Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

09:05, September 1st

GROUP: Untitled Group 

@imagi_nation has added @astaffofwinds and @impeckable to a group chat.

@imagi_nation has renamed “Untitled Group” to “House Illumina Quarter One”

GROUP: House Illumina Quarter One

imagi_nation: Hello council execs of IL Q1

impeckable: you say ts like we’re not best friends 🙏🥀

imagi_nation: We aren’t

impeckable: WHAR

ARE WE SO DEADASS.

astaffofwinds: pffft.

imagi_nation: Anyways

This is where we’ll be greeting the new arrivals and making arrangements throughout the year

I just have to find 1 or 2 phone numbers first and then we’ll be sorted

impeckable: alrr

i wonder who’s in our quarter this year

imagi_nation: Oh my god

You wrote the emails.

Did you not read their names??

impeckable: literally who does

i jscopy and pastde the addresses

astaffofwinds: quite literally… everyone else?

I’m still questioning why you were elected council vice president

impeckable: cus everyone loves me 🤞 

imagi_nation: Biggest lie of the century

-> Reaction: ☹️ by @impeckable

Okay, I got the last phone number confirmed; I’m going to add the kids now

impeckable: bro used a semicolon while texting

astaffofwinds: well, I’m going to change my group nickname to something more recognisable

@astaffofwinds changed their group nickname to ‘duse’

impeckable: kk bet

@impeckable changed their group nickname to ‘shed let’s ski’

@imagi_nation changed their group nickname to ‘builder’

@imagi_nation has added @worlds.silliest., @_ghostfire, @deveeious, @uberells, @theroyalestflush_7, @epitaph_, @doubleosevenn, @g.1337 and @error_410_ to a group chat.

builder: Welcome, all newcomers and returnees, to House Illumina. This will be your dormitory quarter for this year, with there being 12 of us. Also, a reminder to all students - not just 10th graders, as 11th and 12th graders must be present to assist newcomers - that orientation begins at 10:30 am sharp in the opening foyer. You should meet with your assigned alphabet group to begin.

(Please leave your luggage in the assigned storage room. The moving-in process will follow soon after.)

@imagi_nation pinned a message to the group chat

duse: hmm

a dozen seems a bit more than usual for a quarter

shed let’s ski: fuck ass inflation, can’t do shit in this economy

duse: vulgar

also … do you perhaps mean ‘population growth’?

PRIVATE MESSAGES: @imagi_nation and @impeckable

imagi_nation: Tels.

Dropping 3 curse words in your FIRST message in front of the kids is NOT a good impression to make

impeckable: aww he called me tels <3 thats soooo romantic

imagi_nation: You seem to frequently forget that you have a girlfriend

impeckable: no cause for alarm broklahoma, she dont gaf

plus its. barely

its more like she exists and im kind of this dog that follows her around and she gives me treats sometimes

imagi_nation: Good god

You’re ridiculous

impeckable: i know

its all part of my insurmountable charm

imagi_nation: *insufferable

impeckable: notice how he didnt correct ‘charm’

GROUP: House Illumina Quarter One

g.1337: hey everyone!

I’m looking forward to meeting you all later today after orientation

epitaph_: !! ooh

Hi .,

:D 

error_410_: heyy y’all

worlds.silliest.: hiiii :D 

doubleosevenn: hello

deveeious: WLFKJSD:FK GROUP CHAT ALERT

I WONDER HWAT THIS COULD BE………………

worlds.silliest.: vee i think this is a gc for the like

like we’re all in the same house quarter for the house 

deveeious: WAIT ohhihoho dorm stuff…… i gto an email from the johnson guy but i forgot to rerad the whole thing…

_ghostfire: uh oh what’s this?

ohhh wait nevermind I didn’t read up properly

hi guys!!

uberells: i had silent mode on but i saw the banners js now

hello !! <3 nice to meet you all

theroyalestflush_7: well well well……………..

ive been waitign… for this mofment…

uberells: hey so

why the hell are we in the same quarter for the 2nd year in a row

no way that was a coincidence

theroyalestflush_7: hehh

so liiiiike

i miightve submitted a request……

uberells: chance 💀

do not tell me you got us into the same room too.

theroyalestflush_7: hehhh…

nah im lying

thats lwk not predetrrmined before teh year starts

-> Reply to worlds.silliest.: like we’re all in the same quarter for the house

duse: indeed

also, a query:

-> Reply to deveeious: WAIT ohhihoho dorm stuff…… i gto an email from the …

who is “Johnson guy”?

theroyalestflush_7: johnnyson jorge trackman shitloversnowboardsky or hwatever it was

hes the big name sc vp and #1 poopshitterlover

idk i wasnt in his q last yr

g.1337: what a way to introduce somebody…

shed let’s ski: IM FUCKING CRYING 🥀

WHAF DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

myname. is john james “telamon” shedletsky. hehim or idc actually 

but every1 calls me shed

my favorite food is fried chicken 🤤 but i like food in general

im a theatre kid i think 

i love rock znd guitar is the only instrument im good at (cuz my dad played it 24/7 and he taught it to me from fukcking birth)

also im gr12 & student council vp i think thats pretty cool

_ghostfire: that’s been said a lot of times…

deveeious: OHH !!!! SO COOL

like THIS IS SO EXCITING /gen /vpos /vpos

IM VEERONICA, VEE FOR SHORT, SHE/IT

AND SINCE SHED INTRODUCTIONED IM GONAND O THAT TOO

!!

!! I SKATEBOARD AND I DO ART AND I ALSO PLAY GUITARRRR ANNND IM IN 10TH GRADE AND MY FAV GENRE IS GRUNGE AND PUNK ROCK AND I ALSO LIKE METAL AND VIDEOGAME OST AND A LOT OF THINGS

i miiight have audhd whoopsf

wait 

wait im scared…………

holy yap im sorry :( :( :(

epitaph_: audhd !?/ me.too <3

deveeious: !!!!!

builder: Don’t apologise. I think we should all introduce ourselves

(I also advise that you guys change your group chat nicknames)

deveeious: ok!!

@deveeious has changed their group nickname to ‘teevee :]’

builder: Ok basically

Technically my name’s David Builderman (he/him), but no one calls me that, and Builder works just fine

I’m a bit of a self-fulling prophecy in that I like hands-on disciplines such as construction and mechanics

Also I’m in 12th grade, & I’m the student council president for this year

shed let’s ski: nerd

builder: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black

You are vice president

duse: a status most regretful; nevertheless, a status most true

shed let’s ski: youre just jealous

duse: I didn’t even apply for VP

I just think it should’ve been somebody else

shed let’s ski: like who?? useless math equation??

duse: regardless…

• I’m Matt Dusekkar, they/he; 12th grade and council head of student life
• similarly to my acquaintances, most call me Dusekkar or Duse
• I’m a huge fan of poetry & literature in general but I love Poe & Shakespeare & Wilde & the Bronte sisters & Dostoyevsky the most

wait. that’s a lot. sorry.

• I also play the cello

_ghostfire: Dostoyevsky is good! I read Crime and Punishment last year

I approve :) 

theroyalestflush_7: fuck yeahhy i love cello 

it makes me bust everytime ihear it…

error_410_: oh

doubleosevenn: bold

duse: …that’s nice…?

I think…?

just don’t be near me when I play please

uberells: chance can we NOT be weird for 3 seconds

theroyalestflush_7: who’s we

epitaph_: !!! wait i Just read ur itnro

I Aalso,,. I ALSO LOVE POE 

I LVOE TELL TALE HEART AND FALL OF HOUSE OFJKUSHRE AND THERAVEN AND CONQUERIR WROM AND

duse: YOU GET ME

epitaph_: :DD 

teevee :]: yall sound so cool /gen but

but yall lwk so fancy…

im so scared bcs

why th elast names…

duse: worry not

it’s just preference

everyone else at the school for the most part uses their given names

worlds.silliest. has changed their group nickname to ‘noobius noobador LXVI’

noobius noobador LXVI: im gonna stop being a coward n go next

im noob!! they/them only pls <3

im in 10th so im new and fresh . please don’t eat me

i like art and fashion and i did percussion in middle school band so ill keep doing that

i like a lot of music but i like nightcore a lot :P

yeah thats all :D 

teevee :]: ideal… /ref

noobius noobador LXVI: vee ur video game addiction is too strong 😭

theroyalestflush_7: oh ew its a band kid

noobius noobador LXVI: ??? what 🙁

uberells: don’t trust a word this guy says </3

they’re also in band, alto sax in fact

(they used to be a tr*mpet a few years ago)

theroyalestflush_7: WTF IS WRNOG WITH TRUMPET

uberells: my left ear still rings sometimes

noobius noobador LXVI: honestly real /lh

last year i sat right in front of the trumpets 😔

uberells: i’m so sorry for your loss </3 /lh

error_410_: ooh more band kids

i’m an oboe :D 

actually i’ll just introduce myself now

@error_410_ changed their group nickname to ‘jane :P’

jane :P: i’m jane, she/her, and i’m in grade 11!

i’m a legal studies sweat and i want to be a lawyer i think

i also draw/paint as a side hobby of mine, don’t rlly want to go professional tho (the pressure would be too much)

also not to be that person but i have an awesome bf (john, he’s in venomshank tho) and he’s awesome and sweet and . and <3 il ove him. i might bring him over sometimes throughout the year 

theroyalestflush_7: wow ok . i also love my boyfriend wgos in house venomshank 

uberells: stage 1, denial 

shed let’s ski: gng what boyfriend

didnt yall breakup last sem? like the news was spreading rverywhere lwk

theroyalestflush_7: sybau toeletsky u pmo

uberells: stage 2, anger </3

also,> i think i’ve thought through my intro enough

gimme a moment

@uberells changed their group nickname to ‘elliot!!’

elliot!!: > im elliot! he/any, grade 11

> flute kid <3 also i love music and musicals and theatre n stuff…

> i also love love love cooking cus. my dad runs the pizzeria (builder brothers) down at the lakefront town and i love our business sm <3 we do have other sources of income but the pizza place is our passion project. im gonna start working there this summer (yes i know its a job gasp)

> music: i like indie folk, lofi, classical music, n jazz

> chance is my friendling but i hate their ass /affectionate

> idk what else to put here but i dont bite i promise :) my dms are always open if you want to vent or chat or anything 

teevee :]: DONT SAY THE J SLUR PLS </3

alsofdlkfjlsk wait waitwaitwait

do we get to go off campus for food and stuff

bcs imgonna be checking that place out 100%

elliot!!: yep! youre allowed to go into the town on weekends and during off time since its only a 5 min walk 

but you have to be back by curfew and if you arent then theyll probably send out a search party

teevee :]: they care about us that much??

duse: I mean

we are paying fifty grand a year to be here

I’d hope they try to make sure we don’t die, at least

_ghostfire: it’s

it’s 50,000??????????

???

50,000???? DOLLARS???

noobius noobador LXVI: yep 💔

55k i think

_ghostfire: oh spawn

I didn’t realise :[

uncle wouldn’t tell me how much it was

duse: sorry, what did you just say?

_ghostfire: ?

duse: with the

never mind

_ghostfire: okay

epitaph_: wait hold on hold on ivembeen to that pizzeria! !!, my parents toko me there last nighy the day b4 school started cus i wante d pizza :] 

great pizza, love love lvoedd how loving and authrntic it was <3 /gen

-> Reaction: ❤️ by elliot!!

theroyalestflush_7: its peak istn it

anyway s is it my turn is it my turn is it is it it sfdsifjl

elliot!!: girl u know u could just do it anytime right

u dont need permission </3

theroyalestflush_7: oh

right

uhhmmmm

@theroyalestflush_7 changed their group nickname to ‘GAMBAH’

GAMBAH: - > mt name is chance 

- > i like… to gamble…… even tho its technically illegal… 🤑

elliot!!: oh so are we all just confessing to crimes now

teevee :]: ooh me next 

ive committed 4 instances of minor vandalism and petty theft

shed let’s ski: i beat up a kid once

actually 2 and then the 4th beat me up in revenge

_ghostfire: the… 4th?

shed let’s ski: we dont talk about what happened to the 3rd

duse: guys, are we sure this is the right place to be sharing this? 

