Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Surprisingly, the walk through the Town square wasn't as annoying as Shadow milk thought it would be.

Sure ,he received a few weird looks , how could he not? Some cookies staring with fear at him , others giving judgemental looks at Pure vanilla, but , all of them were scattered away with just a horrifying grin from him .

Vanilla glances at him ,annoyed , his opinion about scaring others away was already shared but , he couldn't control Shadow milk.

"You're a lost cause , do you know that?" He chuckles after noticing that the jester was now directly staring at a little child who tried to reach Vanilla.

"Thanks Nilly! I know I'm lots of fun ! But you know, I'm doing you a favor!  Without me spreading those pests away, they would've jumped all on you, bugging you with their requests and praise ! It is way more peaceful now , isn't it ?" "Thanks , I suppose" he lets out a small annoyed huff ,

"Is really something ever peaceful with you?" He mumbles . "What Nills?" the jester tries to sound offended by the confession, "Don't ya enjoy my company? I could leave anytime ya know-" , the healer rolls his eyes. "It seems like you're good at emotional manipulation also..." , "I've got all the flavors on the menu , bastard. I'm offended you even thought I didn't. Emotional manipulation, lies , trickery, normal manipulation, that's my domain! Ever need some help with that- I'm your man! You're astonishingly uneducated, Nills." , "I'm sorry-" , "As you should be you idiot." he hisses.

Soon enough they reached the downtown street , the coquette and vintage boutique lays in front of their eyes. Vanilla suddenly stopped, looking obliviously at the jester.

"Shall we go in ?" he mumbled, "I don't know, let's just stare at it ! What do you think?!" Shadow milk says with a wicked grin , rolling his eyes dramatically.

They open the door , the soft ringing of the bell hung up on the door echoing trough the room . Shadow milk crossed his arms , looking judgementally all over the place . His eyes widening at the sight of the many fancy , carefully folded clothes.

"Wait! Wait! I'll come in a minute dear costumers!" A rushed voice shouts. Hurrying down the staircase, Mont Blanc  raises her gaze to meet Pure Vanilla's, and to be shocked by the incredible sight of his newest guest .

Shadow milk didn't even bother noticing her , his eyes where stolen by an incredible high quality astonishing costume.

"Oh ! Pure vanilla! Your majesty, what brings you here ?? And why's-", " Mont Blanc! Well my guest...-" he gently nudges Shadow milk's arm to grab his attention "- wanted a new look !" , "What? Oh yeah! What he said." the jester startles.

"Oh ! I see... So this is it ! I think I have the perfect stuff then ! " she giggles full of enthusiasm. 

They waited a while she searched between different robes and clothes until something looked right. She looked Shadow milk up and down, then nodded. He found her gaze quite invasive, too much staring for his like.

"Hmmm... This looks just right . Try it on!" She then excitedly handed him some carefully folded clothes, the jester's eyes narrowing at the sight . The outfit looked simple from the outside, almost quite boring for Shadow milk's refined taste. 

"I doubt this could work-" "Do you know how to do my own job better than me?" she raised her eyebrow, glaring at him. The moment his eyes met her gaze, he turned his head and rolled his eyes.

Vanilla was quite baffled by the sight, he had never seen Shadow get humbled by someone else . He went into the changing room , slightly frustrated, and shut the curtains.

After some time, he dramatically opens them, eyes glistening and already searching for his counterpart, clearly satisfied of the result. He walks out, Vanilla's gaze following him with admiration and Mont Blanc's one with pride.

The outfit drapes his body in quiet drama, soft ivory sleeves billow like whispers beneath a sharply structured black corset, its silver buttons catching the light like fleeting secrets. The high ruffled collar frames the neck with an almost regal restraint, while the vertical lines of the fabric draw the eye downward, lengthening, refining, transforming slenderness into something deliberate and striking.

"Don't I look marvelous, Nilly?? Everything for the handsomest, the most brilliant , astonishing cookie!" He mumbles more to himself, way too  preoccupied of his own reflection.

His eyes lingering on every single stitch, desperately searching for a mistake. It felt too pretty, too perfect, too well suited. It covered his thin frame perfectly, making it rather seem elegant rather then neglected.

The clothing also felt comfortable on his skin, not itching ,not demanding to be replaced, even quite the opposite. He wasn't quite sure he was allowed to keep it. It made him feel like himself, but at the same time so different.

"You sure like to praise yourself" Mont Blanc whisperers , disturbing his contemplation, her eyes inspecting her work. "But don't I deserve it ?" The jester smirked. His blue braided hair was shining so delicately in the light, the sparkles in it reflecting on the walls , embracing the room in a somewhat frail serenity.

