Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)

monday, 12:37 pm

9 people are online…

cod boy: joel
joel
joel
joel
joel

flower girl (not the wedding kind): jimmy give up, he’s sculpting right now. you won’t be able to drag him away.

cod boy: DONT CARE
joelllll
joel
joelio, oh joelio

bean boy: what do you want cod boy
also WHAT IS THIS NAME. WHO DID THIS??

cod boy: IM NOT A BOY
I AM THE CODFATHER
hey someone changed my name too!!
anyways i was asking
umm

bean boy: did you forget??

cod boy: NO I DIDN’T
I WAS JUST DISTRACTED
i wanted to say
i’m skipping math with scott
and we saw someone’s taken our table
where d’you want to sit

bean boy: WHAT??
everyone knows that’s our table what the heck no one else even likes it
who took it??

cod boy: i don’t know it’s some girl
think she might be a forest fairy??

golden gayboy: does she have mushrooms growing out of her hair?

cod boy: yeah how’d you know?

golden gayboy: ohh that’s shelby
she’s my cousin she’s new here
i told her she could sit with us

cod boy: ohhh that’s cool

jack frostyboy: Well that’s all very nice, but we’re already struggling for space at our table.
I don’t think she would fit? We’d need to move.
Also whoever changed my name. I’m going to kill you.

crystal girl: i think that was grian?

bean boy: AGAIN??

cod boy: HE GOT IN AGAIN??

crystal girl: i think fwhip agreed to let him in for 5 minutes, in exchange for him helping with an architecture project.

jack frostyboy: I am still so shocked that someone intelligent enough to get into Advanced Building classes in Grade 9 could be so foolish as to trust Grian.

crystal girl: he’s a little dumb, yeah.
but i love him!!

cod boy: don’t we all
sometimes
when he isn’t annoying
which is most of the time

jack frostyboy: Anyways, guys. I’d like to propose we move outside because the weather is warming up and it would be much easier to find a spot.
In fact, I’ve already scouted out an area in the corner. The forest is technically not allowed but it’s not like many people care, and the ‘patrollers’ are just on their phone.

bean boy: scot rebellious era?
*scott

jack frostyboy: There’s this area where there’s logs on the ground and I think if Katherine, Gem, Sausage, and I (and maybe Shelby, if she’s willing) teamed up we could use our magic to block off the area to just us, and make it much more comfortable.

cod boy: WAIT THIS IS GENIUS

jack frostyboy: Sausage could help with blood wards, Katherine and Gem (and Shelby??) could make it nicer, and I could put up a mild mirage / notice-me-not spell.

golden gayboy: he’s actually cooking

crystal girl: great idea scott!! i’d be down for that

flower girl (not the wedding kind): i can definitely help with this! this is a great suggestion, scott.
also, stop with the capitals. i love good grammar but like… capitals? during texting?

bean boy: yeah scott it’s a bit extra mate
we know ur all fancy and pedigree but it’s weird

jack frostyboy: okay fine
also joel, your parents are rich as well

bean boy: yeah but they hate me so

cod boy: wait really?

bean boy: ehh not exactly it’s mostly my fault
i’ve never exactly been ‘good enough’ you know?

cod boy: uh no i don’t

bean boy: well you don’t even have oarents
anyways enough about me
class is almost over
i finished my sculpture ages ago

jack frostyboy: what did you make?

bean boy: statue of me and lizzie
just a little one

fish girl: awww that’s cute
also AMAZING IDEA SCOTT. we should add a little pond (:

jack frostyboy: great idea lizzie, thanks for the suggestion!

bean boy: LIZZIE
HELLO FUTURE WIFE
I HAVE MISSED YOU

fish girl: hello future husband! <3
so we’re going to start heading over to our new spot soon?

crystal girl: yeah except i don’t know where it is?
i have fwhip and sausage with me btw
they got their phones confiscated in first period
i’m going with them to the office to get them back
can you guys wait at our normal table so scott can show us to the new spot?

jack frostyboy: yeah, sounds like a plan.

farmer girl: HIII GUYS!!
NEW HANGOUT SPOT??
IM SO EXCITED

sandy boy: oh wow this sounds great
i’m totally down for this
in fact we should just hang out here all the time
scott do you think it would be possible to make the area larger and weather-ward it?
so those of us who don’t like hanging out at home could have somewhere to go??

bean boy: WAIT THATS BRILL
SCOTT PLEAS I CAN TOTALLY HELP BUILD STUFF
SCULPTURES?? ICAN PAY YOU

farmer girl: i can help too!! i could probably grow food if we can get a plant box
gem do you think you could make one out of crystal?

crystal girl: oh that’s brilliant!

jack frostyboy: oh that’s actually a lovely idea. i think we need to all head over to the area and see what’s possible, but it’s certainly a good proposal.
turning it from a lunch area to a year-round hangout area…
that’s a great idea pix thank you.

sandy boy: ah well no problem

crystal girl: warning fWhip and sausage have just gotten their phones back…
they are HYPER

CHAT: explodey boy is online! everyone say hi!

explodey boy: HELLO EVERYONE OH MY GOD PIX AND SCOTT YOU GUYS ARE GENIUSES CAN I MAKE A FIREWORKS DISPLAY AFTER YOU’RE DONE?? OR CAN I HELP WITH BUILDING?? I LOVE THIS??

jack frostyboy: sure. just please don’t explode anything.

CHAT: sheep boy is online! everyone say hi!

sheep boy: HEY GUYS
SCOTT MY MAN YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. FANTABULOUS, MAGNIFICENT.

jack frostyboy: alright everyone nearly at the table?

fish girl: me and joel are

sandy boy: me and pearl are

crystal girl: we are. we’re bringing katherine!

golden gayboy: i was already with shelby
actually scott why aren’t you and jimmy already here

jack frostyboy: we were wandering around
jimmy wanted to find his crushes class

fish girl: JIMMY??

bean boy: CRUSH??

cod boy: SHUT UP SCOTT.
i am not talking about this

jack frostyboy: alright we’re here now

golden gayboy: okay great
no one crowd shelby she’s a bit shy

—0—

it’s pretty obvious the new girl is nervous.

she’s short, with messy, cropped brown hair that contrasts with the purple and yellow mushrooms sprouting from her head. she has sharply pointed ears, a clear sign that she’s a fairy. if katherine had to guess, she’d say she was probably a gnome subtype.

katherine was a fairy herself, a flower pixie to be specific. there were several different types of fairies. gnomes typically connected with fungi and grass-they were shorter to make it easier to move around in forests. there were also pixies who connected to flowering plants and dryads who connected to trees and larger plants. both of those species usually grew wings or were taller than average.

fairies weren’t exactly common to encounter. she was a rarity in her school, especially seeing as she was one of the rare fairies who had wings and could grow flowers. she knew joey was half fairy, but she didn’t know any other fairies. it was exciting to finally meet another fairy her age, especially because shelby knew joey and surely would be nice get to know (and the fact that the girl was really pretty wasn’t exactly bad either).

katherine shook herself out of her thoughts as she approached their table. although, based off of what they’d been discussing in their group chat, it was likely that they’d be moving somewhere else very soon. she couldn’t stop the thrill of excitement that rushed through her mind at that. imagine, a section of their school just for them! no rude humans judging them for their hybrid traits, no annoying teachers. if scott succeeded in a notice me not spell, she could likely get away with skipping a lot more often. scott’s magic was extremely powerful, and she wouldn’t be surprised if while under that spell everyone outside forgot that they existed- especially if it mixed with sausages volatile, protective blood warding talents.

she had encountered gem, fwhip and sausage while skipping. it wasn’t common for her to skip art. it took place immediately after her gym class, and she often needed time to quiet her thoughts after gym. the course itself wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t her favourite class, especially because she was in track right now. she was good at running, but every time she started she instinctually wanted to start flying. they weren’t allowed to do anything hybrid specific in class- all avian-type hybrids were forbidden from flying, and the hybrids that were naturally faster or stronger were usually banned from participating in specific activities because they would be given and ‘unfair advantage’, but hybrids who would suffer activities (such as aquatic hybrids who quickly get dehydrated while running) would be forced to participate. it was just all around unfair, and it upset her to see the minority of students who were hybrids being mistreated by adults. it was so rare to see hybrids and adults, and she wouldn’t be surprised if that was partly due to the discrimination they face in school. she wondered what classes shelby had. she couldn’t help but hope they had some together. she let the frown on her face smooth as she approached who she hoped would be the newest member of their group.

the gnome looked almost.. cute as she glanced up from her phone to the approaching people. she immediately ducked her head down, finished what she was typing and then stood up, and held out her hand for katherine to shake.

