Work Text:
In the beginning, they always had sex with the lights off. It was basically useless, given that Shatterstar can see in the dark just as well as in broad daylight, but it let Julio pretend that Star wasn't seeing all the ugly history mapped out on his skin. Not to mention that he'll never be anywhere as hot as Star. Which is fine, he doesn't have a complex about it. It was just… easier when he didn't have to see himself. When he could pretend Star wasn't seeing him either. Even now, he reflexively cringes when he catches a glimpse of himself in their bedroom mirror.
He broke the last one, and the one in the shared bathroom. It pissed Monet off, but he was too busy wallowing to give a shit. But Shatty likes spending time studying himself everyday, making sure he looks all nice, and Julio isn't gonna take that away from him. Especially because he's caught Star using a plastic ruler (god knows where he found that) to measure the growth of his hair and then scribbling down the progress on a legal pad he probably stole from Jamie. Appearances are everything on Mojoworld, just another reason he has no clue why Shatterstar wants him enough to actually give monogamy a shot.
He wonders if it'll last. Rictor finally had the self-respect to put his foot down about it a month ago, and so far Star seem unbothered by the new boundary. It's like he never had any interest in an open relationship at all. Star claims that it's all meaningless without him, anyway, but Julio isn't sure if that's true or if it's another example of poor, confused Shatterstar not realizing he wants something.
At least he doesn't come home smelling like sex and other people anymore.
It's a bad day, one of the days where he can't bring himself to get outta bed to shower or eat or any of the million other things he should be doing. Can't muster up the energy to lift his head, can barely keep his eyes open. He's drifting, and he keeps picturing Star leaving and going to the bar, getting hit on by someone much more attractive and put together than Julio will ever be, and realizing what Julio's been dead certain of since the first time they locked lips: he can do so much better.
"Julio?" the door opens, and that's Shatty's voice. Oh. He hasn't fucked off yet. "I brought you some soup."
Star keeps trying to "fix" him. Soup and gatorade and damp washcloths for his forehead. It's sweet, but useless. Julio's given up on correcting him, because at least it makes Star feel like he's doing something. It only makes Julio feel more rotten and disgusting. He's fundamentally broken, and it would be a lot better for everyone if he just died. Star would come around to it, after a while He'd probably end up thanking him for it. He'd grieve, sure, but only because that's the kind of person Shatterstar is. He would find someone else eventually.
"M'not hungry," he mumbles, turning his face into the pillow 'cause looking at Shatterstar right now feels like looking into the sun. Too damn bright. Too fucking much. A technicolor punch in the face, unreal and unearthly. Beautiful, and too good for Julio.
"I will feed you," Shatty insists, reaching out to turn Julio's face back to him. He's crouching in his line of sight, a determined set to his jaw. "You need nutrients."
It pisses him off a little. He knows Star is trying to help, but he feels condescended to and it makes his patience snap. He shakes his hand off and rolls over, ignoring his boyfriend.
"Julio," Star insists. "Let me help you."
"If I don't, are you gonna go fuck someone else, since I'm such a miserable useless bag of shit?" he snaps.
"You said I could not do that if I wanted to continue our relationship, and I agreed. It is a boundary. I would not break such a vow." Shatty sounds confused, and almost hurt by the suggestion. "I am wounded you would think otherwise."
"Oh, yeah, 'cause it's always about you."
A frustrated huff. "That is not what I said. You are being irrational."
He bolts upright, wishing he wasn't a useless sap, and throws one of the pillows at Star, who shifts the soup bowl to one hand and catches the pillow easily with the other. It's annoyingly graceful, and unfairly sexy.
"I love you," Shatterstar says firmly. "I think you're brain is lying to you and that is why you are acting this way. I will not engage with your accusations until they come from a place more grounded in reality."
