Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Senior year. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead. Uzi slouched in her chair, already bored of the day. She rested her chin on her fist, eyes scanning the rows of other students to occupy herself from her thoughts.

To say her life was hell felt dramatic but Uzi couldn't think of a better phrase... Actually, maybe she could. Eternal torment suited it well. She sat in her chair (as normally as she could), her combat boot pressed on the edge of the plastic seat and tucked under her thigh.

Today was the first day of school. Or prison, as she hatefully preferred to call it... Yes, she knew education was a privilege, it was something her father loved drilling into her over and over again when she came home with yet another bad grade... Didn't really make it any less unbearable. 

At some point, her suffering had begun to get hard to romanticize. She recalled those nights she laid in her crumb-covered bed, laying on her stomach as she scrolled Tumblr and reblogged any post that made her crack a smile and mumble "that's so me" under her breath.

It was easier then, when her misery could be painted in a more tolerable light. Like hey, look at me, I'm a teenager with no friends! This text post with a Lana Del Rey GIF is so relatable, it keeps me from jumping off the nearest building because at least someone gets it! ...Yep. Those were the days.

But now? With her eighteenth birthday creeping up, the whole "tragically miserable teen" thing was getting harder to glamorize. Being a mentally ill teenager was quite a feat different from a mentally ill adult. Only one was understood more.

Seventeen, almost eighteen, and what had she done with her life? Other teenagers her age had friends, hobbies, actual achievements. She had none of those.

Her biggest accomplishments included getting involved in drug deals and being the school's rumor punching bag, even though most of the students had begun to fear her by her junior year. She wasn't proud of it, but hey... people did come to her when they needed cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol. A social interaction was a social interaction.

She knew how immature that was. She knew it was pathetic that her only positive interaction with anyone had to do with substances, but she took what she could get. That was the hand she’d been dealt.

But she was tired of playing it.

So on the last day of school, Uzi planned to walk home in the blazing summer heat and take her own life. She doubted she'd pass senior year anyway, so it wasn't like graduation was in her future. Her plan to wait would only be just so her dad wouldn't be able to say some shit about her "throwing her life away" and not even finishing high-school. She couldn't die and leave him right.

She never considered herself depressed. Sure, she didn't have interests anymore and thought about dying sometimes, but that was just a plan B. She didn't spend every day crying and loathing the way she lived... So, clearly she wasn't depressed.

School counselors disagreed. She had been told she was depressed so many times she'd lost count, some even called her dad which did absolutely nothing worthwhile. It was actually laughable that they thought her dad cared.

Others gave her a condescending, "Oh, honey. You're not depressed. You're just not trying hard enough."

Just the memory made her eye twitch in anger.

Trying didn't fix anything. Trying didn't change her life. She wanted to scream at them, ask why they thought she wasn't doing enough. But getting kicked out of school was worse than failing it, at least according to her dad.

"Uzi—"

Her head snapped up from her paper, which was now covered in black scribbles from her pen.

"What's the answer to the formula on the board?" The teacher tapped her knuckles against the whiteboard, her annoyingly bright blue eyes drilling into Uzi.

"Uh... I don't know." Uzi swallowed the urge to roll her eyes so she wouldn't get reprimanded.

The brown haired woman at the front of the classroom only gave her a curt sigh and turned back to the board, moving on to ask a student who was actually paying attention. Uzi never understood why teachers felt the need to humiliate their students, that asshole didn't even know what was going on in her life.

Her life was mediocre. Her life was... Boring.

Boring was definitely a way to put it. She went to parties sometimes—not to say she was ever invited. She'd overhear conversations, find the address, show up, drink everything she could get her hands on, and pass out somewhere. Plenty of material for the girls who didn't like her to eat up and shit out rumors about her.

Not that she helped her own reputation, it wasn't like Uzi was setting a good example of herself anyway. Though she wondered how empty their lives had to be if she was the most interesting topic they had.

But when she wasn't at parties making a fool of herself, her life was so dull. Nothing but monotony. She spent her days at her apartment by herself, laid in bed all day, and slept at an ungodly hour. It was a routine she had become so commonly familiar with and one she couldn't seem to break out of.

She wasn't proud of these habits, yet the willpower to change just wasn't something she possessed.

Her fingers drummed against her desk, her fingertips aching from her bitten nails. God, how long was this stupid algebra class going to last!? It was barely the third period of the day and she already wanted to skip her next classes.

Silently, she prayed to whatever entity existed out there to just put her out of her misery so she wouldn't have to do it herself.

Fourth period was going about as well as she expected. Human Anatomy... Uzi was familiar enough with the subject, considering once upon a time, she actually wanted to be a doctor or at least in the medical field before she'd fallen from grace. (Not that she’d ever really been up there, anyway.)

This teacher was tolerable enough. More tolerable than her Algebra teacher at least. Mrs. A had a thick southern accent, a habit of rambling about her science experiments when it had nothing to do with the course, and a rule that everyone had to call her "Mrs. A," short for Alice. She also loved talking about her son Beau. A lot.

Uzi hated good parents. They reminded her too much of everything her dad wasn’t.

"Y'all probably won't get much homework," Uzi tuned into what Mrs. A was saying, flicking her gaze over to her sitting on her desk unprofessionally, "But don't cheer just yet! Y'all're gonna have lotsa projects this year, and if you're one of them quiet ones, suck it up—"

Uzi scowled at that. Ugh, just when she was actually starting to enjoy this class. She wasn't quiet by any means, but she hated participating.

"—'cause y'all got a big project due in three weeks! Go 'head, let out y'all's complaints now."

Mrs. A held her arms out, inviting the collective misery of the class out into the air. The room erupted into groans. Once everyone got it out of their systems, she hopped off the desk and grabbed a squeaky marker.

"Now, don't worry jus' yet," she said, circling something on the whiteboard Uzi did not care enough to look at. "It'll be assigned next week, so consider it due, ehhh…”

Mrs A. trailed off, followed by squeaking. "August thirty-first. For extra credit, y'all can start and finish the assignment early."

The class murmured in irritation. Nobody liked getting a project this early into the school year.

"I'll be assignin' you in pairs tomorrow, so enjoy your unassigned seats while they last."

Uzi cursed internally and crossed her arms in a show of annoyance. Great. Maybe she’d bump her suicide date up a little sooner...

Mrs. A began the rest of the class period by passing out sheets of papers: Icebreakers. Likely so that her students would fuck off and leave her be for the remaining time.

Uzi never knew what to write for these things. She had no hobbies. No real family to talk about. Her interests were embarrassing, dorky, and unbelievably cringe. 

It wouldn't really matter. It wasn't like the lady actually cared about her or the things she liked, so why should she bother with the assignment at all?

Great way to start off your senior year, Uzi. Real smart of you. Didn't you want one good year? 

Uzi shook her head and leaned back, kicking her boots onto the desk, and scrolled through her phone. She sat in the very back, in "ignore me" territory, so maybe Mrs. A would overlook her.

She couldn't help but imagine the teacher snapping at her in that thick southern accent of hers. The mental image was… honestly pretty funny.

Minutes passed. Then a few more.. And weirdly, no scolding. No calling her out. No threats of being sent to the office... That was odd. Usually Uzi couldn't get away with anything for more than thirty seconds.

Whatever. Worked out great for her! It was strange but she would gladly take a teacher that didn't care over one that would yell at her in front of the entire classroom. Maybe she wouldn't hate this class so much after all if things stayed this lenient. The only issue would be the project.

Hopefully she'd get paired with someone competent. Someone who would do all the work without expecting any input from her. That would be perfect.

Uzi spent the rest of the period mindlessly scrolling, letting the classroom noise fade into the static of her mind.

Lunch time. Most people were excited for this period but Uzi Doorman was not most people.

She despised her lunch hour, it was just a glorified meeting for all her enemies with gross food involved. Uzi never ate in the cafeteria, she never ate at all if she could help it.

She was sort of weird with food, always grew up picky with it and filled up on cigarettes for breakfast whenever she got her hands on them, so she rarely found herself hungry by lunch or dinner either. She could go days without eating, it was no big deal to her.

As she descended the stairwell to the school courtyard, she decided to have a quick smoke off campus. She didn't want her stomach to growl in her next few classes, she would much rather die.

She supposed that was one of the perks of being in her senior year, she could basically fuck off of campus and no one would give her shit for it... she would just have to sign herself out if it was during class hours. Small mercies!

She shoved through the school gates, passing clusters of other seniors, her boots thudding against the sidewalk as she zoned out. She envied her peers with their own cars, they didn't have to walk home every day. She kicked a rock with the toe of her shoe, worrying her lip between her teeth.

Even if she had the wealth for a car, which she could only dream of, she didn't even have her learner's permit. So...

It sucked to be her.

Finally far enough from campus that no teacher could spawn out of thin air to yell at her, she dug into her bag (covered in pins, patches, and an assortment of random garbage she refused to throw away) and pulled out her cigarette pack and lighter.

She slipped a half smoked cig between her lips and cupped her mouth to light the end properly, breathing in the harsh smoke that burned her throat exactly the way she loved. 

After her particularly long drag, she exhaled into the icky, humid air, feeling her thoughts settle just a little. Smoking in summer was hell, but at least it killed her appetite.

Passers-by eyed her, irritated by the smell her cigarette emitted and coughing practically in her face. Jeez, she walked all the way off campus, they could bitch a little more politely!

Those fucks probably had blown blue raspberry vape clouds in her face a thousand times before... She flashed them a lazy middle finger and continued her smoke in peace.

When she finally finished, she ground the cigarette down to a tiny nub and yes, she picked it up. She wasn't going to let some poor animal choke on her trash. She might've been rude, but she wasn't evil... Or at least she thought so. She questioned whether she was a good person or not quite often.

Once she had found an adequate trash can, she began her journey back to her school, with as much enthusiasm as roadkill, in which to say: she would much rather be dead in the street than at school.

Maybe now would be a perfect time to step into oncoming traffic?

The last class of the day and Uzi was ready to go home and play russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. This chick was blabbing her friend's ear off and Uzi couldn't even tell her to shut up because the teacher had given them ten minutes of free time for the end of the day. At least he seemed chill enough, like he couldn't manage to give a single fuck about his class even if it got him fired. Uzi respected that. 

Only thing holding her back from actually liking him was the fact that he was this girl's father.

She knew the loudmouth well enough, not personally by any means, but because the damn girl talked so much it was practically unavoidable to know all her business.

Lizzy and Doll.

Uzi knew Doll too, more personally than she knew Lizzy. They'd been friends in elementary and were pretty close up until the sixth grade and then… nothing. Uzi wasn't sure exactly when or why. Probably somewhere between the weed and whatever emotional trauma factory middle school had been.

And she didn't exactly want to ask why... Doll had a threatening aura to her that just made all conversation with her painfully awkward if you weren't her friend. That was probably why she and Lizzy were so close, that blond girl could have a conversation for two people all by herself.

"Anyway, are you coming with me to visit Thad?" Lizzy chirped, filing her nails as she eyed her friend beside her, brown eyes sparkling as she formulated her hangout plan.

"Yep."

Doll flicked her long purple hair back, the ends whipping Uzi directly across the face. Doll didn't notice. Or didn't care. Probably both.

Thad... Huh. She knew Thad. To be fair, Uzi knew everybody, but it was usually through her eavesdropping all the time. But Thad actually talked to her sometimes. 

He worked at the gas station down the street by her apartment. Their conversations were polite, bare-minimum customer service stuff... But he never asked for her ID when she bought things she was absolutely not old enough to buy.

Maybe she'd leave him a thank you in her suicide note.

A bit morbid, don't you think?

She shook the thought away, gnawing on her lip until she tasted copper.

Quit being so weird, nobody wants to be name dropped in your suicide note, you weirdo.

"I'll text V and see if she wants to come," Lizzy hummed, pulling her phone from her bag. The keyboard sound effect from her phone was irritatingly loud. Did everything this girl do have to be so attention seeking? Her long nails clacked against her screen to make matters worse.

Everything about Lizzy was so dramatic. The ends of her hair were dyed pink, bright pink eyeshadow decorated her light brown eyes, and even more pink on her clothes on her peachy, tan skin. 

Lizzy set her phone aside and crossed her thighs over the other, sighing dramatically in Doll's direction, "She probably won't even reply. She always has her phone on Do Not Disturb, what's the point of even having a phone if its always on DND? She's practically just carrying around a glass rectangle for fun."

"Probably because of you," Uzi could hear the smugness through Doll's voice, "You sent her five texts in a row."

"Yeah, it's urgent, duh," Lizzy playfully shoved her with one hand, the other girl catching herself on her seat. Doll sat up and glared at her friend, brushing off her loose T-shirt with a graphic grunge band design on the back. It's black hue made her pale skin practically glow under the bright lights.

Uzi's chest burned with jealousy. If things had been different, she would probably be in Lizzy's place. She had no idea what she could have changed but she knew it would be better than what she had now. Her skin prickled, deciding she best mind herself and go on her own phone.

Her reflection stared back. Dark brown eyes heavy with sleeplessness, brown skin washed out from months of avoiding sunlight. Purple hair fading at the roots, black peeking through. She should have worn her beanie today.

Stuck in her mental loop, the bell finally rang, setting her free from her first of many long, agonizing school days. She slipped on her bag and left the classroom before her teacher could finish reminding the students about homework. 

Shoving past her classmates, she exited the premises with a quickness she didn't even know she had. She wanted to go home and throw herself onto her bed and indulge in much needed anime binge watching until her brain melted.

The walk back left her sweaty and winded, as always, but it was fine. She was finally at her apartment. Kicking off her boots at the door, she locked it behind her and called out, just in case.

"Yo, anybody here?"

After a few seconds, she assumed her dad was out on another trip yet again. Oh well. It was better that way. He never checked on her while he was there regardless.

She swung open her door and flopped onto her bed, letting out a loud, heavy sigh that released a little bit of tension from her shoulders.

At least it wasn't the worst day she's had. Tomorrow was the thing she was dreading the most. 

Chapter Text

Her alarm ripped her out from her two miserable hours of sleep, a groan bubbling deep from her throat as she slapped at the nightstand until the beeping finally stopped. She wished calm alarms would wake her but she swore she would sleep through an earthquake even if the roof fell in on her. Unfortunately that meant she would have to wake up to a horribly irritating noise every morning.

Friday. She could get through Friday. She was very tempted to skip school today, but she didn't exactly want to be forced to do the project alone. So she forced herself upright and sluggishly dragged her feet to the bathroom.

After her shower, she stood in her towel, staring blankly at her closet. She was still too tired to pick a good outfit for the day... Hoodie and sweatpants it was.

She was never really a huge freak for fashion, but she did consider herself emo and honestly the clothes were a bit of a hassle to plan every day. Plus she was running on only two hours of sleep, yeah... No. Comfort won.

Besides, she didn't exactly want to be uncomfortable when she ultimately got paired up with her buddy, whomever it may be. She just hoped it was with somebody smart and not annoying.

She trudged into the kitchenette only to nearly leap out of her skin at the sight of her dad.

