them. „Welcome at Olivander‘s, how can I help you?“, he asked them. „We need a wand for my son“, Father said. „Crouch right? Ahh, let me see“, the man, must be Olivander, inspected Barnabus from head to toe. Then he took a long box and opened it, then he gave the long wooden stick to Barnabus. „Made out of elder wood, unicorn hair core and very flexible“, he murmured and gave Barnabus a meaningful look. „Swing it!“, he told him.

Barnabus waved it around in the air carefully. Nothing happened. „You need to use more energy!“, Olivander explained. Barnabus swung it again, stronger this time. Suddenly, a cold wind came out of it and blew down some papers of Olivander‘s desk.

„Aah, I see“, the old man said. „Now how about that“, he said in thoughts and took another box out of the shelf. This one was green. The wand inside looked slightly different, Barnabus liked this one better. „You like that huh?“, Olivander asked. „But be careful, the wand chooses the wizard, not the wizard the wand“, he added.

After this one didn’t reacted at all, Olivander took a third box out of the huge shelf. It was purple and the letters were wrote in golden. „This one is quite similar to your brothers, yeah, this one has to be the right one“, Olivander said more to himself than to Barnabus.

When he opened the box, Barnabus‘ eyes widened. The wand was the most beautiful wand he’s ever seen. He could only hope that the wand would choose him. Olivander gave him the wand and his hands started to shake. He swung it, hoping the wand would do something. And it did, suddenly the whole room began to move, papers and books flew around, they were spinning majestically, not messy like the papers before.

And that’s were he knew that this wand was his. It belonged to him, and only him.

Chapter Text

Barnabus was one of the first kids at the train station because a Crouch was never late, at least that’s what his father told him. As soon as Barnabus entered the Hogwarts Express, his father went back home, probably because he didn’t wanted Barty to be alone for too long.

Most of the train sections were still free and Barnabus had plenty of space for himself. He sat down on the seat at the window, a nervous look on his face and a uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He was a little afraid of the other children of his class. Something else that made him nervous was the house sorting. He didn’t knew why tho, there was nothing wrong about any of the houses.

Barnabus didn’t expected anyone else to be already on the train, but guess what, he was wrong. There was one girl there. He only recognizes her when she watched into his section and her hair turned dark blue. „Oh, you again“, she greeted and sat down next to him.

„Barnabus right? That’s a complicated name. Can I call you Barny?“, she began, she was talking fast and her voice was very comfortable in Barnabus‘ ears. „Oh, why am I even asking? I‘m gonna call you that anyway“, she continued. Barnabus thought about it. Was he okay with someone else using the nickname his momma gave him? Probably not, but he didn’t wanted to upset Dora, so he just smiled and nodded.

„Are you excited for Hogwarts? I’m sooooo excited, I couldn’t even sleep last night“, she said. „I was pretty nervous“, Barnabus admitted. „Ooh, you talk!“, Dora shouted and Barnabus chuckled. „Of course I do, you just never let me time to do so!“, he smiled. „That’s possible, I talk a lot“, she giggled.

„What Hogwarts House do you want to belong to? I’m a Hufflepuff, or maybe a Gryffindor, that’s for sure, I’m not good enough at school for Ravenclaw, wich doesn’t mean I’m dumb, by the way, and I don’t want to be at Slytherin. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being a Slytherin, but the whole Black Family was in Slytherin and I really don’t want to be like them“, she told him.

„They were all death eaters and I am related to them, can you believe that? They’re disgusting traitors, all of those stupid followers of You-Know-Who!“, she continued and Barnabus‘ smile faded. „I‘m glad they’ve become what they deserve-“ „Dora?“, he interrupted. „My brother was one of them“, he said.

Her hair immediately turned orange. She looked at him in disbelief, then she seemed to understand. „Was?“, she asked. „He died two years ago“, he confirmed. „You’re a Crouch?“, she asked. Barnabus nodded, unsure of what she was thinking. „Okay“, she said finally. Barnabus left out a breath he didn’t knew he was holding and smiled. Okay. It was okay.

