Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He knew letting the Z-team throw a party in his apartment was a bad idea. As he begrudgingly awoke in a soaking bed, the memories came back to haunt him. 

Everyone was hyped up after the death of Shroud. Malevola seemed to have an endless supply of liquor. A more sober Robert might have cared where it was coming from, but that night, he was anything but. Prism gave them a dazzling light show in the dark space, making his dreary, lamp filled apartment feel more like a club. Despite his various wounds, exhaustion, and overwhelming sense of dread about Invisigal, he drank and danced with the others. Coupé was quietly catching up with Punch Up on the balcony. She'd apologized to the point Robert nearly snapped at her. 

“The Z-team is for reform, forgiving you honors that; plus, someone really missed you.” Robert had said after a stabilizing, deep breath, turning his head towards the strongman. 

Those words had satiated her guilt for the time being. 

Sonar and Malevola were having a drinking contest, neck and neck after what should have been a dangerous amount of beers. Flambae was tiredly explaining earth phrases to a very confused Phenomaman, and Golem was eating the empty glass bottles. Robert wasn't sure why, but if it meant he had less to clean up when the party was over, he’d take it as a win. 

For whatever reason, it was Waterboy that drew his eye that night. After the battle, he stood up a little straighter and was dancing with Mandy and Chase, grinning like a fool. The gleam in his grey eyes and the color in his cheeks were captivating. He usually pushes the thought out of his mind, but Waterboy was someone that had a unique attractiveness to him. Like if he had more confidence, and could pull a good poker face, he’d be a star in New York fashion week with those long legs of his. He couldn't take his eyes off of him. 

Eventually, Coupé and Punch Up left to continue their conversation elsewhere, pulling an Irish goodbye. Malevola portaled a very drunk Sonar home. Prism turned on a couple of the lamps and ducked out with Flambae and Phenomaman for late night munchies. Mandy had asked if Robert was okay, again, before leaving. The alcohol in his system seemed to be numbing his wounds for now. After a playful punch to his shoulder, Chase took to the skies to test the Blazer amulet's power. That left Robert and Waterboy, who graciously began to pick up after his teammates. 

“You know you don't have to clean up, right? I mean, it's not even your job at SDN anymore.” Robert said. 

Waterboy looked up and then quickly averted his eyes. 

“It's- I know. I guess I just kind of… wanted to stay?” He replied hesitantly, the blush in his cheeks spreading. 

Robert raised his eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Oh yeah? For what?” He asked. 

Waterboy bit his lips into his mouth and gripped the broomstick like it owed him money. Frowning in thought. Patiently, Robert watched him try to put his words together. 

“You’d laugh.” He said quietly. 

Robert chortled, making his head tingle. “I didn't know you thought that low of me.” He joked. 

Waterboy snapped his head back up and shook his head rapidly. “What? I- I really- No, I look up- admire you! Seri- Seriously.” He muttered clumsily. 

Robert hadn't realized that he was actually smiling until he tried to speak again and it wouldn't go away. “Thanks, kid.” He said, turning to squat and grab what seemed to be a retainer. Where the hell did that even come from?

“I'm not a kid.”

Robert turned back around, his ears barely catching the murmur. 

“Huh?” He asked. 

Waterboy swallowed thickly. His eyes darted around, but never actually left Robert's figure. 

“I'm not a kid, Robert.” He said stiffly. 

Robert blinked. “Oh, sorry. I didn't know it offended you. I didn't mean anything by it.” He said. 

His gloves squeaked as he gripped the broom again. “Tha- that's not what I'm said- saying.” He said. 

“Then, what are you saying?” Robert asked, his voice pitching lower than he intended. 

Waterboy lurched slightly, taking one unsteady step forward before he thought better of it. Curiously, Robert stood and approached him instead. Water dripped down the other man's temples and nose as he desperately tried to keep eye contact. 

When he didn't answer, Robert raised his eyebrow again. 

“I'm not- I don't wanna be a kid to you. I'm old enough to know what I want.” He replied. 

The warm feeling in his gut from the alcohol intensified as he studied Waterboy's features. His wide eyes, red face, twitching lips, slightly slumped posture as he forced himself to keep eye contact. His heart raced as he found himself anticipating something. 

Waterboy took a sharp inhale before forcing his voice from his mouth. “It's you. I want- I want you.” He said. 

Robert must have clearly been shocked. He couldn't quite feel his face through the buzz, but he noticed when Waterboy straightened up and started to back away. 

“So- Sorry. I'm sorry. That was probably too much. I mean- it's true, but I don't wanna come off as-”

Robert cut him off with a kiss, swooping in to pull him closer. Waterboy didn't react at first, but soon after, he let the broom fall into non-existence and draped his arms over Robert's shoulders; diving into the embrace. 

He put his hands around Waterboy’s hips, feeling him tense and relax as he moaned into their kiss. Half hard, he pressed his hips into him. He could feel the heat coming off of the taller man, but not much else. 

“Waterboy-”

“Herman.” He interrupted breathlessly. 

“Herman, do you really want this? We can stop if you're not feeling it.” He said between kisses. 

Waterboy paused and frowned down at him, his lips flushed. “What? What makes you- why would- wouldn't I want i- this?” He asked, his stutter interrupting him. “I told you I did.”

“Sorry, you weren't hard. Does it just take you a while to get it up?” He asked, shying away slightly. 

Herman blinked and his pupils shrank with realization. “Oh, shit. No. I'm trans. Is- is that… okay?” He asked. 

Hearing him cuss was foreign in his ears. Half of him wanted to laugh in surprise, the other was mystified by how good it sounded coming from his lips. He didn't answer his question verbally, opting to kiss him again and lead him to his bedroom by his zipper. A shy smile of relief made Herman’s lips tremble. 

The two men practically jumped into Robert's bed, joined by their lips as they began to tear at each other's clothes. Herman nearly ripped off his blood stained button down, tossing it into oblivion. As Robert unzipped his wetsuit, Herman fought his way out of the sleeves that clung to his wet skin. Robert had nearly forgotten what he had just told him until the wetsuit dropped to his hips. 

His breasts weren't even a handful apiece. Rosey, swollen nipples rose and fell with his breaths. To avoid staring and making him uncomfortable, he pulled him into another kiss. Herman readily lapped him up, pressing his tender chest against Robert’s. When Robert kept his hands on his hips, Herman brought his hand to the left side of his chest. He could feel his rapid, fluttering heartbeat in the palm of his hand. He wasn't sure of the last time he’d blushed as hard as he was now. 

“Are you sure?” Robert asked, his voice low. 

“Yeah.” Herman said eagerly. 

His readiness released Robert of his inhibitions. Testing the waters, he gently circled his nipple with his thumb, feeling it harden. Herman's heartbeat accelerated and the kiss became sloppier, telling him that he was on the right track. He did the same on the other side and Herman melted in his hands. Keeping the same motion on the right, he pinched his left nipple and rolled it between his fingers. 

Herman gurgled and had to swallow before he could speak. “That- that's good.” He gasped, pressing closer to Robert.

There was enough heat between the two of them that he was beginning to dry off. It left his skin cool and his hair curling. When Robert looked down, he could see him rocking his hips, rubbing himself against his wetsuit. Robert pulled him into his lap and let him straddle his thigh. The wetsuit did nothing to contain how wet he was, soaking Robert's pant leg as he continued to grind his dick against him. 

He shuddered and hissed with arousal, humping Robert more vigorously as he kept playing with his nipples. Something about watching Herman come undone in a way that wasn't due to anxiety just made him want to eat him up. His hips jerked like they had a mind of their own, shifting Waterboy's weight as he whimpered with need. 

“Wanna keep going?” Robert asked. 

Without a second thought, Waterboy nodded so hard he looked like he’d break his neck. 

He lifted Herman’s leg to help him out of his wetsuit, taking the opportunity to squeeze his inner thigh. Waterboy kicked it off desperately. Robert was pretty sure he heard his phone crash to the floor with it, but neither of them cared. Waterboy wore a blue speedo so soaked that it was essentially vacuum sealed to his pussy lips. His testosterone fattened cock looked about ready to break through. The sight of that made Robert shiver. 

He caressed him through the thin cloth with his right hand, causing him to release a choked whine and more slick from his pussy. 

“...Robert…Please.” He panted. 

He wasn't going to deny a man who asked nicely. He slipped his hand into the speedo and fitted two of his fingers around Herman's dick. His leg trembled as Robert rubbed it between them, finger tips teasing his labia. Robert watched in satisfaction as Herman’s half closed eyes fluttered. He rocked his hips against Robert's hand, making the other man's fingers touch him more deeply, bringing them closer to his hole. 

Herman was wet, not that he was expecting anything else, but he was already soaked from his hips to his thighs. To keep his fingers from slipping, he pressed the palm of his hand onto the mound of his pussy and his cock, causing Herman to give his wrist a tight squeeze. He pressed into Robert's touch, whining at the feeling. 

Robert's left hand was still on one of his breasts, thumbing his nipple. He wondered how he would react if he-

He looked up at Herman, barely letting the thought go through his mind .

“Can I put my mouth on it?” He asked. 

Herman tried to speak, but only gasps came out, so he settled for another brain shaking nod. Hastily, Robert took his right nipple in his mouth, careful not to bite it. Yet. 

He swirled his tongue around the sensitive flesh, feeling Herman's chest rapidly rise and fall under him. He sucked, softly at first and then harder. 

“Please don't stop.” Herman shuddered. 

Hearing him plead made his dick press against his pants like it was fighting for freedom. He was almost uncomfortably hard. Herman began to lose the rhythm as he fucked himself on Robert's fingers. Chasing Herman’s orgasm as much as he was, he started to rub his dick with his thumb as well. 

“Huhn! Oh my God!” Waterboy moaned. 

“Robert! Robert, I wanna-” He was interrupted by another moan cutting through him. “Wanna cum! Please-”

Robert clenched his jaw. Herman’s whines made his stomach roll something serious. He didn't think he could take much more of this. Knowing that he was close, Robert kept up with him. For a moment, he stopped sucking on his nipple. Herman started to whine in annoyance, but cut it off when Robert bit his breast. Not enough to hurt, but enough to send him over the edge.

And leave a mark. 

Herman cried out and collapsed over Robert's shoulder as his orgasm took him over. Robert's pants were soaked as he stroked him through it, eating up every whine and gasp until Herman lightly, but firmly hit him in the back a couple times. 

“Ho-hold on! Lemme catch- gimme a minute. Fuck!” He huffed. 

Trying to hide the pride swelling in his chest, he pulled his fingers out of Waterboy's underwear and let go of his nipple with a wet pop. He couldn't remember if he’d ever had a partner tap out before. Herman clung to him like a koala, shaking, gasping for air. He felt water dripping down his shoulder. Not knowing if it was just his powers or tears, Robert wrapped his arm around him. 

“You okay-” He cut himself off before he could say kid. No way he was calling him that again now. 

Herman nodded. “Uh-huh.” He said softly. 

“You wanna st-”

“I just said I needed a minute.” Herman said firmly, losing the stutter for a moment. 

Robert chortled. “Okay. Okay. I got it.” He said. 

Maybe it was too intimate, but alcohol in his system left him with little inhibition. He planted kisses on the side of his face and neck, waiting for when they could go again. 

After about two or three minutes, Herman shifted his hips and began to kiss him back like nothing happened. Robert couldn't help but admire that, because if it were him, he would've been done for the night. 

“You good, Herm?” He asked. 

“Yeah.” He said, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. 

Robert replied by putting one hand under his butt and flipping Herman onto his back. The kiss broke, but Herman quickly pulled him back down. He hung over him, putting his knees beside his. One hand slipped past his throbbing cock into his pussy, the other attached to his right breast, softly rubbing the angry, red bite mark he’d left on it. 

This time, he pulled the speedo off and threw it somewhere in the room, revealing all of Herman. He laid eyes on a thick, red bush and a t-dick that was surprisingly large. With how wet he was, the sound of him getting fingered filled the room. 

“Shit, you're pretty all over.” Robert drunkenly blurted out. 

Just when he didn't think Herman's face could get any redder, it did. He bit his lip nervously. 

“Sorry, I don't know if you like being called pretty or not.” He said quickly. 

“It's um, i-it’s not that. I just- I don't get that a lot.” He replied unsteadily, looking away from him. 

In response, Robert took his jaw in his hand and turned his head towards him. His watery grey eyes were blown. 

“People are fucking stupid.” He slurred.

Waterboy pulled him back down again and smashed their lips together. Robert silently thanked his hypermobility for helping him get his soaked clothes off without much of a hitch. Maybe some joint pain was worth it. 

When he finally came up for air, Herman gave him an up-down and looked at him through his eyelashes. The buzz of the alcohol paired with arousal nearly made Robert forget something important.

“Do you have a condom?” He asked. 

Herman shook his head. “Unh-uh.” He said. 

“Shit. You take birth control?” Robert asked 

“Yeah. You're clean?” Herman asked. 

“Yeah. Got tested before the suit exploded, haven't fucked since.” Robert replied. 

“You should change that.” Herman panted. 

“You want me to?” Robert asked. 

“Yeah.” Herman replied. 

Robert was still too horny and inebriated to think of anything but fucking Herman until he was dry, so that was all he needed to hear. He pulled his fingers out, teasing his dick one last time before he lined himself up with Herman's pussy. The young man watched intently as Robert slapped their cocks together. Before he could moan at the sensation, Herman wrapped his legs around Robert’s waist and pulled him in. 

He choked in surprise as Herman briefly clamped down on him, sending shivers down his spine. 

“Herman, I’m not gonna last.” Robert panted, getting on his hands and knees above Waterboy, causing his legs to lose their grip. 

“I don't care, just stop teasing me.” He replied, pressing his hips against Robert’s. 

At that, Robert lifted Herman’s legs over his shoulders and began to thrust at a medium pace, trying to hold out a little longer. Herman's head sunk into the mattress, his slight curls sticking to his face as he took him. Robert watched his tits bounce in circles. The hypnotic movement kept him from cumming. 

It didn't take long for Herman to cry out “Faster!” from under him. Steeling himself, Robert obliged, rolling his hips more quickly, gripping Herman's calves for dear life. It almost felt like a punishment, feeling Herman's pussy around him while he was struggling not to cum too early. The way his voice carried, his moans when Robert’s hips hit his dick, the sound of it all. He didn't want to disappoint, but he could feel himself losing it now. 

“Fuck, where do you want me?” He grunted. 

Herman's mouth fell open, at first nothing but choking noises left it as Robert fucked him into the mattress. 

“O-on my ches-chest.” He panted. 

Robert started spilling before he even pulled out. Leaving a trail from the middle of Herman’s stomach to his tits before he put his dick back in. After a few more thrusts, Herman came again, his cries coming out as gurgles when his mouth filled with water. 

Tiredly, Robert collapsed on his side in the bed. It was completely soaked with a mix of water and cum, but in the afterglow, he didn't care. Herman swallowed the water building in his throat and laid on his side next to him, his pupils still taking up most of the space in his eyes. For a moment, they just stared at each other as they caught their breath. 

Robert wanted to say something, but he was drawing blanks. Herman barely managed to speak. 

“The- the sun’s up.” He pointed out, his voice raspy from screaming. 

Robert turned to look out of the window behind him; sure enough, the sky was bright blue. He bit his tongue as an odd sense of dread wormed its way back under his skin. He could already feel a hangover coming. 

Herman turned over on his stomach and winced, drawing Robert away from the strange feeling. 

“You okay?” Robert asked. 

“Yeah, just kinda sore.” He replied sleepily. 

Even though he was sure he’d regret this when he woke up sober, he still couldn't help but joke. 

“Need an ice pack?” He teased. 

Herman rolled his eyes. “You didn't fuck me that hard.” He said. 

“Right.” He joked. 

Herman waved him off and rested his head on his arms. Robert watched him until soft snores made their way to his ears, and a while after still. His mind began to swirl, but he was too exhausted from the past couple of days to comprehend his own thoughts. Instead, he closed his eyes and went to sleep. 

When Robert woke up later in the day, the sun illuminated the escapades of the night before. Waterboy lay peacefully next to him, more damp than wet. His long brown eyelashes fluttering and his hair curling from drying out. Blush accentuated his shoulders, his back was stippled with freckles. His arms were crossed at the wrists and his head still rested on top of them. 

Now that he was unfortunately sober, Robert took the sight in more clearly. He had never even seen Herman’s hands, let alone his body. His long fingers were knobby, with ruddy knuckles and short nails. He froze at the sight of Waterboy in his bed before dragging his palm from his cheek to his hair. The headache was already beginning and it wasn't just from the hangover. 

“Fuck.” He whispered, catching sight of their clothes in a pile on the floor. 

How was he supposed to get out of this? It wasn't like he could just ditch Waterboy before he woke up, they were in his apartment! Was he supposed to wake him up and immediately kick him out? That seemed like a cruel thing to do to a guy that literally had the energy of a wet cat. Besides that, did he even want to do it? 

Even after all of that, his heart still raced at the sight of him. The memory of the way he panted his name when he was begging him to fuck him didn't help. Still, he shouldn't have done this. Waterboy was his coworker, subordinate even, Waterboy was a fan and he was eight years older than him. Legal or not, the dynamic felt completely fucked in his eyes. Probably would be in the eyes of the yet to be seen HR department as well. 

And it wasn't like Robert would be a stable partner anyway. 

He took a sharp inhale and let the gears on his head keep turning. He had to set things straight, as quickly and kindly as possible. That started with waking Waterboy up. 

He reached out to shake his shoulder. As soon as his hand made contact with Herman's clammy skin, a sleepy smile softened the other man's features as he curled into his warmth. That simple, innate action made Robert's stomach churn. He drew his hand back like it had been burnt and turned away. He couldn't, not so overtly. 

Instead, he scrambled out of bed as roughly as possible to jostle him and began to pull his clothes on, still damp from their encounter. After a moment, he heard a groggy hum from behind him and his blood ran cold. 

“Robert? What time is it?” Waterboy rasped as he sat up. 

Robert straightened up as he zipped his pants, steeling himself. He turned to look at him. Waterboy stretched and yawned, the comforter was spread across his lap. Robert quickly pulled his eyes up from the bite mark on his right breast. 

“Um. I don't know, I didn't look.” Robert replied weakly, his mouth parched with anxiety. 

Waterboy scratched his head and grabbed his phone from off the floor. His eyes popped open as soon as he looked at the screen. 

“1:02? My grandma- she's probably about to file a missing person's report!” He exclaimed. 

A teasing remark flew into Robert's mind, “I thought you weren't a kid.” but he ignored it, skipping to more pressing matters. 

“Look, Waterboy. About last night…” He trailed off. 

Waterboy squinted and tilted his head. “So it's Waterboy again?” He asked. 

Robert paused as more memories invaded his mind. He just had to go and make it personal. It made his heart race more. Partially with intrigue, but mostly guilt. Any thoughts he had were completely forgotten in that moment, leaving him sputtering. 

“I-” he paused. “It shouldn't have happened. We were drunk- I'm your boss- it was a mistake.” He said clumsily. 

Waterboy blinked and shrank into himself, raising his arms to cover his chest. “Are you serious right now?” He asked. 

Robert's heart sank. “I didn't mean it like that. I just- it shouldn't have gone that far.” He stumbled. 

Waterboy dropped his eyes, opting not to look at Robert. Silently, he climbed out of the bed, grabbed his wetsuit and began to pull it on. 

“I’ll see myself out.” He said softly, looking straight at the door as he pushed past Robert. 

“Herman-” He started. 

“No!” Waterboy's voice didn't quite break into a yell, but it was raised enough that it stopped Robert in his tracks. 

“You want tonight to be a mistake, that's fine. I won't tell anyone, but you don't get to call me that.” He said. 

“I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just didn't know what else to say.” Robert replied. 

Waterboy zipped up his wetsuit and put his goggles around his neck. “Well, you did. Thanks for that, boss. See you next week.” He said bitterly, slamming the bedroom door behind him. 

Robert stood silently until he heard his front door slamming, shaking his tiny apartment. He rubbed his eyes tiredly as he tried to process what just happened. Almost immediately after, he heard scratching at his door. Beef probably needed to go out. 

He sighed and brushed his hand down his face, opening his eyes. From the corner of his eye, he saw something white on the floor. Curiously, he turned, finding that in his haste, Waterboy had left his gloves behind. 

Chapter Text

Robert wished that the essential repairs on the building had taken longer. Then maybe, he wouldn't have to face Waterboy. By Wednesday of the following week, all of the SDN employees were clear to begin working again, and Robert dreaded it. He hadn't heard anything from Waterboy since he stormed out that Tuesday afternoon. Not that he had his number anyway, but the days of being alone with his thoughts had petrified him. 

On his way into the office, he clung to Beef like a vice. Waterboy's white gloves seemed to burn his skin through his pocket. He felt like the devil. 

Just act natural. He thought, forcing himself to breathe deeply. 

He stopped at his cubicle and put down his things. Chase peeked over the wall. His shock of blonde hair surprised Robert before he remembered the amulet. 

“Why do you look like you're on death row, kid? Thinking about Invisibitch?” He asked. 

The nickname, kid, struck his heart, but he swallowed the bitter feeling. 

“Long story.” He replied. 

Chase hummed, but didn't question him, instead he turned his sights to the dog at Robert's heels. 

“Beefy!” He said. “Do you think he knows his life got threatened?” 

Robert shrugged as Beef ran to the not-so-old man, jumping into his arms. “I don't even think he knows he exists, honestly.” He replied. 

“Apparently, he likes to drink the blood of his enemies though.” He added jokingly. 

Chase scratched Beef in between his ears. “That's my boy.” He crooned.

Robert scoffed and rolled his eyes, momentarily forgetting about Waterboy. 

“Please, he’ll eat anything.” He replied. 

“Better than you eating your weight in Twinkies.” Chase retorted. 

Robert folded his arms, brushing against the lump of gloves in his pocket. “I do not. Anyway, I-”

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of yellow. He turned just in time to see Waterboy duck into the break room. 

“Nevermind.” He said absentmindedly, stepping out of the conversation. 

He pushed the door open before he could think to freeze and found Waterboy making himself some tea by the microwave. Hearing the door shut, the lanky man looked up. Upon seeing Robert, his expression immediately flattened. 

“Hey.” Robert said. 

“Hey.” Waterboy replied. 

At least he was talking to him. Nervously, Robert reached into his pocket and brandished the gloves. 

“You left these behind.” He said. 

Waterboy looked at the gloves, at him, and then back at the gloves. He barely took a step forward to take them, keeping Robert at arm’s length. 

“Thanks.” He muttered. 

Robert opened his mouth and then closed it. He wanted to apologize, to make things better, but he didn't know how. 

“Yeah.” He said. 

Waterboy looked at him with clear disappointment before deciding to stare at the microwave like it was the most interesting thing in the world. In the silence, Robert turned and went back to his desk. 

Things were awkward at first, between him and Waterboy, and with the team finding their footing after the battle with Shroud. After about a month, a new normal began to form. 

Coupé and Punch Up were attached at the hip, working together like a well oiled machine. The former assassin even began to talk about trivial things, laughing with the others. After Shroud's death, the other villain organizations in the area began to fight for dominance, giving them missions ranging from bar fights to small disasters across their district. Despite a few Red Ring members trying to meld together, they were never really successful. They still hadn't seen any signs of Invisigal. 

They were still looking for a permanent solution to give Chase more time. Things were a little different with Blonde Blazer out of the field. It was clear she missed it, but she didn't complain. Instead, Mandy helped Chase learn to harness the amulet's power more effectively and researched alongside the lab techs and medical team. They hadn't come up with much yet, but Robert was still holding out hope. Chase, or Starblazer was really enjoying being in the field again. 

Waterboy never avoided Robert, but he didn't go out of his way to be near him either. He was still eager to help people, but his energy was different. He’d gotten used to the young man stumbling over his words and rambling, but lately, he’d been quieter and more stilted. His less clumsy approach caused the team to let up in the teasing. Somewhat. Robert hoped that it was him finding his footing, but in the back of his mind, he knew better than that. 

Sometimes, he would hear or notice Waterboy struggling not to gag when he had to move a lot or use his powers. He asked him about it once, only for the hero to snap at him. He silently looked out for him after that. 

Time passed quickly. The chaos of the Z-team, despite their more seasoned approaches to hero work, made the days fly. As months passed, Robert noticed more differences in Waterboy. 

He stood up straighter, almost unnaturally so. His gaze was often blank or far away, thinking about things that he’d told no one about. He felt like a dirt bag for spotting it, but it seemed like he’d gained a little weight. Nothing crazy, but his face was less angular, and his thighs were a little thicker. He did tell Prism off for commenting that he had an ass like hers. To his surprise, Waterboy snorted at the remark. 

He seemed to be more consistently damp than perpetually dripping. While it was great that the team wasn't dodging puddles anymore, sometimes his powers would act up, producing more or less water than he intended. The glare he’d given Flambae for teasing him about it one time had silenced him for the rest of the day. 

After about four months, he walked into the SDN with a dashing new suit. To everyone’s surprise. It was mainly black, with the zipper being off center, curving from his collarbone on the right side and coming down the side. Blue strips ran from the collar at his neck down his arms and carved a thin shape from the middle of his ribs and curving below his hips, the parts that were “cut out” being a dark shade of grey. He kept his boots the same and his goggles were shaped like an hourglass, orange tinted and black with a blue frame. 

“Ooh okay! Stunt on these hoes!” Prism cheered upon seeing him. 

“Where's Wetfartboy and what did you do with him?” Flambae teased. 

“You look good, babes.” Malevola said. 

“I thought your old suit was charming.” Coupé commented. 

“It was like a highlighter. No offense Waterboy.” Golem replied. 

“What's up with you, dude?” Sonar asked. 

A bashful smile tugged at Waterboy's lips. “I um- Just felt like it was time to swit- for a change. You know?” He replied. 

“It's because the paycheck hit.” Punch Up teased, earning laughs from the rest of the team. 

Waterboy rolled his eyes, still smiling. “That too.”

“Congrats, Waterboy.” Robert said. 

Waterboy's smile dropped slightly and he gave him a curt nod, still avoiding his eyes. Robert cursed himself for saying anything. 

Waterboy turned to the side to face Phenomaman, who was now wondering if he should change his look too. The dark color of his suit made it hard to tell, but it seemed like he was a little bloated. Robert shook his head and decided to pay it no mind. 

January had been like it always had in California. A breezy, sixty-five degrees during the day and below thirty at night. Whenever it hit below seventy, Californians brought out their coats and hats, freezing in what most people would call “fair weather”. Obviously, Californians were not most people. 

Robert had reached a level of comfort at SDN dispatching the team and occasionally going out as Mecha Man when needed. He still wasn't the most balanced person, but he ate real food at lunch sometimes, so it was getting better. To Coupé’s delight, she’d been sent to guard Vanderstenk as he attended a showing of The Sleeping Beauty. Free ballet and she didn't have to listen to him talk? She'd been about ready to stab Sonar over the job. 

The day had been pretty average overall. Punch Up and Waterboy were coming back from breaking up a gaggle of overeager Equilibrium fans; who had begun to brawl, Prism was providing a light show for a school play, Phenomaman was engaged in chasing a floating toddler in the sky, Flambae and Malevola were resting, and Golem and Sonar were scouring the sewers for a 25 carat ring. Unenthusiastically, but with understanding. You’d have to be insane to let go of a rock that size. 

“This is bullshit. How hard is it to find a ring like that?” Sonar huffed, gearing up to use echolocation again. 

“Probably halfway to the Pacific by now.” Golem grumbled. 

“Just keep looking guys, it’ll turn up.” Robert encouraged them. 

“They should let me keep it.” Golem said. 

“For what? It won't fit you.” Sonar asked. 

“Just think about how much I could pawn it for. I’d never have to work again.” He replied. 

“Please, 40-something-thousand’ll hold you over for like, two months in Cali.” Sonar replied, brushing him off. 

“Just crushing my dreams.” Golem groaned. 

Robert stifled a laugh and checked in with Phenomaman. They were too high up for any cameras to capture them, so he settled to just use the earpiece. 

“The small child refuses to be contained!” He exclaimed. 

“That's toddlers for ya.” Robert replied. 

“How can such a chubby thing without knees be so agile?” Phenomaman asked, grunting as he tried to catch the laughing child. 

Robert shrugged as if he could see him. “I think they're just built like that to push parents to their limits. I don't envy anybody that has one of those gremlins.” He said. 

“Here, baby! I have fruit snacks. Your mother said that you liked them. Please stop trying to grab the birds!” Phenomaman called. 

Most people spoke to children softly, but Phenomaman's stentorian voice nearly blasted Robert’s ears. He really hoped that this would be over soon. It was getting tiring. 

“The child has been apprehended.” Phenomaman said stiffly. 

Robert sighed in relief as he heard the kid smacking her lips in the background. “Great job, Phenomaman. Let's get her home.” He said. 

“Alright, and… where was that again?” The alien asked. 

“Hm?” Robert looked at the screen, only to see a notification that Phenomaman was outside of the district. Quickly, he clicked the locate button, finding him floating in the skies above Duckwater, Nevada. 

He sighed tiredly and scratched his head. “I’ll… give you the directions.” He said. 

A couple more successful missions passed within the hour and he rotated the heroes to complete more. However, there was one problem. 

“Hey, has anyone seen Waterboy?” Robert asked. 

“Nah.” Golem rumbled. 

“You haven't even been back to SDN yet.” Robert replied with exasperation.

He looked at Waterboy's icon, finding it still at SDN. He hadn't seen him come in, but he probably just hadn't been looking. 

“Punch Up?” He asked. 

“Haven't seen him since the crowd.” Punch Up replied. 

Robert frowned. “Was he injured?” He asked. 

“Not that I know of. He just looked kind of pale.” He said. 

“You didn't ask him what was wrong?” Robert asked. 

“The lad wouldn't say, just brushed past me. Rudely, I might add.” Punch Up replied. 

Robert groaned tiredly and switched to a private channel. The team got fifteen minute breaks after each mission. It had been forty-eight since he last heard from Waterboy. Worry made him clench his jaw. Crowds could be crazy. Had someone stabbed him in the fray? 

“Hey, Waterboy. You okay?” He asked. 

The line was silent before he hung up. 

Robert frowned and straightened up. If he could hang up, that meant he was conscious, but what was he doing and why? He tried again. 

“Waterboy?” He asked. 

This time, he heard a gasp from the other side. 

“What's going on? Are you hurt?” Robert asked rapidly. 

Waterboy gulped loudly and took in a shaky breath. 

“Uhn- uh no. I'm fine. Just- just wasn't fee-feeling good.” He replied, his voice high pitched and trembling. 

Robert didn't believe that for a second. “Are you sure? Punch Up said you looked pale.” He asked. 

Waterboy made a sound, somewhere between a huff, a cough and a whimper. “I- I am- I’m always-” he paused. “Pale.” He rasped. 

Robert could hear his heartbeat in his ears. “You don't sound good. Tell me where you are, so I can help.” He said. 

Waterboy squeaked. “Huh? No, no. I'm fi-” His voice had started to rise, but was quickly cut off by a sob breaking through him. Robert could hear it echoing wherever he was. 

“Waterboy!?” 

The hero quickly hung up, leaving Robert alone with the static. Immediately, pulled his headset around his neck and jumped up. Upon hearing him, Chase peeked over the wall. 

“The bastards rubbed off on Waterboy?” He asked. His words were like a joke, but his brows were furrowed with concern. 

Robert shook his head. “No. I think something happened to him, but he won't tell me what.” He said. 

“Shit, want me to tell them at the Medbay?” Chase asked. 

Robert didn't think for a second. “Yeah, you probably should. I'm gonna go find him.” He said. 

The first thing he did was slam open the door to the break room. Its only occupant was Mr. Whisky, who nearly jumped out of his costume at the surprise. Though the cat head covered his face, Robert could tell that he was being given a deadly glare. Quickly, he ran off again. 

The janitor's closet was completely empty, so that was a bust. Waterboy wasn't in the lobby or the rec room. He raced back to Mandy’s office, bursting through the door without a thought. 

Mandy jumped in surprise, her blue eyes as big as dinner plates. “What the f- Robert? What's going on?” She asked. 

“Have you seen Waterboy?” Robert asked breathlessly. 

Mandy frowned. “I saw him come through a while ago. He headed down the hall.” She replied. 

“Why? He didn't come back?” She asked. 

Robert shook his head and turned on his heels. “No. Thanks, Mandy.” He said. 

When he ran back to the main office, he realized that he probably should have asked which hallway he’d gone down. He started to turn back around when Galen spoke up. 

“He's in the bathroom. Doesn't sound good.” He said. His voice was even, but his fingers were trembling. 

He didn't hear another word that he said before he was sprinting down the hall. He’d been running so hard that he nearly skidded past the men’s bathroom, catching himself on the doorway as his legs tried to slip from under him. Barely giving himself the time to stand up straight, he pushed open the door. Immediately an overwhelming humidity hit him. 

“Waterboy?” He called out. He didn't get an answer.

No one was at the urinals or the sink, so if he was here, he must've been in a stall. He forced his breaths to quiet, listening for a sign of him. At first there was nothing, until a strange sound, kind of like a gag, echoed through the bathroom. It was like someone was holding their voice back with their hand. He stepped towards it, looking at the stalls. The other two were open, so it had to have come from the disabled stall. 

When he got closer, the smell of iron invaded his senses. Trying to get a better sense of what was happening, he looked around, finding drops of watery blood leading to the stall. 

“Shit.” He hissed. 

Quickly, he rushed to the door and knocked. “Waterboy!” He shouted. “Are you in there?”

A muffled groan came from behind the door. “Robert? I told you I-” He gagged. “I told you I was fine!” 

Despite his defiance, his voice was shrill and shaking. 

“Obviously you're not. Tell me what's going on.” He said. 

“Nothing! It's-it's just-” He gulped loudly. “Cram-cramps. Go away!” He cried. 

“Even if it is, you're clearly hurting. I'm not leaving unless I know you're okay.” Robert argued. 

Waterboy hiccupped. “Robert.” He said through clenched teeth. “I. Told. You. I'm-” 

Before he could finish that stilted sentence, he began to howl in pain. His voice broke causing it to come out more like nails on a chalkboard. At that horrible sound, Robert didn't hesitate before kicking the door down. The scene ahead of him made him want to throw up. 

Waterboy's wetsuit was around his ankles, blood had soaked through it and onto the floor. The hero himself was hunched over his knees on the toilet, hugging his stomach tightly. His teeth were pressed together so hard they might break and his eyes were wrenched shut, tear stains streamed down his bright red cheeks. 

It took everything in him not to freeze and to run to his side instead. He tried to look for wounds, but he couldn't see anything, especially not with Waterboy curling into himself. He masked his panic as best as he could, which isn't much, and rested his hand on Waterboy's upper back. 

“Tell me where it hurts.” He said, trying to say as little as possible in hopes that Waterboy would have less trouble answering through the pain he was in. 

Waterboy sniffled and shook his head as fresh tears rolled down his face and his powers soaked him with water. 

“I can't- you weren't- it's not-” He blubbered. 

He started to sit up and say more, but he was quickly cut off by a horrifying scream and pain that sent him sprawling into himself again. Robert felt helpless not knowing what was happening. He scanned Waterboy again, trying to find something, anything that will tell him what's going on. That second time around is when he sees the blood dripping down his legs. His eyes fall on the wetsuit again, noticing that the blood is soaked in the seat of it. The panic forms a hard lump in his throat. 

“Herman, please! You need to tell me what's going on. Chase already told the Medbay something’s wrong. Just let me help you!” He urged. 

Waterboy panted through tears. “You’ll hate me!” He insisted. 

“I won't, I promise.” Robert replied instantly. 

“Nn-no!” Waterboy yelped. “It's bad. It's really bad!” 

“I don't care, I just want you to be okay! Do you want to die of blood loss in a fucking public bathroom?!” Robert shouted. 

Waterboy hiccupped, pressing his grip more tightly into his arms. Rough scratches were already turning into welts on his skin. Finally, he sat up. His lower abdomen heaved harshly, a few stretch marks webbing a slight pouch. Before Robert could begin to come to the conclusion himself, Waterboy opened his legs, whimpering. When Robert looked down, he could see a head emerging from him. 

His ears began to ring so loudly that he can barely hear Waterboy sobbing beside him. He couldn't force himself not to freeze this time, staring at the head and back at Waterboy's tear and water soaked face. He tried to speak, but his voice only came out in erratic bursts. 

“You- but we only- it's been- I’m not-” 

He shook himself out of it and stopped talking. As his mind raced with thoughts about the past six months and possible outcomes of this situation, he dropped to his knees in front of Waterboy, who wouldn't even look at him. Gently, he placed a hand on his right knee to get his attention. 

“Herman, listen to me. I know you're scared out of your fucking mind right now, but you’ve gotta push.” He said sternly. 

Waterboy shook his head. “It's too soon!” He cried. 

“I know, I know, but this baby's coming regardless of that, so you either get them out or both of you die here.” Robert urged. 

“I can't-”

“You can and you will.” Robert spread his legs further and placed his hands under him. “I’ve got them. All you gotta do is push into my hands. Can you do that for me?” He asked. 

Waterboy whimpered and slowly nodded.

“Good. It's all you, Herm.” He said. 

At that, Waterboy took in a deep breath and screamed through a contraction. Robert swallowed his urge to pass out as unknowns fell into his hands, instead, he watched the baby's head draw closer. 

“That's great, you're doing it!” Robert cheered. 

Waterboy gasped as he lost momentum. Robert gave him a few moments to recover. 

“That's good. Give me another one like that.” He coached. 

And Waterboy did. 

It wasn't long before the baby was half way out, wriggling in his hands. As Herman’s screams echoed through the bathroom, Robert could feel tears of his own dripping down his face. He blinked them away to keep an eye on the two of them. Herman’s face cycled between sickeningly pale and dangerously red as he concentrated all of his effort. 

“One more, Herman. You got this!” Robert urged, trying to ignore the amount of blood he’d seen drain from Waterboy. 

Shakily, Waterboy took another deep breath, curled into himself and pushed as hard as he could. At this point, Robert was sure the whole building could hear him screaming. Why was it taking so long for somebody to come help? 

As his cries petered out, Robert watched as the baby dropped into his hands. Immediately, he pulled them up so he could see them and was both astonished and horrified. She was the smallest thing he’d ever seen, fitting almost perfectly in his palms, barely over the length of a ruler. Her skin was transparent and her eyes were fused shut. She was so small that she didn't even cry, only squeaks and whimpers came out, making her sound more like a puppy than a human baby. 

“Oh my God.” He whispered. 

His moment of awe was interrupted by heavy, rapid breathing from Waterboy, interrupted by shivering. His eyes were barely open, but fixed on the little girl as he grabbed the bar beside the toilet for support. His legs shook violently even though he was sitting and his lips had begun to turn blue. Robert whipped his head towards the door. He wasn't sure how well she could hear, but he still covered her ears with his thumbs. 

“Help! Somebody help me!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. 

Waterboy's pants only seemed to accelerate as he started to collapse. 

“Uum. Ro-robert, I-” 

“Don't talk. Save your strength.” Robert hissed. 

“I-”

“Please.” Robert sobbed. 

Waterboy swallowed thickly, his eyes losing focus. Robert turned, prepared to shout again when a portal tore through space. A scrubbed medical team rushed through it, immediately scooping up Waterboy. Robert was so relieved that he didn't even think to say anything when someone took the baby from his hands and cut the cord. Waterboy was quickly put on a gurney and the baby was given an oxygen mask. In barely thirty seconds, the team whisked the two of them away, leaving Robert standing alone in what looked like a crime scene with blood covering his hands. 

Then, a red, black clawed hand reached through the portal and grabbed him by the arm. 

“Come on!” Malevola exclaimed, pulling him through. 

Chapter Text

Most of the chaos was contained by the walls of each room. Robert only knew what was going on in one. By some stroke of luck, SDN had the resources to stabilize a preemie, but only that pretty much. She’d still have to be transferred to a civilian hospital once she was well enough. The tiny baby was quickly cleaned, weighed, assessed and put in an incubator. The end of the bassinet was marked “Walker.” Guilt washed over him as he realized he'd never paid attention to Herman's last name. Now, they had a baby; a sick, underdeveloped baby. 

Robert hadn't really entertained the idea of having kids. He’d been seventeen when he took up the mantle of Mecha Man, so that was the furthest thing from his mind then. He’d had flings, but never anything serious, and his life had always been on the line. What kind of father would he be to leave his kid behind and die in a fight? Not only that, but he knew he wouldn't be any good. His father was a piece of shit, and his father before that barely acknowledged Robert the second from the crumbs of information that he was given. With examples like that, he probably wouldn't turn out much better.

He still couldn't believe his eyes when he looked at her, carefully watching the steadying rise and fall of her chest- really her whole torso -as she struggled to breathe. He wasn't around babies often, but he’d never seen one that he would describe as skinny. Not until her. It was like she was barely there, but at the same time her presence sucked all of the air out of the Medbay. Only a pound and a half and yet, she weighed heavily on his heart. 

His mind was racing and empty all at once, until his soul was gently reunited with his body when Malevola tapped his side with her tail. 

“You're still covered in blood, love. They’ve got clothes around here somewhere, you should get cleaned up.” She said softly. 

Malevola wasn't the loudest or most abrasive member of the team, but it was still a foreign concept to see a quiet, thousand yard stare in her eyes. Robert looked down at his hands, coated in a thick layer of dark red that had begun to dry. Dripping from his finger tips down to his forearms. It was soaked into his shirt at his rolled sleeves and where he had held the baby when she was taken from him. 

“Yeah. I should.” He muttered hoarsely. 

He was so dazed it felt like he had teleported to the bathroom rather than walked there. At first, he just let the water run over his hands, watching it turn red after it hit his skin. He brought his hands together and rubbed, then scrubbed, then scraped. Watching it come off made him feel sick. He needed it to be over. He needed to be rid of it. The water became scalding hot as he harshly scratched the blood off of his skin, forming welts on his hands and arms. Even after he couldn't see it on his hands or under his nails, he kept scraping. The smell filled the air, he could still feel it sticking to him. Before he could resort to full on skinning himself, he was interrupted yet again by Malevola, who was knocking on the door. 

Momentarily distracted from the horror of having his coworker’s(?) blood on his hands, he looked in the mirror. The term coworker was technically accurate, but it didn’t feel like enough now. Not after what he had just witnessed. He looked like he had aged ten years in the past couple of hours. His hair was sticking to his face, his eyes were dull, puffy, and framed by eyebags that looked darker than usual, his face was tinged with red and covered in white tear streaks. He sighed, splashed water on his face to clean it and made his way to the door. When he opened it, Malevola was there, offering him a clean grey sweatshirt and blue scrub pants. He gave her a questioning look, and she shrugged in response. 

“I guess a lot of people needed new pants.” She said.

Robert took the clothes with a quiet “Thanks” and retreated to the bathroom again. As he unbuttoned his shirt the inconvenience of having to get a new one crossed his mind. He clenched his jaw, and a bitter feeling took him over. Was that all he saw this as? An Inconvenience? Sure, it wasn't convenient, but that thought just felt like he was dismissing it. Blood on his shirt because his coworker/one night stand just had their baby in a public bathroom. An inconvenience, more like a catastrophe. Great start to fatherhood, Robert! Your child’s birth annoyed you! Next, you’ll be telling her to get up after she gets a hole burnt through her ear, if she even lives that long!

He tore his eyes away from the mirror and hurriedly changed his clothes so that he didn’t have to look at himself anymore. Malevola was still waiting for him when he left the bathroom. Her stance was closed off, arms crossed and leaning on her right leg, but her face told a different story.

“You okay, Robert?” She asked.

He glared and nearly snapped at her, but seeing the genuine concern in her eyes made him lose steam. Instead, he sighed and slumped tiredly. 

“I'm just… trying to process all of this.” He murmured, barely able to hear himself. 

Somehow, Malevola understood him. “Yeah, sounds about right. Shit was scary, man. I can't imagine.” She said, looking down the hallway as if she would see or hear something.

“I just don't know what to do.” He said. 

Malevola tilted her head slightly. “Just be there when he needs you, I guess. You’ve already done that making sure he got help.” 

Robert’s stomach flipped and his mouth watered like he was going to vomit. He swallowed down the sickness and nodded, staring through her rather than at her. His mind was already leaving the conversation. If she knew what was really going on, she wouldn't be saying that. 

“Yeah, right.” He said, turning to walk away. 

“Where are you going?” Malevola asked. 

“I need some air.” He said, suddenly feeling short of breath as his heart raced. 

“Robert-”

He was sprinting upstairs before he could hear what she said next. He blinked back tears as he wheezed his way to the ground floor. Talking to Malevola made him realize that no one except him and Herman knew just how involved he was. If he wanted to, he could have the wiggle room to deny it all, to run, to hide. The fact that he even thought about it made him sick. What was wrong with him? He wouldn't do that. Would he?

He stopped before he reached the main office. Leaning against the wall, he took a moment to attempt to pull himself together or at least stop panting like a dog. 

He wasn't much of a smoker, but if a miniature surprise baby didn't call for a cigarette, what the hell did? Unfortunately, he didn't have any. Invisigal was gone, so he couldn't bum one off her. Hell, even if she did still work here, she would probably be bumming one off of somebody else! Most of the team didn't smoke, and who knows what Sonar had on him. Shit, he was nearly ready to risk it, if it weren't for the fact that he probably wouldn't get to see his daughter if he developed a substance addiction. Then, he remembered Prism. The living disco ball didn't smoke, but she did carry a vape. He wasn't sure if she was the type to lash out if it wasn't with her, but it was worth a shot. He couldn't do this sober. 

He made a beeline for the break room, shoving his way through the door for the second time today. The first thing he saw was Sonar nearly dropping his rat when the door hit the wall, his white eyes going wide with surprise. Once he regained a steady grasp on his lunch, he frowned at Robert. 

“What the he-” He cut himself off when he saw Robert's face, deciding to just keep preparing his food. 

Flambae and Prism were sitting at the table across from each other. Initially sour looks softened into worry. 

“Hey. What happened to Waterboy?” Flambae asked sharply.

“Is he okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Prism asked. He could see the creases in her forehead above her visor. 

“Can I hit your vape?” Robert blurted out. 

Prism sat up straighter, tilting her head like she couldn't believe what he just said. 

“Huh?” She asked. 

Robert scratched his head. “Look, I'm fucking exhausted, I just need to feel something, anything other than that.” He explained gruffly. 

Prism looked at Flambae and he shrugged tentatively. 

“I don't usually share, but you look like someone rocked your shit; so sure-”

From now on, Robert would replace the descriptor of “Living disco ball” with “Aurora Borealis.” Considering her cosmic grace. 

“Ugh thanks. I’ll get it back to you when I'm done.” He said. 

Prism raised her pointer finger. “-but I'm sitting with you.” She said. 

Robert frowned. “What? I'm a grown ass man, I don't need a babysitter.” He said. 

“Bitch, you look like you're about to tell me not to come to work tomorrow. Somebody's gotta make sure your pasty ass doesn't pull some crazy shit.” Prism said plainly. 

“Shit, Alice.” Flambae hissed. 

“We were both thinking it!” Prism replied.

“Yeah, but look at Bobert, I don't think he can take much more. He looks this close to throwing the astral pulse into an open outlet!” Flambae replied, pointing at him. 

“So I look like I’m gonna commit either mass murder or suicide. Thanks guys.” Robert grumbled. 

Prism sucked her teeth and waved him off. “Shut up. Point is, you wanna use my vape, I’m coming with you. It's your choice.” She said. 

Robert sighed through his nose and rubbed his forehead. “Fine. Just come on already.” He said. 

“Be right back.” She told Flambae as she left her seat, pulling her vape out of her pocket. “Let's go. We can stand by Bae's car.”

Robert had almost forgotten that it was January until he stepped outside, at least his sweatshirt kept him warm. Prism was still in her hero suit. 

“How the fuck are you not freezing?” He asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his scrubs. 

Prism walked in long strides next to him, rolling her eyes. “I'm from Michigan, dummy. Sixty-five degrees is a crisp autumn day to us.” She replied. 

“Oh, right.” Robert said. 

She leaned on the hood of Flambae's car and Robert did the same, trying not to shiver as she took a hit first. 

“Here.” He said, nearly shoving it at him. 

“Thanks.” He said. 

Without caring what it would do, Robert took the longest drag he could and held it. It didn't have the same smokey burn as a cigarette, but bubblegum flavoring and dull, itching pain in his lungs was better than acknowledging that he was on the verge of a meltdown. He released the vapor with a series of coughs that he tried to suppress, making his eyes water and his face turn red. When it eventually settled, he cleared his throat and passed the bar back to Prism, who took another hit. 

“So, what happened? Last I heard, you didn't know what Waterboy was doing.” She said. “Is he okay?”

Robert shrugged. “I don't know.” He said vaguely. 

Prism frowned, putting her visor on top of her head. “The fuck you mean you don't know? You were with him!” She exclaimed. 

Robert bit his lip as she passed him the vape again. 

“It's complicated. He's stable, but I don't know how long he’ll be out.” He said. 

He took another hit, feeling her dark brown eyes piercing his soul. He wasn't sure how much he should tell her. With the way Herman was acting, he clearly didn't want anyone to know, but keeping it in was making his heart race again. And it's not like they weren't gonna find out anyway. 

“He um. He must've gone into active labor sometime today. I had to help him…” He trailed off. 

Prism’s eyes shot open with horror. “Oh shit. Did the baby make it?” She asked. 

“Yeah she was-” Then he paused. “Wait, why don't you sound surprised?” 

Prism took the vape when he didn't pass it back quickly enough, taking a long drag herself. 

"Did you know?” He asked. 

Guilt washed over her face as she thought of what to say next. “Yeah, he told me three weeks ago.” She admitted.

Robert’s breath hitched. 

“Me, him and Bae went clubbing and he nearly passed out like he was drunk while we were dancing. He hadn't had a drop of liquor, so we were about ready to drive him to the ER before he told us. Made us promise not to say anything.” She explained. 

“Three weeks ago? You didn't think to tell him he probably shouldn't still be doing hero work?” He asked. 

“I wasn't about to tell him what to do with his body!” She said, scrunching her face.  “Plus, he told me he was going on leave next month.” 

Robert clenched his jaw unsure of what to say next. Prism sighed, passing him back the vape and turning away. 

“Though, I probably should have tried. It was just, really not something I thought would happen. I didn't want to get all in his business. You know?” She said. 

She looked back at him with watery eyes. “You said ‘yeah’ when I asked if the baby made it. So… he didn't miscarry?” She asked, her voice suddenly sounding small. 

Robert shook his head. “No. The baby's just really small. 25 weeks.” He replied shortly.

Prism frowned in shock. “25 weeks? That's a whole six months and some change. He never said he was that far along, shit he was barely showing. I thought maybe he’d just found out or something.” She said. 

“He didn't tell me at all.” Robert admitted. 

“I mean, he didn't tell any of us until that night. He probably just didn't wanna make a big deal out of it. Maybe it made him dysphoric or something.” She said with a shrug. 

Robert decided to hit the vape again. “Did he say anything about the other father?” He asked. 

Prism shook her head. “Not really, just that he didn't wanna talk about him. Why do you wanna know? You hoping to call him up?” She asked. 

Tears welled in Robert's eyes. He tried to keep them back before she could see, but he could see the gears turning in her head. Might as well just keep going. 

“I don't know how I didn't notice.” He muttered. 

“Robert.” 

He chortled bitterly. “I can't believe this is actually my life right now.” He said. 

“I know you fuckin’ lyin’.” Prism breathed. 

“Damn it.” Robert hissed, hitting the vape again. 

“Robert, look at me and tell me that you did not knock that man up.” Prism said. 

“I really wish I could.” He replied. 

Prism snatched the vape from him and quickly passed it back. “You definitely need that more than me, but I had to. Goddamn, that's fucked up!” She exclaimed, rubbing her temples. 

“Me fucking him or…”

“No, you're both grown, I don't care about that part. It's just. Oh my God, I’m sorry.” She said. 

