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Everything was just normal to Eddie.
He has the perfect son. His perfect best friend Buck. A job he loves. A woman he thinks he loves, Marisol.
Everything was just how it was supposed to be.
Than one day everything change.
More Eddie is with Marisol more Buck is distant from him and Christopher.
Even at work they were inseparable. One kind of a pair. Doing all the one person jobs because Eddie can’t stand to be separated from Buck.
Neither for one day.
He never had a best friend before him. A person so attached to his life that it would break his heart and soul if they are not with Eddie.
But one day Bobby called Eddie to be in his office.
To Eddie surprise, Buck seemed to hate him as he told Bobby he needed space from him.
Space.
When they hell ever wanted to get space from each other?
"Eddie, I'm sorry. But right now, Buck is hurt and he wants to move on from you." Bobby added when they were in his office.
Move on?
"Why he wants to move on from me? What I did to make him think he needs to move on from me?!" Eddie didn’t get it.
Bobby was confused by Eddie statement.
"Eddie. I don’t know if it’s my right to say, but you know what you did. You rejected him badly and now he's trying to move on and trying to live a life without you and your son in it."
Reject him...
"When. When did I reject Buck? What. What’s going on? Bobby, what did I do?"
Now, Bobby was looking at him with concern.
"Eddie. Do you not remember our little trip at Athena's beach house in Malibu?"
A trip when now?
"What trip? I don't..."
He don’t remember.
"Okay, okay. Breath son. One. Two. Three. Okay. Good."
Eddie calm down a little but still the thought he lost an important memory as this was haunting his mind.
"Bobby. I don’t remember any trip. What's going on?"
"Okay. Do you want me to get you in a hospital? Check if there's any damages in your brain?"
Oh, right.
Maybe Eddie fell and forgot about the worst mistake on his life.
He nodded and thanks to Hen and Chimney they got him to do a tac to search for anything.
Buck heard of the news. At least, Eddie looked at Buck listening to the news.
A worried look in his face was all Eddie got for him though.
God, what did he said to him to not get with him in the ambulance?
When the exams finished, the doctor was really worried about Eddie brain.
"Mr. Diaz. I must afraid your captain was right. It seems that a part of your memories has been erased on purposed."
What...
"I don't know if you heard of that program but maybe past you did. You sign some papers to erased some parts of your memories. To deal with a break up. As you wrote."
A break up?
Did-Did he and Buck break up on that fucking trip?
Wait. When they got together in the first place?
"I'm sorry but maybe there's been a mistake. Me and my best friend, Buck were never a couple. I'm straight. I-I'm in a relationship with a woman. Marisol. I don’t..."
Bobby, Hen and Chimney were exchange glances on each other as what Eddie said didn’t make sense.
What hell was going on?
"Eddie!" A familiar voice came to shut Eddie thoughts.
Buck of course.
Two familiar voices.
"Eddie, I was so worried about you." Marisol this time.
"Buck..." he went after Buck, hugging him.
It was all Eddie said, almost crying.
Making Marisol twitch.
Chimney and Hen were hiding a smile.
"Eddie, what's going on? Why are you at the hospital?" Buck replied, breaking their hug.
Marisol was still a bit in shock by Eddie not acknowledge at all her presence.
"Buck, I don’t know. They're saying I gave my consent to erase some memories. Memories of a trip in Malibu. When apparently. I made the worst choice of my life!"
Marisol eyes went wild. Almost full of rage. Like she knew something she doesn’t want to say.
"Eddie. So, you don’t remember when we-"
"I think that’s enough for now!" Marisol interrupted Buck.
What he was going to say?
When they did what?
Why he feels like he’s missing something so important about his life?
Why did he take away a huge reveal about the reality of his life?
This doesn’t make any sense at all.
Now Eddie was taken to his house by Marisol. Since, Eddie's brain still remember she's his girlfriend.
Even though, for the moment Marisol heard about all of this, she didn’t seems sad at all. Or preoccupied. Almost like she knew.
Also, who did informer her he was at the hospital?
Once they settle into Eddie bedroom, he couldn’t no bring the subject on.
“Marisol. Can we talk for a moment?” She was worried of Eddie words.
“What? What’s wrong Edmundo?”
Yeah, she was afraid for the tone of her voice.
“What’s wrong Marisol is. How could I forgot a piece of my memories? And how did you knew I was in the hospital? Did you come with Buck?”
She sat on Eddie bed. Not looking at him at all while replying.
“Yes, Edmundo. Buck called to tell me something was wrong with you. That your captain took you at the hospital. Your friend Hen. Share at him your position and we were there.”
“Why you don’t seem so happy about Buck being there with you?”