The train set off and Dora continued talking as if nothing happened. Something about two minutes after the ride began, a red haired boy opened the door to their section. „Hey, can I sit with you guys? There aren’t any free sections left“, he said. Dora gave Barnabus a asking look and agreed when he nodded. „Of course you can“, she said. She held out her hand and the boy shook it. „I‘m Dora, Dora Tonks“, she introduced, „and this is Barny.“ The boy smiled, Barnabus could see the dimples on his cheeks. „My name is Charlie Weasley, nice to meet you.“

Charlie was kind and funny, or at least he tried to be (even though Barnabus had to admit that some of his jokes really were hilarious), but Barnabus didn’t liked him as much as he liked Dora, he didn’t knew the reason. He annoyed him just a little bit and gave him bad vibes. He wouldn’t mind if he’d just leave again, but he didn’t say anything.

They talked for fifteen minutes, and just as they thought nobody would want to sit with them anymore and everybody already found a seat, a boy with dreads that looked their age entered the section. He didn’t said hello, he just mumbled something about stupid people that can’t build their own opinions and sat down next to the window. He didn’t even looked at them but just leaned his head against the glass and watched the view with an angry look on his face.

Dora looked at him interested. „Hi, I’m Dora Tonks, what’s your name?“, she asked curiously. Meanwhile Charlie was watching him with big admiring eyes. „Rosier“, the boy spit out. Barnabus lifted his head immediately. „Are you the brother of Evan and Pandora Rosier?“, he asked.

The boy gave him a patronizing look. „Yes. What are you gonna do now, send me out to sit somewhere else?“, he asked sarcastically. Barnabus quickly shook his head. „Of course not, it’s just…“, he began, but he really didn’t want to talk about Barty. „Nevermind.“ The boy gave him a suspicious glance, then he continued staring out the window. He didn’t looked angry anymore, just thoughtful and a little sad.

They remained in silence for a while until Dora finally broke it. „Why were you that angry? What happened?“, she asked. The Rosier boy looked up at her. „The others wouldn’t let me sit with them because of my family. They said I should leave, just like my crazy brother and my psychotic sister“, he explained and suddenly Barnabus was really glad that he had found a free section.

„Well, fuck them“, he said. Rosier‘s mouth remained open. „Are y’all’s parents okay with you using such language?“, he asked the three kids. „No, but they aren’t here right now, are they?“, Barnabus replied and for the first time, Rosier smiled.

„Is your name Felix?“, Barnabus asked as soon as he remembered the name his brother mentioned. „Yes, why?“, Felix replied. „Oh, no reason“, he responded. So this was the little boy who wouldn’t shut up about dinosaurs in front of him, the cute baby who begged the friends of his siblings to tell him stories and draw dinosaurs with him. He didn’t looked like that child at all.

Felix wasn’t very talkative, but he gave sarcastic comments and answers who mostly were funnier than Charlie‘s jokes. Barnabus liked him, even though he tried not to because the boy didn’t seemed like he wanted him to like him.

„Wich house would y‘all like to be in?“, Dora asked again after a while. „Gryffindor“, Charlie responded. „My whole family is there.“ Felix shrugged. „My parents want me to be in Slytherin“, he said. Dora rolled her eyes. „I asked what you want, not your parents“, she said. „Oh, I don’t know“, Felix answered. „I never really thought about another option. Maybe Gryffindor? Ravenclaw sounds really good too“, he said unsure. „To be honest, I don’t know.“

Barnabus didn’t say anything and hoped Dora already forgot that she hadn’t let him answer before because he really had no clue. „Hey Barny, what house do you want?“, Charlie asked. Of course it was Charlie. He was so fucking annoying for no reason and Barnabus didn’t liked how he used his mothers nickname.

