Archive of Our Own ^beta

Isagi sank into the sofa cushions, utterly exhausted.

He could vaguely hear the hum of lights above his head. It was starting to get late, so he allowed his eyes to close, drifting off into sleep. His entire body felt drained.

After the day of preparation, he wanted to sleep forever. Never in his life had he put so much into the holiday, decorating his apartment from wall to floor. And for what?

Kaiser wouldn't be there until noon. He told Isagi not to make a big deal of his birthday, but he knew that was bullshit. Even if it was just once, everyone wanted the proper celebration—candles, cake, the off-key song. It was something that most people grew up with, and Kaiser had never experienced it before.

Isagi groaned, prying his eyes open to stare up at the ceiling, mistletoe hanging a few feet apart. When he was putting it up, he must have been feeling frisky, or forgotten exactly who he was dating. If there was any Christmas tradition Kaiser committed to memory, it was that he got to kiss Isagi at the sight of that plant.

Raising his hand, he brushed his fingertip against his bottom lip, mapping out the anticipated touch. His other hand rested over his stomach, hidden by the green sweatshirt he threw on after a look in the mirror.

"Five months..." He muttered to himself. The tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lip before sliding back in between his teeth. He applied a light pressure to the muscle, a reminder to stay focused.

To prevent his mind from wandering further, he flipped over, feet kicking up onto the sofa. Face buried deep into the cushion, he finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep.

His brain was foggy most of the day, but his dreams were the exception. No matter how intense they were, they always felt real.

Tonight, a cold wind howled against the stadium.

He was no longer standing at the center; instead, he watched from the stands. The foreign players ran across the field, a blur of motion from his seat. They conquered the ground beneath them, swallowing up Japan’s chances of victory and turning the turf into a graveyard of dreams.

A hand reached out from underneath him. Only now did he realize he hadn’t been seated on bleachers, but a pile of footballers, familiar and unknown faces alike. Their eyes were hollow, a blinding white light glowing behind the sockets.

Puppeteered on an invisible string, those fingers wrapped around his ankle, and he almost lost his footing. He only managed to shuffle when a second hand reached up, then another. Each belonged to a different player, pulling him at various angles, all leading down.

Down into the sinking muck with them.

Isagi could neither move nor shout. With his teeth gritted, all he could do was watch. Sweat poured from him in never-ending streams.

Ego appeared among the bodies, his grimace growing deeper every time Isagi found himself back here.

He wanted to apologize, but his lips wouldn’t part. His throat felt sore, copious amounts of blood seeping into his lungs as he descended. Ego climbed the tower until he reached Isagi, digging his heels into the other players along the way. He didn’t stop at his legs, long arms extending until they grasped his cheeks.

Firm. Cold.

Isagi shot up.

He cradled his stomach with his back against the sofa as if he’d been under physical attack. His legs still burned, pants clinging to his sweat. In the silence, he wondered how long had passed.

The lights taped to the baseboards lit his path to the kitchen. He hesitated to lift the blinds, his worst fear confirmed by the peek of light on the horizon. Kaiser was never early to any practice or event, but if Isagi told him to come for noon, he’d be knocking on his door by sunrise.

He stumbled to the bathroom, still short of breath from his nightmare. He ducked his head underneath the sink to retrieve a small green box with a neatly tied bow atop it.

Smoothing out the ribbon with his thumb, he brought it into the living room and placed it on the coffee table. His bed called his name, the nap he’d taken on the sofa zapping more of his energy than replenishing it.

But Kaiser would arrive at any second. To his luck, the man requested nothing for his birthday besides being together. In the past two years, their schedules never seemed to align on the date, and he’d been looking forward to this for months.

Isagi would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited himself. Despite his nerves, having Kaiser around brought him a sense of comfort he desperately needed. They’d seen each other more often with the football season, and yet it never seemed to be enough.

His body craved Kaiser like a second skin. Whenever they parted he felt uneasy and the nightmares struck harder. The longer he considered it, the more he realized they never came when the two of them slept together.

He had enough to think about when Kaiser was present, leaving no room for the worries to manifest into dreams. Like a shield, Kaiser’s embrace was the only thing that could ward them off.

Before he could mull it over, a firm knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. He turned away from the present and crossed the living room. There was no need for him to check who it was.

“One day,” he started while twisting the knob, “I’ll leave you out here until you learn how to tell time.”

A pair of arms scooped him up, and he knew Kaiser hadn’t heard a word he said. He stood squashed against his hard chest, refusing to return the hug until Kaiser loosened his grip.

Only once he could breathe properly did Isagi wrap his arms under Kaiser’s. His fingers squeezed his coat as he took in his scent. Amber was the fragrance of winter, but Isagi didn’t care for it. What he found himself melting at was the floral notes that lingered from his bath, the strongest when he’d washed his hair recently.

“You don’t listen either,” Kaiser grumbled, his gaze landing deeper into the apartment. He spoke without anger, but didn’t pass up the opportunity to poke. “What’s all this shit got to do with me?”

A gust of old air forced Isagi away from the door, and he pulled back to let Kaiser step in. “It’s for Christmas. You didn’t tell me how to decorate, and this is all the stores are selling this time of year.”