He rubbed his tears away on his sleeves. “He was having our baby in the fucking building, and I didn't know. I had my hands under him when she was born. I held her, Alice! She barely looked alive! He barely looked alive!” He cried. 

Prism watched him intently, waiting for what he would say next. 

“It's my fucking fault. He didn't trust me and now everything is fucked up! I can't just do nothing, but knowing that I have to do something makes me wanna put a goddamn bullet between my eyes.” He choked back a sob. “I don't know what to do.”

Prism slung her arm around him. “Hey, hey, hey! I know it sucks, but I don't wanna have to be a mandated reporter, Robert.” She said. 

Robert shook and hung his head. “You won't have to, it would just be the icing on the cake in this mess. I'm not actually gonna do it.” He said. 

“You sure?” She asked, moving to make her eyes meet his. 

“Yeah, I am. I'm just… scared out of my fucking mind.” He admitted. 

Prism nodded. “Despite that, you're still here and holding yourself up. It's gonna be okay.” She said. 

“I don't think I believe that.” He replied. 

Prism's face filled with determination. “Then the rest of us will believe it for you. We’ll be there for you idiots whatever happens. Found family and shit.” She said. 

Even though he felt like the world was caving in on him, he couldn't help but crack a smile at the way she said everything. It didn't last long, but it made him feel a bit better. 

“I’ll try to keep that in mind. Thanks, Alice.” He said. 

“Anytime, or you know, at any decent time. Do not call me at three in the morning, I’m gonna think you’re standing on the Golden Gate Bridge. Also, if things get too rough, I’m dragging your scrawny ass to the nearest hospital.” She replied. Her voice was soft, but her tone was completely serious. Robert decided that he didn't want to see her follow through on that threat. At least for now. 

“Noted.” He said. 

“Also, I kind of forgot I told you my name until you said it just now.” She added. 

Robert snorted and shook his head. “Really?” He replied incredulously. 

As the moment passed, a tear in time and space opened in front of them, drawing both of their attention. Malevola stepped out, looking a lot less grave. 

“Hey, they're moving them to the hospital. Want me to take you?” She asked. 

Chapter Text

Herman left work early that day. He tried to push through it, but he just felt so sick, and smelling Sonar's microwaved rat had sent him over the edge. Hopefully Sonar wouldn't have too much trouble getting the vomit out of his suit. 

And his fur…

And his shoes…

Feeling lightheaded, he sank into the couch. He knew he had to be sick, since he was drier than usual. His powers always acted strange when he wasn't feeling well. He just wasn't sure why it wasn't going away. 

A month ago, he was sure he’d caught a stomach bug. He’d had to take an entire week off because he just couldn't stop throwing up. He could barely even keep the water his own body made down. After drinking ginger tea for four days straight, things finally improved and he went about his business. 

This month, some violent illness had ambushed him. Seemingly out for blood. Everything. Smelled. Like. Shit! Everything from the cats to Malevola’s portals made him gag. Flambae had even started calling him Pukeboy. Maybe he needed to buy some Pepto-bismol or something. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. 

After he felt less like he was going to fold in on himself and more like he needed a nap, he slowly pulled himself up. First, he needed to find his grandma and tell he was home. He walked into the kitchen, finding refried beans cooling on the stove. The minute he smelled them, his stomach flipped. His hand shot up to his mouth as he turned on his heels. She wasn't there anyway. He climbed the stairs and peeked into her room, finding that it was also empty. He frowned, forgetting the nausea. 

Had she gone out? She hadn't called or left a note? Maybe she was in the bathroom. He turned to find that it was empty as well. Herman frowned and looked down the hallway, finding the door to his room cracked open? He usually left it closed. Hesitantly, he went to open the door and found her sitting on his bed, waiting for him. He swallowed the water that came up his throat. 

“Grandma? Wha-what are you doing here- in my- in my room?” He asked, his nervous stutter cutting into his sentence. 

She simply looked at him with a neutral expression. “Sit down, Hermy.” She said. 

Now Herman was feeling nauseous for a different reason. Cautiously, he sat down at the edge of the bed as if he was in for a paddling. His grandma raised her eyebrow at him, a silent “What the hell are you doing?” Herman scooted closer. 

“He-hey. What's going on?” He asked. 

The old woman sighed deeply as she gathered her strength. “I don't need to know all the details, but here.” She said, pressing something into his hand. 

He tilted his head as he took it, opening his palm to find a pregnancy test in it. He immediately closed his fingers back over it. 

“Gram-grandma! What- why- are you serious?” He sputtered. 

She nodded curtly. 

“I'm- I’m not pregnant! I-” He paused, the upcoming words soured his tongue. “I just had my period. I’m just feeling u-under the weather.” He insisted. 

“Then you shouldn't have a problem taking the test.” She said firmly. 

Herman growled in annoyance, taking his fingers through his damp hair. 

“This is- this is craz- ridiculous! I’m not gonna do it.” He exclaimed. 

“Ridiculous is staying sick without even trying to figure out what it is! Something could really be wrong, and that scares me, Herman.” She admitted. 

Herman bit his lips and sighed through his nose, releasing some of his frustration. He hated seeing his grandmother upset. She'd been a little overprotective when he was a child. When his dad passed and his mother flew the coop, she desperately tried to shield him from the pain of losing them. When he started nitpicking his body as it changed, she insisted that he was beautiful and the perfect young woman. That didn't make it better, but she tried until he could put a name to what he was feeling. It was rough at first, but she came to understand him. He was her favorite (only) grandson after all. 

“Fine.” He said begrudgingly. 

“Thank you.” She said. 

The duo sat in an uncomfortable silence waiting for the time on his phone to go off. His heart seemed to beat on each second as it passed, making him feel stuck. Water soaked and choked him. He watched the time pass, still as a statue until the time ran out. The silence lasted a little longer, before he turned to look at his grandmother. He knew his face was full of terror now, there was no denying that the thought of being pregnant scared him. It glued him to his bed. 

Gently, she placed her hand in his, giving it a squeeze; tender and warm. He gulped. 

“Come on.” She said. 

Herman let her lead him like she had when he was young. She would never steer him wrong. He felt as if he was watching himself from outside of his body as they approached the test. He reached for it, but his hand trembled uncontrollably. He couldn't bring himself to hold it. He knew that wasn't how it worked, but he felt like if he was the one to acknowledge it, the outcome would definitely break him. Seeing this, she grabbed it instead and held it up for them both to see. 

Two bright pink lines lunged at him. 

He immediately looked away, tears pricking his eyes. 

“Nn-no. I'm not- I don't- I can't- I-” He hugged himself tightly, feeling more sick than he ever had in the past two months. The thought of his hips widening, his breasts growing and his belly stretching out made him want to rip out his uterus so he didn't have to worry about it. As he panicked, his pale face greeted him in the mirror and he ran from it, dropping back into his bed as tears silently streamed down his face. He hadn't been with anyone else recently, just a man who told him it was a mistake the very same day. 

“Hermy, I’m sorry. I know you must be terrified, but you're not alone in this. I’ve got you.” She said. 

“Do you have any more?” He asked. 

“Why?” She asked. 

“It might be false. I wanna know for sure.” He said, desperately holding out hope. 

His grandmother looked like she wanted to argue, but she kept her thoughts to herself. 

“Okay.”

The next seven tests came out the same as the first. Eight times it was confirmed that he was, indeed, pregnant. Herman balled himself up on the floor of his bedroom and sobbed nearly to the point of throwing up. His grandmother spoke to him gently, trying to comfort him, even one of the cats curled up next to him, letting herself be soaked for once. Their efforts fell on deaf ears until he’d completely exhausted himself. 

It was dark once his cries had settled into quaking hiccups and stray tears. His head rested on his grandmother’s lap, her dress soaked through. Instead of a stutter, each word was split by hiccups. 

“What- am- I-  gonna- do? I- can't- have- a- baby. I’ll- fuck- us- both- uuuuup!”

As his words devolved into sobs, his grandma rubbed his back. 

“Slow down, breathe. It's okay. You don't have to. You have choices.” She said. 

“What- if- I’m- wrong and- I- re- gret- it?” He asked. 

She sighed “I’ll be honest with you, no choice is an easy one. It's possible, but denying it isn't going to help you at all, Hermy. You’ll just have to think as carefully as you can.” She advised. 

Herman whimpered, trying to take deeper breaths, but each one trembled in his lungs. 

“I- want to.” He admitted. 

“I know.” She said. 

“Did…” He shuddered. “Did mom feel like this?” He asked. 

She clenched her jaw, trying to figure out what to say next. 

“Yes.” She replied. “She struggled a lot, but ultimately, she loved you.”

“Then why did she leave?” He asked. 

“Grief changes people.” She answered. 

Herman let that thought sit. Something he’d surely remember. After a moment, his grandmother spoke again. 

“Do you know when you might have gotten pregnant?” She asked. 

“About two months ago. It's the only possibility.” He replied. 

“Okay. You still have a decent amount of time to decide. You don't have to answer, but do you want to tell the father?” She asked. 

Herman shook his head. “It doesn't matter. He doesn't want me anyway.” He replied. 

“I’ll throttle him if I ever see the bastard.” She muttered. 

“I’ll figure something out.” He said, pulling himself up to sit. 

His grandmother patted his back, her face marked with gentle doubt. He chose to ignore it so that he wouldn't start crying again. 

“Okay. Let me know when you do.”

He didn't until he was twenty-two weeks along, and by then, the clock was already ticking. 

Robert stood watch at the NICU. Malevola had left about an hour ago. She'd offered to take Robert home. Clearly it was more of a courtesy, she didn't expect him to actually take the offer. Of course, he didn't. 

The baby girl was the smallest one there. Five hours old as of 10:37pm. Some of the other babies cried and whimpered, but he heard nothing from her. The staff tried to comfort him, but their words were like gentle taps, clearly afraid to break him. He continued to watch her vitals like a hawk, waiting for the moment they fell. As he guarded her like a gargoyle, he noticed an older woman rolled up beside him in a wheelchair. He didn't have to look directly at her to know who she was. He could feel her eyes flicking between him and her.  

“She's a tiny little thing.” She said softly. 

Robert only nodded, his tongue felt like cotton on the roof of his mouth. 

“I have half a mind to run you down right here, but security would get to me before I could do any real damage.” She said. 

Robert's eyes stayed on the bassinet.

“And, I wouldn't anyway. You look like you’ve been through hell.” She added. 

He still didn't answer. 

“Why are you here?” She asked. 

Robert frowned. “She's mine.” He said. 

The old lady nodded. “Are you saying that because you care or just because you're blood related?” She asked. 

Robert clenched his jaw. What was she getting at? 

“Ma’am, I don't want to be snappy, but can we skip the interrogation? I'm tired, Herman and the baby are hurting, and I don't know how I'm gonna be able to support either of them. I'm in over my head and you're not helping.” He said. 

“I'm not trying to. I want to know whether you’ll stay or leave. I can't watch my boy go through any more heartbreak.” She said. “He's gone through hell the past few months.”

“He didn't tell me.” He muttered. 

She sighed. “I tried to get him to go about this in a better way, but the boy’s got a head like a jawbreaker. I hate that it's like this now. I really tried.”

The lump in Robert's throat grew hearing the guilt in her voice. It seemed a lot like his own. 

“I screwed up. I should've spoken up sooner, maybe it wouldn't have happened like this.” Finally, he looked her in the eye. 

“I don't know what I’m gonna do with a baby or how any of this’ll work out, but I want to be better than… I want to be there, even if he hates me.” He said. 

She nodded thoughtfully. “Good.” She said. “They’ll need you.”

Robert nodded back, looking at his daughter again. He wasn't exactly sure when or why he’d become sure of staying for her, but he was here now. He couldn't let her down before she could even make a memory. He couldn't hurt Herman again. 

“I'm Eloise.” She said, sticking out her hand. 

Shakily, he took it. “Robert. Robert Robertson.” He said. 

Eloise squinted. “That's horrible.” She said. 

He snorted, some of the weight lifting off of his chest. “Yeah, I get that a lot. Especially when people find out I’m the third.” He replied. 

Eloise let go of his hand and rubbed her temples. “Thank God she's a girl.” She muttered. 

He smiled. “Yeah.” He agreed. 

“How are you feeling, dear?” She asked. 

Robert thought for a moment, staring at the name “Walker” on the incubator. 

“I dunno. It's a lot.” He said. 

“You can try.” She replied. 

He sighed heavily, rubbing his neck. “I'm scared for them, of the future. I'm mad he didn't tell me, but I also feel… guilt that he felt like he couldn't. He told two of our coworkers and the only reason I found out was because I had to… I caught the baby. I wanna scream, cry, throw something, hold her close, collapse, argue and beg him to forgive me all at the same time.” He admitted. 

“Sounds about right. Welcome to being a parent.” She said somewhat playfully. 

He chortled. “Thanks.” He said dryly. 

The conversation quickly died and the two resolved to watch the little girl. Her steady heartbeat, one pulse after another, kept him from going completely insane. He was still close, but not at the edge. From the grave look on Eloise's face, she felt about the same. 

After a moment, she patted him on the back. 

“Get some rest, Robert. You're going to need it.” She said. 

He didn't know if he’d actually listen to her, but he nodded anyway. “Okay.”

Satisfied, she rolled down the hall towards the maternity ward, presumably going to see her grandson. As he watched her leave, he wondered what he should say when he saw him again. If Herman even wanted to see him. He turned back to look through the glass. His sleep schedule wasn't the most regular, but right now, it felt way too late to be thinking about that. 

Robert stood at the window for hours after. He needed to stay. He needed to see that his daughter was alive. To his body, it didn't matter. He didn't think he’d been this tired after the battle with Shroud, or even after his coma. He could feel his heartbeat pulsing under his skin, it became a deafening metronome in his ears, he was simultaneously hot and cold, and his vision was slowly filling with static. Feeling like his head weighed a thousand pounds, he weakly relented, pulling out his phone to call Chase. The kind of older man picked up after two rings. 

“Motherfucker, where the hell have you been? I love spending time with Beef, but you can't just run off on us like a deadbeat.” He joked gruffly. 

Robert couldn't think. His head burned with exhaustion. 

He could almost hear Chase frowning on the other end. “Is it Waterboy? I thought they transferred him.” He said. 

Robert nodded as if Chase could see him. “Yeah, but…”

He’d already admitted it twice out loud, his head and heart both knew it, so why did he still struggle to say it. 

“Spit it out, Robert. What happened?” He asked. 

“He had a baby and it's mine.” He said. 

Chase paused. “Quit fucking with me, Robert.”

“I'm not.” He replied. 

“You and Waterboy?” Chase asked, clearly in disbelief. 

“....Yeah.” Robert replied. 

“Him?” Chase asked again. 

“Yeah.” He said, the answer coming out clipped. 

“Fuck. How’re you holding up?” He asked.

“Could be better, could be worse.” Robert replied. “I was told I looked both homicidal and suicidal.”

“Can't blame you on that one. Shit is insane. Well, when do I get to meet the little fucker? Assuming you're not gonna dodge the kid for the next fifteen years.” He said. 

Robert chortled and rolled his eyes. “Shut up, old man.” He said. “I don't think I could live with committing child abandonment. It's just that she's a preemie, fits in my hands. Like, she's unbelievably tiny. I barely got to meet her myself and I was there when she was born.” 

Chase hummed. “And Waterboy?” He asked.

“I haven't heard anything. I don't think he's awake yet, but I don't know if his grandma would tell me right away right now. I ended things pretty badly.” He said. 

“How badly?” Chase asked. 

Robert winced. “I told him it was a mistake when we woke up.” He said. “I was supposed to apologize when I saw him again, but I froze. It's probably why I didn't find out about her til I kept her from hitting toilet water.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Robert. You're lucky he didn't dodge you for fifteen years.” Chase groaned. 

Robert rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. “Still hung up on that, huh?” He teased. 

Chase sucked his teeth. “If you were expecting me to do anything other than hold it over your head til the day I die, you're delusional.” He replied. 

Robert laughed in response, barely letting him finish his sentence. Even though it made him feel like he was going to fall out in the sterile hallway, he definitely needed it. 

“So, what are you gonna do?” He asked. 

Robert sighed. “I’ll figure it out.” He said. 

“Alright. Let me know if you or those two need anything. You goin’ home?” He asked. 

Robert still shook his head like Chase could see him. “Nah. I'm gonna get a hotel room. I don't wanna be too far away.” He said. 

“Want me to swing by and drop off Beef?” He asked. 

“Are you trying to comfort me or get rid of him?” Robert joked.

“I’d never get rid of the little shit, this is purely for you, motherfucker.” He said. “If I had the chance, I’d run off with him-”

“What? For fifteen years?” Robert teased. 

“Alright, you're running it into the ground, asshole. Also realistically, that fat ass dog’s getting eight at most.” He deadpanned. 

“You wound me, Chase.” Robert replied. 

“Good. Tell me where you end up so I can drop him off.” He said.

“Okay. I will. Thanks, Chase.” Robert said softly. 

“Yeah, whatever. You need all the help you can get. Maybe he can help you figure out what to say so that WetWipeboy doesn't make you pay child support.” He replied. 

Robert snorted. “Oh God, don't make me think of that. I just started getting my money up.” He said. 

“Exactly. See you soon, kid.” Chase said. 

“See ya.” Robert replied as Chase hung up the phone. He wasn't even sure that the man heard the end of his sentence. 

He stared at his home screen, finding that it was 12:15 in the morning. Shit, he had work tomorrow. Actually, he was going to call out sick. It wouldn't be fun explaining this mess to Mandy, but there was no way he was going to get anything done with a baby in the NICU. He couldn't even take his mind off of her when he felt like he was gonna pass out from fatigue. 

He took one last look down the hallway, listening for any codes or nurses rushing. It was mostly silent except for quiet chatter. Begrudgingly, he turned and left for the night, knowing he’d be back as soon as he woke up the next morning. 

Robert barely remembered to text Chase what room he was in after he got a room at a hotel down the street. He slumped on the couch in the room as he waited for Chase to arrive. Suddenly, he opened his eyes and it was four in the morning. He jumped up in shock, Beef turned to look at him and began to sniff him, probably smelling the antiseptic smell of the hospital on him. 

“Beef? When'd you get here?” He asked, reaching up to pet his head. 

He found that he was in the bed now, tucked in snugly, a change of clothes neatly folded on the couch across the room. Other than that, there was no evidence of someone being here. Curiously, he opened his phone and a text from Chase popped up.

Sleep well bitch

He sighed a laugh through his nose and shook his head. Chase had never failed him.

He jumped out of bed almost as soon as he woke up with the sunrise later on. After a quick shower, brushing his teeth, feeding Beef, and snatching a biscuit from the lobby, Robert was visiting the hospital again. He made a beeline for the NICU as soon as his ID went through, eager to see his daughter. No one had called to tell him anything had happened. Maybe they’d only told Herman? Still, they had his contact info, they knew he was her father, so he would have gotten some kind of message telling him if something was wrong. Right? 

Logically, he knew the answer was yes, but his heart still felt like it was gonna fall out of his ass as he raced to the ward. It was eerily quiet, just like it had been yesterday, only giving more room for his worries to stew as he watched the elevator climb floors. He stood like a meerkat, wide eyed and on his toes. Once the doors slid apart enough for him to get through, he sprang out like a dog when the door was left open, skidding to a stop at the window. 

The world came to a stop when he laid eyes on his baby girl. Still struggling , but still there. The tiny CPAP mask, IV, and see-through incubator made her seem like an astronaut in a sci-fi movie, floating through space. She quietly fussed as a nurse rubbed what seemed to be Aquaphor into her thin skin. Robert found himself seething as he watched. If the medical staff was using it, it was probably important, but he hated seeing her upset. He wished he could take it all away. 

“Good morning.” A nurse said calmly, drawing him out of his state. He wore a gown over his scrubs, a mask and gloves on his hands. 

“Mornin.” Robert replied reluctantly. His eyes never left his daughter. 

“You're here to see baby Walker, right? She’s probably a little uncomfortable, but her skin is thin, so it needs protection. She's okay.” He explained. 

Robert sighed, relaxing slightly. “Am I that obvious?” He asked

The nurse chuckled. “You have that new dad look. I see it a lot.” He said. 

A smile tugged at Robert's lips. “Shit, I hadn't really thought about that. I mean, I knew obviously, but with everything that happened, I haven't really started to process it until now. I’ve been a dad for less than seventeen hours. That's crazy. This kid is go-”

He wanted to vocalize his shock at the thought of his daughter growing up to call him dad one day, but looking at her made that dream murky. She was still so fragile. What would he do if that future was ripped away from him? 

“It really is. It's like taking on a new identity.” The nurse agreed. 

Robert nodded, his mood having dropped a little at the thought that it was possible his daughter could die before he got to know her voice, but the analogy struck him. The first two Mecha Men had died fighting, with him nearly following the tradition last year. His life had never felt like it was worth much; until recently, he’d spent more time as Mecha Man than he had as Robert. He was still trying to figure out how to be something outside of the suit. 

Now, there was a little life he was connected to. One that needed him. Alive and functional. In an instant, he’d been given a new worldly attachment and he was completely out of his depth. His face morphed into a shell shocked stare as his memory flashed back to his apartment, one bedroom, bare except for a million lamps, a couch, a bed, and a chair. He didn't know how they'd arrange custody if Herman was willing, but that was no place for a baby. 

Not only that, but he didn't quite feel like father material himself. He drank often, he cussed like a sailor, he was cold and closed off, and most of the time he communicated his feelings like a caveman. Kids need stability, patience, kindness, and understanding. He wasn't sure he was any of those. 

“Fuck. There’s so much to do.” He murmured. 

How soon do babies start processing language? Did he need to go to therapy? Baby-proof his apartment? Shit, he probably needed to find a new one, his place was a dump. What if the baby was allergic to dogs? Maybe Chase would take Beef. Did he live near any good schools? Did Herman? Should-

“She's a little too fragile for kangaroo care right now, but it's crucial to introduce a baby to their parents’ touch and voice as soon as possible. Do you want to meet her?” The nurse asked, his expression knowing. 

Robort’s spiral immediately came to a halt. His eyes refocused on his daughter. She'd since calmed down after being treated. 

“I.can do that?” He asked breathily. 

The nurse nodded. “Of course! After some preparation. What do you say?” He asked. 

“Yes. No question about it.” Robert replied. 

Robert bounced his leg anxiously as they performed a health screening. Nothing was out of the ordinary, so he was cleared to visit. The welts and scabs on his hands ached under the warm water, but he ignored it as he cleaned them. His gentleness severely contrasted the panicked scrubbing and scraping of yesterday. Once that was done, he was fitted with a mask, gown, hair cover and gloves. He felt like he was scrubbing in for a surgery himself by the time he was done. 

He could feel his hands shaking as he was led into the quiet room. It felt like stepping into another world. The NICU was kept warmer than the rest of the hospital, a few parents worriedly watched over their sick children, some letting their babies hold their fingers. As he anxiously looked around, his eyes briefly landed on a girl in a wheelchair who couldn't have been older than seventeen. It wasn't the same, but he knew how it felt to have such a big responsibility at a young age. 

After what felt like an eternity, he stood in front of his daughter's incubator. She was restful, but not asleep as far as he could tell. Her eyes hadn't opened yet. She laid on her back with her tiny hands curled at her head at either side, a diminutive band wrapped around her tiny wrist. Her date of birth read January 11th, 2024. The smallest crocheted hat he had ever seen covered her head, slightly pointed, making her look like a little elf. 

“You ready?” He was asked. 

He released a breath he didn't even know he was holding at the question, biting his lip and slowly nodding, yes. 

“Go ahead. She can't bite yet.” The nurse joked light-heartedly. “Cup your hands, babies feel more comfortable when you touch their head, feet, or belly.”

Still shaking, Robert did as he was instructed. At a snail's pace, he pushed his hand through the small holes in the incubator, reaching for her head. He paused for a moment above her, as if he were afraid that she’d shatter under his touch. He looked back at the nurse, who nodded encouragingly. With that, he took a deep breath and gently brought his hand down. 

His hand could cover her whole head if he wasn't careful. She was very warm when he touched her head. He must've made another face because the nurse calmly spoke up.

“It's from the incubator.” He said. 

Duh, he knew that. Sort of. He’d never felt skin so soft, many fine hairs covered her. She was almost furry. Her face scrunched at first and then quickly relaxed. Robert grinned under his mask, blinking back tears. Gently, he stroked her forehead with his thumb and she leaned into his touch. 

“I think she likes me.” He said. 

The nurse chuckled. “Of course she does.”

“Do you think she recognizes me?” He asked. 

“Babies start to hear voices from inside at 23 weeks. She might.” He said. 

Robert bit his lip nervously. Was he even around Herman enough for her to hear him? 

He avoided her belly, its jerky rise and fall made him uncomfortable. When he touched her feet, he noticed that her toes were webbed. He gave the nurse a questioning look. 

“We're not completely sure about that one yet. It could be plain syndactyly or a sign of her powers.” He replied. 

Oh shit, his kid might have powers. He decided to archive that anxiety for later, when he wasn't actively in her space. 

Finally, rubbed her palm with his finger. The soft, little grooves in her hand were shallow, still forming. To his surprise, she closed her fingers, trapping him. Her grip was shockingly tight, holding onto him like a vice. Another thing he couldn't believe. 

“Wow.” He breathed. 

“Beautiful isn't it?” The nurse asked. 

“Yeah, she is.” He said. 

They stayed like that for a moment, feeling each other's heartbeats. The fact that she was his took his breath away. She had no idea how much he loved her. 

Loved, huh? The realization made his heart ache. He wasn't sure when he decided that he did. Maybe it was a completely unconscious thing. He knew it wasn't innate, his father had shown him that, but now that he knew it was that easy, it devastated him. Silently, he vowed right there that he’d never let her feel like his father made him feel. She deserved better than that. 

He looked up to relay some of his thoughts to the nurse again, when he caught a flash of auburn outside of the glass. Curiously, he looked around the nurse, making eye contact with the person on the other side. Herman sat in a wheelchair. He was pale, he had eyebags so dark they almost looked like bruises, and his wet hair was pushed back out of his face, letting Robert see his furious glare clearly. 

Chapter Text

Herman woke up with a start, covered in cold water. Looking up to see a ceiling he didn't recognize made his heart race. His eyes darted around the room, finding plain white walls with a TV mounted on it and tiles on the floor with a pattern that looked like sprinkles. A hospital. 

He felt like he’d been run over by Flambae again. His skull felt like it was squeezing his brain, and dull aches filled his body. He shifted in the bed, trying to get more comfortable, when he was hit with sharp pains in his nethers and core. He winced and started to roll over, when the day before flashed through his mind. 

He’d woken up cramping yesterday and the day before, but cramps had been normal early on in his pregnancy. They weren't too bad, but they were uncomfortable. What was really driving him up a wall was the back pain that had begun to torture him after work yesterday. His lower back had been causing him relentless, deep aches from his hips to his thighs. He really wished he could take some Aleve, but he’d been told that he shouldn't, so he settled for Tylenol instead. 

His damp clothes stuck to his skin as he forced himself out of bed. As soon as he stood up his daughter gave him a harsh kick to his bladder. He barely managed to hold the majority of it, but now a shower was in order. He sighed tiredly and rubbed his forehead.

“Do you- ugh. Why do you do- hate me?” He grumbled. 

The response he got was the baby pressing on his ribs. He trudged to the bathroom. Sleepily, he brushed his teeth and pulled himself into the shower. His baby bump would be relatively small to most people, courtesy of a long torso and an anterior placenta according to his doctor; who had been disgruntled at his inconsistent string of check ups until recently. Despite the objective, it was the biggest he’d ever been. The stretch marks on his hips and thighs were becoming deeper and the ones on his belly made it look like a watermelon. He tried to ignore it as he got ready for work. 

His chest had grown some. Normally, he didn't bind often. Because his breasts were usually smaller, he usually just slouched and hoped for the best. It was a little uncomfortable, but it was better than back pain. Now that he had back pain anyway being pregnant, he gave up. 

When he was young, he’d been the type to wear three sports bras and bandages, sometimes both at once on bad days. When he was diagnosed with gender dysphoria at the age of 13, his doctor calmly told him that doing this long term was hazardous to his body. Getting a proper binder helped, and as he grew up on testosterone and his proportions became what they are now, he didn't see the need for it as often. These days, he was tender, so he loosely used tape. After he carefully bandaged his darkening nipples and bound his chest, he pulled on his costume. 

He’d gotten a new one to hide the changes in his body as much as he could. He hadn't wanted anyone to know, especially not before he worked up the courage to finally tell Robert; but he’d slipped up on a night out, leading to Flambae and Prism finding out. They hadn't told anyone, but sometimes they would volunteer for more rigorous missions that Robert had originally assigned him to. While he hoped that it wasn't suspicious, it was kind of nice to have someone other than his grandma looking out for him. 

He hadn't told her he was still being dispatched, only that he hadn't told Robert yet. She wasn't pestering him about it, but she would occasionally encourage him to rip off the band-aid. Herman was afraid that when he finally did, it would leave a gaping wound. He’d made the twenty-five week milestone this past Monday. That was a long time to hide it, but he was in deep now. He wasn't sure how to confess. He wasn't sure how Robert would react and it scared him. For now, he kept it quiet. 

He covered the top half of his suit with a jacket and stuck his goggles in his pocket. His nerves spiked as they usually did when he forced one foot in front of the other, causing his body to realize he was headed to work. Where he could barely dodge his baby's father. Even if he wasn't in the same room, his voice was still in his ears. He could hear his emotions on every lilt, including his anxiety around Herman. 

As he headed downstairs, the smell of brown sugar oatmeal floated through the air. His stomach had mostly settled after he passed his first trimester, but the smell of meat and eggs still made him nauseous. He mostly stuck to grains and dairy, getting his protein through things like cottage cheese and drinks. His grandmother was stirring a pot on the stove when he walked into the kitchen; hands in his pockets to stretch his jacket past his belly in hopes of making it less visible. She was old, but her hearing wasn't going yet. She turned as soon as she heard him approach. 

“Good morning, dear. Headed off to work?” She asked. 

“Mm-hm.” Herman hummed, leaning down to give her a quick kiss on the forehead. He pulled his right hand from his pocket to reach for a bowl, still pushing out his left hand, using his jacket to create a partition between them. She took the bowl and scooped him a generous helping of oatmeal before passing it back to him. 

“You doing okay?” She asked. 

“Um yeah, I'm o- fine, tired kinda.” He replied, immediately starting on his oatmeal when he grabbed a spoon. 

“And baby girl?” She asked, looking at his middle. 

Unconsciously, Herman sucked in his belly. “Good.” He replied shortly. 

His grandma looked into his eyes, silently asking for permission. He was glad she never touched his bump without asking. He was anxious enough all ready. He nodded in response, turning towards her and leaning on the counter. She gently brought her palm to it, a smile instantly spreading across her face. 

He kept eating his oatmeal while he waited for the moment to pass. There was some comfort to her touch, but sometimes acknowledging his body's changes made him uncomfortable. 

“I can't wait to meet you.” She said sweetly. 

Herman certainly could, but he didn't say it out loud. In response to her voice, the baby kicked her, earning a smile out of his grandmother. After that, she withdrew her hand and brought her attention back to Herman.

“Have a good day at work, Hermy.” She said, taking the bowl from him as she pulled him into a hug. She reached up as much as she could, but he still had to lean down pretty far. He didn't mind because he loved her, but his back sure did. It took a lot to bring himself back up again. 

“Love you. See you this- later, grandma.” He said as they parted. 

“Love you too, Hermy.” She replied. 

With that, he started his trek to the bus stop. He still didn't have a car, but he was working on it. He’d gotten his license two weeks ago after a slightly stressful refresher with Flambae and Prism. He’d joked that the pyrokinetic was more like a dad than he was, after which, Flambae rolled his eyes and told him that he was missing a green light. 

He was lucky that he’d started putting money aside when he first got the job, but there was still a lot to do before his due date. As April 22nd grew closer, he could feel the hours passing as he rushed to prepare for the baby's arrival. Even at work, it never left his mind for longer than an hour at a time. 

Despite taking Tylenol multiple times, the pain only seemed to get worse. It was taking everything in him not to show it. When he was in between tasks, he tried to stretch and relax to alleviate the discomfort; it worked until he had to stop to do something else. He should probably go home and lay down, it was starting to become too much for him. He wanted to hold out. He was supposed to tell Mandy that he needed to go on leave next Monday. Other than being scared of the others finding out, he was also still working because he needed the money. Still, he felt like shit. 

As he debated what to do next, he heard the line open in his earpiece. 

“Hey team, we got a call that some Equilibrium fans are starting to get into heated arguments at the launch of their new figurines. I'm sending Punch Up and Waterboy to break it up. Try to diffuse the situation before they start clobbering each other.” Robert said. 

Herman's heart accelerated. Flambae was still on break and Prism had just been sent to the school. They couldn't jump in right now. He swallowed a mouthful of water. It wasn't a fight yet. If he got there soon enough and could calm them down, it should be simple, right? After this, he could go home. 

A crackle came through his earpiece as Flambae started to speak. 

“Hey. Want me to end my break early and take over for you?” He asked. 

Waterboy gritted his teeth. Flambae and Prism had already done a lot for him these past few weeks. He didn't want to be a burden on them. 

“Um, no. It’ll be- it's fine.” He said. 

“Are you sure? You sound off.” He asked. 

“Yeah. I'm gonna- I'll go home anyway. Well, after this. Yeah.” Waterboy replied. 

There was a pause and he could almost see Flambae's thick eyebrows knitting together. 

“I’ll let you make your own choices I guess. Be safe, Wetfartboy.” He relented. 

Herman rolled his eyes, a chortle escaping his lips. “Shut up, Human Torch.” He joked. 

With a disapproving raspberry, Flambae hung up and Waterboy began to head downtown. 

Punch Up and Waterboy had tried to be calm, they'd tried to be firm, and then they’d tried to crack down on the more aggressive fans, but the brawl started anyway. 

The two heroes worked to non-violently restrain and separate angry individuals, but despite the small space, there were a lot of fans crowded there. They couldn't keep up with everybody. Waterboy could see Punch Up beginning to prepare to exchange blows; his patience had been whittled down to nothing. As a last resort, he opened his mouth and sprayed the crowd with water to distract them. 

To his relief, it worked. As the sound of police sirens approached, the fans were too disgusted and shocked to keep fighting. Some stormed out as soon as he had soaked them. The problem was that he felt like he was going to throw up. 

By the time the police had made their arrests, a puddle had formed under him. He leaned forward, folding his arms tightly to combat both the pain and nausea. 

“That's just how his powers work. It's only water, grab a mop or something!” Punch Up shouted. 

Waterboy wasn't really listening. He thought about calling Robert to tell him he was going home, but he couldn't quite find his voice. He felt like his hips were trying to pry themselves apart and he was pretty sure he’d accidentally left his Tylenol in the break room. Not that it was going to cover this type of pain. 

“Hey, Waterboy. You okay? You look like a fresh sheet of paper.” Punch Up asked, lightly patting him on the back. 

Waterboy clenched his stomach, holding back a yelp as his colleague's hand made contact with him. When he did, a sharp pain ran through his abdomen and he felt something warm and wet begin to soak into his suit. That was just great. He hadn't peed himself on a mission since before he took a pregnancy test. At least it would just look like water. 

Or it should. He’d kept his eyes down as he tried to breathe through the searing pain, allowing him to quickly notice a red drop dissolving in the water. The blood he hadn't lost ran cold. Has the pain been labor the whole time? But it was too early, and how could he have ignored that? He should've stayed home, but he couldn't just go there now. He had to get to a hospital. If he went back to SDN like everything was normal, it would put them at even more risk. He had to leave as soon as possible. 

But his wallet- containing his ID and insurance card -was in his jacket, which he had stored in his locker, along with his phone. He hissed a curse at the realization. He had to go back, and quickly. He’d be in and out and on his way to the hospital in minutes. 

“Waterboy?” Punch Up asked, drawing him out of his thoughts. He looked at the short man through the corner of his eye, reading the obvious concern in his face. 

“Huh? O-oh. Yeah, just- I think- probably just co-coming down with-” He couldn't waste time trying to make excuses to Punch Up, this was dire. He cut himself off and pushed past him and out of the door. 

Holding himself as he walked at a breakneck speed, he found a busier street and hailed a cab. Horrible traffic combined with the distance stretched the trip to twenty-five minutes. If he knew that would happen, he would have just called an ambulance and suffered the bill later. The pain had only gotten worse, pressure between his hips made it hard to stay seated. He pressed his hands into the seat and lifted himself off of it, trying to keep his composure as water poured from his skin. 

He barely heard the cabbie scream “Hey!” As he threw a stray ten dollar bill in the backseat and nearly slammed the door off of its hinges before the car came to a full stop. With tunnel vision, along with pain and fear clouding his mind, he pushed himself through the building and down to the locker room. 

His body trembled as he struggled to stay focused enough to put his combination in the locker. When it finally clicked, he ripped it open and snatched his jacket and a water bottle out of the small space, leaving it open as he started to turn to hurry out. 

Another, stronger wave of agony rippled through him with no warning, throwing his breath out of his lungs and nearly bringing him to his knees. Weakly, he leaned on the lockers, pressing his hands against the cold metal as his back arched. Strangled cries escaped him, but he was hurting too much to care. His right leg pulled ahead of his left, deepening his stance into an odd lunge. He wasn't sure when he started, but he felt himself bear down, completely out of his control. He wrenched his eyes shut as he felt the baby moving down. 

His ears rang with a mix of strain, fear and pain as he struggled to pull himself back up to stand. He opened his eyes to see his legs shaking and bloody water pooling at his feet. 

“No no no!” He gasped. 

This couldn't be happening. He was only twenty-five weeks in. His due date was in three months. He was still in SDN, in his costume, alone. He made the split second decision to go down to the MedBay. It was on the floor below the locker room, but there was no staircase that connected the two, so he would have to go back upstairs and make his way from there. The thought was intimidating, but he had no other choice. Before another contraction could have him reeling, he turned and raced for the stairs. 

Despite trying to hold back, the baby was coming faster than he could move. Painfully aware that he wasn't going to make it, he ducked into the men’s bathroom. It was empty, but he wouldn't have cared either way. It took everything in him to reach the disabled stall. Once he did, he hung his jacket over the door, frantically pulled his wetsuit down, ignoring the significant amount of blood in it and collapsed onto the toilet. 

It wasn't long before Robert started asking where he was. 

Despite the pain, Herman flew into a sitting position in the bed, his hands immediately touching his belly. It was still swollen, but he knew his baby wasn't there any more. He never passed out after she was born, watching her as Robert kept her in his shaky hands. Even though he could feel himself slipping away, he’d tried to fight off the medical team as they put him under. 

Had she survived? He could barely hear her crying. Was she here? Where was his grandmother? He looked around the room again, finding a blanket on the guest bed. His lips trembled as he started to cry, forcing a panicked ‘Grandma!’ out of his lungs. It came out like he was a wailing baby himself. 

Not a moment later, his grandmother slammed the bathroom door open and was at his side, holding him and trying to calm him down. He could barely speak through the tears, raspy, erratic cries were intertwined with sobs. 

“My baby! Sh-she- is she here? Where is she? She's gone!” 

The old woman held him close and tight, spreading her warmth to him. 

“Shh. It's okay. It's okay. She’s here in the NICU. She's alive, Hermy. You did good.” She whispered. 

Herman shook his head. “My bo- I failed her!”

“No you didn't. It wasn't your fault. Things happen.” She said. 

He gasped, trying to pull in more air to cry out. “Why me?”

“I don't know, baby. I don't know. It's not your fault. Just let it out.” She said. 

So he did. For the next thirty minutes, he cried until his voice was hoarse and there wasn't even enough water in him to keep soaking the sheets. He sunk into his grandmother, shuddering and sobbing with no more tears left to cry. 

“I’ve got you, Hermy. You're okay.”

When he calmed enough for only his teeth to chatter with anxiety, he pulled himself to look his grandma in the eye. 

“What d- h-how long was I… out?” He asked. 

“Sixteen hours. It hasn't been long. They said you should make a full recovery.” She said, stroking his hair. 

He swallowed thickly. “And… my baby?” He asked. 

She sighed deeply. He could see her looking for the best reply. 

“Jus- just said- say it. I- I ca-can… take it.” He said. 

She shook her head. “No you can't.” But gently, she explained anyway. 

“It’s still touch and go, Hermy. She’s very underdeveloped, only a pound and a half. She has jaundice and anemia. They had to give her blood at three this morning.” She said. 

Herman fought his hardest not to break down again. From what he was hearing, he might not have the time. 

“Can I… see her?” He asked. 

His grandmother hesitated before nodding. 

His legs were still weak, so a patient transporter helped him into a wheelchair. Sitting hurt like hell, but he was determined despite the painful swelling. He didn't have the luxury of worrying about himself right now. He was pushed to the NICU so slowly he almost wanted to smack her hands away and roll himself down there instead. His grandmother rolled close behind. 

His vision tunneled to the signs pointing towards the NICU, his heart racing anxiously in his chest. All of this could not be good for his circulatory system. He couldn't remember the last time he’d been calm and not in some kind of pain. Finally, they arrived and he wheeled himself closer to the window. First, his eyes focused on his little girl's incubator and then the person next to it. 

His heart nearly stopped when his eyes landed on Robert, dressed in sanitary gear and poking his hand into the incubator. Their daughter's hand curled around his finger. 

He couldn't quite hear what was being said, but he watched the smile in his eyes as he looked at her in awe. Silent and still. Herman could feel his face growing hot and he didn't understand why at first. He should be happy. Robert was here, caring for their daughter, trying. Even though he was clearly petrified, playing a doting father suited him. She softened out his tired eyes and the scars on his hands.  

But Herman had been the one that carried her, nourished her, supported her until his body failed. He had been working up the courage to raise his daughter for months. To finally figure out how to talk to Robert and he was the first to hold her after everything. Swooping in at the last second. Logically, he knew that was his fault, but it hurt. Not just because he was jealous of Robert bonding with their baby, but because it hurt to be wrong about how he might feel about their daughter. 

Robert took his eyes off of his daughter to talk to the nurse, when Herman noticed a flash of recognition in his eyes. He clenched his jaw as Robert peeked around the nurse to look at him. They froze for a moment, before Robert said something to the man next to him. Herman felt like impending doom was approaching him as he glared at the father of his child. He stepped out of the room, looking like he’d just committed a crime. It only made Herman more upset. 

“Hey. You're up.” He said softly. 

“Uh-huh.” Herman hummed. 

Robert bit his lip. “She's really sweet, can't tell who she looks like yet, but she seems like she's doing better than yesterday.” He rambled, none of the topics quite connected. 

Herman clenched his jaw, staring ahead at nothing. 

“I'm sho- surprised you're with he- here.” He said coldly. 

Robert shrank back. Herman felt guilty, but he maintained his glare. He wanted to hurt Robert back, make him feel even a fraction of what he’d felt. 

“Look. I know I hurt you that day and I should've-”

“I don't wanna fucking hear it.” He spat. 

“Herman.” His grandmother said softly. He ignored her. 

Robert's head jerked with surprise and it just pissed him off even more. He started shouting before he could even think about what he was saying. 

“If you think we're- I’m ju- just gonna forgive- instantly forgive you after all this, you're dead wrong!” He continued. 

Robert stiffened, a flush taking over his cheeks. Herman latched on, digging his nails into him. 

“You shouldn’t even- I don't even think you should be here. It’s not like you wanted to- cared before.” He said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. 

“Herman.” His grandmother said with shock. 

He whipped his head to look at her, something mean was building inside of him, but he didn't say anything. He wasn't going to scream at the woman who raised him. He turned away from the hurt in her face and back to the hurt in Robert's. 

The words felt nasty on his tongue and he could feel spectators around them, their gazes crawling up his neck. Half of him wanted to stop, but the grievances just kept rising like the water in his throat. 

Robert clenched his jaw and  rubbed his neck. “It's not like that. I didn't want it to turn out like this. I just didn't know the right thing to say.” 

Herman knew how that felt. He’d spent the last two weeks trying to figure out how he was gonna tell Robert that he was pregnant. 

Surprise! You're a dad! No, I can't abort it because I waited too long! It's a girl by the way. 

Nothing ever sounded right. It was too formal or too casual, too comedic or too serious, too vague or way too much information. It frustrated him to no end, at least until now. Now his dirty laundry had been aired out, and he didn't know how to cope. 

“Would you even be here if it wasn't for her?” He asked. He wanted to shout, for it to ring in Robert's ears, but it came out more like a whimper. 

Robert was bright red now. “You didn't even tell me you were pregnant! When did you plan to let me know? When she was born? Years later? Or would she have had to arrive on my doorstep telling me who she was?” He shouted back. 

Herman took a sharp inhale. “It- it's not like you gave me any reason to tell you! You… didn't even apologize!” He cried. 

“I'm trying now!” Robert exclaimed. 

“Well…. May-maybe it's too late!” Herman screamed. 

“Stop it, both of you!” His grandmother shouted. 

Herman rarely heard the sweet old lady raise her voice, it surprised him enough to turn around again. His grandma didn't seem angry, just tired and worried. 

“We're in a hospital. Have some manners!” She exclaimed. 

Biting his tongue, Herman looked at the people nearby. He saw many faces as they watched him; intrigue, irritation, anger, and confusion. It didn't stop him from being angry, but it quieted him. 

“I’ll go, not because I agree with you, but because you clearly need space. I’ll be back.” Robert said firmly. 

Herman didn't look at him, too scared to find out what he was thinking through those expressive eyes of his. A beat of silence passed. Robert broke it with a tired, irritated sigh. 

“Sorry Miss Eloise.” He said.

Eventually, Herman heard his footsteps fade away. Although Robert was gone, he didn't take his guilt with him. Herman felt his hair stick to his head as more water seeped from him. Why did he do that? 

He turned back towards the glass, finding his daughter fussing as a nurse fed her. He found it almost as hard to look at her as he did with Robert. Her state just reminded him of everything that he had done wrong. He wasn't fit to see her. 

“I wanna go back to my room.” He said. 

The woman standing near his wheelchair hesitated before beginning to push him down the hall. His grandmother gave him a serious, sad expression as he passed her. He knew he was in for it. 

Chapter Text

Robert walked briskly all the way back to the hotel. His mind was blank with anger, maybe some sadness as well. He shouldn't have expected anything different. Herman barely talked to him before yesterday. He hadn't even told him about her. Maybe it was part of a plan. That he was trying to get him to leave. He wasn't going to fall for that. 

Beef was trying to jump up his legs as soon as he came back to the hotel room. He was drained, but he still gave the little dog pets. It wasn't like he had any idea that his owner’s life was going up in flames. Robert immediately collapsed on the couch, throwing his head back with a long croak. He felt weight on his ankle as Beef curled up at his feet. 

“I'm so fucking tired.” He muttered to no one. 

He stared at the ceiling for a while before deciding that it was probably better for his neck if he sat up. Trying to think of something else or maybe nothing, he turned on his phone. Chase had texted him about an hour ago. 

How you holding up?

If there was anyone he could talk to about this. It was Chase. He found that the words came easily. 

I feel like shit, thanks. 

He doesn't want me around.

You got to talk to him? 

More like we screamed at each other in front of a bunch of sick children. 

Yikes.

Yeah. 

He saw me with her and went off on me.

I’ve seen him mad but I've never heard him yell like that.

 He looked at me like I was a monster. Said he didn't think I should be there. 

Damn that's rough

What you gonna do? 

I don't know yet. I just want it to be over.

You may wanna think about getting a lawyer

I feel like that's too extreme.

It hasn't even been two days.

I really don't wanna keep doing this. 

From what you said it doesn't sound like he's just gonna let it go. It could be that he’s just angry right now, but you don't know for sure. I know it sucks, but you don't want to end up not being able to see your kid. 

No, I don't. Not after everything.

This shit’s gonna have me in cardiac arrest by next week. I'm so tired. 

I don't even know how to describe it I’m just so fucking done. What am I supposed to do?

Whatever it takes to fight for her. 

…

Robert couldn't think of anything else to say, so he put his phone down and dumped his head in his hands. After all the crying he’d done in under 24 hours, he didn't think his tear ducts could keep up. It felt like his brain was folding in on itself. His nerves were shot, his heart was heavy, and he felt boneless. 

Beef gently nudged his leg, a confused whine hit Robert's ears. With a sigh, he scooped the dog into his lap and scratched his back. 

“You're lucky you're neutered. I should've thought of that, but no, I had to go and fuck up my life even more somehow.” He groaned. 

Oblivious to all of it, Beef brought his back leg up to vigorously scratch his ear. Sometimes Robert wondered how he didn't cut his skin with his own claws. He waited until the chunky Chihuahua was done scratching to keep petting him, lest the little dog claw him as well. 

“If you have any ideas, let me know. I’d love to hear a solution.” He grumbled sarcastically. 

Beef simply yipped and jumped up to lick his face. It wasn't much, but it did make Robert feel a little better. 

“Thanks, buddy.” He said. 

Robert spent the rest of the day either sleeping or tossing and turning to go back to sleep. The last thing he wanted was to be awake right now. Being conscious meant he could feel all of the pain that was tormenting him. Being carried to bed and sleeping to avoid his problems almost made him feel like a kid again. 

He was slower to get out of bed the next day. As much as he wanted to make sure his little girl was okay, he dreaded running into Herman again. After yesterday, he knew for sure that this co-parenting thing wasn't going to go smoothly. He just didn't know how he was going to deal with it yet. 

Feeling like a zombie, he showered, brushed his teeth, fed Beef and left. His stomach was empty, his hair was a mess, and his five o’clock shadow was looking closer to eight o’clock. He trudged back to the hospital, steeling himself for whatever came next. 

The hospital felt colder than usual when he knew he wasn't wanted there. It nipped his skin as he made his way back to the NICU. As he got closer, he noticed a few people staring at him here and there. He wasn't sure if it was because he looked like dog shit or because they’d witnessed yesterday’s spectacle. It didn't really matter to him. 

His eyes were instantly fixed on his daughter's bed. Herman was beside her, gently touching her skin. It was a contrast to the day before. Where Robert had been filled with excitement and wonder, Herman looked guilty and bitter. A small voice in his head thought. “Good. He did put her in danger when he kept doing hero work.” But overall, it just made him sad. 

Is that what made Herman angry? Jealousy that Robert could smile at the sight of her while he couldn't even conjure up a twinkle in those stormy grey eyes? He shook the thought out of his head. Even if it was like that, it still hurt. What was wrong with him wanting to see his baby?

Herman started to leave when it was time to feed her, only seeing Robert as the patient transporter from yesterday opened the door. His face shifted from bitter guilt to biting irritation. Robert already knew what was coming. 

“I thought- don't- what are you doing here?” Herman asked, giving him a once over. 

Robert huffed, already feeling his body heat up with annoyance. 

“What does it look like I’m doing? I came to see my daughter.” He said. 

“Well you can- it's- she’s fine. You can go now.” Herman said. 

Robert frowned. “I don't get why you keep trying to get me to leave. She's my daughter too!” He said, not quite yelling, but it wasn't quiet either. 

The patient transporter began to awkwardly look around as the two fathers glared at each other. 

“I don't think- you’re not- I d-don’t trust you.” Herman replied. 

“You didn't even give me a chance. You never told me, I found out because I came looking for you.” Robert hissed. 

“Because I knew you'd react like this.” Herman said. 

“What? What does that even mean? You. Didn't. Tell. Me! You expect me to be all sunshine and rainbows after you kept something like this from me?” He asked. 

Herman folded his arms. “To be- honestly, I was sure- didn't think you'd re- actually care. You avoi- never wanted- tried to talk to me after that- what you sa- said. All you did was look… at me like someone ki- kicked your- Beef when I got clo- walked near you.” He rebutted. 

Robert stuck his tongue in his cheek, trying to force himself to process what was being said to him when it made him so angry. 

“So that's what you think of me, huh?” He said. 

Herman didn't reply, he just continued to glare. 

As much as he didn't want this. He wanted his baby girl. If he had to further sour his relationship with Herman, so be it. 

“You're not keeping me from seeing my kid, Herman. I'm willing to fight for her if I have to.” Robert stated, calm but determined. 