That stops him dead, 'cause it's such a cuttingly accurate way of assessing the situation. No anger, just firm refusal to react to his uncontrolled barbs and the hurt he tries to throw out because everything feels so fucking annoying and specifically designed to piss him off. He works his jaw, fuming a little at being called out, and feeling guilty for lashing out at Star. God, he's a shit boyfriend isn't he? Shatterstar should've broken up with him when Julio gave him the chance. He's stuck now, and Rictor would be doing them both a favor if he just took matters into his own hands and offed himself. There's a clink of ceramic on wood and then the creak of the mattress as Shatty sets down the soup bowl on the nightstand and then sits next to him on the bed, but it feels like it's coming from a million miles away. It's only when he feels Star's hands wrap around his wrists that Julio shivers back to awareness. He's been digging his nails into the scar tissue there, like he's trying to dig his way out of his own grave and failing miserably.
"I am very happy in our relationship," Star continues. "I would not trade it for sex with strangers. I was trying to learn about the various types of intercourse and romantic social interactions, but after reflection I realize I learn best by your side. There is nothing you cannot give me that I would want."
Julio nods, throat tight. "I don't have a pussy, dude, so there's that. No P in V."
"As I said, nothing that I would want." Star's eyes light up at his shitty attempt at a joke, the same look he gets when he wins a fight, and he lets go of one of Julio's wrists to grip his chin again. "I have everything I need to be fulfilled right in front of me."
Julio really doubts that, but he just nods again. He's always been weak in the face of Shatty's sincerity. His romcom level declarations of love. When he wants to, he knows exactly how to turn on the charm and make Julio weak in the knees. Maybe that's why he's never quite been able to move on from Star, and probably never will. No one else could make him feel this sincerely loved.
Shatty furrows his brow and narrows his eyes. "You do not believe me," he says, and uh oh, Julio knows that tone. The I've got something to prove now edge to Star's voice, the one that has lead to so much stupid shit happening. "Very well, I will show you exactly what I see when I look at you."
He hops off the bed, and grabs the thrifted full-length mirror that's propped up on a couple phone books so Star doesn't have to bend down to see his face every morning. Julio is curious enough to force his head off the pillow in order to watch Shatterstar carry the mirror carefully over to the foot of their bed, so it's directly facing Julio.
He looks like shit. He already knew it, but it hurts to see. If this is what Shatterstar sees, why the hell hasn't he ditched him yet? Greasy, unkempt hair that hasn't been washed in a couple days, eyebags that are big enough to make an airline charge extra fees, and a stained stretched out band tee with holes in the collar, with a week's worth of stubble as the cherry on top.
"I see the world's most depressed hermit," he quips, deadpan. A little bit of hurt in his tone.
"I see my boyfriend," Star says, crawling onto the bed. His reflection, by contrast, looks like it was the thing mirrors were made to show off. "Come here. Sit in between my legs."
Julio does, dragging himself over to Shatty's lap. He looks even worse up close, so he turns around and loops his arms around his boyfriend's neck instead. "Hi," he says, a little less funky now that they're clearly heading towards sex. "Didn't know you were this vain."
Shatterstar shakes his head. "You misunderstand. Turn around and look in the mirror. I want to show you."
It's the last thing Rictor wants to do, but he does it anyway because he's curious where this is going. He still looks awful, and he knows he smells too, especially to a guy like Star who has enhanced senses. But instead of pulling away, Star hooks his fingers into Julio's waistband and props his chin on his shoulder, eyes like a damn puppy's.
"Do you wish to know what I see?" he rumbles.
Julio shivers, hands coming to rest over Star's reflexively. "Sure. Show me."
He watches, kinda mesmerized, as Star kisses the side of his neck. Julio tilts his head to the side, still drawn to Star because that's naturally where his eyes go. Maybe it always will be. He watches, inhaling sharply, and Shatty works a hickey that he knows is just above the collar of his sweater into the skin of his throat. Guido is gonna be fucking unbearable tomorrow, Julio can already hear the comments. But the concern slides away in the face of the sharp nip of Star's canines.