"Shit- Dad! When did you come home?" Uzi exhaled sharply, clutching her chest as if to slow her thumping heartrate.

"About four AM... Mind your language, Uz," Her dad chastised her with a finger. A familiar annoyance settling in her jaw as she bit down a snide comment that tried to crawl up her throat.

"Are you gonna be home when I'm back from school?" Uzi asked, moving to grab her bag from the countertop and shuffling over to the fridge.

Monster Ultra Zero Sugar energy drink, her savior in this dark world.

"Probably not, kiddo," Khan dismissively hummed, sipping on his coffee, "Lots of manufacturing work and a trip to the city. I'll probably book a hotel."

"Motel, dad. You don't have enough money for a hotel," Uzi corrected, collecting the cans from the mini-fridge and shutting the door with her foot.

Khan shrugged, unbothered by Uzi's comment, "It's all the same to me. You want some toast?" Her dad eyed the toaster where two sad slices of bread were slowly browning. Hard pass.

"Nah, I'm good. Breakfast makes my stomach hurt, bye!"

With that, she stashed away her two Monster cans into her school bag and shut the door on her father's cheerful goodbye. At least in the early morning, the air was a little more crisp. It definitely wasn't chilly like during the winters, but it was much nicer than the burning hot sun scorching her back...

On campus, Uzi lingered around the main building, chewing on her thumb as she waited for the bell to ring to end the breakfast period. That stupid project was making her stomach all queasy, and it didn't help that this was her third day without a single meal.

Fourth period could literally not come any slower.

And so, Uzi shuffled her way into her Human Anatomy class, standing around awkwardly as she searched for her assigned seat number written on the whiteboard. 

Ugh, it felt so... childish. Assigned seats, really? Everyone in the class must have been at least eighteen, except for Uzi who had an unfortunate birthday in December. 

Mrs. A looked completely unbothered by her students bustling about as they searched for their seats, sitting at her desk as she appeared to be checking emails. Teaching seemed like such a boring job, one Uzi couldn't be paid enough to do. Teenagers were tiresome and cruel when they wanted to be.

Her eyes flicked back to the whiteboard, reading the person's name next to her own.

#16: Uzi Doorman.

#17: Noah Elliott.

Huh. In her three years at this school, she'd never heard of Noah... Was he new? Maybe she'd seen him yesterday but missed it while having a mental fuss over that stupid icebreaker assignment she didn't even do. She did spend the entire period moping and spacing out. Was he going to be her partner for the project?

God, please don't be annoying.

Being paired up with a girl was one thing, at least she could relate to them with some things, boys were tricky. If they weren't weird about girls in general, they were weird about her specifically. Something about her reputation.

She found her seat, set her bag on the floor, and kicked it under her chair—deciding to scroll on her phone while she waited for the second bell to ring. Her desk was sat in the middle row, to her annoyance. She'd always sat in the back of the classroom, that way she wouldn't get things thrown at her.

The spot next to her shifted as someone took a seat, drawing her attention abruptly. She turned automatically to snap at them—

And the words died in her throat.

If this guy was Noah, holy shit. He was so blond his hair was nearly a shade of silver, skin pale like porcelain, and he looked... Really handsome, to put it bluntly. Like, no real person could actually look like this, yet he sat next to her with his very real presence.

Uzi never had any interest in dating people beyond the occasional drunken makeout session, plus all the men at her hellhole of a school were pretty unattractive, but the sight of him made her forget why she was about to shout at him in the first place.

"Oops, sorry!" the newcomer chirped, voice light and sweet. "I sat down too fast, I didn't mean to bump your desk."

"…It's-" Uzi coughed, nearly swallowing her own tongue. "It's fine."

Idiot. You look like an idiot.

"I'm Noah," he continued brightly, "but you probably figured that out since I'm.. uh, sitting in the Noah seat!"

He smiled at her, a full genuine smile. Like he wasn't immediately repulsed by her.

Was he stupid...? He must've hit his head one too many times.

Uzi managed a nod. Being paired with him almost felt too good to be true, maybe he wasn't good at school... All his positive qualities must have gone to his looks and personality. People like him didn't get to be nice and pretty and smart.

"You must be Uzi then," Noah prompted, leaning in with a strange attentiveness, "Is that like... A nickname?"

Ah, there it was. He was probably making fun of her, that's why he was being all nice and smiley. Prick.

"No, my mom was a real big fan of guns," Uzi side eyed him, hoping he would get the message that she wasn't one to be fucked with this year. It was going to be her last school year alive, so bullies would promptly be body-slammed if they tried anything. He would be no exception, pretty face or not.

But Noah just kept smiling at her.

"That's really cool! Uzi... Like those tiny guns..." Noah replied, genuinely delighted, "It suits you! You've got like a... Punk vibe going on. I think?"

She prayed he was too dumb to notice the way blood was rushing to her cheeks. What was his problem? She could hardly handle social interactions, what was with all the compliments!? She decided not to correct him on styles (though she did have punk ideals, so he wasn't entirely off.)

"Uh, yeah... Thanks, Noah," Uzi forced the words to come out, unsure of what to do with herself. She could take insults, it was what she was used to. Praises though? Her brain was working overtime to compute a response to basic kindness.

"Oh, you can call me N! That's what my sisters and friends call me anyway..." He trailed off on the last bit, swinging his legs beneath the table slowly.

"Sisters?" Uzi echoed. Sisters... Actually, she did remember seeing three girls always trailing around some guy. Had that been him? How had she never noticed him before?

Noah beamed, brightening at the opportunity to talk about them, "Yep! Victoria, Jessica, and Cynthia! Or uh... V, J, and Cyn. Cyn's the only junior out of the four of us."

"I see... Your parents must really like names that end in 'A', huh?"

Stupid, stupid idiot. Why would you say that, you're so cringe!!!

Noah giggled— a soft, airy sound that made Uzi's stomach execute several flips and shook his head, "Just a coincidence. Jessica and Victoria are twins, you'd probably tell if you see them in person. Most people can only tell them apart because V keeps her hair short."

V... So Lizzy had been texting her yesterday. Lovely...

"All righty, y'all settle down," Mrs. A finally spoke up, stepping to the front of the classroom, "These are your assigned seats for the rest of the school year, so no whinin', y'all were supposed to get that out yesterday."

Uzi could live with that. Noah didn't seem so bad. She glanced at him, expecting him to look disappointed at having to sit next to her, but he looked completely unbothered... and even a little excited. 

"This project'll be y'all's first important grade of the year," Mrs. A continued, tapping the board. "So no slackin'. I'm lookin' at you, Ms. Doorman."

Uzi stiffened.

Goddamnit. Just when she was starting to like this lady she had to go and embarrass her in front of the whole class and the ethereal blond boy sitting next to her.

Mrs. A went on to pass out packets with instructions, explaining how they had three weeks total starting next Monday to complete a presentation on their assigned organ. Reaching to flip through the packet, Uzi let out a sigh of relief. The heart. Easy! At least it wasn't something too complex.

After the papers were distributed, Mrs. A retreated to her desk, waving them off. "Get started an' don’t bother me unless someone's dyin'."

"Do you want to get this done quickly so we don't have to worry about it?"

Noah's voice broke Uzi from her stupor, making her jump. Recovering quickly, Uzi leaned back in her chair and shrugged, trying to look unbothered. Man, she was so dorky.

"Uh, sure, I guess. I don't... usually do school work."

She sounded like a total bum, wincing at her own shitty work ethic.

"Why not?" Noah asked with such genuine curiosity, Uzi felt a smidgen bad. She half expected him to shrug off the assignment entirely, given her assumption of him. Damn, she really was like everyone else, always assuming things.

Uzi's leg bounced in place, unsure of what explanation to give him. She couldn't exactly say that she didn't plan on living any further than May. "School just doesn't interest me, I guess."

"Oh, okay! That's all right, I don't mind. I can do the assignment myself!"

Everything this boy said left Uzi fumbling with her words. She had originally planned to use her project partner to complete the assignment without her input... but hearing him offer so sweetly with his little smile. With his sunshine-for-brains voice, it just felt like she was kicking a puppy now.

"No, no. I'll... I'll put in my part."

One project would be fine. If she was going to live through one last horrible school year, she could tolerate an assignment. Just one, the rest of her classes could bite her.

"Oh, that's awesome, Zi! Can I call you Zi?" Noah talked with so much enthusiasm, it rubbed off on her... Just a little.

Nicknames were a little too soon, though.

"Um, sure. Why not," Uzi slid the instruction packet over to Noah, "You should keep it. I lose shit in my bag all the time."

He accepted the paper and reached into his own bag, pulling out a meticulously organized binder. Dividers, color coding, and neatly labeled pockets. Yep. Total nerd. But like… endearingly so.

"I get you. My sister struggles with organization sometimes," he tucked the paper away into a plastic sleeve, "Her bag's a disaster... But her room? Completely empty, hospital room empty. It's kinda creepy, ha."

"Which sister?" Uzi prompted. Three sisters and he expected her to know which one he was talking about...? She cracked a small grin.

He looked up, blinking at her with his stupid amber eyes, "Oh! Uh- I meant Cyn. V doesn't care much about school, J is a different story."

All these names were melting together in her tired brain.

"That's cool," Uzi opined lamely.

She was running out of things to say. She didn't have anything interesting to add, she didn't have stories about siblings, parents, or friends. Her mom was dead, her dad was absent, and her entire social life related solely to getting wasted with strangers.

She didn't want Noah to find out about that, so far it appeared like he had no clue.

Noah, unbothered by her awkward silence, reached into his bag and ripped a piece of paper, scribbling something down. Then, he slid it to her.

"Here's my address, do you have a phone I can put my number in?"

What.

"Excuse me?" Her voice came out so high and pathetic, she wanted to punch herself in the face.

Noah clicked his pen and tilted his head, "For the project! It'll be easier if you come over and work with me."

Oh. Okay. That made more sense.

What was wrong with her? 

"Oh, yeah. Okay," She unlocked her phone, opened her contacts, and handed it over.

That left the question of how the hell was she going to get to his house? She couldn't ask her dad to drive her, he'd much rather kill Noah than let Uzi come over. Telling Noah that she couldn't drive was out of the question... 

"Here you go," He passed her phone back to her. "We should start planning the media now... PowerPoint? I brought my laptop."

"It's... Your call, man. I have no preference," She pocketed her phone, trying to calm her racing heart. She mentally scolded herself for nearly losing her cool. She had friends before, sort of, but it really had been a while since then. Guess her social skills were more fucked than she thought.

"Okay! PowerPoint it is. It'll probably be simpler that way."

Both of them fell into silence this time as Noah began to set up the PowerPoint on his laptop meanwhile Uzi stared at the board. She didn't have much to contribute just yet, but she was sort of hoping this period wouldn't end so soon.

Noah was nice company, even if she doubted he'd stick around for long.

The bell finally rang, releasing the class to lunch. Uzi shot up from her seat, eager to chase down her usual midday meal of Monster and nicotine.

"Hey, Zi," Noah began, standing from his seat as he packed his things, "Do you want to eat lunch with me and my sisters? Unless you have other people you sit with, which is totally fine."

Uzi froze in place with a rather dumb look on her face. She just had three things thrown at her to unpack.

1. Noah had just invited her to eat lunch with him.

2. Noah thought that she had friends to sit with at lunch.

3. Noah thought that Uzi actually ate lunch... Or food at all.

For starters, she wasn't sure how to react to him inviting her. She figured they'd only see each other in this class and then after school when planned... Then, the concept of having to admit that she didn't have friends to the prettiest and kindest boy she'd ever met was quite jarring.

Plus there was the food thing...

Her stomach was starting to hurt, whether with stomach acid or anxiety, she hadn't a clue.

"Uhh, no. My friends are absent today," Uzi forced a smile, knowing she didn't sound very convincing.

"You can hang with us! We go off campus, is that fine with you?" 

Maybe she could sneak away for a quick smoke then...? Uzi gave him a noise of approval as the two exited the classroom, heading for the stairwell. 

"Cyn won't be with us, unfortunately," Noah continued with a happy tone, "Since she's a junior and all. I don't know if V will be bringing our friends, but I promise they're all super chill! You'll love them."

She didn't consider Lizzy "chill", assuming she was friends with Victoria. Certainly nobody else went by the letter V...

"Cool, can't wait," Uzi muttered.

By the time they'd reached the school gates, Noah had begun to wave his arms above his head, shouting for his sisters ahead of him.

"V! J!" He grinned brightly, bounding to the two girls on the side walk and tackling them in a group hug.

"Ack— N!" Jessica complained, trying to peel his arms off of her.

Come to think of it, Uzi knew the both of them now that she got a closer look. They were well known for being pretty and frequenting parties, but never in a "trashy" way. Uzi was the trashy one according to everyone else. The twins never directly gave Uzi any shit, although she had the uneasy sense that they knew of the rumors about her and unfortunately believed them.

"Who's your friend, N?" Victoria ribbed with a sickeningly sweet smile, nothing genuine like Noah had given to her in class.

Noah pulled away from the hug, tucking his hands into his coat's brown pockets, "This is Uzi! She's in my fourth period, we’re partners for a project, so she's eating lunch with us and coming over after school."

Uzi's palms began to sweat, her eyebrow twitching as Victoria stared daggers into her with that smile painted on her rosy lips.

"Well, okay. Anyway, lets hit the In-N-Out down the street," Victoria fished her keys out her bag and unlocked the car. 

"Shotgun!" Jessica immediately called, already claiming the passenger seat.

"Is Lizzy coming?" Noah wondered, opening the door for Uzi, "You can sit in the back with me, Zi."

"Nah, she's changing her schedule." Victoria replied with little enthusiasm.

What am I doing? Uzi thought to herself. It wasn't unusual for her to get into a stranger's car, but this context was so... different than the one she was used to. He was polite and taking her with his family to get lunch.

Her world was tilting on its axis and she had no idea what to do with that. Regardless, she climbed into the backseat without a complaint and buckled herself in.

Victoria started the car and pulled into the road, turning up the radio to Blow by Kesha to fill up the awkward silence.

"So, Uzi, you ever been to In-N-Out?" Victoria asked with a snide tone over the music, if Uzi hadn't been so cautious about her, she would've missed it.

Uzi picked at her nails, wanting to avoid the topic all together. She still didn't know how she was going to weasel her way out of actually eating something, "No, I don't usually eat fast food."

"What? Are you one of those clean girls?" Jessica peeked over her seat, eyeing Uzi up and down like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, "You don't dress like one."

"Girls, lay off," Noah chided his sisters before turning to Uzi who looked like she'd rather be anywhere else, "Don't mind them. They just have a habit of picking on new people I hang with."

"Boo, you're lame, N," Jessica complained, sinking back into her seat.

Uzi waved him off, trying not to appear like it actually bothered her. She was used to teasing and bullying, what else was new? 

Once they pulled up to the establishment, Victoria parked hastily, the BMW clearly set askew on the white lines.

"One day, someone is totally going to key your car for parking like this," Jessica snorted, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Oh well, I've got money for repairs."

That explains the entitlement... 

"Let me get the door for you, Zi," Noah quickly opened his car door, jumping out to open Uzi's side, "We should hurry so we don't miss the bell."

