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Chapter Text

Castiel and Dean had been best friends since they were five years old and had - quite literally - bumped into each other at school when they’d both been trying to get to their lockers at the end of the day. Castiel had been shy, not quite fitting into his skin yet and not quite sure of his place in the world, and if it had been up to him they would have probably never spoken. They would have just stood up, muttered apologies, and pretended to not remember each other when they passed in the halls again. Dean on the other hand was bubbly and looked for friends in everyone, so had started up a conversation before they’d even picked themselves off the floor. Two questions later he found out that Cas had never seen Star Wars, and seeing as that obviously had to be fixed, he had to invite Cas over to his house that very evening to watch movies. Cas had enjoyed the movie, and enjoyed Dean’s company, so obviously they had to watch them all and Cas had to come to his every week until they’d seen them all, and then keep coming afterwards. After that they were practically inseparable, and even now fourteen years later, you could rarely find one of them without the other one being somewhere nearby.

And maybe they were closer than most friends were, but that was just because they'd known each other for so long. Dean had been a touch starved kid, so of course Cas had helped where he could, and of course he wasn’t going to stop that just because it wasn’t as normal now they were older. Dean still needed the touch, and Cas wasn’t going to let his friend suffer because some people struggled to understand platonic cuddling. Grooming might have been something normally reserved for family and mates, but their ears and tails still needed it to avoid tangling, and it wasn't like either of them had anyone else to do it for them. Sure, there were special brushes for that, but brushes weren't like the real deal and brushes couldn't settle them like proper grooming could. And sure, most of the time scening wasn't something done between friends, but it wasn't like it was impossible to do it platonically, and their biology lined up so well it didn't make sense for them to both be looking for partners who barely knew anything about them. Why would they risk either of them getting hurt by an inattentive partner when they could already read each and every one of each other's tells?

It was just how they worked, and they were both happy with that.

It was because of this that Dean would read Cas so well, and because of this that he could tell when Cas was worked up about something.

It was how he could tell with such certainty that Cas was in a state, even though he'd only just returned from his lectures. His ears were ruffled and the dark fur on his tail was standing on end. Dean knew he'd had an exam that afternoon, but he very much doubted that alone was the reason he was… well, looking like he'd just been electrocuted. It would have had to go very badly for Cas to be this worked up.

"Everything alright, Buddy?" he asked, ignoring the cruel voice that laughed in his head. Buddy. Yeah right. He always used nicknames for his friends, it was just that… with Cas, he wished he could use some other ones. Buddy was for friends. For Cas he wanted something along the lines of Babe, Darling, Honey maybe. He was aware that he was being sickenly sappy, but he figured it was okay, so long as he kept it inside his head. It wasn't like he could ever have Cas for himself, not when his friend could never like him back, but at times like this, when his very presence seemed to calm Cas down, he could pretend. He could pretend that he was Cas' special someone. He could pretend that there wasn't a countdown in the universe until the day someone else realized how awesome Cas was and snapped him up for themself. After that they'd probably be able to tell that Dean had a massive crush, and they'd make sure to keep Dean far away from Cas.

It was just how the world worked, and Dean knew better than to fight it. He just hoped it would be a while before it happened.

"Of course," Cas answered unconvincingly. "Everything is- yes. Everything is fine." Dean didn't know why Cas still tried to lie to him. They both knew he wasn't very good at it, and Dean could read him almost as well as he could read Dean. Lies just didn't work between them.

"Right," Dean drawled, watching how Cas' tail flicked and his eyes flew around the room as though he needed to look at everything at once. "So, what I'm hearing is, today is the worst day you've ever had."

"Sounds about right," Cas sighed, dropping tiredly onto the couch, the fight draining out of him before it had managed to fully materialize.

"The exam?"

"It was hell," Cas confirmed, running his fingers through his hair and tugging in a way he usually reserved for Dean. "Complete and utter hell."

"Sorry to hear that man." And he really was. Cas deserved better, and Dean knew how stressed the other cat got when he couldn't do exams. He'd grown up in a household where academic success was expected, but also the only way he could earn praise. It had ended up with exams having twice the stress on them that they should, and probably actually made him perform worse rather than better. Regardless, it meant that Cas found exams double stressful, and then doing badly on them even more so.

"Nothing that can be done about it now," Cas sighed, sounding like he was trying to convince himself as well as Dean. "I'll just wait for the results, and hope it goes well."

"Alright," Dean said, grabbing Cas' hand and pulling until he was sitting upright, and then dropping down next to him. He grabbed the remote and switched the TV to nature documentaries, knowing that they always calmed Cas down when he was stressed. "It might not have gone as badly as you think?"

"It's possible," Cas agreed, his head flopping backwards so it was rested against the back of the couch while he ran his fingers through his hair again, continuing to pulll viciously on the strands. "I thought I knew that stuff! It was so easy! But the second I sat down-" Cas cut himself off to sigh loudly, but Dean got the idea of what he was saying.

"You just didn't get it?"

"I couldn't even figure out what the questions wanted from me," Cas pulled at the strands of his hair again until Dean reached up and pulled his hands away. He accidentally brushed against Cas' ears, and felt the other cat relax just a fraction into the couch.

Dean was certifiably an idiot.

Why hadn't he thought of this before?

"Would you like me to groom you?" Dean asked quickly, licking his lips as he watched Cas' ears twitch. He'd never felt the desire to groom - or be groomed by - another quite as strongly as he felt around Cas. It should have probably worried him, but Cas was his best friend, and seemed just as happy about their arrangement as Dean was, so why would he waste brain cells on it when he could be worrying about literally everything else.

"I'll do your ears," Cas answered after a moment. It hadn't really been what Dean meant when he'd suggested it, but he didn't argue, just tipped his head to the side so Cas could reach the tabby fur better, and pulled Cas' tail into his lap. He could multitask.

He relaxed into the couch cushions, listening to Cas’ steady breathing as his rough tongue ran over his ears. They hadn’t really done the whole grooming thing back at home, so until Dean had moved to college and volunteered to groom Cas’ ears for him, he'd ever actually been groomed, or groomed anyone. At home they used special brushes, and Dean had thought it was fine, until he’d found how amazing it was with Cas. It was… so satisfying. It settled every part of Dean, every instinct that had ever annoyed him, quietened right down in these moments.

The only other times he felt this settled was after a particularly good scene - which were most of the scenes he did with Cas - or after a really good fucking - something he didn't get with Cas, no matter how much he wanted it.

He closed his eyes and relaxed into the sensation, making the most of the calmness while he had it. He'd give anything to have this all the time, but that simply wasn't an option. Not with how things were at the moment. Not when Cas didn't like him the same way he liked Cas.

Charlie walked in some time later, but at first Dean didn't pay much attention to her, too busy focusing on their little grooming session. He was aware that doing this in a public space wasn't… well, it wasn't classed as indecent or anything, but it was generally seen as something you didn't do in places where other people were. Just a privacy thing, really. Grooming could be intimate when between mates, after all.

And then he did start paying attention to her.

"Cas, Charlie's glaring at us again," Dean whispered, watching the way Charlie was looking at them out the corner of his eyes. A particularly hard swipe of Cas' tongue had Dean's eyes fluttering closed, but he didn't forget the way Charlie had been sitting ramrod straight, with a look of such annoyance, and somehow also deep sadness, on her face. He didn't think it could be them she had a problem with… she'd been friends with them since they were small and she'd never said anything about them grooming each other before, but maybe she'd changed her mind…? He didn't like the thought of upsetting her, he didn't like upsetting anyone, but especially not Charlie. She had been there for him in some of his most difficult times, and he couldn't imagine life without her in it. She was the little sister he'd never wanted, but somehow always needed.

"Everything alright, Charlie?" Cas asked, his voice very slightly tight. It wouldn't have been noticeable to anyone who didn't know him very well, but Dean did know him very well. Cas was protective of Dean, a by-product of their long friendship and the fact that Dean was, at times, his sub, so if Dean implied something was making him uncomfortable - like he had - Cas was going to sort it. It was one of the things about Cas that made Dean's chest feel like it was going to explode if he felt anymore.

Cas gave one last lick before pulling away from Dean's ears and turning his attention to Dean's tail, while he waited for Charlie's response, taking care while he combed through the long fur with his fingers. Dean quickly resumed his own combing of Cas' black, shaggy tail, which had been sitting untouched in his lap for at least three minutes as he got lost in the sensation of his best friend grooming him.

