Fish_are_Friends93
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Until Emily returned.
He doesn't really remember the meeting, the day, the case, the week. It comes back to him in snippets or in dreams. So patchy is his memory he wondered if he hadn't shot up and just forgotten. It was eerily similar to the fragmented recollections of that period.
Emily isn't dead. In the wake Spencer's suicide attempt, this truth is unreconcilable.
His mind fractures.
Spencer is left picking up the pieces as everything he's worked for hangs in the balance once more while his mind struggles to maintain it's grip on reality.
Series
- Part 3 of The Weighing
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and our little life is rounded with a sleep by Fish_are_Friends93
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
16 Oct 2025
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Spencer and Morgan's experiences with sharing a bed. The first time is disastrous. The second doesn't go much better. The third however is a rousing success and leads to far more future bed sharing.
Derek Morgan is the best partner ever. Spencer is oblivious to social graces. The team attempt to make lasagna.
Through it all, love grows.
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He's aware that he's killing himself. That he's chosen a slow form of suicide. That there is no winning here because the options are recovery or death. Just because it's slow doesn't mean that's not the inevitable outcome. He reconciles it by telling himself at least it's better than.
At least it's better than killing himself outright. At least it's better than Dilaudid. At least it's better than giving up. At least it's better than not sleeping. At least. At least. At least. As though he can absolve himself from the guilt if he finds enough ways to justify it.
After Georgia, Spencer gets clean by replacing one addiction with another.
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The world asks of us only the strength we have by Fish_are_Friends93
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
02 Oct 2025
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In a moment of panic he realised a lump had formed in his throat and his eyes were starting to sting. God was he really going to start crying over this? His stupid, silly, morbid idea to give out his suicide notes to his friends in some foolish attempt at assuaging his own guilt. He deserved to feel every ounce of their judgement towards him for what he almost put them through. It was ridiculous to think that those written words would bring his friends anything other than more painful reminders.
In the wake of Spencer's suicide attempt, after speaking to an old friend, Spencer decides to give out the letters he'd written to each of those closet to him, hoping to bring them some closure, and find in himself some redemption.
Series
- Part 2 of The Weighing
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Summary
Spencer isn't sure he ever really knew a time before wanting to die.
Logically he knows there must have been. Children aren't inherently born with that desire. But he can't pinpoint a specific moment where he became aware of it. Where he didn't have the List.
Now it's simply a fact of life. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Consult the List, the Pros and Cons of continued existence. Make coffee. Have dinner. Sleep.
Spencer had always found just enough reasons to keep living, tenuous though they were at times. Then Emily dies.
Series
- Part 1 of The Weighing
Recent series
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Summary
Spencer had always found just enough reasons to keep living, tenuous though they were at times. Then Emily dies.
Spencer attempts suicide in the wake of Emily's death. The List, the one in his mind detailing the Pros and Cons of his continued existence fails in the wake of losing her. Spencer is left attempting to rebuild the trust of those around him in the aftermath of his failure.
- Words:
- 87,461
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 27
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Calling For Help: The Healing of Spencer Reid by Fish_are_Friends93
Fandom: Criminal Minds (US TV)
24 Aug 2025
Summary
A series of phone calls between Spencer Reid and various members of the BAU post S2E15: Revelations.
- Words:
- 27,147
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 15
Recent bookmarks
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Swift, Fierce & Obscene by J_Baillier for shiplocks_of_love
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
21 Mar 2020
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Every morning, he lets out a rattled breath of relief because John doesn't know yet; he can still pretend everything hasn't changed.
Sometimes it's the smallest things, rather than criminal master plans or elaborate family secrets, which ultimately destroy what a man has fought to preserve.
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storm-darkened or starry bright by spencers-renaissance (tomlinsoul)
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
11 May 2021
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If in some rare and far-flung universe, Derek did want to date Spencer Reid, he wouldn’t want to date this version of him: an HIV-positive ex-addict, reckless and unsafe. He wouldn’t want to date a man so heartbroken and lovesick that he got black-out drunk and slept with someone just because he bore a passing resemblance to Derek.
Spencer spends the evening staring into the mirror instead of going out with the rest of the team, desperately trying to find the man he was three days ago under the burden of broken suffering he seems to have picked up along with the diagnosis, the positive test, the sympathetic doctors.
or; Spencer contracts HIV. It all falls apart after that.
Series
- Part 7 of Bad Things Happen
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Summary
Spencer in no way expects the whole world to gasp in awe whenever he runs an algorithm faster than a computer could, or produces an esoteric fact he read about once a decade ago. But whenever Alvez smiles when everybody else rolls their eyes, it kind of knocks the wind out of him.
So Spencer is in desperate need of an argument to convince himself that it’s a good thing that nothing will ever happen between them, and that all his mental power currently dedicated to daydreaming about Luke Alvez would be better spent literally anywhere else.
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Part character study, part romance, in which Spencer Reid grapples with his thoughts and feelings for one Luke Alvez.Bookmarked by Fish_are_Friends93
15 Oct 2025
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- Words:
- 23,529
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 55
Bookmarked by Fish_are_Friends93
02 Oct 2025
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Summary
“They embrace for a few moments, soaking each other in with every ragged breath. They pretend, for a moment, that this is how they cope. They pretend the floor isn’t littered with beer bottles, and that Spencer is leaning into the hug so heavily because he loves it and not because he’s too weak from hunger to sit upright by himself. They pretend Derek’s knuckles are bruised and split open from hitting a punching bag, instead of hitting whatever was nearest to him at the time. “
Or, Reid struggles with an eating disorder post 6x18.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,151
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 134
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- 174
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Bookmarked by Fish_are_Friends93
18 Sep 2025