"We have more than twenty minutes," Victoria replied flatly as she locked the car. "Relax."

Uzi was dreading this. All of it. She still hadn't gotten a chance to slip away and if Noah caught her (which she didn't know why she cared so much about) she would definitely have to explain herself. She didn't want to think about that.

Entering the building, she was met with an unpleasant smell. Greasy foods and a line of people... If she had anything besides nicotine in her body, she might've thrown up. Victoria and Jessica went ahead and waited in line, meanwhile Noah lingered behind with Uzi.

"You okay?" He asked with an adorable concerned look on his face. 

Uzi forced a nod. "Yep. Just... Not used to places like these. I normally make my own food."

Noah gave her a sympathetic frown, "Oh, you don't gotta eat here if you don't want to. We can hit up another place?"

That would be even worse than just eating here... V and J seemed to not like her already, having Victoria drive to a whole other place was too much.

"No, no. It's fine, I had like... A huge breakfast, I'm not that hungry—"

"Yo. Uzi, right?" a low voice cut in from beside them.

Uzi turned her head at the guy standing beside her. Shady and with a hoodie pulled over his head... Shit, was this someone she might've wronged during one of her drug benders...? If he had come to kill her, he better make it quick!

"Who's asking?" Uzi replied, gazing at the stranger cautiously. She also recognized this dude from her second period and she had a bad feeling about it. Noah seemed equally guarded.

The stranger's eyes flicked to Noah, "Who's this?"

"My friend," Uzi quickly cut in, putting her hand in front of the taller boy. She had no idea what this guy's intentions were, but she wouldn't let him fuck with Noah too if that was his plan, "The fuck you want?"

"Chill, let's step outside. I just want to talk for a sec."

Uzi's brows furrowed, standing straight in an attempt to look a little more intimidating. She was still a rather short woman, the only thing that blessed her with some height were her boots, and it didn't help that she was practically only 90 pounds.

"Fuck no, do you think I'm stupid?"

The man before her leaned against the wall beside her, trying to look casual, "don't make this difficult, bruh. My buddy told me you helped him out last year. Let's just go outside and make it quick."

The gears in Uzi's mind were finally turning.

Was this dude serious? In front of a whole fast food establishment!? The rude words she thought of spitting at him died in her mouth. She did sell, at least she used to, but lately she hadn't been asked since a month before classes started again. Noah couldn't know she was that kind of person.

The only guy who had ever treated her like a friend would think she was some... Drug selling, "trashy" addict! While she got drugs more often than she sold them, it wasn't a rare occurrence for people to come up to her in random places. She'd been asked for cocaine at a Walmart... Definitely not the strangest place.

Her face flushed with embarrassment, stuck between a rock and a hard place as she blurted out.

"What are you, a narc!? You got the wrong person, I don't do that shit."

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Noah seemed relatively relieved after her lie. Thank God.

"Uh, no. Purple hair, short, skinny like a fucking twig-"

"Wrong. Person." Uzi hissed between her teeth, "Go to rehab, you're literally begging for shit at an In-N-Out. Tell whoever you got your information from that they're fucking brain dead and sort your addict shit out."

"Damn, chill! Never mind, you bitches are all the same, so fucking emotional. You should lay off the drugs too, whore, it's fucking with your brain," the stranger snapped back, glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one had noticed Uzi's loud outburst, and stormed out.

Uzi breathed, feeling lightheaded from the stress. That was so embarrassing, not to mention she had probably just lost a good amount of money she could've used. All to save face in front of Noah. She'd be dead within less than a year, she supposed she didn't need the money after all... She could get her hands on weed and other substances without much of a hassle.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what that guy's problem is," She mumbled, brushing her purple hair away from her face. She was so humiliated.

Noah only shook his head, giving her that sweet, polite smile of his. 

"No worries, that was weird. Not you, him I mean... Guy's probably desperate, maybe he assumed because of how you dress?" He turned his head to look at his classmate storming off down the sidewalk, "Some people are icky like that... I mean, I'm sure tons of girls have purple hair and a short height. I'm sorry he called you all those names. That was awful."

Uzi nodded, digging the toe of her boots into the greasy tiles of the floor, "Probably, who knows. It's fine."

"Hey, who was that?" Victoria asked, sliding up beside them and glancing through the glass door like she might still spot the man who left.

"He was just confused, don't worry. Did you guys order yet?" Noah asked, glancing at the menu overhead.

"No, this line is so damn long. Did the emo figure out what she's gonna eat?" Victoria turned her attention to Uzi.

Uzi tried not to visibly shrink, but she knew she looked deflated. She felt deflated.

"Her name's Uzi," Noah corrected gently, giving Uzi's shoulder a light pat. Sparks zipped straight down her spine. "And uh… no, she said she wasn't hungry."

Victoria raised an eyebrow, gave Uzi a once-over, then lost interest just as quickly. "Okay. I already know what you want, N. I'll order your weird vegetable burger."

"Thanks, V, you're awesome," He replied warmly, turning to Uzi to give her a thumbs up. 

Victoria turned around and walked back to Jessica, whispering something to her that Uzi couldn't make out. She wanted to sink into the floor and die. Maybe she should just kill herself tonight after this horrible experience. 

Her stomach burned, nothing she wasn't used to but usually she had her cigarette by now. Her Monster cans were waiting for her...

"Uzi?"

She blinked hard, head snapping toward Noah. She hadn't realized he'd been talking.

"Huh?" She replied dumbly.

"I asked what time you want to come over today?"

Oh. Today. Right. She still didn't know how she was getting there. She prayed his place was a walking distance from hers.

"Um... Any time is fine, how about five PM?"

Noah gave her a happy nod, making a mental note of it as Victoria and Jessica approached with their food in bags.

"Jesus, that took forever, we should eat in the car so we can get back on time," Victoria sighed loudly.

Great, stuck in the car with more greasy food. Just fuck her life.

"Don't get me a tardy, I'll kill you both," Jessica mumbled, biting into her food as she pushed open the restaurant's door with her back.

Uzi internally groaned, feeling even more miserable than she did earlier. At least she could have her drink in the car and not be called out for it.

Back at school, Noah began to walk Uzi to her next class. 

"What's your fifth period?" He asked curiously.

Uzi thought for a moment, still nursing her energy drink, "Uhh... English four."

"Oh, damn. Do we only have one class together?" Noah pouted, trying to think of if he saw her in his other classes the day before. It seemed like fourth period was the only class he had with her. 

"Probably, but its not so bad. We get to be stuck together for three weeks," Uzi commented playfully, "How much more do you need?"

Noah chuckled at her teasing and guided her up the stairwell, falling into step beside her, "you're just fun to be around, Zi."

Her cheeks heated up for the third time that day.

Once he had led her to her class, she paused outside the door and looked up at him, suddenly very aware of their height difference.

"Well, uh... I'll see you at your place at five?" She gave him an awkward smile.

Noah, ever the sweet guy, nodded happily and stepped back, "Yep! See you, Zi!" He waved goodbye and sort of sped away. Probably didn't want to be late to his next class.

"Move it, idiot," A shove from someone entering the classroom knocked into Uzi's shoulder painfully, but she was so distracted by the warm feeling Noah gave her, she wasn't even bothered.

What was this feeling?

She pushed it down and walked to her desk, thinking over the whole interaction she had with her new... friend? Were they friends?

It seemed like her plan got a little bit more complicated. 

Don't get attached. You won't be here for long.

Chapter Text

Fumbling with her keys, Uzi opened her apartment door, tossing her bag onto the floor as she plopped herself down on her bed. Too bad she couldn't curl up on it all day, she actually had somewhere to be.

Working on a project... At someone's house. Like people her age supposedly did all the time. Well, the normal ones that were actually focused on graduating.

The thought felt foreign. She stared at her ceiling for a moment, trying to remember the last time she'd gone to someone's place for something as harmless as homework.

Sixth grade, Doll dragging her across the street to finish a history fair project they had been procrastinating on for an entire month.

That was… what? Five or six years ago?

Pathetic. It was absolutely embarrassing. A whole half-decade of being too weird and unapproachable for anyone to invite her over again.

She sat up, peeling off her hoodie and throwing it aside into a hamper. The cool air of her room washed over her shoulders, a blissful relief from the heat trapped under her clothes.

She needed something long-sleeved (not negotiable in the slightest) but definitely not a hoodie. The worst thing she could be was sweaty in a stranger's house.

Long sleeves were a must, unless she wanted Noah to accidentally stumble upon her very, very bad coping skill.

Her closet was fairly packed with tight shirts and baggy jeans, almost entirely dark colors. She wouldn't be caught dead in anything pastel. She settled on an off-the-shoulder, striped gray shirt with long sleeves. Simple but cute, plus she wouldn't sweat the fuck out of it.

Right as she was pulling on some black jeans, her phone buzzed loudly.

Reaching over, she opened the notification, noticing she'd been texted previously… She must've not noticed thanks to her horrible walk home. Whoops…

Reading over his text a few times, Uzi paced in slow, anxious circles around her bedroom. Obviously he lived in a place with money, his sisters were the picture of spoiled rich girls... And Victoria drove her own fancy car, so clearly the whole family wasn't hurting for cash.

She hadn't even gotten there and she already felt wildly out of place.

What could she text him that didn't sound awkward? "Hey, can't wait to study in your fancy house that apparently comes with a gate, sorry I look like I shop exclusively in the clearance section. Was it obvious? Is that why your sisters were being really weird and judgemental?" Obviously it was obvious, God! She let out a frustrated sigh. 

Okay, she was literally just getting into her head. Noah wouldn't judge her for her financial situation, at least she hoped not.

She still needed to figure out how to get there, too. One quick Google search later and the answer came in the form of a little walking icon: 30 minutes. Just her luck!

"Ughhhh..." Uzi whined, running her fingers through her hair with frustration as she slipped on some sneakers instead of her boots. She'd have to leave now to get there on time. At least she would be getting her steps in...

Uzi's small apartment paled in comparison to the house Noah lived in. Seriously, how rich was this guy? He shouldn't even be in a public school with this level of wealth.

She typed in the code, watching the light on the keypad flicker green as the gate slid open. She was exhausted from the walk over; all she wanted was to collapse somewhere.

Uzi trudged up to the door, hesitating before knocking gently. The door swung open, revealing Noah standing with a bright smile and an outstretched hand to drag her inside.

"Hi, Uzi! Come in," He greeted, tugging on her sleeve urgently like he'd never had a guest before. 

The large door shut behind them and the sight in front of her made her jaw dropped.

The view inside was more incredible than the outside. A grand stairwell led to four rows of bedrooms attached to a long hallway and a chandelier hung in the middle of the entryway, drooping crystals catching the bright light above. From the floors to the walls, everything screamed expensive.

Just being inside his home felt like a violation. She was quite literally tainting it with her existence.

"Damn! I had no idea you were so..." Uzi's words died off in her throat as she gawked at the view.

"Hm?" Noah tilted his head like a confused puppy. He had been there for so long, he had almost gotten used to the wealth he had been surrounded with. There had been a time where he wasn't this fortunate. 

Uzi shook her head and put her hands behind her back shyly, wincing internally. She silently scolded herself for sounding judgemental.

"I mean— I thought you'd be well off but wow, this place is incredible, what do your parents do?" She explained, suddenly feeling small. All of this was so out of the ordinary for her.

Noah's cheeks flushed red, it wasn't hard to miss with his snowy hued skin, "Oh, um. Business. Business stuff...?"

Uzi blinked, giving him a slow nod. She hadn't meant to embarrass him. It seemed better if she didn't pry any further, even if her curiosity tugged at her. 

"So, where are we working on that project?"

Relief washed over Noah's face quite evidently as his hand pushed against her upper back, gesturing toward the stairwell, "Right up the stairs! We'll be in my room."

Her heart fluttered at the sensation of his palm. Man, this guy was so touchy.

"Easy on the hands," Uzi warned, the words leaving her mouth before she could stop them or make them sound nicer.

Noah jerked his hand away quicker than Uzi could finish her sentence, giving her an apologetic smile, "Oh, sorry! Let's go."

Asshole. It's not like he knew you didn't like being touched. You didn't say anything earlier.

Her legs were burning in protest from having to walk up the steps to his room, she already had to walk all the way to his house, this was just adding more insult to injury... Being polite would have to wait, she needed to sit now!!!

Noah pushed open his door, revealing a clean but homey bedroom. Not unexpected from him, honestly. The sun filtered through sheer curtains, casting a soft orange glow that made Uzi squint. How could anyone exist in a room with sunlight?

"Cyn!" Noah squeaked, bumping into Uzi as he stepped back. Uzi stumbled, holding her face where she collided with his back. "Ah, sorry, Zi!"

The culprit was perched in front of Noah's fluffy bed, tilting her head at the commotion. 

"Big brother, why is she here?" Cynthia asked, wide-eyed with a strange curiosity. Uzi's skin prickled. 

Once Noah made sure he hadn't seriously hurt Uzi, he turned to his little sister and ushered her up from the floor, "This is my friend, what are you doing in here? Get up. I thought you stopped doing this three years ago."

He pulled his sister up to her legs, moving to grab her cane perched against his bed and placing it into her palm. Cynthia stood, though shakily, and continued to stare down the unwelcome newcomer.

"A girlfriend?" Cynthia began with a light snide tone.

"N-no!" Noah choked out, "Just a friend. Project partner! Please don't get stubborn, we have to work."

Uzi shuffled awkwardly in her spot, turning her gaze around his room. It was clear Noah was trying to be kind to his sister despite her being a bit of a nuisance. She admired that. She couldn’t imagine handling her own sibling (if she ever had one) with that much patience.

Maybe that's why she was an only child.

His room seemed to consist of a soft yellow color palette and lots of dog things. More specifically, golden retrievers. Looking closer at the bookshelf in the corner, most of the books were about golden retrievers... Guess he was a dog person. Cute.

"Okay, I will leave. Do not forget to tuck me in tonight, big brother, you forgot yesterday and it threw off my routine," Cynthia moved out of the room with a bit of a struggle, but no less gave Uzi a bit of a rude side glance. None of his sisters liked her, it seemed.

"You got it, Cyn!" Noah called after her before taking a seat on his bed, "Sorry, Zi. She likes showing up in random places... I was so sure I taught her to stop doing that when she was thirteen... I'm her favorite brother. Come sit!"

He patted the spot next to him. Uzi nearly cried with relief as she sat down, giving her legs their much needed respite. She cracked a smile at his comment.

"You're her only brother."

"Still her favorite!" He boasted, pulling open his laptop resting on his bed, "I set up the PowerPoint with the title, we just need to do the research."

Opening Google on her phone, Uzi nodded and tried to get comfortable on his bed. It wasn't too hard, the mattress was softer than her own, which was a given. Of course he had money for nice things.

"Guess we could start with explaining what the heart is... It's a part of the cardiovascular system," Uzi listed, resting her hand against her cheek as she hunched over, pressing her elbow against her thigh, "Fist sized organ... How are we formatting this?"

"Hmm..." Noah tapped his thumb against the keyboard, "We're supposed to label all the parts of the organ. Plus some facts and what system it's a part of... And the functions."