“Is that- are you… threatening me?” Herman asked, glare intensifying.

Robert shrugged. “Not necessarily, but if you see it that way, there's not much I can do.” He replied. 

“Sto- quit being an- smart with me.” Herman growled. 

“I don't think I will.” Robert said. 

Herman sneered, an expression Robert had never seen on his face. “Ba- astard.” He hissed. 

Robert thought about insulting him back, but even though he was angry, Herman had still just given birth to his child. Plus, both Chase and Eloise would surely have his head if they caught wind of it. 

“Whatever.” Robert replied, rolling his eyes. 

That dismissal only seemed to make Herman angrier, not that he minded. 

“You kn- go to hell.” He said. 

Robert picked dirt from under his finger nails, trying to keep himself as neutral looking as possible. “I’ll save you a seat next to mine.” He replied smugly. 

Herman flared his nostrils. “Fuck thi- you.” He said. 

“I’m.pretty sure that's how we ended up here, Hermy.” Robert said. 

Herman was really mad now. “Are you- you think you can just pl- play Sup…erman because you decided you li- want her for some- on a whim! Raising a kid is hard. You only bought a bed right before we were together. You don't even- can't even take care of you- yourself. How wil- are you gonna take care of a ba- her?” He shouted. 

“I could say the same about you, since you kept doing dangerous work when you were pregnant with her. You tried to hide when you gave birth. You could've gotten her and yourself killed!” He exclaimed. 

Herman pulled back like he’d been shot, his glare immediately became wide eyed hurt. 

“Don't fucking say that to me.” He spat. 

“So you want me to lie?” Robert replied. 

“I trie- I was trying to go- get to the MedBay, I jus-t didn't make it.” Herman said. 

“And? You still had your earpiece in. I called you multiple times. You could've asked anyone for help, so why didn't you?” Robert asked.  

Herman swallowed, tears welling up in his eyes. “I pani…cked, Robert. Ha- hard not t- to when you might- think you're losing your baby.” He said. 

Guilt washed over Robert. Now he felt like he was just lashing him. He couldn't take seeing that much hurt in his eyes. The fear and grief. What the hell was he doing? Maybe Herman had a point with being afraid to tell him. He didn't think he recognized himself at this point. 

“Are you both serious right now? Again?” Eloise asked. 

The patient transporter was next to her, it seemed that she had gone to get Eloise while they were fighting. Robert hadn't even noticed her leave. Herman rubbed his red eyes and turned to look at the wall. Robert looked down at his feet in shame. 

“She's been here for three days and you're already fighting in front of her! I know you two are in a rough place, but this is ridiculous! You need to act like adults.” She ranted. 

Robert bit his lip, looking back up at Herman. Feeling his eyes on him, Herman turned back towards him as well. They stared at each other, still angry and hurt, but unsure of what to say or do next. That was until an announcement rang through the hospital, cutting all of those thoughts in an instant. 

“Code Blue, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, bed 7. Code Blue, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, bed 7.”

The anger was immediately replaced by panic as medical staff rushed into the NICU, rapidly assessing his daughter and beginning compressions. The sight made him want to scream for different reasons. Though the staff wasn't practicing CPR the same way they would on an adult, or even a child, it still looked like her chest would cave in under their compressions. Herman planted his feet and started to get up. As Robert froze in fear, he just barely heard Eloise call his name. 

Immediately, he sprung into action, wrapping Herman in his arms before he could escape the chair and run towards the NICU. It wasn't a tight hold, but it was enough to stop him, especially since he’d just given birth. He thrashed in Robert’s arms, clawed at his hands, and tried to bite him. Anything to escape. He had to get to her. He couldn't just sit and watch. Robert never took his eyes off of his daughter, ignoring Herman's attempts to free himself. 

“Let me go! LET ME GO! NO! Robert, no!” His words devolved into screeching sobs. Silently, Robert kept his hold on him. He could feel his quick, panicked breaths bouncing off of the top of Herman’s head. It wasn't long before another team pulled them apart and began to push him away from the scene. Eloise quickly followed, leaving Robert staring through the glass, wide eyed and alone. 

Chapter Text

Robert felt like a dead man walking by the time they got her back. For a few minutes, he watched in silence, wiping tears from his face as his daughter's jerky breathing restarted. The medical team surrounded her little bed, starting to assess her run tests. He watched her for the next hour, drained once again. He’d already seen enough for a lifetime. He turned to see Eloise at his side with a grave look on her face. 

“I'm sorry.” She said. 

Robert cleared his throat. “You don't have to apologize.” He said shortly. 

She paused. “I had to make him take the test. I asked him about you and he told me that it didn't matter, that you didn't want him anyway.” Eloise rambled. She wiped tears from her eyes, keeping them trained on her great granddaughter.

“I-” He wanted to say that he’d never said that, but what else could he have possibly meant? 

“Seeing you now, you definitely care, at least about her, but you need to stop trying to fight him. It's only going to make things worse for all of you.” She said. 

Robert choked on the thought. After everything, he hadn't thought much about where all of it left him and Herman. The regret from hurting him had lingered all of this time, leaving him with a strange pull in his chest when he saw him. He hadn't been sure about anything after they hooked up, but as the time passed, he was even less certain. He couldn't tell if it was just the guilt building up or something else. With a baby added into the mix, how was he supposed to work things out? Now or at any point? Could they even work things out? He’d said awful things to him. Herman had been so upset. 

“He's scared and hurting. I know you are too, but try to be gentle with him. You’ll need to actually talk instead of screaming at each other if you're going to get through this. I told him the same thing.” She said.  

“Though, I understand if you're angry. At him, I mean. I would be too if I had the energy.” She added. 

“I don't know how to feel. It's… a lot. I don't think I have the energy anymore either.” He said softly. 

“I get that.” She replied. 

Robert nodded. “Is he okay?” He asked. 

Eloise hummed diffidently. “He’s calmed down a bit. He's in room 223 when you're ready.” She said. 

“Okay.” Robert murmured. 

He turned to look at her. He didn't think he could stand here much longer after what had happened. This gave him both the opportunity to get away from his daughter's pain, and to hopefully, have a real discussion with Herman. 

“You’ll stay with her?” He pleaded. 

She nodded again. “Of course.” She said. 

Robert nodded gratefully. “Thanks.”

He left the NICU, started for the maternity ward and then turned on his heels hard enough to burn rubber. He sat in the lobby for a while, trying to think of what to do next. It felt like the world was spinning at a mile a minute, barely giving him any time to breathe. Three days ago he’d just been a man watching the clock, waiting for his shift to end. He had a lot on his plate, but no one to care for except himself, which he rarely did, and his spoiled dog. Now he had a lifelong responsibility, one he couldn't retire from. He just hoped that Herman would let him take it. 

The walk back to the chaos felt like he was on his way to the gallows. His heart thumped almost painfully in his chest. He had so many questions. Why didn't he tell him? Why did he keep working? What did he want to do now? Did he want Robert to be in their child’s life? 

The door was open when he got there. Herman was sitting up in the bed, head low with his curls hiding his face. Before his nerves made him turn tail and run, Robert grabbed a chair and sat at his bedside. Herman didn't react, opting to keep staring at his hands while he twiddled his thumbs in his lap. 

“Hey.” Robert said, voice hoarse from crying. 

A thick, suffocating silence filled the air. Robert gritted his teeth anxiously, already feeling tears beginning to sting his dry eyes. 

“Hey.” Herman replied a moment later, barely audible. 

“How are you?” Robert asked dumbly. 

Herman sighed sharply. “Been better.” He said, never looking at him.  

Robert nodded in response, letting more silence come between them. Any anger between them had withered away, leaving only exhaustion. After a while, they both started to speak. 

“If you're here to yell at me again, just do it already.” Herman murmured. 

“I don't wanna fight anymore.” Robert said. 

They paused again, looking at each other. With clear confusion in his expression, Herman nodded his head towards Robert, silently telling him to speak first. 

“I'm not going to. I think you’ve had enough on your plate for one day or for the last few months. Maybe forever.” Robert said.

Herman hugged himself, shoulders shaking. “I know I was wrong. I was sca- terrified. I um, I hoped if- if I didn't think about it, that it would just go away. Then, by the time I decided to keep her, I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't think I could…” He admitted.

He paused, swallowing water.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just couldn't take that I hadn't given you a chance, and you still came anyway.” Herman continued. 

Robert didn't know what to make of that, instead he blurted out. “Why didn't you tell me when you found out?”

“You told me that night was a mistake, wrong. I didn't think a baby would make that any better. I was… sure you’d hate me actually.” He said, forcing down a mouthful of water. The sentence came out as a trembling whisper, no bite to it, just hurt. 

Robert nodded. “I'm sorry. It's not an excuse, but I panicked. I should've- I don't know. I should've thought about it more.” He said. “I should have been kinder to you.”

“Do you still think it was a mistake?” Herman asked. 

Robert's mind went blank. He didn't know what to think anymore. He didn't want to hurt Herman, but he didn't want to lie either. Though he wasn't quite sure what the truth was. Not yet. Clenching his jaw, Herman ignored his silence and changed the subject. 

“How is she?” He asked, turning away again. 

“She's um, she's stable now. They're trying to figure out what caused it. I couldn't keep watching. Your grandma's with her.” He replied. 

Herman swallowed, looking off into the distance. “You think she'll make it?” He asked. 

Robert bit his lip. “She's your blood. She’ll pull through.” He assured him, even though he wasn't very certain himself. 

“That doesn't mean much.” Herman replied. 

“It does. You're strong, Herman. Determined. She’ll need that from you.” Robert replied. 

“And what if I can't be that for her?” He whimpered. 

Gently, Robert placed his hand on top of his. To his surprise, Herman took it. 

“Then I’ll take over.”

Herman thought for a moment and then pulled up his head, looking Robert in the eye for the first time in what felt like forever. 

“Okay.” He said. 

After a moment, they awkwardly let go, unsure of what all of it meant. Robert started to ask more questions when a realization zapped his brain like a lightning bolt. Immediately, he straightened up, pressing his hands on his head. 

“Oh shit!” 

Herman jumped and Robert immediately waved him down. 

“No, no. It's okay. I just forgot to call out of work.” He explained. 

Herman blinked. “Oh. I didn't- forgot about that…” He muttered. 

Robert shrugged. “I mean, you just had a baby and I mean, everyone knows you’re in the hospital for some reason. Just call up Mandy when you can and tell you’re taking your leave early instead of next month.” He replied. 

Herman frowned. “I never told- got to tell her I was gone- going on leave in the first place.” He tilted his head. “Who told- How did you know I was gonna ask nex…t month ex- exactly?”

Robert cringed. “Alice told me…” He said. 

Herman's eyes went wide.

“Oh- um, do you know- have- have you seen my phone?” He asked, looking around. 

“I don't think so. I can call it for you though. What's your number? I'm gonna need it anyway.” He said, turning his phone on. 

“Yeah… right. It's 424-”

Robert saved his contact, and called the phone. From the nightstand beside the guest bed, it lit up. 

“Can you-”

“Yeah.” Robert cut in, grabbing Herman's phone for him. 

“Thanks.” He said. 

“Sure.” Robert replied. 

“Ooh.” Herman cringed as he opened it. 

“What's going on?” Robert asked. 

“Flam- Chad blew up- blew my phone up.” He said. 

Robert chuckled. “If you didn't have it on you, I’d think he'd set it on fire.” He joked. 

Herman rolled his eyes. “Save you- the dad jokes… for so- for later.” He said dryly. 

Robert only smiled wider. 

“Alice sai- texted that she wants to know if- when they can see me.” He muttered. 

“Well?” Robert asked. 

“I’m a mess- a wreck- I don't know.” Herman replied. 

Robert resisted the urge to joke that it was nothing new. He wasn't sure if that would make Herman upset or not. 

“Would it make you feel better?” He asked. 

Herman thought for a moment. “They were there- supported a lot- ugh -they helped a lot. I don't want to sca- worry them.” He said. 

“But do you want to see them right now?” Robert asked. 

Herman shook his head. “They’re really… awesome, but I'm tired. I don't like- don't really wanna be around pe- anyone.” He said. 

“Just tell her you’ll let her know. It's no big deal. It’s only been three days, Herm.” Robert said. 

Herman nodded and started to type a reply to Alice. 

Robert sat with him. Instead of the silence suffocating them, it was more like a warm blanket. A comfort. No rushing, crying, screaming, or hurting. At least, not hurting each other. Just calm. He found himself leaning over and folding his arms to rest his head on the bed, taking the time to just exist. Eventually, he heard soft snoring at his side and fell asleep to their rhythm. 

After a while, the peace was interrupted by a hand shaking his shoulder, gently stirring him awake. 

“Robert?” Herman said softly. 

Robert lifted his head and yawned, blinking sleep out of his eyes. The sun was high in the sky now, it was probably afternoon now. 

“Huh? What's going on?” He asked, looking into Herman's red grey eyes. 

“Her doctor’s here. Came to speak to us.” He said. 

Robert turned to see a woman in a white coat and purple scrubs. A little felt duck rested on her badge. She cleared her throat. 

“Good afternoon Mr. Walker, Mr. Robertson.” She nodded to each of them as she spoke. 

“My name is Dr. Aamiina Isaaq. I'm in charge of treating your daughter. It's nice to meet you both.” She said. “I'm sorry about all the stress you’ve been under.”

Invitingly, she presented a hand towards them. Herman looked at Robert hesitantly, and Robert looked at him. Afterwards, he shook her hand. Herman did the same. 

“It's-” He started to say ‘it’s fine’, but it was anything but. “Thanks.” He softly said instead. 

She smiled politely and pulled her hand back. “We ran some tests and I believe we found the cause for your daughter's episode this morning.” She said. 

Still staring straight at her, Herman snaked his clammy hand into Robert's. Unconsciously, he squeezed it, waiting for the bad news. He could feel the water pooling in their palms as their heartbeats danced over each other's skin. One beating after the other. 

“During an exam we noticed that she has a hole in her heart, in the lower chambers to be specific. It's very common for preemies to have breathing issues, but we believe that it's why she was struggling so much.” She explained. 

Robert's heart dropped, making him feel sick to his stomach. He glanced at Herman, whose face had become pale. It reminded him of what he looked like when he found him the other day. The similarity terrified him. Worried that he’d collapse again, he squeezed Herman’s hand. Herman let out a deep, shaky breath and squeezed back. It gave Robert the tiniest bit of relief before Dr. Isaaq continued. 

“I know that it's a shock and you must be worried. That's okay, but I want you to know that she's stable and that there are options for treatment.” She continued. 

“Li-like what?” Herman croaked. 

Robert waited silently for her answer, trying to keep calm despite the fear that struck his heart. 

“The defect is relatively small, we can start a treatment plan for her; diuretics to reduce lung congestion, digoxin to strengthen and stabilize her heartbeat, a high calorie diet to encourage growth and possibly ACE inhibitors lower her blood pressure and the strain on her heart.” She replied. 

His daughter was already hooked up to multiple things that were keeping her alive. The concept of adding more made him feel sick, but he needed to make sure he had enough information. 

“What are the benefits?” He asked. 

“Open heart surgery is risky, and can involve risks and complications such as bleeding, infection, clots and arrhythmias. A surgery would cause scar tissue and require lifelong monitoring. Medicine avoids those possibilities.” She answered. 

The thought of his daughter having surgical complications made him nauseous. He couldn't imagine what he would do if she bled out or got an infection. It would destroy him. Medicine sounded good in theory, but there was always a catch to these kinds of things. Herman seemed to be on the same train of thought. 

“And what about compl- the drawbacks?” He asked. 

“The course of treatment doesn't fix the structure of the heart, it manages the symptoms. She'd require ongoing, possibly lifelong medication and risk management.” She said. 

Herman's breath hitched. 

“What about the benefits of surgery?” Robert asked, placing his other hand on top of Herman's. 

“A successful surgery provides definitive or long lasting structural correction. That course of treatment leads to a better quality of life and the potential to reduce or eliminate the need for life long medication. It also has a better survival rate and costs less in the long term.” She replied. 

“Since it's small, it may also close on its own during medical treatment. Typically that would happen in the first years of life, in the time frame of ages two to four. It's still early on, so we could monitor her here to track her symptoms. If they don't worsen, she can avoid surgery and go on to lead a normal life.” She added. 

Robert didn't know how to respond. His head was spinning from all of the information and possibilities. This may be one of, if not the biggest decision he’d make in his life so far. Whatever he and Herman agreed on would affect their daughter's life forever. However long it lasted. 

“Despite this morning, she should be stable on medication while you figure things out. I encourage you to read these documents and form your own opinion.” She said, pulling an inch thick packet of paper from her clipboard. 

Robert felt like he hadn't drunk water in days, staring at the small text in shock. 

“Thank you.” Herman barely managed to say. 

“You're welcome. If it doesn't come to you immediately, you can take about a week to decide. Because of her condition, we want to start a course of treatment as soon as possible. I hope that when we meet next, it’ll be under better circumstances. Have a good afternoon, gentlemen.” She said, sticking her hand out again. 

Robert took it, but Herman didn't, looking over at the papers Robert had. With a couple of polite nods, Doctor Isaaq left the room and the two men let everything sink in. Herman deflated with a long sigh, pulling his knees up to his chest. Robert wanted to know where Herman stood. 

“I'm not waiting two to four years for a hole in my kid’s heart to heal. That's out of the question for me.” He said. 

“I can- I don't-” Herman huffed and started over. “I agree.” He said. 

“So what do you wanna do?” Robert asked. 

“I'm not sure yet. I-it's comple- complicated. I don't know. It's a l- so much. It hurts- makes my head hurt trying to wrap- think about it.” He uttered, his lips shook like he might cry again. 

“I'm gonna go over it again, but I think I’m leaning towards surgery.” Robert replied. 

Herman nodded. “Noth-nothing sounds… perfect, but… I can't just- I can't do nothing.” He said. 

“Yeah. I feel the same way.” Robert said. 

Tears welled in Herman’s grey eyes, and he buried his face in his knees, letting go of Robert's hand to curl into himself. Robert hadn't even realized they were still holding onto each other. 

“Can you- will you ge-t my grandma? I want- need to talk to her.” He said. 

Robert felt a bit hurt that Herman didn't want him to stay, but it wasn't like they'd fully recovered just because they spoke once. It would take more than that to rebuild trust on both sides. He nodded and slowly pulled himself from the chair, feeling his joints pop from sitting for so long. 

“Yeah. I’ll get her.” He said. 

“Thanks, Robert. I'm h- glad you're st- here.” Herman admitted. 

With his stutter, it sounded like there might be more that he wanted to say, but he held back. Robert hummed in acknowledgement as he started towards the door. As he began to leave the room, he paused when a more profound answer crossed his mind. 

“I’d never let you do this alone. I’m not that kind of man.” He said. “I want to be here. I'm sorry that I made you think otherwise.”

Herman didn't reply, but he could feel his eyes on him as he left, taking the silence as his cue to go. Robert's legs felt heavy as he left for the NICU once more. At this point, he’d seen the sterile room more than he’d seen his mother. Eloise was still close by, watching over the sleeping baby. He felt relieved that there was someone else to look after her in all of this. 

“Hey, Miss Eloise. Herman was asking for you.” He said. 

Eloise nodded. “Alright.”

She started towards his room, patting him on the back as she passed by. 

“Thank you, Robert.” She said. 

He didn't feel like it was necessary, but he nodded anyway. 

He looked at the little girl again. New medicine had been added to her regimen, but at least her breathing looked better for now. He sighed tiredly. He looked at his phone, only to find that it was 4:34 in the afternoon. She’d been alive for such a short time so far and was already going through so much. It made his heart hurt. 

He stayed for a couple hours until the exhaustion forced him to leave once again. Before he left, he swung by Herman's room again, finding him asleep on his side facing away from the door. Maybe it was weird, but he watched him until he could see that he was breathing. Holding on to each steady inhale and exhale. He hoped that Herman was as at peace as he seemed in his sleep. After that, he crawled back to the hotel, still too scared to go home. 

He fell into the bed and Beef pawed at the side, begging to be with him. Robert pulled the little dog to join him and laid on his back like a starfish. Beef curled under his arm, sharing his warmth. Sluggishly, he turned his phone on to text Chase. 

Hey are you busy?

Nah

What's up?

I got bad news. Can you swing by?

Hell yeah

Stay awake this time

I’ll try. 

Before Robert could even set his phone back down, he heard a knock on the balcony window. He shot up in surprise, finding Chase grinning under his blonde mustache. He had been having too much fun with that amulet. Robert rolled his eyes and opened the sliding door. 

“Hey, bitch!” Chase greeted him, for such harsh words, his voice was oddly soft. As soon as he walked in, he pulled Beef into his arms and started petting him. 

“What happened today? You look like a Vietnam vet.” He commented. 

Robert sighed, scratching the stubble that covered the lower half of his face. “Thanks. I’ll probably start having war flashbacks when I hear a baby cry.” He replied. 

“That's why I don't have any kids. Too much of a headache.” Chase said. 

Robert smirked. “I thought it was because most women in their forties don't wanna date a guy who looks like he belongs in a retirement home.” He shot back smugly. 

Chase flipped him off, only making his smile wider. Robert almost forgot what he had called Chase for until he noticed the former speedster waiting for him to spill his guts from the couch. Any jokes evaporated from him, pulling his mood back down. 

“Right.” He muttered, scratching his head. “The baby went into cardiac arrest this morning. They found a hole in her heart.” 

Chase's eyes went wide. “Oh shit.” He breathed. For once in his life he looked serious. “I'm sorry. That's probably some of the worst news a parent could get.”

Robert nodded, the concept of being called a parent still made his stomach churn. “Yeah. Now Herm and I have to decide if we want to go ahead with surgery or not.” He said. 

“What do you want to do?” Chase asked.

“Surgery, I think. Still trying to figure it out, but neither of us wanna just wait for it to close up on its own.” He replied. 

“Well, at least you can agree on something. Didn't think it would happen any time soon.” Chase said. 

“I think it's just because the baby’s struggling. We were fighting again until it happened. After that, a lot of it just kind of fizzled out. He still doesn't trust me, but I don't really blame him. It sucks, but I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if he’d told me earlier. I mean, I wouldn't have abandoned him, but I don't think I would’ve been the most helpful either. I want to believe I would be, but I don't know.” He rambled. 

In the back of his mind, he did know something. He probably would have been upset, they would have fought, and Herman would have distanced himself even further than he did when Robert didn't apologize that morning. He still needed to make it up to him.

“What was it this time?” Chase asked. 

Robert cringed. “I may have… vaguely said I’d fight him in court if I had to.”

Chase's expression stayed still for a second before he jumped up. “You jackass! I oughta throw you off this fucking balcony!”

Robert craned his neck, confused. “You told me I should get a lawyer.” He said.

“I said you might wanna think about it! Not scare the living daylights out of the boy! Jesus fucking Christ!.” Chase groaned. 

Robert looked away sheepishly. 

“You stupid motherfucker. At least you're not screaming in front of babies anymore. Right?” Chase asked. 

Robert shook his head. “I'm just hoping it stays that way.” He said. “I want us to you know, have some fucking civility when it comes to her.”

“Sounds good. Though, I gotta ask, where'd this shit storm even start?” Chase asked. 

Robert turned away sheepishly. “It was after Shroud was murdered. He told me he wanted me, we fucked, and then I… blew it.” He said. 

“And him.” Chase joked under his breath. 

Robert chortled. “Okay, shut up.” He said. 

Chase just laughed. “Did you like him before or was it just an impulse? I never thought you'd be into the ‘sopping wet nerd’ type.” He said. 

Robert started to speak, but he couldn't bring his tongue to move. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't find Herman attractive, but did it mean anything or was it just the liquor?

“I don't know.” He answered. 

Chase pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why in the hell are you like this, kid.” 

Robert cringed and shrugged, earning a sigh from the other man. 

“So are you planning on staying here for a while?” He asked. 

“Yeah. I wanna be close.” Robert replied. 

Chase nodded. “Okay. Want me to go get some things from your shit hole apartment?” 

“It's not a shit hole. It's just…” Robert trailed off, nothing better crossed his mind. Minimalism didn't cut it, not with all the lamps he now owned. 

“Yeah, it's a shit hole. What do you want?” Chase asked, starting towards the door. 

“Some clothes, soap, and deodorant, I guess. Can't think of much else.” He replied. 

“Not that you own much else. And don't tell me you weren't using deodorant.” Chase said, wrinkling his nose. 

Robert made the same face. “Uh no, I had some in my locker. It's on its last legs though.”

That was a lie that he hoped Chase wouldn't call him out on. 

“Right…” Chase said incredulously. “I’ll be back.”

Once Chase became a blip in the sky, Robert lifted his arm, taking a whiff. He immediately pressed it back down, staring straight ahead in horror. 

“Oh, that's bad.” He muttered. 

He was going to scrub until his skin turned red and maybe shave the shitty beard he was growing. Some of the words that Herman had said reverberated in his mind. How was he supposed to take care of a child if he couldn't take care of himself? He couldn't let Herman’s fears be right. 

Chapter Text

The cycle of bottoming out as soon as possible, and sleeping until the early morning was becoming normal for him. Four days after the catastrophe, Robert forced himself to look (and smell) somewhat presentable. The biggest problem was that he looked like a raccoon around the eyes, but there wasn't much he could do about that. He zoned out through his routine until he reached the NICU. When he did, Herman was waiting for him. No glares, no yelling, just fatigue. 

“How is she?” Robert asked. 

Herman tilted his head as he thought. “She has- nothing crazy’s hap- happened. Just sleeping.” He replied. 

Robert nodded, plunging them into yet another awkward silence. It was better than shouting at each other, but it still felt wrong. Yesterday, when he’d been clinging to Herman like it was the last thing he'd do, it felt safe. It felt grounding, especially when they were faced with their daughter's health problems. His heart still jumped at the thought of Herman's large, clammy hand in his. He wasn't sure if he had earned it, but he found himself wanting to feel it again. Could he earn it? Feeling his heart throb, he threw the subject to the back of his mind, saving the complex knot of emotions for later. 

“What about you? Did you sleep okay?” Robert asked. 

Herman turned to look at the baby, his eyes clouded with thought. “Well I- um ye-yeah. I thi- guess I did.” He replied. 

Robert wasn't sure he believed that, but he let it go. It didn't feel right to be prying after the nasty things he’d said yesterday. Things he still had to apologize for. 

“Hey. I'm sorry about the way I’ve acted these past couple of days. I don't have an excuse for it, I just shouldn't have said all of that.” He said softly. 

Herman turned back towards him. Robert felt like he was being swallowed by his gaze, analyzed under a microscope. Herman was looking for any tell that he might not have been genuine. Robert returned his skepticism with a soft, vulnerable expression, hoping to show him that he meant it. He wanted him to know that it wasn't just an empty apology. 

Herman licked his chapped lips, opting not to say anything about it at that moment. He glanced towards the little girl behind the glass, brushing his wet hair out of his face. 

“I- if we a- agree on treating- having her treated, I wa- want to do- choose surgery. It's- I think it's… the best option.” He said. 

His fingers curled in his lap, clutching his hospital gown and the jacket he wore as he struggled to put his thoughts into words. Trying to hide their trembling. His eyes were facing Robert, but seemed to be looking at something far, far away. 

Robert sighed deeply, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders as he spoke their decision into existence. 

“Okay. Yeah. That's what we’ll do then.” He said. 

“You- you're sure? E- even with the possi- the risks?” Herman asked. 

Cautiously, he walked closer. From his wheelchair, Herman looked up at him with watery eyes. For the first time in so long, no fear, anger, or distrust created overcast weather in them. It took Robert back to how he looked the night this all started. Nervous, but full of hope. The only thing missing was the desire. Robert bit his tongue at the thought as he knelt in front of him. 

“Yes, I think it's her best chance. I want her to thrive and I want you to be able to relax.” He said. 

The distrust immediately came back. 

“You don't mea- You're just say- saying that because you don't want- you feel bad.” Herman murmured. 

“I'm saying it because it's what you deserve.” Robert insisted. 

Herman blinked, archiving his words before he changed the subject. “Okay.” He relented.

Robert hated that he didn't believe him, but there wasn't much he could do in a day. He just had to hope that if he kept showing up, then they’d be able to repair their relationship. It would probably never be like it was again, but he held out hope for some semblance of camaraderie beyond being scared for their daughter's life. Even though the thought of only that made something shrivel inside of him. It wasn't important. It really wasn't. 

After a long conversation with Dr. Isaaq, the baby’s condition stabilizing and the urgency of the situation, her surgery was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. January sixteenth. Robert couldn't find much that didn't make his heart hurt, but he’d ruminated on the absurdity of it all so many times that it was exhausting. Instead, he walked Herman back to his room and sat with him for a while. His grandmother had gone out to take care of the cats and other errands, so it was just the two of them now. 

The silence got Robert thinking, not that even the loudest noise would pull him away from his own mind right now. His daughter had already made a huge impact on him, but she was still relegated to just that. Things like ‘his daughter’, ‘their daughter,’ ‘the baby’ and so on. She didn't have an identity of her own. He wondered if Herman had thought of anything regarding that. 

“Did you ever think about what you might name her?” He asked, turning to the other man. 

Herman thought for a moment. “I- I thought- I started to think of- throw some i- ideas around he- here and there…. I think… I'm scar- kind of scared to- to follow through with- now.” He replied. 

“Why?” Robert asked. 

Herman shrank. “Because… she's sick. It's kind of silly. Ridiculous…. Maybe, but naming her- giving her a name makes it feel more real. I'm already terr- ified of losing her, but adding- putting a name to her face just exagg- no. Sorry. amp- amplifies that.” He replied. “I don't- I don't wanna have to…. see my baby’s name on a- on a headstone. 

Robert bit his lip, swallowing how deeply those words hit him. “To me, it's all the more reason to name her. No matter what, she's gonna impact us forever. She deserves to have an identity, even if the surgery is…” He trailed off. 

Herman nodded. “Maybe. Yeah.” He said softly. “Plus, we can't- can't really call her baby Wal- alker forever.”

Robert chuckled. “It sounds like an odd job. Like you’d see someone in the park with a mega stroller with like, ten babies.” He joked. 

It earned a small, but real laugh from Herman. It didn't take all the weight off of his heart, but it made him feel much lighter. He could stand to hear that sound forever. Feeling his face flush at this thought, he turned away, awkwardly looking at his feet. 

“So, what were you thinking of?” He asked. 

Herman thought for a moment. “Um, not much. I’d only started thinking about it maybe three or- or two weeks bef- ago. I threw Madison out because it just- it doesn't sound like- like her. Not to… me. Um. Olivia was cute- kind of cute, but I'm not sure about it, same with Riley and um, Avery. I also- maybe- briefly thought about naming her after my Grandma- for a little while, but you know, it was just… here and there. I- I thought I had time- more time” He said. 

Robert nodded as he processed Herman’s answer. To be honest, he didn't see his daughter in any of those names either. Riley could be cute, but he didn't like it that much. Eloise seemed too old for such a tiny baby, but it might work as a middle name. The others felt kind of plain. 

“Did you- I know you- I didn't let you know, but have you thought of something- anything?” Herman asked. 

Robert shook his head. “I have no idea what to call her.” He said. 

“We should look into it, yeah. There's def- gotta be something out there to call- that'll fit.” Herman said, optimism building in his tone and eyes. 

Robert chuckled. “I’d hope so. If we can't find one we like out of billions, we might have to ask Phenomaman what they call girls on his planet.” He joked. 

“No way! He’d say something- have her looking- just crazy!” Herman said, smiling. 

“Exactly why we need to keep looking.” Robert replied. 

“O- okay, I get it. We’ll… figure something out. May- maybe we’ll- we can call her Rob- Roberta the first.” Herman teased. 

Robert dragged a hand down his face. “Hell no. I’m pretty sure she’d get bullied as soon as she starts Pre-K.” He groaned. 

Herman grinned. “For sure- yeah, I don't think she’d lik- forgive us for that. At all. Roberta Robertson-Walker sounds terrible- awful.” He said. 

Robert ignored the feeling of his heart skipping at the sound of their names hyphenated. It was just for her, not anything between them. He needed to chill. 

“Yeah, it does.” He agreed softly. 

Quickly, he forced himself to recover. He didn't want to think about whatever that feeling was long enough to acknowledge it. 

“Maybe Hermione?” He joked. 

Herman's jaw dropped. “Oh- oh! So that's how it is- it's gonna be!” He exclaimed.

Robert was grinning now, laughing as Herman playfully swatted at him. 

“How’d you end up with the name Herman anyway?” He'd asked. 

Herman’s smile changed from a humored one to a wistful one as he finally landed a hit on Robert’s shoulder. 

“It was a- my grandpa's name. He um, passed a long- way before I trans- transitioned. I like to think that- maybe- you know, he’d be… proud of me or at least accept me.” He replied. He shrugged like it was insignificant, but he was clearly just nervous. 

Robert softened his smile, looking directly into Herman's eyes. “I'm sure he would be.” He said.  

For a moment, he thought he saw Herman blush, but it was probably just his usual nerves. As he pulled himself away from that uncomfortable emotional knot once again, another playful thought crossed his mind. 

“Wait, doesn't that technically make you Herman the second?” He joked. 

Herman whipped around and threw a pillow at him, landing square in his chest. “Hey! Do- don't play with me- Rob- like that, Robert!” He laughed. 

It only made Robert's grin spread again. “Maybe we combine our names, call her Herbert or Rob-an.” He continued. 

Now Herman was giggling as well. “You- I can't stand you! You too- fool!” He said, grabbing the pillow to throw it at him again. This time it hit him in the face and Robert nearly choked on the stuffing before he ripped it away. 

“Shit sorry sorry.” Herman said, still laughing. Then he paused. 

“I can see- Rob- Robin might- could be cute though.” He said. 

“Robin and Robert sound like a set of twins from a corny TV show.” Robert replied. 

Herman stuck his tongue out at him. “You- you're a par- party pooper. Let me- tell me know when you think- find something better.” He said, still smiling. 

“Dude, my dog is named Beef. It was kind of a joke because he was super thin when I got him. I’d probably just name her like Andrea or something.” He said.

Herman frowned curiously. “How does- what made you think of tha- that name?” He asked. 

Robert shrugged. “I read somewhere it means manly or warrior or something once.” He replied “I dunno.”

Herman snorted and then tilted his head in thought. “Manly’s kinda- I don't know about- if I’d say a baby was… manly, but with- with ‘Warrior’ you might be- I dunno, I think you're onto something.” He said. 

Robert thought about it and hummed in agreement. “Yeah. Maybe.” He said. 

The laughter died down, leaving soft smiles, covering raw feelings like a balm. Soothing, but not quite healing yet. After all the time it had taken to schedule (Lily? Elizabeth? Raina?) their daughter's surgery, it was around one in the afternoon. For whatever reason, Robert heard a noise, like water dripping in a cave. He looked up at Herman, who’d pulled out his phone at some point. 

“Your notifications make dripping noises?” Robert asked.

Herman shrugged. “Meh, I thi- thought it was kinda funny.” He replied. 

Robert smiled, shaking his head. “Okay.”

Herman rolled his eyes before he read whatever had popped up on his screen. His eyebrows raised slightly and Robert wondered why. 

“Oh. I almost- probably did forget. I texted Alice- asked if she and Chad can visited- could visit today.” He said. 

Robert raised his eyebrow. “They're here?” He asked. 

Herman nodded. “Yeah, it's- you know, their lunch break.” He said. “I told them- her it was fine if they had to- needed to come later, but Alice says- said she wanted to see me and the baby… and smack me up- upside the head for ‘Playing with my life’. Yeah, that was how she put it.” He explained. 

Robert snickered. “Did you tell them enough to make Chad wanna try to set me on fire again?” He asked, only mildly afraid for his life. 

Herman shrugged. “Maybe?” He said. 

“Oh geez.” Robert groaned, rubbing his temples. 

“My- sorry, Robert.” Herman said, smiling nervously. 

“Nah, I’m just kidding. Don't worry about it. I wouldn't really blame you if you told the whole team at this point. I acted like a jackass.” He said.

Herman's eyes analyzed him again. “No- well yes-”

Robert snorted a laugh as Herman kept talking. 

“I mean I didn't really help- it was- I’ll take some responsibility for it too.” He said.

“Nah.” Robert waved him off. “If I went through all of that, I’d be pissed off too.” 

“Maybe, but I-”

“Really, don't worry about it too much. I'm not gonna hold it against you. We’ve got a bunch of other shit to worry about.” He said. 

Herman looked confused at first and then relieved. “Yeah, I guess you're right.” He said. 

Now that was an argument he was okay with winning. He sat back, satisfied that they were working through the matter. As he started to lean, he noticed a familiar shade of orange out of the corner of his eye. 

He nearly jumped when he saw Prism and Flambae in the doorway, still wearing their hero suits. Prism was wiping her goggles on a small cloth, occasionally whipping stray strands of hair out of her face. Flambae was steaming a little bit as he leaned against the door frame, a mischievous glint shone in his eyes. 

“Hermy!” Prism cheered, jogging to the other side of his bed. She wrapped him in a warm hug and then pulled back to examine his face. 

“Aw, we got to get some real food in you. I know this hospital shit is trash.” She said. 

Flambae sat down on the coach, giving Robert an unreadable look before he turned towards Prism and Herman. 

“It- it's really not that bad…” Herman said softly. 

Flambae sighed wearily. “Come on, look at him Alice. This little fucker’s probably never had seasoning in his life.” He said. 

Herman side eyed him. “You didn't come- just come here to tell- call me pasty again, did you?” He asked, somewhat jokingly. 

Prism sat at the side of his bed. “Nah, we’re just picking on you a little. How you been, baby?” She asked. 

“A little better, I think. We um got her surgery scheduled for the- the sixteenth.” He said. 

“That's soon. Isn't she too little? She’s only like a pound.” Flambae said incredulously, his thick eyebrows knitting together 

“A pound and ten ounces as of this morning.” Robert cut in. 

Flambae looked like he was gonna be sick. Robert wasn't sure what that was about. He followed his gaze to Prism, who looked guilty. He squinted with suspicion. Why were they looking like that?

“We'll- yeah, she’s little, but it's that- because of that and how she- because she needed to be revived that they want to get it done as soon- ASAP.” Herman explained. 

Prism nodded. “We’ll be there if you need us.” Then, she turned to Robert. “Both of you.”

It was a surprise to him. He wasn't sure how much Herman had told them, but he doubted that most of it was favorable. He didn't expect to feel so relieved at a few words and a gesture. 

“Unless you start acting like a little bitch again.” Flambae added. 

Robert rolled his eyes, there it was again. Oddly enough, he felt somewhat comforted by Chad insulting him like usual. After that, he presented a clear bag, some of the objects were obscured, but a lot of it was baby stuff. 

“Here. We brought some things for you too.” He said, avoiding Herman's eyes as he passed it to him. 

Robert loved seeing that goofy grin on his face as he curiously opened the bag. The first thing he pulled out was a yellow onesie that would surely swallow the preemie if they put it on her. 

“I think it's gonna be a while before she can fit in that.” Robert said. 

If ever. A small voice added in the back of his head. He quickly pushed it away. 

Flambae rolled his eyes. “That's the point, Mecha-dick. My sister said that people always bring newborn shit forgetting that kids grow like little weeds. She’ll need it one day.” He said. 

Robert looked over at Herman, who stared at the garment, grey eyes watering. After a moment, he brought it close to his chest, holding it like a promise. It seemed that they were both thinking the same thing. He brought his hand to Herman's upper back, immediately feeling his racing pulse and short breaths. He rubbed gentle circles into his skin, absorbing some of the pain. Herman didn't cry again, but it was close enough. 

Prism cringed. “Sorry. Was it too soon?” She asked. 

Herman took in a trembling breath and shook his head. “It's- no it's not that. I just- I just really wanna see her wear it one day.” He said. 

“If she's as hard headed as you two, she’ll be fine.” Flambae replied. His voice took its usual, nonchalant tone, but his eyes were glossed over with worry. 

Herman chortled. “Like you- that's rich com- coming from you.” He said. 

“I feel like he's more hot headed than hard headed.” Prism playfully argued. 

“Does that make you light headed?” Robert joked. 

“Booooo!” Flambae said, curling his hands around his lips to make the sound echo. 

“If you start talking like that all the time when you come back, I'm gonna quit. I’ll take prison over corny dad jokes.” Prism groaned. 

Robert sucked his teeth. “You just hate fun.” He said. 

Flambae replied without missing a beat. “Nope, just you.” 

“Chad!” Prism exclaimed, both shocked and amused. Despite her jaw dropping to the floor, she still managed to smile. It stretched her face in a way that made Herman giggle. 

Robert promptly flipped Flambae off, causing the entire room to erupt into laughter, including himself. As he and Herman began to reconcile, he’d been laughing a lot lately. He’d done that through many lows in his life, using humor to cope with his trashed mental state. This was shaping up to be another one of those times, but his aching heart hoped that it would be another like his first months with the Z-team. A low that ended in a high. One that almost made him forget the hardship at the beginning. 

After the moment passed, Herman looked to Flambae and Prism.

“He-hey, do you guys wanna mee- go see her?” He asked. 

Flambae didn't answer right away, but Prism grinned. “I thought you'd never ask. I need to see my niece!” She said. 

At the moment, it was best for only Robert and Herman to be close to her. It was part of why Herman tripped over his words. Playfully, Prism pushed Herman around like she was Tokyo drifting, skidding down the hallways like a crazy person. Herman was surprised at first, yelling sputters as Prism cackled, but eventually he decided to roll with it. Robert kept that pun to himself this time. Even though the idea of making the others cringe sounded fun to him, he couldn't help but look at Flambae, who walked stoically beside him, his eyes far off. Robert wasn't sure what all of that was about, but he decided he wasn't going to let it go. 

“Why are you looking like that?” Robert asked. 

Flambae sneered. “Huh? I always look like this.” He insisted. 

Robert made a doubtful face. “Usually you're either sneering like that or looking like you're about to play a prank. Until you made that face, you looked like you were actually thinking about something for once.” He said. 

Flambae settled his lips, but his glare remained. 

“What's it to you? Don't you have bigger things to worry about?” He spat. 

Robert squinted, Flambae squinted back. Robert scoffed. “I was just concerned, asshole. You don't wanna talk, fine, but you don't need to throw my fucking problems in my face.” He said. 

Flambae looked off to the side, folding his arms. “That's not what I was trying to do, dipshit.” He said. 

“Then what were you doing?” Robert asked. 

Flambae huffed, the breath from his nose making a short puff of steam. Sometimes, when he was running really hot, he’d steam even in fair weather. In a chilled hospital, it was even easier. 

“Don't worry about me, things just aren't that great right now. I’ll get over it.” He said. 

Robert blinked. “That doesn't exactly sound reassuring, Chad.” He said. “What's going on?”

Flambae came to a stop, letting Prism and Herman drift away. Robert curiously waited for his response. 

“Fucking fine! I feel like I should've known better, okay?” He hissed. 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked. 

Flambae avoided his eyes, looking down at his folded arms. A moment of silence passed as the pyrokinetic seemed to be trying to gather his thoughts. Robert had never seen the man refuse to face something head on, whether it benefited him or not. It was almost unsettling to see him cower now. 

“Fine. Before… on Thursday, I asked him if he wanted me to cover for him on that call. He said he was fine and a bunch of nasty fan girls don't usually cause that much damage-”

Robert could argue against that, but he chose to listen instead. 

“-so I let it go. When you started asking about him, I thought maybe he'd gotten hurt or something, and after Alice came back, she told me what happened I just-” He bit his tongue. 

“I didn't really wanna think about it, but I feel like I should've just taken the call for him. Maybe things wouldn't have gone the way they did.” He said. “I didn't even say anything to him until today, Alice did all the talking. I feel like it was my fault, you know?”

Robert processed Flambae's words carefully, looking into his fiery eyes even as they tried to avoid him. He sighed and scratched his head as he tried to string his thoughts together. 

“Honestly, this whole thing is a mess. I don't even know where to begin. It’d be easy to give you some of the blame, but it wouldn't be fair. It was probably stupid not to try to convince him to stop working, but you were only going off of the information you were given, which wasn't much. Don't feel too bad about it.” He said. 

Flambae nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it.” He said. 

All Robert could think to do was nod back. 

“And by the way, he didn't really say anything bad about you. He told us what happened, but he definitely blames himself for everything more than you. Other than, like, ditching him and saying some stupid, honestly fucked up shit that Alice had to wring out of him like the wet towel he is, I think you did the same thing. You just didn't know how deep it all went.” He said. 

Hearing that Herman hadn't cursed his name to hell and back over text, his heart plummeted. Maybe deep down, he was hoping that he had because it’d relieve his guilt in some way. Knowing that there were things being said behind his back. It made more sense, it's what he would have done. 

“What did he tell you?” Robert asked. 

Flambae’s eyes shifted as he thought. “Mostly that he’s scared of being hurt again.” He replied. 

Robert came to the conclusion that not only would he likely be in debt for the rest of his life to pay for- (Maya? Sarah? Leah? Hayley?) -his daughter's surgery, he’d also be spending it trying to make things up with Herman. Not that he didn't want to, both of these were better than never having found them at all. He just hated how much the words he’d rattled off without much of a thought impacted Herman. 

He sighed deeply. “Okay.” He said softly. “Let's catch up with the others before they leave skidmarks on the floor. Security hates us enough as it is.” 

Flambae laughed, his somber mood evaporating like water on his skin. “I bet! Also, if I hear you're talking out the side of your neck again, Golem’s not gonna be able to save your little ass.” He said, lifting his head and starting off towards the NICU.

“Noted.” Robert said, following him. 

The four of them watched close to the glass as- (Alexa? Rachel? Lindsay? R- why was this so hard?) -the little girl rested, no different than usual. 

“You really don't care about how little a pound is until you see a person that size.” Prism expressed, her deep brown eyes wide with wonder. 

“That onesie’ll be in her closet for the next year.” Flambae said. 

Speaking of a closet, Robert never asked where the baby was going to stay. Definitely not with him, but he hoped that Herman and Eloise had enough space. Should he start looking for a new apartment? 

“Ye-yeah, but her grasp, grip is crazy. She's kinda- surprisingly strong.” Herman said, smiling at her. 

Robert silently prayed that the smile that was just returning wouldn't be snuffed out in the next couple of days. 

Chapter Text

Monday dragged by sleepily with storm clouds that hung low in the sky. It was supposed to be the day that Herman asked for parental leave. From there, he’d have been preparing for when the baby came. Instead, he was preparing himself for the worst as midnight passed and the sixteenth arrived. He’d spent more time turning over in bed than he had actually been sleeping. It wasn't entirely new, he hadn't been sleeping much since she was born. Most nights, he snuck past his grandmother to check on her. This time, he found that his stomach was knotting too much to do anything beyond stare at either the wall or the sky while he waited for the inevitable. 

Robert arrived with the sun, bringing breakfast for the three of them. He’d looked a lot better the past couple of days, more like himself again. His demeanor however, was cautious, like he was walking on egg shells, hardly any of his usual dry humor snuck through unless he was completely sure that it wouldn't be taken the wrong way. Herman wasn't sure how to feel about him right now. He was grateful that after some trouble, he’d been there for him when he needed him, but the hurt lingered. It spread through his veins and tinged every conversation, every shared look, and every action with a blue hue. 

Letting himself fall into his arms felt necessary, like an ointment to soothe the burn of previous rejection. It also made him feel stupid. This wasn't for him, it was for their daughter. He knew that, so he pulled away before he got too comfortable. He couldn't take the thought of being blindsided by Robert again. 

Until the day of his interview, he’d admired Mecha Man from afar. A hero that started out young and upheld the foundation that his father and grandfather built. Herman didn't have anything like that, and his powers weren't the most useful, but he wanted help where he could. Then he met Robert. A little rough around the edges and closed off, but he saw something in Herman that no one else did. He was patient when his stutter interrupted him, he gave him advice, and he’d cheered him on. The only people that had cared for him like that were family, and over a short period of time, Herman began to imagine him as such. Completely diving into the idea of giving his heart away, only to have his heart crushed by one sentence that kept haunting him. 

“It was a mistake.”

He’d sat with the resentment, the hurt, the anger, and the grief for months and now, everything outside of himself was telling him to let go. The terror of losing his daughter, his grandmother trying to get them to work as a team, the weight of raising a child. Something inside of him wanted to let his walls down again, to try one more time, but it would be stupid of him to come crawling back to Robert after a few days of support. He had no idea how much of it was real and when he asked him if he still thought it was a mistake, he’d gone silent. Filling it in for the second time almost hurt more than hearing it the first. Because of that, he opted to push the complicated feelings down and let them simmer under the surface. For now, he would push forward. With or without him. 

He felt like the entire hospital could hear his heartbeat as he and Robert went to see their little girl one last time before her surgery. He hadn't told Robert, but he’d asked if they'd be able to close the hole in her heart with a catheter, only to find out that a catheter wouldn’t be able to reach its location. The hope of anything less invasive was off the table. Dr. Isaaq had assured him that the success rate was high, but the fact that she couldn't guarantee her safety made him feel like he was going to melt into a puddle. He’d only just started to bond with her a few weeks ago, coming to see her as a little piece of him. Now that he couldn't physically protect her anymore, he was terrified. Still, he wanted his daughter to get to run and play like other children, so he took the risk. 

Gently, he stroked her tiny forehead, heart clenching as her eyebrows raised from the stimulation. Robert stood next to him, letting her hold his finger. The fleeting contact never felt like enough, especially not now. He wanted to hold her close, kiss her little face, let her fall asleep in his arms. She was still too small and weak for any of that, and yet, she would be having surgery.  He found himself swallowing both water and unshed tears, leaning on Robert. Too worried for her to care about him leaving. 

“I hope- no- you get better, duckie. I- we’ll be here when it's over.” He told her. 

One thing he knew was that kids were disobedient and often needed to be told the same thing multiple times to follow directions. He hoped that if he said it enough, maybe something in her conscience would listen and she’d come back to him. He needed her to come back to him. 

“Get better.” He said. 

With both of them at her side, this was the most peaceful he’d seen her other than when she slept. It made his heartbeat just a little less strident in his ears. Robert rested his hand on Herman's shoulder, shaking as the team gently pulled them apart. Herman tried not to think too hard about how they would prep her for the operation. 

“Duckie is cute for her.” Robert commented quietly.

“Hm- My Grandma- she used to call me that when I was little. I thought it- it just felt natural to keep it going. 

Robert hummed in response, though Herman felt like he had more to say. Curiously, he looked up at him, finding that he looked like he had a quip on the tip of his tongue. 

“What do- what are you thinking about… saying?” He asked.

Robert shrugged. “Nothing much. I'm actually trying not to think about everything too much. I think I’m about one existential thought away from a breakdown.” He replied, staring ahead with empty eyes. 

Herman could relate to that, but he was hoping for a little more. “You- you can ju-ust say it.” He said. Not forceful, just curious. 

The corners of Robert's mouth twitched. “I was just thinking it's too bad we can't put that on her birth certificate.” He replied. 

Herman rolled his eyes. “You never- well, who knows, maybe it’ll show- come to me at- in a dream.” He said sarcastically. 

“Like you sleep.” Robert joked. 

Herman poked him in the side, making him flinch and fold over the spot at an odd angle, producing a loud popping noise. Herman scrunched his face and pulled his hands away as far as he could. 

“Ewww!” He groaned, a glint of humor warming him. 

“See, this is what happens when you poke a double jointed guy.” Robert said, straightening himself back up. 

“I don't know if I- if I sh- should tell you to go see a doctor o- or pick- tease you for being old.” Herman said. 

Robert bumped Herman's shoulder playfully, though, he didn't seem to have it in him to do much more than that. He looked ready to collapse right there. Herman himself could feel his eyelids trying to stick together. 

“Do you wanna… come- go back to my room?” He asked, pointing down the hall. 

Robert hesitated and then relented. “Yeah okay. Let's go.” He said. 

His grandmother had fallen asleep waiting for them to return; the music from Candy Crush was still quietly playing on her phone. Robert offered his hand to help Herman back into his bed. The gesture made his face flush and Robert didn't even seem to notice. He was getting worked up over nothing but consideration. It was embarrassing. As Herman buried himself in the sheets, Robert pulled up a chair next to him. It'd become part of their routine as of late. Chatting closely. 

