Chapter Text
Mattie left Thomas’ apartment at around half past one. She wanted to let John have some space to clear out his thoughts and her boyfriend helped to keep her calm. Since she was still sick a little they didn’t do much – though Thomas made a second batch of his hot chocolate –, mostly just watched a random series.
Thomas insisted on giving her a ride home, but she refused him walking her to the door. Once she was up by their apartment, she noticed the door wasn’t locked. Especially after John’s stalker – as it turned out Francis – came into their life they always made sure to lock the front door.
Something was really wrong.
Dread filled Mattie and she rushed towards John’s room. As he wasn’t there she turned to the bathroom.
She knocked twice.
There was no sound.
Mattie opened in. Her hand froze on the handle when she saw John laying on the ground.
“John?!”
Her brother looked unconscious and the blood puddle underneath him only alarmed her even more.
She ran to her brother, checking his pules on instinct and looking for injuries. Mattie let out a breath when she felt John’s pulse. The only cuts were on his wrist which weren’t bleeding anymore. And his chest thankfully also rose and fell steadily.
Her brother was okay.
Looking around the room, Mattie saw the bloody blade resting on the counter along with the tap still running. She stood up to close the tap and to get the first aid kit. Once back, Mattie knelt down next to John and slowly started to clean the wounds. She didn’t want to wake him, so she worked slowly and more carefully than usual.
John was still asleep when she finished wrapping his arm and Mattie just watched him for a little. She knew exactly how he felt, in the moments when he could only choose between pain and pain. John lost Alex, his friends, and the normal life he built for himself. And when he seemed to get it back he lost even more.
She didn’t lost as much when they moved here. She probably gained more than she ever had. Their dad always shelter her all throughout her life. He locked her in a cage and moving to France was the chance for her to stand on her own feet. She made friends, she had a boyfriend. She finally had the life she’s been dreaming about.
But at what cost?
Mattie had been watching John fall apart during these two years. He sacrificed everything just to give her a chance to live and get her away from their father. She wanted to give him back something. To do everything she could to make his life easier, better.
A thought slipped into her mind.
She could go to Francis. She could probably talk him into deleting the pictures and everything.
“No” Mattie whispered to herself. If she didn’t let John go, she couldn't go either. But she had to talk with Thomas more about what he could do.
After a few minutes she zoned out, Mattie reached under John and gently lifted him up. He wasn’t light at all, but she made it work to his bed.
˗ˏˋ ★ ————★ ˎˊ˗
When John woke up, he felt like he didn’t sleep at all. His eyes were still closed as he tried to collect his thoughts. He was at Jefferson’s, went for a walk, came home, cut-
His memories were cut of there. But he wasn’t on the bathroom floor as he should have been. He was laying on something soft and there was also something covering him, keeping him warm. It was cozy. After last night he needed some comfort. Though this also meant that somebody – probably Mattie – found him and had to see him in that state. John didn’t want o think about how it could have scared his sister.
Slowly he opened his eyes, only to shut them back at the sharp light greeting him. He groaned a little and tried to blink to get used to the light.
John was in his bedroom, now noticing that he was holding onto his turtle plushie he got when the others were here. His wrist was bandaged neatly. For a second he wondered how he didn’t wake up while Mattie did it, but he was probably far too exhausted for that.
It took some time, but John got out of bed – or at least sat up. By instinct he checked his phone, scrolling through his Instagram feed. There wasn’t much interesting thing. Martha posted about the party alongside a few people. He took his other phone in hand to finally check the messages he’d been putting off.
Peggy: sooooo
Peggy: how did the party go?
Peggy: john?
Peggy: johnny?
Peggy: ????
Peggy: is everything ok?
Peggy: im worried
Peggy: pls text back when u can
Peggy: john!!!
You: Hey
Peggy: finally
Peggy: r u okay?