"Why'd Mrs. A give us three weeks on this assignment? We could literally get it done tonight..." 

Noah only gave her a shrug in response as he began to type up the next slide, "No clue, she's probably just being lenient, plus we're also starting early."

"For extra credit..."

"Yep! Besides, the heart is a pretty simple organ anyway... Imagine the group that has to explain all the functions of the brain."

"Ugh, yeah," Uzi breathed out, leaning back as she scrolled on the informational website, "I mean, I personally don't have a problem with it. She's probably had tons of students who procrastinate."

"Mhm! My point exactly," He agreed, glancing over to her, noticing her tense posture, "You look uncomfortable, you can lay down if you want!"

Thank God, she thought, sliding onto her back immediately.

"Thanks, I'm exhausted," She crossed her legs, raising her phone above her head, "School sucks the soul out of me."

"I can tell," Noah replied sympathetically.

Uzi gasped theatrically, pressing her hand against her chest, "Uh? Rude? Are you implying I look like shit?"

The boy broke into a fit of giggles, shaking his head, "Of course not, Zi."

"Uh huh, sure." She rolled her eyes playfully at him, turning onto her stomach as she continued her research, "Okay... Let's start with all the parts of the heart."

"Got it! Lay it on me."

"Aorta, pulmonary arteries, superior vena cava..."

Checking the time, Noah blinked at his screen. Eight Fifty PM. Wow. They were practically done with the first half of their assignment already. He rubbed his eyes, then glanced at Uzi, who looked like she was about to melt into the mattress from boredom. 

They had talked about some things while working, but always steered right back to the assignment. Anything to get it done early and get it out of the way...

"Hey," he spoke gently, rolling onto his stomach beside her, "You wanna get something to eat? We've been working for almost three hours."

Uzi looked up at him through her bangs, brushing them aside with an awkward, too-tight smile.

How was she going to avoid this? She could lie and say she had a snack before coming there, she just wasn't sure how reliant she could be on his naivety... And she had also declined his lunch offer, surely he'd get suspicious of her. Why was the room suddenly so hot?

"Uzi? Are you okay?" His voice cut through her racing thoughts, the weight next to her shifting as he stood. "You look kinda dizzy."

She willed herself to say something, anything to save face.

"Yep! Yeah, uh. I'm hungry."

She wanted to grab a heavy metal bat and bash her face in. Every day was like an evil hell tailored specifically to torture her and it was all her doing.

"Okay, I'll make you something. What do you have in mind?" Noah offered his hand for her to take, letting her choose if she was comfortable enough with being touched. Hesitating, Uzi reached out and let him pull her up and out of his bedroom.

She couldn't say she even had a favorite food. Growing up, eating was more of a chore than something enjoyable. She only ever ate when she remembered, which was almost never, and when she did she was often preoccupied with the nutritional label, reading every little number listed.

It was so stereotypical, she knew so, and yet she would find herself counting calories of gum. It made her feel so stupid and cringe, she didn't even care about her health that way. The thought of someone else making food for her made her feel more nauseous than she already felt, now she had to tolerate it for Noah's sake.

You've barely known him for more than a day. Why should you care? Just say no, you fat ass.

She ran her hand on her face, trying to dispell the annoying thoughts. This was her only year to actually have a bit of joy, she couldn't fuck it up now.

"You can pick, I don't really want anything in specific," Uzi mumbled, trailing behind Noah as he led her to the kitchen.

The kitchen was just as fancy as the rest of the house. Shiny granite counters, spotless stovetop, everything neat and expensive-looking. She seriously did not belong in there. Noah tapped his chin in thought before opening the fridge.

"Okay, let's see…" he mumbled, half to himself. "I can make something really quick. I'm vegan but there's other stuff in here. And gluten-free stuff... That's mostly for Cyn. Probably shouldn't use those, unless you can't eat gluten either? Hm... Do you like potatoes? I could make some chewy potato noodles, they're shaped like mushrooms!"

He looked over his shoulder at her, bright-eyed. Uzi, still suffocating under her own thoughts, managed a weak nod as he guided her to the dining table to sit, "It won't be long! We can have a nice little dinner."

Deep breaths. Freaking out over one meal would worry him and that was the last thing she wanted, especially when he was the closest thing she would get to a friend... Maybe that was too soon.

Breathe. Breathe. Her hands dug into her thighs.

Distractions would work. Her hands trembled as she unlocked her phone, scrolling aimlessly through social media. Space out. Don't listen to the sound of food being made. Disconnect. 

Her throat stung.

It was just food, but it was also a large meal she wasn't prepared for. An empty stomach was all she knew. An uncomfortable comfort. Her body could withstand a long time without food as long as she drank water... Her leg bounced anxiously. What if this threw off all her progress?

"All done! I hope you like it!" 

Static filled her brain, senses overloaded with unfamiliar smells. Crying would make her look absolutely ridiculous, she knew it would. So she pulled together what scraps of bravery she had left, fingers reaching for the fork.

"Thanks, N." 

Be polite, be polite, be polite...

Noah chewed on his own portion of food, enjoying his own cooking with a delightful eagerness, "Of course! I love cooking for my friends."

It took every drop of restraint in her to not bolt out of his home as she bit down on the potato. The worst part is that it was actually good and here she was, defacing all his hard work with her stupid drama.

One, two, three... Forcing herself to keep chewing and swallowing. Her first meal in days. No one was making her do this, no one was watching her and making sure she was eating. This torture only she bestowed upon herself. Her brain swirled. The urge to run itched at her blood.

Only half of the plate had been eaten before Uzi set her fork down, "I'm- I'm full. Thanks, man."

He glanced down at her plate, happy that she had at least eaten most of it, "Yay! I hope you liked it. I'll pack it in some tupperware for you."

Setting aside his own finished plate, he stood and found a plastic container to fill with Uzi's unfinished meal, in hopes that maybe she would eat it later.

Guilt sat heavy in her stomach. She knew the moment she got to her apartment, the contents would be emptied out in the trash.

"Aw, you made food and you didn't tell us?" Victoria poked her head into the room, exchanging a glance with Jessica who now leaned against the counter.

"Hey!" Noah greeted, snapping the lid onto the tupperware and setting it in front of Uzi, "we were just having something really quick. I didn't make enough for you two though..."

Jessica pushed off the counter with a dramatic sigh, sticking her tongue out at him, "Treating strangers better than your sisters, I see! For shame, N."

Noah only cracked a smile at her teasing, "She's my friend. Right, Zi?"

Uzi's mouth burned, the sin of consuming food she hadn't planned still ached through her body, responding without thinking, "Yeah."

Jessica twirled one of her twin tails with a finger, stepping beside Victoria, "She should probably go before Tessa comes home."

The tall boy winced, moving back to the kitchen to clean the mess he had made in the sink, "Oh, shoot. I mean, I don't mind personally—"

"You definitely will," Victoria butted in, "that girl will pester you for an hour about having a new friend. She's like a really excitable dog, except Australian."

"Well, I do like dogs..." Noah reasoned weakly.

Uzi slid the chair out behind her, taking the container Noah handed to her, "No, it's okay. I should go before my dad comes home."

She refused to look at him in the eye, her body still shaking from the experience. Uzi scolded herself internally, it was just food! Just food that would make her gain weight... Food she hadn't prepared. Food she didn't know the calories of. Numbers were everything, even if math was never her thing. 

She didn't have to look at Noah to notice how he had deflated.

"Oh, already? Okay, um..." He dried his hands on a towel, voice softening, "I'll walk you to the door."

"Relax, I'll come back on... Monday?" Uzi assured, trying her hardest to sound normal. At least enough so that Noah wouldn't realize how eager Uzi was to leave.

Noah smiled at that, walking past his sisters whom only gave Uzi blank stares, "Awesome! Let's go, when's your ride coming?"

"Oh, uh... I have to walk somewhere first, don't worry," Uzi followed him, trying to ignore the looks from the twins. She focused only on making it back to her apartment, that was what mattered.

"Okay, be safe though!" Noah opened the front door, letting the shorter girl through, "I had fun with you today."

Uzi could only smile at his sweetness. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve him.

"Yeah, me too. Thanks for the food, it was great."

"I'll always keep a guest happy!" Noah preened under her praise, "Text me when you're home?"

"Totally," Uzi waved, turning her back to him, "See you on Monday, dork."

Once Uzi arrived at her apartment, she couldn't be bothered to take off her boots, running to the bathroom. Oh God. Oh God, why did she agree to going to his house? 

It was such a bad, stupid idea. 

She couldn't throw up, even if she tried, it would make her feel so dirty. Noah had been so kind with her, the only person to ever treat her as an equal in her Seventeen years of life, and all Uzi could think about was the food sitting in her stomach.

Maybe it would be best if they didn't meet up after school. Her mind buzzed with dark thoughts, her chest closing in on her. She should've said no, she could have said no, this was just like when—

No. Nonono. She was NOT going there. She wouldn't think of that. Dragging her body to her bed, she laid face down on her pillow, tears still burning her eyes. She didn't need a friend anyway. She would only get hurt. She would hurt him. She was a filthy, disgusting poison.

Uzi pulled her phone from her pocket. The sooner she texted him, the sooner she could stay away for good. It was for the best, he would thank her. Once she sent her text, his reply was near instantaneous.

...Had he been waiting?

She bit on her thumb, tearing skin as she tried her hardest not to cry. This was all her fault, she could have said no, but she didn't. At least she had the weekend to exercise her shame away.

Noah stared at his screen, frowning as he lay sprawled across his bed. Uzi's messages glowed back at him, short and stiff. She had left so abruptly... And now she wasn't responding.

He'd met plenty of people in his life but none like her. Cold yet sweet. Guarded but approachable... If you knew how to approach her– And beautiful, wow, she was beautiful.

Noah groaned, shoving his face against his blanket. He had already tucked Cynthia in for bed (while she was sixteen, it had been a routine she had since she was little and wasn't willing to give it up), leaving him with this unfortunate restless energy.

He hadn't meant to think of Uzi so much. It's just... Her behavior was so worrying. How could he not think of her? He festered in his thoughts, releasing another pathetic, muffled whine into the air.

"Oh Jesus," Victoria's voice rang from his door, "Are you really so messed up about that girl?"

Noah glanced at her over his shoulder before returning to his cocoon, "No, V."

The bed dipped next to him as Victoria sat down, pulling the blanket back from him. Leave it up to his older sister to be annoying.

"What's all this about?" Victoria raised a brow, "Are you upset because she left?"

Noah shook his head, reaching for his blanket, "No, I'm just worried about her."

She narrowed her eyes at him and frowned, pressing her hands on her thighs, "Dude, why? Don't you know the reputation she has?"

He tensed at that. He hadn't heard of anything about her in specific, he always avoided gossip or anything of the sort. He found it mean and just plain unnecessary. 

"No, and I'm not interested," Noah huffed, rolling onto his side.

His sister only sighed, shaking her head. He was so frustratingly naive. She had no idea how he survived until senior year.

"Me and J thought you were just losing your mind! You just don't know," Victoria laughed incredulously, "That emo bitch is crazy. You need to get away from her, you're gonna get wrapped up in shit you don't want to get involved in. The moment you finish that project, you better not talk to her again."

"I'm not interested in your drama, V!" Noah scolded.

Victoria scoffed, waving her little brother off, "Ugh, whatever. Don't say I didn't warn you!"

"Yeah, whatever," Noah glared, clearly not in the mood. Uzi had been nothing but kind to him! Screw the reputation she had, he didn't care.

... But he'd only known her for a day. 

He wanted to have faith in his new friend. She hadn't given him a single reason not to and yet, a tiny, unwelcome seed of doubt wriggled in the back of his mind...

Victoria shut his door, deciding Noah would learn on his own. There was a reason why Uzi had no friends, she wouldn't need to spell it out for him.

Noah peeked at his phone, in hopes that Uzi had texted him. His text sat, left on read. Noah grumbled under his breath. He didn't expect her to be conversational, although it would be nice to talk. 

He'd see her on Monday. It was fine!

Chapter Text

Rays of light shone through his curtains, pulling Noah out of his fitful sleep. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and tossing his blanket aside. Noah considered himself a morning person... Today would not be one of those days. Weekends were harder to deal with, usually due to having to deal with his less than friendly mother.

A soft trio of knocks tapped against Noah's bedroom door before it cracked open.

"Goooood morning, N!" Tessa's cheerful voice floated in, way too loud for someone who hadn't slept well.

"Hi, Tess..." He mumbled, yawning quietly as he shuffled to his bathroom.

The raven haired girl allowed herself inside with a cheeky smile. She scooped up Noah's blanket from where he'd kicked it halfway off the bed and folded it neatly. Once she was satisfied with the state of the bed, she plopped down onto it, legs swinging.

"You look right awful," Tessa cupped the side of her mouth to project her voice.

Noah grumbled to himself. He loved Tessa, he really did! But he hardly slept the night before. Now was not the time.

Noah cracked the door open as he brushed his teeth, staring at his reflection in the mirror. She was right, he did look rough. Who could blame him though?

"Long night," He replied with a mouthful of toothpaste.

"I can tell," Tessa thumbed at his bedsheets. "Mum and Dad want you downstairs for breakfast."

Noah spit, rinsed, splashed his face with cold water in an attempt to wake himself up. "Alright. Let me shower first."

"Take your time," she answered, standing from his bed. "They're already annoyed, so what's an extra few minutes?"

He sighed heavily, grabbing his towel and throwing it over his shoulder. "Great…"

Tessa slipped out, closing the door gently behind her.

Noah couldn't say his adoptive parents were bad people (as far as he knew), yet he also couldn't say they were good people either. They were detached from the world, so to speak. Too rich to connect with normal society and they had very questionable parenting skills.

He supposed that served to benefit him and his siblings, since they had no problem sending them off to public school... They didn't care what would happen to them, as long as they brought home good grades.

After a quick, hot shower to clear his head, he threw on whatever he could find that looked decent. He wore a loose cream button-down and over it, he'd thrown on a thick brown vest with deep pockets. His pants were ridiculously baggy, a muted taupe color, hanging low on his hips and almost swallowing his boots as he began to jog downstairs. The longer he made them wait, the worse the mood would be.

"Look who finally decided to join us!" His mother commented with a snarky tone.

Noah bit back a sarcastic reply as he sat down at the table, keeping a neutral expression, "Sorry, I guess I slept in."

His sisters kept their heads down, occupying themselves with the last bits of their breakfast. They'd learned long ago not to engage during mornings like this. James, their father, had already begun to leave without a word, leaving his finished plate at the table.

Noah pushed his eggs around with his fork. His mind wandered off despite himself, drifting right back to a purple-haired girl he hardly knew. He didn't even blame her for not wanting to be talkative. Still… expecting her to want to be his friend made him feel stupid.

"Clean the table when you four are done," Louisa instructed briskly, already walking off before anyone could respond. Her heels faded down the hall.

The minute she left, Victoria pushed her plate away, holding her phone out with a grin that split across her face, "Lizzy wants us to meet up with Thad."

