bubblegumblunts
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Barty is a little spoiled, a little neurotic and nothing if not obsessive. Evan is his sex-on-legs, walking wet dream of a neighbour.
Barty has no choice but to fall in love with him.
Featuring: Meet-cutes! High-rise apartments! Kitschy home decor! Lingerie! Too much takeout! Barty’s unprovoked feuds with co-workers! Sexually charged blunt rotations!
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Summary
TIL wizards in Britain can avoid ward duty on the grounds of homosexuality. To avoid any false applications, wizards applying for this exemption must provide multiple pictures of themselves receiving anal intercourse with a clearly visible face.
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Harry and Draco are perfectly fine, separately minding their business in 2004, when the Unspeakables conscript them into service... in the First War against Voldemort.
Come for mutual pining and forced proximity in a 1980 hotel room, stay for young Sirius and philosophising about immortality and wormholes. And an eighties cowboy soap opera.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 170,587
- Chapters:
- 33/33
- Comments:
- 748
- Kudos:
- 4,305
- Bookmarks:
- 1,739
- Hits:
- 153,904
Bookmarked by bubblegumblunts
19 Oct 2025
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Summary
It starts because Harry has no self-control when it comes to meaningless and entertaining competition.
Actually no, that's not quite right. It starts because Harry is absolutely plastered.
(From the prompt: Workplace fic in which a benign inter-department step challenge gets out of hand, spearheaded by you know who 1 and 2)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,056
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 129
- Kudos:
- 1,537
- Bookmarks:
- 378
- Hits:
- 20,120
Bookmarked by bubblegumblunts
17 Oct 2025
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Summary
The party hasn't been entirely shit. Draco did just fucking kiss Potter. In a wardrobe, for exactly 7 minutes (2 minutes awkward silence, 5 minutes mashed faces, if Draco had to itemise).
Bookmarked by bubblegumblunts
17 Oct 2025
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Summary
Draco Malfoy is incensed to realize that someone is trying to usurp his position as the premier Harry Potter hater.