"Everything is sunshine and rainbows," Charlie replied, though she didn't sound like she was being particularly honest.

"Right," Cas said with a squint, tipping his head to the side. "Are you sure? You look…" Cas paused, visibly searching for the right word. "Distressed?"

"That's one way to put it," Charlie muttered, though Dean didn't think she really looked distressed. He thought she looked more… was there a word for annoyed and sad? Disheartened maybe?

"You know you can talk to us," Cas said, not seeming to pick up on the same things as Dean was. Not that the sentiment was wrong. Whether Charlie was distressed or frustrated or sad or even disheartened, Dean just wished she'd talk to them so they could fix it. He hated the feeling of something being wrong without him being able to figure out what. "We're your friends. We want to help you."

"I know," Charlie smiled, her previous frustration gone from her face, though it could have been a mask just as easily as it could have been real. "Thanks guys."

"No problem," Cas replied, turning to add to Dean, "can you get my ears?" Obviously Dean wasn't going to say no to that, it had been his original plan after all, so he twisted till he could reach, and got to work.

Chapter Text

Dean shuffled tiredly into the kitchen, gulping down the mug of coffee Cas had handed to him. He was absolutely exhausted. He and some of his friends from his course had gone out to a bar the night before, and now Dean was hung over. He'd been behind on sleep before this from all the assignments anyway, which just made this whole thing worse.

Really, he should have just said no when they invited him out, but he'd wanted a night of fun after all the work he'd put in recently and he'd forgotten how quickly exhaustion could hit him when he wasn't looking after himself properly.

If he had to explain the feeling in one word, it would have probably been… hell.

Cas was probably going to be pissed when he figured out how bad Dean was feeling. He took it as a personal insult when he worked so hard to keep Dean balanced and healthy, and then Dean just messed it up anyway. When they were in their roles, it was Cas' job to look after Dean, so he had a vested interest in keeping Dean healthy.

"You look awful, Dean," Cas told him, sounding slightly worried. He placed his coffee mug on the table, taking a few steps towards Dean in order to get a better look at him. He used his knuckle to lift Dean's face, tilting it this way and that under the light.

"Yeah, you on the other hand-" Dean paused for a moment to actually look Cas over. His ears and tail were smooth and glossy, his hair neat - for once - and his best jeans on. Dean felt his poor hopeless heart give a little twinge at the sight of it, but he did his best to not let it show on his face. "You look pretty good actually, dude." More like amazing, or breathtaking, or maybe… maybe even gorgeous. Not that he could actually say any of that. "You going somewhere?"

Castiel, honest to god, blushed, ducking his head. Dean didn't think he'd ever seen Cas look so bashful, and although it wasn't a word he would use for the other man often, he looked adorable. "I'm meeting up with Hannah today." His ears twitched, and Dean would have thought it was even more adorable if his heart hadn't been doing its best to fall all the way down to his toes.

"Oh, you are," Dean replied weakly, trying to smile even though it probably looked more like a grimace. "That's awesome. Is it a date?"

"I don't know," Cas shrugged, seemingly unbothered. As though it didn't matter if it was a date or not. Somehow, that hurt even more than if it had been a date. At least then, Dean could have convinced himself that he was losing Cas to someone who would make him happier than Dean ever could. Not just someone who had dared to make a move while Dean was still too scared to. "I'll see how it goes."

"Well- do you want it to be?" Dean asked, instantly feeling like an idiot for it. He was just asking for his heart to be broken, wasn't he. Hannah was doing the same degree as Cas, and although Dean had never formally met them - he might have accidentally always been out whenever Cas brought them round - he could tell from the way Cas talked that there was something between Cas and Hannah, and he knew he wouldn't be able to survive seeing it with his own two eyes. They seemed like a lovely person, and Dean was sure Cas would be happy with them, but the very thought of it- it was like a physical pain in his chest.

"I don't know," Cas frowned, something appearing in his eyes that Dean couldn't begin to decode. It wasn't… it wasn't right. He could nearly always read Cas, and the only times he couldn't… was when Cas was very purposefully hiding things from him. What was he trying to hide? And why? "Hannah is very good looking. And a good friend. I think I'll just see what happens."

"Okay," Dean said, his voice weaker than Gabriel's coffee - before he stuffed it full of sugar - "okay. You do that." His hangover headache was getting worse by the moment, and Dean spent a moment cursing his traitorous heart. Cas didn't like him back. It was time to accept that and move on, like he should have years ago.

His heart refused to comply.

Cas' phone buzzed on the table, and he checked it quickly, a small smile spreading across his face when he read it. "That's them now," he said, throwing a wave over his shoulder. "I'll see you later, Dean."

"Yeah, see you then," he whispered, once Cas was already out the door. He didn't know what to do with himself now. Cas was gone, the kitchen empty, and he felt way too pitiful to try and cook right now. He finally let his ears droop as they'd wanted to since he heard about Cas' maybe date. He should have known this would happen, that one day Cas would find someone, and Dean would be left behind, but- the fact it was now a reality and not just something that would happen one day…

It fucking hurt.

In the end he gulped down a glass of water, and headed back to bed, curling his tail around his waist and pulling the covers over his head, trying to block out the entire world.

It was only once he'd curled up that he remembered that Cas had been too distracted by his date to tell him off for not looking after himself. He'd almost instantly forgotten about Dean and checking he was okay once he'd started thinking about Hannah.

That was exactly how Charlie found him an hour later, curled up as tightly as he could, dried tear tracks staining his face and his breath coming out in hiccups. He refused to say what was wrong when she asked, but by the way she stroked her fingers through his hair and looked at him with that look in her eyes… he had the feeling she knew.

The sound of a car outside dragged Dean out of his thoughts, and even though he knew it was the worst idea he'd had in a while, Dean just wanted to get his heart broken, so he peered out the window to watch Cas climb out the car and say goodbye to Hannah.

Thankfully, there were no goodbye kisses or invitations inside, they just talked for a minute before Cas walked inside and Hannah pulled away. Dean waited a moment, trying to hide the fact he'd watched Cas' walk inside, before he headed downstairs to say hello to Cas.

Dean didn’t ask Cas how it went when he got downstairs, but he couldn’t stop the little part of him that was beyond relieved that he hadn't seen anything to imply that there was going to be a second date. Maybe it had gone badly.

Yes, Dean did know how awful he sounded. He hated himself for it.

When Cas collapsed onto the couch and rubbed his forehead as though he had a headache, Dean curled up next to him, and felt something in his heart fix itself when Cas’ hand instantly found its way into his hair.

They didn’t say anything. Dean turned a movie on, basked in the feeling of Cas’ hand in his hair, and tried to ignore how Cas spent most of it texting someone. Maybe it was Hannah, maybe it was not, it really shouldn't matter. God, he really shouldn't be wishing for Cas to be unhappy, for his chance at a partner to crumble, just because Dean's a coward.

He woke up the next morning with his head pillowed in Cas’ lap and their tails twined together after the first full night of sleep he’d gotten in weeks, and snuck away to put breakfast on before Cas could wake up and find what Dean had found. Neither of them were in control of what happened while they were asleep, and he didn’t want to make Cas uncomfortable just because Dean was still wishing for something he knew was impossible.

Chapter Text

It had not been a good day. It hadn't even been one of those days where Dean joked it was the worst day ever, collapsed onto the couch, and turned on Dr Sexy while begging Cas to bake a cake to 'get his mind off things'. Those days he could deal with, even if he didn't enjoy them. Those days he could shake off with a few minutes on his own - or with his friends - and he didn't need anything more drastic than that.

But nope.

This was the kind of bad day that left Dean too wrung out to even do any of that. The kind that left him a ball of anxiety on the couch as he picked at his fingers and tried not to drown under the weight of the world. It was all too much. Too much. Too-

"Dean," Cas' voice was low and soothing, his hands folded over Dean's tight enough that he couldn't move enough to pick at his skin, while Cas' tail gently stroked up and down his back.

"Dean."

Dean whined. Words were beyond him, but- but Cas was here. Cas could… Cas could make it all better.

His day had been bad, and his biology was making everything worse, and maybe Cas couldn't fix his day, but he could fix the other part.

"Please, Castiel," he whimpered, "Please-" his words trailed off to a meaningless whine, but Dean knew Cas would understand.

"It's okay, Pet," Cas whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. "What is your safeword?"