I won’t report because I’m sure this was all in the past, but… no promises that Builder will do the same

builder: I’m not a paid babysitter

As long as it isn’t happening in the present, I could care less

noobius noobador LXVI: oh yds i almlost shoplifted once </3 peer pressure

never again btw they kicked me out

GAMBAH: you got caught???

teevee :]: whyhave you never told me thsi are u a fake friend?? /lh 

also ikr? literally how </3

noobius noobador LXVI: idk?????? i tried to steal a book becus i was a stupid 6-7 yr old

GAMBAH: six… seven……………

-> 3 Reactions: 💔 by noobius noobador LXVI, teevee :], elliot!!

elliot!!: get out.

also finish ur goddamn intro i know u have more to say

GAMBAH: ok bet

haha bet haha i love placing bets

- > as ELLIOT already told u guys im a sax, alto sax to be exact, which is better than the other saxes

teevee :]: i was a tenor sax the 1 (one) yr i was in concert band and i disa.gree

GAMBAH: ok shut up

wait no im not trygin to me mean that twas /lh

- > i play bass giitar hello!!

- > there r 2 wolves inside of me: one listens to classical musuc n the ither listens to heavy metal. but also ill listen to anythingn.

- > i try to reoad but im illiterate (man i liek staringat the pages becuase the shapeofthe words is. funny and i like to look edcatedu)

shed let’s ski: gril not to be rude but we can tell

GAMBAH: “grli” 💔

shed let’s ski: “GILR” 💔

duse: I hate you all

tone tag on that ^^: /j

GAMBAH: 😭gng holy essay js say /j its not that hard

anahwyays

- > i like food too

- > also im one of th eq*eers and i use he/they so dont be homophobic or ill spread my gay agenda toyou adn turn u g*y

noobius noobador LXVI: not to be that guy but i think we’re all q*eers here </3

teevee :]: isnt jane str8 or smth

jane :P: help

i’m bisexual i’m crying

teevee :]: oh 

mb twin 😔😔  

builder: Not being discriminatory is one of the school expectations 

Also, for the record, I am not LGBTQ+, but I am an ally

GAMBAH: not for long

builder: WHAT

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

duse: this is the first time I have seen you type in caps since the Great Depression

GAMBAH: y were u textign in the grea tdepression brotato chip 😭

-> Reply to builder: Also, for the record, I am not LGBTQ+, but I am an ally

shed let’s ski: omg top 10 anime tragedies

i thought u were el gee bee tee :(

builder: I do not have an interest in dating men

Or women, or otherwise, I guess

shed let’s ski: i cuold be the 1st then 😈

builder: You have a girlfriend

GAMBAH: shat is this gc 💔

duse: Builder I think you’re just heavily arospec

(which counts as queer by the way!)

shed let’s ski: biu-;der didnt u hv a crush on that 1 girl in like5th grade

builder: 5th grade was 7 years ago

shed let’s ski: 7 years…

maybe even… 6 to 7? … 

elliot!!: ts is NOT my student council 💔💔💔💔💔

teevee :]: anything but mzking the sch00l better huh

@imagi_nation has muted @impeckable for: 10 minutes

-> Reaction: 😡 by shed let’s ski

teevee :]: wyh am i witnessing yaoi im homophobic

noobius noobador LXVI: whhy am i yaoi of homos im witnessing phoiba

elliot!!: why am i phobic of witnesses? im yaois home

teevee :]: im in tears ihate this place

/j… i think//

noobius noobador LXVI: that /j is hanging on for dear life </3

jane :P: why did i go to this school

GAMBAH: guys i think were all destinedto be BEST FRIENDS.

builder: Alright everyone, break it up

Let’s continue with the intros

epitaph_: ill.go next then !! 

> my name is taph,any prns (agender) and gr 11 but im okder than most gr11s < 

> im mute and i use ASL primarily irl,,, but i do have a text to speech app for those who dont know it <

> if i start communicatign in only.emojis that means im either SUPER SUPER Hyped :D or just,, meltigndown a bit. um. :C. andwhen i use emojis im never ever insincere i promise a thumbs up is averyvery happy and pos thumbsup /gen /srs <

> dms always open <3 mightnot. always respond in time tho <

> i work in the schools tech theatre ,,if youre.in drama youll see me around <

> iii uhh i hav e music taste all over the place idkk and as i said to duse earlire i love poe and poetru in ngenearl <3 i also love love looove mechanics and hands on work <

> [i kindddd offf have a speciala interest in nuclear physics  iI WILL talk to u abt it ALL.DAY I Lvoe nuclei theyre silly little things and i hopef to go into developing nuclear power of srots (that orMRIs and radiolougy… mm)] <

noobius noobador LXVI: METOO !!! CUS OF MY CHIDLHOOD FRIEND

elliot!!: my paternal grandma is deaf so i grew up learning it to communicate w her :]

my paternal grandma is deaf so i grew up learning it to communicate w her :]

epitaph_: :]

duse: awesome taste in poetry by the way … I definitely haven’t mentioned this already … 

epitaph_: :D 

GAMBAH: god dAMN this group chat is neufrodievrgen /lh

noobius noobador LXVI: itcomes w/ the gay package 😔

alos not beign able to spell </3

teevee :]: taph youre so fool

*COOL

COOL

NOT FOOL

epitaph_: :D

WHY THANK U…..,,,

and dw aboutt it /gen

i am a fool in fact /silly

ujhmm idkkkwhat else t.say 😔

builder: Then maybe we can do our next introduction?

epitaph_: ok!! 👍

g.1337: I can go next if that’s not an issue?

-> Reaction: 👍 by builder

alright

I’m Guest 1337 and I’m in grade 11, but you can just call me Guest

or honestly anything you want, I don’t mind

noobius noobador LXVI: can i call u 37? /genq

g.1337: sure, why not

he/him pronouns btw

teevee :]: oh ofcourse he has pronouns

does he have blue hair too

g.1337: …spot on?

teevee :]: WHAT

OHMY GOD ITS A WUEER

g.1337: hm

just fyi, I’m cisgender although I’m unsure about my orientation ^^

I enjoy both academics and athletics in general (basketball and football mainly) but I promise I do not speak for many of my fellow sportsmen

their minds work in interesting ways

I also like art in all forms, but I’m terrible at actually doing any of them. never had the creative mind unfortunately

I’m on student council this year as well, under our athletics board 

GAMBAH: arentyou mr. captain og teh football team 

g.1337: oh, yes

GAMBAH: bro u insane dawg how ru the captian when u stil in yr 11

g.1337: I’m not sure if I deserved it, tbh, but I’m proud of the achievement regardless

elliot!!: yes u did dude!! THE MVP FR!!

g.1337: ty !

shed let’s ski: ugh im finally fucking unmuted

-> Reply to GAMBAH: bro u insane dawg how ru the captian when u stil in …

are you fuckign br*tish why did you say “year 11”

GAMBAH: forec of habit

shed let’s ski: so youre br*tish

GAMBAH: NO MYPARENTS ARE WEIRD ASF

shed let’s ski: so theyre br*tish

which makes u br*tish

GAMBAH: Y DO U HATE BRTSH PEOPLE

R U BRITSH???? SECRELT???

BROS SELF REPORTTING ⁉️

shed let’s ski: NO ???????????????????

duse: Shed’s actually like a little bit Australian

shed let’s ski: I AM POLISH. I AM EASTERN EUROPEAN. I AM ZERO PERCENT BR*T*SH. I AM ZERO PERCENT A#STR*LIAN

duse: your humble great-grandma:

shed let’s ski: DOESNT COUNT

-> Reply to shed let’s ski: I AM POLISH. I AM EASTERN EUROPEAN. I AM …

noobius noobador LXVI: hwat

i dditn know u were white </3

shed let’s ski: what

noobius noobador LXVI: i saw urphoto and i thouguth u were at least half asian cause ur kind fo yellowish </3

shed let’s ski: HELP???????????

noobius noobador LXVI: DONT STONE ME FOR THSI BTW IM HAPNFESE

shed let’s ski: what the helly does that even say 😭

teevee :]: japanese

get woker youre not woke enough if u cant name adn recognise every race on sight

GAMBAH: myname,...... is the woker……

shed let’s ski: WhY sO qUeErIoUs 🔥🔥🔥 type shit

teevee :]: oh my god i f33l like ive been put thru a hydraulic press 

did 2019 adn 2024 just have a baby

shed let’s ski: jUsT bEcaUsE iT pYo, IlL kEeP dOiNg It LmAoO i’M sO sIgMa GeT rEkT

teevee :]: why ddi i go to this school

jane :P: amen

builder: 2 more left to go, guys

Let’s not get distracted

Orientation and move-in starts in 30 minutes anyway

GAMBAH: WHAT

IM STILL IN BED

_ghostfire: HAHA you should get ready 

by the way, uh um can I go?

builder: Yep

_ghostfire: Yay

wait how do I change my name?

builder: Click the three dots, go to settings, and scroll down to “edit nickname”

@_ghostfire changed their group nickname to ‘double double’

double double: yay ok

I’m Two Time1!

umm this is my first time having my own phone so I might mess up a bit or ask tech questions :C (sad face but I’m not actually really sad don’t worry)

I like nature walks and flowers, I listen to classical music, and I read non fiction because I find fun facts very interesting! especially about botany and other forms of biology

GAMBAH: great its naother literate nerd

epitaph_: mean :( /lh

double double: what does \LH mean?

and all the other slash thingies

I saw you guys using them but I don’t reallyyyy know what they are 

epitaph_: itmeans lighthearted !!

and the slash thingies . are tone tags whichtell you what the persons intent was

so like /pos means positive, /gen meand genuine, /j means joking (/hj is halfjoke0, /srs is seriuous, /s is sarcastic etc etc !!

/info (info is informativ)

double double: ohhh!that’s really cool

/gen (I think>?)

it makes up for having no tone when you’re typing right?

noobius noobador LXVI: yup 

u used that right btw <3

GAMBAH: wait twotime have u ever used the internet b4 /genq

double double: genq is genuine question?

-> Reaction: 👍 by epitaph_

oook! 

uhh a little recently… but I don’t chat much

Ive been mostly using Pinterest and Youtube for cool pictures and videos 

GAMBAH: damn

we’’ll have to teach u the ways

elliot!!: chance.

GAMBAH: so have u ever heard of this thing called tiktok 

double double: oh

I saw an advertisement for it

my uncle told me to stay away though

jane :P: your uncle is right 😔 listen to him

oh also two time what are your pronouns?

double double: like you mean what gendered words? 

jane :P: yeah!

double double: uhhuuhh

normally people call me a girl but

I recently learned that some people can use non gendered pronouns (they and them) and I think that works for me because I never really felt like a girl OR a guy but I dunnoooo

noobius noobador LXVI: heytwin me too

its ok to be unsure <3 we;ll respect u no matter what

double double: they, then!

-> Reaction: 👍 by jane :P

(<3 is a heart right?)

noobius noobador LXVI: yep!!