‘hi, my names shelby! it’s nice to meet you!! i’m a mushroom gnome!! are you a fairy too?’

‘i heard!! joey mentioned you in the group chat. my names katherine, i’m a flower pixie. it’s really nice to meet another fairy!’

they completed introductions with everyone else while waiting for scott and jimmy to show up. katherine used a little energy to grow a small dandelion flower crown for shelby, who accepted it with a flush. the girl seemed to be prone to blushing. maybe she ran hot? that was typical for gnomes, she thought.

once jimmy and scott arrived, they followed the elf out the the forest. she couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t shown them before. sure, winter had just ended, but he was a weather elf with a snow inclination, so it wouldn’t exactly have been challenging to make a snow-free path to show them. perhaps he only discovered it recently?

once they found their way to the spot, katherine was almost blown away by how perfect it was. there were five large logs scattered around the clearing, none of them too wet. they were large enough it would be easy to fit all their friend group and then some, if people’s siblings decided to start inviting themselves along, with the help of katherine and shelbys nature magic, gems crystals to mark a perimeter and bring light, and sausages warding, it would quickly become a perfect place to hang out.

katherine got to work, spreading flowers and grass across the clearings floor. shelby focused on adding moss and and glowing mushrooms, and before long there was a springy, carpet-like layer of moss making the area more comfortable. gem used her crystals to make a small fence around the outside of the area, and a few smaller ones the hold the logs in place so they wouldnt roll around.

scott and sausage, meanwhile, were focused on transcribing runes into the bark of nearby trees, weaving a notice-me-not charm keyed to the new owners of this area. scott also added a few runes to keep the heat levels to a comfortable level. once all of this was done, sausage asked each of their friends to add a bit of their blood to the roots of an old-looking tree in the centre of the clearing, marking off the area as theirs. there would certainly be updates in the future- gem and pearl were discussing a plan to team up and grow berries, jimmy and lizzie definitely wanted a pond, and pix and joel both expressed interest in adding a hidden path and maybe a little fort.

but even without these additions, katherine was satisfied. it was perfect. she never felt more like she belonged.

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)

tuesday, 12:58 am

1 person is online…

CHAT: Shelby has been added! everyone say hi!

golden gayboy: there. happy? can i go to bed now?

Shelby: Why is your name ‘golden gayboy’?

golden gayboy: AAAH CAPITALS
because grian that’s why
and you have to match

CHAT: Shelby’s name has been changed to ‘mushroom girl’!

mushroom girl: Who is Grian?
And what’s wrong with capitals?

golden gayboy: they’re way too formal shelby
need to be removed… immediately
and grian is uhhh
he’s related to someone?? i think??
i don’t know
he keeps breaking into our chat

CHAT: sandy boy is online! everyone say hi!

sandy boy: he’s related to me, sort of, it’s complicated
now, please go to sleep, it’s a school night

CHAT: sandy boy is offline. goodbye!

mushroom girl: okay fine i won’t use capitals
i don’t normally anyways it’s just this is a new phone and it has autocorrect
who was that?

golden gayboy: that, my favourite cousin, is pixlriffs!

mushroom girl: joey, i’m your only cousin.

golden gayboy: pish posh
anyways yeah thats pix
he’s a prophet
ohh yeah of course pix and grian are related they’re both like... i don’t know they have some weird thing with the stars and fire
actually with grian i think it was eyeballs

mushroom girl: prophet, as in he can see the future?

golden gayboy: yeah, it’s kind of annoying
he gets headaches a lot and keeps telling me not to steal stuff
fuck big corporations tho

mushroom girl: FUCK BIG CORPORATIONS!!!
stealing from small shops isn’t okay though

golden gayboy: of course not
i’m a minor criminal not a monster
people need to make money somehow

mushroom girl: okay, i just wanted to make sure you agreed!
i’d rather not be related to someone COMPLETELY immoral...

golden gayboy: i wish i could be a pirate

mushroom girl: i wish i could be a witch...

golden gayboy: i bet gem and sausage could teach you!

mushroom girl: oh, are they witches?

golden gayboy: no actually they’re vampires
but they’ve all got talents for harnessing ambient magic
something to do with drinking a witches blood once?
i would recommend fwhip as well but he
well he prefers exploding things

mushroom girl: that makes sense
wait, vampires?
how long have they been in highschool?

golden gayboy: oh, no, that’s a common misconception
vampires are invulnerable not immortal
they have a similar lifespan to humans, they just age better
honestly jealous
except they get wicked sunburns
and can’t eat most spices

mushroom girl: aww, that’s a shame!
i can’t imagine being unable to eat spices.
that would ruin all 5 dishes i know how to cook!

golden gayboy: yes it’s saddening
sausage is a very good cook with the stuff he can eat though
he really knows how to bring the flavour out in things
you wouldn’t expect it from him but he is

mushroom girl: oh, that’s cool!
hey, didn’t you want to go to bed, joey?

golden gayboy: i’ve given up
i’m too busy daydreaming about scott’s hot bad boy twin

mushroom girl: WHAT??

golden gayboy: what?

CHAT: jack frostyboy is online! everyone say hi!

jack frostyboy: joey.

golden gayboy: ...scott...

jack frostyboy: i was trying not to join this chat, even though i was awake, SPECIFICALLY to avoid your unhingedness
so, care to tell me why i’m calmly scrolling through instagram only to see a notification from golden gayboy calling xor my ‘hot bad boy twin’?
for stars sake, i think i hate you

golden gayboy: I’MMSORRY
BUT HES HOTTT
YOU JUST DON’T GET IT 😔😔
YOU’RE TOO STRAIGHT

jack frostyboy: joey, i am gay.
i have a boyfriend.

golden gayboy: WHAT??

mushroom girl: wait, wait, let’s back up. xor??

jack frostyboy: yeah, they have a pretty weird name. my parents are peculiar.

mushroom girl: no, it’s not that. i think i know him?? were they in the essempei mental health institute from like may until august?

jack frostyboy: WAIT, are you ‘shubble’?

mushroom girl: YES???
YES??? I AM????
IS HIS FULL NAME XORNOTH??

jack frostyboy: YES??
oh my stars what a coincidence.

mushroom girl: i didn’t know they went here, they never mentioned it

jack frostyboy: yeah, he’s a bit stingy with the details i think
if you don’t mind me asking, are you feeling better now?
xor mentioned a bit about why you were in there.

mushroom girl: yeah, i’m definitely feeling better now.
it helps that i’m away from my old house.
joeys side of the family is pretty amazing.

golden gayboy: yeah not to brag but we’re awesome
anyways scott what are you doing up if not talking to us?
what else could you possibly do?

jack frostyboy: well.
gigs up.
@crystal girl get in here.

CHAT: crystal girl is online! everyone say hi!

crystal girl: SCOTT
YOU COULD HAVE JUST... LIED.

jack frostyboy: oh.
sorry gem...

golden gayboy: GEM??
what are you doing up

crystal girl: we were talking about things we wanted to add to the clearing
sausage and fwhip were reading over my shoulder but i went to get a dr. pepper and they fell asleep

mushroom girl: aww that’s cute

crystal girl: no it really isn’t...
they’re IN MY BED. MY. BED.

golden gayboy: kick them out

crystal girl: no they’re adorable
i love them too much

jack frostyboy: that’s weakness
i don’t love my siblings at all

mushroom girl: siblings?
i thought it was just you and xornoth.

jack frostyboy: no actually!
there’s also scar.
we’re called the major siblings because we’re all MAJOR PAINS.
YOU HEAR THAT SCAR. I KNOW YOU STOLE MY LEGO.

golden gayboy: wait like grian and mumbos scar
LEGO?? the presitigious scott smajor likes lego??

jack frostyboy: smd pretty boy

golden gayboy: no actually i’d prefer your brother

jack frostyboy: OH MY STARS. KILLS YOURSELF RIGHT NOW JOEY GRACEFFA I SWEAR TO THE STARS /j

mushroom girl: i’m telling your parents joey

golden gayboy: NO IT WAS A JOKE NO NO NO NO NO

mushroom girl: okay, wow, i was kidding.
freak...

crystal girl: what is wrong with you guys?

jack frostyboy: insomnia

golden gayboy: homossxuality

mushroom girl: depression

CHAT: farmer girl is online! everyone say hi!

farmer girl: tell me why i get up to take my puppy out and see this

crystal girl: PEARL!!!

farmer girl: GEM!!!

golden gayboy: oh my stars shut your homosexual asses up

farmer girl: i am NOT being shamed by ‘GOLDEN GAYBOY’.

crystal girl: also we aren’t even dating?

jack frostyboy: for now...

farmer girl: KILL YOURSELF RIGHT NOW SCOTT SMAJOR I AM GOING TO SHOW UP AT YOUR HOUSE WITH A KNIFE I SWEAR TO GOD
I HATE SYOU SO MUCH I CAN’T EVEN EXPRESS IT I AM GOING TO DO THINGS TO YOU I AM GOING TO DO THINGS DIE DIE DIE /hj

jack frostyboy: uhh.
@bean boy joel?

