Chapter Text
For the next few days, Occtis did avoid him. Julien didn’t press the issue, but remained his quiet shadow, never letting him out of sight. He did allow the boy some privacy to talk with Thaisha where he couldn’t hear them, but he never broke the oath he had made to remain in the same place as Occtis.
He was not invited to a rather heated conversation as they neared town, one that Vaelus broke into with her kind irreverence. It was not at all surprising to him when she approached him afterward.
“I will instruct Occtis how to dream without sleeping, if he is able. Your presence is not necessary and also not a problem. I honestly think you would benefit from the same practice, but I ask that you remain quiet as you observe if you must accompany us.” Her voice was factual but not cold, like a teacher gently guiding one of her more troublesome students.
Julien nodded and his eyes flicked behind her, to where the Tachonis boy stood staring at him. He held his gaze as he spoke. “I am capable of holding my tongue.”
“Good.” She said, and swept away again, neither directly dismissing nor inviting him.
Strangely, Occtis met his eyes for a beat longer, like he wanted to say something, but he followed Vaelus away without a word.
And Julien followed them, keeping his distance.
Thaisha caught his arm as he passed and she pulled him close, taking advantage of her dominant height to lean over him imposingly. “Do not interfere unless one of them asks for you by name.”
Julien agreed with a slow, unsure nod. He couldn’t think of any reason he’d want to interrupt what sounded like a guided meditation and the request unsettled him. “Why would I interfere?”
“He might get upset. He had a lot of nightmares even before.” She informed him and released her grip on his arm.
“I understand.” Julien gave her another nod of reassurance and went after the other two.
Vaelus led them to the surprisingly nice inn where she stiffly paid an elderly orcish man for rooms with a disguised Occtis two steps behind her. Wordlessly she handed out keys and then continued up the stairs without even a glance back to see if they followed, leaving them no time to appreciate the fine woodwork or the shine of the bar. She continued into the room with that same air of cool indifference, like she could find nothing of visual interest in the building.
The lodging was larger than the last they’d rented, with one big bed covered in several pillows and four oversized plush chairs pushed close to a dark stone fireplace. There was also two deep wooden nightstands, a low table, and a small writing desk and chair pressed into the corner by the window. Three oil lamps provided a warm, orange glow that made the thick green blanket on the bed look far more comfortable than it had any right to be. Two small paintings decorated the walls as well as a number of hangings woven from plant fiber and horse hair.
Compared to the Heron’s Nest this place was practically a palace.
Vaelus pulled one of the chairs across the wooden floor until it was close to the bed and sank down into it. She looked at Occtis while he calmly said goodbye to Thaisha and Aranessa and stepped in, he dropped his disguise as soon as the door had shut behind him. He looked like his usual, anxious self, with a slightly eager glint in his eyes.
“Please, make yourself comfortable.” Vaelus swept her hand toward the bed. “It is more common for humans to rest laying down, is it not?”
“No, you’re right.” Occtis admitted. “It’s just a little weird to lay down in the middle of a room when everyone is looking at you.”
Julien scoffed a laugh and made his way over to sit in the chair furthest from Vaelus, near the empty fireplace. “I intend to close my eyes and fall asleep, so I won’t be watching.” He informed them, and began to divest himself of his gauntlet and armor like it was the most normal thing in the world.
He still caught the small, appreciative smile that flashed across Occtis’ face.
The boy removed his boots, his gloves, and his coat, then paused before he pulled off his cravat and placed it on the nightstand. He laid himself out slowly on his back, and folded his hands together over his stomach.
“Comfortable?” Vaelus asked.
“As I am going to get, yeah.” Occtis answered.
“Good. You don’t need to answer me, but I will give you instructions and ask you questions. To start, close your eyes. You are not here.” Her voice became very soft, very soothing, with a slightly musical quality to it. She waited a beat before she went on, carefully speaking the words like the phrases of a prayer. “When were you happiest? Where? You are there. Was there a scent in the air? Could you see the sun?” She paused again. The dead body on the bed before them took a slow, determined breath, but otherwise remained still. “Feel your heartbeat, the echo of it in your veins, the pulse in your bones. Remember the warmth of your skin and the sensation in your fingers, in your toes, the tickle of your hair on your neck…”
She went on, her instructions always keyed to the feelings of a living, breathing, body and the joy found in simple, ordinary things. She spoke of flavors and scents, textures and temperatures, flavors, of the satisfaction in stretching after a long nap. Her voice became a soothing hum, like the pulse of a ritual.