His mismatched eyes were brighter than Vanilla had ever seen them before , his black and white lashes covering half of them. A smile was visible on his face , but , was it genuine? The vanilla orchid was allowing such a good contrast towards the azure. Vanilla smiled too , his gaze meeting Shadow milk's own .

How much he loves to see him like this. A bit arrogant, that's true, but also radiant.

"Nillyyyy!!! Earthbread to Nills!!! I am talking to you. Is this understandable for your little mind ? Hmm? What were you thinking about??"

"Oh nothing, Blue bird. Just... " He stopped, pressing his lips into a thin line. He just couldn't believe he was the same person as in the morning. The switch is too fast , too shallow.

"Hey Nillyy! Ignoring me ?" , "No ,no, I just got lost in thought for a bit... Anyway, you look great Blue bird! But , as I said, we really need to hurry, I have an important meeting today.", "Politics? Again?! Co'mon Nills, as I said, I'm not interested in your oh-so important meetings." he rolled his eyes, Pure vanilla nods ," I'll keep that in mind... Still, I can't just cancel a meeting, but , I won't force you to attend it , you are free to remain it the castle." he smiled quietly,then turned towards the designer.

"It's truly wonderful Mont Blanc, we're extremely grateful! How much is it ? " , "2.000 sugar cubes , 500 discount for my dearest costumer! " , "Oh but you didn't need to-" , " Oh yes she needed! Are you a fool?! Are 500 sugar cubes gonna rot inside your wallet???" Shadow milk interrupts sharply , piercing him with his gaze.

She looked quite intrigued at both of them ,not quite sure what was happening. They payed and then headed towards the castle. Walking down the same paths as before. Vanilla was truly enjoying himself, while the jester was truly losing his patience.

"Nilly, you're walking so slow I can feel my mortality fading away." the jester frowned. "Isn't this what you wanted...?!" Pure vanilla mumbled to himself, quite annoyed of his others theatrics. Shadow heard it , but tried to ignore it .

"Not all of us are floating , Blue bird." the healer said not too long  after , sighing. Shadow frowned and suddenly stoped walking, his gaze drifting away.

"You know what? Go to your council or whatever, I'm remaining here.", Vanilla's eyes widened , surprised by the request ,"What? Shadow milk what happened?" , "I wanna buy something.", "What? What do you want to buy? And do you even have money-", "Some cigarettes.".

The healer's face dropped, not sure if he should say something or not therefore, he pressed his lips into a thin line , swallowing his surprise.

"What, are you against it or something?", "No no no no- I just- I didn't know you smoke." he finally admits, voice hoarse , still baffled by such fact, "Well now you know. Don't tell me you never tried it-" , "Does chocking on smoke count?".

He looked at his counterpart for a while, astonished by his new discovery. "I don't think we have cigarettes in this part of the town square... Maybe try at the markets... But they must be expensive, I never bought such things, so can't quite know-" , "Alright Saint Vanilla, thank you for blessing my lungs. Which are immortal by the way. And , brag about your purity and stainless acts.", "When you want to return, just enter the castle. You're always welcomed there. And please, don't do anything stupid.", "Oh damn ,I wanted to smoke four cigarettes at once-" , "Shadow milk!" the healer snaps, "It's a joke, don't worry." .

He waved to the king with a proud huff , beginning to walk towards a shady looking store in hope for his wish's fulfilment.

Vanilla's eyes softened as he looked at him fading into the busy crowd. For a moment, he just hoped that this wasn't one of the things Shadow milk used to drown into or abuse in exchange for quiet relief. 'They're just cigarettes' he told himself. Though, he'd have never thought that the jester could be a smoker, it didn't quite fit him.

He continued his walk , still lost in though, passing by rushing villagers and noisy groups. When he reached the castle's gate , a middle aged woman frowned at him , he didn't pay much mind to it , although it stung, continuing his walk towards the council. Little does he know that the conference won't go as planned.

When he opens the large wooden doors , Vanilla is greeted by disappointed and gazes filled with rage. He occupies his seat , in the head of the table, carefully folding his hands as always, straightening his posture.

"I've heard you're having affairs with that disgusting beast of your's..." An old cranky voice mumbles.

"I beg your pardon?" , "Don't consider us as fools Pure vanilla cookie! If you want to brag about your success in battle and carry around a creature like ...him, at least have the decency to cage it." , " Yes , he's an threat extreme towards every single one of us." Vanilla's skin whiteness in shock.

"Everyone. I can assure you , Shadow milk is making great progress, you do not have to worry-", "Still with that redemption plan of yours?!", "He's a beast!", "Do you even have the necessary safety measures??!!" . Soon enough dozens of voices began yelling at him or around him or at his plan ,he wasn't even quite sure at that point.