CHAT: bean boy is online. everyone say hi!

bean boy: pearl take your meds

CHAT: bean boy is offline. goodbye!

crystal girl: not gonna lie that was kind of hot pearl

golden gayboy: DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??

farmer girl: joey do you want me add you to the list?

golden gayboy: no maam sorry maam

farmer girl: good
anyways tilly went to the bathroom so back to bed for me
you guys should sleep too
night gem love you!

crystal girl: GOODNIGHT OEARL
LOVE YOU TOO!!

CHAT: farmer girl is offline. goodbye!

jack frostyboy: okay but like. you can see why...?

crystal girl: shut up it’s not gay

golden gayboy: uh huh...

mushroom girl: honestly, i think i need to sleep, i keep nearly falling asleep.
plus it’s my ACTUAL first day tomorrow!
because i was only here today so joey could show me around at lunch.
goodnight guys
joey you should sleep too

jack frostyboy: night new girl!

crystal girl: goodnight shelby!

golden gayboy: ugh fine
goodnight everyone

jack frostyboy: goodnight hom(o)ie

crystal girl: goodnight gayboy!

CHAT: mushroom girl is offline. goodnight!

CHAT: golden gayboy is offline. goodnight!

crystal girl: so... what were we talking about again? we can continue here right?

jack frostyboy: yeah why not
so we should totally expand the border over march break and add furniture

crystal girl: we could go thrifting?

CHAT: sandy boy is online! everyone say hi!

sandy boy: go to bed scott. i am not dealing with a grumpy elf tomorrow.
gem you get a pass because you’re a vampire but i need you to get at least a little bit of sleep.
okay?

jack frostyboy: fine, fine, i’ll take my stupid melatonin

crystal girl: if you sleep too, pix

sandy boy: oh i actually can’t sleep
prophet stuff

crystal girl: we could talk in dms then?
don’t want to give scott an excuse to stay up.

sandy boy: sure, sure.

jack frostyboy: wow.
kicked out of my own group chat...

CHAT: jack frostyboy is offline. goodbye!

sandy boy: technically, fwhip made it. you’re only co-owner.

CHAT: sandy boy is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: crystal girl is offline. goodbye!

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
tuesday, 4:17 am
3 people are online…

sheep boy: why were you guys up so latw
3am on a school night is crazy
you’re not vampires, you all need sleep

bean boy: nah.

sandy boy: is telepathy possible?

CHAT: crystal girl is online! everyone say hi!

crystal girl: PIX NO!
you need to sleep now.
even a few hours of sleep is better than none!
also, why are you awake doing so early, sausage?
waking up at 0430 on a school day is out of character.

sheep boy: couldn’t sleep anymore
i got 12 hours on wednesday
it’s really annoying cause i’m bored now

crystal girl: alright.
i’m leaving now to nap.
don’t kill each other.

CHAT: crystal girl is offline. goodbye!

sandy boy: sausage
join me
in wondering about telepathy
do you think telepathy is real

bean boy: why can’t you just use your prophet powers
ask the watchers above

sandy boy: I HATE THOSE GUYS
they never tell me anything
i think they want to keep me from becoming cool

bean boy: you really need sleep pix
i have literally never seen you this casual
its weird on you

sandy boy: wow rude :(

bean boy: @sheep boy DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN???

sheep boy: yep that is strange
pix i agree with my sister you need to sleep

sandy boy: can’t believe you guys don’t want me around anymore
betrayal
and here i was going to help you ascend to immortality

bean boy: WHAT??

CHAT: grian has been added. everyone say hi!

grian: pix, no.

CHAT: grian has been removed. we’ll miss them!

sheep boy: how does he keep getting in?

bean boy: is no one going to question the immortality bit?? just me??

sheep boy: pix is crazy if anyone could figure out a way to descend to godhood it would be him imo
but yeah he is not normally like this
pix your prophet stuff is over go to bed

sandy boy: but i need to get to school!!

bean boy: it’s nearly 5am
and you shouldn’t be awake
me, liz and jim can pick you up on our way to school
if you’re worried about missing it

sandy boy: fiiine

bean boy: expect us about 0730

sandy boy: okay bye

CHAT: sandy boy is offline. goodbye!

bean boy: i’m still so confused about the immortality bit
pix is so scary

sheep boy: he’s so polite sometimes i forget how terrifying he is!!

bean boy: exactly sausage
you get it

sheep boy: anyways
joel you’re a bit of a hypocrite
you were up at 1 last night
and you’re up now
shouldn’t you be sleeping?

bean boy: i am exempt from this rule because
1. i was only up because someone @ me
2. i go to bed earlier than most people
3. i can just nap on lizzie if i’m tired
actually why even be worried about sleep deprivation
we could probably make a bed at the hangout spot, especially if everyone is agreed on expanding it
basically everyone here has taken or is taking a bit of woodworking
pearl for one is brill with wood
we could probably make a bed frame
and i bet i could get a mattress
or we could use moss
whoever made the moss was so good
wow i am a blummin genius

sheep boy: wow joel you are so british!
i love how we’re basically taking over the forest…
it feels illegal.

bean boy: i think it is?
like this isn’t legally our property

sheep boy: is it legally anyones property?
it’s not even on school grounds

bean boy: probably not
guess we’ve just claimed it
brill i love that
anyways i’m dipping i need to get ready for school
don’t you have an assignment due today as well?
sheep boy: WAIT I DO
THANKS FOR THE REMINDER

CHAT: sheep boy is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: bean boy is offline. goodbye!

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
tuesday, 8:04 am
8 people are online…

farmer girl: fwhip where are you
english starts in ten minutes
you’re usually early

explodey boy: sick :[

farmer girl: aww that sucks mate
need notes?

explodey boy: that would be nice yeah
if you don’t want to i can just bribe grian there’s a couple hermits in that class and no one escapes his puppy dog eyes

farmer girl: no it’s cool i need to practice making my handwriting more legible
this is good practice !!
sucks you’re sick though
should you be sleeping?

explodey boy: nah
sorry if tmi but it’s like the vomiting kinda sickness not the tiredness
i might have eaten things i wasn’t supposed to :]

crystal girl: FWHIP YOU SAID IT WAS JUST A STOMACH BUG.
WHAT DID YOU EAT?

explodey boy: DEFINITELY NOT REDSTONE

crystal girl: YOU ATE REDSTONE???

explodey boy: IT LOOKED GOOD!!!

golden gayboy: how are we all still alive
survival instincts of a carrot

mushroom girl: that’s so specific joey

flower girl (not the wedding kind): SHELBY!!
when did you get added?

golden gayboy: she made me add her at like 1am last night

mushroom girl: last night!
hey joey i didn’t MAKE YOU
i asked politely :3

flower girl (not the wedding kind): haha that’s cute
what classes do you have shelby?

mushroom girl: let me check!!
english, art, math, gym

farmer girl: who’s your english teacher?

mushroom girl: mr. stampy!

farmer girl: YOU’RE IN MY CLASS!!
haha fwhip you’ve been replaced

explodey boy: aww
wait shelby what are the teachers of all the classes we can figure out who you share classes with easier

mushroom girl: okay so
english with mr. stampy
art with mr. soares
math with ms. puffy
gym with mr. sparklez

bean boy: you’re in mine and katherine's class for art

jack frostyboy: and mine, sausages and lizzies for gym

mushroom girl: but no one has math?

sandy boy: seems not
but i think some of the hermits have that class?
in fact i think grian, mumbo and scar are all there. i’ll introduce you to grian at the end of lunch, the mumscarian shenanigans are hilarious you’ll have lots of fun in math.

mushroom girl: mumscarian?

farmer girl: just a funny thing we like to call them
farmer girl: anyways class time now

CHAT: farmer girl is offline. goodbye!