Despite what he had said before, Julien did not want to fall asleep in the lounge chair. He hadn’t even eaten dinner. But her questions and instructions brought to mind a time when he was a boy, even younger than Occtis, before politics and responsibility had driven his family apart.
Riding horses between swordsmanship lessons, the wind in his hair, the sun on his face, laughing without a care in the world.
Before he’d gone to war.
His eyes had fallen shut and he opened them with a force of will. Blinking, he first saw Vealus in her chair, eyes closed, aware but motionless.
And Occtis lay on the bed still, his chest gently rising and falling in an easy, natural rhythm. It wasn’t sleep, Julien didn’t think, but it was similar to the state he’d fallen into when Julien had held him against his chest and allowed him to borrow his heartbeat. Only now he wasn’t borrowing that physical comfort from another person, but his memories, or maybe his dreams.
“You can always have this moment. It cannot be taken from you. This is your heartbeat, these are your breaths, your warmth. You can always Remember them, and touch them through time. Now, rest. Exist in that moment for as long as you like.”
While his face made no movement and his breaths did not cease, a tear slid from the corner of Occtis’ left eye and across his temple.
With a sorrowful smile and sadness in her eyes, Vaelus stood from her chair and turned to Julien. She gave a shallow bow and moved toward the door with nearly silent footsteps. She paused at the threshold to look back once more before she carefully eased the door open and crept into the hall, barely latching it behind her.
Julien looked back to the body on the bed.
Occtis remained still but for his chest gently rising and falling at a perfect, easy pace, pale fingers laced together on his stomach, feet splayed at the foot of the bed. It looked far more restful than how the boy sometimes leaned over and seemed to die for a moment in a desperate attempt to find peace. In the warm glow of the oil lamps his skin didn’t look so sallow, the illusion of life dancing in the warm shadows of his cheekbones.
After two or three minutes of near perfect silence, Julien rose and lit the fireplace, then went back to his comfortable chair and eased into it. The heat from the fire made the room homier. It wasn’t surprising to him at all when his eyelids started to feel heavy again, his own breath slowing with tiredness.
It was easy to forget how exhausting traveling could be, but faced with such a cozy room and perfect chair, he couldn’t ignore the allure of sleep. He could eat dinner later.
His head rested on the high back and he forced his eyes open for one last, unfocused look. There was no danger, no sudden threat. He allowed sleep to take him.
-- -- --
It was the quiet rustling of fabric and a soft series of pops, like someone cracking their knuckles, that woke him. He opened his eyes to see Occtis sitting at the edge of the bed, pressing the fingers of his left hand back with his right palm, after a moment he switched sides and the crack of bones echoed through the room again. He opened and closed his hands in front of his face and experimentally rolled his shoulders.
His palms and back made similar sounds to his fingers, only louder. There he paused with his hands pressed to either side of him on the mattress, like he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to stand.
It was the most alive he’d seemed since he’d died, like a man made drunk from too many hours of sleep.
“You look rested.” Julien observed, and Occtis turned his head sharp enough to make his neck creak.
“Oh. Yeah. I guess.”
“And confused.”
Occtis rubbed his jaw until it too gave a painful sounding snap. He didn’t seem to feel any discomfort from it. “A little. I don’t… I don’t know. It’s going to--” He cut himself off with a sharp laugh and smiled like he’d told himself the most amusing of jokes. The expression was so honest and joyful it set the ember in Julien’s chest burning again. “It’s going to take some getting used to. Like everything else.”
Julien sat up a little and leaned forward in his chair to peer more closely at the boy’s face. He really did appear more at ease with himself, less exhausted, less anxious. Still dead.
“What?” Occtis cocked an eyebrow.
“You have a surprisingly handsome smile.”
“Ugh!” Occtis grabbed the pillow beside him and threw it as hard as he could at Julien. The projectile hit him square in the chest, drawing a hearty chuckle from his throat. If Occtis had been capable of blushing he surely would have been. Instead, his eyes focused very heavily on Julien’s knees and he shook his head to himself. “I know I said you don’t have to be nice to me, but I’d really prefer that you not constantly mock me.”
