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“If you don’t stop pacing, I’ll make you stop.”
“If you don’t stop telling me to stop pacing, I’ll…”
When Fili couldn’t even come up with an adequate threat, Kili knew it was time to take action. “She’ll be fine. Why don’t you sit down for a bit?”
“She’s been in there for hours. Hours, Kili! More than one!”
“Oh for Mahal’s sake,” Ori muttered. Dwalin snorted in amusement and patted his husband’s back in sympathetic agreement. Kili couldn’t argue with them: Fili was driving them all mad, and how they’d held on this long without saying anything so far, he didn’t know.
He knew it’d been hours since Dernwyn had gone into labor because he’d spent every minute of those hours watching Fili lose his mind. Oin and Dis had promptly shoved everyone out of the room, only allowing a few of the healers in. Lord Elrond himself had run from where he’d been waiting in the guest chambers and quickly been ushered in.
That had, perhaps, been about three hours ago. The stone walls had kept everything silent. Well, everything except Fili’s pacing. His feet echoed on the floor, a gentle tap tap tap that only spoke of urgency when one listened to the speed of the steps. Three hours of it had started grating on everyone’s nerves, but one look at Fili’s face had silenced any grumbling.
Fili looked terrified. And with good reason.
The pregnancy had been an easy one, in the beginning. Dernwyn discovering that she’d been carrying had been a blessing, one celebrated throughout the kingdom. Bofur had looked as proud as Fili, speaking about his ‘niece’ often and with bright grins. They’d teased Fili and Dernwyn about name choices – and Bilbo had come up with the worst, making Thorin choke – and they’d all been merry. Even as Dernwyn had gotten bigger, they’d all joyously felt the first kicks and been possibly even happier than the soon-to-be parents.
The eighth month had been the end of the innocent happiness. Dernwyn had collapsed in one of the halls, telling them later that she’d simply gotten dizzy. Then she’d gotten sick, sick enough that Bilbo and Legolas had sent a raven flying to Rivendell in the hopes that someone could offer wisdom and help. With the babe so close by the standards of men, a sudden labor would’ve been unwelcome but acceptable. However, the babe, a blood mix of men and dwarves, meant that all general ideas were off the table. Dwarves tended to carry until eleven months, unlike the nine months of human women. Ten had been the guess for Dernwyn’s baby. Which meant that eight months was far too few for their child.
Even as Dernwyn had slowly tried to regain her strength, Lord Elrond had arrived with a few other elves, promising to stay through the two months left. Despite the general murmur throughout the kingdom about the elves appearing, they were accepted with little to no resistance. Whether that was to Legolas and Tauriel being well known faces in Erebor, or to the fact that the future of Durin was on the line, no one knew and no one particularly cared. Not when it meant that Dernwyn might finally be healthy.
Dernwyn recovered and put back on the weight she and the baby desperately needed. Everyone took a breath, and because they could, they took a second one. The ninth month came and went.
Then Dernwyn got so dizzy she nearly tumbled down the stairs, and Fili had had to carry her back to bed, her eyes pinched so tightly shut that Kili had winced in sympathy. She’d been on bed rest after that, her appetite diminishing as the room had continued to spin whenever it had felt like.
It was almost a relief, to have the baby finally coming, if only to help his sister stand on her own two feet again without going pale and nearly stumbling. She’d tried to get out of bed just yesterday, before the contractions had started, and if it hadn’t been for Thorin and Bofur being nearby, she would’ve hit the floor. As it was, Kili wasn’t certain he’d seen fear like that on their faces for a very long time. He could stand to not see it again any time soon.
“Fili,” Thorin called softly when Fili started twisting his marriage braid, hard enough that everyone in the room cringed in sympathetic pain. “Fili, come sit down.”
“I can’t,” Fili said. He turned and paced back again. Tap tap tap. “I should be in there.”
“You’ll be of no help to her,” Bilbo said. Fili glared at him, fear in his eyes, and Bilbo sighed. “I mean it. She needs someone who can stand strong for her when the blood flows and the pain hits.”
With every word, Fili got paler and paler until Nori had to reach out to steady him. Bilbo gave him a grim smile. “Oin can be stoic because he’s a healer. Your mother knows how it is to carry a baby so she can be sympathetic. And Lord Elrond is one of the best healers in all of Middle-Earth. He can help her, more than we could.”
