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Chapter Text

Alec Lightwood lay absolutely still and painfully tense on one of the Institute’s infirmary beds as a medic performed a checkup. It felt incredibly frustrating to be stuck on something so trivial when he would’ve had far more important things to do. Also, if the wrong people – his parents or worse – would find out that he needed such an examination... Especially when he was one of those hoping to be picked the New York Institute’s new Head...

“You definitely need a few days to recover fully but your runes seem to have done their job. Considering how badly you were injured, you got lucky.” The woman frowned. “How were you injured, anyway?”

Alec shrugged. “I fell from a rooftop.” He tried to protect his adopted brother and parabatai, Jace, from a nasty demon. The creature took it personally.

The medic’s brows furrowed. “You fell? Why didn’t you fl...?” She trailed off. “Oh. You don’t have wings yet.”

Hearing someone say it hurt, brought a bitter taste into Alec’s mouth. He watched Jace’s golden wings appear on a mission that nearly killed them both. He hugged Izzy after she got her dark-purple ones upon protecting their little brother, Max.

It wasn’t bad enough that he was cursed to desire those of the wrong gender – he also had to be one of those few, pitied, broken Nephilim who’d never get their wings.

“There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?”

For some reason the medic’s sympathy and words that were meant to be soothing only made him feel worse. He reacted to her patting his knee like she slapped him. “It happens when it happens.”

What if it never would?

Half an hour later Alec was finally allowed to leave the infirmary. He hoped to wrap up his report swiftly and quietly before retreating to his room. As it turned out he wouldn’t get to – or have to – do it all alone. Jace and Izzy stood waiting for him. “All good?” his sister inquired before he got a chance to say anything. (Alec felt awful for the way his fall obviously continued to haunt her.)

“I’m fine.” Alec hoped that he sounded convincing enough. “I just have to finish my report.”

Jace winced. “Good luck. Herondale announced that she’ll go through all reports personally.”

Alec figured that apparently things were only headed towards a more negative direction – he couldn’t possibly know that his life, and the lives of several other people, were about to change permanently very soon as fickle fate worked its magic.

/

/ Angry voices pulled Clary out of the sleep a car ride lulled her into. She opened her eyes halfway to find an unfamiliar room, and a blanket draped around her. Confused and wondering worriedly where her mom went, she crawled up from the unfamiliar sofa and began to tiptoe towards the noise.

“... for her own good!”

“Deceiving her, hiding who she is and erasing her memories could never be for her own good!” a male voice growled. “If you want her to be safe teach her, educate her.”

“Magnus, please...!”

By then Clary had reached another room’s doorway. She found a man with angrily spiked up hair and some makeup decorating his furious eyes. “The answer is ‘no’, Jocelyn. I won’t let you emotionally blackmail me into harming your child.” /

Clary Fray woke up with a loud, strangled gasp, one of her hands clutching at her head. She’d had a lot of dreams about her mom since the woman disappeared shortly after her eighteenth birthday, but that one... was different. Felt real, familiar.

There was movement inside one of the sleeping bags next to hers. Soon the voice of Becky Lewis, her friend, mumbled. “Tea or hot chocolate?”

“Hot chocolate.” Clary winced. “Sorry I woke you up. Again. I just had this... really weird dream. Again.”

“Sounds more interesting than whatever it was that I dreamed about.” Her other friend, Maureen Brown, peered from inside her own sleeping bag. “Can I have a drink instead?”

Becky snorted. “Yeah, right. This sleepover with all four us while mom’s away from New York is already playing with fire. No one’s getting drunk on my watch.”

Clary agreed. She owed her third friend Simon Lewis, Becky and especially their mom Elaine so much that she’d never be able to repay it for them taking her in after Jocelyn’s disappearance. She didn’t want anyone getting into a trouble because of her.

Clary was so distracted that she wasn’t sure how it happened. But suddenly the three of them sat at a kitchen table. Simon, who’d woken up to their noise, joined them sleepily while she was telling about her dream.

“That sounds creepy.” Becky shivered. “No offense, but... I didn’t think your mom could ever sound like a sketchy person.”

Clary opened her mouth but found no words with which to defend her mom.

Maureen leaned forward with glowing eyes. (Which always spelled out trouble.) “Did you say Magnus? Because that’s a really rare name and... I think the guy owns a club here in New York.” Something told them that Maureen might’ve visited there with a fake ID. “We should definitely go and try to find him. Maybe he’d have answers for you.”

“Maybe. But not tonight.” Clary was tempted, but first she needed to figure out what she even wanted to ask. Opening with a ‘Did my mom demand you to remove my memories?’ to a stranger didn’t sound like a good idea. Magnus would’ve thought that she was insane. “Tonight we have hot chocolate.”

“And cold pizza?” Simon asked hopefully.

Clary chuckled. She wondered when she’d feel like laughing openly again. “Of course pizza, too.”

/

A couple of days later happened something Alec had lost hope on ever getting to experience. Inquisitor Herondale came to visit the Institute she was temporarily in charge over for the second time in under a week, catching everyone there by surprise. And she requested him for an... unexpected mission.

Entering the room, Alec froze momentarily upon finding not only Herondale but also his former trainer Hodge Starkweather waiting. Then he saw Magnus Bane’s Clave file openly on display. To not get too captivated by the man’s picture he averted his attention to the warlock’s alleged crimes. Several accounts of ‘harboring Downworld fugitive’? It sounded like a huge risk to take and despite never having met the man Alec found himself wondering who the risks were taken for. “Are you sending me to arrest him?” The thought made Alec feel incredibly uneasy for some reason. What were the charges?

“No.” Herondale took a better position on her uncomfortable seeming seat. (Was it designed to have the appearance of a throne? Ridiculous.) “What I’m about to tell you and your mission are strictly classified. Understood?” She went on after his nod. “We’ve received information that there’s a threat to Bane’s life. I’m personally offering your protective services as a gesture of good will.”

Alec stared at the Inquisitor, still trying to determine whether she was serious. “Magnus Bane is the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He’s the most powerful warlock in this whole city.” Even he was aware of the man, although he’d never seen pictures before or met the other. “Why would he need protection from a Shadowhunter?”

The Inquisitor seemed to consider whether Alec was worthy of receiving such delicate information. “We have a reason to believe that Circle is planning to assassinate a high profile Downworlder.” The glance she directed towards Hodge revealed who the hint came from. (Before his arrest the man was one of the late, notorious Circle leader’s, Valentine Morgenstern’s, trusted ones.) “And they’d make it look like Shadowhunters and the Clave had designed and orchestrated the whole thing. Bane’s connections within the Downworld are unique. It’d make him a powerful, highly influential target to play the role of a martyr. His death could easily trigger an uprising.”

Alec felt slightly faint. But he wasn’t imagining what he was hearing, was he? “What makes you think that he’d ever let me close enough to protect him?”

“It won’t be easy”, Hodge admitted. “He’s survived a lot and doesn’t trust Shadowhunters. At all. Usually our kind aren’t even allowed to enter his club, Pandemonium.”

“You will obtain his trust, by any means necessary. It’s the only way to prevent a war.” Herondale’s eyes flashed. “Keep in mind, in the event of a war great many of the Downworlders would remember which side of the previous one your parents fought. Imagine what they’d want to do to you. And your siblings. I was under the impression that you want to fix your family’s reputation.”

Alec had already taken desperate steps on the path to doing that. Obviously that wasn’t enough for the Clave. “I still don’t know how to get it all done but I’ll do my best. What if he finds out who my parents are?”

“Tell him your surname from the start”, Hodge advised. “He will find out sooner or later. And you’ll be in a world of trouble if he finds out from someone else.”

Alec suspected that he was in a world of trouble, no matter what he’d do. But it was his duty to do whatever he could to help his family, to help preserve what little was left of its legacy. So he accepted the official, written and signed authorization for the mission, wondering how Magnus would react to it. And moved to make a hasty retreat.

He wasn’t fast enough. “Who knows”, Herondale mused. “Maybe you’ll finally earn your wings and become a proper Shadowhunter.” (His parents had always said the same thing about wings.)

Getting stabbed might’ve hurt less. Alec refused to let his pain show. At least he had a great deal of experience when it came to not letting his pain show.

He was offered a good distraction soon. Only a couple of steps away from the room’s door he saw Jace and his sister Izzy, who attempted to sneak away. His eyebrow bounced up. “You were eavesdropping, weren’t you?”

“Only a little”, Izzy confessed, appearing deviously innocent.

“Three go in, three come out, remember? And since Herondale wouldn’t let us in we had to get creative.” Jace’s jawline tightened. “I can’t believe you took that joke of a mission. This isn’t another way to delay you-know-what, right?”

Alec huffed. “I’m not doing this for that, but for family honor. And the way the Shadow World still is... Maybe I can help change it.” Despite the openly discriminatory nonsense his parents had spewed out all his life Alec didn’t think it was right for Nephilim to look down on everyone else. It also didn’t sit right with him that many Downworlders were ashamed of who they were simply for having been born as the people they were.

Alec blinked rapidly and couldn’t hold back a chuckle when Izzy pulled him to a hug. “What... was that for?”

“For you being you.” (Alec wasn’t used to being rewarded for that.) The expression on Izzy’s face was the same she wore every time she knew she’d have her way. “I’m going with you, by the way. Because I happen to actually know where to find that club. The address isn’t exactly public information, especially to Shadowhunters, so you wouldn’t find it without me.” (Alec preferred not wondering who gave his baby sister the address and why.)

“You’ve been there?” Alec asked, just as Jace blurted out “You actually got in?”.

“I had my runes hidden”, Izzy admitted. Her eyes darted towards the mark on Alec’s neck. “But since you’re on a... diplomatic mission...”

“I’ll go there with everything out in the open. If I want Magnus to trust me... Then he’ll have to know who I really am.” Alec just hoped that it wouldn’t get too... adventurous.

/

Back inside the room Hodge fidgeted from discomfort. And bit his tongue to not snap at Herondale for what she just said to Alec. He wasn’t much of a good person but he helped train the Lightwood siblings, cared about them as though they were his own. “Are you sure that you didn’t just send him to a certain failure? Bane isn’t likely to give him a warm welcome.”

Herondale shrugged. “If he fails, and Bane or one of his warlocks reacts violently... Then we have an official reason to get rid of them all. There’d be no need for this fake-peace farce.”

“Is this also a way to get back at his parents?”

Herondale shrugged once more. Her face remained unreadable. “They might benefit of a lesson on how costly betrayals can be.”

/

If Alec was honest, Pandemonium didn’t look like much from the outside. But he could hear the beat of music already and there was something... hypnotic to it. And while he didn’t have the faintest idea why, he felt an overwhelmingly strong pull towards the place. As though he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Which was ironic, because he shouldn’t have had or wanted to have anything to do with the positively sinful... establishment.

He was, quite literally, a man on a mission.

Alec turned towards Jace and Izzy, who’d insisted to follow him. “I’ll continue on my own, now.” Sensing oncoming objections, he went on firmly. “Magnus doesn’t trust Shadowhunters, remember? One walking in to his club is bad enough. If all three of us would go, it’d be a disaster.”

Jace worked his jaw. “We’ll wait here. And if there’s a trace of trouble, we’re coming in. Whether you approve or not.”

Alec accepted those terms with a tense nod, knowing that there was no other choice. Then, after a deep breath, he began to march forward. And hoped that he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life by accepting his newest duty.

/

Jace somehow managed to tense up further and twitched to follow his parabatai when a bouncer reacted visibly to Alec’s runes. Only Izzy’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “He’s right”, she pointed out with audible reluctance. “We have to trust him. We’d only make things worse.”

“So we’ll just...?” Jace spat upon turning, fast.

So fast, in fact, that he dumped into another person. A beautiful mundane redhead, who was obviously in a hurry, scowled. “Watch where you’re going!”

Jace blinked. Slowly. “You can see me?”

The redhead frowned. Quite justifiably imagining that he was out of his mind. “Why wouldn’t I see you?” Then she was on her way towards the building once more.

Jace stared at her distancing back, and suddenly it was difficult to concentrate on anything else – including paying attention to Izzy smirking and rolling her eyes.

/

Inside Alec looked around, so out of his element that it was ridiculous. The dancing bodies, the hypnotic music that was deafeningly loud, the stark contrast between the darkness and flashing lights... Had he ended up to some alternative reality?

At least his target wasn’t difficult to find. Magnus sat on a couch that was more of a throne, surrounded by several people, one of whom offered a straw to the warlock’s mouth sensually. Alec’s breath was taken away. He’d never seen anyone so beautiful and... magical, in more ways than one.

The man occupying Magnus’ other side brought a hand to his own ear and listened solemnly before leaning to whisper in the other’s ear. The warlock’s facial expression darkened. Then, seeming to follow some instinct, those eyes that were decorated by exactly the right amount of makeup, were fixed upon Alec. Every move as graceful as dancing, Magnus got up and closed the distance between them, not breaking their eye contact for even a second. (It felt like a challenge.)

“I did receive a hint that a Shadowhunter walked in. Now what...” Magnus slurred slightly and tilted his head. “... is an angel such as you doing in this house of sin?”

The best kind of tingling – new, thrilling and terrifying – went all the way to the tips of Alec’s toes. He did his best to not seem affected. (And probably failed.) “I’m Alec Lightwood. And I came to search for you.”

“Well, well, well... I’d ask why, but I have a feeling that I’ll prefer sticking to simply admiring you”, Magnus purred. (Alec suspected that the warlock wasn’t as intoxicated as he pretended to be. Why did his surname trigger a spark of furious fire?) “What a vision has turned up to my club. You truly are a pretty one, even for a Nephilim.”

Alec blushed, hard. How did Magnus know exactly how to get to him? It took a lot of willpower to keep his tone professional. “I... have official business.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Magnus’ smile remained but something dangerous lurked underneath it. “I suspected as much. How unfortunate.” Magnus’ eyes flashed golden. “Do tell, but keep it brief. You wouldn’t like me when I get bored.”

“You’re in danger.” Alec grimaced internally at how he just blurted it out. But Magnus did command him to be brief.

Magnus threw his head back and laughed, bitterly. “Shadowhunter, I’ve been hunted for sport since centuries before your time. True, the new Accords made it more difficult for the greediest hunters to operate openly. But I’ve been in danger since the day my mark showed itself for the first time. Did you really imagine that you came to me with big news?”

“I came with an offer. Because I think your life is worth something and I want to help protect it.” Alec was quite proud of his deep, almost threatening growl. Magnus didn’t need to know that he was far more... affected than he should’ve been. (What happened to the ability to control his urges Alec had worked hard to perfect since his teenage years?) “I’m not sure if you think so, too.”

Did Magnus seem... impressed by his little comeback? Alec never got a chance to find out. Because just then Magnus saw something that was, apparently, infinitely more interesting than him. Eyes filling with fire that made them seem as though they were liquid gold, the warlock began to march forward, with the kind of grace the Shadowhunter had never seen before. Despite knowing what a stupid idea it was, Alec moved instinctively to follow.

Two men who didn’t even attempt to hide that they were Circle members had just entered the club, and were surveying the area through their black sunglasses. The fact that they were clearly searching for someone made everyone near them who wasn’t too... distracted feel uncomfortable. Magnus muttered what sounded like a curse under his breath in a language Alec couldn’t understand while continuing to glide towards the unwanted arrivals like an angel of death.

“Gentlemen.” Magnus didn’t pretend to sound drunk anymore. Or polite. “This establishment doesn’t have many rules. But one of those few...” Magnus’ eyes narrowed. “... is that Circle members are banned forever.”

“Relax, Bane”, one of them made the mistake of uttering. “We’re not here for you. We’re looking for someone else.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. They were still golden, and by then menacing. “I don’t know why you imagine that I care about why you’re here. I only care about you leaving.”

Alec blinked once, fast, when blue magic wrapped around one Circle member’s throat. He recalled studying from somewhere that the angry power of warlocks tended to be red. Which meant that Magnus wasn’t furious, but simply making a statement. How powerful was the man?

“... isn’t even close to... the worst your kind can do ...”, the intruder choked.

Magnus tilted his head. “I’d start a discussion over the worst I’ve seen your kind do. But I prefer not wasting my breath, and you shouldn’t do so, either. Leave.”

At last the two accepted the message and stalked off, one of them with a hand placed gingerly against a throat that had to hurt. Alec knew better than to follow his instincts, which screamed at him to take a protective step closer to Magnus. “Are you okay?”

“I hate party crashers”, Magnus hissed, and something told Alec that he fell under the category, too. “Now, if you’ll excuse me... I need to have a talk with the security.”

Alec was about to comment until he noticed all the attention he was getting. The other club goers stared at him as though wondering if he was another Circle member, and if it wasn’t for the music, it would’ve been eerily quiet. They were certainly uncomfortable around him, too. And after going through his life unseen Alec loathed the attention.

Right before Alec’s brain would’ve gotten lost into a state of chaos, he noticed that someone wasn’t hyper focused on him. A woman in a very revealing black dress was making her way towards Magnus, with a look that could only be called predatory in her eyes. Someone else might’ve misunderstood her... intentions. Alec’s mind saw a threat.

Because one of her hands was bent so that he couldn’t see it. And as the lights hit her neck and her long, blond hair moved simultaneously, he saw the tattoo concealer wasn’t able to hide. Another Circle member.

Two of them revealing their marks and intentions carelessly to create a false sense of security upon being detected, while a third one remained in the hiding until the target could be caught off guard. It was infuriatingly clever. He, Jace and Izzy had used a similar technique more than once.

Alec reacted instinctively, having been trained for his duties since he was a child. It took only three unintentionally dramatic movements for him to take Magnus’ other side, his bow and an arrow ready. The Circle member growled, narrowed her eyes and started running towards them, but she wasn’t fast enough. One arrow was all it took to get the job done.

Alec peered over his shoulder. (He couldn’t recognize the expression on Magnus’ face but he was forced to admit, only to himself, that he liked it.) “Do you still believe that I’d be of no use as your bodyguard?”

Magnus folded his arms. “I know that there’s been an unfortunate amount of the wrong type of action at my club since Shadowhunters invaded it. I appreciate you saving me, but I must give you the same order as the others. Leave.”

What else could Alec do? Pushing would’ve only made things worse. He’d shown Magnus what he was good for. He could only hope that he’d get a second chance to do his duty. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, he wanted to impress Magnus again.

There was something Alec needed to do before giving up, hopefully only temporarily. “Look... You have to be careful. At least we agree on that now, right?” At last remembering it, Alec handed Magnus Herondale’s official document.

Magnus read it through and wrinkled his nose for a second. “A formal announcement from the Clave. How charming. I suppose I have no option to refuse.”

“Of course you do.” How true was that? “But I’d prefer you doing this willingly.” Oh, how Alec wished he shared his siblings’ confidence in their own charm... “We should exchange phone numbers, so you can let me know when you’ve made up your mind. And in case I figure out a way for you to return the favor of saving you.” Of course that wasn’t the actual reason but Magnus didn’t need to know as much.

Magnus hummed, tense but no longer hostile. “Fair enough. I didn’t expect to get any favors for free.”

And so the phone numbers were exchanged, with the two of them holding one another’s devices as though they were explosives. Alec couldn’t resist a tiny grin at the theatrical, incredibly elegant snap of fingers from Magnus with which the items were returned to their rightful owners. (And his heart... Why in the world was it doing the kind of things it did?) Their eyes met and for just a second there was... something in the air. Then, as swiftly as the magic appeared, it was gone.

Magnus turned sharply, once more focused on overseeing his kingdom and its visitors, who glared at Alec suspiciously. (They gathered around their leader readily, clearly trusting his protection.) The warlock did peer over his shoulder, though. “I’ll see you again, won’t I? People who bring along as much trouble as you do tend to keep reappearing.”

Alec shrugged and bit his lip to not blurt out ‘I hope so’.

Alec couldn’t afford to linger, and it had nothing to do with how dangerously distracted and... confused Magnus was making him. He was drawing too much attention on himself, and not from the man he hoped would’ve accepted his deal. So Alec vanished.

He didn’t see how Magnus looked over his shoulder a second later, to see the empty space where the Shadowhunter recently was. The warlock frowned. And rubbed at his own chest absentmindedly with one hand.

Lightwoods, always nothing but trouble.

/

Outside the club Clary was still trying to convince the bouncer to let her in, barely noticing that her friends had already retreated. “You don’t understand. My mom, she’s... There’s someone I need to see, Magnus B...”

“Clarissa Fairchild.” (Clary’s heart jumped when the man she recalled from her dream, or whatever it was, appeared as though by magic.) A pair of surprised, curious and suspicious eyes examined her. “My goodness, you’ve grown up. But you’re certainly too young to be here.”

Clary was too overwhelmed to feel embarrassed over having been caught trying to sneak in underaged. “How...? What did you just call me? And who are you?”

Disappointment darkened the man’s face. “I’m Magnus Bane, but I suppose you knew that part already.” The other sighed heavily. “So Jocelyn did manage to find someone who was willing to do the job after I refused.”

Clary shivered. That sounded ominous. “What job?”

Magnus hummed. “I’m certain that Jocelyn loves you very much. But I couldn’t agree with... her chosen method for handling who you truly are. Did she send you to see me?”

Clary shook her head quickly, noticing that the thought of her having been sent by her mother didn’t sit well with Magnus. “No. She’s missing.”

Magnus’ eyebrow arched. “Oh. It seems we have a lot of catching up to do.” The man’s attention shifted to the bouncer. “You can stop glaring at her, now. I will be walking this one home.”

From the shadows Alec and Jace watched them walking away, identical longing in their eyes.

/

It took two more hours, most of which was spent sparring in fresh air at the rooftop of the Institute with Jace, before Alec felt coherent enough to return to his room. He couldn’t understand what was the matter with him, he’d handled delicate missions before and, perhaps surprisingly, Magnus didn’t reject him entirely. But it felt like he’d jumped head first into something he barely understood, something more dangerous than he’d ever encountered.

Alec felt infinitely worse after entering his room, to find Lydia Branwell who was evaluating fabric samples with disdain. “You’re late. And you missed another wedding planning meeting.” The worst part was that she didn’t sound accusatory, but as though she’d expected his failure.

“I’m sorry”, Alec murmured. It was almost funny how after he’d apologized roughly a million times in his life the words came as naturally as breathing. “I was given a new mission by the Inquisitor. Classified information.”

Lydia smiled. “You don’t need to explain. I’m a Shadowhunter, too, and I understand.” (Wasn’t her understanding one of the key reasons why he chose her? Then why did those words make his stomach twist uncomfortably, like something was wrong or amiss?) “I’m also your fiancée and I trust you.”

Her reassurance only served to make Alec feel worse.

/

Inquisitor Herondale nodded at the people she passed by on her way to her office, her face a mask of steel and stone. No one attempted to stop her. Most of those she encountered seemed unnerved.

The advantages of wearing a face most people respect and great many fear? Precious few dare to question you, and fewer still actually know the person you’re supposed to be. The disadvantages? The face itself.

Finally reaching her office, the woman sat down slowly. And scowled at the reflection she encountered on the glass abandoned to the table. Her hand twitched but before she could do anything there was a knock on her door. “Yes?”

One of the two male Circle members Magnus kicked out of the club walked in, and eyed suspiciously towards the room’s security camera. Herondale rolled her eyes. “So now you’re worried about being detected? Don’t worry, I knew to expect careless visits so I’m keeping that thing deactivated. To your fortune I’ve also ensured that there are no cameras monitoring the back entrance.” She paused. “You used that, didn’t you?”

“Of course.” The Circle member fidgeted restlessly, obviously bothered by her face. And wary of what reaction his news might receive. “I have good news and bad news.”

Finally Valentine Morgenstern revealed his true face, Herondale’s vanishing startling swiftly. He leaned forward menacingly. “Don’t test my patience.”

The other man swallowed hard. “The good news? We saw your daughter, she really is alive and looking for her mother. Along with answers.”

Valentine’s heart twitched at that. He forced his emotions to not show. “And the bad news?” What did he say about testing his patience?

The Circle member took an instinctive step backwards. “Magnus Bane... He got to her before we did.”

Chapter Text

Clary’s head spun as she walked beside Magnus. She was too overwhelmed to notice the weird looks the people they passed by gave her, imagining that she was talking to thin air. “So, you’re... a warlock? And I’m a Shadowhunter?” What were those?

“Yes, Biscuit”, Magnus affirmed far more gently than he spoke near the club. With a few theatrical hand movements he created a beautiful white flower out of thin air and handed it to her. “There’s a whole world you haven’t even known exists. I’m truly sorry your mother chose to take it all away from you.”

Clary swallowed hard and kept her eyes on the flower. She didn’t know what to feel and think, about anything. “So... She came to you to have my memories... of that world removed?” Such a violation clashed horribly against the woman she’d known all her life. Or thought she knew.

Magnus nodded. “She brought you to my apartment several times, but I refused. I attempted to reason with her that such a deed would leave you exposed, not safer. Apparently someone else relented eventually.” Magnus sighed. “Forgive us warlocks. Many of us are old, a great deal more so than we seem, and it can have an impact on our... morals.”

Clary nodded. “Do you know who could’ve done it? And how am I going to find my mom?” She just turned eighteen and she’d never felt so lonely or lost in her life. It took a considerable amount of willpower to hold back her tears.

“I’m afraid I don’t have answers for you. But if I know Jocelyn at all, I presume that she had a good reason to go hiding. My advice? Don’t trust anyone. Only yourself.” Magnus handed her something that turned out to be an old-fashioned call card. Covered in golden glitter. “I can help you learn who you truly are. When you’re ready, call me.”

“Clary!” the voices of her friends called out. She’d been in so much shock that she forgot them. Clary glanced towards them, then back to Magnus. To find that he was gone. “Clary, are you okay?”

“No”, she admitted hoarsely. Clary’s gaze wandered towards the flower. “But at least I think I found someone who can help.”

Clary didn’t tell her friends everything she’d just learned. How was she supposed to do that without sounding crazy? They already seemed to think that she was out of her mind. Maybe she was. That night she had another dream, of being inside a huge house.

/ While Clary petted a bizarrely tame crow, which looked at her and tilted its head, her mom spoke to a woman she’d certainly never met before. “Iris, please. No one else will do it, I need your help.”

Soon Clary shivered as the crow made a sharp, hissing sound. Peering over her shoulder, she found the house’s owner stood behind her. The other’s smile didn’t seem trustworthy. “Hello, Clary. I’m Iris Rouse. I’d want to help. Will you let me? It’d make your mommy happy.”

Clary nodded hesitantly. /

/

After parting ways with Clary and making it home Magnus paced, and paced, restless circles around his balcony. (Well aware of the fact that several of his stray cats observed every step with great concern.) Encountering Clary, Shadowhunters and Circle members... It brought to life memories and feelings he would’ve much preferred to leave untouched.

Trust the angels’ chosen to always make a mess of his life...

Against his will Magnus thought about Alec, who made his offer with such deceitfully convincing sincerity. As though the archer really, honestly wanted to protect him. Magnus had been tricked by people of several races before, a humiliating number of times. What if Alec was trying to trick him, too?

In the end Magnus’ pacing came to an abrupt stop. He twirled around as gracefully as a dancer, looked at the cats and nodded. “Yes. I do believe that I’ve made a decision.” Magnus hoped that it was the correct one. Instincts, those that had led him astray too often, cautioned that something infinitely more terrifying than just his life was on the line.

/

Alec couldn’t sleep that night. Every time he nodded off, dreams of Magnus filled his head. The kind of dreams he absolutely shouldn’t have been having about another man. Especially since he was about to marry a beautiful woman in hopes of saving his family and its reputation.

/ Magnus lay under him, naked and breathing hard. The man’s golden eyes locked with his as a challenge and a plea. “Keep me safe. Please.” /

Alec bolted to a sitting position, panting, sweaty and his heart racing. His head spun and a quick glance revealed that... a certain part of him was very excited about the unexpected dreams. Alec’s throat was parched, as though he’d been screaming or at least mumbling a lot. He felt a blush creeping to his cheeks, then all the way to the tips of his ears.

At least Lydia didn’t share his room, and bed. He didn’t have to explain his unfortunately exciting dreams and why he’d almost definitely mumbled someone else’s name in his sleep. Yet. That’d change after the wedding. (According to tradition they were expected to consummate their marriage on their wedding night.) What would he do then? At least thinking about Lydia made certain parts of him soften and his boxers feel more comfortable once more.

What was wrong with him?

Alec was startled out of his spiral by someone throwing the room’s door open without knocking. It was Jace, who stood at the doorway dressed in nothing but midnight blue boxers. (At least Alec had already been blushing. It took his all to not let his eyes wander where they had no business going. It wasn’t until much later he’d realize that the sinfully appealing sight didn’t have the impact on him it once would’ve, and pretend that he wasn’t wondering why that was.) “I felt your distress so strongly that it woke me up. Are you okay?” Jace’s brows furrowed. “Why are you so... flushed?”

“I just... had a dream.” Finally starting to calm down, now that he had something else to focus on, Alec obtained a suspicious facial expression of his own. “Why are you?”

“I had a dream”, Jace proclaimed promptly, his parabatai’s blush deepening.

Before Alec could interrogate – or tease – further his phone received a message. He was stunned to discover that it was from Magnus, and further baffled after reading the words. ‘You can tell Herondale that I formally accept her generous offer.’ (Alec fought back a grin upon practically hearing Magnus’ mocking tone.) ‘However, before I sign any contracts or make things official, I want to have a private meeting with you. Alone. Because I need to know that I can actually trust you with my life. Tomorrow, eight PM?’

“Damn.” Jace went on before Alec could ask what the comment meant. The blond appeared mystified. “I had no idea you can smile like that.”

Alec... didn’t have the faintest clue what to say, to Jace or Magnus, so he resorted to rolling his eyes.

/

An hour later Catarina Loss, Ragnor Fell and Raphael Santiago – who were well used to their friend’s nocturnal ways (and one of them was, in fact, deathly allergic to sunlight) – stared at Magnus in a state of disbelief. Catarina had been rendered speechless. “You, taking a Shadowhunter as a bodyguard?” Ragnor sputtered, nearly choking on his tea. “And you actually consented?”

“The order came from the Clave. I’m already in enough trouble with them without defying a direct order. Again”, Magnus grumbled. And told himself that it was the only reason to his decision, with which he shocked even himself. “Alec was as infuriatingly persistent as his parents. Also, this way I can keep an eye on him and the Clave, and attempt to fish for information.” Keep your enemies closer, or how did that old saying go?

“Do they not know how old you are, how long you’ve protected yourself?” Raphael joined in.

Magnus glared at the vampire he’d considered his son for decades. “Still so immature...” As if he would’ve sounded particularly mature. “By your age you shouldn’t be juvenile enough to make fun of a warlock’s age”, he hissed.

“It’s your fault for lying about your age so much that it’s become a joke”, Raphael pointed out with a shrug.

“Children”, Ragnor interjected. (Magnus was tempted to point out that his friend wasn’t actually the oldest of them but ended up keeping his mouth shut. For once, someone might’ve quipped.) “Let’s focus on the actual issue.” The man looked at Magnus with a frown. “Valentine may be gone but Circle is still terribly dangerous. Perhaps you’d benefit of a protector.”

Magnus stared at his friend disbelievingly. The traitor...! “A Lightwood one? I’d much rather pass. I’ve experienced firsthand how rotten the branches of that family tree are and I’m not going to test my luck.”

Ragnor’s eyebrow arched. “What if everyone elected to judge you based on your parent?” The man lifted a hand. “Yes, I know what you’ve been through. I understand your feelings. But maybe you shouldn’t judge so quickly and harshly.”

“Traitor”, Magnus growled, out loud this time, and wasn’t sure whether he was genuinely offended or not. He looked towards Catarina. “Please help me. Surely you don’t agree with these turncoats?”

Catarina lifted a hand that wasn’t holding a glass. “I refuse to say anything while you’re this riled up. Just know that I want you to be safe and happy.”

Magnus huffed and fought the urge to roll his eyes dramatically. Yet again he rubbed at his own chest subconsciously, trying to chase away something that wasn’t exactly pain. “And what does a young Shadowhunter have to do with my potential happiness, pretty as he is?”

Catarina gave him a meaningful look but kept whatever comments she might’ve had to herself. “Whatever you do, just be careful for once in your long life.” Then, to Magnus’ relief, she steered the conversation elsewhere, to something a great deal more harmless. “Now, you promised us drinks and cake. Where’s the cake?”

Magnus smirked and snapped his fingers, to make four cakes appear.

“Showoff”, Ragnor and Raphael accused as one, too fondly to be taken seriously.

/

Sometimes as he hid behind Herondale’s face Valentine wondered what the people he encountered would’ve said or done if they knew who it really was in front of them. He faced one such occasion the following day, as Alec came to reveal that Magnus was about to agree on the... little suggestion. With conditions.

Valentine leaned back on his uncomfortable seat and barely remembered to sit like the woman he was pretending to be. “So you’re willing to let a Downworlder set the terms?” The young man was so very different from how his parents were at their prime. How disappointing.

“I am. Because he’s the one under a threat, and I need to earn his respect.” Alec lifted his chin and tried hard to hide how badly he yearned for approval. “I will complete my mission. But it needs to be on my terms, too.”

Valentine’s irritated glare was identical to Herondale’s. “Very well. As long as you remember how much of fragile diplomatic relations depend on you.”

In the fallout of what’d be a catastrophic failure Alec would become collateral damage, the failure son of traitor parents. Valentine might’ve experienced guilt if he wasn’t so eager to teach Maryse and Robert a lesson. First, though, he needed to make sure by any means necessary that Magnus would accept his new bodyguard.

/

Iris Rouse’s last day alive began like so many others. She was just putting fresh flowers to a vase, humming softly as she did, when an unexpected visitor interrupted her routine. It was a redhead she last met when the arrival was a child.

Clary appeared hesitant. “This may sound weird, but... Last night I had a dream and... Do you know my mother and me?”

Iris pressed a hand against her lips. “Of course I do, Clary. I’ve thought about you so often.” Surely it wasn’t because she would’ve felt guilty over what she did? “Come in, let’s talk. I’ll make us some tea, my special blend.”

Clary’s arrival provided Iris with a unique opportunity. A Shadowhunter who wasn’t even really aware of what she was, wouldn’t be able to fight back but with some help would be strong enough to withstand what was to come... Iris couldn’t have imagined a more valuable vessel for a precious child.

By the time Iris returned to the room where she’d left Clary the redhead was examining a deck of tarot cards. The young woman seemed particularly interested in one of them. “This looks beautiful, and custom made. Where did you get this from?”

Iris shrugged. By her age she couldn’t remember where even half of her possessions came from. “You clearly have a good eye for art. Your mom is the same.”

Mentioning Jocelyn got Clary’s attention. The redhead’s eyes filled with anguish. “Why would she make you take away my memories? My identity?”

Iris morphed her face into an expression of genuine sympathy. She’d always been a great actress. “She was so worried about you.” Her nods encouraged Clary to take a few sips of the tea, and Iris struggled to disguise her glee. “Shadow World... It’s beautiful but it can also be a dangerous place. Jocelyn wanted to protect you from it. Especially from your father and brother.” Once a reputable and perhaps notorious Shadowhunter showed up at her door, with a secret child no less, Iris needed to make sure that Jocelyn wouldn’t lure her into a world of unnecessary trouble. So she laced her guest’s tea with a truth potion, and learned of Valentine. And Jonathan.

Clary’s eyes widened. She came close to dropping the tea. “My... what?”

Oh dear. Jocelyn Fairchild, the queen of secrets. Iris could’ve used Clary’s shock to her advantage. A vessel for a child, and after a memory spell or two a valuable, loyal ally... Besides, she had a child in need of a babysitter.

Iris had no time to go through with any of her plans. She felt tugging, a warning deep inside her. Someone was trespassing, her wards screamed. Iris did her best to appear composed. “I’m sorry, I have to step outside for a moment. I’ll be right back.”

Clary didn’t seem to hear her.

It was deceitfully quiet downstairs. Iris advanced slowly, all her senses on high alert. She would’ve imagined that her mind was playing tricks on her if it wasn’t for her wards wailing.

Then something sharp hit her neck.

“It’s poison. A fairly painful way to go, I’ve been told, but still better than the likes of you deserve.” (Iris turned frustratingly clumsily, to find Valentine stood nearby. Her blood ran cold.) “Don’t bother trying to use your powers, they don’t work anymore.” (Of course she had to try, for the sake of her life. For once Valentine didn’t lie.) “In about five seconds you won’t be able to stand up any longer. A few more seconds and you won’t be able to move. An hour, at most, and you won’t be able to breathe.” Valentine caught her and guided her sickeningly gently to the floor once his prediction came true yet again. “Before your worthless existence comes to an end, I want you to do something actually valuable. Tell Magnus Bane that I’m alive. That the boogeyman is coming for him and those he truly cares about next. And I never fail to get the target I set my eyes on.”

“Iris? Is everything...?” That was when Clary saw her. (By the time the other woman knelt to her side Valentine was long gone. Had disappeared like a ghost.) “Oh my... Hold on, I’m calling 911.”

“No.” Iris wished that she could’ve shaken her head more convincingly. “Magnus...”

Clary blinked, several times. “Okay.” The young hunter’s hands trembled as she picked up a phone.

That was where Iris blacked out.

/

First her mom vanished. Then she started seeing people and things almost no one else could, and was told that she was something other than just a regular human. Suddenly she was calling for help for a dying warlock. What next? Clary really missed the days when her life was something even close to normal.

To her surprise Magnus picked up swiftly. Clary let out a small scream when some sort of a... portal appeared while they were still on the phone, and the man hurried through it. “What...? How did you...?”

“Later. Let me see, Biscuit.” (Clary wondered if that gentle tone was only reserved to her, because it was very different when Magnus talked to Iris.) “Let me try to...”

Iris, however, shook her head feebly. “... pointless ... poison ...” The woman blinked sluggishly and wrestled visibly to stay awake.

“Who did this?” Magnus’ tone was absolutely chilling. Nearly enough to make Clary feel sorry for whoever attacked the other warlock.

“Valentine... He’s alive...” Iris’ voice was barely audible but her words made Magnus blanch. “... you’re next ... and everyone you care about ... can’t be stopped ...”

Iris fought through a couple of more awful sounding, visibly painful breaths. Then became eerily still on the floor, her eyes glazing over. And with her died Clary’s hopes of obtaining answers. All she got was the mention of her father, and a brother. And a curious deck of tarot cards hiding in her pocket.

For close to a minute Magnus stared at the body, visibly shaken. Then murmured something in a language Clary didn’t understand before obtaining his usual mask of composure and confidence. A blink later the man made a call. “I’m afraid we have to prepone our meeting today.”