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
tuesday, 9:27 am
1 person is online…

mushroom girl: @flower girl(not the wedding kind) @bean boy
i don’t know my way to art, are either of your classes nearby mine?
because i would really appreciate some navigation help!!
if you don’t mind.

CHAT: bean boy is online! everyone say hi!

bean boy: i’m a bit far away sorry mate
how about it @flower girl(not the wedding kind)?
pretty sure you’re near her right?

CHAT: flower girl is online! everyone say hi!

flower girl(not the wedding kind): oh my gosh yes
i can totally help you shelby!!
your english is room A11 right?

mushroom girl: yep!

flower girl (not the wedding kind): alright i’m omw
just stay in your class till i get there and then i can help you find art
mr. soares is so fun, you’re going to love his class!!

PINKY AND THE BRAIN (lizzie is both)
tuesday, 10:37 am
2 people are online…

lizzie: joel
jeol
joelio
joelius
JOEL

joel: WHAT??

lizzie: where are you??

joel: uhh
hermits
grian kidnapped me, pearl and gem
we’re building
legos
i’m making a cyberpunk japanese city B-)

lizzie: ABANDONED
BY MY OWN HUSBAND
anyways we were planning on hanging out in our spot after school
maybe catching the bus and perusing some stores nearby for like
blankets
pillows
stuff
will you guys be there

joel: let me check
yeah sounds like a lpan
hopefuly not everyone is going thrifting right?
cause that sounds like it would be a big clusterfuck
in my opinion

lizzie: wow lots of typos there joel
and yeah only a few i think
everyone else will just hang out in the clearing

joel: yeah sorry for the typoes im doing this one handed
i accidentally destroyed xBs build blowing him up
so im rebuilding it

lizzie: YOIU BLW UP A PERSOMN????

joel: no no it was like in-game
he’s fine irl

lizzie: wait i thought you were building lego
you’re playing a game??

joel: its complicated
don't judge the hermit craft
anyways
yeah not gonna show up for lunch but i’m free after school
we should set up a gaming thingy

lizzie: literally how would we do that
it’s the middle of the woods, babe

joel: i bet gem could do something
she’s a genius
i’ll ask her

lizzie: there is NO WAY

joel: she says she can

lizzie: okay i’m leaving what the fuck
see you in third joel

joel: see you!

CHAT: lizzie is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: joel is offline. goodbye!

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
tuesday, 2:14pm
12 people are online…

cod boy: okay so me and lizzie have been talking
and we’re thinking
we need to come uo with a list?
of things to do in our clearing place
so our ideas so far are
1. come up with a name
2. expand perimeter to have three separate areas (there would be one for napping/chilling out, one for growing food and cooking and stuff (maybe have a cookpot thing?), and a little crystal grove that we could play games in)
3. go shopping (thrift blankets, pillows, cushions and dishes. buy seeds and maybe wood?? (consult pearl) and maybe some chargers. also go to the grocery store for snacks)
4. make a path under a notice-me-not so we can sneak away even easier
does anyone have any suggestions, or is there anything specific that anyone wants to do?

jack frostyboy: well i think we could probably just decide on a name right now

crystal girl: we should call it the crystal cliffs! because of the crystal area

farmer girl: but there’s no cliffs?

crystal girl: ohhhh right… crystal cove? crystal clearing?

explodey boy: i support crystal clearing
also i’m mostly not sick anymore so i’mmcoming over
i am slightly glowy though

crystal girl: WHAT??
fwhip
do the parentals know you’re leaving

explodey boy: no but consider
screw them

sheep boy: screw them!!

bean boy: yes parents suck

crystal girl: okay but you’re staying in the clearing no shopping

explodey boy: fiiine
you guys are sososo boring
so do people like the crystal cliffs?

jack frostyboy: yes, except…
i have one (1) condition.
we need to make it fancier:
i present… the ancient and noble empire of the crystal clearing!!

cod boy: you know no one will call it the full thing?

jack frostyboy: yeah but we could make a cool sign
and call it the empire
we could be rulers and have fancy titles

bean boy: oh yeah wait
mine is king joel, slayer of horses, ruler of jeremy, collector of sand and emcee to the stars themselves

mushroom girl: YOU KILL HORSES??

bean boy: obviously not who the hell would kill a horse
i’m sick and twisted but not that crazy

flower girl(not the wedding kind): who is jeremy?

bean boy: my dog B] i have one named geraldine and one named jeremy
plus pearl has tilly

sandy boy: do you want me to make the dogs immortal too?

CHAT: grian has been added. everyone say hi!

grian: pix, stop plotting.
or at least be more sneaky about it.

CHAT: grian has been removed. we’ll miss them!

golden gayboy: HOW DOES HE KEEP GETTING IN??

fish girl: oh that reminds me, i want to switch our names to something new
no offence to grains naming conventions but uhh
fish girl is kind of demeaning??

jack frostyboy: alright sounds good

CHAT: bean boy’s name has been changed to ‘bi wife energy’

CHAT: fish girl’s name has been changed to ‘bi wife’

bi wife: <3

bi wife energy: cringe!
…
<3

CHAT: jack frostyboy’s name has been changed to ‘cyan queer’

CHAT: golden gayboy’s name has been changed to ‘golden gay’

golden gay: the name is honestly too good to get rid of fully

CHAT: cod boy’s name has been changed to ‘codfather’

CHAT: sandy boy’s name has been changed to ‘pixlriffs’

farmer girl: nah that’s so boring
i’ll help you pix

CHAT: farmer girl’s name has been changed to ‘3am pearl’

CHAT: pixlriffs name has been changed to ‘prophetpix’

crystal girl: i have no clue what to name myself..

explodey boy: OH GEM
PLEASe plEASE PLLEEASSSEE
CAN YPOU MATCH WITH ME AND SAUSAGE

crystal girl: fine, but don’t make it stupid please!
you have a tendency to bring stupidity everywhere you go <3

CHAT: crystal girl’s has been changed to ‘dot’

CHAT: sheep boy’s name has been changed to ‘yakko’

CHAT: explodey boy’s name has been changed to ‘wakko’

wakko: gem even though ur the older one you get dot cause you both have three letter names and because she’s scary just like you <3

dot: awww, thank you, i am!!

yakko: gem you are terrifying!

bi wife energy: rt

codfather: rt

3am pearl: rt

cyan queer: rt

golden gay: rt

bi wife: rt

mushroom girl: i don’t know what to call myself (; _ ;)

flower girl(not the wedding kind): shelby!!

mushroom girl: katherine!!

flower girl(not the wedding kind): we should definitely match :D

mushroom girl: OH, YESS!
you choose!!

bi wife: fast friends, huh?

flower girl(not the wedding kind): why wouldn’t we be, shelby’s awesome!!

mushroom girl: aww, no you <3

RAINBOYS GROUP CHAT
tuesday, 2:27 pm
2 people are online…

scott: joey, are you seeing what i’m seeing?

joey: they are NOT slick
shelby really likes katherine
i think that’s why she asked to be added to the gc

scott: aww, that’s sweet
i ship it

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
tuesday, 2:28 pm
12 people are online…

flower girl(not the wedding kind): how about kuromi and melody?
cause you’ve got that spooky-but-cute witchy vibe going on!
plus you’re purple :3 and i can be melody because i’m pink
and i like baking
sometimes me and pearl bake together

3am pearl: ooh shelby do you like baking?
you could totally join us if you do

mushroom girl: I LOVE THOSE NAMES
and yeah baking together would be super fun!!

CHAT: flower girl(not the wedding kind)’s name has been changed to ‘my melody<3’

CHAT: mushroom girl’s name has been changed to ‘KUROMI!’

KUROMI!: i love this so, so much.
thank you guys so much for letting me be friends with you!
i’ve never had friends before.

my melody<3: what??
who wouldn’t want to be friends with you?

cyan queer: seems fake
anyways guys, crystal clearing?
first, who HAS to stay here?
to help with our plans
i have to stay to help with the path, and general

dot: me, i need to do the crystals!

3am pearl: me, for the plant boxes

prophetpix: i don’t know if i can help with anything specifically
but i’m way too tired to leave

yakko: me and fwhip are staying
me to expand the wards (hopefully to also keep bigger animals out?)
and fwhip because he’s prohibited from going to the store so he doesn’t eat more redstone!!
because he is a little goblin

wakko: uhh actually guys i am a majestic beautiful vampire
i vant to drink your bloooood
kidding i actually like redstone better

dot: FWHIP!! STOP!!

cyan queer: okay so that leaves..
jimmy, lizzie, joel, katherine, shelby and joey
i feel like we can pretty clearly split this up into two groups-
jimmy, lizzie and joel // katherine, shelby and joey
shelby, you’re the newest person here. where would you prefer to go, thrifting or to the grocery store?
there’s a fairly small thrift store nearby, and i know the owner (she’s lovely) so you don’t need to stress about finding a good place.