Fili began to answer, but suddenly a scream came from beyond the doors, cutting through even the stone wall. Everyone froze, and Kili quickly raced off of his seat to catch Fili when his brother stumbled. “Easy,” he said, “easy. You remember women giving birth in the Blue Mountains, right? They screamed like that.”
It was hard to remember that, when it was his sister, Fili’s wife, screaming as if she were dying.
“Think he’s gonna be sick?” Nori asked, glancing at Fili warily as if to judge the distance between them. Kili rolled his eyes and finally managed to get Fili over to the bench. Thorin and Bilbo moved over to give Fili room. Fili did look pale and slightly green, and when another cry rose up he flinched. His hands jerked as if they wanted to cover his head, and Kili caught them with his.
“Hey, she’ll be all right. It’s been a little rough, but it’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. And the babe will be right as rain, too.”
“Only so right it can be, with Fili as the father,” Dwalin said, and Fili huffed a broken laugh. Kili wasn’t sure if that was progress or not. All he knew was that his brother was trying not to fall apart in front of him. It made his heart ache to see.
“Fee,” he murmured, and Fili gripped his hands so hard Kili could feel bones moving. He’d been told that the wives giving birth broke hands, but it seemed that the fathers could do the same thing.
Bilbo wrapped his arm around Fili’s shoulders, and Fili gratefully leaned into the embrace. Thorin managed to pull them both into his embrace, and one by one the other dwarves made their way over to join them at the bench. A quiet presence knelt beside Kili, and Kili closed his eyes and leaned into his husband. He wasn’t sure he could make it through any day without Legolas, in some way.
He could only imagine how Fili had to feel, worrying about Dernwyn and a future without her.
“I thought dwarves came from the very stones themselves,” Tauriel asked quietly. “That would seem easier to me.”
“Aye, and from the toughest, most unbreakable rocks you could ever find,” Gimli boasted, his voice somehow also soft. “I came from a very tough rock indeed.”
“Your mother ever finds out you called her a rock, you’ll find your head bashed against one,” Gloin commented wryly, and Fili finally laughed with the rest of the company. His breath hitched, the laugh nearly turning into a sob, but he managed to catch it in time. Kili didn’t let go, staying as strong as he could for his brother. It was hard to see his older brother look so broken. It was wrong.
Don’t let her die. Please don’t let her die.
It was only after the laughter faded that they realized there was no more sound coming from beyond the stone wall. They all stared at the door, and Kili almost wished that something, anything, would come through. Any sound to say that Dernwyn was still alive or that the babe had been delivered safely.
But the only thing that came through the door was one of the healers, and she briskly carried away a large amount of dark fabrics made even darker still with the stain of blood.
Fili was up and away from them like an arrow, aimed true at the door. “Fili,” Thorin called, but Fili paid no mind, racing past Oin and nearly knocking him over as he came out. Oin managed to catch his ear horn in time and rolled his eyes but closed the door behind them all, Fili with them.
Kili stared. “Oh that’s not fair.” He rose to join, but Thorin caught his arm.
“Leave them. If something has gone amiss…”
Better for Fili to have a few last moments with Dernwyn and possibly the babe before the others fell upon them. Kili swallowed, the situation suddenly far too grave and real. He’d faced death on the battlefield, seen it in the swirl of that terrible Eye that still haunted his dreams from time to time.
But they were safe in Erebor, and this was supposed to be a happy day, one where he had a nephew or niece to coo over and hold in his arms, and Fili was supposed to be smiling next to Dernwyn who would shove him over, saying he was taking up too much of the bed, and his mother would be overjoyed and his uncles would be smiling proudly-
He was only aware of Legolas pulling him aside when they’d stopped. Somehow, Legolas now stood between him and the others, blocking him off and keeping him hidden. “I have high hopes,” Legolas said softly. “It served me well once, when I feared the worst, and yet things still finished well.”
Kili swallowed twice before he could get his voice to work. “When was that?”
“When we feared you and Fili dead, after the orcs took you. Before we knew you were in Rohan. Even then, I feared for you. I didn’t understand why, at the time, but now I know: because you had already spoken to my heart. Mine simply had not spoken back yet.”