You: Yeah, just had some stuff to do
Peggy: mhm
Peggy: just for the record
Peggy: u being in france doesn’t prevent me from using my sibling telephaty on u
Peggy: tho if u don’t want u dont have to talk abt it
You: Good to know, but thanks
You: I’m not really in the right headspace to talk about it
Peggy: thats okay
Peggy: just know that im here if u do want to
You: Thanks again Pegs
Peggy: btw text back to herc too
You: Okay
---
Hercules: Hey man
Hercules: Idk what happened but alex is acting weird
Hercules: Like
Hercules: Theres something wrong
Hercules: Is everything ok with you?
Hercules: I couldnt get much out of him or eliza
You: Oh, shit
You: I mean there were some things that happened, but when I talked to him he took it alright
You: I don’t really wanna talk about it though
Hercules: Its okay I was just worried
Hercules: I wish we could be there for you
Hercules: The revolutionary set isnt the same without you here
Hercules: And we cant even help you if something happens
You: I know, I also miss you guys
You: But I promise, I’ll try to sort this out with my dad as soon as possible
Hercules: Please dont take on more than you can handle john
Hercules: I dont want you to break
You: Thanks Herc
Hercules: Shit I have to go
Hercules: Laf is trying to cook
Hercules: Sorry man
You: Don’t worry about it
You: Just don’t let him burn down the kitchen
Hercules: Ill try
---
John smiled at his phone. He really had great friends.
Before he could text anyone else, his stomach grumbled, reminding that maybe he should eat some breakfast. Or more like dinner. It was eight at night.
The kitchen was empty, Mattie was nowhere in sight. John grabbed a granola bar. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but he had to eat something. He headed to Mattie’s room to see if she was even home.
John knocked twice before opening in. His sister was sitting at her desk with headphones on, notebooks laid out across her. He watched her for a moment. She had been studying so much since they came here. Sometimes he was worried she overworked herself, but he also saw how she was so so much happier. The light in her eyes wasn’t there probably since their mother died.
“Hi!” John greeted her softly, sitting down on her bed.
“John? Hey” she put her headphones down. “How are you?”
“Eh… As good as I can.”
They sat in silence for a bit. John avoided looking at her. He did say he wouldn't do anything stupid. Just another failed promise…
No.
He shook the thought out of his head. He didn’t want to spiral again.
“What are you studying?” John asked.
“Organic chemistry. The teacher is shit but at least material is interesting.”
“That’s something.”
Awkward quiet fell between them again. It was clear Mattie wanted John to bring up what happened, but that was the last thing he wanted. Though he had to do it, didn’t he? She helped him.
“Thanks for taking care of me last night.”
Mattie gave him a soft smile. “You should have called me. Or text. Anything.”
“I know. I’m sorry…” he looked away, fidgeting with his hands.
“No, John” her voice turned serious. “What happened last night was more dangerous than it’s usual is. Not only I wasn’t home, but you also did it deeper. If you went just a bit further you could have suffered a serious injury.”
John glanced at her but looked away at the burning gaze. He messed up. And he didn’t even realize it when he did it.
Fuck.
“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… It just hurt too much.”
“I know, I know” Mattie sat down next to him, gently hugging him.
John only know noticed the tears collecting in his eyes. He buried his face in her shoulder, trying to calm down. He never intended to hurt himself seriously. Or at least more than it helped with the pain. But especially now he didn’t want to take it too far.
“I won’t do it again like this” he looked up at Mattie with teary eyes. “I promise.”
“Thank you” she smiled and hugged him again.
˗ˏˋ ★ ————★ ˎˊ˗
A few days later Alex sat before his computer. A Word document was open – as it usually was – but his fingers didn’t fly on the keyboard as usual. He just stared at the blank white page.
Eliza had told him more about John’s situation. What Francis texted him later and Mattie’s worry about what John would do. It was just awful, and Alex was so so scared for his Jack. He knew him like no one else. And that worried him. He knew if John couldn't come to a better idea on how to solve the problem, he’d go through the first one instead of sitting around.
Alex sighed and opened the browser instead. He originally planned to write something, plan on how to help John, but the only solution he could think of was a bit drastic.
