Chapter Text
We’ll meet again
Don’t know where
Don’t know when
But I know we’ll meet again
Some sunny day
The melancholy music echoed throughout the vacant tower of the dark palace, almost drowning out the screams and wails of the annual Extermination occurring miles away in the cities—but thankfully, not by much.
Demons were such pitifully weak creatures that it was laughable. Not many could defend themselves—not against their peers, and especially not when it came to the Exorists, who were specifically modeled to kill such lowly vermin with innate bloodlust and hatred that could rival the KKK and the Nazis in their prime days. It was almost sad to see his people so effortlessly slain, but also infatuating.
Their pitiful cries for help that’ll never come…
Their screams of horror…
Their chokes of final death…
Lucifer loved it.
Keep smiling through
Just like you always do
‘Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds
Far away
At his desk, Lucifer listlessly carved a new intricate sigil in the thin air in front of him.
The tracings glowed with infernal energy and burned against the nerveless tip of his black finger. It already pulsed with malevolent intent, its sole purpose shrouded in darkness and destruction, just like all of his other personally made abominations that tormented mankind. He’s added countless new sigils, seals, rituals, and forbidden rites in his cursed books for the occult ever since…
Since she left.
It’s what he does best, after all.
Plague the realms with evil.
Corrupt men.
He is the devil, after all.
And yes, the devil deny it, but in the solitude of his bedroom, he quietly hummed along to the slow song playing from the gramophone across the dim room, bathed in the blood red light of Hell’s sky seeping through the open balcony as he crafted the finer details of his morbid sigil.
It truly was a beautiful day in Hell.
So will you, please, say hello
To the folks that I know?
Tell them I won't be long
They'll be happy to know
That, as you saw me go
I was singing this song
That was, until his brief moment of bliss was cut short—
<BUZZ> <BUZZ>
—When his phone buzzed and lit up with a notification alert.
With his concentration broken, his sigil fizzled out of existence. Lucifer snarled, and his narrowed gaze zeroed in on his phone—a stupid little modern device that Mammon insisted he have despite their multitude of other means of communication—further along the desk, and picked it up.
There was only a handful of individuals who had his number (for obvious reasons), but somehow he was still bombarded with plenty of messages on a daily basis…
Nonetheless, he replied when he saw that it was Beezlebub texting.
She usually only reached out to him over some nonsense, but today was different.
Bee> Luluuuuu! I need some serious help!!!
(10:55 p.m)
What is it now?
I’m busy
(10:58 p.m)
Bee> More decay in my ring 😥
(10:58 p.m)
Lucifer straightened up in his chair with a deep frown.
Just fantastic…
This decay has been a thorn in his side for too long, and he’s yet to find a solution. Something like this shouldn’t even be possible, but for now, all Lucifer could do was keep the severity of it contained from the rest of Hell until he found a permanent way to stop it. He couldn’t have anyone believing that he, the King of Hell, couldn’t maintain his domain…
He wouldn’t have anyone thinking less of him.
I’ll be there in twenty
(11:03 p.m)
Bee> Tkssss Lulu! ♥️♥️♥️ Knew I could count on u! See u in a bit!! ☺️
Bee> Oh! IJR we should totally hit up this new club in Pandemonium
Bee> They got a fountain of virgin blood I rlly wanna try out
Bee> LUULLUUU wat u say??? 😛🥳🍾🍻🍸
(11:04 p.m)
Lucifer rolled his eyes at her obnoxious insistence on calling him such a ridiculous nickname… but sent a thumbs up in response just to keep her from spamming emojis.
He got up, snapping his fingers to stop the music and open his wardrobe to get dressed in his usual attire. But as he slipped his coat on, he remembered that he’d still have a meeting to attend at the Clock Tower in the morning, and there was no way he’d be able to make it if he were to help Beezlebub…
Shit.
If… If she were around, this wouldn’t be a concern…
Lucifer gritted his teeth bitterly at the thought, glancing down momentarily at the ring on his finger before looking away to put on his hat.
Who else did he have…?
Satan has too much of a temper.
Asmodeus is too horny to be a diplomat.
Levithan would get too pissy.
Belphagor wouldn’t be able to stay awake.
Beezlebub is off the table.
Definitely not Mammon.