GAMBAH: oh god its another they/them

/lh

double double: is this a common type of joke? /genq

GAMBAH: yeag

being jokignly rude / discrimiantory yeah 

its cusf we’re all actually oart of the group yk yk 

double double: ohhhh

ok ok

builder: Alright everyone, we’ve got one more to go

That would be … @doubleosevenn ? 

doubleosevenn: hm?

oh

i was busy, mb

here

@doubleosevenn has changed their group name to 'seven'

seven: name's 007n7, but that's a mouthful so call me seven

or 007/7n7/n7/whatever helps the joke land

GAMBAH: i thougth those were ur pronousn at first im so cooked 💔 

elliot!!: cooked?? by what?? the woke mind virus??

teevee :]: god fuckign dammit not snother one

seven: was just getting to pronouns- he/him only

compsci nerd ig // i make games and build websites a lot 

i like punk and alt music;

GAMBAH: why didhe

add a semicolob and writererd that commetn w/ slashes liek (???) java script (???)

idk i took 1sem of compsci in middle schiol but it bored me to tears

shed let’s ski: I FUCKIGN HATE COMPSCI <- took compsci every yr of middle & highschool exxcept this one becuz i watned to try drama after being in last yr’s play

seven: whoops, force of habit

teevee :]: ohmy god its a computer geek

i havr so much respectfor yall 

seven: thanks ig ?

teevee :]: how do u look at a wall of text n symbols and jussst think “wowwww that makessense”

seven: it’s the same principle as math: you don’t

i don’t understand half of what i’m doing, i can’t even lie

spaghetti code…

builder: That’s just the coding experience

seven: ah well

idk i should probably get going now

bye everyone, will see y’all at orientation 

jane :P: i’ve been at school for 40mins already…

duse: I’ve been at school for an hour

builder: I’ve been here for 2

shed let’s ski: nerd

GAMBAH: nerd 

im still in bed btw 🤑 your fella needs his beauty sleep

elliot!!: my dude…

GAMBAH: my bro…

elliot!!: my guy…

GAMBAH: my chum…

elliot!!: my pal…

GAMBAH: my love…

-> 2 Reactions: 🏳️‍🌈 by teevee :], elliot!!

elliot!!: WHAT THE FUCK

YOU THINK YOURE SO SNEAKY HUH

GAMBAH: ok fine ill gte outof bed

elliot!!: good

GAMBAH: thank u daddy 😊

elliot!!: .

noobius noobador LXVI: …oh!

builder: …

duse: what a plot twist

jane :P: CHANCE I’M ON SCHOOL WIFI

ARE WE SO SRS

double double: wait

wait that;s an inappropriate word?

noobius noobador LXVI: oh no </3

shed let’s ski: looks.like theyve got a lot to learn

just dont worry abt it twotime 😔

elliot!!: dude theres no use tryna hide it from them

two time - it isnt necessarily inappropriate, but it can be used as slang for certain sexual things

youll hear a lot of stuff like this in high school

were you homeschooled before? 

double double: ohh, ok

and yea

noobius noobador LXVI: that mught be it

they weretn on the internet much either

elliot!!: mm, makes sense

basiclaly, just try to ignore it whenever u hear a shocked/visceral/disgusted reaction to a word you dont understand, cus its most likely inappropriate 

if you ever have any questions u can ask me

double double: ok! thanks

GAMBAH: anywaysss

i said what i said 😁

the good thihg about not having a boyfriedn naymore is that ican say whatever i want to anyoine 

elliot!!: so youre at stage 5 acceptance?

GAMBAH: yeah

elliot!!: no u liar i saw u go to ur photos and recover everything from ur ‘recently deleted’ like last week

GAMBAH: I DELETED THEM AGAIN THE NEXT DAY

teevee :]: pelase get me out of heeere the gay energy is too strong </3

builder: @everyone Orientation starts in 10 minutes. Please be ready!

GAMBAH: FUCK

elliot!!: good lord… </3

Chapter Text

11:59, September 1st

GROUP: House Illumina Quarter One

teevee :]: genuienly what the fucj is thus school???? why isit so big???

were gonsn start movign in 

in 15 min

and im so lost ?? they showef us the dorms but if rogot where theya re already

builder: If you actually get lost, try to locate the nearest office. There are signs pointing you around

Also, I will be at the main foyer in 10 minutes to lead you to the dorm. I will be holding a large sign that says “House Illumina Q1”.

teevee :]: holy shit

imnever finding my classes </3

also im soscared i forgit somethign but i live a 4h drive away </3

GAMBAH: istill get lost and ive bene here 4 a year dw

teevee :]: SNOT HELPFUL 💔💔😭

GAMBAH: ok butfr, dw abt forgetti g stuff

they have necesssitied in teh town u can buy

teevee :]: but im sttsched to my own stuff

elliot!!: our first break where u can go home is the beginning of october, so itll only be a month 🙏 

teevee :]: okok bet

double double: I’m so scared

help

why is everything big and scary??? :C

teevee :]: WHAT IM SAYING TWIN 💔

i went topublic school b4 this

crazy change… 

double double: I’ve never been in a school 

but I’ve seen videos 

how many kids come here?

duse: about 280, give or take, was our last estimate

double double: wowie :O

teevee :]: vro my middle school haf 900 😭 

seven: my old high school (it was in the city, 30mins away) had almost 3000

elliot!!: its rlly nice how few ppl there are- its a nice little community where everyone knows everyone

duse: guys, I see you all on your phones

y’all are next to each other and you don’t even know it yet

come over to Builder and I so we can get to know one another in real life ^^

GAMBAH: ok fine

teevee :]: bet (im scaredddd)

--

13:32, September 1st

GROUP: House Illumina Quarter One

teevee :]: THEY FICKJKING LIED TO ME

elliot!!: ??!

teevee :]: ALL FO THEM

LIARS

I AHTE THIS PLACE

noobius noobador LXVI: wait what happened? vee are you okay?

teevee :]: NO

NO UD ONT UNDERSTAND

BECUASE

BUILDER MAN

IS FUCKING SOUTHERN.

duse: is this a surprise?

teevee :]: YES???

hwen you think southern

you think yall and cowboys and yeehaw adn texas

THSI GUY DIDTN SAY NONEOF THAT

LIKE

I GENUIEFNLY THOGUTH HE WAS BRITISH

BECAUSE HE TPED POSH AND FANCY???

g.1337: honestly? fair enough

builder: I’m not sure what to say

I’m flattered I guess?

teevee :]: duse isnt even britihs……

sob everything is a lie

duse: I think I’m a tiny bit English? like 1/16th? I don’t even know

my dad is like 99.9% Slavic, but my mom’s side is… 

we don’t talk about that side

teevee :]: oh

wait are you fr*nch too

duse: honestly I’m probably everything.

I do quite enjoy the French language though

-> 3 Reactions: 🍅 by GAMBAH, teevee :], shed let’s ski

GAMBAH: SHAME

duse: what is wrong with French

GAMBAH: bro 1 tiem my parents took me to see ts fr*cnh magician

btu he was a fraud

and ppl threw banans at him

ive had a passiaonte hatred for fr*ncheis ever since

noobius noobador LXVI: HELP ?????

shed let’s ski: GNG 😭

duse: that’s

Wow

I don’t know how to feel about that honestly

noobius noobador LXVI: ehy do yall have so much crazy ahh lore 😭

builder: Hold the discussion for now and pay attention, guys

@everyone Here are the dormitory arrangements that the school has presented to you, in case you ever are to forget:

IL-01: Builderman, Shedletsky

IL-02: Dusekkar, Guest 1337

IL-03: Noob, Taph

IL-04: Elliot, 007n7

IL-05: Chance, Two Time

IL-06: Jane, Veeronica

If you would like to submit a request for change, please go to the school administrators; also, a valid reason must be presented.

noobius noobador LXVI: i jsut realised smt

these r gender separated rnt they?

builder: Yes

We’ve been progressing in recent years with inclusivity, but the school still has trouble working dorms around gender-queer and transgender students 

It used to be based on birth sex only, but many students were uncomfortable with that, especially if medical and/or social transitioning had already occurred. Now, staff typically ask them in the application process what gender they’re most comfortable rooming with, and put them there

However, this time, we seem to have been lucky (with even numbers and all), so the gender-queer students were put together

epitaph_: four,, of us,, <3

twinning <3 

last yr i didnt have any </3

duse: and on top of that, more even numbers of six men and two women

jane :P: oh my god. there’s so many men. i just realised

last year my quarter was literally all gals

shed let’s ski: women mentioned………

i missmy gf i hvent seen her in a week

jane :P: i miss your gf too </3 brighteyes my goat </3

shed let’s ski: HEY

jane :P: chill dude i’m taken i’m not gonna steal your girl

shed let’s ski: good… 🐺⛓️

duse: (His eyes, for the faintest moment, flash bright red. You look again—because perhaps you hallucinated that—and sure enough, it’s gone. Yet still, you feel a chill run down your spine. Perhaps you’ve only seen a hint of his true alpha powers.)

teevee :]: hey so what the actual FUCK

noobius noobador LXVI: HUH

WHATFTHE FREAK

I WENT TO DRINK WATER HWAT IS THIS 💔

jane :P: why the HELL is matt dusekkar writing omegaverse

double double: should I even ask…

elliot!!: ts is NOT my student council 🔥🔥🔥

ah twotime i’ll explain it to you in dms if you want ^^

-> Reaction: 👍 by double double

duse: sorry

I used to read a lot of Wattpad books to make fun of them

sadly, I know how the game goes

shed let’s ski: sekkie writes gay porn on ao3 btw ^^^^^^^^^^^^

duse: I do not (What is that nickname)

shed let’s ski: heh… its a tuff nickname dont u think (i thouguht of it on the spot)

duse: I honestly don’t care too much? if you want to use it that’s fine I guess

I do not write homoerotic pornographic works though.

teevee :]: “homoertic pornographic workd” men bruh ☕ amirite jane 🤣

i can fele the stink in this room risig…

shed let’s ski: hey cmon

we shower

teevee :]: maybe twice a month yea.h

mens 13 in 1 ahh /lh

shed let’s ski: cmon bru 💔

builder: Okay listen up again @everyone

Now that we’ve all met each other, we have to do a bit of a thing that I call housekeeping

teevee :]: oh ew do we.have to cleean the dorms or smtg

builder: Not as in chores. Those will be rotated weekly. A chore schedule will be posted after dinner tonight

What I mean is that we should establish group chat rules and boundaries

GAMBAH: booooo /j

builder: For example, what we’re all comfortable with regarding NSFW, sensitive topics, rude jokes, et cetera

I think, for example, that it’d be best to keep venting out of this chat (basically things that are more serious or dark than mild complaints about life). If it’s needed, any one of you can make a separate chat specifically for that purpose

elliot!!: i can do that !

