Chapter Text
The days flooded by like they had never even happened at all, Cristina was talking but not to the extent she was before the crash. Her sentences were succinct if she even responded to the questions people so often threw at her, Teddy had to close the blinds when she visited in order to stop the staring interns but they always found a way to watch Cristina’s suffering anyways.
Rain drummed against the windows softly, the room was cold when Teddy next entered. It was regularly cold in Seattle at that time of year but the rooms were usually warmer from the radiators.
She proceeded in, less cautious than when Cristina first arrived at the hospital. Teddy had grown more comfortable around her, their conversations had expanded as well to a reasonable length (at least for someone who had been through a traumatic experience).
Cristina was supposed to be discharged that day, she had no reason not to be since she was speaking and had no physical medical problems that needed to be resolved. Up to that point the hospital had allowed her to rest in order to improve but it seemed that there was nothing more to improve.
“Hi Cristina”
Teddy perched on the chair beside the bed with a tight smile gradually building on her face, Cristina raised herself from her pillow slightly as Teddy sat down.
“I heard you’re being discharged”
“Yeah”
“That’s good”
Cristina looked exhausted, even after all the time spent in the hospital she was still bruised and had scabs on most of her limbs. Teddy tried not to focus on it though, Cristina was alive with minimal injuries and that was enough. The same couldn’t be said for Mark and Lexie, Teddy wasn’t very close with Lexie, maybe a few smiles in the hallways or handing over paperwork but Teddy was always closer with Mark.
It was hard not to be close with Mark, everyone had been with him, well pretty much. It was always weird remembering that she too dated him and now he was dead, it seemed to be a running theme.
She didn’t really know what to talk about with Cristina, they had talked about everything they possibly could talk about while she was led in that hospital bed. It’s not like Cristina could just go out and find something to talk about so they had to be creative to keep conversation going.
“Are the interns still watching you a lot?”
Cristina nodded, her eyebrows turning downwards a bit in frustration.
“I threw a vase at them yesterday, that made them leave”
“You threw a vase?”
“It was the closest thing I could find”
Teddy laughed, it had been a long time since she was able to laugh with Cristina because you can’t really laugh about dead corpses and mutilated body parts. Cristina laughed along, her mouth curving her cheeks as she did, it was nice to see her happy after everything that had happened.
The laughter died down and Teddy was left staring subdued at Cristina, a hint of something bittersweet in her eyes. Cristina stared right back at her, the air was thick as they breathed it in slowly not knowing what to say next.
“You know medically speaking you’re fine Cristina but I still don’t think you are…”
She paused for a second, taking in the moment while everything was quiet and simple.
“You’re not okay Cristina”
Cristina’s smile fell
“Why are you here Teddy?”
“What?”
The simple and quiet moment was gone, that’s if it was ever there to begin with. Teddy slid back on her chair, she didn’t realise how close she was until she could feel the warmth of Cristina’s exhales on her forearm.
“I don’t need you here Teddy, I have Owen”
“I don’t need to be here Cristina, I had a good job waiting for me in Germany”
“So why are you here?”
“I’m here because you’re my friend Cristina, Owen fired me, I don’t have anything here anymore but I got of that plane as soon as I heard you were in the hospital because I know you need someone here for you”
“I have Meredith! I don’t need you to help care for me Teddy”
“I lost the job so I could be here Cristina, I don’t have anything else to do but to be here with you”
“I don’t know what to say Teddy… you should’ve stayed on the plane”
The words hit sharp like ice, puncturing her chest in one clean stab. She had given up everything to be there for her just to be told she was never wanted in the first place.
“Cristina I”
“Please leave Teddy”
Teddy glanced at Cristina before avoiding eye contact, tears building up but never quite forming completely. Her feet scraped the floor harshly as she rose from the chair, the noise was louder than either of them intended for it to be.
“I’m here if you need me Cristina”
Teddy’s unintentionally loud footsteps echoed through the silent room, Cristina watched as she left, her fists clutching the blanket roughly.
She waited outside the door of Cristina’s room, stood to the side so that she couldn’t be seen debating whether to leave or walk back in. The new interns watched silently as Teddy stared down at the tiles lining the floor exposed to their judging gazes, her shoulders slumped against the wall but she didn’t move or speak. She just waited, questioning why she had given up her job for this, why she had given up her future. Before she could even answer her own questions, her feet had already carried her down the empty hallways and out the hospital doors.
…
Cristina was discharged later that evening by Owen, it was nice to be at home with her own clothes and her own bed. It all felt surreal, like she never imagined she would make it home from the crash. She had hoped she would, she hoped she would make it home more than anything but now that she was it felt different than she had imagined.
She didn’t speak much to Owen, he tried to offer her real food but she stuffed her face with cereal instead. It was so much better in comparison to the hospital food, Izzie wasn’t lying when she said the lime jello was disgusting years ago.
A part of Cristina missed Izzie, she missed George and Lexie and Mark and Teddy. She didn’t realise how much she enjoyed Teddy’s company until she sat across from Owen in dead silence eating her cereal, she couldn’t talk to him like she talked with Teddy.
“I’m glad you’re home”
Cristina looked up from her bowl, they had been so quiet that she almost forgot he was sitting right there. She hardly grinned as he spoke, he was glad she was home but home for her felt wrong. The memories still haunted her like a disease, playing in her mind every time she attempted to be happy, stealing her life away from her piece by piece.
She desperately desired to tell him how badly she was struggling, how every loud noise reminded her of the agonising yells, how she couldn’t eat or sleep without remembering Lexie’s colourless, lifeless body covered in blood or Derek writhing in pain as they closed up his wound with a safety pin.
But she couldn’t, the words sat heavy in her throat.
“I’m happy to be home too”
He rambled on for a while about his day, Cristina forged a smile because the least she could do was fake being happy after he had been so supportive of her in her recovery.
She didn’t have to fake a smile around Teddy, the regret began to creep in. Teddy had stayed for her, given up her career for her and she just pushed her away after unconditional care.
“Why did you fire Dr Altman?”
Owen halted what he was doing and placed his fork down on the table, it made a crashing sound as it fell.
“She had a job in Germany and I wanted her to take it”
Cristina furrowed her eyebrows and stopped eating the cereal, sliding the box to the side of the table slowly.
“She got off the plane, she lost the job”
Owen tilted his head slightly as Cristina spoke
“You need to hire her back Owen”