Jesus on a stick! Why is it that everyone in his circle was so fucked in the head that they were utterly useless in the grand scheme of things?! Was there seriously nobody in all of Hell with a functioning brain who wouldn’t make an absolute fool out of him in front of the angels?
He searched through his contacts in his phone and…
Found Charlie.
Lucifer grimaced, but considered.
She was his daughter and the Princess of Hell. She wouldn’t be on anyone’s shit list yet… and her starry-eyed, up-in-the-clouds personality aligns better with that of Heaven’s than anyone else he knew down here, even if that meant she had zero backbone. But that wouldn’t be needed for a fruitless consultation, such as this…
Even if he was there.
Whether Lucifer wanted to admit it or not, Charlie was truly the only option if he wanted this meeting to go through peacefully.
With a heavy sigh, he tapped on Charlie’s contact and unmuted her, only for his phone to immediately be flooded by unread text messages.
Charlie> Hey, Dad! I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing! You haven’t called or texted in a while, and neither has mom, soooo I wasn’t sure, ya knowwww?? I’m not trying to say I don’t trust you to handle yourself! Because I know you can totally handle yourself! But I’m just curious about how you’re holding up since you’re my dad and I care about you. That’s all. No pity here whatsoever! Sooo, I’m starting this hotel…
(Seven years ago, 5:00 a.m.)
(126 additional texts from Charlie)
(Missed Calls x 80)
Now remembers why he blocked her.
Lucifer snorted humorlessly, “Oh, Charlie… How could you have ended up as my daughter?”
/-/
//The Nepo Baby of Hell, Charlie Morningstar’s botched interview from yesterday is still trending on VoxTube, and, obviously, once the Extermination wraps up after 3 a.m. tomorrow, our station will be the first to announce the death count and any major battles, since the disgraced daughter of our head honcho’s little rehabilitation plan failed so miserably—//
Vaggie swiftly clicked to the next channel, turning up with endless static, “Okay, that’s enough Channel 666 for a lifetime.” She groaned, wishing she could run her spear through Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench for all the shit they’ve been spewing all day. She then glanced worriedly over at her partner beside her on the couch, “You okay, hon?”
Charlie tried for a weak smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes, “I still think the interview was a good idea… At least now most of Hell knows about the hotel?” She attempted optimistically.
From his chair at the bar, Angel Dust clicked his tongue, “It probably would’ve blown over better if ya hadn’t sung…” The spider demon commented snidely before tipping his Carrie’s Revenge drink down his gullet until a whole ass vase flew across the dingy hotel lobby and right at him. He barely managed to dodge it in time before it smashed against the wall, “What the hell?!”
Vaggie glared daggers at him, standing backwards on the couch, “It probably would’ve blown over better if you hadn’t joined a FUCKING TURF WAR right in the middle of it!” She screamed, her light gray face turning red as she pulled at her hair.
Niffty scurried over and hurriedly grabbed all of the shattered pieces of glass from the ground with her bare hands before anyone could stop her, and then scurried away just as fast as she came with a freaky grin as she muttered to herself.
“So so so dirty… Gotta clean it up.”
Husk eyed her questionably before shaking his head. It had nothing to do with him.
He poured Angel another drink, “How about you just shut up and drink. It’d be doing us all a favor.” He remarked sarcastically before going back to half-heartedly polishing the glasses behind the bar.
He hasn’t even been here for more than a day, thanks to Alastor, and was already getting used to the toomfoolery of this run-down place.
Angel smirked deviously and leaned over with seduction dripping from his voice, “Ooh? How about ya gag me, whiskers? That’ll make me real quiet for ya! We’ve been holed up here all day, so you must be all pent up, huh?”
Husk recoiled back with evident disgust and turned away, “Quit that.” He growled coldly, but it did nothing to deter the pornstar, “Fuckin’ creep.”
“Angel, stop harassing Husk and let him work.” Vaggie massaged her temple tiredly.
From the couch, Charlie sighed contentedly at her friends’ antics. Despite her dream’s… lack of progress… she was still happy to be here, with them, nonetheless. The Happy Hotel, er, well, the Hazbin Hotel (as Alastor rebranded it) was boarded up for the protection of her guests, because while she and every other hellborn demon were exempt from the Extermination, every sinner residing in the seven rings was being slaughtered in broad daylight like fodder!
It wasn’t right…
If only they’d listen to her.