-> Reaction: 👍 by builder

builder: Now for NSFW and discriminatory jokes / slurs

I have seen some such topics already in this chat, but I would like for us to provide a tolerance level

Also, I will not tolerate slurs if they are not ones that you personally can reclaim.

double double: What does NSFW mean?

builder: “Not Safe For Work”; that is, anything inappropriate

double double: oh

Thank you!

ummm I don’t know much about these things so I’ll probably be fine with or ignore them… my parents always said they were bad so I never heard them discussed much

shed let’s ski: builder idgaf abt nsfw adn discmfirnelaktion jokes btw

alsofor two time uh thats kinda sad lwk

vc being 2 sheltered aint rlly a good thing 😔

double double: it’s because they love me though ?

shed let’s ski: yeah ofcrse but i meant

smtimes love has to be touogher ykwim ? 

g.1337: I agree

kids won’t be kids forever

you won’t always be there to hide them from the world

oh also, my tolerance is very high, so don’t worry about me

double double: oh

I guess so

-> Reply to builder: Now for NSFW and discriminatory jokes / slurs

GAMBAH: i think u all nkow my tolerance 😈

elliot!!: sigh

yes, we do

as for me, idrc tbh

as long as we dont make others uncomfortable and arent being genuinely hurtful, im all good <3

duse: though I may act offended, I have witnessed too much in my time to have such delicate sensibilities

jane :P: same here

teevee :]: as long as no 1s saying anythign actfually freaky abt me personaly or beign actually racist idc

GAMBAH: im actuallt racist btw ^^^^^

/j

teevee :]: yes bro

also if its a JOKE freakt thing thats abt me i also dontcare

cus ik im fine shyt 😋 /J

epitaph_: ,, idm most things ! if i get uncomf aroudn a specific topic i will simply stop texting for a bit ^^ ,,

builder: That’s not what we want, though

If there’s something in particular that would trigger you or make you unhappy, you should let us know

epitaph_: things n stress points vary for me day by day,.... idk

i dont thin its feasible to make up a list rn

duse: okay

maybe say so afterwards though

epitaph_: ok ! got it

seven: i personally don’t really care about those things

noobius noobador LXVI: i think theyre ffunny but pls dont aim any slurs orfreaky stuff at me </3 i wont do it to anyone either ^^

builder: Alright, then

I think that’s everyone

Let’s just keep everybody’s responses in our minds then, and be respectful of one another’s boundaries always

duse: thank you guys

honestly this seems to be one of the better groups I’ve been in

you’re all very respectful 

jane :P: yippee !

epitaph_: :D 

teevee :]: tuff ash

builder: You now all have your first free afternoon at the school; however, exiting the grounds only for today is strictly prohibited. I encourage you all to explore the school itself, participate in some of the welcome/welcome-back activities in the dormitory commons, and get to know one another. Dinner will be served at 17:45 (5:45 pm) in the dining hall. Grade 10s, make sure to keep your maps handy.

Have a great year everyone.

@imagi_nation pinned a message to the group chat

jane :P: i like how he had to clarify what 17:45 was, just in case some of us don’t know what 17-12 is

--

17:32, September 1st

GROUP: House Illumina Quarter One

GAMBAH: bro im sdfjsdkjf bobred

duse: maybe… consider… “hopping off” Youtube Shorts?

GAMBAH: fuhhh no

-> Reply to GAMBAH: bro im sdfjsdkjf bobred

teevee :]: brothet HOW 😭 thered actually SM stuff here ??? im ??????/

im not used to having this much to do /srs

elliot!!: chances estate is like twice the schools size wdy expect

GAMBAH: IT IS NOT

elliot!!: your parents fed you milk with a crystal babybottle btw

your baby clothes and blankets were cashmere wool and mulberry silk

and every morning you wake up and mom brings you breakfast in bed on an actual silver platter /hj

seven: do people actually do that? like for real?

elliot!!: idk 

i grew up pretty wealthy but my parents always tried to raise us “as if we were average/middle class”

seven: not sure if thats possible honestly but okay

not to be rude though

elliot!!: i guess not

-> Reply to elliot!!: and every morning you wake up and mom brings you …

GAMBAH: you thikn /hj js makes it all better?? 🙁

elliot!!: well, at least you know im not genuinely trying to be cruel

GAMBAH: what if im into that ♥️♥️🌹

elliot!!: then we have bigger problems.

noobius noobador LXVI: genuinely whgat is this groupchat 💔

teevee :]: guys STOP…… u guys r OFFEMDING my HOMOPHOBIA

GAMBAH: ill offend smth else 👅

teevee :]: FUCK U IMN A MINOR

CHANCE LIEKS MINORS

GAMBAH: i am. four (4) monhts older than yuo

teevee :]: how the fucK donu know that

GAMBAH: brotha our birthfdays areposted on the dorm calender 💔

teevee :]: ok pedo sybau  💔💔💔 u smell like cheese

GAMBAH: petty insults dont hurt me

the lion does not care for small stones rollign down the hill when he is alreadt at the peak

elliot!!: wait

his writing is THIS fire?!?!?

teevee :]: WE DIGGIN DEEP FR THESEMGOLD BARS?! 🗣️🔥

shed let’s ski: BRO HAS A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP W THE BEAT ‼️

double double: we have to get out all our gears to climb this peak ⛰️⛰️⛰️⛰️

GAMBAH: … twotime?

double double: ?

GAMBAH: nothing

i just didnt think yhou were the type tonsay slang like that

double double: wait what slang?

elliot!!: oh

GAMBAH: 😭 OH MY GODF

double double: no, I’m joking around! I know what ‘peak’ means

it’s like awesome or amazing right?

GAMBAH: yeahyeah

double double: I heard people saying it a lot, haha

I pick up new words pretty easily I think :]

builder: @everyone Dinner starts in 7 minutes. Start heading down to the main hall if you haven’t already! Make sure to keep your student IDs handy. These WILL be checked as you enter, though this won’t be the case every single day. 

GAMBAH: 6-7 minutes………….

-> 4 reactions: 👎 by teevee :], jane :P, elliot!!, duse

jane :P: guys thats literally how long it takes to walk there.

maybe its about time yall get off your phones 😔

teevee :]: YES MAAM

Chapter Text

08:31, September 2nd

GROUP: HVS Q1

thequarticdegree: Wow another day in this hell

As your dorm lead, I’m probably obligated to send you guys off to the dining hall at mealtimes (even though I couldn’t give less of a shit)

So yeah @everyone go eat I guess

I thought of some great nicknames for you guys btw

@thequarticdegree has changed @_nightshadeswrath’s group nickname to ‘guy with the fucking hat’

@thequarticdegree has changed @brxtalenigma’s group nickname to ‘stupid morgue dweller’

@thequarticdegree has changed @ice.trapped.’s group nickname to ‘no ice, bro’s just cold’

no ice, bro’s just cold: is that a fucking ‘Thick of It’ by KSI reference?

thequarticdegree: It suits you 

guy with the fucking hat: </3 trap why do you know this

no ice, bro’s just cold: Ch*nce used to blast it on repeat.

guy with the fucking hat: THE CENSORING I CANT

IS THIS WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE AN EX

debito.di.sonno: That nutcase is certainly deserving of censoring

thiswaymadnesslies: does every1 here hv beef w/ chance 😭

no ice, bro’s just cold: yes.

debito.di.sonno: Yes

thequarticdegree: He thought my eye cover was for fashion so yes

Bro I’m not wearing that shit for fun 💔 ts so corny

guy with the fucking hat: HELP??

thiswaymadnesslies: i th0ught he was lowkey ch1ll but ok ig ?? 

thequarticdegree: He’s honestly just dumb

.sixernal: wait this might be a dumb question

but why do you wear an eye patch? 

thequarticdegree: My right eye was fucked as all hell so the doctors decided it’d be better to just get rid of it

I didn’t need that hoe anyway ♥️ depth perception and balanced vision is gay ♥️

.sixernal: ic

thats shitty as hell though that sucks

thequarticdegree: People in middle school kept trying to lift my cover for some reason ?? Why ??

guy with the fucking hat: thats evil wtf im so sorry </3

stupid morgue dweller: kids would always try to touch my prosthetic

thats still my arm btw 

why are you as a man trying to hold another man’s hand

guy with the fucking hat: LOLLLL you shouldve said that to them

wouldve shut them up

stupid morgue dweller: i did 

he went dead silent and ran away

guy with the fucking hat: YEAHHHHH 

wait

wait why am i just guy with hat

THAT’S SO MEAN 

YOURE REDUCING ME TO MY CLOTHING ?? 

thequarticdegree: Listen it’s your most prominent trait

thiswaymadnesslies: th4t and not h1s charming personality? 

guy with the fucking hat: exactly >:( thank u nolay ur my goat

thiswaymadnesslies: ✨💃

stupid morgue dweller: hey 1x what does mine even mean

thequarticdegree: Stupid morgue dweller

stupid morgue dweller: ??? why

thequarticdegree: Oh yeah here’s a fun one

@thequarticdegree has changed @.sixernal’s group nickname to ‘dumbass furry’

dumbass furry: i wore cat ears ONCE (1 time btw.) i was 9 years old. this is so unfair. what the fuck

thequarticdegree: I didn’t even know that but ok

You just gave me furry vibes

dumbass furry: ???????? what does this mean

@thequarticdegree has changed @debito.di.sonno’s group nickname to ‘fucking pizza muncher’

fucking pizza muncher: What 

thequarticdegree: You have an Italian accent don’t you? It’s a-me-a-Mario? Do you eat tomato sauce straight out of the jar? Do you have a personal vendetta against pineapples? Was Julius Caesar your ancestor?

no ice, bro’s just cold: this is rage bait on a different level.

fucking pizza muncher: It’s not working by the way

thequarticdegree: Damn it

Oh yeah and you

@thequarticdegree has changed @thiswaymadnesslies’s group nickname to ‘purple ass worm ass bitch’

purple ass worm ass bitch: WTF

every1 gets 1 curse word max 3XCEPT 4 me

i see how it is

no ice, bro’s just cold: petition to kill 1x because why am I a KSI reference. 

dumbass furry: signed

stupid morgue dweller: alright gimme a sec

@brxtalenigma has changed @thequarticdegree’s group nickname to ‘useless math equation’

stupid morgue dweller: its the affectionate nickname we gave her on council

it goes way back

useless math equation: Why the hell did I give you co-owner perms

stupid morgue dweller: it’s too late

useless math equation: Fml

Hey wait there’s 1 more

@thequarticdegree has changed @necroblox1con’s group nickname to ‘jason’

purple ass worm ass bitch: WHY TH3 HELL DOES SL4SHER GET TO BE N0RMAL

guy with the fucking hat: because hes jason adn we love him <3

jason: thank you 1x , thank you azure

no thank you noli , that’s Very Disrespectful

purple ass worm ass bitch: NO H4TE TO U BUT Y R U SPECIAL IS ALL IM ASKING

jason: i am jason

useless math equation: Noli I hope you know you’re everyone’s last pick

purple ass worm ass bitch: oh ok ! i guess i shouldl just bury myself in a hole and never c0me out ! 

guy with the fucking hat: NONNO DONT D OTHATT </3

useless math equation: That’d suit the worm bit icl

stupid morgue dweller: where did the worm joke come from

useless math equation: He lwk looks like a worm

fucking pizza muncher: I see it honestly

no ice, bro’s just cold: he’s more like a really pathetic caterpillar.

purple ass worm ass bitch: H3Y SO WH4T THE FUCK.

WH3N DOES MY T0RMENT END

useless math equation: When you stop talking in half-assed incomplete leetspeak like a 12 year old on the internet in 2001

jason: ouch

stupid morgue dweller: who knew the fun police were here

purple ass worm ass bitch: l1sten man i just do it rand0mly

somet1mes ill substitute sometimes i wont

guy with the fucking hat: guys you should rlly get to the breakfast hall…

none of yall r here smh 👎

purple ass worm ass bitch: OK FINE 1LL GET 0UT OF B3D

dumbass furry: noli are you grinding yt shorts again…

no ice, bro’s just cold: god no fucking wonder you and Ch*nce get along.

useless math equation: What is it with you and bringing up Chance

no ice, bro’s just cold: he fucking pisses me off.

stupid morgue dweller: 1x you’re one to talk

you act like you’re not the same way about a certain somebody

useless math equation: You know I have muting perms right

stupid morgue dweller: yes

useless math equation: Bro you’re impossible to scare

stupid morgue dweller: i know

i live in a morgue, after all

i fear nothing

jason: they’re doing checkins already in the hall and there are but two of us here ,

you guys suck

guy with the fucking hat: you adn me bro

jason: azure youre the least weird one thanks ♥️

purple ass worm ass bitch: th1s is w3irdly g4y ngl

…

guy with the fucking hat: chat

chat jasons been typing for a while

…

jason: You’re just sad that you have not even the concept of a loving relationship with another human being, platonic or otherwise. You project your visions of what you think might barely resemble one onto other people because you know you can never achieve that. You think it’s “gay”? You think it’s “romantic”? How fucking miserable, Noli. When’s the last time you talked to a person that wasn’t hiding behind a Twitter profile picture? When’s the last time you hung out with a friend? No, not “one of your followers”. A friend. Someone you talk to and have fun with. Or do you not know what “fun” is either? Is your life entirely encompassed by reading fanfictions about romantic couples, while you lay in bed, unkempt, never to see the light of day? And even if you one day crawled out of your worm hole and did, you wouldn’t have the gall to try anything with anyone, would you? Again, Noli, how fucking miserable. You sit there in your own wretchedness, while striving to make others feel wretched in your stead through teasing and tormentation. What a pathetic existence to lead. Good lord.

