Chapter Text
The next day is a little blurry, with Terry taking the day off to stay home with Nellie and Olivia taking the morning off to help him dealing with CPS and, well, to help Nellie settle in their apartment. She seems pretty pleased with everything; the guest room is great, she likes their couch, the apartment is nice. Olivia can’t help but wonder if this is just her nerves talking. Personally, she has never had the experience of going through the system, but she has been working SVU long enough to know that a high percentage of the kids who spend some time in foster care go out of it carrying their fair share of trauma.
“Okay, what about pepperoni, cheese and mushrooms?” Terry says, already halfway to grabbing his phone again like he might place three separate orders just to make sure they get it right.
Olivia watches him over the top of her reading glasses from where she is leaning against the kitchen counter, her phone in her hand and a small smile tugging at her lips. He has been like this all evening, hovering just a little too close, offering just a little too much, trying to fill every possible silence before it can settle and, honestly, she doesn’t blame him; if she found out she had a fourteen year old daughter, she would probably be trying to overcompensate either.
“Pepperoni’s fine.” Nelly shrugs once, glancing between them. “You don’t have to, like, get a million things, you know.”
She is sitting on one of the stools by the kitchen island and her shoulders are still slightly hunched, her big blue eyes attentive to everything around her like she needs to be prepared for anything because anything could happen. Sitting like things, her fingers picking on the sleeves of the hoodie she wore the entire day, she looks smaller than she did when she entered Olivia’s office the night before. Not in a physical way, but in the way kids do when they’re not quite sure where they fit yet.
“It’s not a million,” Terry argues gently. “It’s three. That’s a very reasonable number of pizzas.”
Olivia lifts an eyebrow. “For three people?”
He opens his mouth then closes it again and that makes Nellie huff out a small laugh before she can stop herself, quicky ducking her head like she didn’t mean to, and Olivia’s lips curve into a small smile as she locks eyes with her husband.
“Okay,” he concedes, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe two?”
“That’s still a lot,” Nellie mutters but there is less tension in her voice now.
That’s when Olivia decides to put her phone face down on the counter and step closer to the island, stepping next to Terry, in front of Nelliw.
“What do you say we go with one pizza, two toppings?” She keeps her tone light. “Later, if we’re till hungry, we can fix something to eat or order something else.”
It doesn’t come as a shock when Nellie looks up at her with her eyes a little wide. “Look, if you guys are worried about me, I really don’t want you to spend money on too much food just because-”
“Honey,” Olivia says gently, placing one hand on the island between them. “We’re a little weird about food all the time, don’t worry.”
It seems to ease her shoulders a little and she gives Olivia a short nod, then glancing at Terry and repeating the motion.
“One pizza, two toppings,” she says.
Terry points between them. “I’m outnumbered.”
“Correct.” Olivia nods at him. “That’s how I feel when you and Noah decide to gang up on me.”
He opens his mouth in mock offense, gasping exaggeratedly, and Olivia smacks him gently on the chest. The day has been long, full of calls and paperwork and questions that don’t have easy answers, with CPS calls, an emergency visit from a social worker, schedules being set and a hearing in a few days. Luckly, with Olivia being an NYPD captain and Terry a sergeant, CPS chose not to place Nellie in foster care again until the hearing, so she will be staying with them.
“Noah’s your son, right?” Nellie asks. “That’s his bedroom down the hall?”
“You did your research.” Olivia smiles at her as Terry steps away to order their pizza. “Yeah, that’s his bedroom. He’s travelling with his dance group.”
“He dances?” Nellie asks and, when Olivia nods, she clears her throat, her fingers still playing with the sleeves of her hoodie. “I, like, wasn’t stalking you or anything, you know. I just… I mean, there’s some things about you online.”
Olivia hums softly as she reaches for the plates on the cabinet, tilting her head slightly to glance at Nellie. “And what did you find?”
“Mostly stuff about your cases,” Nellie replies quickly and Olivia almost winces because she knows which cases are still the first ones to appear, unfortunately. “And, like, some interviews too. Stuff like that.”
“Hm.” Olivia takes three plates, closes the cabinet and rests her hip against the counter, studying Nellie for a second with a sweet smile curving the corner of her lips. “And what did you think?”
