Work Text:
Lister had a secret, and quite an embarrassing one at that.
Sometimes, in the dark and the quiet of the night, he would regress. At first he had brushed it off as the tiredness getting to him, but then he started sucking his thumb as he fell asleep, and the fuzziness of his thoughts became ignorable no longer.
He had looked it up online and found a name for it, age regression, and upon further inspection and research, he figured that that was the category he fell into.
It had been hard enough to keep it secret from Rimmer before the accident, but now, despite all the space they had on Red Dwarf that was at their beckon to do whatever they wanted with, whenever they pleased, everything felt so much more close and compact.
Now it was just him, Rimmer, Cat, and Kryten. And of course Holly, but she probably knew something was up with Lister after what must have been the hundredth time he asked her, with a whispered and small voice, to tell him a story when Rimmer was fast asleep below him.
But of course he couldn’t keep it under wraps for forever, especially not when Rimmer was annoyingly observant at times, although he denied it, not wanting Lister to think he cared or anything, but the Scouser knew better than to believe what facade the hologram tried to keep up.
It had been a long and exhausting day, he and Rimmer had been stuck, marooned on an ice planet for what must’ve been 6 days now, and it was really starting to get to him. Rimmer was getting on his nerves, he was cold, tired, hungry, thirsty, and all in all he felt like complete and utter smeg.
By now it was probably sometime late, Lister wasn’t completely sure, there wasn’t exactly much to go off of. Nevertheless, he hadn’t regressed in days, and it was starting to take more of a toll on him than he cared to admit. He felt vulnerable and raw, as if the next minor inconvenient thing to happen would set him off, and that really could not happen. He simply couldn’t let it, he couldn’t let Rimmer see him like that! What would he think of Lister then? A 25 year old man acting like an overtired and overgrown child who can’t control his emotions.
Smegging brilliant, that will go over so well!
Groaning, Lister let his head fall into his hands. No matter what, unless he could somehow magically manage to be inconspicuous about how badly his lack of regressing was affecting him, and successfully hold off said regression for however long it would take for Kryten and Cat to find them, he was done for.
“What’s wrong with you now, Listy boy?” Rimmer said from where he had been pacing behind Lister.
“None of your business, Rimsy.” Sneered Lister in response, spitting out the name of the other. Usually he would have called him a smeghead or some other colorful insult, but he, admittedly so, hated swearing when he was regressed. He winced at the bite of his own words, he was never this snide without reason, and Rimmer had probably figured as much, based off of the way the hologram furrowed his eyebrows, almost concerned.
Circling back around to sit next to Lister, Rimmer tried to take a peek at the face that was hidden behind hands. “So? Out with it, then. What’s bothering you so much? You’re never this snide nor snappy, not unless there’s something bothering you.”
Lister groaned yet again, what was he supposed to say?? ‘Yeah, sorry, kind of haven’t acted like a complete child in too long and it’s starting to get to me and putting me on edge. But I can’t really tell you this because you’ll hate me for it.’
Abso-freaking-lutely not.
So, of course, he settled on huffing and turning to face away from Rimmer, crossing his arms like the petulant child he was probably going to regress into if he wasn’t careful.
Sighing, Rimmer reluctantly internally admitted to himself that something was definitely wrong with Lister. The Scouser was never this quiet or snippy unless something was seriously eating at him, and as much as he pretended to hate Lister, he couldn’t help but to worry for him.
“Lister, I can’t help you in the slightest if I don’t know what’s wrong.” Said Rimmer with a slight exasperation. He wasn’t truly exasperated, but the thought of truly showing how much he cared and worried frightened him.
“Don’t want your stupid help..” Grumbled Lister as he pointedly looked away from the hologram. He could already feel his thoughts losing their edge, and it showed in the way his mouth didn’t quite cooperate in the way he wanted it to, leaving his words to sound childish, and his t’s unapparent at the end of the words.
Lister was.. different, Rimmer noted, noticing how he was almost childlike in his current attitude. Well then, if Lister would act like a child, Rimmer would treat him like one. Not in the cruel, tough-love, condescending way, but in the way you’d speak to an excitable and jumpy animal that you were trying your hardest not to scare away, because if you spoke too harsh or too loud, moved too quickly or too suddenly, it would flee and cower.
“Lister,” he tried his best to soften his voice as he spoke, “I’m not going to be a complete dingbat about whatever it is that’s bothering you, I promise.”
Sniffling slightly, Lister looked up at him, meeting Rimmer’s gaze with his big, brown eyes, now shining with tears that looked dangerously close to falling and cascading down his cheeks. “You pinky promise..?” He whispered, his lips quivering with what seemed to be fear and trepidation. Upon searching his face, Rimmer sensed nothing but pure sincerity, and so he outstretched his hand and gave Lister his pinky finger, pretending to hook it with Lister’s own—only pretending because he couldn’t do it properly, ignoring the slight shudder at the blunt reminder of his status as a dead, soft-light hologram—as he told the Scouser, “pinky promise.”
At that, Lister’s shoulders drooped from where they had been, tense as ever. “I dunno,” he started, “I sometimes just act all so childish, and I just- feel like I am a kid again, and it’s so, so stupid!”
