Chapter Text
“I cannot believe it was Chou who got a crush first.” Nobara tossed herself into the cushions in Chousou’s rooms, comfortable for a rotating array of visitors and siblings seeking company at night. “I had money on it being Ben, honestly. He's such a romantic.”
“Would never have seen it coming.” Megumi agreed. He was much more sensible and sat at the kotatsu with real manners. Yuuji joined him, shoulder to shoulder and leaning against the table casually.
“I suppose it is odd for me of all my siblings to be attracted to someone.” Chousou agreed. His low emotional range was well known even before Tobirama put it into words and terms to explain it.
“So? Give me the details, Chousou!” Nobara said from her pillows. “You like him? How'd that happen?”
Chousou laid out what had occurred the week prior rather factually. But when he tried to explain his feelings and how they had come to be they came out rather nonsensical. He’d never fumbled over his words so thoroughly before.
“I just… feel.” He ended rather poorly.
“Oh wow. Yeah you've got feelings.” Yuuji said.
“It's cute. His first puppy crush.” Nobara snickered. “Not as naughty as I was expecting… but that's fair.”
“I still do not have the desire to pursue sex.” Chousou said plainly. “I simply find him… pleasant.” That was the best way he could find to describe it. Tobirama was comfortable.
“Owch. Pretty lackluster way to describe a crush.”
“Is it?” Chousou frowned.
“Ignore her.” Megumi sighed. “If you don't want sex, that's fine. If you do, that's okay too. It's all up to you and Tobirama what you do with this.”
Chousou huffed faintly. “I do not know what to do with it. All I know is I cannot stop thinking of him. Kyoukyou won't stop giggling when I host them. I am unable to focus on my tasks without thinking of him. It is frustrating.” He frowned fully and properly. “Furthermore, he has… begun to avoid me since then. It makes me feel… bad.” He didn’t know what other word to use than ‘bad’.
Nobara whistled. Yuuji winced jokingly.
“Yikes. Yeah, that's gotta sting a bit.”
“He most likely doesn't know what to do either.” Megumi sighed again. “Tobirama has always given off the impression of someone not too interested in others. You're also in a position of power over him, being the head of the clan, which means that could complicate things.”
“Why?” Chousou tilted his head, confused.
An irritated lecture on power dynamics followed. Primarily based on Megumi’s knowledge of the Zenin clan and the abuses of power that high ranking members committed against the lower. Semi-based on their own struggles with it.
Chousou hadn't known they'd had any troubles at all in their relationship. He was shocked, frankly.
“We don't let it matter, that's all.” Nobara rolled her eye pointedly. It brings Chousou’s eyes to the lines of red flesh across her face where her face still had some delayed healing to do. More signs of Tobirama’s surprising kindness, removing Mahito’s legacy and scars on her flesh. “Yeah, Sukuna could trash us all if he wasn't playing nice for Yuuji. Yeah, anyone could make me do whatever they wanted since they're stronger than me. Yeah, Yuuji technically could make anyone do anything with Sukuna to back him. It doesn't matter because we're not letting it matter.”
“You should let me make people obey you due to my power.” Sukuna purred to Yuuji, followed by Yuuji slapping a hand over his neck to cover his mouth.
“Not happening, jerk.” Chousou’s youngest brother rolled his eyes. An ominous chuckle came from somewhere underneath his clothes.
“Most people need more assurance than that.” Megumi said with no small amount of exasperation. “Power imbalances are important to deal with.”
“And they mean jack shit with us.” She shot back.
“They may be important for me.” Chousou tested slowly. It sounded correct.
“Maybe.”
“And power imbalances very likely are important to Tobirama.” He continued.
“Most likely.”
Chousou absorbed that. “Then it is simply something I will keep in mind.” He nodded. “I keep in mind my authority as eldest brother and avoid abusing that all the time.”
“That’s true.” Yuuji said with a smile. “You’re pretty good at not being a dick. I’ve seen a lot of people with older brothers who really rub it in their faces.”
“Thank you.” Chousou was pleased to hear Yuuji say so. He did try to ‘not be a dick’. “But… what do I do?” He was still frustrated. “What should I do?”
“Do you know what you want from Tobirama?” Megumi asked, the most polite of the three. “Do you think you want a relationship at all?”
Chousou considered that. “Perhaps? I’m unsure what the average relationship entails.”
