Chapter Text
The drive back was always the hardest. Hours upon hours filled with nothing but an endless loop of songs she could sing along to in her sleep muted by the inescapable feeling of sadness that claws against her ribs. Sometimes she wonders if the discordant discomfort she often feels in the static of silence would be better than this.
She supposes she should be grateful. The feeling of sorrow that overtakes her every time she leaves means she has something worth missing, or so eomma had said.
It doesn't change how much it hurts.
Or how she constantly feels like her life is on pause while she's away.
She knows that life at home doesn't stop when she's gone. That her moms still make breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, still watch movies on the couch on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and make pancakes on Sundays. They still wake up, work, sleep, and get a day older for every night she's not there.
But what stings the most are all the ways Eunjoo changes while she's gone.
She gets taller, louder, sassier. She finds out who she is and what she likes, and by the time Hana's home for break again, her little sister has changed.
Eunjoo stacking the building blocks for the person she wants to be has always been one of Hana's favourite things to witness. Eyes wide with wonder as knowledge worms its way into her brain, shy excitement at learning a new dance from her friends, the way she scrunches her face in concentration when trying to explain something interesting to Hana like she has to deliver a perfect presentation to get her older sister to buy in. Hana always buys in — whatever Eunjoo loves, she loves too.
They talk on the phone every other day, so she's not entirely out of the loop, but not being there in person when these changes happen makes her heart ache in a way she's never felt before.
Maybe it's not her life that is on pause while she's away, maybe it's her. Stuck with a version of reality that is no longer exists by the time she walks through the threshold of their front door.
The ache persists the morning after. Duller, by a small margin, but more bearable. Hana feels like she can breathe without every inhale cracking the dam that holds the tears at bay.
Her phone buzzes against the shiny finish of the particleboard nightstand.
mimi
Can you give us a call when you have a second?
Not urgent or bad.
Despite re-reading the second text a couple of times, her body buzzes with anxiety.
Her moms never text asking her to call, they just call. It's incredibly annoying at times, especially when the call could've just been a text, but right now she thinks she prefers the insistent ringing of her phone from three different contacts on rotation.
Unlocking her phone and opening the group chat, her finger trembles as she hits the video call button on the top right corner. To her surprise all three of them answer.
"Hello?"
"Hi, gomdung-i. How was the drive back to school?" Rumi asks.
Hana tilts her head to the side in confusion — she can't hear the question echo from her two other moms' phones. "Fine? Um, what's going on? Are you not all in the same room? Did something happen?"
"I told you guys she's too perceptive for this." There's a laugh in Zoey's voice like they had discussed this at length prior to calling.
"Like mother, like daughter, I guess," Mira replies with a fond roll of her eyes.
"Nana!" Eunjoo's head pops right below Rumi's. "Can you turn your computer on? Please?"
"Uh, sure, I guess."
"You're all really bad at this. I don't know what you did without me," Eunjoo's voice floats out of the speaker as Hana moves to her desk, laughter bubbling out of her when she catches the look Eunjoo throws their moms across the phone's camera.
Eunjoo's face is expressive in a way so completely different from her own. While Hana is an open book, wearing everything she feels on her face, Eunjoo is a lot more methodical about showing how she feels. More reserved, and a little more guarded, she rarely shares more than a sharp stare unless the moment calls for it. Not being able to see the deadpan of her face as she delivers flawless, loving jabs at their moms is probably the thing she misses the most.
"Okay my computer's on."
Eunjoo lights up at her words, goofy smile taking up most of her face.
"Okay! Okay! Now open Discord and Overwatch."
"Juni?"
The nickname had stuck after the year toddler-aged Eunjoo tried in vain to say 'Jupiter', because she too wanted to be Hana's favourite.
"I wanna be your favourite, Nana. Like juniper."
"You're already my favourite juniper."
"Ugh just do it, Nana!"
She opens both applications. As soon as Discord loads she's getting a call from a group chat she does not remember being added to.
"Mami?" she asks, seeing her mom's bright smile — as wide and as warm as always — when she joins the call.
"Okay first of all, we're all so sorry for invading your privacy and making Juni break into your Discord when she borrowed your phone to play FNF." Oh. Of course. She should've seen that coming. "But we wanted this to be a surprise and we thought it would be better than any of us seeing what's going on in your group chats."
"Nothing is going on in any group chats, madre!" Her voice comes out an octave higher than normal, screechy and guilty. None of her moms needed to know about any of the stickers from that one server.
"Uh-huh, sure, tortuguita." At the cheeky smile her mom throws her way, Hana goes beet red and she immediately moves to cover her face with her hands.
"Can you just tell me what's happening right now and stop giving me that look. Please."
The participant connected alert echoes in her headphones. "We just wanted to do something different this semester," Mira's calm voice comes through
Another participant connected alert chimes at the same time as the Overwatch party invitation noise.
Tabbing over to the game, she sees the banner up top asking her to join mimi1013's party.
"Eugh, I forgot you changed your username to that Mimi," she rolls her eyes with a fond smile. "Gross."
"Be glad she shot down my suggestion of 'lovergirl1013'," Rumi snorts out, making everyone on the call groan.
"Wait, there's five players," she notices after she's added to the party. It's usually just her, Eunjoo, Mimi, and mami. "Who…?"
Realization dawns on her at the same time as Rumi is giving her one of those signature dorky smiles she's never outgrown. She wouldn't really be her eomma without them.
"Eomma?" she asks hopefully.
"We got her on the Steam Deck so we can do this as a family when you're away for school Nana. This way you won't miss us as much," Eunjoo says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Like spending time playing one of her favourite games while she's away is a given. It makes Hana's eyes sting and her breath catch.
"You're not going to be able to play on that, eomma," she croaks out with a wet laugh.
"Your eomma can't play anyway," Mira says matter of fact. "We've relegated her to heals-only Lucio."
Laughter spills out of her before she can stop it. At the way her eomma looks both offended, but also proud to be included. At the way Mira gives her that fond smirk.
At the way her family is just so ridiculous.
And loving.
And hers.
"Do I still get my pocket healer?" Hana directs the question to the only person on the call that can answer.
"Always."