„I dunno, maybe Slytherin“, he replied. „Really? You know there are all the psychos and death eaters, right?“, Charlie complained. Oh, just fuck off, Barnabus thought. „That’s stupid. Not all Slytherins are bad! Do you know how many Slytherins joined the order or are working in the ministry?“, he spoke back. „Hm, it’s your decision“, Charlie said, what made Barnabus a little mad.

„I think Slytherins are great, it’s just not for me“, Dora said and gave Charlie a critical look. „Anyways, what classes are y’all excited for the most?“ he changed the subject. Barnabus thought about it. Maybe Arithmancy, but they wouldn’t have it until third year. „Potions“, he changed his mind. „Definitely Charms or Potions, but if Care of Magical Creatures would’ve been already an option in first year, it would’ve been that of course“, Felix said.

„Same“, Charlie agreed, „but I’d say Flying Lessons instead of Potions and Charms.“ „Transfiguration sounds fun“, Dora said. „Because your hair is transforming?“, Charlie jokes and Dora stucked out her tongue at him. „No, that’s because I’m a Metamorphmagnus, that means I can change my appearance by will, but sometimes it just gets… out of hand“, she explained. „But you lot are just jealous!“, she added when the others started laugh since her hair just turned yellow when she said it.

They were interrupted by an old lady selling sweets. Dora bought a lot, Felix bought more and Barnabus the most. Charlie didn’t buy anything, but he looked at the sweets that hungry, that Barnabus just had to give him something. „What do you want?“, he asked and showed Charlie a chocolate frog, a pumpkin pastie and a little bag with Bertie Botts Beans.

Charlie just looked at him unsure, so Barnabus just gave him all three, he had enough sweets anyway. „Thank you!“, Charlie shouted cheerfully. „No problem“, Barnabus said, not sure why he gave that kid even something. Maybe it was because he had a heart, a fucking annoying one that really wasn’t helpful at all.

They ate their sweets for the rest of the train ride, talked and laughed. Then, way too much time later, they arrived at Hogsmeade. It was quite impressive, Barnabus had to admit. Then the first years were separated from the other years.

„My brother told me about it“, Charlie explained. „We go with boats to Hogwarts, the older students go with carriages!“ Barnabus followed the other kids to the boats, where a big, hairy man helped them to climb in one of the wooden vats. The lake was beautiful and dark, and Barnabus wondered if the water was cold, but he didn’t dare to touch it with his fingers.

„Are you scared?“, Charlie asked teasing. „I heard there are monsters in the lake! They eat little boys like you for breakfast“, he told him. „Not funny“, Barnabus said. „Besides, you’re smaller than me.“ Charlie giggled. „Watch me. I’ll grow“, he said. „And then I’ll be a lot taller than you’d like me to be“, he continued. Barnabus rolled his eyes. „Of course you will.“

When they arrived at the Harbour of Hogwarts, Barnabus claimed out of the boat a lot faster than he’d need to. Dora, Felix and Charlie followed him and admired the big castle. Barnabus needed to admit, that the castle was a lot more impressive than he ever imagined it to be. It was the biggest building he ever saw and the lights shining out the window made it really cozy.

Maybe, Barnabus would like it there after all.

Chapter Text

„Welcome students!“, an old Lady silenced the crowd. She had grey hair and wore a green cloak. Her posture was very straight and she seemed strict. „It‘s an honor to welcome you here at Hogwarts. My name is Minerva McGonagall, I am the deputy principal and the headteacher of Gryffindor.“

The children began to mumble and Professor McGonagall silenced them with a strict look. „Today, you’re going to be sorted into your houses. There are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin“, she explained. „We will start the sorting ceremony in five minutes, so please make yourself look a little more… noble“, she said while looking at Barnabus‘ messy hair.

But Barnabus liked his hair he way it was, and there was no way this witch was gonna get him to make it look well behaved, bad enough that he needed to wear a uniform. The other first years started to fix their hair and smooth out their robes, some started to mumble when McGonagall left the room. After a while, the big man told them to enter the great hall and the students followed him.