“We are literally right here.”
“Noba, we are not a good example to build a relationship off of.” Yuuji snickered. “Even I know that.”
“That’s fair. Every relationship in this estate is batshit insane.” Megumi rubbed his face with both hands. “Please never consider anything Tou-ru or Suguru do as normal.”
“I generally consider anything either of them do as likely to be the opposite of ‘normal’.” Chousou assured him.
Nobara let out a short cackle that sounded more like a hawk screaming.
“Good.” Megumi sighed. “Having said that, I’m pretty sure every relationship is different anyways.” He frowned.
“So you don’t want to have sex, or anything, you just wanna hang out with him a lot?” Nobara sobered up a touch, leaning forward.
“I suppose so.” Chousou frowned. “I do not wish to make him uncomfortable.” Tobirama must be uncomfortable on some level if he was avoiding Chousou.
“Just ask him if he is.” Nobara shrugged. “If he’s uncomfortable, let him know nothing’s gonna happen if he doesn’t wanna, and you just like being near him if he’s alright with that. See what happens from there. Rushing into it’s only gonna confuse the both of you. Usually relationships develop pretty naturally on their own, you know.”
“That was surprisingly mature coming from you.” Megumi said.
“Wh- hey! Which one of us was the one to actually ask you idiots out?!”
“Yeah, you. Only after Sukuna told us to fuck Yuuji or he’d find someone else to do it, though.” Megumi deadpanned.
Everything devolved into an argument for a while. Fortunately said argument filled the air as Chousou mentally compiled an appropriate way to word his request to Tobirama. And the three were willing to be sounding boards once he had an idea of how to proceed.
It was likely immature of Tobirama to avoid Chousou, once he’d confronted him about the matter.
It hadn’t been outright evident that Chousou was attracted to him. Tobirama could say he definitely understood the chakra signatures of all the Itadoris at this point. But they did all have vastly different ranges. And Chousou’s feelings, while either very muted or overpoweringly singleminded, were all rather muddled. On the occasion he felt something ‘new’ so to speak, Tobirama was just as puzzled over it as Chousou was.
It hadn’t been attraction at first. When Tobirama had first noticed anything different from Chousou’s chakra it could be summarized as something of an inexplicable fondness. He dismissed it as simply appreciating someone else’s company, especially when Tobirama appreciated Chousou’s company himself. He was very odd and rudely blunt (even by Tobirama’s standards) but he could admit the two of them were very similar in personality.
It was later that it began to be… different. A unique feeling amongst Chousou’s chakra that grew the longer they spoke. Especially the more the half-curse simply sat next to him.
Tobirama eventually realized it was attraction when they sparred. He’d experienced other people’s attraction before. When you were a sensor as powerful as Tobirama was it was impossible not to know such things far younger than perhaps suitable.
He’d never had someone look at him with attraction though. Chousou did not show it on his face, but his eyes followed Tobirama like he physically could not look away. Had followed Tobirama’s calculated attempts to clarify if it was actually interest in his seals or interest in him.
The way Chousou’s chakra had nearly vibrated with interest when he traced his chest was… hm. Tobirama wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
Mostly he felt confused. No one had ever looked at him with interest growing up. None of his peers, and thankfully none of the adults in the clans. Everyone generally just avoided him actually. Most felt disgust, fear, and discomfort when they saw Tobirama and his pale skin, hair, and most important the red eyes that labeled him as cursed.
(Now he knew, for a fact, that his eyes were not cursed, and solely just a condition thanks to the lack of pigmentation in his body. But the thought he was cursed had been prominent for a very long time and he wasn’t sure what to do with the knowledge that he was not ill luck on his clan just for the color of his skin and eyes.)
He also felt an immense sense of awkwardness having to explain to the man that he was feeling attraction. It was incredibly embarrassing to have to explain to someone that they liked you.
Tobirama was rather unused to dealing with this situation, so he simply informed Chousou of the matter to clarify things and left him to it. He’d been somewhat avoiding him ever since. He figured the man likely had quite some new revelations to figure out. Especially knowing that Chousou had only had an actual physical body recently. Within the past few years. Chousou might be far older than Tobirama by a technicality, but it was not so in life experience.
