Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gojo Sayaka was born three months early on December 7th at 10:45 PM. She was born with her eyes closed, with little tufts of white hair that the Gojo clan had become staple for, tiny ears that couldn’t hear, and was utterly silent. When the doctors showed her to her mother, her mother had stared before scoffing. Unfit for an heiress, she had said. After all of her blood, sweat, and tears delivering her, Sayaka didn’t even bother crying. 

Sayaka was five months old when her eyes opened. Brilliant blue with a slight hint of red ringing around the center. A perfect, albino kit. Her grandmother was thrilled, showing her freshly opened eyes to anyone who would listen. That was when Sayaka’s mother, the clan matriarch, decided that her daughter wasn’t a complete and utter failure of a rabbit.

Sayaka had a fiancé by the time she was three years old. He was a cousin of hers that she never really cared to get to know. She had much more important things to attend to, like watching "The Universe" on the History channel whenever it came on. Like pretending she couldn’t talk when she understood every single word. Her first spoken word was “Europa.” 

Sayaka learned right from wrong very quickly. She learned that prey hybrids like the Gojo clan were good. They were pure. They deserved all the positions in the government. She also learned that predator hybrids like the wolves in the Zen’in clan were bad and shouldn’t be allowed in the government, even if they were. By six years old, she also learned exactly why predators like the ones from the Zen’in clan were so yucky.

“Why are you so big?” The Zen’in boy had asked. 

“... I’m a bunny.”

“But you’re too big to be a bunny.” 

Naoya was the most annoying boy Sayaka had ever met. He was way too loud and had big wolf ears, as well as the most annoying green eyes. But Obaachan had said to be good, so Sayaka would be good. 

“Mama says that a lot of people in our family are big for bunnies. It’s our genetics because we’re prime.” 

“That’s dumb,” Naoya decided. “I think you’re actually hares.” 

Sayaka had to pause at that. A hare…? She wasn’t a hare. She didn’t even look like a hare. “I’m not a hare.” 

“Your ears are so big, though!” 

Naoya pulled on Sayaka’s ears. So Sayaka did the only reasonable thing in that situation: she bit him. Then, for some odd reason, he bit her back. Her ears immediately pinned to her head, and she bolted. Sayaka ran to Mama, sniffling and saying that Naoya bit her. Mama made this face– her nose scrunched up, her ears went straight up, and her eyebrows got all scrunched up. Then she walked off with that same look at Naoya’s papa. Then Sayaka was taken home and didn’t see the Zen’ins again. Mama said it was because they were wolves, and all wolves had that instinct– to hurt hybrids like Sayaka. That made sense. Naoya was mean, and his papa looked really mean, too. Then, Mama explained that all predators were like that, so Sayaka should really just stay away from all of them. That made sense, too. Sayaka had never met a predator hybrid before, but if Mama said that all predator hybrids were bad, then she believed it. 

Sayaka was eight when she had to start being friendly with her fiancé. Gojo Haru was… Okay. He was a bunny as well. He was three years older than Sayaka, making him the youngest option of all her suitors. His papa was Mama’s brother, which apparently made Sayaka and Haru okay to have kits in the future. Sayaka didn’t really understand all that. But Haru-chan was okay, Sayaka supposed. He brought her veggies from the garden and watched space documentaries with her, so that was nice. She didn’t really understand why they had to get married, though. Or have kits. Kits were cool and all, but they were loud and messy. Haru-chan didn’t really mind. He really liked Sayaka… Which was cool. She liked playing chase with him; sometimes he cleaned her hair and ears, which was also really nice. 

It was hard at the same time, though. Sayaka didn’t like talking all the time – she preferred to watch Digimon and “The Universe.” He also got mad whenever she repeated him and told Mama that she was making fun of him– she wasn’t. But it was fine. She didn’t care that much. 

Sayaka was ten when she started feeling… icky. Her body was changing in ways that she didn’t like at all. Her chest was starting to get bigger. Her hips were getting wider. Mama said it was because she was becoming a big girl. Sayaka didn’t feel much like a big girl. She felt… stupid. She felt gross. That wasn’t even the worst part, though. The worst part was the way that some of the people in her clan would whisper about what she was going to be someday. A mother. A wife. A matriarch. A woman. That all sounded like… the worst thing in the world. Why was she being forced to do all this? It wasn’t fair. She didn't want to do all that. She didn’t want to be a mother, wife, or woman. She wanted to watch space documentaries and Digimon and play with Haru-chan, but not in a wife way, in a normal way…! 

“Saya-chan looks sad today,” Haru-chan observed intelligently one day. He was thirteen now. He had since stopped bringing her veggies so often. He didn’t talk about marriage as much either. Sayaka was grateful for that. She didn’t want to get married. 

Sayaka didn’t respond momentarily before admitting in monotone, “I am sad.” 

“Why?” 

Why? Why wouldn’t Sayaka be sad? She was in a body that hated her. She was supposed to marry someone she didn’t want to. She wasn’t even allowed to watch her space documentaries all day anymore; now she had to learn to “be a lady.” She wasn’t a lady!

“... I don’t know,” Sayaka said instead. “I just am.” 