"Keep your eyes on your reflection," Star says against his neck. "Please," he adds as an afterthought.
Julio nods, breathless. This is… beyond kinky by their standards, though they're just starting to feel things out. They both have their hangups surrounding sex, big surprise there. Anal was a big step, and Julio still hasn't had the balls to let Star fuck him yet. God, he really wants to. But there's still that nagging voice in the back of his head whenever he thinks about bringing it up that sounds like all of his extended family combined. If Rictor's being honest, it doesn't really surprise him that Shatterstar is into this type of thing. He's always been a little weird about mirrors and cameras and shit. Comes with the territory. So it's no big shock that he can feel something hard and insistent poking him in the back.
"Are you getting off to this?" he laughs, but it's more of a gasp. Teeth clenching against a moan. "You're so weird."
Star hums, hand moving down to palm at Julio's boner. Teasing fingers dancing over him just a hair too light to be enough. "I do not hear you making complaints," he says, then nips at Julio's ear lobe. "Do you want me to stop?"
"Fuck no."
"Good," Star hums. "I am going to take your shirt off now."
And Julio lets him. He lets Shatterstar strip him down to his underwear, and he can't look away from the prominent damp spot showing exactly how turned on he is. He feels like he's on fire, and Star is still full clothed. It feels dirtier that way. More like they're doing something illicit. He watches Star's hand trace over his stomach, and he hates how thin he looks these days. He was a scrawny kid, but he'd put on some weight and muscle by the time he and Star first got together. Enough that he didn't look horrifically starved next to Shatterstar. They both look a little unhealthy, for different reasons. Now, though, they're both a little underweight. They both have issues with food. Julio used to be the one encouraging Star to eat more. These days, it's the opposite. It just makes him feel even more useless, with his ribs a bit obvious and his lack of defined ab muscles. But Star doesn't seem to care, tracing every one of his scars with a deliberate amount of care that turns Julio into a quivering mess. His finger pads feeling like they leave sparks under Julio's skin. He tries to get a little bit of revenge by grinding back against Shatty's erection, but that just makes Star growl and grip his hips bruise-tight as he presses his other hand flat over Julio's pec. Then those long fingers twist his nipple and he can't help but arch up, throat fully bared and eyes squeezing shut.
"Open your eyes, my love," Star orders. Gentle, but firm. "I will not continue until you are looking."
He looks, helpless. Seeing himself shivering and flushed and obviously hard, leaking. Star is playing him like a goddamn fiddle, and he can't even find it in himself to be embarrassed.
"Good," Star praises, sounding earnest as ever. "I am going to take your underwear off, and then I am going to perform penetration."
He usually hates when Star phrases things that way. Right now, he doesn't mind at all. His head lolls to the side, and Star moves his hand to tug at his hair until he's facing the mirror.
"Fuck," he moans, cause he loves having his hair pulled. "Dude, when the hell did you learn to be this- this!"
His breath is hot on Julio's ear. "I did research online. Pornhub is a comprehensive website."
The thought of Shatterstar, who refused porn mags when they were kids, specifically seeking out online porn to make himself better at sex, is so very him and also extremely fucking hot.
"Next time, lemme get in on that," he pants. "I need to know what you were watching."
"We can have an erotic movie night," Star agrees, and presses a sloppy kiss to his temple. He has to smile at that, and Star makes a noise. "See?" he says, "You are beautiful."
He's still not sure about that, 'cause his smile just kinda looks goofy and out of it, but he nods. "Sure. Whatever you say. Now're you gonna fuck me or not?"
"I am going to fuck you," Star tells him primly. "Lay on your stomach. I will get you a pillow. Head facing the mirror."
He does as he's told, and lets Shatty fuss over him. He gets a pillow for his head and one for his hips. All the doting makes him a little squirmy, kinda embarrassed even if no one's around to see them like this. He feels a little better like this, where he can really only see his head and shoulders. He props his arms under his chin, and it does make his biceps look bigger than they are. Star leans over, all feline grace, and kisses his hair. Julio is more than happy to watch him in the mirror, and now that he's laying down way more of Shatterstar is on display. Pert pink nipples and flushed freckled skin, sex hair for days. Gorgeous.