In an attempt to soothe the Scouser, Rimmer reassured him. “That’s not stupid in the slightest, miladdo, we all cope in our own ways, there’s no one correct way to deal with stress.”
Lister froze at that. Smeg, had Rimmer said something bad? He desperately hoped Lister wasn’t freezing up because of something bad he had said. Oh smeg.
But much to Rimmer shock, Lister didn’t immediately say something.
No, he instead started bawling and then he started blubbering about something or other.
Panicking, Rimmer tried desperately to placate him. “Hey, hey heyhey- What’s wrong? What did I say wrong? Oh smeg, I’m sorry Listy, I didn’t mean to-”
Rimmer was cut off by another wail.
“No! No, not you, thought you’s was gonna be mad or hate me, or, just, somethin’! An’ now you don’t, and, and-” This time Lister cut himself off with yet another piercing wail, and suddenly it all made sense to Rimmer.
All the pieces had clicked into place. Lister had thought Rimmer would hate him for this, whatever it was, but Rimmer didn’t react negatively in the slightest, and so now, with all the previous stress and emotional burdens of it all, Lister feeling so relieved was the emotional top off to make it all be just too much to handle all at once.
With a soft, albeit not unkind laugh, Rimmer soothed Lister, reassuring his bunkmate that everything was okay.
“It’s all alright, Listy. I’m not mad, and I very much so do not hate you, alright? You can do- whatever it is that you’re doing, and it won’t bother me in the slightest. That’s it, just cry it out, you’re alright.” Soothed the hologram. Honestly, he didn’t know why he even was comforting Lister, being so gentle and caring instead of his usual snippy and snide personality.
For some unknown reason, he felt the innate need to protect Lister; to comfort and soothe him until what ails he had were gone, reduced to nothing by Rimmer’s comfort and soothing. Maybe it was the fact that this is how he would have liked to be treated as a kid. To have his cries and sobs be met not by cruel laughter and stinging touch, but by laughter of endearment, and a warm, comforting touch, leaving a mark of comfort, and a warm buzz beneath his skin, not a mark of red irritated skin, and a pang of fear that never quite left.
Oh, how he wished he could touch Lister. To have the feeling of wrapping his arms around the younger and letting him cry onto his shoulder, to be more than practically useless to aid him where he deeply craved the touch of another in the biting cold that they were stuck with. Oh, if only he could touch.
Nevertheless, Rimmer shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts, for this wasn’t about him right now, it was about Lister.
Speaking of, he had appeared to have mostly stopped his crying by now, leaving only the occasional, admittedly somewhat disgusting sniffle as he combatted his runny nose, wiping it mindlessly against his arm, making Rimmer grimace with disgust that he decided against mentioning.
The poor kid had been through enough for one night, he deserved—no, he needed a break, just to rest for a bit.
“Get some sleep, buddy.” He internally winced at how forced the name probably sounded on his tongue, but he couldn’t keep calling him “miladdo” and “Listy boy” forever.
He was met with a yawn as Lister stretched out, nodding slowly and lethargically as he lay down where he could, his eyes quickly falling shut as the weight of the day seemingly fell upon him, his snores following suit very soon after.
With a fond sigh, Rimmer looked down at the Scouser’s resting face, snorting quietly in amusement at the fact that Lister’s thumb had somehow already found its way between his lips. Classic. Distantly, he wondered how this would change their relationship, because unless Lister decided to repress like all hell, it most certainly would make some kind of difference to them and the way they saw each other.
I mean, there’s no way one can see their bunkmate bawling his eyes out and acting like a child and be expected to then forget about it? It’s not like he viewed Lister in a negative light for it, of course he didn’t, sure he was a smeghead and a stuck-up prat most of the time, but what he never would be, and vehemently refused to be, was ignorant or insensitive to somebody else’s trauma. Or anything of the likes, really.
Rimmer knew. He knew how awful it was to have your trauma mocked and ridiculed and made to be the punchline of some shitty joke, and so he had vowed never to do the same to anybody else. No matter how much he hated them, or how much they antagonized him. He would never stoop down to that level, not like others would.
Although he recognized that this wasn’t exactly trauma, he still understood that it was predominantly driven by emotions, and was just Dave in a very vulnerable, raw state of self, showing his most unguarded and sensitive emotions to whoever laid eyes on him in this state.
And it had been Rimmer. Of course it had, they had seen so much of each other, they were so familiar with one another.
Lister had seen Rimmer having panic attacks over an unexpected, slightly too rough tap on the shoulder and a booming voice behind him on a bad day. He had seen Rimmer shutdown because things didn’t go as expected, and yet he had stayed and waited until Rimmer found his way back to the real world, and even then he stayed as Rimmer failed to find his words and had to communicate with pen on paper instead.
He had stayed.