He couldn’t stop feeling people’s emotions. He’d been coping horribly for years without a proper lodestone to focus his sensing on. Kyoukyou was a strangely easy way to be his own lodestone, if he used their chakra as a focus. They’d been polite and not forced the matter but they’d insisted that Tobirama could ask the rest of the Itadoris to serve as lodestones and none would mind. Tobirama had a strong feeling they were right, but there was also something personal he didn’t think he could quite explain about it that had him hesitating.
Tobirama’s sensory range extended somewhere around the size of Fire Country, though he’d done his best to not test that since his banishment. Pushing his limits without a lodestone nearby to center himself on was a very risky proposition. He’d developed a series of seals to focus on during his youth, driven nearly mad from being forced to leave behind his brother and cousin, his only lodestones. They didn’t remove his sensing - that would actually drive him mad - but they certainly made it easier to reduce his range.
And still, his range was more than capable of sensing the entire Itadori estate, and most of Iron at that. Part of the reason he’d moved to Iron was the considerably lower population. He’d almost gone to Suna if it weren’t for the likelihood of overtaxing his skin protection seals.
He couldn’t ignore Chousou’s mixed confusion, attraction, and mild annoyance over the next few weeks. He could gracefully not mention it and pretend he did not feel any of it. But he couldn’t actually ignore it.
Which meant he did know when Chousou’s chakra settled closer to its usual state, with only a mild frustration left. He believed that to be the end of it. He wasn’t oblivious to how little regard the elder Itadoris held for humans that did not fall within their very limited circle of trusted ones. Rightfully so, in Tobirama’s opinion. To Tobirama, the calming was likely Chousou putting the attraction out of his mind and choosing to ignore it and carry on.
So he didn’t use his sensing to avoid Chousou after that, thinking things would proceed as usual.
Chousou found him in the gardens again. It was only because Tobirama was particularly looking that he felt the man’s mild surprise and growing contentment at actually finding him. He’d been avoiding him for a while now, so it seemed Chousou was happy to see him. Which was… a touch odd, but welcome.
The half-curse sat down next to him on the bench he was sitting at. When he opened his mouth Tobirama expected it to be about their usual conversations. Something quiet and non consequential. Maybe a bit more of a deep dive on Tobirama’s research, as he sometimes did.
“Does my attraction to you make you uncomfortable?” Chousou asked.
Tobirama sat there, fully perplexed.
“I… I am unsure.” He said after a few minutes, Chousou waiting patiently for a response. “I have never been the subject of someone’s attentions before.”
A trace of dissatisfaction to Chousou’s chakra almost distracted him from his words.
“That is a shame.” Chousou said honestly. “I apologize if I make you uncomfortable at any point.”
Tobirama looked to him with a tilt of his head.
“I find your company pleasant. You are intelligent and kind and, if I may assume, you do not find my company distasteful.” Chousou said, almost rehearsed. “I do not intend to pursue anything you are uncomfortable with, nor do I know precisely how to proceed. But I would like to remain in your company when possible.”
Tobirama sat there blinking in surprise for a good handful of minutes before he realized Chousou was waiting for a response.
“I… would not be opposed, I suppose.” Tobirama said eventually. “What would that entail?” He asked warily.
“Simply the same as we have done before.” Chousou said, a touch of happiness in his chakra that grew stronger as he spoke. “Speaking, sitting in silence, sparring, or otherwise. There would be no change, I should not think.”
Tobirama considered that. “I have never been in a relationship before.” He warned, almost hoping Chousou would back out, purely because Tobirama did not know what to do in the slightest.
“I as well.” Chousou nodded. “I am told every relationship is different. And we need not do anything you don’t wish to. I do not want to make you uncomfortable.”
Chousou’s repeated insistence on that fact was the thing making Tobirama uncomfortable. But… it was flattering. And he knew that as dangerous as Chousou was, he was also kind in his own way. Solely to his family and those put under his protection. But kind.
…he supposed he did count as one of those under Chousou’s protection, now that he thought about it.
“...very well.” Tobirama nodded.
Chousou was thoroughly pleased and content, to an exaggerated degree. But it only showed in a faint smile. At the very least, Tobirama wouldn’t have to put up with the moon eyed staring and idiotic stumbling he recalled around his brother in their teenage years.