Julien gently lobbed the pillow back on the mattress beside him. “I’m not mocking you, I’m complimenting you. Flirting with you, even.”
Occtis rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know you’re insatiable but I doubt you would ever be desperate enough to…” He made a stiff, vague hand gesture toward himself.
“Sleep with you?”
“Less me, more a dead person. But yes. Me.” Occtis sighed. “Stop it, is my point.”
Julien scoffed. “My father tried for over a decade to keep me from indulging in my vices and I never listened to him. What makes you think I’ll listen to you?”
“Because you aren’t serious and I don’t need another fucking thing to think about right now.” It was the first time Occtis had sounded well and truly angry with him, and he didn’t apologize or back down, for once he met Julien’s eyes with his unnaturally green ones narrowed in challenge.
There was nothing Julien liked more than a challenge.
Julien stood and moved to the side of the bed where he leaned gradually forward, slow enough that he expected Occtis to withdraw if he felt threatened, and grabbed him by the collar. “I am many things, Occtis, but a liar is not one of them.” He jerked his hand forward and tilted his head to brush his lips against the necromancer’s in a kiss that was chaste and brief and room temperature, heated by the ambient warmth of the fire. He pulled away quickly. He was fine toeing the line to prove his point, but he didn’t want to overstep his bounds completely, just push them until the boy knew he was indeed being serious.
Occtis stilled but didn’t rip himself out of Julien’s hold. He swallowed like his mouth was dry, a stuttering breath blew cool and pleasant across Julien’s chin. “Okay. Okay. Um…” His cold right hand reached up and curled around Julien’s warm fingers, trapping his collar in their combined grip. “I cannot think about this right now.”
“Then don’t,” Julien smirked. He kissed him on the mouth again, a little harder than before, and when the lips against his softened he smiled. Still, he pulled away without deepening the contact. “Unless you want to. Gods, but I could use the distraction.”
“Ha. Well,” Occtis leaned back a bit, though still not far enough to break his grasp. His voice came out a conflicted whine. “I’m not prepared for this at all. Not when I just learned to…”
“Rest?”
Occtis nodded. “Yeah. It’s not… I’m not alive and I know that, but I remember what it's like to be. To want things. To…” He searched for a word and gave up quickly. He leaned forward himself and tentatively, experimentally, pressed his mouth to Julien’s, careful and cautious, curious and clumsy.
This time, Julien didn’t stop himself from brushing the tip of his tongue across Occtis’ lips, and when his mouth parted in surprise Julien carefully delved just a little further, slowly and shallowly flicking his tongue behind the younger man’s teeth and along the cool roof of his mouth.
Occtis did push him away then, though it was to gasp several deep breaths and lean to the side like he might be lightheaded. “Fuck. Sorry. It’s--”
Julien let go of his shirt but allowed Occtis to keep a hold of his hand like an anchor, a chuckle in his throat. “You’re fine. I’m… desperate for a distraction, but I’m not a fool. I wanted you to know I am serious, though.”
Before Occtis could respond the door of the room creaked open. Julien immediately released his hand, but Occtis held on.
Thaisha stopped in the doorway. She bristled defensively for a heartbeat before her shoulders loosened and her head tilted, her eyes focused on Occtis rather than on any threat she might have imagined that Julien posed. “How are you?”
Occtis gave a brief squeeze to Julien’s hand before he pushed himself to standing, knees and hips cracking in protest. He walked slowly over to her, wrapped his slim arms around her broad frame and pulled her close. It took her a breath to return the hug, warm and matronly.
“Thank you.” Occtis breathed, just audible. “I don’t know how I am, but thank you.”
She bent around him like a protective cocoon, all enveloping. “That’s confusing, but good, right?”
“Ye-yeah…” He sounded like he might cry, voice pinched in his throat. “It is.”
She hugged him tighter, the kind of hug only a loving protector could give, and he melted in her arms one bit at a time, starting in his shoulders. Her eyes slid to Julien and he expected to find her gaze accusatory, instead it was warm and confused, and shockingly appreciative. “Come on downstairs. Julien needs to eat dinner and you can tell Vaelus and I how things went.”