Haru-chan nodded solemnly, like he understood. Sayaka knew better, though– No one understood. Not Haru-chan. Not Mama. Not even obaachan. It was unfair. 

As if their conversation never even happened, Haru-chan turned back to the television, his floppy ears straight up in attention. 

-

Sayaka was twelve when she realized she was not Sayaka. She had been given a phone for her birthday with unrestricted online access… It had been hard to convince her mother not to supervise it, but she had said she wanted to research things for school freely, so her mother reluctantly agreed. 

Obviously, as a curious preteen, she started exploring as many places online as she could. While searching, she stumbled upon a forum with a weird title. 

“Questioning my gender identity!” It read. Sayaka immediately clicked on it. “Hello, everyone! I’m a 20-year-old woman from Japan… But I think I might be a man? I was wondering how you all figured out that you were transgender. Thank you!” 

… Transgender?

Sayaka read every response. Then, she started researching everything about transgender men. By the end of the night, she had come to a startling realization. 

She wasn’t a she at all. She… He was a boy. Immediately, he started looking for new names. Sayaka just wouldn’t cut it anymore. He searched for a few hours for something that called to him. Then, he found it. 

Satoru. 

Enlightenment. It was perfect. He had a new name. He was a boy. 

… He could never let the clan know about this. 

Despite his fears, though, he couldn’t help but feel an immense wave of relief wash over him. He wasn’t broken. He wasn’t gross. He was just a boy. 

He was Gojo Satoru. 

Chapter Text

Satoru enrolled in a private high school at the age of fifteen. The uniform was itchy, and the overwhelming scents made him feel like he would lose his mind. There were too many people. Too much of everything. And the first week? It was hell.

None of the boys wanted to talk to him because he was a girl. All the girls thought he was a bitchy, stuck-up, rich girl. He didn’t try to be bitchy or stuck-up. He was just honest. His mother had always said honesty was the most important thing for a future matriarch. But when he answered the questions honestly, the girls would cover their mouths, whisper to each other, and giggle. The giggling was the worst part. Satoru could take social isolation; he could take the weird looks. But the giggles… They made him feel like there was some sort of big joke that he was missing out on. And being left out of jokes? It made him want to crawl into a hole and never look at school again.

He was sitting on the roof again during lunch, picking at the bento his grandmother packed for him. The school roof was different from the inside of the school: there were no overwhelming scents, no girls snickering at him, and no teachers asking him to pay more attention. It was perfect. 

Then, a scent filled his nose. His ears pinned to his head, and he froze. Cinnamon. Amber. Fox. Predator.

Satoru braced for the worst– cruel words, snarling, maybe even an attack. 

“You look lonely.”

… What?

Satoru turned around, ears shooting up. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped slightly. This fox… He didn’t look like a threat at all. He looked beautiful. 

He had tan skin and the most beautiful purple eyes that Satoru had seen. His silky black hair was up in a bun, and Satoru wondered briefly what it would look like down. He had soft, black ears that stuck straight up, yet weren’t nearly as threatening as Satoru had always imagined predator hybrids to be. His tail was the same color as his ears, swishing lightly behind him. Satoru was at a loss for words. 

He stammered momentarily before finally forcing, “Your bangs are weird.” 

The fox didn’t seem offended. No, he laughed. “Your eyes are really blue.” 

Satoru hesitated. This boy was a predator. He should not have been talking to him, not even if he was breathtakingly gorgeous. Then, once again, his mouth worked before his brain did. “Do you wanna… sit?” 

And the boy did sit. “I’m Geto Suguru,” he introduced politely, smiling at Satoru. 

“... Gojo Sayaka.” 

“I like your ears.” 

“I like your hair.” 

“Thank you. I use conditioner and a hair mask.” 

Satoru couldn’t help but laugh at that. This fox was funny. He didn’t seem like the terrifying predator that his mother always warned him about. He seemed like a normal boy. 

Lunch flowed by so much faster than it usually did. Suguru was funny. He made Satoru feel normal in a way no one else ever had. He was absolutely nothing like Satoru feared. He was sweet. He was kind. He was cute.

After that, Suguru came up during lunch every day to eat with Satoru. They talked, joked, laughed, and acted like they had known each other their whole lives. Satoru learned about Suguru’s family– he came from a low-income farming family of humans. 

“Humans?” Satoru repeated incredulously. “No way. You’re lying to me right now.”
Suguru laughed. “I’m serious! They’re betas, too. My parents are human, and my sisters are human. I’m the only hybrid in the family.” 

Satoru laughed as well. “That’s so weird. I didn’t even know that was possible.” 

“Neither did my parents! But then out popped a little fox kit. I guess my parents had a recessive fox gene they didn’t know about. They got genetic testing done and everything.” 

“Huh,” Satoru hummed. 

It didn’t take long for them to become best friends. It was as if something just clicked into place – as if they had known each other their whole lives. They were Sayaka and Suguru. Suguru and Sayaka. 

–

Satoru presented on a quiet spring day of his second year. He had gone out under the guise of a study night with some prey friends when, in reality, he went to Suguru’s house for the first time. He didn’t even notice the pre-heat symptoms the week before it started. He had thought that the temperature was just a result of spring. He thought his emotions were higher than usual because he was getting prepared to take over the clan daily. 