She hesitates a little, glancing down before looking up again. “You’re kind of intimidating, I guess.”
Olivia lets out a quiet laugh, which makes Nellie’s lips twitch slightly and her own chest warms up a little more. “I get that a lot.”
“But,” Nellie adds, a little more certain now, “you’re also, like, really nice.” She gestures vaguely, searching for the words. “Not fake nice or anything.”
“I’ll take that,” Olivia says, placing the plates on the island.
There’s a small pause and, for a moment, the only thing they can hear is Terry’s voice as he orders their pizza. Nellie shifts on her stool.
“So, uh…” She pauses again, pursing her lips before looking at Olivia. “He seems to like you a lot.”
Olivia glances over her shoulder where he is by the living room, pacing a little as he speaks on the phone, one hand gesturing widely because the italian in him is extremely strong and she smiles to herself before looking back at Nellie.
“I think he does,” she says. “I mean, he’s always telling me I’m bossy. And that I steal the blankets. And that I’m a little messy when it comes to laundry day. That kind of stuff.”
Nellie’s lips twitch again and she lets out a small laugh. “He’s a cleaning freak?”
“Oh, deeply,” Olivia replies, lowering her voice a little. “Very, very serious about his neatness.”
That gets a real smile out of her this time and before the moment fades away, which Olivia imagines will happen quickly, she asks, “And you? What do you like?”
Nellie blinks, a little thrown by the question. “Like… in general?”
“In general,” Olivia nods. “Music, hobbies, things you hate. I’ll take anything.”
She shrugs slightly, but it’s less defensive than before.
“I like music a lot,” Nellie says. “I had a guitar. Don’t know where it is now.” She pauses briefly. “I like drawing too. Mostly dumb stuff.”
“I doubt it’s dumb.”
“It is,” Nellie insists, but there’s a faint smile there. “Like… cartoons or whatever. Random things.”
Olivia nods, taking that in. There’s something undeniably sweet about that girl, tucked beneath the guarded edges and the indifference she tries so hard to pull off. It’s been only a day, yes, but Olivia can see Terry in her so clearly it almost startles her, like it did last night when Olivia first saw her. The eyes, the expressions, the way her face shifts when she is trying not to react to something, but Nellie isn’t just a reflection of him. She is her own person entirely. There’s a quiet spark in her, something curious and bright that slips through every now and then, especially now when she talked about things she likes, even if she tries to play it off like it’s nothing.
Olivia recognizes that too. The instinct to downplay, to not ask for too much, to make yourself smaller just in case. It makes her chest tighten because she knows that instic far too well.
“We can get you some sketchbooks. And a guitar,” she says casually. “If you want.”
Nellie’s eyes flicker up to hers, cautious. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know,” Olivia replies softly. “But we can.”
A small inhatake of air is heard and, when the silence is too much to take, Nellie looks around the apartment again.
“It’s nice,” she says, almost to herself.
Olivia follows her gaze, nodding once as she looks at Nellie.
“You know this is your house too, right?” She asks gently, like she is trying not to scare her, not to bring it all too hard on her, but it’s something that needs to be said.
Nellie goes very still for a second and Olivia can see it in her eyes that she is trying to place everything in the right place inside her mind, make sense of the words and of the new life she has ahead of her. Olivia can only imagine how hard it was for her to make the decision of looking for her father. Her fingers pause where they were picking at her sleeve and her gaze drops briefly to the island before lifting back up to Olivia.
“You don’t have to figure everything out right now, sweeheart,” Olivia adds, resting her forearms lightly against the island as she gives Nellie a gentle smile. “Or decide how you feel about any of this. I know it’s a lot. Neither I nor your father want to rush anything. But while you’re here… you’re not a guest we’re waiting to leave. Okay?”
They stay silent for a beat while Nellie studies her face like she is checking for doubt, maybe, or conditions attached to the words. Either way, whatever she is looking for, she doesn’t seem to find it.
“Okay,” she says as her shoulders ease a little bit more.
She is clearly not fully convinced, but it’s honest and Olivia’s smile grow a little wider.