“So… you thought of a name yet?” He asked. 

Through the fog of fear, names barely came through. The ones that did felt like a bad fit for his daughter. Robert however, seemed like he was full of ideas. 

“Um, not really. Sorry. It's- you know- been a lot.” He said sheepishly. He didn't know exactly why he sounded so nervous, but he felt sour when hurt briefly flashed across Robert's face. 

“No. No, it's fine. I get it.” He said softly. 

“What about you?” Herman asked. 

Robert perked up, a slight smile warming his features. “I’ve really just been throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. I'm not really attached to anything yet.” He said. 

“Okay. Out- tell me.” Herman urged. 

Robert seemed to shy away a little as he shared his thoughts. “I thought about Reese.” He said. 

Herman squinted. “Reese? You- I thought you didn't wa- want a name close- too close to yours?” He asked. 

Robert shrugged. “It's not that close. It just has an ‘R’ sound, and you said you liked the idea of her having a name with a strong meaning.” 

He made an awkward gesture, somewhere between another shrug and waving his hands as if to say ‘So-so’. 

“I- if we name the- her that, all I’m gonna think of is peanut butter cups.” He said. 

Robert snickered. “Okay, so not that.” He said. “Maybe, Alessia?”

Herman curled his lip. “Too fancy.” He said. 

Robert thought about it, and then shrugged. “Fair enough. And I know we're not going with Victoria.” He said, starting to laugh. 

Hesitantly, Herman smiled back. “Sonar- we’d never hear the end of it.” He agreed. 

“He’d probably insist on teaching her how to play stocks and embezzle.” Robert joked. 

“You know, I think he- he’d try that- try to do that anyway.” Herman replied. 

“Probably. What about Gabriella?” Robert suggested. 

Herman tilted his head in thought. “Maybe. It's- I think I could see her as being- as a Gabi.” He said. 

“Okay, okay. We're getting somewhere. What about Alexandria?” Robert asked. 

Herman shook his head. “It does- I don't like it. Everyone would just call her Alex.” 

Robert smirked. “We could call her Xander.” He joked. 

Herman was half sure that his face had retreated into his head from how disgusted he looked at that. Robert burst out laughing, leaning on the bed for support. 

“It's not that bad.” He said. 

“Would you wanna be called Bert?” Herman asked. 

Robert snorted. “That's not even remotely the same, and hell no.” He replied. 

Herman smiled mischievously. “Act- I’ll keep that in- that in mind.” He said. 

Robert gave him a questioning look, only making Herman smile wider. He continued to bounce name ideas for the baby off of Herman for the next twenty minutes before they fell into silence again, waiting for any news of their baby girl. Despite all of the suggestions, Gabriella seemed to be the only one that they both liked enough to consider. Maybe that was it. It would fit nicely on her birth certificate. He started to think about her report cards and high school diploma, but further out, he wasn't as sure. Maybe it was because the future was still uncertain. He probably just needed some time to get used to the idea. 

As time passed, the clouds blocked the sun, casting his room in a dim blue-grey. The quiet sounds of the hospital began to fade as his head lolled tiredly. Despite how anxious he was, his body was desperate to sleep after the previous night. At the moment, the only things connecting him to the waking world were the worst case scenarios that interrupted him when his eyes closed for too long and Robert’s warmth as he sat with him. The scenarios faded into background noise when he could no longer lift his head off of the pillow. He heard a low, distant voice as he began to drift away, but nothing registered until he felt cold again. Instinctively, he reached out, tugging something soft that gave slightly in his grip. He cracked his eyes open, just barely seeing a figure in the dark. 

“Robert?” He croaked. “What- where are you going?”

Robert's voice seemed to echo through the sleep that was trying to overtake him. Bits and pieces of speech were lost in the mental fog. 

“...going back…. won't be gone long…really tired…be back when she-”

Herman didn't even attempt to make out the last part. His grip on Robert's sleeve tightened as he tried to blink some of the sleep from his eyes. If he wasn't laying down right now, he would have collapsed from fatigue already. His head was hot in the way that only seemed to happen when he tried to fight to stay awake. The steady drip of water increased on his face and hands. 

“No. Stay.” He murmured. 

Robert paused, he still had trouble hearing his voice through his sleepiness. “....ou sure?”

Herman barely heard the question, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He wasn't sleeping alone. Not right now. 

“Please?” He whispered, his voice trembled as if he was on the verge of tears. 

He felt Robert tense, noticing his figure turn as he tried to think. Herman only held his shirt tighter. He feared that if he let go, Robert would run for the hills. He couldn't be alone again. Silently, Robert agreed and began to sit back down in the chair. Herman protested by yanking his sleeve. Mid crouch, Robert stood up again, his head tilted in confusion. 

“Herman?” He said. 

Robert's speech was clearing in his ears. His heart accelerated as what he was asking planted itself in his mind. Negative thoughts crawled up his back and pierced his skull. 

You're an idiot if you think he’ll wanna be close to you. 

You're pathetic. 

He’s not here for you. 

He’s just being cordial.

Don't trick yourself into thinking he cares again. 

He wrenched his eyes shut and shook his head. Maybe Robert would say no, maybe he’d leave, maybe he was being stupid, but why should he care? If there was just one chance that he could keep some of that warmth, he was going to take it and if he left, then his doubts would just be right. He could beat himself up about it later, when his baby's life wasn't on the line. Just be selfish for one moment. 

“I ne- I want you to hold me.” He said. 

Need was what he really wanted to say, but he didn't want to be needy. He didn't deserve to be. It was his fault. He should have never said anything that night. Never should have stayed, hoping to catch a ray of light from Robert's eyes. 

The other man froze in place. Herman could feel his arm trembling as he seemingly weighed his options. Herman pulled back, ready to mutter a bumbling apology at him and tell him to forget it. Apparently, sliding backwards gave Robert enough room to climb into bed with him. Almost as if he was scared to jostle Herman, he laid down facing him. Barely awake, Herman looked into his eyes, heavy with a mix of weariness, worry, and something else he couldn't quite name. His arm hovered over Herman before coming to rest over his shoulder.

“You okay?” He asked. 

“Not really- I don't think- I’m scared.” He admitted. 

Gently, Robert snaked his hand under Herman's waist and pulled him close. “Me too.” He said. 

“I'm- you’ll get wet.” Herman muttered, despite asking him to be here, despite already leaning back into his warmth. 

Being tall, he had to curl up so that his feet wouldn't hang off of the bed. He hid his face in Robert's chest, listening to his steady breaths and his heartbeat. It made him think of his daughter. Right now, a stable body was all he wanted for her. 

Robert rested his chin on top of Herman's head, drawing out a deep breath. “I don't care.” He said. 

Herman sighed, closing his eyes. 

“It's gonna be okay.” Robert said softly. 

He hoped that Robert believed that the tears that slipped past his eyes were just water from his face. 

The sun was high, spreading soft beams of light through the room and on his skin by the time that Herman woke up. He was calm until he remembered that he was still in Robert's arms. Slowly, he started to slip away, hoping that Robert wouldn't wake up. Their legs had gotten tangled as they slept and Herman had a hard time untying them. At some point, he must've pulled too hard because Robert stirred. Herman went still as he watched Robert’s eyelashes flutter. The older man grunted, grinding his teeth, then, his hold on Herman tightened. Herman could feel his heart racing as he tried to figure out what he was going to do next. After a moment, when Robert realized he was still there, his face relaxed into a content expression and his arms loosened. 

Herman almost felt guilty for leaving, but he told himself that it was probably the stress of the situation making his heart turn every which way. Then he felt sick about how much he wanted to stay, then angry about how calm Robert looked. Carefully, he pulled himself out of Robert's grasp and got out of bed. Checking his phone, he saw that it was 12:17. Curiously, he frowned. The surgery was estimated to take about six hours, someone should be coming to tell them what was going on soon. The urge to climb back into bed with Robert increased at the thought of it. Maybe if he let the moment last just a little bit longer, he wouldn't have to think about how worried he was that things had taken a turn for the worse. He reluctantly pushed the thought away, he still wasn't completely sure he could depend on Robert. 

Taking careful, small steps, he made his way to the bathroom. He couldn't wait until he healed more; being newly postpartum felt like a stomach wrenching combination of having the worst period ever and being a baby himself. He needed a lot of help as his body put itself back together after six months of harboring a baby. The pads he wore were basically diapers, and it didn't help that holding his bladder had become harder after giving birth. It was supposed to subside after some time, but right now he found it humiliating. His feet, hands and face were still swollen. If he wasn't distracted enough, he could feel his organs shifting, his uterus contracting, his hips aching, and the heavy bleeding. Since he'd hemorrhaged, he was still being monitored to make sure that it didn't get any worse. It all made him feel disgusting, like he was rotting from the inside out. 

His chest had been feeling uncomfortably full lately. It was taking longer than he had expected, but a nurse told him that his milk supply was coming in. He probably needed stimulation to help. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted that. As far as he knew, nursing and bottle feeding came with special bras, accidents, having to keep up his supply, a few different types of pain, and a lot of reasons to think about his breasts. Though, the cost of formula, especially those made for preemies, made his head spin. The hospital bill was already going to be crazy, adding that to it would probably have him swirling the drain. 

So far the only benefits to all of this, other than the baby herself, were that he was less consistently wet unless his emotions spiked (which was often, so the change wasn't affecting much yet), and that his hair had curled, making him look less like a cat that had been caught in the rain. He would rather walk barefoot on hot coals than do this shit again. 

After about fifteen minutes, he walked back into the room, finding Robert still fast asleep. He thought about waking him up, but decided to let him sleep instead. He hadn't been awake for that long himself and he was already worrying about- Gabriella? 

Gabriella Walker. 

Gabriella Robertson. 

Gabriella Robertson-Walker.

It was fine, really. He could see her with that name, saying it to her to soothe her cries, calling it when she tried to run away from him like toddlers do, saying it in a stern voice when she was in trouble, calling her Gabi as a teenager and it annoying her because she was “grown up” now. It was cute, it worked. He wasn't sure why he was still so hesitant about it. 

Sure, names were supposed to be forever, but she could always change it someday if she wanted to. Herman had only gotten his legally changed two years ago. Maybe she could go by her middle name or a nickname. Bri or Ella, maybe, if she didn't like Gabi. But he also wanted her to have a name that she liked, one that grew with her. How many adults had he even met that were named Gabriella? 

He was probably overthinking it. What's in a name? It was what distinguished individuals from others, that's what. It was what everyone would call her for the rest of her life. No pressure. Before he could keep going on about it, he heard a soft knock on the door. It was enough to throw him back into the real world, and wake up his grandmother, who instinctively reached for her glasses. He turned to see Dr. Isaaq peeking through the doorway. 

“Hi Mr. Walker, is now a good time?” She asked. 

Herman tried to read her face. She didn't look like anyone had died, but she didn't look ready to jump for joy either. It made him uncomfortable. 

“Um yeah- yes, just let me- I gotta wake him up.” He said, pointing to Robert with his thumb. 

Dr. Isaaq nodded. “Of course.” She said patiently. 

As his grandmother sat up in the guest bed, Herman crossed the room. Gently, he shook Robert by his shoulder. He tried to turn over, but Herman was insistent. 

“Dr. I-”

He didn't get to finish his sentence before Robert jumped up, eyes wide and darting. 

“Huh? What? Is she okay? What happened?” He rattled off hoarsely. 

Dr. Isaaq smiled. “We were able to repair the defect. She's resting now, but she should start to wake up within minutes or the next few hours.” She replied. 

Herman's hands flew to his mouth in relief, tears started welling up in his eyes as he tried to speak. 

“She's okay?” Robert asked, swinging his legs over the bed. 

“She's been doing well so far. We're monitoring her vitals and looking out for any signs of complications or infection. She’ll need a little more breathing support than before for the time being. You should be able to be at her bedside after about two hours for her to stabilize.” She said. “And since she’ll be staying in the NICU long term, you won't have to worry about wound care.”

Having to wait to be close to her wasn't thrilling to Herman, but it was for her own good. He wouldn't argue against that or having the hospital take care of her while she recovered. From the guest bed, his grandmother smiled softly at him and Robert. After everything, he almost couldn't believe this was real. He’d been feeling like that a lot lately, but it was just the truth. His baby girl had pulled through. 

Robert sighed in relief, leaning on Herman. He thought about pulling away, but he didn't. He let him find comfort in his being there. For a moment. 

“So we- we can still go… to see- see her from the window, right?” He asked. 

“Of course.” Dr. Isaaq replied. 

He pulled a tissue from the bedside table and passed it to Robert. “You um, you kinda got some- a little drool on your face.” He said. 

Robert jumped up, taking the tissue. Herman slumped when he let go, ignoring the odd mix of feelings that came from it. He had a little trouble paying attention to what she said next. It was mostly things about what to expect during her recovery and how when she was strong enough, they would have to be careful with lifting her as it would take around 8-12 weeks for her sternum to fully mend. Herman would go over it again later with the packet she gave them. Right now, he just wanted to see his daughter. 

Robert and Herman stubbornly waited outside of the NICU until the staff tiredly let them in after three hours. They tried not to look like they were worried about when the two of them would blow up next, but they were definitely a little wary. Herman didn't bother to think about it as he dressed in the sanitary gear. He couldn't care less if the staff was sure he was insane as long as his baby was alive. 

Robert let Herman go ahead of him to their daughter's side. She was hooked up to more things than Herman could name. At this point, he wasn't sure what was what. What he was sure of was that the tiny baby was stronger than she looked. His eyes were drawn to the strip of tape on her chest, disturbed by a swollen line of flesh under it, the tails of her stitches stuck out from under the bandage. Looking at it made his stomach turn, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. 

“Hey, Duckie.” He said softly, carefully touching her cheek. Her eyelashes fluttered in response and she scrunched her face. 

“She's tired of us already.” Robert joked, his voice laced with relief. 

“You know- I think it's you. Just you.” Herman chuckled. 

Robert rolled his eyes, still smiling. “You're the one who got a whole six months with her.” He replied. 

Herman had to stop himself from saying something that was probably out of pocket. Instead, he kept quiet and felt his baby's eyebrows, thin and blonde. Her lashes fluttered again and she pressed into his hand. 

“I… really hope you're fin- done scaring me-”

“And me.” Robert added. 

Herman stuck his tongue out at him, earning a slight, satisfied laugh from him when he turned back around. 

“-for a while. I- I’d think- like to say forever, but… you know.” He said.

Her eyes shifted under their pale lids, peeking open at him as he shared his warmth with her. He was stuck between awe and trying not to laugh at the fact that she looked like her own existence was an inconvenience to her. Beside him, Robert released a teary laugh. 

“Why does she look like me?” He asked. 

“I mean…” Herman trailed off, trying to see her better. 

“I know, duh, but I mean she looks like she has to go to work tomorrow.” He said. 

“She's probably just tire- groggy.” Herman replied.

“You hate fun.” Robert muttered dejectedly. 

Herman smiled a little at that. The baby finally opened her eyes enough for him to get a good look. They were brown like Robert's, but when he looked closer he could see rings of grey surrounding her pupils. It reminded him of a penny that had begun to oxidize. 

“She really- she does look like y- a lot like you though. I think.” He breathed. 

Robert silently watched her, searching for his features in her tiny face. During the quiet moment, a thought came to Herman's mind. 

“I act- I don't think- I don't wanna name her Gabriella.” He blurted out. 

“Good thing I didn't start committing that to memory yet. You thought of anything else?” Robert asked. 

Herman frowned as he looked into her eyes, wondering if maybe his reflection would have an answer for him. 

Robert shrugged. “We’ve got time. I don't think she even cares that she's here right now.” He said. “We can think of something else.”

“Yeah…” He muttered.

She needed something good, a name that might begin to touch the love and admiration for her. He remembered one that sounded a little regal, but sensible. 

“What about Da- Daphne?” He suggested. 

“Daphne?” Robert asked. “Why?”

“She .. I think she looks like a Daphne. Kinda.” He said, somewhat hesitantly. 

Robert thought for a moment. “Hopefully it doesn't mean anything like Claudia does. I’ll look at it later. I think it's pretty.” He said. 

“So, she's Daphne?” Herman asked. 

Robert nodded. “She's Daphne.”

There was a Greek myth in there that he’d read about when he was less stressed, but to his luck, it wasn't one of those names with an unfortunate meaning. The meaning of “laurel tree” was unassuming, kind of plain until he read that laurel branches were a symbol of victory in ancient Greece. To him, she’d earned it. 

Daphne Eloise Robertson-Walker. 

Chapter Text

Robert could tell that Herman wasn't exactly keen on leaving the hospital; not that he blamed him. Being close to the baby- Daphne (wow), made things easier. He could see her whenever he wanted and he didn't have to worry much about taking care of himself. The thought of being discharged soon seemed to gut him. Robert felt similarly about going back to work. He could have taken leave, but the thought of spending a few months with his thoughts terrified him. He needed some distraction, and the Z-team made an excellent one. By now, someone had most definitely told the rest of the team what had happened and he knew that it was going to be chaos when he started work again. For now, he tried to find peace in Herman’s room as he was prepared for discharge. 

Robert scrolled through the fifty million notifications from the group chat as a low whirring sound droned on in the background. Awkwardly, he tried to ignore it, he was still surprised that Herman hadn't kicked him out for this. The nurse was teaching him how to use a breast pump with his grandmother at his side. From what Robert could tell, he was frustrated beyond relief. Eventually, Herman threw down the contraption and pulled up his hospital gown. 

“It's- It's not work-ing.” He forced out of his mouth through teary huffs. I'm not gonna- not fucking doing it!” He said. 

“Herman.” Eloise said gently, rubbing his back. 

“It's alright, Mr. Walker. Lots of mo-” 

Robert's head snapped up as her sentence was cut off. Even though he was looking at the backs of Herman and Eloise’s heads, he could tell that the two of them were glaring at the nurse. 

“-parents-.” She corrected herself. “-struggle with it first, with consistency it should come more naturally. Lots don’t breastfeed at all. It's perfectly normal.”

That statement didn't seem to matter as Herman started crying anyway. Eloise gently brought him into a hug, patting him on the back. 

“It’s okay, dear, there's still time. If it doesn't work, then we’ll figure something else out.” She assured him. 

“I feel so useless.” Herman sobbed. 

“Don't say that. It's not true.” Eloise insisted. “You're stressed, it happens. Daphne will be fine.”

Herman bit his tongue. He looked like he wanted to argue, but opted not to. 

Robert felt very out of place in the middle of that scene. He wasn't even sure if he should say anything. With the way Herman was feeling, would hearing him talk just make things worse? He’d already said the wrong thing before and that turned into a disaster. They had been doing better lately, but there was still an awkward semipermeable wall between them. One moment, Herman would want him to pull him closer, offer him safety, the next he treated Robert like a friend, laughing alongside him, other times he was distant and moody. Still, that didn't mean he shouldn't show support just because he was worried about his reaction.

“Try to relax a little, Herm. If it doesn't end up happening, it's not your fault.” He said. 

Herman sighed tiredly, his eyes boring into the wall ahead. 

“Would you- actually can- can I just get a minute alone? Maybe... Please?” He said. 

So Robert was back in the NICU with Daphne, who was officially a week old. Two days had passed since her surgery and she was doing well. Sometimes, when Robert or Herman were near, she’d even open her eyes. When he'd first noticed them outside of their color, they'd looked like they were going to roll out of her head from how unfocused they were. After a frantic chat with a nurse, he was told it was yet another preemie thing. He wondered how many times he'd be told that. Really, he wondered a lot of things. 

He wondered if Daphne would ever be normal. How long it would take for her to catch up. Just this week full of fights, scares and exhaustion had felt like an eternity. Would moments of downtime come soon? Falling asleep on the couch with her on his chest under the setting sun. Teaching her what sounds animals make. Trying to get her to say her first word. So far, she was due to be discharged on April 11th, would she be healthy by then?

Trying to take his mind off of his worries, he rubbed the palm of her hand, watching as her fingers relaxed. He found that it was something she really liked. He’d done it the first time to look at the webbing between her fingers. The toes had been a little more obvious since they weren't usually curled like her fingers. After that one time, she would seek it when she felt his hand in hers. It was mutually soothing. 

“I’ve gotta go to work soon. Try to keep it together, okay?” He murmured. 

Of course, she didn't respond, just turned her head as she started to fall asleep. Since he could slip away without disturbing her now, Robert took that as his cue to go. He pulled off the sanitary gear and walked back to Herman's room to tell him he was leaving for the day. Hopefully, he was in a better mood. 

Maybe sleeping counted as being better? At least for the time being. Herman was curled in his sheets, wet curls sticking up at odd angles and his mouth was wide open. The poor thing was completely knocked out. He found himself smiling at the sight and cut it off before it could spread from his heart to his mind and cause him to overthink. Instead, he grabbed a pen from the pocket of his pants and a napkin from the bedside table. 

Came to say goodbye, but you were asleep, so I'm just leaving this note for now. Hope you feel better when you wake up.

• ЯR

He hoped his little message was enough, even though it didn't feel like it was. He felt like he was leaving something out, something more meaningful, but that was all there was to say, right? He was probably just thinking about it too much. It wasn't like he needed to write a love note, it would be… uncalled for? Inappropriate? Weird? Whatever it was, he wasn't doing that. He just needed to hurry up and go the fuck to work already. 

Once he was looking up at the SDN building, he wished he hadn't rushed to get there. He had more good memories here than bad, but the traumatic ones were really rising to the surface now. A lot more blood than he expected had been shed here. The confused gurgles that Elliot made when Invisigal suddenly slit his throat mixed with Herman’s howls of pain and Daphne's weak whimpers. They rang in his head like church bells; deafening to the point of shaking him. 

At least until he got poked in the back of the neck. 

“Robert, what the fuck are you doing here?” Flambae teased. 

“Bitch, you back already?” Prism asked, raising her eyebrow. 

Robert quickly swallowed the trauma to shoot the shit with the two heroes. Sucking his teeth at them. 

“What, you thought you finally got rid of me? Is the betting pool still going around?” He asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jacket. 

Flambae shrugged as they started to herd him into the building. “Nah, we gave up on that after Sonar-”

“Nope. Nope! Don't even finish that!” Robert cut in. 

Flambae only burst out laughing, dramatically mouthing the words ‘rat juice’ at him. Robert shuddered at the thought of the incident. That day was the closest he’d come to quitting. 

“But like, seriously. Don't you got a family to take care of?” Prism asked. 

Robert rolled his eyes. “That's literally why I'm here. I’ve got to at least attempt to crawl out of the crippling medical debt I’m about to be further plunged into.” He replied. 

“Further?” Flambae asked. 

“Being in a coma is expensive.” Robert said. 

“Let me see if I can get Mal to give you half of the betting pool.” Prism said, cringing. 

Robert turned his head sharply enough that his neck popped. He paid it no mind since his joints were shit anyway, but he did hear Flambae yelp- “Motherfucker, how are you still alive?” -in the background. 

“Wait, what did you guys bet on?” He asked. 

“It wasn't supposed to be serious!” Prism exclaimed. 

Robert squinted. “Alice, what was the bet?” He asked. 

“To be fair, we were drunk as fuck, but we betting on who was the most likely to have an ‘oops’ baby.” She said. 

Robert sighed. He’d just gotten to work and he was already exhausted. “You can't be serious right now.” He said. 

He wasn't sure whether he should be more concerned about the bet itself or that Mal had chosen him and won. 

“Wait, who did you guys even bet on?” He asked. 

Flambae chuckled. “A lot of us picked Sonar. Shit, he picked himself! The rest of us were thinking it'd be Punch Up. The little shit even said it couldn't be him because his pull out game was insane. I bet seventy five dollars on his short ass!” He explained. 

“Wait, technically none of you won though, because you two found out it was Herman first.” Robert said. 

“It was a joint effort, so Mal insisted on collecting her money.” Prism replied. 

“I guess.” Robert relented.

As the conversation died, he briefly thought about turning on his heels and making a break for it, but he was already at his cubicle at that point. Hesitantly, he sat down, put his phone on his desk and braced himself. After a week of doing nothing but sleeping and worrying, it felt strange to be back, almost wrong. Should he have stayed where he was? What if Herman or Daphne needed him? Did this mean that he was choosing work over his daughter? How often was he going to do that? Was he going to be like his dad? 

As his heart started punching his ribs with anxiety, he heard his phone go off, seeing an ‘H’ through the corner of his eye. Shit. Did something happen? Was it his fault because he left? Was Daphne okay? He pulled his phone about two inches from his face to read the text, nearly melting with relief. 

Have a good first day! Duckie and I will be waiting for you to get back. 

And thanks. Sorry if I snapped at you earlier. 

Oh! And tell the team I said hi too. :)

Robert grinned, reading the text over and over again. Herman had read his note and everything was okay! Maybe, he was doing the right thing. He relaxed at the thought of his daughter and his- ? -and Herman, waiting for him. Said thought was quickly interrupted by a thump to the top of his head.

“Ow! Hey-”

Immediately he slapped his hand over the spot and looked up. Chase was peeking over the wall with his headset on. He was frowning, but his eyes had a loving glint in them. 

“No time for sweet talking, kid. You got freaks to wrangle.” He said. 

Robert chuckled. “And yet, you're taking the time to pick on me. You act like you’ve never seen a grown man smile.” He said. 

“Not at a screen for two minutes.” Chase retorted. “Go get ‘em.” He said, sitting back down at his desk. 

With that, Robert put his head set on, ready to see what Torrance had in store for him.  

“And you better show me some pictures.” Chase added.

Robert rolled his eyes and turned on his computer, greeted by a set of familiar icons. It was strange not to see Waterboy on the screen. 

“Hey guys-”

“What’s up, Daddy?” Sonar interrupted, pure devilry coating his voice. No wonder he and Malevola were so close. 

“What the f-”

Before Robert could even begin to process what had just been said or finish yelling, a cacophony of uproarious laughter shredded the channel. 

“You're so wrong for that!” Malevola exclaimed, her voice was muffled, probably by a hand covering her mouth in shock. 

“That's really fucking gay, man.” Flambae said. 

“But I thought-” 

Flambae immediately cut Phenomaman off. “Bro, I can say that. I'm literally gay.”

“The fact that you're literally a flaming homosexual still trips me out.” Prism laughed. 

Robert could almost hear Flambae rolling his eyes. “Ha-ha! I haven't heard that one before.” He said sarcastically. “And when did this become about me, huh? We're supposed to be picking on Bobert about his living, breathing HR violation!”

“Dude, I betted on you as a joke! I can't believe it actually happened.” Malevola said in awe. 

“Sixty-three dollars down the drain…” Golem grumbled. 

“Congratulations, Robert, though the thought of you and Waterboy is a bit unnerving.” Coupé commented dryly. 

“Uh… thanks?” Robert replied. At least she said congratulations. 

“But seriously, how’re things? I don't know why you're back so early, lad, you must be wrecked! I know I would be.” Punch Up cut in. His voice carried his typical, carefree tone, but it was a little gentler than usual. 

Now that the initial craziness had started to die down, Robert felt like he could take a breath. The worst part seemed to be over. 

“Things are going better. Herm- Waterboy's getting discharged soon -he says hi, by the way-” 

“Aww, tell him we miss him!” Malevola said tenderly. 

“Big ups to Waterboy, man. I'm made of a ton of bullshit, so I can't imagine going through all that.” Golem added. 

They spoke so quickly that it barely registered in Robert’s mind. “-and th- Daphne's been recovering from surgery. Oh thanks I’ll tell him you said that.” Robert continued. 

“Oh, a daughter. How nice.” Phenomaman said, something wistful in his voice. 

“Daphne's a pretty name.” Coupé replied. 

“Nooo! The legacy!” Sonar cried. 

Robert chuckled. “I don't think I'd have kept it going anyway. I’d never hear the end of it.” He said. 

“Who knows, maybe she’ll wanna be Mecha Man.” Punch Up suggested with a chuckle. 

“I could get behind that.” Prism said. 

Robert hadn't thought about that before, honestly, he still wasn't. He didn't know how all of this was going to turn out. If she’d even be able to make that choice for herself when she got older. Even if she could, he wasn't sure he'd let that happen. He’d just barely been spared of dying in the suit, his family's famous coffin. What if…

He cut that thought off by blurting out. “I'm not sure I’d let her, honestly. Three generations is probably enough.” He said. He tried to make his voice light, but his heart was heavy. 

“Boo.” Sonar groaned. 

“She's a week old. It's not like it matters yet.” Flambae said. 

“What does she look like? Does she look more like you or the soggy man?” Phenomaman asked.

“She's a baby, Phen. They're kinda like little blobs until they turn one.” Prism replied. 

Robert was ready to argue that his daughter did not look like a blob, but other than her eyes, along with webbed fingers and toes, she didn't have many defining features. 

“She's tiny, like she's barely bigger than the rats you just have to bring to the break room. No offense, Bob-Bob.” Flambae answered, directing his words at Sonar. 

“Now, why am I in it?!” Sonar exclaimed. 

“Babes…” Malevola groaned.

“I can't with you, bae.” Prism said, definitely rolling her eyes. 

Robert squinted, tilting his head. “How am I not supposed to take offense to that?” He asked somewhere between sincerity and humor. 

Robert was pretty sure he heard a quiet “I could eat her?” from the bat hybrid in the background, but he chose to ignore that. Especially when a sharp “OW” rang out shortly after. 

“Because I said so. I didn't call her a rat, it was just for a size reference.” Flambae replied nonchalantly. 

“What I don't understand is how all of this came about. I know that every human starts off as a baby, but how is a baby made?” Phenomaman asked. 

The channel went dead silent.

“I'm not going to be the one to explain that. I already had to tell him what hugging was actually called.” Flambae said, cleaning his hands of that situation. 

“See when-”

Robert muted Sonar's mic. “Alright, I think we're done here. Let's answer some calls.” He rushed to say. 

“Aw.” Golem muttered. 

“Send us pictures!” Prism requested. 

“Wait, Robert. Do you actually want some of the betting pool?” Malevola asked. 

Prism worked fast. He thought about it for a moment, before thinking “Fuck it”. Technically, he was the reason she won the bet. 

“Yeah, sure.” He said. 

The shift continued with its usual craziness. After a few minutes, it seemed that everyone had forgotten about the conversation they’d just had. Normally, Robert brushed off the odd things they said, but this set of bullshit stuck with him for whatever reason. He didn't know why, but something in the back of his mind wondered what Visi would've said if she still worked with them. She probably would have been a total mess. When it came to rapid-fire, vulgar comments and jokes, no one could beat her. Even if they weren't usually funny, it would still be better than her disappearing. He hoped that she was okay. Maybe things had gotten better for her after she left. 

That was what Robert  wanted to think, but he knew that was unlikely. She took Shroud's mask. No one does something like that without some kind of plan, even if it was a shitty one. He shook the thought of her out of his head and continued working. He shouldn't be worried about that. Not with the strange support of the Z-team, Chase, and Eloise. Not when he had a family to take care of. The past was the past and it had been six months, she wasn't coming back. It was better that way. He wouldn't have to look into her eyes and see how horribly he failed her. It was hard enough doing the same with Herman and Daphne. 

He had already begun to fall back into the rhythm of the SDN by the time lunch rolled around. He shot a quick text at Herman before he got up to get something from the vending machine. As he stood in front of it, a thought crossed his mind. 

He should probably start eating real food now. Not just because his diet was sad, but also because if his daughter grew up watching him eat Twinkies everyday, she probably wouldn't be too keen on eating vegetables. Shit, when was the last time he'd eaten something green or even homemade? Where should he even start with that? Maybe he should be eating more protein or learning how to cook simple stuff? He had maybe two years before Daphne would start noticing he couldn't cook for shit, right? He should probably be using that time wisely…

“Did it take your money again?” A calm voice said, cutting through his thoughts. 

He turned to see Mandy leaning against the table behind him, drinking a protein shake.

“Huh? No, I was just thinking about stuff.” He said vaguely. 

“I bet. It's good to have you back though. I think the team would have rioted if they had to have a sub for the next three months.” She joked. 

Robert smiled.  “They'd probably just riot for the hell of it.” He replied dryly. 

“As far as I know, Golem’s the only one who's been charged with disturbing the peace.” Coupé commented, walking in to grab a bottle of grape juice and leaving. 

Robert shrugged. “She would have a point, if the rest of the team didn't enjoy being shit stirrers.” He said. 

Mandy chuckled, nodding. “You been alright? I know things have been rough.” She said. 

“Yeah, mostly. We're getting through it.” He answered. 

Mandy nodded. “Glad to hear it.” Then he noticed a memory flash in her bright blue eyes. “Also, I was supposed to tell you that HR’s gonna wanna see you if or when Waterboy comes back.” She added. 

Robert sighed. After everything that he and the Z-team had ever done, this was when they wanted to step in.

“And here I was thinking they were just a myth.” He joked. 

Mandy quirked her head in thought. “Honestly, I was wondering about it too.” Then she shrugged. “Shouldn't be too bad though, they’ll probably just tell you to act professional on SDN grounds and such.” She said. 

“That shouldn't be hard. We're not even together.” He replied. 

Mandy squinted. “You're not?” She asked.

Robert frowned, confused. “No? Is something wrong?” He asked. 

“No, I just thought. It kinda made sense with the way you look at him or when you were basically straddling him on your first day.” She said. 

Robert's voice caught in his throat. “First of all, I was fixing his tie and second of all, what do you mean ‘the way I look at him’?” He asked. 

Mandy looked like she wanted to drop the subject, but answered anyway. “I don't know, you just were always looking at him. You’d get this big sad look in your eyes and you’d always look up if he was close by. I thought maybe you just had one-sided feelings for him or something until he had the baby.” She explained. 

“Really?” He asked. 

“Yeah. I-” Then, she shook her head. “You know what, nevermind. It doesn't matter. Good to see you again, Robert.” She said , turning to leave. 

Robert couldn't even gather his voice to begin to ask what she was talking about. Did he really look like that? Like some kind of lovesick puppy? There was no way. It was just because he regretted hurting him. He shouldn't have been so dismissive and he was still paying for it now. It wasn't anything more.

Right? 

Chapter Text

Since yesterday, Herman had read the note over and over again. There was a tender, but distant quality to it. It was tasteful in a way, which was strange to him. He wasn't sure why, but it upset him. Realistically, he knew that it was nothing but kindness. Robert was just letting him know that he had left and would be back. It was nothing like being dismissed the day after Shroud's death. 

It was a mistake. 

So I'm just leaving this note for now. 

Just. That word. It made it sound so trivial. 

“Hey, I'm leaving you and our kid behind to go to work. See you later!”

He knew he was overthinking it. It was nothing like that. Since they had talked the day that Daphne went into cardiac arrest, Robert had been nothing but kind. He held his hand, spoke words of encouragement, held him when he was scared, celebrated when Daphne came out on top. He was making a mountain out of a molehill. There was nothing wrong!

Yet, at the same time, it didn't feel like enough. He knew Robert didn't have feelings for him. Still, he couldn't help but yearn for him. He’d seen a few parents at the NICU, making a cuddly pile with their child, holding each other close, giving reassuring kisses on the cheek. He found himself feeling left out, having had a baby with a man who didn't love him. That only made him more angry.

He snatched the note from the bedside table, the ink from the pen bled through the paper when he touched it. He pinched the middle and began to rip. As if taking out his anger on a piece of paper, a remnant of Robert would make him feel better. As the words started to split in the center, it only made him feel guilty. 

He put it back down, biting his lower lip as he tried to think. What was this about? This was ridiculous, it was a note on a tissue. A note that Robert wrote hoping that he’d feel better soon. One that showed he at least cared. Forcefully, he stuffed the note into his suitcase, unable to rid himself of it after all. As he packed the last of his things, one set of struggles converged with another. 

Herman didn't want to leave the hospital, but it wasn't his choice. If everything had been normal, he would've been sent home with a baby after two or three days. He found this to be much worse than that already stressful concept. The thought of not being able to just roll down the hall to see Daphne made him feel sick. It was wrong. One of her doctors suggested leaving something that smelled like him behind to soothe her, so his grandmother brought him a bunch of felt hearts. He’d keep one on his person for a while, and swap it for a new one when he visited. It made him feel a little better that she'd have that. Today, he would leave her a yellow one, but while she recovered, what would he have of her other than the scars?

He pulled on a black hoodie and blue plaid pajama pants. After spending most of his time in or under thin fabrics, the plush clothes felt strange on his skin, almost suffocating. It just reminded him that he was going home and that Daphne wasn't coming with him. Maybe he was being a little dramatic, it wasn't like she'd died, she just needed to get better. Her hospital stay would give him a little more time to get more things together. Maybe if he found something to-

The thought jarred him enough to cut it off with a confused head shake. There was no way he was going to do that. He was definitely being dramatic now. Anxiety sometimes comes with odd things like that. It wasn't like it's never happened before. He just needed to relax. Despite the spike in his heart rate, he pushed the thought aside and grabbed his things. 

“Are you okay, Hermy? You look upset.” His grandma said, reaching up to pull him closer. 

Herman shook his head. “It's- It's nothing. I probably just…. got- zoned out or something. I'm fine, Grandma.” He murmured. 

Ignoring the look of suspicion on her face, he leaned down to kiss her forehead. She patted him on the back as she wiped the water off of her head. 

“Alright. Just let me know if you aren't feeling well, okay?” She said softly. 

Herman swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He agreed. 

Walking to the NICU on his way out felt like trying to run in water. He had to force his way through the deep dread to keep moving. Truly, he just wanted to give up. If he stopped and made a scene now, maybe they'd admit him on a psychiatric hold. He knew it wasn't reasonable, it was another thought he’d need to let go of. Still, leaving didn't feel reasonable either. Why did he get to go home when his daughter was still here, unable to survive on her own? He was starting to work overtime to ignore all of his feelings, but he’d be fine, she’d be fine, everything would be fine. 

The NICU was warm as usual, countering his sadness. Standing over his daughter's incubator for the first time made her look even smaller, like a baby doll. Over time, he’d learned how to tell if she was sleeping or awake even when her eyes were still closed. When she slept, her head usually lolled to the left, facing away from him and her little fists would be at her ears. When she was awake, she would react to touch and her legs would curl up. He wasn't sure if he should be relieved or not that she was sleeping. At least she wouldn't know that he left yet. Gently, he caressed her forehead, watching her lean into his touch. He bit his lips to keep from crying. He was pretty sure his eyes couldn't take much more of that. 

“I’ll see- um, be back tomorrow, Duckie.” He forced a teary smile, more for himself than her. “And you- I better hear not one- nothing but good reports.”

Despite the joke, the dread only seemed to engulf him further. It only made him more aware that at some point, he’d have to pull away. Herman nearly jumped when he felt a hand on his back, and turned to see his grandma. Her eyes were soft. 

“I won't rush you.” She said. 

So, they sat in the NICU for the next three hours, only leaving because Herman was nodding off at her side. He slept the entire way home, his mind void of any worries or doubts. Both of which came back when he woke up at the bus stop close to his house. 

He trudged his way to his room, water dripping down his face. Upon entry, he collapsed on his bed, face first into the pillow. Maybe if he stayed there long enough, it would smother him and he wouldn't have to think about this anymore. When his chest started to tighten, he turned over onto his back, silently catching his breath as he laid like a starfish. Barely any time had passed and he already felt empty. He thought of taking the bus back to the hospital, but his legs felt weak and his head felt heavy. Whether he was just tired, or it was post partum fatigue, he wasn't sure, but it didn't matter. He was stuck. As he wallowed in the warm quiet of his grandmother's house, he heard his phone go off. Lazily, he turned over and grabbed it, finding a text from a familiar number. 

You went home today, right? How are you doing?

Herman stared at the text and the number he had memorized, but not saved. He’d had it for weeks before he had Daphne. Blonde Blazer had given it to him under the guise of needing advice. He’d just never had the balls to use it. 

So what should he tell Robert? 

Not good, I miss my baby. 

I feel like shit, I’m a shit father, you're a piece of shit, the world is just one big ball of shit!

Fine. Thanks for asking.  

Fine. 

Thanks for asking. 

The lie stung the back of his throat even though he hadn't said a word. 

That's good. The team's been bothering me about Daphne all day. 

Are we going to see her together tomorrow?

Sure

Okay. My car’s out of the shop. I can swing by if you want. 

   It's fine. The bus is actually pretty reliable.

Really?

Okay, see you tomorrow then. Get some rest, Herm. 

Yeah. You too. 

He turned over in bed before either of them could think to try to continue the conversation. He started to curl up and let the day get to him, but the memory of tasks that he needed to complete knocked him in the back of the head. Lucky for him, he had showered that morning, but he did need to change his pad. It had been a couple of hours. Then, he needed to pump. He twisted his face at the thought, but if he wanted to keep his daughter fed while plugging some of the holes in his pockets, it was what he had to do. 

This was going to be a long life. 

Pumping was a strange experience, but it wasn't completely horrible. The pump itself was portable, so he wasn't stuck holding onto it or having to stay in one spot. The sound made good background noise to disassociate to, letting his soul float away while his body stayed. Not the worst way to spend a night. Well, it wouldn't be if something actually came out. 

Just like the three times he'd tried yesterday, four the day before, and once today, there wasn't a single drop. He was already frustrated before, but now it was starting to piss him off. There was milk there and that shit hurt. It had been about twelve hours since he'd started to notice genuine pain and while his mind was mostly occupied by stress, it did scare him. The last thing he wanted was to have to go back to the hospital for mastitis, or even worse an abscess. Though if he did, maybe he'd get more time to be close to Daphne….

Definitely not worth an infection. The only way he’d find that to be a good idea was if he had completely lost his mind. At this point, he was pretty sure he was only about a third of the way there, so that was a no go. He’d just have to tough it out and pray that he wouldn't have to go through the process of getting insurance to pay for expensive preemie formula or buy it himself. That could happen regardless if his supply wasn't enough, but he was still trying not to freak out. 

As the pump kept going, he leaned on his hand and let his eyes roll. He hadn't realized that he'd fallen asleep, but he must have, because when he opened his eyes, the sun was beginning to set. He immediately felt that his shirt was soaked and something in the room kind of smelled like milk. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, trying to remember what he was doing before. At least his chest didn't hurt anymore, but it did still feel like something was weighing him down. 

He was awake all of a sudden, nearly dropping his pump as he pulled it off of each side. It finally worked! The color was a dark enough yellow that it made him do a double take. Apparently, liquid gold wasn't just a saying. Looking at the bottles, he noticed that they weren't full, so he must've had them on wrong or knocked them around. Briefly, he wondered how much milk (or really colostrum) he’d accidentally wasted in his sleep. Still, as far as he knew, three ounces a side was pretty good. Usually, he heard the saying ‘don’t cry over spilled milk,’ and here he was, grinning at it like a madman. Maybe there was hope after all. 

Quickly, he pulled a box of unopened bottles from his closet. He felt lucky that he had any at all, but he’d definitely need more, especially when Daphne came home. 

‘Wait, wasn't I supposed to bag it?’ He thought. 

He didn't have those anyway, so a bottle was going to have to. Failing miserably at keeping his fingers from slipping across the screen of his phone, he managed to look up what he should do. Apparently you're not supposed to microwave frozen milk or shake it after it thaws. Who knew? Had the nurse told him that, or had he been disassociating again? 

It didn't matter now, he’d have to do research all over again anyway. He shook his head and walked downstairs, narrowly avoiding tripping over one of the cats on his way. Along with knowing he'd be able to feed Daphne, he couldn't help but feel relieved that the trans-masc slouch was somewhat successful again. 

He would have ran if he had the energy, but he managed to get to the living room quickly enough. His grandmother sat in her chair beside the couch watching jeopardy when he turned the corner. 

“He- Gran- grandma, look!” He cheered. 

Her glasses slid down her nose when she lifted her head. She squinted while she pushed them up, as if that would help. Once they were back on, she blinked and blinked again. 

“Oh, Hermy! That's amazing!” She exclaimed, bringing her hands together.

Herman beamed with pride. “I act- finally did it! Really!”

‘Maybe I didn't fail after all!’

“Congratulations, Duckie. Remember to leave room in the bottles when you freeze it.” She prompted. 

“Oh. Oh, yeah, I almost- almost forgot about that.” He sputtered, turning back towards the kitchen. 

His old nickname took him back to fond memories, ones he wished to share with Daphne, his own Duckie, when she got older. He still had a lot to learn, but he was going to get there. All he had to do was keep trying. 

And text Alice. 

IMG.attch//(Linked File)

“Bitch, I'm a cow!”

*Alice liked your message*

LMAOOOO

chad asked if ur making horchata

Bro

but seriously, I'm happy for u, hun. Let me know when we can come see y’all again

ur so lucky you didn't have to work these past couple days

these dumb motherfuckers won't shut up

I figured as much. 

Robert barely got a word out yesterday.

how are things going with ur babydaddy anyway? 

he still talking out his neck? 

Stop calling him that!

nah it's too funny

🙄

Things have been better I think. 

Just trying to figure things out. That's all. 

ok sounds good. let me know if u need anything. <3

Thanks! 

He grinned at his and Prism's messages as he read them over again. He’d always admired her and Flambae, even when they endlessly picked on him. Because of their pasts, they worked hard to prove themselves worthy of a hero title. What he never guessed was that they would actually befriend someone like him. Most days, he was sure that he was far behind the rest of the Z-team, but he felt that forming a bond with the two of them, letting them help him though hard times, had begun to bridge the gap. Being able to laugh with them made things a lot better. It chipped away at the months of pain and anxiety. That night when he went to bed, he slept through the night for the first time that he could remember. 

Chapter Text

Just like that, Saturday arrived with a slight chill and sore muscles. Going from running back and forth between the hotel and hospital to sitting at his desk all day was an abrupt adjustment that his body wasn't really a fan of. Robert brushed it off though, he was going to see Daphne again. He’d stopped by yesterday, but not for long since he was tired from working. He’d caught himself going down the hall to visit Herman when he remembered that he had been discharged that day. An odd pang zipped through his chest, but he ignored it. 

Herman had been stiffer towards him since he was discharged. He wasn't sure why, he'd thought that they were getting along better, but he could've also just been tired. He said that he was fine, but Robert knew that if he was already missing his baby girl, he had to be too. Shaking off sleep, he pulled himself together. Beef was on his heels, nearly tripping him multiple times. It felt like he might know something. Maybe Robert smelled different or it could have been because he’d been out so much lately. As Beef dug into his breakfast, he wondered how the little dog would react to Daphne. Would Herman even want her to be around him? Beef wasn't malicious or anything, but Robert wasn't sure how he'd behave around a baby. He’d have to ask Herman about it later. 

“See you later buddy, don't do anything crazy while I'm gone.” Robert said, petting Beef’s back.

Beef was too busy eating his food to care, so Robert turned and left, making sure to lock the door behind him. As he hopped downstairs, he shot Herman a text. 

Hey good morning. Are you there yet?

No I'm on the bus. You?

Headed to my car.

Did you sleep well?

Kind of.

Oh, we might not have to buy formula for Daphne.

?

Pumping finally worked. 

Wait, really?

Briefly, Robert had the thought of telling Herman he should change his hero name to The Milkman, but quickly shuttered it, even though it made him chuckle. Maybe he'd put that as his contact name. 

Yeah

What, you doubted me?

JK JK

I didn't but that's great Herm.

Congrats? I guess

Lol ok.

See you later.

Yeah, see ya

Traffic had been shit, so he wasn't surprised to see that Herman was already there. What he was surprised about was that Herman hadn't entered the NICU yet. He sat slouched in an oversized grey hoodie and black sweatpants, a pair of leaky Crocs covering his feet. 

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Robert asked, finding a smile sneaking into his face. 

Herman looked up, his face quickly morphed from a contemplative expression to soft relief. He bit his lip before he answered. 

“Nothing- nothing important, just… chillin.” He said. With the tremor in his voice, it was probably one of the least convincing things he'd ever said. 

Robert tilted his head. “Okay. I was just curious. How is she?” He asked. 

Herman blinked a couple times before answering. “She's good. I um… the nurse said that I- we should get to- to hold her today, sin- since she's healing good. Well.” He replied. 

Robert's heart soared. After a week and two days of only being able to hold his daughter's hand and softly rub her skin, he could've died of excitement at the concept of getting to hold her. Though, that didn't explain one thing. 

“So then, why are you out here? I thought you'd already be holding her.” He said. 

Herman sighed and shrugged. “I guess- I don't know, I just- I couldn't go by my- on my own. I… want you there.” He answered, barely above a whisper. It was like he was scared to say it. 

It had become a common theme when Herman wanted Robert at his side. Pleading faces, barely audible words, shaking hands and water dripping down his face. He hated to see him like that. He wished he knew how to make him understand that he wasn't going anywhere. That he wasn't just in this because of Daphne. 

“Well, I’m here now, right? Don't you wanna go see her?” He asked.

Herman paused, turning his head to look at Daphne through the window. 

“I’m- yeah, I do.” He replied. 

Robert wondered what the first thought that he cut off would have turned into, but he didn't press. He was scared that if he asked Herman what was really going on inside his head, that he would get defensive again. Every time he got too close, Herman pulled away, his eyes filled with a mix of fear, anger and a gleam of hope. He wouldn't yell, but he would snap, often asking to be alone. The push and pull made Robert feel like he was being endlessly drawn and quartered. Instead of voicing any of that, he offered Herman his hand, flashing him a half smile. 

“Come on.” He said. 

Something about that clammy hand in his made him feel more like a person, someone present. Closer to Robert Robertson rather than Mecha Man. He’d been working on it for a while, not the entire six months, but a good chunk of it. Getting to know himself was a long process, one that being around Herman and Daphne made painfully real. They'd become new, tangible ties to his civilian identity. He hadn't had anything like that for the past fifteen years, maybe even his whole life from the way his dad treated him. 

Herman silently stalked behind him as they entered the NICU, just like they had many times before. His arms were folded stiffly over his stomach, as ifif he was trying to keep his intestines from falling into the floor, his face was paler than usual. Before they approached the incubators, Robert stopped and turned towards him. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

Herman started nodding before Robert finished his sentence. He focused on Herman's eyes, rapidly shifting side to side, pupils pinpricks within the sea of grey. Robert evened out his brows, furrowed with concern as he tried to comfort him. 

“I'm not gonna make you tell me everything, but you don't have to lie either.” He added. 

Herman's jaw shifted under his mask as he processed Robert's words. 

“What if- what if I dro- drop her?” He whispered. 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked. 

Herman swallowed loudly. “My powers, they're- they’ve been inconsistent… lately. I don't wanna get- wanna soak us and drop her.” He explained. 

“I’ll be right there, Herman. A nurse probably will be too, waiting for us to argue again.” He said, rolling his eyes. He could see a slight smile in Herman's eyes at that. “You’ll be okay.”

The smile faded. “What if she doesn't lo- like me?” He asked, pupils dilating. 

Robert's heart sank. Why would he think something like that? 

“Of course she loves you.” Herman’s eyes watered when Robert went with the word that he was going to use before he cut himself off. 

“You made her. She likes your cool hands on her head and I can see her respond to your voice sometimes too. You're her safe place.” He replied. 

Herman shrank in distrust. Robert wasn't sure if it was because of him or his own doubts. 

“Are you saying this because that's what you're scared of or is it because you're scared of how much you love her?” Robert asked. 

Herman looked past him and at her bed. 

“I’m- I don't wanna mess up- mess her up.” He admitted. 

Robert shrugged. “Every parent messes up somewhere, the good ones admit they were wrong, apologize, and make up for it. My own dad never bothered, but Chase did.” He said. 

Herman nodded, but he still looked a little hesitant. Robert gritted his teeth; somewhere between frustration that a man as kind as Herman was worried about ruining their child; who thought of nothing but warmth and food, and warm admiration for how much he cared. Taking a deep breath to ground himself, he kept trying to build Herman up. 

“I'm scared that I’ll be like my dad. That I’m not… there enough to connect with her or keep her safe. I don't want her to grow up thinking that the only way to make me proud is to be just like me.” He admitted. 