It was easy to lean in and rest his forehead against his husband’s. “I’m glad it did,” he whispered, feeling his throat close against his will. “Speak back, that is. And I knew my heart had spoken to you, I just didn’t know what it said, but I’m glad it knew the right things to say-“
Legolas pressed a kiss to his lips, thankfully silencing him. He caught his husband’s arms in his hands and focused on breathing. Legolas’s lips were warm, and his tongue was gentle and wet enough to entice, but not forceful enough to engage. It was a kiss of comfort, a silent, I’m here, and Kili took strength in it. He’d need it, to help support Fili.
The doors opened, and both of them broke away from each other at the same time. Lord Elrond stood before them, looking, somehow, older than he had before. He waved them in without a word, and they all entered quietly, fear making their steps hesitant.
The room was lit with only candles, no window to be seen. The smell of blood hung in the air, and it turned Kili’s stomach. There was also the distinct scent of herbs and incense, and while strong, the smell mingled sweetly enough to disrupt the more cloying smell of blood. His mother was seated in a chair near the bed, hair hanging in distressed locks where it had been put up perfectly when the labor had begun, and on the bed-
Kili registered everything in snippets. Dernwyn, pale beneath the furs. Fili, sitting beside her, trembling with tears in his eyes.
Both of them smiling, though Dernwyn a bit weakly, at the wrapped blanket bundle in Fili’s arms.
Kili’s heart seemed to jump forward in his chest. Fili finally noticed them, and he gave a soft laugh. “It’s a boy,” he said, and he laughed again as if he couldn’t help it. “Kee, come see him.”
That was all the invitation Kili needed. He hurried to his brother’s side, catching one of Dernwyn’s hands on the way. She felt chilled, a little colder than the room, but she squeezed back when he gripped her hand in his. There seemed to be a glow about her that didn’t come from the candles lit everywhere. She looked beautiful, despite the sweaty strands of hair that hung on her face and the ashen tone her skin had taken. Her eyes were all for her husband and the babe in his arms, and as soon as Kili came behind his brother, he could see why.
There was a patch of blonde, almost white, hair on top of the head, hanging about the sides in wispy, light strands. The littlest, chubbiest cheeks begged to be stroked to see if they were as soft as they looked. Tiny pink lips parted to pull in a quiet breath, and when Kili looked up, he met the bluest of eyes that were watching him intently.
He was simply stunning in all his tininess. Kili glanced up at the group, and broad smiles covered the faces from Lord Elrond all the way to Dwalin.
“Here,” Fili said, and suddenly, Kili was being offered the baby.
“Uh, I, um-“
Dernwyn rolled her eyes. “Just take him, Kili, you won’t break him. I promise.” And without further ado, Kili found the littlest babe he’d ever seen in his arms.
Mahal, he was so light. Kili felt his arms trembling with anxiousness as he cradled the greatest treasure he’d ever been given. Blue eyes watched him, blinking slowly, and a tiny yawn came out that scrunched up his whole face. Little feet gave short kicks that went nowhere in the bundled blankets. Kili gave a small laugh, the tension fading from his shoulders. “Hello, little one,” he murmured. “You gave us all a fright.”
The baby didn’t seem interested in the plights of those around him. He seemed to be more interested in slowly closing his eyes to sleep. Kili dared to cradle him in one arm while his now free hand reached out to gently stroke a finger down the chubby cheeks. His skin was soft, the softest thing Kili had ever felt.
“He is a treasure,” Legolas said quietly from behind Kili. Kili hummed an agreement and let Legolas run careful fingers through the tufts of hair that hung about the babe’s face.
Bofur took him next, upon Kili and Thorin’s insistence, and the dwarf looked so much in awe that Kili thought he’d cry. He held the babe as if he were made of glass, then carefully handed him on to Bilbo. Bilbo took him with less reservation than the others, and it struck Kili that this wasn’t the first babe Bilbo had held. There was a practiced way that he moved and cradled the little one, but the wonder on his face was as if this baby was the first he’d ever seen. His other uncle seemed to have noticed as well, and there was almost a longing there: to see Bilbo cradling a child.
“He’s beautiful, Dernwyn,” Bilbo said, and murmurs of agreement went around the room. Dernwyn just smiled, looking ready to sleep herself.
“Everyone out,” Dis said, her voice slurring with tiredness. “Leave the family alone for a bit. They’ve earned a respite.”