/

One moment Alec was choosing a menu for his wedding with Lydia, and fighting an internal war to convince himself that it was actually important. (That any of it mattered at all.) The next they were practically flying towards Iris’ house.

Seeing Magnus again had the exact same impact meeting him for the first time did. Alec’s heart didn’t seem to know what it was doing and his mind was in so much chaos that it was difficult to focus on anything. Flashbacks of his dreams threatened to make him blush. Which was very unfortunate, considering that his fiancée was right next to him. Magnus and Lydia were both tense upon being introduced to each other. The dead body on the floor and the redhead in a state of shock beside Magnus didn’t make things easier.

The news of Valentine possibly being alive worked like a cold shower. Alec crossed his arms over his upper body to shield himself against who knows what. “Are you sure that it was what she said? And that she wasn’t mistaken?”

“I’m sure.” Magnus didn’t bother to even try to hide his annoyance. “Now excuse me, I’ll have to...” That was when the man noticed something.

Peering over his shoulder, Alec did too. His chest ached as he looked at the little girl, four or five years old at most, hiding behind a corner, her eyes full of tears. Moving slowly, Alec knelt down to appear as non-threatening as possible. “Hey. Did you see the whole thing?”

The child nodded. And sniffled. “Boogeyman hurt nana.”

Alec sighed. “I know, and I’m sorry about that.” He gave her a small, hopefully comforting smile. “I’m Alec. What’s your name?”

“Madzie”, the girl whispered.

“That’s a pretty name.” Alec went on after more of Madzie became visible. “And you have cool gills.”

Madzie smiled back, faint as it was.

“I’m Magnus.” The other man mimicked Alec’s position. “I’m a warlock, just like you. Do you want to go somewhere safe?”

Madzie nodded. After a brief hesitation she closed the distance between herself and Magnus, and grabbed Alec’s hand along the way. “Alec and Clary, too”, the child insisted.

Magnus didn’t seem happy about it but in the end didn’t have the heart to deny the child’s wish. “Alright. Alec and Clary, too.”

“I’ll stay and notify the Clave”, Lydia offered. They, especially Herondale, definitely wanted to know about Valentine’s return. “And I’ll take care of the report.”

Lydia glanced suspiciously between Alec and Magnus. As though seeing or sensing something she shouldn’t have. Alec preferred not wondering what it was. Not being seen had always made him feel lonely but it’d also kept him safe.

Madzie kissed Iris’ cheek and wished “Wake up soon” quietly. Then, to everyone’s surprise, she crawled to Alec arms and held on as though intending to never let go. Clary, who didn’t manage to utter a word, was happy to let Magnus wrap an arm around her. None of them said a word and Alec didn’t dare to glance towards Lydia as they walked through Magnus’ portal.

Once they made it to Magnus’ loft Clary dashed towards a toilet as soon as one had been pointed to her, presumably to throw up. (Portals didn’t suit everyone.) While the men made their way towards a guestroom Alec found himself looking around as subtly as possible. The apartment was decorated with a beyond unique style. It was close to being the opposite to his own style but for some bizarre reason Alec felt at home in a way he never had before in his life.

The room they reached had a massive bed. Alec lay Madzie on it slowly and gently. “Try to have a little nap. What food would you like after you wake up?”

“Ice cream?” Madzie suggested in a small, pitiable voice. She still refused to let go of Alec. Apparently he was her chosen safety blanket.

Magnus chuckled. “I’m sure that can be arranged.” The warlock sighed heavily. “Alright, sweet pea. It’s time to let go of Alec, now. He needs to go home.”

“NO!” Madzie cried out and clung to Alec more tightly, tears shining in her innocent eyes. “I don’t want to say bye bye again.”

“Okay.” The men’s eyes met before Magnus went on. And just like at the club, for a second or two there was something in the air. “Then I suppose Alec stays.”

And Alec stayed.

/

Clary still sat on the bathroom floor, her stomach twisting and turning, as she made a call. The portal was brutal on her inexperienced system. And she couldn’t stop seeing Iris’ dead body, no matter how hard she tried.

Simon picked up swiftly. “Hey. How did it go? Did you find out anything?”

Clary started to cry. She couldn’t stop it. “Yeah. That all my life so far has been a lie. And then I had to watch...” Clary cut the sentence short. If she would’ve told Simon that she saw someone die nothing would’ve stopped him from hurrying to her and getting himself into a trouble, too.

“What do you need?” Simon inquired after having been uncharacteristically quiet.

Clary closed her eyes and sniffled. “Talk to me. About anything but my life.”

Talk Simon did. And his voice had the exact soothing impact Clary had craved for. Simon was the steadiest and most reliable thing in her disaster of a life. She could only hope and pray that he wouldn’t be taken away from her, too.

/

When Catarina got a call from Magnus, asking her to check up on a warlock child, she thought that he was joking. Until she realized how serious he sounded. And learned that Iris was dead. “How did she get her hands on a warlock child?”

Magnus groaned. “I’m looking into it, and dreading to find out. But knowing her, I doubt that it would’ve been anything the Accords would approve of. At least I got Madzie out of there before the Clave would’ve seen her.”

Catarina shuddered. The Clave tried to convince the Shadow World that it consisted of morally superior people. But the things they would’ve done to the first warlock child many of them had ever seen... Catarina didn’t want to imagine. And then there was the issue of Valentine being alive.

It was another shocker to learn that Magnus’ apartment was also occupied by two Shadowhunters. The redhead sitting at her friend’s balcony, staring into emptiness, didn’t have a single rune on her yet. The second one, watching over a sleeping little girl on a guest room’s bed while Magnus stood guard by the room’s doorway like a hawk, was a different story. A seasoned hunter, no doubt.

Those eyes rising swiftly to meet hers were full of protective fury. She didn’t think she’d ever seen a Shadowhunter get so protective over a warlock. “I’m Catarina, Magnus’ friend”, she explained in a whisper. “I’d like to make sure that she’s okay.”

The man nodded, relaxing. “I’m Alec.” (Ah, the mystery man who had Magnus so worked up...)

“I’ll leave you two alone”, Magnus muttered, and disappeared from view.

Alec waited patiently until she was done. Tensely, but patiently. “How is she?”

“Perfectly healthy. I’m glad that she’s somewhere safe.” Catarina hoped that she could truly trust Alec with Magnus and Madzie.

Alec nodded, then hesitated. “There’s... I’d need a favor. Someone to teach me about warlock customs. And I don’t think it can be Magnus.” Because I’m doing it for him, was left unsaid.

Catarina frowned, not quite daring to believe. “What, exactly, are you asking of me?” The thought of sneaking behind Magnus’ back...

Alec lifted his chin, a soldier on duty. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to earn Magnus’ trust. Maybe learning, in a way that’d be impossible at the Institute, is the way. I want to prove to him that I respect him and his people.”

/

Magnus hadn’t stayed out of earshot for long. He attempted to convince himself that it was because he couldn’t trust Alec, since that was the most harmless reason. He returned just in time to hear Alec’s request. It made his head spin and heart do things it wasn’t supposed to. Yet again he clutched at his own chest.

Was Alec working on being able to manipulate him? Or being sincere? Which option scared him more?

/

Once more disguised as Imogen Herondale, Valentine stood beside Iris, amused by how much everyone around him panicked over his true self’s return. With no idea how close he’d managed to sneak. And that they were in the company of the one who took Iris’ life.

So far a demon had been discovered, and dealt with. Loyal, dutiful little Shadowhunters had also found plenty of evidence on Iris’ illegal activities. But there hadn’t been a trace of the Cup, or of the daughter Valentine only discovered he had and was alive recently.

Deep in thought as he was, he was shaken back to the moment on hand when his phone received a message. From a Circle member. ‘Lightwood is still at Bane’s. Bane is definitely going to accept the offer officially. And who knows what other sick stuff they’re up to.’

Only the fact that he had to act like Herondale in his current company kept Valentine from smiling or grinning triumphantly.

Chapter Text

Some of the investigating Shadowhunters appeared confused by why Inquisitor Herondale stayed at Iris Rouse’ house for hours. No one dared to question it openly, though. Valentine had his reasons for being there.

Jocelyn stole the Cup upon disappearing. She would’ve hidden it to the last place from where he’d look, and a warlock’s house was certainly that. There was also an item he wanted people to find.

“Ma’am!” Ah, so it’d finally been discovered. A young woman with long, red hair and currently wide eyes – who looked startlingly lot like a young Jocelyn – came running into the room. “I found Valentine Morgenstern’s research notes. Rouse must’ve stolen them before or after his death. Or well, presumed death. I wonder if she blackmailed him.” (As if Valentine would’ve ever let himself be blackmailed by a disgusting warlock. He couldn’t believe none of all the people crowding the house didn’t catch ‘Herondale’ planting the notes.)

“And?” he demanded in Herondale’s sharpest voice, not having to feign the immense annoyance in the tone.

“There’s something important you need to know, about your grandson.”

The perfect way to steer the Shadow World towards the direction Valentine wanted it to go? Creating chaos and division. Alec was already exactly where Valentine wanted him. The older man had several years’ worth of experience on how to control and manipulate Jace, and he currently wore the face of a long-lost blood-relative. (Something the blond had secretly yearned for terribly.) The young man he once raised behind another fake face was so very impressionable. Transforming Jace into a second tool for his cause would be easy.

/

It wasn’t easy. Madzie kept crying after Iris, asked when the woman would return with the innocence of someone who was too young to understand what death was, and was terrified that ‘the boogeyman’ would return. But eventually Alec and Magnus managed to get Madzie to fall asleep for the night. It was by promising that the Shadowhunter would be there to protect her, and still be at the apartment when she’d wake up in the morning.

Having two Nephilim at his home, while also housing a warlock child... None of it made Magnus happy. And then there was the unfortunate, undeniable fact that having Alec around pleased a strictly chained part of him, a lot. Was it any wonder that he got... prickly, as Raphael called that state of mind of his. “I won’t let you take Madzie to the Institute. She wouldn’t be safe there.”

“I know. I agree.” Alec’s words surprised them both. “Most Shadowhunters don’t understand Downworlders. Right now Madzie needs someone who does understand her. And safety.”

Magnus watched Alec suspiciously. While those words were exactly what he wanted to hear, that was also a problem. He’d encountered great many people who knew exactly what to say. Things and people were rarely as they seemed. “You’re an unusual Shadowhunter. Or then you pretend phenomenally well.”

Alec snorted. “I wouldn’t be able to pretend to save my life. Sometimes I wish I could, it’d make my life a lot easier.”

What, exactly, did that mean? Magnus forced himself to not ask. He couldn’t let Alec know that the man was getting to him. “I’ve continued to think about your... offer.” Magnus worked his jaw. “Valentine sent me a little message through Iris. Apparently he’s coming for me. That alone wouldn’t worry me too much, I’ve had a target on my back basically all my long life. But he also threatened those I care about.” Magnus’ mind strayed towards his three precious friends, and his traitorous gaze darted towards where Madzie slept. “I have to keep them safe. And I may need help with that.”

Cautious hope flickered in Alec’s eyes. “So... You’ll sign the contract?”

Magnus lifted his chin. “On one condition. I get to withdraw from it immediately if I see fit. Especially if you let Madzie down in any way.”

Alec nodded. “Alright. Sounds fair.”

Was it, really? Magnus didn’t know. But surely he had the right to protect himself, after everything.

Somehow the men had become so captivated by each other that they shuddered from startle when Clary appeared. She was still pale and clearly shaken. Was it any wonder? She’d been sucked into a violent new world out of the blue. “I should go hom... back to the place where I’ve been staying.” Her gaze locked to Magnus. “I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

Magnus nodded. (Alec experienced a ridiculous slash of jealousy at how gently the warlock looked at Clary.) “Anytime. Are you sure that you don’t want to stay the night?”

“Yeah.” Clary obviously needed a little break from all the... intensity. Even though finding her mom was on the line.  “My friends are getting worried. I... don’t know how to explain anything to them.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to them yet.” Magnus and Clary shared a tight hug. “Take care of yourself, Biscuit.”

“I could take you to the Institute with me”, Alec offered despite a large part of him being beyond ready to forget Clary even existed. (It didn’t escape his attention how Magnus stiffened beside him. What if he’d never manage to obtain the man’s trust?) “It’s where Shadowhunters live. Maybe you’d find answers...”

Clary’s snort cut him short. “Thanks, but... Right now, I want be as far away from that world as possible for a moment.”

Alec would’ve lied claiming he didn’t understand the urge. Magnus gave her a look of sympathy. “On far too many days I feel exactly the same way”, the warlock sighed.

/

Magnus lost track of time sometimes, when he sank particularly deep into his thoughts. (And how was someone who’d lived for centuries supposed to have a good grip on time, anyway?) He had a lot to think about. Valentine... The threat on the lives of everyone he cared about... Madzie... Alec...

“Your life has certainly never been boring”, Ragnor mused. The man paused. “Your new... protector... Do you suppose he’ll come back?”

“He’s a dutiful little soldier with orders. Of course he will.” At least Magnus wasn’t mulling over it all alone. He had his oldest friend. And alcohol. “The Clave... Valentine... Suddenly I’m on everyone’s radar. I quite liked them ignoring me and living my life as I pleased.”

Ragnor sighed heavily. “I’m saying this with affection.” Oh please, the other never said anything with ‘affection’. Or well, very rarely. “You haven’t been ‘living your life as you pleased’. You’ve been hiding, drifting from one day to another, since...”

“Yes, I’m aware. It’s not something anyone can just... bounce back from.” Magnus ran unsteady fingers through his hair. “There’s hardly anything left of my heart. I can’t bear to lose anyone else.” He looked at Ragnor, feeling infuriatingly vulnerable. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Ragnor gave him a gentle smile. “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to find out.”

A scream from the guestroom startled them both and ended the somber moment. Magnus dashed towards the sound’s direction, to discover Madzie weeping in the aftermath of a nightmare. “Boogeyman”, she barely managed to squeeze out through her sobs. “Bed wet.”

Magnus snapped his fingers to change her sheets and clothes into clean ones. “Don’t worry, Sweet Pea. That’s all fixed.” He sat to the edge of the bed and held on as Madzie latched herself on him. “Nightmares can be terrifying. But my wards are so strong that you’re perfectly safe here.” Valentine or any Circle member would have no access to his home. He offered it as a sanctuary to his three friends but they refused adamantly and stubbornly to put their lives on hold indefinitely. (Magnus’ ‘What if you lose your lives permanently?’ only earned him eyerolls.)

“Alec, too?” Madzie whispered. “I want him safe, too.”

Magnus sighed. What was it about that infuriatingly appealing archer... “Yes. Alec, too.”

It became obvious that Madzie was too scared to fall asleep without help, and Magnus loathed the idea of putting her to sleep with magic without her consent. Instead he started to sing softly, ended up choosing a song that brought to life too many memories for comfort. In under two minutes Madzie slept soundly.

Sensing someone watching, Magnus lifted his gaze. Ragnor leaned on the doorframe with tears in his eyes. Seeing him so touched was honestly quite shocking. “I’ve missed seeing you like this, my friend”, Ragnor whispered. “I’m so glad that you’re giving yourself a second chance.”

Magnus became too choked up to say anything to that.

/

It was Alec’s duty to report his success to Inquisitor Herondale. She greeted his news with a not exactly warm but appreciative smile. “Those are certainly good news. If you actually succeed, this will have a great impact on the relations between Shadowhunters and the Downworld. I may reward you for it.”

Despite a huge part of him cautioning him against it, Alec found himself becoming terrifyingly, stupidly hopeful – because the Institute Head’s seat was still vacant.

Alec was walking away when Herondale called out once more. “Lightwood. Before you leave for your mission, be present for an important briefing in two hours. Everyone is expected to be there.”

/

Jace was basically raised to be a weapon. His body was trained until his fighting skills were almost beyond compare. And fate taught him to never get emotionally attached to anyone, because everyone always left him or let him down sooner or later.

Then the Lightwood family, especially his parabatai, happened. They took him in and looked after him, even when his behavior was at its worst and he was badly traumatized. (Jace hoped that it wasn’t solely out of pity.) And now he couldn’t get the redhead he’d only met once, briefly, out of his head. Which was absolutely ridiculous. Jace didn’t believe in love at first sight, didn’t believe that he was capable of falling in love.

In the middle of the new, unexpected emotional turmoil Jace resorted to what he knew best. He trained, pushed his body and runes to the extreme. (And wondered, loudly out loud, why he wasn’t assigned to the team working on finding Valentine.)

Was it any wonder that the Inquisitor knew exactly where to find him? Especially with all the building’s surveillance cameras. Jace tensed up, though. A voice in the back of his head warned him not to trust her. “My apologies for interrupting you but there’s... We must talk about something important”, she opened with.

Jace arched an eyebrow. What could they have to talk about? “If I’ve gone against orders it’s...”

Herondale shook her head. (In a different frame of mind Jace would’ve recognized the feigned vulnerable look in her eyes as identical to one he saw on the face of another pretender, when he was a child.) “Today... Today I learned that I’m not as alone in the world as I thought I was. And you aren’t, either.”

/

Alec’s next and far less pleasant duty was informing his fiancée that he’d stay at Magnus’ loft for a while. To gain the warlock’s trust, and to be able to protect him better. Keeping his mission a secret from the one he was supposed to marry wasn’t an option anymore. Besides, it was only a matter of time before people – Nephilim and Downworlders alike – would start noticing.

As expected, Lydia wasn’t thrilled. She watched with a frown of confusion as he packed up. “What about our wedding?”

Alec breathed in, and out. “It’ll happen as planned, don’t worry. Nothing’s changed.” Why did hat feel like a lie?

“Are you sure about that?” Lydia frowned and went on before he could think of a comeback. “So... You’re leaving home for two warlocks. I’m not judging, I’m just... trying to understand. Why are you so determined to help Downworlders?”

Alec sighed heavily and looked away. He couldn’t meet Lydia’s gaze upon uttering the honest answer. “Because... I know you don’t understand what it’s like to be discriminated, ridiculed and looked down on simply for being what you were born as or what you turned out to be. You’ve never lived that way. But I have. And... I want to try to help them have better lives. I don’t want them to feel ashamed forever.”

Lydia watched him with the kind of suspicion she’d never aimed at him before. “That’s it? Your decision has nothing to do with the fact that one of those you’re protecting is Magnus?”

“Why would it have anything to do with Magnus being one of them?” Alec knew that he sounded defensive but couldn’t stop himself. Nor could he stop himself from feeling like he was lying again.

Lydia sighed. “You look at him like you’ve never looked at me. And you spent a night at his loft. What happened to us being honest with each other?”

“Nothing happened between Magnus and me”, Alec hissed, shame coloring his cheeks.

Lydia shrugged. “Maybe not physically. But things can change in a lot of different ways.”

Alec’s jawline twitched. “Do you know what I would really appreciate right now? That people would stop making assumptions about me.”

Lydia groaned. “Alec, we’re on the same side. That’s why I accepted your proposal. I just need you to be honest, that’s all. If you’ve changed your mind...”

Before Alec would’ve cracked and shouted that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore the room’s door was thrown open. It was jarring to see Jace so shaken. (Alec would’ve certainly felt his parabatai’s emotional turmoil earlier if he wasn’t overwhelmed by his own.) “Can we... Can we talk? Fast? Before the briefing?”

/

It was one of the most satisfying moments Valentine had experienced while playing Herondale. No wonder he was able to bring a bright smile to her stone-face. “I’m aware that it’s getting late but this was too important to wait until tomorrow.” Some members of his sizeable audience were anxious to get to their nightly patrols, others appeared utterly exhausted. And tired people tended to react to big news more emotionally, irrationally. Which was exactly his goal. “Sometimes fate works in mysterious ways. A blink of an eye ago I learned that I have a grandson. That he was spared from the monsters who took away his parents’ lives. And today... It’s my great honor to name him the new Head of the New York Institute. Now, with Valentine Morgenstern’s return and the ensuing tensions starting to grow, strong leadership is essential.” He gestured for Jace to come closer. “Jonathan Herondale, you have proven with your skills that you’re a phenomenal leader. Congratulations.”

Jace nodded appreciatively, gave a smile that was too tight to be genuine, and took his place beside the person the man thought was his grandmother. Valentine noticed several things in the moments which followed. While some seemed to approve of the decision, frowns and a lot of muttering could also be caught. (The word ‘nepotism’ was certainly used, several times.) Without a doubt they wondered why someone known for making his own rules was labeled a good leader. Izzy grinned widely and proudly at Jace, before casting a worried glance towards Alec. As the blond headed to his siblings the taller man obviously worked hard to appear supportive and happy for his adopted brother. But hurt, the deep kind that could wreck one’s heart and soul if allowed to make a nest inside them, could be seen in Alec’s eyes. It was very clear who would’ve wanted to become the Head – and would’ve, the actions of his parents and his entirely too liberal views concerning Downworlders excluded, been a good fit for the task.

Hodge took the spot beside him that used to be Jace’s. “Ma’am Inquisitor... I know that it’s none of my business to judge your decisions. But are you sure...?”

“You’re right, it is none of your business.” (For a dangerous second or two the tone surprised Hodge, and it occurred to Valentine that he’d sounded too much like his true self.) “Trust that I know what I’m doing.”

And he did. He could’ve aimed an attack after an attack against the Institute as Valentine, to have it come out stronger. Nothing was as efficient as letting it tear itself apart. People wouldn’t take orders from someone appointed by his grandmother, someone who wasn’t worthy, easily. In his despair to please his only relative and to prove to himself that he was worthy Jace would accept any order from who he thought to be Herondale. And Valentine had spent enough time raising the blond to know that he was no diplomat. How long and how many... questionable decisions would it take before the fragile peace between the Institute and the city’s Downworlders would shatter? The ripple effect could easily become global.

And then there was another, smaller plan. While Jace embraced his new position Alec was sent away on a silly mission that was bound to fail. Catastrophically. A new rift could already be seen forming between the borderline legendary parabatai. Would the two even end up fighting on opposing sides before Alec’s fate would inevitably be sealed? The archer would be isolated while scrambling to complete his little mission. Soon the world would get rid of Bane, and the disgusting warlock child Circle members keeping watch had reported also residing at the loft. And Alec would pay the price, with his very own parabatai (as well as something more, judging by the way Valentine caught the man looking at Jace sometimes, curiously until recently) helping seal his fate.

So yes. Valentine knew exactly what he was doing. There was pain, heartache, betrayal and broken trust in the horizon.

/

After congratulating Jace and working hard to sound sincere Alec lingered behind, watched as this parabatai talked to Izzy and others while casting occasional worried looks towards him. (Did his emotions leak through their bond?) Jace didn’t know how badly Alec would’ve wanted the other’s current position, let alone why, but realized that he might’ve even been a good fit for it. Losing it hurt, even if Alec lost it to someone he would’ve given anything for.

Alec wanted to run away, ached to get out of everyone’s sight before he’d slip and reveal his true feelings. He also didn’t want to let down Madzie, and Magnus, by staying away for too long. Unfortunately his feet refused to start moving.

Then Herondale was passing him by. She watched him with eyes that seemed to see too much, gave him chills. “I’m aware that you would’ve wanted the position. But surely you agree that I made the right decision.”

Disagreeing would’ve insulted her, and Jace, so Alec kept his mouth shut. Partially. “Is it because I don’t have my wings yet?”

“That played a role. As did your parents’ actions.” Herondale’s eyes turned predatory. “And then there’s how I’ve caught you watching my grandson when you imagine no one sees. How is an unholy creature like you ever supposed to make a decent leader?” With those words she walked away.

Alec’s blood ran cold, and the words hit him more sharply than any blade could’ve. That someone like Herondale saw his repulsive secret and confirmed the worst things he’d thought about himself... It was a nightmare. Alec had to get out.

“Alec.” Where did Lydia come from and how much did she hear? (He didn’t glance towards her to see her pity.) “I’m sorry...”

“I really have to get going.” At the moment Alec failed to feel guilty over how clipped he sounded. “Call or message me about any wedding questions. I trust you with the arrangements.” The less he’d have to think about that day the better.

Lydia’s mouth opened but whatever she’d been about to say and Alec’s escape were interrupted by someone coaxing him to turn around before throwing themselves to his arms. Within seconds he realized that it was Izzy. “Did you seriously try to sneak out without saying goodbye to us?” Izzy hissed. “Rude!”

Alec fought hard to keep his emotions in check. They threatened to bubble out any second. He couldn’t stand being inside the building, let alone in Izzy’s arms. “I’m sorry”, he croaked. He was such a pathetic, weak...

“Don’t apologize. Just come back soon.” Izzy sniffled. “We can visit you any time, right?” They’d lived under the same roof since her birth. Looking out for each other and protecting one another. Him living elsewhere, even if inside the same city and only temporarily, was a huge adjustment.

Alec worked his jaw. “I... don’t think that’s a good idea.” That was true, and a convenient excuse. “Magnus doesn’t trust Shadowhunters, at all. I don’t want to overwhelm or disrespect him by bringing along guests.”

“So you’re letting a warlock boss you around?”

“Jace...”, Alec growled in a warning.

“Just kidding.” Jace gave him a tight hug and patted him on the back. (The things the contact would’ve done to Alec, once upon a time...) “Keep me posted. And not only because I’m your bossman.”

Alec rolled his eyes. It was difficult to hide how much the words stung. “Don’t let your position get into your head.”

Jace snorted. “You and Iz would never let that happen.” The man’s eyes softened. “I’ll miss you. But at least I won't have you breathing down my neck about rules and how bad all my ideas are for a little while.” Jace rolled his eyes at the looks he got from his siblings, and Lydia. “I was just joking, again, stop glaring at me. Why are you all so uptight today?”

The earlier words were stabs. Jace’s so called joke pierced right through Alec’s heart. By some miracle he managed to hold himself together while saying ‘bye’ to his siblings and fiancée, then sneaking out with his bag and what little dignity he had left.

It could’ve been the night when he received a yearned for promotion to a position in which he could’ve changed the world for the better, for everyone – instead he left a building where he clearly wasn’t wanted as his true self, to live with a warlock who didn’t want anything to do with him.

/

It was his wards which alerted Magnus that he had a visitor. Curious rather than alarmed, because he wasn’t reported of a threat, he first checked from behind the apartment’s door, then peered to the fire escape outside his apartment. Alec sat there, staring into the night with terrifyingly hollow, haunted eyes. A small bag lay forgotten at the man’s feet.

Magnus had his prejudices, hammered home by cruel fate. But he wasn’t a monster. He couldn’t ignore someone who was obviously suffering.

Slowly, not wanting to startle Alec, Magnus joined the archer. “There you are. Madzie will be happy to see you in the morning.”

Alec sighed, appearing lost. “I’m not sneaking around, I just... I needed a moment to feel ready to come inside.”

Magnus nodded slowly and leaned against the wall. It wasn’t often he found himself not knowing what to do. “You’re about to protect me. If there’s something you need to get off your chest... I’d like to listen, to return the favor.”

Alec looked down, a horrible weight sitting on the young hunter’s shoulders. (Surely the man didn’t consider jumping...?) “Tonight... has been a long one.” Alec didn’t seem to have any intention to continue but the words tumbled out. “Have you ever had all the worst things you’ve thought about yourself confirmed by someone else?”

Magnus fought back a bitter snort. The moment felt too delicate for that. “Yes. An unfortunate number of times.” He tilted his head. “I’m sorry it happened to you.” Knowing how agonizing it was certainly added to his empathy.

“Hmm.” Alec scratched his own fingers restlessly, not seeming to notice how it irritated bruised and bloodied knuckles. “I need to be alone right now.”

Magnus recognized the look in those eyes chillingly well from personal experience. It would’ve been a mistake to walk away. “I’d rather not leave you alone right now.”

Alec had no strength left for arguing with him. Moving with more confidence than before, he sat down beside the younger man. Not touching but close enough to remind that he was there. And there they remained for a long time, in pouring rain, while Alec fought an internal battle palpably hard.

Dawn was breaking by the time they entered the loft. Alec’s knees wobbled visibly but the man made clear without words that he didn’t want physical support. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief once his... guest made it to the couch, more slumped than lay down, and basically collapsed.

It certainly wasn’t ideal. But Magnus didn’t think it would’ve been a good idea to transfer Alec to his second guestroom’s bed without the other’s consent. With a snap of fingers he ensured that the Shadowhunter had dry clothes on. (Watching Alec trembling from cold, and possibly something else, threatened to break his heart.)

There was no hope that Magnus would’ve been able to get any sleep. To avoid startling or creeping out Alec by getting caught staring at the slumbering man, he headed towards the kitchen. He needed coffee, lots of it, to clear his head. (And to ease his once again annoyingly aching chest.)

Neither of them noticed two beautiful feathers – white as fresh snow – lay on the stone floor outside, until a gust of wind carried them away.

/

It took Alec some time to figure out where he was after waking up. Had he ever woken up somewhere that wasn’t his room or the Institute’s infirmary? To his surprise he didn’t panic. Something about the apartment he recognized easily and swiftly as Magnus’ filled him with comfort instead. Until he remembered bits and pieces of their encounter the night before, and scowled from embarrassment.

How was the warlock ever supposed to trust in the protection of someone as...?

“ALEC!” Madzie’s thrilled voice was exactly the distraction he needed. She ran to him, jumped to his arms and hugged him tightly. (Why was his upper back sore?) “You came!”

Alec smiled although he didn’t really feel like smiling. “Of course. I promised, remember? And I keep my promises.”

“Good.” Madzie’s hold on him tightened still. The traumatized girl was obviously terrified that he’d still vanish somehow. “I was scared that the boogeyman got you. Now you’re home and we can keep each other safe.”

Home... Alec’s stomach dropped and a bitter taste filled his mouth. His real home was a place where he could never, ever be openly himself. And he wasn’t exactly a desired guest at Magnus’ loft.

“Alec?” Madzie tilted her head and frowned. “You look sad. Why are you sad?”

How was Alec supposed to explain his... dilemma to a small child? He did his best to remain composed. “I... lost something important. And I feel like it’s because of what I am, and what I don’t have. That makes me sad.”

Madzie contemplated for a few seconds, adorably focused. “Can I hug you? I like hugs.”

Alec nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak. A blink later Madzie embraced him again, as though trying to wrap herself around him protectively. Alec closed his eyes and couldn’t keep a few silent, proud tears from rolling down his cheeks.

His life as he’d known it was falling apart and he didn’t have the faintest clue how to stop the process.

Neither of the two noticed Magnus watching them. The sight made him feel too many unwanted things. Terrifying things. And his heart hurt hellishly. Perhaps Magnus was being overdramatic, but he was convinced that somewhere deep inside it a key turning in a rusty lock could be heard. And it scared him more than anything else.

No one was supposed to be able to do that to his heart anymore, even just a little bit.

/

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Seelie child named Melody, her long hair as though made of gold and her big eyes surreally blue. When she little, she had to watch a Shadowhunter kill her mother for the petty crime of stealing from a mundane before defending herself. Her older brother attempted to protect their only parent and ended up losing his life, too. It all happened before Melody’s eyes, while she remained paralyzed in her hiding place, in too much shock to make a sound. Then she was all alone in the world, abandoned with the bodies that wouldn’t be buried by those responsible. There’d never be a day, or even a single hour, when that brutally cold, windy winter night wouldn’t haunt Melody. It was the wind which swallowed her eventual screams, made them inaudible to anyone else.

It was a time of war, people said, and the murderer was an envoy of the Clave. Apparently the act was ‘justified’. Only days later a fragile peace was formed and the killer was pardoned promptly. The Accords kept Melody from seeking out revenge in any sort of a legal way.

No one saw her at the crime scene. No one knew that they took a child’s whole world away from her. Since then she lived in the shadows and as she waited for her chance the wrath inside her grew.

In the end Melody’s chance came with help from of the most unlikely person.

On her way from the club where she worked to the tiny apartment she called a home, Melody froze in front of the man standing on her path. Valentine Morgenstern watched her with emotionless eyes. “I know what you’ve suffered. And you know that I’d usually want nothing to do with the likes of you. Right now our goals align.” Valentine took a step closer. “How would you feel about starting a fire that’ll burn down the entire Shadow World, so we can build a new, better one?”

Melody nodded, as speechless as on the night her family was taken from her violently.

Chapter Text

Roughly an hour after their... unexpected trio had breakfast Catarina came to get Madzie for a visit to a beautiful little playground nearby. The child was very clearly, and loudly, scared and hesitant, which didn’t make letting her go any easier on the two men who’d silently declared themselves her protectors. It frightened Magnus how swiftly and deep the girl had gotten under his skin.

“What about the boogeyman?” (Oh, Madzie...) “What if he finds us? Or Alec and Magnus?”

Catarina smiled gently. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back very soon. We’ll have fun and maybe ice cream first.” (The child really needed to forget about her trauma and sorrows for a while.) “I’ll keep you safe. Alec and Magnus will keep each other safe.” It was heartbreaking to realize that it might not be enough. Madzie didn’t need to hear as much, her sense of security had been shaken enough.

Madzie turned towards the men. Her shoulders slumped as she began to realize that she’d have no other choice but to go with a near-stranger. Her eyes darted between them. “No more bye byes.”

“No byes”, Alec promised solemnly. The archer knelt to her level and opened his arms wide. “How about a big hug instead?”

Madzie accepted the offer eagerly. While the two were distracted Catarina took a step closer to Magnus and whispered. “That one carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Go easy on him, okay?”

Magnus snorted. Careful to keep it so quiet that it wouldn’t catch unwanted attention. “Shouldn’t he be the one at the receiving end of this lovely shovel talk?”

Catarina groaned, also quietly. “I’m not giving you a shovel talk. I’m trying to talk sense into you.”

Magnus’ eyebrow bounced up. Why did she have to make fighting... whatever it was awakening and growing inside him even harder? “What happened to the friend who usually tells me off for doing stupid and reckless things?”

Catarina sighed exhaustedly. “Magnus, he wants to learn about warlock customs. Does that make it sound like he’s about to take after his parents? Or follow the Clave’s orders blindly?”

But wasn’t that exactly the problem? How was Magnus supposed to know, after how many times he’d been tricked? The more he was told to lower his guard the more anxiously he desired to protect himself, and his scarred, barely functioning heart.

Thankfully that was when Alec and Madzie broke their embrace, and everyone’s focus shifted elsewhere. The girl took Catarina’s hand obediently despite clearly being unsure. The woman then moved to open a portal, since all three adults agreed that it was the safest way to transport Madzie in case Valentine’s men were lurking around the building.

“Take good care of her”, Alec practically commanded on last moment, sounding like he was trusting Catarina with his own life.

Catarina nodded. Of course she understood how much she was entrusted with. “I will, I promise.”

And then it was just the two men left. They came to a silent agreement that they didn’t want to talk about Madzie’s departure. Instead they started with the reason why they needed a babysitter for her in the first place. Business negotiations, of sorts. They had to talk about grownup issues without little ears listening.

“Let’s start with your routines.” Alec certainly sounded and looked like a Shadowhunter on duty, all steel-hard concentration. “Tell me how your days usually go.”

What was the worst Alec could do with that information? So Magnus told him. About his frequent visits to Pandemonium, so the people there would never forget who that realm’s king was. (Not that he would’ve used those exact words.) He also told Alec about the parties he threw, for cats and people alike. He rarely remained still or inactive for long. Because if he had, repressed memories and the darkness lurking at the back of his mind would’ve caught up with him. (Not that he would’ve shared that bit, either.) He also enjoyed being the center of attention. Because when he chose to be one it was on his terms and his choice, which made enduring the inevitable negative attention easier. (Another piece of classified information.)

Alec groaned. (Obviously knowing that the words to come likely wouldn’t be taken particularly well.) “Magnus, I understand that you’re used to something different. But if I want to have any hope of managing to keep you safe... Then you have to lay low, at least a little. Valentine already proved that he’s bold enough to have you attacked at a crowded club. And he got to Iris. You don’t have to like it but you need to be more careful.”

“I need people around me!” Magnus growled, hoping that he didn’t sound panicked. Loneliness and confinement would kill him faster than Valentine could. He’d felt so lonely for so long, he couldn’t go back to that hell. “And I’m the leader of my people. They need me.” A group of people as... temperamental as warlocks without a leader encouraging them to not do all the stupid things impulses urged them to do... Magnus couldn’t see it ending well.

“I get that, and I’d never stop you from being there for them. But no clubs, and no more parties. Until Valentine’s been found and dealt with.” Alec sighed. “This... This is all only temporary, okay? I’ll be out of your life before you know it.”

Why did those words add to Magnus’ barely controllable anxiety instead of easing it? Suddenly Alec’s words hit him differently, made him face something he hadn’t had the time to process earlier. “You’ll be in my life. The whole Downworld will see a Shadowhunter following me everywhere. They... may not take it well.”

“Because of my race? Or because my parents were Circle members? Well, both, I guess.” Alec visibly wasn’t proud of his family’s history, but nonetheless owned it and planned to make up for it as Maryse and Robert never would. Genuine worry made its way to the surface. “Will I get you into a trouble?”

Magnus couldn’t stop his features from softening. “Possibly. But that’s alright, I’m always in a trouble for something.” A twinge inside his chest reminded him of exactly how much trouble he was in, and he fought the urge to rub it. His heart was such a foolish old wreckage of a thing...

Alec smiled, the gesture small but genuine, and it was dangerously beautiful.

/

The night before had been an awful one for Jace. He felt Alec’s absence as though he would’ve had a missing limb, and it wasn’t only his brother’s physical presence being missing. His parabatai had also closed their connection, to a point where Jace had no idea how the other was doing. That happening while Alec was staying with a warlock the blond wasn’t sure he could trust didn’t sit well with him. Would he even know if something was wrong? And then there were the dreams of the mysterious, beautiful redhead that just wouldn’t stop.

Jace’s new job added to the load of stress, of course. Starting from his very first, exhausted morning he knew that he wasn’t a good fit. Worse was that everyone else seemed to know, too. They already came to him with their demands and questions, and didn’t even try to hide their annoyance when they felt his solutions weren’t good enough. The reports he was supposed to process and sign began to pile up bafflingly fast as those who patrolled the night before brought in theirs dutifully before heading to get some sleep. The worst part? It was that Jace knew, from the bottom of his heart and soul, that Alec would’ve thrived in that chaos. Transformed under all the pressure into the leader everyone expected to have. And that position was snatched from his parabatai unfairly.

Herondale lurking around like a shadow and breathing down his neck definitely didn’t improve things. After learning that one of his relatives was alive Jace experienced great joy. Briefly. Until he realized how cold his grandmother was. She made adamantly clear that she had great expectations regarding his future and how he’d handle his new role. What if he’d let her down? Or rather, what would she do after learning that he’d never be worthy of her expectations? Was what Herondale did to him what Alec had endured from the man’s parents all his parabatai’s life?