He didn’t want to accused her of everything. But somehow he feels like she knows a piece of this puzzle, Eddie is trying to solve.
Maybe she isn’t so cold heart to not tell him.
“How could I be happy if you choose…” she didn’t end the sentence.
“What did I chose Marisol? Please, tell me. Because I don’t understand what’s happening!” He was desperate to get an answer.
Because why was not Buck the one to bring him home?
Why Buck doesn’t want to be with anymore just because he did something on that trip in Malibu?
Why Buck doesn’t want him anymore in his life?
“You’re thinking about him, don’t you?” Eddie didn’t believe her words.
How did she knew?
“How could possibly still think about him when you told me that you will forget…That you will forget what you did to be with me properly this time!” She burst in tears.
“Do you want an answer of because you forget about your lover?! Of because you told me you chose me against him because it wasn’t right!? That made you feel like a sinner! A monster! A fucking fag-”
“Marisol, stop!” Eddie stop her punches towards him.
“Don’t use that kind of language in this house.” He added while she laugh.
“Of course. Well, Edmundo. This is your answer.” She took a box under Eddie bed.
At first, Eddie was confused. When did he hide something this huge?
Then he saw the things there was inside the box.
Especially, a gay porn magazine, some hand made medals he won at Malibu.
At the last, a picture of him and Buck in the beach. Holding each other arms and looking at each other as no one else exist but them.
Sure, they always lived in their kind of bubble but this time it was different.
It was different because Eddie wasn’t just looking at his platonic bisexual bestie.
No, Eddie was kissing Buck cheek while they were also holding hands like a couple.
Smiling with red cheeks as they were never be so happier like in that moment.
And Eddie doesn’t understand.
He doesn’t understand why just looking at that picture was tearing his heart apart instead of feeling a sense of warm and home like Buck always make him feel when he see some pictures of them with Christopher.
Now, that picture was just bringing tears of sadness in his eyes.
He doesn’t understand.
“You still love him, don’t you?” Marisol broke his thoughts.
“What?”
“You still love him. Even though, you told me you weren’t. You lied to me because it was easier to tell yourself the truth.”
“What truth are you talking about, Marisol? I’m tired of this riddles. Why don’t you tell me what really happened? Why are you not be honest with me?” He swipe aways some tears from his eyes.
“Fine. You want the truth. Then there’s the truth - she took some documents from the box and showing them to Eddie - Three weeks ago, you came back of your little trip with your team in Malibu. You were sorry because in that trip you realize that Buck has feelings for you. But you didn’t reject him. Not at first.”
Buck has feelings for him…
But why this is making Eddie remember something?
Some words Buck said in the past.
Still a riddle for Eddie but he could comprehend some.
Saying: “I know you still with Marisol. But I can’t fight it anymore, Eddie. I swear. I’m sorry. But I fell for you. I love you so much that I can’t…”
Than he remembered feeling a pair of lips on his own. Maybe he did started it but the memory was still black and confused.
“Then you told me that you cheat on me with Buck. A moment of weakness you said. You didn’t want to let his feelings down because of his past abandonment issues. Telling me you’re straight. You will never be like him.”
Oh.
“I believed you, of course. I mean, why don’t you help your queer best friend to not be a stereotype? Falling for his straight bestie? Than it was the last day of the trip and you couldn’t lie to him anymore. So, you told him the truth. You were just pretend to be with him the all vacation. You still loved me. You will always loved me and women in general. You broke his heart in front of everyone, Eddie.”
God, what did he done…
“He fought you back of course. Telling you how could you not feel anything when he was kissing you while watching the stars. How could you not feel anything every time you two were together with Christopher. But then you said Christopher would never accepted him as his second dad. He was nothing to you and him and the Diaz family in general. How could he think he could ever turned you as one of them.”
Eddie was fully crying now.
How could he be so cruel to Buck?
How could he be such a monster to the person he trusted the most. The person he care about the most. Why past him hurt him so bad?
“But I was worried. I was worried you will remember that trip and how Buck made you feel that I told you. I told you about this clinic and what they do.”
What.
“It was your idea…”
“Yes, Edmundo. You agreed with me so easily that I thought you wanted to prove something to me and your fidelity. But now. Now I think you agreed because you didn’t want to remember what you did to broke your own heart and stay with me.” She looked at him sad.
How Eddie could blame her?
He did all this mess just because maybe a part of him was too afraid of really love Buck. To accept the truth he’s being hiding all this time from himself.
The gay porn magazine maybe is a proof.
A new memory was coming out on his mind.
Him and Buck were laying in their room bed. Giggling and reading the gay porn magazine they found in some store the day they went on the beach.
“Oh my god, Eddie! Look at him! How could you not tell me you don’t find his abs ridiculous.” Buck laughed while hiding his head on Eddie arm.
