PetronellaRose

Blonde little girl lying on the floor reading.



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “You want to talk to people about me?” Shane asked quietly.

    There was something small and confused in the question. But Ilya was still furious and raw.

    “Well I would,” he sneered, “if there was anything about you that was fucking interesting to talk about! It would be nice to not be so fucking bored and miserable!”

    The second the words left his mouth, he watched the pain roll across Shane's features like a thousand fractures shattering through glass.

    Ilya had seen Shane nearly break ribs. He had seen him miss game-winning shots, take hits that left bruises blooming purple and black across his skin. He had never seen this.

    Shane closed his eyes for a long moment. He shook his head slightly, a tiny movement, then nodded once as if agreeing with something only he could hear. His face twisted briefly with a fresh wave of pain before he forced it to still.

    ---------

    What if Shane and Ilya don't make up so easily after the Boxing Day fight? The Centaur's plane never malfunctions, so Shane never proposes. Instead, Ilya gives him an ultimatum on coming out and going public. It backfires spectacularly.

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    24 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    It frightened him so badly that the anger drained out of him almost instantly.

    “Shane…”

    Shane closed his eyes for a long moment. He shook his head slightly, a tiny movement, then nodded once as if agreeing with something only he could hear. His face twisted briefly with a fresh wave of pain before he forced it still.

    When he opened his eyes again, it was like someone had unplugged him.

    His expression smoothed out, too smooth, every trace of emotion wiped clean. His eyes went distant and empty as he spread his hands flat against the tabletop again.

    “I can’t do six months,” he said slowly. His voice was a hollow, dead thing now. “I’m sorry. But I can’t.”

    Ilya could hear his own heartbeat in his ears.

    “A year is… a lot,” Shane continued. His voice trembled for half a second before flattening again. “But doable. Maybe.” He swallowed hard. “But I can’t ask you to keep being bored and miserable. That’s not fair.”

    Each word was careful. Measured. Ilya took a step toward him.

    “Shane -”

    “So if it’s… that,” Shane said quietly, gesturing vaguely between them, “or you’re done…” His throat tightened. He closed his eyes again, his brow furrowing before he forced his face smooth once more. “I just want you to be happy.”

    Even if it’s not with me.

    He didn’t say the last part out loud. He didn’t need to.

    “Moy lyubimyy,” Ilya tried again. The words came out terrified and pleading all at once.

    Shane looked up at him. And he looked … empty. Like a ghost inside his own body.

    His eyes slid away from Ilya’s.

    “I, um, I'm going to go to my parents’,” he said calmly. “I don’t think I can drive to Montreal right now.”

    He stood carefully, as though sudden movements were too much to manage. Then he walked past Ilya without touching him, without even looking at him. Ilya stayed where he was in the too-bright dining room, knowing he had gone too far and not knowing how to pull the words back out of the air.

    Shane made it all the way to the door, his back ramrod straight and steps careful. His hand closed around the knob. He stopped there. He didn’t turn around. He kept his eyes on his own feet, like if he looked up he might break.

    “I do love you,” he said quietly. The words were steady, but they sounded like they were coming from very far away. “And it’s not that I’m… ashamed.”

    Ilya stared at his profile as he frowned slightly, like he couldn’t quite find the language anymore.

    “Of you. Or us.” He cleared his throat a little then tried again. “I’m sorry I was so bad at this.”

    His voice almost wobbled there. Almost.

    “I hope you find better,” he added softly. “You deserve it.”

    It was worse than any insult. Worse than the fight.

    Ilya opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He was too stunned, too scared. The empty look in Shane’s eyes and the hollowness in his voice was worse than any anger had been. Worse than the fears Ilya had dismissed as paranoia.

    He didn’t recognize this version of him. And he had no idea how to reach past it.

    Shane opened the door and cold air spilled into the room. For a split second, Ilya thought he might turn around.

    He didn’t.

    He stepped over the threshold and shut the door gently behind him. Not a slam. Not dramatic.

    Just… closed.

    And Ilya stood there in the sudden, suffocating quiet with his heart pounding, knowing something irreversible had just happened. And realizing he hadn’t moved fast enough to stop it.

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Hayden Pike is sad. He wants to go to bed with Shane Hollander, the most beautiful man in the MHL, but he can’t seem to score because he is very bad at hockey.

    Hayden Pike probably wrote this. Not Ilya Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov would never do such a thing. Don’t tell his husband.

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    24 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Shane Hollander pulled his hair up into a messy man bun as he stared at himself in the mirror. His freckles and brown eyes made him stunning, but he did not know this. He frowned at his reflection. He was wearing those shorts he has with the little stripes on them that make his ass look cute and that green t-shirt that rides up a little bit when he lifts his arms. “I want to be the best hockey player, but I cannot compare to Ilya Rozanov,” he murmured.

    “You’re already the best hockey player, Holzy!” Hayden Pike said in a loyal yet foolish way. Hayden Pike was Montreal’s fifteenth best hockey player and Shane Hollander’s best friend. He was the only player boring enough to room with Shane on the road. He was also secretly in love with Shane and not very smart.

    “You are incorrect, Hayden, because you are not very smart, but we must still win our hockey game tonight.”

     

    Luckily their hockey game was not against Boston, so Hollander easily led his team to victory even though he had to carry them all on his back because they are terrible and Hayden Pike is not good at hockey.

    At the interview afterwards, a reporter said, “Hollander, you are most handsome man in MHL, why are you not married to sexiest man alive and best hockey player Ilya Rozanov?”