He was lying in Suguru’s nest when it happened. He felt a burning, cramping sensation in his lower belly. He could feel himself soaking through his borrowed pajama pants with slick. He was sweating bullets. And suddenly, his brain felt like fog, static, and maybe bees, too. The second Suguru entered the room with his strong alpha scent, that was it.

Satoru whimpered and reached out for Suguru, sniffling. “... G… Guruu…” He whined, thumping his foot. “Hurts…” 

Suguru froze. Satoru wasn’t sure why. 

“... Sayaka,” He whispered. “Are… are you in heat right now?” 

Satoru frowned. “... Oh. Maybe. I don’t know… Just… need you, please…” 

Suguru didn’t hesitate. He walked over and crawled into the nest. He buried his face in Satoru’s neck, his nose pressed into Satoru’s now fully developed scent gland. “... You smell… so good… Sayaka–” 

“Satoru.” 

“... Satoru?” Suguru looked up, his brows furrowing. 

Satoru whimpered. “Please… c-call me Satoru. I hate being called… Sayaka. I’m not… I’m not a girl, Suguru…” 

Suguru processed for a moment. Then two. Then, he nodded. “Satoru,” he whispered. Hesitantly, he licked Satoru’s burning scent gland. Satoru cried out, whimpering. His ears straightened, and his little cotton tail twitched incessantly behind him. 

He didn’t remember getting undressed. He didn’t remember Suguru getting undressed, either. All he could remember was how complete he felt as Suguru slid inside of him. He cried out, clinging to Suguru and clawing at his back with dull nails.

Suguru kept repeating his name, his real name. Satoru cried. Suguru groaned. When Suguru finally slammed his knot inside and finished, Satoru toppled right over the edge with him. The heat had been dulled. He felt so much better. They stayed locked together, gently scenting each other until they fell asleep in each other's arms. 

When they woke up the next morning, Satoru’s presentation had finished. He was a full-fledged omega. Suguru had cleaned him up at some point while he slept, for which he was incredibly grateful. He slowly sat up, wincing slightly at the soreness. Suguru came in shortly after with tea, tail and ears low. 

“Satoru,” he mumbled, handing him the tea. “Should we… talk about yesterday?” 

Satoru paused. He wanted to. So, they did. They talked about everything– Satoru officially told Suguru that he was trans. Suguru didn’t mind. They decided that they were boyfriends. Maybe they would even mate when they got older. But for now, boyfriends who hid their secret from the Gojo clan. It was no pressure. None at all. Besides, Satoru was great at keeping secrets. 

–

Everything was perfect. Satoru spent his seventeenth birthday with Haru, who was now twenty. He was ranting quietly in the way only the two of them could. He talked about meeting this gorgeous mouse hybrid and wanting to mate with her. Satoru encouraged him. Haru sighed and said he couldn’t. Satoru tried not to think about that too hard. For his birthday, he was gifted a new sweater and skirt combo and another book about space, and Haru had secretly gotten him a Digimon starter deck (Satoru already had most of them, but it was the thought that counted). He didn’t care about all that, though.

Suguru walked up to him at school the day after his birthday, tail wagging. He had a bright smile. “Satoru, I got you a gift.” 

Satoru gasped dramatically and giggled. “Suguru! You didn’t have to! Oh, what a kind, loving mate I have!”

Suguru laughed. “You’re so dramatic,” He teased, handing Satoru the box gently. “Come on. Open it.” 

The bunny didn’t even hesitate. He carefully opened the box and stared at it.

A legendary Digimon card pack, a batch of ichigo daifuku, and… 

“Oh my God,” Satoru’s voice cracked as he gently picked up the necklace. It was silver with a pendant in the middle, all the colors of a blue supernova mixing. Shades of blue and purple swirled together, crashing and mixing like a blast of starlight. Satoru gently turned the pendant over, reading the engraving. 

“Satoru and Suguru Geto.” 

A sob ripped itself from Satoru before he could even stop it. He tightly wrapped his arms around Suguru, burying his face in Suguru’s shoulder. Suguru smiled softly and hugged him back. “Do you like it?” He asked quietly. 

Satoru responded with a sob, squeaking and honking quietly as he shook. “I-I love you so much, Suguru,” He whimpered, sniffling. “Help me put it on.” 

He turned, holding out the necklace to Suguru, who easily took the clasps and wrapped the necklace around Satoru’s neck. He gently kissed the back of his neck, right over his scent gland.
“Happy birthday, Satoru.” 

“You bastard…” Satoru sniffled, wiping his eyes with the brightest smile. “... Thank you.” 

–

He didn’t think that leaving his phone at home by accident for one day would be the catalyst that caused his entire life to go up in flames. 

Satoru and Suguru had been mating in secret for two months now. Satoru had a temporary bonding mark on his shoulder gland. He was planning on coming out when he was eighteen and telling his clan that they could either take him as he was or he would leave. He knew they wanted a prime omega to be the next heir; they needed him, so obviously, it would be fine. 

