Work Text:
ESPN: BREAKING NEWS: Ottawa Centaurs win the Stanley Cup in an epic showdown against Vegas Golden Knights, pulling it off with an 8-2 win...
Cens
Roz
we are leaving for bar in 10 minutes everyone be ready
Roz
be ready to celebrate with cup🏆
Roz
i am bringing it so we can drink vodka from it😏
Young
fuck ok
Young
can we have 15 pls
Holmy
pls
Roz
no
Shane
Of course :)
@fortunatelyacensfan
GUYS THE CENS ARE AT THE BAR I'M AT
@fortunatelyacensfan
HOLY FUCK THE STANLEY CUP IS HERE
@fortunatelyacensfan
omg wait they're drinking out the stanley cup this is so fucking cool to witness
@fortunatelyacensfan
LORD THESE MEN ARE SO HOT
@fortunatelyacensfan
this is so entertaining to watch, they're all so drunk! even shane hollander is drinking!!!
@fortunatelyacensfan
omg one of the players (idk which one sorry) just proposed marriage to the girl he's been making out with all night i died
@fortunatelyacensfan
lmao roz just did a bodyshot off his husbands stomach GOD THEY R SO FUCKING HOT
@fortunatelyacensfan
i'm actually combusting where i stand
@fortunatelyacensfan
i feel like a creep now actually
@fortunatelyacensfan
okay wait some of the cens just left
@fortunatelyacensfan
i think it was shane hollander and some of the rookies maybe?
Roz
@Shane where are you
Roz
@Shane ????
Holmy
dw capein he ibse wiht bus
Boyle
aksn qwe geyutng ak gtattiokp
Roz
????????
Roz
ENGLISH IS AHARD ENOUGHE STOP THIS
Roz
WHERE IS MY HUSBAND
You have [16] missed calls from Ilya.
@fortunatelyacensfan
i'm dying rozanov just started drunk crying
@fortunatelyacensfan
he keeps shouting 'SHANYA COME BACK' and crying LMAO
@fortunatelyacensfan
actually its time for me to go home too i'm falling asleep sorry everyone
@fortunatelyacensfan
everyone say good night, god bless, and good luck to the cens when they wake up tomorrow because they're gonna be HANGING
@HolmbergJackHockey
ndopnw
sla[ bihdo olsk]]]]]]]]]]]
[Photos attached:
1: A blurry picture burst of the floor;
2: A picture of the rookie, Theo Young, passed out in the hotel room bathtub wearing a pair of shorts, a crop top that reads 'i heart sluts', a feather boa, and a pair of cheap, bright yellow sunglasses;
3: A blurry picture of a fruity, colourful cocktail with a bendy straw and a mini umbrella in it. In the background, however, Luca Haas can be seen making out with Theo Young, and is almost straddling him;
4: A picture of Shane Hollander in a tattoo parlour looking pleased with himself but also very drunk. Rookies Eric LaPointe, Theo Young, Zack Boyle, and Luca Haas are behind him. Theo Young is cheering and Eric LaPointe is grinning and is giving Shane two thumbs up.
5: A picture of Shane Hollander in the same tattoo parlour from the back. He's wearing his top but only a pair of boxers on the bottom. His tattoo is not visible, as there is a absorbent white pads covering the upper thigh.]
@fortunatelyacensfan
OH WOW
@fortunatelyacensfan
clearly a lot happened after i left
@fortunatelyacensfan
so much to address here idek where to start jfc
@fortunatelyacensfan
not holmberg accidentally leaking his own camera roll i'm crying
@fortunatelyacensfan
i though gen z were supposed to be tech geniuses
@fortunatelyacensfan
OH HOLY FUCK SHANE HOLLANDER GOT A THIGH TATTOO
@fortunatelyacensfan
I'M GOING TO PASS AWAY
Yuna
Shane Hollander!
Yuna
Twitter is saying you got a tattoo???????????????
Cens
Boyle
is anyone alive
Boyle
holmy is legit a zombie
Boyle
also he apparently got a tattoo last night??????
Young
kys
Boyle
🥲
Young
wait holmy got a tat hahahahaha
Young
pls say tramp stamp pls say tramp stamp pls say tramp stamp🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Holmy
go fuck urself
Roz
no i am dead
Roz
shane is also dead i think because it is past 7am and he is still asleep
Young
so sad that ur old men now
Young
can't hold ur vodka anymore😔
Young
tragic
Roz
i am fragile right now young do not do this to me
Wyatt
No, I am not okay :(
Dykstra
I am also not ok. My head is in PAIN.
Dysktra
I feel like my head got kicked in by a horse, then my brains leaked out and got repeatedly rolled over by a truck, before being shoved back inside.
Boyle
what a way with words
Holmy
poet of the century✍️
Young
@Dykstra if it helps this is how i feel when u play ur music so
Dykstra
Bood is still asleep. I'm so jealous.
Dykstra
Is anyone alive enough to go punch Young???
Ilya Rozanov emphasised this message.
Young
ah jesus christ i think i have a tattoo as well???????????
Young
wait wait wait hold on
Holmy
HAHA YOU GOT A TAT TOO
Holmy
manifesting tramp stamp for you too fucker🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️
Luca
i just woke up :(
Luca
wish i hadn’t :(
Luca
also does anyone actually remember anything from last night? my last memory is arriving at the bar…
Dykstra
What time is check out??
Barrett
I actually feel ok. Harris is still asleep.