Occtis shook his head. “I’d like to stay up here, if I can. It’s been… a lot.”
“Oh, hon….” Her attention turned to Julien. “Hungry?”
He stretched his shoulders and failed at hiding a yawn. “Famished.”
“Do you want me to stay with you?” Thaisha asked the boy, pushing him back by the shoulders to look down at him.
He shook his head. “It might be nice to be alone for ten minutes, if you want to go downstairs. I promise I won’t go anywhere. And I’ll lock the door.”
“Alright. I'll finish my drink and come right back.”
“Take your time. I’ll probably just see if I can reach that state on my own, or if I’ll need Vaelus to guide me.” He explained.
Armed and wearing his boots again, Julien joined them at the door. “Good luck.” With that, he and Thaisha left Occtis alone for the first time since his death.
-- -- --
Dinner was a thick dark soup full of root vegetables and mushrooms, seasoned with smokey meat and maple. Julien didn’t want to admit it, but between that and the fresh bread and salted butter, it might have been the most decadent meal they’d had since they left the city. Vaelus and Thaisha nursed cups of liquor while Julien devoured his food and drank a glass of red wine, Lady Aranessa sipped her own glass beside him.
Thaisha finished her drink and subtly ordered another. “How was he, when he came out of it?” She asked, obviously holding back the urge to bombard him with questions about what exactly she’d walked in on.
He took a deep drink of his wine before he answered. “Stiff, but he looked rested. If he can master the technique on his own he might…”
“Might?” Aranessa prompted him.
Julien instead glanced at Vaelus, who met his gaze unwaveringly over the light of the candle in the center of their circular table. “He might actually enjoy being alive.”
Thaisha drank deeply from her new cup, turning the little metal container in her hand with thought. She did not seem to taste it as much as chew it, licking it from her teeth. “Then you noticed it, too. I thought it might have been something I was imagining, given the origin of the magic that… brought him back.”
Vaelus gave a grim nod. “His existence is a miracle. It will take time to know if it is also a tragedy.”
“He said before that eating was too much work, and as tired as he is, he can’t force himself to sleep.” Julien said to his half-empty bowl.
Thaisha continued to twirl her cup in her hand, studying the dark liquid inside of it. “He said he believes he’s Hollow, that his soul is gone, or at least the majority of it is, and the husk that remains is his only existence.” She shook her head in sadness. “The life remaining for him is this… joyless effort, and then nothing after.”
Vaelus turned her eyes skyward, like she could gaze through the ceiling above them and see something no one else could. “If he needs more guidance, I am willing to provide it. I cannot promise it will be enough.”
“Enough?” Julien repeated.
She looked at him with eyes so full of loss he was surprised she was not crying. “When our goddess died we were left without love or happiness, without our mother. Many of us felt we had died with her in all but the literal sense. Some chose to join her, rather than to go on with what was perceived as a listless existence.” She put her cup down and glanced between her three companions, her eyes pleading with them to understand. “He is not meant to live forever, to see the people in his life grow old and fade. His mind was not created to be immortal or experience loss of that magnitude. So I can try to teach him, but there may come a time that oblivion is more inviting than what he has left.”
Thaisha drank what remained in her glass and let her head rest in her hands, elbows on the table, clawed fingers digging into her voluminous hair. “I wish there was something I could do.”
“There is.” Vaelus said softly. “Love him for what he is now, not what he was.”
Julien passed what remained in his wine glass to Thaisha and pushed his chair away from the table. “I will go see how he fairs. Stay for a few more drinks if you’d like, I’d want to if I were in your position.”
She accepted the cup with a thankful smile. “Tell him I got carried away trying to keep up with Vaelus.”
“I will.” He gave a weak smile, and turned back toward the stairs.
“Julien?” Aranessa stopped him with a kind hand on his forearm. “Be sure to lock the door.” She reminded him.
He nodded and made his way toward the stairs. As nice as the inn was there were few patrons, perhaps because it was so expensive. Whatever the case, not a single person looked up from their meals to watch him leave.
