Chapter Text
After Geonosis, Master Obi-Wan is quiet and thoughtful. Anakin can't quite pinpoint the cause. The battle, the oncoming war – whatever had happened between him and Dooku that had made Dooku give him such strange, annoyed looks… or maybe something Master Obi-Wan shouldn't even be aware of, something that happened entirely outside his view.
Whatever it is, it makes Obi-Wan strange and oddly elusive. He's silent and contemplative after the battle, on their way back to Coruscant, and even his report to the High Council after the war has been declared is… meditative. Obi-Wan has never been the most excitable master, of course, but this is an unprecedented level of… dark contemplation even he's going through.
"In light of what is about to come, Masters," Obi-Wan says at the end. "I would like to propose Anakin Skywalker for the Knights Trials."
That's not entirely unexpected – hell, Anakin has been waiting for it with baited breath for months now. For over a year they've been working more apart than together, Anakin having been trusted with more and more solo missions, something he's always thought was the sign of being ready Knighthood… it's long time coming in his opinion.
"His readiness this council will decide," the Grand Master says. "Clone Wars alone reason is not."
"No, but it is the time," Obi-Wan says and looks at Anakin. His expression is unreadable. "And you are going to knight him soon. I only propose it now that so that I may take him to Seclusion before hand."
That Anakin doesn't know about. Seclusion? As he frowns with confusion at his masters, the High Council exchange surprised looks.
"Old tradition that is," Yoda hums.
"One we don't have time for," Mace says grimly. "The Jedi Order is being assigned with the care of the Clone Army, and you've been named one of the Generals, Master Kenobi. You, specifically, don't have the time for Seclusion."
Obi-Wan's eyes slide from Anakin to Windu. "Is the care and teaching of their apprentice not the most important task of a Master?" he asks, eyebrows arching. "Or will this war take priority over this Order – and its students and children - entirely?"
"You do not approve?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asks, sounding surprised. "Master Kenobi, you were at the very start of this war."
"One could call you it's instigator," Mace Windu points out, which makes Anakin turn to him in astonishment – and he's not the only one. Most everyone in the High Council look at him with disapproval.
Master Obi-Wan says nothing for a moment, folding his hands into his sleeves. "Things are about to change drastically, either way," he says, expressionless. "And I wish to make absolutely certain I've done my level best to prepare my apprentice for what's about to come. That should be my first duty as Anakin Skywalker's master."
Anakin has to actually bite his tongue to keep from saying anything. This is – really unprecedented. Obi-Wan had made demands to the council before, he knows that – it's why he's Obi-Wan's padawan at all. But he's never done something like this with Anakin there, to hear his… insubordination. Usually Obi-Wan was so careful about presenting the perfect humble Jedi appearance that Anakin only heard of his more audacious stunts second hand.
"Still more there is to teach to Anakin Skywalker after all these years?" Yoda asks thoughtfully.
Obi-Wan's eyebrows arch even higher. "Anakin's apprenticeship has been one of the shortest in recorded history," he points out.
The Council rumbles in disapproval – it was another thing that everyone knew but no one was supposed to point out to Anakin, else he'd get a big head or whatever it was they thought. As if he didn't already know his path as a Jedi is unorthodox beyond belief.
"Time matters not," Yoda says, frowning a little. "Teacher matters. Teachings matter. Still more time you need?"
"A month," Obi-Wan says. "Hell, a week. Just give me a period of Seclusion to tell Anakin what he needs to hear now."
"A month?" Anakin mouths. They're headed into a war – and he's, he's… oh, damn, if he's taken to this Seclusion now, would he even have time to warn Padmé? They had plans for the upcoming month, which he thought he'd be able to do because technically he was still in bodyguard duty and –
"Your apprentice is on a mission," Mace says thoughtfully. "He's still on guard for Senator Amidala's attacker."
Obi-Wan smiles faintly at that. "That's fine as it is," he says and glances at Anakin. "Naboo will do well for a Seclusion."
Anakin stares at him in mounting horror. Obi-Wan has a glint in his eyes. A dangerous glint. A knowing glint. Oh no, he can't possibly know, can he? He wasn't even there, he wasn't there for any of it, how the hell would he know?
"I for one vote to allow Master Kenobi his Seclusion," Plo Koon says. "He is entirely correct – a Master's first priority should be his student. If he feels he must prepare Skywalker for the upcoming trials… he should be given the chance."
Obi-Wan smiles at Anakin and then looks away and bows in gratitude as the masters allow him the opportunity to ruin Anakin's life entirely.