Rimmer had seen Lister breaking down over Kochanski, watched him sob endlessly as he simply held the Scouser. He hadn’t received much comfort himself when growing up, so Rimmer wasn’t the best at it, but he had stayed and hugged Lister until he fell asleep in Rimmer’s arms. He had listened when Lister asked him if he thought anybody would truly love him for who he was as a person, and not just for what he could do for them in bed. And when Lister has told him stories about his dad and his gran, he had listened, straining his ears to hear because even though Lister barely talked above a whisper when he spoke of his dad, Rimmer still wanted to hear it, it mattered a big deal to Lister, so Rimmer would let it matter to him too.
He had stayed.
He had cared, and he still did care. More than anything in the world, he cared.
It was a bit of a mind-fuck to think about it all. 3 Million years into deep space, and even in death, even though he had died, he was still right there by Lister’s side.
They drove each other crazy, but that was the irony of it all, they drove each other crazy to keep each other sane. There was something that felt innately intimate about it sometimes, about the way they’d throw insults left and right, seemingly without a care, but the moment Lister saw a pained look in Rimmer’s eyes after he said something too harsh, he’d back down. ‘Sorry, I guess. I shouldntve gone there.’ He would mutter, and Rimmer knew that he meant it, even if it looked like it made him physically uncomfortable to say the words.
When Rimmer would see Lister’s whole face fall—because he couldn’t be nonchalant for the life of him, Lister held his heart on his sleeve when it was only them together—after a particularly snide remark, he would huff, telling the Scouser ‘Hm, I apologise for my previous comment, maybe I went too far. Maybe.’ And he probably sounded stuck up to anyone else with his seemingly half assed apology, but Lister knew better, he knew Rimmer meant to bother him, sure, meant to agitate and annoy and irritate, but never to truly hurt him.
Never to hurt him, especially not irreparably, Rimmer didn’t think he could deal with himself if he permanently hurt the one person who could actually tolerate him, and that had ever genuinely cared about him.
A sound broke Rimmer out of his train of thoughts.
Footsteps.
Was this it? Were they finally found? It certainly seemed like it! But a few seconds later, Lister stirred at the sound of metal clanging and loud chatter, prompting Rimmer to soothe him back to sleep.
“Shh, don’t worry about it, Listy. We’ve been found by Kryten and Cat, but just go back to sleep for now, alright? I’ve got you, you’re alright. Just rest, bud.” And it felt so wrong yet so right to be so soft and gentle towards the man that he typically would throw jabs at in some verbal equivalent of a slap fight. Then again, Lister was barely a man at the moment, if at all. He more closely resembled a child curled up at the fire place on a cold and unforgiving winter night.
It almost reminded Rimmer of himself as a young boy. Almost.
After that, it was only a matter of seconds before Kryten and Cat loudly barged in, the sudden spike in the noise level eliciting a soft, near silent whine from Lister, whose sleep was disturbed.
“SHHH.” Rimmer pointedly shushed them before pointing at Lister, “he’s sleeping, you utter buffoons, so try to be quiet, would you? He hasn’t managed much sleep as of late, so anything is appreciated. Kryten, if you could carry him back to Starbug..” He let his voice trail off before hurriedly adding on, “it’s not that I care or anything. I just- Hate him to be so agitated when he hasn’t gotten enough sleep! Yes, yes that’s it.”
One unconvinced raised eyebrow from Cat earned the feline a middle finger in his general direction.
“Kry..? Tha’ you?” Mumbled a still mostly asleep Lister, slightly awoken by the motions of Kryten pulling his hood up before picking him up bridal style. Once he was secure in Kryten’s hold, he yawned, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around the mechanoid’s neck, seemingly falling back asleep as Kryten assured him.
“Yes, sir! Me and The Cat were able to locate Starbug with the help of Holly, Mr. Lister. I’m taking you back to the ship now, sir. You can rest, I will wake you when needed.”
“Mm, th’nks Kry.. Love you.” Although his words were slurred and sloppy, it was still clear what he was saying, and Kryten looked down at Lister as if he were holding the most fragile thing, before looking back up and beginning to trek over to the door, out to where the ship they came here in was.
Eventually, Rimmer managed to get himself back to ship, and soon enough they had all managed to get back to Red Dwarf, safe and sound. Tomorrow they would go back to Starbug with a plan to repair it, or at least repair it enough to bring it back to Red Dwarf to have it be in functioning and stable condition once more.
But that was a plan for tomorrow. For today, he would rest, stubbornly staying put in the chair next to the medibay bed, refusing to leave Lister’s side as the Scouser slept. Kryten had said it would be best to have Lister stay in the medibay overnight so that he could keep an eye on him until they could be sure he hadn’t gotten hypothermic, or just that any other coldness-related smeg up had occurred.
And, of course, Rimmer had insisted on staying with him, ‘just to make sure he doesn’t have some freak out and break something when he wakes.’ Rimmer had said, but in reality, he only needed to see for himself that Lister was okay.
Whether or not he would talk to Lister when he wakes up about whatever had happened the night before, he did not know, but he knew they’d be okay regardless.
They had fought, they had screamed, they had cried, hell, Rimmer had smegging died, and somehow they were still together after that. He highly doubted something like this would make a dent on them. If anything, it would likely strengthen their bond.
Even if that sounded sickening to think of it like that.
Regardless, they would be okay. Lister would be okay.
It was alright, he thought with a small smile.