[…]
A couple of hours later, after the pizza and some popcorn so they can watch a movie, the three of them say their goodnights to get ready for bed. Olivia enters the ensuite to find Terry brushing his teeth, already in his pajamas with the sleeves pushed up in that quiet domesticity that has followed them since long before the wedding. He catches her reflection in the mirror and his eyes soften instantly, even with the toothbrush still in his mouth, and Olivia leans against the doorframe for a second just to take him in and let the weight of the day land somewhere that doesn’t feel overwhelming, but that feels safe.
He spits, rinses and reaches for the towel, dragging it slowly across his face before exhaling. Instead of breaking the silence, Olivia steps forward and slides her arms around his waist from behind, pressing her cheek lightly between his shoulder blades, grounding herself in him just as much as she knows he needs grounding in her. Terry stills for a moment then his hands come up to rest over hers, their fingers threading instinctively.
“That was a day,” he murmurs and Olivia can’t help but notice how his voice is stripped of the edges he keeps for the outside world, more vulnerable now.
She hums softly against him, her grip tightening just a fraction. “That was definitely a day.”
They stand like that for a beat, the hum of the bathroom light the only sound keeping them away from silence. Somewhere down the hall a door had closed earlier, careful and slow, and Olivia finds herself listening for it even now without meaning to.
“She’s okay, right?” Terry asks after a moment, his thumbs brushing absentmindedly over her knuckles.
It’s a question full of hope. Maybe he is scared of the answer, maybe he just wants it to be true way too bad and Olivia can understand all of that. So she nods again against his back, pressing her cheek a little further into his back.
“As okay as she can be.” She pauses and when she speaks again, her voice is gentler, almost a whisper. “I guess she’s trying not to take up too much space.”
Terry’s jaw tightens slightly in the mirror and Olivia sees it even from behind.
“Yeah,” he says. “I noticed.”
“But she likes you. I can see that,” Olivia adds, a little softer now because she knows he needs to hear it. “She watches you, she wants to get to know you. She wants to get to know her father.”
A quiet breath escapes his lips, something closer to a nervous laugh but a little heavier.
“That’s terrifying, Liv,” Terry says after a beat and Olivia smiles faintly, pressing a small kiss to his shoulder.
“You’re doing fine, baby.”
“I just met her,” he says and there’s something fragile under the words, that vulnerability she got to know so well, “and I already feel like I’m behind on everything.”
Olivia shifts slightly then, moving to stand next to him, and Terry moves with her almost instinctively, turning until they’re face to face. She hugs his waist a little tighter and he hugs her torso gently.
“Welcome to parenthood.” Olivia laughs softly. “But, hey, you’re not behind. You’re starting where you are. That’s all anyone can do.”
Terry nods but she can tell he is still carrying it, the weight of all the years he didn’t know about Nellie, all those years he didn’t get to show up for her, to be her father. She tightens her arms around him again.
“We’ll figure it out,” she murmurs. “One step at a time.”
There’s a small pause when he nods and then he glances at her through the mirror.
“You okay with this?” He asks.
Olivia meets his eyes. “You know I am.”
And she is. It’s overwhelming, yes. Unexpected, yes. Complicated in ways they haven’t even begun to untangle yet, but it also feels right in a way she can’t fully explain, like something has shifted and made space instead of breaking it and she already feels like Nellie belongs with them. And right when she is about to tell him that she feels they will be the best family to her, a loud crash comes from the kitchen.
Police instinctis kicking in, parent instinctis kicking in, they exchange one quick look and run out of the bedroom in sync to head straight for the kitchen where they find Nellie standing in the middle of it, her wide blue eyes staring at the floor where a glass lies shattered, water spread across the floor in uneven streaks. Her hands are shaking and her breathing is uneven and the moment she notices them, she just breaks.
“I’m sorry-” it comes out fast, tangled, already breathless and laced with impending panic. “I didn’t mean to, I just- I was getting water and it slipped and I tried to- Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”
“Hey, Nellie, it’s okay,” Terry says gently, stepping closer, but he stops when she steps back. “Okay, look, just don’t move, okay? You can get hurt.”