Barrett
Think I'm gonna wake him soon tho cause his phone won't stop ringing.
Barrett
Also check out is at 11 I think.
Holmy
idk if I can rally by 11 ngl
Dillon
I feel great! Me and Nick are at breakfast if anyone wants to join :)
Nick
He's lying he just puked into his own hat
Dillon
Bro
Weibe
After some of the texts I received last night I extended everyone’s check out to 3pm. But flight is STILL at 8pm! Do NOT be late.
Young
my king🙏🏽🙏🏽
Holmy
thank you legend
Roz
thank you weibe u are the best
Roz
i am going back to sleep
Roz
everyone back to sleep captain orders
Hazy
@Weibe you are my new favourite superhero🦸🏻
Hazy
WAIT NO SLEEP
Hazy
WE NEED MORE INFO ON THE TATTOOS
Holmy
ok wait who actually has one??
Young
me
Holmy
me
Luca
is that everyone?
Young
no luca u have one too u forgot
Luca
WHAT
Luca
NO I DON'T
Luca
WHAT
Young
yh it says i’m hollanov's no 1 fan😏
Luca
i hate you so fucking much omg
Luca
everyone theo is lying
Holmy
wow theo being annoying asf???? who would have guessed????
Dykstra
I'm so shocked by this news.
Dillon
LOL
Young
fuck u all
Hazy
BACK TO THE TATTOOS
Hazy
Send pictures please👀
Young
u dirty dirty bastard
Holmy
inappropriate!!!
Holmy
i'm telling lisa!!!!!!!!!!
Young
i'm feeling very vulnerable and sexualised in the workplace😦
Boyle
@everyone here are the pictures
Boyle
[2 photos attached]
Young
@Harris help us!! i'm reporting this to hr
Dysktra
Ok they're not bad actually
Dykstra
Can't go wrong with a stanley cup tat
Dykstra
I actually kind of want to get one too
Dillon
Same
Dillon
Nick says same but he says he can't text rn cause his phone is giving him a headache
Harris
For the last time, I am NOT HR.
Hazy
Harris ur alive!!!
Hazy
How are you feeling?
Harris
Oh Jesus Christ.
Hazy
??
Harris
I've just seen an email from I got from Liz titled MEETING REGARDING TWITTER POST???????????😠😠😠
Barrett
Own up guys
Barrett
Who caused this??
Barrett
Who is making my boyfriend have to work with a hangover on his first day off in months?😒
Hazy
Wait what?
Harris
Has anyone been online today it's not even 11am?🥲🥲🥲
Dillon
No I’m barely responding to this chat LOL
Dykstra
Not me
Boyle
i turned my notifs off after we won stanley for anything except texts
Holmy
same
Young
me three
Luca
Harris what’s happening???
Harris
@Holmberg Oh I’m going to murder you.
Holmy
what??
Holmy
why me🫨
Harris
Check twitter.
Holmy
oh fuck
Holmy
oh holy shit
Holmy
@Luca and @Young I'm so sorry guys :(
Luca
What does this mean???
Luca
Explain please
Holmy
one sec I'm gonna screenshot the tweet and then delete it
Holmy
ok deleted
Holmy
[6 screenshots attached]
Hazy
Oh holy shit
Dykstra
HOLY SHITT
Luca
Oh my God
Luca
This is so embarrassing
Luca
Fuck
Young
oh wow
Holmy
i’m really really sorry guys😓
Young
some memories are returning to me now @Luca
Young
lets do it again😏
Luca
Are you joking around?
Young
no direct message me😚😚😚😚
Young
@Holmy its ok bro it was an accident
Luca
@Holmy don’t worry about it❤️
Boyle
i fucking knew it!!!!!!
Boyle
i literally called this last month
Boyle
WAIT IS THAT SHANE HOLLANDER GETTING A TATTOO?????????
Young
oh holy shit hahaah i forgot we all convinced hollzy to get a tat
Dykstra
Oh my GOD
Dillon
You did what?😮😮😮
Nick
I came on my phone again just for this
Hazy
I’m waking up Bood this is 911 levels
Hazy
Does anyone know what it is??
Luca
no
Young
i wish
Holmy
no idea
Boyle
i have no clue unfortunately
Dillon
I didn’t even know anyone gots tats until an hour ago
Dykstra
Same
Bood
What the actual fuck happened last night?
Bood
Jesus
Bood
I’m just reading through the chat now
Hazy
@Roz are you awake??????
Hazy
@Shane ????
Hazy
Everyone call them we need to wake them up
Roz
you are all trying to make my phone explode?
Roz
what is problem
Roz
is someone dying
Roz
someone better be dying
Shane
What’s happening? Is everyone okay?
Hazy
@Shane Do you have a tattoo?
Shane
DO I HAVE A WHAT?
Hazy
It’s the rookie’s fault!
Roz
A tattoo????
Roz
One moment
Roz
Wow
Roz
i am
Roz
wow
Roz
baby rookies you are all getting $5,000 bonus each for helping shane do this
@therealilyarozanov ✔️
this is better than stanley cup😍😍😍
[Photo attached: Shane Hollander’s thigh, which has a small, thin tattoo of the letters ‘IR’ and the numbers ‘81’].
Ilya Rozanov
hello coach me and shane are not coming to airport
Ilya Rozanov
we are extending stay we are not leaving hotel room for many days ok bye
LaPointe
I just woke up in a random hotel room
LaPointe
Guys I think I got married last night???