"Impala."

"Very good. Go to my room and strip. I'll be there shortly."

"Yes, Castiel."

—---

Castiel's room was always clean. Unlike Dean's, which seemed to always be messy no matter how much Dean tried to tidy and clean, everything here had a place.

Even Dean.

His clothes had a place, folded carefully and placed on the dresser, sweater then jeans then shirt and socks. Boxers stayed on.

There was no visible mark on the floor, but it wasn't difficult for Dean to find his spot, muscle memory guiding him to his knees. He could have found the exact same spot with his eyes closed and his hands tied behind his back. He could have found the same spot under any conditions, even drunk - though he knew from experience that Cas wouldn't let him initiate something unless he was 100% able to consent, so that was kind of a redundant skill.

His knees folded under him comfortably, the extra thick skin on his knees made for this. For kneeling on most surfaces with minimal pain. He kept his feet flat, Cas' preferred wait pose, and wrapped his tail around his waist to keep it out of the way unless Castiel indicated otherwise. His ears were perked up, alert, but not listening for danger. He was waiting for Castiel, anxious to get started so the anxiety in his stomach would release the claws it still had on him. His fingers itched to go back to picking, but that was number one in Castiel's universal rules for all scenes - do not harm yourself - and Dean wasn't going to break a rule over an urge.

Footsteps. The door squeaked as it opened. A happy humm came from above while Castiel slowly walked around him, checking his posture.

"Always so good for me, aren't you," he practically purred, his fingers trailing across Dean's shoulders. "I'll admit, I didn't have anything planned for today, so I'll give you a chance to give me some input." He squatted down, balancing on the ball of his feet in front of Dean. Their different positions left Castiel still higher up than Dean, but they were almost face to face, with Castiel's knees bracketing Dean in. "What do you need, Pet?"

The answer to that was so easy that Dean didn't even need to think about it. "You."

"Oh, my sweet Pet," Castiel chuckled. The sound was calming, doubly so when Cas stroked along Dean's ears while he talked. "You have me. What would you like? What scene would settle you?"

Oh. Dean actually had to think for a minute to answer that one. His brain was foggy, and all he could think at first was about how so long as he had Cas he didn't mind. That wasn't an answer though, and Castiel was expecting an answer.

"Ropes?" Dean knew the pressure on his skin would help, and the idea of not having to worry about moving was definitely appealing. Not to mention the fact that Cas could do some amazing things with ropes, which Dean always wanted to experience more of.

"Sounds lovely, Pet," Castiel agreed. "I'll grab some supplies. I want you kneeling on the bed by the time I have everything, alright."

Dean agreed dreamily, waiting until Castiel had turned his back to start moving. He almost stumbled as he pushed himself to his feet, but after that it was easy to walk to the bed and settle himself in the middle. He was in place before Cas had even picked which ropes he was going to use. That was the whole point though, wasn't it? Dean was supposed to succeed. He got the rush from properly following instructions, Cas got the rush from being listened to. They both got what they needed.

"So good for me." Cas' hand was in Dean's hair, stroking and tugging in equal measure, the sharp bites of pain only making the pleasure of having his hair touched more pronounced. "Move this please." He tapped Dean's tail, waiting a moment for it to unwind before he stroked that too. "Alright. Are you ready, Pet?"

Dean nodded, awash in the good feelings that were coming through and washing the anxiety from the rest of his day away. He hadn't felt this good in weeks.

"Verbal responses, please Pet," Castiel warned with a slightly sharper tug on his hair, something that Dean was not going to simply ignore.

"Sorry, Castiel," he murmured. "I'm ready."

"Thank you."

Castiel spent a few seconds simply rearranging Dean's limbs, getting him positioned exactly how he wanted him, and then he started with the harness. It was just a simple one, one that Castiel could tie in thirty seconds flat and build on top of.

Dean sighed happily as his arms were tied back and secured to the harness. His legs were left clear, so Dean could still stand if he needed to, but the spare rope still looped between his legs and pressed against the sensitive skin, to make sure he couldn't forget that it was there.

"Is that comfortable?" Cas asked, his lips pressed close to Dean's ear so he could feel every movement which formed the words.

"Yeah," Dean whimpered. The harness cradled him almost as gently as Cas himself did, and Dean was more than happy to give himself over to the ropes and Castiel's hold.

----

Dean was floating.

His arms were secured behind his back with a series of intricate ties that Dean couldn't even begin to imagine how Cas had learnt how to tie, and if Dean believed in such a thing, he would say this was heaven. They'd stayed in Cas' room for a while, but when it had become clear that Dean needed more, they'd moved to the sitting room.

Cas was watching TV while Dean sat next to him, trussed up and comfortable. As far as he was aware, at least some of the others had joined them, but no one was talking and he wasn't even trying to figure out who else was there. Why would he? The only person in the room who mattered was Cas.

No one had mentioned anything, or tried to talk to Dean - they knew better, and Cas would have a thing or two to say if they even thought about it - and it wasn't like this was anything shocking. They ended up like this in some way at least once a month, and Dean couldn't count the amount of times he'd walked in on one of the others scening.

This was just a thing they did. Dean had presented as Sub when he was sixteen, Cas had found out he was a Dom just a few months after, and then they'd realized how well they lined up, this arrangement just seemed to work. It wasn't anything sexual, or romantic - they didn't have feelings for each other. Or… well… Cas didn't have feelings for Dean - but they were best friends and they could help each other out when biology made it necessary.

His eyes fluttered at the sound of a frustrated sigh, and he squinted into the light to find Gabe leaning against the door into the kitchen, something between fondness and annoyance in his eyes. Cas pulled Dean closer into his arms when he felt him start to tense up, and he tried to let it go.

"Charlie, can I talk to you for a moment," Gabe asked, pointing into the kitchen, determination filling every part of his body language.

"Sure," Charlie nodded, sounding almost like she knew what they were going to be talking about, which just didn't make sense. How could she after all? Gabe hadn't even said anything.

"Come on, Pet," Cas purred, nuzzling the side of Dean's neck in a way that made his soft hair and ears tickle Dean's chin. "you're supposed to be focusing on me. Not on them."

"Yes, Castiel," Dean whispered.

Cas' tail stroked along Dean's arm, and he let the rest of his conscious thought slip away. He could worry about all that later. For now… there was just weightlessness.

----

Dean came back to himself much later. He didn't know how long it had been, but the open windows were casting long shadows across the room in a way that suggested evening. Cas wasn't with him, and he started panicking for a moment, before the door opened and Cas returned with a damp washcloth. It was warm when Cas pressed it to his skin, and he got halfway through cleaning Dean up before he seemed to notice that he was back with him.

"Oh, hello Dean," he hummed, lowering his head to nuzzle the side of Dean's neck. It was possessive in a way that Cas never was outside their roles - probably because he didn't truly feel this way, it was just part of his role, but Dean tried not to think about that at times like this - and it sent waves of warmth and comfort rolling through him.

"Hey, Cas," Dean whispered back, his voice hoarse, probably from begging, possibly from other stuff.

"How are you feeling?" Cas' tail wrapped around his wrist, the tip of it flicking back and forth against his pulse.

"Amazing," Dean hummed, "thank you."

"It's always a pleasure," Cas grinned, sounding boundlessly honest even though Dean didn't know if he really was. "And still you doubt," Cas continued sadly, and Dean couldn't think of any response beyond tucking his face into the crook of Cas' neck, his ears flattened to his head. He whined low in his throat.

"I know," Cas cooed, his fingers scratching through Dean's hair in a way that felt like Heaven. "Though if you think this is over, you're very wrong. You-" he reached up and tapped Dean on the ear, the only part of Dean he could actually reach with him buried where he was, "-just gave me all I need for when I need to plan our next scene."

Dean groaned, but it sounded fake even to his own ears. He'd never admit it, but those scenes, when Cas smothered him with love and adoration and care, made Dean feel safe in a way nothing else really did. He'd pretend he hated them forever, but he knew Cas knew otherwise just as well as Dean did.

Chapter Text

Dean hated being awake in the middle of the night, when his light was the only one in the entire apartment that was still on and it felt like he was the only person awake in the entire world. He just wanted to sleep, his eyes were tired and his head hurt and he knew that sleep would make it all better, but sometimes his body just wouldn’t let him.

This was one of those times.

