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"Aren't people supposed to kiss when they stand under one of these?"
Junmin lifts his head. Standing over a box of their mother's Christmas decorations, Seeun is holding a bundle of leaves and little red berries that looks like it's seen better days.
"Is that mistletoe?" Junmin asks, because he's really not sure. "Yeah, you kiss under those."
Seeun nods. He looks around the living room. Junmin isn't sure what he's looking for, but he looks with him. There's the Christmas tree that Junmin is tending to, wrapping it in lights and tinsle and hanging ornaments, a lot of which they made when they were children. There's the various figures of Santa and snowmen and sparkling winter angels adorning the endtables by the couch and the mantle above the fireplace. It's a more commercialized look than their friends' homes—Sumin's and Yechan's houses are always decorated modestly with porcelain nativity scenes, their advent wreaths flickering with purple and pink candles that they light with a reverence Junmin never understood—but their family has never been particularly religious, and this is the kind of Christmas that feels like home to them.
Junmin watches Seeun wander through the living room. Since Seeun left for college, it's been really difficult for their house to feel like the home he grew up in. Dinner is too quiet without Seeun there to joke around, brushing his teeth and showering is too easy when he doesn't have to fight for a spot at the sink, there's no one to wake him up in the middle of the night and hog half of his bed because he can't sleep. Junmin always knew that Seeun would leave eventually, and he knew it would hurt, but nothing could have prepared him for all the small hurts, like a million tiny bruises that he forgets about until he moves a certain way.
Having Seeun home for the holidays feels like coming in from the snow to a warm blanket and something hot to drink. It won't last—Seeun will be boarding a plane to fly back to the States for university before he knows it—but it's incredibly nice while he's here.
"Where should we hang it up?"
Junmin is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Seeun's voice. It takes a moment for his words to process, and when they do, he raises an eyebrow.
"Why would we hang mistletoe?" he asks. He stands up and brushes tinsle sheddings from his pajama pants. "It's not like we're having a party or anything. It's just going to be family. Well, Minjae might come over, but I don't think anyone wants to kiss him. I hope not, at least."
Seeun is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, swinging the mistletoe back and forth by its little twine string.
"It's fine to kiss your family," he insists. "It'll be cute, don't you think?"
"You say that until you're caught under it." Junmin can't help the smile that tugs at his lips. "You're just trying to stir up trouble, aren't you?"
"Me?" Seeun scoffs. He stretches his arms above his head and tapes the mistletoe to the doorframe. It dangles down, slightly off-center, swinging side to side. Seeun puts his hands on his hips and tilts his head, his eyes following the back-and-forth motion. "Never."
Seeun opens his arms to Junmin, beckoning him.
"Come here," he says.
Junmin chokes.
"What are you on about?" he asks, turning back to his box of ornaments. "You haven't wanted kisses from your brother since…"
He trails off. They haven't brought up the night before Seeun left for school. They haven't brought up Seeun climbing into Junmin's bed while their mother slept, or the way their lips lingered against one another too long, both of them too scared to take it any further, but both of them wanting to. It was like a fever dream, and the next day, Seeun was gone. Not a word was spoken about it. Junmin would’ve convinced himself that he imagined it if he hadn’t woken up with Seeun’s taste still stuck to his lips.
Junmin sighs. He hangs an ornament on the tree. It's a popsicle stick snowflake that Seeun made in elementary school.
Seeun crosses his arms.
"Well, what if I missed my hyung, huh?"
"You're too old for that," Junmin says. "Getting kisses, I mean. That's for children."
"We both know you don't believe that." Seeun waves to him again, bouncing on his heels. "Come on, it's no big deal. Let's get into the holiday spirit, and all that crap."
Junmin wants to argue that kissing his brother might be the antithesis of getting into the holiday spirit. He wants to argue that their mother could come home at any moment, and the last thing he wants to give her for Christmas is a heart attack. He wants to tell Seeun that the night before he left for college was a horrible lapse in judgement, and it's best if they both just forget it ever happened, even if that's impossible.
Instead, Junmin meets Seeun under the kitchen doorway, under the mistletoe, and Seeun kisses him.
In some ways, it's familiar, having Seeun's lips against his. Seeun kissed him on the mouth all the time when he was a little kid. He used to love it because it made Junmin so happy, but then he grew up, became a moody teenager, and he stopped caring all too much about what made Junmin happy. It was for the best, anyway. No teenager should still be kissing their older brother on the mouth, or sleeping in the same bed as him. No one should give up their dream of going to school abroad because their clingy older brother would rather have them home. No one should be crawling into bed with their big brother, peppering featherlight kisses against his lips until they both fall asleep, hard in their thin pajama pants. No one should look at his little brother the way Junmin looks at Seeun, the way he’s looked at him since the day he learned what desire feels like.
It's difficult to think about what he should be doing when Seeun's lips are warm enough to melt the snow off his heart. His little brother's lips are soft, and he lets Junmin cradle his face in his hands—he leans into it, humming a comforting note that Junmin can feel in his throat. Junmin can't help the moan that slips past his lips, can't help the love squeezing his heart so firmly he's afraid it's going to burst.
Junmin pulls away. Not because he doesn't want to keep kissing Seeun, but because he does, because he never wants to stop, and that worries him a whole lot. He stays close, cradling Seeun's face, thumbing circles into his ruddy cheeks. Seeun tries to kiss him again, but Junmin turns his face, and Seeun ends up kissing his nose. Seeun pouts, but he doesn't try to kiss him again, and Junmin is grateful for that. He isn't sure if he could deny him a second time.
Junmin looks up at the bundle of leaves hanging above them. Spiked green leaves and red berries. He squints.
"Seeun, are you sure that's mistletoe?"
"I'm sure it's not." Seeun giggles, pulling the leaves down from their spot above the door. "It's holly."