Even though Eliza made sure he couldn't get to France, there was something really important she miscalculated.
He was Alexander Hamilton.
Nothing could stop him.
There was a secret bank account she didn’t know of. Using that Alex booked a flight, taking into account that he would have to sneak out. Even though it was for his own good, there were drawbacks to living with Eliza.
Anxiety settled into him as he bought the ticket. If John did something really stupid before he got there… Alex could only pray he wouldn't be too late.
“What are you doing?” he heard Eliza’s voice.
Alex froze with his hands in the air, packing necessities to go to France.
“Uhm…” Fuck, he really should have thought about packing carefully not just planning the sneaking out. The scene was obvious and she was Eliza Schuylers. He couldn't lie well enough to fool her.
“Well?” she looked at him with piercing eyes.
“Nothing?”
Eliza sighed and shook her head. “I won’t stop you, but before you go I want to make sure you know how dangerous this can be for John.”
“I know-” He started without a thought, though he was surprised by her willingness of letting him go. Probably she understood there was nothing that could held him back,
“If his dad sees you there, especially with him you know he’ll be done for, right? We both know how bad he can treat John and I don’t doubt he would kill his son.”
The serious tone of Eliza’s voice silenced him. She was right and he knew it. This whole thing was risky. “If I don’t go” Alex started again, “John could go back to Francis. It might be dangerous to go back there, but I’ll rather risk that than have Jack traumatize himself even more. I can’t let him go back to that man. I can’t let him put himself through it all over again. I just… can’t…”
Eliza stepped closer to him, softly smiling. “He’s lucky to have you, Alex. Let me help you pack.”
“Thank you.”
˗ˏˋ ★ ————★ ˎˊ˗
These few days flew away in a blur. John stayed home, didn’t go to classes. He spent as much time with Mattie as he could, and also painted. When it all felt too heavy he just took his brush and started creating. It helped to get his thoughts off it.
John was also thinking a lot about what he should do with Francis. Even if he didn’t plan on telling everything to his father, John doubted it would stay that way. Also he didn’t think Francis would drop it and John couldn't just avoid him forever.
His best solution still was that he should go to him. The filth seeped deep into him already. He could bear to do it again if it meant saving Mattie and his future.
He was sitting at his desk now, watching a lecture he had missed though he could barely focus on it.
The burner phone next to him buzzed. He had been talking with the others a lot in the past days, though he had been carefully avoiding the topic of Francis or anything similar. It was pretty great to talk with them.
John quickly sent a response to Laf’s meme before turning back to the lecture. If he really should be paying attention if he didn’t want to suffer more than necessary at midterms.
When it was finally over he stood up and walked around his room, stretching his limbs. Siting at his desk three hours straight wasn’t a good idea.
He flopped down his bed and took his everyday phone in hand. There wasn’t much interesting things as he scrolled trough his feed, so in the end he just doom scrolled. It was the perfect way to not think of anything and just let the time pass.
That was until a message notification popped up over a cute turtle video.
John froze when he saw the contact.
Francis: Here are my notes from classes
Francis: [18 pictures of notes]
Francis: Also that offer still stands
Francis: But as I’m here all alone for such a long time I’m starting to get bored
Francis: And if you don’t show up for a good while, I might do something
Francis: Just for the fun of it
John stared at the screen. He couldn't believe the words in front of him. Not only Francis was acting like everything was okay – he fucking sent him his notes like he was sick –, he’s threatening him again.
Something shifted in him. No matter how much Mattie tried to tell him and help, John knew he had no other choice. If he didn’t got to Francis now, Mattie’s life would fall apart and he would be gone forever.
He couldn't do that to her.
You: Stop playing these games Francis
Francis: Oh, you’re finally responding to me now
Francis: How sweet of you
Francis: You know exactly what I need to do that
You: Fine
You: But if I do it, you have to promise you’ll delete everything and never mention this to anyone
Francis: Ofc
John took a deep breath. Every bone in his body told him this wouldn't go well, but he had to do it. Not for himself, but for every he knew and loved. This was the eye of the Hurricane. And this was the only way he could protect his family.