He retrieved the room key from his pocket and tried to open the door as quietly as possible, just in case Occtis had managed to go back to his memory meditation unassisted. Instead, he found Occtis sitting at the writing desk, facing away from the door, a book laid out before him. Ink stained fingers scrawled notes along the page, his mouth curved down in a frown of concentration. He put his quill down and picked up a metal tool and turned his attention to something else on the desk.
Julien stepped in and closed the door hard enough to make a sound.
Occtis glanced over his shoulder at him with wide eyes and then turned hurriedly back to what he was working on. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I was expecting Thaisha.”
“What do you mean?”
“Uh…” His movements slowed. “Um… You can… you can come look, if you want. Please don’t jump to any conclusions.”
Julien locked the door behind him and slowly came to look over the boy’s shoulder. His fingers were stained in old, rusty brown blood as well as ink, a surgical opening cut into his left wrist, the skin carefully folded back and pinned with various medical instruments that Julien did not know the names of. He had seen the inner workings of a person before in the heat of battle, but never purposely exposed to the air by the person they belonged to.
His stomach rolled his stew violently but he managed to stop himself from losing it across the floor. “What are you doing?” His voice sounded distant to his own ears.
“Um… documenting the level of decomposition and feeling I have on the inside of my arm compared to the outside. I swear it’s not as grim as it looks.” Occtis replied. As if to prove his point he took a small blunt metal tool from a leather case and prodded at a fibrous portion of flesh near the joint -- his fingers spasmed and he hissed in a breath.
“Nerves and Stimuli Post-Mortum.” Julien recalled.
Occtis looked up at him in surprise. “Yeah.”
“And you think Thaisha would be okay with you… slicing your arm open to test a theory?”
“I told her I was thinking about it. She discouraged me, but she also knows me.” He put his metal tool down and went instead for a small pair of tongs that he used to pick up a curved needle, already threaded with a thick, dark string. Despite his exposed nerves and veins, he placed a pair of forceps in his left hand to make changing tools faster, his fingers seemingly unaffected by the damage to his wrist. He spoke softly while he went to work suturing the wound. “And now I know, so there shouldn’t be a reason to do it again.”
Julien leaned on the back of the younger man’s chair while he watched. “What did you learn?”
Occtis completed two stitches before he spoke. “The exposed nerves hurt, but not as much as they would in a living specimen. Externally, pain is almost entirely absent; I didn’t require any anesthetic to make the incision or to start the sutures, though there is a sense of wrongness, even if the wound doesn’t hurt. The blood has thickened significantly but is not rotting. It’s like everything reached a certain level of rot and then the decomposition process just… stopped. Frozen in time.”
“What does that mean to you?” Julien watched him finish the last stitch and begin tying off the thread.
“That I am at least not becoming more dead.” He wiped the newly sealed skin with a clean cloth and attempted to use the same fabric to scrub some of the gore from his hands. It did not seem to do much. “Anyway, why did you come back?”
“Thaisha wanted another drink so I came in her stead.” Julien half-lied.
“Oh. She must be worried.”
“She is.”
Occtis made one last note in his book before he started putting away his medical supplies, movements practiced and easy. “Me, too.” He mumbled, tucking his things into a neat pile at the edge of the desk. He had just started to roll down his sleeve when Julien reached out and stopped him from pulling the fabric over the wound. Occtis looked up at him in confusion, but didn’t push him away.
“Let me wrap it. For all we know you can still get an infection.” Julien suggested.
“I doubt it, but okay.”
Julien was keenly aware of Occtis watching him as he unwound a strip of gauze and from the arcanist’s medical supplies and proceeded to kneel on the rug in front of his chair on one knee, putting the work closer. He had done this hundreds, if not thousands of times, but he’d never thought of binding an injury as anything even remotely related to intimacy or romance, and yet the thought danced in the back of his mind like a shadow. Occtis trusted him. Not just to watch his back in a fight but to keep his secrets. The only person he imagined felt the same was Lady Aranessa, and that relationship functioned on the indisputable fact that he was her vassal.
With the bandage secured, he lowered Occtis’ hand back to his lap and used the arms of the chair to help pull him to standing.
Cool, curious fingers circled his wrist and he stopped, hovering slightly over the boy whose left hand curled around his right wrist. Occtis blinked at his pale, thin fingers on Julien’s skin for a moment before he slowly released his grip and pulled the same hand close to his chest.