He couldn’t help his wandering mind from suggesting that maybe he would sleep better if he wasn’t alone at night, if maybe he had a certain cat curled up with him, arms wrapped around him and tails tangled, but he could do his best to ignore it all. Dean wasn’t so pathetic that he needed someone protecting him just so he'd be able to sleep.

He wasn’t!

The amount of sleep he was getting would probably disagree with him there, but that was a problem for some time that wasn’t three am, and wasn't when Dean was just trying to get a glass of water. He was hoping that if he got up and drank something, it would reset something in his brain and it would let him sleep when he returned to bed. It sometimes worked, it sometimes didn't, and right now he was willing to try anything.

“Come on, Cas.” He heard Charlie whisper-hiss from the kitchen. “It’s time we get you to bed.” Dean paused outside the kitchen door, staring at the light creeping around the doorframe. He had no idea why he'd stopped, the logical thing was to grab his water and say hello to his friends who were apparently also awake, but he couldn't bring his feet to move. Somehow, he found himself just standing there, waiting for Cas to say something.

“He doesn’t love me back,” Cas replied, his words slurred. Dean didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he still hadn't moved, the walls were thin, and without really meaning to he found himself quietening his breathing so he wouldn't miss the words being spoken on the other side of the door. He just… now he'd heard Cas speak he wanted to know more. What was Cas talking about? What happened to Hannah? More importantly, who was Cas talking about.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Charlie pointed out, sounding tired. Dean wondered how long Charlie had been trying to coax Cas to bed for. Knowing his friends, probably a while. Cas had an early class the next morning, Dean knew, and he preferred to be in bed by at least ten on days like these. Whatever, or whoever, he was talking about, it had him awake five hours later than he normally liked to be.

“Yes I do,” Cas sighed. “He’s just so-” he never finished his sentence, trailing off and starting again with, “he could never love me. He’s so perfect.”

Dean hated to admit he could be so self centered, but he’d almost been hoping that Cas was talking about him. He’d been waiting, hoping that Cas would reveal it was Dean he loved, and Dean could- his dreams could all come true. Cas would like him back, their close friendship and scening relationship would seamlessly fold into a happy and easy romantic relationship.

But Dean wasn’t perfect. Cas was talking about someone else. Some other perfect cat had Cas’ heart, and although Dean hoped that Cas could find someone to be happy with, he also absolutely hated the thought of this other cat loving Cas back.

This was the second person in a week that Dean was having to imagine losing Cas to, and he was really starting to think he just needed to get used to it. Cas was amazing - anyone could fall in love with his bright smiles, his dorky personality, his easy dominance, his stupid jokes - and he would simply never love Dean, and he needed to accept that before he just hurt himself even more in the long run. Cas wasn't going to stay single forever after all.

He turned back to his room without getting his water, and without hearing the end of Cas and Charlie’s conversation. He’d heard enough, any more would just be asking for pain. Dean may be a slight masochist, but this was not the kind of pain he was looking for. He liked the simple kind, not the soul-crushing.

---

“You want what?” Cas asked, his eyes practically bugging out of his face as he stared up at Dean who was nervously wringing his tail in his hands. This was not the reaction he'd expected, or been hoping for. For some reason he'd expected this to be much easier, which possibly was on him. This was Cas after all.

“I want you to make me hurt,” Dean repeated himself, his eyes lowered submissively while he waited for Cas’ answer. He had the feeling he already knew what it was going to be, just from the violent way the other cat's tail had started swinging.

“No,” Cas said simply, reaching up and tugging Dean into his arms before he could turn his back and go looking for a plan B, whatever that was going to be. He had ridiculously expected plan A to work, so hadn't really thought any further ahead than that. “Do you want to tell me why you’re looking for pain?”

Dean chewed on his lip. He couldn’t tell Cas the truth, not without revealing his crush, but he also really didn’t want to lie to his Dom, not while he was still hoping he would get what he wanted. Or… at all really. It was partly biology, and partly just him, but lying to Cas was pretty high up his list of things he didn't like doing.

“I deserve it,” Dean tried, “I’ve been- I need to stop doing something, and I need pain to help me do that.” Not quite the truth, but if he tried to tell Cas that he'd been horrible, Cas would simply not believe him, and if he gave any more details he'd be running the risk of saying too much. It was a difficult line to balance on, and Dean had the feeling that his attempts at balancing it wouldn't matter anyway. Hopefully phrasing it as though the pain was to help - instead of to punish - would be enough to convince Cas to grant his request.

“No, you don’t,” Cas said softly. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but, my Sweet Pet, I know you. You’re looking for a punishment right now, not a helping hand. Now, I’m not your actual Dom-” agony tore through Dean’s soul at Cas’ words, but he made sure none of it showed on his face. “-but I have known you long enough to tell the difference between the two. Unless you’ve actually broken a rule, you’re not being punished.”

“But I-” Dean tried, unable to even finish his sentence. He was looking for a punishment right now, looking for some pain that wasn’t pleasurable. Unlike what Cas seemed to think though, he did deserve it. He might not have broken any rules, but he’d- he’d been horrible. He wanted Cas to be alone forever, just because he couldn’t have him. He was glad whenever Cas’ relationship attempts failed! That wasn’t okay! He needed to be punished so it would finally get through his apparently thick skull that he wanted Cas to be happy, even if that meant not being with him.

He tried to wriggle away, wondering if he’d be able to find someone in a club willing to make him hurt, but Cas only tightened his hold. “No Pet, you’re just going to look for someone to hurt you,” Cas said which, to be fair, was exactly what Dean’s plan was. “I won’t let that happen when I can tell you’re not in the right headspace for that. A scene right now would be abuse, even if you asked for it. I refuse to let someone do that to you.” There was something almost possessive in Cas’ voice, Dean was probably just hearing what he wanted to, but it was enough to drain the fight out of his body until he was relaxed in Cas’ arms, the tears finally escaping his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered, and if Cas thought he was just apologizing for the events of the last few minutes, then Dean wasn't going to correct him.

It would be better this way anyway.

"Shhh, Pet," Cas crooned directly into Dean's ear, "it's okay. Get some rest, we'll discuss this properly when you're feeling better." Dean nodded, already planning out the lie he would tell Cas, so he could keep his secret to himself.

He tried to enjoy the gentle rasp of Cas' tongue as he started grooming Dean's ears, but it was difficult with the guilt that was trying to drown him. First he didn't even get punished for being a horrible person, and now he was planning to lie to Cas? Could he get any worse?

----

Cas cornered him the next day to ask him what had happened, and Dean told his rehearsed lie and Cas nodded and life moved on.

They didn’t mention it again, but Dean wasn’t an idiot. He noticed things. Like the fact that ever since that night, Cas had never taken their scenes much further than a few sharp spanks. The fact that Cas was holding out on him for some reason. The fact that the Cas kept sending him strange - oddly contemplative - looks. It made Dean feel like Cas was treating him like a puzzle he just needed to solve, and Dean wasn't sure what kind of Pandora's box type shit would escape if he ever did manage it.

He wished they could go back to when things were so much simpler. When Dean wasn't yet aware of his crush, and he could feel his adoration for Cas without feeling guilty. When he could be completely honest with Cas at all times, without worrying about ruining their friendship irreparably.

Chapter Text

Dean's tail twitched furiously as he glared at the TV, mashing the buttons on his remote. Sam was staying with them for the weekend, visiting Dean and his friends, and, as was tradition, it was time for their Mario Kart tournament. Dean refused to lose.

"Dean!" Cas murmured, the word half a laugh and half a reprimed as he caught Dean's tail - that had just hit him in the face for the third time - and held on.

"Sorry, Cas," Dean replied absentmindedly, not looking away from the screen. His tail tried to twitch, and was stopped by Cas' grip as the other cat pulled it into his lap and started stroking along his fur. Dean felt the tension in his shoulders melting away, and the tip of his tail curled around Cas’ wrist as though it was trying to keep his hand there. He loved it when Cas put his hands on him, both with intent - like when they were grooming or scening - and in the simple moments like just then, and he didn’t even care when Sam beat him. Not when he still had Cas touching his tail.

“I win!” Sam cheered, leaning forwards to high five Charlie and Gabriel.

“Good job,” Dean congratulated him, putting down his remote and melting into the couch cushions. He didn’t miss the strange look Sam gave him, and was thankful his brother didn’t say anything. Sam knew him better than anyone, he had almost definitely picked up on the weird thing Dean had going for Cas. If he said anything straight out… well, then Dean's secret would be out of the bag and Dean would be fucked.

