Chapter Text
The moment the claws about to gouge his eyes stopped just short of his eyelids, Harry knew Wei Wuxian and Bob had destroyed the spell book. When the tension left him, his body gave up and he flopped onto his back in the middle of the backyard.
“I don’t even want to know how many tears the duster got,” he whined.
Mouse, who’d been sent flying into the oak tree a moment earlier, limped back to find a regular-sized green-eyed tabby perched on his owner’s chest.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” the cat said in between meows so heartbreaking that they would make any cat lover forgive her anything.
“I know. It’s alright,” Harry breathed. He had managed to get out unscathed except for a few small scratches and bruises while also avoiding hurting the cat fairy. Everything would hurt in the morning—that is, in a couple of hours—but he was proud of his accomplishments. And relieved. Let’s not forget relieved.
“That human! That horrid human! He trapped me and forced me to do things! Forced me!” The cat fairy ranted on as she made biscuits on Harry’s shirt and Mouse kissed him better.
Your regular Thursday at Chez Harry if Mister could talk.
“Hey, Boss! Happy to see you in one piece,” Bob said when he arrived a moment later. “The happy couple has reunited and is smooching in the basement. Art’s there too, so I don’t think they’ll do more than that even though it’s obvious that they really want to.”
From his supine position, Harry waved a hand. “I could’ve done it without the TMI.”
“Nope. You needed the TMI. Don’t you always tell me that I have to be thorough with my reports?”
“I don’t—” Harry sighed and lowered his hand. “Never mind. Let’s leave it at that. Go back to your skull and rest. You’ve earned it.”
“I might’ve earned it but I can’t. The skull’s still in Wei Wuxian’s sleeve and I am not interrupting them.”
“Fine. Stay here, then. We’ll give them ten minutes.”
Ten minutes that Harry also needed to catch his breath and feel the grass under his hands. He moved only so he could rest his head on Mouse’s side and closed his eyes.
Harry woke up from his micro power nap when his doggy pillow bolted away. Disoriented at first, he blinked a few times, understanding what had happened only when he saw Wei Wuxian coming out of the house. Next to him, another man, dressed in white and with a white headband tied around his forehead, dragged Art by the scruff of his shirt. That could only be the famous Hanguang-jun. He looked the closest to a Sidhe Harry had seen a human to be, emanating power and a sense of inherent solemnity.
Before Harry could decide whether he was still dreaming, the cat fairy, who had curled up on his chest, stretched, curling her back and digging her claws into his skin, waking him up for good.
Wei Wuxian laughed at his yelp. “I was starting to think you were dead.”
Harry grabbed the cat and sat cross-legged. “If I were, you could bring me back.”
“Sorry. Not doing that anymore.”
Harry clicked his tongue. “Had to try.”
He laughed, as did Wei Wuxian. But Harry stopped when he felt the stinky eye Hanguang-jun was giving him. He didn’t see it—he felt it. Harry tried to smile at him but got nothing back.
Awkward.
“So,” Harry asked, pointing at Art with his eyebrows, “what happened to him?”
“We’ve blocked his magic,” Hanguang-jun said.
“Not forever,” Wei Wuxian hurried to clear up. “He’ll be able to use it again if someone taps the same acupuncture points in the reverse order with the same pressure. But I’m not sure anyone would want to in the short term.”
“I have to agree with that,” Harry said. “And why is he unconscious?”
“He panicked,” Lan Wangji replied in a flawless deadpan.
Harry kind of wanted to laugh at that line, but Hanguang-jun looked so dignified that, in the end, the mere idea felt disrespectful.
“Could I have my skull back? Sunrise is coming sooner than I’d like,” Bob said.
Harry silently thanked him for changing the subject.
“Sure,” Wei Wuxian said, bringing it out from that pouch of his that worked as a bag of holding.
Bob made a most satisfied noise as he settled back in his abode. That done, Hanguang-jun offered the skull back. Harry just knew that he didn’t get said skull thrown at his head out of respect for Bob and his contributions to the cause.
“Thank you,” Harry said, standing up to take it back as if everything was normal. Then, he turned to the cat. “And you have something to tell them, didn’t you?”
“Right,” said the tabby. She looked up at both cultivators. “It was me who opened the time door to bring you here. I can do it again to send you back and then neither of us will be indebted with each other.”
“Sounds good,” Wei Wuxian said, kneeling to poke the cat’s nose.
The cat jumped to the side, dodging his finger. Then, she licked her shoulder with quick motions, pretending nothing had happened. Wei Wuxian laughed. He’d been doing that all night—laughing, that is—but this time, the sound was different. Richer and brighter. The kind of thing loved did for you, Harry thought.