This was a fear that was connected to Robert, not Mecha Man. Nothing about being a hero or facing danger, just facing himself. It was something he rarely spoke about, not just his father, but also his complicated feelings surrounding him. A knot in his throat that wasn't unlike the one that formed when he thought about Herman. Confusion, hurt, comfort and something else that he hadn't quite uncovered, even though it overtook everything else at times. 

Herman’s face relaxed. “She knows you care.” He replied shortly. “It's okay.”

It wasn't the same as “You're not like that”, Herman didn’t seem sure of that yet, and while that hurt, it still meant something to him. Even in the eyes of someone who didn't trust him, he was on the right track. 

“Okay.” He breathed. 

They paused for a moment before Robert moved to stand beside Herman instead of ahead of him. “I can go first if you want me to.” He offered, smiling. 

Herman squinted, but smiled back. “Nah, no- no way. It's my turn. You got to- you met her first.” He said. 

Robert chuckled. “Then what are you waiting for? Lead the way.” He said. 

Herman lost a little of his slouch.

Robert watched intently as the nurse from last week- who had talked him down from glaring at the woman who was putting Aquaphor on Daphne -instructed Herman on her to pick her up. 

Herman sat in a rocking chair beside her bed, his oversized hoodie was pulled down past his shoulders and he held it open so that Daphne could snuggle against him. A few of the threads had snapped, but skin to skin contact was important and it wasn't like he wore the hoodie for anything other than warmth and combating gender dysphoria. 

The nurse spoke softly, taking note of Herman’s demeanor. “You want to pick her up by supporting her head and back, scoop her up like you're already rocking her. Since her sternum is still healing from surgery, she needs as little disturbance as possible, so no lifting under her arms.” He said. 

Herman nodded as he was guided on how to correctly bring her close. He looked petrified, but he was no longer trying to shrink himself. He still trembled slightly, but was determined to get it right. Carefully, he slipped his hands under her head and back like he was told and brought her to his chest. Daphne squirmed at being suddenly moved, fussing silently due to her breathing tube. Once she felt the warmth of Herman’s chest and his heartbeat, she relaxed, chasing the closeness as if she could sink into his skin. 

Herman looked up at Robert with shock blown eyes. 

“See? I told you.” Robert whispered. 

Herman sniffled, blinking a few tears out of his eyes. Gently, he rubbed her back as she curled her fist. Under his hoodie, Robert could see her little legs twitching as she made herself comfortable. 

“Hey, Duckie…” He murmured, resting his head on top of hers, taking in her essence. 

Robert's heart flipped in his chest at the sight of them together. Daphne, comfortable and calm. Herman, awed and loving. He looked like a natural. It all felt so right. Robert found himself wanting to hold both of them, to shield them from any trouble they could encounter. 

It finally occurred to him that the last feeling twisted in the knot in his throat was love. He looked at Herman and felt love. Regret and hurt came easily, but that feeling scraped at his chest like an animal in an enclosure, fighting to be heard. He wasn't exactly sure when it had started, but at some point, it had snuck its way into the mix of self loathing and remorse. Maybe Mandy had been right, that his face had been saying what he couldn't for a long time. How obvious had it been? Did Herman know?

His eyes focused on the two of them again, still feeling that painful adoration as Herman swayed with her. He swallowed thickly, trying to rid himself of the heavy weight of it all. What if Herman kept pulling away because he could see the yearning in his eyes as well? After all this time, Herman's feelings had probably faded and seeing some of the same ones on the face of someone who’d hurt him probably put him in a tough spot. 

The thought took him back to that fateful night. It occurred to him that discovering that Herman hadn't just wanted his body, but the man that came with it made him feel seen. Hardly being able to see himself, he’d felt exposed and vulnerable. Vulnerability typically earned him injuries, be it physical or emotional. Waking up next to him with the angelic glow of the sun on his skin had made it real that his entire being flinched, leading them to this. 

What had he been thinking when he let him go? Letting the gap between them grow when he had so much time to try to pick up the pieces. If he could have just admitted that he liked him earlier, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe they'd be a real family, holding each other through every moment, not just the ones that broke them down. 

Was it too late? 

Chapter Text

After the torturously slow pace of the first week of Daphne's life, time seemed to move at hyper speed. While there wasn't nearly as much stress as before, it was rare that Robert was truly calm. Whether it was worry, joy or shock, there was always something to go along with taking care of a baby.

-Weekend Dad-

“So, how are we doing this?” Robert asked. 

Herman looked up from Daphne, who he was rocking as she napped.

“Doing what?” He asked. 

“Um… custody.” Robert said reluctantly. 

Herman looked up in thought. “When are you moving?” He asked. 

“The month before she gets out.” Robert replied. 

Herman nodded. “Okay. Would- do you think you could… stay over the- for the first week? You know- to help.” He asked. 

“For sure.” Robert agreed. 

“Okay- o- um, since she's still little- so little, and you work a lot, I think that… after the week- first week she should stay with me of- mostly, and she can- she’d stay with you on weekends. If that's okay.” Herman said.

Robert tensed. It made sense for Daphne to be with Herman most of the time, he wouldn't argue with that; but two out of seven days in the week was so short. Maybe they'd switch things around as she got older, but he hoped it wouldn't be long. He didn't want to be a weekend dad. 

“Okay. Sure. Can I come over during the week?” He asked. 

Herman paused. “Ye- of course. I think that you- I’d be okay with that, as long as it's before I put her to bed, and- and I could use some… the help.” He agreed. 

Some of that tension melted away at that. As long as he could see her as often as possible, he could make this work. Maybe, soon enough he’d have every other week with her. For now, he had to make sure his new place was ready. 

-Not my Valentine-

Robert had to rearrange the way Daphne's face looked in his mind. She'd just been put on oxygen, the clunky CPAP machine had been replaced by a small, clear tube to help her breathe. With her nose less flared by machinery, he could see that it faced downwards like Herman’s did. Herman whispered softly to her, swaying a bit in his chair. She was two pounds and eight ounces now, closing in on doubling her birth weight. It had fluctuated during her second week of life, but after initial panic, they were told that it was normal for newborns. As Herman held her, she curled her fist against his collar bone, snuggling into him like she always did. 

That day, she had on a white hat with tiny hearts embroidered into it. Robert tried not to think about it too much, but it kept biting into every thought. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea. They weren't together, barely even considered friends, but Herman had given him Daphne, so acknowledging him in some way was the least that he could do. At least, that was the way he tried to rationalize it, but he knew very well that it was more than that. Deep down, he wanted Herman to love him back. Knowing that made him only feel like the ceiling was caving in on him. 

He was sure that Herman wouldn't want a big romantic gesture, but he had to do something that properly showed that he cared. If he didn't do anything or enough, Herman would probably be sad or irritated, if he did too much, he’d probably drive him away. He just needed a good compromise. 

He was also realizing that while he knew Herman well at work, he didn't know much about him personally. Not knowing someone you had a crush on and a child with was definitely embarrassing, but better to make up for it now rather than later. One thing he did remember was that he liked honeydew melon, from when Phenomaman kept sending Mandy edible arrangements. He wasn't sure if it was his favorite, but he’d been too shy to ask, fearing that Herman might catch on. 

They walked out of the hospital and into the night together. It was cold enough for Robert to see his breath in the air. He wondered if Herman’s powers made him get colder easily. Trying to work up the nerve to say something, he looked at the time, finding it to be 10:21 at night. 

“Oh, it's late.” He said. 

He wasn't surprised, it was rare that he or Herman left the NICU at a decent hour. He was just hoping that Herman would respond. 

“Ye- yeah.” Herman said. 

Robert put his phone back in his pocket. “I can take you home if you want.” He said. 

Herman clearly hesitated. Robert forced his face to stay even, trying his hardest not to turn tail and run.  

“Don’t worry about me- it- it’s fine. I can just call a cab. Don't wanna be- bother you.” He replied. 

Robert shook his head. “Nah. I don't want you standing out in the cold, plus, carpooling is cheaper.” He said. 

Maybe it was an excuse that he mentioned saving money, but it was true that he didn't want him to be alone. He didn't want to be alone either. 

Herman thought for a moment, pushing his wet bangs out of his face. 

“I guess- sure, okay. You- you’ll probably need to have- know where my house is anyway…. For when Daphne comes home.” He said.

Robert didn't want to be there just for Daphne, but he wasn't sure how to tell him or if he should even try. 

“Yeah, sure.” He said shortly. 

Robert rarely had passengers, and in the past, he’d used the car to pick up pieces of the Mecha suit after he recovered. Herman had to pull his seat pretty far back to sit comfortably. Robert was just glad that he didn't notice the little cooler in the backseat. He’d gotten him yogurt, melon skewers, and written and scrapped a note about five times before deciding it sounded intimate enough, but not like a love letter. Would it really be that bad if he took it that way?

He told himself that it would. 

“You been okay?” He asked, starting the car. 

Herman nodded. “Yeah, for- mostly. Just tired I guess.” He replied. 

“Cool.” Robert said. 

Then, he shook his head. “Not cool, I mean. Sorry you're tired.” He added. 

Herman shrugged. “It's not- nothing… much.” He replied quietly. 

Robert twisted in his seat with his steering wheel in his left hand and the other coming up to the headrest of the passenger seat. He was mostly looking out of the rear window to make sure he didn't cause an accident, but he watched Herman out of the corner of his eye. His breaths deepened, a little flush dusted his ears. Secretly, Robert felt kind of lucky that he had to back out. It meant that he had an excuse to be closer to him. 

As he straightened out his car and switched back to drive, he turned to look Herman in the eye. He was quick to dodge his gaze, shifting his eyes slightly to look out of the windshield instead. Still, Robert savored his grey irises, glowing like the full moon in the sky. Though, he felt guilty for all of it. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Clumsily, he turned to face the road. 

“You okay?” Robert asked. 

Herman nodded. “Uh-huh.” He replied. 

After that, the car ride was mostly silent except for the sounds of the streets, the radio playing softly in the background and Herman giving him directions. He kept his eyes on everything that passed them by as Robert looked ahead. Eventually, they turned onto a quiet street full of houses that were clearly built decades ago; not in the sense that they were dilapidated, they were just old fashioned. 

“The one- It's that one. That's me.” Herman muttered, pointing to one of them. 

Robert pulled into the driveway, taking in the sight. There wasn't anything particularly special about the house; it was a pale blue in color with white trim, a bird bath stood in the front yard, a path of stones led to the stairs, cat statues sat by the railing, and the porch light was on, waiting to guide Herman home. Robert committed the sight to memory, the address and the ambience. This was where Daphne would live, at least most of the time. 

Herman unbuckled his seatbelt and started for the door. 

“Than- thanks for taking- the ride, Robert.” He said. 

Now was his chance. His heartbeat spiked enough to heat his whole body with nerves. The adrenaline made it feel like it was now or never. He technically knew that he could show appreciation any time, but now seemed more optimal. It felt like he had an excuse to be just a little more open. To test the waters. 

“Hold on, wait.” He said, reaching out for him. 

Herman turned to him with a curious expression, water droplets glittered like diamonds in his curls. 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

Robert almost lost his nerve looking at him. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat and drew his hand back. “I got you something.” He said. 

Herman waited expectantly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his damp jacket. Robert contorted in his chair, earning a loud protest from his back as he reached into the cooler. He’d bought it just before coming to see Daphne, so it was still cold. He wasn't sure what to say, or what face he should make. Confused, he settled on a shaky half smile, offering the red box of yogurt and melon skewers to Herman like it was a piece of his heart. 

“Happy Valentine's Day?” He said, almost as if he was asking for permission to give this to him. 

Herman blinked rapidly and looked between him and the skewers anxiously. “I- oh. Thanks- thank you, but I… didn't get you anything.” He said. 

Robert's hand shook as the conversation drew on. “You gave me Daphne. That's enough. This isn't the same, obviously though. I just wanted to make that clear. Not that it means nothing I just-” He sighed to stop himself from rambling. 

“Thanks. You know, for letting me be there.” He said. 

An odd darkness crossed Herman's face. For a moment, Robert was scared he’d said the wrong thing until Herman took the skewers. 

“You're welcome? I think… Thanks again, for- for the snack. It's nice. See you later?” He said.

Robert nodded. “Yeah, see you. Have a good night, Herm.” He replied. 

Herman nodded in response and took a step back, still looking Robert in the eye with a somber expression before turning and walking towards the house. Robert stayed in the driveway until Herman walked through the door. His heart had slowed to a slow, painfully hard rhythm as he tried to figure out what Herman's face was trying to tell him.

-First Day Back-

To make sure that he had time to take care of Daphne when she finally came home, Herman decided to go back to work on February 22nd. He’d be back on the team until Daphne left the hospital on April 20th. To Robert's surprise, he actually asked him if he could hitch a ride to work. Robert accepted almost too quickly. When he pulled up to Herman's house, he was standing at the top of the stairs, leaning against the railing. He still wore the suit he’d gotten while he was pregnant. He slouched a bit more and fixed the top on occasion. 

Herman walked to the car as soon as he heard it unlock. He climbed in like a giraffe, his long limbs awkwardly shifting as he tried to get himself situated. Robert hadn't moved the passenger seat since he’d taken Herman home on Valentine's Day. If he noticed or cared, he didn't show it. 

“Hey, you ready?” Robert asked, putting the car in reverse. 

Herman bit his lip. “I think so. Yeah. I guess.” He said, stilted. 

“You don't have to go if you don't want to. I'm sure Mandy would understand.” He said. 

Herman shook his head. “It's not- I'm fine, just nervous.” He said. 

“About what?” Robert asked. 

Herman paused, Robert could see the wheels turning in his head. “I um… I don't like weird questions or- or stares and stuff. I wasn't… out at work. Not- not until I had Daphne.” He admitted. 

Robert hadn't thought much about that. It wasn't a big deal to him since he knew before, having had sex with him, but having everyone find out that he was trans because he went into preterm labor was probably petrifying. 

“Fuck ‘em. You gotta set boundaries with that kind of thing. The details aren't anybody's business, don't let anybody make you uncomfortable.” He said, gripping the steering wheel. “Including me. Let me know if you think I'm not sending you out enough.” 

Herman briefly narrowed his eyes. “I’m not- actually not worried about you- when it comes to you. Most o- other than- than the times we fought or didn't speak- really. You usually made me feel good- better.” He admitted. 

Simultaneously, Robert's heart clenched and his body relaxed. All of these mixed feelings were going to send him into an early grave.

“That's good to know… sorry about the bad times.” He said sheepishly. 

“It's fine.” Herman muttered. 

“You keep saying that, but it never really is. You still keep-”

The words had begun to leave his lips before he could truly think about what he was saying. He bit his tongue as Herman studied his face.

“I'm just not- I'm really trying. Sorry I didn't meant- mean to make you mad.” He replied. His tone was cold, but his eyes were downtrodden. 

Robert sighed deeply. “I'm not mad. I know you probably still have trouble trusting me. I get it. It just makes me wonder if there's anything I can do to fix that.” He said. 

To make you love me. 

He pushed the thought away as Herman kept looking at him. 

“I- I don't know. Not y- right now, at least, but um I don't hate you or any- anything like that. I'm just… overwhelmed.” He replied. 

“Okay.” Robert said, trying to find the bright side in that sentence. 

Herman didn't hate him, there was that.

“Okay.” Herman said softly. 

At that, Robert quickly shifted the tone, trying to release the tension in the car. 

“Oh, and HR wants to see us. Think they finally came out of hibernation.” He joked..

Herman drew back, making a surprised face. “Huh? We act- we have an HR bran- department?”

“Apparently. Don't know why they didn't bother intervening when Visi was running around watching people change.” He said, rolling his eyes. 

“Probably couldn't um see the problem.” Herman joked. 

Robert laughed through his nose. “But you don't want me telling Dad jokes.” He said, raising his eyebrow. 

Herman smiled. “Mine are- it's better- funnier from me.” He said. 

Robert rolled his eyes. “Right…” He said, still close to laughing. 

Robert felt fleeting glances and stares as they walked into the building. From the water that was beginning to flatten his curls, he could tell that Herman did too. 

“Don't think about it.” He whispered. “People are nosey.”

Herman swallowed a mouthful of water and nodded. He was slouching even more, trying to make himself smaller. 

Before the shift started, they made their way to the never before seen HR office, opening the door to find a middle aged man with thick, curly blonde hair, thick glasses, and deathly pale skin. He smiled slightly when they entered. 

“Hi, good to see you.” Immediately, he pulled up a thin stack of papers and hit them against his desk to make them even. His pale, barely colored eyes flitted between them curiously. With a nod, he set down the papers. 

“Okay. Per company policy, you’d sign what corporate calls a ‘love contract’ classy, basically confirming that your relations are or rather were consensual and you’ll agree to avoid preferential treatment.” He said. 

Robert blinked at the word “were”, but the fact that the man just spat everything out of them overshadowed it. Robert and Herman hadn't even sat down yet. Curiously, they looked at each other and then back at him. 

“That's it?” Robert asked. 

The man, whose nameplate Robert didn't bother to memorize, shrugged. 

“I mean, we’ll go over professional conduct too, no favoritism and such, but yeah. Pretty much.” He said. 

Robert squinted. “Seriously? No like, interviews or investigations?” He asked. 

“If you want, we can, but we all know it's not necessary in this case.” He replied. 

Robert looked at Herman again, who shrugged. At this point, Robert just wanted to get out of this odd conversation. 

“Okay. Whatever.” He said. 

No wonder HR never did a damn thing around here. This guy couldn't care less. Herman and Robert signed the contract and were out the door in less than ten minutes. As they left, the man waved.

“Hopefully, I don't have to see you guys again. Daphne Eloise flows really well by the way.” He said. 

At that point, they were too bewildered by the whole thing to even think about the fact that they’d never told him anything about Daphne. They parted in the main office and as Robert turned towards his desk, he patted Herman’s shoulder. 

“Good luck.” He said. 

Herman nodded. “Thanks.”

The day had been normal. Other than the team pestering Herman for information and scolding him for not going on leave earlier, the shift was pretty uneventful. At least, that's what Robert thought until he heard a door slam behind him as the day ended. He nearly jumped a foot in the air and turned just in time to see Herman storming out the break room, stuffing his earpiece in his pocket. From the other side of the door, he heard murmuring. It sounded like Phenomaman and Sonar. With a deep sigh, he put his headset around his neck and quickly followed. 

When he eventually caught up with Herman's break neck pace, he was pacing back and forth on the rooftop. His face was bright red and blotchy, his arms were folded so tightly they might crush his ribs, and he huffed with every step. 

“Herman?”

He didn't stop, but he did look at him. 

“What do you want, Robert?” He grunted. 

Over time, Robert noticed that his stutter would wax and wane with certain emotional states. Right now, his voice had no hesitation, so he had to be incredibly angry. 

“Just wanted to check on you.” He said gently. “What's going on?” 

“I'm about to qualify for the Phoenix program is what's going on.” Herman replied. 

Robert nodded calmly. “Alright. Well, before you decide to commit a crime, you wanna talk about it?” He asked. 

Herman was pacing hard enough to burn a hole in the concrete. He looked more upset than he had been when he'd thrown that chair into the vending machine. 

“They’re so…. Aaaaugh!” He shouted. 

Robert patiently waited for him to continue. 

“They keep getting in my way, trying to take over for me. It feels like when stupid ass men didn't want women to ride on trains when they were first made!” He shouted. 

Robert wasn't completely sure how that correlated, but he didn't say anything. He waited for Herman to keep going. Water poured from him as he rubbed his face in frustration. 

“I had a baby. I'm not fragile, you’d think that would make people think the opposite, but no! I'm so sick of it!” He screeched. 

Between the pacing, huffing and the speed he was yelling at, Robert had a hard time processing what Herman was telling him. Even then, he wasn't sure how to respond. Did this count as misogyny; probably not, right? Maybe it was trans-misogyny or something different? Either way it wasn't any good. He couldn't relate to that experience, but he'd try his best to understand. 

“Do you want me to say something?” He asked, already preparing a speech. 

Herman shook his head. “I can handle myself. It doesn't matter if it's a call or talking to some dummies. My uterus isn't gonna fall out because my heart started beating faster.”

“Then tell ‘em that. I think hearing it from you will shut them up.” He replied. 

Herman wrinkled his nose and came to a stop. “Huh? I can't say that.” He said. 

“Why not?” Robert asked. 

“It's not- it's vulgar? I don't like- I’m just annoyed. I don't really- actually wanna say that.” He said. 

Robert blew air through his lips. “You didn't have a problem going off on me in the NICU.” He said. 

“I- that was… different.” Herman replied, face flushing. 

“Not really. You defended yourself when you felt like you were being attacked. Just channel what you felt when I came at you.” He said. 

Herman's lips twitched. “Hm. Came at me.” He muttered.

Robert rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “I'm gonna tell HR you're breaking the love contract.” He said. 

“He’s so- he’d probably just roll his eyes to me- at me and pull out more paper.” Herman replied. 

“Yeah. Probably. What does he even do around here?” Robert asked. 

“No- I have- really no clue. Maybe- maybe it's a… scheme or a hustle.” Herman joked.  

“Or he’s just lazy as fuck.” Robert suggested. 

Herman shrugged. “You could be right, maybe. Don't- doesn't think- ugh- it probably doesn't matter. I’ve- I have to say something so nobody bothers me tomorrow.” He said, starting towards the door to the staircase. 

As he passed him, Robert patted him on the back, smiling proudly. 

“Go get ‘em, champ.” He said. 

Herman gagged. 

“That wasn't even a dad joke!” Robert exclaimed defensively. 

“You- I know. I just think- thought it was worse than kid.” He said. 

Robert slouched as he walked after him. “I can't win, can I?” He muttered. 

Herman smiled. “No. Never.”

After the lashing that Robert caught the tail end of, the rest of the shift went swimmingly. 

-Bite-

As of March 7th, Daphne was four days shy of 2 months old, weighing in at 4 pounds and 11 ounces, coming up on a healthy weight for a newborn. Since she was born early, she had an adjusted age to take into account for her development. It was just subtracting the number of weeks she was born prematurely from her chronological age. Robert was confused the first time he was told about it, since it gave him a negative number. Turns out that just meant that she was developing like a newborn, and she would continue to do so until she passed three months. 

She was still light, but holding her wasn't nearly as jarring as it had been when she was born. Her coordination was getting better, now that she was stronger she was starting to learn how to latch when feeding. For now, she still needed the tube, but she was making progress. With that progress, she began to make herself known. 

Robert hadn't seen Flambae so happy since he'd parodied a song just to repeatedly call him a bitch. Prism was holding her with Herman trying his best (and failing) not to hover at her side. 

“I'm not gonna drop her, Herm. She's fine.” She said, smiling. 

Herman nodded, but still stayed close. Daphne was more alert at the moment, looking up at Prism with an expression that boarded on confusion and annoyance. Prism laughed, pulling her hat down a bit. 

“Looking just like her daddy.” She said. 

“This is literally the face he makes when he's about to ask us to clear the channel.” Flambae commented. “It's much cuter on a little baby.”

Robert scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You didn't say it wasn't cute at all.” He joked. 

“ICK!” Flambae gagged. 

“Ouch. Okay. I can't joke?” Robert laughed. 

As soon as he said that, Herman side eyed him. Robert could almost see the aura of judgement radiating off of him. Clearly, he was outmatched. 

“Her cheeks are so cute. I can't believe she's Robert's.” Flambae said with an evil grin, just having to add that jab as he brought his finger up to poke them. 

“Okay. I get it, my baby’s cuter than me.” Robert said dryly. 

“Not a hard task.” Flambae replied. 

As his finger got closer, Daphne craned her neck and snapped her toothless jaws. 

“Oop!” Prism gasped.

Flambae pulled back. His brows furrowed, but he was clearly amused. 

“What the fuck? Did you just see that?” He said, turning to Herman. 

“She thinks you're food.” Prism chortled. 

“Seriously? Is it because I'm Asian?” Flambae asked jokingly, moving to poke her again as Herman started to interject.

Daphne immediately tried to bite him for a second time, cracking everyone up, except for Herman. 

“Well, that's gonna be fun.” Robert grumbled. 

Preemptively, Herman folded his arms over his chest, from that and his unblinking stare he could tell he was thinking the same thing. Robert bit his lips to keep himself from laughing, but a snicker managed to escape his nose. Herman instantly locked onto him like a heat seeking missile, silently daring him to laugh. 

“That is so not funny.” Herman said. 

The look on his face only made this funnier. Robert trembled and squinted trying to keep himself from cackling. 

“Don't ev-”

Robert nearly screamed with laughter bursting out of his chest. When his laughs became high pitched screeches after a few moments, Daphne turned her head, looking even more irritated, which just made Robert laugh even harder. Flambae himself was barely managing to hold it together. 

Herman sighed and took Daphne from Prism. 

“I’m not- you- you’re gonna be bottle fed.” He told her. 

He lied.

-Shots-

Robert cradled Daphne as the pediatrician cleaned the side of her thigh. As she curled at the sensation of the cold wipe he had to fight not to pull her away. Daphne had had shots before, but that was back when she was especially tiny and always either in pain or barely conscious. Now that she was more alert, Robert knew what was coming. 

Next to him, Herman shook a toy in front of her. A blue and white rattle from when he was her age.  Her big eyes followed it curiously, distracting her enough to keep her still. 

“I- I’ll give it back when- to you when it's over.” Herman said. 

Daphne simply kept following the toy like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. Maybe it was, she was still a baby after all. 

“Alright, this'll be quick. Just a little pinch.” The doctor said softly.

From the corner of his eye, Robert noticed Herman grip the toy a bit more tightly. Robert did the same with Daphne. The first shot barely took three seconds. As soon as she felt the poke of the needle, her lips trembled, her eyes watered and she started to cry. Not loudly, but it was shaking with hurt. Robert hated that. He cradled her head and bounced her as the pediatrician prepared the next shot. 

“I know. I'm sorry. It's okay.” He said, talking to himself as much as he was talking to her. 

She wasn't focused on the toy anymore, so Herman held her foot in his hand, gently stroking her soft skin to soothe her. It didn't do much as she got her next shots. By the time it was over, Daphne was full on wailing. Tiny tears ran down her red cheeks as she kicked and screamed. Robert brought her close to his chest, bouncing her more to try to get her to calm down. 

“She’ll probably be more fussy or drowsy for a little while, but she should be okay. Let the NICU staff know if you notice that she's starting to run a fever.” He said. 

Robert looked directly into his eyes as his daughter's cries droned on. The pediatrician looked a bit uncomfortable. He felt Herman nudge him, but he ignored it. 

“They’ll give you the record from her appointment at the desk when you leave. Have a good rest of your day.” He waved his gloved hand. “Bye, Daphne.”

Robert unconsciously brought her closer. After that the doctor left, leaving him and Herman alone as Daphne started to calm down. 

“Are you okay?” Herman asked. 

Robert turned. “What do you mean? I'm fine.” He said. 

Herman cut his eyes at him incredulously. “You- right… You were loo- glaring at him like you wanted to fight.” He said. 

“I was not.” Robert denied. 

He knew very well that Herman was telling the truth when he couldn't frown any harder than he already was.

Herman pursed his lips. “Daphne- she's okay, Robert. It's only temp- temporary. She's… already falling asleep.” He said, touching Robert’s shoulder. 

He felt ridiculous glaring at a doctor over vaccines that his kid needed, but he hated seeing her upset. His rational side and his new protectiveness over the little girl were already at war over something so small. He dreaded the day that she'd be angry at him for it. At that thought, he sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to smooth out the lines in his skin and scrub the worry from his mind. 

“Yeah, you're right. I probably should apologize. He looked terrified.” He said. 

“You could. Maybe, but you know- he’s probably use- used to it. First time parents and stuff.” Herman pointed out. 

“I still feel bad about it.” Robert replied. 

Herman shrugged. “Maybe next time.” He said. 

The concept of sitting through that again made Robert want to cry too. 

-Baby quirks-

It seemed that Daphne had a penchant for shenanigans. It didn't matter who was holding her. If she was hungry, she immediately resorted to biting. 

“Daphne, I don't have any food. Please stop trying to bite me.” Robert said sleepily, pulling her away from him. 

On the other side of the room, Herman smiled maliciously as he pumped.

When she had to have her vitals taken, she’d glare at the staff as if she was plotting her revenge. Prism had made a picture of her little red face Herman’s contact photo in her phone. 

During diaper changes, she fought like it was the last thing she'd ever do, making the task take ridiculously long. At one point, a nurse had to take over for Herman because he started tearing up from frustration. 

Robert’s personal favorite was after she’d become strong enough to actually cry. It had been a joyous accomplishment for him and Herman, but not for her NICU mates. He was half sure that she did this because she was bored. Maybe little Daphne just wanted to watch the world burn. Who knew, she couldn't tell them, but it was hilarious as long he ignored the frustration of the other parents. 

Every so often, Daphne would scream at the top of her lungs like an endless siren. It didn't matter if she was rocked, prompted with a bottle or pacifier, spoken to or sung to, she didn't stop until all of the other babies in the unit joined her. Once the others were screaming away, she would go to sleep, treating their cries like white noise. He wasn't sure how she did it, because they were extremely loud, but most loud noises didn't seem to bother her. Objects falling, people yelling down the hall, other babies crying; she didn't give a fuck about any of it. Once she was asleep, she usually stayed that way until she got hungry or gassy. 

Once she started nursing, it was like she was a completely different baby. Little rolls began to appear all over her and her eyes were bright. Her new strength made her antics worse, but it was better than being the skinny newborn she originally was. Seeing pictures of her from those days made him feel sick at times. 

Herman had fed her a few minutes ago and fell asleep with her in his arms. As he rested, Robert gently picked up the baby to play with her. Daphne was still healing from surgery, so he had to be careful when he held her, but she enjoyed being lightly bounced. He walked in circles, keeping tension off of her sternum as she gnawed on her fist. 

“You're not still hungry are you?” He asked

Of course, Daphne didn't respond. Instead, she tried to look around the room. Her sight was getting better. She would kick her little legs when someone familiar approached her. When she smiled, dimples poked her cheeks. With those, Robert could tell that in the future, she’d have him wrapped around her finger. As if that hadn't happened already. 

At some point in their rounds, she reached for his face, pulling at his lip with a curious expression. 

“Okay okay. That hurts.” He said, grabbing her hand.

Her grip had only become stronger as time went on, making it much harder to get her to stop grabbing things that she shouldn't. Carefully, he uncurled her fingers, eventually pulling her hand away. 

“Thank you. I like having a face.” He commented. 

Daphne jerked and knocked her head right into his nose.

Her tiny skull was surprisingly hard. He slammed his head back first and immediately after, he grabbed her forehead, trying to see if she was okay. 

“What was that for?” He asked, checking her skin for any signs of bruising. He could already feel blood running from his nose. 

As soon as he asked that question, Daphne reflexively smiled and promptly, silently spat up. No warning, just regurgitated milk in his mouth. In one fell swoop, Robert set her back down in her bed and fled to the bathroom. No matter how many times he rinsed his mouth or brushed his teeth after going home, the experience was seared into his tongue. 

He’d keep his mouth closed around her after she ate. 

-Memories-

Daphne was great at responding to visual and tactile sensations, but she rarely responded to sounds. At first, Robert thought it was because she just wasn't interested or just didn't like his voice. Maybe she was more of a visual or kinetic person. She'd look up most times if her name was called, so it didn't seem like a big deal. Herman thought otherwise. 

With a frown, Herman snapped his fingers close to Daphne’s ear. She didn't even blink, continuing to quietly suck on her pacifier. 

“I dunno, I think something's wrong. She always just- she never really reacts to noise.” He said, snapping his fingers again. 

Robert stood at her side, stroking the strawberry blonde strands that had started to grow in. “She does sometimes. Maybe it's just certain sounds.” He said. 

Herman glanced at him, seeming annoyed. “I don't think that's it… it- it doesn't seem right.” He said. 

“Her ears are still developing, maybe she just needs some time.” Robert replied. 

Herman gritted his teeth. “Right. Maybe.” He said. 

Robert pleaded to no one in particular that he was right. Carefully, Herman took her into his arms and sat with her. His expression was downcast as he held her close. Seeing him like this had become common, and Robert hated it. Maybe he could take his mind off of it for a moment. 

“Do you have pictures or anything from when you were pregnant?” Robert asked, breaking the silence. 

Herman’s head popped up in surprise, then he thought about it for a moment. 

“Some. Not a lot. For- for a long… while, I wasn't sure about it- everything and I was… I felt bad so I didn't really wanna be on camera much. Pictures are- I don't like taking pictures anyway. I have a few for mem- um memory’s sake.” Herman replied. 

“Can I see them?” Robert asked. 

Herman paused, rubbing Daphne's head. “Yeah.” Herman agreed. 

Robert crossed the room to sit on the arm of the chair. When he did, Herman passed Daphne to him without a second thought. She was beginning to fall asleep and curled into his heartbeat. Herman angled his phone away until he found something that he was comfortable showing him, a video. 

It started on Herman’s face, a shy smile pulling at his lips. The camera shook as he set it down on his desk. 

“He- hey. It's your dad!” He paused, clenching and uncleanching his hands as he tried to figure out what to say next. 

“It’s still- still weird to say, I- I keep forgetting I’m not a teen parent, but yeah. Sorry you won't… um, have more pictures and stuff, I don't really like taking them?” He said hesitantly.

“Oh.. maybe that sounds bad? I don't know, but I’ll get- make sure to take a lot after you're born!” He said. 

Robert smiled down at the glimpse of the past. He couldn't see much since Herman was sitting, but he noted the pregnancy curls and the fullness of his face. It was adorable. He almost said it out loud before he thought better of it. 

In the video, Herman paused again, his eyes turning to the ceiling in thought. 

“I just hit twenty four weeks today; apparel- no, apparently -sorry, that's kind of irritating-” His face flushed at the mention of his stutter.

Robert glanced at Herman next to him, who stared at the video intently, brows furrowed. 

“-you're the size of a corn cob, I’m not- I don't really get the… fruit comp- comparisons, but it's cool. You kick a lot, seriously a lot-”

“She still does.” Robert murmured. 

Herman laughed through his nose. 

“-especially when I'm trying to sleep. Sometimes I have to toss- toss and turn just so you’ll stop poking my ribs. Drives me nuts, but I… I love you, so I deal with it.” He continued. 

Robert smiled lovingly, finding that Herman was doing the same. 

“And um.” He slid the chair back and stood up. 

Robert realized that he'd technically seen Herman’s baby bump before, but he’d never seen it this clearly. His heart clenched and he couldn't help but grin. Herman turned to the side, cradling it gently, his hands accentuated the roundness. He was carrying small, if it weren't for his belly button poking out, most people would probably think that he just over ate. Robert himself had just assumed that he was bloated when he noticed it. Knowing that he had been pregnant now, he wondered how he didn't think about it. 

“So yeah, that’s you, in me! In my belly I mean.” He said. 

He picked up the phone quickly, pulling it back to his face, which was flushed with what could have been embarrassment or bashfulness. 

He tucked a wet, stringy stand of hair behind his ear. “Things are… getting better. They- the doctors say you're doing well- grow- growing normally. Hopefully, I’ll… actually have things together… um by the time you get here.” He said. 

He looked past the camera in thought. 

“Despite some… hiccups, I’m actually excited. Yeah. I am. Sure, there’ll probably be some… ups and downs as you grow up and stuff, but I jus- I want you to know that I’ll always love you. Even if we fight, or.. um get sad, or something. I’m always gonna be there. Okay?” He said, his pupils dilating. 

He paused again, shying away. “I'm gonna go now before I start rambling. Love you, Duckie.” He said, giving the camera one last grin. 

Robert wanted to imprint the video onto the back of his eyelids so he could watch it forever. Gently, he rested his hand on Herman's shoulder. To his surprise, Herman leaned on his side. Robert bit his lip to contain the swell of his heart as he wrapped his arm around him. 

“That's so sweet. I love it.” He said. 

Herman chuckled shyly. “Thanks. I ma- started recording maybe four times before I cou- could actually do it.” He said. “It was… exactly a week before she was born.”

“Hm. Just curious. What made you decide to keep her?” He asked. 

Herman thought for a moment. 

“It's not- it wasn't… li- linear. I don't think. It was .. little things, like think about whether- what she'd look like, looking over scans, wondering about the future, feeling her kick the first time.” He said, reaching over to touch her forehead. 

“I think it just became clear- or more clear when I woke up at a bar with Alice fanning me… and Flambae asking me- hurling questions at me. The first thing I did, well- what I did after asking what happened was feel for her. I was scared- terrified re- really, but after seeing her in your hands I knew for sure.”

Robert shifted his hold on Daphne. “I think I felt the same way.” He replied. 

“Hm.” Herman hummed sleepily. “Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I um… even before Dad died, I never really had familial bonds, at least with anyone I biologically was related to. Seeing her and you-”

Herman looked up, his eyes wide. Robert gulped and shield away.

“-even if it was rough at first, that flipped everything. It felt like a new start and the thought of losing it kind of crushed me.” He said. 

Herman nodded. “Me…?” He asked, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah. You.” Robert confirmed. 

After that, they sat in silence, letting those words cover them like a blanket. He couldn't tell exactly what Herman was thinking, but the way he relaxed next to him told him that maybe he was starting to understand that he cared. He just had to find the right way and time to tell him that he wanted them to be a family. One that woke up together, went out to dinner, had movie nights, said ‘I love you’, all of the things he and his father never did. 

The confession got stuck in his throat. 

-Daphne's Room-

Robert sighed as he set down the last box. There hadn't been much to move in the first place, so it had just been him and Chase for the most part. He was going to have to leave this place less bare, being that Daphne would be here sometimes. 

His bank account would be running on fumes until next week, but he'd managed to snag a new apartment at a decent rate. One a little bit closer to Herman's house as well. Over the last couple of months, he’d thrifted and fixed up a crib and stocked up on the stuff Daphne would need. All that was left was to decorate her room and wait. When he told the team that he was planning on sprucing up the baby's room, expressions varying between panic and pain filled the break room. 

“You're gonna decorate?” Flambae asked in disbelief. 

“No offense, but have you ever even done that before? Ever?” Prism asked. 

“I would assume not. His old apartment only had mold on the ceiling for ambience.” Coupé commented. 

“Okay. It wasn't that bad.” Robert said. 

“You can say that as many times as you want, dude. Doesn't mean it's true.” Sonar replied. 

Robert gave up after that. 

The Z-team had portaled into his apartment to help him with Daphne's room. Commenting on the fact that they were no longer breathing on each other since there was actually space in his living area.

Prism moved the crib to the far right corner of the room, sitting it just past the window. 

“Robert, this is actually so cute! If I ever have a baby, I know who to call.” She said. 

“Thanks.” Robert replied, feeling pride curve his lips. 

Flambae clapped his hands together, getting Robert's attention. “First, we need to decide a color scheme. Babies like bright colors, so none of that sad beige bullshit.” He said.

“A color scheme….” Robert murmured in thought. 

“Yes, bitch. That's what I just said.” Flambae replied. 

Robert rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Any ideas?” He asked. 

Prism deadpanned. “Bitch, you can't even think of a color scheme?” She asked. 

“I dunno, I never do this. I just don't think I wanna do pink. My apartment only started becoming green because of you guys.” He said. 

Coupé tilted her head. “What colors do you think of when it comes to her?” She asked. 

Robert frowned at the question at first, both trying to figure out if it was a good one, and beginning to picture colors that said Daphne.

Pink was cute, but it didn't seem quite like her, purple felt too rich, orange felt garish, green matched the majority of his things, but he didn't see Daphne as a green girl, and red just didn't seem like a baby color. 

Yellow was like the sun, the light of his life, like the down on a chick. The first onesie she’d ever gotten was yellow, even though it didn't fit yet, the color did. 

Blue reminded him of water, like rain that brought a new beginning, like the sky where she shined her light onto him. In pastels, they'd look great together, soft and welcoming. 

“Yellow and blue maybe.” He said. 

Malevola smirked. “So, Waterboy's old colors?” She replied. 

Robert felt his ears burn when she pointed it out. He was a little embarrassed that he hadn't realized, but at the same time it cemented the idea in his heart. An ode to both his daughter and Herman. 

“Yeah. Yeah I guess.” He agreed. 

Prism and Flambae gave each other a look. Robert raised his eyebrow at them and simultaneously, they raised theirs as if to say “The fuck are you staring at?” Robert decided to just let it go and hoped that the team wouldn't destroy his stuff as they helped unpack. 

-Uncle Chase-

Daphne was due to stay until April 20th, two weeks from now. By then, her NICU stay would be 100 days. She measured eight pounds and five ounces, around the size of a three week old, so she was developing well considering her adjusted age. When someone moved within her line of sight, she’d twist herself around to see what they were doing. At the moment, she seemed a little floppy. Most times she held up her head well, but it would randomly fall back on occasion, especially if she was tired. At that point, Robert usually switched the way he was holding her or laid her down. Babies are flexible, so he wasn't too worried about it. At least, he tried not to be. 

With her being born so early, there were high chances for a lot of health issues. The hole in her heart had scared him bad enough that he didn't want to think about it. He was just hoping that she'd be okay. Still, he watched closely for any sign of trouble. 

At the moment, Chase was holding her and sharing some embarrassing memory of Robert from when he was little. Daphne seemed fascinated by the glow of the amulet, and Chase’s goggles. As he spoke, he had to constantly, gently push her hand away. Robert could see the frustration building up on her little face. He had a feeling that she was plotting something.

“-And he busted his ass so bad I had to speed him home! Took the skin right off his knees. Never rode a skateboard since.” Chase said. 

Herman cringed. “My- geez that's nasty.” He replied. 

Chase nodded. “Lucky for him, it wasn't deep, but he was waddling for a couple days after. It was hilarious.” He said. 

“To you. I felt like my knee caps were gonna fall out.” Robert grumbled. 

“The way you pilot that mech suit, I’m surprised your whole fucking skeleton hasn't just exploded.” Chase commented, swatting Daphne's hand away again. 

Robert chortled. “You talk big for a little guy.” He said. 

Chase frowned, his mustache shifting over his lips. “Boy, you're not even as tall as I was ten years ago.” He said. 

“The past is in the past.” Robert replied smugly. 

Chase rolled his eyes and grumbled. “Little shit.”

In one final act of rebellion, Daphne reached up and grabbed a handful of Chase's hair, clinging to it like a vice. 

“Goddamn! What are you feeding this kid, Herman?” He exclaimed, trying to pull away. 

“Oh no. Duckie!” Herman said, gently trying to get her to release Chase's hair. 

In response, Daphne shoved her other hand into his blonde curls and gripped harder, eyes filled with concentration as she gurgled. As Herman tried to pull her off, it only seemed like her grip was getting tighter. 

“Daphne!” Herman gasped.

“That's gotta be racist. Come get your fucking baby, Robert!” Chase yelped, trying to pry her fingers apart. 

"You guys have to stop calling my kid racist." Robert insisted. 

"She's a repeat offender!?" Chase squealed.

Robert chuckled and rolled his eyes, taking a moment to grin at the scene before going to help the (kind of) old man. He was in no rush, trying to get her to let go of anything was like fighting a tiny, impish villain anyway. 

-Graduation-

Before he could blink, April 20th had arrived. Daphne had healed from surgery, but Robert was still careful when he pulled her into his arms. Developmentally, she was considered a month old; reflexively smiling (usually when she was about to spit up, as Robert had unfortunately learned), being able to focus on faces, holding her head up for short amounts of time, and to Robert's amusement, smacking her lips when she was hungry. The fact that she would do it when Herman walked by her was the cherry on top. 

The nurses had given her a tiny graduation cap, which she had pulled off about five times before they just decided to let her hold it. She gnawed on her other hand as he passed her to Herman, who wore a huge watery eyed smile. He brought her close, pressing her cheek against his. Daphne cooed sweetly, leaning into him, then she raised her arms in excitement and bopped Herman in the nose. Instead of pulling her away, he just laughed and gave her another squeeze, earning a high pitched squeal from her. 

“You get to come home, Duckie!” He cheered. 

Robert smiled softly and rubbed her head. 

“It's crazy. I can't believe she used to fit in my hands.” He said. “She's come a long way.”

Herman nodded in agreement. “Heh. She- she's h- stubborn, like you.” He said. 

The words were tender, no bite or malice to them, not just a fact either. They were sweet, almost loving. It caught Robert off guard, leaving him slack jawed and empty of thought. 

Herman chuckled, adjusting his hold on Daphne. “Are you- now you look like her, kinda, when she gets a bath- a hot bath.” He said. 

Robert rolled his eyes. “I mean really, she looks like me. Copycat.” He replied. 

They shared a light laugh. Daphne looked between the two of them like she had no clue what was going on. Randomly, she threw down her cap again. Rolling his eyes, Robert bent down to grab it, and passed it back to her. She tightened her grip again, satisfied. It seemed she just wanted a little attention. 

“So…” Herman started. 

“So?..” Robert said. 

“Do- aren't- are you ready to- to blow this place?” He asked. 

“Joint, Hermy.” Robert replied with a smug smile. 

Herman rolled his eyes. “It's n- well it's- same difference.” He argued. 

Robert heard a door close from somewhere behind him, but the NICU always had people moving about. He ignored it to shrug at Herman. 

“If you say so.” He teased. “Come on, let's go.” 

Herman was quick to get to the door, but Robert could see his body shaking slightly as he started for the hall. Despite his excitement, he was clearly nervous. Gently, Robert patted his shoulder, flashing him a reassuring smile. 

“We got this.” He said. 

Herman let out a deep breath, returning the color to his face, and nodded. 

“Ye- yeah. We do.” He agreed. 

They walked out together and turned the corner to see medical staff lining the hallway with gold pom-poms. Daphne constantly twisted in Herman's arms, trying to see everyone’s smiling faces. The nurse that had comforted Robert from day one wore the biggest smile of them all. 

As two bundles of nerves and excitement, they strapped Daphne into Robert's car and started the drive to Herman's house. 

Chapter Text

Herman sighed deeply when they stopped in the driveway. As soon as he did, he felt anxious eyes on him. 

“You okay?” Robert asked. 

He nodded. “Ye- yeah… it just keeps… hitting me that she's- that this is really happening.” He said.

Without even thinking, his eyes shifted to the rearview mirror, looking at Daphne's car seat, covered by a blue blanket with yellow stars. Her left leg stuck out of the side. He wouldn't be surprised if she was asleep by now or just quietly waiting for her chance to strike.  

“Is that a good thing?” Robert asked. 

Herman side eyed him. “Wha- of course. It's- I’m just nervous. I think. Uncharted terr- territory.” He replied. 

Robert's eyes followed his to their daughter's rear facing car seat. “Yeah, I get it.”

Herman broke the mutual gaze as he unstrapped his seat belt and moved to open the door. 

“We shou- I hope the team didn't… destroy my house.” He said. 

Robert chortled. “You can count on at least one thing being broken.” He replied. 

Herman rolled his eyes. “Well as long as- if it's not Grandma's china, it should be fine. Okay.” He said. 

Robert got out as he started to unstrap the car seat. Daphne was sitting quietly, chewing on her hand as she watched him. He couldn't help but smile when they made eye contact. 

“You ready, Duckie?” He asked. 

Daphne simply blinked and for some reason, it made his grin wider. He pulled the handle of the seat over his arm and walked around the car to stand next to Robert, who shot him a half smile when he got close. 

“Come on before Eloise throws them out.” He said. 

Herman laughed through his nose and started towards the door. Stepping through it felt like starting a new chapter of his life. The days of watching his body change with Daphne, hiding her, sleepless nights in the hospital and having to be apart from her were over. The door barely opened before Phenomaman yelled “Surprise!” throwing Herman off. 

Punch Up softly hit him in the leg. “They already knew we were here, lad.” He said, smiling slightly. 

“I know that. I just wanted to say it.” Phenomaman replied with a grin. 

Punch Up turned to Coupé with a confused frown, she only shrugged. 

Hanging from the walls was a white banner with messy blue paint splotches that read ‘Welcome Home Daphne!’ The Z-team, plus Chase, Mandy and Eloise were wearing party hats with ducks on them, he could smell different foods wafting from the kitchen, gifts of various sizes sat on and around the coffee table, and from around the corner, Herman could see a broken lamp in the kitchen trash. He glanced at his grandmother, who pointed to Sonar. At least the hybrid had the sense to look embarrassed. 

“Thanks, guys.” Robert said, grinning. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let us see the baby!” Malevola urged. 

“Hellspawn has the right idea for once.” Chase added. 

“Damn. What happened to hello, how are you?” Robert said sarcastically. 

“Same thing that's gonna happen to your hairline in the next few years.” Chase joked. 

Prism chuckled. “The way he styles those bangs, he might already be there.” She added. 

Robert threw his hands up. “Okay, okay. I get it! Geez. Remind me to never ask for common courtesy again.” He said. 

“You didn't say you weren't balding though.” Golem pointed out. 

“I-”

Herman interrupted Robert by bumping his side, stopping him in his tracks. Those shining brown eyes were immediately looking up at him.

“Oh yeah, right. Daphne.” Robert said. 

Herman smiled, looking down at a second pair of brown eyes. He hadn't noticed until now that he'd put his arm against his torso, making it so that only her legs were visible outside of the car seat. She was trying to peek at the strangers from where she lay, but she couldn't lift herself that far yet.

“I wanna- it’s- the car seat’s heavy-”

He didn't even have to finish the thought before Robert took the carriage from him, turning Daphne to face the crowd, who looked astounded by the sight of her. A few people came closer to see her, nearly climbing over each other. Herman caught Robert tense up like he was prepared to dodge the spectators. Herman felt similarly, but as long as they didn't get in her face, it should be fine. 

“Oh my gosh, she's even cuter in person!” Mandy cooed, looking over the baby's features. 

“I wonder what she's thinking right now.” Sonar said. 

“Why is there a flying rat in my house?” Flambae teased. 

Sonar immediately flipped him off, then paused. “Wait, hold on.”

Robert laughed, shoulders relaxing. “She doesn't get it yet, but I wouldn't keep doing it.” He said. 

“She has pretty eyes.” Coupé commented, prodding her left foot.  

“She could be your twin, Herm.” Punch Up added. 

“Nah, I think she looks like Robert.” Golem replied. 

I think it's just her eye color throwing you off. She's definitely Waterboy's clone.” Malevola said. 

Herman looked down at her as she tried to follow all of the voices, mostly turning her attention to Malevola, Coupé, and Mandy. 

“Does she prefer you, Robert, or Waterboy?” Phenomaman asked, still on the other side of the room. 

“Um I like- you know- like to think that she won't- doesn't have a-”

“Definitely me.” Robert cut in. 

Herman scrunched his face at that. “Please.” He countered. 

Robert laughed through his nose. “There you go. Don't try to act like you don't wanna be the favorite.” He said smugly. 

Herman pulled back. “I don't! It's bec- because…” He paused. “Because…”

Realizing that Herman couldn't come up with an argument Robert burst into giggles. “I’m just messing with you, Hermy.” He said as his amusement died down to a grin. “She probably does like you more though, you always have food.” 

Herman's face flushed at that. “Robert!”

Still smiling, Robert crossed the room to sit on the couch and Herman followed. Once Robert unstrapped her, Herman gently pulled her into his arms. Past the hand that she was gnawing on, Daphne let out a little squeak as he brought her close. A wrinkled hand reached over to pinch her cheek and he found his grandmother smiling at them. Silently, he held Daphne up, and she took her without hesitation. 

“Aww, come here.” She hummed, pulling Daphne to herself. 

Daphne, upon being held, rested her head on Eloise's shoulder, nuzzling her neck. Clear nostalgia snuck into her great grandmother’s expression as she cradled her head. 

“You used to do the same thing, though she's less slippery than you were.” She said. 

“And shorter.” Robert teased. 

Herman bumped him with his shoulder. Eloise had shown him some baby pictures when she invited him over for dinner the first time. Robert joked that he had ‘man hands’ as a baby. Herman didn't exactly disagree, but Robert didn't need to know that. He also said that Daphne just looked like Herman with his own facial expressions. Herman had been more vocal about disagreeing with that statement. 

“Can we hold her?” Golem asked. 