Without knocking Herondale entered his office, seemingly summoned by his thoughts. “There you are. Something discovered after last night was just brought to my attention. It’s important that you act on it immediately.” (As if he didn’t have a hundred tasks in progress already...!) Without a warning or preparing words she showed him a picture of a young dead Shadowhunter, who’s glazed over hazel eyes still held echoes of sheer terror. “Jessica Goldfeather never returned from her patrol. Her absence was noticed a couple of hours ago, and her body was just found. She was killed last night by a vampire. Presumably the culprit is from Camille Belcourt’s notorious clan.”

Jace’s stomach turned. Losing someone... he knew in a special way from the Institute was one thing. A Downworlder being accused of the whole thing was another. It could lead to a great deal of tension while the peace between the two halves of the Shadow World was still fragile. “I’ll lead the official investigation myself.” He owed Jessica that much after how he treated her.

His words pleased Herondale. (At least one of them was pleased...) “Very good. The official briefing will take place in half an hour.”

Once the room’s door closed after his visitor Jace checked the time from his phone. It was only ten in the morning. And the day was already in a state of chaos.

Jace ached to call or message Alec for emotional support but didn’t, wasn’t sure he had the right to.

/

Izzy suspected that something was awfully wrong since they were called to a surprise briefing. Learning of Jessica’s death was awful even though they didn’t know each other very well. To hear that the deed was done by a vampire was infinitely worse. Watching how Herondale could barely contain her satisfied smirk beside Jace, Izzy knew exactly how she’d use the incident. The Clave wouldn’t hesitate to take it out on the whole Downworld.

Jace, on the other hand, looked like he would’ve rather been just about anywhere else in the world while delivering his speech. “The violent death of one of our own is a tragedy. One to which we must react instantly. Preliminary inquiries have already been made.” (Without a doubt authorized by Herondale, before their Institute was properly notified of the crime. The woman wasn’t going to let go of her power easily, even for her own grandson.) Jace made a picture of a woman visible to them all. “Our strongest suspect right now is Camille Belcourt. She was a clan leader before her crimes against the Accords were discovered and she was sent to exile. According to reliable sources she’s returned against all common sense. Unfortunately her current exact whereabouts are unknown despite the clan leader’s, Raphael Santiago’s, best attempts to locate her.” (Izzy could only hope that Raphael hadn’t been harmed to... encourage him to obtain information. The look in Jace’s eyes as he went on suggested that he hoped for the same. The peace between the Shadow World’s halves might depend on it.) “I’ll assign a team for this vitally important task. It’ll work directly under my command.” (If Herondale’s gaze messaged anything, it was that she wouldn’t actually allow such independence.)

The risk of a new war was higher than ever before. Izzy heard it in all the voices of people offering themselves to the bleak task, especially because she knew how proud vampires were and how deep their disdain for the Clave was. She had to do something, even if it meant operating behind Jace’s back.

/

Hiding behind Herondale’s face, Valentine knew exactly where Camille was. She was the perfect scapegoat, and her unnecessary death would certainly spark ire among her kind. According to loud rumors and some photographic evidence she was also extremely important to Magnus, once upon a time. Her death would serve several purposes. But first Valentine had to make it happen.

After the briefing, behind a firmly locked office door, Valentine still wore Herondale’s face but spoke in his own voice. “Have you reached the destination?” There was a house Circle had kept a close eye on due to the redhead living inside it temporarily. It was mad luck that some insanity, or fate, chased Camille there.

“Yes. And they’ve forgotten to cover a window, so I have clear visual to the target. All I need is your permission to proceed.” The other man sounded admirably eager to rid their world of the vampire who’d harmed more people than anyone could count and acted against the Accords countless of times.

“Not yet.” Valentine’s eyes flashed. “We’re waiting for a special guest to the special occasion. If he brings along company, even better.”

“Very well.” His most loyal attack dog didn’t sound thrilled. But also wasn’t the type to go against his orders. (If there was one person in the world Valentine could say he trusted with his life...) “Any other instructions for me?” The other’s voice dripped with bloodthirst.

“Only one.” Valentine’s face (or technically, that of Herondale’s) and his voice hardened. “If something happens to my daughter in the middle of all this, nothing is going to stop me from seeking you out and killing you with my own bare hands. Slowly and painfully. Clarissa is off limits, come what may. Is that understood?”

The other snorted. “I hear you. But Camille doesn’t have such limitations, she’ll feed off anyone she pleases. What shall I do if she becomes a threat to your daughter before the company you told me to wait for arrives? Because right now things are getting pretty bloody fast and I may have to act quickly.”

Valentine closed his eyes. The exhausting burden of making difficult choices... “If you have to choose between waiting and my daughter... Then choose Clarissa. And make the vampire regret ever becoming a threat to my family.”

He wasn’t only being a sentimental fool. He was also being practical. Clary was his only route to the Cup, and perhaps Jocelyn. With her he might get his hands on all three.

/

Spending time with Madzie was wonderful. But babysitting a young warlock who barely had a grasp on her powers... It was an adventure. Catarina wasn’t surprised by the slow stares Alec and Magnus gave the two of them upon their return. What did surprise her was the palpable change in the air between the men. They seemed closer somehow, not that either of them would’ve ever admitted it. What, exactly, had taken place? Despite itching to ask Catarina kept her mouth shut. She had to trust that Magnus would tell her when he’d feel ready to. Until then she could only keep an eye on things.

“I made my hair blue!” Madzie cried out, effectively drawing their focus on something relatively harmless.

Catarina grimaced. “Madzie decided to test her powers. It didn’t turn out like she expected.”

Magnus smiled gently and held out a hand. (It broke Catarina’s heart how her friend couldn’t see what a phenomenal dad he would’ve made.) “Come here, sweet pea. It’s alright, I’ll help you fix your pretty hair. And maybe I’ll give you a couple of magic lessons.”

Madzie’s eyes lit up as she took Magnus’ hand and followed him obediently.

Which, conveniently, left just Catarina and Alec standing in the living room. “You asked for those lessons on warlock customs.” Catarina still didn’t know what to make of the unexpected offer. “Maybe this is a chance for the first one.”

Alec nodded gratefully. “Thank you. For trusting me with the information.”

Catarina shrugged. “I’m supposed to try trusting you with Magnus. And Madzie. This seems like a harmless place to start from.” She could see that Alec was an exceptional Nephilim, especially coming out so open-minded from his parents’ upbringing. But after everything she’d seen Magnus being put through...

It was palpable that Alec didn’t take such a responsibility lightly. “I really hope that I can get a chance to change this world for the better one day, for everyone. Learning from others and the past is the only way to accomplish that.”

So Alec knew about his parents’ past, and was desperate to not repeat their mistakes. To create a better path instead of attempting to erase shameful history. Oh, how Catarina wished there were more such people in the world.

/

Magnus was amazed by how quickly Madzie learned, and how in tune with her magic she was at such an early age. The girl wanted to go back to her original hair color, enhanced by a few white stripes. Because she was special, as Madzie herself proclaimed. If there was anything Magnus was grateful to Iris for, it was that she nurtured the child’s self-confidence instead of crushing it.

Magnus taught Madzie a couple of simple magic tricks to make sure that she’d learn them properly and be careful. When it became obvious that she was getting tired he magicked coloring books for her, along with an apple for a snack, which made her giggle. Satisfied that Madzie was entertained, Magnus made his way to where Catarina and Alec were finishing up with... something. His eyebrow bounced up from what he labeled suspicion. “What’s going on here?” Alright, so perhaps he didn’t mean for his tone to be quite that sharp...

Catarina rolled her eyes. “Easy, Magnus. We talked about Alec’s lessons on warlock customs, remember?”

“Don’t you get it?” Was Alec hurt or frustrated? “I really, honestly want to learn. For you. And all your kind. I don’t want to be a bigoted idiot who repeats past mistakes and hurts everyone in the process.”

Magnus’ brows furrowed and he hugged himself protectively. (Why did Alec have to always find the words that got to him?) “Why are you doing all this for me? No one ever goes this far for me.” I don’t deserve it, he held himself back from sputtering. He absolutely wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable in front of Alec. Reckoned that he never would be.

Alec shrugged, and lifted his chin. The young man had never stood so tall before, with a fire of purpose in his eyes. “Well, I’ll go that far. Because I want to prove that I’m good enough for at least something. Or someone.”

The agony of never being enough for anyone – or alternatively, being entirely too much... Oh, Magnus knew it all too intimately. His chest felt uncomfortably tight, and his heart uncomfortably full, as he watched Alec. “I need you. Madzie and I need you. So... I’d want to trust you. But I don’t know how to.”

“Let me prove myself to you. Give me a fair chance.” Alec’s hand twitched but didn’t reach out. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

Magnus swallowed repeatedly. What kind of a monster would’ve refused that? “I’ll try”, he managed, hoarsely. Then his knees buckled after a particularly painful twinge in his chest shot through his entire body.

Alec reacted faster than Magnus himself or Catarina could. Caught him and held him close, not caring that he might lash out. Inside Magnus’ head a rusty, little ‘click’ echoed and all the pain vanished so suddenly that it left him lightheaded.

“Are you okay?” Alec inquired softly.

Magnus nodded and hoped that he wasn’t blushing radiantly. Why did Alec have to smell so good? (Where did that thought come from?) “Yes, of course. Happens sometimes after magic use.”

Magnus could practically feel the laugh Catarina held back but at least she was a good enough friend to not call him out on the pathetic, flimsy excuse.

Alec nodded back. And kept holding on. The young archer seemed curiously reluctant to let go, and Magnus was dangerously reluctant to slip out of the something of an embrace. Then their phones came to life simultaneously and they jumped apart, startled.

“Izzy, slow down...”

Magnus glanced towards his phone’s screen and wished that he hadn’t. The name flashing there was such that’d haunted him for over a century. He wished, with everything there was in him, that he would’ve been strong enough to delete the number, or to at least not pick up. A constantly fading away and dimming rational part of him understood that the caller didn’t deserve a second of his time. And yet... “Camille, it’s been a long time.” Their previous encounter was memorable in all the wrong ways.

“I know that we didn’t part ways on the best of terms. But Magnus, I need you.” (Those words had far too much control over him.) “A vampire killed a Shadowhunter and Raphael blames me for it. Since I just returned and tried to challenge him to reclaim my old position. The Clave is after me.”

At least something had changed from the past. The old Magnus would’ve jumped for the chance to be her savior. The new, colder and more cynical Magnus wondered if she actually did the deed. Handing her over to the Clave would hurt like hell but if they’d go after Raphael instead...

Speaking of his something-of-a-son... Magnus’ phone made a little sound, announcing that another call was trying to make it through. It was Raphael warning him about Camille’s return, no doubt. A bit too late for that...

“Do you remember that adorable little place you used to own and we used as our love nest?”

Of course he did. Magnus had to sell it because it reminded him constantly of Camille and her betrayal. He preferred not wondering what she did to its current owners. Apparently it’d remain the home of betrayal. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Once he hung up Catarina stared at him as though he’d grown a second head. For a good reason, she was there to pick up the pieces after... Well. “You can’t seriously consider...!”

“I don’t.” Whatever of Magnus’ heart cracked open earlier slammed shut and locked with a rusty screech. Fate certainly chose a fine moment to remind him of some harsh realities. “I’m going there to finally put an end to things.”

Before Catarina could express one of the many opinions she without a doubt had, Alec returned to the room. His face was ashen. “A vampire...”

“The Clave’s on a warpath, I know.” Magnus didn’t try to keep his eyes from flashing golden. (For some reason it thrilled Alec instead of startling him.) “Let’s go and meet the likely culprit.” For once he didn’t mind having a bodyguard shadow. He could really use a witness to prove that he didn’t act against the Accords, should things go as horribly wrong as he feared they would. Magnus refused to acknowledge that he would’ve needed emotional support.

/

The house, which Magnus clearly knew well, they portaled to appeared suspiciously mundane. Alec wondered if there was a time when the warlock needed a place to lay low and try to blend in. He couldn’t afford to be distracted by speculations, though. Magnus was incredibly tense. Whoever they’d soon meet wouldn’t be a friend.

Or then the person waiting for them was a little too close to Magnus at one point or another. Alec bit his lip to not unleash a ridiculous, possessive growl as a strikingly beautiful woman ran towards them, practically threw herself to the smaller man’s arms and delivered a deep, searing kiss. One that wasn’t returned, Alec noticed with a mixture of curiosity, thrill and satisfaction. “Magnus, I knew that I could trust...”

“Camille.” Magnus’ voice was colder than ice. “What have you done?”

It obviously wasn’t the greeting Camille had anticipated. She recovered from her momentary shock admirably quickly, tilted her head and morphed her facial expression into something innocent. “I... I had to eat. I was growing weak. You understand, don’t you?”

“I’m so glad that I don’t understand, that I never will”, Magnus hissed.

Alec looked around subtly and felt shudders go through him. The house was cozy enough, but the atmosphere was completely ruined by the bloodstains on the floor. At one of the corners two pale women – a mother and daughter, possibly – sat huddled together. They’d both been crying.

“I told you, I was hungry. And he was so pretty, and his blood smelled delicious.” (He?) Did Camille actually have the nerve to pout? “You, of all people, should understand what it’s like to lose control. You’re so beautiful when you do.”

Magnus flinched as though he’d been struck.

Alec wanted to direct the attention elsewhere. And there were more important things than Camille’s manipulation to focus on. He looked at the women but kept half an eye on the vampire constantly, just in case. “Are you two alright?”

Both shook their heads. The younger found her voice. “Simon, my brother... She...”

“Shut up!” Camille lost her cool and revealed her fangs before regaining her composure and turning her attention back to Magnus. Did she try to Encanto him or what was that look about? “So I lost control a little. But that Shadowhunter, I never touched...”

“Camille, stop. Just stop.” Magnus closed his eyes and sighed exhaustedly, like watching her hurt too much. (It probably did.) “For once in your immortal life, be honest with me.”

The duo’s bickering continued. Alec couldn’t bring himself to concentrate on it although he perhaps should’ve. His assignment was to protect Magnus. And in that role he caught something through a window. A man stood on the street, visible through the only window which hadn’t been covered. Aiming an arrow towards them.

In all actuality the whole thing probably only took a couple of minutes. But to Alec everything seemed to happen in slowed motion. He saw a threat, and it appeared that he was the only one who noticed it.

Between a heartbeat and the next he was running, not caring what might happen to him. His body slammed against Magnus’ and they tumbled to the floor, him landing on top of the warlock protectively. Seconds later the room around them filled with light that was brighter than the sun, forcing them to close their eyes. Somewhere beside them Camille howled from agony before becoming eerily quiet.

Alec’s back absolutely exploded from pain and soon something tore through his clothes. It took all his willpower to not scream. Alec couldn’t see it, of course, but his wings – huge, white as fresh snow, and incredibly beautiful – wrapped around Magnus like a shield. For some inconceivable reason the older man’s magic responded, wrapped around the Shadowhunter in return. The glow of white and blue they created together was bafflingly beautiful.

Then the deafening sound of an explosion came, and the whole world seemed to blow up around them.

Chapter Text

Magnus’ ears rung agonizingly as consciousness began to rush in frustratingly slowly. His sluggish head struggled to comprehend what, exactly, happened. There was anxiety... Camille... A flash of light... And someone lay on top of him.

Instantly more coherent, Magnus opened his eyes, to encounter wild, dark hair he belatedly recognized as Alec’s. Then he caught something white. Magnus’ eyes widened at the sight of massive wings, which were wrapped around him like a shield.

Old as he was, and reluctant as he was to admit what he’d have to, Magnus had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

There was an explosion, he finally recalled as much. Alec had some singed feathers but, astonishingly, it appeared that Magnus’ magic managed to shield them both from the worst. For some bizarre reason it still circled protectively around the Shadowhunter, daring anyone to try hurting the young man further. Magnus had experienced his powers acting free of his will before, typically with regrettable results. But never in the way he witnessed in bafflement that day.

Curiously enough Magnus shared his magic’s eagerness to help and protect. Wasn’t it only fair? Alec risked his life trying to help him. Returning the favor was perfectly reasonable. “... ‘lec?” Magnus scowled at how his voice broke and faded away. “Alec?”

There was no response. No way of having Alec’s consent. Magnus could only hope that his planned good deed would, in fact, go unpunished.

Also hoping that he wasn’t pushing himself too hard, Magnus urged his powers to mend Alec’s feathers and other potential injuries. The response was eager and immediate. To avoid recognizing that he was making himself weaker and more exposed for a Nephilim, Magnus concentrated on the battle against admiring the skin and muscle a shredded shirt revealed.

Then Alec’s eyes opened, first blinking halfway, then fully. They watched him as though he was the most important thing in the world. (Had anyone ever looked at Magnus that way? In all his centuries?) “... you okay?” The words barely carried through the still continuing, infuriating ringing of his ears.

A dangerous temptation in the form of the angels’ chosen...

Magnus barely remembered to nod. The small gesture made him dizzy. Or perhaps Alec did. It was hazardously difficult to be sure of anything. “I’m fine.” Was he? Likely not. He was out of his mind, at very least. “... wings almost weren’t.”

Alec frowned, at first not quite catching his words. Then, very slowly or at least it seemed that way, the man’s eyes widened. “Wings?” So fast that it had to hurt Alec peered backwards, and gasped loudly upon seeing the majestic wings proudly on display. Tears filled the rapidly paling archer’s eyes, which were full of surprise and shock. It was almost like Alec had never seen his own wings before. “Now...? Why...?” Alec didn’t seem capable of finishing a sentence.

Magnus didn’t get a chance to ask. (Or to figure out why in the world he wanted to ask, badly.) And Alec didn’t get a chance to collect his thoughts. Because that was when they became aware of an utterly heartbroken scream – howl – and sobbing.

The noise yanked both men to motion. They got up faster than their heads would’ve been ready for and half-ran to the room right next to their current location. The two women they saw earlier had headed there and knelt on the floor. Right next to Clary. All three were gathered around something. Or, apparently, someone.

A young man, not older than Clary, lay on the floor. His neck covered in blood, dark hair a mess, deathly pale. A vampire victim.

“She came in the middle of the night and asked whether she could stay. We let her in. I don’t know why”, the younger of the strangers hissed through her tears. (Encanto, without a doubt.) “She... She fed on Simon. None of us could stop it.”

“She played with your minds. Camille was always exceptionally good at that.” Magnus sighed heavily. The bitter burn of wrath inside his stomach and everywhere under his skin was almost unbearable. “I’m truly sorry.”

The oldest of the women trembled visibly. “You mean, vampires, they’re... They’re real? One killed my son.”

“Not quite yet”, Magnus clarified quietly. “Right now, Simon is a fledgling. You can let him pass away. Or you can bury him and he continues his life as a vampire after climbing back up.”

Simon’s mother broke down to loud, soul wrenching sobs. The other stranger, a sister perhaps, looked at Clary. (They were all as pale as Simon.) “I can’t lose him”, the brunette choked out barely audibly.

“Me neither.” Clary looked at them, shame and sheer despair in her eyes. “Please help. I... I can’t lose him, too. Or maybe I will, he’ll never forgive me. Just... Please.”

What choice did they have? Camille ensured that they didn’t have a choice but to help. Put Magnus into an impossible position, again.

Magnus loathed that through all his wrath a tiny piece of him still mourned losing her.

/

After learning about what took place at the Lewis estate Valentine fumed. From the bottom of his heart and soul. At least he didn’t need to hide his true face upon meeting the man he set up for the task of making an example out of Camille.

It was Valentine’s idea to send Camille after the Lewis family. Enough pretty things promised and pointing out that her other deeds would get Magnus’ attention was enough to convince her to not harm Clary. Valentine left out the little detail that she was planned to become collateral damage.

The plan was to use arrows that radiated light identical to sunlight. Apparently an explosive one had been added to the mix. Clary could’ve gotten seriously hurt, or worse. She probably would’ve if it wasn’t for a warlock and his shielding magic, of all things. The fact that Valentine owed his daughter’s life to a Downworlder added to his ire.

As soon as the companion he’d waited for like a wild beast patiently spying for a prey arrived, he hurled the man against a wall roughly. To imagine that the idiot was once his favorite... “I specifically asked you to prioritize my daughter’s safety”, he growled dangerously, his eyes narrowed. “And you sent an exploding arrow at her.”

“Got... impatient”, the other choked, as though that would’ve justified everything.

“Impatient”, Valentine spat. “I’ve spent all these years planning and waiting, being patient. And you couldn’t control yourself through even a single short assignment.”

“... sorry ...”

Valentine nodded, his eyes darkening. “Yes. You will be sorry.”

From the shadows Melody, his disgusting little Seelie aid, emerged. She smiled deceitfully sweetly at the man pinned against a wall. “Don’t look so scared. You’ll become a part of something bigger than yourself. Only a precious few are granted that honor.”

/

Burying Simon that night was an incredibly grim process. Especially when it was attended by two women who didn’t have any idea what the Shadow World even was, and a third woman who only recently discovered that she was a Shadowhunter. The whole process was accompanied by awkward introductions. Magnus tried to explain what was happening and what would have to happen calmly but the trio struggled to understand. Being exposed to Camille’s grotesque, charred remains added to all their trauma. Alec, to his shame, was distracted from the chaos by his own emotional turmoil.

His wings made an appearance. Confirming that he, in fact, wasn’t born without. Then they vanished as though they’d never been there. Would he ever see them again?

At the moment, though, there were far more pressing matters on hand. After Alec had finished sending Jace a message – since his parabatai was the Head of the Institute and needed to know of Camille’s violation against the Accords – sobbing made him refocus on where the women waited for the terrifying moment when Simon would crawl out of his grave. “What... that thing did... My son...” Simon’s mother sniffled. “He’s never going to be himself again, is he?”

“Of course he is, whoever comes back up from there will still be Simon”, Clary insisted, her voice thick from tears.

Magnus hesitated. “He’ll need adjustment. And time to get to know himself again”, the warlock acknowledged. “But he won’t be going through that battle alone.”

“Simon is strong. The strongest person I know”, Becky joined in. Her eyes were full of tears and stubbornness. “He’ll be alright.”

“What if he comes back as a monster?” Simon’s mother whispered.

“Vampires aren’t monsters. Simply something different from you mundanes”, Alec argued. He was absolutely done with those who were different being labeled as ‘monsters’. The Clave refused to see Downworlders as anything else but maybe he’d be luckier convincing a loving mother. (Not that Alec’s own mother would ever love him if she knew what he was.) “Not all vampires turn out like that woman did.” It was for the best to mention the ‘v’ word already, to help the mother and daughter get used to it. “Do you know what Simon will need more than anything else? People who still love him. Just as he is.”

Alec didn’t see how Magnus looked at him at those words, but for some reason he started to blush.

Before Elaine managed to choose how to respond Jace entered the scene, startling the women. “I know you didn’t ask me to come, but I had to inspect the situation personally.” Jace’s gaze studied Alec worriedly. (In the past the archer’s chest would’ve reacted to the attention. For some odd reason it didn’t anymore, at least with the same intensity.) “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” And Alec was. At least he was holding up much better than most of his companions. “Thanks, for coming.” It felt good to know that he had people who cared about him. Or at least about the version of him they imagined he was.

Jace shrugged. “Whatever it takes to catch a glimpse of you these days.” The blond had obviously missed him. Jace’s attention then locked on Clary. The moment the duo’s eyes met was... intimate, almost. (It stung somewhere deep inside Alec, despite how he’d fought to suppress such emotional responses.) “Hey. I wish we didn’t have to meet again like this.”

Clary smiled wryly. “Yeah. Me too.”

Jace smiled back, sadly. Then the ground shook, literally. They all backed away from the hastily made grave instinctively, Alec taking a protective stance in front of Magnus. Seconds later it became obvious that someone was digging their way back up. Becky squeaked, Elaine brought a trembling hand to her lips and seemed to hold back a vomit. Alec himself shuddered, never having actually seen such a thing before.

It was exactly like a scene from a horror movie.

The Simon who came up... didn’t look human. He writhed and hissed, struggled to come to terms with and control his new body. The world is an overwhelming place for someone who suddenly has a thousand times sharper senses.

Clary and Becky sobbed yet again, holding themselves back from running to Simon. “Oh my god”, slipped out of Elaine. And all hell broke loose.

Simon charged forward a breath after Jace moved to shield Elaine. None of them was a match against vampire speed. A cry of shared pain and horror escaped Alec as Simon sunk his new fangs on Jace’s neck and began to drink with loud, nauseating noises. The blond groaned, his eyes rolling back.

It might’ve ended in a disaster if it wasn’t for a new arrival. “Hey!” Raphael Santiago sped forward through the shadows. “I know that you’re hungry and he tastes good. But stop. Drink these instead.” Several bags of blood were thrown to the ground near the grave.

A live victim had to be a dizzying temptation. But chasing after the moving bags turned out to be more so. Reacting like a wild animal to a prey that attempted to run away, Simon chased the blood. Slumped to the ground next to the bags as what strength he’d managed to summon ran out, and continued to drink. Clary stared in utter horror while moving to support a bloodstained Jace, who held on to her supportively in return.

“You couldn’t come sooner?” Magnus huffed breathily.

“My apologies for being busy after Camille’s... Never mind.” Raphael clearly understood the concept of ‘a topic too painful to touch’. “I came as soon as I got your message. Whose brilliant idea was this? Or never mind, I prefer not knowing.”

While feeding himself Simon began to come back to himself, somewhat. The young man who’d never age a day again became aware of the taste of blood and touched his lips with unsteady fingers. “What...?” Simon’s eyes filled with wild, animalistic horror as he saw his own red-stained skin. “No, no, no... Please tell me that this isn’t... This can’t be happening, please...” His anxious gaze scanned through the people gathered around him. “Please...!”

Tears ran down Clary’s cheeks. “Simon, I... I’m so sorry. I couldn’t let you...” She trailed off.

Simon attempted to make himself throw up but nothing came out. He then scratched himself, as though there was something hellishly unpleasant underneath his skin. The whole time haunting, barely human howls crawled through his throat.

“It’s okay”, Becky attempted to reassure. In a tone that sounded like nothing would ever be alright again. “You’re still Simon, you’re still...”

“NO, I’M NOT!” Simon wailed, a shattered expression taking over his face. “I just bit someone! I... I drank blood, and I loved it! I’m a monster! Stay away from me!” With that Simon sped away.

“I’ll look after him”, Raphael promised solemnly. His gaze darted between Magnus and Alec. “We’ll talk about... this later.” (What this? Alec wondered.) Then Raphael sped off as well. The rest of them could only watch helplessly.

“What did I do?” Clary whimpered in Jace’s arms.

“No, what did we do”, Becky correctly shakily.

Elaine finally allowed herself to throw up.

/

What did I do? Those words repeated themselves over and over again in Clary’s head as the waken nightmare continued. Most of the time everything was a blur and she felt like she was sleepwalking. Elaine and Becky headed home, and the older of them made adamantly clear that they needed peace and time to process everything instead of having someone over for company and explanations. (At least Magnus’ snap of fingers ensured that their house would be a clean one. But they’d probably see Simon’s blood and everything else for the rest of their lives.) Clary didn’t suggest going with them, she didn’t feel that she had any right to spend time with her best friend’s family. Let alone benefit of their generosity. Would either of them manage to look at Simon the same way again? Did her decision bring him back to an un-living reality where he’d lost his family?

An arm pulled her closer. “Come on, let’s get you to the Institute. You can rest there.” (At least there she wouldn’t be able to cause harm on anyone else, Clary mused bitterly hopefully.) “I’m Jace.”

“Clary.” She sniffled and fought the urge to lean her head against Jace’s safe shoulder. (She was grateful to Magnus for having healed the blond’s wound and hoped that it wouldn’t cause further problems.) “This is really happening, huh?”

Jace sighed. “Yeah. I’m afraid so.”

Clary stared at the grave that had chilling marks of someone having crawled out of it, and it seemed to be an eerie metaphor to what a horror movie her life had transformed into.

/

Alec and Magnus took a taxi to the latter’s loft because the Shadowhunter refused to let the warlock use any more magic after already exhausting himself. The ride was quiet, both of them mulling over everything that’d happened over the course of mere hours. Magnus’ hand trembled as the man took care of the payment. Alec would’ve given anything to find the courage to grab it for emotional support but mental images of his parents’ face stopped him. As did the quite certain knowledge that Magnus didn’t want to be touched by him.

Catarina greeted them with a sad little smile and pulled Magnus to a tight hug. (One that made Alec wish he would’ve been able to and allowed to give it instead.) “Raphael called and told me about her. Whatever you need... Let me know. Raphael also asked me to tell you that Simon, whoever that is, is safe.”

Magnus nodded gratefully before pulling himself together with visible effort. “I’ll reward you handsomely for staying this long to babysit on your day off. Is Madzie asleep?”

Catarina winced sympathetically. “I’m sorry, but it is pretty late.” She shifted from discomfort. “I... do have that morning shift tomorrow but if you need me to stay...”

Magnus shook his head immediately. “Nonsense. Some steak, vodka and sleep, and I’ll be good as new.”

Alec didn’t know Magnus well but even he didn’t trust in the sincerity of those words. And Catarina’s worry, if anything, grew exponentially. Especially after her friend sneaked somewhere as though having forgotten that she and the archer were there. Alec gave Catarina a glance he hoped to be reassuring. “I’ll look after him. Them both.” As much as Magnus would let him, anyway.

Catarina smiled, slightly more brightly than before. “Thank you. I’m glad Magnus has you.” She left before Alec got a chance to point out that the man himself probably wasn’t glad at all.

With a growing sense of dread Alec searched through the whole apartment. Until it occurred to him to check Madzie’s room. And there the man he’d been tasked to protect was, lay beside the little girl to watch over her sleep. “She was whimpering. I think she had a nightmare. She calmed down as soon as I lay down”, Magnus whispered.

Alec hesitated. Social situations had never been his strong area of expertise but he wanted to... Needed to... He just hoped that... “I know that you’d rather not be around someone of my kind, but... You look like you could use someone’s company. An adult’s. Can I sit?”

Magnus watched him in a manner that reminded Alec of a timid wild animal. Then saw something that made the man nod. Hoping that he’d prove himself worthy of whatever trust he’d been granted, Alec sat to the bed’s edge. They stayed that way for a mighty while and the silence surrounding them was something close to companionable. It could’ve been pleasant if it wasn’t for the dark, heavy weight of sorrow crushing Magnus visibly.

“Magnus.” Alec felt the urge to lay a hand on the other’s shoulder but wasn’t sure it would’ve been approved. “Camille... I can see how much she meant to you. I’m sorry.”

Magnus nodded, not facing him. For a while it looked like the man wouldn’t say anything. “I can’t even remember when we would’ve last... been something. But I always imagined that she’d be around forever, somewhere out there.”

Alec nodded back. It had to be jarring to lose someone you imagined would live forever, especially if... “You really loved her.”

Magnus closed his eyes. “Hmm. And I want to believe that she loved me, too. For a time. But she never believed that even the strongest love could last forever.”

“That’s stupid”, spilled out before Alec could stop himself. “I know that loving someone can be terrifying, and I’ve always been taught that emotions are nothing but a distraction, but...” Alec lifted his longing gaze to stare at the ceiling. “I’d give a lot to experience love one day.” And he’d never, ever get that chance. “And if I’d love, it’d be forever.”

He felt Magnus’ gaze on him without facing the warlock. It took nearly a minute before the other spoke. “You really are a different kind of a Shadowhunter, aren’t you?” Why did that seem to scare Magnus?

Alec frowned and finally looked at his companion. He wasn’t sure whether the crawling under his skin was something positive or negative. “Is that a good thing or bad?”

Magnus didn’t quite allow himself to smile but came close. “A very good thing.” (Fortunately Alec’s yawn gave them a chance to switch to a different topic.) “Lay down, clearly I’m not the only one needing rest. And Madzie is even calmer with you around.”

It took a great deal of silencing his natural instincts and reminding himself that it was for Madzie. But Alec complied, settled down to the same bed with another man, Madzie lay between them. Her presence reminded him comfortingly of when Max and Izzy were little. He comforted them through great many nightmare-filled hours.

“Alec?” Magnus sounded half-asleep. “I hope that you’ll get to love forever, one day.”

Alec, knowing all too well that it wasn’t in the cards for him, kept his lips pressed together and stared at the ceiling. His thoughts strayed to Lydia, who was trying to finish putting together their wedding all alone. And for some ridiculous reason it felt wrong to think about her when he was so physically close to Magnus.

/

Jace didn’t sleep that night. Clary needed not only a safe place to stay and a shower, but also comfort. She tried to call Simon and his family repeatedly but received no replies. Jace was tempted to point out that they just needed time but even his limited social skills reported that it wouldn’t have sounded right. In the end, at around four in the morning, Clary cried herself to sleep. Jace didn’t allow himself the same luxury.

At six thirty in the morning he was summoned to meet Herondale. She skimmed through his report with an unreadable facial expression. “A vampire feeding off a mundane... A new vampire... And you ended up getting yourself bitten... Jonathan...!”

“I’m fine.” Please back off. “So is our... new arrival.”

“Clarissa Fairchild. I never thought I’d see Jocelyn’s child coming home.” Herondale sighed. “I hate leaving you after a night like that. Especially since a new Shadowhunter’s body was just discovered. A werewolf victim this time. But Idris needs me.” His grandmother’s eyes hardened. “You remember what we discussed earlier. It must be done, now. Especially because the vampire community will certainly react to Camille’s death. We’ve never been closer to another war. Steps need to be taken to ensure law and order. Make it official today.”

“I’m still not sure...”

Herondale narrowed her eyes. “You have my direct orders and a family member or not, I expect you to follow them. Make sure that others do, too.” Softening her stance, she tilted her head and looked at him in exactly the way as he was looked at by someone else as a child. Before he was inevitably punished for a failure. “A good leader is capable of even hard and unpopular decisions. Are you?”

Jace nodded reflexively, feeling the phantom pain of a punch. “Yes. Of course.”

He just hoped that he wouldn’t be the one who’d end up triggering a war.

/

Magnus didn’t intend to fall asleep the way he did, and Alec most definitely didn’t, either. But he ended up awakening in Madzie’s bed, with the hunter and the child still slumbering soundly. Something eerily familiar – something he wasn’t supposed to let himself experience ever again – stirred inside him, sending a shockwave through his whole body.

Magnus was old enough to admit when he’d been wrong, and he’d been so wrong about Alec. Assuming that the young man would be just like his infamous parents. Alec was horribly dangerous, but in a different way. The mixture of crushing guilt and sheer terror over his own emotions threatened to suffocate Magnus. He couldn’t stand Alec looking at him like he was someone special.

He had to do better. Be smarter. For both their sakes. He couldn’t let his traitorous heart dictate his decisions anymore.

A fair chance, that was all Alec asked of him. The least Magnus could do was to give his protector that, especially after how coldly he’d treated the young man. He also needed to put some emotional distance between them before he’d end up making another agonizing, stupid mistake.

Alec would complete his contract of protecting him after Valentine had been dealt with. Until then Magnus would be appropriately appreciative and cooperate instead of transforming into a human shaped cactus at every turn. Then Alec would go home and they’d both pretend that none of it happened. That was how it’d have to be.

For once in his long, long life Magnus would behave himself. For his own sake and Madzie’s. His heart had better do the same.

/

Alec was a trained soldier, he tended to sleep lightly. He told himself that it was why he woke up to Magnus leaving the bed. Blinking himself awake blearily, he looked towards the man. Chills went through him.

Most people wouldn’t have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Honestly, Alec wasn’t sure why he noticed. But he could see the difference all the same. Something about Magnus he caught a glimpse of the night before had snapped closed once more. Alec couldn’t understand why it hurt so badly to be locked outside.

“Magnus?” Alec inquired with a frown.

“Shh, don’t wake up Madzie.” Magnus’ tight smile didn’t reach the man’s eyes. “Rest, now. I’ll make sure that there’s breakfast when you wake up.” With that Magnus left the room.

Alec stared at the door closed between them, feeling cold and wondering what he did wrong to deserve the new emotional walls keeping him at bay.

/

Meanwhile there was a very special buzz under Valentine’s skin as he walked through the ship Circle had used for a while already. It was a relief to get to wear his own face, to just be himself for a while. Especially when it looked like everything was going his way.

“We followed that tip of yours and found her two hours ago. She’d been trying to figure out how to get Clary out of New York safely. Unfortunately for her someone who owed her a favor sold her out instead”, one of his most trusted men reported.

Ah, Camille. She approached one of Jocelyn’s old friends and pretended to be a worried friend. It worked because the target didn’t know even half of what was going on in Jocelyn’s life. No one ever did because Jocelyn had always preferred it that way. Encanto was a useful additional tool. For a second Valentine regretted getting rid of Camille so hastily, then reminded himself that the world was a better place without her. Soon the vampire would serve another good purpose.

“She was about to swallow a potion that would’ve put her to a magical sleep”, the other man continued to recount. “We were faster and knocked her out to get her here safely. She has no idea where she is.”

By then they’d reached a lower part of the ship. A banging noise guided them towards their destination. There, in a cage, stood Jocelyn. Rage flashed in her eyes at the sight of him.

Valentine smiled icily and tilted his head. “Well hello, Jocelyn. I must confess that I’ve missed you, although I’m so furious with you that I’d prefer not describing what a part of me wants to do to you.” She did betray him and steal their daughter from him.

“Let me go”, Jocelyn hissed. “Clary... I know what happened to her friend. She needs me.”

“That, we fully agree on.” Valentine activated one of his favorite tricks and watched with satisfaction as Jocelyn’s horror shone through at the sight of another her standing in front of her. By the time he spoke his voice had transformed into his ex-wife’s. “Our daughter needs her mother.”

“She’ll never believe that...”

“Of course she’ll fall for my act. Don’t you remember how long we spent together and shared a bed? I don’t think anyone in this world comes as close to truly knowing you as I do.” Valentine’s – or rather Jocelyn’s – eyes flashed. “As you I’ll do what you neglected to do. I’ll show her how to navigate in the world you chose to take away from her.”

Chapter Text

Had Jace ever felt as exhausted as he did that day, stood in front of the whole Institute? Or well, he was entirely too aware of someone important being missing. Maybe it was for the best that Alec wasn’t present for his announcement because his brother would’ve loathed every word of it. It was bad enough that Izzy and Clary would listen.