If only someone would listen to her—
<Then he waddled away. Waddle, waddle. ‘Til the very next day. Bum-bum-bum-bum, bum da-dum>
Charlie jolted to attention when she heard The Duck Song coming from her phone.
But that was her ringtone for—
She snatched her phone from the table.
Her eyes widened into saucers, and she leaped up, “SHIT! SHIT! HOLY SHIT! SHIT!”
Everyone turned to her, surprised by her sudden outburst, and watched as she started running around the hotel’s lobby like she was being chased by a pack of savage dogs.
“I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard her cuss,” Angel said, looking actually concerned as Charlie ran about like a madwoman on fire, “Is she havin’ a stroke?” He questioned, to which Husk merely shrugged with disinterest and continued working while Vaggie’s eyes followed her girlfriend in concern.
“GUYS!” Charlie squealed excitedly, a bundle of nerves, hopping up and down with her phone clutched to her chest, “IT’S MY DAD!”
The room stilled at that announcement, and the air got thick.
Their attention snapped to hear Charlie out, even Husk. Their surprise was written all over their faces at the bombshell. They’ve always known Charlie was Lucifer’s one and only daughter. It wasn’t exactly a secret either, given how her family’s portrait hung proudly up for everybody to see, but the devil was never around, and Charlie only ever mentioned him when she was freaking out or ran off to go reach out to him (even though it was clear that she never got a reply).
“The big dick himself?” Angel murmured in disbelief and a sliver of fear. He yelped when Niffty popped up in the chair next to him, giggling merrily with a sharp knife (where did she even get that?).
“The Ultimate Bad Boyyy. Hehehehe! I bet he’s scary.” She mused with no filter.
In a wave of darkness, Alastor emerged from the top of the staircase with a spin of his staff, “Oh? This atta be interesting…” He drawled with a sharp smile.
Angel glanced up at him with a raised brow, “And where have you been, Smiles? Haven’t seen you all day.”
Vaggie took the chance to pin Alastor with a sharp look, “Yeah, me neither. It’s Extermination Day, and shithead overlords like you are prime targets!” She reminded him hostilely, “So don’t leave the hotel until it’s over, alright? Charlie set up plenty of… games and movies to entertain everyone until then.”
Alastor chuckled, “Ah, careful, my dear! It almost sounds as if you were worried about me!”
“Keep dreaming, fenómeno de la naturaleza.” Vaggie scowled before rushing to keep Charlie in one place.
“Besides!” Alastor continued, “I’ve been busy coming up with renovations for our shabby little hotel!” He gestured to the dusty decor and lackluster furniture, “You’ll need more than a bar and homely cobwebs to attract any guests! I’m thinking a chef will do wonders for the lack of raw food here! Or perhaps a band! Some jazz will surely liven the place up!” His grin curling with glee, he materialized downstairs to join the rest of the inhabitants. “But I do suppose that can wait until the princess answers her phone call.”
Charlie cheered loudly, practically vibrating in Vaggie’s grasp, “YES! AND HE NEVER CALLS! Like ever! Ever!”
“Oh, she’s got daddy issues…” Husk said, sliding Alastor a cup of whiskey.
Angel snorted, “How ya figure?”
Vaggie gripped Charlie’s shoulders tighter, her tone and expression softening, “Calm down, hon. Let’s find out what he wants first, okay?”
“Right! You’re right!”
Unamused by her dramatics, Husk sneered, “Uh, you might wanna answer it before it goes to voicemail then…” He pointed out.
Charlie’s eyes widened again and blinked twice, “OH, shit! You’re right!” She just realized she’s been leaving her dad waiting for far too long, and quickly answered the call before it was too late.
She twirled around with a forced, anxious grin.
“HEeeyy, bitch!”
Vaggie facepalmed.
Angel Dust choked on his drink.
Alastor let out a delighted laugh, “Oh, my! How painfully entertaining!” Even his shadow joined him for the show, soundlessly cackling and wiping a nonexistent tear where it’s eye would be.
‘Excuse me?’
Charlie winced at her dad’s disgruntled voice on the other line and cleared her throat, hopefully to get her wits together, “Ah! S-Sorry! I, uh, I didn’t— you never— how was I supposed to— Hehehe! Hey, Dad! Padre! Papa! W-Watcha need? Or I mean, eh, what’s poppin’?”