"Lift your hips," Star tells him, fingers tapping at his hipbone.
"You finally gettin' to it?" he asks.
"Not if you keep being, ah, bratty," Star says, voice wavering in that way where it's clear he's not sure if he's using a phrase correctly.
Julio snorts. "If either of us is the bratty one, it's you."
But he lifts his hips, a little bit of an awkward position to be in, and it feels kinda weird to be stripped out of his boxers. He hears the flip of a cap and a tube being squeezed as he settles back onto the pillow, and he can't see the bottle of lube but he can see Star shift his hand and then he feels cold, wet fingers prodding at him. He breathes out, mentally preparing himself because it's still a new thing. A vulnerable thing. Even if he trusts Star, this is still a first for him. But there's no one else he'd rather lose his ass virginity to.
It feels… weird at first. Star's reflection is a welcome distraction. It's not bad, per se, just very different from anything he's used to. The stretch feels awkward, and he can see that he's making a face in the mirror. Star makes eye contact with him, and stops moving.
"Am I hurting you?" he asks, sounding genuinely concerned.
"Nah," he breathes out. "Just feels weird. Keep going."
Shatty does, and that first shallow thrust makes him shiver. He feels open and full and that's it's own kind of amazing. He groans, low in his chest. Forcing himself to keep his eyes open, cock aching as he moves his hips to meet Star's gradually more forceful thrusts. When he first hits that perfect spot inside him, Julio yelps. Eyes widening, and toes curling at the intensity. He swears, dropping his forehead against the pillow. Shivering in a way that once upon a time would've had the whole room shaking with him. Star immediately stills, and he curses under his breath.
"Why'd you stop?"
Shatterstar's voice is low and smooth as silk. "You stopped watching. I thought I made my instructions very clear."
"C'mon, man," he complains, trying to thrust his hips onto Star's dick, but he's stopped by a broad warm palm pinning his lower back in place.
"If you cannot behave, then we will not continue this," Star growls. "Those are my terms. Is this amenable to you, or do you wish to yield?"
He must be insane if Shatterstar's weird formal dirty talk is getting him off. He forces his head up, trying to focus on his reflection. Chest heaving. "Okay, I'm looking. Can you fuckin' move already."
"Yes, but know that this proves that you are the bratty one," Star says, then pulls all the way out and slams back into him full force before he can get the last word.
He swears, spine lighting up like a Christmas tree. Nails digging into the mattress, eyes fixed on himself and Star looming over him like some kind of angel. Hair streaming down around him and he looks holy. Some kinda saint made to be immortalized in stained glass. Not naked and fucking Julio relentlessly into his stained old mattress.
He doesn't last long. Can't, when he's watching them move in tandem. Almost like watching porn while doing it, but better, 'cause Star's hotter than any porn star could ever hope to be. More hung, too. He cums with a shouted swear so loud someone probably heard it down in the lobby. Good. Let them all see him limping and know that he's the only person Shatterstar is sleeping with. Let them be jealous that he has someone who pulls out all the stops for him, and who knows all the ways to make him scream their name. He gets Shatty all to himself, and that's the best ego boost he can have. Knowing for some insane reason Star chose him over everyone else. He collapses into the pillow, sweat prickling along his spine and shining on his forehead. Thoroughly spent. Shatterstar has also gone limp, laying over him like an alien blanket. All hollow bones and firm muscle. His dick is still in Julio's ass, but he doesn't mind it. Is glad of the reminder that this was real and not some crazy wet dream.
He knows he's not really all that, but just for a moment, he looked in the mirror and saw someone worth Shatterstar's time. And when Star hums and presses a kiss behind his ear, he feels like maybe he's not crazy for seeing it after all.
Maybe he really is seeing what Star sees.