What would they all think about him? What kind of a person was he turning into? And what would he end up causing? After his announcement the Downworld would know, without any doubt, how little they were trusted by Shadowhunters. Even after the Accords a few bad apples were enough to ruin a whole tree.

Yet Jace couldn’t find the strength and courage to go against the only blood relative he still had left. So he spoke her words, even sounded like her so much that it sickened him. More nauseating still was to discover how many members of his audience agreed with him, were eager to get to work as they were given their own areas to operate on. Several of them had lost loved ones recently to the senseless slayings. Jace didn’t dare to look towards Izzy and Clary, dreading their reactions.

Izzy didn’t let him sneak out once he was done. Her eyes blazed hellfire. “I really hope that you don’t expect me to carry out that sick order. Let them kick me out or derune me, I’m not going after all those people.”

Jace wanted to cry. They’d known each other since they were kids, they’d fought together numerous times, and she thought… “I won’t let them…”

But Izzy had already walked away. Clary stood nearby, appearing shocked. “Jace, that… That sounded really, really bad.” She swallowed loudly. “So every Downworlder will be added to some database and chipped like pets? People like Simon?” Her voice broke at her friend’s name.

Of course she couldn’t understand, she’d been raised as a mundane. Granted, Jace could barely justify his decisions to himself. “I know how it sounds…” He never got a chance to finish.

The whole Institute seemed to grow eerily silent all of a sudden. Turning swiftly, Jace expected to find a demon or even Valentine. Instead he ended up staring at Jocelyn, who leaned heavily on Andrew Underhill for support.

“Mom!” Tears ran down Clary’s cheeks as he raced to hug the older woman. “What…? Where…?” The rest became inaudible and incomprehensible as the two embraced.

Jace watched them, suddenly very aware that he’d never get to have his own parents. He’d never felt like he’d been a son to the Lightwoods and his siblings… Would they even consider him family, now? Clary definitely wouldn’t ever be open to wondering what they could be anymore. (Although that was among the furthest things from his own mind.) Despite having a grandmother Jace had never felt so alone in the world.

With a heavy heart Jace chose to start his task from the easiest – or most excruciating – location, and left the building soundlessly.

/

Clary sobbed hard, fell apart entirely in her mom’s safe arms. She had no idea what she was saying although her lips moved constantly. The relief was overwhelming.

“Clary, I… I’m so sorry. About your memories, about disappearing from you. I was trying to figure out a way to protect you.”

Clary wanted to be furious over what had been stolen from her. But after everything she’d seen and been put through in a blink of an eye – and especially as she was haunted by what happened to Simon – she was forced to admit that she understood. Clary sniffled. “I don’t understand anything.”

Jocelyn caressed her face, appearing pained. “I know. I have so much to teach you.” Suddenly her mom sobered. “That man you talked with… Was it Jace Herondale?”

Clary had no idea of the blond’s surname but the first name was familiar enough. “Yeah, he’s the new leader of this place. Why?”

Jocelyn’s eyes hardened. “You can’t trust him, ever. You can’t trust anyone inside this building. They will never teach you the truth about this new world of yours.”

/

Alec must’ve been even more exhausted than he’d thought because he managed to fall asleep again after Magnus left the room. And then there was the fact that his body was recovering from the explosion. While Magnus’ magic shielded him and healed most of the damage it apparently didn’t manage to cover everything.

Alec didn’t know how long he’d slept before the sensation of a finger poking his cheek lured him back to the waken world. Confused rather than alarmed – since the finger was too tiny and gentle to be taken as a threat – he opened one eye. To find Madzie watching him. She relaxed marginally upon seeing him awake. “I’m sorry. Uncle Magnus said you need sleep, but you slept for so long. I got worried.”

Alec’s eyes softened. “It’s okay”, he rasped, hating how rough his voice sounded. It was as though he hadn’t spoken a word in years. “And I’m okay. I just really needed to sleep.”

Madzie (unlike Alec’s family, and possibly Magnus) elected to not question every word coming out of his mouth. Her eyes lit up. “Breakfast now! Uncle Magnus made treats!” She gave him a one-armed hug, then sped off. “Uncle Magnus! Uncle Alec woke up! It’s time for pancakes!”

Alec resorted to a coping mechanism he’d used on countless of mornings through his whole life before showing himself to the world. (Not that most people would’ve noticed him.) He breathed unnaturally calmly, in and out, willed his mind to go quiet and chased away unwanted emotions. Why did it hurt so much that Magnus’ apartment wasn’t a place where he didn’t need to do such a thing anymore, after all? What he would’ve given to have more people in his life he didn’t need to brace himself for…

But life was what it was, and Alec had been taught harshly to accept what he got, no matter how bad or little it was. And Madzie needed him, so did Magnus although the older warlock would’ve never admitted it. So Alec swallowed down his hurt, confusion and other emotions, then started to march atypically stiffly towards the kitchen. His phone was left behind and because he’d accidentally switched it to a silent mode in his drowsy state, he didn’t know about the six times Izzy tried to call him in a manner of minutes.

At least the breakfast’s scent was heavenly. Magnus greeted Alec with a bizarrely polite smile that didn’t reach the man’s eyes. “Good morning. How do you like your pancakes?”

Alec blinked twice, trying to process. Why was Magnus trying to sound like a welcoming host all of a sudden when the wall between them was palpable? “I… usually just add some butter.”

“You don’t have much of a sweet tooth? Good to know.” A snap of fingers, and butter appeared next to a pile of pancakes that’d been magicked to a plate. (Madzie cheered and Magnus high fived her.) The smaller man’s eyes barely swept towards Alec. “Black coffee, no sugar?”

“Yeah.” For some bizarre reason a part of Alec was excited that Magnus had memorized such a silly little fact about him. Unfortunately a much bigger part of him wondered whether he was only some sort of an assignment the other felt he had to learn under the fear of a great penalty. They were so frustratingly cautiously with each other…!

They started to eat breakfast as though it was a perfectly normal morning, something they’d experienced a thousand times before. It appeared that way but the tension bubbling underneath… Alec wanted to demand to know what was going on. Or was he imagining things? Because on the surface everything seemed perfectly normal. Magnus was polite to him, Madzie adored them both. Shouldn’t Alec have been happy? So why did he want to scream? He didn’t, of course. Instead he bottled up. He was something of an expert on that.

It should’ve been impossible for Alec’s silent tension to escalate. But just then there was a loud, demanding knock on the loft’s door. It startled Madzie, who visibly contemplated hiding but remained frozen from terror instead. Magnus didn’t appear a great deal calmer upon stiffening, then marching to open the door with confidence that seemed feigned.

Marching in with the possessive air too many Shadowhunters had, Jace was oblivious to the fear his arrival sparked to life. “Look, I’m sorry to barge in like this. But I’m in a hurry and it felt the easiest to start from here.”

“At least you’re very polite about it, like a typical Shadowhunter.” Magnus’ tone dripped with sarcasm and eyebrow rose in a warning. “Allow me to guess, you’re not on a tour to reassure Downworld leaders that Camille Belcourt’s murder will be investigated properly.”

Jace was many amazing things, but a diplomat wasn’t one of them. The blond fumbled to produce an answer. “There’s a serial killer on the loose I have to…”

“… prioritize that over the death of one Accords breaking vampire. I get it. I’m perfectly aware that what she did to Simon, and possibly many others, was monstrous and she would’ve spent the rest of her existence locked up. But unlike to you, to me her life wasn’t worthless.” Magnus lifted a hand to interrupt Jace. (The sheer grief in those eyes was agonizing for Alec to witness. Magnus must’ve loved Camille from the bottom of his heart at one point.) “Spare me from the pathetic excuses. You mentioned that you’re here to start something.” Wariness coloured Magnus’ voice. “What, exactly, are you starting?”

“DNA sample gathering.” Jace grimaced apologetically. “Those Shadowhunter murders that have been happening lately… Everyone’s on the edge. This is the only way to find the culprit and keep things from escalating.”

“Hounding a group of people who were hunted for sport not long ago is your idea of keeping things from escalating?” Magnus hissed.

“I just need a strand of hair”, Jace attempted to defend, weakly.

“The Clave will have full control over those samples and how they’ll be used, of course.” Magnus took a slow, threatening step closer to Jace. “So, a strand of my hair, hmm. That’s all? Is Madzie above suspicion, at least?” The warlock tilted his head. Then, to everyone’s immense shock, offered a single hair. “There. See how compliant I am? Now you won’t have a reason to come after her and me anymore. I will encourage my people to show you respect if you do the same for them, but I can’t make any promises for them.” Magnus’ nose wrinkled from disgust as the man saw someone else instead of Jace. A ghost. “You can’t even imagine how many times I’ve seen this game being played in all my centuries. What comes next this time, I wonder? A tracking chip?”

Jace’s facial expression was all the answer needed. “Magnus, it’s really not…” The blond looked to his parabatai helplessly. “Alec, you understand, right?”

And just like that Alec became the centre of unwanted attention. Magnus, Jace and Madzie all stared at him, their gazes begging him to do the right thing. The surprising part was that the right thing didn’t seem to be the same course of action to him it would’ve been mere weeks earlier. He’d always aimed to be a good, dutiful Shadowhunter, but now… Did he and Jace stand on opposing sides? “Magnus has been in my company this whole time. He couldn’t have committed to those murders. And yes, I’m sure that he didn’t use magic to sneak out secretly. Madzie is a young child. The Clave doesn’t know about her, and I don’t want them to. She’s no threat to anyone, she deserves to be safe.”

“Alec, I’m not accusing…!” Jace took a step closer to Alec, and there was a breath of air in the room. Confused and startled, the blond coughed and held a hand against his throat.

Magnus stepped forward, shielding both Alec and Madzie with his body. (It tugged at the archer’s heart in a manner it absolutely wasn’t supposed to. He wasn’t supposed to be thrilled that someone was protecting him, especially against Jace.) “I think it’s for the best that you leave. Now.” An angry snap of fingers encouraged to make such a decision.

What choice was there? Starting to genuinely struggle to breathe, Jace fled from the loft and the door slammed closed after him. For the first time since they were introduced to each other Alec didn’t feel the urge to follow his parabatai. Somewhere deep inside him their bond closed even more tightly and it hurt, a lot. Was it any wonder that in his emotional turmoil Alec didn’t notice that he struggled to breathe for a moment, too?

Magnus groaned. “Well. That was… something.”

Alec scowled. “Jace tends to act before thinking. But it’s not like him to follow orders blindly.” If anything, his brother was usually someone who followed his heart and instincts rather than laws, rules and common sense. Seeing this new side of Jace made Alec uneasy. What else would the blond justify to make Herondale happy?

“That the orders come from his long-lost grandmother may play a role.” Magnus huffed at Alec’s wide-eyed stare. “Do you really imagine that such a thing remains a secret in the Shadow World? And we immortals love to gossip because we’re bored often.”

“I don’t want him to cut away my hair.” Madzie’s voice was so quiet that it barely reached them. (Especially through the sound of Alec’s wildly beating heart.) Her warlock mark gills fidgeted restlessly, clearly having been used recently and barely under her control. “And I don’t want a chip inside me. It sounds scary.”

Alec sighed heavily and knelt down. Madzie came to him eagerly but trembled in his arms while Magnus remained tense beside them. The damage Jace caused… “I won’t let him do either of those things.”

Sadly Madzie wasn’t comforted. “The Clave will arrest us. Nana said it would take me away if Sh… hunters saw me.”

“No one is going to take you away”, Alec and Magnus swore together. They both pretended that they didn’t notice as the latter went on, his eyes golden. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Alec saw the expression on Magnus’ face, and recalled Jace’s weak defences to his questionable actions. A chill went through him. He realized that because of the unsolved murders the Shadow World was closer to a state of war than ever in his lifetime.

Suddenly Alec had even less appetite for the interrupted breakfast than before.

/

Simon hadn’t slept the night before. Did he even need sleep anymore, ever? Most of the night passed by in a dark haze of bloodthirst than drinking. During those pitch-black hours Simon felt more like an animal than a human being. He’d never be exactly a human being again, would he? His life was over.

By the time a new morning dawned the worst of the haze had faded, leaving behind shock, disgust and self-hatred. Instead of getting to die Simon was brought back as a monster, a horror movie character. Why couldn’t his family and Clary just let him die?

Despite his newly enhanced senses, which overwhelmed him every five seconds, Simon didn’t catch Raphael’s return to the room before the man spoke. “You seem to be settling. Good.” Raphael showed him a bag of blood. “Time to drink up some more.”

Simon was hungry, terrifyingly so, but even the thought of consuming the bag’s contents made his stomach turn. He shook his head, all too aware that he flashed his fangs warningly. “… don’t want it.” At least he finally managed to produce more than just hisses, growls and grunts. “… don’t want any of this.”

The sun shining brightly outside was a violent contrast to Simon’s state of mind. It also gave him an idea. Vampires couldn’t stand sunlight, didn’t Raphael caution him so at some point? That part all the horror movies he’d watched got correctly. And there was a balcony almost directly next to him.

Moving so fast and suddenly that Raphael had no hope of stopping him – not realizing that he used his vampire speed – Simon yanked the balcony’s door open, tearing the whole thing off its hinges with his new strength, and stepped outside. He closed his eyes as he let the warm, deadly light embrace his skin. “Simon, get back here! Don’t…!” Raphael called out somewhere in the distance, as though in another world.

Standing there, Simon expected the sun to destroy him. For his miserable new existence to come to an end. But nothing happened. Confused, Simon opened his eyes. To find that the light which should’ve been lethal didn’t do anything to him.

What was going on?

Once he’d turned slowly Raphael stared at him with wide, shocked eyes that were close to appearing comical. “You’re… a Daylighter? How?”

Simon wanted to cry and scream as he realized that he was a freak even among other vampires – but at least he could still walk outside whenever he wanted to.

/

Jace’s little visit left Magnus busy. News, gossip and speculations regarding Herondale’s orders, which her grandson’s Institute was swiftly carrying out, were already spreading like wildfire. Many of his people had reached out to him, terrified and outraged, and he had to arrange a meeting with them to discuss the… unpleasant development, as well as their response to it. He also had to contact the rest of the Downworld leaders. Raphael was, predictably, furious. The vampire community was already in a state of chaos from the death of their widely disliked former leader, and Simon’s appearance. (A Daylighter. Who could’ve imagined…! Envy brought out the worst in most of the vampires who found out, Magnus reckoned.) Luke Garroway, who became an alpha werewolf quite recently, cursed under his breath upon hearing the news.

“Are they trying to give us excuses for an uprising?”

“It’s worse than that, I fear. They genuinely imagine that they have the right to pull off such moves and we just have to obey like good, loyal subjects.” Neither of them wanted to mention that resuming death penalty might be the next objective on Herondale’s list. All she needed was a justification. Magnus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just… Tell your people to get ready, and to remain non-violent. Wherever Valentine lurks, he’d be thrilled if we’d let this escalate.”

“True. This murder spree plays right into his pocket.” Luke groaned and went on before they could process those words further, before the pieces of a puzzle could connect and create a clear picture. “I’m not sure a few of mine will listen to reason.”

“Some of mine were tortured by Shadowhunters a blink of an eye ago. This isn’t going to end well.” Magnus shuddered as flashbacks of what he was put through surfaced, and forced his mind elsewhere. “Oh, and you should know… Clary is staying at the Institute, now.”

Luke groaned. “I know, she sent me a couple of messages last night. She didn’t mention where she was but I connected the dots after she mentioned a new friend Jace. That girl’s stubbornness and curiosity… I’m not sure if I’m more worried about the trouble she’ll get into, or the trouble she’ll cause.”

Clary definitely chose the most unstable and possibly dangerous time imaginable to join the Shadow World.

Once the phone call ended Magnus pocketed his phone roughly, then covered his face with one hand. It was too much. All his people, Madzie, Catarina and Ragnor included… Raphael… And Alec, who might end up targeted by both sides of the conflict for the alleged crime of accepting the duty of protecting him… Everyone was in danger. He already lost Camille, brutally, unable to stop it despite being in the same space. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing anyone else.

“Magnus?” Obviously wondering if he was allowed to approach, Alec stepped to the balcony and stood beside him. “I… thought I’d come and see how you’re doing.”

Magnus hummed. “About as well as expected.” He sighed and looked down. “The problem with being as old as I am? You see history repeating itself. I’ve lived through all this before and I was really hoping that I’d never have to again.”

Alec hesitated before giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Whatever comes, I’ll face it with you. And not just because it’s my duty.”

“What if you have to go against Jace?”

A tremendous invisible weight landed on Alec’s shoulders. (Magnus loathed himself for being a part of the reason it was there.) “Then I’ll face that, too. I won’t stand by and watch you and your people being wronged. Even by my parabatai.”

What was anyone supposed to say to that? How was Magnus supposed to instantly question the magnitude of those words out loud? Instead he stayed quiet and let his hand rest a breath away from Alec’s – which squeezed the balcony’s railing so hard that knuckled had turned white – on metal.

They watched the city down below in a heavy but not uncomfortable silence. Both wondering exactly how many Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike roamed there. New York’s future appeared dark and incredibly uncertain. The fact that they wouldn’t have to face what was coming alone was some much-needed comfort.

/

It’d been a long, exhausting day. Clary had received far too much information and felt entirely too much for comfort. Her mom was with her every second, asked about a million questions. Clary answered as many as she could. How many answers was she supposed to have with all her own questions? It also didn’t escape Clary’s attention how suspiciously several of the people around them looked at Jocelyn. One of them even murmured to another ‘why isn’t the Clave interrogating her already, she stole the Cup’. What did her mom do? Some of that suspicion was obviously aimed at the daughter, too, whose only sin so far had been entering the world.

Eventually Clary needed a break. While someone distracted Jocelyn with questions her daughter sneaked into her room, closed the door and practically collapsed on her bed. Clary honestly imagined that things would somehow be fixed once she’d find her mother. As it turned out everything got more confusing.

What was Clary’s place in a world where people were judged, marked like animals, attacked viciously, killed and turned into monsters – did she even want a place in it?

Clary was about to nod off until there was a knock on her door. Her mom peered in, appearing sympathetic. “You forgot lunch.” A tray was placed gently on her bedside table. “I know that today’s been a lot. Eat and rest, then we can talk some more.”

Staring at the food she didn’t want, Clary nodded and fought a mighty battle to keep her visible reactions in check. “Salmon. My favourite.” It was a test – one that was failed.

The problem with pretending to be someone you’re not in front of people who know the person you’re supposed to be? They expect you to know them, including all the little details. And if you don’t, they notice.

Jocelyn poked at her nose. “A mom knows. Now eat, I’ll see you soon.”

Clary hated fish dishes, always had. To a point where she tried to insist that she was allergic to fish to be spared from having to taste such food. Her mom knew as much.

Who did she just spend hours with – and who could she go to for help?

/

Warlocks usually tended to come together only for birthdays and funerals. It wasn’t bad enough that Valentine’s threat was upon them once more. The Clave seemed to be more focused on controlling and punishing them than finding the psychopath. The room Magnus and Alec walked into, with Madzie following shyly, was full of angry people.

Catarina, bless her soul, obviously understood that what was to come might not be suitable for a child. (They only brought Madzie along because there was no reliable babysitter.) “Why don’t you come with me for a moment”, Catarina suggested gently. “There are some birds in the next room.”

“Birds, like those outside? Like nana’s scary crows?” Madzie inquired, forgetting all the people around them in favour of focusing on something more pleasant.

“Those are wild birds, but some people have them as pets, too…”

Soon a door closed after the two. And all not exactly pleasant attention was on the men. “We’re having a crisis meeting concerning the Clave, and you have the nerve to bring in a piece of Nephilim scum?” one of the warlocks spat.

Magnus worked his jaw. “I didn’t have much of a choice. He’s my bodyguard.”

Someone snorted. “You’re the High Warlock of Brooklyn, we’re supposed to trust you to keep us safe. Since when have you needed a Shadowhunter to protect you?”

“Since Valentine threatened my life directly.” Magnus had known to expect that the meeting wouldn’t be pleasant. It was infinitely worse than anything he’d envisioned. “I’m sure that we have a lot more important matters to discuss. Such as our survival.”

Most of the people present seemed to agree with him. But warlocks weren’t the type to just let things go, and soon an all-out brawl ensued. It was a storm of insults, accusations and shouting. Alec listened, becoming more tense with each passing second, before stepping forward. “Stop, just stop! I’m not a… what did someone just call me, the Clave’s lapdog. I’m here to…”

“SHUT UP!”

Faster than lighting, a bolt of furious, red magic was suddenly flying towards Alec. It would’ve definitely killed the archer. Moving instinctively, Magnus stood in front of the younger man, his magic creating a shield that destroyed the attack efficiently before it could touch anyone. “ENOUGH!” he snarled, his voice full of fire and his eyes golden. Asmodeus’ son in all his dark glory. (To Magnus’s twisted pleasure the warlock who attacked appeared shocked, remorseful and terrified while retreating a couple of steps.) “There’s been enough death and violence already! I will not tolerate any more of it here. If we want to survive, we have to do better than cave in to our darkest impulses. Is that understood? We are better than what the Clave imagines about us! I won’t let you prove them right!”

Emotions were boiling so hotly that no one noticed the magical attack did cause damage. Because the energy behind it wasn’t destroyed entirely, but rather redirected. At first the creaking sounds the part of the room Alec and Magnus stood on produced were whispers, within moments they grew louder. Until a part of the floor and wall collapsed, sending the two plummeting down from the twentieth floor in front of their horrified audience.

Magnus wanted to believe that despite how fast things were happening and his state of shock his magic would’ve saved them. Something else reacted faster. Alec’s strong arms wrapped around him, frighteningly easily and naturally, held him close. And suddenly they were floating instead of plummeting.

Gasping for breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, Magnus blinked slowly. Then his stunned gaze locked on Alec’s wings, those he’d caught a brief glimpse of before. They appeared majestic in the sunlight. The sight was so beautiful that it hurt.

“Are you okay?”

How was Magnus supposed to answer that? “You… You’re flying.”

Alec nodded, appearing dazed. “Well, floating. Anything for you.”

Those words scared Magnus a great deal more than nearly plunging to the street below, because few things he’d ever heard had sounded so big and honest – and he’d never wanted to believe something told to him so badly.

/

Melody had known to expect that the murders she carried out would have consequences. But the news she heard, of her kind being catalogued and chipped… They turned her stomach and made her blood boil.

A bottle of whiskey shattered as Melody threw it at a wall with a furious scream. “Who the hell does Herondale think she is, humiliating us all this way? And that grandson of hers…”

“Would you like to teach them both a lesson?” Valentine, who sat nearby like he owned her apartment, inquired. His voice was smoother than velvet and there was a predatory look in his eyes. “Because I see an obvious solution you’re too emotionally compromised to come up with.”

Melody stilled. Her eyes flashed. “I’m listening.”

“There’s nothing in this world that’d hurt Herondale more than losing her only relative. Trust me, I relieved her of a son.” Valentine leaned forward. “And there’s no better way to push things closer to a war than the murder of the one trying to solve the murders.”

“And how do I get my hands on an Institute Head?”

“I’ll help you with that.” Valentine took a sip of the drink he poured without her permission. “I know Jonathan enough to have seen how reckless he is. He’ll give you an opportunity before long.”

/

Jace knew from the start that accepting his promotion was a mistake but he couldn’t say ‘no’ to his grandmother. He hadn’t known to expect that it’d ruin his life. All the stress and pressure were nothing compared to the ache from pretty much everyone he cared about slipping away from him.

Izzy was openly furious and Jace dreaded to imagine what plans she’d put together behind his back to help the Downworld. (He did know, despite her best attempts to hide it, that her newest lover was a seelie.) Clary avoided him. Alec was silently angry and their once tight bond was more muted than ever before. Jace was alone in a world half of which was turning against him – Downworlders made no attempt to disguise how they felt about his actions. He’d been punched and spat at twice.

Institute Heads didn’t typically take on patrols but that night Jace needed a breather and a distraction. In the end he sat to the edge of an apartment building’s rooftop, closed his eyes and let the cool wind try clearing his head. Which… didn’t exactly work out well.

Especially because Jace didn’t get to be alone for long. “There you are. You really know how to make yourself difficult to find, Jonathan”, a woman’s voice purred.

Before Jace could even twitch something struck the back of his head, hard, and everything vanished.

Chapter Text

Magnus had lived for centuries. (A regrettable amount of years wasted in Edom.) He’d loved, loathed, suffered, rejoiced, killed and healed. But there, floating with Alec’s strong arms keeping him safe… He’d never experienced anything so magical. Under his hand Alec’s heart galloped wildly, suggesting that the man felt something similar. Some more of the walls Magnus had built around his own heart collapsed, leaving the poor organ recklessly exposed.

What was he doing…?

“Are you okay?” Alec whispered, as though not trusting himself to try uttering anything louder. (It was the second time since they fell the man asked that. How out of it did Magnus look?)

No, Magnus wasn’t okay. He was terrified. “Of course.” Magnus swallowed, wondering what the lump in his throat was all about. “We… should go back.” He had someone to give a piece of his mind to. And Madzie needed them. Perhaps he needed a distraction, too.

Alec must’ve caught him hiding the full truth but the man didn’t push. There was a second-long twitch of a jaw before a nod. “Okay.”

They were both strangely reluctant to end the magical moment. Their hearts still out of control, in a couple of ways, they took several steadying, shuddering breaths. Then Alec’s beautiful, majestic wings took them back to where a violent confrontation took place. (Magnus fought a war and quite possibly lost to not stare at the wings.) By the time they were about to land Catarina had joined the others, without a doubt alerted by the noise, and made her displeasure known.

“… were you thinking?” Catarina hissed. “You attacked a Shadowhunter while things are already one wrong step away from a war! You attacked our leader, who has always done everything he can to protect us!”

The warlock who caused the near-disaster was deathly pale. “I… I didn’t mean to…”

“You meant to harm my Clave appointed bodyguard. And you would’ve succeeded if I didn’t interfere. You did end up destroying a part of a building, which could’ve harmed innocent bystanders.” Magnus stepped on solid floor, not letting Alec fully out of his sight for a second, and glared at the attacker with golden eyes. (It felt bizarrely satisfying to sense and discover that the archer kept an eye on him, too, stayed close protectively. It was weirder still to feel… safe, almost, near a Nephilim.) “Shadow World’s tensions haven’t been this high since the Accords were signed. We can’t afford to start fighting with each other, too.”

The warlock – who’d at some point named himself Makia – swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Magnus. I saw him, and the flashbacks of what was done to…” That, at least, was honest. “I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you meant to harm Alec. For crimes committed against your loved ones by people who were already gone by his lifetime.” Magnus was fully aware that he’d done the same thing, seen shadows of others on the young man’s face. (Alec had inherited disturbingly lot of his mother’s likeness. Or at least it seemed that way to him.) But at least Magnus had never entertained even the thought of making things… physical. “You’re young but I refuse to let that be an excuse for recklessness.” A ninety-year-old was young for a warlock. “If we want to achieve true, lasting peace, we have to navigate through this together. All of us.” He didn’t like the thought of being forced to associate with Shadowhunters, at all. Which didn’t make it any less necessary.

Makia trembled, some tears rolling down. “You’re… You’re going to evict me from the whole continent, aren’t you?”

Magnus folded his arms across his chest. For a few moments he enjoyed the sense of power over someone he had, and was disgusted by how much he felt like Asmodeus. “I’m tempted to, and I can see that most of the people here would agree with such a decision. I should report your actions to the Clave, but I’d rather not trust you to their tender mercies.” He lifted his chin, his height at least half a head above the other’s. “However, it’s not my right to judge you because the crime you attempted to commit wasn’t against me. The choice is Alec’s.” It wasn’t only justice. Magnus was also testing the Nephilim, and hoped dearly that he wouldn’t be disappointed. (It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time a Shadowhunter – or a Lightwood – would disappoint him.)

Alec’s eyes widened from something close to shock. (Was the man a phenomenal actor? Or was it possible that someone in their too often dark world could be so honest and… innocent, almost? Despite having been raised by Maryse and Robert.) Alec recovered quickly, though, a mask of steel overtaking his face as the man regarded Makia. “I’ve never been given second chances after I’ve made mistakes. But I do believe in them, and I want this world of ours to have more mercy.” There was a long pause. (During which everyone could almost hear the beats of Makia’s heart.) “I don’t want to see you suffering. What good would it do to anyone? But I want you to learn. You’re on a probation for the next year. If you commit any type of a crime, against anyone of any race, you will be facing the Clave’s trial and face any judgement they deem fit. Is that understood?”

Makia nodded slowly. A set of trembling lips opened but in the end nothing came out. Magnus was equally speechless. A Shadowhunter opting to give a Downworlder the benefit of the doubt… It was virtually unheard of.

“Are you okay?” someone risked asking after a long, heavy silence. A pair of eyes went from him to Alec and back again. “Both of you?”

“We are”, Magnus affirmed gently. His gaze swept across the people gathered to the enormous space. So heartbreakingly few, compared to how many of them there were once upon a time, all of them terrified that the darkest parts of history would repeat themselves. (They were old enough to have seen it happen before. Valentine being on the loose made matters infinitely worse.) “We will comply Herondale’s direct orders, because anything else would make things worse. But not unconditionally. I will speak with the other Downworld leaders as soon as possible, and together we’ll insist that our continued cooperation depends on full transparency. We have the right to know how our DNA samples are used, where they are held and who has an access to them. And once the criminal causing this havoc is apprehended, those samples must be destroyed because there’s no further justifiable use for them. One representative of each race will be there to oversee that process being completed, so we can be absolutely sure that the Clave has stayed true to its word.”

“Despite that, how can we trust that they won’t cheat somehow?”

“The same way they must trust that there won’t be another Downworlder serial killer coming after all Shadowhunters.” Magnus’ attention turned to Alec. “Do these terms sound acceptable, or do I sound overdramatic?”

Did Alec… fight back a smile? “Perfectly acceptable.” The young man’s eyes flashed. “I’ll be right beside all of you to support those demands. And the tracking chip idea… It’s offensive, you’re not criminals or pets. I hope that we can have that order revoked.”

“’We’?”

“Yeah.” Alec’s gaze swept across the once hostile crowd, unrelenting but not seeking for a new confrontation. “I’m not asking you to trust me, just like that. I have to prove myself first. But let me help you through this.”

“How are you going to help, with many of your own strongly against your way of thinking?”

“By catching the one responsible. Because I’m not buying for a second that there’d be several killers.” Alec’s posture was that of a soldier preparing for a battle. The still visible wings enhanced the impact. “Will you help me? Because I can’t do it alone with Magnus.”

Watching his people expressing their support, even Makia joining them, Magnus had never been prouder of them. He even found himself being proud of Alec, who seemed to be mature beyond his years. It scared Magnus how much he cared about how his bodyguard was viewed. And about Alec in general.

His stupid heart wasn’t supposed to be so out of control, especially at such a perilous time.

/

One thing about Institute Heads? When one goes missing people notice. And almost as soon as a new morning began in New York it became very obvious that Jace was nowhere to be seen. Some were worried, others were more or less openly rolling their eyes at how unreliable their new leader was. Many of them went to seek out Izzy, as though it was her solemn duty to know where her brother was every second of every day.

Izzy knew that sometimes Jace could… forget about his duties a little bit when something more interesting came up. But not so much since receiving his new position. Discomfort squirmed in Izzy’s stomach as she started a search.

If something would happen to Jace while things were still tense, at best, between them…

Breathing forcibly steadily to hold back panic, Izzy knocked on Clary’s door. A groan was her first response. “Mom, I promise I’m fine…”

“It’s me.” Izzy’s swallowed. “Is… Jace there with you?” She knew from unfortunate experience to not open the door until she’d get an answer to that question.

Clary did open the door. There was a deep frown on the redhead’s face. “Why would he be here with me?”

Izzy muttered a heated, anxious curse under her breath. “We have to find him. What if that killer…?” Her thoughts whirred a million miles per hour. “Do you think your mom could help? She’s some sort of a legend…”

A guarded look appeared to Clary’s eyes. “Let’s… not tell her anything. I don’t think we should tell anyone but Magnus and Alec.”

Izzy blinked slowly. She… hadn’t expected that. “Why Magnus?”

Clary sighed heavily. “He’s the only one in this new world of mine who has told me to trust only myself. That makes him the most trustworthy person I’ve met.”

“Izzy?” Raj stomped to the scene as though the man hadn’t noticed that he interrupted a private conversation. “There’s a Seelie at the door, wanting to see you. Said that it’s important. Underhill insists that we should hear him out but I can tell him to…”

“I’m coming with you.” Izzy had always trusted her instincts. And they screamed that whatever the surprise visit was about was actually important.

Grumpy and rolling his eyes, Raj began to lead Izzy – and Clary who jogged after her – towards the main entrance as though she hadn’t lived at the Institute all her life. Her eyes widened a fraction upon meeting the guest, and she couldn’t stop a hint of color from rising to her cheeks. “Meliorn? What… are you doing here?” Agreeing to be just friends didn’t keep things from being awkward.

Following a subtle signal, Izzy joined the Seelie outside to keep unwanted ears from catching their conversation. “One of our Knights has been neglecting her duties for a while and seems… distracted every time I get a chance to meet her. I visited her home at this realm, hoping to confront her about it.” He handed her a piece of paper. “Her apartment was a mess, but this caught my eye. It may have been ripped from a diary.”

The words had been written in a handwriting Izzy hadn’t seen before. ‘Every now and then the world is destroyed, so it can recreate and reinvent itself again, so that something more beautiful can rise from the ashes. We are witnessing such an era now, and I get to play a key role. I finally know that my parents would be proud of me. The last one will make the biggest difference of all.’

It wasn’t clear or coherent. But Izzy understood, and a whimper broke out of her. “Jace…!”

/

How do you track down someone when you have nothing of theirs to use for help? The warlocks weren’t able to find an exact location but by the morning they’d narrowed down the potential area to a much smaller one. Not ideal, but a great start.

In the end Alec needed a break. It was overwhelming to be around people who judged and scrutinized his every little move and facial expression. (Although he’d had plenty of experience on that for his whole life.) Alec also felt heavy and exhausted for reasons that didn’t seem to have anything to do with having stayed up the whole night, and runes did little to help. It didn’t seem as though Magnus was in danger among his own so the hunter made his way to the room where Catarina had helped Madzie settle down and despite being drained smiled at the sleeping child.

It felt good and healing to escape the world of adults, just for five minutes.

Alec didn’t know how long he actually spent there before someone joined him. “There’s no breakthrough, at least yet, but they’re still trying”, Magnus murmured, quietly enough to not disturb Madzie. The man hesitated. “We warlocks… can be very proud people. It comes with age, and stubbornness. I think many of them are doing this as a form of apology to you.”

“And you. They realized that they let you down.” Alec had seen it, and knew that especially Makia wouldn’t have felt as guilty solely for ending up hurting a Nephilim. “They’re good people with long histories. They love you, and trust you.”

“I hope you’re right. We need each other more than ever before.” For exactly two seconds Magnus allowed his fatigue and true age to show in his eyes, then the mask was back in place. “You impressed them today. Not that they’d admit it. That’s no small feat.”

Alec… didn’t have the faintest idea what to say to that. As it turned out he didn’t need to worry about something so trivial. His lips were about to part when his phone received a message. The words made Alec’s blood run cold.

‘The killer took Jace. Can we meet at Magnus’ loft?’

/

No one had ever sung Jace a single lullaby, ever. A beautiful one was being hummed gently as he began to drift back to the waken world, his skull throbbing like it’d been bashed in. Despite his efforts to conceal weakness and his waken state a pained hiss slipped out.

“Ah, good. I was starting to worry that I hit your head too hard. I wanted you to be awake for how it ends. Or begins, depending on how you look at it.” The humming stopped as soft, barefooted steps approached him. “Did you like that song? My mother used to sing it to me. Until your people ensured that she’ll never get to sing anything again.”

Jace turned his head. Everything swam in and out of focus, along with the stunningly beautiful woman walking closer. His brows furrowed. “… sorry …” He knew too much about what it was like to grow up without parents. “… she why you’re doing this …? … are you?”

To Jace’s surprise the woman laughed. (The sound echoed painfully in his head.) “You really don’t remember me, do you? I’m not really surprised, having heard the rumors of your… Book Club. Don’t worry, that night wasn’t special to me, either. Herondales are endless sources of disappointment.” She tilted her head. “Go back to sleep. I want you to be bright and alert for what comes when you next wake up. I have big plans for you, and I want you conscious enough to feel every second of it.”

Jace fought against blacking out, with all his might. But he was in no fit state to win that battle. Everything faded into darkness, with him knowing that he’d wake up to a world of terrors.

/

A loaded silence hung heavily as the two men portaled to Magnus’ loft. They knew from the beginning that finding the killer was of vital importance. Now there was new urgency to the task.

Magnus took a steadying breath and rolled his shoulders. “Alright, then. We should…” He jumped with startle when without a warning Alec punched a wall at the other side of the room, over and over again. Not hard enough to damage the wall, but certainly hard enough to break skin, badly. After being paralyzed by shock briefly he dashed to motion. “Stop, right now! I’m not letting you do this to yourself.”

Not pausing to wonder how safe it might be to interrupt a Shadowhunter in such a state of mind, Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand. The other struggled briefly, but in the end relented tensely and accepted his help. They were both too overwhelmed to speak as Magnus healed the injury. It terrified him how extensive Alec managed to make it so swiftly.

“I’m sorry…” Alec’s voice could barely be heard. The man refused to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus shook his head, until it occurred to him that Alec didn’t see it. “Don’t apologize to me. I’m not the one you hurt.”

“I know, I know. I let down myself.” How many times had Alec been told that? Probably since childhood. Moisture, rage, frustration and several other emotions filled Alec’s eyes. “Jace is supposed to be my parabatai and I didn’t even feel him…” The man pulled at his own hair. “What’s wrong with me?” It sounded too much like Alec had asked himself that a lot.

Magnus frowned. He couldn’t possibly understand what it was like to have a parabatai. But he understood the agony and sheer terror behind a potential loss, all too well. “Alexander, I need you to breathe.” Where did the full version of the name come from? And why did it feel so right? “Everything’s…”

Magnus never got a chance to finish. Because without a warning Alec started screaming out of sheer agony, and eventually slumped to the floor. A hand pressed against his parabatai rune.

/

Melody giggled. “I’m sorry, that went a little deeper than I intended. But oh, look at you. You’re so wonderfully responsive, and mere minutes after waking up. You Shadowhunters can be impressive in some small ways.” She yanked out the blade she thrust into Jace’s abdomen, then watched with a tilted head as he gasped and writhed the best as he could from being bound. “Your parabatai felt that, I’m sure of it. After feeling the end… Oh, it’s going to destroy him.” Melody hummed savoringly at the mental image. “His parents fought in the previous war. He’s going to help start the next one. It’s almost poetic.”