He got home early that day, hands in his skirt pockets as he entered the estate. The air felt off today. Maybe the lights were different? Satoru was always the only one to notice those kinds of things–

“Sayaka-sama,” a maid’s voice interrupted him from his thoughts. “The matriarch has requested your presence in the meeting room, please.” 

Satoru’s heart dropped to his feet. He didn’t respond, though. He only nodded and slowly padded to the Gojo clan meeting room. The only times he had ever been in this room had been for stupid, boring meetings. Yet today, when he saw his mother sitting in her chair, eyes cold, he didn’t feel boredom. 

He felt his blood run cold. 

“Sayaka. You have some explaining to do.” 

He hadn’t heard his mother’s voice so cold in years. 

“... What did I do, mother?” 

“Don’t try that with me today,” She snapped. She placed Satoru’s phone on the table. Satoru felt his heartbeat pick up. “Show me your scent gland. Now.” 

Satoru swallowed dryly, hesitantly taking off his jacket. Then, he exposed his scent gland– a fox bite, clear as day.

“I see,” his mother stated coldly. “You’ve been going behind the clan’s back. You have been having sexual relations with a fox. And you think you’re a boy? What sort of delusions have you gotten yourself into? Do you have any idea what this could do to your reputation? To my reputation?” 

“M-mother, I– it’s not like that–”

“It’s not like that?!” She snapped. “I saw your texts. I saw those pictures. You’ve been acting like some slut and letting this… this feral beast degrade you like this!” 

Satoru bit back tears. “He’s not feral–!” 

“All predators are feral!” 

“But this-this one isn’t, he’s different, mother, he’s caring, he loves m–” 

SLAP!

The sound echoed through the room. Satoru brought his hand up to his reddening cheek, eyes wide. He stared up at his mother, lip trembling, ears pinned back.
“No daughter of mine will behave like this. Do you understand me?” 

“Mother–”

“You have until six to pack and be out.” 

Satoru froze. “... Mother, you don’t mean that–” 

“You think I don’t?” His mother straightened up. “You’ve defiled our bloodline with predator blood. We’ll find a new heir. We’ll say that you ran away with a feral mutt and left no note. You will be removed from the Gojo clan records. Go pack. Now.” 

“Mother–” 

“Did I stutter, Sayaka?” 

“M-Mama–” 

Another slap. Satoru yelped, hot tears streaming down his face. He bit back a sob and quickly ran up to his room. He had an hour to gather as much as he could. He didn’t understand. He thought his mother had loved him. He had been good. He had been so good. All this over Suguru…? 

The hour passed by too quickly. Satoru managed to grab some clothes, the pendant Suguru had given him, his Digimon collection, and his favorite book about space. He was escorted to the door alone by a butler—a kind deer hybrid, reaching his early sixties.

“Gojo-sama,” He murmured. “I have something for you before you leave.” 

Satoru looked up, taking a few shaking, deep breaths. “... For me?” 

The butler carefully gave Satoru an envelope. “There’s 15,000 yen in here. Please get a hotel and take care of yourself.” 

The bunny stared at the envelope, then quickly stuffed it in his bag. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’ll be safe.” 

“That’s all I can ask.” 

Satoru left the Gojo estate at exactly 6:00 PM. He didn’t turn back as he walked into Tokyo. This couldn’t be too hard. The Gojo clan paid for his final semester so that he could complete his education. He’d use the money to stay in a hotel and get food. He could do this. It wasn’t the end of the world. 

He was free. He could live however he wanted. Perhaps this was secretly a blessing in disguise – the final push he needed for independence. 

He could do this. 

Chapter Text

Satoru had run out of money by day three. It turns out that hotels, food, and travel fees to and from school were far more expensive than he had expected. He had sold everything but his uniform, one casual outfit, and the necklace from Suguru. He cried after selling his Digimon collection and his book. He spent that money on food and ran out again after a few days. 

Suguru was noticing. Satoru hated that he was noticing. 

“Have you lost weight, Satoru?” 

“It’s nothing. I think it’s the summer heat.” 

“Are you sure? You just seem so tired lately…” 

“Suguru, I’m fine. Do you wanna get daifuku after class?”

Then, he would return to the alley near a convenience store that had become his temporary home. Sometimes, old ladies would see him and give him snacks from the store. Those were the good days.

A month had passed. Satoru had been so warm, blood practically boiling under his skin. When his heat came and he wasn’t producing any slick, Satoru was sure he would rather die than ever experience a heat like this again. He had heard of dry heats but always thought it was just a way to scare omegas into using suppressants. Now here he was, in the middle of summer, stuck in the most painful heat he had experienced in his short seventeen years of living. 

An older man approached him shortly after his heat began. “Hey, bunny,” He spoke smoothly. 

A lion hybrid. Satoru had never met a lion hybrid before– his clan always said they were worse than the average predator. But this lion didn’t seem too bad. He sniffed the air, eyes widening. 

“You’re in heat,” The lion observed. “You got a place to stay?” 

Satoru shook his head weakly, curling in on himself. He felt so dry. He was cramping worse than he usually did in heat. “I-I don’t have a home…”

The lion nodded. Satoru could have sworn the man looked sympathetic for a moment. “Alright then. You can stay on my couch. I’ll get you ice packs and care for you until your heat’s done. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” the lion smiled.