Without any warning Bilbo suddenly moved the baby into Thorin’s arms before he could protest. Thorin looked stunned, staring at the sleeping babe in his arms. Then he seemed to melt, and Kili remembered this look well. He’d seen this look many times directed his way when he was just a child.
This child was going to be positively spoiled. And Kili was looking forward to being involved in the fun.
After a moment, Thorin left the baby in Fili’s careful grasp. “You need a name,” he said. “I don’t believe you two had picked, the last I had heard.”
“We did,” Fili said. Dernwyn paused, frowning.
“We did? We had suggestions, not a final decision.”
Fili settled on the bed beside Dernwyn. He looked like a puppet whose strings had been cut, free of the tension that had left him pacing for hours on end. “I thought ‘Holdred’ was a fitting name,” he said. “You fought valiantly for him in his honor, as you did your father. Holdred.”
Dernwyn’s eyes glistened with tears, but her smile was bright and thankful. “Holdred,” she repeated, brushing her hand her son’s head when Fili handed the babe back to her. “Yes, Holdred.”
It fit, to name him after Dernwyn’s father. He wondered if the middle name that men seemed to favor so much would be Thengel. “I’ll make the announcement, lass,” Balin promised, and Dernwyn nodded her thanks. “It’ll be a good one.”
Mother and son were fine. Fili was no longer pacing. Life was good. Kili patted Fili on the back. “Congratulations to you both,” he said. “Dernwyn, you ever scare us like this again, and-“
“You’ll do something I won’t like,” Dernwyn said, huffing a laugh. “I know. Just leave my goose feathered pillows alone next time, please. I actually like those.”
They hadn’t meant to…well, bring about the end of the pillows the last time. “For you, anything,” he teased, and Dernwyn took one of her hands away from Holdred to slap at him. Kili laughed, feeling just as relieved as Fili looked.
One by one they filed out of the room. Elrond closed the doors behind them all and let his shoulders drop. “I am glad they are well,” he said.
“Was it close?” Legolas asked.
Elrond pinched his lips. “Closer than I would like. If another pregnancy occurs, however, this can be avoided. Certain steps can be taken to help Dernwyn with what will come to pass.”
“You mean prevent Fili from wearing a groove in the floor,” Thorin said, raising an eyebrow. Elrond gave a smile.
“Amongst other things, yes. I’ll leave notes and instructions with Oin and the other healers. If my help is needed again, however, do not hesitate to call for me. I am happy to help friends.”
It was still so surprising to hear that Lord Elrond of Rivendell counted them friends. It still left his dwarf uncle startled, though his hobbity uncle was attempting to hide a grin behind his hand and failing miserably at it.
“And we are grateful for it,” Thorin finally said when he’d gathered himself from his surprise. It took no more than a breath or two, but Elrond’s smile still broadened at the catch.
Everyone sort of dispersed after that: Ori with Dwalin, hands twined with one another; Balin off to make the Royal Decree; Elrond to his chambers; Bofur to his brothers; Tauriel with Gimli, teasing him about a distinct lack of stones in this birth. Bilbo and Thorin settled back on one of the benches, content to not move anywhere for a bit. Thorin looked just as horrible as Fili did, now that Kili looked more closely, and Bilbo was running his hand up Thorin’s arm as if to soothe him.
Thorin glanced up when Kili didn’t move. “Come sit,” he said. “You and Legolas both. Neither of you looks fit to stand.”
Now that he mentioned it, Kili wasn’t certain he was going to stand for much longer. Apparently he’d been more adrenaline fueled than he thought. Legolas moved with him to the bench, and they sat together next to Thorin and Bilbo. Silence filled the space, but it was a comfortable silence now, no longer filled with anxiousness.
It was a good one. And one Kili could stand.
“I think I heard Fili’s heart speak to Dernwyn’s,” he murmured to Legolas. “Today, when he named the baby.”
“I did too,” Legolas said back, voice barely more than a breath. “I heard yours as well, when you stood beside Fili and Dernwyn. You’ll make a good uncle.”
Uncle. Mahal, he was an uncle. “You will, too,” Kili whispered, then leaned into his husband, ignoring the start that Legolas gave at the realization that he, too, was now an uncle. Kili still grinned all the same.
END