That was that. Chousou settled slightly more comfortably on the bench and began a conversation about Shouso’s most recent fashion disaster. A disaster because it fell apart, her attempts to create buttons failing in the face of her muscles and strength. Tobirama slowly relaxed and participated in the conversation like before.
If he kept ‘peeking’ in on the contentedness in Chousou’s chakra, well, nobody would know. It was… nice.
Wait a moment. Chousou paused mid action, raking the walkways and staring off into the distance.
Kyoukyou started giggling madly in the back of his mind.
“Why did you not inform me I was experiencing a crush on Tobirama?” Chousou thought to his younger sibling, even knowing they already knew what he was going to ask.
“Kyoukyou doesn’t know everything.” They pouted.
Chousou stayed silent, aware Kyoukyou could feel his doubt.
“Kyou doesn’t like to tell people what they’re feeling.” His sibling admitted after another minute of giggles. “Kyou already doesn’t like having to know what people are feeling- it’s rude!”
“You are my sibling.” Chousou said out loud, resuming raking. “You are welcome to my emotions any time.”
“That’s really sweet and Kyou appreciates it! But it’s still a violation of personal autonomy.” A brief flash of a conversation with Tobirama accompanied that, along with the understanding Tobirama and Kyoukyou were commiserating on their shared abilities that involved being forced to intrude on other people’s privacy whether they wanted to or not.
“I’m glad you can find things in common with your friends,” Chousou said. “But I do not mind.” From either of them.
“Still! Unless you ask Kyou, Kyoukyou’s gonna keep your thoughts and emotions secret!”
“I appreciate that.” Chousou smiled softly.
Kyoukyou writhed happily over his skin, churning with reciprocated love and affection.
Tobirama wasn’t sure how to deal with the sudden attention, honestly. The rest of the Itadoris were polite with their interest - most just seemed quietly thrilled that Chousou was so fond of him. But some - notably Gojo - seemed intent on teasing him about it, to what end Tobirama couldn’t tell. He was hardly embarrassed over receiving someone else’s attention.
Chousou’s attention was a lot easier to deal with, at least. It was just a quiet sort of contentedness. The occasional bits of attraction from his chakra when sparring. A mildly softer look than Chousou’s usual strictly unmoving face here and there. Being watched, constantly, when Chousou was not occupied with his siblings or something else.
Being stared at was unnerving for a shinobi. But Tobirama worked up the nerve to ask that he stop staring. What followed was an interesting and informative discussion as to what counted as staring verses simply watching someone. They arrived at the conclusion that it was mostly up to the individual in question, and Chousou asked that he simply say so if he felt uncomfortable in the moment and Chousou would stop. Which resolved itself quite well.
Weirdly well. Tobirama was not sure what to do with himself about it all frankly.
Over the next few months it became… nice. He got used to the attention. It was quiet and simple and not overbearing in the slightest.
Maybe he enjoyed the simplicity of it. Maybe it was just because he’d never been the center of someone’s attention and it was getting to him. But.
“I think I may enjoy your company as well.” Tobirama said simply, boldened by Kyoukyou’s encouragement all day.
Chousou looked to him with a swell of affection in his chakra that was unmistakable.
He didn’t say anything in return, and Tobirama understood both from his sensing and Kyoukyou’s soft advice that Chousou likely did not know what to say.
Well. The next step of enjoying someone’s company was usually rather obvious.
“Would you like to hold hands?” Tobirama asked, because he did not think he would dislike it.
Chousou smiled. Enough to reach his eyes. He reached across the bench and did so, a tad awkward at first before he adjusted.
Tobirama examined his reaction as best he could when he always felt so separate from his own emotions.
He supposed he liked this as well.
“This is sickening.” Nobara said, legs tossed over a cushion.
“I think it’s really sweet.” Benhi blushed, looking embarrassed.
“They’re sickening.” Nobara emphasized. “Like it’s adorable, don’t get me wrong. It’s just also fucking disgusting. This is worse than Yuuji’s first month together when he was a lovesick puppy.”
“Have you noticed they keep like, gravitating towards each other?” Shouso clapped two hands together, the other two doing dexterity exercises. “It’s so cute. It was just Chou-nii at first, but now Tobirama just keeps kind of leaning towards him. He tilts his head to him a lot when he’s nearby.”
“They don’t even do anything scandalous.” Benhi covered his redface with his hand. “They just stand next to each other. Sometimes they hold hands. It’s so freaking cute!”
