Comment on We Are Here: The Emerald Spark

  1. JakePencil on Chapter 1 Tue 09 Aug 2022 02:27PM UTC

    Chapter one, Paragraph twenty-four, about halfway through:

    "Toshinori took a long breath before letting it out slowly, watching as his determined successor pushed dry-rotted tires up the beach towards the parking lot. This wasn’t working. He’d never taught anyone before in his life, children or adults, and his application to teach at UA, one of the most prestigious hero academies in the world, had been pushed through with the principle as a favor. It was to help find a suitable heir for One For All from among the student population. An heir he had already found. He wasn’t going there to teach because he was actually good at teaching. Quite frankly, he didn’t know what on earth he was doing when it came to teaching children and teens, and the conversation about how to use One For All was making his lack of talent in that area stark starkly obvious."

    Comment Actions

    1. Lord_Raine on Chapter 1 Tue 09 Aug 2022 11:09PM UTC

      Fixed. I also noticed a few minor mistakes when I went back over it myself, which have also been corrected. Several things were spoken of in the incorrect tense, and there was also this:

      “Besides,” the old man said, jabbing a finger at the taller hero, “aren’t you supposed to be the big American export around here? Since when do you hate guns?”

      The blonde huffed indignantly. “I’d use support gear and weapons if anybody could make some that don’t break as soon as I touch them. It was hard enough getting suits and shoes that doesn’t explode every time I move!”

      The doesn't in "doesn't explode" needed to be a don't. And now it is.

      Thanks for the help.

      Comment Actions

      1. JakePencil on Chapter 1 Sun 14 Aug 2022 04:15AM UTC

        Of course. In complete honesty, I often simply can't help myself, I'm simply 'that guy'.

        I'm enjoying the story so far, for the record. I look forward to seeing where it'll go.

        Comment Actions