Vaggie placed a reassuring hand on her back, “Deep breaths, Charlie.”
“Well, if she wasn’t having a stroke before, she’s definitely having one now,” Angel whispered dryly in the background, which had the others mumble in agreement.
‘I hope this isn’t how you answer all of your calls.’
“NO! It’s, ahem, no, of course not. It’s just, you never call or text. I, actually, haven’t heard from you in like, what was it, seven years. So, I might’ve overreacted a smidge…”
‘Right.’
“Soooo…” Charlie began uncomfortably after his lackadaisical response, “Why are you calling now? Did something happen? Is… Is it mo—”
‘I need a favor.’
Her jaw dropped.
“Oh! Of course! Just name it and I’ll do it! I’d do anything for you! Er—” Charlie backtracked and tapped her chin in thought. She paced around the lobby animatedly as she tried to explain, “Well, maybe not anything! Like, murder, or, um, torture, because that’s a BIG no-no! Heh, I mean, hehe, you have the power to take care of all that good stuff by yourself, and you have the other Seven, so I doubt you’d ever call me about that! But anything else you need, I am on it like a bad rash!!”
The others watched her frantic tangent in awkward silence.
‘Mhm… That’s nice, Charlie.’
Charlie deflated slightly, and her smile faltered. Her dad sounded so dismissive, but then again, he often doesn’t give her sentimental ramblings much thought… Never has, and probably never will… her mom, at the very least, listened, even if she never really cared…
‘I need you to attend a meeting for me.’
“A… meeting?” She giggled uneasily, tugging at her suit’s collar, “Like with the Goetias? Or one of the other royal families? Or Hell’s Council? Because, uh, dad… I don’t think I’m the most qualified…”
‘No. I need you to attend a meeting with one of my brothers tomorrow morning at the Clock Tower once the Extermination has finished.’
Charlie gasped, “One of your brothers?!” She gripped her phone to her ear, strong enough to break it if she wasn’t careful, “Like the ones from Heaven?!”
Her dad rarely ever talked about his family (which was also her family) in Heaven, let alone his time there before he and Mom introduced sin to Earth. And whenever he did, it was usually to curse them under his breath. Charlie never brought it up because it was obviously a touchy subject for him, even if his pride would never allow him to admit that it was anything other than pure disdain.
But Charlie’s seen him gaze longingly up at the stained glass windows of certain angels in his wing of the palace when he thought he was alone.
‘Charlie, who else would I be referring to? Just go in my stead. I’ve already notified them. There are more pressing matters that need my attention, and these meetings are just a formality for the Exterminations’ aftermath. I’ll send a few documents your way that you’ll need to bring, but it’s nothing too special.’
“A-Alright! Dad! I can totally do that for you! Even though I’ve never actually met an angel before, let alone one of my very own uncles! But I swear to all things unholy that I will make you prou—“
‘Okay then. Let me know how it goes.’
He hung up.
After a beat of tense silence, Vaggie pressed thoughtfully, “What was it—?”
“I’VE GOT A MEETING WITH HEAVEN!”
Everyone had to cover their ears to avoid their eardrums being burst from Charlie’s piercing screams. Husk growled as his bottles of beer rattled violently, and Alastor replaced a cracked monocle with a brand new one with a snap of his fingers. Angel used his lower set of arms to cover Niffty’s ears as well, since she was just twirling her knife like a maniac lost in fantasies of bad boy heaven.
“EEEEEeeeee!”
Charlie’s screeching eventually lowered until it was a bearable volume as she bounced around.
“Really?” Angel wondered doubtfully, “It’s that easy?”
Alastor chuckled lowly, tracing his finger along the rim of his cup of whiskey, “Well, given her father’s status, I believe she can get away with many things…”
Vaggie caught Charlie, who basically melted into mush in her arms as she released a deep breath, before springing up, “Vaggie! This is the perfect opportunity to tell Heaven about the hotel! I can get them behind my plan of demon redemption and convince them to stop the Exterminations once and for all!”
“But you didn’t ask your dad, did you?” Vaggie asked, “Will he be okay with you talking to the angels about this? You don’t think he’ll be upset?” The last thing she wanted was to upset her girlfriend’s father, the King, a man who could easily destroy everything they’ve built, and her, for that matter.