Though actually, Dean frowned, he was fairly sure that both Charlie and Gabriel already knew about his crush - how could they miss it when they lived together - which meant that out of everyone in that room, Cas was the only one who didn't know.

And that's the way it needed to stay.

He needed Cas.

He- he couldn’t lose him. Especially not over something as dumb as Dean’s stupid feelings.

“Everything okay?” Cas asked, tugging lightly on Dean’s tail to get his attention, and Dean forced himself to bite back his feelings and send Cas a reassuring smile.

“Course,” he promised, “everything is perfect.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Dean loved his life. Maybe he wanted more, but that was just him being greedy. This- This life he had. It should have been perfect. It was perfect! Dean was just too much of a bastard to fully appreciate that. He had amazing friends, he was comfortable, he loved the course he was studying, he was comfortable in who he was in a way he hadn't been before leaving for college. Everything was good. He was the problem here, not his life.

“I can see you beating yourself up inside,” Cas sighed, one of his hands reaching out to tangle in the short hairs at Dean’s nape. “I won’t try to force you to talk to me or anything, but I’m here for you. Whenever or however you need me.”

“I’m fine,” Dean smiled, the gesture a lot more genuine this time. “Thanks anyway, Cas, that means a lot to me.”

“Dean,” Sam finally managed to catch Dean alone just an hour later, which was pretty impressive when Dean had been doing his best to avoid him.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean grinned, pointlessly hoping that if he just pretended everything was fine, Sam would believe it.

“It’s Sam,” Sam corrected, and honestly, Dean couldn’t really argue. The kid had shot up since Dean had last seen him, and he was somehow already taller than Dean - his eyes pretty much level with the tips of Dean’s ears - and the bean sprout wasn’t even done growing yet. He had grown in height and maturity since he had been Sammy and Dean couldn’t be prouder.

He was still going to call him Sammy though, just to fuck with him.

“We need to talk,” Sam announced, and if his words weren’t enough to make Dean regret ever finding himself in this situation, the way Sam nervously fiddled with his tabby tail - a slightly darker shade than Dean’s - definitely did it. Sam only got nervous when he knew he had something to say you wouldn’t want to hear, and in this situation… Dean really didn’t want to hear it.

“Of course we do,” Dean sighed, “what’ve you got for me?”

"Castiel," Sam said, skipping straight to the main event apparently. "You're in love with him."

Dean didn't even think about denying it. "Yes. And?"

"And!" Sam hissed, his eyes lighting up with the same righteous anger he got every time he thought that Dean was being exceptionally stupid about something. "You're not planning to do anything about it!"

"Thank you Mr Obvious, anything else you have to tell me?"

"Seriously Dean," Sam crossed his arms, his tail twitching furiously and his ears flattening against his head.

"Seriously," Dean replied, his own tail curling around his leg. He didn't break eye contact with his brother, even though he really wanted to.

"Why not Dean! He could be so good for you and-"

"Exactly," Dean cut him off. "He could be good for me, but what would I give him in return? This conversation is over." He looked away and started walking off without waiting for Sam's response.

"But-"

"Over, Sammy!" he called, slipping back into the living room and dropping onto the couch next to Cas, trying to shake away the lingering memories of Sam's words. He loved Cas, had for a while, but there couldn't be anything but friendship between them and Dean had to be okay with that.

"Is everything okay with you and Sam?" Cas asked quietly, the tip of his tail curling around Dean's wrist reassuringly. "I heard raised voices."

"It's fine," Dean promised, running his fingers through Cas' long tail fur and tugging tangles out of it. "Just a slight disagreement, nothing to worry about."

Cas frowned, but let the subject go, turning his attention back to the movie on the TV. Sam slunk in a few moments later, looking pointedly between Dean and where he was still running his fingers through Cas' tail, despite all the knots being gone. Dean looked away, pointedly ignoring his brother.

Sam and Dean were amazing at hiding problems, and they spent the rest of Sam's visit as though nothing had happened.

It had happened though, and they both knew it.

Even without saying anything, Dean could hear the words in every pointed look Sam gave him every time he and Cas were comfortable together. Dean couldn't explain to his brother why he refused to risk everything for something he never could have, but he could ignore him until he gave up.

Dean was happy with what he had, and Sam pointing out that he could have more would not change that.

Chapter Text

Dean groaned, scratching at the skin on his arms. He and Cas hadn't had a scene - a good scene that left him with bone deep satisfaction - in weeks and Dean was in desperate need for something more. He whined to the empty room, the noise high and needy as he tried to get rid of the horrible feeling of uneasiness under his skin. Cas was at a lecture, and wouldn't be home for at least another hour.

For a moment - just a moment - Dean thought about going to a club, finding a random cat who could Dom him into next week, but even as he thought it, he knew he couldn't do it. His submission was for Cas and Cas alone, even if Cas didn't know that yet. Even if Cas would never know that.

Even just the thought of submitting to someone else was… Dean shivered in disgust. No. Definitely not an option.

Instead he was stuck here, whining at nothing and noone while he waited. It wasn't ideal, but there wasn't anywhere else Dean would rather be right now.

Okay that wasn't true. He'd rather be in Cas' arms. He'd rather not be itching out of his skin. But the sentiment was mostly there. He'd rather wait for Cas than settle for anyone else.

Another high pitched whine that he couldn't have held back even if he'd wanted to, and time slipped away in a haze of itchiness and desperation.

----

"Dean? Dean!" It was Cas and he sounded absolutely horrified. Dean peeled his tired eyelids open to find Cas crouching by his head, one hand cradling his face while the other carded through his hair and stroked the base of his ears.

"Hey Cas," Dean said, or tried to say at the very least - it probably came out as little more than a mumble - as he tiredly smiled at his Dom. "You're back."

"Yeah," Cas replied, "yeah I am. Are you alright, Dean?" He could feel the weight of Cas' gaze on his arms, the skin red and sore from scratching at it with blunt nails. Honestly, he was lucky he'd cut his nails just a few days before, or this could have ended up much worse.

"Hurts, Castiel," Dean admitted, his tail wrapping tightly around his middle as he continued scratching at his skin. "Please, Castiel, please." He didn't say what he was begging for, hell, he wasn't sure he even knew anymore, but it was enough to have Cas' reaching out and pulling his hands away from his skin, his voice lowering even more as he spoke.

"Stop scratching. In two minutes I want you to strip, and then come to my room. Understood?"

"Two minutes," Dean nodded. And then kept on nodding, finding himself unable to stop the momentum of his neck until Cas reached out and stopped it for him.

"I'm so sorry, Pet," Cas whispered, his large palm resting against the nape of Dean's neck in a way that made his eyes want to roll, while his fluffy tail found itself wrapped around Dean's ankle. "Repete your instructions back to me."

"Stop scratching, two minutes, come to you," Dean parroted dutifully. He knew it wasn't perfect, he couldn't manage any more words than that, but he also knew Cas would know he was trying his best, and would give him a little bit of leeway.

"Two minutes," Cas nodded, and then slowly - and with great reluctance - slipped off the bed and out of the room. He was probably going to set up for a scene, Dean realized, and he hoped that meant he was going to get a good one this time. He loved all scenes with Cas, but his biology came with needs as well.

A minute and a half.

Dean's arms burned with the need to itch them, but he'd been told not to. Instead he focused on slipping off his clothes and folding them neatly, keeping an eye on the clock the entire time.

A minute.

Time always seemed to drag on while he was waiting, and this time was no different. He still had forever to wait until he could go to Cas, and it was too long, too long, too long, too-

Thirty seconds.

Was the itching in his skin abating or was he just sinking into a headspace it couldn't reach? He didn't know, and he didn't care either. All he knew was this was good, and when he went to Cas he would make it even better.

He glanced up at the clock, stumbling to his feet. It was time.

Cas' door was slightly ajar, so he gently pushed it open and walked inside, feeling every tension in his body disappear when Cas smiled warmly at him.

"Good, Pet," he said. "On the bed." Dean did as he was asked without even thinking to look at what Cas was holding. He let his limbs go limp so Cas could arrange him, knowing he was safe.

His ears twitched when he heard something click into place down by his feet, but he didn't bother looking. Cas always told him what he needed to know. Right now, he was free to relax.