“It’s ridiculous. They are two grown ass men.” Nobara threw her hands up.
“Not everyone can be so forward as you, Noba-chan.” Shouso teased.
“They’re acting like children.”
“It’s only been a month!” Benhi looked like he was melting into his couch.
“And? You know most grown ass adults fuck, right?”
“Not until they’re married!” Benhi protested.
“Benben, the world is not your romance books.” Shouso reached a hand out to swipe at his messy bun.
Benhi pouted.
“Have you ever kissed anyone?”
The question was a bit of an odd one.
“No. I have never been in a relationship before.” Tobirama reminded him.
“Romance is not a prerequisite to other forms of attraction. Or so I have been told.” Chousou tilted his head.
“I have never been in any form of relationship beyond familial.” Tobirama corrected.
Chousou actually frowned, looking over at the shrubbery in detail.
“...does this include friendship?” His chakra was disturbed.
“I have never had friends, no.” Tobirama tried not to think about how pathetic that sounded. Chousou didn’t have friends outside of family allies either.
He seemed to let that pass for the moment.
“So you have never kissed anyone.” Chousou said. “Would you be willing to try kissing me?”
“I am willing to try.” Tobirama agreed. “...right now?”
“If you are willing.” Chousou nodded.
Tobirama didn’t have an opposition to it. He actually felt a little… excited. Admittedly, a fair portion of said excitement was because he was genuinely curious what the appeal of kissing was. It just seemed… messy, when he’d tried to picture it before.
The two of them turned sideways on the bench to face each other, rather than sitting side to side as they always did. Over time they’d slowly inched closer and closer until Tobirama often forgot it wasn’t actually very polite to be in someone else’s space so much.
They bumped noses at first. Chousou felt a touch of embarrassment, but didn’t show it. Tobirama assured him it was alright. Neither of them knew what they were doing.
Pressing their lips together was simple enough. But he was fairly certain there was more to the action. He opened his mouth curiously.
Chousou copied him.
They seemed to slot together, then Chousou flicked his tongue out a touch and Tobirama was filled with a touch of combined giddiness and disgust.
He didn’t draw back immediately. Tobirama gave it a game attempt for several minutes actually, growing more confident in actually performing the action. The shinobi part of his mind refused to not learn a skill just because it was disgusting. And any skill was useful - even kissing.
He drew back after those minutes were up, though, lips a touch wet and a bit breathless. He wouldn’t deny something was interesting there. However.
“I’m not sure I liked that.” He said immediately. Which was a shame, because he could feel a touch of interest in Chousou’s chakra. And disappointment at his words. Followed by acceptance. “You liked it.”
“I did, but I wouldn’t say it was half as exciting as others seem to think of it.” Chousou huffed faintly.
Tobirama snorted. Yes, Getou and Satoru tended to ‘make out’ on a regular basis regardless of who was present.
“Would you want to kiss going forward?” Tobirama asked.
“Perhaps. But not if you didn’t like it.”
“I’m unsure.” Tobirama shook his head. They’d begun holding hands somewhere along the way, with one of Chousou’s hands wrapped around his waist. He liked that. “It was not terrible- merely… I don’t know. It was… gross.” He wrinkled his nose at the immature way to describe it. But it really was. Hot and wet and unpleasant. Their tongues touching just felt slimy. It was interesting to taste Chousou’s lips, to feel the texture of them, but it was just as gross as it was interesting.
“May I try again briefly?” Chousou asked, no judgement whatsoever in his chakra.
Tobirama leaned in as an answer but instead of a longer kiss, Chousou merely pressed a quick kiss to his lips and drew back.
“Was that gross?”
“No.” He felt weirdly embarrassed by it, because it was so simple and felt so nice despite that. “I liked that.”
Chousou felt a deep contentment before leaning in and pressing another kiss to Tobirama’s cheek.
He could feel his cheeks starting to burn red. He could feel Chousou’s rising attraction, eyes following his blush.
“Do you mind those sorts of kisses, then?” Chousou asked, sounding mildly smug.
“No.” Tobirama had not felt shy since he was a very, very small child.
“Then I do not need the other kind.” He said, still smug, holding Tobirama closer.
Tobirama huffed and turned so they were sitting side to side again, trying to ignore his rising embarrassment and dare he say it. Flustered feelings.