"He's talking with Yoda right now – the Grand Master – about something important," Anakin says while pacing the length of his and Obi-Wan's quarters. "But when we leave fore Naboo tomorrow, he's going to be with us – every damn step of the way. And, and – I don't know what the Seclusion is, I've never heard of it, but it sounds a bit like we're going to get holed up somewhere and meditate for days on end."
"Oh, Ani," Padmé says on the other end of the transmission. "We knew it wouldn't be easy. If this pushes our plans back a few weeks, then I say we let it. What we have – it shouldn't come ahead of our duties."
"Don't you think it already is?" Anakin asks with a frown, glancing at her hologram. "I'm going against Jedi Code, Padmé, and you're risking censure."
"Neither at the expense of what we must do to fulfil our duties, whatever those are," she says gently and shakes her head. "Anakin, we can wait, what we have won't go away – your time as Obi-Wan's apprentice on other hand sounds like it's coming to an end. You'll be knighted soon. I think you should enjoy being his padawan while you can."
Anakin scowls and looks away. She's right, he knows she's right. Soon he'd be a knight and couldn't rely on Obi-Wan to watch over him anymore. This was his last chance to be… to pretend to be… to pretend that Obi-Wan is more than he ever was.
His shoulders slump a little, and for a while Anakin stares at nothing. Somewhere in the back of his head, his mother's death sits like hard weight of pain dragging him down, and in contrast Obi-Wan stands on distant pedestal, entirely unreachable. Between mother he lost and father he never had, Anakin feels a bit like he's stuck in quicksand, sinking fast.
Soon, Obi-Wan wouldn't be his master anymore. His duty to Qui-Gon would be fulfilled. Anakin wouldn't be his responsibility anymore. Anakin knows Obi-Wan wouldn't just forget him, but like his master said, once knighted… Anakin wouldn't be Obi-Wan's responsibility anymore.
"It's funny. I've always wanted to become a Jedi Knight," Anakin murmurs. "I've thought I'm ready for it for months now. But now that the time's here, I'm… afraid."
And fear leads to all sorts of things he shouldn't allow.
"I think that's understandable," Padmé says, looking away from the datapad she's holding and at him. "You have been together for a long time. It's always hard, leaving the nest."
"You're one to talk – you left your nest when you were fourteen to become a queen of a planet," Anakin mutters and sends her a smile.
Padmé's smile brightens a little. "Well that just gives me a wealth of experience, doesn't it?" she asks. "And my experience says that you should cherish this time. Even if it is a little inconvenient – it is the last chance you will get. What we have will be forever. It will hold."
The day they leave for Naboo, Grand Master Yoda sees them off, and it's immediately clear it's not because of Anakin. The look he gives to Obi-Wan is full of troubled thought.
"Unclear the future is," the Grandmaster says. "Forever in flux."
"Yes," Obi-Wan agreed, shouldering his is bag and smiling. "Which is why we should try to always change it for the better."
"Different our opinions on this matter are," Yoda says disapprovingly. "Take care you must. Clouded your path is. May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Obi-Wan bows his head. "And you, Master Yoda."
Anakin looks between them strangely while the little Grand Master turns and heads off, harrumphing to himself as he does. "What was that about?" he asks.
"We had a slight disagreement on world views," Obi-Wan says and shrugs, turning to the ship. "Nothing to worry about now, though."
Anakin hesitates and then follows him, shouldering his own bag. "So, are you finally going to tell me what this Seclusion is?" he asks. "Because right now I am expecting you to make us hermits for a month. Or lock us up in some meditation chamber and I'm not sure Naboo even has those. And I'm not sure that really works with bodyguard duty, either."
Obi-Wan chuckles. "It's a fancy word for a holiday," he says and casts Anakin a smile. "And for time when Masters can impart some… unconventional wisdoms to their students."
"Unconventional," Anakin repeats dubiously.
"Unconventional. Come along now, my young padawan," Obi-Wan say, sounding oddly nostalgic as he says it. "I do believe there is a senator we need to pick up."
Padmé and Obi-Wan get along well and Anakin despairs over it.
There'd been a time – well, there still are times – when he wonders if Padmé had… liked Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan is extremely likeable, after all, charismatic and warm and welcoming in way lot of Jedi just aren't. It makes him one hell of a diplomat and what his natural charm doesn't cover, his calm nature and his easy understanding over other people easily picks up for. And he's one of the strongest duellists in the order, which means he is given all the toughest missions, which makes him a bit famous in way Jedi usually aren't.
Obi-Wan isn't one of the youngest Jedi Masters for no reason and Anakin wouldn't be surprised to see Obi-Wan in the Jedi council in a year or two, really. If there ever was a Jedi that would improve the High Council, it's Obi-Wan Kenobi. So… so if Padmé did end up developing some sort of interest in Obi-Wan, well, it wouldn't be surprising.