As they entered the hall, loud ah‘s and oh‘s rang out. The ceiling of the great hall looked beautiful, just like the night sky filled with stars and clouds. „It isn’t the actual sky“, a student behind them explained to her friends. „It‘s enchanted so that it looks like there’s no ceiling at all.“ Barnabus already knew this, Barty had told him when he was little.

„Silence!“, an old man shouted, probably the headmaster. „Welcome students, back at Hogwarts. My name is Professor Dumbledore, your headmaster! Those of you, who are here for the first time don’t know where to sit yet. For this, we have our sorting ceremony. We will now read down your names, and those of you, we call, those can sit down on this stool and we‘ll put on the sorting head“, he explained.

„Freya Abbot“, McGonagall called out. A little girl looked around anxiously before she made her way to the stool. McGonagall placed the hat on her head, and after a while he called out loudly: „GRYFFINDOR!“ The older students applauded and the girl made her way to the table with the red and golden banners.

„Archibald Abernathy“, McGonagall said and Barnabus stopped listening `till she called out: „Barnabus Crouch“ The crowd began to whisper and a lot of eyes fell on Barnabus. He looked back at Dora, suddenly not so confident anymore. „Go for it“, Dora whispered and Barnabus walked slowly towards the stool. He sat down, the wooden seat was cold and uncomfortable.

Professor McGonagall placed the hat on his head, it smelled bad and it was way too big for his head. „Ah, a Crouch“, he suddenly heard a voice inside of his head. „Eleven years passed since I had one of your sort here the last“, he said. He’s talking about Barty“, Barnabus thought. „Yeah, that’s right“, the hat answered. Could it hear his thoughts?

„Of course I can, Barnabus. I see, you’re a extraordinary little man“, he continued. „Brave, that’s what you are. Brave enough for Gryffindor. But you’re also prepared to work hard, aren’t you? You’re loyal too, the only thing that’s missing for Hufflepuff is kindness. Smart like a Ravenclaw, that’s what you are“, the hat yapped. Barnabus and smart? That hat must be crazy.

„Oho, that’s new. You are stubborn, ambitious and determined“, the hat continued. „I think that right here must be a SLYTHERIN!“

The last word, he yelled out loud and the people sitting at the Slytherin table applauded. Most of the other students did too, but most of them were awkward and tried to not pay attention to him, while he was walking to the Slytherin table. Barnabus didn’t listen to the Professor anymore until she shouted: „Felix Rosier!“ and Felix came out of the crowd. „RAVENCLAW!“, the hat shouted after a while.

After Felix, it was Dora‘s turn. The hat didn’t take long for her to decide, „HUFFLEPUFF!“, it shouted. Dora stood up cheerfully and went to the Hufflepuff table. It didn’t take long `til it was Charlie‘s turn. „GRYFFINDOR!“, the hat shouted and Charlie went to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Abbot.

Great, Barnabus thought, not a single one of the kids he knew were in the same house as him. He was all alone now. That was until Archibald Abernathy decided to destroy this all alone. „Oi, Crouch!“, he shouted. „I know some people you need to meet“, he said, his voice snooty. Barnabus didn’t have a good feeling about him.

„That‘s my brother Nathan“, he introduced. „He‘s in second year! Also, this are our friends Nott, Sparkford and Morris“, he said, pointing to the other Slytherins. Barnabus wasn‘t sure what he should think about them. Morris didn’t seem too bad, he smiled at Barnabus kindly and nodded at him. Nott was a first year too, Barnabus remembered. „I‘m Barnabus. Crouch“, he introduced himself. Sparkford laughed. „We all know your name, silly“, he said arrogantly. „Of course you do. Am I kind of a celebrity at Hogwarts?“, Barnabus responded just as arrogant. They all laughed and cheered on him.

The others continued talking and laughing at stupid jokes that weren’t funny, just racist and homophobic while Barnabus just ate from the plate wich just filled itself after Dumbledore finished his boring and kind of unnecessary speech. Most of the students would ignore the rules anyway, including Barnabus.