"Finally turned off DND?" Jessica smirked to herself, chewing on her food.

"Ugh, shut up, J. Anyway, we should go, I wanted to pick something up anyway," Victoria turned her gaze to Noah, "Are you gonna come?"

A distraction would be nice. 

"Sure," Noah chirped, trying to sound more awake than he felt. He flashed a small smile. "Isn't Thad on shift today though?"

"Pfft, he knows that's our hangout spot," Victoria stood, scooping up her plate as she thumbed out a reply to Lizzy. 

Across the table, Cynthia perked up with sudden interest. She rarely got to tag along to certain meetups, being the youngest of the four often meant being left behind. "Can I come? Big brother N, can I go?"

Noah hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. He adored Cynthia, there was no world where he didn't, but the idea of bringing her out to hang with the group was frightening.

He worried about her and he knew she wouldn't have fun if he was constantly on top of her to keep her safe. His little sister didn't hate a lot of things but the one thing he knew she hated for sure was being babied.

Oh, and Lizzy could be pretty mean too.

"Why do you even want to come?" Jessica muttered without looking up, popping the last of her toast into her mouth. "You don't even like the place."

"I don't want to keep being at home all day," Cynthia grumbled, folding her arms stiffly across her chest.

Jessica stood up and shoved her chair back with unnecessary force, enough to bump into Cynthia on purpose. "Whoops!"

Cynthia let out a startled breath and glared up at her.

"Hey!"

"What?" Jessica stuck her tongue out, unbothered, dropping her plate into the sink with a clatter. "N, tell her she can't go."

"Oh, well-" Noah started, his lips tightening into a nervous smile as he poked at his cold breakfast. Intervening in his sisters' fights was just asking for their mutual fury.

"N," Cynthia pleaded, scooting closer and clasping her hands together. "Let me go? Pleading eyes." She even widened her eyes like she practiced the motion in a mirror. She must have been practicing a lot, he didn't even have to look at her to feel bad.

He kept his gaze glued to the table, chewing on his meal. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to let Cynthia come with them, he only worried that she would get upset with the environment. She could be very particular about how she liked things.

He sighed quietly through his nose.

"Uhh, I don't know, little buddy—"

"Ah, shoot, hi N!" Tessa poked her head into the kitchen doorway, her long hair pieces swaying with the movement. She blinked at the awkward little cluster around the table, then stepped fully in. "Sorry, I finished breakfast early."

Her eyes landed on Cynthia in the middle of her begging, already knowing whom was to blame, "…Are you picking on her, J?"

"I didn't do anything," Jessica grinned to herself as she rinsed her plate. "I made breakfast, and now I'm cleaning everyone else's mess. I think I'm allowed to bully my younger siblings sometimes."

"Yeah, sometimes. Not always." Tessa rolled her eyes and slid into Jessica’s chair, folding one leg under the other. She glanced around at the two siblings still sat at the table. "What's going on? Are you guys bullying Cyn?"

"N and J won't let me come with them to the 7/11," Cynthia threw her arms up, "I am not a baby anymore, I am sixteen."

"That's practically a baby to me, I'm nineteen, you're so little," Tessa held her hand up and began pinching the air. "Itty bitty baby."

Cynthia shot her eldest sister an offended look, appalled that she wasn't supporting her.

"Now who's the bully," Jessica mumbled to herself, drying her hands off. 

Tessa gasped, though the smile on her face made it hard to believe she was actually offended, "I meant it with love!"

"We should let Cyn go," Noah conceded, "She doesn't get out much."

"Booo," Jessica complained immediately, hooking her chin over Tessa's shoulder. "You're never on my side. Right, Tess?"

Tessa let out a bubbly laugh as she lightly slapped Jessica away with the back of her hand, "Get off, girl!"

Noah shook his head at his sister, "Cyn's the baby of the family, you know that."

"I am not a baby!" Cynthia snapped, before pausing, connecting the dots. Her posture changed in an instant. "Oh! Oh, excited smile! I can go? Yay! Thank you, big brother!!!" 

"It's just 7/11, Cyn," Jessica moved to pick up Cynthia's cleared plate, "We're not driving you home if you get upset, 'kay?"

"Okay!" Cynthia pushed her chair back carefully, bracing one hand on the table before standing. Using her cane for support, she raced up the stairwell. Victoria returned with her purse, slinging it over her shoulder.

"Is she coming?" She asked, glancing at where Cynthia had dissappeared.

Jessica let out a loud, dramatic sigh and slapped her palms against her jeans. "Yep. N let her."

"Whatever, as long as she doesn't do anything like last time," Victoria glanced back down at her phone, uninterested.

"You two are so mean," Noah scolded, shooting them both a look as he brought his plate to the sink. "Cyn just wants to hang out with us like we used to."

"I was going to let her go," Jessica defended, raising her hands as she stepped aside so he could rinse his dish.

"Is Tess coming?" Victoria pocketed her phone, idling by the kitchen counter.

"Nah," Tessa answered easily as she toyed with a fraying thread on the tablecloth. "Thanks, but the magic of 7/11 doesn't quite grab me the way it grabs Cyn, it seems."

"It's not the gas station, idiot," The shorter haired girl corrected, "Thad just works there and its easier to hang with the group. He's like... Super employed."

"Unlike you three," Tessa shot back with a raised brow.

"Hey!" Noah turned from the sink, indignant. "I would have a job if I wasn't focusing on my grades right now."

"I'm just lazy," Victoria chuckled with a smile. "I own that."

Before Jessica could defend herself as well, footsteps sounded on the stairs. Cynthia came into view dressed in her favorite puffy black dress, lace layered over the bodice and drifting down the skirt, the black bow tied neatly at her waist.

"Um, that's... Cute," Jessica stared at her little sister, moving to grab her car keys. She forgot how different her sister's tastes could be on certain occasions. Usually she opted for a shirt and shorts, today seemed to not be one of those days.

Tessa waved the four goodbye, closing the door behind them. They piled into Jessica's car, a sleek black convertible, and sped off down the driveway.

Cynthia's light blond hair whipped across her face, muttering with an annoyed tone, "Why did we take J's car…?"

"Because I'm driving," Jessica retorted without missing a beat. "And I only drive my car."

Noah reached over, trying to pull back Cynthia's locks so she wouldn't be so uncomfortable, "It's only a quick trip, Cyn."

By the time they arrived, Jessica parked her car (perfectly, might she add...) and helped Cynthia out of the seat, placing the cane in her hand before the girl could even reach for it.

"You should've brought your crutches," Jessica shut her door, turning her gaze to Noah and Victoria exiting the car as well.

"There is no need," Cynthia assured, settling her weight gingerly but confidently on the cane, "my legs are good today."

"They're inside," Victoria pointed, already halfway across the parking lot as the store's automatic doors slid open in front of her.

Noah followed at a calmer pace, hanging back just enough for Cynthia to catch up. The late afternoon heat clung to the pavement and the blast of air conditioning when they stepped inside felt heavenly.

Once they entered, Lizzy spotted them instantly and waved them over with both arms and a big smile, "Heyyy!"

"Sup, Liz," Victoria bumped her hip into hers as a friendly greeting, "Hope you don't mind I brought the nerds."

"Ugh, don't stroke your ego," Lizzy scoffed, "I love these dorks! Sup J, N... Cyn. You guys brought Cyn?"

Cynthia blinked at her and waved, giving her a bright smile. She and Lizzy had never really been close the way she bonded with the others... Nonetheless, Cynthia enjoyed her presence despite her catty attitude.

"She's lots of fun to be around, trust me!" Noah piped up, slinging his arm around his little sister.

"Eh, I don't care," Lizzy mumbled, checking her own nails without a thought, "has she met Thad?"

"I know Doll," Cynthia eyed the russian girl who was too occupied in her own conversation with Thad to notice them, "But not Thad. I have seen him before briefly."

"Well!" Lizzy snapped in Doll and Thad's direction, drawing their attention, "Now's the perfect time!"

Thad looked up, his face brightening instantly. "Oh, shit! What's up, gang?"

Noah beamed in response to his greeting. Seeing him in his work outfit had always been odd, since Noah usually saw him in a sports jersey and some stupid khakis.

"Did Lizzy not tell you we were coming?" Jessica settled her hands into the back of her jean pockets. Lizzy lifted her phone to her lips, hiding a smirk that absolutely confirmed she'd said nothing.

"You know how she is," Thad nodded with an exasperated smile. "It's good to see you all! It sucks I can't see you guys as often as I used to."

"Yeah, but you finished plenty of classes early. You get, like… Three periods," Doll pointed out. "Less school. Hello Cyn."

Cyn waved, happy to be acknowledged. 

"You need good grades to be a professional athlete!" Thad boasted.

"I'm gonna buy some snacks," Victoria called over her shoulder, disappearing into the aisles.

"Girl, buy me something!" Lizzy spoke excitedly and rushed behind her, with Jessica following shortly behind, interested in a treat for herself. 

"Yeah, that's true," Noah looked back at Thad and held a hand out behind him to guide his little sister forward. "You've definitely seen this one around… This is Cynthia. Now you two can properly meet."

Cynthia quietly extended her hand, trying to follow the social cues she'd memorized over the years. "Hello."

Thad took her hand and shook it excitedly, "Sup, little lady!"

Noah watched the interaction with a faint smile, though the weight in his pocket tugged at him. Giving in to the urge, he slipped out his phone and opened his messages.

Nothing. Still on read.

His stomach began to hurt, suppressing the pathetic whimper that tried to leave his throat. Maybe she was sleeping in...?

At least he had the capability of acknowledging how ridiculous it was. Why was he so hooked up on her?

"Cyn is in her junior year, right?" Doll chimed in, not looking up as she braided a piece of her long purple hair.

"Yep! But she might graduate early with us if she finishes all her credits in time," Noah praised, gazing at his little sister with pride.

"No way! Smart chicks are the coolest," Thad looked impressed, though he wasn't exactly surprised. Being smart came easily to Noah and his sisters.

Cynthia tittered, lowering her head at all the acknowledgements being thrown her way, "It is really nothing. I just study a lot."

"It's not nothing," Noah refuted, "Cyn hasn't gotten anything below an A since fifth grade."

Thad flicked his wrist in an exaggerated motion. "Damn! You've got a super-brain in there, that's insanely impressive."

Cynthia jolted at the praise, her face blooming bright red out of the pure mortifying horror of being the center of attention. "I-I am going to see V, J, and Lizzy now! Goodbye!"

She hurried off in the least graceful escape imaginable, nearly tripping over a display stand as she fled to the aisles in hopes of regaining even a scrap of dignity. She hated attention more than anything, especially from strangers.

Thad snorted, and Noah cracked up beside him, both shaking their heads in amusement.

"So… She's cute, huh?" Doll teased, leaning her elbow against the counter.

Noah froze mid-giggle and swung around to glare at her. "No. Nope. She literally just properly met the guy. Don't start planting ideas!"

"What? I'm doing my duty as a wingman," Doll insisted, folding her hands together innocently.

"Relax," Thad demurred, waving the comment away as he tugged off his hat and ran a hand through his dirty blond hair. "I'm not into your little sister. I've got way too much on my plate for romance... Also, I'm not that much into blondes."

Noah raised his eyebrow at that, "Everyone in our friend group is blond except for Doll."

"Ew! I'm a lesbian, no thank you," Doll shook her head, sticking her tongue out in disgust.

Thad set his hat back on and grinned playfully, "I'm not into rude russian girls either."

He didn't hate the idea of Cynthia and Thad maybe liking each other someday, Thad was a solid guy! But that didn't stop Noah's older brother instincts from kicking in. Though he had to admit the conversation was a little amusing.

"Don't even dream of it, man," Noah warned lightly.

"Yes, crush the poor man's dreams," Doll feigned a frown, pouting at her friends, "You two make my matchmaking job incredibly difficult."

Thad sighed, shaking his head at her, "You're so lucky I find you super rad, Doll."

Doll snickered and rocked back on her heels. "And I, tragically, am friends with a very stupid jock."

Noah found himself reaching into his pocket yet again.

Read.

He really needed to stop checking. Maybe turning on vibrate would help… but then he'd wait for it to buzz, and that would be even worse. Why did his brain insist on making everything so weird and complicated?

He supposed he was the one making it weird and complicated... Uzi didn't have to talk to him if she didn't want to. He just needed his body to pick up on that so he could stop feeling so sick about it.

"Dude, N, what's got you checking your phone so much?" Thad leaned over to peek, and Doll practically draped herself beside him to get a look.

Noah exhaled a long, defeated sigh and rubbed his thumb over the volume buttons, wishing he could disappear into the tiled floor. The last thing he wanted was to kill the vibe by unloading his dumb feelings about a girl he barely even knew.

"Just waiting on a text," He cleared his throat, pocketing his phone yet again. He needed someone to slap his hand away the next time he went to look.

"Quit checking, you're making me nervous," Doll scolded, "Is it a woman you are waiting on?"

Noah sucked in a breath, shoulders rising. He gave a helpless, almost embarrassed shrug. "Ehhhh… I guess."

Thad and Doll gasped loudly. Thad slammed his hands on the counter, "No fucking way! Noah Elliott romance arc!?"

Noah felt heat explode across his face, shaking his head quickly to dispell the accusation, "Shhh!! Shh! No! No romance‐"

"Did I just hear that right?" Lizzy skidded over, mouth agape, "No way! Why didn't you lead with that, N!?"

"No, guys, seriously-"

"Ugh, really, N?" Victoria shot from nearby, arms folded tight in annoyance. "Do you actually like that freak? The fuck are you doing?"

Noah nearly choked on his own breath. "No! Come on, don't call her that-"

"She was your girlfriend! I knew it," Cynthia pointed, clinging to Jessica's arm.

"Oh my God," Noah dragged both hands down his face. 

Thad burst into loud, delighted laughter, "dude! Did you get with a chick or not?"

"No!" Noah snapped, his voice cracking with exasperation, "no, nothing is happening! Why are you guys so... so drama oriented!?"

"Aw, we're just trying to make sure you don't die alone without a girlfriend," Lizzy crooned, patting his shoulder with fake sympathy. Lizzy would do anything for drama and Noah (handsome, charming, and chronically unlucky in love) was a goldmine.

Noah shot her a sideways glare, cheeks still blazing.

"It's not like that. I just met her."

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Victoria turning away, walking back into the aisles like she'd rather rip her ears out than hear another word. 

"Mind you," Jessica added casually, sliding a bag of chips across the counter, "he brought her over last night and took her to lunch yesterday. Just this, by the way."

"You're kidding?" Thad shot a smirk at Noah, ringing up Jessica's bag and tossing it back to her.

"You guys are reading way too much into this," Noah insisted.

"We just care about you!" Lizzy defended her point, poking him in the side. She had a talent for irritating him. "Sooo, who's the girl? Does she go to our school?"

"Well, I'd hope so," Doll piped in, "We have to meet her."

"Is she online?" Lizzy guessed, tapping her pink acrylic nail against her chin.

Jessica visibly recoiled. "Why would you even say that?"

"What? Maybe N's tired of never finding girls he likes in real life," Lizzy replied with a mischievous smile, twirling the magenta tips of her hair, "so he's becoming an E-dater!"

