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This thing that they have—whatever the hell it is—it’s good. It’s easy. It feels like the only thing keeping Ilya afloat sometimes.
He can’t let it get to a place where it’s more than just a good, convenient fuck and some fun teasing in between. Even if sometimes, in brief moments of tenderness, it already feels like it’s more than that. Or at least like it’s something that can be, if they just let it.
But they don’t. They can’t.
Although sometimes, Ilya does find himself giving in to the urge to look at Shane just a little bit longer, to let his touch be just a little bit gentler, more reverent, than what it would be for something as casual as they claim this to be—albeit sparingly.
Sometimes, just for a moment, he lets himself indulge. He lets some of that affection bleed out of him because he feels like he’ll implode if he doesn’t.
But he always catches himself before it can linger.
***
or
where six months of ghosting is shane’s final straw and he cuts contact with ilya after vegas, tired of the wall that just keeps getting higher each time he tries to chip away at it
so ilya is forced to reckon with his feelings much sooner
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indulgence
jandaliewhere six months of ghosting is shane’s final straw and he cuts contact with ilya after vegas, tired of the wall that just keeps getting higher each time he tries to chip away at it
so ilya is forced to reckon with his feelings much sooner -
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