"The situation is under control. No one will get hurt." , "But what if he's violent??!" . By now, Vanilla's heart was pounding heavily. He must say something, the mob needed reassurance, although he'd never apply such restrictions.

"He's weakened. His magic is still unstable, he won't hurt anyone, at least intentionally. But , in case of an emergency, we have a powerful army and locked doors. You all don't need to worry about it.".

"That monster should've been already imprisoned! ", "What about our children safety?!" , "What has our kingdom become?! A place for a beast's enrichment?! ", the unpleased crowd still shouting hysterically, mentally pinning Vanilla down. Stripping away his possibility of stating something rational.

Along the halls , Shadow milk was walking, freshly out of the markets, proudly holding a cigarette between his fingers , the warmth and smoke filling his lungs was familiar, comforting even.

His shoulders lowering as he's finally numbing his mind. Humming a song he didn't even quite know the lyrics of . He suddenly heard shouts , trying to pay no mind to them, but his curiosity taking over him, approaching the conference room. Vanilly has gotten in trouble ,perhaps.

"He's a beast, nothing more. You're supposed to make him meek, force him into compliance, friendship isn't a strategy." a voice echoed trough the halls. Make him 'meek'...?

The words stung sharply the jester's ego , such blasphemy! To make him obey as if he would've been nothing more than a filthy animal? As if he would've been one of those pitiful creatures you kick in the streets just because you can?!

His eyes narrowing, dropping the cigarette to the ground and stepping on it , clearly offended. For a moment,he couldn't even quite respond, he couldn't even think of a response.

He bit the inside of his cheeks as furry boiled within his veins. He could almost feel chains getting tied around his neck, he brings his hand towards it , making sure he's still free. His chest started throbbing painfully, a sharp pressure inside his head. To 'be forced into compliance'??

A bugging ringing started in his ears. He had been forced before, to serve earthbread , to listen and answer to anyone's crap ,to be contained beneath the roots of that damn tree- This wasn't happening, not again. Now or ever.

No.

No-no-no-no.

He could almost feel the cruel , agonizing, blinding pain of forks and chains crushing and tearing his frail body apart. He could almost hear again his screams as pain flashed his vision white and his consciousness was trying to crawl away from his own body .

He must cling to the last straw of dignity he has left , he'll never obey anyone , never again.

Fury flushed trough his mind , aching deeper within his flesh, causing him to grind his teeth. He's had enough of such fads and arrogance.

He clenched his fists, scarcely trying to focus, he inhaled once and his magic spread on the ground like poison. Contaminating everything within it's touch, embracing the room in a mess of pitch black and broken star powder, smelling faintly alike to smoke. He forced the door open , slamming it hard enough for it to echo far along the castle's walls. 

"You know what they say- Speaking of wolf!" he hissed as the dark fog melted in his presence, revealing his face. Gasps and screams fill the room, for a moment after, everyone could barely breathe.

"Wanting me so bad ? Here I am ! The most horrific, terrible, reckless, insane beast you have ever encountered! The most extreme threat towards your pathetic Kingdom! In desperate need for chains and swords! How amusing it is to see you all tremble against my presence. How does it feel to be inferior, hmmm???".

His entrance was finished,now, although it was nothing more then a fleeting moment of horror for the others , to him it was already over, it's time for the entertaining end. His magic retreating as fast as he vanishes into ashes, not a single tray of it or him left left.

Silence sealing heavy and tight the room after his little outburst finished. Vanilla's eyes were wide , a tear lingering on his cheek, unsure of what just happened. It didn't take much until he heard whispers about an execution, that's when he realized his counterpart's life was at stake. He got up from his chair shakily, clearly unsettled by the newest event.

He apologized , as always, and ran to go looking for Shadow milk. The halls seemed slightly stained by ash , that could've been a track .

He reached his room , noticing it was creaked open. In front of him , Shadow milk was pacing the room, mumbling to himself.

One hand tightly wrapped around his chest , the other slowly hitting his forehead with his fist , over and over again, not enough to cause real damage, but enough to bruise if repeated .

The healer freezed at the sight , his hand instinctively reaching out to stop his counterpart from harming himself. The jester suddenly stopped , looking at the other with fear carved into his wide eyes.

"No-" he whispered, voice trembling. Vanilla took a step further, carefully not to scare him, left arm stretched out, ready to hold him, the other backed away , almost stumbling.

"So... You really did came..." The jester muttered, voice cracking under pressure, he swallowed hard once , closing his eyes, a small tear slipping out, "-Came to 'force me into compliance' ?!" he hissed.