“Who the hell is ‘we’? Personally, I wouldn't trust you motherfuckers with a pillow!” Chase shouted. 

“Well, she's not your baby.” Coupé replied 

The team looked at Robert and Herman expectantly. The pair of dads gave each other a look before Robert turned to the others. 

“No offense guys, but she's small and there's maybe five of you I trust not to drop her.” He said. 

“Fair enough.” Sonar shrugged. 

“Which five?” Punch Up asked. 

“Yeah, I don't think you're on the list, babes.” Malevola winced. 

“Hey, what makes you say that?” Punch Up asked, looking ready to start a fight.

“Shorty, you punch dicks for a living and don't wash your hands after. I wouldn't let you hold my baby either.” Prism replied.

“You talk a lot about hypothetical babies lately.” Malevola said. 

Prism sucked her teeth. “They're hypothetical for a reason, Mal. I don't need one. I'm not ready to be a milf.” She said. 

Malevola raised her eyebrow. “You seem like the type to want a mini me.” She teased. 

Prism waved her off. “I got a career to keep up.” She replied. 

“But who gets to hold her?” Golem asked, putting them back on topic. 

“Other than Prism, Chase, Flambae, and Eloise; Mandy and Mal.” Robert answered.

Malevola's ears perked up and Herman was pretty sure he saw a real glow in her eyes as she grinned. 

“Wait, Mal?” Sonar asked. 

"That's six." Phenomaman noted.

“Yes! Eat my arse, suckers!” She cheered, pumping her fist, narrowly avoiding the ceiling fan. 

Robert sighed. “Please don't make me regret it.” He said. 

“You won't, I promise. I’d protect her with my life! Now can I please hold her?” She asked, clasping her hands together. 

Eloise looked at Robert, and he looked at Herman. 

“Sure- sure. Yeah. There's sand- hand sanitizer on- in the kitchen on the counter.” Herman replied.

Malevola squealed and made a break for the kitchen. Daphne lifted her head at the sound and squinted, trying to see where it came from. Hoping for a turn as well, Mandy followed. Herman had a feeling that Malevola wouldn't be letting go any time soon. She came back with a toothy grin and rocked back and forth on her heels and toes as Eloise showed her how to cradle the baby in both arms. She immediately switched to holding her in the crook of her arm, still supporting her head. 

“Can’t believe I was the third one to meet you. You look like a real human now! I knew you'd pull through.” She said. 

Daphne tilted her head curiously as if she was trying to figure out what the big demon lady was saying. Until then, Herman had mostly forgotten that Malevola had been the one to portal them to the med bay. 

Which meant she had seen… quite a bit. Great. 

He hadn't noticed he was cringing until Robert softly elbowed him, raising his eyebrow. Herman just shook his head and mouthed “I’m fine.” Robert cut his eyes at him questioningly, but didn't press further. He never did. Sometimes, he couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing. He turned his attention back to Malevola and Daphne.

“Her little webbed hands are so cute! Where'd they come from?” Mandy asked. 

“I think- probably my great grandpa. My great grandma’s Dad-” he chuckled. “-He actually was fishing and- and caught him. He got scraped up by the net, pretty bad actually and great grandma, she was a vet so- so that was a thing.”

He caught a couple eyes turning to his grandmother, searching her features. 

“Not my side.” Eloise clarified. 

Malevola chuckled as she shifted her hold on Daphne, who had her eyes trained on her like a scope. 

“So you think she recognizes me?” Malevola asked. 

“She couldn't even see the last time you met her, she's probably just staring because you're bright red.” Flambae said. 

Malevola rolled her eyes. “Come on, Daph. You remember Auntie Mal, yeah?” She cooed. 

Daphne absentmindedly stuck out her tongue, continuing her unblinking stare. 

“She totally does.” Mal said, turning back to Flambae. 

“Right…” Sonar muttered. 

“There's nothing behind those eyes right now. No offense, y’all.” Golem grumbled. 

Robert shrugged and stretched, placing his arm on the head of the couch behind Herman. “It’s whatever. She probably makes less memories than you when L.A. went up in flames.” He joked. “I don't even think she knows she exists.”

Herman's heart caught in his chest. He had been getting used to Robert being close again, but it still made him anxious at times. That didn't mean he didn't like it, and that made him more anxious. It wasn't like Robert was flirting with him, so why did everything he did make him blush? Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Prism trying not to laugh and that instantly brought him back. He craned his neck and stared at her. She gave him one last grin before whistling and turning away. 

While Malevola was turned to talk to the others, Daphne kicked her legs and with a swiftness only a mischievous baby could muster, she grabbed onto one of Malevola's horns, yanking her head. 

“Ow, fuck!” She yelped.

The sudden action made her step forward and trip. Herman was off of the couch in a heartbeat, ready to catch Daphne, and maybe her. Luckily, Malevola didn't fall, but she did look shocked. 

“Ooh. I know that hurt!” Chase cackled. 

“Shut up!” She grunted. 

Snaking her hand up, she tried to pry Daphne's fingers off of her horn, but she only seemed to grip tighter. If she was old enough to laugh, Herman knew she would be giggling up a storm. 

“Duckie.” He muttered, walking over to them.

Nonchalantly, he poked her belly, causing her to squirm. After a few tickles, she eventually let go and Herman took her back. Momentarily, she looked like she was about to cry because she'd been pulled away, but quickly settled down when Herman started checking her hands for scrapes. 

“Geez, she's strong. Almost made a Shofar outta me.” Mal groaned, rubbing her scalp where her horn connected. She checked her hand for blood and found none. “You think she'll get powers?”

“Um. I don't- I’m not sure. Mine aren't very- all that strong and Robert's a normie.” Herman replied. 

Mandy shrugged. “Babies have crazy grip strength anyway.” She said. “Can I hold her now?”

She was practically vibrating with impatience now that Malevola was no longer holding her. 

Herman smiled. “Su- sure, but don't get- blame- don't blame me if she pulls your hair.” He said, passing Daphne to her. 

“I’ll survive. She's too cute.” Mandy said, poking her nose, laughing when the baby's eyes crossed when her finger got close. 

“She’s still young. She might get your powers.” His grandmother suggested. 

Herman really hoped that if she got powers, they wouldn't be anything like his. He was getting better at harnessing them, but they were a wreck before he joined SDN. His parents had been normies, along with his grandmother, so no one had known how to deal with them during his childhood. He didn't want Daphne to have to deal with anything like that. Though, she might have an easier time since he had experience and could help her manage her ability. It didn't matter much to him anyway, he’d be fine with her being a normie. 

“Boberto, does anyone in your family have powers?” Sonar asked. 

From Robert's expression, he seemed that he'd also be fine with Daphne being a normie. He might even prefer it. Herman waited curiously to see what he would say next. Robert rarely even spoke about his father and anyone else he might know was a mystery to Herman. 

“I think mom had some kind of… healing ability?” Robert said, looking at Chase. 

“A slight self healing ability. Couldn't do much more than heal a few cuts.” Chase added. 

“I’d like to see if she got a mix of all that.” Punch Up commented. 

“What if she got something crazy? Like blood bending on some Avatar type shit.” Prism suggested. 

Herman and Robert shared an anxious look at that possibility. Another new fear to archive for later. Herman would take her having his powers over that any day. 

“That could be very useful.” Coupé said vaguely, curiously eyeing the baby. 

“I know what you're thinking, she's not doing that.” Robert said, breaking eye contact with Herman. 

Coupé rolled her eyes. “It was just a thought.” She said. 

“I’ll put twenty-five on her growing a set of gills.” Golem wagered. 

“Nah, I think she'll be amphibious.” Sonar argued. 

“Are you guys really about to bet on my kid?” Robert asked. 

“We bet on everything! You should know this by now. Thirty-six on her being Waterboy junior.” Prism said. 

Robert turned to Herman with an exasperated expression. Herman could only shrug and hope for the best. 

“The lass is obviously a normie. Can we eat now? I'm starving.” Punch Up asked, interrupting the team's betting. 

Flambae turned on his heels. “Finally! I got eyes on the meatballs!” He called as he ran to the kitchen. 

“Hey! You already had like, twelve!” Sonar shouted, trying to get there first. 

Quickly, the house erupted into chaos as the team grabbed food. Daphne managed to sleep through most of it.  The rest of the evening was mostly calm. Sonar, to his surprise, had gotten one of the most practical gifts, diapers. Herman had almost cried when he saw how expensive they were when he figured out he wanted to keep Daphne, so that made his day. 

Phenomaman got a star shaped nightlight, which was cute, Coupé got bottle warmers, Mandy brought a few toys, Punch Up got a few onesies for Daphne and whisky for the adults. Herman wasn't gonna complain about that. Golem's package got lost in the mail and Prism and Flambae brought way more than they should have. The last gift was in a black velvet box. Robert shot Malevola a questioning look. The demoness simply shrugged as he grabbed the box and opened it. 

Herman looked over his shoulder to see a shining purple dagger, an odd chill ran down his spine at the sight of it and it definitely wasn't just because she'd gotten a three month old a weapon. A three month old who had just woken up to stare at it with the same fascination as she had for food. 

“What the actual fuck?” Chase groaned. 

Malevola shrugged again. “I got my first one at six months.” She said. 

“Yeah, Daphne's not coordinated enough for that. All she does right now is eat, sleep, poop, and cry.” Robert said. 

“And pull hair.” Sonar added. 

“That too.” Robert agreed. 

Herman put the lid back on the box, causing Daphne to wriggle for whatever reason. “We’ll just ke- save it for- for later.” He murmured. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome.” Malevola said proudly. 

Chase squinted. “Is it cursed?” He asked. 

“Nah, nothing like that. It's pretty standard.” She replied. 

“So what does standard mean? Like, does it trap the souls of its victims or what?” Flambae asked.

Malevola tilted her head in thought. “I don't think so. I would know.” She said. 

That thing was definitely going in the attic. Maybe he could even bait Beef into burying it. Oh right, Beef. 

“You think- maybe you should- could ask Chase to bring Beef ov- here- over here sometime this week. Since he’ll be around when she- when she stays with you.” He said. 

He found himself avoiding Robert’s eyes. He didn't do it on purpose, he just felt bad when he saw the look on his face. When he was reminded that at some point, Daphne would only be staying with him on weekends, he always looked dejected, like he was hoping for something else. It wasn't even that Herman didn't trust him with Daphne, he’d made his love for their daughter clear even in the first few days of knowing her, Herman just couldn't imagine spending any more than a couple days at a time without her. The thought of just two nights apart was gut wrenching, but he’d just have to deal with it. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay sure.” Robert replied. His voice was distant in Herman's ears, his thoughts were just too loud. 

What finally drew him out of it was Robert gently grabbing his wrist. He turned towards him like a compass pointing north, his kind, sleepy brown eyes were magnetic. 

“You okay?” Robert asked, too softly for anyone else to hear. 

Herman had to force himself to answer through the pull. “Ye- yeah. I'm fine. Good. Yeah.” He muttered. 

Robert nodded, then looked down at Daphne, immediately breaking into a smile. 

“She's smacking.” He said. 

Herman turned her to face him and she immediately started reaching for him, making grabby hands and puppy dog eyes. He chortled at the sight of her. 

“Hm. Some- someone's hungry.” He said. 

Daphne grunted in annoyance, as if to say “Duh!” and tried to stretch her chubby little arms further. 

“Just to be clear, you guys do want the meatballs, right?” Sonar asked, rising from his seat. 

Robert deadpanned. “Yes. We do.”

Sonar blew air through his lips and rolled his eyes to the point of throwing his head. “Party foul.” He groaned. “See you suckers later.”

With various hugs, pats, loving insults, and words of encouragement, the rest of their guests filed out with the sunset, just before Daphne started to get fussy. Peaceful quiet crept in with the night as the four of them began to settle. Robert sank down to sit on the pull out couch as Herman nursed. 

Daphne fed eagerly and she took her sweet time, a far cry from when she’d first gotten her feeding tube removed. To his annoyance, she’d begun slapping his chest again, tiny brows furrowing with impatience. Apparently, babies would do that in hopes of getting more milk. 

He sighed and gently smoothed out the creases on her forehead. 

“Come on, Duckie. I- I’m try- doing my best here.” He muttered tiredly. 

Robert chortled. “This is the type of greed they talk about in the bible.” He joked. 

Herman glared at him, but his amused smile negated the look in his eyes. “M- not- she's not greedy!” He insisted. “An- and you don't even- when was the last time you even…. th- thought of the word bible?”

Robert looked at him with an incredulous, smug smirk. “Like she's not over here treating your moobs like a fucking soda dispenser.” He laughed. 

Herman choked, all of his thoughts fused together into a ball of yarn in his brain that he couldn't untwist. While the back of his mind was debating whether it was affirming or humiliating to have his chest be referred to as ‘moobs’, the front was trying and failing to figure out what to say to Robert next. Whatever face he was making made Robert double over cackling. Herman could feel his face turning bright red as water dripped down his temples.

“You- what? Why are you- you're so- moobs? What is-” He squeaked. 

His shocked gibbering only served to make Robert screech and wheeze as he collapsed to the floor, kicking his feet like a crazy person. He’d never seen him laugh that hard at anything. The sound was honestly ungodly, but it tickled something in his chest and it only made him more flustered. 

“You- you- moobs?! I'm gonna pop you! That's probably- maybe the worst thing you could've said!” He exclaimed.

At this point, tears were decorating Robert’s eyelashes as he rolled on the floor. 

“Stop! Stop! STAWP! You're hurting me! My ribs are hurtinnggg!” He cried.

Herman gave up, turning back to Daphne, who’d opened her eyes to see what all the noise was. He jabbed a thumb towards Robert. 

“You see- you see him? You see how he bullies me? Your dad? This is what you- we- no you have to deal with!” He said, half joking. "Technically, I don't have to see him after you turn 18."

Robert rolled back over, gasping for air as he tried to pull himself together.

"Already trying to get rid of me?" He asked breathlessly. "Not happening any time soon."

He smiled, a longing look under the smugness. Herman let himself smile back. 

"I know." He said. 

Apparently satiated, Daphne unlatched and spat milk all over Herman. Herman flinched, dropping his jaw in shock as Daphne immediately started to fall back asleep.

"What the hell?" He gasped. 

Robert only cackled louder. 

Chapter Text

One thing that Daphne adored was a bath, and after spitting all over herself and Herman, she definitely needed one. The kid had cradle cap like a motherfucker, and sometimes Robert just wanted to pick off all the scales on her head. A gentle brush and wash seemed to satisfy both of them. As he gently went over her patchy tufts of strawberry blonde hair, she yawned big enough that it looked like her jaw might unhinge and stretched her little arms up high. 

“Ooh, big stretch.” He said, smiling. 

After a rinse, he wrapped her in a soft towel and carried her to Herman's room. Her crib was on the right side of his bed and a changing table sat close to his dresser. His band posters made for an interesting background when combined with Daphne's things. Herman had used his grandmother’s shower to clean up and was looking a little more soaked than usual. He sat on the floor, attempting to pat his hair dry. Probably a fruitless task; he was never fully dry, even with his pregnancy affecting his powers. 

He looked up as soon as Robert entered the room with Daphne, big grey eyes taking them in. Daphne turned so that she could see him, loosening the towel a bit. The bear ears on the hood just added extra cuteness to the glee in her face. Herman stuck his tongue out at her and took her from Robert to lay her on the changing table. She chewed on her fist while Herman grabbed a few things.

He’d been clumsy at first when it came to her routine, but now he made it look as easy as breathing, except for trying to get a diaper on her. Daphne repeatedly kicked his hands and squirmed, refusing to be contained. 

“I don't get why she does that.” Robert said. 

Herman hummed in thought as he managed to wrangle her left leg, much to her dismay. Her lips trembled as she started to tear up. 

“I- I know. I'm sorry, but you're not- you need it.” He said. 

Daphne didn't seem to care for that explanation as her fists curled up beside her head. Herman sighed and grabbed her pajamas. 

“I wonder if maybe- maybe she doesn't like it on her skin? The texture?” He wondered. 

Robert shrugged. “Maybe. Who knows.” He said. 

Herman clothed her as gently as possible, but she was still wailing breathlessly by the time he was done. He pulled her into his arms and let her rest her head over his shoulder as he rocked her. 

“See? It's- it's over now. You're okay.” He said. 

Daphne pawed at his shirt as she continued to cry. Normally, when he heard babies crying, Robert found it irritating. The way their voices grated and gurgled as they complained. He was sure he'd be annoyed again at some point, when she woke him up at fuck o’clock in the morning one day, but for now he just watched. 

Herman tilted his head. “Did you- do you wanna hold her?” He asked. 

Robert hadn't realized he had curled over himself from the edge of the bed until Herman looked at him. He felt his face relax as he started to respond. 

“Huh? What do you mean? You look like you got it.” He said. 

Herman deadpanned. “It's not- you- you look like you're about to start crying too. She's okay. Fine. You know.” He said, face softening as he continued to talk. 

Robert blinked, realizing that he'd been watching them with a wide eyed stare the entire time. He ducked to hide his face in embarrassment. 

“Yeah. I know.” He said. 

Rocking her, Herman crossed the room and set Daphne in his arms. She was still upset, but her cries weren't as loud anymore. Robert noticed his heartbeat accelerate and his head swim as he tried to think of some way to get her to stop. To fix it for her. Herman sat down next to him, rubbing her tiny palm with his thumb. It seemed to help a little bit. 

“Se- see? She's fine. She's a baby, Robert. It's not like- she's gonna cry, it's how talk- she tell- ugh- how she communicates.” He said. 

Robert gritted his teeth, hoping that Herman couldn't read his sheepish cues. “I know. I just… I really hate seeing her upset. It just feels wrong.” He replied softly. 

Herman looked him over for a moment. “Well… ev- everybody gets upset. It's not your fault.” He said. 

“It feels like it is.” Robert blurted out. 

He hadn't realized he even felt that way until he said it. Those five words made the air in the room freeze. He didn't dare to look at Herman’s face. For him, vulnerability was rare and typically practiced. He would weigh all of the odds and either clamp his mouth shut or explain himself as briefly as possible. He’d done that as long as he could remember, trying to avoid his dad's disappointment. Lately, as his life kept changing, vulnerability was becoming a more common, spontaneous thing. 

Robert rubbed circles into Daphne's back, trying to soothe her and himself. It wasn't like he didn't know that it wasn't his fault. Seeing her cry just made him panic for whatever reason. Whether it was glaring at medical professionals, tearing up, or kicking himself if she cried while he was holding her, all of it felt awful. He wasn't sure why he reacted that way so often, but it was becoming frustrating. At least, that was what he wanted to believe. 

“Do you- no, sorry- why do you think that?” Herman finally asked. 

Robert dug deep for a second, but an answer was already on the tip of his tongue, and he didn't like it. Maybe he could play it off. He forced a chuckle. 

“Daddy issues probably.” He said, shrugging. “Basically, all I learned from him is what not to do. Didn't tell me the rest though. At least she won't remember any of this.”

Herman stiffened next to him, Robert could practically hear his mind racing. 

“Well… it's not. Since- since you already know what you shouldn't do, thi- focus on what you should. If you're worried about it, I don't think you'll be like him.” He said softly. “And you won't- it's not like you're alone.”

His memories floated in and out of his head on a regular basis, making him afraid to be seen as anything but that. It was how he shielded himself, first from his father, then from the rest of the world. No matter how he acted, Herman always seemed to poke holes in his shell, even before all of this. He bit his lip, unable to come up with an answer. 

After a long silence, he felt Herman shift, making the mattress dip as he thought, but he didn't say anything. Robert hoped that he would forget it. He kept rubbing circles into Daphne's back until she fell asleep, soothing both himself and her. Eventually, his ears were filled with tiny, whining snores. That was when he truly relaxed. Those little snores had become a favorite of his. Not only were they cute, but he knew for sure that she was breathing when he heard them. 

After all that time, it was so dark outside that having the lights on in the room hurt his eyes. Herman had crawled into bed, sprawled out under his blanket with his left leg dangling off of the mattress, damp hair sticking to his head. He wished that he could sleep next to him, wake up cuddling in the morning, fight over the blanket, tiredly decide who should get up to get the baby when she woke up. That was what normal people would be doing at this point, but they'd gotten here without romance, leaving a dubious gap between them. 

For what might have been the first time ever, he wished he was a little more like his dad. It was brief, a little nag from his subconscious. It didn't make him feel less bad about it. After that conversation , that should have been the last thought in his head. Still, looking at the two people he loved in his presence made him wonder why his dad had been like that at all. How do you stop loving someone who bore your child? Even if you weren't together, there should be some kind of respect, right? How do you end up with someone so precious and treat them badly? Your own flesh and blood. 

He sighed the thought away for now and carefully stood up with Daphne in his arms. She stirred, but didn't wake as he put her down in her crib. After she was settled, he pulled Herman's blanket up further, the cool, freshness of his skin lingered on his finger tips. A soft smile ghosted Herman's lips as he buried himself in his pillow, making his heart flutter. 

Quietly, he tip-toed across the room and turned out lights, letting the little star in the corner warm their dreams. Once he left for his spot on the pull out couch, he felt cold. The set up wasn't bad, despite the mattress being wrapped in plastic, it was just a little low. He’d slept in far less comfortable places, so he didn't care much. A couple tosses and turns and he’d be out like that. 

On the arm of the couch was a baby monitor, so that he could listen for when Daphne would inevitably need something. Herman would probably wake up first since he was right next to her, but two hands are better than one. It was equipped with a radio, so he could always tell Herman that he'd handle Daphne's needs instead. To his luck, the little snores came over the monitor, putting him to sleep. 

The next time he turned over, the sun pierced his eyelids, forcing him awake. 

“Ugh…” He groaned, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted.

At first he was annoyed at being up so early, but that was quickly negated when he realized that he had slept through the night. He popped up into a sitting position, to the protest of his back and whipped his head towards the baby monitor. He didn't hear any more snores. It was silent, though he did hear a whirring noise. He frowned, feeling his muscles tense as he thought to check upstairs and turned to get out of bed. On the other side, he met eyes with Herman, who had Daphne on one side of his chest and a pump on the other. Robert's meerkat posture became a sleepy slouch, instantly relieved. 

“Oh. He- hey. Sorry, was I too- did we wake you or um, maybe scare you- startle you?” Herman asked. 

Robert shook his head. “No, it's fine. I probably had a nightmare or something.” He lied, rubbing his eyes again. “Sorry I didn't get up, maybe I need to turn the volume up.” He said. 

“No, it's fine. Actually. Really. She slept- slept through the night.” Herman replied. 

Robert straightened up in surprise. “Wait, really?” He asked. 

Herman nodded. “Yeah, didn't wake up once.” He said. 

He smiled, a bit relieved. “That's great! Maybe she's actually hitting a milestone.” He said. 

Herman started to shrug, but thought better of it, tilting his head instead. “It could be. Maybe. I think. She's been well- doing well lately.” He said. 

“I guess there's an upside to having to wait three months to take her home.” Robert joked. 

Herman raised his eyebrow. “Other than- than her surviving?” He asked, half seriously. 

“Well yeah, but I mean we get to skip the newborn stage!” Robert replied. 

Herman nodded. “I guess so. Kinda. Kinda not. Not my favorite.” He said. 

Robert shrugged. “Yeah. Kind of a shit way to get there.” He agreed. 

Herman nudged her and she unlatched, grumbling sleepily. “So… did you- you slept okay?” He asked, fumbling around with his clothes. 

“I guess so. I don't even remember falling asleep.” Robert replied. 

Herman chortled. “Right. I mean, does anyone?” He asked.

Robert shrugged. “Who knows. What about you?” He asked.

Herman licked his lips. “It was fine.” He said stiffly. 

Robert blinked. “Really?” He asked.

“Yeah. Just a normal- regular sleep- night.” He replied. 

“Okay.”

Silence between them had become less suffocating and more common. Robert knew that a few things still went unsaid, but not nearly as much as the months prior. After a moment, Herman stood up from the chair and carried Daphne to the infant lounger that sat in between the kitchen and the living room. She was already falling asleep, her little fists curled up by her face. 

Herman padded into the kitchen, scratching his head. He walked with unceremonious, bare, flat footed slaps. Jokingly, Robert turned towards Daphne, even though he knew she wasn't listening. 

“You’re lucky, kid, the best part is you don't even have to turn on the TV to watch Flipper.” He whispered.

“Ha. Ha! So funny I forgot to laugh.” Herman said sarcastically. 

Robert grinned to himself as he watched him. He brushed his hair back and he washed his hands. The sunlight created a halo bouncing off his skin. He wore blue and white plaid pajama pants and an Abbath T-shirt that was way too big. It hung off of his right shoulder, giving Robert a view of his blush and freckles. Since Daphne was born, he’d seen them on occasion, and it never got old. 

He wasn't doing anything but bagging a couple ounces of milk to freeze and pulling things from the cabinets. Despite that, Robert couldn't help but want to be closer. 

“Are you- do you like pancakes?” He asked. 

“Yeah, sure.” Robert said, walking towards the kitchen. “Need anything?” He asked, forcing himself to sound normal. 

Herman continued what he was doing. “It's- I'm perfectly- they're just pancakes.” He said. “It’s fine if you keep just watching the baby.”

“I know, I just don't wanna sit around.” Robert said. 

Herman chortled. “Fine. If you say so. Will- can you grab the bacon?” He asked. 

Robert raised his eyebrow. “I thought you were just making pancakes.” He said. 

“You decided- told me you wanted to do things… to help, so you're gonna help.” Herman replied. 

“Does this count as malicious compliance?” Robert joked, opening the fridge. 

“Mal- not malic- malicious, just efficient.” Herman said. 

“Right….” Robert stood next to him, playfully bumping him with his shoulder as he set the bacon on the counter. 

Herman fumbled with his words for a few seconds before opting to stick his tongue out at him instead. As if they were second graders, and not two grown men with a daughter, Robert did it back, starting a chain of shoulder bumps and teasing. By the time Robert finally managed not to burn the bacon strips, they had about as much batter on their faces and clothes as they had cooked. 

“Try- keep everything in one piece. Together. Yeah? I'm gonna go- go get granny.” Herman said, giving him a smile as he left. 

Robert secretively smiled down at the last couple of pancakes, almost forgetting to flip them. He looked back at Daphne, who was laying still in her lounger. He strained his ears over the sound of the pancakes cooking for any signs of life. After a moment, he heard a little sigh as she slumbered. Relieved, he pulled the last pancake out of the pan and set it in the oven with the others to keep them warm. 

He knew Herman and Eloise were coming by the sound of wheels crushing plastic wrap. Eloise stopped to look at Daphne and then turned to him. 

“Good morning, Robert. Thanks for helping with breakfast.” She said. 

“No problem.” Robert replied.

“I’ll get- fix you a plate.” Herman said as he passed by. 

“Thank you dear.” Eloise cooed, turning her attention back to Daphne. “Hey, bright eyes.”

At the sound of her voice, Daphne blinked herself awake and rubbed said eyes, taking a deep yawn and stretching her arms wide. 

“Big stretch.” Robert murmured with a smile. 

Herman laughed through his nose and stepped into the kitchen. Immediately, the soft expression on his face was replaced with flared nostrils and working brows. 

“Oh. You burnt that.” He said flatly. 

Robert deadpanned. “Thanks. I didn't notice.” He said. 

Herman grinned shakily, like he usually did. “He- happy to help.” He joked, walking around to Robert's other side. 

Robert started to come up with another quip as Herman opened the cabinet above him.

“This is- why is it… so far back?” Herman muttered, pushing his hand deeper into the cabinet. 

“Aren't you-”

Robert's teasing caught in his throat when Herman put his hand on his back, balancing himself as he dug for the syrup. It was barely anything, over before he could blink, and yet it still had him looking like he'd been caught in a game of freeze tag. Even worse, Herman didn't seem to notice. 

“Oh yeah. Hold on. Can you set the- set the table?” He asked. 

Robert didn't move a muscle. 

“Robert?” Herman asked. 

He shook himself out of his trance and turned on his heels. “Right. Yeah. The table.” He said, his voice pitching high. 

He nearly ran from the feeling of Herman's eyes on him. The touch warmed his skin like His hand was still there, taking him out of the present conversation. This might be a long week. 

Chapter Text

Sunday passed by lazily, but quickly as days off always did. By eight PM, the house was settling down for the night. Eloise had just gone to bed and Daphne had had a quick bath and feeding. All that was left was to get her to go to sleep. Robert lifted her off of the changing table. Being a preemie, Daphne still did the newborn scrunch, even though she was nearly four months old. Her knees folded up under her and her feet almost touched her butt. Usually it came along with a snort or a sleepy groan. Robert adored it, and while he was ecstatic that she was growing, he really hoped that it wouldn't go away too soon. He held her in his arms as he walked in circles throughout the room, looking into her big eyes. All of the lights were out, save for the star in the corner. Herman was sitting under his covers looking at his phone. Daphne stared at him silently, showing no signs of fatigue. 

“Usually a bath puts her to sleep.” Robert commented. 

“Ye- I know. Weird.” Herman replied. 

“Why are you still up?” Robert asked her. 

“Heh, you say that like… like she's going to answer.” Herman chuckled. 

Robert scoffed. “Well I'm not gonna go-” He pitched his voice higher, making it sound strange and raspy. Like a witch from an old movie.

“-Daphne! Why aren't you eepy? I wanna go to bed.” 

Herman immediately cringed, looking about ready to cover his ears. 

Robert smirked. “Aw what's the matter? Too much for you?” He teased. 

As he relished the horror in Herman's face, he felt little feet kick his chest. He turned to see Daphne looking up at him, face split in a toothless grin. She continued to kick, letting loose an excited screech. 

“I think she really- actually liked it.” Herman said, bewildered. 

Robert frowned. “You're not beating the stereotypes.” He said. 

“Wha- what stereotypes?” Herman chuckled. 

“She's a baby that actually likes baby talk.” Robert shook his head. “Thought you were better than this, kid.”

Daphne squinted and kicked again, silently insisting that he keep using the strange voice.

“I guess not.” Herman joked. 

Robert rolled his eyes. 

“Is that what the baby wants? Does she like hearing me sound like a crazy person?” He asked. 

Daphne immediately grinned and squirmed happily and Robert sighed in defeat. 

Robert Robertson did a lot of strange things. Make voices for Beef, kidnap the occasional criminal, shoot the shit with the Z-team at inopportune times, knock up his coworker. What he didn't do was baby talk. Most times, he even talked to Beef like he was a being capable of caring about more words than outside, treat, and good boy. Lately, he’d done a lot of things that he'd never done before. 

“This is gonna be a fun story to tell you later.” He muttered. 

Swallowing any inhibition, he kept talking to her, not noticing Herman recording behind him. 

After about half an hour of cawing at her, Daphne's eyes had finally begun to roll with tiredness. Robert let her rest her head on his shoulder and crossed the room to her crib. He shifted his hold on Daphne, pulling her away from him, scoffing at her as she slumped sleepily. Gently, he supported her head. 

“Look at you. Can't even hold your head up.” He whispered.

Daphne frog blinked and Robert had to bite his lips to keep from laughing, lest he wanted to risk waking her up. He had work in the morning, and his throat was starting to hurt from pitching his voice so high. After nuzzling her cheek, he started to set her in her crib. Her arms jerked and her fists came up to her face as she noticed she was being put down. Once she was safely in her crib, Robert moved his hands away and started to back away. The second he moved, he heard a whimper. He froze, staring at her as if even shifting his eyes would jostle her. After what felt like ten minutes, she sighed and turned her head so that her right ear was up, like she always did. He waited a few more seconds before he let relief wash over him and slowly backed further away from her crib. The second he moved, her eyes slid back and forth under her eyelids, her lashes fluttered, and her lips started to tremble. Robert froze again, fearful adrenaline heating up his skin. This baby had become a land mine, waiting for him to make the wrong move. He gulped and looked back at Herman, who frowned with confusion. 

“I don't know what's going on.” Robert mouthed. 

Herman peeked past him and at the crib, then looked back up at Robert. 

“She looks fine.” He whispered. 

Robert turned back to Daphne, who had started her snoring. A lot less relaxed, he sighed and quietly stepped back from the crib. The moment his foot touched the ground again, Daphne blubbed and scrunched up her legs, her face soon followed. 

“Oh no.” Robert muttered. 

As soon as he said something, Daphne’s face turned bright red. She sucked in a deep, ragged breath, and began to cry her little heart out, kicking and squirming in her crib. 

“Damn it.” Robert murmured, scooping her up. 

She was stiff against his chest and shoulder, trembling as she screamed, hands by her ears. Gently, Robert swayed and bounced her, patting her on the back. 

“Hey. It's okay. It's okay.” He said. 

As Daphne continued, he turned back to Herman. “Did we forget to burp her or something?” He asked. 

“No. Um, she's fine.” He said 

“Did she eat too much?” Robert asked. 

“No. I don't thi- I don't even know if she- if that's possible with her.” Herman replied. 

“Okay.” He said, relenting.

After about twenty minutes of non stop rocking, Robert’s arms were sore and he was starting to sweat, but Daphne had finally fallen asleep. He turned towards the alarm clock on Herman’s nightstand, finding that it was 9:10 now. A little later than he wanted, but it would still beat any sleep he’d gotten in the previous fifteen years 

“Okay.” He sighed. “Let's try this again.”

At a snail's pace, he walked toward the crib, barely lifting his feet off of the ground. In slow motion, he pulled Daphne away from himself, biting his tongue as he started to set her down. As he moved her downwards, she grunted. Her left arm jerked and her fist hit her cheek. Robert went still, staring at the sleeping baby. After a moment, she dropped her arm and relaxed. Silently, Robert let out a breath of relief and kept laying her down. Gently, he set Daphne on the mattress and she turned her right ear up again. Gritting his teeth, he slid his hands from under her as carefully as possible. She sunk into the mattress and sighed. Robert's chest caught with a mix of anticipation and relief as she settled. Now, he just had to get out without waking her up. He stood on his toes, nearly sliding across the floor. His eyes were trained on Daphne, who was starting to snore again. He turned back towards Herman, who was watching curiously and gave him a thumbs up. Herman nodded, equally unwilling to risk waking the baby. Then, a short grunt came from the crib. Robert stopped in place. Maybe if he was completely still, she wouldn't be set off again. Really, really still. 

A whine hit his ears and then a trembling cry filled the room. He sank with disappointment, immediately going back to the crib to get her. In his arms, she kicked her little legs, toothless gums fully on display as she wailed. He closed his eyes and pulled her close once more. 

“She won't let me put her down!” Robert whispered. 

Herman reached out. “Let me try.” He whispered. 

Robert immediately handed Daphne off to him. As she passed between the two, she took a raspy breath. It didn't seem like she enjoyed the switch. Nevertheless, Herman had her rest her head on his shoulder rocking and shushing her. 

“I'm here, Duckie. You're okay.” He muttered. 

It seemed that Daphne could care less, in fact, she only cried louder. Robert could see her neck turning red from screaming. Herman shifted his eyes, confused and patted her on the back. 

“I got you.” He said. His voice was gentle, but Robert could see frustration crossing his face.

Daphne grabbed the collar of his shirt and continued to cry. 

“I know you probably don't feel good. You're so tired.” He said. 

That didn't seem to help either. 

Herman looked up at Robert with confusion. “It's like- like she can't- doesn't even he- hear me.” He said, his stutter starting up again.

“The last time she was like this was when she'd wake up the other NICU babies.” Robert observed. 

Herman frowned. “Is there- maybe she actually- really did like listening to that?” He asked. 

Robert cringed. “Our baby's a sadist?” He replied. 

Herman deadpanned, letting him know that he’d broadcast that thought. “I highly… mostly doubt that.” He said. 

Robert clamped his mouth shut as Herman whispered a few more encouraging phrases. None of them seemed to work. Frustrated, he sighed and turned back to Robert. 

“Robert. Do- do the voice again.” He said. “She en- liked it… last time. Earlier.”

Robert didn't care enough at the moment to feel odd about it. He knelt down beside the bed and rubbed her head, avoiding her soft spots. 

“Hey. It's okay. Daddy's here, kid.” He said. 

To him, that sounded unnerving in the strange, raspy voice, he prayed that Daphne wouldn't agree. 

“You need to go to sleep so you can have a good day tomorrow. I know all this screaming can't feel good.” He continued. 

Daphne's cries weren't any quieter, but they slowed, giving his ears a few seconds of relief. He sighed and kept going. 

“That's good. I can't believe this is actually working… You're a weird kid.” He said. 

Herman shot him a look of clear disagreement, but he wasn't about to say something and possibly get her started again. Robert just tiredly smiled and kept talking. 

It took forty minutes to get her to stop crying and they sat still for thirty more making sure she'd stay asleep. Herman’s alarm clock read 10:20. Not super late, but definitely not early. At this point, Robert's head was buzzing from exhaustion and maybe a little oxygen deficiency from how long he'd spent talking in that voice. Still, he was just glad that she had finally, actually gone to sleep. After two hours, maybe he and Herman would finally be able to rest. His half lidded eyes rolled up to Herman’s sleepy face for permission. Herman’s nod was heavy and slow as he tried to stay awake. 

One last time, Robert took Daphne from his arms as gently as he could, moving like molasses in the winter. He stopped every time she stirred, giving her time to recover and hopefully keep sleeping. Eventually, she was close to him alone and he carefully stood. Daphne's snores had become less of a small relief to him, and more of a godsend. She was knocked out, now he just needed to get her into her crib. He crawled towards the bed, barely picking up his feet as he kept his arms as stiff as possible. Over time, Daphne had stuck her fist in her mouth, and was lazily sucking on it as she slept. The steady noise along with her snores kept him determined. 

As he reached the crib, he looked back at Herman. He was leaning on his hand, falling asleep sitting up with no support. He’d have to make sure he didn't fall and bang his head on the wall. As if he were handling a loaded gun, Robert pulled Daphne away from his chest in an agonizingly slow manner. With one hand under her head and the other under her lower back, he began to set the baby down like he was offering her up to a king. She continued to gnaw at her fist, undisturbed. 

This was finally it. She was asleep. Now, he could go to bed and rest before he had to get up at seven. Almost ten hours of sleep! This was what he’d dreamed of since he'd become Mecha Man. Granted, he hadn't seen a baby in the picture, but whatever, she was here now. He almost teared up as he set her back down on the mattress, the inside of his head sounded like a football stadium after a touchdown. All he had to do was pull his hands away and he’d be home free! 

Daphne turned her head so that her right ear was up, still sucking on her fist without a sign of waking up. The urge to caress her rosy cheek bubbled inside of him, but he'd save that for when she wasn't a ticking time bomb. As slowly as he could, he started to pull his hands from under her. 

Then, her fists flew up to the sides of her face. Robert's heart dropped into his ass and he went completely still. Daphne turned her head to the right, grimaced and turned again, relaxing. He let her settle for a minute before pulling his hands away again. As soon as she felt his fingers move, she opened her mouth and started bawling. 

Robert immediately pulled her back up, near tears himself. Her face was as red as a tomato before she was at his chest, screaming in his face. 

“Why? Why won't you go to sleep? You were so calm at the hospital.” He sobbed. 

Daphne kept crying, flailing in his grasp in fury. Robert sucked in a deep breath through his nose and began to rock her, trying to find the resolve to do the voice again. It wasn't even eleven o’clock and he felt like he was going to explode from fatigue. He should have knocked on wood when he suggested that Daphne had hit a milestone this morning. He’d totally fucked himself over thinking that. 

He took another shaky breath as Daphne's cries grew into shrill wailing. Gritting his teeth, he forced his lips to part and started to speak. 

“It-”

All that came out was a croak that sounded like a dying animal. The strange voice had dried up like an overused oil well. All that was left was his usual speaking voice, which was already hoarse. It was over. 

“Daphne, please. Please calm down. I don't know what's wrong. I really wish you could tell me. That’d help a lot.” He whimpered pathetically. 

Daphne screeched, her cries came to a piercing volume. Her face was so red it was nearly purple. Then, she suddenly stopped. Robert frowned as she went completely still. His eyes popped open and he pulled her closer. 

“Oh shit! Shit!”

Her mouth was stuck in a wide shape, like she was still crying, but no air was going in or out. Her lips started to turn blue. 

“Daphne! Daphne, baby!” He shouted in panic. 

Herman materialized beside him and lightly patted her cheek with his finger tips. Her head tipped up, but she still wasn't breathing, and she was getting bluer by the second. Robert was a thought away from shaking her when Herman harshly blew air on her face. Her body jerked in Robert's arms, her eyelids tightened and she gasped. As soon as she got some air in her, she started crying louder than ever. 

Robert turned to Herman, who turned to him, face paler than a sheet and dripping with water. 

“What-” Robert said hoarsely. “What the fuck?”

“You- we need- get your car keys.” Herman said shakily. 

Immediately after passing her to Herman, Robert started a mad dash down the hall, barely seeing Eloise pop out of her room. 

“Boys? What's going on? Is everything okay?” She asked. 

Robert didn't hear her as he jumped down the stairs so fast he nearly broke his ankles and stumbled to the front door. As soon as he turned the car on, Herman ran out with Daphne in her car seat. He strapped her in at a dangerous pace and jumped into the seat next to her, barely shutting the door in time for Robert to peel out of the driveway. 

Robert didn't come to a full stop once, screeching down the streets of Torrence like a mad man. Herman sat in the backseat by Daphne, barely taking his eyes off of her, even when the car jumped down the road. 

“That was a red light, Robert!” He cried. 

“I really don't care!” Robert said, his voice cracking.

“I’d like to actually get to the hospital instead of dying in a car crash!” Herman shouted. 

“At least we’d be close!” Robert replied. 

“Robert!” Herman shouted in disbelief. 

Robert drifted into the parking lot, letting Herman out at the door so he could park. Just barely finding a spot that was close, but wouldn't get his car towed. He jumped out, running halfway across the parking lot before he remembered to lock the doors. When he ran in, he knew where to go as soon as he heard Herman blubbering. He tried to catch on to what he was saying, but all of his words were falling apart as the man at the desk was trying to help him calm down. Despite the heat of adrenaline under his skin, Robert took a deep breath and slowly approached. Gingerly, he put a hand on Herman’s upper back. Herman turned to him, grey eyes rimmed with red, totally soaked in water, red in the face, and tears falling down his cheeks. His lips trembled as he started to say something. Silently, Robert asked permission to explain the situation himself, and Herman relented, looking down at Daphne, who was still crying. Through all the noise, Robert had to force himself to form coherent sentences. 

“Our daughter, she's three months old and she um- she stopped breathing- randomly. It wasn't long, but she was born at twenty-five weeks with a hole in her heart and we wanted to make sure she's okay.” He said. 

The receptionist nodded, his shoulders relaxing. “Alright. What’s the name and birthdate?” He asked. 

“Daphne Robertson-Walker, 1/11/24.” Robert immediately replied. 

He squinted as her chart pulled up on the computer. “And you said she had a hole in her heart. Did she have any sort of surgery or medication prescribed?” He asked. 

“Yes. Open heart surgery, five days after she was born. She'd had a heart attack, I think.” He replied. 

“Any other medical conditions or allergies?” He asked. 

“No, not that I know of.” Robert answered. 

The receptionist nodded and handed Robert some paperwork. 

“Okay. I’ve got you checked in. We’ll call her name when we get a room open.” He said. 

“Thanks.” Robert murmured, taking the papers. 

His hand had never left Herman’s back, and he gently guided him to the waiting room. He didn't let go even when they were seated. Herman wiped water from his face as he kept his eyes on Daphne. She was still crying, but not loudly anymore, clearly worn out. 

Herman shuddered as he tried to talk. “Rob- um- do you think that… maybe something happened to her heart?” He asked. 

Robert bit his lip. He wanted to say no in hopes of soothing Herman, but he had no idea. 

“I don't know. I hope not.” He said. 

Herman sniffled and sighed. “I'm scared.” He said. 

“I know. Me too.” Robert muttered. 

After a few moments of silence, Herman slowly collapsed onto Robert’s shoulder, half awake. Robert kept his eyes on their daughter as he rubbed circles into his back, feeling every shiver and hiccup. It took thirty minutes for someone to call Daphne's name, and by then, all of the adrenaline had faded, leaving only exhaustion behind. He patted Herman’s back to wake him up, and the other man immediately grabbed Daphne's car seat to follow the nurse. During the wait, Daphne had fallen asleep again and didn't even stir as they left the waiting room. 

Robert had never liked hospitals. They were cold, overly bright, and lonely. Being back here with Daphne after only a day of her being home made him feel like he was going to faint. After that long NICU stay, he’d honestly hoped that he would never have to come back. That was probably unrealistic, maybe even stupid, but he hated being here. It felt like he was at the mercy of life and death. It was just that it wasn't about him this time. 

Despite the hour, the nurse was kind. She got general information, said a few comforting words and left. Afterwards, the doctor came in, she was the same. Herman cradled her like she’d shatter as she listened to her heart and checked her vitals. Her face was neutral. Not cold, but not warm either. Robert just wanted her to spit it out already. 

“She sounds fine, but we can do an EKG to make sure.” She said. 

Herman and Robert gave each other a look and both nodded. Daphne was swaddled to keep her still and fitted with electrodes. Herman's eyes were trained on her as she laid flat on the table. Robert could see how much he wanted to hold her. He squeezed his hand to reassure him, and to his relief, Herman squeezed back. 

Once it was over Herman held Daphne close as they sat to wait for the results. Neither of them said a word until the doctor came back, seeming relieved. 

“She's perfectly fine.” She said.  

Robert jumped out of his chair while Herman dropped his jaw in shock. 

“What?” They said in unison. 

“I believe what happened was a breath holding spell, babies are still learning how to exist and sometimes in very stressful moments, they forget to breathe.” She explained. 

“And no one bothered to mention this could happen?” Robert asked, rubbing his hands down his face. 

Herman tiredly let Daphne rest on his shoulder, murmuring grievances as he rubbed her back. 

“I apologize, sometimes things like this are missed with new parents.” She said. 

“Like telling us that babies forget how to breathe. What's next? She- You know what? I can't even think of anything scarier.” Robert rambled. 

“I'm so sorry. I know this must have been terrifying, but you did the right thing by bringing her here, as these usually happen in babies six months or older as well as toddlers. They usually resolve by the age of six.” She explained. 

“Six. This could keep happening for years?” Robert breathed. 

“Yes, but they happen in five percent of healthy children, so they're not that uncommon. If it happens again, lay her down in a safe area on her back or side, make sure that her mouth is clear and either blow on her face or put a cold cloth on her forehead. Call 9-1-1 if the spell lasts longer than a minute.” She explained. 

“A minute?” Herman whispered. 

Robert couldn't imagine waiting that long for Daphne to start breathing again, but the doctor had to know what she was talking about. Right? At this point, he just wanted to go home. It was well past one in the morning and he felt like a walking corpse. He knew that Herman did too. 

“Thanks. We’ll remember that.” He said. 

After a little more paper work and taking the bill, Robert and Herman silently trudged back to the car. Daphne was peacefully sleeping now, little snores filling the air. Robert spent the drive home dazed, completing the route on autopilot. The porch light was glowing when they got back, neither of them had turned it on. His muscles felt like jelly as he got out and removed Daphne's car seat. Herman followed close behind, looming over him. Eloise sat in her chair beside the couch. Her hair was messy, her glasses weren't on, and she was nodding off. When she saw them, she perked up. 

“What happened? I called you both about seven times and neither of you answered. Is she okay?” She asked, rolling closer. 

“S- she- she had a… a breath holding spell, grandma. She's okay.” Herman replied, barely above a whisper. 

Eloise sighed in relief and immediately went to hug her grandson. 

“That's good. I'm sorry that happened. I was so worried.” She said. 

“Yeah. We were too.” Robert murmured. 

To his surprise, Eloise hugged him as well. She'd left gentle, fleeting touches before, but never this. He fell into it immediately, soaking in her tenderness. He didn't realize how long it had been until she let go to look him in the eye. 

“And if I see you driving like that again, I'm running over your toes.” She said. 

Robert barely managed to chuckle. “Got it.”

As the night settled again and they traveled upstairs to hopefully put Daphne back to bed, the events of the night caught up to him. He was pretty sure he'd gone eighty in a fifty, his hair was a mess, he was in pajamas and barely remembered to put on a pair of slides. Herman himself had dark circles under his eyes and was wearing an oversized band T-shirt to hide his chest, a pair of shorts almost short enough to pass for boxers, and a pair of slippers. Despite it being early spring, neither of them had pulled on a jacket. It was a good thing that Daphne’s onesie had feet, because if he saw a couple Tokyo drift into an ER parking lot with pajamas on, no jackets, gaunt faces and a baby without even a pair of socks on, he would definitely be concerned. He silently took back what he said about this being a funny story to tell Daphne later. Maybe it still could be, but right now he wasn't anywhere close to laughing. 

He took it upon himself to lift Daphne from her car seat and transfer her to her crib. Thankfully she settled right in, even after his hands moved away, turning her head so that he right ear was up. Robert let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been slowly releasing, making him light headed. Herman sat on the side of the bed, watching Daphne like a hawk. 

“She's okay.” He muttered. 

“Yeah.” Robert said. 

“I feel kind of dumb. Stupid, maybe.” Herman whispered. 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked, turning towards him. 

Herman avoided his eyes. “I’d… heard about that before. I just forgot except for blowing on her face. I could’ve saved us the scare.” He said. 

Robert sat down next to him. “Hey. The doctor said we were right to bring her in. You didn't do anything wrong.” He said. 

“And I’m sorry for running so many red lights.”

Herman nodded, then frowned. “It was more than one?”

Robert winced, maybe he should've just kept his mouth shut. “Yeah. Sorry.” He said. 

Herman sighed. “It's- not really, but I'm too tired to care now- at this point. I just- just wanna go to bed and forget about it for a little while.” He muttered. 

Robert nodded, feeling the same way. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you in the morning if you're up.” He said, starting to push himself off of the bed. 

Suddenly, he felt a tug on the hem of his shirt. He turned to look at Herman, he turned away from his eyes. 

“It's fine if you don't, but… can you stay? Just for tonight.” He asked, his voice trembling. 

There it was again, the pull. Whenever something impactful happened, Herman wanted him close again. How long would he let that go on? He was grateful to be trusted in such moments, but he wanted to be close even during the lull of the day, when they were bored out of their minds. He wanted it to be real, but now wasn't a good time to say that. Not after what had just transpired. He didn't even want to think about it. With a nod, he settled for laying down in Herman's bed, bringing him into his arms again. 

Chapter Text

The lights in his room were dim and flickering, slowly pulling him out of his sleep. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that the guest bed was empty. Maybe his grandma had gone out? It was probably for the better, he didn't really want to be around anyone when it felt like his organs were swimming around in his abdomen. 

He couldn't quite put his finger on how long it had been, but so far, he hated being post partum. All it seemed to come with was pain, hormonal shifts, and discomfort. All that and he didn't even get the joy of taking his baby girl home. At that thought, he frowned. For whatever reason, that didn't sound right. It wasn't January anymore, was it? But keeping still and quiet only made the feeling of his organs relocating more apparent. It was like snakes curling under his skin. With an irritated sigh, he pulled up the blanket to see if he’d bled into the sheets again, only to freeze in shock. 

At first, he thought the color was just shadow, but when he pushed the blanket off, it was the same. His entire abdomen was covered in deep purple, blue and green bruising. He looked like a walking blood clot, and in the past couple of- days, hours?- he had seen quite a few large ones. The sight being reflected under his skin didn't help.

Under the intense bruising, something inside of him shifted, creating waves underneath his skin. Rolling and tumbling over and over again to the point that it made his stomach turn and he could see it. He turned his head away and forced a breath in, trying to keep his head upright as dark blotches filled his vision. His legs and fingers trembled weakly, forcing him to lay back down. He pulled the blanket up to his neck and stared at the ceiling as the blotches faded from black, to purple, to red, and then yellow. Every breath pushed the nausea back down his throat, keeping him from throwing up, but making his chest tight. He shut his eyes, trying not to drown in all of the horror. He needed this to be over, he didn't want to feel like this anymore. 

“Good afternoon Miss Walker.” 