Jace tuned her out because he had much better and more urgent matters to focus on. The internal damage… It was bad, he could tell, and he had no way of healing himself. He was running out of time and Melody enjoyed every second spent watching it.

Too little time, too many wounds…

A lone tear slid down Jace’s cheek as his eyes fluttered closed. Then open. Until he was too out of it to know which they were. Only one thought fit into his rapidly shutting down head.

Alec, I’m sorry…

/

One moment there was fiery agony. Then… it was gone. Was Jace…?

No, no. Alec refused to believe it. And his parabatai rune was still there, barely visible but still. There was still time. But how much? “I have to go…”

“You have to wait for your sister. I know that it’s difficult, but otherwise you have no idea where to go.” Magnus gave him some time to process that. “I will head there with you. You’re going to need my help.”

Alec frowned, his heart aching and racing. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, at all. “Magnus, this isn’t your battle.” He was already more trouble than he was worth.

“Is it yours?”

Alec folded his arms over his chest. “Yes, of course. What does that…?”

“Then it’s mine, too. What else am I supposed to do, sit around waiting for my bodyguard to return?” (There was so much sympathy in Magnus’ eyes that it tore at something inside Alec viciously, wonderfully.) “I know what loss is like. All too intimately. And I want to do everything I can to keep you from suffering this one.”

“Why?” Alec choked out. By then they both sat on the floor. Ridiculous, all of it. And dangerous, albeit in a very different way than demons. “Why do you…?”

“For the same reason you’d go as far for me. And have.” Magnus sighed. “I don’t know. Something about you simply makes me do it.”

Alec looked down. It was the same for him. “I’m not used to this”, he admitted quietly, his stomach squirming uncomfortably. “Having people who aren’t my siblings willing to help me.”

Magnus shrugged. “Well, get used to it now. Because I help those who help me.”

Under different circumstances Alec might’ve smiled. (Or probably not.) “So do I. I guess we have that in common.”

They looked at each other, and the utter understanding passing between them… It scared them both. Because they shouldn’t have had anything in common. But there they were.

Neither realized what was happening until they were leaning towards each other. Alec pulled back as though he’d been electrocuted, his heart racing. What did he do?

It was almost a relief that there was a demanding knock on the apartment’s door. Magnus waved an unsteady hand, and they barely had enough time to get up before Izzy, Clary and Meliorn barged in. (Some other day Alec might’ve arched an eyebrow at the sight of his sister’s something-of-an-ex. Again?) “We don’t have much time”, Alec greeted them with. Certainly not enough for stupid questions or inquiries regarding the Seelie’s presence. “Jace… He’s being tortu…”

“Don’t.” The pleading look in Izzy’s eyes made him shut up. She was several shades paler than usual. “You messaged that the possible location has been narrowed down?”

“Yes. Warlocks managed to detect a smaller area.” Magnus offered the map that had a large circle on it to Meliorn. “Jace and the killer are somewhere there.”

The map wasn’t supposed to be a magic solution. At very least they expected to need more literal magic. To everyone’s surprise Meliorn placed a finger on a certain spot. “There.” Something akin to pained could be seen on his face. “Melody… She lived there, after her parents were slain. She’s spent every second there remembering, and I know that she returned there often.”

/

Their little team sneaked into the building without making a sound. The last thing they wanted was to transform the already horrible thing into a hostage situation by alerting Melody of their presence. Meliorn tried to explain to them that the woman was a victim of her own trauma. Magnus wasn’t sure how well the Shadowhunters accompanying them listened. Melody had killed several of their own, and was currently a threat to the life of someone precious to them.

It was eerily quiet. Death… It lingered heavily in the air, and showed in the disgusting items left on display. Magnus could’ve sworn that he smelled blood. And then they saw Jace, on what looked too much like an autopsy table for comfort. The man lay absolutely still and the breathing motions, if there were any, were so feeble that it was impossible to tell if they were too late.

It was Clary’s whimper which caught Melody’s attention. Meliorn stepped to view first, successfully catching all his fellow knight’s attention. It was a great distraction, intentional or not. “What have you done?”

Melody smirked. Clearly the lives she took meant nothing to her. “This rotten world deserves to burn to the ground, so a better one can rise. And this time Shadowhunters won’t be in charge over it.”

“Shouldn’t it rather be a world where everyone has an equal say?”

“Equal?” Melody spat. She marched threateningly towards Meliorn. “Most of them despise us! They’ve tried to wipe us out! How can you take their side?”

“I’m not taking their side.” Both of them holding knives, the Seelie circled around each other. Yet Meliorn managed to sound incredibly calm. “I’m trying to do what’s right.”

With a feral scream Melody began to charge at Meliorn. Only, she didn’t make it far. A whip, held by Izzy, wrapped around the other woman’s neck and pulled her down, hard. Melody could barely breathe but nonetheless attempted to scream, kick and trash against Meliorn and Izzy. Magnus had to admit that the Shadowhunters’ terrifying efficiency was actually quite impressive. At the moment, though, he had much more important things to fix his attention on.

Moving swiftly and gracefully, Magnus made his way to Jace, healing magic pouring out of him from the second he reached the blond. An alarming amount of partially dried blood coated the other man’s hair. Clary followed him like a shadow, and took her place by Jace’s head, where she caressed him and whispered shaky words of comfort. Magnus was slightly relieved that he had his hands too full to pay much attention. The day had already been too full of emotions and drama. All Magnus wanted was to fix the man who meant the world to Alec and go home.

Unfortunately it wasn’t quite so simple. Jace’s head needed help from more than just his magic. He was able to buy time but Silent Brothers would have to be called. The other injuries were also too extensive to be fixed right there and then, even by someone as powerful as he was. Maybe healing runes…

“ALEC!” Izzy’s shriek cut through Magnus like a blade. “Hey…!”

All focus forgotten, Magnus turned his head and chills traveled through him. The whip was still around Melody’s throat and her face had obtained a scarcely detectable hint of blue. Along with bloodstains. Because Alec’s fist pummeled her face, over and over again.

Magnus’ magic reacted before he’d actively decided what to do. It yanked the archer away from Melody, gently yet firmly, leaving her passing out. “Alexander, STOP!” Magnus went on sternly as a pair of furious eyes clashed with his. “Be better than she is! You want a world with more justice in it, do you remember? Ensure that she faces justice instead of death. Be the man of honor I’ve started to know you as. Jace needs you.”

Alec stared at him. And blanched. “Is he…?”

Magnus sighed. He’d always known that Shadowhunters were exhausting… “He’s alive, but needs his parabatai.” His magic sensed how feebly Jace clung to life. “So keep your head on what’s important. Let Herondale handle Melody.”

Alec’s fury and defiance clung to the man a second longer. Then waned, leaving the hunter heartbreakingly deflated. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus shook his head. Izzy rushed to sit behind her brother and wrapped her arms around him. “Don’t be, you’re a better person than I am. I would’ve just killed her.”

Such a brutal execution would’ve tainted what Alec’s soul was – not everyone of their kind wanted to be judges, juries and executioners.

/

So fast that it was nearly anticlimactic, it was all over. The building filled with new Shadowhunters and Clave officials. With a head injury as severe as his Jace was far from being in the clear, and then there were the other wounds. As people began to take him away Alec would’ve given a lot to be able to follow his parabatai. Sadly his feet remained paralyzed to the spot. And someone had to give an immediate report to the officials who circled around him like vultures.

Shockingly it was Clary, of all people, who seemed to understand. “I’ll go with him. I won’t let him out of my sight until you get there.”

Alec nodded, not trusting himself enough to try words.

Not far away Melody whined as Izzy hauled the Seelie to her feet. “Oh, no. You don’t get to complain after what you did”, Izzy hissed. “Off to the prison cell you go. Get comfortable there because you won’t be tasting freedom anytime soon.”

Magnus opened a portal for both women and their companions. The men watched as they walked through, then their gazes met. As though pulled by a magnet Magnus made his way to Alec, stood right in front of him.

“Thank you, for everything”, Alec finally managed.

“Anytime.” (Magnus was so close that Alec felt the man’s warmth. Or possibly a different type of heat.) “It may not feel that way right now, but you did the right thing. Now Melody will face the consequences of her actions, and Jace is safe. Perhaps our world is a little safer, too.”

You saved my soul, how do I make up for that? Alec couldn’t find the breath to voice those words. Maybe it was for the best.

Neither man realized how close they’d come to taking each other’s hands before a woman approaching them made them jolt further apart. Relief appeared to her eyes. “There you are! I had to come as soon as I heard.” Her gaze studied him. “Are you alright?”

Absolutely not. Alec nodded tensely. “Yeah, I am.” He cleared his throat. “Lydia, this is Magnus. Magnus, this is… Lydia.”

“Alec’s fiancée”, Lydia clarified, without any idea of the brutal, devastating impact her words would have.

Chapter Text

The silence following Lydia’s innocently careless revelation could’ve been cut by a knife from how solid and heavy it was. Magnus’ facial expression was carefully in check after a momentary tension. But Alec could sense the other’s emotional turmoil almost as clearly as he would’ve sensed Jace’s. (Well, once upon a time. Their connection… It needed fixing.) Or maybe Alec was projecting his own chaos of emotions.

He had no rational reason to be so fixated on Magnus’ feelings. And he absolutely wasn’t supposed to be so… attached to someone he barely knew, who barely trusted him. He was an engaged man, after all. As far as the world around him would ever know, he was straight. He and Magnus would never become a couple. Of course they wouldn’t.

Yet there he was. Unable to look away from Magnus, unable to speak, barely able to breathe. Surely it couldn’t be because he would’ve been falling in…?

No – Alec refused to face even that thought.

Lydia, of course, saw that something was off. Fortunately she didn’t figure out the correct reason. (Or so Alec hoped desperately.) “You must want to go to Jace. Let’s get you to the Institute.” Her gaze turned to Magnus and she gave him a small smile. It also drifted to Meliorn, whose presence had largely been forgotten in the middle of all the drama. “Thank you so much for helping. I’m glad no lives were lost today. Hopefully we can put this ordeal behind us soon.” Lydia did make a great politician.

Meliorn hummed. “I doubt it, considering that Shadowhunters are quick to forget their own crimes but have long memories when it comes to the crimes committed against them. You and I both know that Seelie will be treated as potential criminals for a long time to come. But I do hope this serves as proof that despite our reputation, our community places law above protecting a criminal.” Meliorn’s eyes softened marginally, betrayed something akin to sadness. “Treat Melody justly. She’s a deeply troubled soul.” It was easy to see how difficult it was for him to trust a Shadowhunter.

Lydia nodded. “I will. You have my word.”

One corner of Meliorn’s lips twitched – as if to communicate ‘I’m supposed to take your word for it?’ – but he didn’t say anything.

“Well.” Magnus shuddered visibly. “As delightful as this little operation and its aftermath have been, I’m taking my leave. I have someone waiting for me.” Madzie had to be worried about Magnus.

Lydia’s brows furrowed. “Melody’s crimes are still being investigated and you’re now a witness. You have to give a formal statement.”

Magnus froze, his back turned to them both as though seeing Alec and Lydia together was unbearable. “I saw that she had Jace trapped here. She expressed no remorse over her deeds and sought to bring bodily harm to everyone present. I can send you a signed version to add to your precious report. Although it astounds me that the word of a Downworlder means so much to a Nephilim.”

“I only wish for justice, just like you do.” Lydia sounded remarkably calm but then, she’d never been one to express strong emotions. “I genuinely appreciate your cooperation.”

Alec swallowed, which did nothing to erase the bitter taste in his mouth. Everything about the whole situation felt wrong, for some reasons he wasn’t ready to process. “I should go with you. It’s my duty to protect you.”

“Forget about duties.” Magnus took a deep breath and actually managed to sound calm. Not gentle or warm, but calm. “You obviously have more important matters to tend to, with your parabatai and fiancée. I’ll be fine, nothing will threaten me with the wards of my home protecting me. Take however much time you need.”

Alec wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Fate ensured that he didn’t need to choose. Because just then pain – such that didn’t come from himself – hit his head mercilessly. Like someone had been trying to crush his skull. Unable to have any control over himself, Alec cried out and slumped down on his knees, both hands pressed against his head in a futile attempt to chase away the unbearable agony.

Then it ended, as though a switch had been flicked. And somehow that was infinitely more terrifying. What if…?

Alec hadn’t realized how close he’d come to passing out until he started gasping, black spots still dancing in his line of vision. There was a hand on his shoulder, he realized groggily. One that had several rings decorating it. “What happened?” Magnus’ voice was echoey but for some reason soothed Alec’s discomfort instead of increasing it.

Alec swallowed several times. Did tears gather to his eyes momentarily? “Jace?” Lydia beat him to voicing, her tone full of sympathy. She’d never had a parabatai but as a Shadowhunter she understood how such a special bond worked.

Alec nodded the best as he could.

For two unnaturally fast heartbeats Magnus’ hand tightened on Alec’s shoulder. (Was it jealousy? Or just anger and frustration? Why would Magnus be…?) “Let’s get going, then.” Magnus snapped his fingers purposefully theatrically and a portal opened. “I will send Silent Brothers a fire message and urge then to hurry up sending someone. I will do what I can to help Jace in the meantime.” Even if it meant going to a building where he wasn’t wanted, where people would look at him like he was a second-class citizen and something disgusting. (Sometimes Alec truly loathed his own people and the narrowminded thoughts hammered into the heads of even the younger ones.)

And so they went. The whole time Alec’s hand remained a breath away from Magnus’ and ached from the desire to grab it. He was so close to having what he wanted for the first time in his life and not allowed to take it. The thought threatened to bring tears to his eyes once more. Alec pushed away those feelings attempting to creep in with a will of iron.

His life was what it was – he’d have to stop wishing for the impossible or he’d lose his mind.

/

Entering the Institute was precisely how Magnus had envisioned it. While there was support right beside him most of the people manning the space immediately after the front door stared at him with different mixtures of curiosity, distrust, disgust and suspicion. Like he was a criminal or a monster to be… handled accordingly, when he’d come to try saving one of their own. While some of the reactions were understandable – there was no escaping the fact that Shadowhunters had been slaughtered and the Institute’s Head was badly injured – facing something so familiar was nonetheless depressing.

The Accords had been signed but would the people following those signed guidelines for the sake of respecting the law ever truly change, deep down?

Magnus’ mood certainly didn’t improve as he caught the easy silent interaction between Lydia and Alec. She gave her fiancé a brief, questioning glance and – understanding instantly what she was asking – the taller man nodded, appearing grateful. After a nod of her own Lydia marched to one of the people who’d been glaring at Magnus the most frostily, possibly to explain the situation and the unexpected guest.

“I’m so sorry about… this”, Alec sighed in what wasn’t much louder than a whisper.

“This is nothing I haven’t experienced before. And you don’t need to apologize for others.” Magnus rolled his shoulders, hoping to appear more composed. “I suppose congratulations on your engagement are in order.” Magnus didn’t understand why he was so bitter and hurt. Alec was nothing to him. “You certainly ambushed me with that piece of news.”

“Magnus…”

Just then Lydia gave them a gesture to follow her. Magnus lifted a hand while starting to walk away from Alec. (The other, being taller, followed him easily.) “You also don’t need to explain yourself to me. It’s not as though you’d owe me anything. Let’s concentrate on matters of actual importance.”

Alec kept his mouth shut so tightly that it produced a small sound.

If Lydia noticed the tension between them, she was too discreet to address it. She began to guide them towards the medical wing. “The medical team has been notified that a warlock is on the way and a Silent Brother had been invited.”

“How difficult was it to have them authorize my visit?” Magnus couldn’t resist asking.

Lydia shrugged. She had an air to her that made it seem as though she owned every space she walked into. It was natural charisma and leadership, not the unbased sense of entitlement most Nephilim possessed. “I can be persuasive when I want to be.”

Under different circumstances Magnus might’ve grinned or held back a smile. Under different circumstances he might’ve even liked Lydia. Pity.

The silent elevator ride to the correct floor was easily among the most uncomfortable experiences in Magnus’ long life. As soon as the doors slid open Alec dashed out and practically jumped the first medic they managed to find. “How is he?” It wasn’t necessary to be more specific, clearly everyone inside the building’s walls knew of the legendary parabatai pair.

The medic sighed wearily. “We’re doing everything we can and he’s obviously a fighter. But the damage is severe, and he suffered another brain bleed after coming here. Help needs to make it here fast.”

“The first part of it is already here.” Magnus stood right next to Alec, wanting to offer some silent support despite his turbulent emotions. (He made sure to not glance the archer’s way, though.) “If I may?”

The medic hesitated, then nodded and gestured for all of them to follow. They were led to a small room where Izzy and Clary, who’d clearly been crying, awaited. Seeing all their pain was heartbreaking. As was Jace lay absolutely still in the hospital bed, his head bandaged. While Clary had taken a seat slightly further away, her legs pulled to her chest in a shielding gesture, Izzy sat right beside the blond and clutched at his hand, steadfastly ignoring the hue of blue under his fingernails. Jace was alarmingly pale, even his runes seemed to have faded a little.

“Alright.” Magnus didn’t care whether most of the building’s inhabitants would’ve rather seen him dead than right there. The people inside the room wanted – needed – him there. He had a mission, as Shadowhunters called their most important tasks. “I’ll see what I can do to help him hold on.”

Respecting Izzy’s need to remain close, Magnus sat to the other side of the bed, took Jace’s free hand, closed his eyes to concentrate and got started. Sadly he didn’t have a whole lot of magic to give after how much he’d already done that day, especially for Jace. But he tried, and tried, pushed harder than he should’ve ever been able to. Sheer stubbornness urged him on. Until his exhaustion grew so great that his grip on Jace’s hand started to slip and he began to slump to the side. Fortunately a strong arm held him steady before he would’ve ended up to the floor. Magnus blinked his eyes open sluggishly to see Alec through blur.

“Magnus, please.” Alec’s voice was disarmingly desperate. “Let me help you.” A hand was held out for him trustingly. “You can draw strength from me, right? Whatever you need… Take it.”

A Shadowhunter offering their energy to a warlock… It was something that never happened. How was Magnus supposed to refuse? Especially when, deep down, he didn’t even want to. Regardless of how terrible of an idea it was to accept the help.

Slowly, uncertainly and at first weakly Magnus’ free hand grabbed Alec’s. He closed his eyes, partially so he wouldn’t have to meet the other’s far too mesmerizing ones. And hoped that Alec was ready for what would come.

Because sharing strength… It was more intimate than those who weren’t warlocks could possibly understand. For those minutes it’d last the two people involved became one. Even thoughts and emotions weren’t safe.

Alec, who’d never been one to share anything – especially feelings – readily gave his all for Jace. Unbound, uncontrolled, truly willing to donate even his life if that might be what it’d take. The strong, elevated beat of the young man’s heart echoed in Magnus’ ears. The deep-buried emotions echoed, too, somewhere deep inside the warlock, where they’d leave a permanent mark despite not being his own. The worry, fear, determination, sorrow and something entirely too close to love.

Whoever might label Alec emotionless was wrong, Magnus mused dazedly. He’d never met anyone who felt as deeply. Maybe that was why Alec protected his heart so fiercely.

And then, as shockingly suddenly as something so intense began, it was over. They’d both given absolutely everything they could. Slowly Magnus opened his eyes to meet Alec’s by then immensely tired ones. There seemed to be a new connection between them which reluctantly breaking the contact of their hands didn’t erase, and neither of them knew what to think about it. Magnus’ no longer shielded – cocooned – hand fell limply to his side. It was entirely possible that he would’ve fallen, too, without Alec’s arm continuing to hold him steady. Magnus’ other hand squeezed at Jace’s, which no longer had a hint of blue hue left.

“Are you okay?” Alec murmured.

Definitely not. “Of course. I…” Then Magnus became aware of Lydia’s presence, and something inside him that’d started to open snapped closed. “Thank you”, he breathed out instead of whatever else it was that wanted to bubble through his lips.

It was almost a relief that a Silent Brother was escorted to the room just then, before regrettable things would’ve been said or done. Peace for the Brother to do his duty was essential, but Magnus needed to stay behind for information because he’d tended to Jace’s injuries until that point. (And he wasn’t sure he would’ve been able to walk even to the room’s door.) Palpably reluctantly Alec slid away from him, leaving him sitting alone, defenseless and exposed in a manner he couldn’t explain. The man left the room stiffly, not looking back, and was followed by Lydia. (How could the natural sight of a soon-to-be-married couple going together look so wrong?) Izzy needed coaxing from Clary, who certainly didn’t want to go either, to depart. Magnus stared at the closed door, feeling incredibly cold inside.

‘You seem unwell’, the Brother commented.

Magnus fought the urge to roll his eyes. Fortunately he probably wouldn’t have had the strength to pull it off, anyway. “It’s been a long day. Let’s focus on Jace.”

The faster Jace had been tended to, the faster Magnus would get to sneak back to the safety of his home. Most likely without Alec. And much like cats, he wanted to be alone to lick his wounds.

/

The depth of Magnus’ emotions… It was something Alec didn’t think he could shake off as easily as his own feelings. It was one thing to deny his own sick, unnatural urges. It was another, far more agonizing thing to find out that the target of those urges harbored similar fragile hopes, fears and dreams. To realize that he was hurting another person.

Alec was unnaturally aware of Lydia’s presence as he more stumbled than walked out of the room, then made it to the nearest chair before slumping unceremoniously on it. Even with his face buried to his hands he felt her eyes on him. Despite having always been the target of such scrutiny Alec doubted he’d ever get used to it, or to the feel of fire ants marching under his skin it brought to life.

Alec’s patience wasn’t helped by his head throbbing. This time the pain wasn’t Jace’s, and it was identical to one of a bad hangover. “Whatever you’re thinking, please just say it out loud.” Were Izzy and Clary close enough to hear them? Alec couldn’t bring himself to care as much as he should’ve.

Lydia sighed. “I hate springing this on you now, while you’re so worried about Jace. But I have a nasty feeling that the only moment when I can get an honest answer out of you is while you’re vulnerable, so I don’t really have a choice.” She hesitated. “Alec… I would’ve married John because I loved him with my whole heart. And I’ll marry you because it benefits us both. But I only want to be married to someone who wants to marry me, too.” (Alec could feel her watching him again before she went on.) “Be honest with me. Do you want to marry me?”

Alec clenched and unclenched his jaw. “It’s the right thing to do.” How many times had he told himself that? “So it’s what I want to do.”

“Can you swear to me that you don’t have feelings for Magnus?”

“Of course I don’t have feelings for him.” I can’t have feelings for him. Alec sounded sharp and defensive. And somehow that wasn’t yet the worst part.

The worst part was the steps, then Magnus’ carefully controlled voice. “Jace’s condition is stable. Now we can only wait.”

Alec had said things he regretted, intensely, before. But he’d never experienced the kind of remorse he did upon lifting his head agonizingly slowly to meet Magnus’ gaze. The guarded, almost cold look in those eyes… The folded arms… The walls Alec had managed to chip at were back once more, possibly higher and harder than ever before.

Of course Alec had always known that whatever it was he wanted so secretly that he couldn’t admit it even to himself… It was impossible. Wrong, stupid. And so many other negative things. But losing it for good was nonetheless a blow. Something akin to grief blossomed in the pit of his stomach, so intensely that it sealed his lips shut, to a tense, emotionless line that bottled up the storm inside him.

Lydia taking over would’ve been a relief if she didn’t represent a huge part of what was wrong with the situation. If one didn’t know about it, it would’ve been impossible to tell that she and Alec were just in a borderline heated conversation. “Magnus, thank you. For everything. You’ll be paid anything you want for your efforts.”

A corner of Magnus’s lips twitched but the smile which came didn’t have true warmth to it. Did the man’s eyes stray towards Alec? “I can’t imagine any payment you’d be willing to give me. So I’m simply relieved that a killer was apprehended and a good man was saved. Now there’s only Valentine left to catch.” That was when Magnus focused on Alec openly. “As I already offered earlier, stay here for a few days. I will be perfectly safe in the meantime.” Was anyone ever truly safe in their unpredictable world?

Alec sensed how he was being pushed away despite Magnus being nothing but polite about it. Yet he was pathetically needy and couldn’t give up just yet. He stumbled to his feet and swayed, noticing from the corner of his eye how Magnus twitched to help him until he steadied himself. “I need to grab a few things from your place.” And Alec wanted to explain his sudden, hopefully brief absence to Madzie. “Besides, it’s my duty to ensure that you make it home safely.” It was wrong, but he wanted to spend every second he could with Magnus, before they’d part ways permanently.

Did he say something wrong? Magnus’ nose wrinkled momentarily. “Duty. That wondrous word.” A hand gesture commanded Alec to follow. “Let’s go, then. The faster we make this little pitstop the faster you can come back home.”

Home… Alec wondered when the Institute stopped feeling like one. And when the place Magnus’ dismissiveness suggested he’d get kicked out of sooner than expected became one instead.

They hurried out of the building, both noting all the negative attention continuously aimed at Magnus. Having always felt wrong, out of place and like a bad fit, Alec could only imagine how awful the other had to feel from all the hostility. Outside Magnus moved his hand to create a portal. Then, becoming aware of how depleted his magic still was, the warlock decided that a taxi would suffice. As they waited Alec was baffled by how far away from someone he could feel despite standing right beside them.

/

As it happened, Izzy and Clary could see that the trio needed some time alone. The two of them sat behind a corner, as close to Jace’s room as possible, and just breathed. Struggled to come to terms with what happened and what could’ve happened.

The comfort was interrupted by a phone call, which ended up becoming heated. Upon returning to a hearing distance Izzy met Clary’s questioning eyes with a wince. “My parents. I’m not looking forward to their arrival. Please don’t ask.” She sighed and sat down. “How are you holding up?”

“I don’t think my hands will ever stop shaking”, Clary murmured.

Izzy grimaced sympathetically. “That was some first mission for you.” She would’ve wanted to promise that the next ones would be easier but didn’t want to become a liar.

“I saw a murdered woman, almost got blown up and had my best friend turned into a vampire while barely knowing what the Shadow World is.” Clary sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I just… I wish that I could go back in time, to when everything was normal. I don’t belong here.”

Slowly enough to give the other time to refuse, Izzy wrapped an arm around Clary. (She leaned to her eagerly and it wasn’t only her hands trembling.) “You do belong here. I’m sorry no one’s had the time to help you settle in gently and properly.” Clary needed people she knew and could trust, not such the life she’d been suddenly sucked into brought her way. And sadly Simon couldn’t be that support at the moment. “Once we’ve seen Jace waking up you could hang out with your mom. Do something together, away from this place for a few hours.” Jocelyn wasn’t one of Izzy’s favorite people, she couldn’t trust the ex-Circle member and Valentine’s ex-wife who returned too conveniently. But Clary needed her mom.

Only, Clary managed to blanch further. The redhead seemed to remember something unpleasant. “I… don’t know about that. Because whoever it is walking here as her…” Clary ran a hand through her hair as a nervous gesture. “It’s probably nothing but my imagination. This sounds even more insane than the other stuff I’ve encountered here, but… I don’t think my mom is my mom.”

Izzy’s facial muscles tightened. She’d heard rumors that Valentine enjoyed pretending to be other people. A grim possibility sent a shiver down her spine. “Not as crazy as you imagine.”

Ten minutes later, after making Clary swear that she’d contact her instantly if they’d be allowed back into Jace’s room, Izzy made her way to Andrew Underhill. She ensured that no one was listening before starting to talk. “This isn’t an official order, I don’t have the authorization to give those. But you’re the only one I can go to for help.” Her brothers already had more than enough to deal with and she would’ve gotten caught instantly if she tried to take on the job herself. Jocelyn – or whoever it was – was already suspicious of her, avoided and side eyed her. “Will you do me a favor?”

Andrew nodded, one eyebrow arched. “Sounds like a bad idea. But alright.”

“Keep an eye on Jocelyn Fray. If you see anything suspicious report to me, no one else. Herondale included.”

So far Herondale’s orders had come close to causing a war between the two halves of the Shadow World – the dangerously impulsive, vindictive woman couldn’t be trusted with something delicate and uncertain.

/

At Magnus’ loft the men didn’t notice the worried looks Catarina gave them before leaving grudgingly. Alec had never owned much. (What point was there in Shadowhunters buying a million things when their lives tended to be cut short, he’d always wondered.) It took minutes for him to collect the few items he’d brought to Magnus’ apartment and would need at the Institute. That was the easy part. The difficult part was explaining to a traumatized child why he’d suddenly disappear, potentially for several days. (Or for longer if Magnus would have his way, Alec reckoned.)

After hearing the news Madzie eyed him suspiciously. “But… Then you’ll come back. You always come back. And you’ll stay with us.”

Oh no… So Alec would have to tell her the rest, too. He licked his lips and looked down. “I will stay until the bad man who took away your nana has been found. But then… Then I’ll leave again.” He’d been trying to tell her from the start, gently, but children can be good at hearing what they want to catch. He should’ve known… “To my own home. Where I’ll get married.”

“To Magnus?”

Alec wondered if his shock at those words showed. “No!” Too sharp and defensive, again. “To a woman named Lydia. That’s always been the plan. But I can come and visit you often. You’re my favorite warlock.”

A whimper broke out of Madzie. “But… You were supposed to live with us forever.”

Alec bit back a whimper of his own. Those words cut deep and hard as he reached out a hand. I wish I could, nearly slipped out. “I’m sorry…”

“NO!” Madzie jumped away, her moist eyes blazing. “You’re leaving. Everyone leaves. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“Madzie…”

“I said ‘NO’!”

The burst of magic which left Madzie wasn’t strong enough to hurt Alec or even tackle him to the floor, but it did push him further. Which was when Magnus elected to interfere. “Madzie, we don’t have outbursts like that here!” the man scolded. Then fixed his entirely too sharp attention on Alec. “I think you should listen to her and leave. We will call you later.” If Madzie would’ve calmed down enough by then, of course.

What else could Alec do? Not looking at him, Magnus snapped his fingers to open a portal. Alec walked through it like someone hoping to be asked to stay, his shoulders hunched from burden, shame, sadness and regret.

Why did it seem as though a piece of his very self was left behind when he was nothing to Magnus?

/

It was ridiculous, Magnus knew. Completely stupid and reckless. But Alec walked away without protests, chipping along a tiny piece of Magnus’ foolish heart. It ached horribly.

Then Madzie’s sobbing claimed all his attention. Magnus closed the distance between them and pulled her to his arms. She clung to him with all her might. “Shh…”

“Don’t leave”, Madzie pleaded, barely comprehensible through her tears. “You can’t leave me, too.”

Magnus closed his eyes. It made pretending that he wasn’t crying, too, easier. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It was just the two of them, now. First for a couple of days. Then forever. It was for the best that they’d get used to it.

/

Melody couldn’t quite finish what she started. Sitting inside one of the Institute’s jail cells, bruised and hurting, she tried to tell herself that what she’d done was enough. Hopefully she’d destabilized pollical alliances enough for it to lead to the results she desired.

Melody expected to spend a long time waiting. Shadowhunters tended to enjoy torturing their prisoners by abandoning them to isolation. Surprise and dread made her shudder when all of a sudden the cell’s door was opened and the Inquisitor herself walked in like an angel of death and vengeance. “I wasn’t aware that I’m this important of a prisoner.”

“It’s not every day someone nearly manages to start a war.” Herondale walked closer with taunting, gliding steps and eventually sat beside her. “I switched off the security camera keeping an eye on this cell to ensure that we can speak freely.” Herondale tilted her head. “You’re a smart, resourceful woman. But I doubt you came up with the idea of murdering Shadowhunters and framing multiple Downworlders on your own.”

What did Melody have to lose? Perhaps sharing information would lead to a reduced sentence. Especially since it was no secret how much Herondale despised Valentine. “Valentine Morgenstern is alive and he’s been my accomplice.” Melody lifted her chin. “Do me a favor and I can arrange a meeting, so you’ll have him caught. You can kill him with your own bare hands for all I care.”

Herondale smiled. “Thank you. That was exactly what I expected to hear.” The older woman leaned closer. The voice which whispered in her ear was Valentine’s. “But I can’t let you tell anyone else that, can I?”

A knife was plunged into Melody’s stomach and the last sound she ever produced was a strangled gasp. The guard walking by the room an hour later imagined that she was sleeping, curled up with her back towards the plexiglass. (Melody’s death was discovered the following morning.)

/

Meanwhile a mundane named Morgan Young was on a run at the Hudson River Palisades. It was already getting dark and although she wasn’t the type to get startled easily for some reason nervous tingling traveled all over her skin. As though she’d sensed that something awful was coming.

It hit her in the middle of the run. A foul smell that made her freeze, before she began to approach the cliff’s edge. While aggressive music blared through her headphones Morgan peered down, to see a body on the rocks below. She screamed.

Like any decent citizen, Morgan called the police and a team led by Luke Garroway arrived. As a former Shadowhunter he was swift to notice the faint remnants of runes on the deceased’s skin. Luke fought the urge to groan. Just when he imagined that a state of war had been averted…

A lot had been washed and rotten away but at least they were able to determine the gender more or less reliably. There were clear signs of strangulation and stab wounds. “I think we can safely rule this as a homicide”, the still remaining member of a forensics team mused, visibly shaken.

Luke worked his jaw. “Agreed. Now let’s find out who she is and who did this to her.”

(Due to the body’s decomposed state, a DNA sample was needed for identification. Discreetly Luke also used Shadow World’s database. The poor, unfortunate soul was Imogen Herondale.)

Chapter Text

Hours dragged on as Alec sat beside Jace’s bed, anxiously waiting for his parabatai to wake up. It gave him far too much time to think about everything. Magnus. Madzie. Lydia. His parents’ impending arrival, which every cell in his body dreaded. And of course Jace.

Alec had been warned that Jace… might not exactly be Jace, at least for a while. Head injuries could be tricky and difficult to predict, and the blond’s was a particularly complicated one. Only time would tell whether there was lasting damage. Or if Jace would ever wake up at all, which no one dared to say out loud. That the man did wake up at least briefly during his captivity gave everyone some hope that he might again, although despite the help of Silent Brothers the swelling of his brain wasn’t going down like it was supposed to. Alec still couldn’t really feel their bond, hadn’t since the brief assault of agony that was his parabatai’s.

Alec had never felt so lost and adrift in his life.

The sound of a door opening made Alec shiver and tense up. He relaxed only marginally after meeting Izzy’s face. “I got us coffee”, she announced. “Don’t worry, I didn’t make it.”

Alec accepted the offering gratefully. “Right now? I’d even welcome yours.”

Izzy grimaced. “Things are that bad, aren’t they?” She hesitated uncharacteristically upon sitting down to the seat she’d barely left after being allowed back in. “Have you… called Magnus? It’s really late. Or early, I guess.” How many coffees had she had already? “He must be worried. Madzie, too, if she’s woken up and you’re not there.”

Alec’s jaw tightened to a painful extent. When did his boring, gray, meaningless, lonely life become so… complicated? Suddenly he hurt people. “Magnus knows that I need to be here right now. Madzie does, too.” Alec wasn’t able to disguise his intense longing.

Izzy sighed. “I don’t know anyone who’d have as much love to give as you do. You deserve love and to be loved in return. Lydia… has her nice moments, and I can see how you’d be a good match under different circumstances. But you shouldn’t be trapped into a marriage of convenience.”

Alec’s heart stuttered as his eyebrow arched and he could feel some color fading from his face. Surely he couldn’t have failed at hiding his disgusting secret so badly that… “Under different circumstances?”

Izzy’s gaze, locked with his, was simultaneously annoyed, fond, sad and sympathetic. “Don’t play dumb with me. And don’t insult my intelligence. I’ve known since I realized that there never was a Jessica Hawkblue.” Izzy reached out for Alec’s hand but he dodged her. “Hey. It’s okay to be…”

“No, it’s not! Not for me!” Alec didn’t quite raise his voice but came close to it. “Besides, this is bigger than keeping… what I am in the wraps. I’m supposed to save our family’s legacy and reputation! Our parents can’t atone for all their sins alone. If I don’t manage to appease the Clave with my marriage… Who knows what they’ll do to our family as a retaliation. I can’t let us all down. And I can’t let Lydia and her family down. So I have to do the right thing.”

Izzy’s brows furrowed. “What about you? And your happiness?”

Alec shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It can’t. I just have to do what I can to get us out of this mess.”

“Alec…!”

Alec lifted a hand, the headache which had been creeping in for a while starting to increase. His heart ached, too, but he suspected that it had nothing to do with physical reasons. The memories of Magnus’ face after the man found out about Lydia and Madzie pushing him away hurt like knives. “Izzy, enough.” He knew, on a level of reason, that Izzy loved him and only meant well. But she was also adding to his pressure and making him ask himself questions he had no business making. Why couldn’t she ever accept the inevitable when he had? “I just… Please don’t do this. With Jace, and everything… Not now.” The constant small pained whimpers Jace emitted broke Alec’s heart, and not being able to actually feel his parabatai to know how he was doing felt torturous.

Izzy obviously hated it but relented, seeing that he couldn’t handle the pushing in his current mental state. “Okay. Just… Remember that I love you, exactly as you are.”

Alec didn’t know what to say to that, or how to even feel about that. It was difficult to believe that someone could love him as he was when he loathed himself. He just hoped that Izzy would continue to support him after finally believing that he really, honestly didn’t have a choice over his future. Someone had to save their family.

The siblings shuddered when the door opened and sharp, determined steps entered. The room’s temperature seemed to have dropped by a couple of degrees even before they turned their heads to find Herondale. Her eyes were colder than ice as they shifted from Jace’s unmoving form to them. “I’d heard legendary stories of you three before I came here to see you all for myself. Pity that not all legends are true.” Herondale’s glare intensified as it was aimed at Alec. “Your performance as a parabatai has been particularly shameful. What is a bond like yours even worth?”

The words were like stabs at Alec’s already literally aching heart. It took all his self-control to not let the agony show. “I’m sorry…”

“I don’t want apologies.” Herondale moved closer almost threateningly. “Jonathan needs his true family as he recovers. It’s become obvious to me that you two and your pathetic, traitorous excuses of parents have failed to look after his physical safety and mental wellbeing.” Herondale looked towards Jace while he whimpered yet again. “You are only causing him stress, and I can imagine how much worse things would get with the chaotic energy your parents will inevitably bring along. Which means that I will be stepping in and banning all of you from this room, which will be guarded. You won’t be granted entry until Jace is well enough to decide whether he wants to speak with you.”

“You can’t…!” Izzy snarled, but was interrupted swiftly.