"Ew."

"Hey, not too much on E-daters! Not all of them are creepos," Thad rebuked, "Rebecca's got a boyfriend online."

"It still isn't always safe, also Rebecca is stupid," Doll pointed out. She drifted toward the slushie machine, grabbing a large cup and beginning to fill it with a swirl of blueberry ice. "So… can we meet the girl or what?"

"Uh..." Noah hesitated. Victoria already had a particularly hostile opinion on Uzi and honestly, he couldn't bear the thought of his friends agreeing with her, "She does go to our school, but I'm not telling who."

"Bruh, what!" Lizzy groaned dramatically, hopping onto the counter to sit as Thad tried to push her off.

"Get off, Liz! I got in so much shit last time I let you sit there!"

"Shh! I have to investigate!" Lizzy snapped back at him, pushing against his arms.

"I love you guys," Noah began, trying to sound firm, "but if you knew who she was, you guys definitely wouldn't leave her alone and it'll totally freak her out."

Jessica kept to herself, deciding to be kind enough to keep her mouth shut, "Yyyep..."

Lizzy sucked her teeth in disappointment, feeling betrayed that he would keep such a secret dangling right out of her reach, "you're so boring, N."

"Don't be so hard on the guy," Thad laughed, shoving Lizzy off the counter the second she let her guard down. She stumbled, swearing at him as he swiped imaginary dust from his hands. "I warned you!"

"That wasn't fair, asshole," Lizzy snapped, smoothing down her shirt with a wounded scowl.

Victoria finally returned, throwing her variety of snacks onto the countertop as she reached into her purse, "you guys done yet?"

"You totally missed it, I just pushed Lizzy off," Thad chortled at the memory, struggling to scan Victoria's assortment of bags through his giggles.

"You suck!" Lizzy barked. She snatched a candy bar from the lower rack and chucked it at him. Thad dodged without even looking up.

"When do you finish your shift?" Victoria swiped her debit card in the reader, waiting for the transaction to go through.

Thad let out a pitiful sigh, looking miserable, "Ugh... Ten PM."

"But at least you get money?" Doll sipped on her drink, fishing a crumpled wad of cash in her pocket to pay for her own drink, "My job refuses to give me enough shifts."

"Yet here you are, buying a slushie," Lizzy noted, "Actually, let me have a little bit."

"You are a leech," Doll grumbled but passed the cup to her regardless, setting her dollar on the counter as Thad picked out her change.

"I do have the day off tomorrow though, are you guys doing anything?" 

"Oh!" Lizzy gasped, "There's a party at Sam's! We should totally go."

The group talked amongst themselves, planning when and how they would get there, and who would be the designated sober friend (it would be Noah, of course.) Cynthia stood awkwardly, lingering by her brother as she tugged on his sleeve.

"May I go too?" Cynthia spoke in a hushed tone.

Noah blinked. For a second he wondered if he misheard her.

Cynthia? A party?

She normally avoided loud places like the plague. Crowds overwhelmed her. Music overwhelmed her. Parties were everything she didn't like.

"Are you sure…?" he asked carefully, leaning down a little so she didn't have to speak over the noise. "You know those places are really loud, and crowded, and-"

"I like your friends," Cynthia murmured, clasping her hands together. "Pleading face…?"

Noah winced at her second attempt at puppy dog eyes of the day. Damn, she always got him with that.

"Well… okay." He ruffled her hair, unable to help himself. "If you think you can handle it."

Cynthia giggled and immediately pushed his hand away. "Haha! Stop it!"

Noah smiled fondly as Cynthia clung to his arm the way she usually did to him and her other siblings. He wanted her to become more independent, especially since he couldn't be with her when she ultimately moved away. It didn't stop him from worrying regardless.

He was so relieved his friends were around to distract him. Perhaps he was just overthinking it all and Uzi was just hanging out with her own friend group the way he was! That must be why she won't text.

As the group talked amongst each other, he had completely forgotten why he was so anxious in the first place. 

Chapter Text

An electronic melody thumped through the dark room, illuminated only by the shitty, offbrand rainbow disco lights.

"Do you guys have a ride?" Noah called out, raising his voice over the music. Thad and Doll were slumped in a corner, miserably drunk meanwhile Lizzy buzzed with life still. She thrived in these environments.

Noah did have his fun with his friends, though now they were in a secluded area because they had broken what seemed to be a very expensive vase while goofing around. Noah only could hope that Sam wouldn't catch wind of it, which he doubted. That man was high every day.

Noah just wanted to go home, he'd sucked all the fun out of the night.

"We're gonna walk!" Lizzy shouted back. Doll sat up, her gross lukewarm cup of cheap beer dangling from her hand.

"Ugh, parties are so disgusting... Why do I always come with you?" Doll grumbled, rubbing her left temple.

"Why do you drink if it puts you in a bad mood?" Lizzy countered, sliding an arm around Doll's waist and pulling her upright with care.

"Russians have a thing with alcohol, don't they?" Thad mused, slouched against the wall with his legs casually crossed.

"That's got to be a stereotype," Noah mumbled thoughtfully. His head was starting to throb. Doll was right, the dull ache behind his eyes was getting harder to ignore. Sometimes too much fun was...too much fun.

"At least Doll only drinks at parties," Thad spoke into his own cup, downing the rest of his own drink, "She'd be a nightmare otherwise."

"Fffuuck off," Doll grumbled, sticking her middle finger up at him, "I'm responsible..."

Lizzy squinted past Noah, suddenly alert. "Wait. Where's Cyn? She was just here..." She scanned the sea of drunk teens, "Shit... Am I that wasted?"

Noah blinked, twisting around on the couch to look. No sight of Cynthia whatsoever. He did remember that she split off to stay with her sisters, but knowing her, she likely needed a break.

"Oh, she went with Jessica and Victoria a while ago. They're probably outside. She did do well for how crowded this place is... It's a good thing she's not allowed to have alcohol."

"None of us are twenty-one here," Lizzy muttered, straining to keep Doll upright as the girl sagged into her. "Thank the Lord Cyn is finally reaching out, I was scared she'd never learn how to function in social situations. She really needs the experience."

Noah shot her a glare at her comment about Cynthia but decided to let it pass. Lizzy had a habit of losing her filter even more when she was drunk.

"Yeah, well... Drinking and parties aren't really my thing," Noah admitted, leaning back on the couch with a soft exhale. His leg bounced restlessly, nerves and overstimulation blending into one. He was dying to leave. "I'm only here for you guys. I'd rather wait till I'm legal."

"Hey, if I can get drafted to war now, I should be allowed to have a drink!" Thad joked, flashing a wide grin.

Noah made a tiny disapproving noise. He knew his friends were safe and responsible when they were at parties, but the concern never really left. At least they weren't getting into any serious trouble.

"You just turned eighteen last month," Lizzy teased, playfully nudging Thad in the ribs with her elbow. He took the bait, shoving her right back, and within seconds the pair were grappling like overgrown children and wrestling.

"Guys- don't... Ah, okay." Noah gave up on trying to rein them in, running his hand over his collarbone as he watched them tussle. The party had begun to thin out, leaving only a few groups of stragglers that were happy to take the free alcohol. "Should we start heading out? It's getting pretty late."

His eyes drifted to Doll, now passed out on the questionably sanitized hardwood floor, her hair fanned out. Ugh, ew. He would be sure to tell her to wash her hair when she was sober tomorrow. 

Lizzy crouched beside Doll, trying to smooth out her own hair that Thad had absolutely wrecked during their scuffle.

"Man, it's not even one AM yet... But sure, let's find dumb, dumber, and dumbest first," Lizzy got to her feet, shaking Doll awake.

Noah laughed at her comment and shook his head, "I think that title belongs to you, Doll, and Thad."

"Whuh! N!" Lizzy gasped, "So mean! You've been around J way too much."

"Well, she is my sister," Noah stood from the couch, "Can Doll walk?"

"She's fine, just super lightweight I guess," Lizzy let out a strained groan while Doll sagged heavily against her. While Lizzy was a cheerleader, her strength was cut in half from the beer in her body.

Together they began weaving through the house, pushing past clusters of lingering guests and the puddles of spilled drinks on the sticky floor.

"How dare you..." Doll slurred, clearly affronted but way too inebriated to reject Lizzy's assistance. Lizzy clicked her tongue at her.

"Girl, shush."

Noah stepped out into the night and finally breathed in the fresh air. There were a few people smoking outside but compared to the humid, congested heat within the house, it was a huge improvement. 

"Whew, finally," he exhaled, rolling his shoulders back. "I can't wait to go home."

"Tonight was fun. What's not gonna be fun is my eight hour shift tomorrow..." Thad whined.

"Poor thing," Lizzy pouted, batting her lashes at him with zero sincerity.

"We can all walk home together," Noah offered, eyeing the shadowy backyard in search of his sisters. "At least you guys don't live so far away from us."

"When... can we come over again?" Lizzy wondered, her voice strained as Doll kept slipping from her grasp, "Can you at least try to walk!?"

"Uhhh..." Noah trailed off.

That heavily depended on whether Noah's parents would be home, otherwise it was a hard no.

Thad suddenly perked up and pointed, shoving Noah to move him out of his way, "Yo, I found them!"

Noah, ever the kind individual, brushed himself off and only gave Thad a slight glare. Thad hid his tipsiness well, Noah had almost forgotten he'd been drinking at all. 

Jessica sat in the grass, scrolling on her phone while Cynthia was glued to her side, arms wrapped around Jessica's own. Meanwhile, Victoria engaged in a conversation with a stranger, her attention elsewhere.

"Oh, hey," Victoria looked up, the stranger forgotten, "Are we leaving?"

"Yeah, look at Doll," Lizzy replied, giving Doll a small shake, "We should get her home."

"Sheesh. Easy on the alc' next time, girl," Victoria teased as she moved to help Cynthia up, her hands gently taking hold of her sister's arms. "Are we walking?"

"Yep!" Thad replied cheerfully, crumpling the cup he'd been holding and shoving it into his hoodie pocket. "For memory! I'm gonna add it to my shelf."

"Fucking weirdo," Jessica eyed him, squinting as she tried to gauge how much he had to drink. Clearly it had to be quite a lot if he squished the red cup he supposedly wanted to keep, "is he drunk?"

"Tipsy," Noah chimed in, his voice dry as he leaned against the backyard fence, "At least I think so? It's hard to tell."

Cynthia giggled at the exchange but tried to cover it with a cough. 

Noah had always been the sentimental type, there was absolutely no doubt about it. Standing there in the chilly night air, faces cast in the dull glow of orange streetlights, surrounded by his friends and his sisters... he loved this. He wouldn't trade moments like these for anything.

I'd love to share this with Uzi.

Noah froze, stunned by his own passing thought. He hadn't thought about her all day. The last time he'd checked their messages, he had been left on read. He figured that hadn't changed.

Still, Noah could picture it so clearly. Uzi with them, laughing or playing around with the others. She would fit right in. He resented the stuff Victoria supposedly knew about her. It made things so difficult. He didn't want to feel like he had to hide Uzi away. She was sweet, if only a little threatening, and she'd been nothing but kind and respectful to him.

What could she have possibly done to earn such a bad reputation amongst his two older sisters?

"Welp, let's go," Victoria led the group out through the backyard fence and down the street.

He wanted to trust his sisters implicitly. While they had their... Negative qualities, they never led him astray. Yet, Noah could only feel conflicted. 

Maybe he could ask Uzi on Monday.

The group walked in tired silence, the air cool against their skin. Eventually, Cynthia's steps slowed, her legs clearly beginning to ache. With a resigned sigh, Jessica crouched just enough to let her climb onto her back. She was far too tired to scold Cynthia for not bringing her crutches.

"You're spoiled," Jessica grumbled at her little sister.

Cynthia smiled into the back of Jessica's shirt, pressing her face against her sister's shoulder to avoid looking at anyone. "No I am not."

When they reached the familiar neighborhood they all (most of them, anyway) shared, Thad was the first to peel off. His house was small and unassuming, a single story place he shared with a roommate.

"This is my stop," Thad nodded toward it, "Thanks for taking me out tonight gang. Let's do it again sometime?"

"Def!" Lizzy fist bumped him, nearly dropping the half-conscious girl in her hold yet again, "probably not a party though. Let's try the mall." 

Thad laughed, then glanced at Cynthia, who was still clinging to Jessica's shoulders, "Hang with us more next time, 'kay? But especially me, I'm cooler!"

Cynthia sputtered at the invite, her face turning red as she squeezed her arms tighter around Jessica's neck, losing her grip on her back, "Oh! No, no thank you!"

Her usual response to being invited out suddenly was to panic.

"She means yes-" Jessica wheezed, nearly losing her balance. "Fuck— Cyn!"

"Cool, see ya, gang!" Thad waved it off easily and headed up his driveway with a drunken pep in his step. From a distance, his loud greeting to his roommate echoed through the quiet street.

Jessica hitched Cynthia higher up her back, adjusting her grip to save herself from oxygen deprivation. "God, you're such a loser," she muttered, "what the hell was that?"

"Shut up, J..." Cynthia mumbled, mortified, burying her face between Jessica's shoulder blades, "I panicked."

"He's totally flirting with your sister, N," Lizzy grinned mischievously at him, following behind Victoria and Jessica.

Noah chose not to reward that with a response. His friends were already annoying, even more so when they were drunk. Instead, he kept his eyes forward and changed the subject entirely, "Doll's probably not making it to school tomorrow."

Victoria let out a heavy sigh at the sight of Lizzy struggling to hold up Doll, stretching her arms out, "Jesus, Lizzy stop dragging her. You need to lift weights or something." 

Before Lizzy could protest, Victoria scooped Doll up with ease and carried her toward the house. She set Doll down on the front steps just long enough to fish a key out from beneath the doormat and unlock the door. 

"Okay," Victoria began, already lifting Doll again, "I'm gonna put her to bed. I'll be a minute."

Lizzy plopped down onto the steps once Victoria disappeared inside. Noah and his sisters followed suit, sitting nearby as the quiet of the street settled in around them.

"She called me fat, so cruel," Lizzy sighed, pretending to be hurt.

"Hm. She called you weak, which you are," Jessica pointed at her with her phone, "You skipped gym all the time."

"I got my credits online!"

"You are not very funny, Lizzy," Cynthia spoke up, leaning forward to make eye contact with the blonde. Lizzy burst out in laughter, "Girl, screw you, humor is subjective!"

Noah tipped his head back, gaze drifting up to the stars overhead. He had been so worried that they wouldn't get along with Cynthia, but even Lizzy had been kind and included his little sister in her own way. Maybe he had been wrong about them.

Hopefully they would extend the same grace to Uzi if the time ever came.

Victoria returned a moment later, shutting the door softly behind her. "I'm gonna drop Lizzy off. You three can walk home without me."

"Okay!" Noah stood and brushed his hands off on his pants, "I'll catch you later, Liz?"

"You know it!" Lizzy waved goodbye to the three of them as they walked off down the street.

Once Lizzy and Victoria were finally alone, Lizzy practically pounced.