A sickeningly sweet, tinny voice rang in his ears like broken wind chimes, peeling his eyes open. A woman in lavender scrubs had approached his bed, crossing her hands over her stomach in waiting. Her entire face was obscured by a flickering black shadow, save for her smile. Carrying too many, blindingly white teeth and overly wide, fake pleasantry. At this point it felt more like sadistic glee from seeing the fear in his eyes, lapping up the pain as fuel. 

Herman huffed out a panicked breath, swallowing water and shaking his head. Though he did it slowly, it still made his vision swim. His head started to dip, but he forced it back up so that he could see her face. There were no eyes visible to him, fitting for a soulless monster. 

“Nn- no. No. Please! I- I- I-”

His jaw kept working, but only frightened croaks crackled in his throat. Her smile grew wider at this, taking his cut off pleas as indication to continue. 

“Come on. It doesn't hurt that bad.” She said, her words echoing in his head as she palpated him. 

Herman took in a short, sharp breath and forced his voice to come out. 

“Get off of me!”

Of course, his cries fell on deaf ears. As if hearing him scream was exactly what she wanted, the nurse pressed down on his lower abdomen like she was kneading dough. Pushing his uterus around like a bumper car ramming into his other organs. The bruises burned under her hands as he gripped the sheets in agony, too shocked to fight. His vision brightened into blinding whiteness as she forced his uterus to cramp and clots the size of his palms to break off. 

He could barely hear himself taking ragged gasps for air, but her voice cut through just fine. 

“It’ll be over soon, mama. Just breathe for me.”

He wanted to scream that he couldn't breathe, that she was pressing the life out of him. He desperately wanted to jump up, to kick her off of him, but all his useless body did was tremble, bleed, and bruise as the torture continued, setting his heart ablaze. 

Then, his eyes snapped open, blinded by the night. Tears ran down the side of his face and into his wet hair as he clamped his hand over his mouth to choke back sobs and pants. It was just a dream. A nightmare. Nothing more. That had never happened, not like that. It was his mind playing tricks on him. It wasn't real. It's not real.

His head felt like it was freezing and burning at the same time from the strain of his fears, his legs trembled and his heart raced. To his dismay, his powers had soaked him and the sheets. That fact suddenly reminded him that he wasn't alone. 

As his eyes adjusted, he found Robert, lying on his back with his mouth open, completely undisturbed. Herman sighed, at least one of them was actually sleeping. He would have felt awful if he had woken him up with his antics. Lazily, he turned his head, finding that it was 4:23 in the morning. It had only been about an hour since they’d gotten back. 

He turned back around and sighed in exasperation. He’d hoped that being close to Robert would stave off the nightmares. Of course, he wasn't that lucky. Even if he was aware that he was asleep and that what he was experiencing wasn't real, he could never do anything about it. He was paralyzed in fear, reliving or exaggerating horrors. 

It made sense tonight would be no different. Especially after what they’d just gone through. He’d had nightmares like that since he'd gotten out of the hospital. He’d thought it was just a temporary, random thing, but after months of this, he wasn't so sure. He hadn't told anyone, he just had to keep telling himself that his mind was messing with him. It worked sometimes. Kind of. 

The events of the dream were overdramatized, but things like that had happened. The nurse he had wasn't evil or even unkind, but she hadn't read his chart long enough when she first arrived, and had called him “Miss”, then got confused when she saw him. Frowning as if she was trying to figure out what was wrong with him. After he corrected her, she apologized and went on. 

Fundal massages had been the bane of his existence for his first few days in the hospital. It was like he was being beat on and told “I'm doing this because I love you.” Though, it actually was for his own benefit. He’d already hemorrhaged once due to experiencing prolonged labor, and it was important to prevent any more complications. None of that took away from the fact that it hurt like hell. He hadn't been awake for the first few, but he was conscious by the time they needed to be done hourly. The first time, he’d vomited and subsequently passed out from the pain. After three massages, he eventually started crying every time he saw her. It clearly made them both feel terrible, but he just couldn't help it. At least she came to say goodbye to Daphne when her NICU stay was over, so that was nice. 

Storing the painful experience away for later, he tried to relax, using Daphne's high pitched snores as calming background noise. After everything, he desperately needed to rest. He closed his eyes for a bit, letting the exhaustion overtake him so that he could drift off to sleep, until he was rudely interrupted. 

Beside him, Robert's snores joined Daphne's, but they were significantly less cute. It was like trying to sleep next to a foghorn and hearing Robert and Daphne alternate breaths like a well oiled machine only made it worse. He opened his eyes, huffed and watched Robert, hoping that he would stop soon. Robert's jaw dropped and loud snorts were added to his unbearable snoring. Herman squinted in annoyance. He was already on edge, he couldn't take this anymore. 

Would a wet pillow be more effective than a dry one?

He blinked that thought out of his head, ignoring the way it sharpened his heartbeat. Irritated, he pulled up his hand and clamped Robert's lips shut, forcing him to breathe out of his nose. Robert jerked in his sleep, surprised, but he didn't wake. Herman continued for a few moments. If it was a bit later, maybe seven AM, he probably would have just woken Robert up and told him to quit snoring, but the other man definitely needed sleep. Trying to go to work after staying up until three am was hell enough. Essentially, Herman would be doing the same, except he wasn't getting paid. Not for the task of parenthood at least. 

Slowly, he unclasped his hand and pulled away. Robert opened his mouth again, but now only with the occasional sigh or snort. Herman sighed in relief. Now, he could finally go back to sleep, just as long as he didn't have another nightmare. 

The sun gently pried his eyes open. The first thing he did was lay eyes on Robert, who’d turned to face him. His hair was sticking up in multiple directions, his eyes were peacefully shut, long lashes casting shadows on his cheekbones, a little stubble had grown in, making him look slightly different. It wasn't bad, but it highlighted the fatigue in his face. Herman found that he kind of liked it. Mindlessly, he reached up, running his thumb along his jaw, feeling the prickly hairs. It was almost satisfying in a way. Robert sighed and leaned into his touch and Herman immediately pulled away, refusing to think about it. 

Pulling his elbows under him, he pushed himself up so that he could see past Robert. Daphne was in her crib laying on her stomach. Her head was facing the other direction so that her right ear was up. Herman didn't know if Robert noticed it as well, but she did it all the time. If he put her on her right side, she would cry and deliberately turn over so that her right ear would be up again. It didn't seem like anything was wrong, maybe it was just a preference. Still, it was a little odd. 

Once he’d surveyed his child and bedmate, he turned over to look at the alarm clock, finding that it was 8:30 in the morning. Four, maybe five hours of sleep wasn't the greatest, but it certainly wasn't the worst. Daphne wasn't awake yet, maybe he could catch a few more winks. 

Wait. 8:30?

He turned over to look at Robert, who was still slumbering peacefully. Robert had work in the next half hour. It was the whole reason he hadn't woken him up to stop his snoring earlier. Gently, he shook Robert's shoulder. 

“Uugghh.” Robert grumbled sleepily, smacking his lips and rolling over onto his back again. 

A little harder, Herman moved to patting his face, and Robert started to blink himself awake. 

“Robert.”

“Mmh?” He grunted. 

“Robert. It's eight- eight-thirty.” Herman said. 

Robert's eyes rolled under his eyelids. “Okay.” He said. 

“You have work… at nine.” Herman continued. 

In less than thirty seconds, Robert had thrown the blanket off of both himself and Herman, leaving him to face the cold alone, and ran down the hall. As his footsteps tramped down the stairs, Daphne stirred and grunted as she woke up. Herman sighed tiredly. So much for sleeping in. 

Robert barely managed to pull himself together in fifteen minutes, toilet paper covering the nicks in his face and a piece of burnt toast in his jaws. He jumped into his shoes, nearly squishing them and slammed his backpack over his shoulder. 

Sparing a few seconds, he ran over to the couch and rubbed Daphne's forehead. She wasn't alert at the moment, so she only yawned. He smiled softly, making Herman’s heart catch. 

“Bye, Daphne.” 

He looked this close to saying “Love you,” but he cut himself off. The adoration in his eyes didn't fade when he looked at Herman and it took everything in him not to panic. 

“See you later, Herm.” He said.

With one last smile, he turned on his heels and was out the door, leaving Herman with little sparks in his chest. Instead of acknowledging them, he shook them away and started assembling the pump, keeping an eye on Daphne as she lay in his lap. 

“You… are so lucky you're cute.” He muttered. 

The door suddenly reopened, making Herman jump in surprise. Robert cringed as he stood in the doorway, barely opening it enough to poke his head through. 

“Shit, sorry. I forgot to tell you I fed her around five, so she shouldn't be starved or anything.” Robert added. 

Herman nodded, still tense. Even though he knew no one else could see him, he was starting to curl around his form.

“Thanks.” He replied. 

Robert nodded curtly. “Yeah. See you guys later.” He said. 

“Se- yeah, see you.” Herman said. 

At that, Robert closed the door. Herman waited until he heard his car pull off before he continued his routine. 

After last night and this morning, he was praying that today would be better. He needed it. Daphne was typically eager to eat, but when she was presented with the option, she just stared up at him. She hadn't done that since she’d first gotten her feeding tube out. He’d been told that skin to skin contact could encourage her, so maybe he should try that. Carefully, he pulled her up, letting her rest on his chest. Daphne snuggled into him at first, then finally started rooting around. Herman was relieved. She took less time eating than usual before deciding she's had enough, but at least she was eating. 

Once he'd burped her, Herman continued to a more familiar part of his routine. Now, it was time to take care of his grandmother. She'd gotten a lot better, but a couple years back, a stroke left her with hemiparesis on her left side. It was something she really struggled with since that was her dominant side. She also came out on the other side with chronic fatigue, vision loss and a whole host of other issues. Herman hadn't been able to find a job in his field that he'd chosen only to be “realistic” and the fact that his powers made everything wet didn't help. Life was a rollercoaster until he got the job at SDN, being promoted to hero made every struggle seem worthwhile. 

It was another reason that being pregnant had sent him into a panic. His job was what was keeping the household afloat, paying for his grandmother's physical therapy, the groceries, bills. He felt guilty for struggling to take care of both of them after the fog of denial began to fade, but as time flew by they fell into a new rhythm. It was quickly disturbed when Daphne was born early, but in those moments it reminded him of being a kid and learning to cook at her side. 

She didn't cook as often as she once did, and he was always close if she chose to, but she was gradually relearning how to be independent. Hesitantly, he set Daphne down in her lounger. He didn't want to, but he didn't think he'd be able to get everything done while carrying her, and he wasn't leaving for long. 

“Heh… Yell if you need me.” He said softly. 

Daphne yawned and turned her head so that her right ear faced him. Herman quietly made his way upstairs. Some of the stairs creaked from previous water damage, at this point, it was just one of the common sounds of the old house. He firmly knocked on her bedroom door and stepped back. 

“Come in.” She said. 

A lot of people abhor the thought of having to take care of older loved ones. He wouldn't lie, sometimes it was difficult. In the beginning, she was so angry. She couldn't dress herself, be alone in a room, and could barely move. It was difficult for both of them, but what kind of man would he be if he turned his back on the woman who raised him?

He helped her out of bed, helped her change clothes where she needed it and strapped her into the stair lift. He had the routine down to a T and it kept getting smoother as time went on. As soon as she was settled into her wheelchair, he made his way back to Daphne, scooping her up to her delight. 

“Good morning sunshine!” Eloise cheered. 

Daphne gave her a wide, toothless grin and lunged for her, making Herman’s heart twist sharply. 

“Okay, okay. I get it.” He said, trying to laugh it off. 

Eloise gave him a knowing look as he passed the baby to her. “Kids’ll do that to you.” She said. 

Herman sighed, shaking off the moment and turned to the kitchen. The clatter of dishes, cracking of eggs, and the sounds of the knife on toast created a symphony as he worked under the bright morning sun. The peace was a far cry from last night, and the mess that was Herman’s head. 

His mind had been spinning since before Daphne was born, and as time had gone on it started taking up more of his time than it used to. It was so quiet without Robert. Today felt as mundane as any other day, save for the exhaustion from the late night scare. In still, silent moments like these, when his grandmother and Daphne liked to nap at the same time, it was when his mind was at its loudest. It was probably just stress, it would go away on its own. 

After watching her breathe for a moment, he backed away from the crib and collapsed on the bed, facing the ceiling, legs hanging over the side. He blinked once and immediately felt the events of last night catching up to him. He blinked again, and just barely managed to reopen his eyes, feeling sleepy fog flood his brain. The next time he closed his eyes, he fell asleep, laid across the bed with his feet on the floor. 

His heart was pounding when he woke up and cold water had seeped into the sheets around him, but he couldn't remember what he dreamt about. He sighed, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. Though the memory left him, the feelings of terror and helplessness still remained. At least it made it a little easier for him to calm down. Small mercies he supposed. 

Groggily, he pushed himself up, immediately making eye contact with Daphne who was staring at him, the afternoon sun adding to the shine in those big eyes of hers. The second she realized he was also awake, she started smacking her lips and cooing. Herman chortled and lazily walked over to her. During cute moments like these, he forgot all about his worst thoughts, save for an ache in the back of his mind. 

“Hey, Duckie. You hungry?” He asked.

Daphne clumsily brought her fist up, hitting herself in the face. He cringed, but she didn't seem to care, deciding to try again with success. He lifted her from her crib, smiling at her newborn scrunch. He planted a kiss on her cheek, receiving a high pitched gurgle in return and sat back down. 

Daphne still didn't eat as much as she usually did. Herman was confused about it and bordering on worried, but she seemed fine. Once he knew that she wasn't going to try to latch again, he fixed his shirt and walked into the hall. He found his grandmother was still sleeping when he peeked into her room, two cats at the foot of her bed. At that moment, it occurred to him that he checked that she and Daphne were breathing in the same way and chuckled to himself. 

In contrast to her great-grandmother, Daphne was wide awake now and looking up at him expectantly. Chewing on her fist as usual. He tilted his head at her, pretending to be confused. 

“Wh- what?” He asked playfully. 

She immediately grinned, drool sliding down her chin. Herman just wiped it off on the collar of her shirt. 

“What should we do? Sh- should I raise you on Jeopardy? Little- Little House on the Prairie reruns? Hm? The home shopping channel?” He joked. 

Daphne stuck her tongue out mindlessly and he laughed. 

“You always know just… what to say.” He said, bouncing her on his hip. 

“I still don't know what to do though…”

He kept talking as they went back to his room. Around her, he could just chat with no direction and she didn't care in the slightest. She was one of the growing list of people that wasn't bothered by his rambling. Even if it just was because she was a baby, he found solace in it. 

“I wonder what Robert- your dad grew up on. Do I have to keep referring to him as that so you don't end up trying to call him Robert?”

Daphne lay on the changing table, watching as he gathered what he needed. 

“He doesn't seem like he’d be mad about it? He’d probably just- just laugh. I don't think he'd take it that seriously. You know?”

Daphne, of course, didn't know. The response that Herman got was her putting her foot in her mouth. Babies and their loose ligaments. 

“Gross.”

Gently, he pulled her foot from her mouth. Her big eyes followed it and then turned to him, already watering. 

“I know. I know, but you need a change.” He told her. 

Daphne squeaked and her little lips wobbled, cheeks flushing. He didn't know why this child seemed to hate being taken care of with things other than food, baths, and sometimes sleep. At first, he wondered if she just hated being touched by damp hands until he discovered she liked the feeling of them on her face when she was upset or tired. It hadn't helped last night, so he hoped it still had its effect. 

He managed to change her fast enough that she didn't get the chance to sing the song of her people and briefly stopped to relax and let her chew on her foot. As he did, it hit him. Daphne had only been out of the hospital since Saturday, she hadn't been anywhere other than the NICU and the house. Sure, she’d be going to Robert's apartment next weekend, which he still wasn't the most fond of, but she should probably know more about the world other than her homes and an incubator. Maybe they could have a daddy-daughter day! 

He grinned at the idea. They could both probably use some fresh air, Daphne especially. He didn't know if she’d care, but it would still be good for her. To his luck, he also lived in a walkable area, there were a few places they could go. He could take her to the grocery store with him, they probably needed a couple things. 

As soon as he looked at her however, he cringed. It was still April, cold and flu season was barely out the door. There were often a lot of people at the store, and the thought of someone trying to get in her face irritated him. He knew she was cute, but people really didn't understand boundaries. He just got lucky enough that no one had noticed he was pregnant on the rare occasion that he wasn't at work or home. 

Gross people germs were a no-go. 

The park seemed like a good idea. There was one close by that he practically grew up on. Get her a little connected with the outdoors. As much as a three-month-old-newborn could be, at least. He wasn't quite sure where her environmental processing was, especially since her responses to sound were still slow at times. 

Glancing between her and his phone, he pulled up the weather app. Blinked, refreshed it, and then pulled back in confusion. 

“Forty-five degrees?”

Torrence was usually a 70 and over area, why was the temperature so low? Maybe an odd cold front had come through. How convenient. Daphne would barely allow him to put a diaper on her, there was no way she'd tolerate being in a coat and walking around the park. Looks like that was out.

A cafe could be nice. It would be quiet, calm and he could get a quick bite to eat. Even though he wasn't fond of admitting it had any effect on him, breastfeeding did make him hungry. Ravenous, really. 

“Where do you wanna go?” He asked. 

Daphne only continued chewing on her foot, not even sparing him a glance. 

“Of- typ- typical.” He grunted, faking annoyance. 

He reached into the drawers of the changing table and grabbed a fluffy blue, button down onesie with feet and mittens. If they were going out, she needed to be dressed warmly. As long as the outfit didn't make Prism say, Where's that baby’s coat? It would be fine. 

She didn't bat an eye as he grabbed her things, maybe the sun was shining on him today. Maybe she’d be calm instead of screaming the second that fabric touched her skin! Quietly, he chanted-

“Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.”

-as he began to dress her. Gingerly, he manipulated her left arm and pulled it into the sleeve. She simply watched, tiny face marked with curiosity. So far so good. He pulled in her right arm and she had no complaints. He held his breath as he went for the legs. As soon as he touched her foot, still moist from her chewing, she jerked, pulling it away. He froze, waiting for her to cry, but it never came. Maybe it would be okay, she was probably just being a baby. Not that crying wasn't her being a baby, just not an unhappy baby. 

He tried again with the same leg and she pulled it away once more, slightly faster. Maybe if he switched? He tried her right leg and she grunted, scrunching up her face in displeasure. He went for her left leg again and she pulled away before he could even touch it. He paused for a moment, looking at her and she looked up at him, a tiny glimmer of defiance shining in her eyes as she blew spit bubbles. 

He sighed. “Co- come on, it's not even- not that bad. I wear clothes all the time even though they- they stick to me if they're not water resistant. You can't go out in just a diaper.” He said. 

He wasn't sure why he was trying to reason with a baby. Maybe he was hoping that his voice would calm her. She blinked and yawned nonchalantly. 

Slowly, he tried again and to his relief, she didn't pull away. He sighed and slipped her leg into the onesie, she looked down curiously and flexed her toes inside of the clothing. 

“See? Not so bad.” He said. 

As she continued to marvel at the feeling of her foot being clothed, he put her other leg into the onesie. Now, she was kicking, but she didn't seem upset. He just needed to button the thing and put on her coat, once he got himself dressed, they'd be good to go. 

Feeling accomplishment well up in his chest, he snapped the buttons closed, breaking into a smile at his success. Daphne paused her kicking for a moment, going completely still, eyes included. 

“Duckie?” He asked.

She blinked and then started kicking again. The fascination had been replaced with frenzy. Jerky, unsynchronized kicks made her rock from side to side on the changing table. She squealed, confused at first. The second time, she sounded stressed. 

“Oh no.”

Her lips trembled and her nostrils flared. Her arms joined into the fray and in under a minute, she was flailing wildly. Herman could hear her breaths accelerating. Little panicked gasps filled his ears. The gasps quickly became whimpers, and soon she was crying, just like she usually did. 

He ripped open the buttons of the onesie, a bit more dramatically than he intended to, but she didn't care either way. In fact, she only seemed to be crying louder. Gritting his teeth, he pulled the entire garment off. As soon as the majority of her skin was exposed, her wails became whimpers and hiccups as she tried to catch her breath. 

He could feel the flush filling his face and neck. Frustration made a thick, swirling black cloud in his head as he looked at her. Not a single thought broke through it as he stood over her. All he could feel was blind rage, and despite the urge to scream or snatch her off of the table and put her back to bed, it froze him. He hadn't noticed how heavy his breathing was, or how loudly his heart was pounding until he heard someone in the doorway. 

“What happened?” Eloise asked. 

He snapped his head towards her, cold shock washing over him with the water on his skin..

“Huh? Oh she- she- she just… doesn't wanna wear clo- clothes. Clothing.” He explained, words trembling with guilt for a reason he couldn't quite place. Maybe refused to. 

Eloise kept her face neutral, but there was a hint of concern in her eyes. Herman could barely keep the water from dribbling from the corners of his mouth. 

“Stubborn isn't she?” She said, turning. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Herman nodded, releasing a long breath as she retreated to her room. He rubbed a hand down his face and turned back to Daphne, trying to shrug off whatever had just happened. 

“I- I guess- maybe polyester’s not for you?” He suggested hesitantly. 

Daphne, completely calm at this point, responded by smacking her lips. Herman stared at her for a moment, no strange cloud in his head, just utter disbelief. 

“Really?”

The rest of the day continued on as normal and soon enough, the evening rolled around. Daphne had had her dinner and a bath and was clinging to him as he half-watched SpongeBob, nibbling on soggy chips. Distantly, he heard the door unlock and Robert kicking off his shoes. He assumed the brief pause was him placing them neatly at the door, as his grandmother hated mess if she could avoid it. 

With a slight smile, he turned Daphne around to face the the hall. “Look who's home, Duckie!”

Robert poked his head into the doorway before entering, as if he were worried about intruding on something. Once he realized all was well, he smiled back. The bags under his eyes were huge, but he looked genuinely happy to see her. Herman ignored how wide his gaze actually was, seeming to include him as well. It wasn't real. 

“Hey guys.” He said, casually walking up to them. 

Daphne folded her lips into her mouth and reached out for Robert. Herman gladly passed him the baby and sunk into the couch. 

“She- I tried taking her out today.” He shook his head. “Your daughter doesn't like wearing clothes.”

Robert tilted his head at the baby. “She's wearing clothes now.” He said. 

“It's- she's only wearing a short sleeve shirt and a diaper. She kicked her socks off.” Herman replied. 

Robert cracked up, hugging Daphne closer. “You're a funny kid.”

“Hmph. Glad you think so.” Herman said. 

Robert's smile softened as he sat down next to him. Herman’s stomach fluttered as they came shoulder to shoulder. 

“She’ll probably grow out of it. When I was little, I used to get fascinated by my hair and pull on it, then I’d cry because I didn't know why my head was hurting. Dad said it made him so mad.” He said, gently swatted Daphne's hands away from said hair. 

Herman briefly clenched his teeth, remembering how he’d felt when Daphne didn't want to wear her onesie earlier. Had Robert's dad felt like that? If he had, it probably wasn't normal. From what he’d heard, that man was far from a good parent. 

“At least…. she- she didn't get that one.” He said weakly. 

Robert shrugged. “Nope, just doesn't like to breathe.” He said. 

Herman bumped his shoulder with his own. 

“Too soon?” Robert asked. 

“Give me my baby back.” He said flatly. 

“Oh, so she's yours now? Okay.” Robert teased, passing her back. 

Herman stuck his tongue out at him. Robert chortled and rolled his eyes. 

“Why do you have SpongeBob on?” He asked. 

Herman ate another chip. “You know, got- gotta teach her young.” He replied. 

“Fair enough.” Robert replied, leaning back into the couch. "You know technically, I wasn't allowed to watch it as a kid, but me and Chase would sneak when he came over."

Herman tilted his head as Robert stole one of his dry chips. "So... of- all the time?" He asked.

Robert shrugged. "Basically." He replied.

Sometimes the things Robert would say about his past were really depressing, maybe he shouldn't have added to it. He couldn't help but try to lighten the mood.

"We- well at least she would- won't have the chance to pull that on you." He said.

Robert chortled, briefly glancing at him. "Yeah." He replied.

Once things got quiet again, Herman went back to not paying attention to the show again, soaking in the domestic feel of it all. Eventually he felt Robert's head dip and rest on his shoulder. At the same time, Daphne was against his chest, snoring away. At least Robert hadn't joined in, or he would have pushed him off. Maybe. 

Chapter Text

Herman and Robert had discovered that Daphne hated being put down, at least at bedtime. When she was tired, she became the clingiest little person they knew. It took hours to get her into a deep enough sleep to not notice that she was no longer in their arms. On the bright side, instead of three in the morning, Daphne went to sleep at two! A one hour improvement had to be something, right? Herman wasn't sure he agreed and looking at Robert, he seemed to agree even less. Herman had just managed to shower without waking the baby when he decided to check on him. At 8:15, Robert was sitting up on the pull out couch with an unblinking stare, eyes red and swollen, skin pale, hair messy, and a five o’clock shadow covering the lower half of his face. 

Herman wasn't faring much better himself, a headache was budding between his ears from the lack of sleep. He walked into the living room to stand next to him. 

“You okay Rob- Robert?” He asked. 

Robert frog blinked. “Uh-huh.” He replied, barely moving his mouth. 

So that's where Daphne got it from. Herman found it hilarious, but he couldn't quite find it in him to laugh right now. Especially when he was in the same boat. To his surprise, he did manage to crack a smile. 

“Yeah… sounds about right. Me too.” He said. 

That earned a half hearted snicker out of Robert, making his clay-like face look human again. He blinked and raised his arm, rubbing his tired eyes. 

“Help me up?” He asked. 

Bringing their hands together a little louder than he intended to, Herman pulled him up, and Robert's smile became a full one as he climbed out of bed. His joints all seemed to have an opinion on this, and the arm that Herman grabbed felt loose in its socket. He cringed, feeling like he was holding onto the arm of a barbie doll. 

“A- are you actually… okay? How are you still alive?” He asked. 

Robert chortled, letting go of his hand. “Sewing needles and Icy-Hot.” He replied, muttering a polite thanks afterwards. 

Herman didn't even want to address the implication of what the sewing needles were used for. 

“You need physical therapy.” Herman said, playfully shoving him. 

Robert swatted his hands away. “What I need is Vietnamese coffee. That shit’ll have you up for four days running around in circles.” He rebutted. 

Herman frowned curiously. “Vietnamese?” He asked. 

Robert shrugged, using it as an opportunity to crack his neck and pop his shoulder back into place. He chuckled as Herman cringed again. 

“Found out about it in my twenties. My mom swore by it… apparently; no one told me you're supposed to drink tea afterwards though.” He explained. 

Herman hummed thoughtfully at that. He found Robert's history interesting. The bits and pieces he fed him at least, though it seemed like Robert knew about as much about his own mother as he did. His father hadn't kept her memory alive when she passed. 

Robert walked by him, scratching his head so hard Herman worried he’d claw his scalp off as he walked towards the stairs. He caught up to him when he stopped at the mirror, staring blankly at his reflection. Herman chortled as his reflection appeared next to Robert's. 

“Heh. We- we look like… like ghouls.” He joked. 

Robert waved him off sarcastically. “What are you talking about, Herm? We look great.” He said sarcastically. 

Herman laughed heartily, barely thinking before he blurted out a joke. “So you still think I’m pretty?”

Robert tilted his head slightly, looking at Herman's reflection in the mirror. “Never stopped.” He replied seamlessly. 

Herman’s immediate reaction was to give him a light shove. A mix of embarrassment and something tender he wasn't sure how to deal with. He turned away, laughing it off as he started for the stairs. It was supposed to be a joke, at least that was what he thought. Why did that little interaction leave him so flustered? He was probably overreacting, it was just banter. As he hid his flushed face, Robert followed him, hesitancy in his footsteps. Herman wasn't sure what to make of it. The thought of Robert possibly regretting showing affection towards him made him feel a bit guilty. 

Robert managed to reshape himself into a decent looking, albeit zombie-like salaryman in the next half hour. Daphne had woken up in that time, big bright eyes gleaming as if she hadn't terrorized her parents for the past couple of days. 

“Good morning to you too, Duckie.” Herman murmured, lifting her from her crib. 

She smiled, mostly as a reflex, when he kissed her cheek. It almost made up for the past two nights. 

“Come on, let's go say bye-bye to daddy.” He cooed. 

Daphne turned away from him, seemingly uninterested in what he was saying. He expected as much, Daphne rarely listened to anything. Hopefully, that would change as she got older. Maybe. He carried her downstairs, catching Robert as he slid his shoes on. 

As soon as she saw him, she gurgled and started making grabby hands. Robert's tired face brightened, and he briefly looked around to make sure Eloise wouldn't see him step further into the house with his shoes on. He took Daphne from Herman’s arms and gave her a soft squeeze. She squealed with delight as he rested his chin on her head. 

“Be good, okay?” He said, his voice pitching up. 

Daphne kept smiling, pointlessly mashing her hands together. 

“Love you, kid.” He said softly. 

He passed her back, a tender look in his eyes. “See you later, Herm.” He said, slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

“Yeah… see you.” Herman replied.

The house felt emptier after Robert left and he found himself standing at the door listening to his old car pull off. When the moment passed, he shifted Daphne on his hip and continued his routine. It was relatively easy getting his grandma up today, to his relief. Not that he would admit it out loud. 

Despite unfortunately being awake for most of it already, today was a new day. Herman was hoping that he could make it a good one. Once his grandmother was awake, he sat on the couch to relax. After Robert left, it seemed that Daphne’s late night antics had caught up to her. She was nodding off in his arms, fighting sleep just like she had earlier that morning. 

“May- maybe I should… just let her sleep? I mean, she wo- she’d cry if she was hungry, right?” He asked, turning to his grandmother. 

“I’d at least try to feed her to be on the safe side. She's still so small.” Eloise replied between spoonfuls of tomato soup. 

Herman looked down at her as if he was trying to read her face. Like that would tell him what to do. There wasn't much there other than sleepiness and chubby cheeks. Still, she did need to eat every three to four hours, so he should at least try. 

“Yeah. I probably should.” He agreed, slowly standing. 

Daphne protested just once by throwing her arms and legs, eyes wrenched shut. Herman bounced her lightly as he opened the freezer. 

“No- don't start that now. You- actually we- can go right back to sleep once you're good and fed.” He murmured. 

To his luck, Daphne started rooting around instead of crying. Small mercies he supposed. The bottle warmers Coupé gave him were handy for stored milk. It'd be warm quickly, it wouldn't be damaged from the microwave, and he wouldn't have to run it under water for it to thaw. 

Unfortunately, that was where his luck ran out. It seemed that the bottle warmers weren't fast enough for Daphne, as she soon started to whimper after she kept rooting around and came back with nothing. Just the thought of having to hear her scream again after only five hours of sleep made his head spin. He rocked her, watching the timer like his life depended on it. 

“Mm. Come on…” He muttered, hoping to stay ahead of his daughter's stomach. 

He probably rushed getting the bottle ready, but he was exhausted and so was Daphne, so he gave himself a pass. Once she finally had it, she was golden, going limp for a moment as she drank. Herman sighed as he sat back down, relishing in the chance to relax.

“There we go.” He murmured. 

Daphne's little gulps sped up after hardly any time, though it didn't surprise him, she was usually eager. What made him think twice was when he realized she had gotten halfway through the bottle in less than two minutes. He turned to his grandmother, bewildered. 

“She's- is she supposed to eat that fast?” He asked. 

“Sit her up a little, she’ll drink slower that way.” She replied, not even batting an eye. 

He tilted her like he was told, earning a brief frown before she continued at a more regular pace. 

“It- calm down. The bottle’s not- not going anywhere.” He said. 

She seemed to disagree. Daphne was still trying to down her meal, but because of the way she was positioned, it was nearly impossible. Annoyed, she flexed her toes, stretching the webbing. Herman couldn't help but laugh.

“You're self destructive. Like your dad.” He joked. 

Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied. “Which one?”

Herman dropped his jaw at the remark, a short laugh escaping him. 

“Grandma!” He exclaimed. 

Eloise smiled mischievously. “Kidding. Kidding.” She said. 

Herman raised his eyebrow as he turned his attention back to Daphne. “Right…”

It was supposed to be sarcastic, but the light jest had hit him a little harder than he wanted it to. 

Daphne finished her bottle quickly, but thankfully not as quickly as she would have without intervention. As soon as she was done, he set down the bottle and turned her over. He’d learned to have her facing away from him and positioned so that if she spat up, it wouldn't be on the couch. Cleaning it off of the floor was much easier. He had spit up rags, but they just tended to drip. 

Daphne slumped against his arm as he patted her back. He still did it like the NICU nurses did, and every time Robert was there for it, he looked about ready to call CPS. The first time Herman had seen it himself, he’d been concerned as well. The nurses didn't bother with light, little pats, they were more like gentle smacks. Not enough to hurt the baby of course, but hard enough to be effective. Sometimes too effective. 

Daphne murmured as he burped her, little vocalizations interrupted by every pat. It was kind of funny to be honest. After about a minute, he was starting to wonder if she just didn't have a burp in her, but he’d rather play it safe. Maybe this just wasn't one of those effective moments. He kept patting her, waiting for something to happen. 

Her little murmurs became more high pitched, so he knew it was coming. What he hadn't expected was for her to belch like a drunkard at a bar. He could've sworn it echoed. He snorted, rubbing her back gently now that it was over. 

“That was a big one!” He laughed. 

A moment passed before he turned her over again and brought her to face him. When they met eyes, her lips folded in discomfort making Herman realize that he had pulled her up too soon. It was too late to flip her back over again. 

“Oh no.” He muttered. 

Right on cue, Daphne spat up from both her mouth and nose. Herman grimaced as it hit him, but at least it wasn't like real barf. Since his shirt was already covered, he used an unaffected part of it to wipe her nose and mouth. On the bright side, she seemed to be falling asleep now. 

After he changed clothes, most of the day was spent napping and tidying up the house where it was needed. It was nice that nothing eventful was happening, it made him feel safe. He had the baby monitor on the pull out couch turned up as he pumped, keeping an ear out for his sleeping daughter. To his surprise, he got a text from Chad. Maybe he was on his break. Probably not, considering that it was 3 o’clock. 

Hey wanna go to chili's tonight?

Its ben forever since we've seen Daphne

And u too ig

It hasn't even been a week. 

So?

She could be an inch taller and im missing it! 

She looks the same as she did on Saturday. The only thing you missed was her burping like a grown man. 🙄

Damn it thats hilarious 

Plz come with us

When are you guys going?

7

Tell bobert to come to 

and bring the baby 

I’ll try. You know Robert probably wants to go to sleep. Plus, Daphne doesn't like clothes. 

?

Every time I try to put a winter onesie on her, she gets pissed. It's like she doesn't wanna be warm.

Its 70 degrees something thin should be fine. Put a blanket on her if you need to

…You're really determined.

U know it

We’ll see. I can't promise anything though.

Its cool

If u can't make it we’ll drop some food off

Thanks. And can you make it six? We try to get Daphne ready for bed at 8, even if she doesn't sleep until three. 

Yeah for sure 

Herman rolled his eyes with a smile at the end of the conversation. It wasn't exactly a daddy-daughter day like he'd wanted before, but maybe he'd get to go out with her. If he could manage to get her to wear clothes. 

He turned off the pump, put the milk in the freezer and went on to the next thing. Another nap, because even the slightest things seemed to wear him out these days. Daphne was laying on her stomach in her crib, she'd kicked off her blanket in her sleep and was still wearing the same shirt as last night. Of course, her right ear turned up as usual. It was so cute that such a little person already had habits. He wondered what else he'd discover about her as she grew. 

Herman quietly laid down, setting his alarm for 4:30. After that, he rolled over to watch her back rise and fall. Her breaths were like a metronome that put him to sleep. 

The peace didn't last long when he sleepily opened his eyes. He felt so dizzy even though he hadn't moved a muscle. Maybe he needed some water. Trying to avoid passing out, he slowly sat up in bed. His entire body seemed like it was being weighed down by sandbags. He scooted back against the headboard to keep himself up right. He still felt heavy. He rubbed his eyes as he looked down and stopped in his tracks. 

He knew something wasn't right when he saw the large swell of his belly under his favorite hoodie, his swollen chest resting against it. Panic, somehow distant and direct burst through his veins, giving him the feeling of being in two places at once. That definitely wasn't right. Hadn't heard just…. What was he doing before?

Shaking, he reached up to touch his belly. As soon as his hand neared it, something created ripples under his skin. He paused, watching as two handprints stretched his skin from the inside, pulling it like a tent. His heart dropped and nausea rose. He backed away, but he couldn't escape something that was in his own body. 

Babies could make pretty big movements, but under most circumstances, not like this. Whatever was in there was much larger than… 

He couldn't quite name who he was thinking about, but big brown and grey eyes and strawberry blonde hair flashed in his mind. He whipped his head over to the left. There was no crib at his side, in fact, there was nothing at all. The only things in this strange, white void were himself, his bed, and whatever had hitched a ride in his guts. 

He frowned, hearing his heartbeat accelerate in his ears. It seemed that whatever was inside of him could sense his terror and swiftly kicked his ribs, making him choke on air. He wasn't quite familiar with that feeling, he wasn't sure when *?* had turned head down, but she hadn't been that strong. 

He clutched his stomach as if holding the monster inside of him would make it stop. The result was being kicked in the arms hard enough that it made his stomach hurt. He let go, finding matching red marks where he’d been kicked on both his belly and his arm.

It's your fault.

A familiar voice bounced around his skull, but he couldn't quite place it. His eyes darted around the void, trying to find the source, but there was still nothing around him. 

This never would've happened if you weren't a coward. 

He opened his mouth to retort, but all that came out was a spray of water that rushed down his body and off of the sides of the bed. He tried to shut his mouth, but the water kept pounding his jaws like a violent storm, forcing them open. Desperately, he clapped a hand over the torrent, water slipped through his fingers like a leaky dam. Despite his efforts, the water kept rising around him, causing his bed to dislodge. 

Panicked, he gripped the mattress as he began to float away. His heart ached from how hard it was racing in his chest, waking up his stowaway again. The hands reached up, raking their nails across his insides as they stretched his skin to a point that he thought it might tear. In between them a lump began to form and he watched in horror as the creature opened its mouth. As it stretched him further, his skin vacuum sealed its face and muffled, echoing coos hit his ears. 

He turned to his right to avoid what he was seeing, but the feeling of it was overwhelming. A nightstand appeared at his side, and a purple dagger gleamed knowingly in the void’s white light. The same voice came back to him in a cacophony, spouting so many ominous phrases at once that he couldn't make them all out. 

You should’ve-                  -mistake

-too late now.

-wants out.                           Do it.

You’ll never be the same. 

It's in your hands now. 

No turning back. 

You can stop it.

Stop it. 

He didn't notice that he had the dagger in his hand, gripping the handle and blade, until he slammed it down into the face trying to break through his skin. A baby’s cry rang out along with the pain and blood. He gritted his teeth and sliced, but the cries only grew louder. As he drove the weapon deeper, his breath hitched and the feeling of his head hitting something hard forced his eyes open. 

The evening sun heated his skin as he jumped up in bed, gasping for air. His clothes and sheets were soaked through, hot tears mixed with the water running down his face. His blood ran cold when he realized that he could still hear the cries, closer than ever. Without a second thought, he snatched his alarm clock off of his nightstand, preparing to bludgeon the creature for daring to try him again. When he looked down, he only found a red sweatshirt, covering only the stretch marks and the slight pudge he had. 

He froze, arm in the air ready for a beat down. His eyes were wide and he could still hear his heartbeat. Disoriented, he turned his head, finding Daphne's crib beside him. His baby girl was laying on her back, crying out for him. Shock forced all of the air out of his lungs as he dropped the alarm clock and wrapped his arms around himself, shaking as he slowly came back to reality. 

He finally took a breath, and many more in rapid succession as the nightmare washed over him. His thoughts came in frantic fragments as he tried to figure out what the hell was happening. The adrenaline died quickly, sending him leaning on his headboard, trying to calm himself down as Daphne kept crying nearby.

“Oh my God.” He whispered, his mouth oddly dry. 

Still breathing a bit too fast, he turned to look at Daphne again. Immediately after, he pushed himself off of the bed and picked her up. Her face was bright red and her diaper was full. Instinctively, he focused on that instead of whatever had just happened. 

“I got you.” He said, letting her rest her head over his shoulder. 

After he changed her, he sat in silence with her napping in his arms, staring at nothing as his mind swam. Over the past few months, he’d never had a nightmare bleed into his waking life. Not like that at least. He’d dreamt of being stuck in that bathroom again, doomed to push for eternity, and he’d simply thrown himself into making eggs so scrambled they were closer to a paste. He’d had a dream so real about Daphne not coming out of surgery once that he couldn't do anything but stare at the ceiling for the next hour and a half. Even with those dreams and more haunting him, he’d never almost hurt himself. He was lucky that it was just an alarm clock, wrapped in plastic so that it wouldn't be destroyed by his powers. 

Briefly, he put Daphne down and went to the bathroom. He was greeted by his face in the mirror, more hollowed out than usual. Technically, he could do this by himself, but he didn't find it to be as effective. He turned on the faucet, waiting until water was freezing cold before splashing it on his face. It was more of a forceful wake up call than it was grounding. It pulled him back into his body again, and away from the dream. 

With a sigh, he flicked the leftover drops off of his face and raked his fingers through his hair. Suddenly, he felt an odd pull and then stopped. As slowly as possible, he pulled his hands away from his scalp, looking down in horror at the clumps of hair in his hands. 

He stood like that for about a minute, watching his hands like that would change something. Maybe it was just another dream. Something else that his mind was making up to stress him out. After keeping his eyes open so long that they started to water, he confirmed that it was real. Silently, he brushed the hair off of his hands, threw it away and went to check the damage. 

The more he sifted through his hair, the more he lost. It came off like dryer lint, like it wasn't even attached to him. There were thin spots along his hairline that he hadn't seen before and one towards the middle of his head that reminded him of his grandpa. 

He stopped looking before he ended up crying again, ducking into his room so that he wouldn't have to see himself anymore. He pulled Daphne into his arms, holding onto her for comfort. After a couple of minutes, he heard his door open. 

“Hey are you- oh you're awake! Hey guys.”

Herman flinched at the voice he’d heard in his dream, and then shook his head when he realized that it was actually Robert. He pushed the terror down to greet him instead. 

“He- hey.  How was- was work any good? Okay?” He stumbled. 

Robert's brows furrowed slightly as soon as he saw his face. Fearing what he might have noticed, Herman forced himself to smile. Robert’s expression only deepened into a skeptical frown. 

“Yeah. It was fine.” He said. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.” Herman bit back, dropping the smile. 

Robert scratched his head, clearly trying to figure out what he should say next. In that time, Herman sighed and pulled a more gentle tone out of himself. 

“Really. I just- maybe I didn't get over Daphne being… watching her be sick as well as I thought.” He replied.

He was relieved when Robert’s face shifted from worried to empathetic. With a sigh, he sat down on the bed next to him, placing a calloused hand on his shoulder. 

“I get it. I mean, that was tough. I can't imagine how it felt to be in your shoes.” He said. 

Herman really didn't want him to. Especially not now. 

“It's been a lot, but we'll get through it. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.” He said. 

Herman flashed him a small smile, somewhere between faking stability and feeling half validated for the vague things he told him. He could see the patient, yet softly expectant look on Robert's face. He probably wouldn't look at him like that if he told him everything. 

Clenching his jaw, he decided to change the subject before it crushed him. 

“S- so did Chad or maybe- maybe Alice tell you they wanted… to go out? Tonight?” He asked. 

Robert sighed tiredly. “They did, but I don't know about all that. Did you wanna go?” He asked. 

Herman nodded, he could use the outing as a distraction, a buffer between nightmares. 

“Yeah. Yes. I did. I wanted to take her out be- yesterday and it- it didn't work out, but maybe today… today could be different. Get her used to being with us aw- outside the house.” He reasoned. 

Robert blinked and then tilted his head thoughtfully. “I guess that's a good idea. Not like we can keep her here all the time. I’ll bite.” He agreed. 

This time, Herman's smile was a true one.

“Maybe she'll stay still if you put- if you dress her.” He suggested. 

“I forgot about that. Will she even let me?” Robert asked, looking down at the sleeping baby. 

Herman substituted a shrug for tilting his head so that he didn't jolt her. 

“She might if you- maybe do- get it done while she's still sleeping.” He replied. 

Robert tensed slightly and Herman had to hold back a laugh. 

“I can try.” He said. 

Herman’s grin brightened. “Come on Mecha Man, it's just- just like diffusing a bomb.” He teased, gently handing him the baby. 

Robert looked unconvinced. “I’d say the child’s more deadly.” He joked. 

Briefly, the coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb meme crossed his mind, making him smile harder. 

“Heh. Jus- just promise you’ll come to- back to me.” He said dramatically.

Robert smiled light-heartedly as he carefully made his way to the changing table. 

“I’d scale the ocean to return to you, my love.” He replied.

Herman chuckled half-heartedly as he chided himself for melting over a joke that he started. As Robert forced himself to laugh quietly as his casual response, the words ‘my love’ replayed in his head over and over again. 

The night out was a blur of laughter and conversation, but once it was over, Herman was left to lick his wounds by himself. He didn't sleep much that night, afraid of what he would see if he did. The next day passed in a hazy montage of events he erased from his mind. 

Chapter Text

Now that Robert knew for sure what Herman looked like when he was holding something back, he couldn't stop seeing it every time he laid eyes on him. The slouch in his posture, the tense smile that didn't reach those pretty eyes of his, the furrow of his brow, the meekness of his demeanor. He loosened up a little when they went out, but hints of it still lingered. 

They were home just before nine and to their luck, Daphne was slumbering away in her car seat. Robert found himself crossing his fingers as he carried her in. Herman trailed behind him, pushing wet hair out of his face. Once they stepped in the house, he went back to the way he was before. Defeat wafting off of his form. It made Robert nervous. 

“You okay?” He asked, locking the door behind them. 

“Mm-hm.” Herman muttered. 

“You sure?” Robert asked. 

Herman cut his eyes at him. “I'm t- I don't wanna talk to- talk right now.” He said, reaching for Daphne's carrier. 

It almost sounded like he was about to say ‘I don't wanna talk to you’. Robert's heart sank as he passed him the carrier. Herman brushed by him without a word, sighing. He thought he was annoyed at first, but he just seemed tired. 

“Okay, I'm sorry. You need anything?” He asked. 

Herman shook his head as he made his way to the stairs. “N- not at- right now. I’ve can- I can take it from here.” He murmured. 

Robert wasn't confident in that answer, but he didn't want to make him more upset than he already seemed to be, so he relented. His eyes were fixed on the stairs case until he heard Herman’s bedroom door close. After that, he begrudgingly got ready for bed. It felt strange to be going to bed before one for the first time this week. The house was eerily quiet without Daphne screaming through it. Still, he couldn't find peace in it. Maybe he'd grown used to the chaos. 

With a low sigh, he pulled himself off of the pull out couch and tip-toed up the stairs to Herman's room at the end of the hall. He turned the knob slowly, nearly silencing the sound of the door as it unlatched. Cautiously, he poked his head in the doorway once it was open wide enough and nearly jumped out of his skin. 

In complete darkness save for the blue-white moonlight, Herman was sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard. He was silent and still, Robert could barely see him taking breaths, much less hear him. His eyes were so wide that he looked like he had shell shock, pupils the size of pinpricks despite the darkness and focused on nothing. His face was as white as a sheet, thin streams of water dripped down his skin. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, but some water still escaped the corners of his lips. 

Fight and flight aren't the only natural responses in stressful moments. Robert discovered that quickly in his early days as Mecha Man, learning to harness the two in sticky situations. Right now, the only thing that he could do was freeze. The eeriness of the scene only increased when Herman’s eyes slowly shifted towards him in one smooth motion. Robert's mind raced as he tried to figure out what he should do, gripping the door like his life depended on it. 

Blinking for the first time since he'd seen him, Herman forced more water down his throat so that he could speak. 

“Get out.” He croaked. 

His voice was quiet to avoid waking Daphne, but it was nowhere near gentle. His order had a strange, raspy growl to it. From Herman, Robert had never heard anything like it. The words kept him frozen in place until Herman's face started to warp with impatience. 

Robert shut the door before he could repeat himself. He stood on the other side, keeping his breaths silent as he tried to figure out what the hell that was. It was a far cry from the pitiful, frustrated air he had about him earlier. In that moment, he seemed to be a hair away from losing it. 

“What the fuck?” He mouthed, carefully pulling himself away from the door.

Was leaving the right thing to do? Robert wasn't the best judge on what was normal for a person, not when he pushed himself to work after bar fights and explosions, but something was definitely off. He turned around, ready to ask Herman what was going on before he left. He didn't want to repeat what just happened, but he knew that he should check on him. Even more slowly than last time, he opened the door, peeking into the room in a more discreet way than he had before 

Herman was laying down, facing away from him. This time, he could see his steady, calm breaths. Robert sighed in relief. Maybe he'd just been tired or something. Or had one of those moments where he looked crazy after waking up. He knew those well. He quietly pulled the door shut and went back downstairs, hoping that he'd misinterpreted that interaction. 

Robert woke up to Daphne crying. Immediately, he looked at his phone, finding that it was 1:32 in the morning. She was probably hungry. He and Herman had taken turns feeding her throughout the week, though he wasn't sure whose turn it was now. Sleep deprivation was messing with his memory. He trudged up the stairs with his eyes half open. Partway up the staircase, he crossed paths with Herman, who barely looked lucid himself. 

“Want me to take this one?” He asked. 

Herman nodded and passed him the fussy baby. 

“Cool. See ya later.” Robert muttered. 

Herman turned away without an answer. 

Robert wasn't sure how Eloise slept through most nights with Daphne crying all the time. Maybe she just slept more deeply than he did. He gently bounced Daphne as he waited for her bottle to heat up. He’d once started to microwave a bottle before being scolded by Herman about hot spots and something about destroying nutrients. Fatherhood had forced him to do a lot of research. 

He could already feel a headache forming when the bottle was finally done. Daphne's cries were still blaring like a siren, and he could feel his skin tingling from exhaustion. He dragged himself to the chair and brought the bottle to Daphne. As soon as she felt the bottle coming close to her face, she reached up and pushed it away. 

Robert didn't acknowledge it and tried again. On the second try, Daphne still pushed the bottle out of her face and even started to cry louder, kicking her little legs in protest. Robert frowned, starting to wake up at this point. 

“Huh?” He grumbled dumbly.

Obviously, the only answer he got were more, increasingly shrill cries. Despite just pushing away the bottle, Daphne was rooting around for it. Robert squinted, mystified at the contradiction. Maybe his baby was stupid? 

He shook his head. That was probably too mean. All babies are kind of dumb anyway, since they just got here. He should just try a different approach, maybe she'd respond better then. He pulled her close, letting her rest her head against his chest. Her cries were less shrill, but they didn't stop. After a couple minutes, he tried to feed her again, and she pushed the bottle away once more, crying louder. 

He let her taste the milk and tried again, she did the same thing. He tried burping her to make room. After she burped, she still pushed the bottle away. He bounced, rocked, swayed, nothing seemed to soothe her. It was 2:13 and she still hadn't eaten. The only thing that ended up working was pacing in circles for ten minutes, making his head spin. After that, she finally ate. Now, all that was left was to get her to go to sleep. 

He found himself staring into his daughter's eyes. After the ordeal, she was fully awake and immersed in his stubble, which she curiously scratched as time passed. Robert heaved a long, whiny sigh after looking at the clock. Not a second later, Daphne swiped her hand across his cheek, scraping him. He immediately pulled her away. 

“Ow!… We gotta cut your nails, kid.” He said. 

Daphne’s lips wobbled as she reached for him, tears started to well up in her eyes. Immediately doing damage control, Robert coughed up his funny voice. 

“Don't start that. Can't a guy just like having skin?” He said. 

Daphne hiccuped, stopped and stuck out her tongue, eyes still big and bright. More so with the water in them. Despite feeling like his brain was on the verge of shutting down, Robert chuckled. 