“As a real family member and the Inquisitor I have that power.” Herondale’s eyes narrowed. “Now leave this room. Or do you want to hinder his recovery further with your dramatics?”

Every bit of Alec ached to fight back harder, but was there any way it wouldn’t have caused further damage? Jace’s new whimper was a more powerful motivator than anything else. Feeling defeated, he and Izzy left the room. A Clave appointed guard already stood by the door and watched them suspiciously, certainly well-aware of the shame that’d fallen upon the Lightwood family. Alec glared back and placed himself protectively between the guard and Izzy.

Unfortunately making it to somewhere private to talk and process things without obtaining everyone’s attention wasn’t an option. The Institute’s Head was badly injured, out of commission as someone had mentioned callously, and everyone seemed to know that there was some sort of a conflict between Jace’s two families. Shadowhunters loved to gossip and speculate, and everyone stared at them. After getting used to being unseen and ignored all his life – unless he did something wrong – Alec found the attention overwhelming.

And apparently the borderline unbearable day was only going to get worse. Alec harbored hopes that they’d make it to his room, which still hadn’t been transformed to his and Lydia’s room. Until they heard what could only be labeled a heated discussion. Two Clave officials, Andrew and Lydia, who surrounded someone, were obviously in the middle of a disagreement. Alec’s stomach dropped when he saw their parents. Had Herondale given orders to keep them away from the Institute?

Ignoring everyone else, and moving as though the Lightwoods owned the place, Maryse walked to them. (With Robert following her like a solemn shadow.) “I find out that you’ve been humiliated by making you a babysitter to Magnus Bane, of all people. Jace doesn’t want to arrange a celebration for his promotion, and you for your engagement. Now this mess. What is going on here? We have our hands full at Alicante, we can’t handle the burden of you all keeping us in the dark.”

Robert, at least and at last, seemed to become aware of all the attention aimed at them. (The Clave officials still appeared eager to kick them all out. They might’ve if it wasn’t for whatever Lydia hissed at them.) “Let’s… take this somewhere more private.”

Alec absolutely wasn’t eager to face whatever scolding and blaming would come. He wasn’t keen on hearing any engagement congratulations, either. “Yeah, let’s.”

/

Still posing as Herondale, Valentine waited for the medical team to examine Jace and played the role of a worried grandmother with devotion. Then, certain that he was alone and keenly aware that there were no security cameras aimed towards them, he took action. His hand was swift as it reached into his pocket and he leaned closer to Jace. “You always were the more valuable experiment. Now you’ll get to show your usefulness again.”

Knowing that he was on a limited amount of time, Valentine folded open a small piece of paper. It had a drawing of an ancient, forbidden rune. No one had created the sinister, chilling thing for centuries, maybe longer. Valentine planned to put it to good use.

Jace’s arm was the easiest to reach. With determined movements Valentine drew the rune and watched it burn in furious red before settling to its place like a poorly healed burn scar. Nearly instantly Jace’s whimpers became louder. Soon they’d transform into screams.

As Imogen Valentine caressed Jace’s hair, the hand he used nauseatingly gentle. “All this agony, and your parabatai is nowhere to be found. Alec has abandoned you, just like all the fake family which took you in as a young, impressionable child.” He knew that the words would echo in Jace’s head. “You can’t trust any of them. I’m the only one you can trust, the rest of them will only ever leave you lonely and hurting. This agony is their fault, Alec’s fault. He envies you and wants your position. He wants to see you fragile and in pain.”

Valentine repeated those words to Jace over and over again. Until a member of the building’s security team came to the room, pale and shaken. “Ma’am, one of the prisoners, Melody… She’s dead.”

Valentine thought he did a fairly good job at pretending to be shocked and furious. He even stood up in Herondale’s dramatic style. “What?”

/

Magnus had always been the type that nursed his heartache alone and kept his pains close to his chest, deeply buried so no one could see. Being vulnerable never seemed to work in his favor. Unfortunately this time he had a precious, young soul to consider.

Madzie was hurting deeply from Alec being away, and especially from the realization that one day – perhaps soon – he wouldn’t be living with them at all anymore. Of course the archer would try to visit, at first anyway, but the lives of Shadowhunters were incredibly hectic, until they were too often cut tragically short. Magnus reckoned that Alec’s promise wouldn’t last unbroken for long. Especially since a marriage tended to lead to kids. With a wife, children of his own, his career and his siblings Alec wouldn’t have room for Madzie – or Magnus – in his life. (First there’d be few meetings far in between, then such cancelled on last minute, then nothing at all. Magnus had experienced it sadly often in several different kind of relationships. Mundanes with their limited lifespans were so desperate to get enough done that they forgot to pause to live.) Madzie already lost Iris, who raised her since she came into the world. The girl didn’t deserve to lose another person she’d gotten attached to.

So Magnus elected to show Madzie that even with Alec slipping away from their lives they weren’t all alone. Raphael was busy keeping an eye on the unfortunate soul turned into a vampire recently. (Magnus hoped that his surrogate son’s… peculiar ways wouldn’t traumatize poor Simon further.) Catarina was exactly the distraction Madzie needed from her sorrows. Ragnor was, admittedly, invited mostly for Magnus’ own benefit.

“It’s ridiculous how hurt I feel”, Magnus sighed while pouring himself a new drink. “He didn’t owe me anything or lead me on. I just… got hopeful, despite how little I like or trust his kind. What’s worse, Madzie got hopeful, too.” At the moment the girl played happily with Catarina but he knew that every time there’d be a knock on their door, she’d hope that it was Alec. Somewhere along the way she started dreaming of them becoming a family.

“Hmm.” Ragnor watched the man’s mug of tea, then opted to spice it with some alcohol. “Does Alec love this… Lydia?”

Magnus fought the urge to roll his eyes and lost. “I wasn’t in the mood to fish for details. What does it matter? Unless there’s some divine intervention, the marriage is going to happen, anyway.” He didn’t want to keep fighting windmills anymore.

“It sounds like the marriage would make three people lonely.” Ragnor hesitated. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but… Perhaps you shouldn’t give up on Alec so easily.”

Magnus snorted. “What do you propose I should do? Embarrass myself further by chasing him after he’s made adamantly clear that he’s taken and intends to remain that way? Some grand public display that’d be doomed to go horribly wrong? I’m done humiliating myself over people who aren’t as interested in me as I hope they’d be.” He took a sip of his bitter drink. “First Camille’s de… Now this. Maybe I should finally take the hint.”

Ragnor sighed. “All those walls you’ve built around your heart… Someday someone will come along and tear them down. When that happens, you must do everything in your power to fight for that love.”

Magnus didn’t know how to react to those words. “Don’t take this as offense. But sometimes you sound like a cheap fortune cookie.”

Ragnor shrugged. “I’ve had the misfortune of witnessing what you’re like when you’re drinking, miserable and heartbroken several times before. That was mild.”

Magnus’ heart yearned so badly. Even while struggling to snap closed. “And what if I never find someone who’d be ready to fight for me in return?”

Before Ragnor could say anything to that Madzie’s voice called out from the balcony. “Uncle Magnus, we have a new cat! A white one!”

Against all odds a smile appeared to Magnus’ face as he headed to meet the new arrival. (How they kept finding his balcony he’d never know, but he wasn’t going to complain.) Madzie… She was certainly worth keeping his heart at least a little open and exposed for. And if Alec would slip out of their lives entirely once Valentine was dealt with… Then he’d love and cherish Madzie enough for the both of them.

/

“How could you not know that your parabatai was in trouble sooner?” Robert exclaimed.

“Our bond has been strained lately.” It was on the tip of Alec’s tongue to point out that his father had experienced a first strained, then severed parabatai bond. Shouldn’t the man understand him, better than anyone else, instead of interrogating him? In the end Alec was too exhausted for that fight. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t you dare apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Izzy’s eyes blazed hellfire at Robert, who looked away in shame. “You have no right to judge Alec, he’s done more for this family than you ever have. Do you want me to start listing the ways you’ve let us down?”

“Isabelle.” The panicked, pleading look in Maryse’s eyes revealed that she didn’t want to hear the mentioned list any more than Robert did. “We didn’t come here to fight. We came to support Jace and to celebrate. And soon there will be a wedding.”

Alec felt sick to his stomach. “Lydia and I… We… haven’t thought about it a lot. With Jace, Valentine, my mission and… everything. I haven’t been much help with the arrangements.”

“You’ve let poor Lydia handle everything all alone? Don’t worry, I will help her with everything, now. It’s a good opportunity to get to know my daughter in law.” Maryse smiled proudly. (Was it the first time she’d ever been proud of him?) “I know that this isn’t the best time, but…” She handed him a beautiful necklace. “This used to belong to my mother. I want you to give it to Lydia at your wedding.” Did Maryse actually hold back tears? “Oh Alec, you’re going to make us all so proud that day.”

Alec accepted the gift with a heavy heart, hid it to a drawer and had never felt as much like an impostor. Maybe his parents would be proud but he’d never, ever be proud of himself. He didn’t dare to glance towards Izzy to meet her pitying gaze.

Izzy would’ve definitely wanted to keep fighting. Alec could sense it. Fortunately, as much as that word could be used under the current circumstances, the two of them received the same chilling message.

‘A prisoner has been murdered. Emergency meeting in ten minutes. Participation mandatory.’

While Maryse and Robert would’ve wanted to join in, too, it was more or less agreed on that it was for the best that they’d remain out of sight. Sadly nothing could stop the gossiping. On the way to the meeting and waiting for it to begin Alec did his best to close his ears on the words.

“… disgraced Lightwoods appear and something shady happens …”

“… think they had something to do with it …”

“… murdered people before …”

Everything grew eerily quiet as Herondale, Andrew, Victor Aldertree and a solemn Meliorn appeared to stand before them. It was the head of security who spoke. “As most of you have heard by now, a Seelie named Melody, who was a prisoner in this building, was killed last night. Unfortunately the security footage from the suspected time of the murder has been erased but we’re working hard to find the culprit. As an official Seelie representative Meliorn will be our guest of honor until the case has been solved. As per his own request he will be staying at a building across the street until everything has been sorted out.” Andrew’s case hardened. “There is something we have managed to find out. One can’t access this building’s systems without leaving digital fingerprints anymore. We know who tampered with the security footage.”

To Alec’s surprise Aldertree blanched. Several gasps could be heard from the audience as the man was taken to custody in front of everyone. It didn’t happen quietly or without resistance, of course. “… done working alongside people who put the lives of Downworlders above Shadowhunters … strayed from your angelic cause …”

While Aldertree’s rant continued Meliorn – who definitely wouldn’t be allowed to take part in the official interrogation – left the stage. Alec and Izzy approached him but didn’t get the chance to say a word. “She was supposed to be safe here. She was supposed to get a just sentence.” Meliorn shook his head. “I should’ve known better than to trust Nephilim.”

As the two others started an emotionally charged discussion Alec looked up, to meet Herondale’s eyes. He didn’t have any idea why she didn’t head to oversee the interrogation, or why she wasn’t with Jace. What Alec did know was that the look in her eyes chilled him to the bones. Then, without a warning, fear and agony that weren’t his own overcame him, threatened to push him to his knees. It didn’t matter anymore whether he was allowed to go there or not. Unnoticed by anyone but Herondale, Alec started running towards Jace’s infirmary room.

There was a huge amount of commotion. In the middle of it all Jace was conscious, dazed and frantic. Then their eyes met and everything filling the blond’s… The feelings coursing through Jace, unbound and stronger than a tidal wave… Alec would never forget them, no matter how long or briefly he’d live.

And next… Next came the shriek, which echoed from the depths of Jace’s soul. (Alec should know.) “You left me there. You… You must’ve sensed, and…” It seemed to be near impossible to find the words or coherent thoughts.

It took all Alec had to not whimper with people staring at him. “Jace… I’m sorry…” He reached out a hand.

And that was when Jace started howling once more. (Was the timing a coincidence or did his touch…?) Most of the words were incomprehensible while Jace clutched at his head with both hands, palpably in great pain even to someone who didn’t experience echoes of it. “No…”, was the only understandable word, first shouted, then muttered over and over again.

There, on possibly the worst moment, Herondale materialized. “Perhaps you should listen to your parabatai and go. Your work here is done, don’t you think?”

The mixture of defeat and failure Alec experienced right then was unlike anything he’d ever been through before. His feet weighing a ton each, he dragged himself out of the room with no clear destination in mind.

Jace’s screams echoed in the hallway and inside his head.

/

Jace’s head was killing him. As was the conflict inside him. So much of him wanted to call out to Alec, to have his brother by his side. But the rest of him… It was on fire, wanted him to be left alone. Why did everything have to hurt so much?

Jace wasn’t aware of Herondale ushering everyone out of the room. Or of his new, unwanted rune glowing, burning. He barely heard Herondale’s voice. “You poor thing… This place isn’t doing you any good. What would you say if I’d get you out of here?”

Jace nodded the best as he could.

/

Luke Garroway – who barely remembered his old Shadowhunter name anymore – once swore to himself that he’d never set foot in the New York Institute again. It was no longer his home, his blood had been contaminated. Yet there he was, marching in while everyone stared. He would’ve certainly been kicked out if it wasn’t for his old information still being in the database.

Luke hadn’t really decided who to share his delicate information with, especially since the building’s Head wasn’t… available. (And would’ve been emotionally compromised, considering his family ties.) Then he ran into Maryse and Izzy, who’d obviously been arguing for a while. It stopped the moment the mother lay her eyes on him.

Maryse’s eyes widened. She swallowed hard. “Lucian?”

She was his former rival, maybe she could make a new ally. And based on what Luke had heard Izzy did amazingly at solving the serial killer’s case. Besides, there was no time for him to be picky. “Let’s go somewhere private.” Luke didn’t want to make the information he had common knowledge yet.

They went to a small room that hardly anyone ever used. Luke couldn’t remember what its original purpose was anymore. “Do you need help with something?” Izzy inquired tightly. “Because right now…”

“I came to give you a warning.” There was no time to dance around the topic. “A body was found yesterday, and the Shadow World’s DNA database was much faster to identify the victim than the mundane one.” Then, the woman’s information wouldn’t have been in the mundane one. “Imogen Herondale is dead. Based on the remains has been for a while.”

The women stared at him in a state of deep alarm. “So… Who has been pretending to be her?”

“Jocelyn, too.” Izzy ran a restless hand through her hair. “Clary said that her mom isn’t her mom.”

Luke scowled. That was exactly what he’d dreaded to hear. “Considering how much Valentine has always loved pretending to be someone else, I have a guess.”

“Jace…!” Maryse and Izzy gasped together. They made a mad dash to the blond’s infirmary room. Only to find no trace of Jace or Herondale.

/

The trio didn’t notice that the door was left slightly ajar in their haste. Nor did they know that a certain redhead happened to pass by at the right – or wrong – moment. She froze upon hearing her name, and Luke’s voice.

So everything Clary had been through in the Shadow World by then wasn’t enough. That chilling Valentine had been wearing someone else’s face, her mom’s face. And Luke… He was another person who’d been keeping things from her. So many secrets and lies…

By the time the trio ran through the door Clary was already gone.

/

A punch after another, each harder than the last. At a punching back, at a wall. Alec didn’t care about the pain even after it was possible that some of his fingers were broken. He didn’t know how long he’d kept going until his body decided that enough was enough. Alec blinked slowly and sluggishly from surprise as his knees buckled, sending him landing heavily to the floor. He tried to get up, with all his might, but his trembling legs wouldn’t allow it. Even his body was weak.

Alec buried his face to his hands, his head throbbing and feeling like he was being torn to shreds by all the conflicting expectations piled on his broad shoulders. Everyone was expecting him to do ‘the right thing’, whatever that was to each of them. And the only thing Alec knew for sure was that he was letting everyone down.

He didn’t hear the room’s door opening, so the voice startled him. “There you are. Izzy and your parents have been looking for you.” Lydia approached him slowly, as though he was a startled wild animal. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine.” How convincing, a sarcastic voice hissed inside his head. “I’m sorry I worried you all.”

“I heard what happened with Jace, so I understand. These past couple of days have been a lot.” Why did Lydia have to be so kind and understanding? (Alec deserved to be yelled at, punished…) “Let’s go to your room, you need to rest. And your hands…”

Alec jumped up so fast that he startled them both and felt dizzy. His legs were wobbly but stubborn as he began to march forward. “I have to get out of here. Right now.”

“Okay.” The hurt in Lydia’s voice was another knife at his heart. “You may not know where you’re headed but I do. And I’m sorry you can’t have what you need from here. Think about that.”

More demands. More guilt. More people he was hurting. Alec couldn’t handle it, any of it, so he fled as fast as he could. He didn’t even have enough breath for a new apology. Taking a side exit few knew existed, like the coward he was. Disappearing into the darkness that’d fallen at some point, Alec realized that his cheeks were wet and wondered idly when the rain started.

(It wasn’t raining at all.)

/

Simon looked around inside the tiny apartment, feeling empty. He wondered if he’d ever feel anything like his old self again. Or anything close to alive, despite being a walking corpse.

“I lived here for a while, when I was still… adjusting.” Raphael shrugged. It was impossible to tell if the vampire ever actually cared about anything. “You can stay for however long you want to. I’m never here.”

Simon nodded. “Thank you.” The dial tone of his phone drowned out his small voice. His mom, again. Or maybe his sister. A message followed.

Raphael considered for a moment. “You know… Sooner or later you’ll regret it if you don’t reach out to your family.” It sounded like Raphael spoke from experience. “Start with something small.”

“Who did you start with?” Simon couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“My sister”, Raphael answered to both their shock. Then became visibly eager to leave. “I have much better things to do than babysitting you for the rest of the night. Send me updates or I will come back. And you don’t want me to come back.”

Simon didn’t bother with a second ‘thank you’, it would’ve echoed on thin air. He stood absolutely still for five minutes. (It was curious how time seemed to just… lose meaning when one was immortal.) Finally remembering his phone, he decided to stop being a coward and checked it. The message was from Clary.

‘I know that you need space. But Simon, please. I need someone I can trust, and you’re the only one I can trust. Still, no matter what you are. Where are you?’

Simon would’ve been a real monster to ignore or refuse her. With a heavy, unbeating heart he sent her the apartment’s address. She must’ve been wandering close because it took under ten minutes before there was a knock. And then Clary was in his arms, sobbing hard and clinging to him as though for dear life.

Uncharacteristically silent, Simon pulled her close. Sought comfort from her like she did from him, unnaturally aware of her racing heart. (Did he feel cold to her touch?) Having his dearest friend to hold made Simon feel alive, no matter how briefly.

/

It’d been a long, trying day. Once their guests left Madzie became silent and withdrawn, announced that she felt sick. Magnus tucked her in and watched her sleeping for close to half an hour, sought strength from having her there. Then he decided that he needed a drink. A strong one. It was a while since he last felt so depleted without it being magic related.

It was a surprise that Magnus’ wards didn’t report an arrival. (Apparently they didn’t consider the unexpected guest a threat.) Magnus’ instincts, however, tingled as he was reaching out for a bottle. Confused by his own actions, he walked slowly to the loft’s balcony and looked around in the darkness. To find nothing but shadows.

Magnus was about to head back inside, convinced that he imagined things. His instincts and even his restlessly bubbling magic, however, still insisted differently. And that was when he saw it. A figure hunched in the shadows, appearing small and fragile despite being tall.

Magnus frowned. He took a step closer before having decided to do so. “Alec?”

Alec refused to look his way. “I don’t know why I came here. I don’t deserve to be here. And I know that I’m not wanted here.”

Magnus loathed himself for his own weakness. The words slipped out before he managed to stop them. “I’m the one who has the right to make that decision. Not you.” Magnus glanced towards Alec’s bruised, bloodied hands, and something ached deep inside him. “Let me take care of those.”

Still not meeting his gaze, Alec held out his hands. Soon healing, soothing blue magic had erased the damage gently. “I’m sorry”, Alec rasped. “I’ll leave, I just need to…”

“Shush.” Magnus sounded sharper than he intended to and found that he didn’t like it. He straightened, turned his back on Alec and started to walk away. “I can’t just abandon you there, or send you on your way like that. Whatever it is bothering you enough to make you hurt yourself… Spend the night at the guest room, clear your head. We can talk if you wish to. Do leave before Madzie wakes up, though, your presence would confuse her. We adults can surely agree that this means nothing.”

“Yes.”, Alec echoed hollowly. Like the man’s soul had been carved hollow since they last met. “This means nothing.”

They both knew that it was a lie – neither had the strength to call it one.

/

Izzy was so tense that it hurt as she marched into the interrogation room. Jace and Alec were both missing, she couldn’t reach either one of them, and Herondale might actually be Valentine. What else could possibly go wrong?

Izzy had always been a great actress. None of her emotional turmoil showed as she sat down. “I understood that you’re only willing to talk to me. So talk fast. I have better things to do with my time.”

Aldertree’s eyebrow bounced up. “Oh? That’s not what you said when you had that wound and I smeared…”

“Do you want to test which one runs out first, my time or my patience?” Izzy hissed. Then, in a blink of an eye, she composed herself. (It seemed to intimidate Aldertree. Good.) “You’ve been working for Valentine, haven’t you? Where is he? What have you been planning?”

“You’ve always been a smart girl”, Aldertree praised. (As if she would’ve been seeking his approval…) “But planning? It’s already been done.”

Izzy’s chest tightened. Suddenly it was difficult to breathe. “What has been done?”

Grinning manically, Aldertree leaned forward. “The one thing all of New York and Shadow World have in common? Everyone uses water. The drink, to bathe with… But there are things that are only harmful to one half of our world.” Aldertree’s eyes flashed. “Three days ago something was added to the city’s water supply system. By now everyone is affected. A few more days and the Downworld will no longer exist. New York’s Shadow World will be pure.”

Chapter Text

Alec had been convinced that he wouldn’t manage to find rest that night. He was proven wrong within minutes from laying his head on the guest room’s pillow. The bed was incredibly comfortable, felt like a home, and perhaps he’d been more exhausted than he’d realized. Alec slept deeply, dreaming of Magnus, Madzie and Jace slipping away from him.

(Alec wasn’t aware of the fact that he whimpered in his sleep, loudly. Sounding horribly pained and distressed, like his heart and soul were being torn to pieces. Magnus, who wasn’t able to sleep at all despite being drained to his bones, heard it to the bedroom. With unshed tears in his eyes, he clutched at his golden bedsheets – which volatile magic made switch between the original color and midnight blue without him noticing – and fought the urge to go to Alec so hard that it hurt physically.)

Alec didn’t know what woke him up. There was no sound that would’ve explained it, or any sort of a physical sensation. His instincts, however, were screaming so loudly that every cell in his body electrified. Fast, soundless and decisive, an experienced hunter in motion, he left the bed and began to advance towards Madzie’s room.

Maybe Magnus was right, his sudden presence might confuse the traumatized girl and make her feel worse. But Alec sensed with everything there was in him that he was needed. At the moment nothing else mattered.

At first nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. Madzie slept, turned towards the room’s door as though she’d been waiting for someone to come. (Alec squashed the thought that the something was him because it hurt too much.) She’d kicked off her blanket and had one hand pressed against her stomach. That was the first warning sign. Then Alec noticed how pale the child was and how badly she trembled. With a deep frown on his face, he closed the distance between them and lay a gentle hand on Madzie’s forehead. Which one was more terrifying, that she didn’t wake up to the intrusion or that her skin was scorching to the touch?

Alec had taken care of three siblings whenever they were sick more times than he could count – he wouldn’t’ have needed that experience to figure out that something was badly wrong.

Alec loathed the thought of disturbing the rest Madzie obviously needed. But he had to assess properly just how bad things were. As tenderly as he could, he gave her a little shake. “Madzie? I know that you feel bad but can you open your eyes for a little bit?”

It was far from easy but Madzie was determined. Slowly her eyes opened halfway and she unleashed a small, pitiable whine. “… hurts …”

As well used to burying his emotions as Alec was, seeing and hearing the girl’s agony came an inch from breaking him. “I know. I’m sorry.” He took a couple of calming breaths that didn’t really help. “Where does it hurt?”

Madzie sniffled. A single tear rolled down her cheek. “… stomach … head, too …” A new whimper broke out as her body spasmed. “… Alec, help …”

First his parabatai… Now this… His own uselessness made Alec want to scream. “I need to go and get Magnus. Maybe he knows a way to make you feel better.”

“No!” Shockingly fast despite her condition, Madzie grabbed his hand. Held on with the sheer power of despair. “Don’t go. Just got you back. No more leaving.”

Alec had no idea what to say to that. (How to explain to someone so young that things could be very complicated between adults and Magnus probably wouldn’t want him to stay?) It was no relief whatsoever that he was spared from having to answer. Did Madzie fall asleep promptly or lose consciousness? Either way she went out like a light, leaving Alec pained and frantic.

In the middle of the turmoil Alec sensed that someone was watching him. Magnus’ stood by the room’s doorway. Based on the warlock’s torn facial expression he’d heard most of the conversation. And here they’d imagined that things were confusing and complicated before… At least there were far more important things to concentrate on than the tension between them.

“I’m sorry.” Alec didn’t seem to know what else to say. “I know you didn’t want her to see me and get her hopes up but…”

Magnus shook his head while approaching. Soothing blue magic circled around Madzie, gently searching for information and trying to heal. “Don’t worry about that now.” Magnus avoided meeting his gaze but the man’s voice was a great deal softer than earlier. “You found her this way?”

“Yeah”, Alec breathed out. And sniffled, unable to stop it. “I could tell that she was… is in pain, but… It was difficult to wake her up. I don’t know why.”

For a few hour-long seconds Magnus concentrated. “There’s something in her body that’s trying to shut it down. She’s fighting it hard.” A sheen of sweat appeared to Magnus’ forehead. “Her pain… Did she mention where it’s located?”

“Her stomach and head. She got so sick so quickly…” Wasn’t it only a blink of an eye ago he left the loft behind reluctantly? Alec held Madzie’s fidgeting, unnaturally warm hand and loathed how helpless he felt. He looked up to Magnus and was alarmed further to discover how pale the man had grown. “Can you help her?” Please…!

Magnus sighed heavily. “I’ll do absolutely everything I can.” The warlock scowled. “She was so quiet earlier. I thought that she was just missing you, I should’ve known…”

“Hey. You couldn’t have known. With kids… Sometimes it’s really hard to see the signs.” Alec was something of an expert on the topic. How many times had the flus and stomach flus of his siblings ambushed him? “You’re helping her now. That’s what matters. That’s what she’ll remember.”

Magnus’ faint, sad smile was achingly beautiful. “Thank you for saying that.” It didn’t sound like Magnus believed Alec’s comforting words.

The moment… It held something fragile but beautiful. Something there absolutely shouldn’t have been, considering Alec’s commitment to Lydia. Then Madzie made a pained sound, drawing all their concentration to the fact that she needed their help. Desperately.

“Warlocks… We don’t tend to get sick”, Magnus murmured. “I fear this is something…”

The battery of Alec’s phone had died without him noticing. That’s why they weren’t interrupted by his phone. Instead it was Magnus’ coming to life. With an eerie message.

‘The city’s entire water supply has been contaminated for days. I will only tell my daughter Clarissa with what. One way or another, I will have her in my life, just as I have her mother. How that happens is up to you. If you fail to meet my demands, in twenty-four hours I will send my best soldier to retrieve her and all of New York’s Downworld will be gone. This message goes to the whole of Shadow World. The choice is yours.

Valentine Morgenstern’

/

What point as there in playing childish dress ups anymore? Valentine’s cover had been blown, people knew that he was alive and were certainly trying to find him. Fortunately his plan was already so far along that no matter what, he was almost guaranteed to get what he wanted. To create panic and further chaos he was still able to take advantage of the alert system very few people – Herondale included – had an access to. He was also able to take advantage of her New York based penthouse apartment no one else knew she’d owned. It came in handy to have a solid base where to prepare the final steps of his… operation.

Sadly Valentine couldn’t be his true self around one person. Jace needed to see his grandmother’s face to remain under control. Valentine was forced to admit that the younger man was stronger than he’d expected but even the blond would be able to handle only so much. While Jace slept the new, dark rune was doing its pitch-black work. Breaking his boy’s mind would require even less work the second time around. (And Jace was still a child when they last crossed paths.)

Another benefit to Herondale’s apartment? Its walls were soundproofed. So as Jace cried out over and over again in the grips of haunting dreams, no potential prying ears caught it. Herondale didn’t believe in consuming alcohol while she was on duty and she was always on duty. That was one of the few things she and Valentine had in common. (Or so they wanted to believe.) She did have a bottle of alcohol-free champagne cooling, though. Valentine cracked it open, musing that its original owner wasn’t going to need it, anyway. By sunrise he’d consumed roughly half of it. And Jace had stopped screaming. Did it mean that the rune had full control over him?

Valentine stopped wondering that when his phone received a message. The icy grin he hadn’t been aware of transformed into a scowl at the words. ‘Jocelyn faked a medical emergency right after we docked. She killed one of the guards and escaped.’

Those responsible for guarding his ship were lucky Valentine was too busy to pay them a visit.

/

The Institute was in a state of chaos with countless of Downworlders contacting it in hopes of help and protection. And coming up with a plan to track Valentine wasn’t easy. Luke, who knew the monster as no one else did, named a few locations but none of them housed the fugitive who rose from a grave. That Aldertree adamantly refused to give any answers – apparently imagining that Valentine would help him if he’d remain loyal – and Valentine demanding Clary, who’d gone missing without anyone noticing as well, increased everyone’s frustration. It was too many crisis situations rolling into one.

“So Jace is missing. And now I can’t get a hold of Alec.” Izzy ran a trembling hand through her hair. “What if he’s gone after Jace alone and…?”

“Alec headed to Magnus’ before we found out about Jace. I doubt he knows.” Lydia shrugged, perhaps slightly sad and disappointed but not judgmental. “He needed a breather.” Alec needed Magnus, Lydia obviously meant.

Izzy had great many questions. At very least she would’ve wanted to thank Lydia. There was no time for such things, though. Especially after a new chapter of the chaos began.

If someone asked Izzy later who walked Jocelyn, the real one, into the room she would’ve had no idea. The woman had clearly been through a lot and blood stained her clothes. But the fire in her eyes was unmistakable as she fought the hands restraining her. “Believe me already, it is me! You can run any tests Clave sees fit later! But let me tell them what I know first!”

Luke gasped. The man couldn’t stop himself from taking a shaky step forward. “Jocelyn?”

The two stared at each other, neither daring to believe that the other was there. Then they ran to each other and embraced with all their mights. To everyone witnessing the reunion it was something finally going right.

/

The first task was to get Madzie to fall asleep at least somewhat comfortably once she woke up five minutes after Valentine’s message, so she wouldn’t panic or feel worse. Which took nearly an hour to accomplish. Alec rocked her in his arms and chose the same lullabies he once sang to his siblings. There were tears drying to her cheeks when she finally found relief. Alec didn’t want to speculate whether he was crying, too. He shivered as his phone buzzed inside his pocket. Izzy, again.

According to the messages from Izzy and Lydia he’d given quick glances to, Valentine pretended to be Herondale. Not only that, he used her connection database to threaten every Downworlder registered to the list. Every single one of the city’s Downworlders was in great danger. They were terrified, furious and many were perfectly willing to hand Clary over to her father to save countless of lives.

Everything was such a mess…

Alec was reluctant to leave Madzie, even to go no further than to another room, but he needed to check up on Magnus. He found the man sending messages at a pace that appeared every bit as exhausting as it had to be. “I’ve reached most of the warlocks of this city. They’re all scared.” Immortals didn’t tend to expect having to fear for their lives as they now did. “Many of them are headed here to help figure out what we’ve been poisoned with and to put together a cure. Don’t worry, they know you’re here.”

Alec worked his jaw. The last thing he worried about was himself and what people thought about him. “I wish that I could’ve protected you from this.” There were things even bodyguards couldn’t possibly foresee. Understanding as much on a level of reason didn’t make the alleged failure sting any less. “Protecting you has been my most important mission so far.” For more reasons than Alec would’ve wanted to acknowledge. “And I’m failing at it.”

“No one could’ve guessed this coming. Valentine wasn’t this unhinged back in the day.” Magnus hummed softly. “Besides, considering that Valentine pretended to be Herondale, I suspect you were set up to fail from the start. The important thing is that we keep this from escalating the way he would’ve wanted.” Should the worst happen, a war wouldn’t be Downworld’s legacy.

“We need to counter the terror Valentine wants to spark with unity”, Alec agreed. The two halves of the Shadow World had to operate together, there’d already been promising glimpses of how well that could work. “The two of us could record a message to the whole Downworld, promise that everyone’s working on finding a solution. Something similar worked with warlocks.” Alec wouldn’t go as far as to say that Magnus’ people – Catarina, Madzie and Ragnor notwithstanding – trusted him. But he stood on a more solid ground with them.

Magnus nodded and appeared drained, as well as agonized, for a moment before composing himself. A script would’ve made their message less authentic so they decided to just speak from the heart. And hope for the best.

Despite being in a state where he was dying slowly, Magnus sounded resolute and comforting. “Valentine has given us our greatest challenge so far, in all our combined centuries. But we must not give up. We must not choose violence and anger over hope and unity. Because unlike only decades ago, the Downworld doesn’t stand against Valentine alone. And it isn’t only because of the Accords. It’s because we have new alliances. With that help I will start the process of creating potions which will buy us time until we know what poison we’re dealing with. Anyone who wishes to donate and deliver ingredients, or help with magical work is welcome to join me at my home. Under the condition that you will tolerate the presence of Shadowhunters. We won’t have time or space for petty fights and age-old grudges.”

Alec joined in to let Magnus gather his strength, fighting the desire to wrap a supportive arm around the man. “It’s no secret anymore what my parents did, once upon a time. But I despise Valentine with every cell in my body and I know many other Shadowhunters who do as well. You have mine and the Institute’s full support. Whatever I can do to help, I will. Because I want to see a future where the Shadow World is peacefully and equally inhabited, looked after and protected by both halves of it.”

What else was there to say? They ended the recording, and Alec forwarded it to Izzy and Aldertree who’d have the contacts to pass it on. (Magnus did the same to… who knew how many people. Alec had never met anyone as well connected.) “I hope that was enough.” With no solid plan of action or distractions the tension between them began to grow once more. Alec felt out of place and unwanted. (Shouldn’t he have grown used to feeling that way over the course of his life?) “So… Now what? How can I help you put together potions to buy time or figure out what poison Valentine used?” He refused to be completely useless.

Magnus’ facial muscles seemed painfully tight. “Shouldn’t you return to the Institute at a time like this? To your fiancée?”

“I’m in constant contact with them.” Alec’s hand came close to touching Magnus’ leg. He pulled it back swiftly. “Right now… I’m exactly where I need to be.”

Magnus’ eyes closed. Instead of it easing the tension grew. “Don’t do this to me. Please.”

Alec’s brows furrowed. The ache, discomfort which only showed itself in Magnus’ company, gnawing at his heart and hand – the same spots where wedding runes were supposed to go – made concentrating nearly impossible. “Don’t do what?”

“Give me hope.” Magnus shook his head, hyper focused on moving to another room and starting a potion attempt in order to avoid looking towards Alec. “People have done that to me before. Made me harbor foolish hopes of beautiful things, with no intention to do anything but let me down. That pain… Don’t put me through it after making adamantly clear where you stand.”

Alec didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing. His shoulders slumped and stiffened simultaneously under the weight placed on them. What he wanted – wasn’t ready to admit he needed – and what he had to do… They were fighting a nasty, futile war inside him.

There was no time for futile wars.

They both shuddered when there was a frantic knock on the apartment’s door. Alec followed like an overprotective shadow as Magnus headed to open. The archer was prepared for many things. Finding a teary-eyed Clary, who supported a barely standing Simon, wasn’t one of them. “Magnus, please… Help him. He… He started getting sicker and sicker, and I don’t know what to do.”

Magnus sighed. “Actually, Biscuit… Despite the circumstances I’m glad you’re here, and it’s for the best to keep you hidden. I don’t want Valentine to ever get his hands on you.”

Before Clary could ask anything, Simon slipped from her hold and collapsed to the floor.

/

Simon wasn’t quite sure where he’d ended up. It definitely wasn’t the apartment he got from Raphael. Everything inside him seemed to be on fire, as though his very life had been burned away. One cell at a time. Yet his teeth chattered like he’d been feeling incredibly cold. Was he freezing or burning to death?

Clary’s hand trembled as it held his, desperate to ground him. “Hold on.” She tried to stay strong but her voice broke. “You’ll… You’ll be okay. Magnus… He’s going to find a cure.”

Simon tried to squeeze her hand back but didn’t quite manage it. “… ‘s okay, Fray … dying’s … nothing new to me …” It was meant to be a joke but of course it fell flat.

Clary emitted a horrible, wounded sound. “Don’t you…! Simon, I can’t…” Clary’s voice faded out. Or was it Simon’s hearing?

“… love you …” Simon knew that he was setting himself up for heartache, that he was ridiculous. But what did he have to lose?

Simon’s stomach cramped horribly painfully. That barely human noise… Did it come from him? When he faded out, he didn’t expect to wake up again.

/

Alec didn’t know Clary well enough to have formed any sort of an opinion on her. But seeing her devastation over Simon’s condition while Magnus pushed his magic to the limit in order to stabilize the new vampire… With how things were with Magnus, Madzie and Jace, Alec definitely understood how Clary felt.

Clary bit back a whimper so hard that it had to hurt. “Simon is the most dependable person in my life. He and my mom are my most important people. I can’t…” A tear slid down her cheek. “I can’t lose him. I can’t watch him die again.”

Alec wasn’t good at comforting people. But he wanted to try. “If there’s anyone who can help him, it’s Magnus.”

Alec didn’t catch his own tone. Clary did and her eyebrow twitched up for a second. (She obviously needed a distraction.) “Alec… I don’t understand Shadow World, or Shadowhunter customs. But I think I understand love better than you do.” Clary nodded subtly towards Magnus. “Whatever it is trying to come to life between you two… You’ll regret for the rest of your life if you just throw it away.”

Alec worked his jaw. “I know.” And yet no magical solution existed that would’ve allowed him to have what he desired without his family having to pay the price.

When Alec’s phone came to life it was Lydia calling with updates, as though the universe itself was solidifying his grim assessment.

/

Aldertree didn’t know how long he’d been under arrest. Seemingly forgotten into a tiny interrogation room. He tried to stay awake and sharp, he needed to focus in order to last until he’d be helped to freedom. (Surely Valentine would come for him? The man still needed him. Right?) He nonetheless drifted to sleep occasionally, and seethed whenever he was awake.