"Grip the headboard for a moment," Cas murmured right in his ear, using cuffs to secure him in place once he'd followed the instructions. He sat back on his heels, looking satisfied with Dean spread out for him like his own personal buffet. "There we go. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Dean answered without a second thought. "Please, Castiel. Please."

"It's okay," Cas interrupted gently, "no need to beg. I'll give you what you need, I promise."

It was only then, when Dean tried to squirm, that his fuzzy mind registered the spreader bar attached to his ankles. It felt good, to be spread out and vulnerable for Cas, and he released a relieved breath as he tested his range of movement.

Basically none.

"Who do you belong to, Pet?"

"You, Castiel."

"Exactly," Cas agreed, his tail flicking back and forth above Dean's chest so the soft fur tickled along his chest. If he could have wriggled away from it, he probably would have, but he couldn't. He was exactly where Cas wanted him. "You're mine."

Dean loved it when Cas got possessive - pretend or not - it settled the part of him that needed to belong, and filled him with warmth.

"I'm sorry I failed you," Cas continued, sounding dejected. "I promise I'll do better next time. I let my own worries get in the way of looking after you."

"Not your fault," Dean murmured. Words were hard, too hard, but he couldn't just lie here and listen to Cas beat himself up. "You were just- trying to keep me safe."

"And yet I did the exact opposite," Cas said. He was fiddling with Dean's ears, seemingly absentmindedly, but Dean knew Cas. He was doing this on purpose, probably to make sure Dean didn't get anywhere close to a drop while discussing this.

"Biology's dumb," Dean sighed, "not your fault." He flicked his tail lazily, hitting Cas on the knee a couple of times before the Dom caught it.

"I'm still sorry," Cas said, "but I guess we should finish this conversation another time." Dean watched as Cas resumed his previous role, finding a bundle of confidence he'd not been using mere moments before.

"Are you ready, Pet?"

Dean breathed deeply, closing his eyes as he replied with the only answer that existed to that question. "Yes, Castiel."

He started slowly, rubbing his tail across first his chest, as he had been doing before, and then along his arms and legs. After that, he switched to his fingers, each touch sending a fire along Dean's veins. He couldn't move, even when the touches tickled him, and every time he tried and failed he felt his mind float higher.

"More?" Cas asked teasingly when Dean complained again with another bitten off moan.

It took Dean a moment - an embarrassingly long moment - to remember what words were, but once he did they started pouring out and he wouldn't have been able to stop if he'd wanted to.

"Yes, please Castiel, please, more. I need it. Need more. Need, need to feel it. Please Castiel!"

"I was planning to get you to beg some more," Castiel told him thoughtfully, "but I'll admit, that was actually very convincing. I can't say no to you, Pet, can I." He smiled, pressing his knuckle under Dean's chin and stroking the dip of his throat.

And then he was gone again.

Dean almost yelled, his body yanking against the restraints when it tried to follow his Dom. His tail reached out desperately - the only thing that could move enough to do so - but Castiel simply caught it and returned it to lay on the bed.

"Just a moment, Pet," Castiel murmured. He reached down, grabbing something he'd left on the floor just next to the bed. Dean couldn't quite see what it was, but he didn't care because Cas was returning to his side and his fingers were back in his hair. The cuffs were undone for just long enough to turn him onto his front before they locked him back into place, his face buried in Cas' pillow and breathing in the comforting smell of his shampoo.

The thing he started running along Dean's leg confused him at first. It had a distinctly wooden feel, but it also seemed to be catching at his leg hair in a way that implied…

Oh shit.

He craned his head until he could see, his breath catching in his throat when he saw his least favourite - or maybe his favourite, it changed by the day - paddle being stroked along his leg. It was heavy and wooden, with small holes drilled into it. When wielded properly - like Cas did - it could do anything. It could simply warm him for other implements, or be the main event. It could give Dean enough pain to make his pleasure sing, or it could hit hard enough to make Dean unable to sit down for days.

"Go on," Cas laughed when he saw Dean's eyes. "I'm not planning to hit too hard today, but I'll still be sticking to just your thighs with the paddle. Sound good?"

"Yeah," Dean could barely breathe, he was so overcome with desire. His mind was held to reality by the simple teacher of the cuffs holding him to the headboard, and the gravel in Cas' voice. This must be their best scene yet, but even while thinking it, Dean knew it wasn't exactly true. Every single scene he had with Castiel was the best scene ever, no matter what it contained.

Castiel carefully smoothed along Dean's tail. "Will you be able to keep this out of my way? Or do you need me to restrain it for you."

"It'll stay out your way." Dean knew he wouldn't even need to try. Why would he let any of his limbs get in the way when Cas was wielding his paddle? That ran the risk of making him stop, or at the very least slowing him down, and Dean wanted neither of those things.

"So good for me, Pet," Cas purred. It was just a moment later, with no warning, that he brought his hand down on Dean's outer thigh. It wasn't as hard as he could go, but it was enough to sting, and this was just the warm-up.

He kept that strength up for a while, alternating right and left thigh, though he'd occasionally switch things up if he thought that Dean wasn't giving him his complete attention. It was delicious. Dean wanted more. And best of all, Dean knew he was going to get more.

Once Cas thought he was sufficiently warm, he picked the paddle back up, holding it with an ease born from years of wielding it. Years of wielding it against Dean. He knew Dean's flesh like the back of his hand. He knew exactly how much power he needed to mark, to redden, to bruise. He knew how much would be too much, and how much would be too little.

He knew Dean so well, in both this sense and the less intimate, and it hurt as much as it filled Dean was joy.

Once again, he didn't give any warning before bringing the paddle down, igniting the start of a delicious sting everywhere the paddle had touched.

He couldn't say for sure how many times the paddle fell. Just that every hit built up his pain to the point of pleasure, and that despite feeling like he should have reached a ceiling by now, every hit just sent his mind higher.

His body and mind were singing, and it was all thanks to Cas.

"Yes, there you go, Pet," Cas said, his voice growly in the way it only got when he was riding his own high. The next time something touched Dean's skin, it wasn't a paddle, nor was it a hit. Cas stroked his leg gently, kneading his thigh in a way that realighted the pain while also soothing the slightly tense muscle. "Go on, you can let go. I'll be here when you get back."

Dean didn't need any more convincing, especially when Cas' tail returned to tickling his skin, the gentle touch as reassuring without being overwhelming.

—-------

Dean felt sore when he came back to himself. Sore but relaxed and more comfortable than he had been in weeks. He felt like he fit into his skin again, and the instincts that had been screaming at him had finally quietened down. Cas' arms were wrapped around him, his breathing so even against Dean's neck that for a moment he thought that maybe he was asleep.

"Dean?" Cas whispered. It was quiet enough that it wouldn't have disturbed him if he hadn't been back.

"Yeah, I'm back."

"Was that what you needed?"

Dean hummed happily. That scene had been almost perfect. The only way he could think that it could have been improved was a happy ending, but that wasn't really an option, not unless he wanted to risk losing everything.

Technically, it had been an option. When they had first been sorting out their contract sexual contact had been down as an option. They'd been young though, and Cas hadn't seemed enthusiastic, and Dean was barely comfortable with presenting as a sub, he definitely wasn't ready to fully come to terms with his bisexuality yet, so they'd left it out, figuring they could always change it if one of them decided they wanted it.

They never had changed it.

"That good, huh?" Cas teased gently, his tail reaching round to stroke Dean's side. "Made you speechless?"

"You always do." Not just in scenes.

His eyes were getting heavy, something Cas was clearly aware of, even if he couldn't see Dean's face.

"Rest, Dean," he murmured, "you've been through a lot. Your body is probably exhausted."

He couldn't argue with that logic. His tail wrapped around Cas' as he drifted off, and the last thought he had before unconsciousness took him was that Cas hadn't asked if he'd enjoyed the scene. He'd asked if it was what he needed.

It was just one more unwanted reminder that this did not mean the same to Cas as it meant to Dean. Just one more unwanted reminded that no matter how much Dean pined, Cas would never reciprocate his feelings.

Chapter Text

Dean yawned as he wandered into the kitchen, rubbing his hands through his hair. He'd slept pretty deeply after everything, and for a long time, so he hadn't been completely surprised to find that Cas was gone by the time he woke up. Disappointed not to wake in his arms, sure, but not surprised. He knew Cas wouldn't just leave him without a reason, not after a scene - Dean dropped way too often for that - but he was hoping Cas wouldn't be too busy that he couldn't give Dean his cuddles.