"Blue bird no-never-","What are those safety measures you're talking about, hmm?" , "Blue... I said it just so they wouldn't panic-", "'Chains and locked doors' an angry mob's favorite!"-"I have no intention in locking, changing or chaining you if you don't-", "If I what?? Stop acting mindfully? Shattering the illusion that you can keep me tame? Start enjoying myself recklessly? If I what?!" .

"I did not meant it that way-", "Well then great phrasing of words!", "Shadow milk." the healer said , the words dipped into a demanding , firm tone , echoing trough the room.

It caused the jester to shiver , his skin crawling. His hands started shaking, enough for the healer to notice, enough for him to already come closer.

Shadow milk's gaze was unfocussed, wild magic pulsing through his veins , his hand clawing at the other tightly , small droplets of jam dripping to the floor and staining his white blouse. Vanilla gasps the moment he saw it .

"Blue bird, please, let your other arm free, please, it's not worth it to ruin such a pretty shirt, right?".

He shook his head , clearly denying the fact. Vanilla was closer to him, much closer, each step further carefully calculated. Shadow milk didn't move anymore, his claws still cruel towards his other arm , panting. When the healer reached him ,he placed a hand on top of his hand .

"Alright, okay- breathe... I'm going to help you stop this, alright? Then, I'll heal you- tell me if it hurts-" he said as he wrapped carefully with his fingers his counterpart's wrist, trying to gently pull it away from piercing skin.

The jester flinched, and when he felt the pressure and pain from his now injured arm fade, his wrist being thoughtfully held by the other's warm ones , he gasped.

"Do not touch me." A sharp inhale as he broke his hand free from the hold "You truly are pathetic. Utterly pathetic. Idiotic even!" he snarled sharply, voice dripping with venom, "You and your kingdom. Why did I even accepted to come here?!",

"Because you didn't enjoy loneliness as much as you pretend you do.", "Here we are , with the same bullshit all over again! It never gets old to ya does it?! Oh and when I was having fun!" , "Shadow milk ,I only wanted you to be happy here-" , "Well surprise-surprise! I'm not. And I'll never be. Not without my souljam!" he hissed.

"Oh this was a mistake. A horrible one even. All of it , nothing else than a mere foolish mistake." he laughed, Vanilla's eyes widening.

"Well, I guess it's time to make it right!" venomous excitement dripping from his voice as his sleeve stained further with that same old deep blue color he knew too well. Vanilla tried to grab his arm, holding it firmly yet careful not to hurt him.

"Shadow milk. You're not thinking straight, you're bleeding. Please, wait just a bit." worry dipping his words one by one. The beast tried to push him away, the healer's grip unwavering.

A smile carved into his face, sharp at the edges "Don't miss me Nills. I wouldn't if I was in your place" he said joyfully. Vanilla couldn't quite understand the expression in his wide, sharp eyes ,dread and quiet panic starting to creep in , tightening his grip .

Their mismatched eyes locked , the healer's milky ones searching his counterpart's face for at least a trace of predictability. The jester took one final look at the worried face of his counterpart, he liked the way his brows narrow and eyes widen in concern, it made him feel as if someone would've really cared. His expression softened, the manic rush almost fading.

"Blue bird, what do you mean by that?? C'mon, let me clean your wounds." he tried to coax him, "No ,Nilla. I'm doing you a favor." he smiled , voice genuine, terrifyingly genuine.

"What?! Blue bird, what does that mean?" his voice came out wrong, too recked to sound calm . Shadow milk closed his eyes, his shoulders dropping, giving in to the way his wrist was held , letting out a sharp exhale. "Goodbye Nills." he whispered , voice weak.

His whole body slowly crumbling into pitch black ashes, fading into smoke as Pure Vanilla tried to grab him. The pale yellow orchid from behind his ear falling to the ground, stained and withered . 

For a moment, silence laid upon the room , the healer unable to process what just happened.

"Blue bird?!? Are you here?!?" He shouted into the dead empty room ,his echo being the only answer he received. 'Was he dead...?' , the only thought wandering though his mind, swirling and looping, giving him no time to rest. So suddenly ,so fast, so ominous .

A suffocating smell of coal hang into the air , stinging inside Vanilla's lungs . He dropped to his knees, picking up the ruined flower and pressing it to his chest. His heart sank in sorrow as he tried to inhale once more , the air burning inside him leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. A tear slipping from the corner of his eye as he saw dark ,dried droplets of jam on the floor. 

He knew Shadow milk wasn't completely sick in the head ,why would he do such thing? Was this it? What kind of favor was this ? What kind of sick and twisted favor was this?!?