“Oh, by the way,” Wei Wuxian said. He stretched his hand and Lan Wangji placed another and more ordinary-looking pouch on it. “Fair is fair and we aren’t thieves. Give this to your student once he’s allowed to have his own money again.”
Harry took the pouch and weighted it in his hand. It felt heavy and the contents clinked. “Does he know what this is for?”
“Not yet. Tell him we’re taking the communication devices in his house.”
The radio and the TV, then.
“They won’t work in your time,” Harry said.
“I know. I still want to open them and see what’s inside.”
“Fair,” Harry said. “He’ll be able to buy good replacements with this.”
A moment later, the cat fairy chose a spot to open the time door—the same where Harry had taken his nap—and began to run in circles. She started slow but steadily increased the speed until a small tornado rose at her feet.
Seeing a time portal was a fascinating once-in-a-lifetime event for Harry, who tasked Bob with observing everything for later notes.
“Nerd,” Bob remarked.
Harry didn’t dignify that with an answer, busy as he was watching the tornado starting to shimmer as it ripped through the fabric of time and space.
“Thank you very much for all your help,” Wei Wuxian said, bowing to Harry and Bob. “And to your qilin too. I must admit that he was very accommodating, all things considered,” he added, nodding in the direction where Mouse was hiding.
“Qilin?” Lan Wangji asked. He hadn’t even bothered with a perfunctory nod.
“That’s how we ended up calling one of my companions,” Harry replied while Mouse showed his paw from behind a corner of the house to reveal his true nature.
“I understand,” Lan Wangji said, and didn’t elaborate, but his tone felt a tiny bit less harsh than when he first thought Harry was a homewrecker.
“It’s all done!” the cat exclaimed, proud of her good job.
“This is it, then,” Harry said. “It was fun. And a pleasure, but mostly fun.”
“I think the same,” Wei Wuxian replied, waving his hand.
Lan Wangji nodded one more time and held his husband’s hand to make the journey back home.
“Hanguang-jun! Senior Wei!” called someone from the other side of the door.
Harry took a peek and met the eyes of a young man, not even twenty, who looked like a younger version of the Master Lan who had hired him earlier. The exchange didn’t last long enough to trigger a soulgaze, but enough for either of them to recognize the other from a police lineup.
“We’re coming! We’re coming!” Wei Wuxian said as they crossed the portal. Once on the other side, he ruffled the young man’s hair, who took it not with resignation or annoyance, as most his age would’ve done, but with a mix of relief and deference. “We have a very interesting and funny story to tell you, Little Radish! It’s likely going to take the whole evening and half the night!” He finished his phrase, turning his head enough to wink at Harry as the portal closed.
Harry stared at the vanishing until it was gone.
“Well, that was some hard work,” the cat said, stretching and yawning.
“How long ago did they go to?” Harry asked. “Like ten years ago?”
“Pfft!” the cat laughed. “More like a few centuries. Well, I’m going back to my forest, wizard. No offense, but I need a long, long break from humans.”
“Honestly? Can’t blame you,” Harry replied as he stared at Art, his brain refusing to reach conclusions regarding the lifespan of cultivators.
“By the way, there’s a wheelbarrow in the garage so you can take this… individual to the White Council. I hope his punishment goes according to his sins.”
With that, the cat fairy finally left, leaving Harry staring at Art, wondering what punishment could be worse than sealing one’s magic.
“Well, we’d better stop delaying the inevitable,” he murmured before turning to Mouse, who had joined back now that Wei Wuxian had left. “Make sure Art stays put while I find that wheelbarrow.”
Harry carted the still unconscious Art in that wheelbarrow back to the Blue Beetle. Once there, he sat him in the backseat next to Mouse.
“I know it’s tight in here, boy, but there’s no one else I’d trust to keep an eye on him while I drive.”
Mouse wagged his tail, happy to guard the prisoner.
“You should be this smooth in other areas of your life, not just with your dog,” Bob said as Harry fastened the seatbelt around the skull.
“I can be smooth whenever I want, thanks.”
“Of course you can. You saved the girl and all, even if you didn’t get her.”
Harry tied the wheelbarrow on the top of the Beetle with a length of rope he’d brought along. Then, he got in the driver’s seat, put the seatbelt on, and started the car.
“I might have if Mister allowed other cats in the house. Now, let’s go collect the rest of the money. I’ll get the books you wanted later in the afternoon, after I’ve taken a proper nap.”
“Ohohoho! You’re the best, Boss!”