The kitchen was empty so Dean stopped there for long enough to grab himself a mug of coffee before continuing his journey.

The sitting room was also empty.

Well okay, that was an absolute lie. Charlie was there, and so actually was Gabe, both of them watching him from the couch, but Cas wasn’t, and that was what was important right now.

“Come here, Dean,” Charlie said, patting the couch cushion next to her, and Dean had scened just recently enough that he followed her directions and didn’t question what was going on until after he’d sat down and Charlie had wrapped her arms and tail around him.

“Is everything okay?” he asked carefully.

“Yup,” Charlie said, one of her hands trailing up to start stroking through his hair.

"Right… you understand why I don't believe you right now."

Charlie chuckled. "Nothing's wrong. Cas just had to quickly go to the store, and he was worried about what you would do without your waking up cuddles after a scene. He asked me to stand in if you came looking."

Dean ducked his head and mumbled some swear words, but he couldn't really argue. Not when he'd walked into this room with the soul purpose of finding Cas and getting some cuddles.

"Cas was right," Gabe mused from the other chair, "you are adorable!"

"Shut up," Dean hissed, leaning into Charlie's touch. He seriously hated how much he needed touch after a scene - something Cas had been trying to convince him wasn't a problem for years - and he didn't want to deal with Gabriel right now.

"Actually, Dean, we wanted to talk to you about that," Gabe continued, sounding more serious than before. Not that it mattered. Dean was never going to talk about whether or not he was adorable.

He had no idea what was on his face, but it must have been pretty telling as mere moments later Charlie broke down into giggles.

"Not about the adorable thing," she said, "we wanted to talk to you about Cas."

"Cas? Why?"

"You like like him," Gabe singsonged.

"What are we? Twelve?" Dean hissed back, hiding his face in Charlie's neck in the hopes neither of them would see his blush. He had known they knew about his crush, in theory, but to have it spoken so… casually. He hadn’t been ready for that. Probably never would be.

"You're in love with him," Charlie said softly, her tail squeezing Dean surprisingly tightly.

"Yeah, I guess," Dean replied, his own voice equally quiet as the room went silent around them. It felt like even the birds went quiet, the weight of the moment wrapping around the room and blocking out the rest of the world. "Please don't tell him."

"We wouldn't do that, not to you," Gabe promised, and despite the fact he was normally a complete joker, Dean knew he could trust his word in this situation. Gabriel liked pulling pranks, but nothing that could hurt someone. Nothing that had been told to him in confidence or that he’d promised not to repeat. Definitely not something like this, when he knew how important that was to Dean.

"That doesn't mean we're not going to tell you that you should tell him though," Gabe continued, making Dean's stomach drop to his feet. He should have known that they wouldn’t be bringing this up for no reason.

"What?" he gasped, twisting until he was staring straight at Gabe. "Are you insane? No fucking thanks!"

"Why not?" Charlie prompted gently. "It might not go badly."

"He doesn't like me back. I'm not risking our- I'm not risking everything, just because I'm greedy."

"It's not greedy!" Gabe rubbed his temples, looking like he wished he could shove some sense into Dean and make him see things from his point of view, reminding Dean a lot of how Sammy had looked when they'd had a similar conversation.

"Maybe not," Dean shrugged, not wanting to agree, but knowing that disagreeing wouldn't get him anywhere. "I'm still not going to risk everything for it."

Charlie sighed, turning to face Gabe and very obviously blocking Dean out of the conversation. "Plan C?" she asked, which made no sense, but Gabriel replied before Dean had time to ask what she meant.

"Seems like it's our only option now," Gabriel agreed, "I still think it should have been plan A. Would have saved us a lot of time."

"What?" Dean asked, looking between Gabriel and Charlie, hoping one of them would explain.

Neither of them did.

"Don't worry about it," Charlie smiled, "do you want to watch a movie until Cas gets back? He shouldn't be too much longer."

"Umm, yeah, sure. Can I pick?"

"Go on, but only because Cas is going to be in ultra protective mode by the time he gets back, and I don't want to face his ire if he believes I've done something wrong." Dean had to admit that she was probably making the right decision. Dean had never faced Cas' ire when protecting a sub, mainly because he was normally the sub being protected - he tried to ignore the pull in his chest that reminded him that one day he wouldn't be. One day Cas would meet someone new, and would be protecting them instead - but he had seen the lengths Cas would go to, and getting mad over who picked the movie was not beyond him.

"Don't worry Char," Dean said, "I'll make sure it's one you'll enjoy." She definitely deserved it.

Dean had mostly managed to put what Charlie and Gabe had talked to him about out of his mind by the time Cas reappeared. There was no point thinking about wishes and dreams that he already knew weren’t possible.

“What’re you watching?” Cas asked, busting into the room and dropping onto the couch next to Charlie, reaching out to pull Dean onto his own lap and absentmindedly starting to run his fingers through his hair and stroke his ears.

“Star Wars,” Charlie replied, standing up and stretching for a moment before returning to her seat. “Dean picked.”

“Good,” Cas murmured quietly. He didn’t say anything for a moment, and Dean thought he was watching the movie until he looked over to find Cas’ eyes looked on the side of his head, his eyes slightly squinty as he stared.

“Ummm, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“Why’re you staring at me?”

Cas blinked, as though he hadn’t even noticed he was doing it. “Oh, I was just- I was making sure you were okay…”

Dean didn’t even try to hold back the laughter that bubbled up. He wriggled in place, warmth and sadness warring inside of him. Cas cared so much, and he wished he could have this forever. But he couldn’t. “I promise I’m okay. Charlie did a good job of looking after me.” Cas was like this sometimes, overprotective to the point none of them seemed to quite know what he was doing. It was normally best to just let him do what he needed to do, and only step in if it went too far.

“I know, I trust Charlie. It’s just-”

“What is it, Cas?” Dean prompted quietly.

“I left,” Cas sighed, “and even before that you were hurting because of me. I’ve-”

“Cas,” Dean murmured, breaking him off. “I know you’re worried about me dropping, but have you considered that maybe you’ve dropped?”

Cas frowned, thinking it through carefully. “No, I- it’s not that- I just- oh.” He closed his eyes, dropping his head forwards until it rested on Dean’s shoulder. “I think you might be right.”

“I always am,” Dean whispered, catching Cas’ tail when it started flicking back and forth, and gently using his fingers to comb the knots out of it. “What do you need, Castiel?”

Cas didn’t even need to think about it, answering him straight away. “I need to make sure you’re okay.”

“Alright,” Dean hummed. Cas didn’t drop very often, but when he did… Dean would do anything needed to make Cas feel better again, and nine out of ten times all that was needed was a warm shower, a bit of letting Cas pamper him, and for Dean to make sure to tell Cas how amazing everything they did was, and how he would never want to sub for anyone else.

That wasn't exactly a hardship, not when it was all completely true.

Chapter Text

So far - and it was definitely so far because Gabriel was getting closer every day - everyone had been too polite to say anything about how infuriating Dean and Cas were, or were too aware that they wouldn’t be able to see the truth if it was shoved on a neon sign and waved it in their faces. The two of them were practically drowning in denial so strong that they weren’t even aware there was any denial there. And so their friends bit their tongue, kept their not very subtle hinting to a minimum, and desperately hoped that the idiots would figure it out soon so they didn’t have to live through any more of this frankly painful pining.

They knew that Dean and Cas needed to confess on their own. They knew that if they pushed too hard, they'd just break something and that would just cause things to become much much worse than they already were. Dean and Cas might have been frustratingly obtuse, but at least they were together, and that was the most important thing. They needed to make sure not to fuck that up.

"Are we seriously going to just let this keep going on?" Gabriel asked. He kept his voice low, aware of the fact the walls were pretty thin and Dean and Cas were both just in the next room over. Together. But not together-together. Frustratingly.

"We don't have a choice," Charlie replied, leaning back in her seat and keeping an eye on Cas' door to watch out for movement. The two idiots were hurting each other by refusing to admit their feelings, and yet they were both too scared of being rejected to change anything. "What are we supposed to do? Just tell them that they're literally acting like a mated pair? We both know they'd just tell us that we're undervaluing platonic relationships or something, and then go back to pining."

"Maybe it is time to force their hands then." Gabriel frowned thoughtfully, scratching an invisible beard while his tail flicked aggressively behind him. "We'll need to figure out something they won't see coming. We have one shot at this, and if we mess up we could ruin everything."