…

dumbass furry: did the chat just go silent for 3 whole fucking minutes

purple ass worm ass bitch: i’m g0ing to the d1ning hall.

jason: oh also

i’m aroace

so no

purple ass worm ass bitch: bro u c0uldve just said that :(

fucking pizza muncher: He has to do the thing

What is it called

“Aura farming”

dumbass furry: icl jason has so much aura…

guy with the fucking hat: oml theyre threatening to mark all of you absent if u dont show up… 😔

stupid morgue dweller: let a guy finish doing his makeup

useless math equation: Let a pal finish doing their hair

no ice, bro’s just cold: all of you are queer as shit.

fucking pizza muncher: This place is terrible

useless math equation: What Mafioso you homophobic or smt?

fucking pizza muncher: Only on Tuesdays

useless math equation: It’s literally Tuesday 

fucking pizza muncher: What do you think that means?

Use those logical reasoning skills they taught you in 3rd grade

useless math equation: . You’re homophobic?

fucking pizza muncher: It doesn’t take a genius

Anyways, by terrible, I was referring to the fact that you all seem to be impressively lacking in mental faculties

stupid morgue dweller: carrot cake 🤤

fucking pizza muncher: Case in point--

stupid morgue dweller: sorry i don’t know what came over me

i’m hungry

guy with the fucking hat: then MAYBE

MAYBE you should MAYBE come down to 

what is PERHAPS known as 

the DINING HALL ?!?!?!??!?!?!?

no ice, i’m just cold: good segue honestly, i’m impressed.

also i’m here.

purple ass worm ass bitch: me 2

guy with the fucking hat: 4/8

johnathan doughnut & 3.14159 & sixer & mafia boss yall better hurry upp!!! or else im gonna have to show them this group chat as proof that youre still alive!!!

useless math equation: Did you just call me pi

no ice, i’m just cold: honestly,

that’s an insult to pi. pi is useful at the very least.

useless math equation: For what, circles? 

Fuck circles I hate them so much

stupid morgue dweller: doughnut 🤤

holy shit i’m hungry

purple ass worm ass bitch: i can give u smt 3lse to eat

stupid morgue dweller: what

useless math equation: What

guy with the fucking hat: hwat

stupid morgue dweller: am i being hit on or threatened i don’t understand

purple ass worm ass bitch: 🤑

fucking pizza muncher: I am truly in hell

guy with the fucking hat: Hello all students of House Venomshank Q1. This is your dorm assistant principal speaking from your peer Azure’s device. Please come down to the dining hall for check-in immediately, or there will be consequences.

useless math equation: FUCK OK I’M 30 SECONDS AWAY

guy with the fucking hat: HAHA

officer we gottemmmm

Chapter Text

09:16, September 2nd

GROUP: HVS Q1

purple ass worm ass bitch: g(_)ys im b0red the teacher is js yapping

stupid morgue dweller: noli class started 31 minutes ago

what kind of attention span do you have

dumbass furry: negative

its the yt shorts

purple ass worm ass bitch: WH4T DO YUO HV AGAINST YT SH0RTS???

useless math equation: Noli I really and truly fear for you when the 11th grader burnout hits.

purple ass worm ass bitch: burnout is 4 l0sers

the l1on does not care 2 engage w1th such tr1vial mortal matters

useless math equation: Yes bro

Say that to me when you’re faced with the humble quadratic formula

purple ass worm ass bitch: bro im in c0mpsci

useless math equation: You have math third period

purple ass worm ass bitch: HOW THE H3LL DO U KN0W THAT

useless math equation: Dorm lead privileges

-> Reaction: 👎 by purple ass worm ass bitch

guy with the fucking hat: GUYS SOTP MESSAGING MY TEACHER IS LOOKING AT MY VIBRATING.PHONE 

WHIHC IM NOT SPPOSED TO HAVE ON MY DESK ANYWAY BUT I TOOK IT OUT BC OF THE VIBRATING TO CHECK IR

BUT ITS JUST U GUYS SPAMMING USELESSLY </3 </3

purple ass worm ass bitch: vibr4te u say 🤑

guy with the fucking hat: dudde

no ice, bro’s just cold: you have the same genre of mental illness as Ch*nce.

purple ass worm ass bitch: is ch*nce s1ngle now

4sking for a fr1end 

i havnt t4lked to them since last sch00l yr but lwk…

no ice, bro’s just cold: dude.

fucking pizza muncher: Like I said: impressively lacking in mental faculties

no ice, bro’s just cold: Mafioso you get me.

fucking pizza muncher: Yes

no ice, bro’s just cold: yes.

purple ass worm ass bitch: IM L1TERRALLY JOKING

N0 1 HERE CAN TAKE A FUCKIN JOEK 🥀

useless math equation: You’re not even remotely funny by the way

purple ass worm ass bitch: yall js c4nt comprehend my AURA 👅

wait hey guys wh4t 2 do when the guy in front of u is k1nda … 

(/srs this time)

useless math equation: Yes bro

stupid morgue dweller: 35 minutes into the school year by the way

noli i fear for you too

jason: why does this group chat exist

purple ass worm ass bitch: w4it why is he fine shyt

no ice, bro’s just cold: send a picture Noli, I’d like to laugh at you.

purple ass worm ass bitch: nuh uh

consent is 🔑

i w4nt his consent… 

/JOJKE

im crasahign out how am i suppose 2 focus like this

stupid morgue dweller: real irl person by the way

36 minutes by the way

do you even know his name

purple ass worm ass bitch: i d0nt remember but it was probably smt rlly dumb

-> Reply to no ice, bro’s just cold: send a picture Noli, I’d like to laugh at you.

fucking pizza muncher: You dated that thing, Trap

You cannot be talking

no ice, bro’s just cold: stop reminding me of h*m

guy with the fucking hat: I CANT 

CENSORING THEIR PRINOUNS 😭

-> Reply to purple ass worm ass bitch: i w4nt his consent…

jason: holy cooked

useless math equation: Since when does the goat Jason use slang terms

jason: since today

this is what you fools are doing to me 

born to be normal, forced to hang out with whatever this is

dumbass furry: guys why is math easy (so far) 

we learned this stuff in gr 5…

stupid morgue dweller: are you guys on polynomials?

i miss when the hardest thing we had to do was factor a trinomial

dumbass furry: not yet </3 we’re reviewing gcf or something like why

also the teacher keeps calling me “six hundred sixty-six” ???

guy with the fucking hat: did u tell them tgey can call u sixer? 

dumbass furry: hey so funny story

my tts device is “ under inspection” rn because they think its abomb so i have to write shit on a piece of paper and hold it up to communicate 

i am NOT wasting trees on that

i guess i could use my phone but phone bad or something i dunno

guy with the fucking hat: WHAT that sucks i’m so soryr

dumbass furry: they said theyd give it back by end of day today if all is clear

also some kid asked me why it wasnt 667

useless math equation: Six seven… 😔 

stupid morgue dweller: i thought you were better than this

useless math equation: EVERYONE is saying it dude I can’t NOT catch on

purple ass worm ass bitch: guys h3s genuinely rlly pretty wtf

why does he g1ve m1ddle aged dud e who w0rks a 9-5 vibes

guy with the fucking hat: WH

HELP????

dumbass furry: yeah i dont get it

i feel awful for anyone whos cursed with liking men

purple ass worm ass bitch: men 🤤🤤🤤🤤

dumbass furry: women

and gender queers 

are better 

objectively

btw

welcome back to another episode of sixer talking about how men are both ugly AND evil,

purple ass worm ass bitch: shut up lesbian

l3t me g00n to gay sex in peace

dumbass furry: you goon to mlm

i goon to wlw

we are not the same ❌

fucking pizza muncher: I wish I were the type of person to say “lock in” because I really want to bellow it right now

useless math equation: I’ll say it for you brotato

LOCK THE FUCKKK INNNN

purple ass worm ass bitch: H33333LLLL N4HHHHHHH 🦅💥

guy with the fucking hat: insert yaoi vs yuri meme

jason: can i be team yuri

purely because i find the team yaoi people to be insufferable

guy with the fucking hat: sixer and slash chill asf <3 can i join team yuri too

dumbass furry: sure why not

guy with the fucking hat: jason is yuri jesus btw

EPIC RAP ABTTLES OF HISRTORY!!! YAOI VS YURI!!!!

useless math equation: Hey so when did we agree to do this

stupid morgue dweller: is there an option for straight people

fucking pizza muncher: Is there an option for Italians

no ice, i’m just cold: is there an option for people who think this is fucking stupid

dumbass furry: no to the 1st and 3rd

italian is a valid sexuality though, we support you

stupid morgue dweller: i was joking about being straight also

purple ass worm ass bitch: i th0ught u had a gf

stupid morgue dweller: the humble pansexuality

purple ass worm ass bitch: mb i forgot str8 and g4y werent the only opti0ns

Y0 this guy hasnt been p4ying attention AT ALL 😭

hes js doin something on his c0mputer

H3LP ME 1S HE F1LLING 0UT AN EMPL*YMENT @PPL1CATION

useless math equation: Why are you watching him THAT closely

purple ass worm ass bitch: the l1on intends to p4y mind to those of h1s subjects which he f1nds p4rticularly interesting

ive never seen this guy b4 in my l1fe what is his ahh doin here wh1le also tryna get a j0b ??? 

-> Reply to purple ass worm ass bitch: Y0 this guy hasnt been p4ying attention …

jason: have you?

purple ass worm ass bitch: 2 busy being g4y

guy with the fucking hat: ok srsly guys we mmight needa stop

the teach keeps looking at me weird </3

im puttng my phone on dnd

bye byeee

useless math equation: I’ve been mostly lenient but as your dorm lead and a student council representative, I do have an obligation to make you guys lock the fuck in

So like

Stop texting 

Idk

purple ass worm ass bitch: mb gng

dumbass furry: ill just draw then

see yall after class 

jason: see you

--

12:17, September 2nd

GROUP: HVS Q1

dumbass furry: yay lunch

guy with the fucking hat: yay

hows school been for yall so far? :D

no ice, bro’s just cold: tedious.

first day introductions and all that.

dumbass furry: math was boring

like it always is

fucking pizza muncher: I like math, personally

dumbass furry: ok well youre a special case

english was just. like. english. you know what its like

band was cool tho <3 my bff noob was with me!! were the percussionists !!

its nice that symphonic band here is mixed all grades 

useless math equation: Yeah 

Since we’re all relatively experienced we have a bit of a community

My fellow flutes are all peak 

dumbass furry: i met the “ch*nce” guy as well

useless math equation: Sax player mentioned 👎

I subscribe to the belief that saxophones are just flumpinets

dumbass furry: he was actually kind of funny though ?