Why couldn’t those who locked him up see why he did what he did? Why couldn’t they understand? He was doing everyone a favor!

Aldertree woke up from one nap with a shudder. His panic increased still when he noticed smoke floating near the floor. He jumped up and started banging on the plexiglass. “Hey! Is anyone watching the security footage? Something’s…!”

“After all this time you still haven’t changed. You still have nightmares when you’re under pressure.” Steps approached him. “Can you still face me? After what you did to me?”

Reluctantly and with his heart racing, Aldertree turned and lifted his gaze. The world began to spin in front of his eyes at what he found. “Eva…!” He tried to get up, to make his way to her or run away he didn’t know, but his legs refused to cooperate.

Eva – or her ghost, or whatever she was – folded her arms, her eyes cold. “I had a mental crisis. And instead of helping me you, the love of my life, killed me. Slaughtered me without a second thought. Labeled me a monster.”

Aldertree shook his head, which only made him dizzier. Without him noticing a tear rolled down his cheek. “You would’ve… I didn’t…”

“Oh, stop that. You won’t be able to make me feel sorry for you.” Eva smirked frostily. “And you wouldn’t want a filthy Downworlder to feel sorry for you, would you?”

Aldertree stumbled away until his back hit a wall. It was difficult to breathe from how tight his throat had grown. “What do you want from me? What does it take to make you leave me alone?” It was a nightmare, had to be. He needed it to stop.

Eva knelt down to his level. (When did he fall down?) “Luckily for you, I’m in a generous mood. All I need to know… is the name of the poison you’re killing the city’s Downworlders with.”

In a different, more coherent frame of mind Aldertree would’ve found the request bizarre. At the moment he was too dazed and desperate to question anything. He closed his eyes, unable to bear seeing the ghost who awakened too many emotions. And whispered the poison’s name.

After that Aldertree knew nothing but darkness.

Eva watched his unconscious form for a moment, an expression of sheer disgust on her face. In a blink of an eye she began to transform, and it was Jocelyn walking out of the room. “I was right”, she reported to Izzy, Lydia, Luke and Andrew, who’d been listening. “The truth serum in the gas and that face helped.”

“Great work”, Izzy praised, already on the move. “I’ll go and tell Magnus and the other warlocks. Maybe I can help them create a cure.” She sped off at a speed that suggested she had ulterior motives.

“That was impressive.” Luke frowned, only a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead giving away that he was as affected as all other Downworlders. “How… did you know it would work?”

Jocelyn pulled Luke close to her. Even the thought that they’d be torn away from each other again, permanently… “Sometimes I hate how good I am at manipulating people”, she murmured and buried her face to Luke’s shoulder. His familiar scent grounded her mind and she prayed to the angels she’d stopped believing in that… “And you remember who gave Valentine the taste for playing other people, don’t you?”

/

It was a baffling sight. Magnus’ apartment was full of Downworlders, mostly warlocks. Even Makia appeared, meek and seeming eager to make amends. (Accidentally almost killing his leader and said leader’s bodyguard tended to make a person humble, apparently.) They’d come for little Madzie, who was sicker than anyone else, Magnus and themselves. Raphael, who tended to loathe people, was there as well, for his clan and the man who’d practically raised him. The vampire kept a constant eye on Magnus despite not feeling particularly well, either. Ragnor and Catarina worked at the former’s little house, and contacted them constantly. (The man hadn’t been exposed to New York’s contaminated water for more than a cup of tea, so he felt alright. Catarina’s symptoms were mild, at least for the time being.) Along with Alec and Izzy they even had some Shadowhunters for company and help, much to Magnus’ shock. (Jocelyn wasn’t necessarily a dear old friend but offered invaluable insight. Magnus suspected that Helen and Aline were more than just friends.) Under different circumstances the seamless, conflict free cooperation would’ve been heartwarming. At the moment Magnus was in no mental or physical condition to appreciate it properly.

Everyone was working hard. Thanks to Izzy’s arrival they knew what caused the symptoms. Magnus could only hope that the information didn’t come too late.

Magnus was in the middle of stirring what might be the root of a cure when a hand landed on his shoulder, causing him to shudder. Alec frowned. “You’re getting worse, aren’t you? You should be resting.” Alec’s deep concern was perfectly sincere.

Magnus couldn’t handle it at the moment. His head and heart… “I’ll be fine.” He hoped that he didn’t snap. “We just need to finish with this cure, and try to create enough of it for everyone.” Maybe they had enough warlocks for the job. Maybe the horror story could have a happy ending. Maybe Valentine wouldn’t win. Maybe…

Magnus was about to hyper focus on his work once more. (It was much better than mulling over how unwell he felt and how wrong… everything was. And especially how badly he was hurting.) Alec’s hand, however, wouldn’t withdraw. As though it was glued on or bound to him by a spell. “Magnus… I know that you don’t want to hear this, especially right now, but I am sorry. In a different world I would’ve chosen you, no matter how I’ve been taught it’s wrong. I need you to know that.” It was easy to feel how much admitting that cost the man who trembled.

Magnus smiled sadly. “Well. Too bad that doesn’t change anything. Does it?”

Alec looked like someone who’d been stabbed. The man’s lips parted but before he could make a sound Makia’s scream could be heard. “Someone come and help! Madzie’s seizing!”

Magnus moved to dash towards Madzie’s room. Which was when his body, pushed to its limit, decided to let go. Everything spun and then… Nothing.

On what might be his final moments Magnus didn’t know that he collapsed to Alec’s arms. He didn’t know that he started seizing, too, while blood oozed from his nose. He didn’t hear how Alec cried out his name in utter agony and despair, over and over again. Maybe that was for the best.

/

Twenty minutes after the former collapsing Magnus and Simon were both still alive, barely. But it was clearly apparent that time was running out. Neither man showed any trace of regaining consciousness. At least Madzie stopped seizing and hadn’t woken up to the commotion to panic or lash out even when Magnus was placed to the same bed with her for both their feeble comfort.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, relieved that all the people who occupied the room minutes earlier had finally withdrawn, Alec felt like he was falling and being torn apart. How was it possible that such profound agony existed? He clutched at Madzie’s hand and barely managed to keep his other hand from grabbing the older warlock’s. “Magnus, please…” Alec had no clue what he wanted to say so he grew silent once more.

Everyone and everything was fading away from him, why not words as well?

“Alec?” Clary, who’d been hiding in the room where only Catarina was allowed to go in order to tend to Simon, sneaked in so silently that she startled Alec. How did she manage to appear even paler than earlier? “I… I got a message. From Valentine.”

Alec grabbed her phone, still not uttering a word. (Holding the item instead of Magnus’ hand brought a bitter taste to his mouth.) Valentine’s message was roughly what he’d anticipated.

‘I’m sorry I tricked you before. But now their time is running out. You can ease their suffering by simply coming to me, alone. Spend time with your father, hear me out. That’s all I ask of you in exchange for their lives.’ Of course it wouldn’t be so simple.

Alec clenched his jaw so hard that it hurt, and fought a war to not look towards Magnus and Madzie. They were slipping away from him. “I know what you have to do. And we’re doing it together.” No matter at what cost.

Clary blinked, surprised. “Are you sure? I…”

“I’m sure.” To save Magnus and Madzie Alec would do anything. Anything. “Let’s go.”

And so they went. They managed to leave the crowded loft without anyone noticing. Almost.

On the bed Magnus emitted a wounded whimper those overhearing imagined was caused by his worsening symptoms. A tear rolled down his cheek as he murmured incomprehensibly and his hand twitched. “… ‘xander … No …”

/

Jace’s head… It hurt, so much that he couldn’t think. Everything hurt, his very soul included. Nothing made sense. Nothing seemed right.

If he was dying, why wasn’t he allowed to just…?

“Jonathan. I need you to listen to me, this is urgent.” All of a sudden his grandmother stood in front of him, handing him his favorite weapon. (On most days Jace would’ve been happy to see it. That day nothing was right.) “Valentine… He is coming here, to take you and his daughter with him, and to kill me. He wears your parabatai’s face. You must stop him, whatever it takes. Do you understand?”

Jace accepted the sword, and nodded slowly. The agony was everywhere… “I understand.”

Chapter Text

Catarina divided her time and magic between Magnus, Madzie and far too many other patients whose conditions were deteriorating terrifyingly rapidly. Which wasn’t made any easier by her own worsening health. As much as she hated to take a momentary step back, eventually she had no other choice. She would’ve been of no use to anyone if she would’ve passed out.

While downing a desperately needed glass of water and replenishing potion Catarina noticed a figure everyone else seemed to ignore working busily on something. Was Makia creating a potion of some sort? Suspicious and hoping that there wasn’t another crisis situation upon them, Catarina made her way to the man. “What are you doing?” she demanded, careful to keep her tone gentle so she wouldn’t startle Makia. Whatever the liquid he’d created was, it seemed volatile.

Makia swallowed hard, tense and wary. “I… noticed that Magnus collapsed in the middle of creating something. After studying the ingredients, I realized that it was the cure, so… I decided to try and finish it. I think I succeeded.”

Catarina’s eyes widened as her heart filled with hazardous, possibly fool’s hope. Was it really possible? There wasn’t really any room left for doubts and wondering, they were running out of time faster than she would’ve liked to acknowledge. “If you’ve actually succeeded… That’s amazing.” (The small praise was enough to make Makia’s eyes sparkle. How had he been treated all his life? Catarina elected to not waste time on wondering that further just then.) “We have to gather everyone together for mass production. We don’t have a second to waste.”

Not long ago Makia nearly killed Magnus and Alec by accident. If the same man would now manage to save the whole Downworld, Magnus included… What a redemption arc it would make.

/

There was one good thing about Valentine being paranoid. There was no heavy security around the building where he’d instructed to bring Clary, and the man hadn’t trusted guards with the place’s location. Everyone present but two were mundanes. Yet Alec wasn’t tricked for even a second to believe that it’d be an easy task. Valentine had a nasty talent for pulling off unpleasant surprises.

Alec’s jawline tightened. “Valentine Morgenstern is a monster. I don’t like the thought of letting you confront him alone.”

“It’s the only way to make him slip up and let his guard down. I’m the only person who has any hope of getting close enough to…” Clary trailed off, visibly repulsed by the idea of having to kill someone. (She’d already seen a dear friend being slaughtered by a vampire, then come back to life as something not human. And she’d been tricked by her psychopathic father. How much more trauma would the Shadow World have in store for her?) “Valentine would never hurt me. Whoever is there with him, though… You have to take care of that person because there’s no telling what kind of a reaction Valentine’s death may trigger.” The man tended to attract such blindly loyal followers who’d maim anyone hurting their master. The companion would probably be more dangerous to them – definitely to Clary – than Valentine himself.

“I’ll keep that person distracted”, Alec promised solemnly. “Just… Get answers. Whatever it takes.” Whatever personal price he’d have to pay for the Downworld – and especially Magnus – being safe after that day, Alec would do it gladly. The Shadow World would be a better place without Valentine in it.

They parted ways with a silent, grim understanding of what each of them was expected to do. Clary entered the building through the front door and took the elevator up, gladly captured by every single security camera present.

Alec elected a subtler route. After a deep breath to find the serenity required for an active mission, he made his way to the rooftop of a neighboring building. There he activated several runes, silenced the voice of his common sense screaming that he was making a huge mistake, and jumped.

The thing about Alec’s wings showing themselves so late? He didn’t remember to rely on them. Alec blinked, surprised, when midway the jump the wings broke out, radiant white and triumphant, supporting his weight and carrying him easily. Literally created for the task. He reached the rooftop of Valentine’s building safely, the wings flapping angrily as he did, as though displeased over not getting to take him further.

That was where the good news ended.

Alec sensed within seconds that he wasn’t alone. But his speed was no match against someone who’d been ready for him, preying on him. Alec shivered as a sharp blade was pressed against his throat from behind, and again after a much too familiar voice spoke. “She told me that he’d use that face to try and trick me but I didn’t want to believe that he’d be so cruel. I should’ve known better.” The sword was pressed harder, almost enough so to draw blood. “Turn around and face me. I want to look at you before I kill you.”

Cold shivers ran down Alec’s spine as he complied. “Jace… It’s me, you know me. I’m here to take you home.”

Jace shook his head and tightened his hold on the sword. “I am home. And I’m not going to let you take my real family away from me.”

It was the first time Alec felt unnerved by Jace – the man he stared at wasn’t exactly his parabatai. That was when his eyes caught a glimpse of the new, angry red rune and he began to understand. Nausea and rage swirled inside Alec. “What did he do to you?”

“NO!” Jace sounded like a wounded wild animal. The blond shook his head, to clear it as much as to deny Alec’s implication. “You played with my mind for years, wearing someone else’s face! Tormented me, brainwashed me, turned me into a weapon! I’m not letting you trick me again! I’m done being your favorite experiment!”

Oh, Alec was in a very, very deep trouble. “It really is me. Whatever you need to ask to be sure…”

“ALEC DOESN’T HAVE WINGS!” (That’s right, when had they had a chance to really talk? His parabatai didn’t even know…) Jace’s eyes turned golden. “Shut up, or I will make you shut up, no matter whose face you wear!”

Within seconds the first blows were delivered.

/

Valentine didn’t expect his daughter to come in any sort of a willing manner. Yet there she was, storming into the apartment he occupied and looking so much like her mother that it made his head spin. He swallowed hard. “Clarissa…”

“Don’t ever call me that.” Clary’s eyes narrowed. “You’re a threat to everyone I care about. I had two reasons to resort to coming here despite looking at you being the last thing I want to do. The first reason was to tell you that you’ve lost. The poison’s name has already been revealed and warlocks are working on mass producing the cure.”

Valentine’s eyebrow bounced up. “Really, now? That sounds like a nice little happy ending.” He took a sip of his drink. “What was the other reason?”

Clary didn’t know where her speed and strength came from. Nor was she aware of the fact that her eyes were golden. Valentine saw, and rejoiced even as he was thrown to the floor and pinned painfully against it. What he saw confirmed that his experiments, those Jocelyn was so vehemently against, succeeded. His daughter had pure angel blood.

“What did you do with my mother?” Clary snarled.

/

Putting away her phone after Izzy’s call, Lydia let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. The warlocks did it. There was a cure, at a speed that was truly magical, with no need to bow down to Valentine’s whims to make it happen. With the cooperation of all their world’s races they pulled off what should’ve been impossible. Unity was the solution.

Just like Alec had always believed.

Maryse approached Lydia while she was taking a short breather alone with some coffee. “I’m glad that the whole crisis is over. Everyone did an amazing job.” Seeing Lydia’s surprise, Maryse went on. “Maybe I worked beside Valentine, once. I did horrible things that I’m deeply ashamed of. But I don’t want to see half of our world die, at least anymore. And once the dust settles we can all concentrate on more important matters.”

“Such as Alec’s wedding, right?” Lydia was excited, for professional reasons, when Alec proposed. The thought of leading the New York Institute together was… very pleasant, actually. And she would’ve been a blind fool to not see what an attractive man Alec was. But a marriage with someone who didn’t actually want it… Lydia deserved better. So did Alec. “You do know that he’s only planning to do it to protect you and Robert from the consequences of your actions, don’t you?”

Maryse tensed up and shrugged. “Well. Alec loves his family.”

“Much more than he loves himself. And I hate that it’s being taken advantage of.” Lydia lifted her chin. “I respect your son, so I’m expressing this as respectfully as I can. A proper mother puts their children’s happiness first. No matter who they may find that happiness with. A proper mother also ensures that their child knows they’re loved, no matter what.”

“I do love Alec.”

Lydia sighed. “Then make sure he knows that before he makes the biggest mistake of his life, trying to earn and be worthy of that love. You’re the only one who can set him free from the path he imagines he has to take.”

They finished their coffees in a thoughtful silence that wasn’t hostile despite the harsh truths Lydia laid out – sometimes our eyes must be opened brutally by someone who barely knows us and can see things more clearly.

/

It was hard work but seeing everyone put aside their differences and operate together to save the Downworld… It was nothing short of magical. The influence of Alec, Magnus and their connection – which was obvious to anyone but the men themselves – had a never-before-seen impact.

Alec would’ve loved to be there to see it happen, it was an echo of the equal world he’d dreamed of.

Izzy watched as Madzie received her dosage of the cure, then sat beside Magnus and caressed his hair comfortingly while he groaned upon being given his share. (Shouldn’t that have been Alec’s spot and job?) “So… He’s going to be alright?”

“I’ll make sure he will be”, Raphael, who manned the bed’s other side like an overprotective child watching over their ailing parent, declared.

Catarina smiled. “The rest is up to him, of course. His body went through a lot but… I’m optimistic. I’ve seen many times how strong he is.”

A full team ensured that cure was administrated to the city’s water supply. The same water that was once deadly became the healing kind. The team did everything they could to pass on the information to everyone who might need it. A constant stream of visitors was brought to the door by the hope of a life saving gift. One particular person didn’t come.

In the end Izzy decided to take the task upon herself. “Can I deliver one dosage in person? I… know a Downworlder who is new to the city, and doesn’t really trust anyone else.”

The warlock – Makia, right? – nodded and visibly bit back questions. “Of course. Everyone deserves hope.”

Izzy accepted the vial and, unable to stop herself, gave the other a hug. A sob she blamed on all the hours she’d spent without rest wanted to crawl out, but she held it back. “Thank you.”

Makia was obviously shocked by her reaction but refrained from commenting.

Opening the door of the apartment he’d been given, Meliorn blinked from surprise he couldn’t disguise. He was pale and drained but fortunately didn’t seem as bad off as the others. That he hadn’t spent long in New York helped. “You came.”

Izzy huffed. “Why are you staring at me like that? Of course I came.” She shoved the vial to his hand, then pulled him to a tight hug. “We may not be a couple anymore but… You’re important to me. I’ll stay here as long as it takes to make sure that you’ll be alright.”

Meliorn held her back, more gentle with her than she’d ever seen him be with anyone. (And they’d met people under… varying circumstances.) “You’re important to me, too”, he murmured. And Seelie couldn’t lie.

Later while they sat on a couch, as she leaned her head against Meliorn’s shoulder, it finally truly hit Izzy. What had been bothering her for a while already but she hadn’t had the time to process. Cold sped through her veins and she frowned.

Where was Alec, why wasn’t he beside Magnus?

/

Every blow Alec was forced to deliver at Jace hurt more than the brutal ones he received. He held himself back but he was a trained soldier. They weren’t gentle little taps. And a great deal of the focus he would’ve needed for self-control went to dodging the sword.

Jace meant business. And Alec had to decide quickly how far he was willing to go to protect himself. In the end it wasn’t far at all. He saw someone he’d been bound to for ages, Jace saw a monster. It was an unfair battle.

“Do you remember the motto we have? With Izzy.” Alec loathed the sound his fist made as it struck Jace’s face. “Three go in. Three come out.”

An agonizing, wounded noise broke out of Jace. “SHUT… UP! Stop playing with my memories!”

The strange rune on Jace burned, it had to hurt, a lot. Alec had enough time to notice as much, and to experience faint echoes of his brother’s immense discomfort, before he was slammed down so hard that he saw stars. He’d experienced enough concussions to suspect that he sustained another one. Then came a kick he didn’t get a chance to protect himself from. Some ribs were definitely broken. Alec gasped and groaned, then attempted to curl up to discover that it was a huge mistake. The slash of pain made him want to throw up. Alec coughed, repeatedly, and tasted blood. What damage did the broken, possibly shattered ribs cause?

He needed a chance to heal himself, to have any hope of continuing the fight, but Jace didn’t seem eager to grant him such an opportunity. The blond sneered at him. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve dreamed of this? I lost my parents because of you. Now you have the nerve to parade around wearing my most important person’s face. However I decide to end you, it won’t be painful enough. But at least you’ll be gone.”

Alec didn’t know whether he had any hope of succeeding but he had to try. For them both. “Jace, I know you’re in there. Please, fight this. Please, listen to me.” He took a shuddering breath and wiped away a bloodstain by his lip. “Someone I care about deeply is dying. I… I need you so I can help him, we have to defeat Valentine. I need my parabatai.”

That actually seemed to reach something in Jace. Sparked hesitation, at least. Within seconds, though, Jace shook his head vehemently and all progress vanished. “NO! I told myself that I’d never let you trick me again.” Jace shook his head once more, eyes burning as they locked with his. “Do whatever you want to with me, play your games. But I refused to let you use Alec against me. That’s where I draw a line.” As it turned out, with a weapon.

Jace had always been terrifyingly fast with his sword. It was a part of what made the blond one of his generation’s greatest fighters. Alec didn’t see Jace’s favorite weapon. (Although, to be fair, he was in no condition to pay a lot of attention.) Until it was plunged right through him.

It hurt, immensely, but only for a moment. Shock wiped away the sensation soon. Alec gasped, hardly any air actually reaching his struggling lungs, and coughed feebly. He was only dimly aware of the blood bubbling to his lips. Terrifyingly fast the whole world began to slip away from him. Or it would’ve been terrifying if Alec was capable of such intense emotions in his current state.

Was that how he would die? The thought didn’t scare Alec, he’d been prepared for death since he was a child. He’d seen and brought death. But it did sadden him, which was a surprise. His sluggish thoughts crawled around Jace, Izzy… And Magnus.

For the first time in his life, he would’ve wanted just a little more time – and that was when life itself would be stolen from him, after all the times when he would’ve secretly welcomed death.

His eyes locked with Jace’s, Alec blinked slowly and barely managed to get his eyes open. Forcing out even a single word required what might easily be his last breath, but it was important… “… okay …” Soon Jace would understand what he did, and Alec needed his brother to know that as far as he was concerned, the blond wasn’t to blame. “… not your fault …”

Did Jace whimper. “No. You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to plant these doubts into my head.”

Directing his frustrated rage at Valentine, Jace twisted the sword slightly. Alec unleashed a tiny cry that sounded more like a mewl, his line of vision blurring and starting to grow narrower. Sensing easily what Jace planned to do, he attempted to reach out for the sword to keep it where it was. Alec was no match against the other’s speed. Blood gushed out along with steel, and his entire abdominal area seemed to cramp violently as a protest. Every little movement sped up the process of life seeping out of him. By then shock was making his entire body tremble, and the eerie kind of cold was settling in.

“You don’t have long.” Jace appeared to be in a state of shock, too. Startled by his own brutality, or starting to sense that something was wrong? “I think I hit something important. It would be a smart idea to not waste whatever breath you have left on some final words.”

Alec had to say something although he didn’t know whether he’d be able to manage anything audible. So weak that the small movement was a war, he lay a hand on Jace’s. (The blond shuddered but didn’t pull or push him away.) “… Entreat me not to leave thee …” Alec wheezed, fading out a little more with each passing second. With the power of stubbornness alone he recited the parabatai oath, just loudly enough for it to be audible. He didn’t have hope for himself but maybe he could still save Jace’s soul. If those would be his final words, was there any better alternative? “… goest, I will go … death part thee and me …”

After Alec had breathed out the oath’s final word everything faded away and his gloved hand slipped from Jace’s, falling down with a soft thud.

/

Valentine huffed. “Jocelyn… I tried to bring our family together, you know. I really did. But right now… I have no idea where she is.” He smirked. “Make sure that she comes here, and I may relent to save the Downworld. Sounds like a fair deal, don’t you think?”

Clary snorted bitterly. “Fair? You don’t even know what that word means. My mom saved us from you once. I can’t even imagine how much she risked doing it. I’m not going to lure her back to you.” Clary looked into his eyes. Whatever she saw made her deflate visibly. “And us joining you would never be enough, would it? You’ll never stop wanting to destroy the Downworld. You’ll always remain a threat to them.”

“They’re demons”, Valentine hissed. What reason did he have to lie anymore? “Disgusting creatures beneath us. You, me and our kind… We were born to hunt demons. Why should we let those with demon blood roam around this city, pretending that they could ever be equal? We need to do our angelic duty and cleanse this city.” He searched Clary’s wide, shocked eyes. “Clarissa, imagine what the three of us together could accomplish. Imagine how much better and more beautiful the Shadow World could be.”

“With half of it gone?” Clary choked out, a lone tear sliding down her cheek.

“It’s like removing badly inflamed tissue to save a limb.” Valentine groaned. He’d never been a patient man and his daughter was testing him. “Just accept the inevitable. The longer you keep fighting it the more it will hurt.”

Clary nodded and sniffled. “I am starting to accept the inevitable”, she agreed hoarsely. And suddenly a small but sharp knife was pressed against Valentine’s throat. “I’ll hate you for the rest of my life for making me do this.”

For a second shock paralyzed Valentine. Then he snorted. “You’re not going to use that on me. You’re not a killer.”

“Didn’t you just tell me that I was born to kill?” One clean, deep cut. Tears streamed down Clary’s pale cheeks and she trembled visibly. “You may have gotten my mom pregnant but you don’t know me at all.”

Clary sat on top of Valentine, wouldn’t have been able to move even if she tried. At first he trashed, but the more blood he lost the more still he became. Until there was nothing at all left, heartbeat and breath included. A pair of lifeless, glazed over eyes stared at her.

The enormity of what she did hit Clary like a tidal wave. What did she just become? Her hands shook so badly that she dropped the bloodstained blade. And then Clary started to scream, over and over again, until she had no voice left.

/

Waking up wasn’t one of Magnus’ most pleasant experiences. Everything hurt and felt off. His stomach and head were the worst spots, and before obtaining foggy memories of being poisoned he was convinced that he’d been stabbed or run over by something. Sliding right back into darkness would’ve been tempting but Magnus refused to give up. Because there was something important he was fighting to get to.

Madzie, of course – and then he received a flashback of a man who saved him at his own club, which made him triple his efforts.

“… ‘xander …”

Where was Alec? The man was his bodyguard. (And so many other things Magnus wasn’t going to start admitting to himself. Whether either of them wanted those things or not.) Shouldn’t Alec have been beside him? How could he be so sure that the archer wasn’t, without even having opened his eyes?

“Magnus?” Catarina’s voice echoed uncomfortably but it was easy to hear her relief. (Magnus was equally happy, distracted as he was, to hear her and that she sounded at least reasonably healthy.) “We managed to put together a cure from your root. Everyone’s going to be alright.”

Was that actually true?

Magnus fought hard to remain somewhat conscious for just a few more precious seconds. “… Alec … have to find Alec …” Why couldn’t the people around him understand? A tear slid down Magnus’ cheek. “… something’s wrong …” He sensed it with every cell in his body. Frustratingly Magnus’ strength ran out and he lost consciousness before managing to say anything else.

/

Jace stared at the body in front of him, dazed and in horrible agony. Was it breathing anymore? By then the wings had vanished. Why wasn’t it changing back to Valentine? Jace needed the lies and deceit to finally stop. The smell of blood made him sick to his stomach although he should’ve grown used to it over the course of his life.

Overcome by a tsunami of emotions, Jace screamed and kicked the body. The contact was harsh enough to send it over the rooftop’s edge. Something about the sight combined with the recited oath triggered Jace. The agony from before intensified, brought him to his knees, and he would’ve screamed again if he was able to.

Jace didn’t know that it all burned out the horrific, malicious rune Valentine forced on him. Or that his parabatai rune reappeared. Only to start fading away painfully almost immediately. With the change came awful, nightmarish clarity.

Jace’s eyes widened and filled with tears. “Alec…!” No, no, no…

What did he do? The guilt threatened to tear Jace to pieces. It took all his training (the… unusual kind from Valentine included), strength and willpower to remain functional in the middle of the new onslaught of pain.

As swiftly as he could get to his unsteady feet, Jace dashed towards the roof’s edge. Alec had fallen to a balcony a floor below, and lay so still that it made the blond’s blood grow cold. Unable to bear even considering the possibility that there was no hope at all left, Jace revealed his majestic golden wings and flew down.

Jace’s hands and fingers were far from steady as he checked up Alec, whose skin was cold and clammy to the touch. There was a pulse but it was faint and seemed to be fast on its way to disappearing altogether. Alec’s breaths were nothing but unhealthy sounding, panting little puffs. How long until they would come to an end? The amount of blood on the rooftop he left behind and staining Alec’s clothes was equally nauseating and disheartening. Jace’s parabatai rune burned chillingly, continuing to disappear.

‘How precious’, Valentine mocked inside Jace’s head. (How long would he be tormented by having to listen to the vile creature? For the rest of his life?) ‘You came to your senses just in time to get to listen to his last breaths.’

“SHUT UP!” Jace shrieked, the words spewed at him stabbing more harshly than a knife.

Despite being closer to death than life Alec heard him, or maybe sensed his distress. There was the slightest shudder, along with a tiny whimper that was barely distinguishable from among the eerily slowing down wet wheezes. With what little life he had left Alec attempted to offer Jace comfort.

Jace sniffled, would’ve broken down to sobs if he wasn’t in a state of shock. At least the heartbreaking moment cleared his head. “Alec, hey. It’s okay, you’ll be okay.”

‘Why are you lying to him? Look at him. This isn’t going to have a happy ending.’

For once Jace ignored Valentine’s imaginary voice easily. Alec needed help, badly. The Institute, a Silent Brother. But first he needed to be stabilized a bit. Determined to do whatever was needed, Jace started to draw a healing rune after another. Only, none of them was working. None of the damage he inflicted on Alec vanished or lessened. His parabatai continued to fade away from him. A few new attempts didn’t change the outcome. Jace had never experienced such fear and helplessness in his life.

“Alec! Jace, what…?” Clary’s oddly hoarse voice seemed to come from a million miles away. Jace looked up to find her shocked face. “Oh my god… Is he…?”

Jace was dimly aware of the tear running down his cheek. “I… I can’t help him. I don’t know…” He trailed off.

“The Institute.” Neither of them wanted to think about that place at the moment but there was no choice. “Take him there, now.” Clary swallowed, appearing nauseated and ready to throw up. “Valentine’s dead. I’ll handle things here.”

There was no time for questions or arguing, especially against a reasonable sounding suggestion. As gently as he could and hoping that he wasn’t causing further damage, Jace picked up Alec and cradled his parabatai close. Runes made the work easy, even if the other’s limp body slumped against him without any will of its own. Not sparing Clary a glance – he had no desire to see the horror and judgement on her face as realization over who hurt Alec dawned – Jace took off towards the Institute and prayed, despite not being the praying kind, that his journey wasn’t as hopeless as it seemed.

He’d never had a more important mission.

/

Clary stared at the blood drying to the rooftop. Her mind flashed from Alec’s broken body to Valentine’s, then to Simon’s death and rebirth. Despite her bold words to her so-called father, she might still lose her best friend, and Magnus too. It was too much, all of it. Starting to tremble, Clary fell down to her knees and ended up landing on the bloodstains. On the edge of losing control entirely, she called the only person she could think of.

And by miracle there was a response. “Clary, by the angel…!” That definitely sounded like her real mom. “Where are you? I…”

Shaking to her core, Clary decided that she needed to make sure. She refused to be tricked a second time. “Tell me things about me only you could know.”

Jocelyn listed ten things. (By number six or seven Clary was sobbing hysterically.) “Hey…”

Clary could barely speak but tried to, anyway. “Mom, please… Get me away from here.”

/

The flight to the Institute seemed to take ages. And every minute – second – was such Jace felt he didn’t have waste. Because with each Alec weakened more in his arms, the awful breaths growing further and further apart, and the parabatai rune was barely on fire anymore from how thoroughly it’d faded.

It happened exactly a second after Jace landed to the Institute’s familiar yard area. Alec’s last distinguishable breath was a tiny, feeble sigh full of mourning and relief. That of someone letting go. Then Alec’s heart stuttered to a stop.

‘You came to your senses just in time to get to listen to his last breaths.’

‘Look at him. This isn’t going to have a happy ending.’

Chapter Text

Jace had been put through about a million nightmares during his life. None of them had been as awful as the reality unfolding before his shocked eyes. Jace wished, desperately, that it would’ve all been a nightmare.

Having to give his parabatai CPR for what felt like hours, hearing a rib or two breaking…

The sight of Alec’s lifeless body jerking under his ministrations without any trace of a breath and heartbeat returning…

The nauseating taste of tears and blood in Jace’s mouth after he bit his lip hard in a futile attempt to hold back a sob – everything about the situation making him want to throw up…

The smell of Alec’s blood, which made the nausea intensify…

Was Alec’s body growing colder already, or was that a part of Jace’s imagination? The trembling from before was gone. The chilling stillness left behind was worse than anything else, especially accompanied by the awful fact that Jace couldn’t feel their once tight bond at all anymore.

Jace’s fault, all of it. Maybe he wasn’t rational and in control over himself, but it was nonetheless his body doing to deed. Attacking Alec. Killing his parabatai.

If Alec would actually be taken away from him this way…

Jace gasped as though trying to convince Alec to breathe as well with the gesture. What he would’ve given for even the slightest trace of life… “Alec, please…”, he pleaded while continuing the desperate motions to coax the other’s heart to beat again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But please… Don’t leave me. Stay with me, Alec.”

Jace was startled when mere moments later Alec produced a few strained, feeble gasps, which were accompanied by a tiny moan. He started to become hopeful, wondering if his brother was finally starting to breathe on his own. Unfortunately they faded away soon, Alec running out of strength to force even that much. And the heart under Jace’s hands remained still.

Alec was fighting to stay, so hard, but kept slipping away a tiny bit more with each second.

Jace was startled when all of a sudden there was the tiniest stutter where he kept pressing with both hands. Was it real or a trick of his imagination? The most torturous part was that Jace knew all too well he wouldn’t have the strength to keep going with the CPR, no matter what. His body was still recovering, too, and he’d already pushed himself far too hard that day. Alec was dying under his hands and Jace didn’t have what it would’ve taken to save him, what it would’ve taken to win his most important battle ever.

“Jace!” (For a moment he jumped, imagining that the voice somehow came from Alec, until he became aware of Helen Blackthorn and her medical team running towards them. Security cameras must’ve caught him and Alec. Her eyes widened at the sight awaiting.) “By the angel…! What happened? Never mind.” Helen knelt down and so fast that it made Jace stiffen protectively started an examination. Her constantly furrowing brows weren’t a promising sign. She cursed under her breath. “How long ago did his heart stop?”

Jace shook his head, feeling so useless that he wanted to scream. He had no idea because the moment it happened time lost all meaning. “I’ve… I’ve tried to…”, he whispered hoarsely. “But he won’t… It won’t…” His voice faded out. Not that his senseless babbling would’ve made any difference at all.

Helen didn’t seem to be paying any further attention to him. She listed Alec’s injuries with the ease of someone talking about the weather. Somewhere along the way medication was administrated, and suddenly there was a shaky little beat. As long or briefly as he might live, Jace would never forget the sound of Alec’s first unhealthy sounding but real breath. It seemed to be forced out so painfully that it hurt to watch but it was hope. And then Alec was being rushed away from him.

Jace knew, on a level of reason, that he would only be in the way. But where Alec went, he was supposed to follow, wasn’t that the whole deal? So Jace ran, even the thought of Alec going alone more than he could bear. His plan was derailed when Helen placed a hand on his chest to stop him as his brother was rushed to a treatment room.

“I understand that you wouldn’t want to leave him. But we need space to look after him.” Helen gave him a moment to absorb those words but her tone made adamantly clear that objections wouldn’t be allowed. “Sit down and wait, before we end up having another patient to look after.” (So he appeared as ready to collapse any second as he felt…) “I’ll come to you with news as soon as I can, I promise.” Whatever and however grim the news might be.

All fight drained from Jace as sickening mental images of blood draining from Alec filled his mind. Not really paying attention to check whether there’d be a seat waiting for him, he slumped down and used all his remaining willpower to just keep breathing while his parabatai might not do the same for long. Tears blinded Jace and he was only dimly aware of the sound of a door swooshing closed. Separating him from Alec.

Jace’s lips parted but nothing came out – only a whimper that was as pathetic as he was.

/

Alec’s injuries were so horrific that Helen had a difficult time trying to choose where to start. Broken ribs… Internal bleeding which seemed to be borderline catastrophic… And, of course, the horrific stab wound. Only to herself she admitted that her team fought so hard to get Alec’s heart beating mainly for Jace’s sake. None of them dared to believe that it might actually work but they needed the blond to see that they did everything they could. The stubborn organ actually starting to function, sluggish and frail as it was, honestly startled Helen. She dreaded to ask herself how much longer it’d have the strength to keep going. Long enough for Alec’s loved ones to…?

Helen sighed and forced away those gloomy thoughts. As long as Alec would keep fighting so would she, even if it was only for another minute longer. “Okay.” Helen fixed a sad pair of eyes on Alec, who appeared serene once more instead of pained, closer to the mysterious other side than hers. “I’ll do everything I can for you. But I need you to work with me and fight with me. Stay with us. There are people who need you.”

“Helen.” The horrified voice of a member of her team drew her attention. The slightly older woman had forced aside Alec’s shirt so they could assess the wound that should’ve been a great deal more healed with the help of runes. The shock’s cause was easily apparent. The skin near the wound was a very dark shade of purple.

As if the injuries along wouldn’t have been bad enough, there was now this. Alec’s breathing was also getting audibly worse, it wouldn’t come naturally for even another two minutes. His lungs were trying their hardest but the fluids, blood and waning strength filling and taking a hold of them were simply too much. Very soon no amount of aid would help them keep up their vital work. Alec’s mighty heart was fading once more, too, on its way to finally gaining rest after fighting too hard. The bitter, heartbreaking truth was that neither thing mattered much. Because a fresh scan revealed that Alec’s brain showed no real activity. His body was still struggling to hold on briefly but his mind, his soul… They’d already left them while he was left without oxygen for too long.

Helen closed her eyes and pulled herself together forcefully. There were days when she hated her job. “Connect him to a ventilator until…” She left the rest hanging but everyone present understood. His family would have to make the most difficult decision of their lives. “Mina, would you please inform his parents and fiancée that Alec is here? I’ll go and tell his parabatai.”

/

It was snowing, Alec realized dazedly. Shouldn’t he have felt cold when it was snowing? Why didn’t he? Usually questions like that would’ve bothered Alec immensely but he was too out of it and at peace to care. The snow’s color was the perfect match with his wings, which were proudly on a display. Slowly, his feet strangely unsteady, Alec sat on a train station’s bench to wait. There was nothing but that curious place, trees, train tracks and snow in sight. It couldn’t have been further from the noise and crowds of New York. Alec enjoyed it, immensely.

But where, exactly, was he about to travel? Alec knew that he was waiting for something but… That was about it. He ached for a peaceful place where to rest.

“Well, aren’t you a handsome young man for me to escort.” An old woman sat right next to him and sighed contentedly. Her golden cane made soft noises as she moved and tapped the ground with it. “I’m sorry I’m late, Alexander. I always prefer being here before those I accompany arrive.”