Charlie snorted carelessly and waved her off, “Don’t worry, Vaggie! Once he sees Heaven supporting me, he won’t be able to have the chance to be mad! And once things get rolling, he’ll see that my dream is possible! If I can see the angels hear my dream that any soul can change, then they’ll know that everyone can be redeemed!” She explained with overwhelming joy.
The girls jump a little as Alastor teleports between them.
“Of course, my dear!” He proclaimed, matching Charlie’s upbeat energy before moving to block Vaggie from her view with himself, “My, I would say that even the most degenerate of sinners would turn a curious eye at this hotel if you were to get the angels to agree that redemption is a possible option!”
Charlie beamed at his support and nodded in agreement, “Exactly, Al! This is what I’ve been waiting for!”
Alastor’s eyes slimmed with amusement, and he gently led Charlie over to her family’s hanging portrait, leaving behind a speechless Vaggie, “Indeed!” He said tenderly as they peered upon the exquisite painting, where the King and Queen smirked villainously, while their innocent daughter appeared so out of place between them with her pure expression, “This could even prove to them that you are more than a failure. Prove to them that they were wrong to discard you. Make them proud! There’s no way you can pass up such a once-in-a-lifetime chance! You will finally be able to change their minds and save us all from Heaven’s genocide!”
Charlie’s eyes watered, “You’re right, Alastor.” She spoke with more determination as she wiped her unshed tears, “I can do this!”
Vaggie watched the two sadly, but didn’t want to dash Charlie’s hope with her own concerns.
Still, even with Alastor’s (weirdly) supportive attitude, it felt like there was more behind that grin…
She approached carefully, “Okay, hon. If this is what you wa—”
Before she could finish her sentence, a stack of thick paper popped in out of nowhere and landed heavily in Charlie’s arms, causing the girl to stumble, “Whoa! These must be the documents Dad mentioned…” She then brightened up, “I should go through all of these tonight, so I’ll be ready for the meeting tomorrow!”
Without another word, Charlie raced up the stairs and in the direction of her quarters.
As soon as she disappeared, Vaggie drew her spear and held it to Alastor’s throat.
The Radio Demon didn’t even flinch. They both knew she wouldn’t be able to land a scratch on him, but she needed to make her standing known, “I don’t know what you’re planning, or why you’re suddenly acting like you care when you’ve made it pretty clear from the start that you don’t even believe in redemption, but I swear when I find ou—”
Alastor moved her spear away with his fingertip, “Whatever do you mean? I’m merely… advocating our lovely friend’s hopes! After all, I must take my role as the hotel’s new host seriously! Maybe you should follow my example…”
Vaggie glowered as he waltzed back over to the bar without another word.
He was definitely hiding something…
But what?
/-/
All it took was one clean swipe of his sharpened knife, and the Exorcist’s head unceremoniously fell from its neck, landing in a bundle of golden blood along with its now lifeless limbs.
Kin quickly tucked the head under his arm and dragged its body to a more secluded area, away from all of the chaos happening all over. He crept into a dark alley, one near the V Tower, but knew there was no way he’d be able to get any closer without being caught by the many cameras the Media Overlords had set up all over their turf.
But before Kin could use the shadows to cloak him and the deceased angel, a voice caught him off guard.
Peeking back around he alleyway’s brick wall, Kin’s breath hitched—
“Don’t know why you bitches think running would get you anywhere!” A large angel with a mask similar to that of the exorcist, a pair of large golden wings, and a bright halo became a blur of speed as he beheaded several fleeing demons at once on the street with his guitar-axe, “But keep going! The chase keeps my blood pumping!”
Kin’s red eyes grew wide, his devil wings twitching, at the sight of his f̸̬̤̘͗̾̏̇̓̎͂͛͋̈́ḁ̷̥̭̗̖̳̘̙͑̈̇̇ṭ̵̰̀͝h̵̡̢̟̭̜̹̬̾̀́́̽͝e̴̺̺̲̻̥̹̦̹͐͒́̚̚͝r̸̘̜̱̓̐̇͑
He stared as the large angel flew away over the building’s roofs, before steeling himself and vanishing into the shadows before he was detected with the decapitated angel. Eyes were everywhere, and he couldn’t risk being seen by any of them.
He’d be able to devour the body later, but the head needed to be placed in the correct spot for things to be put into motion.