Satoru could have cried in relief. He let the lion pick him up and take him to his flat. He was safe, at least for the week.

–

He didn’t remember much after that. Mostly pain. Screaming. He wasn’t sure if he had said no —he thought he had, but that didn’t stop anything, so maybe he hadn’t. And then, he was right back in the alley. Violent lion teeth marks had replaced Suguru’s faded mark. Satoru reeked of lion. He was bleeding, he realized shortly after the lion dumped him by the trash like garbage that he forgot to throw away.

He didn’t cry. He had no tears left. He curled up on himself, ears pinned flat to his head, and trembled. 

–

A week later, a suspicious hyena hybrid approached Satoru. She was a tall woman with blonde and amber eyes. Satoru looked up, eyes empty and red. “... Do you need something?” 

The woman crouched down and smiled. “You look like shit.”

Satoru let out a huff that almost sounded like a cold laugh, looking away. He didn’t even dignify her with a response. He looked like shit? He was homeless, had a temporary mating mark from someone who wasn’t his mate on his neck, and he wasn’t even sure if he had said no. He was utterly alone, and he could do nothing about it. Of course, he looked like shit!

“I can make it go away, kid.” 

That got Satoru’s attention. “... You can?” 

“Course I can. Here, I’ll even give you a free sample.” 

The free sample came in a pink baggie labeled “glitter.” Satoru eyed it for a moment before taking it. The hyena handed him a small… spoon? It was about the size of Satoru’s pinkie. “Why do I need–?”

“To get everything in. The first time can be a bit messy,” she laughed. I’ll do it with you so you don’t feel awkward.” 

“Oh, okay. How am I supposed to–” 

“Here, kid, lemme show you,” the hyena said, opening the baggie and holding it open for Satoru. “Take the spoon, scoop some out, and bring it to your nose. Then you just inhale.” 

Satoru listened. He brought the spoon to the baggie and scooped out the “glitter.” He didn’t know what he had been expecting, especially with the instructions “just snort it,” but it certainly wasn’t the white powder now filling the spoon. 

“Oh my god!” He jumped back. “Is this fucking cocaine?!” 

The hyena blinked at him like he had just asked if trees were real. “What did you think it was?” 

“I-I don’t know, not… not cocaine!” 

“It won’t kill you, kid,” She laughed. “Here, I’ll do it first.” 

And she did. She took the spoon from Satoru and brought it up to her nose, taking it all in one go. She didn’t flop over and die immediately. She didn’t start twitching. She just sniffed and rubbed her nose. He blinked slowly. His clan had always told him that if he ever did any drugs, then he would flop over, seize, and die on the spot– but this woman was fine. She wasn’t seizing; she wasn’t dead.

“... Oh.”

She laughed. “See? Not so bad. Here.” She scooped the powder again and brought it to Satoru’s nose. The bunny hesitated. His ears twitched. Then… 

He inhaled. 

… He wasn’t seizing. He wasn’t dead, either. He felt fine. 

“Oh.” 

“Is that all you can say?” She smiled, poking Satoru playfully. She got more powder and snorted that as well. “It takes a few minutes to kick in. Want another hit?”

Satoru nodded immediately. If he wasn’t going to die from it, then he could stop feeling empty, just for a little while with it.

–

Satoru’s heart was racing, and he was sweating bullets. His foot was thumping incessantly, and he felt a little sick to his stomach.

He had never felt better.
He laughed with the hyena woman and bragged about himself—something he hadn’t felt like doing in months. 

“You know, I’m actually a prime omega! I’m, like, super desirable. So many people have hit on me, and my boyfriend doesn’t even care! He says it’s just the price of having an attractive mate!” 

“That right?” She asked, grinning. “Oh, right. I forgot to ask because you looked so down in the dumps– what’s kind of alpha is your type?” 

Satoru hummed. If he were sober, he would have been confused by the question. Who the hell asks something like that? But he wasn’t sober. So, he thought deeply and contemplated his answer. Then, he smiled. 

“I think I like a tall alpha. Six feet or I’m gone, you know? Black hair, too. Species doesn’t matter to me. Predator, prey, I don’t care. Muscles. God, muscles for sure. Someone who can pick me up and throw me around– which isn’t easy! I’m eighty-two kilos!” 

He was talking fast. Too fast. He moved his hands as he spoke passionately with this woman, whose name he didn’t even know. The hyena snorted. “You’re so damn high.” 

“What? I only had two of the spoonfuls!” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Seriously!!!” 

–

By the time the hyena left, the high had faded, and Satoru felt empty again. Except now, he had a racing heart and wanted to throw up. She had left him with a few more baggies of it. Satoru wasn’t going to use it, though. The come-down made him feel even worse than he had before. He wouldn’t do it ever again. 

He shoved the baggies in his pocket.

–

Satoru lasted a day before he tried again, this time alone. He spread the powder on the edge of the sink in a convenience store bathroom and separated it into lines with his fingers. He snorted every single line, letting the high take him over.

Just this once. This would be the only time he did it alone. It was just for a little while so he could feel better.