It's not like Anakin isn't aware of how damn awkward he is in compared to his increasingly perfect master. He knows he shouldn't be jealous, he doesn't have any reason to be jealous, Obi-Wan isn't like that, but still…
"He didn't," Padmé laughs at something Obi-Wan said, while the Jedi Master hides his own smile behind an open palm.
"Oh he did," Obi-Wan says, eyes sparkling with mirth and glances at Anakin's way. "In full confidence straight over the edge and right into the pit."
Wait, what? "No, no, no," Anakin says in horror. "You are not telling tales about me!"
"Already told it, I'm afraid," Obi-Wan says, grinning at him. "You looked so triumphant too, laughing like lunatic all the way down into the cesspool."
Padmé's laugher sounds like songbirds in the cabin while Anakin stares at his master in betrayal. "Y-you," he says and points a finger. "You ran after me. And jumped in after me right into the cesspool."
"Well, it was before you learned to swim, I believe," Obi-Wan agrees, smiling. "I couldn't very well let you drown after such a successful save. What would that look like on my report?"
"Yeah, the report where you bit – complained about it in four full paragraphs. Never mind about all the lectures afterwards. Because of all the terrible horrible unmentionable things in your hair," Anakin recalls and then shudders. "Oh no, now the smell is coming back to me. Ugh."
"You deserve it," Obi-Wan says without a hint of remorse, while Padmé keeps on laughing at both of them. Shaking his head, the Jedi Master stands up. "Now, I believe it's time for me to retire for the night. I will see you two tomorrow."
"Yes, thank heaves, please leave and take your horror stories with you," Anakin mutters after him.
Obi-Wan chuckles. "I could stay and share the one about the red carpet, you remember that one, with the governor and her -?"
"Please leave!"
Padmé is wheezing for breath by the time the door closes on Obi-Wan's laughter and Anakin shakes his head in disbelief. Betrayed, by his own master!
"You never told me about the cesspools," Padmé laughs. "Oh, that was funny. I guess even Jedi get into ridiculous situations."
"It wasn't ridiculous, it was mortifying and if I had my way, you would've never ever heard about it," Anakin mutters.
Then it dawns on him what Obi-Wan had just done – left him alone with Padmé, while saying he'd see them next morning.
"Um," Anakin says.
"What?" Padmé asks, still chuckling a little.
"I – uhh… think my master just told me not to –" Anakin stops and looks at the door. He's supposed to share cabin with Obi-Wan. But Obi-Wan had… "Oh, shit," he says.
"What is it?" Padmé asks, her smile fading a little. "Ani, what is it, what's wrong?"
"Obi-Wan knows," Anakin says and looks at her. "He just – I'm sharing a cabin with him and he just told us – he thinks I'll be staying here, with you. He expects I'll stay here, with you. He knows."
Padmé's smile fades entirely and for a moment she looks nervous, glancing at the door and then at him. "He – yes, I think you might be right," she says. "He didn't… seem to disapprove?"
Anakin can feel his expression twisting a little. "He's going to," he whispers in mounting horror. "He's going to – he has to, he's going to – what am I going to do? What if he gives me away to the council, what if he -"
"Peace, Ani," Padmé says and takes his hands. "Think about it. He asked for this Seclusion with you and you're having it on my planet, while staying with me. He must've known before making that decision, it only makes sense. Did he tell the council? Did he seem to disapprove?"
Anakin shakes his head mutely.
"Then there must be a reason," Padmé says and squeezes his hands. "Obi-Wan loves you. I don't think he'd hurt you."
"You don't know what the Jedi are like," Anakin mutters, not believing that for a moment. Obi-Wan held… affection for him, as Jedi does. But Jedi didn't love. "You don't know how strict they are. How they look at some things down their noses."
"I know you," she says gently. "And no one who raised you to be such a good man could be so cruel."
They land in Padmé's lakeside house and make themselves home. Anakin, testing the waters a little, just carries his things to Padmé's bedroom. Obi-Wan, if he even notices, says nothing about it, settling into one of the guest rooms and looking around with interest.
"I'll have to work while we're here," Padmé tells them over dinner. "There's a lot of things to consider now that… that the Republic is at war. So, I will be mostly in my office, doing paper work."
"That is entirely fine," Obi-Wan agrees. "You will do as you feel necessary."
"And you two?" Padmé asks. "What does this Seclusion of yours entail?"