“Sorry,” Occtis mumbled. “I’m… sorry.”
Julien ignored the urge to reach out and touch the side of his face, worried that would be overstepping, but he didn’t step away either. “What are you apologizing for?”
Occtis barked a laugh and scrubbed at his face with his ink and bloodstained hands for a moment before he remembered they were filthy and laid them back in his lap. “It’s confusing. I get the feeling this would be confusing even if I was alive, so adding the dead part is just… would you…” He made a series of nervous hand motions and refused to meet Julien’s eyes. “Help me with an experiment? I promise it doesn’t involve a scalpel.”
“What are we testing?”
“Can you not say it in a seductive whisper, or is that just your default when someone asks you a vulnerable question?”
Julien laughed. He could see all the signs in Occtis of a person struggling with a feeling of attraction, but without the obvious flushed skin. All the other mannerisms were there, plain as day. “I will endeavor to remain serious.”
Occtis rolled his eyes and gathered his courage before he spoke, green eyes turned up to peer through his dark eyelashes. “I have… I felt something when you kissed me. I need to know if that was a fluke.”
It was a situation Julien was familiar with, though he’d dealt with it as a fifteen year old when he discovered kissing boys was just as entertaining as kissing girls, and having both to kiss at the same time was all the more exciting. He’d done a lot of kissing while he figured that out, and yet more after.
“Are you asking me to kiss you, Occtis Tachonis?” Julien couldn’t keep himself from smirking.
“Not this instant, no. But yes… I… I-I am. Later.”
“When Thaisha is sleeping. So she can’t walk in on us.”
“Yes.”
Julien chuckled in amusement and stepped back from the chair on light feet. “Do you want me to go outside and throw rocks at your window so you can sneak down the eaves? We can creep off to some quiet place where your mother isn’t likely to find us.” He turned to see Occtis’ eyes narrowed at him, and waved a hand in apology. “Oh, come on, now. You must agree that the situation is like something out of a romance novel.”
“I can’t say I’ve read one.” Occtis said flatly.
“Argh.” Julien placed a hand over his heart as if wounded and sank down on the edge of the bed. He shook his head to himself and began to unlace his boots. “It’s quite the common cliche. Two people, one bed, there’s a taboo of some kind -- rival families, different economic standings, an age gap, or a blushing virgin.”
Occtis snorted and rolled his eyes again. “Yeah. I guess it… technically falls under the same cliches. Look…”
Julien removed his left boot and dropped it so he could hold his hands in the air in a gesture of peace. “I’ll leave it be. You’re testing a theory, nothing else.”
“Thank you.” Occtis rubbed his forehead like he might have a headache, though they had not discussed if that was even possible anymore. “You sleep, I can try to read. If it doesn’t work, I have plenty of other theories to keep me company for the night.”
Julien raised a flirtatious eyebrow.
Occtis scowled back at him, but there was less annoyance in the expression than there had been. Perhaps he was finally catching on. Taken by a sudden onrush of bravery, Occtis stood and took the three long strides to the bed where he tentatively reached down and brushed a strong, cool finger along Julien’s jawline, seeming to test Julien’s response, and access his own reaction to the touch.
Lovers had called Julien many impossible, poetic things over the years, like sculptures or other works of art, drawn parallels to divine creatures and devils alike. All in flattery. This was perhaps the first time he felt the person examining him might genuinely apply such descriptors, while simultaneously analyzing his muscle structures and contemplating the thickness of his bones.
“I am not going to sleep in the same bed with you. I won’t pretend to, either.” Occtis sounded breathless. “Though… I still would…” He blinked twice and staggered, his hand slipped to catch himself on Julien’s shoulder. “Oh. Shit. I’m--”
Julien saw it coming and pulled Occtis down at the same time he pushed himself up, so they pivoted, Occtis taking a spot on the mattress near where Julien had been sitting, Julien standing with their ankles intertwined. “Are you going to faint? Can you faint?” He asked in a rush.
Occtis let out a shallow, disturbing little laugh, full of amazement and disbelief. “Just give me a minute, I should be fine. I can… I can explain.”
No sooner had Julien steadied him on the edge of the bed that a rapid, abrasive knock resounded from the door. He’d locked it, which now he wished he hadn’t. “I need to get that before Thaisha breaks it down.”