Olivia feels it hit her instantly, that instinct to step in and soothe her and fix whatever it is that’s broken, but she stops herself because the look on Terry’s face is more than enough to let her know that he can handle this. That this is his daughter and he needs (for her or for him, she isn’t sure) to be Nellie’s father. So she moves to the cabinet under the sink to grab a plastic bag to collect the shattered glass before someone steps on it.
“Nellie.” Terry moves slowly, careful not to startle her. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” Nellie shakes her head quickly, her voice weak and breaking. “I just got here and I already broke something and I don’t- Shit, I don’t want you two to think I’m-” she swallows hard. “Look, I can pay for it, I swear, I’ll figure it out, I just-”
“Nellie.” Terry’s tone is a little firmer now, not harsh, just grounding. He stops a few steps away from her, giving her space, his hands open at his sides. “Can I come closer?”
She blinks at him, like the question itself throws her off because she isn’t really used to being asked, and then she quickly glances at Olivia who gives her a reassuring nod.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, honey,” Olivia says. “You dropped a glass. That’s it.”
“I’ll replace it,” she insists again, her voice breaking all over itself even further. “I don’t want to mess this up, I don’t- I just got here and- Please, I promise I’ll make it up to you-”
There’s no need for Olivia to look at Terry’s face to know his heart is breaking just like hers is.
“You’re not messing anything up,” he reassures her and, when Nellie looks down at the shattered glass, he steps closer again. “Hey, sweetheart. Look at me.”
It takes a second, but she does and Olivia notices how her eyes are red, but she isn’t crying.
“It’s just a glass,” Terry says. “We’ve got more. I promise you, this is not something you need to fix.”
Her face crumples a little more at that, like the lack of anger is somehow harder to process than the idea of being in trouble, and oh god Olivia sure knows this feeling. Terry hesitates for half a second, then lifts his arms slightly, an open invitation.
“Can I?”
Nellie freezes again, glancing instinctively at Olivia before looking back at Terry and that’s all it takes: she steps forward like the ground might disappear under her feet if she doesn’t move right now and then she is in Terry’s arms, holding onto him a little shaky, like she doesn’t quite know how, but she needs to anyway. The sob that leaves her is quiet but heavy and soon she is crying, her shoulders shaking visibly even in the dimly lit kitchen, even with Terry’s arms wrapped around her and one of his hands coming up to cradle the back of her head.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs against her hair. “You’re okay.”
Nellie shakes her head against his chest, still crying. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are, but you don’t need to be,” he says softly. “It’s okay, honey. It’s okay.”
Olivia watches them for a moment and, while she carefully collects the broken glass, Terry guides Nellie to the living room. She doesn’t rush, making sure the floor is clean and safe and discarding the glass properly before, some time later, joining them in the living room. And when she does, the sight she is met with makes her breath catch in her throat: Terry is sitting on the couch with an asleep Nellie next to him, her head on his chest. Terry is still muttering soothing words to her, telling her not to worry, telling her it’s alright while he strokes her hair.
“Hey,” Olivia whispers, bringing his attention to her. “She’s asleep?”
His eyes soften when he looks down at her face, a small smile instinctively curving the corner of his lips, and he nods when he looks back at Olivia.
“I don’t think I can ever let her go,” Terry whispers back.
Olivia closes the distance between them and reaches for his hair, running her fingers through the soft strands there. He has more gray hairs than brown ones and it’s insane how she loves him more and more each day.
“You don’t have to,” Olivia says, bending enough to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. “You’re her father, Ter. You don’t have to let her go.”
With a soft smile and his eyes watering, Terry nods at her and moves slowly to get up, adjusting his daughter until he can pick her in his arms to take her to her room. Olivia follows calmly, watching as he tucks Nellie in just like Olivia did with Noah so many times before, and once he is back at her side, his eyes glued to Nellie’s sleeping figure, Olivia can’t hold back the smile that curves on her lips.
“Hey,” she says and, when his eyes are on her, she adds, “you’ve got this. We’ve got this.”
Terry nods.
“Thank you, Liv,” he murmurs, reaching for her face, cupping her jaw gently. “Thank you so much for being with me.”
“For better or for worse,” Olivia says.
And when Terry leans down to place a gently kiss on her lips, she knows with an unwavering certainty that yes, they’ve got this.
Together. As a family.
They’ve got this.