He watched Kaiser slide on his designated slippers and took his coat to hang in the meantime. “Try being grateful, would you?”

Kaiser snickered, following behind him. “You’re right. It looks… nice.” They made their way to the living room, where Isagi avoided so much as glancing at the sofa. In a day, he only had enough energy to put up a small tree with simple ornaments. To make up for it, there wasn’t a wall that didn’t sparkle red, green, and silver at the base.

It didn’t take long for Kaiser’s gaze to land on the unlabeled box sitting on the table. His hands wandered as freely as his eyes, and he reached for the lid. “You really went all ou—Ouch!”

Isagi whipped around to slap his hand away, clutching the present to his chest after scooping it up. “I didn’t say you could open it.” A warmth spread to his face as he shrank into himself, far more concerned about the small box than Kaiser’s pain.

The hair on the back of his neck stood at the look Kaiser gave him, caught between irritation and curiosity. “We…” He swallowed, gaze drifting towards the kitchen. “We should eat cake first.”

“The sun isn’t even fucking up.” Kaiser narrowed his eyes, curiosity winning out in the end. “What’s in the box, Yoichi?”

Isagi clumsily tucked it behind his back. “Nothing important. It’s custom to open your present at the end of the day anyway.” He forced a smile, taking several steps back.

For every step he moved back, Kaiser doubled it until their chests brushed. Their height difference of a few inches felt like a mile as Kaiser’s glare bore into him.

He grit his teeth, a sign that Isagi had one chance to answer correctly. “It’s for me?”

“Yes.”

“And I can’t have it?”

“Not yet.”

His eyebrow twitched. “Why not?”

Isagi shrugged. “The timing isn’t right.”

Pressing against each other, they stood in silence. Kaiser wasn’t giving up, and so long as he didn’t meet his gaze, Isagi had the tenacity to stand there all day. He scanned the room, admiring his work for the first time since he passed out on the sofa. 

At the same time, he recalled, his eyes landed on the cushions where he’d awoken drenched in sweat. His fingers twitched around the box as he pictured it all again.

The stadium. The bodies. The stench of blood.

He shook his head and caved. “Fine!”

The box thrusted into Kaiser’s chest, putting a bit of distance between them. “Fine,” Isagi repeated, softer as he finally released his hold.

Kaiser just stared at him, bewildered that he’d handed it over of his own volition. He was prepared to lay out some bribes and blackmail if needed. 

His confusion was fleeting; a shared focus returned to the box after a few moments. They watched closely, Isagi’s attention flickering between Kaiser’s hands and face.

Kaiser didn’t notice, fully invested in opening the present. He removed the lid in a single, smooth motion and tucked it underneath. Isagi felt his world come to a standstill as Kaiser reached in.

While Isagi listened to the sound of the incessant rattling in his chest, he scrutinized the pregnancy test, lifting it between two fingers. 

“You pissed on this stick?”

The absurdity of the question flew over Isagi’s head as he nodded. “Yes.”

Another moment passed. Brows still knit slightly in concentration, Kaiser's expression betrayed nothing. His eyes were glued to the plastic. He turned the test over in his hands a few times, inspecting it to its fullest until Isagi had had enough.

“Damn it, Kaiser.” He reached for the box with a huff. “It’s got the word right there, you jacka—”

Isagi felt his hands grasped for a brief second before he was yanked forward, a small yelp leaving him. He was squeezed tightly to Kaiser’s chest, his feet dangling off the floor in a way he didn’t think was possible after looking in the mirror that morning. His first thought was to scream about being crushed, but the warmth that was siphoned from Kaiser’s body to his own made him think twice.

“Kaiser…” he whispered, voice raspy from the pressure against his chest. It was easy for both of them to forget how strong the man was when he always held back against Isagi.

Kaiser eased his hold, only now returning Isagi’s feet to the floor. “Sorry. I mean…” He leaned back, and Isagi could see his smile. Unlike his smirks, it reached every inch of his face, the shine in his eyes transcending every light in the room. His hands still gripped Isagi’s wrists like he wasn’t planning on letting him go any time soon.

“I mean, I fucking love you.”

The confession threw Isagi off, and before he could formulate a response, his lips were taken. Kaiser kissed him hard with pure passion, and Isagi could only melt into it. His eyelids fluttered shut as he slid his arms around Kaiser’s neck the moment his shock diminished.

There was no way to say how long they stood there kissing. All Isagi knew was that by the time they pulled apart, tears were brimming in his eyes, his lips sore underneath his fingertips. He panted softly, looking up to see Kaiser just as breathless.

“Shouldn’t have put mistletoe up if you…” He stopped to suck in air while reaching out to grab Isagi’s chin and finished, “If you didn’t want me to do that.”

Isagi anticipated the kiss this time, but it still felt just as powerful. It could be seen as oppressive, but the light grasp on his face told him otherwise.

Kaiser was being gentle, and after the night he had, he was the thankful one now. Each time their lips met, memories of his nightmares seemed to get further and further away. The grip on his wrists jerked him out of that pile, bringing him back to stand above ground, wrapped tightly in protective arms.

He muttered between the last of their kisses, Kaiser’s shirt squeezed between his trembling fingers.

“Happy birthday, asshole.”