„Ey Crouch!“, Nott asked loudly. „Why are you staring at the girl with the crazy hair? You in love?“, he joked and the others began to laugh. „Oh shut up!“, he said angrily. He’d love to hit this motherfucker in the face. „You’re proving my point“, Nott giggled. „I‘m not in love with her! I just know her, okay? Besides, why do you care? Are you jealous?“, Barnabus responded. Nott laughed. „You’re funny. I like you“, he decided. Barnabus rolled his eyes. „Please don’t“, he said.

„Why so mean?“, Sparkford laughed. „Be polite“, he said in with a voice like he was talking to a seven year old. „Go fuck yourself“, Barnabus answered and gave Sparkford a smile and made it as obvious to be fake as possible. Sadly, the group didn’t realized he really didn’t want to be friends with him but continued laughing about his insults instead.

After the long and annoying meal (even though the food was way better than the usual meals he had at home) Dumbledore finally knocked with a spoon against his wine glass. „Silence!“, he yelled. „Now that everyone finished eating, the prefects of each house will show you your common room“, he explained.
He also said some other things but Barnabus didn’t listend. Then, a girl (probably a sixth year) lead them through the big castle.

It was dark in the dungeons, the hallway only was lighted by weak lanterns and some of the portraits moved. They looked at the students with bright smiles or critical looks, some looked a little shocked at some of the new students. It was kinda scary, but Barnabus knew to be brave. Don’t show fear or any other kind of emotion, he told himself.

„This is our common room“, the head girl explained. „The dorms are upstairs. Girls on the left, boys on the right.“ The children immediately went up and checked with who they’d share a dorm with the next seven years. „Dorm four is for Abernathy, Crouch and Nott“, the girl read and the two other boys cheered. Barnabus just rolled his eyes and confiscated the bed near the window.

The two other boys were very noisy while making their beds and unpacking their stuff. Barnabus wanted to tell them to shut up, but he didn’t want to ruin it at the very first day. „Ey Crouch, why don’t you unpack your stuff too?“, Nott asked. „Not in the mood“, Barnabus replied. And it was true, he wasn’t in the mood for anything, especially not unpacking things from home. His father had taken all the good clothes out of his giant suitcase and put in random stuff that didn’t looked as rebellious. Barnabus had took some of his favourite clothes with him secretly, but it wasn’t enough.

Barnabus decided to go sleeping, even though he wasn’t the type of person to go to bed early. He took of his robes and put on a loose shirt as pyjama. Then he closed the curtains of his bed and hoped that his roommates would be quiet when they noticed he wanted to sleep. Spoiler: they weren’t. „Do you think he always goes to bed that early?“, Nott asked. „I dunno“, Abernathy replied. „That would be hella boring“, Nott thought. Oh, just shut your mouth, Barnabus thought.

„Is he already asleep?“, Abernathy asked. „No I’m not! Shut the fuck up, will you?“, Barnabus yelled. The boys flinched back when Barnabus opened the curtains suddenly. „Okay, okay, calm down! God“, Abernathy replied while rolling his eyes. Nott looked a little afraid, but he found his cool again pretty fast. „No need to be this dramatic, Crouch!“, he said. „Leave it, Collin. Let’s go to bed too“, Abernathy said, he sounded a little sad now, for whatever reason. Barnabus didn’t care.

Or maybe he did a little bit. He felt a little bad because he yelled at his new roommates, on the first day already. Would they be mad the next day? It took him long to fall asleep that day.

Chapter Text

„Crouch!“, a known voice woke him up. Abernathy opened the curtains of Barnabus‘ bed. „Are you coming to breakfast with us today?“, he asked. Nott smiled at Barnabus from his own bed. „So you guys are not mad because of yesterday?“, he asked confused. „Of course not! It‘s our fault because we were that loud“, Nott replied.

Barnabus felt a little better. It wasn’t like he‘d like the boys, but he didn’t want to be all alone.