“No problem.”
“You know? I think I’d like to try some gay romance books, just to see what the fuss is about.”
“You do realize I’m the one who has to go buy them, right?”
“Harry, what year do you think this is? You need to keep up with the times! Besides, didn’t I do a great job?”
“You did, you did. Fine. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Yay!”
Harry sighed deeply, eyes fixed on the road. However, the closer they got home, the more tightly his hands wrapped around the wheel.
“That’s some scary look you have there, Boss,” Bob continued. “What’s on your mind?”
Harry took a moment before answering. “If anyone asked me, ‘Did you win or lose tonight?’ my answer would be, ‘Yes.’”
“Well, that clears things up.”
“I kind of don’t want to turn Art over to the Council. I agree that he’s done stupid and dangerous shit, although by a mere fluke, and he’s been greedy and willing to hurt others—Okay. That didn’t help my case.”
“What’s your case?” Bob pressed.
Harry sighed again. “I taught him how to do all of that.”
“Harry, he got those books on the internet. No way you taught him about online shopping.”
“Not what I meant and you know it.”
“Maybe. But small as it was, he had his magic potential before you met him—as well as his beyond-measure greed. Not everything under the sun is your fault. Leave some guilt for the rest of us.”
“Do you ever feel guilt about anything, Bob?”
“It’s a figure of speech.”
Harry chuckled. “Alright. Alright. Still, I hope the Council doesn’t take this as a strike for the Paranet. But I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Harry nodded, aware that the bridge was now only a few blocks away.
Harry parked the Beetle behind the same fancy car Harry found in front of his building the previous evening. Before announcing his presence, he helped Mouse off the car, unloaded Art to the wheelbarrow, placed Bob’s skull on top of Art, and, only then, he approached the visitors.
Ancient Mai seemed to be enduring the indignity of having to wait out on the street only because Master Lan was there too, leaning against the car door. They seemed to be discussing something deep and wise. World-changing, even.
“I think a large box of that new brand of chili powder should be a good present,” Master Lan was saying when Harry got within hearing range.
Ah.
In any case, Harry hadn’t been wrong: Master Lan did look at most ten years older than the young man he saw through the portal. Despite being unable to help a shiver, Harry made a quick recovery and proceeded as if nothing happened.
“Hello,” he said, placing the wheelbarrow next to the car. “Here’s your culprit. Your VIPs are back home safe and sound and—and I think that’s it,” he finished, unable to bring himself to ask for mercy for his former student. Instead, he held onto Bob’s skull for comfort.
“Right on time,” Master Lan said, followed by a fleeting, blink-and-you-miss-it glance at Ancient Mai that meant, ‘What did I tell you?’ “Excellent job, Wizard Dresden,” he added as he offered a second thick envelope.
Harry felt so vindicated when Ancient Mai scrunched her nose like a mean bunny that he pocketed the money without checking the contents. This was the most satisfying victory of the day. Therefore, he smiled at her to show her he was a good winner.
While they did that, Master Lan knelt next to the wheelbarrow and jabbed a spot under Art’s neck with a finger. Immediately, Art inhaled a sharp breath and sat up, looking around, trying to recognize where he was.
“Ah—” Harry began. The eloquence in person.
“Don’t worry. He doesn’t have his magic back yet. I just woke him up,” Master Lan said, giving Harry a dart similar to the ones used against them in the cemetery.
Well, so much for the mysterious attacker.
“Oh.”
What a wordsmith.
“What’s going on?” Art asked. He climbed down the wheelbarrow stomping his feet. “Who are you? How dare—?”
He interrupted himself with a squeal when he found Mouse’s fangs close enough to give him a face transplant.
Master Lan strolled his way next to Mouse. He kept his hands behind his back, and he moved with ease. Yet, when he spoke, his voice was ice and his eyes were steel. The first thought that crossed Harry’s mind was that he would hate facing him in battle. “You abducted my teachers and father figures. Therefore, I dare.” Master Lan made a pause for effect before continuing. “Since your offense was targeted toward the Lan Clan, we’ll take care of your punishment. That much has been agreed.”
“I attest to it,” Ancient Mai said. Magic cracked in the air as she did, a sign that the Lans’ pact with the White Council ran deep.
“What—what will you do to me?” Art turned to his former magic teacher. “Harry?!”
Harry shook his head. “You rejected my help when there was still time. Don’t come to me now that it’s late.”
He tried to sound dignified, although in reality he was lowkey terrified of someone who had accumulated enough power to become functionally immortal. Master Lan was way older than Ancient Mai and still managed to look younger. One didn’t mess with that.