KUROMI!: okay then definitely thrifting! if it’s okay with you joey and katherine?

golden gay: that’s good for me
i love the thrill of the hunt..

my melody<3: thats abit weird joey
but yeah i’m totally down!!

codfather: YAYYY
that means we get to go to walmart!!
wait liz joel you guys ahve your bus passes right??

bi wife energy: yep
bi wife energy: guys we’re going to get going now but we’ll text you on here if we need anything

cyan queer: @everyone TRY TO BE BACK HERE BY SIX

CHAT: bi wife is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: bi wife energy is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: codfather is offline. goodbye!

golden gay: you’re referring to the thrift place we went two around 10 times during the summer right scott?

cyan queer: yeah you can show shelby and katherine the way?

golden gay: for sure
golden gay: we’ll be back soon with our treasures

CHAT: my melody<3 is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: KUROMI! is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: golden gay is offline. goodbye!

cyan queer: now how the hell are we going to turn this place into something worthy of being referred to as an empire…

CODFATHER ALLIANCE (aka jimmy protection squad)
tuesday, 3:02 pm
4 people are online…

lizzie: alright grocery gang.
we’re at the store. everyone remember what they’re getting?

jimmy: wait aren’t we goign together??

lizzie: …you didn’t listen to anything i said
okay jimmy you can just focus on the chargers
you know where the tech section is yeah?

jimmy: yeah yeah

lizzie: alright i’ve sent you a list of the chargers gem says we need

jimmy: wow thhats a lot…

lizzie: yeah well we’re twelve tech-addicted teenagers
could be worse jimmy
but you can get them yeah?

jimmy: yeah!!

lizzie: alright, text me if you need help.
i’m getting seeds

joel: and i’m getting SNACKS!!
because i am sexy and have amazing taste

lizzie: you mean because you won a round of rock paper scissors

joel: yes because i was blessed by the stars with luck
they like me

pixl: they do, joel, that is true
also guys you know i’m still in this chat right?

lizzie: yes we love you pix
you are our emotional support scary godlike creature

pixl: aww thank you lizzie
joel don’t get that hot sauce when would we need that

joel: you saw that??

pixl: i see all, doofus
kidding i just got a very strong sense you were about to be dumb

jimmy: pix you are terrifying

CHAT: jimmy sent 3 images

jimmy: guys which of these is a usb-c?

lizzie: JIMMY!!
ugh let me finish with these seeds and then i’ll come over

pixl: lizzie replace the cherry tomatoes with that mixed flower seed packet to your right
it will come in useful someday

lizzie: really?
you’re so smart
okay got all the seeds i’m heading over to you jimmy

joel: guys do we know if shelby has any allergies

lizzie: WAIT WE DON’T
pix??

pixl: she can’t consume lactose
just buy some lactose free options but otherwise
she’ll be fine
you know hoe lactose intolerant people are
cough, oli, cough

jimmy: HAHA
but he’s got a poin, ice cream is sooo good!!

joel: we should add oli to the empire

lizzie: is that really a good idea?

pixl: if you add oli, he will be well received
happiness will be on average higher than without him
however chances of being randomly serenaded upon entering the crystal clearing will increase by a LOT

jimmy: worth it

lizzie: joel jimmy and i are done
are you?

joel: just getting drinks, meet at checkout
pix can you let scott know we’re on our way back?

pixl: on it

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
tuesday, 4:17 pm
5 people are online…

wakko: i’m just saying, redstone and blood would probably make a pretty good drink
i wonder if i could make a cocktail
joey do you still have that vodka

CHAT: prophetpix is online! everyone say hi!

prophetpix: scott the grocery people are on their way back
they will arrive on the perimeter of the crystal clearing between 4:45 and 5:27 pm, probably on the earlier side

cyan queer: cool, thanks pix
i can’t wait to show them what we’ve done

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
wednesday, 8:47 am
12 people are online…

bi wife energy: please can i add oli to this
he is very fun and sexy
and pix says that you guys will like him

wakko: fine fine
but not many more people
i’m not gonna be responsible for making a bigger server if we go past 15

prophetpix: i don’t think we have that many friends…
other than the impending hermitpires crossover and that doesn’t really count

3am pearl: wait what??
i wasn’t informed of this

prophetpix: you don’t need to be...
it will simply happen.
because... grian
that’s why
stop questioning me

bi wife: of course pix
how dare we question such a wise man
anyways, oli time?

bi wife energy: OLI TIME

CHAT: OrionSound has been added! everyone say hi!

CHAT: OrionSound’s name has been changed to ‘orbeezcore’!

orbeezcore: now thaaats more like it
hello my sweet boys and girls and others
is there any others here?
i’m oli by the way if my sweet joel boy hasn’t told you
he him :]

prophetpix: no one in this chat currently identifies as a gender outside of the male-female binary, minus katherine (who is a demigirl and out to the general public i’m not just outing her) though that will change by the end of this story.

bi wife energy: story??
what do you mean story

prophetpix: everything is a story.
anyways my name is pix, he/him. i’m a prophet!

orbeezcore: woah the real deal!!
nice to meet you pixxy

bi wife: i’m lizzie so you know who i am!

orbeezcore: so bi wife energy is joel?

bi wife energy: you know us so well oli

orbeezcore: oh codfather is tim huh?
my sweet boy tim <3

codfather: THAT IS ME YES
hello oli my old friend

wakko: hello i am fwhip he/him
yakko and dot are my sibs

yakko: i am sausage! he/him

dot: and i am gem, she/her.
we’re all vampires, i’m the only responsible one.

KUROMI!: i’m shelby!! newest after you, i only got here yesterday (:
i’m a mushroom gnome! she/her

golden gay: i’m joey, parrot avian, he/him and the biggest homosexual ever

cyan queer: i’m scott, weather elf, he/him as well and the second biggest homosexual because i’m NOT willing to STOOP to joeys level.

orbeezcore: oooh drama!?
what did he do?

cyan queer: HE LIKES MY BROTHER!!!

golden gay: i just have good taste!

my melody<3: i’m katherine, flower pixie, she/her!

3am pearl: i’m obviously pearl, you know me already

prophetpix: and that’s everyone!
anyways, oli, we actually added you here so we could invite you to our empire.
the ancient and noble empire of the crystal clearing!

orbeezcore: is this another pyramid scheme?
because i already have my own. join the orb!
we have cookiessss
also guys is it me or does the bell sound slightly different on tuesdays

codfather: can’t text in this class bye

cyan queer: same

CHAT: codfather is offline. goodbye!

CHAT: cyan queer is offline. goodbye!

bi wife energy: i’ve tried the cookies they are very good
i would recommend unless you are lactose intolerant
or gluten free

bi wife: i can’t imagine being celiac
that would suck so much
no bread on butter in my soup ):
what’s y’all’s favourite type of soup

yakko: ohhhh
uhh my mum has a special soup
i don’t even know what it is it’s like
beef broth, penicillin, and it’s also sort of tomatoey?

bi wife: so that’s your favourite?

yakko: no it’s disgusting
the tomatoes make it horrid
my favourite is chicken noodle

wakko: ahhh yeah i hate that soup
disgusting, redstone tastes so much better
personally my favourite soup is redstone…

dot: fwhip there is no such thing. also STOP EATING RESTONE!!
i know we’re immune to most illnesses, but redstone is NOT A SNACK!

3am pearl: guys. pix was trying to say something?

prophetpix: oli i would like to assure you that the empire is not a pyramid scheme, nor is it a cult, or anything of the like.
it is actually our new hangout spot!
you know the area of the school where the fence ceases to exist and instead turns into a very dense, mildly spooky forest?

3am pearl: heyyy it’s not spooky

KUROMI!: yeah it’s just misunderstood :(

prophetpix: anyways we basically claimed a part of it, warded it and have been making it into a nice spot to sit
and we were wondering if you wanted to be added to the wards
we hang out there during lunch and we’ve started hanging out there after school as well!! it even has snacks

orbeezcore: not going to question how you have snacks in the middle of a spooky forest i’m just gonna say HELL YES
who the hell WOULDN’T want that.. bunch of loser freaks

dot: mr. sound, you are aware that to the general public WE are what is known as loser freaks?

orbeezcore: yeah but we’re hot
it’s different
anyways they don’t refer to me as a loser, only a freak
even bigots know i’m too cool for them

my melody<3: i love how this chat is still fully active even though it’s the middle of class
anyways my half of the class is doing track now so i gtg

KUROMI!: aww noooo
bye katherine<3

my melody<3: bye shelby!! :D

CHAT: my melody<3 is offline. goodbye!

golden gay: shelby.
the closet is glass.