You: I’ll be there in twenty minutes
Francis: Good
Francis: I will be waiting for you
˗ˏˋ ★ ————★ ˎˊ˗
Alex finally got off the plane in Paris, fidgeting with his hands as he left the airport. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he was running out of time. There was no answer from John, even though he had texted him multiple times.
After calling a taxi to John’s place, he called Eliza that he got off the plane okay. He also managed to get Mattie’s number from her and texted the girl that he’d be coming over. She didn’t respond immediately so he closed the phone and stared out the window.
Trees blurred into a green streak along with colored spots as cars passed them. He was anxious. If he didn’t get there on time, if he was late… Could Jack ever recover from that? Being raped one time was more than enough.
Alex sighed and turned on his phone again. This time he opened his notes app.
I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory
Is this where it gets me? In France, hoping he’d stay home for me?
When I see the city, do I run or do I let it be?
There’s no text, no sign of safety
John, my first love, my dear Jacky
Maybe the last chance for us to meet
If I don’t throw away my shot, will you stay, will you come home with me?
What if this moment is our last memory?
Memory. What is a memory?
It’s time spent together, a pinky promise to each other
I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song my John will sing for me
Jack, my love, my dear beloved symphony, you sent for me
You let me make a difference
A future we could build on our romance
Where our love could advance and rise up
I’m running out of time. I’m running, and my time’s up
Wise up. Eyes up
A notification popped up over the lines. Alex took a breath before he opened it, getting out of the writing mindset. There has been so many different versions of this poem he had written. At this poem he wrote a new one every time he had to express his emotions.
The messages came from Mattie, letting him know she was in school, but John should be at their place. He answered her quickly and smiled. He’d be able to see John again. It wasn’t two years this time, but he still missed his Jack.
˗ˏˋ ★ ————★ ˎˊ˗
John in about fifteen minutes gets to Francis’ place. He stops before the building, not yet texting him to let him up, just waiting. He takes a breath in.
It will be okay. You know why you have to do it, and you can take it.
What he got from his father was worse. And he got that a lot more often. Or maybe not? The dirty feeling was a new addition to this abuse, but oh well. He had accepted it by now. HE could be tortured for the rest of his life, he’d do it for his family.
You: I’m here
The front door clicked and John stepped in. He rarely went to Francis’ place, maybe once or twice over the two years. But the apartment complex was similar to where he lived. It didn’t take much time to find Francis’ one.
He stopped in front of the door for a moment before knocking.
You can do it, just stay alive.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Hey, John! Good to see you again” Francis opened the door with a satisfied smirk on his face.
For a second he froze. Everything came back to him from that night. The pain, the disgust, the memories of all the emotions he felt. It hit him like a truck. He couldn’t move. HE wanted to run. Get far far away and never look back. Maybe he should have stayed home. Should have listened to Mattie.
But it was far too late for that.
“Hi” he greeted the blonde, voice flat.
“Come in. I’ve been waiting for you. I’m glad you finally understood what’s the right choice.”
Francis led him to the living room and motioned for him to sit down. John did as he wanted, though tried to settle down as far from him as possible. The smirk didn’t let the blonde's face for a second.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asked.
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Are you sure, John? I have Sam Adams too.”
John just shook his head again. “No, thank you.”
The now familiar darkness flashed over Francis’ eyes but it soon disappeared. John’s stomach turned. He wanted to throw up.
“What do you want to do with me?” he asked coldly.
“Where’s the rush dear? We have time” the blonde stood a few feet before John, eyeing him up and down. “Now we finally won’t be interrupted. We can take our time with it all day and night.”
John gulped. He didn’t expect it to go to this extent. At best he thought it would be a few rounds until the blonde was satisfied.
Though could Francis every be satisfied?