-> Reaction: ❌ by no ice, bro’s just cold

also noob introduced me to some of their new friends and they were all chill

i think mostly the social environment here is nice 

people feel less judgmental 

guy with the fucking hat: i agree !! <3

everyone in my old shcool sucked 

but i can see myslef maybeeee acutally making friends here :D

that includes u guys <3

dumbass furry: me too in fact

i used to uh get bullied a lot but , but so far that hasnt happened yet

purple ass worm ass bitch: ts wh0lesome asf… ppl being d3cent… never seen ts b4 in my 1million yrs in ex1stence

jason: you act like youre 6 or 7 years old . dont go talking

purple ass worm ass bitch: 6 7 …

ALSO FUCK 0FF

G0D FORBID I HV SUM FUN

no ice, bro’s just cold: theatre kids. 

you’re all the same.

purple ass worm ass bitch: brotha ur just pr3jud1ced cuz u h4te ch*nce

no ice, bro’s just cold: you’re all equally annoying.

fucking pizza muncher: Can someone tell me what the hell’s going on in the dining hall?

guy with the fucking hat: wait what

wht happened ? 

fucking pizza muncher: That’s what I’d like to know

purple ass worm ass bitch: IM FRY1NG I JSUT G0T HERE

😭

[Sent an image]

[Description: A blurry image of the school dining hall. Several plates are broken on the ground by the Illumina tables. One bass guitar sits on a bench; one electric guitar is standing on the floor against the table. Much food has been spilled. Students crowd around; some are taking photos and posing, while others appear to be screaming.]

dumbass furry: wait is that vee at the front ?? 

purple ass worm ass bitch: 1dk wh0 that is brotato

dumbass furry: girl w the uh

half dreads, half c curls 

shes blowing a raspberry in the picture

purple ass worm ass bitch: n3ver seen her b4 but she looks tuff asf

dumbass furry: she is

noob & i got in contact with her over the summer when she was visiting our town to prep for the school year

i’m gonna ask noob what happened hold on

purple ass worm ass bitch: w4it i see fine shyt … l3mme admire

-> 2 reactions: 👎 by dumbass furry and no ice, bro’s just cold

guy with the fucking hat: heyy i’m here! 

WHT THE FFUCKERONI

yeah i seee wth u mean

i’m scared + gonna wait ouside the cafeteria just in case…

dumbass furry: nothing to be afraid of, i have an update

vee said it was “chances fault not gonna lie” 

fucking pizza muncher: I knew it…

dumbass furry: ok but specifically uh

noob said chance and this guy named shedletski (idk how to spell it) got too excited and started playing music together ??? 

but some kid bumped into them and spilled their food and now its a mess

no ice, bro’s just cold: shedletsky is the vice president of student council btw.

what irresponsible behaviours. i knew they shouldn’t have picked him.

dumbass furry: WAIT WHAT HELP??

purple ass worm ass bitch: wait 0H TH4TS WHY TH3RES 2 INSTRUMENTS

sh3d plays gu1tar right ? 

stupid morgue dweller: i believe so yeah

-> Reply to dumbass furry: noob said chance and this guy named shedletski …

useless math equation: Censor that name please 🥀

dumbass furry: ch*nce?

useless math equation: No the other one

dumbass furry: oh 

sure why?

useless math equation: I’m joking about the censoring but

He’s a fucking asshole 💔

stupid morgue dweller: 1x has a lot of... i guess “beef” with him

useless math equation: Oh it’s a lot more than beef.

guy with the fucking hat: waitwait what did he do? /genq

useless math equation: What did he NOT do 

stupid morgue dweller: the two of them have some personal history

i wouldn’t say he’s an evil person or fits the “basic dni criteria” though

useless math equation: I would.

stupid morgue dweller: people change

he’s better than he used to be

useless math equation: Stop talking about ts like you know anything about it 🥀

stupid morgue dweller: alright, my bad

dumbass furry: okay i just wont pry

anyways yeah thats the situation

im still at the illumina table if anyone wants to join me

guy with the fucking hat: IM COMING OVER !!!

dumbass furry: btw theres someone here whos mute as well

their names taph

i want to be friends.

jason: hell yeah

are they cool?

dumbass furry: THEY ARE SO COOL DUDE

jason come here you need to meet them 

they have the silliest and friendliest disposition

jason: excellent

guy with the fucking hat: WAIT FOR MEE I WANNA MEET THEM TOO

fucking pizza muncher: Illumina students are always such interesting specimens

stupid morgue dweller: it’s because they're the lgbt autism house

Chapter Text

15:44, September 2nd

GROUP: House Illumina Quarter One

teevee :]: THUS FUCKING SCHOOL 

THAT WAS JSUT THE 1ST DAY 

DO I HV TO ENDRUE TS EVERYDAY NOW

elliot!!: did something happen? :(

teevee :]: NO

ITS JUST

SCARY 💔💔💔

noobius noobador LXVI: agree 😔

elliot!!: dw, itll get better ! i promise

everyones scared at first

teevee :]: I MISS.MY MOMS ALREADY

I WANAN EAT PASTA

THE FOOD HERE IS OK BUT 💔💔

GAMBAH: wait u haev gay moms ? 

teevee :]: yuh

my dad was a ho so my biomom left and marreid ,my now stepmom instead

#lovewins

elliot!!: top 10 inspirational stories of 2025

noobius noobador LXVI: wait gang 

how abuot we all share smt cool or silly that happend today

chance i see u typign

do not mention the guitar incident……

GAMBAH: fcuk

ok uh

me n noli dissed itreash in dramaclass

teevee :]: oh ofcourse ur a fucking theatre kid

every1 point n laugh

-> 3 reactions: 🤣 by elliot!!, noobius noobador LXVI, teevee :]

GAMBAH: BRO 💔💔

WHEN I SAY IM IN BNAD I GET HATED ON

WHEN I SAY IM IN DRAMA I GET LAUGHED AT

TRULY THERE IS NO WINNIGN

also elli sybau ur in drama and band too 🥀

elliot!!: shhh they dont know that

teevee :]: just be in art ❤️❤️ the solutionn is rghit there

GAMBAH: no fuck art i can draw sticknan and thats it

jane :P: join choir then

it’s an after school course

starts middle of sept

GAMBAH: ill get laughde at for singing bad

jane :P: maybe you just have a massive skill issue then

-> Reply to GAMBAH: me n noli dissed itreash in dramaclass

noobius noobador LXVI: not to pry but who is noli and itreash ?

GAMBAH: my ex )stinky asshole)

not noli hes the goat

itrash is the stinkt one

noobius noobador LXVI: ohh

seven: noli

compsci kid who wears the theatre mask?

GAMBAH: yeag

seven: oh

he keeps looking at me weird

GAMBAH: he lokos at everyone weird

he himself looks weird as a matter of fsct

seven: i see

teevee :]: “he himself” pronons ahh 😭🙏

shed let’s ski: hey chat

why are we talking about venomshank individuals

jane :P: what’s wrong with venomshank individuals

shed let’s ski: nothing

in fact i loge my venomshank individuals

theyre wonderful in fact

GAMBAH: most of them

shed let’s ski: most of them

elliot!!: unfortunately house stereotypes are a thing here

illumina is a bunch of woke special snowflakes

-> 5 reactions: ✅ by teevee :], GAMBAH, shed let’s ski, noobius noobador LXVI, jane :P

ghostwalker are sad emos who hate life

GAMBAH: relatable

i mean srent their quarters literally nicknamed greed , solitude., fear anf hatred

elliot!!: i think so

i suppose the stereotype isnt baseless

firebrand kids are rude and brash

venomshank are like aloof weirdos

darkheart kids never go outside

noobius noobador LXVI: relatabke

elliot!!: windforce is irrelevant

and icedagger kids are self righteous and arrogant

teevee :]: cro think ts is hogwarts 😭🙏

elliot!!: not my ideas

epitaph_: speaking of venomshank,,

THE SIXER PERSON DRESSES AND ACTS SO NICE

THEY

RAE SO

COOL

:D :D :D /gen /vpos vpos vpos

noobius noobador LXVI: MY BESTIE FR THE GOAT!!

epitaph_: i want to consume their essence !!

/silly /p 

they make the brain worms happy :D

noobius noobador LXVI: also fpr me uh

school overall wasnt too bad, i think i ejoyed my classes for the most part + the people arent evil like they were in my old school

double double: hi guys!!!

school was cool but a bit scary…

it reminds me of church almost

where are you guys right now? 

elliot!!: cafeteria, grabbing a snack because i wasnt hungry at lunch

epitaph_: still in my 5th period classroom </3 i have to talk to the teacher abt something but therere a few others here

im probably going to,, take anap or smt afterwards…… im eepy

duse: library

GAMBAH: nerddd

duse: I’m checking out the latest dark romance book 

GAMBAH: oh

noobius noobador LXVI: oh…?

duse: for research

I fear this will stain my records, but it’s probably fine

I’m writing a paper about romanticisation of problematic relationship dynamics

as well as the issue with popular media gearing this content towards young women

noobius noobador LXVI: oh whew goated

i got scarde for a second </3

elliot!!: for english class or?

duse: just for fun

teevee :]: ts guy 😭

writes essaysa for fun 😭

duse: listen

uh

I have no defence

GAMBAH: hey bro check this out

[Sent an image]

[Description: A screenshot that says “duse: I’m checking out the latest dark romance book”]

i ss’ed the alpha thign too

duse: why is this my fate? to be eternally taken out of context and shamed?

GAMBAH: TEHRE IS NO POSSIBLR CONTEXT THAT WILUD SAVE THE ALHPA THING TOESUKKER

-> 3 reactions: 💯 by noobius noobador LXVI, jane :P, teevee :]

duse: please do not call me “toe sukker” 

GAMBAH: yrs dicksukker

duse: that may be worse,

GAMBAH: oh so 

u hv afoot fetosh 

is what im gettign

teevee :]: CHACNE

duse: I would be using a broken heart emoji right now, if I were one of you lot

literally when did I say ANYTHING that even REMOTELY implied that?

noobius noobador LXVI: guys </3

pack it up </3

oh btw twotime to answer ur question earlier

im in teh dorm commons!! w vee and chance

double double: oh ok! I’ll come join you then!

GAMBAH: yeah im makigj out with noobs mom

-> Reaction: ⁉️ by noobius noobador LXVI

noobius noobador LXVI: WHTAT THE LITEARL FUCK IS WRONG WITH U

GAMBAH: BECAUSE THEY WERENT SUPPOSDE TO KNOW MY LO ATION DUMBASS

double double: wait why? :( 

GAMBAH: /j /lh

double double: ohh 

elliot!!: alright, snack obtained

im coming now

teevee :]: quick questuon

what r we supposed 2 do for these 2 hrs b4 dinner

elliot!!: whatever you want! you can go to the town or lake (as long as you dont pass the big fence or the green signs on the entrance to the highway), have a snack, play video games, hang out with people, take a shower, rot in bed, etc.

teevee :]: wtf

srsly???

elliot!!: yep!

teevee :]: im nto used to havign this much freedom…

wheres mother yrlling at me to clean my room 💔

GAMBAH: we do rotate chores toclean the commons + our rooms get imspections on sat to make sure theyre like soemwhat tidy

elliot!!: also usually ppl study during the free time hours 

but it doesnt matter since its the first day

unless youre dusekkar apparently

-> Reaction: 😔 by duse

duse: okay, now this is just bullying

builder: Hey everyone!

Hope you all had a good first day at school

Apologies for not being online until now

GAMBAH: YEAH BUILDE R MAN

WGY WERET U ONLINE UNTIL NOW ???

builder: I tripped over a rotisserie chicken in the hallway

jane :P: what…

teevee :]: WHAST

GAMBAH: HOW DISE THSI AHPPEN ????

duse: president of student council by the way

builder: THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME IMMUNE TO MISHAPS.