“I mean. His abs seem a little too much work out.” Eddie replied.
“Just a little?! Eddie come on. Do you remember that call at a gym competition? Showing all their fake abs and stuff. Men, how could some women and men find that attractive?” Eddie just keep on listening to Buck as he always does.
“You’re right. Maybe there something broken inside some men and women sexual preferences.” He keep on saying while looking at Buck.
“However, your abs with your tattoos are just a turn on to my sex appeal.” He whispered in Buck ear.
“Eddie…” Buck attention now were on Eddie.
Full of lust and love.
As Eddie was feeling it too inside himself.
No words needed after as they close their little distance with a passionate kiss. Making out in their room. Buck throwing that magazine away and Eddie put his tongue inside Buck mouth.
Buck just moan in pleasure.
Then the memory stopped. Still somehow in black. As something like this could happened just in Eddie wildest dreams.
But now, he has a confirmation.
He was faking being with Marisol all this time. He was faking to be with women all this time.
But all of this is just terrified him because what if he remember something else?
Also, what that program actually was able to remove from him?
He needs some answers but first. He needs to do something more honest.
“Marisol, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you think that I-”
“For what it worth. I knew the program didn’t help the moment you went straight to Buck arms instead of mine in the hospital. But also, because you never looked at me how you look at him.” She said trying to cover her tears.
He was really a jerk.
When she left him alone on his room, tears after tears came down his eyes as he kept on watching that box.
It was kind of ironic how he was hiding from himself a part of him and of his life but it wasn’t the first he did that.
He remembered how when he was 16 he always tried to hide pictures of men he find attractive from his parents. As this magazine. Now, he tried to hide from himself maybe the best relationship he could ever have with Buck.
It’s not like the thought of dating his best friend make him vomit or anything. It’s the fact that it makes so sense and it feels so natural to think ‘Why didn’t a put a ring on Buck finger the moment I saw him with Chris?’
Yeah, these thoughts are not really straight.
Suddenly, a ring text from his phone broke his miserable ass thoughts as he watched it was from Buck.
Buck: Are you okay?
Buck: I know I shouldn’t bother you or anything. You’re with Marisol after all. But why didn’t you tell me you erase…You erased us to be with her.
Buck: Anyway, I’m sorry. You’re probably busy and you don’t want any kind of contact with me or whatever. So, I’m gonna go.
Buck: Bye.
Eddie replied instantly.
Eddie: First, I’m the one apologizing.
Eddie: Second, Marisol told me anything about what I did to you and how much of an asshole I was to you. So no. You should bother me any time. Actually, you should be angry or hate me for I said to you at the trip. I know I don’t remember why I did what I did and I’m sorry for past me telling you lies.
Eddie: I want you in my life Buck. I always wanted you in my life. Watching what we had in this picture at Malibu just makes me hurt because I tried to hide the best thing that ever happened to me. Just because I was a coward to admit to myself how perfect you fit in my and Christopher life.
Eddie: So, i should be the one saying if you don’t want hang out with me anymore. I totally understand.
God, why this is so difficult?
Buck: Oh.
Buck: Good to know.
Buck: Apologized accepted.
Well, it did go well in some ways?
After some minutes, Eddie received another text from Buck saying:
‘I would never hate you.’
Why Eddie heart make a jump to that?
A few weeks passed and the mood at the 118 seems like the old times for Eddie. Everyone seems like they forgot that argument or Eddie erased memories for start. Him and Buck are acting like best friend as always.
Even with Buck and Chris things are totally feel like before the whole trip at Malibu. Like nothing has changed.
Expect, Eddie felt something change.
At night, he can’t sleep thinking not just what kind of organization erased memories with consent? Also, he couldn’t stop thinking at the box under his bed.
He could never tell Chris or Buck how much he tried to bring some memories back at him like they did with the gay porn magazine.
But nothing.
Something might unlocked on his mind when Marisol told him what he did. So, maybe it wasn’t so normal to contact Karen in the middle of the night. Telling her to keep it a secret from Hen. She agreed of course.
That’s when she told her about the hand made trophies.
“Me and Buck had the idea to create some challenges at the beach and in Athena house. Knowing every couple could win based on the other intuitions and work skills.”
Eddie remembered how he look at Buck in that kitchen house while he was reading his clipboard.
He never felt more in love with him as he was in that moment.
“But since we were also playing. Chim and Bobby created some traps for us. Not knowing where the challenges were though.” Eddie burst in a little laugh. Try not to wake Christopher.
“It sounds like them” he added.
“Yeah. It was really fun.” She said.
“Then, who came with the trophies idea?” He asked.