KUROMI!: SHUTUPSHUTSHUPSHUTSHUTSHUPTUSHUTOU SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT
DELETE THAT MESSAGE RIGHT NOW JOEY GRACEFFA OR I SQEAR TO THE STARS YOUR ROOM WILL NEVER STOP SMELLING LIKE ROT
I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR MHA COMICS WITHOUR HESITATION

CHAT: 1 message from golden gay has been deleted!

KUROMI!: thanks joey<3
love you cuz!

bi wife energy: guys have you met eefo before

dot: ETHIO??
I AM AN ETHO GIRLIE
I LOVE ETHO
HE’S SO COOL
10/10 MYSTERIOUS GAMER BOY RIZZ
EXCEPT I DONT THINK HE’S HOT
HE’S FRIEND MATERIAL

bi wife: joel thinks he’s hot tho

bi wife energy: NO I DO NOT
I DIDN’T SAY THAT!!
I JUST SAID HE’D MAKE A GOOD WIFE

wakko: YOU SAID WHAT??

golden gay: joel we’re a very accepting group
if you have something to share
we’ll support you no matter what

bi wife energy: no guys
come on i’m straight
seriously
he’s just wife material
it’s not gay if he’d be the girl in the marriage

bi wife: joel, i can’t believe i bave to say this
as your girlfriend i think you are bi

bi wife energy: i AM NOT BI
I AM NOT GAY
I DON’T LIKE ETHO
I’M NOT OBSESSED WITH ETHO
DOUBLE LIFE WAS JUST
A THING??

orbeezcore: wait who’s etho?
and what is double life?

prophetpix: etho is one of the hermits
really good at redstone
and double life is one of a couple of storytelling/card game campaigns grian made
joel and etho were ‘soulmates’ in it, that was the gimmick of that round

orbeezcore: oh that’s interesting and also ultra-nerdy
joel my sweet boy, you need to get cooler interests
you should join my band

bi wife energy: is this another pyramid scheme bit?
because i am NOT falling for that again oli
not interested in worshipping the orb

KUROMI!: oh is that why you chose that name?
because, to be honest, it’s a pretty weird name!

orbeezcore: it’s the coolest name ever excuse you D:<
how would you like it if i insulted…
i dont know, your mushrooms or something??
MUSHROOM GIRL

KUROMI!: that won’t work on me, it was my name for a day until i got a better one.. been there done that!

orbeezcore: aww there goes my plans :(
and i would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you, kid

KUROMI!: just cause i’m short doesn’t mean everyone needs to call me kid all fo the time!! hybrid discrimination!!

orbeezcore: i AM a hybrid!!
i’m an enderian!

bi wife energy: why are you so short then?

orbeezcore: WOW
FUCK YOU JOEL
YOU UN-SWEET BOY
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE

bi wife energy: oh whoops
got to focus on my sculpting
tall sexy art guy OUT

CHAT: bi wife energy is offline. goodbye!

orbeezcore: you can’t avoid it joel
you are a short gremlin

wakko: 2020 core 🔥🔥

dot: god you are such a loser
how are we related

3am pearl: actually yeah fwhip how ARE you related to gem
she’s so cool, are you sure you weren't switched at birth and theres some other, ACTUALLY COOL ginger vampire out there that’s gems real twin

wakko: screw you guys :(
hey i’m skipping third anyone wanna join me
i’m goin to the mall

dot: no you are NOT fwhip!
you’re going to fail that class if you keep skipping, also you will definitely get caught if you go to the mall.

wakko: okay so i’ll skip in the clearing then
it’ll be fiiiiine
i’ll do my work there i just hate that class

dot: for a particular reason?

wakko: pfft no
why would you think that
can’t a guy just hate a class in peace

dot: see i was going to believe you, but that sounds incredibly suspicious.
are you okay?

wakko: yeah it’s just a super boring class
i can’t focus at all during it

dot: alright fine

prophetpix: hey would you guys like to hear something cool?

3am pearl: everything you do is cool pix!
but sure, always down for an extra cool thing!

prophetpix: okay. bell rings in
5
4
3
2
1!

yakko: WOW PIXLRIFFS
YOU DA MAN
THAT WAS PERFECT!!

CHAT: bi wife energy is online! everyone say hi!

bi wife energy: hello i am back
wow pix that actually is cool

orbeezcore: hello my sweet short boy!

bi wife energy: FUCK YOU OLI!!
I AM NOT SHORT I AM BIG STRONG TALL AND SEXY

orbeezcore: you are so short
you will never escape the shortness allegations
not while i’m here >:)

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
wednesday, 11:37 pm
5 people are online…

bi wife energy: parents B/

3am pearl: we have the same ones so i can agree…
parents :(
also what is with you and those sunglasses

bi wife energy: it symbolises that i’m a BAD BOY
but seriously i’m so tired of their bullshit
no matter what i do it’s never enough
i’m not what they want from a kid
and i get it i know i’m not perfect, i am a socially incompetent loser
not man enough to be a worthy son, and not broken enough it makes it acceptable
with equal-size god and inferiority complexes
i’m self aware enough to acknowledge it
it just sucks i’m so tired of never being enough for anyone
no matter how many people like me nothing will ever be enough to fix the stupid hole left by not being good enough for our parents
and that sounds so cringe and emo (cough gemcore cough)
but it’s true i’m so tired of this house it hurts to live here
why do some people get good parents and we get this
it’s not fair not fair not fair not fair

prophetpix: do you want me to empathise with you or do you want me to encourage you?

bi wife energy: encouragement would be nice

prophetpix: okay ready yourself!
joel. you are an amazing person, there’s a reason the stars like you. you are funny, smart, kind and an incredibly artistic soul. your parents are extremely shortsighted and it’s shame on them that just because you don’t match their idea of a ‘perfect son’ that they refuse to accept you.
i say this with certainty, because i am a prophet- one day, you will leave that house. one day, you will have a family, and so many friends, and a life you’re content with. one day you will be surrounded by people who love you for you, and not just on the rare occasions that you do things right. one day you’ll have a home where you can exist without fear of reaching a breaking point. one day you’ll have everything you dream of and more.

bi wife energy: oh
thank you pix
thanks a lot Bp

prophetpix: you’re welcome friend.
that goes for you too, by the way pearl. obviously the scenario is different for you, but both of you are suffering and both of you are going to get out.
i swear it on my candles.

3am pearl: ohh you’re serious if you’re swearing on the candles
thank you pix <3 /p

prophetpix: of course, anything to help <3 /p

KUROMI!: hey i’ve just been lurking
if you guys don’t mind me asking
why is their treatment of you two different?
like is it a sexism thing?

3am pearl: so i’m trans
and i have pretty bad anger issues, plus some other mental health stuff
which means that my parents have basically given up on me
and so my treatment is pretty much just neglect
they don’t care about me at all anymore, except to provide basic amenities
because god forbid they aren’t good little christians
would never want to be accused of being bad parents, even though neglect literally COUNTS AS ABUSE

bi wife energy: and then with me it’s the opposite?
seeing as pearl is a ‘failure’, all their screwed up expectations of the kind of son they wanted fell on me
so there’s a lot of stuff they want from me
for example, perfect grades and attendance, no matter how much it fucks with my mental health
so i’ve ended up with pretty bad social anxiety and awful burnout
however they could give less of a fuck about that
so what i end up with is constant
‘joel, why did you get a b’
‘joel, we know you can do better’
‘joel, you’re not good enough’
‘joel, if only you tried harder, we would be proud’
‘joel, we love you but we don’t like you’
which is the worst bit because they don’r even love pearl.
so then i feel bad ab that too.
and it’s all shit!!
so that’s fucking verbal abuse or whatever..
they say they love me but it doesn’r feel that way.
and then i feel bad because at least i get attention when pearl doesn’t get any at all and i hate hate hate this.

KUROMI!: aww man that sucks :(

bi wife energy: yeah it does
i really just wish i could leave, you know?
but i can’t, and thats…
i don’t have anywhere to go

prophetpix: when the time comes for you to leave, you will.

bi wife energy: thanks pix
anyways i’m done thinking about this
ESCAPISM TIME
someone give me something else to think about
literally anything else

dot: hello!
just like shelby, i have been lurking!
i have just the thing to distract you…
etho!!