–

Satoru started stealing from stores to sell the products. After a while, he managed to score 10,000 yen, which he spent on buying more “glitter.” 

He didn’t talk to Suguru as much anymore. He didn’t want to drag him into this. Besides, it was so fucking embarrassing. So, he pretended. He showed up to the few dates they had high off his ass so that he could pretend to be happy for a while. He didn’t let Suguru see the jagged mark on his shoulder. He even made up rants about his clan so that Suguru wouldn’t think that he had been kicked out. He was doing a damn good job, too! Suguru didn’t question a thing!

He was doing well in other ways, too. He hadn’t been depressed in so long, now that he was self-medicating. He ran out fast, but he’d just steal or look pathetic enough to get things for free. He hadn’t felt hungry as often, thanks to the “glitter.” 

A month had passed. Satoru didn’t feel the hands of a lion whenever he was high. He didn’t feel pain; he didn’t even feel sadness. 

So when he felt a sudden deep pain in his lower belly, he screamed. He hadn’t meant to, but he hadn’t felt pain in so long. He looked down, and his eyes immediately went to his legs– specifically, between them. Blood. A lot of blood. A weird amount of blood. Another cramp hit. Satoru couldn’t breathe. 

In just a few moments, he was in a puddle of blood, chunks of tissue coming out with every cramp. Satoru tried to stay focused, but he was already getting dizzy. For a moment, he thought he heard his mother. Calling out for him, offering to hold him one last time. 

One last time. Oh. He was dying. He was in an alley that smelled like piss and shit, hemorrhaging, so high that he wasn’t even sure what street this was, despite having walked to it himself, and reeking of lion. Ironic. Of course, this was how he died. He could hear his mother more clearly now. Had she come for him? Was he finally going home? He would do anything to go home right now. 

“Kid?” 

Satoru looked up with hazy eyes, his vision unfocused as he bled more and more. He couldn’t see her. He saw light colored hair and… ears…

“Shit, kid!” Hands pressed against his lower belly. “Hang in there. I got you. I got you…” 

Satoru smiled softly. “... Mama…” He whispered, leaning into the woman. She didn’t smell like bunny, but she smelled better than lion and piss. He let out a quiet squeak. He felt her rub her face against his scent gland, whispering gently, reassuring him. The scent of lion went away, even as he continued cramping and bleeding. His vision got blurrier and blurrier. He started seeing flashing lights. 

“Come on, come on… You’re gonna be okay, kid, just breathe… I think you’re–”

Everything went black. 

Chapter Text

Satoru woke up warm. He hadn’t been warm in a long, long time. Slowly, he sat up, rubbing his eyes with a groan. 

“Oh, hey, you’re up!” 

Satoru’s ears shot straight up. His brows furrowed as he took in his new surroundings. He wasn’t in the alley anymore. Good. He wasn’t in his dirty clothes-- in fact, he was in brand new, baggy clothes that smelled like… bear? He didn’t care too much about that right now. He was just grateful that he wasn’t covered in his own blood anymore. 

He looked over to where the voice had come from. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the dark lighting. He took in the woman’s appearance and slowly realized that it was the hyena from the alley all that time ago. His eyes widened slightly. 

“Wh… What happened?” He asked, ears twitching with exhausted curiosity. 

The hyena sighed, running a hand through her blonde hair. “You had a miscarriage. Then a seizure. I brought you back to my den, and you’ve been out for about two days.” 

Satoru’s blood ran cold. A… miscarriage? How? How had he miscarried? He hadn’t been pregnant. He couldn’t have been. He and Suguru hadn’t slept together since before Satoru had been kicked out, and Satoru never slept with anyone else, especially not in heat— 

A thought struck him—a terrible, disgusting thought. 

The lion. 

It clicked, suddenly. Satoru had been feeling sick. He had been craving meat, which was odd for an herbivore hybrid. He had been more emotional. 

He had been pregnant. And he lost the kit before he even got to choose for himself. 

Sensing the change in his scent, the hyena reached out and held his hand gently. “Hey, don’t look so down. At least you’re alive, right? If I hadn’t gotten there when I had—”

“— I would have died,” Satoru finished, looking down with an empty chest. “I thought I was going to.” 

“But you didn’t,” The hyena affirmed. “Can you stand?” Satoru nodded hesitantly. His legs trembled as he got up, but he didn’t fall. He kept hold of the hyena.

“I feel weird,” he admitted. “Like I’m gonna pass out… but not.” 

“Probably just stood up too fast. You lost a lot of blood, kid,” She responded, helping him out of the room. 

They entered what appeared to be a makeshift living room. There was a battered couch—on it, a black-haired jackal hybrid, and a silver-haired raven hybrid next to her, reading—both omega. He also looked around, vaguely catching the scent of a bear. A group of omega predators, then… 

The jackal looked up, gasping. “He’s awake!” She beamed. The raven also looked up, raising a brow as she took in the bunny’s appearance. She then went back to her book without another word.

The hyena laughed softly. “Yep. He’s up,” She nodded. “I guess I should introduce the pack.” The hyena then pointed at the raven. “That’s Mei. She’s actually pretty nice once you get past the whole… everything about her.” 