"V! Who's the girl N's all fucked up about!?" Lizzy grabbed her by the arms and shook her, barely able to contain herself. She'd been dying to know all night, "I know you know."

Texts weren't safe, Noah could easily see them, and if he found out she knew before she got the full story, that door would slam shut immediately and she'd never get any more information about it. This was her one chance. There was no way she was letting it slip!

Victoria groaned, peeling Lizzy’s hands off her arms with visible annoyance, "Ugh, you really don't want to know. It's bad."

"Ohmygosh. How bad?" Lizzy clapped a hand over her mouth, "Like... Rebecca bad or... Social life-ending bad."

"...Second one."

"Oh, that is bad. Now you have to tell me."

Victoria scoffed and walked ahead, shoving her hands into her jean pockets. Noah wouldn't want her saying anything, she knew that. But everything she'd heard about that purple-haired freak was... ugly. There was no nicer way to put it. Jessica was useless when it came to gossip, and Cynthia couldn't care less about school drama.

Confiding in her best friend couldn't hurt, right?

"You have to promise you won't text him," Victoria insisted, watching Lizzy fall into step beside her. 

Lizzy nodded vigorously, "I swear. Cross my heart. Now spill, spill or I will literally die!"

Victoria dragged in a cold breath and let it out all at once, the words tripping over each other, "Uzidoormanhelikesuzidoorman."

"What? Girl, say that again I didn't understand a single th-"

"Uzi!" Victoria threw her arms out in exasperation. "He likes Uzi Doorman. You know, the one that used to sell drugs in Junior year!? The one that literally every guy warns each other to stay away from!? She's crazy and N likes her!"

Lizzy's mouth dropped open, eyes wide. She couldn't believe her ears.

"...What. The. Fuck. Are you joking?"

"God," Annoyed, Victoria continued walking at a brisk pace, "I wish I were joking. N always does this, getting himself into bullshit. I warned him and he just won't listen."

"Isn't Uzi the one with the mom that..." Lizzy trailed off. The silence that followed was thick, broken only by her own awkward cough..

Victoria gave a little nod, "If Doll finds out, she'll kill N herself."

Lizzy frowned, processing. "Okay, but like... Are you sure he likes her?"

They turned the corner onto Lizzy's street. Victoria picked at the hem of her shirt, jaw tight. She knew her brother well, he was showing every sign of a crush, and of course it had to be Uzi Doorman of all people.

"Yeah, and the worst part is that she's acting all nice. Hopefully she'll fuck off once they finish their stupid class project."

"And if she doesn't?" Lizzy unlocked her front door.

Victoria hated to entertain the thought. What business would Uzi have with her little brother anyway?

"I'll just run her off. No big deal."

Back at his house, Noah lay sprawled on his bed, completely worn out from the party. Slinging an arm over his aching eyes, he reached for his phone and tapped the screen on.

He winced at the brightness... Of course, he was right back in his messages with Uzi. He understood why she wasn't texting him, he could rationalize it all day, but that didn't stop him from waiting like a dog by the door.

Rolling onto his stomach, Noah propped himself up on his elbows. He could check in on her. There was nothing wrong with that...

He flipped his phone face down and buried his face into his pillow, letting out a muffled, frustrated groan. He must've looked so pathetic, spiraling like this over a girl he had just met. He had hoped she was just busy, but maybe she wouldn't text back at all.

Optimism had always been his thing. It usually took a lot to knock him down. Lately, though, he felt like crawling into a hole and letting the earth swallow him whole.

The front door opening snapped him out of his miserable stewing. Victoria was home. He held his breath, praying she wouldn't pass his bedroom to scold him over the Uzi thing...

But her footsteps only retreated from the hallway, followed by the soft click of her bedroom door closing.

Phew.

He reached for his phone again and bolted upright.

Read.

She'd seen it.

And she was typing.

Noah cheered quietly and pumped his fists in the air, a breathless grin spreading across his face. Yes! She finally had free time and she was using it on him! He felt so elated he swore he could float straight through the ceiling.

...

Did he have a crush?

That thought brought him up short.

He had always believed in taking things slow. Really getting to know someone mattered to him, rushing into anything was a terrible idea. He'd learned that lesson secondhand, watching his sisters go through all kinds of middle school disasters.

Still... he couldn't deny how pretty he found Uzi. No matter how much he brushed it off in front of his friends, (because God, they would never let him live it down) he really did like her. She was his friend, sure, but he had never waited on anyone like this before. That had to mean something, didn't it?

Noah took a deep breath, trying to level himself. Jumping to conclusions would only make things worse. He'd only met her a few days ago, after all, he just needed to keep reminding himself of that.

"Too soon, N," He mumbled to no one. Regardless, he couldn't help but kick his legs with excitement under his blanket.

His phone buzzed.

He lunged for it instantly, rolling onto his back and unlocking the screen–

Oh.

The excitement drained from his chest all at once, replaced by a hollow, sinking weight. All of the air in his lungs were punched out by a few words on his screen. With shaky hands, he set his phone down and slapped himself on the forehead.

Of course. Of course he had been bothering her. He should have known better. He always managed to cross some invisible line without meaning to, he always ended up being too much. How had he not realized he'd been messing up so bad? His throat burned.

Now tomorrow was going to be unbearably awkward. The thought of seeing her in class started to make him nauseous. Would she even show up to work on the project anymore? 

He squeezed his eyes shut hard enough that it almost hurt, his chest tightening as he tried to breathe through it.  She hadn't technically rejected him, right...?

Maybe she was just having a bad night or a shitty weekend. Maybe something happened and his texts were annoying her. He always read into everything. He could only hope that he didn't ruin the start of their friendship. What a record.

A small, whimpering sound slipped out of him before he could stop it.

Noah buried his face into his pillow, muffling the noise as he curled in on himself, shoulders drawn tight.

He stayed like that, letting the fabric catch the worst of it so his sisters wouldn't hear. 

Her arms stung, her phone heavy in her hand. Her lungs fought for air, too much of it, then not enough with every sharp hiccup. The room tilted no matter how still she tried to stay, the alcohol sloshing unpleasantly in her stomach. The urge to vomit yet again ached deep within her chest.

On Saturday morning, the sight of the number going up on the scale felt like knives being jabbed into her abdomen. She had no one to blame but herself, if she had said no to him, she wouldn't have been in this situation.

So, Uzi self destructed. She drank whatever she could get her hands on, tore through the cabinets with all the hidden liquor her dad kept stored up.

She swallowed it all down until everything tasted like water, until the world dulled and then lurched violently back into focus. She'd ended up hunched over the toilet, throwing up whatever was inside her and filling herself back up again until she could no longer stand. 

Now it was Sunday at only eleven PM, her arms sliced open with an angry wide cut on her left forearm that probably needed stitches which she didn't dare to visit the nearest hospital for. She didn't deserve it and her father wasn't home. Who could bring her? Who would?

Noah's presence continued to haunt her. It would only get worse if she stayed around him. She was poison, a disease that would corrode him from the inside if she allowed him to get any closer.

Uzi was cruel, it was a factual truth that she had faced time and time again. She could kill herself tonight. She had the tools, however painful it would be, but it was possible. Noah would never get hurt by her again if she were gone.

Her dad would find her, perhaps days later. Maybe after she'd bloated and rotted in her own bed. Maybe after the smell finally reached the other apartments. Maybe after the flies...

Her stomach lurched at her own gruesome imagery.

She couldn't do it.

Not when she had gained three pounds overnight, not when she wasn't ready for her corpse to be seen by people pretending they had cared about her when she was alive.

She couldn't die looking like this.

Uzi pulled herself up from her bed with a wince. The pull of her drying wounds made her hiss, a thin line of pain zipping down her forearm. Her sleeves slid down her wrists, thankfully so, her dad would kill her if she smeared blood on his apartment floor.

The room lurched the moment she stood, tilting violently to the left. She froze there, bent at the waist, one hand clutching the mattress while the other hovered uselessly in the air as she waited for the nausea to ease. 

She staggered, shoulder bumping into the wall more than once, bare feet dragging against the cold floor. She just needed to get to the bathroom without passing out. When she reached the sink, she braced herself against it, breathing hard with her vision swimming.

She flicked on the bathroom light. It buzzed once, then flooded the room with a cold, washed out white glow. Her reflection stared back at her, eyes tired, hair sticking to her sweaty skin, and sleeves stiff with dried blood. 

She peeled her sleeves up, sucking in a painful breath as the fabric dragged against her aching slices. Uzi pushed the faucet on, with brief hesitation and stuck her injured arms beneath the flow of the water. The sting shot all the way up to her shoulders, sharp enough to make her eyes water. 

Water ran pink, then red, swirling down the drain. She swayed, leaning her forehead briefly against the mirror to keep herself upright. Her hands trembled as she shut the faucet off, droplets trailing down her arms and dripping onto the floor. She reached for a towel, missed it, then finally snagged it on the second try.

She wiped away the remaining blood carefully on both her arms, pausing every time the pain spiked.

"God... okay, okay..." she whispered to herself, shaking out her hand before trying again. Once all the cuts on her wrists and arms were deemed clean enough, she grasped onto the disinfectant with little strength in her right hand.

Now came the worst part. 

She popped off the cap, the liquid dipping over her knuckles and onto the counter. Without much thought, she poured the liquid onto her left arm, then her right arm. The burn was instant and vicious, Uzi gasped and bit down a scream, "Fuck!"

Her arm jerked as she instinctively tried to pull away, then forced herself to continue pouring. Her teeth clenched hard enough to hurt, a thin, strangled sound escaping her throat as the disinfectant seeped into the wounds.

She wrapped the cleaned cuts with gauze once the stinging passed. She looked over everything one more time, just to make sure it wouldn't bleed through. Satisfied with her work, she rinsed her hands, turned off the light, and stepped back into her bedroom.

Despite the leftover alcohol in her system, Uzi knew she wouldn't find any rest naturally. Her vision spun still, her hand clasping over her mouth to avoid having to go back to the bathroom. She needed a quick remedy to knock her out.

"Okay... okay, walk," Uzi breathed, palms dragging along her bedroom wall as she shuffled forward and into the kitchen area. She stood there for a moment longer, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

She knew exactly where he kept it. Her father's insomnia medication that he frequently skipped. Opening the medicine cabinet, she pawed through bottles, labels blurring together until she finally found the small, familiar one tucked in the back.

She shook a pill into her palm and swallowed it dry. The bitterness stuck to her tongue all the way back to her room.

She paused at her mirror, adjusted her sleeves so the bandages were fully hidden, then let her hands drop to her sides.

By the time she crawled into bed, the medication was already dragging at her eyelids. She curled up on her side, blankets pulled tight around her trembling body.

She hoped sleep would come fast.

Chapter Text

The sun peeked over the horizon, casting a soft glow through the windshield. The drive to school passed in complete silence. Victoria kept her eyes on the road, one hand resting at the top of the steering wheel, the other tapping absently against it at a red light.

Noah sat in the passenger seat, slouched and staring out the window. That morning, he had been strangely quiet. He had spoken briefly to his sisters, conversationally at least, but Victoria was quick to notice that something was amiss.

It was rare to find Noah in a bad mood, if ever, so naturally Victoria was curious.

Victoria glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His jaw was tight, shoulders drawn in. He hadn't even looked at his phone once. She shifted her gaze to her sisters in the backseat, both occupied with their own thing.

Cynthia kept to herself, head pressed against the window, while Jessica caught Victoria's eye. She shrugged and pushed at the air with her hand, urging her to say something.

Victoria took a breath, stopping at the next red light.

"You're quiet," she spoke at last.

Noah refused to face her, keeping his gaze on the waiting cars beside them, "Didn't sleep great."

Victoria hummed, unconvinced. Her fingers drummed on the wheel as she mulled over her brother's words. 

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong or are we doing the thing where you blatantly lie to my face?"

A moment passed, silence stretching between them before he spoke again.

"I'm fine."

The light turned green. Victoria accelerated, trying to not let her emotions affect her driving. Nothing irritated her more than her brother being dishonest with her, especially when it concerned her, "You always say that."

Noah shifted closer to the window, as if he could curl into a ball and get any smaller.

"Because it's true," He refuted.

Victoria scoffed, eyes still fixed on the road as she turned the wheel with one hand, "No, it's not true. You do this every time something's wrong. You shut down and pretend it's nothing and then you mope around. Somehow it's worse this time."

She could hear him grumble under his breath. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Noah pressed his hands in his lap, praying the drive to campus would pass quicker.

She knew she should recognize that pushing him was only making it worse, but her instincts overrode all her logical senses. If something or someone hurt her little brother, they wouldn't stand a chance against the hell she would unleash on them.

"Okay, see, you always say that."

Noah finally looked away from the window. His brows knit together, annoyance flickering across his face.

"Say what?"

"That you're fine when you're obviously not," She tapped her knuckles against the wheel, frustrated with his avoidance, "you are such a bad liar. I'm your sister, you know you can tell me anything."

"I didn't even say anything, why are you making it such a big deal?"

"No–" Victoria shook her head, briefly glancing at him, "you've been sulking since you woke up. You barely even looked at any of us this morning. You didn't eat breakfast either."

"So? I'm not sulking..."

"Then what are you doing? What you're doing looks like sulking to me."

Noah's mouth clamped shut, unable to find the words to defend himself. She had him pinned. That morning had been so off, even for him on a terrible day. He just couldn't help himself, just walking to the car felt like heavy metal weights were strapped to his ankles. All because of a certain somebody.

Somebody Victoria supposedly hated quite a lot.

His shoulders rose in a shallow shrug, "I just didn't feel like talking."

Victoria huffed a short laugh, humorless. "Yeah, well. That's new."

Noah looked back out the window as Victoria turned into the campus parking lot. "Can we not do this in the car? It's none of your business anyway."

Victoria pressed her lips together. "Fine," she grumbled after a moment, "have it your way."

She didn't look at him again after that. She had thought she would be able to crack the reason behind his silence, but her methods clearly weren't working.

Maybe a more direct approach would. It usually did. She hated beating around the bush.

When they found a parking spot, she cut the engine and spoke before he could unbuckle.

"It's Uzi, isn't it?" 

Noah's hand flew to unbuckle himself then to the car door, "have a good day, V."

He pushed the car door open with his foot, slamming it shut and walking down the sidewalk with sudden urgency. Victoria cursed under her breath and put her head in her hand.

"That was very bad," Cynthia pressed her palms against the back of Victoria's seat, pulling herself up, "you got no information and you angered him."

"I don't need your commentary, Cyn," Victoria snapped, stepping out of the car, "At least I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with him."

"Well, sort that shit out soon. I have first period with him," Jessica sighed, pulling Cynthia's crutches up from the floor of the backseat.

"I didn't say anything wrong, did I?" Victoria shut her door, pulling her purse up her shoulder, "I was just being honest!"

Cynthia settled her palms into her forearm crutches, giving Victoria a small grin, "I think you are projecting. Goodbye, I will see you all later."

"Ugh..." Victoria watched her little sister leave, falling into step beside Jessica, "was I really being unreasonable?"