As they spoke, another fancy car pulled over in front of the first one.
“Ah, they’re here.” Since he had managed to scare Art into compliance, Master Lan went back to his gentle self. He turned to address Mouse. “We’ve been such a nuisance already. Yet, I’m afraid I must trouble you a little more. I’ll make it up to you—with your master’s permission.”
The chauffeur passed Master Lan a large bag of doggy treats, which prompted Mouse to whine at Harry.
Like he would say no to that.
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
“Thank you,” Master Lan said.
Next thing, Mouse was carrying his bag of treats to the interior of the building. He’d likely stay in the lobby sampling them while he waited for Harry to join him.
With that, the surprises had been clearly telegraphed. The occupants of the new car got off and approached the group. They dressed in modern clothes and their hair was styled differently, but they were unmistakable. If Harry hadn’t known, he would’ve said they were no more than one or two years older,
“Hey! Look who it is!” Wei Wuxian said.
“Didn’t I just send you home?” Harry replied, looking from the man with the grinning, sunglasses-covered face to the stoic figure standing behind him. It brought him a strange sense of peace to see they hadn’t divorced in all this time. He hadn’t spent the entire night trying to get them back together for that.
Wei Wuxian laughed. “Time travel is weird like that.” He held out his hand to grab the presentation card his husband placed on it in perfect choreography. “Unfortunately we don’t have as much time as I’d like right now, but we can catch up later.”
Harry hurried to get his own card for a proper exchange. “Sure. I haven’t done much in the last hour, but I have a hunch that for sure something’ll happen this weekend.”
While they did that, Hanguang-jun showed the great off-screen character development he’d had these past centuries and didn’t waste time glaring at Harry. Instead, he stared at Art.
“By the way, I was wondering how this got into his neck,” Harry said, showing them the dart.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Wei Wuxian said.
“It’s been a long time,” Hanguang-jun continued with the same deadpan, and went to talk with the villain du jour.
Harry decided to leave the topic alone. Instead, he asked, “What will you do with him?”
“Time heals all wounds, they say,” Wei Wuxian answered with a shrug. “We’ve decided we’re going make an attempt to guide him to a journey of redemption. Sounds fancy, but he’s gonna do a lot of cleaning in the Cloud Receses. That’s our home, by the way. You can go whenever.”
“Yeah. That’ll do him good. Thanks for that. And also for the invitation. I might even take it up.”
“Don’t mention it,” Wei Wuxian said, patting Harry’s shoulder.
The touch melted away Hanguang-jun’s character development, earning Harry a glare that he pretended to ignore.
To distract himself, he produced the pouch with the money Wei Wuxian gave him earlier. “Here. Since you’re taking him, you should be the one administrating it. What did you do with the radio and TV?”
Wei Wuxian pocketed the money without protest. “Oh! I gutted them and even tried to incorporate some of their design in my inventions. Almost blew up half a town once,” he added, laughing. “My nephew lost his eyebrows that day! You remember that, don’t you, Sizhui? By the way, do you know if he’s coming to the party?”
“I do remember and yes, he’s coming,” Master Lan replied, his fond smile never leaving his face. He leaned forward and whispered to Wei Wuxian’s ear. “Don’t forget the invitation.”
“Right, right, right!” Wei Wuxian answered. He turned to Harry. “We’re celebrating my birthday tonight! Harry, Wizard Dresden, join us as the other guest of honor!”
“Guest of honor? Isn’t that a bit—” A bit much. He had just done a job the night before. Nothing that warranted such a thing.
“Harry, it’s your birthday too,” Bob whispered from his skull.
Even then, it took a beat for the idea to sink.
“Oh. It is,” Harry Dresden, still the very tired master of poetry, acknowledged taking a look at the Halloween decorations on the street.
Amused, Master Lan squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “We’ve done our research. Go rest, Wizard Dresden. We’ll send a car to pick you up around seven, if that’s agreeable to you.”
An idea came to Harry before he could say that said arrangement would indeed be agreeable.
“Actually, traffic at that hour during a holiday is a nightmare. It’d be better if you sent someone with a sword to fly me there.”
“Very well. It will be done,” Master Lan said as if he received that kind of requests every day—which he probably did.
Moments later, Harry all but skipped his way up the stairs to his apartment to take that well-deserved sleep while Mouse took care of his well-deserved snacks. As for Bob’s well-deserved books, he’d go get them after lunch and a stop to buy a new set of clothes. Harry reached his bed and flopped on it. It crossed his mind how rare the feeling of everything going well in the world was, but he would enjoy it while it lasted.