Occtis nodded and leaned back until his head lay on the pillow he’d used as a weapon earlier. “Go. We’ll talk after.”
“You’re sure?”
Another knock, louder than the first, and a call from the other side of the door. “Occtis? Julien? Open the door.”
“Yeah. Vaelus warned me, I just didn’t think it would be that easy.”
Julien wanted to ask more questions, but gave the arcanist a pat on the knee and made his way to unlock the door. He pulled it open completely, the better not to make Thaisha think thoughts she ought not be thinking. He gestured with one hand to invite her in and stepped back toward Occtis, who still lay on the bed with his palms pressed to his eyes.
“What happened?” She glared at Julien.
“Not his fault.” Occtis grumbled. “Vaelus warned me.”
“You tried to Remember while standing?” Her eyes darted to him.
“Yeah. I thought I was going to faint for a second, now I have a headache.” He squinted at her with one eye, the other still pressed under his fingers.
She shook her head but smiled at him, warm and sweet, like she forgave him before she even felt angry. “You’re too curious for your own good, you know that?”
“So you keep telling me.” Occtis gave a weak nod. “Is this what a hangover is like? Being nauseous and exhausted and my head hurts?”
Julien wheezed a laugh. “Just imagine you were also hungry and so thirsty you could drink all the water out of a bathtub.”
“Fuck that.” Occtis groaned.
Thaisha and Julien met eyes and shared a rare moment of understanding, both of them smiling sardonically.
“I can sleep in a chair. I assume there’s one bed in each room?” Julien said.
Thaisha chuckled affirmatively. “Vaelus didn’t think about it, so yes. One bed per room. Like a romance novel.”
Occtis gaffawed, though he didn’t have the air to sustain it and the sound diminished into a soft, damp gurgle. He tried to explain with his hands but gave up after only a few gestures, and motioned like a conductor for Julien to explain.
“We talked about the tropes of those, though Occtis hasn’t read any.” Julien followed the cue perfectly. “So he’s either laughing at that, or he’s dying.”
“What? You have absolutely read a romance novel. You recommended that one with the snowed-in cabin scenario less than a month ago.” Thaisha said.
Occtis did his best impression of a man trying to disappear into a mattress and she cackled.
“I will watch him. Go, Thaisha, go sleep with Vaelus.”
“I am not--” Thaisha started to protest then cut herself off, realizing just in time that he was baiting her. “Goodnight, Julien. Goodnight, Occtis. Just--”
“We know.” They said in chorus. Perhaps at some point their traveling companions would trust them to remember to lock the door.
Thaisha shook her head at them before she left, softly closing the door behind her.
Occtis dropped his arms so both flopped limply against the mattress. He breathed out all his air.
Julien turned down all the oil lamps and threw two more logs on the fire. He wished he had a bottle of wine or something else to ease his nerves, but he was left with nothing but the crackling of the fire and silence. He paced the dark room. He took off his armor and his gauntlet and his gloves, then opened his shirt in an effort to give himself a little more space to breathe. When that didn’t work he pressed his fingernails into his palms until they left indentations and paced.
Maybe he could just run downstairs and get something to drink. It wouldn’t take five minutes.
“Hey.” Occtis said from the bed, voice clear but pained. “You’re making the floor boards squeak. Can you…” With a titanic amount of effort, he hefted first one leg and the other onto the mattress. “Sit or lay down or whatever, just… stop, please.”
Julien sank down on the mattress on the side furthest from the fire and frowned down at the boy’s pinched eyebrows and closed eyes. “Can you tell me what happened?”
“The short version is that I shouldn’t try to Remember while standing. It confuses my senses, like… dreaming or hallucinating, but more.” He cracked one eye open and blinked up at Julien. “Vaelus didn’t tell me to expect a migraine, though.”
“Rest then, maybe it will help.”
Occtis gave a shallow nod and closed his eyes again, breathing a slow, deep breath. “I hope so.”
“Goodnight.” It would have been so easy to lean down and press his lips to Occtis’, but he ignored the urge and stood. He settled instead in the chair Vaelus had used before, close to the bed and now made delightfully warm from the fire.
He could only hope it would be easy to fall asleep.