3am pearl: omg bringing up etho is exactly what you need to do to get joel talking you’re a genius gem <3

dot: no…
i am simply…
a gay…

3am pearl: same difference
joel isn’g responding this is weird

bi wife energy: I AM NOT OBSESSED WOTH ETHO!! I DON’T KNOW WHY EVERYONE THINKS I’M OBSESSED WITH ETHO WHEN I’M NOT!! I’M LITERALLY COMPLETELY NORMAL AHOTU HIM HE’S COOL BUT NOT THAT COOL SO I DON’T KNOWNWHY EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING I’M OBSESSED WITH HIM?? IF ANYTHING HE’S THE ONE OBSESSED WITH NE HE LITERALLY HUNG UP THE BANNER I GAVE HIM INSIDE HIS LOCKER HE BUILT ME A BLUMMING STATUE OF HIMSELF IN ARTYOU GUYS CANNOT BE SERIOUS!! I AM LIGERALlY NORMAL ABOUT HIM QUIET IT WITH THE ACCUSING ME OF BEING OBSESSED WITH HIM I AM NOTTTTTTT

KUROMI!: holy crap
not to plagarize but joel. the closet is GLASS. stop throwing stones

bi wife energy: I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

dot: humans have two hands for a reason!!

bi wife energy: the fuck does that even mean

dot: it’s like when

bi wife energy: nope shut up
don’t wanna hear it
i’m going to hurt you gem
forget our wild life team up
you’re dead you’re dead to me

3am pearl: and they say i have anger issues…

bi wife energy: pearl you threatened to kill scott over a joke only a few days ago

3am pearl: shut up gayboy

bi wife energy: I’M STRAIGHT!!

prophetpix: joel…

bi wife energy: NO NO NO
YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT PIX
I’MMSUPPOSED TO REALIZE THAT MYSELF
SCREW YOU PIX

3am pearl: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAHHHHHH
OH MY STARS OH MY STARS AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAH

dot: oh. my. stars.
pix actually just did that.

KUROMI!: is joel the first ever prophesied gay??

bi wife energy: STOP IT
STOP LAUGHING
I JUST GOT HOMOSEXUALIZED AND YOU GUYS ARE LAUGHING
I AM LITERALLY NOT GAY

CHAT: bi wife is online! everyone say hi!

bi wife: joel…

CHAT: bi wife is offline. goodbye!

bi wife energy: WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
I LOTERALLY DON’T
IM NOT GAY
OR BI
I HAVE A FIRLFRIEND KYSKYSKYSKYS

dot: i’m amazing at distractions

gay girls alliance
thursday, 1:11 am
4 people are online…

pearl: @lizzie so we think he’s actually bi right

lizzie: yeah for sure
honestly i think he does like etho, or at least think he’s hot

gem: and you don’t mind?
lizzie: i'm secure in his feelings for me
i’m not sure whether he does like etho, but if he does
well you know
two hands for a reason
joel has a lot of love in him

shelby: he seems like a really sweet guy
when he’s not crashing out
also thanks for inviting me you guys ^-^

lizzie: no problem, you give off very gay

shelby: out of curiosity, is katherine on here?
idk if she’s gay but pix mentioned she wasn’t cis?

pearl: oh yeah she’s bi as well
this gc is just all the girls the gay bit honestly wasn’r necessary

shelby: aha thats funny!

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
thursday, 1:21 am
5 people are online…

bi wife energy: AND LOOK I KNOW INHAVE GAY MUSIC TASTE
BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING
I MEAN LETS TALK ABOUT GEM AND HET FUCKING
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ASS
AND BLUMMIN PEAEL TOO LIKE
GET OFF MY ASS YOU WEIRDOS

3am: okay joel we get it
be quiet pls and thanks

bi wife energy: you’re welcome

CHAT: bi wife energy is online! everyone say hi!

bi wife: also joel, you don’t just have gay music taste.
you have unhinged music taste!
who listens to clown music and hatsune miku and then claims they are
1. straight
2. mentally stable
no neurotypical would listen to a specific circus music song 768 times in a year, you are a freak of nature /aff

bi wife energy: betrayal
by my iwn wife!!

bi wife: <33

bi wife energy: CRINGE <3

dot: ugh you guys are so disgusting.
why are you so happy??
i’m a heterophobe now.

bi wife: HEYYY
have you just rescinded my gay pass?? im bi ):

dot: i had to do it to you.

CHAT: dot sent 1 image

3am pearl: did you edit yourself into the ‘had to do it to ya’ guy
that’s moderately funny

dot: only moderately? :(

3am pearl: it’s late and i have ran out of energy drinks
i have no energy to display any form of enthusiasm

KUROMI!: we’re all just a bunch of grungey loser teens wow
it’s honestly impressive how stereotypical we are

3am pearl: hey i’m not stereotypical.. i like baking!!
people think all teens can’t cook but i can!!

bi wife: yes but pearl
you are trans, mentally ill, have a badky hidden crush on a girl, regularly say you hate your parents and are literally a ‘wolf girl’
we’re all stereotypes in some way
you more so than regular!!

dot: wait what, pearl, you like someone??
why didn’t you tell me 🙁

operation shinyduo
thursday, 1:43 am
2 people are online…

pearl: LIZZIE

liz: ohhh sorry pearlie i didn’t mean to
i’ll fix it

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
thursday, 1:45 am
6 people are online…

bi wife: actually not to derail but
pix, my good pal
why have you become increasingly deranged over the past few days
like when did you stop being the responsible one??

prophetpix: i actually don’t know
the less sleep i get the less of a filter i have
so i do things like
propose immortality (offer still up for grabs by the way!)
and go on a several minute long rant about how my friends parents suck
the less sleep i have the less impulse control as well

dot: that’s interesting pix!
have you considered sleeping?

prophetpix: can’t, i keep nearly slipping into alternate timelines
and i don’t have a proper anchor

bi wife energy: WHAT???

KUROMI!: noooo pix don’r leave us :(

dot: can we do anything to keep you anchored?

prophetpix: unless you want to become immortal
not really

bi wife: how is it you’re only becoming unanchored now?
you’ve been a prophet as long as we’ve known you?

prophetpix: just a buildup i guess
i used to hop timelines a lot
but i lost my original one and this was the closest one i could find
so i stopped hopping after i made my way here
and now all the excess energy from not hopping or at least altering timestreams
is messing with me

KUROMI!: wow i thought you guys are kidding when you call him eldritch. pix that’s crazy!!
if uou don’t mind me asking, what was your original timeline like?

prophetpix: basically this, but grian was dead and hybrids didn't exist
i hopped in an attempt to save grian and this is what i got
not complaining but it does suck

bi wife energy: GRIAN WAS DEAD??
HYBRIDS DIDN’T EXIST???

prophetpix: yeah it was crazy getting here
i thought i was hallucinating for the first three months
anyways i’m going to start sleeping in 2 hour intervals
i timeline-hop while dreaming so if i sleep without dreaming i’ll be fine!!
probably
talk to you guys… some other time!

dot: PIX GET BACK HERE
WE’RE NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS

prophetpix: bye guys <3 goodnight sleep well!

CHAT: prophetpix is offline. goodbye!

3am pearl: what.
the.
fuck.
was that??

dot: rt.

bi wife energy: rt

bi wife: rt

KUROMI!: rt!!!

Chapter Text

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
thursday, 8:07 am
13 people are online…

dot: hey we need to meet at the empire today.
pix is having some pretty big problems
is there anyone who can’t skip 1st period?
wait that’s quite an inefficient way to ask.
role call- who can skip 1st period? respond with ‘aye’

3am pearl: aye for me and lizzie

my melody<3: AYE
aye for oli too he apparently has this class?

KUROMI!: aye

codfather: aye (except u already know cause we have the same class)

wakko: aye for me and joel

golden gay: AYE-AYE, MATEYS!!

cyan queer: aye for me and sausage

prophetpix: nah i’m busy sorry
uh very important test
hahahahaha i’m sure you guys can
talk it out without me?

KUROMI!: i have him in my sights
@dot want me to tackle him?

dot: attack!!

prophetpix no seriously guys
i’m super busyughfjjjjjfkk,lslslslllslslsla´a´lals

KUROMI!: i’m stronger thanni look :)
bringing him to the clearing now

CHAT: KUROMI! is offline. goodbye!