“Well, actually. It was a you and Maddie idea.”
Oh.
“You both thought if Buck was going to win he deserved a trophy. Then, you two proceeded to build some medals for the others. To make them think they weren’t less than them.”
Oh damn.
“It was really cute to look at Maddie and you bonding as siblings in law. Unluckily, it didn’t matter because Athena and Bobby won. Since she’s a detective. They took the trophy. And you saw Buck moping all night because he didn’t win.”
Eddie might remembered why though.
Something was clicking in his mind.
Another memory.
“I’m sorry Eds. You and Maddie put all your handwork for me. And I couldn’t even register when Athena did-”
He doesn’t remember all the words though.
“You should hate me because I’m an incompetent.” Then something unlocked inside him as he already heard those words or maybe just read them on a text.
“I would never hate you.”
As he saw him, hugging his best friend on the beach. He couldn’t help but sniff Buck smell and feeling intoxicated by him.
His neck. His beautiful face. His ocean blue eyes. His birth mark. His pink lips. Of course he was going to kiss him in front of everyone.
He didn’t matter because in that moment Eddie felt the luckiest guy of all.
Even when they break the kiss, everyone was cheering in happiness.
Now, Eddie has just to deal with the consequences.
Eddie to Buck: Can we be us again?
He sent the message once he was at home alone while Chris was at a sleepover.
Buck: What to you mean by us?
Eddie: I mean, us like a couple.
Eddie was afraid of Buck answer.
Buck: ….
Shit.
Buck: Eddie, if you really wanted me you wouldn’t erase us in the first hand.
He has a good point.
Eddie: I think past me was afraid. Afraid of his feelings for you and how to not mess up.
Buck: Then past you could talk with me. We were best friends after all.
Oh.
Eddie: So, now we’re not even best friend?
Buck: I don’t know what we are, Eddie.
Ouch.
Buck: But I know I always loved you. You and Chris are the best thing that ever happened to me. Having you in that trip felt like a dream came true until you put me back on reality.
Buck: You will never love me. You were just trying to not break my heart but you did it anyway. I don’t know if it was worth it in the end. Erasing your memory and all.
Buck: But you will never erase what you did to me. And if you still have that picture of us in Malibu, please erase it. As it was easy erasing me in your life.
Eddie just burst into tears and sadness.
But he find the courage of still trying.
Eddie: I could never erase you as you told me what I said to you when you didn’t win that silly competition. I can’t hate you Buck. I can’t even pretend of go on with my life if you are not here with us.
Eddie: And my mind is accepting it as flash of memories keep coming back at me. Even if I did try to erase you that doesn’t mean I really could.
Eddie: I love you too much to not keep trying and get you back.
Buck didn’t respond, going offline.
Eddie was sure his heart was breaking but he understood if Buck didn’t want to do anything with him anymore.
Until he heard the bell of his house.
Who could be at this hour?
He open the door in his underwear with just a t-shirt on.
With his surprise it was Buck at the door.
“Buck…”
“Did you mean it?”
“What?”
“Did you mean it when you said you can’t erase me?”
God.
“Yes, Buck. I can’t. I want you so much. It’s hurting me seeing you like this. All because, I couldn’t put more effort in us. In making us work and be finally together.” Eddie was sure he saw Buck eyes glowing.
“Then you shouldn’t escape this time. With us.” Buck said entering.
Oh.
“I won’t. I don’t want to.” He whispered as Buck was coming closer to him.
“Good. Because I won’t let you.”
Yeah, this is so fucking hot.
The kiss was pure lust and desperation.
A moment in which Eddie could finally feel joy, warming his heart inside.
“I will do anything for you.” Eddie said.
Buck eyes tear a little and he kept on kissing him with much more passion than before.
As he did, another memory came trough Eddie mind.
The memory of the picture.
They were just laying on the beach, watching the stars.
Than Maddie wanted to take a picture of the new couple.
Eddie couldn’t be more happier as he hold Buck and his hand.
Giving him a desperate kiss on Buck cheek before all this summer dream will end.
As Maddie give them the Polaroid picture, Buck couldn’t help by saying.
“Look at us. We are so couple coding.”
I’m sure we are, Mi amor.”
“Thank you for the hand made medal anyway. You shouldn’t do that for me.” Buck was so stupid sometimes.
“I will do anything for you, mi alma. I would do anything to make you happy.” A lie that Eddie knows he will kill him up later.
As the memory end, he let Buck kissing his all body and enter inside him just enough that Eddie will never forget about him this time.
Now Eddie, remembers everything about the trip but it doesn’t matter.
He will show his Buck how past him was wrong and he will do that for the rest of his life.
Because there’s no one else in the world that could ever compare to his soulmate.