“Okay okay. Let's talk. I feel like you're missing the point of a sleep schedule, kid. That's okay though, you're what- 3 months old? Still pretty new. Lemme just explain it.” 

Daphne pulled her lips into an ‘o’ shape, kicking her legs in excitement. Robert couldn't help but smile at her cuteness. 

“Glad you're listening. See, we sleep at night, and then we're awake during the day. And the past… however fuckin’ many days, we’ve been up at night staring at each other looking crazy.”

Daphne cooed, kicking at him again. He chortled, keeping the voice up. 

“And you know, I get it. My sleep schedule is more like a sleep shamble, but we really gotta work on this, because now you're up at night when daddy just wants to go to bed.” He continued. 

Daphne blew spit bubbles, and her eyes started to relax. 

“You know what I mean? Daddy's just not his best self - I mean, when am I ever? But still, you don't get bored being awake when there's nothing to do?” He asked. 

Daphne yawned and extended all her tiny limbs until they shook. 

“Ooh, big stretch!” He commented. 

After a couple more minutes of chatting, Daphne had finally fallen back asleep, and it was only 4:25! While it was hardly anything to sneeze at, Robert relished in the idea of getting around three more hours of sleep before either the living alarm clock or the mechanical one forced him back to the land of the living. This was really his life now, waiting at a little creature’s beck and call. Thinking about it it wasn't that different from taking care of Beef - damn, he missed that dog - except for the fact that if he fucked up somewhere, a human kid would absolutely hold it against him. No pressure. 

He decided to save that can of worms for a time where Daphne slept through the night and very carefully walked back upstairs. He gently placed Daphne on her left side so that her right ear could be up just the way she liked it, and she didn't even stir. Afterwards, he pulled Herman's blanket over his shoulders, tucking him in. The other man rolled over to face him, curling up in his sheets. It was almost sickening how beautiful he was. His face slack with peace, a total contrast to what he looked like a few hours ago. 

“...”

I love you was stuck on the tip of his tongue. He wasn't sure why it made him so nervous when Herman wasn't even awake to hear it. Though, he’d never found it to be an easy thing to say directly to someone. Chase was where he first started because he knew that he wouldn't reject him. With Daphne, it began to just flow over time. With Herman, he wasn't sure. Not of where they stood, what Herman thought of him, what their future would be, if there would be any future at all. He couldn't tell if their closeness was just because Herman was vulnerable, because they'd become friends or something else. Still, how could he be sure if he couldn't get himself say it?

Again, another crisis to put on the shelf until he got some real sleep.

The world felt like it was moving in slow motion when he woke up for work. It was like gravity was trying to pull him through the floor as he forced himself to get up. He could hear Daphne’s snores over the baby monitor, so he let her and her other dad rest. The two of them didn't make an appearance until right before he left. He’d never seen Herman either eyebags that dark before. 

As soon as he got to SDN, Robert slumped at his desk, burying his head in his arms as he waited for the first shift to start. Everything hurt, his head, his muscles, his bones, the sun on his skin and in his eyes, and his stupid heart, softened by the past few months. He wasn't completely sure what was going on with that one. He sighed deeply, letting the sounds of the office take over his thoughts.

“You look like that one kid in the back of the class.”

Robert turned his head, finding himself staring directly into Flambae's overly deep v-neck. He didn't even feel like putting in the effort to shift his eyes towards his face.

“What's that supposed to mean?” He asked. 

Flambae shrugged. “Nothing much.” He said. 

When Robert didn't respond, the flame-wielding hero leaned against the wall of the cubicle. 

“Daphne's still not sleeping?” He asked. 

Robert grumbled tiredly. “I'm starting to think she just hates peace.” He replied. 

“Pretty sure that's just a kid thing.” Flambae replied jokingly. “But um, when my niece was little, I used to heat up her blankets and she'd just pass out. Maybe that'll help.”

Robert shrugged. “I’ll try anything at this point. I'm so fucking tired. What do I even put it in? The microwave?” He rambled sleepily. 

He could almost hear Flambae raising his eyebrow. “The dryer?” He said, voice drawing out with confusion. 

“Oh yeah. That.” Robert muttered. 

“Yeah, you need to go back to bed, bitch. You look like you got your soul sucked out of you, and not in the fun kind of way.” Flambae commented. 

Robert rolled his eyes and dropped his head on his desk. Immediately after, he could almost feel Flambae's concern. Maybe he actually cared?

 “Wait, have you microwaved clothes before?”

“No.” 

“...I don't think I believe you.” He replied skeptically, turning away. “Also, first shift started ten minutes ago.”

Robert jumped up, nearly hitting his head on the ancient computer as he scrambled to put on his headset. “You couldn't have mentioned that any fucking earlier?” He called after Flambae. 

The hero cackled as he left, tauntingly waving over his shoulder. Robert flipped him off behind his back and turned on the computer. 

Robert barely managed to stay awake during his shift. He was lucky to only fail two missions and the Z-team didn't comment on it other than a joke or two. He didn't think he'd had a day this long since the team kept sabotaging each other. Not counting the whole Shroud thing. All Robert wanted to do now was go to bed. The hope of resting after work was quickly dashed when he heard Daphne wailing as soon as he walked up to the front door. 

“Ugghh.” He groaned tiredly, steeling himself for whatever was coming.

Herman was standing in the living room, bouncing Daphne a little more roughly than usual. His eyes were glossy and his face was flushed. He didn't seem to notice Robert entering the room. 

“Hey, what's going on?” Robert asked. 

Herman blinked tiredly, turning towards him. “Daph- she- she's been crying for the last… forty minutes and I- I don't know why.” He grumbled. 

Whatever was going on, Daphne was not having it. The second Herman stopped rocking her to talk to Robert, she became a flurry of little limbs, forcing Herman to start up again. 

“Is she hungry?” Robert asked. 

“Just fed her.” Herman replied. 

“Sleepy?” Robert guessed. 

“Maybe. Pro- probably. She's been… fighting it all day.” Herman answered. 

Robert rubbed his forehead. “For what? How hard is it to just go to sleep?” He complained. 

Herman’s jaw clenched. Unsure what that was about, Robert ducked into the kitchen to wash his hands. Herman was still rocking Daphne when he came back, but she was only crying harder. 

“When'd she start?” Robert murmured. 

“Aft- after I changed her. Changed her clothes. She j- she spat up all over them.” Herman explained. 

“Maybe it's the tag?” He suggested. 

Herman extended Daphne towards him. Immediately, he checked the inside of her shirt, but found that it was stitched into the fabric rather than being a little white tab. Barely even raised.

“Not that. Maybe it's the material?” He asked. 

“I don't think it is. She li- likes cotton.” Herman replied. 

“Is her diaper pinching her?” Robert wondered. 

Herman frowned curiously. “Maybe?”

He promptly turned towards the stairs and Robert followed him. Herman got to work changing the slightly wet diaper and carefully replaced it. Daphne was still screaming after it was done. 

Herman’s face flushed brighter. “Fu- mm! Why won't she just-” He cut himself off with a sharp inhale. “Am I go- going crazy or is she- is she crying for no reason?”

Robert looked over at her as she lay on the changing table. She was flailing again, face red as a tomato. He noticed that her head was tilted back. He stepped forward and gently placed a finger under her chin. She didn't have a rash, and she smelled like her typical milky/powdery self. The shirt had two buttons and was securely placed on her. 

“Hm.”

He unbuttoned the top one that was close to her neck and after a few moments she started to settle down. Herman stood behind him, his face a mix of astonishment and annoyance. 

“Are- serious? Seriously?” He said. 

“I guess buttons are another thing she doesn't like.” Robert observed. 

“Than- thanks… Captain Obvious.” Herman chuckled bitterly. 

Robert rolled his eyes. “At least we don't have to call the fire station.” He joked. 

Herman’s eyes shifted towards him, a glint of humor shining in them as he smacked his shoulder. 

“Hey!” Robert exclaimed. 

Herman brushed past him, playfully shoulder checking him to get to Daphne. “Can it, Bert.” He said. 

“Wha-” 

“I'm gonna let her nap for an hour. Maybe. There's lasagna on- innn… in the fridge.” Herman continued.

“Uh okay, thanks. You need anything? ” He asked as he started towards the door. 

“24 hours of sleep.” Herman replied without a hitch. 

Robert laughed as he left the room. He didn't even go to eat. The second he got back to the main floor, his head spun with exhaustion. Before his body could tap out on him, he plopped onto the pull out bed and was out like a light. 

Suddenly, something felt amiss and he was shaken so hard that he nearly fell off of the pull out couch. 

“Huh? Wha?” He muttered, trying to figure out where he was. 

“Ta- take her! Fuc- fucking take her, please!” A panicked, breathy voice demanded. 

Before he could blink, Robert had Daphne in his arms. She wasn't crying loudly, but she was clearly upset. When he looked up, he caught a glimpse of Herman stomping off towards the stairs. Robert rested Daphne in the crook of his arm and looked at the time on his phone. The clock read 10:18PM. His brain was suddenly shocked awake when he realized that he'd been asleep for the past four, maybe five hours. He was more tired than he thought. 

“Shit.” He muttered. 

If tonight was like any other night she had probably been crying for a few hours. How has he slept through that? Herman was probably really upset right now. He started to go to his room, but thought better of it. If Herman had handed Daphne off so quickly, he probably needed a minute away from her crying. He’d calm her down before he went to check on him. 

She was pretty warm when he pulled her close, but it didn't seem like much. In fact, it reminded him of the tip that Chad had given him earlier. Lucky for him, she was already wrapped in a blanket, so he didn't have to worry about getting one for her. The laundry room was in the back, and a bit colder than the rest of the house. The change in temperature woke him up a bit more as he unwrapped Daphne. 

She squirmed in displeasure when he took the blanket, but he quickly assured her that she'd get it back soon. He put it in on the shortest time, 25 minutes, but he'd take it out in one. Daphne cried the entire time, making one minute seem like ten as he tapped his foot, waiting for the blanket to warm up. 

“You're something else, kid.” He muttered, turning off the dryer. 

If this worked, maybe he wouldn't have to resort to the silly voice as often. It still made him hoarse in the morning because of how inconsolable she was. Sluggishly, he rolled her up in the blanket, and she stuck her hands out of the top, close to her ears. It was cute despite how tired he was. Daphne frowned, looking as if she might cry harder, before she relaxed in the warm fabric. 

Robert sighed so loudly that it was almost embarrassing. He expected it to make her flinch, but she didn't react at all. She was probably asleep already. He couldn't wait for this kid to start sleeping through the night. Being awake at bullshit hours was much different when he wasn't doing it by choice or due to his own body and mind’s lack of natural rhythm. It almost made him miss the days of slumping in his chair until he couldn't hold his eyes open anymore. Almost. 

After confirming that she was asleep, Robert made his way back to Herman's room. The door was cracked slightly, so he poked his head in to see what he was doing. As soon as he was close, he could hear quiet crying close by. Concerned, he opened the door further, finding Herman sitting on the floor against the side of his bed with his knees drawn up to his head, shoulders shaking as he sobbed. 

Robert rubbed the thin hair on Daphne's head as he tried to figure out what to say, warily stepping into the room. 

“Hey.” He started. 

Herman sniffled, but didn't acknowledge him. 

“You okay, Herm?” He asked. 

Herman lifted his head, brushing his arm across his upper lip. He started to speak, but the first few syllables came out as broken sobs resembling consonant sounds. After trying three times, he swallowed and shook his head. 

“What does- it- look like… Robert?” He huffed. 

“Fair enough.” Robert replied. “Wanna talk about it?”

Herman clenched his jaw at the question, face going pale. “No.” He said, barely loud enough for Robert to hear. 

Robert shifted on his feet. “I'm not gonna force you, but you look like you got a lot on your mind. It might help.” He said. 

Herman looked back down at his knees. “I did- don't know how to te- explain it. Not really.” He said. 

“Just say what's on your mind.” Robert suggested. 

Herman’s eyes darkened. “...I'm good.” He murmured. 

Right…

Letting silence fall between them, Robert placed Daphne in her crib, still swaddled in the blanket. Once he knew that she wouldn't wake back up, he crossed over to Herman’s bed and sat down next to him. 

Robert looked at him with a tired gaze. “Do you want me to take off tomorrow? Mandy would probably get it.” He asked. 

Herman shook his head. “It's fine. You should- it’s not nec- needed and… work is a- it's important.” He replied, sounding frustrated that Robert would even ask such a thing. 

“It’s not more important than you two.” Robert replied. “You know that, right?”

Herman gritted his teeth. “It's um… it's still important, but you- I- I know you’d put our- Daphne first.” He said. 

“Both of you. Not just Daphne.” Robert corrected him. 

He nodded, water droplets falling from his curls, but he didn't reply.

“Herm.”

Herman kept his eyes forward and his mouth shut. 

“You know that, right?” Robert repeated turning his body to face him. 

Herman started to say something, but gave up. A deep sigh left him more deflated than he already was. 

There was a brief pause as Robert tried to wrack his brain for answers about what could be going on in Herman's. Might as well try to find some understanding. 

“Hey. I'm sorry I didn't wake up. I guess I was really worn out.” He said. 

Herman kept looking at his knees. “No big deal.” He replied. 

“Are you sure?” Robert asked. 

Herman clenched his jaw. “Wha- what do you wa- want, Robert?” He asked. 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked him.

Herman let out a quiet huff of air. “I already- I just said th- I- I don't want to talk and you're still here in my face.” He said. 

Robert was a bit taken aback. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He answered. 

“Well- well I'm n- not. No need to keep trying. It's hopeless.” He said harshly. 

Robert’s blood heated with irritation. Here it was again, no matter how much they’d been through, they always ended up back here, arguing about something stupid. It frustrated him to no end. Instead of voicing that and probably causing a bigger argument, he sighed and found something a little deeper. 

“Why do you always look for reasons to push me away? I just want to help.” He asked. 

Anger and shock invaded Herman’s expression, then confusion and finally woe. 

“I don't know.” He replied. 

The look on his face told Robert that he was likely telling the truth. All of the fire in his eyes had been extinguished by the water building up in them as he tried to think. Robert almost felt bad for asking that question. It seemed like one he’d been grappling with himself for a while. At least he didn't deny it.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. He’d try again tomorrow, when they would probably (hopefully) be in better spirits. 

“Just… go ahead and go to bed. I’ll worry about Daphne.” He said. 

Herman hesitated. “You have… work- work tomorrow. You probably should- need more sleep.” He muttered. 

Robert shook his head. “Don't worry about it. Just go to bed, you're the one who's usually here with her. I can pull a night shift.” He replied. 

Herman swallowed thickly, he seemed like he wanted to argue, but the exhaustion was beating that urge. 

“Okay.” He said. 

Chapter Text

Herman might have slept for about two hours when all the times he dozed off were combined. He had already been exhausted last night, but waiting for Daphne to wake up every once in a while gave him an excuse to ignore it. To force himself not to dream. Robert didn't seem like he'd care for that answer though. 

He faced the other side of the room, where he could see the sky becoming a more clear blue. He wasn't sure what time it was until Robert quietly walked into the room. To his luck, Daphne was still sleeping, giving him the chance to rest. It also gave his thoughts time to spin in his head, gluing him to the bed. 

“So you can sleep past eight.” Robert said gently, overlooking the crib. 

Daphne's little snores filled the silence. 

“Love you kid. See you later. Don't give your dad a hard time, okay?” He murmured. 

Herman heard the crib creak as Robert leaned down to give her soft kiss. The warmth it brought him made him feel a little less stuck. He expected Robert to go back downstairs, but then he heard his footsteps coming closer.

He kept his eyes closed as Robert stood over him. His heartrate sped up when he felt those warm brown eyes carefully watching his form. Robert sighed, cutting through the silence. After that, he felt his blanket being pulled over his shoulders, falling around him like a protective shield.

He chuckled, barely above a whisper. “Is it crazy to say I miss you already, even if we don't always get along?” He asked the air.

His heart was pounding by the time he felt Robert lean over. Then, he brushed Herman's hair out of his face, looking right at him. He nearly choked, hoping that he hadn't noticed his hair loss. If he did, he didn't show it. Robert stroked the scar on his cheek with his thumb, and Herman could almost hear him thinking. 

“I wanted to talk this morning, but I guess I’ll get to it later. I hope you're feeling better by then or at least talk back. I’m… worried.”

Herman’s heart dropped with guilt and fluttered bashfully at the same time, making him feel nauseous. Thankfully, Robert pulled away, not seeming to notice that Herman had actually been awake to hear him. He stood for a little bit longer, and Herman gripped the sheets under the blanket, trying not to change his facial expression. In the moment, it felt like Robert wanted to say more. Instead, he quietly turned and left. Herman didn't open his eyes until he heard his car drive away. 

Why was he still so kind after how he’d spoken to him the past couple of nights? How often did Robert do things like that? It almost felt routine, instinctual. Despite the callouses on his hands, his touch was tender, careful not to disturb him. He’d even tucked him in. Herman wasn't sure what to make of it. It made him nervous. What was Robert thinking? How much of that care bled into his actions when Herman was awake?

He thought for a while that maybe he was always so close because they'd bonded over having a child and the trauma that came with it. It was like having an extremely close friendship, but with a baby involved. That was what he thought, or at least wanted to think. Many little moments flashed through his mind. The Valentine's Day gift, all the times he'd asked Robert to hold him and he did; without hesitation after the first. There was the note he’d left and how he said that he still thought he was pretty just  the other day. The fact that it confirmed that it hadn't just been a drunken, lustful thought. Even though it was a joke, the words ‘my love’ kept echoing in his head. 

He’d wanted that for so long during the time between Robert rejecting him and finding out that he was pregnant. With all the stress that came with the situation, he’d thought that he'd gotten over that part of it, but it seemed that he'd just pushed those feelings to the back of his mind, like he did with everything that he wasn't sure how to deal with. Knowing Robert might- or probably did- share those feelings made his heart burn with both longing and terror. Should he even pursue such a thing now? He didn't think he was in any place to, and if it didn't go well, what would it mean for their relationship after? Especially when it came to raising Daphne. He didn't want to end up being parents who argued every time they saw each other. 

He rolled onto his back, touching the scar that Robert had caressed earlier. All that time that Herman spent telling himself that Robert didn't care- or didn't mean what he said in that way -to cope with the fact that he felt that way himself. The chance that he did almost made him feel more stupid than he had when he started falling for him again. How was he supposed to continue knowing all of this? Did he want things to change? Should they? 

Tiny, sleepy murmurs quieted his thoughts, but didn't interrupt them. He rolled over to his side to see Daphne rubbing her eyes as she woke up. With the way he was reeling, he found her to be grounding. The little person he’d created, getting ready to take on another lazy day. It made him smile despite the inner turmoil. Even if he was stressed, he still loved seeing her. 

“Hey, duckie.” He mumbled. 

Daphne yawned and stretched. When she opened her eyes, he caught a glimpse of himself and Robert in them. 

“I don't care what he- or anyb- anyone else says. You look like your daddy.” He muttered. 

Daphne blinked and cooed. It almost felt like a response. Finally, Herman pulled himself out of his bed, made warm by Robert's adjustment. He’d focus on her for now. Still waking up, he went ahead with his morning routine. Changing Daphne first, while she lay in her crib, he went to brush his teeth and check on his grandmother. 

Eloise was more shaky than yesterday, and she seemed tired. He made a mental note of it for later. On the bright side, she did have physical therapy today, so maybe that could help. Once she was ready, he grabbed her pill organizer and went to help her to the stair lift. Gently, but irritably, she batted his hands away. He wasn't a big fan of it, but time had taught him not to take it personally. 

“I’ll come down for breakfast in a little bit, I need to call Agnes.” She said. 

Herman nodded, leaving her to make sure she still had a ride to her physio appointment. In the meantime, he went to feed Daphne. She hadn't cried yet, but it was probably coming and he liked the idea of getting ahead of it. He plopped down in the chair like usual, keeping his arms steady so he didn't jostle her much. She started to latch, but soon pulled off, staring up at him like she had the other day.  

He tilted his head curiously, bringing her close again. She turned her head, dodging him. 

“You don't- you’re usually hungry around this time.” He muttered. 

As she dodged him again, he briefly wondered if Robert had fed her late, but he remembered hearing him enter his room around five thirty earlier that morning to scoop her up. Barely even giving her the chance to cry. Over three and a half hours was long enough for her to be hungry again, considering how often babies needed to eat. Maybe she just needed a moment, like before. 

The same as he had done previously, he pulled her up and rested her on his bare chest. She raised her arms, soft palms laying on his skin. Despite the slight worry building up, he found it relaxing to lay with her. Her soft, warm skin and the weight of her little body were a comfort. After waiting so long for her to get stronger, he held her as often as he could. 

After a moment she cooed, stretching. Maybe this was it and she'd finally eat. He didn't move, worried he'd disturb her as she finally realized that she was hungry. However, instead of rooting around, she pressed her arms into his chest and tried to push herself away, nails digging in his skin. 

“Ah!” He hissed, peeling her off. Her face was scrunched by a feeling he couldn't comprehend. Maybe irritation. 

“What's going on with you?” He asked. 

So skin to skin wasn't gonna work, he should try something else. Expressing by hand wasn't his favorite task, but Daphne needed to eat. With a couple drops of milk on his fingers, he brought them close to Daphne's face. With her features still scrunched, she took a couple sniffs and smacked her lips. 

She pushed her head closer, squirming desperately. He brought his hand up and let her taste the milk. Her face relaxed a bit and she let out a grunt. He looked at her curiously. He couldn't put his finger on what was going on, but at least he knew that she was hungry. He pried open her lips, checking for anything like bruising on her gums, but she was all clear. With a frown, he tried again. 

Daphne latched for about five seconds before pulling back off, trying to shove herself away. She cried in short increments, thrashing around as he watched her with confusion. 

“I- I don't get it. What's wrong?” He murmured, nervous stutter slipping back in. 

Of course, Daphne only continued to thrash, little hands balled up in fists. Gently, he laid her down on his lap and checked her. Her diaper wasn't full - thank God, he’d just changed it -and he knew she didn't have a tongue tie or anything like that, she was too young to be teething, and she wasn't running a fever or showing any other signs of illness. Maybe it just wasn't a good morning for her. 

Sighing, he rubbed her belly to comfort her and she squeaked at his touch, lips curling downwards. 

“We’ll go ri- back to sleep, Duckie. After this.” He assured her. 

He let her lay there until she relaxed, nearly asleep again. Even when her eyes were closed, he could see Robert in them. His heartbeat pulsed warmth throughout his body at the thought. He pulled her up once more, taking in the newborn scrunch, and brought her close again. 

Daphne rooted around for a moment before finally latching again. She put her fists up by her ears as she suckled, little grunts of satisfaction coming through her nose. Finally, Herman could relax. She was just being hard headed. As she continued, he started to zone out, staring at the cat tree across the room and letting it become a blur in his eyes. 

Then all of a sudden, he felt Daphne clamp her jaws down on him. For a split second, he kept staring off into space, until the pain shot through his nerves like a bullet. His jaw dropped and he cried out. 

“Hah! What the fuck?!” 

After being thrown back into his body in what might have been the worst way possible, his first instinct was to rip Daphne off, which proved to be a mistake when she didn't unlatch. He hissed in pain and immediately stopped pulling, bringing her close again as if he could reverse the action. More harshly than he should have, he stuck his finger in the corner of her mouth and broke the latch. Daphne pressed her little hands against his chest and started screaming like her life depended on it. 

“Ow! Shit!” He cried. 

He grabbed his breast, trying to squeeze away some of the pain. With it being sensitive tissue, that didn't do much more than spread the ache between his fingers. He immediately pulled his hand off, looking at the damage. He was already bruising where she'd bitten him. 

Heat raced up his neck and he gritted his teeth in irritation. His grip on her tightened and her cries pitched higher, snapping him out of it. He looked down at Daphne in his lap as she wailed breathlessly, noticing a white scratch on her gums and a blood stain on his hand. He loosened his grip, guilt striking him. Somehow instead of accomplishing a simple feed, he’d gotten them both hurt instead. He wiped the blood off on his shirt, which scraped his wound harshly and pulled her up. The scratch was thin and it wasn't bleeding, but it must've hurt, or at least surprised her initially. 

He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, and started to try to calm her down, but his jaw was still clenched. Warm water dripped down his back, and hot tears pricked his eyes. He tried to speak again and all that came out at first were sobs. After a few seconds of gurgling through it, he eventually gave up on trying to be comforting. 

“Why'd you- why'd you did- do that? I can't - don't know what's wrong! I don't know what to do!” He cried. 

He didn't know why he'd gotten upset so quickly and it frustrated him even more as he tried to figure out what was going on. It seemed his distress only made Daphne more upset as well. She thrashed and screamed as water from his hands started to seep into her pajamas. Herman’s breaths became quick and panicked as he continued to cry. The more he tried to force air in, the harder it was to breathe. 

As he started to feel lightheaded, he felt the weight being taken off of his hands. His head snapped up so that he could see his grandmother’s figure through the tears. Holding Daphne in one arm and on her lap, she rested a warm, trembling hand on his shoulder. 

“Deep breaths, Hermy. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” She said softly. 

He turned to look at Daphne. 

“She's okay. You're okay. Just breathe.” She said, demonstrating afterwards. 

Shakily, Herman followed her lead. The first few breaths he took were filled with quick, hiccuping sobs. After about four more, his breathing became more stable other than a few shudders. He wiped his eyes so he could see her. 

“What happened?” She asked.

He started shuddering again. His grandmother gently rubbed his shoulder to comfort him. 

“She wouldn't eat… I tried to… nothing helped… and she bit me and I scratched her. I feel so bad.” He sobbed. 

“I'm sorry. Come here.” She murmured, pulling him to her already. 

He rested his head on her chest, listening to her vocal chords vibrate as she softly spoke. 

“Just take a minute, reset. You can try again in a little while. She’ll be okay.” She said. 

“You're su- are you sure?” He asked. 

“Yes. It's better to come back and try again rather than trying to force it.” She replied, running her hand through his wet hair. 

In her other arm, Daphne had begun to fall asleep again, resting her head on Eloise as well. Herman sighed, a slightly bitter chortle slipping through because she was mirroring him. 

“I’ll sit her in the lounger, then we can make breakfast. Okay, Duckie?” She suggested. 

Herman nodded, pushing off of her. “Okay.”

Herman briefly left to stop the bleeding and came back downstairs. Daphne was sleeping with a yellow pacifier in her mouth, her eyebrows were still a bit tense. He didn't look at her for long, a mix of guilt and frustration making his heart ache. His grandmother was in the kitchen grabbing a carton of eggs. The rest of her body was stiff as she tried to concentrate on keeping her hands steady. 

The familiarity of stepping into the kitchen with her today made him feel a little more grounded. He dried his hands on a piece of paper towel. His hands would be wet soon again, but that was just part of the routine. He threw it away and stood next to his grandmother at the stove. 

“What do you want me to do?” He asked. 

“Get the hashbrowns out of the freezer, please.” She said. 

Herman immediately turned, hearing the sound of eggs sizzling in the background. 

“You know, your dad's mom said he was a biter too. Maybe it runs in the family.” She said lightly.

Herman chuckled half-heartedly through his nose. The kind that's short and nearly silent. He pulled the hashbrowns out of the freezer and grabbed a measuring cup. His grandma always fried two cups of hashbrowns. 

“Did she say if- whether or not he enjoyed the pain of others?” He asked somewhat jokingly. Maybe it was too much, but he couldn't help it. 

“No, that was your mother.” Eloise replied, a little more coldly than when she spoke about his father. 

Herman shrugged it off. Except for in his weakest moments, he’d mostly accepted that his mother hadn't wanted to be around. He was eleven when his dad died, and after the funeral, she dropped him off here and never came back. His grandmother basically carried the bitterness towards her for both of them at this point. 

“You know- I wonder if she'll be anything like me.” He said, grabbing another pan. 

Truly, he hoped that she wouldn't be. He grew up being bullied for his stutter, his meek demeanor, and his struggle to understand social cues. Obviously, Robert wasn't perfect, but he was charismatic and genuine. Even if you hated him, you had to have some respect for him. 

“She's already your twin. What more do you need?” Eloise chuckled. 

Herman rolled his eyes. “Everyone says that- all the time. I think she looks like Robert.” He replied. 

“You just like looking for his features in her.” Eloise said. 

Herman shoved the hashbrowns around the pan with a spatula as they started to cook, letting the thought sink in. Only a little bit. 

“Maybe.” He said. 

Eloise hummed a short laugh, but didn't press him further. “Don't oversalt it this time. Not all of us have water powers.” She said. 

After breakfast, things had calmed down significantly. Agnes picked her up for her physical therapy appointment. Eloise had offered to stay, but Herman assured her that they would be fine and that she should focus on herself. After she left, he took Daphne upstairs and put her down in her crib. She grunted occasionally as she slept, nuzzling the soft sheets. He looked down at her, glad to see her at peace, though the back of his mind still stung with anxiety. Hopefully when she woke up, she’d eat. He didn't want to have to take her to the doctor again so soon. She hadn't even been out of the hospital for a week and seemed to be trying to go back already. 

That thought reminded him that he hadn't really been alone with Daphne. Sure, there were times when he visited her without Robert or his grandmother, but there was always staff nearby in case anything happened. Even at home if it was just the two of them in one room, his grandmother was always nearby, since she didn't leave often. There was so much time ahead of them, he hoped, and his brain swam as he thought of ways to spend it. 

He stood over her bed, watching the rise and fall of her chest, so much steadier than it had been when he first met her. At three, coming up on four months old, she was full of life. Life that he was responsible for. He’d had more than a few nightmares about failing her in some way or another. What would have happened if Robert hadn't been there, realizing he’d made a mistake somehow and leaving her like his mother did, not being able to connect with her as she grew up. The list could go on for weeks, months even with how often his fears had him tossing and turning in his sheets. He was getting ahead of himself, or even looking too far back. None of that had happened, none of that was going to happen. He loved her.

So why did her cries seem to make him so angry?

He sat down and brought his knees up to hug them. Maybe something was wrong with him. Even when he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep Daphne, any anger was never directed at her. Sometimes he would just be angry at nothing. Maybe it was actually him that needed to worry about becoming like Robert Robertson the second. 

After all this time, the Robert he knew still frustrated him, but he was a good dad. He was patient, kind, and caring. It reminded him of how things had been between them before the death of Shroud. Sometimes he found himself longing for it, but he didn't want to fall into it only for things to be messed up again later. With Daphne in the mix, he couldn't risk that. He wanted her to have the most stable life she could. 

Herman released his knees and sighed in deep thought. He hoped Robert was having an easier day than him. Speaking of, he should probably text him. Let him know that his daughter's giving him a hard time despite what he said this morning. Not necessarily cluing him in on that last part. Maybe he'd blame the fussiness on Robert's side of the family. 

Your daughter bit me by the way. 😐

Why’s she always mine when she does something bad? 

What happened to co-parenting? :(

Was it bad?

She bit me while I was trying to feed her, of course it was bad. 😭

Aren't you supposed to be working? 

Yikes

It's slow today. 

Nothing but old ladies crossing the street, cats in trees and a little vandalism. 

Lucky.

You would think but it's so fucking boring Herm. 

I’ve seen snails move faster than the clock right now.

Maybe the team will get off early.

Maybe.

Cross your fingers. 

Fingers crossed. 

Other than acting like a piranha what's she been up to?

*too

Wait ignore that.

Nothing. Just sleeping, crying and not eating. 😮‍💨

That sucks. 

Is she okay?

I hope so. I think she's just cranky right now, but I'm not sure. 

Okay

Let me know if anything else happens. 

I'm getting a call. See you later?

Yeah

Herman sighed, throwing his arm to the side and his phone in his hand with it. 

He was brought out of his head by little grunts nearby. He peeled himself off of the bed to sit up, looking at Daphne. Her face was balled up with a deep frown of discomfort, little fists close to her ears. The bed squeaked as he shifted and she opened her eyes, looking no less irritated.

“You okay, Duckie?” He muttered, crossing the small space between them. 

Daphne grunted again. Her eyes tightened with a squint and bubbles popped on her lips. Carefully, he pulled her up, smiling slightly as she scrunched. As he started to pull her closer, he was interrupted by one particularly loud, rough grunt. Before he could even form a confused expression, Daphne's face turned pink and her eyes closed tightly. The longest, wateriest shart he’d ever heard filled the air. He probably would've jumped back if he wasn't holding her. Her little legs kicked and she squeaked as the horror continued. Herman's jaw fell off its hinges as the baby just kept pooping without an end in sight. A mistake considering that his sinuses were completely exposed to the smell now, adding to the experience. 

After at least thirty seconds, she stopped, her face softened with relief, and she melted in his arms, sighing. Herman stared at Daphne, completely astonished as he tried to process what just happened. 

“Oh my God.” He whispered. 

Daphne’s eyes rolled and she brought her fist up to chew on it. Herman tried to will himself to move, but he was completely frozen, still staring into her sleepy eyes. He felt as if he were holding a bomb as Daphne grunted one last time and a horrible squelch hit his ears. Maybe Robert was right about the child being more deadly. 

“This… this can- cannot be happening right now.” He murmured 

The smell made it clear that it definitely was. Bracing himself with a deep cringe, he turned her around to check her diaper. To his horror, a giant yellow stain was spreading up the back of her onesie, and had begun to drip. Herman whimpered aloud, mind racing. This wasn't the kind of mess you could fix with a few wipes and a diaper change, this is the type that would make Alice say- just throw the whole baby away. Tempting at this point. He wasn't sure how he was going to fix this, but Daphne needed to go straight into the bath. Pronto. 

Scrambling, he grabbed her towel, a clean washcloth, and her bath seat and made a break for it, praying that her diaper wasn't trailing. He nearly kicked the bathroom door down trying to get in, struggling to set everything up with one hand. Once that was finally together all that was left was to get her onesie off without getting shit everywhere. Somehow.

He gulped down the water rising in his throat and gritted his teeth. Daphne seemed to be none the wiser as he tried to keep the mess contained. Unfortunately, it made him realize that her clothes buttoned at the bottom, so now he'd probably have to do this without covering the rest of her. His head ached at the thought. He was not about to try that, and this thing was going in the trash anyway. He pulled it as tense as he could and ripped it. 

After a good scrubbing, he emerged from the bathroom somewhat victorious. Halfway through her bath, Daphne started rooting around and crying. At least now he knew that she actually was hungry, she’d just been having tummy issues. Now she was curled up against him, screaming her little head off as he tried to keep himself sane. 

“It's- hold on just a little longer.” He said.

Her cries only got more severe as he laid her down on the changing table, making his nerves feel like they were burning under his skin. 

“Just a little longer.” He repeated, grabbing the Vaseline and baby powder. 

Daphne was red in the face, thrashing as he made sure she didn't roll over and fall. He’d just put clothes on her later, a diaper was just going to have to be enough for now. Given that she hadn't eaten properly since five thirty in the morning, she must have been starving. He hoped that that wasn't literal, but his heart was pounding too fast for him to think of anything else. He gently lifted her legs and it was as if she knew where this was going, because she just thrashed harder, making it difficult for him to hold onto her. 

“I know. I know. I'm sorry!” He said, feeling his head growing hot as he tried not to cry with her. 

She kept kicking his hands. She wasn't strong enough to actually keep him from doing anything, but seeing her that upset was crushing him. Finally, he managed to get the right side done, much to her dismay. At this point, he was starting to question if he was doing something wrong. Did he not add enough Vaseline? Were the diapers too rough? Did he scrub her too hard? 

Before he could keep spiraling, Daphne's stomach had the last word. It seemed that she hadn't gotten it all in one go, because as he started trying to get to her left side, she kicked again, spraying both him and the wall behind him. He paused, hands up and frozen in shock, his nerves shot. He thought about screaming, but he couldn't quite find the drive to do it. He thought about just collapsing into a heap of sobs, but his knees wouldn't move, so he resorted to calling for back up. He wasn't going to interrupt his grandmother, she was busy. Flambae and Prism definitely wouldn't be available, the lunch rush brought lots of traffic. Maybe Robert? Someone might be able to sub for him. 

The first four times, Robert's phone went straight to voicemail. Every noise, even his own heartbeat faded into the background as he desperately spammed him, hoping for some sort of relief. Finally, after the fifth time, Robert called him back. Herman picked up so fast he almost hung up at the same time. 

“Hey-”

“ROBERT! IT'S EVERYWHERE!” He screamed. 

There was a brief pause before Robert spoke again. 

“What? What do you mean? What's going on?” He asked dumbly. It almost made him angry. 

“The baby made a shit-nado!” Herman cried. 

“Wait what?” Robert asked. 

Herman kept going. “It's on me, on the wall, on the floor- I don't even know where to start and she's so hungry and I’ve got to start all over again! You have to help me!” He sobbed. 

Robert started to reply, until a door slammed open in the background. A muffled voice shouted something about a shit show in the background. If only they knew. 

Robert had covered the receiver instead of just muting the audio on his side. Herman could hear a couple things, but nothing was clear except one thing. 

“Those exorcist arseholes had the wrong target.” Malevola muttered through his headset. 

“Robert?” He pleaded. 

“Shit.” Robert replied. “Herm. I can't… I can't come home. I'm tied up.” He said. 

Herman’s heart burst with fury. “Then untie yourself!” 

Someone was shouting at Robert from the other side again, and Herman wanted to wring their neck through the phone. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, just hold on.” He promised. 

Herman answered by abruptly hanging up. Immediately after, he threw his phone into the wall, denting it and blinked tears out of his eyes. He turned to Daphne, who was still crying and steeled himself. He was just going to have to suck it up. 

One of the benefits of being gifted diapers was not feeling the effect of wasting money when he had to throw away the one he had been trying to put on Daphne before. To be truthful, he didn't really feel anything as he made his way back to the bathroom. Daphne's wails became background noise as he filled up the tub again. 

Even though his eyes were open, he wasn't taking anything in. All of his senses dulled as the warm water seeped into his skin. He just needed to do one thing at a time and it would be over before he knew it. Then, he could shut down in three hour increments until Robert got back. Hopefully it wouldn't be long. 

He froze in place once Daphne was clean, dropping her soap at his side. Now that that part was over, all that was left was to put a diaper on her, change his clothes, feed her, clean the wall and-

Wait, why is it so quiet? 

He snapped his head down, pulling Daphne out of the water in an instant. Relief brought him back to life when Daphne immediately took in a deep breath and began to cry again. Panicked, he watched and listened, his heartbeat shaking the tears in his eyes. Her shrill sobs didn't waver, and guilt crushed him like an anvil to the head as he pulled her close. 

He rocked back and forth with her in his arms, attempting to cry out apologies as if she'd understand. Everything came out as broken nonsense. 

He wasn't sure when she'd come back, but before he could process it, his grandmother had made him go to his room to feed Daphne and rest while she and her friend Agnes cleaned the house. While he felt that it was his responsibility, he was too drained to argue. The new, stiff silence gave him a lot of time to think. 

Everything from the past three months blurred together. So much had happened in the short window of time. Normally he pushed it out of his mind, but a lot of his experiences were things that if they'd happened to someone else, would make him wonder how they hadn't gone insane yet. Maybe he already had, just quietly. 

The scene and everything he felt on that fateful day was still crystal clear. The panic when he realized he wasn't making it to the med bay, the horrifyingly strong need to push and the crippling pain as he tried to deny it. He hadn't been focused on it at the moment, but looking back, he realized that he'd never been so afraid before or seen genuine fear in Robert's eyes until then; looking at him and their daughter. 

The surgery, the nightmares, the unsettling thoughts about doing something to keep himself in the hospital longer so that he could stay with Daphne, the misplaced, confusing anger, and now this. Maybe one or a couple of these things could be explained and rested away, but all of them together? That wasn't normal. He already knew that he wasn't normal himself, but it felt like this had crept up his spine. The nauseating depression had planted itself alongside the care he had for his daughter, and he wasn't sure how to pull the two forces apart. 

The day had worn Daphne down to the point that he actually had to wake her up to feed her, but Herman was wide awake until Robert came home at a quarter past 1AM. 

Chapter Text

Robert was more worried about going back to Herman’s house than he was about being forced into the field. How a bunch of teenagers got their hands on a legitimate grimoire, he didn't know, but the result wasn't pretty. Everything in him ached down to his funny bone, which he had actually hit an hour ago when trying to escape the grip of a vengeful spirit. His nerves just weren't right after sixteen years as Mecha Man. His mental nerves weren't either as he approached the house. He’d told Herman that he'd be back as soon as he could, and ten hours had passed since then. During that time, his phone had died and he was sure that Herman had called him again. He sighed tiredly at the thought, feeling his bruised ribs tighten. 

Maybe he shouldn't feel as bad. It wasn't his fault he had to stay longer than he wanted. The city needed his help, but was it more important than Herman and Daphne? He didn't think so, but if the city wasn't safe, neither were the people he cared about, so it held him up anyway. He wondered if his dad had struggled with the same thing, or if he simply didn't care when Robert was a kid. He’d never be sure, but he wanted Herman and their daughter to be. He was probably very upset now, but he couldn't blame him for it if he was. He just hoped that he could make it up to him and avoid it turning into another big fight. 

He sighed again, ribs aching as he parked in the driveway. He had to stop doing that. He saw a section of the blinds close when he pulled up and his mind raced as he tried to figure out what he should say. He hoped that he had something good enough. 

Herman stood close to the door with his arms crossed, eyes burning with anger and tear streaks on his cheeks. Robert braced himself for a verbal lashing. Herman stepped closer, his face flushing and nostrils flaring like a charging bull. 

“Where the fuck were you!? I-I called you ten- at least ten times! I should-”

When they were face to face, his angry gaze shifted to add confusion as he looked down at him. The moment he scanned the bandages on Robert's knuckles, his busted lip, and the scratches on his face, his expression faltered, reluctantly softening. 

He could tell that Herman still wanted to be angry, but he clearly didn't have it in him anymore. For some reason, Robert almost wanted him to be. It would make him feel less guilty than he did seeing the worry in his red rimmed eyes and flushed face. 

“W- what did- what happened?” Herman asked. He wasn't yelling anymore, but his voice was rough with frustration. 

Robert swallowed his racing heart, making room for his answer. “Ghost summoning gone wrong.” He said. “I'm sorry I'm late.”

Herman stared at him for a moment longer, before letting out a deep sigh. “...It's fine.” He replied, avoiding his eyes. 

Robert shook his head. “No, it's not. I should've tried to be back sooner. I shouldn't have let you deal with all that on your own.” He insisted. “I'm sorry.”

Herman looked down at him again, letting silence set in. After a beat, he took Robert's hand and started to lead him away from the door. 

“I know. Come on.” He said stiffly. 

Robert followed him like a dog on a leash as Herman pulled him to the couch, sitting down across from him. 

“Why didn't heal… why didn't Malevola heal you?” He asked, speaking more slowly than usual as he took Robert's bruised hands in his. 

Robert cringed when Herman’s fingers brushed the raw skin. That feeling was quickly forgotten with the sensation of cool water being gently pressed into his wounds. 

“I kinda rushed ho- back here after it was over.” He said sheepishly. “I already kept you waiting long enough.”

Herman clenched his jaw. “Stupid. I- it… wouldn't have made- mattered anyway. Not now.” He replied softly. 

“It does to me. I didn't want you to think I just ditched you.” He said. 

Briefly, the word ‘again’ crossed his mind, but he left it there. 

“You couldn't have… couldn't have called me? Or answered?” Herman asked. 

“My phone died.” Robert explained. 

Herman let go of his hands, reaching up to touch his face. Robert relaxed in his gentle hold as the aches and itches from the cuts and scrapes were replaced by Herman's touch. A thumb reaching over to touch his lip froze him in place. He hadn't realized that he'd closed his eyes until he felt it. Herman sat in front of him, face beet red as he healed the wound. They sat in tense silence until Herman pulled away, leaving Robert to instinctively bite his lip, sucking the water off of it. 

“It's fine.” Herman said, avoiding his eyes. “Where else?” 

It took Robert a moment to understand what he was asking, chasing his hands as he removed them. For just a moment, he felt the cool air around Herman’s skin as he neared his face and quickly pulled back. Herman’s cheeks flushed even brighter, but he didn't say anything, waiting for Robert to answer. He cleared his throat, trying to slow his heartbeat. 

“You don't have to do all that. I can sleep it off.” He said. 

Herman narrowed his eyes and Robert immediately folded.

“My ribs got bruised. It's not that bad though.” He said. 

“I don't- stop that. It's fine.” Herman said. 

Robert was starting to get annoyed with how much he said that, especially when he looked like he was moments away from tears. 

“That's what I'm trying to tell you. I can handle a little pain.” Robert insisted. 

Herman stopped making eye contact, but he didn't look away. “... I don't want- you don't have to.” He said. 

Robert sighed. “If you're sure…” He muttered, giving him the chance to back out as he reached for the hem of his shirt. 

Herman blinked rapidly at the sickening purple of his skin, a light dusting of tears on his eyelashes. Robert felt guilty seeing him like that as he treated the wounds with care just like he had the others. Still, the relief was nearly instant, and it took everything in Robert not to just fall into him from exhaustion. Instead, he leaned against the back of the couch, finally able to breathe again.

“Thanks.” He said. 

“It’s not- it's nothing. Don't… make it a habit though. I don't mind, just- just be careful.” Herman replied. 

That sad look in his eyes was too much for him. 

“Why do you keep doing that?” Robert blurted out. 

There was a pause as his question hung in the air. He hadn't meant to say it, it just came out. Herman’s expression shifted, adding confusion to the mix as he turned his head to look at him again. 

Herman frowned. “Doing what?” He asked, voice tinged with anger. 

Robert hesitated, turning tail before this could turn into a fight. His heart couldn't handle that right now. 

“Never mind. Don't worry about it.” He said. 

Herman frowned, leaning forward. “What do you- you mean ‘don't worry about it’? Just tal- say it, you already brought it up.” He said.

Robert could have pointed out the hypocrisy in that statement. Of course, he hadn't done much better just now, but still. He couldn't count how many times he'd seen the things that Herman wanted to say come through his face. How many times Herman avoided him. He opted to be honest instead, even if Herman might not like what he said. 

“You keep saying things are fine even though they aren't. Then you shut me out until the next bad thing happens. Do you know what that does to me?” Robert explained. 

He hadn't meant to say the last part either, but it was out there now. He barely managed to stop himself from unloading it all. Now wasn't the time. It wasn't all about him. 

He sighed. “I know you’ve been hurting. What do I have to do to get you to trust that I care?”

In the silence, Herman’s face fell, and he swallowed a mouthful of water. His curls flattened with dampness as he spoke again. 

“I'm sorry.” He said, his voice was small, weak and tired. 

Robert sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, as more guilt piled onto what was already there. “Fuck, no. That wasn't the right thing to say. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make it about me. And I don't need you to be sorry. I just wanna know what's going on.” He rambled, pushing his hands through his hair. 

Herman bit his tongue and frowned. At first, Robert thought that he might tell him off, but his face soon softened. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. 

Robert responded with a curt nod. At that, Herman took in a shaky breath, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

“I think- I- there might be something wrong… with me.” He whispered. 

Robert blinked. “What do you mean?” He asked. 

Herman shrank, wrapping his arms around himself. “It's- I don't know- didn't know how to tell anyone because it's my fault… and I thought it would get better.” He replied. 

“Why would it be your fault?” He asked.

“Hm. Bec- because I decided to have Daphne and the side effects are…”

He clenched his jaw, bouncing his leg as he tried to find the words to explain himself. Robert stayed silent, waiting for him to continue at his own pace. 

“I don't think I’m in a good place- you know- in my head. Everything's just… so messed up. I don't-”

He sniffled. “I'm s- I think I'm going crazy. Maybe. My dreams feel so real, and real life feels… like it shouldn't be happening. I don't know. I'm losing my hair. I'm tired, I- I’m sad, I’m angry, and I- I can't think of- remember the last time I didn't feel that way. Not for more than a day.” He explained. 

Robert wasn't entirely sure what to make of that. He knew that it wasn't quite the same, in addition to his hunch that Herman was probably still leaving something out; but he remembered feeling something similar after he lost the astral pulse. Tired from the past fifteen years of running himself down to the bone, sad because he felt like he lost a part of himself, the last thing that connected him to his family other than his name, and angry at himself because he felt like he'd failed. He wasn't sure how it all fit together in Herman’s mind, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try to understand.

“You're not going crazy. I think anyone would feel that way after everything that happened, and I'm glad you told me. There's nothing wrong with you, you just need some help and admitting that's the first step.” He said. 

Herman nodded thoughtfully before his face soured at another thought. 

“I almost… Daphne went under the water because I zoned out. It could- I could have-” He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. 

Robert's heart jumped with terror at the admission, for both of them. How long had things been like this? 

Herman dabbed at unshed tears with the collar of his shirt as he tried to keep himself together. Robert felt his blood turn to lava in his veins. Seeing him so upset and confused physically hurt. His heart burned as he tried to figure out what to say next. Whatever he said could make things worse, but he found himself trying to put the words together as the conversation continued. 

“That must’ve been… awful. Is there anything I can do?” He asked. 

Herman sighed, gripping the fabric of the couch as he tried to work up the nerve to tell him what he needed. 

“It's just temporary. I'm not go- it won't happen often.” He said. 

Robert tilted his head curiously. It almost sounded like he was backtracking. Before he could comment on it, try to talk him out of it, Herman spoke again. 

“If you- I’d…” He paused to put his words together. “Wo- could you take Daphne? Just for- just until Tuesday? Maybe…. maybe Friday at- at the latest. Probably. I’m still- I just need to start putting myself back together and… I don't wanna…” 

He trailed off, but the fear and guilt that shone in his blue-grey eyes said more than he could. It was painfully clear that he was worried that he could end up hurting Daphne. The thought was devastating, especially because Robert knew how out of character that would be for him. However, with everything that he told him, might be a legitimate concern. 

“Yeah. As long as you're sure, I can do that.” He said. 

Herman bit his lip and while his shoulders sagged with relief, Robert could tell that he still felt immensely guilty. 

“Thank you.” He said. 

Robert nodded. “Of course.” He replied. 

Herman nodded. “I'm n- it might be- be a while. Un- until I… feel better. I’ll come and see- s- see her during the day.  ” He said. 

“Okay. I’ll talk to Mandy about working from home.” Robert replied. 

“I'm sorry.” He said. 

“It's okay. I'm not going anywhere.” Robert assured him, resting a hand on his shoulder. 

As soon as Robert touched him, Herman’s lips trembled. He pulled the collar of his shirt up to hide his face as he started to cry. Blinking back tears himself, Robert pulled him close, letting Herman soak him again. 

“It's not your fault…” He said, taking a moment to briefly inhale. Collecting enough air to finally say what he should have months ago. The words practically flowed through his veins, refusing to go unsaid again. 

“And… I love you. Seriously.” He said, forcing his voice not to waver. 

Herman took a deep breath in his ear and wrecked sobs followed it as he squeezed Robert tighter. Gently, Robert rubbed his back as he cried, resting his head on top of Herman's as he held him. He let himself collapse into Robert, and he could feel every hiccup and tremor. 

“I love you so much it hurts. You and Daphne became everything to me when I first saw her. I’d do anything for you both.” He confessed. 

Herman started to say something, but his voice came out in croaks until it broke into sobs again. 

Robert wasn't sure whether he should stand on it or do damage control. It ended up being a mix of both. 

“You don't have to say it back or even think about it if you don't want to. It doesn't have to be anything, but please just let me love you, Herm.” He pleaded. 

He felt Herman open his mouth again, before he resolved to nod into him instead. Robert let himself feel a slight bit of relief. The moment was heavy and unfamiliar, but his body felt like it weighed nothing as the adrenaline faded. Herman’s sobs weren't as deep; long breaths interrupted them as exhaustion and relief overtook the fear. Robert kept him close until he eventually fell asleep. With a little struggle due to how tall he was (and because his bones hated him, but hey, at least his muscle mass was coming back), Robert carried him back to bed, carefully tucking him in, like he had the last time he saw him. When he heard a murmur and felt a familiar pull on the hem of his shirt, he didn't hesitate to stay. Holding onto him as they slept off their reality.