"It's not really a specific thing," Obi-Wan says calmly. "Just whatever the master deems necessary for the student's benefit. Right now, I just want privacy to talk with my student at length," he says and looks to Anakin. "And I think that's perfectly possible here."
"We can't just leave Padmé," Anakin objects. "We're on a mission."
"We won't leave the premises," Obi-Wan says and glances as Padmé. "Your garden is unmonitored, correct?"
Padmé blinks slowly. "There are no recording devices in the house, aside from the communications relay in my office and the holotheatre in the living room," she says slowly. "This is where I come to relax, I don't want my ever move monitored here.
"Excellent," Obi-Wan nods. "We should have no problem finding privacy here, then."
Anakin looks between him and Padmé, fiddling with his eating utensils for a moment. "Right," he says then. "I can't wait. This sounds like bucket of fun."
Obi-Wan smiles. "It won't be," he promises and looks down to his food.
"Great," Anakin mutters, casting a nervous look at Padmé. She offers an awkward but supportive smile and with a shake of his head, Anakin turns his attention to his food as well.
Later that day, he and Obi-Wan have their first, difficult discussion. And it opens with… a terrifying concept.
"I don't think I ever told you about the time I left Jedi Order, did I?" Obi-Wan asks.
Oh shit, Anakin things. "What?" he asks faintly. "You did what?!"
Obi-Wan looks over Padmé's garden and smiles. "It wasn't for very long, mind you, but I did and I was fully prepared to live with that decision for the rest of my life," he says. "I was fourteen, still Qui-Gon's padawan, obviously. It had to do with a war on a planet then called Melida/Daan, which had raged for centuries. It was a difficult conflict and when Jedi counsel failed and our efforts to help to settle the conflict were withdrawn… I chose to leave my master, and the Jedi Order, and stay to fight the war."
Anakin stares at him in horror. "You," he says. "You left the Jedi? What?"
"Is it really so hard to believe?" Obi-Wan asks, faintly amused.
"Yes!" Anakin cries. "You – you're the poster boy of the perfect Jedi! No way you left the Jedi just like that!"
"I did," Obi-Wan shrugs and looks away, smiling almost painfully. "Do you want to hear the whole story?"
"Uh, yes," Anakin says emphatically. "Yes, I do."
Obi-Wan nods and then sits down on a near by garden bench, sighing as he does. "First, perhaps I should tell you another story – otherwise the difficulties between Qui-Gon and myself will not make sense," he says thoughtfully. "I very nearly did not become a padawan at all, you see. Qui-Gon initially – and repeatedly – rejected me as his student. It was only under duress and difficult circumstances that he finally accepted me."
"What the hell?" Anakin mouths. "Why haven't I ever heard about this?"
"Because I have tried all too hard to be a perfect master for you," Obi-Wan shrugs and looks up at him. "You're about to become a Knight yourself, so it's time for you to understand… that nobody is perfect, and pretending otherwise is not healthy. Now sit down, I have quite a number of stories to tell – and not nearly enough time."
Anakin hesitates and then sits down. "You're worrying me a little, Master," he admits quietly.
"For a good reason, I assure you," Obi-Wan smiles and looks away, his eyes distant and sad. "Now. Qui-Gon was once Count Dooku's – then Master Dooku's – apprentice…"
By the end of the day, Anakin has a headache and heart-ache and terrible bad feeling sitting deep in his gut. Obi-Wan hadn't just told him about his own, abysmal start as Jedi Padawan, but of Qui-Gon Jinn… and his difficulties as master. Anakin would've never expected it, had anyone other than Obi-Wan told him, he never would've believed it…
"I never knew," Anakin whispers later to Padmé. "I never knew any of it. There's so much I don't know about Obi-Wan and I never realised… I never thought to ask."
"Well, he's telling you now, isn't he?" Padmé asks, leaning her cheek to his chest, stroking a hand over his stomach. "That's good, isn't it?"
"I don't know. I am worried about why he's telling me all this," Anakin says and frowns at the ceiling. When Obi-Wan had started talking about his leaving the Order, Anakin's heart had stopped and he thought it was a subtle nudge to make that decision himself. Like Obi-Wan was telling him in a roundabout way that it was alright to leave the Order for Padmé…
But never once had Obi-Wan mentioned him or Padmé or whatever their relationship was, though he is obviously aware. Hell, Obi-Wan had bid him good night right at Padmé's bedroom door, and then continued on his way to the guest room without backward glance. Whether he approved, Anakin isn't sure. He doubts it. But Padmé was right – Obi-Wan doesn't disapprove, at least.
And yet…
Anakin searches his feelings, searches the Force, and his blood runs a little colder. He has a bad feeling, a very, very bad feeling, about all of this.