Alec blinked, once, twice. Usually unwanted company would’ve made him annoyed and suspicious. But there was something about the woman… “How do you know who I am? Have we met?”

The woman’s gentle laughter sounded like a hundred little bells. Too young for someone who appeared so old. “No, silly child. People do not meet me before their final journey from this world to another.” A pair of soft, loving blue eyes looked into his. “I know that you are ready for this journey, you have been trained well for what is inevitable to most. But I can also see that you are thinking about someone very hard. Lighten your heart, while we wait.”

Alec would’ve sighed but breathing didn’t seem necessary. “I’m thinking about Madzie. Her abandonment issues… And my siblings.” What happened would destroy Jace and Alec loathed himself for not being there to help. “My parents, too.” He was supposed to help salvage their reputation. What a joke that turned out to be. “And…” Alec trailed off and looked away, ashamed.

“… your Magnus.” The woman smiled at his shock in a manner that had no lies, deceit or negative emotions attached to it. “Loving another man… It doesn’t make you wrong or faulty in any way. Love is a great gift. One you and Magnus both deserve.”

Alec ached, so badly that he didn’t know what to do with it. He closed his eyes and wondered why he couldn’t feel the snowflakes against his skin. “Isn’t it too late?” Now not only because of his engagement and fast-approaching wedding. That ceremony would never happen. Lydia would be free from the burden of having him in her life. So would Magnus. They’d be better off.

“Is it really too late?” The woman’s question made him look at her. She glanced placidly towards the train tracks. “While we wait for our train… There is something important I must tell you.”

/

Jace didn’t know how long he was stuck waiting. Or how many times he prayed to the angels he was swiftly losing his faith in. The second he saw Helen walking towards him he knew. Hard as he tried, his legs had gone so weak that he couldn’t stand up. “Don’t look at me like that. Whatever it is you have to say when you look at me like that… I don’t want to hear it.”

Helen’s genuine sympathy and sorrow only made matters worse. “Alec’s injuries… They’re among the worst I’ve ever seen on someone who still has a beating heart. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you, so I’m not going to insult you by sugarcoating things. We’re trying to keep him as stable and comfortable as possible. What we do know for sure is that right now he isn’t in any pain.”

“So…” Jace’s head fought a war against acknowledging what she was leading the conversation towards. “He’s going to be alright?”

Helen’s shoulders slumped before she took the seat next to his. “The blade he was stabbed with had a substance on it that hinders recovery. It’s an ancient herbal recipe but so far no one has been able to develop an antidote against it. Even Silent Brothers can’t help.”

The realization hit Jace harder than any blade he’d been stabbed with. Valentine…! The Herondale giving him his favorite weapon… wasn’t really Herondale. Bile rose to Jace’s throat as he understood that Valentine did manage to trick him, one last time, in the worst way.

And Helen wasn’t finished with delivering the awful blow. “Jace… Do you remember me asking how long ago Alec’s heart stopped? His body… It went without oxygen for a very long time. Too long, especially accompanied with blood loss. We’re helping him breathe with machinery but… That’s only borrowed time, he won’t last long. And he doesn’t have brain activity.” She clearly thought about reaching out for his hand but smartly decided against it. (Not that Jace would’ve noticed.) “In every way that counts… Alec is already gone. He just needs a permission to go fully.”

There were no words in any known language of the world that would’ve been powerful enough to describe Jace’s agony. “No.” It couldn’t be true, could it? Yet the nightmare refused to end. Jace would’ve whimpered if he had enough breath for it. “Please…!” The word sounded like a prayer. Let me finally wake up from this.

Helen sighed, appearing pale and utterly exhausted. The nightmare continued. “I know that these aren’t the news you’d want to hear. I’m so sorry.”

“What is she talking about?” Maryse stood a few steps away, along with Robert and Lydia. (Was that the first time Jace saw the family matriarch scared?) “Jace, what happened to my son?”

Jace stared at the parents who took him in after one – as he was willing to admit now, abusive – joke of a guardian vanished from his life. Back then he was mentally and physically battered and bruised, angry, scarred and difficult. Yet their oldest child never once gave up on him, became the most stable thing in Jace’s life. Helped him heal as much as such was possible. Next Jace’s gaze wandered to Lydia, who stood firm and hard as steel, so much like Alec that it was painful under the circumstances. He was never a fan of her marrying his brother, it wouldn’t have been a union of love. But she was there for Alec, always had his best interest in mind. It wasn’t love but it was a steady, strong companionship.

And now…

Jace wasn’t aware of the tear sliding down his cheek. “I’m sorry”, he choked out. “I failed Alec.” In the worst way imaginable.

/

Izzy lost count on how many messages she sent and how many call attempts were made, to just about everyone she knew. Yet no one seemed to know where Alec was. No one had the answers she was so desperate for.

She didn’t mean to fall asleep but the day had been incredibly long and draining. Eventually she nodded off beside Meliorn, who healed slowly from the poison. She shuddered swiftly to a fully waken state when her phone received a message. Jace’s words were straight from a nightmare.

‘Iz, I’m so sorry. You have to get to the Institute. Alec got hurt badly, they say that we have to let him go. Please hurry.’

/

Magnus knew. Long before he opened his eyes with a ridiculous amount of effort. Before there was loud banging on the door of his apartment, while he blinked sluggishly and fought to comprehend why he wanted to cry. With Izzy’s loud, inconsolable sobs came the coherent answers.

No…!

Magnus had no business being out of the bed but stubbornness had always been one of his dictating qualities. Gritting his teeth against several types of pain simultaneously, he hauled himself up and began to stumble forward with steps that were so unsteady it would’ve been embarrassing nearly any other day. He had to see and hear for himself, no matter how much it might hurt, no matter how much of torture it would be.

“… said he’s brain dead …” Izzy’s speech was barely comprehensible. “… Magnus can help … please, I can’t lose him … even if he can’t help … deserves to be there … last time … love each other … admits it or not …”

Magnus shuddered and it was a miracle that he wasn’t simply taken down, right there and then. An even bigger miracle was that he made it to the space near his door, where Izzy and Simon sat on the floor with the latter holding the former, and Catarina stood near them. Magnus couldn’t recognize his own voice. “Alexander is leaving us, isn’t he?” He didn’t fight for the archer, never dared to and was never given a chance or cause to, and now…

Izzy stared at him. And nodded, several times. Her torn eyes gave away what she couldn’t bring herself to express out loud.

I think we have to say goodbye to him.

Magnus struggled to get the words out, and not only because of his still shaky physical health. “I… I don’t care if he’s… If it’s…” He trailed off and it took frustratingly long before he managed to continue. A tear slid down his cheek. “I need to see him. I need to go to Alec.”

Catarina’s sigh was that of sympathy and heartache. (At least she’d never have to see too much love shattering his heart again – it’d never function well enough to contain something so great. Not after everything he’d been through recently, not after A…) “On two conditions. I’m opening a portal, and I’m going with you. I’m not letting you go through this alone.”

/

The one thing Jace would always remember the clearest of that day was the silence. Inside the infirmary room, where the only noises came from the machinery and the hallway outside. It was also silent, in a cold and hollow way, because he couldn’t feel Alec. Jace would’ve started crying and screaming if he would’ve been able to accomplish either.

Maryse sat right beside Alec, caressed his hair and face, whispered something meant only for her oldest as tears filled her eyes but didn’t spill. Robert had taken his son’s other side and held the unresponsive man’s hand so tightly that knuckles had turned white, his glassy gaze fixed on a wall. Lydia sat slightly further, appearing uncertain whether she had the right to be there but determined to stand by Alec until… the inevitable.

And Alec… He was paler than the sheets around him and appeared so hauntingly serene that it was evident his soul wasn’t attached to his body anymore. Jace would’ve loathed his parabatai for it if he didn’t know anyone who would’ve deserved the peace more.

Helen stood near them as silent support, gave them the time and space they needed. “You don’t have to make this decision today”, she promised quietly in the end, when it became apparent that none of them was going to speak out the words of permission. “If you need time, if there are people you need to call to make sure that they get here before…”

Maryse shook her head. “We… We can’t make him wait any longer because of our selfish reasons.” Her voice broke several times in the middle of that sentence. Maryse ran her fingers through Alec’s hair comfortingly, trying to soothe them both. “We have to let him go. He wouldn’t want us to…” There her voice faded away entirely.

Jace wanted to shout that it was all wrong. That they weren’t supposed to be giving up on Alec, they were supposed to fight for him as he would’ve for them. But he didn’t have enough breath for words, and he felt that he’d lost the right to say anything ever again after slamming a sword through the most important person to him in the world.

Jace had to look away when Helen gently removed the tube that’d been helping Alec breathe for a few short hours. He wanted to place his hands to his ears as his brother produced a brief wet, gurling noise, almost like a moan. After all the deaths he’d witnessed Jace was no stranger what the… occurrence could sound like, but this time it was Alec. It was unbearable but he forced himself to walk every second of it with his parabatai. Alec would’ve done the same for him.

Slow and stiff, Jace turned his head just in time to see Helen silencing the monitors so they wouldn’t start screeching soon. “I wish that I could tell you how long this will take, it’s what many people in your situation would want to know. But it’s up to Alec. Take as much time as you need, after.” With that Helen left the room without making a sound.

Maryse leaned closer to Alec. “I will always remember the day you were born. It was ahead of time because of complications and… You were so small, Alec. I was scared to even touch you. The moment you were given to my arms for the first time you weren’t crying. You just sighed heavily and looked at me with those eyes that have always been decades older than your body.”

Alec’s chest was utterly still without the machinery that forced him to continue breathing. On the screen above his pulse and blood pressure kept plummeting. They were barely there anymore.

Maryse sniffled but didn’t move her hands away from Alec to wipe her eyes. “I didn’t think I wanted to have kids, ever, and I was terrified that you’d sense it. But I’ve loved you with all my heart since I first saw you. I love you enough to let you go. I… I need you to know that, to never doubt that.”

Lydia twitched slightly but refrained from commenting out of respect – whatever triggered her reaction, the time and place weren’t right.

They were all startled when the room’s door opened. In came Izzy, with Magnus who leaned heavily on her and another warlock Jace couldn’t recognize. The sparkly, hurricane of a man Alec was tasked to protect was scarcely recognizable with his face free from makeup and hair falling flatly. “You may think that I’m intruding but Alexander… He risked everything to make sure that I’m safe. I had to come.”

“Alec is…”, Maryse hissed at her daughter, not managing to force out the final word. “… and you brought in two warlocks? Magic won’t help him! We have to face this as a family!”

/

Izzy and her parents started an argument over whether taking Alec off the ventilator was the right thing to do, and whether any warlock had any right to be there in their time of mourning. On the screen the archer’s vitals came to an end. His body gained the rest his soul had already been granted.

Stumbling towards the bed, pulled by an invisible force, Magnus noticed none of that.

Magnus would’ve wanted to caress Alec’s deathly pale cheek with his fingers but held himself back, hard. A small sniffle escaped from him. “They’re telling me that you’re…” He couldn’t voice the word. “Despite my centuries I don’t know how, but I… I can still feel you there, so… Please, come back. Whoever it’s for.”

/

The woman reached out towards Alec’s wings and caressed the feathers lovingly. “Yours are the only snow-white pair that has ever been seen. Did you know that?”

Alec hadn’t known that, actually. His brows furrowed. “Why do I have them?” He wasn’t anything special.

“Because we angels chose you, child. That heart of yours… It is special.” The woman smiled. “It is our desire that the whole Shadow World functions together, in harmony. Division, considering one half more valuable than the other… It only leads to violence. We have seen it happening for centuries. And we have been waiting for someone who has the strength and desire to put an end to that dark cycle.”

“But… I’m only one person. With… a limited amount of time.” Alec was quite sure that he was already dead. Why didn’t it scare him?

“Not necessarily.” The woman lay a hand on his chest. A strange, soothing type of warmth filled it. Was he being bound to something? “The type of a mission you are on takes more than one mortal lifetime. Whether you choose to embrace it… That is entirely up to you. Whatever you decide, remember that the angels are on your side. Always.” She withdrew her hand as tenderly as she put it on him. “You may be only one person, but sometimes in the middle of the deepest darkness it only takes one small beacon of light to show the way. Your heart is full of strength and courage, that is precisely why we chose you. You have an extraordinary amount of love to give. If you choose to go back to continue on your angel appointed mission… Do not ever hesitate to fight for what is right. Do not ever hesitate to love.”

They both looked to the sound of an approaching train. It was coming towards them slowly but certainly. Ready to take Alec and his bizarre companion to somewhere there was no coming back from. To a place that was only spoken of in myths and legends because no living person had ever seen it.

“So, child.” The woman’s voice was gentle but for some odd reason fading away. “Are you going to take a ride with me?”

‘“I can still feel you there, so… Please, come back. Whoever it’s for.”’

Alec closed his eyes and felt everything fade away.

/

Alec’s body spasmed and suddenly the room grew silent once more. Was it the moment they’d been dreading? Was it all truly over?

To Magnus nothing but Alec existed. His hand trembled as he lay it on the other’s chest. Just in time to see it rise for the first time, feebly but still. Then again. Followed by a faint little thud. Was Alec’s mighty heart… coming back to life?

Thump…

“Alexander”, Magnus choked out. He couldn’t squeeze out another word. Not that any words would’ve done the situation justice.

Everyone shuddered when Alec gasped, but this time it wasn’t a sign of him slipping away from them.

Thump… Thump…

The sight of Alec’s chest expanding repeatedly and the feel of a slowly strengthening beat of life… Magnus was a warlock yet he’d never experienced anything so magical. His tears began to transform into those of joy and he refused to be ashamed of them.

It visibly took so much effort that Magnus was tempted to tell Alec to take it easy and rest. Just before the last words he wanted to utter would’ve slipped past his lips the other’s eyes opened halfway. Hazy as they were, they locked eagerly with his. The worry in them was palpable. “… ‘gnus …”

Thump… Thump… Thump…

The previous time they met Magnus collapsed to Alec’s arms. His still recovering body wasn’t able to handle standing upright anymore so he slumped to sit on the edge of the bed. The noise that erupted from Magnus was something between a hysterical chuckle and a sob. He blinked away tears and at last allowed himself to move his hand from Alec’s chest to a cheek. The way the archer leaned instinctively to his touch made Magnus’ heart swell. “Oh Alexander… I’m alright. Now that you’re here.”

Chapter Text

Maryse Lightwood had seen, been through and done a lot in her life. Too much of it all horrible. Having to watch Alec die and being forced to give her oldest the permission to… go… That was easily her most awful experience. What currently unfolded was jarring in a very different way.

Alec fought to stay awake, Maryse could practically feel how hard. But eventually, after soothing whispers from Magnus, the fight began to fade away. The look in Alec’s eyes, which was mirrored to perfection in the warlock’s… Shadowhunters believed that emotions cloud judgement so Maryse hadn’t seen anything like it… at least in a very long time.

Her son was falling in love – and had someone falling in love with him in return.

The woman Magnus brought along – Catarina, apparently – stepped closer to Alec. Maryse tensed up instinctively and Robert mirrored her gesture to a lesser extent, but the nods of approval from Magnus, Izzy, Lydia and a dazed-seeming Jace overruled their opinions. Magic caressed Alec gently while the numbers of the screen reporting his vitals continued to improve agonizingly slowly. “I don’t know what just happened, but… He will be alright. He needs a lot of rest, though.” Catarina gave Magnus’ shoulder a supportive, comforting squeeze. “I’ll be at your apartment. Call or message anytime.”

Magnus nodded but couldn’t manage words. It wasn’t until then Maryse registered how exhausted he appeared. After Catarina’s departure a tired, heavy silence lingered in the room, with its conscious occupants counting every single one of Alec’s independent breaths meticulously. Each of them was nothing short of a miracle.

This time Alec’s sleep was deep but healthy, healing. (The kind Maryse observed, once upon a time when her oldest was still a young child, while she was torn by guilt over missing out on so much of his life.) Even as he slept Alec’s hand kept holding on to Magnus’ so tightly that the archer’s knuckles lost some color. As far as her son was concerned the warlock wasn’t going anywhere.

“Okay.” Izzy – who was very recently in a shouting match with her – sounded remarkably calm. And appeared pleased, as well as relieved to tears. “Let’s step outside so they can rest.” It wasn’t a suggestion. Izzy had never sounded or looked as much like Maryse as she did right then.

All Maryse’s instincts screamed at her to fight against leaving. The person she still was, deep down, loathed the idea of leaving her son alone with a Downworlder – Magnus Bane, of all people. But she already nearly lost Alec in the most permanent manner imaginable, actually did for an endlessly long moment. Maryse didn’t have the willpower to fight her oldest’s decision, even if it was a mistake.

Leaving Alec’s side was easily among the most difficult things Maryse had ever done but at least she was an expert on facing challenges. Taking every single breath with great concentration in a desperate attempt to ground and remain in control over herself, she marched out of the room. Her plan was to find a place where she could… process alone.

“Mom!” Izzy’s voice was somehow as sharp as her whip and broken simultaneously. “Mom, wait!”

Maryse remembered the little girl who yelled at her for always being away on missions. Unable to stop herself even if she would’ve tried, the older Lightwood turned around to face her daughter. “If you want to continue with our argument…”

Izzy shook her head. “I may never forgive you for almost taking away my right to say goodbye to Alec, but…” Tears shone in the young woman’s eyes. “I need my mom right now, that’s all. Be my mom instead my commander for once.”

The request shattered Maryse’s heart. Breaking down to tears herself, she pulled Izzy to her arms and hugged her daughter tightly. She lost one of her little ones briefly, Alec slipped away for a little while in front of her eyes – it was past time she started taking every opportunity to embrace her children. Especially if they by some miracle let her. “I’m sorry”, Maryse whispered. “I’m so sorry.” The words were aimed as much to Izzy as they were to Alec.

/

Emotions ran incredibly high. Everyone was overwhelmed. No one had enough presence of mind to notice Jace, who stood frozen with his back against a wall. Wide eyes glazed over as they stared at Alec’s sleeping form.

Jace’s mind flashed back to himself thrusting a sword through Alec. To his parabatai’s barely audible, feeble yet heartfelt words that could’ve easily been the archer’s last ones. To himself giving Alec CPR. And Jace… He couldn’t handle it, any of it. So he did what he’d always sworn to himself he’d never do. Jace turned his back on his brother and fled from the room.

Alec would be better off without him, anyway.

/

Magnus knew, on a level of pure reason, that he should’ve been resting. His body was recovering from a poisoning that nearly killed him, after all. At very least he should’ve fled from the Institute and all the Nephilim filling it as fast as he could. Hadn’t they shown clearly enough over the course of centuries how little they thought of him? He wasn’t safe among them. But Magnus had never been a big believer in common sense, had he? And he had far more important matters than sleeping occupying his attention and keeping him rooted where he was.

Alec came back, and the warlock felt a completely irrational need to ensure that the archer wouldn’t try to slip away from him again.

Magnus watched Alec’s face, still pale but healthier, then fixed his attention on the slowly rising and falling chest. Each movement was a war won. “Thank you”, Magnus whispered. “For coming back to me.” It was ridiculous, really. Alec wasn’t his to have, would never be. And yet…

Magnus’ gaze strayed to where his hand was joined with Alec’s. The other still held on stubbornly, like he was something precious and important the man couldn’t bear to lose. For a while Magnus allowed himself to imagine a different, kinder reality. Where their bond would’ve mattered.

A few minutes later it occurred to Magnus that Alec wasn’t his only charge. (Not that he would’ve been in any way responsible for the hunter. Or was he? He did owe a great debt to the bodyguard who risked so much to protect him.) His hand never leaving Alec’s, he took his phone and sent Catarina a message to inquire how Madzie was doing. His friend sneaked out a while ago to ensure that there was someone around Madzie knew once the child woke up next. Magnus needed to know how things were at home, and it was what his currently out cold companion would be asking about immediately after waking up. (Because Alec would wake up again. Magnus reminded himself forcibly of that.)

Mercifully he wasn’t stuck on an awful limbo of being left without answers for long. ‘She’s still drained and weak but stubborn. Every time she wakes up, she asks for you and Alec.’

Despite everything he’d been put through recently Magnus smiled, fondness tightening and filling his chest. ‘Tell her that we’ll be back as soon as we can. That Alec needs some sleep first.’ He hoped that time and rest would be all it’d take, anyway.

There was a pause, during which Catarina started and stopped writing several times. ‘And how are you doing?’

Magnus’ mind drew a complete blank. It was far too full of chaos. ‘I’ll tell you when I know. All I know right now is that I could sleep for a year or two.’

‘I can imagine. Remember that Ragnor, Madzie and I are here when you need us.’ His support network was still there, always would be, no matter what. It gave Magnus a great deal of comfort, even in the bittersweet moment of being held tenderly by what he couldn’t have.

A soft knock yanked Magnus’ mind elsewhere seconds before the door slid open. Lydia walked in with a soft expression on her face. “Hey. I didn’t expect you to still be awake.”

Magnus’ entire body twitched. It felt wrong to be there. The only thing that felt right was the finally healthily warm hand held in his. “I… should go.” Would he even be able to walk to the next room?

Lydia shook her head. “Magnus, you brought Alec back to us. Stay. Besides, there’s… a lot we need to talk about.”

The tension from before increased. Magnus swallowed, loathing how his throat hurt. The last thing he wanted was to be vulnerable in that moment. “Alexa… Alec wants to marry you. He made that adamantly clear. I don’t see any need to talk.” He sounded polite, at least, but there was no missing the hint of bitterness to his tone. Despite its owner being asleep Alec’s hand twitched slightly as a response. Or did Magnus imagine it?

“The thing is, Alec doesn’t want to marry me. Especially after you walked into his life. He’s still struggling to admit that to himself but I can see it clearly. And I have no desire to marry someone who doesn’t want to be my husband.” Lydia sounded slightly disappointed but not heartbroken. “Let alone someone who is falling in love with someone else.”

That caused Magnus a sharp, electric jolt of shock. His gaze jumped up from Alec’s hand to meet Lydia’s. “What?”

Lydia could’ve berated him and kicked him out of the room. Instead she smiled. “I have eyes, you know. And they see a lot. Including things that Alec is… processing.” She nodded towards his and Alec’s joined hands. (Magnus still couldn’t bring himself to break the contact.) “Whatever that is... I refuse to stand in the way of it. Alec deserves better than coming back to live in a lie.”

Magnus didn’t know what to say. How to admit to himself what he wanted. As it turned out his body didn’t want to give him a chance to decide, anyway, and started swaying where he sat. “I… suppose I’m more tired than I realized.”

Lydia mused for a moment. Then stood up, pushed the empty bed next to Alec’s as close as possible and lowered the railing. “Lay down”, she urged. “This way you can both get some rest. I’ll keep an eye on Alec.” She went on after seeing his second-long hesitation. “I’ll wake you up immediately if anything changes, I promise.”

It was more than a little awkward in the presence of Alec’s fiancée but Magnus was in no condition to fight against what he wanted and needed. Dizzy, and moving slowly to avoid collapsing or disturbing Alec, the warlock first sat, then lay down on the bed Lydia offered him. The last thing Magnus saw before closing his eyes was the archer’s serene face.

Sleep came within seconds.

/

Clary stared at the body on the autopsy table. Until quite recently she’d never seen a dead person. In a shockingly short amount of time she’d encountered several.

Simon. Camille. Now Valentine. And she was the one who took his life.

Jocelyn’s arm tightened around her. “Hey. If you can’t…”

“I’m fine. I had to see him, to be sure.” Clary knew, on a level of reason, that the corpse belonged to a monster. Valentine slaughtered countless of people and nearly destroyed the whole Downworld of New York. He deserved to die and Clary knew that she’d kill him long before she entered the room where he waited. She was the only one who had any hope of getting close enough to finish the job. But he was also a human being, her father, and the idea that his blood would always figuratively soak her hands… “I need air.” Before the words were out, she’d already pulled herself away from her mom and was on her way out of the room.

Clary imagined that she needed to be alone. Until she suddenly saw Jace, who hurried towards a mystery location. Her instincts tingled, warning her that something was wrong, and she frowned. “Jace? JACE!” She couldn’t just let him go all alone.

Stubbornly ignoring her own troubles and sorrows, Clary rushed to catch up with Jace. He disappeared from her view soon but her instincts continued to lead her. Until she stood on the Institute’s rooftop. Staring in utter terror at Jace, who stood trembling far too close to the edge.

What was one supposed to do in such a situation? One wrong word and she might push Jace towards doing… something disastrous. Hoping that she wasn’t making a mistake, Clary walked closer as slowly as she could physically stand and stood right next to Jace. There, finally, she spoke before he could get a syllable in. “I’m not going anywhere before we’re both ready to go back inside. To Alec.” She went on after giving him a moment, staring at the horizon. “I hate this day.”

Jace sniffled. The solitary sob seemed to come from the depths of his soul and broken heart. “Yeah. Me too.”

It was infinitely more harmless to admit than both of them admitting ‘I hate myself so much right now that I don’t know what to do with myself’.

Just being there didn’t seem like enough to ensure that Jace would stay, too. So Clary took a calculated risk and grabbed his hand, hoping that the contact would ground his troubled mind. Slow, cautious and unsteady, Jace’s fingers curled around her hand. Together they stayed, waiting for the awful day to end.

/

Alec blinked his eyes open slowly and stared at the almost painfully white ceiling above him. It took a moment before his mind was convinced that it was all real. Especially after he turned his head.

In a bed that’d been brought against his slumbered Magnus, turned towards him, appearing tranquil and breathing calmly. Alive and real. Recovering.

Somehow they were both alive – it was honestly surreal.

Alec knew that it was wrong to crave for such a thing, but he needed to feel Magnus. The best thing would’ve been to push himself up, sit or even lay down beside the older man. But he had a frustrating feeling that he didn’t have enough strength for such a feat yet. So the second-best alternative would have to suffice.

For once too drained to wonder what was right and wrong, Alec reached out nearly cautiously and brushed a strand of hair off Magnus’ forehead. The warlock sighed happily and leaned closer but didn’t wake up. Not needing further invitation, a smile lit up Alec’s face.

/ ‘I can still feel you there, so… Please, come back. Whoever it’s for.’ /

“It was for you”, Alec whispered. Shocking himself with the admission. “I’m… I’m not sure I would’ve been able to find my way back without you. I’m here and… So are you. Everything’s going to be alright.”

How many times had Alec hurt Magnus by rejection? How many times had he told himself that marrying Lydia was the right thing to do? Maybe it was. But the full truth was that Alec’s aching heart… It wanted what it wanted, stubbornly, uncompromisingly. Now he’d have to decide what to do about it.

Suddenly Magnus started trembling and whimpering in his sleep. There didn’t seem to be anything physically wrong but the mental side of things… Now that was another matter entirely. Alec didn’t know how it was possible but he felt Magnus’ emotional turmoil like Jace’s. (From before their bond became… strained, anyway.) And he had to do something about it.

Determined to his core, Alec began to push himself to a sitting position. Which turned out to be a horrible idea. His head, ribs, stomach and chest area… They screamed from agony and he gasped, uncomfortably close to blacking out. Alec gasped, struggling to catch his breath.

“Careful. Overstraining yourself will only hinder your recovery.” Lydia? (Was she there the whole time, while Alec…?) “Magnus has been through those symptoms a few times since he came here. They’re leftovers from the poison. Harmless but… They do hurt.”

Alec swallowed and shuddered. The memories of how Magnus was, on the verge of death, before he headed off to confront Valentine… “Are you sure that he’ll be alright?”

“As will Madzie. Catarina stopped by an hour ago to report, she knew that you’d want to know. And you will be alright, too, however it’s possible. I wouldn’t lie to you.” There was a meaningful expression on Lydia’s face. “Pure honesty. That was the deal from the start, remember?”

Suddenly Alec was very awake, the pain from his injuries forgotten. This was it, then. There was no running or denying anymore. “About the wedding…” Words failed Alec as he wondered how he was even supposed to start.

Lydia took a deep breath. “Alec… There isn’t going to be a wedding.”

Alec swallowed. “Because of…?” He trailed off.

Lydia shook her head. “No. This has only a little to do with Magnus and everything to do with what I deserve. And what you deserve.”

And that was it, wasn’t it? How was anyone supposed to argue that? “I’m sorry.”

Lydia shrugged. “There’s no need to be. This was never some sort of a great love story, there were no emotions involved. And at least we made this decision before we would’ve stood at the altar in front of everyone.”

Even the thought made Alec shudder. “Thank you. For everything.” Lydia had been a phenomenal ally and would hopefully continue to be one.

Lydia nodded. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done for the whole Shadow World.” She pushed herself up from the chair she’d occupied and began to take her leave as Magnus made noises that suggested he was waking up. “Rest, and make sure that he does, too. Take care of each other. I have a wedding to cancel.”

Maybe Alec didn’t obtain a wife, after all, but he did make a friend. Someone who saw and understood him. Which… felt very good, actually.

“… lec…?”

All his attention locking elsewhere swiftly, Alec shifted as much as he was able to bear so he could face Magnus properly and hold the man’s hand. The sight of the warlock’s golden cat eyes opening to meet his… He’d never seen anything so beautiful. It was like staring into a rising sun. “Hey.”

Magnus smiled. And brushed his cheek tentatively, as if to ensure that he was there. “Hey.”

The slowly ending dark day wasn’t when their lives ended – it was when their lives truly began, through awful agony but to face something incredibly fragile yet beautiful.

/

Izzy had an intense talk with Maryse. After her parents withdrew to the room that’d been given to them to have a… talk of their own Izzy escaped their drama and sneaked out to visit Meliorn. Seeing that he was fine and his comfort gave her strength to go back to other precious people.

The first brother she checked up on was Alec. It’d probably take a long time before she’d trust that her big brother was really still there and getting better. There Alec was, sleeping in an infirmary bed. And he wasn’t alone. Alec and Magnus rested in each other’s arms, pulled to one another like two magnets. Her brother appeared happy, so content that it made Izzy’s heart swell. She was tempted to take a picture of him but decided against it. Some occasions were simply too intimate.

Satisfied that one of her brothers was safe and sound, Izzy headed towards Jace’s room. She feared that she’d find it empty – the blond wasn’t known for handling emotionally heavy things well. To Izzy’s shock Jace lay in the man’s bed, appearing heartbreakingly small and broken. Clary held him, obviously determined to ensure that the young man wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Clary lifted her gaze to meet Izzy’s. The redhead’s stubbornness was identical to Jace’s. “He just fell asleep”, Clary whispered. “I won’t leave him alone.”

Neither of her brothers was going anywhere. Izzy wasn’t sure whether she managed a smile or a nod of thank you before leaving the room. At the hallway she slumped to the floor and buried her face to her hands. And finally she could allow herself to break down properly.

/

When Alec next began to wake up, nothing seemed real. The pain was still there but much less severe, as though he’d been given something to numb it. And there was a warm body in his arms, pressed close, both their holds protective. His heart pounding as it never had before he met a certain man, Alec opened his eyes. To discover that Magnus was doing the same in his arms.

Magnus chuckled breathily. Did it mask something? “How about that, it seems we’re both cuddlers.”

Alec felt heat rising to his cheeks. “It’s not… I’m not, normally… I should…” As he fought a war to untangle himself from Magnus, despite much of him protesting it, and sit on the edge of the bed Alec was much too aware that he was letting his old instincts take over. His thoughts spiraled until they managed to lock on one thing. “I’m not… hurting you, am I?” Maybe not physically but…

“Of course you’re not”, Magnus swore softly. The man sat, too, right beside him, approaching as one would a fidgety wild animal. “I should be asking you that, given your injuries.”

Alec wasn’t in the mood to discuss them. Or anything of what he went through. “Lydia and I aren’t getting married”, he found himself blurting out.

“Oh”, was the only response Magnus could come up with.

“After… everything we realized that it wasn’t in the cards for us.” Alec supposed that talking about the horror story’s vilest parts couldn’t be avoided forever. “It all happened, didn’t it?” Even without peering under his hospital gown he felt the partially healed stab wound which ended his existence. Temporarily, as it turned out.

“Your heart stopped. As did your breathing”, Magnus confirmed tensely. “Because of the lack of oxygen your brain…” The man’s voice faded. “By the time I got here your family had let you go but… I sensed that you were still here. You couldn’t leave us behind.”

“I almost did”, Alec admitted quietly. “This is going to sound crazy but… I think I met an angel. Or dreamed that I did. I was given a choice and… After hearing your voice… I chose to come back.” He didn’t utter a word about his… mission. Surely he wasn’t someone who could unite…?

“That… may be the most amazing compliment I’ve ever heard”, Magnus attempted to joke but sounded several touches too emotional for it. The man moved closer, needing to feel him. “Thank you, for choosing to come back.”

“Thank you for staying, too.” Alec kept his gaze on the wall. “I… I don’t believe that I’m special enough to have been allowed back to…” He trailed off. “And I don’t know if fate will give me a chance to be happy. But after having my life taken away once… I want to try.”

Magnus hesitated. Then, very slowly, leaned his head on Alec’s shoulder. The archer hesitated, too, before taking Magnus’ hand gently. He didn’t let go. Because so few things in his life had felt right. But that did.

The realization made Alec bold. Firmly pushing back everything he’d ever been taught in favor of embracing what his heart was howling at him to do, he leaned down ever so slightly. And pressed a tender kiss on top of Magnus’ head.

Magnus shivered but very swiftly it became apparent that the reaction wasn’t caused by anything negative. In fact… Alec’s eyes widened. “Are you… purring?”

Magnus clearly tried to stop the sound but couldn’t. The man gulped loudly. “My apologies, I know that it’s…”

Alec shook his head. “Magnus, it’s okay. The purring, and your true eyes… I like them. A lot.” He wasn’t ready to admit out loud how much he liked Magnus but hoped that it was implied silently. “So… Please don’t stop. Okay?”

“Okay”, Magnus whispered, smooth as velvet yet curiously shaken simultaneously. The purring continued, stronger than before. (Alec recalled hearing that cats occasionally purred to soothe themselves. He hoped that such wasn’t the case with Magnus.)

Whatever it was they were trying to gather the courage to jump into together for, Alec began to understand that they were both very vulnerable upon entering it. That was alright. They could take it slowly and carefully.

If Alec understood the angel from his dream correctly, and if it all actually happened, he might quite literally have several lifetimes, if not immortality, ahead him – he had no idea how to wrap his head around any of it.

When the room’s door opened, they attempted to jump further from each other but couldn’t convince themselves to do it. At least Jace didn’t mind, barely even noticed. “I know that I have no right to be here. And that I’m interrupting, I’m sorry”, the blond opened with hoarsely. (Alec didn’t think he’d ever seen his parabatai appear as drained and upset.) “I just… I have to sleep, before I lose my mind. And I can’t sleep for more than twenty minutes if I don’t…”

“Jace.” Alec worked hard to sound as firm as he could. “You always have the right to be where I am, you’re my parabatai.”

“Still?” Jace sounded heartbreakingly like the boy who was once taken in by the Lightwood family, certain that no one could care about him genuinely. “After what I did? Even though we don’t have the runes anymore?” For some reason Alec coming back to life hadn’t brought their parabatai runes back. Only time would tell if anything ever would.

“After what Valentine did”, Alec pointed out. If they ever wanted to recover from what happened they needed to remember who was responsible. “And after all these years I don’t need a rune for you to be my parabatai.”

Even without their bond being official Alec sensed how badly Jace ached to run to hug him. In the end the blond decided that he didn’t have such a right. At least Jace didn’t run away, as Alec had feared he would do. Instead the man lay on the bare floor, so that he had a clear view to the bed, curled up and closed his eyes. In under ten seconds Jace was asleep.

Magnus snapped his fingers and a blanket appeared to cover Jace. The warlock shrugged. “I know how important he is to you.”

What was Alec supposed to say to that? His head was spinning, and while his soul felt… disconnected – the hazards of coming back to life, he supposed – his heart had never been so full. To imagine that he died without ever allowing himself to experience true love and happiness. If he had an immortal life ahead him… He couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on his chance permanently.

Hungry as he never had been before – even when he imagined that he was in love with Jace – Alec took Magnus’ face between his hands. How could he desire the kind of a thing he did? Why did it feel right, too? “Can I…?”

“Alexander.” Oh, Magnus sounded as hungry as he did. They licked their lips simultaneously. “If you don’t kiss me right now…”

Alec jumped. That was the only way to describe it. He slammed his lips against Magnus’ and they practically melted together. Just one kiss and they became one. It scared and thrilled Alec so intensely that he could barely handle it. By the time it ended the archer was so dizzy that he would’ve slumped out of the bed if Magnus didn’t catch him.

“ALEC!” Magnus’ voice trembled, possibly for several reasons. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine.” And Alec was. Simply dizzy and overwhelmed. He blinked slowly, his eyelashes brushing Magnus’ cheek. “So this… is how it feels.”

To live, not merely exist. To be happy. To start falling.

They kissed again, neither aware of the golden and blue glow filling the room.

/

Madzie was too young to have feared for her own life. (How was someone of her age supposed to understand how close to death she came?) But it’d been days, and she’d lost enough to have been terrified that Alec and Magnus would leave her forever. Finally getting to visit them at the infirmary made her so happy that she could barely control herself although Catarina cautioned her that the men might be quite unwell and she’d have to be careful with them.

Entering the Institute, of which nana always warned her about, was terrifying. Catarina brought her in through a side entrance and seeing Clary’s familiar, smiling face waiting helped. The biggest relief, however, was what awaited once Madzie was taken to one of the infirmary’s rooms. Alec and Magnus were really there. It wasn’t a trick to deceive her.

“You’re here!” she cheered. And embraced both men simultaneously with all her might. “I missed you!”

Alec shuddered but pulled her close tightly. “I missed you, too. So much.”

“Don’t worry, sweet pea.” Magnus kissed her head. “We’ll all be home soon.”

Oh? But Madzie thought that Alec was going to marry Lydia and… The thought was cut short when the girl noticed that the Shadowhunter’s hospital gown had shifted. To reveal a new mark on the man’s chest, a midnight blue one. Right above his heart. Madzie tilted her head from curiosity. “What’s that?”

/

Confused and mildly alarmed, Alec studied the mark. It wasn’t any type of a rune he would’ve ever seen before. There was also a mark on his hand. Similarly to wedding runes. When did they appear and how did he not…?

“Alexander.”

Magnus’ startled voice claimed all Alec’s attention. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that there was a mark identical to his, only golden, above the other’s heart. And marking Magnus’ hand.

Like they’d been bound to each other.