“Once we’re finished you’ll delete the pictures, right?” his voice shook.
Francis grinned at him. “I promised it, didn’t I? I’ll get something to drink. You can stay here John, get comfortable” he walked towards the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway and looked back. “I recommend you strip before I get back.”
John nodded. He waited until Francis was out of view and started with taking off his hoodie. It wasn’t easy. Everything in him resisted, but slowly his mind settled into a numb, zoned out space. By the time the blonde got back he was kneeling at the foot of the couch, but he wasn’t there mentally.
"Oh you're smart boy, you know where your place is.” Francis smiled as he came back with a glass of wine in his hand.
He sat down in the middle of the couch, taking a sip of his drink. A shiver ran through John and he tensed when the blonde's leg touched his side.
"C’mon John, help me relax.” Francis nudged him.
Without looking up John moved between his legs. The smell of Francis was overpowering. He had to fight back the urge to throw up. Instead he shut his thoughts out and just did as instructed. He pulled the zipper down, and took out Francis’ cock. After stroking it a couple of times he took it in his mouth.
It was disgusting and it felt so wrong. Nothing about this situation was right. He shouldn’t be here, He should be home with Alex.
Alex.
His dear boy.
John was betraying him, wasn’t he?
If the last time wasn’t cheating this for sure counted as that. Since he didn’t say no to this.
“Good, just like that” Francis let out a small moan and his fingers slipped into John’s hair.
A move so familiar, something that was once beloved, was now tainted by every little decision that led to it’s moment. Alex used to do that, but Francis wasn’t Alex. He wasn’t he boy he loved with all his heart. Who stayed by his side no matter what. Francis wasn’t he person who returned to him, even after thinking he had died.
He should have stayed home.
Regret filled John as he knelt there, the satisfied eyes controlling his every move.
Francis turned on the TV and started watching something. His hand played with John’s hair, keeping his head in place and resting his cock on his tongue.
It wasn’t he worst thing John could imagine Francis to do. But it wasn’t great either. Though he was grateful the blonde didn’t do more yet. He also didn’t have to do much, only being careful with his teeth and avoiding thinking about much.
That was until Francis started moving his head. John choked on his spit and the cock hitting the back of his throat. After a few quick yanks, Francis pushed his head down and fully filled John’s throat, blocking his airways.
No.
No, no, no.
Let me breath.
Please.
John wanted to pull away, fight back, anything. But he couldn't. If he did, everything would be over. Not just his life, but everyone’s who he cared about. So he just stayed still.
Tears swelled up in his eyes and spit ran down his chin. He gasped for breath, even trying to beg, but only unintelligible noises escaped him.
His vision blurred and black spots appeared at the edge of it. Francis’ eyes were dark with twisted pleasure and his mouth twitched into an aroused smile. John felt body weakening and slipping from consciousness when Francis came down his throat and released him.
He fell back chocking, gasping for air. John didn’t know how much time went by till he was able to sit up and focus back on reality. But one thing he knew, was that he felt gross. It didn’t take much until he was vomiting once again. The acid burned his throat as it escaped to the soft rug under him.
John looked up, meeting Francis’ eyes. A victorious expression settled on his face, while John curled into himself. He was sure he looked like a mess. His face was wet with who knows how many different things and he didn’t want to think about what just happened.
“You did great John, though next time please don’t throw up on my rug. It was expensive” Francis said in an alarmingly soft voice. “Come here” he patted his bare thighs. His pants were by his ankles and his dick looked half hard already.
John gulped and drew back a little. He just wanted to go home.
Francis’ voice darkened. “Don’t make this difficult, dear. You agreed to do this. Or do you want those pictures in your father’s hands?”
He looked away and shook his head. This wasn’t right, but he had to do it. For Alex.
“Then, come here. I wanna fuck your pretty little ass too.”
John didn’t know how to say no to this. The situation was helpless and there was no choice left for him. So how could he say no to this? There was nowhere he could ho. And when Francis’ boy was on his, he didn’t say no.