The raven— Mei— glanced up with a slight glare before returning to her book. The hyena continued, “And that’s,” she pointed to the jackal, “Riko. She’s a little younger than you.” 

Riko nodded and smiled. “Hi!!!!” 

Satoru hesitated before clearing his throat and croaking out, “Hi. I’m Satoru.” 

“Just Satoru?” Mei asked.

“Just Satoru,” He affirmed.

A few minutes of meaningless chatter followed. Satoru wasn’t listening; his brain was too full of static to even bother. Last he knew, he was in an alley, bleeding out and dying like the pathetic animal he was. Now, he was alive, awake, and surrounded by women that seemed to have no problem letting him just… exist in their space… He didn’t know what to think. What would Suguru do in this situation…? 

Oh, God. Suguru. How would he tell Suguru about this? He knew Suguru was starting to suspect that something was amiss. After all, showing up to school and dates in the same two outfits, high as a kite, surely got suspicious after happening enough times. He couldn’t tell Suguru about any of this, though. He knew the other boy— he would blame himself. He would offer Satoru a place to stay, offer to mate with him, and bind them together for life as an apology… and what a sad excuse for mating that was. No, no, he wouldn’t burden Suguru with something like that. Suguru deserved so much more than that. Satoru would get better first. 

He decided then and there, sitting in the living room of a pack of women that he didn’t know, that he would get clean. He would get clean, get a job, and do better for Suguru. The fox deserved that much.

-

Satoru’s resolve lasted for all of three days. Then, the migraines and the tremors became too much. The mood swings were the worst part. He would be completely fine one minute, then snap at Yuki for breathing too loudly the next. So, he started again, and it got better. Weeks passed, and he felt so much better.

It was easier to use now. The girls would help make sure he didn’t take too much, and sometimes they’d snort it with him— especially Yuki. He had been accepted into the pack like he had always belonged there. They lived in an abandoned ramen shop, stealing to live, scamming to get the money they didn’t steal. It wasn’t much, but a pack was a pack nonetheless. He would sleep in bed with Riko on nights where she was too scared to be alone. He would count money from drug deals with Mei, laughing at how desperate some people got for their fix, as if they were any better. He would watch movies on their shitty stolen box TV with Yuki. He would bake with Kuroi— the bear hybrid that he had smelled that first day— and laugh with her. They were his pack. A pack that snorted together stayed together, he supposed. 

He didn’t think it was a big deal. Suguru didn’t seem to notice too much, anyway. Sure, he would ask if Satoru had lost weight. Sure, Satoru would catch the fox staring at Satoru’s scent gland with a sour expression. But that was the thing about Suguru— he could look like he was going to snap at any moment, but he loved Satoru too much ever to hurt him, emotionally or physically.

That was why when the day finally came, Satoru nearly fell apart.

They had a date that day. Satoru had nearly forgotten, too caught up with his pack, trying a new strain of the glitter that they had bought. He rushed to get ready, not even bothering to wait until he sobered up. He couldn’t leave Suguru waiting; he had been late last time, too. 

When he finally got to the park that they had agreed to meet at, Suguru was already there, ears pinned to his head and tail high. 

“Suguru!” Satoru called out, rushing up to the other boy with a smile that was just a bit too big. “Sorry, I’m late, I was just—” 

“Just doing what, Satoru?” Suguru snapped his head up. “This is the fifth time you’ve been late to a date. You smell like— like…” Suguru sniffed the air, nose curling in disgust. “Are you high right now?” 

Satoru’s heart dropped. “What? No. No. Suguru, what the hell, you know I’m not that kind of—” 

“Do I, Satoru?” 

Satoru’s blood went cold as Suguru stood up. The other boy’s glare was harsh, making Satoru instinctively cower back. 

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” Suguru started to pace like a caged animal. “You’re pulling away. You’ve been pulling away. What am I supposed to do, Satoru? I love you. I really fucking love you. But what am I supposed to do when you’re coming to each of our dates high on— on whatever it is that you’re taking, with another alpha’s mark?!”

Satoru made a choked sound, reaching up and slapping a hand over his scent gland. “Suguru— Suguru, it’s not like that—” 

“Then what is it like, Satoru?!” Suguru finally snapped. “Tell me! Talk to me! Because, from what it looks like, you’re off getting high and cheating on me with some other hybrid.” 

“Suguru, it’s not—” 

“It’s not what? How am I supposed to know what the hell it is if you don’t talk to me? Please, Satoru, just—” Suguru’s voice broke. “Just talk to me.” 

“I…” Satoru hesitated. Part of him wanted to tell Suguru everything. To tell him about the fact that he’d been on the streets for nearly two months now, about the lion, about the glitter, about the miscarriage, about everything. But when he looked into Suguru’s eyes, when he saw the concern, the fear, swirling with anger… “I can’t.” 

Suguru’s jaw clenched. Then, finally, his tail slowly lowered. He grew a resigned look, looking down and biting his cheek. “… Then I can’t do this anymore, Satoru.” 

“No.” 

“Satoru, I love you, but—” 

“Then don’t leave me!” Satoru was raising his voice now. Anger flared deep in his chest. “You say you love me, but you’re leaving!” 