—0—

the rest of the empire is already seated in the clearing by the time shelby is done dragging him over. he doesn’t know why he bothered fighting. he knows how this timeline happens, he know how this conversation goes, or at least knows how it goes a majority of the time. his sight has always been blurred when focused on himself.

it’s weird, still, seeing the thread around himself phasing in and out of existence. even 3 years after accidentally-on purpose hopping into this timeline and stealing this versions pixls body, he still feels strange about how different this world is. not knowing everything is a foreign feeling for him.

‘alright. for those of you who weren’t online last night, pix said some pretty concerning stuff that we’re trying to get a grasp on so i called a conference about it. pix, you don’t have to volunteer any information, but we’re going to try to help you with your issues, if not the trauma then at least the sleep, so we needed you here for input.’

he didn’t have to talk? that was- kind. it was kind of gem to offer that, but that was the wrong option of the two. no, no. that’s not the right way to think of things, this isn’t fantasy, it’s one of millions of realities. and he is partially responsible for them, and all the lives in them.

‘thank you for, uh, giving me that option. but, as much as i wish it wasn’t true, i think i actually do need to talk about this.’

‘i’m glad you’re comfortable talking to us pix!’

‘take as much time as you want, sweet boy!! there’s no rush!!’

he looked around at his friends, squeezed on log benches of lying casually on the moss in the half-finished hangout spot that has begun to feel like home. they had open faces, gentle words and eyes. he knew they would accept him, even if they knew what he really was. he took a breath, and began to unravel the story he kept tucked inside his chest.

‘have you guys ever wondered how to make yourself immortal?’

he lets his mind wander down the lanes of memory he’d long ago blocked off.

‘most sapients have, if not wished for immortality, wondered what they would do with it. i, and two others, had the unfortunate luck of stumbling upon a group who endeavoured to venture past hypotheticals. they were not pleasant. have you ever heard of the watchers?’

he watched as most of his friends eyes widened.

‘yeah. some of you, i think, already know some of this story. but i’ll tell it in it’s fullest anyways. it starts with grian.’

‘when grian was seven, he was playing a game called ‘evolution’ in the woods with several of his friends when he got lost chasing after a ball. he happened to be playing in the same woods where the watchers had taken residence inside an abandoned church.’

‘the watchers weren’t exactly human. they were the opposite of vampires- unaging, but not invulnerable. they were devout followers of the storyteller, who they thought had created all life, weaving it into existence through story. they were of the belief that if they followed the storyteller with enough fervour, and prayed to it often, and made the necessary sacrifices they could ascend to another realm of consciousness. but they needed test subjects-the necessary sacrifices.’

‘oh, i do NOT like where this is going’

‘shut up and listen!’

‘after the initial dedication to their god, the watchers lived centuries secluded in that abandoned church, as the village that once surrounded it went to ruin. through those centuries, subsisting only off prayers and stories, they evolved, developing a hive mind, growing wings, boundless sight- particularly dedicated priests even got the gift of foresight.
but they were dying out. though they lived forever, unaging, they began to run out of stories, as their storyteller lost power. humans, and the world as a whole, had moved on from this god. there were still stories, still movies, but it didn’t work the same. it was like a culture shock, like how koalas will only eat certain eucalyptus leaves.
and so the storyteller died, and the watchers began to starve. they tried making their own stories, they tried reading ones from libraries or bookshops stolen in the night. but nothing worked. so they came up with a new idea. they could tie their life force to each other, to stories, and ascend to godhood, taking the place of the god of stories, now occupied only by the rotting corpse of an immortal.’

‘they would use humans as test subjects to figure out if their ritual would really work. grian was in the wrong place at the wrong time. they abducted him, preformed the divine rites to initiate him, but it didn’t work as expected. it had never been done before, they didn’t get it perfect- he was immortal, gained the watchers wings and power of sight, but he didn’t become a part of their collective mind, nor could he see the threads of time like they could. he was half a watcher. they called him xelqua, which meant ‘observer’ in their dying language. then they needed more test subjects.’
‘what in the stars, that’s so fucking sick and twisted.’

pix looked at the elf, cyan-tipped ears tilted down in their rage, and felt nothing but fondness. these people cared. he had chosen his friends correctly, after all.

‘they stole martyn a year after grian. he was there the day grian had disappeared, and he was a stubborn kid, refusing to believe grian had died. so he went looking. the watchers, through altering of the ritual, ended up making martyn able to hear their hive mind, made him immortal and capable of seeing through the veil between universes occasionally, but he didn’t end up with any other watcher features, like their sight or wings. they called him ‘xenquey’, a listener. yet another failure.
and then they took me in, about two years after grian disappeared. i was snatched on my walk home. they tried to turn me into a priest. it wasn’t really successful, it resulted in me lacking wings but ending up with foresight, immortality and the capability to hop between, and sometimes alter, timelines. they called me ‘xenoiu’, a weaver, for my ability to see timelines.’

realization. on some stories, it would be called the ‘oh’ moment.

‘they were growing more frantic now. they needed a way to bring more people into the watchers. they had us, if they could only combine our rituals they would have a complete watcher to sacrifice as a test. to see if they could become gods.
but with martyns ability to hear their hive mind but not be influenced, combined with grains sight and my time travel, it led to us attempting an escape. in my timeline, it failed, and grian died. but he was… at that point, he was my brother. i had to fix it, so i timeline-hopped until i found a similar universe where i had escape there successfully.’

as far as we can tell, once we escaped the watchers became desperate and delusional enough to kill themselves on the winter solstice under the mistaken belief the storyteller had returned and would bring them back as demi-gods. honestly, i have no clue martyn just said that. so, uh, yeah. that’s my tragic backstory… yay?’

he shut his eyes, let himself feel for once the tiredness that has sunk into his body like a second skeleton, or maybe an exo skeleton. he portrayed wisdom, portrayed logic, but sometimes if he ignored all of the things he’d seen he still felt just like a kid.

it scared him.

‘i’m sorry that happened to you, pix’

‘ah, it’s… i mean, thank you, but also as traumatizing as seeing your friend die in front of you is… everything is okay now? like obviously it’s still not an ideal scenario with the timelines but this… well this is the happiest i’ve every been. i’m so grateful for all of you. i’m glad i found this timeline.’

‘AWWWW PIX, YOU’LL MAKE ME CRY MATE!, BLUMMIN HECK!!’

‘softie joel??’

gem looked up from the ground, clearing her throat and smoothening her features.

‘anyways, i was actually here to discuss an idea regarding this clearing and your troubles with staying anchored, pix. could you not tie yourself to this place? instead of tying yourself to other immortals?’

pix looked around the clearing. there was plenty of magic objects, and the blood wards could probably serve as a minor anchor but…

‘it’s a bit more complicated than that. we’ve only had this empire for a short amount of time, not really enough for it to be infused with the essence of everyone that would keep me anchored here.’

‘so… group sleepover??’

‘group sleepover in the woods??? no way-’

‘actually, it could work. i mean, it would have to happen over multiple months of spread out sleepovers and lunches et cetera but… it’s possible?’

‘SLEEPOVERS!!!’

‘can we add grian and martyn to the server?? i want to see what they’re like!!’

‘grian already regularly breaks onto the server…’

‘well… he can be a permanent feature!’

‘okay, but just those two. we can’t add more than 15 people.’

‘fiiiine!’

—0—

SUPER COOL FRIENDSHIP CHAT!!! (grian stop breaking in)
thursday, 9:26 am
13 people are online…

CHAT: grian has been added! everyone say hi!

CHAT: inthelittlewood has been added! everyone say hi!

inthelittlewood: what the fuck
who are all of you
ohhh you’re pix’ losers
did you all simultaneously skip 1st period
that’s hilarious

grian: dude
have i finally been accepted into the super cool friendship chat??
i feel honoured <3

prophetpix: hi gri
i finally told them my tragic backstory

grian: i knowww
i watched!!
it was popcorn worthy, honestly

inthelittlewood: guys i have a suggestion!!
the suggestion is amazing
get rid of this group chat and make a server instead
we could invite other people
and sort things based on friend group

grian: you’re just saying this becaus eyou want ren here

inthelittlewood: whatttt noooo
haha but seriously
i don’t even like him
it’s not like we’re married i just chopped his head off
no more gay than mr ‘i beat my best friend to death in a cactus ring while crying and screaming about how sorry i am’ or ‘i tried to kill my other best friend just so we could stay friends after someone else killed me’

grian: yeah sure we’re both straight
now can someone make that server

cyan queer: yeah sure just give me a minute