Anyways, basically,

Someone left an entire god damned rotisserie chicken in the hall, still hot and with the plastic cover on and all

shed let’s ski: 🤤

teevee :]: why the fuck did he cime onlinr right when chickne wasmetnioned

are wesure it wasnt shed

builder: No. There was this kid leaning on the wall and he started laughing at me. ☹️

Then this girl goes up to him and asks, “Did you actually bring the chicken??”, and he points to it (and me, still on the floor)

(I don’t know where he got it from. There was no opportunity to go off campus yesterday and they don’t make those in the school kitchen)

Then the girl saw my council badge and began pestering me with questions about when the volleyball tournament starts

Spoiler alert: September 20th

shed let’s ski: IK GIGGLE SHITTING

HOW DOES TS HAPPEN

builder: I DON’T KNOW.

GAMBAH: oh my god tehres already pictures on the sfoth academt gooners page

teevee :]: the what

shed let’s ski: the famed sfoth academy gooners, of course

noobius noobador LXVI: WHAT THE FRICK BRO

WHY DID I CIME TO THIS SCHOOL </3

GAMBAH: @sfothgooningcommunity on insta and titkok

teevee :]: say that last part again……

real slowly now……

GAMBAH: tit

tike

tko

kok

tit cock…?

noobius noobador LXVI: chacsenty u freak

i cant believr u would say that </3

GAMBAH: im illtieratr mb i meatn kitkat

i mean

omfg

wair did u jsut call me chastituy

duse: every day I regret having eyes more and more

jane :P: me too

duse we should go out for coffee sometime and mourn

teevee :]: 1111 might even say… lsment mourn and despair…

noobius noobador LXVI: vee no one is gonna get ur referenxes </3

teevee :]: PHUCK BRUH 🥀

-> Reply to jane :P: duse we should go out for coffee sometime and mourn

duse: we should

anyways, for those curious

we’re talking about a group known as “SFOTH Academy Gooning Community: The Swords’ Brightest Beacons” 

they have, allegedly, been around since 1967

though they only added that part on their page when the “67” jokes became popular so I don’t think that’s true

jane :P: genuinely how was i not informed of this social media page’s existence for the entire full first year of my attendance of this school

i stalk instagram to get dirt on people 

i’m following every student and their grandma

elliot!!: the gooners only reveal themselves to those who they deem fit to grace their presence with

shed let’s ski: tjey make thirst trap edits of the school

yes you read that right

the school itself……

they put blush.filters over pictures of bathroom stalls 💔

GAMBAH: isnt thaere an edit of the physicd lab

teevee :]: chance u look like a phusics

get it cus

GAMBAH: is it becuz im usefuk and inevitbale adn the fohndation of everything int he universe

yep thatsme

teevee :]: no bruh

its cus ur annoyign as shit

GAMBAH: BRO 😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏

elliot!!: did i mention they also post random reels of teachers with shitty music in the background???

teevee :]: why are tehy goonign to ts 🥀

GAMBAH: THERED A EDIT OF BHIDKERMAN WITH TEH WE ARE CHARLIE KIRJ SONG IM CRINE

elliot!!: 17 coral reefs died to make that song btw

we all died in 2020 and this is hell

GAMBAH: no but irs actaylly so fire tho

human cover when 💔 im a ethucal gooner

elliot!!: im sorry what

teevee :]: WHY sre we gooning to ts 🥀

duse: oh my god. I hate this account what is this.

why are they assigning sexualities to teachers

WHY IS THERE AN EDIT OF ME EATING THAT PUMPKIN PIE IN 10TH GRADE HALLOWEEN AND A CAPTION ACCUSING ME OF CANNIBALISM???

THAT WAS SO LONG AGO

ALSO I AM NOT A PUMPKIN

EATING PUMPKIN PIE IS NOT CANNIBALISM

GAMBAH: toesekksr rages (live) (4k hd(

builder: I’m going to have to talk to somebody about this, as funny as it might seem

Sharing pictures of people on the internet without their consent is, like, bad

teevee :]: vro ik hoppign off ts is hurtgin me 🥀

builder: Hey Dusekkar I’m going to need moral support.

duse: hm?

builder: As president of council, I demand that you accompany me to the office. I do not wish to show the staff these videos of me by myself

duse: your wish is my command, O Great Mr. President

builder: I was being lighthearted
If you wish not to accompany me, that is fine

duse: of course not, Mr. President

why would I ever defy you, Mr. President? 

GAMBAH: i canr lie i fully expected him tosay “yes daddy”

duse: …

as the kids say, “can we be so for real right now”

noobius noobador LXVI: 12th graders r another specues bro, i hipe i never befome one </3

teevee :]: were 2 yrs away noob

noobius noobador LXVI: SHUT UP VEE RONICA

/lh /j

duse: I’m going to head down to the main office in 10 minutes then

I’ll meet you at the doors?

builder: yes

teevee :]: wait hwat i jstt copmprehendesd what happend

-> Reply to builder: As president of council, I demand that you accompany me …

do teh teachers here

actually

care……?

builder: For the most part, yes

They’re pretty strict on harassment I’d say

noobius noobador LXVI: WHAT

UR TELLIGNG ME MY BESTIE GOT BULLIED ALL 3 YRS OF MIDDLE SCHOOL AN THE TEACHETS DIDNT DO DOG CRAP

BUT HERE U GUYS HAD ALL THIS PRIVIGLEGE THE WHOLE TIME??

shed let’s ski: were yalls teachers actually that bad? 😔

teevee :]: ppl would makr fun of me for the way i talked, the way i drrssed, theyd call me the d slur, i got sxually harassed, yeah it was gr8 ! no 1 did shit btw !

noobius noobador LXVI: bro the migenderingw as wild

like nobody ever got it right </3 not terachers or students

i got called things that were uh

idk like sissy and f@g a lot 

not that ive rlly cared abt being “not man enoguh” since realsiing i was fluid n transfem anyway but 

it hurt at the time and it still not nice

and unm

yeah </3

elliot!!: personally i went to a decent school and there werent many bullies, but i knew people who werent as lucky </3

only thing was uh

i got misgendered/deadnamed/made fun of a lot even after i got on T (they knew me pre transition) but tbh thats it 

it wasnt as bad as it couldve been

at least no one was sending me death threats like someone i knew in a diff school

shed let’s ski: dude thats

goddamn

like even that is kinda bad bro

like the stsndards are too fuckin low

didnt realide it couls get that bad

seven: yep

underpaid teachers, underfunded schools, overcrowded classrooms, generational traumas and poor upbringings, patriarchy and stereotyping, adolescents developing hierarchal systems because they have no other way to project their insecurities, society (underprivileged students are more prone to concerning behaviours while also having less access to help)

^ they all play a part

-> 3 reactions: ✅ by teevee :], noobius noobador LXVI, elliot!!, duse

duse: I’m afraid I can’t speak from experience as I am a quite privileged individual

however, I’ve done as much research as I can over the years, and I can at the very least help to confirm all of these things’ existences

teevee :]: wait sev whrn did u spawn in

seven: idk

i’m just here sometimes 

teevee :]: ah

builder: Hey everyone

All /gen /info /nm: I do not like saying this, but I think we should try to keep any venting in this chat to a minimum

Just to ensure we keep a positive energy

Again, if anyone wishes, they can create a separate group chat for venting and serious topics.

teevee :]: sorry /gen

noobius noobador LXVI: i agree, im srory </3

seven: not the best thing to shut down a serious conversation while it’s actively happening especially when you have no authority on the topic

but yeah mb 

builder: Again, I’m sorry I had to do that. I just want to make sure we all contribute to a positive dynamic in this chat.

teevee :]: its fine idm :P irs all in the past now anywsa

seven: out of curiosity, no pressure

why did you all attend public schools if you could afford to come here

teevee :]: ok bascally

parenrs thought itwasnt worth it to send me to a boarding scohol for jr high

which, fsir enough

noobius noobador LXVI: what she said ^^^

also friends frim childhood qwnt to public

seven: ah

duse: okay Mr. President I’m going to leave now

builder: Alright, see you in a few minutes

Chapter Text

18:50, September 2nd

HVS Q1

guy with the fucking hat: EVENING EVERYONE!!!

i cant deide how i feel about the food here

dumbass furry: me neither to be honest

the paninis were texture nightmare but i liked the fried chicken at lunch

guy with the fucking hat: im vegetarian so idk about that but the chicken alternativr was v v good honestly!!

dumbass furry: cool beans

i could never be vegetarian

i like meat too much (PLEASE DO NOT INTERPRET THIS WEIRDLY.)

purple ass worm ass bitch: i l1ke meat t00 😈

dumbass furry: what did i JUST say.

no ice, bro’s just cold: do you ever say anything remotely intelligent?

purple ass worm ass bitch: lm4o l0ser imag1ne being int3lligen

guy with the fucking hat: </3

idk i eat meat very rarely for some special occasions but i dont like the taste of it </3 its kinda stinky

where r yall rn??

no ice, bro’s just cold: that remains to be seen.

fucking pizza muncher: He is in his room

Which is my room as well I suppose

no ice, bro’s just cold: hey, so, how did you know that.

fucking pizza muncher: I have eyes everywhere

no ice, bro’s just cold: thanks. that makes me feel great. 

purple ass worm ass bitch: wow i dd1nt kn0w eye f3tish was a thing

no ice, bro’s just cold: pull the trigger Noli.

purple ass worm ass bitch: *i pull the tr1gger*

*c0nf3tti c0mes 0ut*

only for y0u h4ndsome <3 <3 <3

no ice, bro’s just cold: what.

fucking pizza muncher: What

dumbass furry: WHAT

guy with the fucking hat: HWAT

purple ass worm ass bitch: r y4ll not used to th1s behavi0ur yet

dumbass furry: i mean we are but that doesnt make it any better ? ?

useless math equation: Dude I went to do council work for like five fucking minutes and Noli is flirting with iTrapped.

no ice, bro’s just cold: can I call a restraining order?

purple ass worm ass bitch: g0d forb1d m3n have fun

stupid morgue dweller: you’re not even full man

you man failure

purple ass worm ass bitch: sh(_)t bro im a m4n rn cl0se 3nough 

wait

W4IT UR J0HN

stupid morgue dweller: hi

purple ass worm ass bitch: hi br0

stupid morgue dweller: hi

useless math equation: Doe you’re professionally stupid

stupid morgue dweller: it’s in my name

nominative determinism you know

-> Reply to stupid morgue dweller: you’re not even fully a man

dumbass furry: wait what are they(?) then

have i been misgendering them

stupid morgue dweller: genderflux, boyflux or something last time i checked

purple ass worm ass bitch: ew 1m a c1s m4n bro i would n3ver be w0ke bro

(yeys 4nd i use he.they dw ur g00d)

dumbass furry: oh ew its a wokie

purple ass worm ass bitch: 1M NOT W0KE

useless math equation: My dude, you are the poster child for woke

purple ass worm ass bitch: S4YS Y0U BRUH

UR M0RE M1NORITIES TH4N ME

useless math equation: Dude 

guy with the fucking hat: 😭😭😭😭

jason: ts group chat so ahh

purple ass worm ass bitch: sl4sher is h0mophobic 🥀

jason: did bro JUST realise?

stupid morgue dweller: slasher i beg you

please stop using slang

jason: no

fuck you guys

guy with the fucking hat: “ts” means “this shit” btw ! /info

jason: i know

i’m saying it’s a shit group chat

guy with the fucking hat: oh </3

dumbass furry: go my slasher

throws him like a pokemon

jason: roar i guess idk

dumbass furry: yey

anyways i hate the rest of you guys . im going to my dorm

guy with the fucking hat: can i join you

im eepy,,

dumbass furry: why are you asking me for permission its your dorm too

guy with the fucking hat: idk

what if u beat me up </3

dumbass furry: WHAT

WHY WOULD I DO THAT

guy with the fucking hat: im scared of lesbians

purple ass worm ass bitch: typ3 sh1t 😭 ong

dumbass furry: HHAHFKAHDF thanks ig

dont be scared i dont bite 

unless ur noli 😠

purple ass worm ass bitch: BR0

WHY D0ES EV3RY1 HERE H4TE ME

no ice, bro’s just cold: don’t worry.