"Nah, even when mom rips into him he's not usually this pouty," Jessica reasoned, reaching up to adjust one of her twin tails, "You were being kind of a bitch about it though."

"You're supposed to be on my side, you literally motioned me to talk," Victoria hissed, putting her hands on her hips, "I'm just looking out for him! Is that so bad? Was I just supposed to ignore him when he said like seven words total this morning before I confronted him?"

"I thought you were going to be nice about it, I guess it could have waited."

"Okay, stop lecturing me, you used to be a bigger asshole to him than I was," Victoria deflected, glaring at her twin sister.

Jessica chuckled and nodded, "Being a direct asshole is better than being a subtle one."

"I'm not trying to be an asshole, it's just annoying that he thinks I'm not going to care about why he's upset!" Victoria threw her hands out, trying to make her point, "I'm literally his big sister. I swear to God if that emo bitch hurt him, I'll tear her to pieces."

"Eh, he'll get over it," Jessica dug into her bag, pulling out a stick of gum, "it's not like Uzi is much to bark at. Next time you want information though, take a nicer approach."

"You're one to talk," Victoria mumbled, eyeing the gum pack before holding her hand out.

"Ugh," Jessica glared, slapping a stick into her hand, "everyone in this family is so greedy."

Victoria fell silent, popping the gum into her mouth as they entered the courtyard. Okay, yes, maybe it wasn't the best idea to confront him in the car so boldly, but she only wanted to protect him! That couldn't be so wrong.

"Could you try and talk to him about it in first period?" Victoria pressed her palms together, giving her twin a pleading pout, "please?"

"Ugh, what's in it for me?" Jessica popped her gum between her lips.

"I'll rip your pigtails out if you don't?"

"Okay, it's never that serious... Fine."

Noah kept his head down as he made his way through the halls, his bag slung over one shoulder. His irritation had long faded away, leaving only his heavy shame. 

The car ride probably would have gone better if he had just been open and told his sister that he just wasn't feeling good, she would have most likely just let it go then, but now he felt worse.

He willed himself not to take what had happened the night before so personally, yet it still played over and over in his head. Every time he tried to think positive, the thought that he had somehow ruined everything without knowing wormed itself into his mind. It was even harder to shake that off.

The halls stayed stubbornly empty of Uzi, and with every passing second, the weight in his chest settled deeper. He hoped to see her, if only for a moment, to apologize or ask her what he had done and if she would forgive him.

By the time he reached his calculus classroom, he figured he wouldn't catch her in the halls. Maybe she had a different route.

Sliding into his seat, he laid his notebook onto the desk. His only chance at seeing her would likely be fourth period, if she had even showed up at school today. Was she so angry with him that she would skip to avoid seeing him...?

"Wow, you look awful."

Noah blinked, turning his head to see Lizzy now sat beside him with Jessica in the next desk beside hers.

"Is it really that obvious?" Noah frowned, resting his chin on his palm.

"I don't usually see you and V fight that much these days," Jessica added, clicking her pen against her desk, "actually, growing up, we were the ones who fought all the time."

"We didn't fight, you bullied me," he raised an eyebrow at the memory of little Jessica specifically targeting little Noah.

"Oh, you fought with V?" Lizzy grinned, leaning forward in her seat with interest, "Tell me everything."

"Ugh, stop it Lizzy," Noah whined, burying his face into his hands, "it was dumb. I just woke up in a bad mood and she decided it was the perfect time to interrogate me."

"Well, you're the same guy that's wide awake and full of joy every morning," Jessica pointed out, "you even rejected Tessa's goodbye hug."

"What? No way. Noah, are you dying?" Lizzy reached over to pat his arm.

"Please don't start," Noah breathed in frustration. He knew they cared, but the last thing he wanted to do was divulge why he was so upset, especially since he hadn't been open about Uzi.

Lizzy squinted her eyes at him, cogs turning in her head, "You're not usually this grumpy! And the last time you were in a bad mood was on Saturday at 7/11..."

He knew that face well. Lizzy was trying to piece together a theory... If she knew something, he had to derail this, quickly.

"How's Rebecca?"

Lizzy sat up straight at the mention of her, leaning back in her seat to slap at Jessica, "Oh my God! That reminds me! Jess, she was talking mad shit behind your back."

"That bitch!" Jessica turned her attention to Lizzy, forgetting what Victoria had asked of her to do almost immediately, "what'd she say?"

"She called you a two-faced cunt like right next to me and I was like, you know I'm gonna tell her right like that's one of my besties–"

Noah let her rambling fade into the background noise of the classroom, deciding to occupy himself by doodling in his notebook. He hadn't put much thought into what he was drawing, but by the time he had finished and zoned back into the lesson the teacher was now giving, a drawing of Uzi stared back at him.

"Biscuits..." Noah mumbled under his breath, running his hand over his face to clear his mind.

The bell rang, loud and jarring, and Noah was out of his seat. He packed his notebook away on autopilot, slinging his bag over one shoulder as the classroom slowly emptied around him. Hopefully second period would grant him a little bit of grace.

Jessica fell into step beside him first in thr hallway, already scrolling through her phone, while Lizzy appeared on his other side a moment later, walking backwards to get a good look at his face.

"Still feeling bad?"

Before Lizzy could bump into anyone, Noah took her by the wrist and pulled her aside, "Don't do that in a crowded hall, Liz."

"Well? Are you?" She followed along beside him.

Noah kissed his teeth, trying to decide if he wanted to answer her or weave through the crowd to lose her.

"Yeah, I feel better, math always helps I guess."

She took a long look at him before bumping his arm with hers gently, "You wanna do something after school?"

Noah blinked, pulled out of his thoughts, and glanced over at her as they walked, "Like what?"

"Doll's at home, as suspected," Lizzy explained, rolling her wrist dismissively, "she has a crazy hangover."

"She must be insanely lightweight, I swear we didn't drink that much..." Jessica leaned forward as she walked, her hand shoved into the strap of her bag.

"Honestly, I barely remember Sunday besides the beer tasting disgusting and..." Lizzy trailed off, her mind suddenly elsewhere. 

Noah waited for Lizzy to finish whatever else she was going to say, eyes flicking to her face, but nothing else followed. She just pressed her lips together and kept walking.

"I'll definitely come, I know lots about nursing hangovers," Jessica offered.

They stopped near the intersection of hallways where they'd split off, the noise of passing students swelling around them. Noah hesitated, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

"I guess," he considered, "yeah... That might be nice."

Lizzy's expression softened immediately, a small, genuine smile appearing on her lips, "Good! You need something chill."

Jessica bumped his shoulder as she veered off toward her next class, "I'm heading to History, don't mope all day, loser."

Noah watched them both disappear into the crowd, the tight knot in his chest settling just a fraction at the thought of seeing his friends after school. It would be fun, sitting in Doll's room and killing time.

While Victoria had been irritating in the car, he figured he should apologize in seventh period... It's not like she knew what happened.

Fourth period finally arrived, his heart pounded in his chest with the hope that maybe Uzi would be in her seat when he came in. The sick irony of the world just kept spitting in his face. Of course Uzi wasn't there.

With a sigh, he settled into his desk and glanced at the empty spot beside him. The bell rang and the door closed, officially marking her late to class, or entirely absent. He scratched at his hand lightly, watching the skin become red with irritation. 

Mrs. A clapped her hands together at the front of the room, "Alright, y'all, let's settle down. Today we're gonna be workin' on your partner projects. If you made any progress over the weekend, come let me know and I'll see about some extra credit."

At least that bonus was still around. He waited until Mrs. A finished answering a few questions, then stood and made his way up to her desk, laptop hugged to his chest.

"Um, Mrs. A?" he approached quietly.

She looked up, then back to her computer as she munched on a snack, "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Me and... My partner started the project already," Noah grinned, a little shy, "we made a PowerPoint."

Her face lit up immediately, dusting her hands off on her long skirt and holding them out, "Well I'll be! Go on and show me."

He opened the laptop, pulling up the slides they'd put together on the heart. As she leaned in, nodding along and murmuring approval, a small smile tugged at Noah's mouth despite himself. She praised the layout and the effort, tapping the screen with one finger.

"This is real nice work," Mrs. A complimented, "y'all clearly put time into this. Extra credit for sure."

"Thank you," As Noah began to close the laptop, Mrs. A paused and rolled her chair back.

"Where's your partner today?" Mrs. A folded her hands over the other, glancing at Uzi's empty seat.

Noah lowered his gaze for a moment, "I'm not sure, she didn't say anything..."

The brunette before him raised her eyebrows, almost if she was surprised, "Well, I don't know if y'all're buddies, but next time you see her, let'er know I don't mind excusin' absences, as long as she lets me know why."

Noah took his laptop and pressed it to his chest as he made a note of that, "Okay, ma'am. I will."

"You can relax since your partner ain't here," Mrs. A nodded toward his desk. Noah beamed gratefully and walked back to his desk, distracting himself on his phone.

At least they achieved the extra credit they worked for.

The first thing Uzi felt was pain. Pain everywhere, in her eyes, her throat, her arms... God, everything hurt! Not to mention, she was covered in sweat yet somehow cold.

Her head throbbed with a heartbeat of its own. She groaned and rolled onto her side, immediately regretting it as nausea curled unpleasantly in her stomach. Her mouth tasted sour and dry. 

Slowly, she cracked one sore eye open.

Sunlight streamed through the gap in her curtains.

"Ugh," she rasped, squeezing her eyes shut again.

Morning. Definitely morning.

Wait.

Today was Monday, wasn't it? If it was bright out...

Oh no.

She fumbled blindly for her phone, knocking it onto the floor in the process.

"Shit!"

Dragging herself halfway off the bed, she grabbed it with shaking fingers and squinted at the screen.

Ten Thirty-Two AM. 

"Oh my God," She breathed, rubbing at her eyes.

She was late. So, so late.

Her pulse picked up, panic cutting through the haze of her hangover. She pushed herself upright, her brain effectively punishing her for abusing her body. 

It took a second for her vision to settle, black spots dancing around. She swallowed and pressed her palm to her forehead, breathing through the wave of dizziness.

Uzi's thumb hovered over her phone screen, unlocking it. Unfortunately for her, she never closed her messaging app. Her message from last night sat there, practically shoving itself in her face as horror flooded her brain.

"Ugh, why would you do that!?" she snapped at herself hoarsely, dragging a hand down her face. The memory of sending it came back in fragments, between the pain blazing from her wrists and arms and the vomiting. 

Well, there was no time to punish herself for fucking up so terribly. While her intentions had been to push Noah away, she did agree to work with him on the project. It just couldn't be at his house. 

Uzi forced herself out of bed, nearly stumbling as her feet hit the floor. Her legs ached as she walked. She splashed water on her face in the bathroom, wincing at her reflection as she began to brush her teeth.

Damn, she looked as awful as she felt. After messily smearing on some eyeliner and mascara, she tugged on clean clothes and a pair of boots. She quickly fled her apartment, running down the empty street.

She arrived at school in record time, bursting through the office doors as she scrambled to pick up the clipboard and sign her name in.

"Late again, Uzi? It's your senior year. Don't start it off like this," the secretary murmured, giving her a raised eyebrow, but Uzi didn't answer. She snatched her hall pass and bolted toward Mrs. A's classroom.

She pulled open the door, left open by a door stop wedge. All eyes were on her, even those from a specific boy. The class period was practically over, but the least she could do was show up, right?

Uzi couldn't even be bothered to care about the stares she was receiving, she had a raging hangover, she didn't give two fucks about what they thought. She shuffled over to Mrs. A's desk and handed her the pass.

"Here..." Uzi mumbled.

Mrs. A gave her a soft, disapproving smile, "Thank you, darlin'. Noah showed me y'all did work over the weekend. Good on you both. Don't be late tomorrow or it's detention."

Uzi only gave her an awkward smile and settled into her desk beside Noah's. This was the worst. She had the most painful hangover and now she had to sit next to the guy she so rudely dismissed the night before. Why hadn't she just stayed home!?

Noah stared down at her, surprised she had made it to class at all. She looked awfully sick. He didn't want to push, maybe she did have a rough night after all.

He opened his mouth, then closed it, unsure of how to start without sounding nosy. 

"Uh..." he began, finding his voice, "are you okay, Uzi?"

She gave him a quick, dismissive glance and muttered, "I'm fine."

Silence stretched between them, thick and uncomfortable. The period was nearly over, so there would be no use in pulling out his laptop to work... And Uzi couldn't possibly think of anything to add to the project in the state she was in.

Noah shifted again, nerves buzzing under his skin. He wanted to say something but every thought tangled itself up before it reached his mouth.

Uzi intended to keep Noah at arms length, having him around just wasn't feasible. Yet, she didn't want to hurt his feelings. From his hesitation, she was sure she had definitely fucked up.

Uzi inhaled, clearly working herself up to speak.

"I'm sorry–" They apologized at the same time, both of them blinking at the other in surprise.

Uzi glanced at him, then immediately looked away again, cheeks warm. She wasn't sure why he was sorry, but God... That was so corny! And cute if she thought about it, had he assumed he did something wrong? If only drunk Uzi had thought about that in advance. 

Noah let out a small breath. The tension in his shoulders eased, and when he spoke again, his voice was gentle and kind. Uzi expected him to be angry with her.

"It's okay," he assured quietly, offering her a small smile, "I forgive you. And, uh... I kinda figured you must've had a rough night."

Uzi snorted softly before she could stop herself, then shook her head, "You have no idea."

That earned a small laugh from Noah, "Well, you still made it here. That's gotta count for something, right? I'm glad you're okay."

Uzi's stomach fluttered. She needed to lock up her phone the next time she got drunk, she couldn't possibly be mean to this sweet guy ever again like that.

Noah tapped his pencil against his notebook, glancing at her sideways, "Hey, since you're here, do you wanna come over again later? We could finish up the project, I just have to stop by a friend's place first."

Uzi hesitated, her smile fading just a little.

"Uh, no it's okay. I have something to do after school too, I double-booked. What about Tuesday at the library?"

Noah caught himself. It probably wouldn't be the best idea to ask why she didn't want to come over anymore. It wasn't his business. 

"Okay! Yeah, I can do that."

The bell rang, dismissing the class to their lunch period. Noah slung his bag over his shoulder and glanced at Uzi. "Do you wanna come with me and my sisters to lunch again?"

Uzi paused. She looked apologetic when she met his eyes, "I... can't. I have to uh, talk to my English teacher."

"Oh," Noah seemed surprised, then smiled anyway, "yeah! That's okay, good luck with that."

They filed out into the hallway with the rest of the class, walking side by side for a few steps until they reached the stairwell leading to the courtyard.

"Guess I'll see you Tuesday?"

Noah smiled over his shoulder and gave her a friendly wave, "Yep! Bye, Zi!"

She disappeared into the stream of students heading the opposite way and decided to skip the rest of her classes in the bathroom. At least Noah didn't completely despise her after what happened.

She kicked open a graffiti covered stall door and settled in, locking it behind her. She tossed her bag onto the ground and took a seat, pulling out her earbuds to waste away the day.

Her head still hurt, but there was nothing a nap in a disgusting school bathroom couldn't fix.