    Shane Hollander’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I have never met Rozanov off the ice in this AU,” he said. “Therefore I have never been railed by that incredible dick. That’s why Hayden Pike still thinks he has a chance.”

    “Very sad to hear,” the reporter said. “No more questions for you in this trying time.”

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    After shocking the hockey world with a sudden retirement after his second Stanley Cup, Shane Hollander is back after years—this time, on the other side of the bench. He’s the new assistant coach for the Ottawa Centaurs, and he’s ready to get back into the world of hockey.

    Ilya Rozanov has been on a downward spiral these last few years, and when he gets pinched for a DUI, the Boston Raiders drop him. The only team willing to take him on? The Ottawa Centaurs.

    This wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that Shane and Ilya haven’t spoken in years, and Shane is raising his and Ilya’s son in secret.

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    24 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    “Ottawa? But—“ Ilya stopped. He was about to say that they are the worst team in the league, but he knew that Coach LeClaire would be furious. Besides, Ilya was desperate, and certain that his career with the Bears was unsalvagable, so he’d take what he could get. Anything to keep him firmly on North American soil and out of Russia.

    “Brendon Wiebe—that’s my friend, the Centaurs’ head coach—is willing to vouch for you. He has the owners on his side. You pay your fine here, you get out of the United States by the weekend, and set up a new life in Canada. A better life, Rozanov.”

    Ilya looked away, his eyes burning. He didn’t even know Coach Wiebe, so why would he vouch for Ilya? And now he was going to be stuck in boring fucking Canada. Was there even anything to do in Ottawa? He racked his brain for anything interesting about the Canadian city that would be his new home, anything interesting at all.

    He suddenly remembered, like a slap to the face, that Shane Hollander was from Ottawa. Fuck. The pain in his chest got worse, thinking of him now. Ilya had been in love with him, of that he was almost certain. But Shane had dropped off the face of the planet years ago.

    Ilya had tried to reach out, tentatively at first. A text here or there, but then Shane’s sudden retirement had been announced, and Ilya’s texts became increasingly frantic. He’d even asked Hayden Pike to pass along a message during warmups ahead of a Montreal/Boston game. But Pike had just spit at his feet, refusing to even speak to him.

    Shane’s instagram stayed up but hadn’t been updated in years, almost like a memorial to his time in the spotlight. And he had, oddly, never been spotted by the press, never done any post-retirement interviews.

    Eventually Ilya gave up, figuring that perhaps Shane and Rose Landry had run off into the sunset together. The idea made him nauseous, even now, almost seven years later. It’d been so long that he couldn’t even remember what Shane smelled like, or what the freckles on his nose looked like up close. When Ilya was feeling particularly dark, he’d pull up Shane’s instagram, full of posed shots from his time as an ambassador for this or that brand, and just stare.

    He was well-aware that it was fucking pathetic. Maybe he hadn’t moved on from Shane—at least not emotionally—but so what? It wasn’t as if he planned on settling down anyway.

    Ilya took a deep breath. Ottawa was a big city, right? And he didn’t even know if Shane lived there.

    “I’ll do it,” Ilya said, looking at Coach LeClaire, “I’ll join the Centaurs.”

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    In which Ilya comes back to room fourteen ten.

     

    Canon divergent from, and following directly after, s01e01 when Ilya leaves Shane's hotel room. Contains Ilya being a provocative dick, Shane being unable to resist rising (ha) to it, too much discussion of chicken, some David Attenborough, Shane negotiating his feelings and interpersonal relationships with all his classic suavity and skill, and as much sex as two nineteen year old professional athletes can fit into one evening.

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    24 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Tags:
    Bookmarker's Notes

    Rozanov's hand is on his face, jaw, tilting Shane just where he wants him; Rozanov's lips, his mouth, and Shane's head goes blissfully quiet.

    It's open ice, a clear shot at goal, easy as breathing. His body knows what to do without him having to micromanage every last gesture, every look, every move. What a fucking shitshow that the two things Shane Hollander's body knows how to do without overthinking are hockey, and Ilya fucking Rozanov.

  5. Public Bookmark 80

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    Shane is trying to find love in the big city. Unfortunately, he keeps matching with the same guy, and getting ghosted, over and over.

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    24 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Tags:
    Bookmarker's Notes

    There was one thing he didn't have, though— had never had, really. Love. But Shane was full of excitement and eager to find it here. There wasn't a better place in the world, he was sure of it.

    He couldn't sleep anyway, too full of nervous energy. So he pulled up the app store and tapped in his password. Setting up a new grindr account was relatively straightforward, and he knew he had good pictures.

    It only took ten minutes, maybe less, to get swiping, and his first swipe was already a match. It felt like a sign. The man in the pictures was beautiful, chiseled like a greek god. Shane wanted to lick the long vein that ran up his flexed forearm.

    Full of anxious excitement, Shane sent the first message.

    Profile
    Ilya R.

    Hi, you're cute. :)

    thanks, you have good mouth
    want to come use it on me?

    Um. I thought we could talk a little bit more first.

    that is very boring
    but okay, fine
    tell me more about your mouth

    So what do you do in New York? I am new here, trying to make new friends.

    Ilya R. has unmatched

    Wow, Shane huffed. What an asshole.

    But Shane didn’t have much luck with his other matches. It was most of the same, people wanting Shane only for his body, sometimes quite aggressively.

    Upon reflection with his cubicle-neighbor, Miles, the problem was that he was way too earnest in his chats.

    People on grindr aren’t really looking to make friends, Shane. Total turn-off, makes you seem flaky.

    This was too stressful.

    Shane decided it would just be better to delete the app.

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