the hatred’s directed to a lot more than just you…

you’re not special.

useless math equation: Wow look

We’ve got Timmy Tuffknuckles over here

purple ass worm ass bitch: LM4O

no ice, bro’s just cold: tsk tsk…

purple ass worm ass bitch: y3s bro ur so tuff br0

stupid morgue dweller: guys

i got kicked out of the illumina dorm . 

dumbass furry: JOHNATHAN TOE WHAT DID YOU DO.

stupid morgue dweller: <- was just trying to talk to my amazing beautiful divine girlfriend 

they said people from other houses aren’t allowed in for the first week or so

i’m submitting a request to switch houses guys.

fucking pizza muncher: I’d advise against it

We’re low enough on members as it is 

purple ass worm ass bitch: N000 J0HN

WE L0VE H1M TH0UGH

me especially 👅

stupid morgue dweller: noli im taken

purple ass worm ass bitch: ev3n b3tter…

useless math equation: Nah bruh, let him leave ♥️🌹 we don’t want him

stupid morgue dweller: 1x is so mean

i’m staying here to spite them now

useless math equation: The reverse psychology is working 

stupid morgue dweller: …

okay fine

you win this one.

purple ass worm ass bitch: omg yay

dumbass furry: i hate this place

i’m gonna go take a nap now

purple ass worm ass bitch: bye br0 

h3y j0hn

ask1ng for a friend buttttt

how d1d u

pull

stupid morgue dweller: tell your friend to talk to me themselves and not to be a coward

purple ass worm ass bitch: uh

my fr1end is

b(_)sy

stupid morgue dweller: really now

purple ass worm ass bitch: y3s

stupid morgue dweller: ok well

tell them it was mostly a matter of hoping and praying

purple ass worm ass bitch: r34lly?

stupid morgue dweller: mostly i just cried

like, she confessed first

i can’t for the life of me fathom why

purple ass worm ass bitch: oh

did y0u ever try 1mpressing h3r?

stupid morgue dweller: let’s not talk about that

useless math equation: I was there for all of it

It was soooo funny

He made me pwetend to be his cwush and he would say wuv confessions to me

-> Reaction: 👎 by stupid morgue dweller

He tripped and dropped all his textbooks once just so she could help him up

-> Reaction: 👎 by stupid morgue dweller

Because she was ranting to him about how she felt useless and like she wasn’t a good human being

-> Reaction: 👎 by stupid morgue dweller

So he did that to make her feel better

-> Reaction: 👎 by stupid morgue dweller

John you’re a national treasure

stupid morgue dweller: wow look who’s talking

“boohoo ******* won’t notice meeeeeee”

-> Reaction: 👎 by useless math equation

useless math equation: Shut the ACTUAL, LITERAL fuck up

no ice, bro’s just cold: huh… 

so, what’s all this about?

useless math equation: Nothing bro syfm

no ice, bro’s just cold: clearly it’s not nothing if that was your reaction.

purple ass worm ass bitch: w4it is this ******* guy like your ex or s0methin

is that wh3re this 1s g0ing

1x l0re 🤯

useless math equation: HELLLLL NO

WHERE TF DID THAT CONCLUSION COME FROM

stupid morgue dweller: lol she WISHES he’d given them any sort of attention like that

hey 1^4 do you want me to say the name

useless math equation: No

stupid morgue dweller: aw look at how much you care

i’ll spell it out slowly

t

e

@thequarticdegree has muted @brxtalenigma for: 10 minutes

jason: huh

purple ass worm ass bitch: shh b4by girl let alpha d4ddy handle it

jason: wtf

useless math equation: They mean it’s none of your business

(And it isn’t his either)

jason: k man whatever

im not paid to babysit you fools so i dont care 👎

john does alt: it seems i was muted… how tragic

useless math equation: HOLY SHIT I FORGOT YOU HAD THAT

@thequarticdegree has muted @johndoealt for: 1 hour

john does 2nd alt: aw, that’s too bad…

purple ass worm ass bitch: IM G1GGL1NG

useless math equation: My brother in criminy Christ, how do you stll have access to those

@thequarticdegree has muted @johndoealt2 for: 24 hours

john does 26th alt: youll never take us alive

useless math equation: I KNEW ISHOULD NEVER HAVE LET YOU RUN ALL THOSE “TEST ACCOUNTS”

HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE????????

john does 318th alt: :)

useless math equation: Bro

I can’t

guy with the fucking hat: HUH???

i just got back </3

purple ass worm ass bitch: i t4ught h1m that trick L0LLL

l00ks like hes l3arned well

he h1d those from ev3n me

john does 85th alt: thanks noli

useless math equation: I hate my fucking life

guy with the fucking hat: compsci kids amirite </3

useless math equation: I don’t have my laptop right now

I can’t even investigate the code 

john does 203rd alt: sucks to be you

useless math equation: FINE I’LL UNMUTE YOU HOLY SHIT 

JUST STOP USING THOSE FUCKING ALTS

@thequarticdegree has unmuted @brxtalenigma

stupid morgue dweller: yay

as i was saying,

the name

SLF

fjcdfSPDJIG ew,f[,

hle

help[

no ice, bro’s just cold: this is exceedingly amusing to watch.

purple ass worm ass bitch: is h3 getting t0uched

by 1x

no ice, bro’s just cold: if that’s how you’d like to put it, yes.

purple ass worm ass bitch: smh i alw4ys knew they h4d a thing g0ing on /j

wh3re r u guys?

no ice, bro’s just cold: library

purple ass worm ass bitch: wh4t

no ice, bro’s just cold: I’m lying.

purple ass worm ass bitch: oh

f1gures

u didnt use a p3riod

stupid morgue dweller: so how are you guys?

what are your favourite ice cream flavours?

purple ass worm ass bitch: j0hn

hit c4ll

if u need h3lp

@brxtalenigma has started a call

@brxtalenigma has ended the call (00:00:02)

stupid morgue dweller: no need for that 

purple ass worm ass bitch: y3p hes c00ked

no ice, bro’s just cold: deserved to be honest.

purple ass worm ass bitch: wh4tttt

guy with the fucking hat: literarrlyly what did john do

he hasnt.hurt a fly in his life i dont think </3

no ice, bro’s just cold: i hate happy couples.

purple ass worm ass bitch: lm4o if it 1snt t1mmy t(_)ffknuckles againnn

stupid morgue dweller: im finally fucking back

1x tried to beat me up and stole my phone

i won

purple ass worm ass bitch: h0w 

ur literally a tw1nk

stupid morgue dweller: i don’t think you’ve ever seen the gym your entire life

pot calling the kettle black 

purple ass worm ass bitch: black?

i d0nt like bl4ck ppl

-> 4 reactions: ⭐ by stupid morgue dweller, guy with the fucking hat, no ice, bro’s just cold, useless math equation 

useless math equation: …

purple ass worm ass bitch: WAIT

W4IT NO

IM NOT R4CIST

IM A R4CIAL M1NORITY

C3ASE AND D3SIST

U C4NT DO 4NYTHING

RAHHHH

stupid morgue dweller: thank you noli

purple ass worm ass bitch: N0 LITERALLY I D1NT MEAN ITTT

IT JS SL1PPED 0UT 💔

stupid morgue dweller: yes noli

useless math equation: You’ve been hanging out too much with those kids

purple ass worm ass bitch: N0 L1TERALLY ITS NOT MY F4UTL

PELASE T4KE IT OFF THE ST4RB0ARD

no ice, bro’s just cold: no.

useless math equation: No

stupid morgue dweller: no

guy with the fucking hat: no(li u cant escape retributiion for ur crimes </3)

purple ass worm ass bitch: f(_)ck u guys im g0nna go 2 town 4nd mourn 

useless math equation: Good riddance

guy with the fucking hat: normally id say “thats so mean!11!1” but noli is racfjst and idont like rrackaistks

purple ass worm ass bitch: 💔

--

PRIVATE MESSAGES: @astaffofwinds and @imagi_nation

astaffofwinds: are you free, Mr. President?

imagi_nation: Again, Dusekkar?

You know there is no need for those titles

And yes, I am

astaffofwinds: hah, okay

Builder

there’s something I’ve been meaning to mention but I haven’t had the opportunity, so—

basically, I just wanted to express my concerns about a specific student in our quarter

imagi_nation: Oh no

Did somebody do something?

astaffofwinds: no, it’s not that at all

rather, it concerns their past

and I understand that it’s not my place to invade, but I am genuinely concerned for their safety

I would like to ask you if I can trust you to keep a secret

imagi_nation: Fire away; I won’t tell a soul

astaffofwinds: alright

now, you know this part already, but: the summer before eleventh grade, I worked for a local news anchor in the town about 30 minutes south of us

I was an editor, not a journalist, and I wasn’t supposed to be finding material for articles on my own

but when I heard rumours of a cult, I knew I had to investigate 

imagi_nation: Oh geez. Completely fair.

astaffofwinds: regardless, the case got a lot more serious than I’d initially estimated, and I realised I was getting myself into deep water that I could not swim in

this cult involved kidnappings, abuse, grooming, and suicide cases

I decided to report the case, and leave it to the authorities to handle, despite how guilty I felt about it

imagi_nation: And I wouldn’t blame you. You were, what, not even 16?

astaffofwinds: half a month away, yes

now, I don’t trust that the authorities were able to deal with it effectively. you know how police are.

(also, traumas last long beyond arrests and all the legal crap)

either way, my point is, I was able to find that the cult revolves around “respawning”, or gaining a “second life”

imagi_nation: I think I’ve caught on.

Is this about Two Time?

astaffofwinds: yes.

I highly, highly suspect that they are or were a member of this cult

-> Forwarded a message by _ghostfire: oh spawn

remember this?

imagi_nation: Would that be their deity?

astaffofwinds: yes

they teach that you can gain a second life through sacrifice and worship

the key word is sacrifice—the cult encourages many harmful actions

imagi_nation: So we need to keep an eye on Two Time, yes?

astaffofwinds: mhm

not that I think they’d try anything, but

I questioned Two Time in band class today, and they told me that they were raised in the very same town I had been in. but they said that they live with their uncle now because their parents disappeared

I then asked them if their family had any… specific ideals

imagi_nation: And?

astaffofwinds: they went quiet, and eventually said that their uncle and parents had never seen eye to eye, and that he had been separated from the family

I started connecting the dots: it had seemed odd to me, initially, that such a sheltered child would be sent to live so far away in such a different environment. therefore I asked them if them going to this school had been their uncle’s choice

they said yes

which leads me to believe that maybe their uncle isn’t part of the cult, or at least is a lot looser about it

imagi_nation: That’s good, if they’re in a better living situation now

Plus, the environment here and spending time around other people should help them ease out of it

astaffofwinds: yes

but if any suspicious behaviours arise, we will need to intervene

you didn’t witness that cult firsthand. you don’t understand how cruel and manipulative and utterly convincing they can be.

they see right through you. they see your insecurities, your fears for the world, your hidden sympathies, and they exploit them. 

I spoke to some of their members personally for information—and, shamefully, I felt my own will crumbling many times. it took a great effort to snap out of it.

do you understand how serious this is?

imagi_nation: Yes, I do

Thank you for expressing these concerns to me

astaffofwinds: of course

I trust you and I want to ensure our peers are safe.