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The Interdepartmental Politics of Snake Selection by Anonymous for theblakery
Fandoms: FAQ: The "Snake Fight" Portion of Your Thesis Defense - Luke Burns
19 Nov 2025
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Summary
Selected interoffice memos regarding the assignment and procurement of snakes for the Spring 2026 term
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From the Snake Fight Coordinator to Procurement:
I know this is last-minute, but we only just got the listing of PhD candidates scheduled for their defense this semester, which normally wouldn’t be a problem except there’s a student on it who didn’t complete a thesis, and we don’t habitually keep snakes suitable for that in stock because no one is supposed to do it. The current suggestion is a reticulated python large enough to be a threat to a human or a large saw-scaled viper, with green anaconda as a backup. Any of these would need to be as large as possible, certainly considerably larger than we normally get.
Please let me know which one you’re getting as soon as possible so that facilities can prepare a suitable tank.
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