Barnabus was not a morning person, it probably runs in the family, but he forced himself to get up and change his clothes. He didn’t go to the bath and Abernathy changed mid dorm too, Nott was the only one who went to the bath and Barnabus was glad about it. It meant that he didn’t had to wait an eternity for his dorm mates to get dressed.

He didn’t like the school uniform at all. It was scratchy and tight, he didn’t like the tie either. He was able to tie it because his father taught him the unnecessary stuff early. Like, he could just leave his tie untied and nobody would give a shit, maybe his father should’ve taught him to be socially intelligent, then he could at least make friends.

Nott didn’t seem to like the uniform either, he looked uncomfortable when he came out of the bathroom and pulled at the fabric at his chest. „Y’all ready?“, he asked and the two of them nodded and followed him to the door.

When they entered the great hall, there were already a lot of first years. He sat down next to Nott. The other boys he met the other day were there too. They started to make those stupid jokes again and honestly, Barnabus wasn’t that glad about the other boys not being mad at him anymore. How the hell did they find this funny? Seriously, Barnabus wouldn’t even find it funny if he were a blood supremacist.

Barnabus didn’t think before standing up and leaving the table without a word when he finished eating. He only realized that he didn’t knew the way to his classroom when he already had left the great hall. Well, after a while he saw someone he knew. The girl with the crazy hair, Dora. „Hey, what class do you have right now?“, he asked her. She turned around to see him and smiled immediately when he recognised him.

„Charms, and you?“, she asked. „Really? Me too!“, Barnabus grinned. He had already known that they had classes with one other house each lesson. Maybe he‘d even have someone to sit next to. He had Dora in Hufflepuff, Felix in Ravenclaw and well… Charlie in Gryffindor.

„Do you know how we come to our classroom? I can’t read the damn map, for gods sake“, he complained and Dora chuckled. „I do. And I like you, we should be friends!“, she replied. „Well, then you’re my best friend I guess, because I don’t have any better ones. I don’t have any other ones in general, to be specific“, he yapped. „You’re my best friend too from now on“, his friend decided. „Not because you’re the only one, but because you’re by far the coolest and funniest person I met.“

Barnabus would never admit it, but he was a little bit flattered by her words. Him, cool and funny? Well, that’s cool and funny.

The two of them walked through the hallways together and Dora started to talk about music. Barnabus liked music, Barty sometimes used to listen to it when their father wasn’t at home. „Did you ever listen to ‚Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!‘?“, she asked and snorted as he shook his head. „Insolence! We need to listen to it together soon! My mom promised to give me a record player as a birthday gift when on my twelfth birthday“, she announced proudly. „I bet she will get me an album from ABBA too, but I wish I could have one from Queen too“, she said sadly.

They arrived at the classroom a little too early, but it didn’t matter because they had time left to talk a bit.

They were laughing at one of Barnabus‘ stupid jokes as the room was filling itself and Professor Flitwick entered soon too. And let’s just say; the first lesson was boring. Well, most of it at least. Flitwick was talking a whole lot before he finally let them try the spell themselves. „Wingardium Leviosa!“, Barnabus tried himself and Dora giggled a little as the feather that was on the desk in front of them wouldn’t move.

„You try then“, Barnabus told her a little offended. Dora gave him a big grin and swung her wand around, not like the professor told them to at all. „Jeez, can’t you be a little careful? You nearly poked my eye out“, he complained laughing. The feather hadn’t moved. „Try again if something doesn’t work for the first time“, Flitwick announced.

„Wingardium Leviosa!“, Barnabus tried again. The feather began to shake a bit. „Wingardium Leviosa!“, he repeated louder. Dora’s mouth formed a perfect O-shape as the feather slowly hovered up in the air. „I did it!“, Barnabus cheered.

„How?“, Dora asked impressed and swung her wand around again. It took her two more tries until the feather finally flew upwards. „You’re not as stupid as you look“, Barnabus giggled and she hit him playfully on the arm. „Says you!“

Barnabus smiled to himself and thought that maybe, he would have a good time at Hogwarts after all.