“Because I can’t watch you destroy yourself like this! I don’t know what you’re doing, but I don’t want to be a part of it. I can’t be, Satoru.” 

“Suguru, don’t do this to me—” 

“I’m sorry, Satoru.” 

“Suguru, please—” 

“Satoru.” 

“So is that it?!” Satoru finally took a step forward. “You— you use me, you take my first everything, and then when it gets a little hard, you run for the hills?!” 

Suguru growled. “You know that’s not what this is.” 

“That’s what it looks like! Did you ever even love me? You just wanted a quick fuck—” 

Satoru watched as Suguru took a step forward, hands curling into fists. Satoru braced for the impact of Suguru’s fist that was surely about to come… 

… But it never did.

Satoru slowly opened his eyes. Suguru had taken a step back, ears and tail both drooping now. He sighed, “I’m not… doing this with you, Satoru. I love you. When you’re clean, when you’re… You… again, maybe we can try again.” 

Suguru turned. Satoru felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest and thrown onto the ground, then stomped on at least six times. He shook, taking a step forward. “Suguru. Suguru, wait—” 

Suguru didn’t wait. He didn’t turn. His ears didn’t even twitch. He just kept walking. Even as Satoru cried out, even as Satoru begged, he walked. 

And that was it. 

-

“Toru-nii, maybe you should slow down a bit—” 

“It’s fine, Riko-chan. I’m fine. I feel great—” 

Satoru had done at least six lines now. He was laughing, eyes wide and dilated. 

“He fucking left,” he laughed. “He left me. Like he’s ever gonna get better. I’m Gojo fucking Satoru, and he thinks just ‘cause I’m doing shit to get better, I’m cheating on him? Fuck, he’s stupid—” 

Another line. 

“Seriously. I lost everything because of him. Everything. My family, my trust fund—”

Another.

“— My future—”

“Satoru, seriously—” 

“Shut up!” Satoru snapped before curling back and taking a deep breath when Riko’s ears pinned to her head. He sighed and ruffled her hair. “Sorry. Sorry, I just— I’m okay, Riko-chan. Honest. I just need another pick-me-up. It’s not working like it used to. I’m all good.” 

Riko hesitantly sat back and nodded. “… Okay. If you’re sure…”

Satoru smiled. “I’m positive. I’m the strongest, after all.” 

That made Riko giggle. His smile softened. Then, he took another line. His chest was starting to hurt, and he was shaking, but it would be worth it when the pain went away. 

The world felt like it was closing in. Shit, he felt hot. He did another line. He was sweating bullets. As he got dizzier and dizzier, he smelled a peak in Yuki’s scent. 

“Satoru?” 

Her voice was distant. Satoru sat back, smiling softly to himself. Finally. Nirvana. He laughed hoarsely. “I feel… so fucking good right now…” 

“Shit— Shit, Satoru!” 

Satoru blinked up, vision starting to get fuzzy around the edges. “Haaahh…? Why’re you worrying so much… God, this feels so much… better…” 

His words were starting to slur together. Was that normal? His eyes rolled back in his head as he felt his chest jerk. Huh. That was weird. He vaguely heard Yuki yelling at Riko to get Kuroi as the world finally went quiet and his vision faded to black.

-

Light. That was the first thing Satoru registered when he slowly opened his eyes again.

“— Satoru? Satoru, hey, kid, you with me?” 

The next thing that Satoru felt was pain. His head was searing, like somebody had wacked him over it with a hammer multiple times. 

“Mnngh…” Satoru groaned. “I’m up… I’m up…” 

He looked around with bleary eyes. Yuki, Riko, Kuroi, and Mei were all standing over him with varying looks of concern. He groaned again. 

“You stupid bastard,” Yuki muttered. Riko wrapped her arms around Satoru tightly, sobbing quietly into his chest. 

“What… happened…?” Satoru asked, brows furrowing as he tried to fight off the migraine. 

“You overdosed. Like an idiot,” Yuki growled before shaking her head. “If you do that shit again, Satoru—” 

Satoru went still. He overdosed? He did too much… It suddenly hit him that he had almost died. He likely had been dead for at least a moment. His vision blurred with unshed tears as he whispered a quiet, “oh.”

He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to go out like that. That would be so pathetic. Killing himself over a failed relationship… That wasn’t him. That wasn’t him at all…

“I wanna get clean.” 

The girls eyes widened. Then, Riko sobbed and nodded, hugging him tightly. The others nodded slowly. “We’ll find something. Get you out of here for a bit,” Kuroi said, soothingly petting Satoru’s ears. “We can find an omega rehab center.” 

Satoru’s heart soared. He nodded, fighting back the tears that had already started to fall. He sniffled and buried his face in between Riko’s ears. “A rehab center… Y-yeah. Yeah, that’s what I need. Thank you, guys. Thank you.” 

And he meant it. He would be dead without his pack. His sisters. He didn’t deserve them… But he was determined to become somebody who did. Because if he couldn’t do something as simple as getting clean, he would never be himself again… and he was determined to become Satoru again. Not because he wanted to heal for himself, because he knew that if the others weren’t there, he would have let himself die. He was going to heal for them… because they deserved that much at the least.

He would become Satoru again, for his pack.