"The worst kind of plans." Charlie preferred just being blunt and getting the band aid ripped off quickly. Scheming was more Gabriel's thing than hers, and neither of them were a fan of high stake situations. Not when they could seriously hurt their friends if they messed up.

True mates were only a fable, but seeing Dean and Cas together almost made Charlie believe. If they did something wrong and ruined Dean and Cas' friendship… she didn't think either one would ever recover.

"I think I have an idea," Gabriel admitted, "but it's kind of… it's romcom level."

"At this point, I'll take romcom," Charlie sighed. "What's the plan?"

—---------

“Dean!” Charlie yelled from across the apartment. Dean had been curled up on his bed reading, but he knew better than to ignore Charlie when she sounded like that, so he carefully marked his page and headed in the direction it sounded like Charlie was calling from.

“Cas!” Charlie yelled again, and Dean was fairly sure she was calling from the kitchen. Cas was leaving his room just as Dean passed it, so they ended up walking together, following the sound of Charlie’s relentless calling. Dean had no idea what was so important that it needed both of them and needed her to keep on calling even once they were coming, but he guessed he’d find out.

She wasn’t in the kitchen.

Dean frowned, peering round the room and watching out the corner of his eye as Cas did the same. Charlie had stopped calling, and Dean was just starting to sense something fishy going on, when suddenly he was being pushed and tripping into the pantry. He landed on his ass, hard, and was still trying to figure out how he’d ended up there when Cas fell next to him, and the door banged closed.

Castiel instantly jumped to his feet, throwing himself at the door with the fur on his ears and tail sticking up as though he was in the middle of a fight.

“I know,” Charlie called over the sound of Cas’ hisses, “I’m sorry! But you two need to talk.”

“There was no other way,” Gabe added in, “we tried everything else, you wouldn't talk, so this is our last resort.”

“We’ll let you out when you’re ready.”

“CHARLIE!” Cas bellowed, “GABRIEL!” but neither of them responded again, no matter how long he yelled for.

Dean rubbed his eyes tiredly. What kind of sins did he commit in a past life, in order to end up here?”

“Are you okay, Dean?” Cas asked, his voice back to the soothing gravel it normally was, as he abandoned his attempts to get Charlie or Gabe to let them out, and turned his focus onto Dean. He ended up sitting next to him, an arm wrapped around his back and his tail wrapped around Dean’s ankle, and Dean had to admit that that alone made him feel exponentially better.

“Yeah,” Dean sighed, though it wasn’t exactly true. He’d been worse, and at least the light was turned on , and he had Cas with him, but at the same time… he was locked in the pantry. Supposed to be talking to Cas about who knows what! - he knew, deep down, he just didn’t want to admit it yet, he was still desperately hoping he was wrong - And, this was Charlie, and this was Gabe, they were not going to let them out until they had completed their task, so they could be in here all night!

“Dean,” Cas said warningly, his eyes shifting into a glare. “We’ve talked about this. I can’t help you, unless you tell me the truth. So I’ll ask again. Are you okay, Dean?”

Dean hung his head, turning it so he was curled up beneath Cas’ chin, feeling a million times safer than before. “I’ve been worse,” Dean admitted, “though I’m a little concerned about Charlie and Gabe not letting us out, and I- I’m worried about what they want us to talk about.”

“Okay,” Cas hummed, “thank you for telling me.” His arms came to wrap properly around Dean’s shoulders, so he was surrounded by Cas’ presence, a low growl starting up in his chest, the quiet rumbling helping calm Dean even more.

“We’ll get out,” Cas promised, “it might take a little bit, but Charlie and Gabriel aren’t cruel, just frustrated from the sound of it.”

“Can I still prank the shit out of them once we’re out?”

“Oh, definitely. Reasoning does not save them from the punishments I’m going to make sure they get after this.” Dean chuckled at Cas’ words. It was weird to hear the tone Cas normally used when Dean was being bratty, used against their roommates.

------

An hour passed without any sign of their roommates. They couldn’t even see any shadows under the door, and all evidence pointed to their friends locking them in the pantry and fucking off somewhere, though that seemed a bit irresponsible for Charlie. If it was just Gabe, Dean would one hundred percent believe that was what had happened, but Charlie… Dean wasn’t quite sure, though he also had no idea what else could be happening.

“I guess we could start listing every secret we have?” Cas suggested, “one of them must be what Charlie and Gabe want.”

“Every secret we’ve kept from the other,” Dean amended, “starting with the ones Charlie and Gabe know about, then on to the ones it's possible they could have figured out?”

“Sounds good,” Cas nodded, something in his eyes telling Dean all he needed to know. Cas had an idea of what he should be saying - just like Dean did - and neither of them particularly wanted to share that part.

“I’m the one who keeps on stealing your honey from the cupboard. I don’t have it enough to buy my own, but it’s really good, so sometimes when I’m having a bad day… yeah.” Dean didn’t mention that the reason it made him feel better was because it reminded him of Cas. That was further than he was ready to go yet.

Cas didn’t even blink at Dean’s words, just thought for a moment about his own secret.

“I have Sam’s phone number, and I always tell him when you’re struggling and need to talk to him, which is why he always knows to call.” Dean wasn’t particularly surprised, he’d guessed he had a spy in his own house, and Cas was the most likely candidate.

They waited for a moment, nothing. Apparently the secrets hadn’t been deep enough yet.

“I always miss you when you go to your family’s house over Christmas.”

“I know about your secret panties, I’ve just never brought them up because I don't want to embarrass you.”

That brought a bright red blush to Dean’s face, but there still wasn’t so much as a twitch from outside the door.

“I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel as safe and seen as you do."

“You've changed me, Dean. You see so much good in the world, and you've taught me to do the same."

Still. Fucking. Nothing.

Dean sighed quietly to himself. He knew what was needed, and although he was terrified, he was also starting to need a piss, and he would rather die than be still stuck in the pantry for any longer.

He curled his tail tightly around his waist, fiddling with the tip as he coughed lightly, and worked up the courage to say the words he needed to say.

“Cas,” he said, managing to keep his voice from shaking. “I’m- I-”

“What is it, Dean?” Cas asked

"I love you Cas," Dean blurted out, "I want to be your boyfriend and your sub and your- your everything. I want to spend forever with you, and I know you don’t feel the same, but-”

“Wait what? How can you think I don’t like you?” Cas frowned, his tail twitching through the air behind him in what was probably agitation.

“Are you saying you do like me?” Dean asked, his mind a moment away from short circuiting.

“Yes! Why do you think I’m always grooming you, and doing my best to look after you, and cuddling you and- and being so possessive of you?”

“I thought-” Dean let out a breath of air, letting it whistle through his teeth as he tried to sort out his thoughts. “I thought that was just how you were with your friends. And I thought the possession was just an act for my enjoyment.”

“Have you ever seen me act that way with anyone else? The answer is no, by the way, it’s just you.”

“But- what about Hannah?”

“I like them as a friend,” Cas replied. “I thought about dating them, to try and get over what I thought was an unrequited crush on you, but decided against it. They deserve someone who loves them.”

“You really- this isn’t a dream, right?” Dean checked, pinching his own arm then wincing at the pain. Okay then, this was definitely real. This was really his life…

“I really like you,” Cas said, a dopey grin on his face. “And you really like me.” Dean nodded in confirmation, even though it wasn’t really needed. “Dean? Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Dean breathed, the word scarcely out of his mouth before Cas was there, his pillowy, warm lips - even better than Dean had ever imagined - pressed against Dean’s, a silky tongue invading his mouth.

The door flew open before they could deepen it any more, and both of them jumped apart guiltily.

“FINALLY!” Charlie practically screamed, jumping up and down and clapping her hands. “Gabe, it worked! They finally did it!”

“I’m so proud,” Gabe replied, wiping an imaginary tear. “Our life's work has finally reached its completion.”

Cas glared at their friends, but it was half hearted, and he kept on looking away from them in order to stare at Dean’s lips. Dean had to say, he agreed. He couldn’t even be bothered to be mad about the being locked in the pantry thing, not when he had a boyfriend now. Not when he had Cas now.

“I hate you guys,” he said, gripping Cas’ hand as he dragged him to his room, figuring he could have words with Charlie and Gabe after he had made the most of this new relationship progression.

They had a lot of making out to catch up on.

A lot.